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1
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,414
[Eric] So, I want to thank you
so much for giving me

2
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,083
the opportunity
to present today to all of you

3
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,786
and talk about a topic
that drives my passion

4
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,756
and wakes me up
in the morning, marketing.

5
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:28,060
So, marketing is about
delighting the customer

6
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,364
through the touchpoints
of her user journey, OK?

7
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:36,668
By studying how the customer
engages her environment

8
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,338
we find authentic means
of weaving our brand story

9
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,573
through the narrative
of her lifestyle.

10
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:46,245
Now, I don't actually know
what I'm talking about.

11
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,648
I'm a fraud.

12
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:51,717
I am a fraud.

13
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:57,089
Fraud alert, fraud alert.
Fraud alert. Frau--

14
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,223
[alarm beeping]

15
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,792
[Eric]<i> Oh, shit!</i>

16
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,128
<i>He knows, he knows I'm a fraud.</i>

17
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,130
<i> This is bullshit,</i>
<i> everything coming out</i>

18
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,599
<i> of my mouth is bullshit.</i>
<i>He knows I'm a fraud, oh my God.</i>

19
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,202
<i> I should've stayed</i>
<i> in music. I should've</i>
<i> stayed in the band!</i>

20
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,538
<i> I should've just been doing</i>
<i> music! Oh my God, I'm a fraud!</i>

21
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:15,307
<i> Oh my God, oh my God!</i>

22
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,178
[alarm clock blaring]

23
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:26,251
[upbeat music]

24
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:49,741
[device playing
"Happy Birthday" theme]

25
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,292
[soft knocking]

26
00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:13,699
Hey, take a seat,
how you doing my favorite Rico?

27
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,202
-Rick.
-Hmm?

28
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,172
It's no secret,
this company's been going

29
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:21,507
through some pretty hard times.

30
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:26,245
We're gonna have
to start, you know, yeah.

31
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:27,479
Tissue?

32
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,619
I think you're gonna
find that this package
is pretty sweet.

33
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,188
Why don't you take
a few and give it the old,

34
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,389
think-a-roo, huh?

35
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,562
-Thank you.
-Oh, and Rick,

36
00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,332
it's not you, it's us.

37
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:49,868
OK.

38
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:16,562
Fuck yes, yes!

39
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,498
[Eric laughing]

40
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,900
[rock music]

41
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,471
[Eric] Yeah!

42
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,507
Whoo!

43
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:38,617
[Eric vocalizing to rock music]

44
00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:52,798
I will have a pint
of your most expensive beer.

45
00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,666
[Vince] New daddy?

46
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,303
-I got laid off.
-Sorry to hear that, bro.

47
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,872
Nah, man, life's too short.

48
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:02,808
See, this is great.

49
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,810
Freedom.

50
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,612
To freedom!

51
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,256
There's a cleaners next door.

52
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:17,990
It's all good.

53
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,493
Keep the change purse.

54
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,831
[guitar strumming]

55
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,005
[lighthearted music]

56
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,763
Sori, how many actual
friends do I have?

57
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,932
[Sori]<i> You have zero friends.</i>

58
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,734
<i> I'm Sori.</i>

59
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:10,409
[foreign festive music]

60
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,783
-Hi, I need my pants.
-Yeah, ink or bodilies?

61
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,620
Number one, number two,
or number three?

62
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,725
Yo.

63
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,562
Eric mother-trucking Newman!

64
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,465
Dude, it's me.

65
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,067
Raj.

66
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,769
Patel, Raj Patel.

67
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,707
-Raj. Yeah.
-Yeah, what are you just
gonna stand there?

68
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,608
Send some fat to a ninja, man.

69
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,617
Man, what you up to?

70
00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,086
I'm in digital marketing.

71
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,389
Oh, cool, you're in porn.

72
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:59,825
-That's cool, bro, no judgment.
-No, no.

73
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,894
How about you,
this a family operation?

74
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,996
Yeah, yeah, my old man
bought the place.

75
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:08,100
The whole family works here
and I can't stand it.

76
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:12,437
-Oh, we got Vipin.
You remember the Vipster, right?
-Hi.

77
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,774
[Raj] I find a way to keep
it real digital
up in this bitch.

78
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:21,680
Real-time domain bit,
buy 500 plus tier one domains,
and boom, you're ten figging.

79
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:26,852
Ten figures, billionaring,
Billicon Valley,
Bilbo Baggin' it.

80
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:28,387
Dirk Von Dyke style, dude.

81
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:33,859
Top of the class and he doesn't
even know who D Von D is.
Vipin, come on, come on.

82
00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:37,095
What are you up to right now,
man? You want to,
you want to get a drank?

83
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:42,934
-Sure, but my pants--
-Oh yeah, whatever,
I'll get that. Vipin, pants.

84
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,004
Liquid lunch, baby.

85
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,510
What a dick.

86
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:59,818
Hey Vince, can we get two
more drinks over here?
On the tab?

87
00:07:01,155 --> 00:07:04,189
-All right.
-So, Einstein worked
at the Swiss patent office.

88
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:08,960
Guess who else did?
D Von D, but instead
of coming up with some stupid

89
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,897
theoretical shit he came up
with some real shit, man,

90
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,732
the VOIP site Jyoos.

91
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:16,635
J-Y-O-O-S, Jyoos.

92
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,871
-Jyoos.
-Mm-hmm, and now he is
in the billi club.

93
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,609
I don't remember you so
obsessed with making billions.

94
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,479
Not all of us could go to fancy
school like you over here.

95
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,949
You're actually talking
to a member of the unemployed
community right now.

96
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:35,787
Oh, shit, yeah,
that makes sense.

97
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,856
Digital marketing.

98
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,091
-You're shitcanned.
-Yeah,
thanks for the support, guy.

99
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:43,028
No, no, it's a good
thing, it's a new thing,

100
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:46,731
It's freshness, you know,
a new beginning.

101
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,567
I wish I could get shitcanned.

102
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:52,103
Dude, you were
the smartest kid in our class.

103
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,191
This should come
as natch to you.

104
00:07:56,192 --> 00:07:57,775
Like my uncle Deepak,
he sold an app for 2.4 milli.

105
00:07:58,479 --> 00:07:59,778
We could do this together.

106
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:05,083
Look, I've been looking
for like a rain man
to make it rain.

107
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:08,954
You provide the brain
and I will provide the bills.

108
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:17,496
-I have had a few ideas.
-OK, calm down there,
I see your boner, brosemite.

109
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,168
-You know what? Yeah.
-Yeah.

110
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,203
-Yeah.
-Yeah!

111
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,105
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

112
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:30,108
Oh, I just bought wetpussy.org.

113
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,810
God, I can't believe I got that.

114
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:35,080
But no, yeah
to what we're talking about!

115
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,582
To Eric Newman, our CEO.

116
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,918
To wetpussy.org.

117
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,987
-To freedom.
-To freedom!

118
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:47,025
[groovy band music]

119
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:05,911
[man] Bro.

120
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,113
Bro.

121
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:10,549
Broooo.

122
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,083
Juice me, bro.

123
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:14,653
Oh.

124
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,155
Dick Schlein, Ridickulous Media.

125
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,257
Founder, marketing champion.

126
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:24,195
Our wheelhouse
is app-based branding,
B to C, B to B, B to BBC.

127
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,698
Wish I had an app to tell
you to plug in my damn laptop.

128
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,334
-[laughing]
-Really sorry about that.

129
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,803
-I'm just dickin' with ya.
-Yeah.

130
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:35,106
No, that's my slogan,
it's on the card.
Just dickin' with ya.

131
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,042
You gonna plug it in or...

132
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,143
[Eric] Yeah, sorry.

133
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:39,978
Nutter.

134
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:53,792
-What are you doing?
-Oh, I'm just sticking
in the juice, for Dick.

135
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,860
-Do you mind?
-Yeah.

136
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,332
Sorry about that.

137
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,018
[Eric]<i> That's when I came up</i>
<i> with it. It's like </i>
<i> how many times</i>

138
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:23,154
<i>have you been in this position,</i>
<i> but like didn't have</i>
<i> a means to connect?</i>

139
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,725
See, I can actually talk
to women because that's normal.

140
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,327
Well, not everybody
has the gift.

141
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:32,130
And the app has many
different types of use cases

142
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,900
-for a lot of different things,
like for example, dating.
-OK, yeah.

143
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,403
Or conferences.

144
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:41,306
Let's just do what is
actually important

145
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,974
like figuring out the name.

146
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,311
Talkr, without an E.

147
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:50,415
Chattr, Chat.ly with a. ly.

148
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:54,285
Smel.ly with a...
oh my God, that's genius.

149
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,787
I got to buy that right now.

150
00:10:55,789 --> 00:11:00,692
-Dude, could you just
us for a second.
-Just us, Just.us.

151
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:03,428
-Dude, you are on fire.
-OK, dude, enough with the shit.

152
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,997
Shit, Pu pu.

153
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,233
P, U, P, U?

154
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,902
How old are you again?

155
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,439
-Almost 30.
-Yeah.

156
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,842
It's all about discovering
cool people around you and then

157
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,712
-eventually meeting them.
-OK, and then we track
the whole thing

158
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:24,983
-and sell their data, smart.
-Isn't that like very creepy?

159
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:29,988
Dude, the internet is
a trillion dollar peep show.
We're gonna be fine.

160
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:33,458
I told you five million times,
it's better than a dating site
'cause it could be a lot

161
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,727
of different things.
It could happen for schools,

162
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,431
and universities, and
conferences and get-togethers,
and jamborees.

163
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:44,035
Why did we come up from apes
to the things we are now?
Money.

164
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,871
What is
the monetization play, man?

165
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,340
Deep inside
if you connect the right people

166
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,977
at the right place,
at the right time, there's tons

167
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,213
to be made off of that.
It's just about unlocking it.

168
00:11:55,215 --> 00:12:00,885
-FML. Ah!
-We're not calling the app FML.

169
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,222
[Eric] So, you enter the app
and you can see all
the different people around you.

