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♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
Has anyone seen my push-up bra?
Under your wig.
You're on in two minutes, Rickey.
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ Come on over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
All right, let's hear it
for the Gruesome Twosome,
or as I affectionately call them, Dumb and Dumber.
The Diva and Miss Ann Thrope.
Good evening, ladies and gentleman.
I'm Dusty Muffin.
And I gotta warn you, this muffin has nuts,
you know, in case you're allergic.
Welcome to our show,
Leave It, It's Beaver.
Oh, what, honey? You're straight?
Yeah, guess what?
So is spaghetti until you get it hot and wet.
Sorry.
She got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job!
Rickey Peedia!
♪ So if you must go ♪
♪ Darling, I'll set you free ♪
♪ But I know in time ♪
♪ That we'll be together ♪
♪ Now I won't try ♪
♪ To stop you now from leaving ♪
♪ Cos in my heart I know ♪
♪ Love will lead you back ♪
♪ Someday I just know that ♪
♪ Love will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong ♪
♪ I'm sure... ♪
Rickey.
Rickey. Rickey!
Oh, God, Rickey! What did you take, huh?
Breathe, breathe.
- Rickey... - Come on, baby.
What did you take, huh?
What did you take? Rickey!
♪ One of these days, our love will lead you back ♪
All right, ladies and Henry, from the top.
And one and a two and...
♪ Amazing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
♪ I once was lost ♪
♪ But now am found ♪
♪ Was blind ♪
♪ But now I see ♪
All right, well that was neither amazing nor graceful.
Erna Lee and Imogene, it's not a competition, ladies.
God can hear you. I assure you.
Thank you, Bevette.
♪ Amazing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the... ♪
Wear the red.
It helps if the choir can read your lips.
Tone-deaf as they are.
Oh, Bevette!
Well, you let anyone in who wants to sing,
even if they can't.
It's church, Bevette,
not a contest.
- Phone for you. - Who is it?
Friend of Rickey's.
Hello?
What? When?
- What did he take? - What is it, Maybelline?
No! No!
No, no, no!
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
- ♪ This little light of mine ♪ - Relax.
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
- You need to eat something. - Hold them up.
Beautiful boy.
It was a long time ago, Maybelline.
Did you book the flights?
Funeral's Monday.
We're not going anywhere. You need to rest your nerves.
Come on, now.
Just a couple of bites.
Anybody home?
In here, Bevette!
- Y'all packed? - Uh-huh.
Thanks again for taking me.
You're wearing that?
- On the plane? - Yeah.
Well, at least you'll be comfortable.
Where do you think you're going?
Well, I'll just maybe skedaddle off to the bathroom.
Let you two have a little tête-à-tête.
Well?
- You know where I'm going. - You weren't gonna ask me?
I'll only be gone a few days. One of us has to go.
Make sure he's put to rest properly.
He already moved on from us years ago, by his own choice.
Well, I'm still his mother.
Not anymore.
Bevette! Come on!
Hurry up or I'll miss my flight!
What's the point of putting yourself through this?
We did it your way for ten years, Jeb.
You can't punish him anymore.
Now you're just punishing me.
You do what you want.
I'm going to my own son's funeral!
♪ Your bones ♪
♪ Your body bereaved ♪
♪ With nomenclature ♪
♪ Like you wanted to be ♪
♪ Framed by nature ♪
♪ Your spirit awaiting ♪
♪ All those remaining ♪
♪ I sing a hymn for him ♪
♪ And with tears in his eyes ♪
♪ He looked to the light and said ♪
♪ I've lived a good life ♪
♪ Don't you worry ♪
♪ Don't you wait for me ♪
♪ I'll never be dead Said the book that I read ♪
Thank you, Joan.
Rickey would have loved that.
I'm Rickey's drag mother, Dusty Muffin.
Rickey Metcalf,
or as we know her Rickey Peedia,
was a big fucking, flaming comet.
More was more when it came to Rickey.
More laughter, more joy,
more sex, more booze,
more drugs.
And, yes, more mascara.
Ladies and gentlemen,
with a tribute to Rickey,
Rickey's drag sisters from the Rehab Mission.
♪ How can I live without your love? ♪
♪ I don't wanna live without your love ♪
♪ You're bringing ecstasy to me ♪
♪ Touch me now, touch me now ♪
♪ It feels so good, it feels quite hot ♪
♪ You touch me when we're dancing ♪
♪ And I love it a lot, I love it a lot ♪
♪ You're the only man who makes me weak ♪
♪ You're the only man who makes me free ♪
♪ Oh, baby, it's so hard ♪
♪ It's so hard ♪
♪ So hard to handle ♪
♪ It feels so good, it feels quite hot ♪
♪ You touch me when we're dancing ♪
♪ And I love it a lot, I love it a lot ♪
♪ You're the only man who makes me weak ♪
♪ And you're the only man who makes me free ♪
♪ Oh, baby, it's so hard, it's so hard ♪
♪ So hard to handle ♪
♪ Just like me when I find lipstick on his tie ♪
♪ He says there's no other woman so it must be a guy ♪
♪ Oh, no... ♪
♪ Quelle tragedie ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
I'm Rickey's mother.
Wait! Please! Uh...
I was upset yesterday.
Oh, when you stormed out of your son's funeral?
I don't storm. I flounce.
And I regret it very much. I apologise.
Well, there's no freshness date on bullshit.
Whether you believe me or not, I'm sorry.
But I was expecting a funeral,
not a musical comedy.
It's how he would have wanted it,
but you wouldn't know that
because you didn't know your son.
Why are you here, Mrs Metcalf?
Circulating like a vulture for whatever you can get?
- What? - Talk to my lawyer.
I'm sorry for your loss.
- Whoa! - Oh, shit!
Did I just roll over your foot?
No, I'm fine.
You're so delectable.
I'd like to slather you in batter
and pop you in the roaster.
Yes, I would.
Oh, my God! Are you Rickey's mom? From Texas?
Maybelline Metcalf.
I'm Sienna Ellison. Rickey and I were best friends.
This is also Rickey.
Oh.
So, Nathan wouldn't even let you in?
He hates me.
He hates everyone right now.
Just go around! It's a baby.
Is Rickey the baby's father?
Oh, God, no. Definitely not.
- Do you know who is? - Yeah.
Like 90-something per cent.
Listen, the guy left me for some girl he met
in line for the new iPhone.
So, like, when he was asleep,
I took pictures of his little tiny dick
and then I posted them on all of his chat rooms.
He got a restraining order against me, but it was worth it.
- Oh, my. - I know.
It's like every break-up.
All that oral sex, then it's like you're strangers.
It must be hard raising a child on your own.
Well, I would've never gotten pregnant
if I knew Rickey was gonna OD
cos Rickey was gonna help me raise the kid, you know.
Fucker.
Honey, you thought that drug-addicted drag queen
across the hall would be the responsible parent?
He had a lot of love.
But you wouldn't know that, would you?
Rickey used to write, Christmastimes.
He told me his best friend was Sienna.
But I thought,
you know I saw all these pictures of him with his friends
and I just assumed...
You know.
You thought I was a drag queen?
Well, yeah.
I mean, San Francisco is a big melting pot, but...
These shits are real.
This whole nation is one big melting pot,
but my town seems to be that big clump of white flour
that just won't melt.
Oh, my God.
Rickey got his sense of humour from you.
Listen, why don't you come to my place for dinner tonight?
I'll invite Nathan. Blindside him.
I can see why you and Rickey were such good friends.
See how you feel after you eat my cooking.
- Anything I can bring? - Low expectations.
Are you sure there's nothing I can do?
Come in.
What is she doing here?
Don't be mad. She came all this way.
Oh, I didn't realise you were such a busybody.
I have nothing to say to her.
OK, so just listen and stop being such a dick.
OK, sorry. The chicken was totally overcooked.
Oh, it's Cajun style.
A little blackened around the edges is all.
Well, dessert will be better. It's my specialty.
Shall I serve it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
So bitchy.
- Let me help you. - No, no, no.
You sit down. You're my guest.
I'm not here to fight with you,
but I did know my son for most of his life.
But you're right.
I didn't know who he became when he moved here.
I only knew the boy.
You disowned him.
No, I did not.
This... My specialty.
It's my own creation.
I call it Banana Climax.
Delicious.
Mmm, yeah. It doesn't suck.
Thank you. My secret ingredient is resentment.
And a shit-ton of baby food.
I want you to know I never stopped loving my son.
Would you let me see where he lived?
Show me your home?
Fine.
What, now?
It's now or never.
Go.
Well... here... we... are.
Those are his things if you wanna scavenge through them.
There's more in the closet.
You're getting rid of all of it?
- Donating to AIDS hospice. - You waste no time.
Welcome to the real world, lady.
I have to move out in a week.
I can't afford this place on my own.
Move where?
I don't know. I lived here for two years.
But Rickey lived here for eight, so the lease was in his name.
And the landlord wants to jack the rent.
I could fight it, but even if I did win, I can't afford it.
You know what? Here.
Here.
They won't let me touch his bank accounts
or the lease or the electric bill or the phone bill.
Everything is in his name and I'm not next of kin.
There's no will and we weren't married
because he wouldn't marry me until you would be there.
Didn't wanna get married without his mommy.
That's what he said.
That eventually you'd come around and...
Here you are, just a few days too late.
Oh, yeah.
He never stopped loving you, either.
Even when I begged him to. There you go.
- What's that? - The lease, keys, inventory.
Contracts. Rickey owned the bar.
- The bar? - The club.
The one we managed together. Pandora's Box.
Oh, my Lord.
My home.
Everything I worked for, everything I own, all yours.
That's what the lawyer said.
Oh, my Lord.
- I've inherited a gay bar. - Congratulations.
- Well, I don't want it. - Well, you've got it!
I got to get ready for work.
Take me with you. I gotta see it.
Have you ever been to a gay bar?
There's always a first time.
♪ We've been here too long, tryin' to get along ♪
Chappy.
♪ Pretendin' that you're oh so shy ♪
♪ I'm a natural ma'am ♪
Get her a... chardonnay.
♪ My temperature is runnin' high ♪
I'd suggest you mingle,
but I don't think you have much in common with this crowd.
Not really much of a crowd.
It's a weeknight.
♪ Do you wanna touch? Yeah ♪
♪ Do you wanna touch me there, where? ♪
♪ There? Yeah ♪
♪ There, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Do you, do you wanna touch? ♪
♪ Oh, do you wanna touch? ♪
She doesn't play well with others,
so she plays with herself!
Thank you, Joan.
Let's hear it for Joan's choreographer,
Clitoris Leechman.
And now the sluttiest nanny in history,
Cherry Poppins!
She confided in me recently
that she has a great head for figures.
No, sweetie, I said I have quite a figure for head.
T-M-I!
And T-M-J. All right.
Up next, our very own talent scout, Tequila Mockingbird!
Like the book.
And last but not least, a gal who has burned a lot of steaks,
Joan of Arkansas.
Get it? No?