170
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:07,225
Then you can look and read
the profiles that people
are happy to post.

171
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,061
And if you like one of them
then you click on that.

172
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:14,466
And then you get to
a huge local ad unit.
Yeah, I love that.

173
00:12:14,468 --> 00:12:17,802
Fine, but then you can
start your conversation.

174
00:12:17,804 --> 00:12:21,306
OK, which we datamine
for trends, and then we sell it.

175
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:23,108
I love that even more.

176
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,309
It's not bad.

177
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,344
It's not not horrible.

178
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,480
-Good job, buddy.
-[phone buzzing]

179
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,281
Aw, crap.

180
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,317
OK, yeah, I got to go, man.

181
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,852
Old man problems.

182
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,086
Full bachelor party.

183
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,255
All bodilies.

184
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:42,093
What, that's it?
Dude, we haven't even come up
with the name of the app.

185
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,096
I will connect to you later, OK?

186
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:52,137
[chuckles] Connect2U!

187
00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,271
Yeah.

188
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:59,077
OK, fine, great,
that's our placeholder.

189
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:02,147
Or Placeholdr without an E?

190
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,483
-Connect2U is good.
-Yeah.

191
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,851
-Thanks.
-Connect2U.

192
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:16,227
-Where the hell were you?
we're on in like two minutes.
-I had a hard time getting away.

193
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,296
Let's just say Vijay thinks
I'm mid-deuce right now.

194
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,231
OK, let me take the lead on
this, cause you're not gonna

195
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,301
like this guy.
He is a total Banana Republican.

196
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:27,972
Chet, oh, buddy.

197
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,874
Right circler, dag!

198
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:33,278
-Roger, I am so jazzed.
-Yes.

199
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,446
I cannot wait
to hear about this.

200
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,582
So, why don't you guys
set up over there

201
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:38,983
and give me the spiel, OK?

202
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,353
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

203
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:47,192
[Raj rolling his lips]

204
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:54,265
Chet, let's just jazz about
a problem that we all have,

205
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:57,035
letting people know
what we really think.

206
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,171
Say you were at a coffee shop
and your barista

207
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,273
is being a total bi-otch,

208
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,443
you'd want to let other people
know about that, am I right?

209
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,047
With tech we figure out
a way to connect with people

210
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,449
across the world
but not with people

211
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,885
in the same room as us.

212
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:21,092
That's where Connect2U comes in,
so we can connect to you.

213
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,296
Connect2U is the native app
in connecting people across

214
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,966
-different mediums in real--
-I'm sorry, hold on a second.

215
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,033
Who's the guy?

216
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,404
Oh, this
is Eric Newman, our CEO.

217
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,107
-Does he speak?
-Yes.

218
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,976
So, why isn't
your CEO presenting?

219
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,511
We are contrarian.

220
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:45,450
I like it... Stealthy.

221
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:50,255
So, if I wanted to use this
to communicate with someone

222
00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:52,490
in a restaurant,
find out what the food is like.

223
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:56,094
OK, yes, great use case, man.
Great use case.

224
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,463
So, what's the monetization
play here, boys?

225
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,566
Oh, uh...

226
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:08,172
We've given thought to a unique
multi-stream business model.

227
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:13,544
Ads, ads, lots of ads,
CTC, CPA, CPWs, BBWs.

228
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:17,448
-Sorry, BBW?
-Big and beautiful women,
super loyal demo.

229
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,151
-Click-throughs for days.
-Right. [sighs]

230
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,688
So, we don't alpha
invest anymore.

231
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,524
We just let you guys run
with it, scale organically.

232
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:30,094
See, we like seeing
the app in market fostering

233
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:34,132
a more engaged user base,
so from 30,000 feet

234
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:38,703
we can figure out how
to leverage, pivot,
and really scale.

235
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,239
So, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

236
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,107
Let's get you guys
on the books for,

237
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,976
what is it now, October?

238
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,412
Let's, I don't know,
come back around in April, OK?

239
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,280
Ping us, I got to bio break.

240
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,082
Guys, a thrill.

241
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:56,154
[chuckles]
OK, great seeing you, Chet,
we'll play golf some time.

242
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,558
Dude, we killed that.

243
00:16:00,559 --> 00:16:01,658
-[Raj] So?
-So, I just spent months working

244
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:05,263
on this on spec with enough
of my savings giving it all up

245
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,166
for this big chance you kept
playing up to which you
showed up fashionably late

246
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:10,001
and didn't even let me
get a word in edge-wise,

247
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,603
all to find out that
your big connection is thrilled.

248
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,307
OK, look, I don't have
time to argue.
Just appreciate the moment.

249
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,444
-Yeah, appreciate your job.
At least you get to keep yours.
-Whoa, whoa, hey,

250
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,747
who are we kidding, man?
We're killing ourselves
every day when we're not doing

251
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,483
-what we love.
-Love? All you want
to do is flip shit.

252
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,653
Yeah, and I love it. So, I said
that you could sell early,

253
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,421
wishful thinking.

254
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,527
Look, just say the word and I
will go full-time with you.

255
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,429
I'll hand in
my pink slip to Vij.

256
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,999
-No more running around.
-Really?

257
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:45,303
So, we're both gonna work
full-time on something
that pays nothing.

258
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:49,707
-How, pray tell,
shall we fund said expedition?
-Don't ask me, I'm second G.

259
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,276
Yeah, well,
Chet was our only shot.

260
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:55,680
No, no, there are plenty
of fish in the VC sea.

261
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,149
Besides, he's right,
why give up on such a big part

262
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,351
of the dream so early,
it's just money.

263
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,554
-Yeah, small detail.
-Look, we need to cut costs.

264
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,289
The Vipper will have
a good idea.

265
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,261
-[Lena] Hi, sweetheart.
-[Eric] Hi.

266
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,263
It is so good
that my baby's back home.

267
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,732
Oh, here, now,
let me help you with this.

268
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,068
-[Eric] It's OK, it's fine.
-OK, let me take this then.

269
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,170
No, it's fine,
please just don't take-- ow!

270
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,639
Jeffrey, we could use
some help in here please.

271
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,274
[Eric] Ma, shit.

272
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,546
Fuck.

273
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:50,501
So, what's the story,
you get fired?

274
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,537
Lay offs, it's nothing about me.

275
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:57,408
-I mean,
if you're adding value--
-Jeffrey, don't start.

276
00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,378
Look, he dabbles from job
to job. He has no idea
what he wants to do.

277
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,514
I do know what I want to do,
I have a project.

278
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:07,085
It's a business actually.
Actually, I'm the CEO
of a business.

279
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:11,756
Oh. See, that's pretty
straightforward, Jeffrey, hmm?

280
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,325
Sounds very exciting.

281
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,394
All right,
Mr. Chief Executive Officer,

282
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,663
what exactly are you executing?

283
00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,098
Remember Raj from the cleaners?

284
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,366
-Oh my, Raj.
-[scoffs]

285
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,336
Didn't his parents buy
the strip mall cleaners?

286
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:28,239
-[Vijay] Who do you think
you are?
-I'm sick of working

287
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:31,809
-in stain removal.
-I worked for my father
for years, boy.

288
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:36,380
Boy. Look, maybe if you didn't
treat me like a boy
you'd see I'm a man.

289
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:41,119
Oh, well, maybe as a man
you can pay
your fair share of the rent.

290
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,454
No, I'm not gonna do
that 'cause I'm not gonna

291
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,889
live here anymore.

292
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,327
I'm leaving, just
like Uncle Deepak.

293
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,728
Don't you mention that D.

294
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,530
[Lena] How are they doing?

295
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:58,336
They're doing great.
Anyways, Raj is working for me,

296
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:01,539
-with me, on an app.
-[mouthing] App.

297
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:04,876
Well, you know what D Von D
says about rock bottom, right?

298
00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:07,445
-Let me guess, liquid brunch?
-No.

299
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:11,449
Look, don't think about it
as shit hitting the fan.

300
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:14,452
Think about it as spreading
fertilizer in the soil

301
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,586
of your mind.

302
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,823
That's some deep shit, brother.

303
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,193
We can only go up from here,
you'll see.

304
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,428
Yeah, literally.
[claps]

305
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:27,899
[upbeat music]

306
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,487
I'm looking for a new challenge.

307
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:50,755
An amazing opportunity.

308
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,624
I'm really a people person.

309
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,427
Yeah, we'll circle back.

310
00:19:56,429 --> 00:20:00,364
-When do my options vest?
-You and us isn't
gonna work out.

311
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,700
Oh, OK, I like that you
put that you're artistic.

312
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,535
That's a U.

313
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,838
Oh, OK, I am so sorry.

314
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,941
Did you guys want
to order something?

315
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,944
I'm looking for something
a little more conventional.

316
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:16,347
-Do you even have a social?
-No, but I could hack one.

317
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,549
We'll get back
to your legal guardian.

318
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,418
You guys are amateurs.

319
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,358
Hey, are you guys interviewing
for some sort of startup?

320
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,793
-[Raj] Roger.
-Jeanine.

321
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,929
-That's my name, too, Roger.
-Oh... Cool.

322
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,931
I'm Eric. [gulps]

323
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,399
Hey.

324
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:39,303
How can you help us
help you help us?

325
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,540
Well, I project manage,
design, illustrate,

326
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,508
and have access
to some programmers, if you guys

327
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:45,943
are looking
for that sort of thing.

328
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,913
Do you know what we do here?

329
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,316
Uh, by the looks of it,
not much, but I get it.

330
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:55,319
You're grassroots, two guys
with a germ of a good idea

331
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:57,655
and no money. What you need
is someone like me,

332
00:20:57,657 --> 00:21:01,659
someone who can put
a solid team together
so you can do what you do.

333
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,032
Yeah, OK, we're actually going
to have to mull this over.

334
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:11,269
But, thank you.
Thank you so much.

335
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,436
Cool, yeah.

336
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,575
Other than trying to look cool
is there any reason we're not

337
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:19,810
begging her on our
hands and knees right now?

338
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,882
-No.
-OK.