♪ Hey, buds below ♪
♪ Up is where to grow ♪
♪ Up with which below can't compare with ♪
♪ Hurry ♪
♪ It's lovely up here ♪
You know I love you and Rickey, but a girl's gotta eat.
You're the only act they're coming to see.
But that's the problem.
Nobody knows what's going on with this place.
We've been offered weeknights at Chandelierium
and I have to take it.
I take it that's not good.
♪ Wake up ♪
♪ Bestir yourself ♪
♪ It's time that you disinter yourself ♪
Our most popular performer's just quit.
Business is flatlining.
Maybe cos there was a death in the club or...
maybe they were just coming to see Rickey all along.
I never realised how much he looked like you.
I think you were his inspiration.
On stage, he was a real bitch.
Did you ever perform here?
Me? No.
A little karaoke sometimes. I run the business side.
Rickey was creative.
He put everything he had into this place.
This place is all I have left of him.
♪ Pollinate the breeze ♪
♪ Make the queen of bees hot as brandy ♪
I'll have that chandelier.
♪ At least a preview of Easter ♪
♪ Come up and see the hoot we're giving ♪
♪ Come up and see the grounds for living ♪
♪ Come poke your head out ♪
♪ Open up and spread out ♪
♪ Hurry, it's lovely ♪
♪ Here! ♪
Hello?
Sorry. I didn't know who else to call.
I don't mind. Might do me some good.
So, there's breast milk in the fridge.
All from this one. This one's on strike.
Lefty needs a massage.
Oh, tell me about it.
Mm, great, I'll call you.
Bye.
Hey.
- Hello? - Jeb, hi.
I thought I'd hear from you 'fore now.
They're keeping me busy, darlin'.
How was the memorial?
You would have been... very moved.
I'm gonna stay a little longer.
Would you please put some money in the joint account?
How much longer?
I don't know. A few days.
Five thousand. Maybe ten?
Five thousand?
Well, there's legal fees and... and other expenses and whatnot.
Well, I hope this doesn't become a habit.
It's not gonna become a habit, Jeb.
I'm only gonna bury my son the once.
Look, for...
Please get this to your landlord.
That should cover your rent for a couple of months.
I don't wanna take your money.
It's Rickey's money. I got it from his bank.
I won't see you homeless on my account.
You expect me to be grateful for giving me back my own money?
I've also decided to let the club stay open
for two months as a trial.
Trial for what?
I can't in good conscience even speak to my husband
about not selling the business if it's losing money.
And think of it as Rickey's legacy.
Rickey would want it to be successful.
No, I'd rather sell the place than work for you.
Think of us as business partners and consider Sienna.
I can sleep on her sofa
and take care of baby Rickey during the day.
That would be amazing.
I'd love that.
What do you know about running a drag bar?
I'm a Southern Baptist choir mistress.
Different songs, same divas.
Some of the same wigs, too.
Just take the deal for the both of us.
That is my bar!
Rickey warned me about you, but he didn't do you justice.
I'm gonna find out what you're after, you conniving bitch!
I don't connive.
I scheme. I'm a scheming bitch.
We'll nail it tonight.
Should I tweet our followers
that we have a new closing number?
Twat away.
Smell her.
And did you get a load of that accent?
And her name is Maybelline, for Christ's sake.
I probably would like it better if it were L'Oréal.
So is Mommie Dearest gonna be our new boss?
She does own the place now.
Any direction at this point would be nice.
Uh, Momma Metcalf?
Hey, I'm Dusty.
Or Roger, if you prefer it, but I prefer Dusty.
I was Rickey's drag mother.
A drag mother shows a younger queen the ropes.
Teaches her the rules of etiquette
and helps bring out the queen from within.
We're sorry for your loss.
- I'm Eric. - Hi, Eric.
I heard you sing at his funeral. It was beautiful.
Thank you. It really touched my heart.
- I'm Joan. - You have a boy name?
Just Joan.
Nice to meet you, Joan.
I'm Cherry. We all loved Rickey very much.
Um, do we still have jobs?
OK, look, I'm still in charge here.
Think of Mrs Metcalf as a silent partner.
Uh, good, cos I don't take orders from amateurs.
You want direction, Dusty? I'll give you direction.
Rehearse more.
Pay me more.
Your lip-synching sucks.
You've gotten too lazy to move.
And face the music, if you can hear the music
t's not like you're packing them in these days.
Oh, God!
All right, now, look. I don't wanna speak ill of the dead.
We all loved Rickey, but let's be honest.
He had not been himself in a long time
and his fans, our fans,
did not wanna watch their star burn out.
So, we are without a director, without a star.
We have to put a whole new show together,
so if you wanna keep this place going without him,
you need to pull yourself together.
If I'm not appreciated, after all these years...
I quit.
Dusty, wait.
Everyone's upset.
I understand what it is to be older.
Older?
This place was your baby's dream. His vision.
Maybe it should die with him.
After practice tomorrow,
you can talk to us about your ideas, boss.
Hi.
Hm, morning.
I like that lipstick colour.
You know what? I could get you any shade of lipstick
with my discount.
I know it's a little cliché, blonde bimbo selling cosmetics,
but it's the only job I have right now.
It's all commissions.
Listen, I don't know how long you're staying for,
but I was thinking 200 a week seems fair.
You don't have to pay me.
For rent.
- For a sofa? - In this neighbourhood,
I could get twice the amount for a loveseat.
Oh.
Morning, there. Take a look at this.
Morning!
Tequila.
Guys.
Mrs Metcalfe, what do you think you're doing?
This is my idea for a new show.
What, the Southern gospel drag choir?
The trans-tabernacle?