339
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,283
Welcome, everyone,
to the future.

340
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:28,052
Many years ago I met
this young man, Raj,

341
00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:30,688
AKA, Rajinder, AKA, Roger.

342
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:33,524
We were high school buds,
but went our own ways,

343
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:37,361
me to a shitty big business,
him to a shitty small one.

344
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:40,865
But we had a crazy idea
about an app that brings people

345
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:43,734
together in a cold
and distant world.

346
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:49,907
It's a little bit intimate
here, but if you're with us

347
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:51,709
you're here to fight
in the trenches.

348
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,544
You don't want to be
a cog in the system.

349
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,913
You're anti-authoritarian
and damn proud.

350
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:58,649
[clapping]

351
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:01,986
He's not with us, by the way.

352
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,656
So, who here is ready
for adventure?

353
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,692
I'm here because of Jeanine.

354
00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:09,393
Ditto.

355
00:22:09,395 --> 00:22:10,494
Or that, yep.

356
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,931
Is the app responsive or hybrid?

357
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,670
I would say all the above.

358
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,706
OK, hybrid is all the above.

359
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:24,875
Boom. Rockstar.

360
00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:30,081
Your resource projections
are understated.

361
00:22:30,083 --> 00:22:34,085
Just working on your budget and
work back plan here to a six-
month launch, and<i> voilà.</i>

362
00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:36,987
That gets you an MVP.

363
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,622
I already am an MVP, so.

364
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:41,559
She means
minimum viable product.

365
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,997
Ahem, hey, Raj, bio break?

366
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:48,666
Yeah, go.

367
00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:49,633
Together?

368
00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:56,841
-What's up?
-We're screwed. I thought we'd
get by living like schleppers,

369
00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:58,476
getting
a couple low-budget employees.

370
00:22:58,478 --> 00:23:01,045
Yeah, that's why
we need cash flow, bro.

371
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:02,646
Look, you're CEO.

372
00:23:02,648 --> 00:23:03,581
Hustle, playa.

373
00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:09,754
Connect2U is the app
to connect you
to potential loved ones.

374
00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:12,056
God, this sounds
like an app for a funeral home.

375
00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,859
I like what you're trying
to get at,
but it's a bit static,

376
00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:18,996
-kind of like
a private email service.
-Yes, OK, that, that's my point.

377
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:22,600
Which makes no sense when it's
for getting people to talk to
each other in real life.

378
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:25,936
-That's my point.
-Everything about
the design should get people

379
00:23:25,938 --> 00:23:27,538
to meet up in person.

380
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,174
OK, you're talking
about getting game.

381
00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:33,577
-Gamification.
-OK.

382
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:38,616
Connect2U is the app
to connect you
to potential loved ones.

383
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:43,421
God, you have like no
confidence. Who did this to you?

384
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:47,024
Make it fun for people
to get to know each other
through the app.

385
00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:49,760
Sure, it's just this
isn't really a video game.

386
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:54,131
It's about developing
long-lasting friendships.

387
00:23:54,133 --> 00:23:57,968
But I like the thinking
a lot, keep it up.

388
00:24:01,908 --> 00:24:03,107
[Raj snickering]

389
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:05,009
The market for connecting people

390
00:24:05,011 --> 00:24:07,678
is valued at over $500 billion,

391
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,815
and no one
can do it quite like Connect2U.

392
00:24:11,918 --> 00:24:14,652
[upbeat music]

393
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,252
Thanks, Mr. Newman.

394
00:24:51,491 --> 00:24:54,124
So, following the critical
path we're just gonna make

395
00:24:54,126 --> 00:24:56,861
a bare bones MVP
for your phase one launch.

396
00:24:56,863 --> 00:24:58,095
Hmm.

397
00:24:58,097 --> 00:24:59,230
Do you like Jeanine?

398
00:24:59,232 --> 00:25:04,235
Yeah, she's like a super
fast worker, she's awesome.

399
00:25:04,237 --> 00:25:07,638
No. Do you like Jeanine?

400
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,841
Where'd you get that sweet
Gantt spreadsheet template?

401
00:25:10,843 --> 00:25:13,878
-Oh, I just whipped this up.
-What?

402
00:25:14,146 --> 00:25:16,113
God, dude, you have
such a crush.

403
00:25:16,115 --> 00:25:17,748
You put in all those macros?

404
00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,517
Where did you learn
how to do that?

405
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,886
You should be honest
and just ask her out.

406
00:25:21,888 --> 00:25:23,754
[chuckling] Are you kidding me?

407
00:25:23,756 --> 00:25:27,057
Dude, that's like completely
against HR policy.

408
00:25:27,059 --> 00:25:29,927
HR policy, we work at a café!

409
00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:32,963
Confession,
I'm an Excel fetishist.

410
00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:36,400
Get out.

411
00:25:36,401 --> 00:25:37,934
I love Excel, I wish I could
like SUMIF my entire life.

412
00:25:38,271 --> 00:25:41,171
Right? Can I VLOOKUP yours?

413
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:42,907
Oh my goodness.

414
00:25:42,909 --> 00:25:45,042
[laughing]

415
00:25:45,044 --> 00:25:47,011
You have serious dorkitude.

416
00:25:52,118 --> 00:25:55,319
Chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug.

417
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:58,255
Yeah, buddy, chug,
chug, chug, chug.

418
00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:03,894
Oh, last line of code, bitches!
Action it, action.

419
00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:05,796
[Raj] Can you believe
that we did it, broski?

420
00:26:05,798 --> 00:26:08,632
[chuckles] We made a damn app.

421
00:26:08,634 --> 00:26:13,037
We came up with an idea, we made
crazy sacrifices, and boom.

422
00:26:13,039 --> 00:26:14,672
Launch time.

423
00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:16,206
Come on, don't leave me hanging.

424
00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:27,685
Fearless leaders.
This ceremony is to commemorate
the birth of Connect2U.

425
00:26:28,154 --> 00:26:32,189
But before we launch in,
a little birthday present.

426
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:35,626
Using my magic
I was able to score us

427
00:26:35,628 --> 00:26:37,895
an exclusive preview from...

428
00:26:37,897 --> 00:26:40,064
[drumming on table]

429
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:43,968
Sierra Miller coming tomorrow
for an in-person interview!

430
00:26:43,970 --> 00:26:46,804
[clapping]

431
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:52,209
Obviously you guys
don't know who Sierra Miller is.

432
00:26:52,878 --> 00:26:56,981
-She's only the most influential
East Coast tech blogger going.
-Yeah, I mean, she hosts

433
00:26:56,983 --> 00:27:00,718
-the Techies, the Geekies,
and the Dweebies every year.
-Every year.

434
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,954
And she can get thousands
of downloads with a finger snap.

435
00:27:03,956 --> 00:27:07,858
-Boom.
-But enough banter, ship it!

436
00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:10,294
-OK. Yeah.
-Let's do this.

437
00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:16,200
Ah, I see you.

438
00:27:16,202 --> 00:27:17,735
Oh, I see you.

439
00:27:17,737 --> 00:27:19,303
Yeah!

440
00:27:19,639 --> 00:27:20,738
Yeah.

441
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:27,311
-I just lost you.
-This thing just froze,
it just, it just froze.

442
00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:32,716
Sorry, there's no back
button in the chat space.

443
00:27:32,718 --> 00:27:36,220
Bugs are to be expected when
you code at the last second.

444
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:40,324
Yeah, I know, it's just we,
now we have like
an interview tomorrow.

445
00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:43,127
Because I hauled ass to get
it since that's what you wanted.

446
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:46,797
-[Eric] I'm not blaming you--
-OK, look, my whole phone
just froze, what?

447
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:47,931
OK.

448
00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:51,869
[man] Yeah, it's... No.

449
00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:53,303
Great.

450
00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:02,813
Oh my God, every time we
fix a bug another pops up.

451
00:28:02,815 --> 00:28:08,919
Bugs are bugs, guys.
What's important now is who
you are and why you made this.

452
00:28:09,422 --> 00:28:10,354
Yeah.

453
00:28:10,456 --> 00:28:13,223
Eric, are you OK?

454
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:15,693
Not really.

455
00:28:25,404 --> 00:28:28,706
-[door unlatching]
-[suspenseful music]

456
00:28:28,708 --> 00:28:31,241
[both mumbling]

457
00:28:31,243 --> 00:28:32,476
[stuttering] Close that.

458
00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:39,450
Stupid.

459
00:28:39,452 --> 00:28:41,985
Eric, this is Sierra.

460
00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:53,464
Going to scooch.

461
00:28:57,169 --> 00:29:00,337
So, Connect2U, that's cute.

462
00:29:01,307 --> 00:29:03,440
So, take me to the moment
you thought this thing up.

463
00:29:03,976 --> 00:29:08,479
Um, yeah, it was about three
or four months ago.

464
00:29:08,481 --> 00:29:10,481
So, you don't remember
when or where

465
00:29:10,483 --> 00:29:12,382
or why you created this?

466
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,518
No, I do, I'm just--

467
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,887
You don't talk very
much for a CEO.

468
00:29:17,356 --> 00:29:20,023
-[phone vibrating]
-OK, well, if you don't
have much to say,

469
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:22,126
I can at least take
a look at your app.

470
00:29:27,199 --> 00:29:30,968
"Ah, dude, just relax and
picture her naked, she's hot."

471
00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:34,872
App isn't loading, does
anybody else have it loaded?

472
00:29:34,874 --> 00:29:35,806
Yep.

473
00:29:39,779 --> 00:29:43,547
So, how is it any different
from RoomFriender, HubChat?

474
00:29:44,483 --> 00:29:45,949
What's your differentiator?

475
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:50,020
Well, I haven't heard
of those other ones.

476
00:29:50,022 --> 00:29:51,321
Of course not, skippy.

477
00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:54,992
-All right.
-Thank you.

478
00:29:57,229 --> 00:30:00,097
Hey, Sierra,
thank you so much for coming.

479
00:30:00,099 --> 00:30:02,266
Maybe we're just not quite
ready for a discussion.

480
00:30:02,268 --> 00:30:04,802
Oh, you're definitely
ready for discussion.

481
00:30:04,804 --> 00:30:05,936
Word of advice.

482
00:30:06,505 --> 00:30:08,071
You're better than this.

483
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:12,042
Sierra, I loved
your piece on accelerators.

484
00:30:12,044 --> 00:30:15,279
It was bang on.
Listen, I'm developing
a safe space for white men

485
00:30:15,281 --> 00:30:17,447
on the internet,
and I thought you--

486
00:30:17,449 --> 00:30:19,983
Hey, man, you're going
to call me crazy,

487
00:30:19,985 --> 00:30:22,119
but, I think she was into you.

488
00:30:22,121 --> 00:30:23,954
Registered on the old Rajdar.

489
00:30:24,557 --> 00:30:27,925
Did you hear her? She's right.
This is the stupidest idea

490
00:30:27,927 --> 00:30:30,994
in the history of like ideation.

491
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:35,532
OK, we're two idiots thousands
of miles from Silicon Valley,

492
00:30:35,534 --> 00:30:38,468
reverse engineering some
half-baked idea and giving up

493
00:30:38,470 --> 00:30:42,206
our lives and careers
and families
for some stupid dream

494
00:30:42,208 --> 00:30:44,107
that like never happens.

495
00:30:45,544 --> 00:30:47,611
-At least you got a girlfriend.
-She's not--

496
00:30:48,214 --> 00:30:50,380
Look, this slope is like
way too slippery.

497
00:30:51,116 --> 00:30:53,984
-Someone's got to put
an official sock.
-Wait, what, no, no.

498
00:30:53,986 --> 00:30:56,887
What are you doing?
This whole thing is ghetto.

499
00:30:56,889 --> 00:31:00,190
What we need to do
is raise capital so we can
get it done right.

500
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,061
Clearly I'm not
the guy for that.

501
00:31:06,131 --> 00:31:07,064
What?

502
00:31:07,333 --> 00:31:08,398
Dude.

503
00:31:10,069 --> 00:31:12,135
Fine, fine, I'll do it.

504
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,474
Sori, text Raj, thanks
for filling in today.

505
00:31:17,943 --> 00:31:19,610
I'm gonna send them
the bad news tomorrow.

506
00:31:21,413 --> 00:31:25,015
And for sanity's sake
it's best if you moved out ASAP.

507
00:31:26,151 --> 00:31:27,351
Send.

508
00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:29,086
[Sori]<i> Sent to Raj, I'm Sori.</i>

509
00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:46,103
[Raj] This is
a once in a lifetime
investment opportunity.

510
00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:48,372
Your seed keeps the lights on.

511
00:31:48,374 --> 00:31:52,009
Get in on the ground floor now,
enjoy the penthouse later.

512
00:31:52,011 --> 00:31:54,411
OK, how about philanthropy then?

513
00:31:54,413 --> 00:31:56,413
Please, please!

514
00:31:56,415 --> 00:31:59,149
What did I ever do to you, man,
come on!

515
00:32:02,521 --> 00:32:04,554
[automated voice]
<i> Auto-dictate on.</i>

516
00:32:04,556 --> 00:32:06,590
<i> Roger, Connect2U is not</i>
<i> a good fit at this time.</i>

517
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:09,159
<i> But good news, I can</i>
<i> offer you a 25% discount</i>

518
00:32:09,161 --> 00:32:11,161
<i> to our Startup Olympics</i>
<i> with code Rockstar.</i>

519
00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:13,130
<i>Thrilled as fuck, regards, Chet!</i>

520
00:32:16,035 --> 00:32:16,967
Ow!

521
00:32:21,307 --> 00:32:23,440
-[door bell ringing]
-[door opening]

522
00:32:23,442 --> 00:32:25,342
-[Lena] Hello.
-Hi.

523
00:32:25,344 --> 00:32:26,576
[Lena] Are you selling cookies?

524
00:32:27,379 --> 00:32:31,248
[upbeat dance music]

525
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:32,983
Eric?

526
00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:35,986
Eric?

527
00:32:37,489 --> 00:32:38,655
Eric?

528
00:32:38,657 --> 00:32:41,191
[Jeanine] Oh, my God! Jesus!

529
00:32:41,193 --> 00:32:42,659
Holy moly.

530
00:32:43,729 --> 00:32:46,363
Oh, my God. [laughing]

531
00:32:46,365 --> 00:32:48,332
Um, yeah.

532
00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:50,300
-[Eric] Oh, God.
-OK.

533
00:32:50,302 --> 00:32:54,271
-Oh, wow, yeah.
-I'm sorry.

534
00:32:54,273 --> 00:32:58,008
Let me slip into something
a bit more clothey.

535
00:32:58,010 --> 00:33:02,012
-Mm-hmm Your mom made me bring
you some cookies.
-[Eric] I figured as much.

536
00:33:02,748 --> 00:33:05,649
Uh, yeah, no, don't go in there.

537
00:33:05,651 --> 00:33:07,718
Am I about to find your stash?

538
00:33:09,288 --> 00:33:12,022
Oh, my God, you're a musician.

539
00:33:12,024 --> 00:33:13,623
I'm a hobbyist.

540
00:33:14,226 --> 00:33:17,194
Like real musicians
have careers, me, no.

541
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:18,595
Play me a song.

542
00:33:18,597 --> 00:33:24,468
-I don't do songs.
-OK, play me a thing,
I won't judge you.

543
00:33:24,737 --> 00:33:27,270
Have I ever judged you,
out loud?

544
00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:31,675
OK, fine, here's a groove.

545
00:33:31,677 --> 00:33:32,609
[laughs] OK.

546
00:33:36,015 --> 00:33:37,247
-[Eric] Awkward.
-Exciting.

547
00:33:38,183 --> 00:33:41,485
[bluesy guitar music]

548
00:33:51,764 --> 00:33:54,564
[drums playing]

549
00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:59,503
[bluesy band music]

550
00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:21,224
Groove.

551
00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:25,495
You know what you are?

552
00:34:26,498 --> 00:34:28,765
A renaissance man child.

553
00:34:28,767 --> 00:34:31,201
-Like a shitty da Vinci?
-No.

554
00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:36,139
Your mind is capable of a lot,
but your heart is in music.

555
00:34:37,443 --> 00:34:39,309
It's what you should be doing,
I can see that.

556
00:34:39,311 --> 00:34:43,480
Where am I gonna find
the time to start making--
OK, don't answer that.

557
00:34:43,482 --> 00:34:45,515
-You know what you need?
-[Eric] Hmm?

558
00:34:45,517 --> 00:34:48,185
-ShitKicker.
-Like crowd funding?

559
00:34:48,187 --> 00:34:51,188
It's the best way to hold
you to your passion project.
I'm filming.

560
00:34:51,190 --> 00:34:53,757
<i> -Don't do that.</i>
-Too late,
it's recording, start.

561
00:34:53,759 --> 00:34:56,860
<i> Hi, I'm Eric Newman.</i>

562
00:34:57,496 --> 00:35:01,298
<i> I'm a failed analyst,</i>
<i> entrepreneur, and musician.</i>

563
00:35:02,167 --> 00:35:08,672
<i> But my colleague here</i>
<i> has suggested that I kick</i>
<i> my own proverbial shit.</i>

564
00:35:09,241 --> 00:35:13,176
<i>So please support me in becoming</i>
<i> a professional musician</i>

565
00:35:13,178 --> 00:35:17,114
<i> so that I don't at least die</i>
<i> full of festering regret.</i>

566
00:35:17,116 --> 00:35:21,118
<i> Yours truly,</i>
<i> Eric Newman, esquire.</i>

567
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:22,152
What?

568
00:35:22,154 --> 00:35:23,720
<i> Stop it.</i>

569
00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:24,688
<i> Stop it!</i>

570
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:25,822
No, no, no!

571
00:35:27,860 --> 00:35:29,259
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

572
00:35:30,262 --> 00:35:31,261
I got you something.

573
00:35:31,864 --> 00:35:33,697
[Eric] You shouldn't have?

574
00:35:34,466 --> 00:35:37,534
I know, but I couldn't resist.

575
00:35:40,272 --> 00:35:42,239
This is so you sleep
better at night.

576
00:35:43,609 --> 00:35:45,308
A spreadsheet bed sheet?

577
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:47,244
Dorkitude?

578
00:35:47,246 --> 00:35:48,778
Get out.

579
00:35:50,749 --> 00:35:53,216
I silk screen, it's no big deal.

580
00:35:53,886 --> 00:35:55,619
Shall we product test it?

581
00:35:56,622 --> 00:35:57,888
-[Jeanine] Ha!
-Whoa.

582
00:36:00,159 --> 00:36:01,725
Yep, this is awesome.

583
00:36:02,194 --> 00:36:04,794
OK, can you wake
me up in like 20?

584
00:36:08,901 --> 00:36:10,800
I have a thing tomorrow.

585
00:36:38,297 --> 00:36:39,596
[sighing]

586
00:36:40,866 --> 00:36:42,832
[laughing]

587
00:36:45,504 --> 00:36:48,305
To never working
at my dad's cleaners again!

588
00:36:48,607 --> 00:36:49,573
Yeah!

589
00:36:51,476 --> 00:36:53,877
[rock music]

590
00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:27,911
All right, let's begin. Eric,
what are three words you would
use to describe yourself?

591
00:37:32,618 --> 00:37:35,619
Well, I would say loyal
because I like to stick

592
00:37:35,621 --> 00:37:38,555
with those that give
me an opportunity.

593
00:37:40,392 --> 00:37:44,027
And I'd also go with dedicated
because once I'm on a set path,

594
00:37:44,029 --> 00:37:47,664
I like to finish
what I've gotten started.

595
00:37:59,278 --> 00:38:00,777
So, you only have two words?

596
00:38:05,984 --> 00:38:10,287
I'd also go with gangsta
'cause that's how I roll.

597
00:38:12,424 --> 00:38:13,556
Gangsta.