Hey, keep an open mind.
- Sex, drag and rock 'n' roll? - Girl, please!
What is this? Retro night?
I want you all to sing.
Like sing-sing? Really sing?
I've heard y'all humming along to the music here.
Believe me, I've made much more with much less.
How did you know that Rickey had that same exact idea?
I didn't.
The sex part, is that gonna be real, too? Hm?
Listen to me.
How many drag shows are there in San Francisco?
We need to appeal to the masses,
not just some men in the neighbourhood.
What's wrong with the men in the neighbourhood?
Millions of tourists come to San Francisco every year.
We gotta give them something they won't see at home.
Look, even if we go with your idea,
and I'm not saying that we are,
how do you propose we get these tourists in here,
Ms Field of Dreams?
Oh, I love that movie!
I have a plan.
I play piano.
Now, that's what I'm talking about right there.
Can we share?
Oh, my Lord, Sienna.
Those pants are so tight, I can see the Promised Land.
Camel toe is so chic right now.
It smells delicious.
So, where's he taking you?
I don't know.
His name is Grayson and he's totally my type.
Scruffy, rugged.
What do you know about this man?
I know he's got a dick and I haven't been laid in a year.
You're planning to sleep with this guy on the first date.
Hell, yeah.
Isn't that how you got yourself into this predicament?
Listen, you are not my mother, you're my babysitter.
- I can have an opinion. - Not about my pussy.
Shit.
One second!
Hi.
Hey, ladies.
Maybelline said to bring dessert so I come packing fudge.
You waited your whole life to say that line?
Pretty much. Hi!
Mwah!
Darlin'.
I'm not saying the place he brought me wasn't lovely,
but when I asked him where the bathroom was, he said,
"Take a left at the glory hole.
If you reach the sling, you've gone too far.
Girl!
Glory hole?
It's like a confession booth.
Yeah.
I can't wait until I'm done with my transition.
Then maybe I'll have better luck with the straight guys.
Oh, honey, you don't need luck. You need patience.
I need me some good weaning.
Hey!
OK.
Maybelline?
You've been married for a while. That must feel good.
Well, I guess.
Well, I wanna be married.
Aww!
Well, bitch, stop going for the closet cases all the time.
Oh, my God!
This is gorgeous. Do you sew?
Oh, you know, I did some fashion back in my more naive times.
Well, honey, if you can sew,
I need everything that I own let out.
You're gonna need a lot of extra fabric with that one.
So catty.
You tried it.
Are you, uh, ready?
Book club.
OK.
And...
♪ Ba ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba ba-ba baa baa ♪
Oh, let's try that again.
What you think, little Rickey? One more time?
♪ Ba ba-ba-ba ♪
♪ Ba-ba ba-ba baa baa ♪
- It's good! - Oh, yeah!
We got it!
♪ When you grow up ♪
♪ Livin' like a good boy oughta ♪
♪ And your mama ♪
♪ Takes a shine to her best son ♪
♪ Something different ♪
♪ All the girls, they seem to like you ♪
♪ Cos you're handsome ♪
♪ Like to talk and a whole lot of fun ♪
♪ We're gonna take your mama out all night ♪
♪ Yeah, we'll show her what it's all about ♪
♪ We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne ♪
♪ We'll let the good times all roll out ♪
♪ Do it, take your mama out all night ♪
♪ You can stay up late cos, baby, you're a full-grown man ♪
- Should we try again? - Yeah.
All right.
Damn! We good!
I can't tell what's vomit and what's baby food anymore.
Do all of those boys at the club...?
Do I call 'em boys or girls?
It's kind of a time-of-day issue.
Do all those girls at the club do drugs?
And was Rickey always high?
I mean, Rickey drank and partied too much. We all did.
But we're not junkies.
People go to night clubs to lose themselves.
You might see something you don't wanna see.
I can handle a gay bar.
All my life I've watched rodeos and livestock shows,
so a gay bar's nothing.
I wanna buy some of that lipstick.
Oh. OK.
The way the gilt's coming...
No. No, no, no, no. Stop.
Stop, stop, stop. It's over.
- Give me that. - What? What? Hey!
Give me the fucking brush, Bear!
- What? - You keep changing everything.
Every time you hang a curtain
or throw away old things for new things,
it's like... he's more gone.
- It's stupid! - Hey, stop!
Wait right there. I wanna show you something.
Look at this, Nathan.
It's Rickey. I don't think you've seen that before.
In his room. He was a teenager then.
He was getting moody, throwing hissy fits with his daddy and...
To cheer him up, I-I told him he could paint his room
any colour he wanted and...
And so I thought we'd paint the walls his favourite colour
and with your permission,
we could hang that photo on the wall, so...
he would never miss a show.
- Can I help you? - Thank you. Yes. Um...
I was wondering if you would be, uh, willing
to spread the word about a terrific show at our club,
Pandora's Box.
It's quite unique.
That's a drag bar, right?
Well, we have gender illusionists.
No, thanks. We're not interested.
Oh. Well, could I give you some flyers?
There's no soliciting.
- Oh. - Thanks.
OK. Thank you.
Oh!
I'm so sorry.
- It's not a problem. - This is very kind of you.
It's the only way to get my flyers distributed
in your hotel.
- You're from Texas. - You got it.
Small town called Red Vine.
I spent some summers in Savage Springs as a boy,
a couple of hours from there.
Head concierge.
August.
How do you do? I'm Maybelline Metcalf.
You work at a drag club?
Well, actually, I own it. It's a long story.
Well, I'd be interested in hearing that story sometime.
Is the show any good?
We're always looking for things to recommend.