598
00:38:14,793 --> 00:38:18,995
G-A-N-G-S-T-A?

599
00:38:19,398 --> 00:38:20,497
Yes.

600
00:38:20,499 --> 00:38:21,665
OK.

601
00:38:23,402 --> 00:38:25,435
What do you think is
your biggest weakness?

602
00:38:25,437 --> 00:38:27,570
I think I would go with opioids.

603
00:38:29,841 --> 00:38:32,776
-Opioids.
-This is very fun.

604
00:38:32,778 --> 00:38:36,646
Share an example
of how you were able
to motivate co-workers.

605
00:38:36,648 --> 00:38:40,583
-Blackmail.
-How do you handle a challenge?
-I just give up.

606
00:38:40,585 --> 00:38:43,653
-Did you ever
not meet your goals?
-Well, I am here, right?

607
00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:46,956
How have you handled
a difficult situation
with a supervisor?

608
00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,925
-Scotch.
-With another department?

609
00:38:48,927 --> 00:38:50,727
-Tequila.
-With a client or vendor?

610
00:38:50,729 --> 00:38:52,495
-Wine.
-With a boss?

611
00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:55,832
Craft beer, or caffeine.
Liquid lunch, baby.

612
00:38:55,834 --> 00:39:00,036
This is the most unprofessional
interview I have ever done.

613
00:39:00,038 --> 00:39:02,472
No, you are doing great.

614
00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:04,874
But listen, I have a thing so...

615
00:39:04,876 --> 00:39:08,011
[upbeat electronic music]

616
00:39:11,049 --> 00:39:14,751
-So now, you gonna tell me?
-I don't know, man,
it's kind of embarrassing.

617
00:39:14,753 --> 00:39:19,756
-Embarrassing?
-Look, I knocked on every door
I knew, but no juice.

618
00:39:20,092 --> 00:39:24,961
So, in my lowest state I was
gonna go back to the Vij
when, I got some of that D.

619
00:39:24,963 --> 00:39:26,996
-Excuse me?
-Uncle Deepak?

620
00:39:26,998 --> 00:39:29,366
-Ah.
-I told him the sitch,
and he said he'd support me.

621
00:39:29,368 --> 00:39:32,635
-And he has that kind of money?
-He is a serial entrepreneur.

622
00:39:32,637 --> 00:39:34,404
He sold a couple patents.

623
00:39:34,406 --> 00:39:35,772
I just never knew
about it because him

624
00:39:35,774 --> 00:39:37,374
and the V-Man don't talk.

625
00:39:37,376 --> 00:39:38,942
You know, don't ask, don't tell.

626
00:39:40,078 --> 00:39:42,579
-Hey, a toast.
-I got this.

627
00:39:42,581 --> 00:39:45,715
To Raj, we don't know
how you do what you do.

628
00:39:45,717 --> 00:39:47,784
We don't want to know,
but keep doing it.

629
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:49,486
And to liquid lunch!

630
00:39:49,488 --> 00:39:51,020
[employees] To liquid lunch!

631
00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:52,722
DJ!

632
00:39:53,525 --> 00:39:56,826
[party blowers sounding]

633
00:39:56,828 --> 00:40:01,698
[employees]<i> Go Raj,</i>
<i> go Eric, go Raj, go Eric.</i>

634
00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:05,702
-Welcome to Connect2U HQ!
-Yeah.

635
00:40:05,704 --> 00:40:07,937
[cheering]

636
00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:10,473
We are no longer ghetto, folks.

637
00:40:10,475 --> 00:40:12,041
We got a new look.

638
00:40:12,043 --> 00:40:14,144
Speaking of which, uh, bam!

639
00:40:14,146 --> 00:40:16,946
Meet your new boss, Roger Patel.

640
00:40:16,948 --> 00:40:18,047
Hey, pass these around.

641
00:40:18,150 --> 00:40:20,617
-[horns]
-[crowd applauding]

642
00:40:20,619 --> 00:40:25,989
We are starting a fresh,
EG, augmented reality!

643
00:40:25,991 --> 00:40:27,824
[clapping]

644
00:40:27,826 --> 00:40:30,927
It's just a huge market
waiting to be tapped.

645
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:34,197
From now on, Connect2U
is gonna connect you

646
00:40:34,199 --> 00:40:38,034
through roaming avatars
anytime, anywhere.

647
00:40:38,036 --> 00:40:41,438
Free range, baby!
But how are we gonna do this?

648
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:46,009
Is it gonna be hard? No,
because we got a kick ass team,

649
00:40:46,011 --> 00:40:49,546
starting with my co-founder
Eric Newman,

650
00:40:49,548 --> 00:40:51,681
our Chief Technology Officer.

651
00:40:51,683 --> 00:40:53,583
Give it up, give it up!

652
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:56,553
With increased growth comes
increased responsibility.

653
00:40:56,555 --> 00:40:58,521
I'm talking promos, yo.

654
00:40:58,523 --> 00:41:01,491
Guess who's getting,
it's my girl, Jeanine Genet,

655
00:41:01,493 --> 00:41:03,760
Chief Product Officer!

656
00:41:03,962 --> 00:41:05,495
-[horns]
-[loud cheering]

657
00:41:05,497 --> 00:41:07,664
For now, let's enjoy Connect20,

658
00:41:07,666 --> 00:41:09,599
our employee engagement
initiative.

659
00:41:09,601 --> 00:41:11,568
Just jot down and journal
for the next 20.

660
00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:13,736
Get down with the downtime.

661
00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:15,205
DJ, spin that shit.

662
00:41:16,041 --> 00:41:17,540
<i> ¶ Turn it up ¶</i>

663
00:41:19,911 --> 00:41:23,079
-What are you doing?
-Making us a billi.

664
00:41:23,081 --> 00:41:26,049
[chuckles]
I'm just a little bit surprised
to find that you flipped

665
00:41:26,051 --> 00:41:28,818
my idea so that now
it's totally unrecognizable.

666
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:31,921
-It's an augmentation, Eric.
-You're buying this too?

667
00:41:31,923 --> 00:41:34,524
Don't hate the player,
hate the gamification.

668
00:41:34,526 --> 00:41:37,627
See, while you were busy giving
the man the reach around,

669
00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:39,729
I raised a shitload
of<i> das capital.</i>

670
00:41:40,198 --> 00:41:42,899
So now, I lead and you play CTO.

671
00:41:42,901 --> 00:41:45,068
I don't know the first
thing about being CTO.

672
00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:47,937
You didn't know the first thing
about tech either.
But look at you,

673
00:41:47,939 --> 00:41:50,073
you are
a co-founder on Crackbase.

674
00:41:51,109 --> 00:41:52,509
That's a naked woman.

675
00:41:53,144 --> 00:41:54,077
Illustrative.

676
00:41:54,079 --> 00:41:57,280
If you'll excuse me,
it's executive order time.

677
00:41:59,684 --> 00:42:02,218
[upbeat music]

678
00:42:09,961 --> 00:42:12,161
But I thought this was
a convertible loan, Eric?

679
00:42:12,163 --> 00:42:14,230
I thought I could get
a chance to invest if I want.

680
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:16,699
Eric?

681
00:42:17,602 --> 00:42:18,635
Eric!

682
00:42:18,637 --> 00:42:21,070
[Raj] Oh, Chet.

683
00:42:21,072 --> 00:42:23,806
We're actually
at an eight figgy valuation now,

684
00:42:23,808 --> 00:42:27,810
so why don't you try
circling back, huh?

685
00:42:27,812 --> 00:42:30,547
OK, great, reach around, bud,
peace out.

686
00:42:30,549 --> 00:42:31,714
Yeah, click douche.

687
00:42:31,716 --> 00:42:32,749
[laughing]

688
00:42:32,751 --> 00:42:34,083
[Raj] That felt good.

689
00:42:35,554 --> 00:42:37,854
[upbeat music]

690
00:42:47,766 --> 00:42:48,731
Thoughts?

691
00:42:48,733 --> 00:42:51,134
What are you saying?
I look like a turtle?

692
00:42:51,136 --> 00:42:53,770
-Pretty much.
-Thanks.

693
00:42:53,772 --> 00:42:56,906
I'm saying it takes you
a while, but slowly and steadily

694
00:42:56,908 --> 00:42:59,042
-you win the race.
-Ah.

695
00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,977
And you hide under a hard shell,

696
00:43:00,979 --> 00:43:04,280
but underneath it all
you're just a green softy.

697
00:43:04,983 --> 00:43:06,249
And, who are you?

698
00:43:07,352 --> 00:43:10,920
You mean hoo am I?

699
00:43:10,922 --> 00:43:13,289
[laughing]

700
00:43:14,859 --> 00:43:17,627
Identity protection
and anonymity come down

701
00:43:17,629 --> 00:43:19,963
to some level of encryption.

702
00:43:19,965 --> 00:43:24,901
Connect2U will use
256 bit level encryption...

703
00:43:24,903 --> 00:43:28,371
[whispering] It sounds
brilliant, but I really
don't understand any of it.

704
00:43:28,373 --> 00:43:32,141
-Ella's a PhD in cryptography.
-Wow, you really scored us one.

705
00:43:32,711 --> 00:43:37,814
-You kidding, you give a PhD
a job they'll suck your dick.
-No words.

706
00:43:37,916 --> 00:43:40,116
[Raj] Oh, God, that's good.

707
00:43:41,820 --> 00:43:44,354
Hey,
this is Roger Patel here, CEO.

708
00:43:44,356 --> 00:43:47,991
Just doing my series B round
for Connect2U.

709
00:43:47,993 --> 00:43:50,193
This thing is about to pop.

710
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:52,996
-[bones cracking]
-Yeah, just did.

711
00:43:54,332 --> 00:43:56,966
OK, ping me
when you're next avail, OK?

712
00:43:56,968 --> 00:43:58,968
Talk some equity, peace.

713
00:44:00,105 --> 00:44:03,840
Bottom line, every single
Connect2U interaction

714
00:44:03,842 --> 00:44:09,145
is completely anonymous
with like no digital trace.

715
00:44:09,147 --> 00:44:12,749
Yeah, buddy,
you got that privacy
that you wanted so badly.

716
00:44:12,751 --> 00:44:15,885
Sorry to interrupt your tales
from the crypt, but we're good

717
00:44:15,887 --> 00:44:18,388
to go on liquid lunch Tuesdays.

718
00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:21,924
I poached Barista Jesus.

719
00:44:21,926 --> 00:44:23,660
Come to me.

720
00:44:23,662 --> 00:44:25,695
[Eric] We were
in the middle of a like--

721
00:44:25,697 --> 00:44:28,131
Hey, it's team building,<i> amigo.</i>

722
00:44:28,133 --> 00:44:31,134
Which reminds me, please,
guys, do not forget

723
00:44:31,136 --> 00:44:34,671
Connect2Yoki tonight,
bring your<i> significantes.</i>

724
00:44:34,673 --> 00:44:37,040
-[phone ringing]
-This is Raj.

725
00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,710
Reggie, yeah,
I just wanted to go over
the ad platform with you.

726
00:44:41,079 --> 00:44:43,413
So now, we have an ad platform?

727
00:44:44,215 --> 00:44:46,182
I did not get the memo either.

728
00:44:50,388 --> 00:44:51,721
Yeah.

729
00:44:51,722 --> 00:44:53,055
-[Eric] Yeah, I see you.
-And I see you.

730
00:44:53,058 --> 00:44:56,092
-[chuckling] I'm getting good
at this, huh?
-[Jeanine] I'm very impressed.

731
00:44:56,695 --> 00:44:58,394
Yeah, but I still can't
see the treasure chest.

732
00:44:58,997 --> 00:45:00,263
-Get closer.
-I am.

733
00:45:02,233 --> 00:45:05,268
[Eric] Wait, oh,
I see it, I see it.

734
00:45:05,270 --> 00:45:06,769
[Jeanine] OK, now what?

735
00:45:08,473 --> 00:45:10,273
[Eric] I'm supposed
to open it, right?

736
00:45:11,109 --> 00:45:12,775
-I swipe up?
-[Jeanine] Yeah.

737
00:45:13,278 --> 00:45:16,112
OK, let me, trying this.

738
00:45:17,716 --> 00:45:19,148
-[Jeanine] Closer.
-[Eric] OK.

739
00:45:20,285 --> 00:45:22,085
I'm swiping, and it's not...

740
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:25,488
Ah-ha! Got it.

741
00:45:25,490 --> 00:45:27,457
[Jeanine] You see?
You see how awesome that is?

742
00:45:27,459 --> 00:45:28,858
[Eric] That's a rush.

743
00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:31,461
[Jeanine] Did you
see your prize?

744
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:32,829
[Eric] Oh.

745
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:52,148
-Fine, you win, this is fun.
It's fun.
-[Jeanine laughing]

746
00:45:52,450 --> 00:45:54,350
[male voice]<i> Welcome</i>
<i> to Perkiledge Capital.</i>

747
00:45:54,352 --> 00:45:56,452
<i> Join us for this year's</i>
<i> Startup Olympics,</i>

748
00:45:56,454 --> 00:45:59,055
<i> featuring a very special</i>
<i> VIP guest.</i>

749
00:45:59,057 --> 00:46:00,857
<i> If you're trying</i>
<i> to reach Chet leave</i>

750
00:46:00,859 --> 00:46:02,859
<i> a targeted micro-message now.</i>

751
00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:08,397
Hey, Chet, just circling back
seeing if your

752
00:46:08,399 --> 00:46:10,867
original offer still stands.

753
00:46:10,869 --> 00:46:12,969
Ping me, ping me.

754
00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:19,375
[soft folk band music]

755
00:46:26,417 --> 00:46:27,350
Uncle Deepak?

756
00:46:59,851 --> 00:47:03,886
-What the hell?
-What the hell did you do
with the money?

757
00:47:03,888 --> 00:47:06,589
Where the hell did you even
get the money from? Did
you lie about Uncle Deepak?

758
00:47:06,591 --> 00:47:08,891
OK, I did not lie,
it was half truth.

759
00:47:08,893 --> 00:47:13,529
[Raj] I was down on my luck
and I asked him if he'd support
me for the first time ever.

760
00:47:13,531 --> 00:47:18,267
He said yes. I told him
what he was trying to raise,
and he laughed... hard.

761
00:47:19,270 --> 00:47:21,270
So, I just asked him if
he'd help with the startup

762
00:47:21,272 --> 00:47:23,906
application fee,
and he did, he helped with it.

763
00:47:23,908 --> 00:47:26,509
[Eric] Oh, God,
so where's the 300K from?

764
00:47:26,511 --> 00:47:31,147
[Raj] I started filling out the
application next door at the bar
when I got into it with Vince.

765
00:47:31,149 --> 00:47:33,382
You know, pouring my
troubles down the drain.

766
00:47:33,384 --> 00:47:35,451
And he tells me
he's into this, and I'm like,

767
00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:37,053
"What? You're into tech?"

768
00:47:37,989 --> 00:47:40,456
It's an app
for the Startup Olympics.

769
00:47:40,458 --> 00:47:42,925
And he's like,
"yeah man, that's my jam."

770
00:47:42,927 --> 00:47:44,560
Did you not know about our app?

771
00:47:44,562 --> 00:47:48,064
So, I pitched him,
it was a great pitch.

772
00:47:48,066 --> 00:47:53,236
Vince, have you ever been to
a coffee shop and your barista
was being a total bi-otch?

773
00:47:53,238 --> 00:47:56,439
So, you're telling me
the guy behind all this
is the guy behind the bar?

774
00:47:56,441 --> 00:47:58,641
OK, look,
what sold him was you, OK?

775
00:47:58,643 --> 00:48:01,344
He remembers you
from high school,
he really loved our idea.

776
00:48:01,346 --> 00:48:03,179
My idea, which you sold!

777
00:48:03,181 --> 00:48:05,348
I did not sell it,
it was a loan.

778
00:48:05,350 --> 00:48:08,918
-We owe Vince $300,000?
-With interest.

779
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:10,653
-What rate of interest?
-Half a percent.

780
00:48:10,655 --> 00:48:12,922
-That's actually pretty
competitive.
-A day.

781
00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:17,360
-That's like a million dollars!
-Oh, shit, my bad.

782
00:48:17,362 --> 00:48:21,163
Oh, my God. OK, we have to
pay him back immediately.
We're two weeks from launch.

783
00:48:21,165 --> 00:48:23,332
-What's the story with sales?
-There is no story.

784
00:48:23,334 --> 00:48:26,168
Awesome, you're amazing, thank
you. Is there anything else
we can sell

785
00:48:26,170 --> 00:48:28,938
like products,
placement, patents?

786
00:48:28,940 --> 00:48:32,008
-No, I've tried everything.
-OK, what about Perkiledge?

787
00:48:32,010 --> 00:48:35,444
-They're blue balling us,
the balls are blue.
-[Eric] Oh, God!

788
00:48:36,147 --> 00:48:38,047
Why, why, are you not well?

789
00:48:38,049 --> 00:48:40,549
Are you on drugs?
Are you off drugs?

790
00:48:40,551 --> 00:48:43,252
Look, we just needed
a short-term cash infusion, OK?

791
00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:45,187
What's a milli when you're
gonna make a billi?

792
00:48:45,189 --> 00:48:47,223
I don't understand
your hip-hop numbers!

793
00:48:47,225 --> 00:48:50,026
Never put all
your eggs in one basket.

794
00:48:50,028 --> 00:48:54,163
OK, look, that is easy
for you to say, OK?
I grew up with nothing.

795
00:48:54,165 --> 00:48:56,032
You know, my dad wants
to cage me in,

796
00:48:56,034 --> 00:48:59,235
-but I'm free range, man.
-That's a free throw,

797
00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:02,204
you are doing a free throw.
You say you have nothing,
you had everything.

798
00:49:02,206 --> 00:49:05,274
You had all the girls, all the
attention, and all the love!

799
00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:07,209
You're bringing
this back to high school?

800
00:49:07,211 --> 00:49:10,379
Of course I am. Why do you think
we stopped being friends, bro?

801
00:49:10,381 --> 00:49:13,215
'Cause I did all your homework
and you took all the credit for
everything,

802
00:49:13,217 --> 00:49:15,618
-and took it all for yourself.
-No, we stopped being friends

803
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:18,187
because you went off to some
fancy school, you know,

804
00:49:18,189 --> 00:49:20,523
to become
some corporate D-bag poser.

805
00:49:20,525 --> 00:49:23,092
And you needed me
to bring you back.

806
00:49:23,995 --> 00:49:26,162
You know what, fuck you, OK?

807
00:49:26,164 --> 00:49:28,731
-Wow, real creative, yep.
-Fuck you
and your fucking world!

808
00:49:28,733 --> 00:49:33,669
Fuck Perkiledge,
fuck the Startup Olympics,
fuck Apptitude,

809
00:49:34,339 --> 00:49:36,105
and fuck Sierra Miller!

810
00:49:37,175 --> 00:49:39,642
-Fuck Sierra Miller!
-Yeah!

811
00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:44,347
No, no, I mean, literally
fuck Sierra Miller, dude.

812
00:49:45,083 --> 00:49:48,517
-What?
-OK, who do you think
runs the Startup Olympics?

813
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:51,587
-I don't know, D Von D?
-No, Sierra Miller.

814
00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:55,224
-And?
-And if you gigolize yourself
to her she might let us in.

815
00:49:55,226 --> 00:49:56,659
How good am I at calling it?

816
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:58,527
Like predicting,
I don't know, 0 for life?

817
00:50:01,265 --> 00:50:02,665
No, with chicks.

818
00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,066
-You're very good!
-I am a savant, OK?

819
00:50:04,068 --> 00:50:06,202
Dude, maybe she's
into some dominatrix shit.

820
00:50:06,204 --> 00:50:08,170
But for sure, she's into you.