Oh, well, why don't you come judge for yourself?
A week from Saturday we're putting on a brand-new show.
I'll put you on the guest list.
Not my typical Saturday night, but...
Sounds fun. Sure.
- Why not? - Great!
- Thanks again. - Bye.
Wow, this place looks amazing, Maybelline.
You really do have Rickey's eye.
Or he had mine.
Well, hello, Daddy.
♪ That's him at the other end of the bar ♪
♪ The best to come in in a while ♪
♪ Not exactly the type to show all of his cards ♪
♪ But I think I just spotted a smile ♪
♪ Now, I fully intend to find that one man to spend ♪
♪ All my ever afters with ♪
♪ But I've been looking so long ♪
♪ And so far so wrong ♪
♪ Something's got to give ♪
♪ He ain't Mr Right, but he's Mr Right Now ♪
♪ We all got to get through the night somehow ♪
♪ He ain't Mr Right, but he's Mr Right Now ♪
♪ I promised myself when I walked through the door ♪
♪ I swore I would try to refrain ♪
♪ But I can't leave my life on hold anymore ♪
♪ Just waiting for my luck to change ♪
♪ A little more drinking and a little less thinking ♪
♪ I sure could like what I see ♪
♪ I had paid my dues with those last cold blues ♪
♪ You know this one is leaving with me ♪
♪ He ain't Mr Right, but he's Mr Right Now ♪
♪ Well, we all got to get through the night somehow ♪
♪ He ain't Mr Right ♪
♪ But he's Mr Right Now ♪
♪ Well, he might do me right ♪
♪ And he might do me wrong ♪
♪ But as long as he'll do me ♪
♪ We'll keep going on ♪
♪ Well, he's old and he's short and he's bald and he's fat ♪
♪ But at ten after two, ooh, I like it like that ♪
♪ Well, he ain't Mr Right ♪
♪ Well, he's my Mr Not Quite ♪
♪ Well, he isn't exactly the genius I planned ♪
♪ But he sits and he begs ♪
♪ And he barks like a man ♪
♪ He ain't Mr Right, wow, wow ♪
♪ He's my Mr Not Quite ♪
♪ And I don't give a damn 'bout those cards that he stole ♪
♪ I'm just thrilled and delighted ♪
♪ He's out on parole ♪
♪ Well, he ain't Mr Right ♪
♪ He's my Mr Tonight ♪
♪ Well, he ain't Mr Right ♪
♪ But he's Mr Right Now ♪
Well?
He's gonna get his hotel to officially recommend the show
to all the guests.
- Bye! - Wow!
He must have really liked the show.
It's not all he liked!
Oh, stop. I'm a married woman.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I'd like to go through all your closets,
but I also think we should make something new, you know.
Debut something original.
Off the rack in size 18 ain't exactly couture.
Ma'am, it's not polite to stare.
Hm. It's all right.
It's my mother.
Well, let's get this party started!
Oh, Lord!
Is that your husband?
You're gonna have to talk to him sometime.
I know, but not tonight.
I don't feel like holding up both ends of the conversation.
OK. This?
Hey, where's Joan tonight?
Joan's not feeling her best tonight.
Oh. Poor thing.
Yeah.
Now, let's see if we can get you some action tonight.
Hey, it's a business dinner.
- This one's good, huh? - Oh, I don't think so. Not red.
If it looks good on me, it could look good on you, huh?
I like this music.
You should hear it on vinyl.
Vinyl? You're old school.
Every Saturday, I go to this great vinyl record store
in Haight-Ashbury and treat myself to a new treasure.
You were one of the cool guys in high school, weren't you?
And you were that beautiful girl
too busy cheering the football team to notice me.
Do you mind if we make a couple of quick stops on the way?
- Hi, Joan. - Maybelline.
I heard you were sick,
so I brought you some soup from the Whole Foods.
It cost a month's rent, so it must be good.
Thank you. You...
You look like a drag queen.
May I come in for a minute?
August is waiting outside. It won't take long.
Sorry. The place is a mess.
I'm an even bigger mess.
Don't worry.
Where I come from,
people leave their old sofas on the porch.
Joan, I'm worried about you.
Maybe you don't think you have a problem,
but from what I hear,
Rickey thought he didn't have a problem, either.
Rickey and I were a lot alike.
We used to...
...blow sailors together back in the day.
You can't shock me, Joan. Not anymore.
Maybe I'll stop.
It's just that it makes shit so much easier to handle.
Tell me what's so hard.
I don't know.
I mean, I haven't had a relationship in six years.
It's not for a lack of meeting people.
It's just that the more that I hook up, the lonelier I feel.
I don't wanna lose you, Joan. Not like we lost Rickey.
Besides, you're much prettier
when you're not using that stuff.
Well, me and Rickey are Dusty's drag daughters.
She's been sober forever.
She was always trying to get me and Rickey
to go to meetings with her.
You two should have a girls' night out.
Dusty's not really talking to any of us now.
No.
That was Rickey's.
Nathan wanted me to have it cos I was Rickey's sister.
He called it the Maybelline.
Can you give me everything you have in this apartment?
- I mean, all the drugs. - Maybelline...
Nobody intervened for my son.
I'm intervening for you.
Is that all of it?
That's what I've got.
I would have.
Would have what?
Noticed you in high school.
I moved out here the day after graduation.
I was a hippie.
I came here for the free love.
Only thing about me that didn't get old
is my love for this place.
The bay. The hills.
The fighting spirit.
My favourite city in the world.
I always feel lucky to be here.
Especially tonight.
Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?
No, I'm fine.
- I'll wait for you. - No, no.