821
00:50:10,108 --> 00:50:14,543
OK, say I gigolize her,
I can't believe I'm even
entertaining this idea.

822
00:50:14,545 --> 00:50:16,779
How do we get
into Startup Olympics,
and what do we even win?

823
00:50:16,781 --> 00:50:19,682
OK, last year there was a 500K
bidding war at the after party.

824
00:50:19,684 --> 00:50:23,552
-Yeah, but that's not enough.
-But it might be enough
for Vince to relax terms.

825
00:50:26,357 --> 00:50:29,725
-What do I tell Jeanine?
-Have you met my friend,
Jack Shit?

826
00:50:30,328 --> 00:50:33,462
Dude, she needs to work
on the app so we have
something to flip.

827
00:50:33,464 --> 00:50:35,364
But we can't even
pay her anymore.

828
00:50:36,501 --> 00:50:37,700
We need to save money.

829
00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:42,772
Have you met my secret Vippy?

830
00:50:49,113 --> 00:50:51,547
This is a plan B scenario,
but you might need to go in

831
00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,749
through the back door
to get to her front.

832
00:50:54,352 --> 00:50:57,353
I provided you with lube,
two candles, and 30 condoms,

833
00:50:57,355 --> 00:51:00,122
ranging from extra small
to extra large.

834
00:51:00,124 --> 00:51:02,725
That's a joke, obviously,
only extra smalls.

835
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:05,294
Sex is a possibility,
but don't push it.

836
00:51:05,296 --> 00:51:07,430
See what she's into, maybe feet.

837
00:51:07,432 --> 00:51:09,565
Maybe hands, maybe eyeballs.

838
00:51:09,567 --> 00:51:12,635
I've had a woman like that once,
it was very peculiar.

839
00:51:14,305 --> 00:51:19,141
[Vipin] Dosas, $7.95 each,
$7.95 per dosa.

840
00:51:19,143 --> 00:51:21,677
Dosas, dosas, $7.95.

841
00:51:21,679 --> 00:51:27,683
For you, $3.97, half price,
even rounded down, just for you.

842
00:51:28,820 --> 00:51:29,752
Dosas?

843
00:51:32,323 --> 00:51:34,223
You know, we could
totally debug with this.

844
00:51:34,225 --> 00:51:35,324
The money's really good.

845
00:51:35,326 --> 00:51:37,626
Sweet, where's Raj?

846
00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:41,330
Pounding the proverbial payment,
trying to find a buyer.

847
00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:43,732
Also trying to avoid the bar.

848
00:51:43,734 --> 00:51:46,502
Yeah, not the ideal location.

849
00:51:46,504 --> 00:51:47,436
Mm-hmm.

850
00:51:51,709 --> 00:51:54,677
-Dosa?
-[Eric] Hey, how's it going,
is it perfect?

851
00:51:54,679 --> 00:52:00,116
Is it perfect?
Um, it's as good as it can be
given the circumstances.

852
00:52:00,585 --> 00:52:03,452
-Great, whatever it takes.
-So, that's how it works?

853
00:52:03,454 --> 00:52:07,356
You know I'm the one who's
putting the most work on this
app, where's my ownership?

854
00:52:07,358 --> 00:52:11,193
You are not legally
responsible for any of this.

855
00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:14,463
Wow, now you're getting legal.

856
00:52:15,266 --> 00:52:17,399
You know what,
we should've never--

857
00:52:18,603 --> 00:52:20,803
Forget it, let me just finish.

858
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,214
[foreign festive music]

859
00:52:35,686 --> 00:52:39,588
[mellow electronic music]

860
00:53:31,576 --> 00:53:34,310
[upbeat music]

861
00:53:34,312 --> 00:53:37,246
Well, well,
look who decided to show up.

862
00:53:38,249 --> 00:53:39,848
-You look absolutely--
-Sit down.

863
00:53:39,850 --> 00:53:41,317
OK.

864
00:53:42,787 --> 00:53:46,388
Got you a decaf. Wasn't sure if
you could handle adult drinks.

865
00:53:47,525 --> 00:53:48,657
Sip it.

866
00:53:51,596 --> 00:53:52,528
Both hands.

867
00:53:58,736 --> 00:53:59,735
Thank you.

868
00:54:05,243 --> 00:54:06,675
Your eyes are ducking beautiful.

869
00:54:07,912 --> 00:54:10,713
Ducking.

870
00:54:10,715 --> 00:54:12,414
Ducking, ducking phone.

871
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,850
What the hell are you talking
about? What do you want?

872
00:54:14,852 --> 00:54:16,418
To get to know you better.

873
00:54:16,420 --> 00:54:19,021
[laughing] No, you don't.

874
00:54:19,890 --> 00:54:22,291
You want something else.

875
00:54:22,293 --> 00:54:23,926
Come on, skippy, cough it up.

876
00:54:26,931 --> 00:54:30,032
A few months ago we put in
an application for
the Startup Olympics.

877
00:54:30,034 --> 00:54:33,736
Ah, and you want me to what?

878
00:54:34,805 --> 00:54:38,641
Make a special slot for you
and just slide you in?

879
00:54:38,643 --> 00:54:41,944
Put my reputation on the line
for your garbage little app

880
00:54:41,946 --> 00:54:44,413
in the Startup Olympics?
[scoffs]

881
00:54:46,651 --> 00:54:49,885
Pathos is just so... [sighs]

882
00:54:58,629 --> 00:54:59,962
I'm pretty pathetic.

883
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:00,896
You sure are.

884
00:55:00,898 --> 00:55:03,632
I invested all my
money in this app.

885
00:55:03,634 --> 00:55:08,704
-Hm... Horrible idea.
-Oh, yeah,
I live with my parents.

886
00:55:08,706 --> 00:55:10,773
I knew it when I first saw you.

887
00:55:10,775 --> 00:55:13,309
Sometimes I urinate
sitting down.

888
00:55:13,311 --> 00:55:15,444
-Um, you animal.
-Yes.

889
00:55:16,047 --> 00:55:17,379
Bark like a dog.

890
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:18,747
Ow!

891
00:55:20,818 --> 00:55:21,750
Louder.

892
00:55:21,752 --> 00:55:22,885
Ow!

893
00:55:22,887 --> 00:55:24,453
[panting and laughing]

894
00:55:24,455 --> 00:55:26,021
Give me more chihuahua.

895
00:55:26,023 --> 00:55:28,924
[Eric barking]

896
00:55:32,396 --> 00:55:34,463
I need a footstool,
on the ground.

897
00:55:37,968 --> 00:55:43,806
-Sing happy birthday.
<i> -¶ Happy birthday to you</i>
<i> Happy birthday Mr. President</i>

898
00:55:43,808 --> 00:55:46,442
<i> -¶ Happy birthday to you ¶</i>
-Why would you
sing to the president?

899
00:55:46,444 --> 00:55:49,011
-I don't know, it felt right.
-OK, you know what,
get up, you idiot.

900
00:55:49,013 --> 00:55:50,679
OK, ow!

901
00:55:52,817 --> 00:55:54,783
-That hurt?
-Mm-hmm.

902
00:55:54,785 --> 00:55:57,553
Listen to me,
and listen closely.

903
00:55:59,990 --> 00:56:04,893
I'm gonna put
your little piece of shit app

904
00:56:04,895 --> 00:56:06,929
into the Olympics, huh?

905
00:56:09,667 --> 00:56:12,901
Just so I can watch you
humiliate yourself

906
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:18,474
in front of everyone
and our global live feed,

907
00:56:18,476 --> 00:56:22,945
which is going all over MyFace.

908
00:56:22,947 --> 00:56:24,713
Yes, all over MyFace.

909
00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:26,382
Expect an email shortly.

910
00:56:28,452 --> 00:56:29,752
I will look for it desperately.

911
00:56:29,754 --> 00:56:30,886
[Sierra panting]

912
00:56:31,689 --> 00:56:33,422
-You disgust me.
-Thank you.

913
00:56:33,691 --> 00:56:35,023
[roaring]

914
00:56:35,693 --> 00:56:37,893
[panting]

915
00:56:41,599 --> 00:56:42,531
Yes.

916
00:56:45,770 --> 00:56:47,736
Guys, check out the email
I just forwarded you.

917
00:56:48,406 --> 00:56:50,706
We just got
into the Startup Olympics.

918
00:56:50,708 --> 00:56:52,608
Huge accomplishment, baby!

919
00:56:55,446 --> 00:56:58,046
Complimentary dosas
on the house.

920
00:57:01,419 --> 00:57:05,521
Thanks for your generosity,
but I'm a bit busy
compiling your MVP.

921
00:57:06,023 --> 00:57:08,190
But hey, congrats, with Sierra.

922
00:57:08,959 --> 00:57:09,892
Wink.

923
00:57:19,970 --> 00:57:23,872
-[Eric] Hey, can I talk to you.
-I think
my contract is up, right?

924
00:57:25,109 --> 00:57:26,041
Ah.

925
00:57:27,144 --> 00:57:28,076
That's our cue.

926
00:57:28,078 --> 00:57:30,078
What? Guys...

927
00:57:31,816 --> 00:57:32,748
Hey.

928
00:57:34,885 --> 00:57:36,051
Is the coast clear?

929
00:57:39,089 --> 00:57:41,457
Oh, my God, what happened?

930
00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:42,991
He got his ass kicked.

931
00:57:42,993 --> 00:57:45,661
Look, Phil, I just need
60 seconds of your time.

932
00:57:45,663 --> 00:57:49,097
Hey... Yeah, I'm gonna have
to call you back.

933
00:57:50,534 --> 00:57:53,168
[Vipin] Full recovery
in a month. Won't be able
to talk until then.

934
00:57:53,170 --> 00:57:54,736
I'm gonna need
blink treatment.

935
00:57:54,738 --> 00:57:56,638
One blink is yes, two is no.

936
00:57:57,508 --> 00:57:58,240
Was this Vince?

937
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:01,610
You know we got
into the Startup Olympics?

938
00:58:02,580 --> 00:58:03,745
Who's gonna present?