But that was the most wonderful evening I've had
in I can't remember when.
Thank you.
Night.
I was wondering, if you don't mind,
may I sit with you tonight?
Hi.
Ooh, someone got lucky last night.
Yeah. I got very lucky last night.
What is it, Cherry?
I was turned down for surgery again.
Oh, I'm sorry. How come?
Cos I haven't told my wife.
Is your wife... visually impaired?
I haven't seen my wife in five or six years or so.
Oh.
I need a divorce.
That's... That's just the simple way.
She won't give you a divorce?
I haven't asked.
- She doesn't know. - You should tell her in person.
You shouldn't let a dead marriage hold you back.
I already hurt her so much.
If I were her, I'd want to know.
It might help her to see what you've been through.
You think?
If you like, I could go with you for moral support.
Yeah.
I shouldn't go alone.
I'm still wearing her weave.
♪ If I could, I would give you a world ♪
♪ Where everyone knew you were magic, darling ♪
Don't stop.
I wrote it for Rickey.
You write songs?
It's been a while.
It's how we met.
Will you play it for me, please?
♪ If I could, I would give you a world ♪
♪ Where everyone knew you were magic, darling ♪
♪ But the world's a hell of a mess ♪
♪ And people are so slow to learn ♪
♪ So listen, baby ♪
♪ I will love you rich or poor ♪
♪ And for your love I'd throw the war ♪
♪ Your sorrow ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ My love I'll never compromise ♪
♪ I see the stars within your eyes ♪
♪ And when I'm dancing with you ♪
♪ I will love you rich or poor ♪
♪ And for your love I'd throw the war ♪
♪ Your sorrow ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ My love I'll never compromise ♪
♪ I see the stars within your eyes ♪
♪ And when I'm dancing with you ♪
♪ Beautiful, beautiful to me ♪
Whoo!
Ow.
Please, stop.
I said no!
Don't.
- Hey! - Who the fuck are you?
Don't fucking wave that thing at me.
Oh, I don't wave. I aim.
Why don't you turn around and leave the same way you came in?
Shut up! Let her go!
Let her go!
Now, when I say,
you're gonna go out that door and never come back.
And if I hear you so much as text Sienna,
I'm going straight to the police to file charges
and I'm going to your boss
to tell her about your previous problems with the law.
So, what? You're gonna fucking kill me?
Over a couple slaps?
No, I'd kill you because dropping a woman beater
is on my bucket list!
Now, get your ass out of here before I put another hole in it.
Jesus fuck!
Frozen peas works best.
Not too much pressure on the eye.
Do you wanna go to the police?
I already have one restraining order. I don't want another.
They'd take his side anyway.
How did you know he had a previous brush with the law?
I didn't. Just guessed.
Would you stay in here with me tonight?
Sure.
He said that he liked it rough.
And I said OK.
But I didn't like it.
And then he got mad.
I'm such a mess.
When a man says he likes it rough...
kick him in the balls and see if it's true.
Good morning.
How's my boy? How's my Rickey?
Hey?
What can I get you?
Please... Please sit down.
Just for a minute.
I'm Maybelline Metcalf.
I work with your son, Eric.
What do you want?
I want you to come see our show, as a guest.
Please, don't.
I understand what you're going through.
My son, Rickey...
He did not turn out like I thought he would.
Like I wanted.
And when things got tough, I chose not to see him,
for many years, because I wanted him to change.
And I never did see him again.
He died.
And he left me that night club.
And that's how I know your son.
And Eric is a fine young man.
You raised Eric to be sweet and kind and...
He doesn't hurt anybody.
I would give...
anything to see my son again.
Just once.
I don't want you to feel that same way someday.
What can I get you?
Oh.
How's the chicken club?
- Very good. - OK.
Thank you.
Hey, May.
Oh, hi. Good to see you again.
Say, what do you think about free drinks
for all the girls tonight?
- There go your profits. - Oh, well.
Listen, can you make sure all the mics are working tonight?
Yeah. I'll triple-check, Maybelline.
How y'all doing?
Um, jittery.
I'm stone-cold sober. I'm just nervous.
Well, aren't we lucky to care about something enough
to be nervous about it?
Channel those nerves and you'll be great.
- OK? - OK.
- See ya. - Bye.
Bye.
In here, Jeb.
What the hell is going on here, Maybelline?
This was Rickey's club.
Yeah, so I gather.
Who'd you talk to?
A lawyer.
Certainly not you.
Well, it's been overwhelming.
We inherited a gay bar. You forgot to tell me?
I didn't think you'd be interested.
I'm interested in selling it and going home with my wife.
The show's just opened.
It's too soon to tell whether tonight's full house
will translate into more full houses.
I can't leave now, not when it's just turning a profit.
It's been weeks.
Our house is empty.
Dead quiet.
Well, play some Johnny Cash.
I love you.
OK.
I'll come back with you on one condition.
We givethis place to Nathan, our son-in-law.
Don't call him our son-in-law.
No!
That's my condition.
Maybelline, this place is worth something to us.
Thousands in stuff we can sell off.
This is significant.
It's not ours, Jeb.
Rickey wouldn't want us to have this place.
You don't deserve this place.
Wedon't deserve this place.
I have to get back at work tomorrow.
I need more time here, Jeb.
You're pushing it.
Sienna has to find day care.
The show needs a new director.
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining.
What are you doing with these people?
I'll send your sister up to help you.
Maybe she can talk some sense into you.
This is very kind of you to go pick up my sister.
So, uh...
if Bevette doesn't see me, what does she look like?
Just look for the woman with a pained expression on her face
as if life isn't worth living.
That's her?
No. That'll be the woman who sat next to her on the plane.
She can point her out to you.
♪ Meeting Mr Right ♪
♪ The man of my dreams ♪
♪ The one who showed me true love ♪
♪ Or at least it seemed... ♪
Well, you know that trampy old Imogene Breining?
She's still carrying on with Jake the Snake Riordan.
- Oh. - And him not even divorced yet.
Imogene. Who would have thought it?
Butter wouldn't melt.
She tried to buy his kids' love
with all them Harry Potter books.
- Hm? - Didn't work.
They'd already seen the movies.
My friend, Cherry Poppins, has a joke in her act
where she bends over and she says,
"Oops! I hope you didn't see my Harry Potter!"
You're gonna crack your mask.
♪ I just cannot hide it ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Finally it happened to me ♪
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ My feelings can't describe it ♪
♪ Finally it happened to me ♪
♪ Right in front of my face ♪
♪ And I just cannot hide it ♪
The crowds are good.
The girls are making money.
I swear I even saw Nathan smile once.
Word is you put on a good drag show.
Not me.
The girls put on the drag show.
I just taught 'em three-part harmony.
Please. Those three couldn't stuff a bra with socks.
Actually, I've seen 'em do that.
Oh, well, then I suppose it's good that I walked away
and allowed them to blossom.
They need their mother back, Dusty.
But they have you.
- I could never take your place. - Hmm.
All they ever talk about is you.
"Oh, these curtains are so Dusty.
Oh, these glasses are so Dusty."
They miss their stage mother.
I'm going back to Texas, to church, to Jeb.
That's my world.
Come back to yours.
Are you sure about this?
Maybelline, shake a leg.
I don't wanna be driving through the Tenderloin in the dark.
I'm sorry about her.
Every family has a relative who stabbed Grandma
with a butter knife.
Or dynamited a perfectly good barn.
There is Nanny. Look!
- Baby Rickey! - Yes.
Oh, you are so light, aren't you?
Hi, Dusty.
Hey. It's Auntie Dusty.
How are you? Yes, it's pretty over there.
Take a look. It's magic.
Oh! Bye!
What are we gonna do without our mamma?
I'm gonna miss y'all so much.
Hm. You're gonna make my mascara run.
Oh, stop.
No one wants you to go, Maybelline.
Well, this ain't my life. It was Rickey's and yours.
I think it's for the best.
A little going-away present.
Rickey used to get me to tape his performances,
so he could watch them back and get better.
Now you can see how he was.
- Oh. - Dramatic and beautiful.
Messy.
- Just like you. - Oh!
Oh, thank you so much.
- Oh, my! - What?
I just saw the general and two colonels.
For the first time, apparently.
First time in the ladies' room.
Cherry, this is my sister, Bevette.
Right. I thought she was one of the new drag queens.
Bevette... Mwah.
This is my darlin' friend, Cherry.
Oh, the one with the "Harry Potter".
Well, it ain't that Harry.
Bevette, why don't you wait outside in the lobby?
I'll just be a minute.
Nathan, I've got a going-away present for you, too.
This is all yours now.
The club.
You're the sole owner.
What about your husband?
Well, that was my condition for going back to Texas.
All you gotta do is sign the papers.
Thank you, Maybelline. Thank you.
And I'll only take 20 percent.
Of course.
♪ Sayin' goodbye ♪
♪ Is never an easy thing ♪
♪ But you never said ♪
♪ That you'd stay forever ♪
♪ So if you must go ♪
♪ Oh, darlin', I set you free ♪
♪ But I know in time ♪
♪ That we'll be together ♪
♪ I won't try to stop you now from leaving ♪
♪ Cos in my heart ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ Love will lead you back ♪
♪ Someday I just know that ♪
♪ Love will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong ♪
♪ I'm sure ♪
♪ Sure as stars are shining ♪
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ One of these days, our love ♪
♪ Will lead you back ♪
♪ Ooh-oh ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Ahh... ♪
Maybelline! I heard you were back.
So happy to see you.
Thank you, Imogene. It's nice to be back.
What were you doing out there all that time?
Rickey had a business out West.
Maybelline went up and oversaw the whole thing.
What kind of a business?
It was a restaurant.
Bar.
♪ I won't try to stop you now from leaving ♪
♪ Cos in my heart ♪
♪ I know-ow-ow ♪
♪ Love will lead you back ♪
♪ Someday I just know that ♪
♪ Love will lead you back to my arms ♪
♪ Where you belong ♪
♪ I'm sure ♪
♪ Sure as stars are shining ♪
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ I won't be long... ♪
Oh!
♪ One of these days our love ♪
♪ Will you lead you back ♪
♪ Where you belong ♪
♪ I'm sure ♪
♪ Sure as stars are shining ♪
♪ One day you will find me again ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ One of these days, our love will lead you ♪
♪ Back ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely ♪
♪ And you're never coming round ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit tired ♪
♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous ♪
♪ That the best of all the years... ♪
Jeb! I was watching that.
Watching all that's not gonna bring him back.
I know how much you miss him.
Missed him myself for 20 years.
That was your choice.
He was always the same, even when he was a little boy.
You just didn't wanna see it.
Bevette and me are your family now.
We're gonna have to be enough for each other.
Takes more than a ring to be a family, Jeb.
Takes guts.
You're still ashamed of your own son.
- Even now. - He was a mamma's boy.
Hiding behind your skirts and you let him!
You didn't have the guts to love your own son
cos you were afraid what other people would think.
Well, let me tell you somethin', Jeb.
You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit!
I never understood him.
You loved him enough for both of us.
Turned out just like you.
Thank you.
I was afraid, too, Jeb.
Of you, him.
Everyone. God.
But I'm not afraid anymore.
I'm not lookin' at our son through your frightened eyes.
Our boy was a star.
That's what he got from me.
Oh, hell, Maybelline. You were a lot happier up there.
Even I could see that.
Here.
A couple of thousand to help see you through.
Oh, Bevette!
Hi.
Hey.
May.
What are you doing here?
This is the only record store in the neighbourhood
and it's a Saturday, so...
I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything about myself.
So... how are you?
You look great.
Thanks. I'm good.
I'm back in town.
But everything's up in the air for me right now.
Well... I'm not afraid of heights.
So...
What are you doing tonight?
Funny you should ask.
OK. All right.
Settle down, queens!
You look gorgeous tonight, girl.
Did you get all dressed up for us or is this for a man?
These days, all my men are wearing diapers and dresses.
That's all I need.
All right, bitches, get dressed!
Oh, my God!
You are a genius!
You ready, honey?
I don't know.
Oh!
One ain't gonna kill ya.
Tonight, making her Pandora's Box debut
is my partner.
- I call her Mom. - Aww!
She's someone with a real name that a drag queen would kill for
singing a tribute to our beloved Rickey Peedia.
Ms Maybelline Metcalf!
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely ♪
♪ And you're never coming round ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit tired ♪
♪ Of listening to the sound of my tears ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit nervous ♪
♪ That the best of all the years have gone by ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified ♪
♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then ♪
♪ I get a little bit restless ♪
♪ And I dream of something wild ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit helpless ♪
♪ And I'm lying like a child in your arms ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit angry ♪
♪ And I know I gotta get out and cry ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Every now and then, I get a little bit terrified ♪
♪ And then I see the look in your eyes ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ And I need you now tonight ♪
♪ And I need you more than ever ♪
♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪
♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪
♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪
♪ Cos we'll never be wrong ♪
♪ Together we can take it to the end of the line ♪
♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time ♪
♪ All of the time ♪
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I'm always in the dark ♪
♪ We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks ♪
♪ I really need you tonight ♪
♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪
♪ Once upon a time I was falling in love ♪
♪ Now I'm only falling apart ♪
♪ Nothing I can do ♪
♪ A total eclipse of the heart ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ Turn around ♪
♪ Bright eyes ♪
♪ Every now and then I fall apart ♪
♪ And I need you now tonight ♪
♪ And I need you more than ever ♪
♪ And if you only hold me tight ♪
♪ We'll be holding on forever ♪
♪ And we'll only be making it right ♪
♪ Cos we'll never be wrong ♪
♪ Together we can take it to the end of the line ♪
♪ Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time ♪
♪ All of the time ♪
♪ I don't know what to do ♪
♪ I'm always in the dark ♪
♪ We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks ♪
Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org
♪ We got married in the spring ♪
♪ To prove it, here's my wedding ring ♪
♪ I always think of my blushing groom ♪
♪ Whenever I see the pansies bloom ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Say it cannot be ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ A groom should bring his bride some joy ♪
♪ A boy's supposed to be a boy ♪
♪ I told him about the birds and bees ♪
♪ But he still wears those pink chemise ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Say it cannot be ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ His hair is curly as can be ♪
♪ He uses curlers just like me ♪
♪ When I find lipstick on his tie ♪
♪ He says there's no other woman so it must be a guy ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Quelle tragedie ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ He's so big and he's so strong ♪
♪ I can't figure out where he went wrong ♪
♪ Must have got caught right in between ♪
♪ His name is Chris, it ought to be Christine ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Say it cannot be ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ He's never been to gay Paris ♪
♪ But he is gay as he can be ♪
♪ His friends are sweet, they're the queerest band ♪
♪ They're turning my home into a fairyland ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Oh, what a tragedy ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ We went one night to a masquerade ♪
♪ And I dressed up like a parlour maid ♪
♪ Everyone knew it was me right away ♪
♪ But no one knew he was the Queen of the May ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Woodman spare that tree ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ Whenever when we go out to dine ♪
♪ I buy him pheasant and apricot wine ♪
♪ But he says, "No, what can I do?" ♪
♪ He doesn't want to try anything that's new ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Maron ♪
♪ Say it cannot be ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ While I was walking down the aisle ♪
♪ His friends all stood around and smiled ♪
♪ I found out why and it hurts my pride ♪
♪ They knew he liked the best man better than the bride ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ No, it cannot be ♪
♪ Queer things are happening to me ♪
♪ We have decided it cannot be ♪
♪ I'm not for him and he's not for me ♪
♪ He can do what he wants and I'll do what I can ♪
♪ But the both of us ♪
♪ Have got to get a man ♪
♪ Cos you're worth fighting for ♪
♪ C'mon over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ Don't want the pain but I'll take it in stride ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ If I turn away now ♪
♪ Do I lose this battle? ♪
♪ Will you stay around if I back down? ♪
♪ If I back down? ♪
♪ Or do you wanna fair fight? ♪
♪ Because I'm your equal? ♪
♪ You wanna get in my mind ♪
♪ Know what I'm like, oh ♪
♪ I wanted to embrace this ♪
♪ Boring lack of conflict ♪
♪ But that was all before ♪
♪ C'mon over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ Don't want the pain but I'll take it in stride ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ C'mon over and we'll settle it right ♪
♪ Put your dukes up cos I'm ready to fight ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ I'll fight for you ♪
♪ Don't want the pain but I'll take it in stride ♪
♪ Put your dukes up... ♪