939
00:58:04,548 --> 00:58:06,482
Me?

940
00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:07,249
We're screwed.

941
00:58:09,887 --> 00:58:14,022
<i> Connect2U is</i>
<i> the app of connection</i>

942
00:58:14,024 --> 00:58:20,963
<i> in the augmented reality era,</i>
<i> the ARE... So stupid.</i>

943
00:58:20,965 --> 00:58:24,132
<i> Hi, I'm Eric Newman, and what</i>
<i> I'm about to present you with</i>

944
00:58:24,134 --> 00:58:26,502
<i> will change your life.</i>

945
00:58:26,504 --> 00:58:30,739
<i> Connect2U is like an average</i>
<i> app, but we really need</i>

946
00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:33,542
<i> the money because</i>
<i> if we don't get it then I die.</i>

947
00:58:47,691 --> 00:58:50,726
Connect2U is likely the most
preferred method of people

948
00:58:50,728 --> 00:58:53,729
communicating digitally
with each other to express

949
00:58:53,731 --> 00:58:55,964
their mutual appreciation.

950
00:58:58,702 --> 00:58:59,735
[Eric] Yeah.

951
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:07,242
Hey, Owl, this is Turtle,
the guy that learns things

952
00:59:07,244 --> 00:59:12,047
really slowly, but does
get it in the end.

953
00:59:12,049 --> 00:59:14,850
Case in point, Crapchat filters.

954
00:59:15,252 --> 00:59:17,286
You like? Learning,

955
00:59:17,288 --> 00:59:23,191
also learning how bad
a communicator I am.

956
00:59:23,827 --> 00:59:25,961
And I'm sorry.

957
00:59:26,664 --> 00:59:30,065
<i> And want to talk to you.</i>

958
00:59:30,868 --> 00:59:37,005
<i> And hope we can talk</i>
<i> about the pitch.</i>

959
00:59:37,007 --> 00:59:40,142
<i> But really just connect</i>

960
00:59:40,678 --> 00:59:43,078
<i> in general</i>

961
00:59:43,213 --> 00:59:45,147
<i> so I can connect to you,</i>

962
00:59:46,951 --> 00:59:49,084
<i> like in real life.</i>

963
00:59:52,189 --> 00:59:55,924
[sighs heavily]

964
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:07,636
<i> Stop filming me.</i>

965
01:00:09,273 --> 01:00:10,672
<i> Seriously, stop.</i>

966
01:00:10,674 --> 01:00:12,140
-[Jeanine] No.
<i> -Stop.</i>

967
01:00:12,142 --> 01:00:14,142
-[Jeanine] No, no, no!
<i> -Stop!</i>

968
01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:17,646
[blusey guitar playing]

969
01:00:27,658 --> 01:00:28,790
That was easy.

970
01:00:52,683 --> 01:00:54,883
[yawning]

971
01:01:19,276 --> 01:01:22,277
[soda can opening]

972
01:01:40,964 --> 01:01:43,732
[alarm blaring]

973
01:01:44,268 --> 01:01:46,068
Huh, aw...

974
01:01:46,070 --> 01:01:47,002
Shit!

975
01:01:49,373 --> 01:01:50,338
Shit!

976
01:01:51,809 --> 01:01:55,043
[rock music playing]

977
01:02:12,262 --> 01:02:13,195
[barista] Eric.

978
01:02:14,732 --> 01:02:15,497
Small world.

979
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:20,736
You've come a long way, but you
are hella late, follow me.

980
01:02:22,806 --> 01:02:24,306
Straight through here, come on.

981
01:02:27,778 --> 01:02:28,510
Toss that.

982
01:02:31,148 --> 01:02:33,014
-Come on, they're waiting.
-[Eric] Yeah.

983
01:02:33,016 --> 01:02:34,082
Come on, come on, come on.

984
01:02:36,153 --> 01:02:38,754
[rock music]

985
01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:53,001
So, if you need to plug in
your computer, you can
do it by the board

986
01:02:53,003 --> 01:02:56,972
right over there.
All right, come on,
sit down. Let's set you up.

987
01:03:01,378 --> 01:03:03,245
Feel good? All right.

988
01:03:03,947 --> 01:03:07,182
This thing's gonna be on you
full-time, so don't say
anything stupid,

989
01:03:07,184 --> 01:03:09,351
and don't go
to the bathroom, all right?

990
01:03:09,353 --> 01:03:11,253
Hey, man, solidarity.

991
01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:13,922
Fuck the patriarchy.

992
01:03:18,462 --> 01:03:21,830
[audience cheering]

993
01:03:22,099 --> 01:03:23,498
Is this thing on?

994
01:03:24,802 --> 01:03:29,504
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Startup Olympics!

995
01:03:29,506 --> 01:03:34,543
-[audience cheering]
-[Chet] Woo!

996
01:03:34,545 --> 01:03:38,213
I cannot tell you how exciting
this is for me to do the city

997
01:03:38,215 --> 01:03:42,851
the honor of bringing some
of the best that we have
to offer to the world.

998
01:03:43,287 --> 01:03:47,489
So, some ground rules,
we have four presentations

999
01:03:47,491 --> 01:03:51,326
to four judges
who are the uber blogger

1000
01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:54,229
from Apptitude, Sierra Miller.

1001
01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:58,233
[audience cheering
and applauding]

1002
01:03:58,235 --> 01:04:01,469
Lion's Den judge,
Kevin O'Malley.

1003
01:04:01,471 --> 01:04:04,072
[audience jeering]

1004
01:04:04,074 --> 01:04:07,342
Child gift unboxer, Karin Ho!

1005
01:04:07,344 --> 01:04:11,112
[audience applauding]

1006
01:04:11,114 --> 01:04:15,183
And now, you guys are going
to freak when you hear this.

1007
01:04:15,185 --> 01:04:19,020
Ladies and gentlemen,
your fourth judge,
the legend himself,

1008
01:04:19,022 --> 01:04:21,089
Dirk Von Dijk!

1009
01:04:21,091 --> 01:04:25,393
[audience cheering
and applauding]

1010
01:04:32,002 --> 01:04:35,470
I'm thrilled, any words
of wisdom before we begin?

1011
01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:40,141
Be yourself
and you will always fail,

1012
01:04:40,143 --> 01:04:41,543
and that is a good thing.

1013
01:04:43,380 --> 01:04:48,049
It sure is.
All right, so just a reminder
that the grand prize today

1014
01:04:48,051 --> 01:04:52,454
is $500,000 in equity infusion

1015
01:04:52,456 --> 01:04:56,024
from Perkiledge Capital,
yours truly.

1016
01:04:56,026 --> 01:05:00,428
Big money, big pressure,
so let the games begin.

1017
01:05:00,430 --> 01:05:04,132
First up, FOMO NOMO.

1018
01:05:05,168 --> 01:05:09,004
[rock music]

1019
01:05:09,006 --> 01:05:14,109
In today's day and age,
it's hard not to feel FOMO,

1020
01:05:14,111 --> 01:05:16,511
the fear of missing out.

1021
01:05:16,513 --> 01:05:20,515
With FOMO NOMO you can
seamlessly add yourself

1022
01:05:20,517 --> 01:05:23,485
into your friends'
and loved ones' experiences.

1023
01:05:23,487 --> 01:05:27,088
[audience applauding]

1024
01:05:27,691 --> 01:05:31,059
As dog trainers, we know
teaching dogs where and how

1025
01:05:31,061 --> 01:05:33,929
to poop is
of the utmost importance.

1026
01:05:33,931 --> 01:05:36,331
But what if we could leverage
the internet of things to know

1027
01:05:36,333 --> 01:05:39,467
where that poop was,
when it was happening,
and how to optimize it?

1028
01:05:40,070 --> 01:05:44,673
Pupu is the world's first
RFID-driven feces monitoring
platform for dog lovers.

1029
01:05:44,675 --> 01:05:47,709
-Pupu, see poo later.
-[audience applauding]

1030
01:05:48,245 --> 01:05:51,046
So, the next one,
full disclosure, folks,

1031
01:05:51,048 --> 01:05:53,715
these guys spent the last couple
of months in our brand new

1032
01:05:53,717 --> 01:05:57,986
Perkiledge-mantor program,
full service mentorship

1033
01:05:57,988 --> 01:06:02,457
for man teams in self-
confidence, image, and legal.

1034
01:06:02,459 --> 01:06:07,963
So, let's give it up for Tok2Me.

1035
01:06:07,965 --> 01:06:10,398
[audience applauding]

1036
01:06:11,201 --> 01:06:15,437
Have you ever been in a café
and wanted to communicate...

1037
01:06:15,439 --> 01:06:16,738
[stomach rumbling]

1038
01:06:16,740 --> 01:06:18,740
...with the people around you?

1039
01:06:20,143 --> 01:06:23,611
It's amazing
that in this day and age,

1040
01:06:23,613 --> 01:06:26,348
we can know what somebody's
thinking on the other side
of the ocean,

1041
01:06:26,350 --> 01:06:31,586
but we can't connect
to the people next to us.

1042
01:06:31,588 --> 01:06:33,488
-Talk to me.
-[stomach rumbling]

1043
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:37,258
Tok2Me lets you communicate...

1044
01:06:37,260 --> 01:06:39,527
-[stomach rumbling]
-...with the people
in your space,

1045
01:06:40,097 --> 01:06:43,164
and gather authentic
communication.

1046
01:06:44,034 --> 01:06:45,433
That's us in a nutshell.

1047
01:06:46,203 --> 01:06:47,202
Feedback?

1048
01:06:47,204 --> 01:06:50,005
[Eric vomiting]

1049
01:06:51,074 --> 01:06:53,441
[laughing]
That's what I like to hear.

1050
01:06:53,443 --> 01:06:55,010
[laughing]

1051
01:06:55,012 --> 01:06:56,511
Loser.

1052
01:06:59,216 --> 01:07:02,717
Before we go to the judges,
we have a late entrant

1053
01:07:02,719 --> 01:07:07,055
in this year's competition
through the back door.

1054
01:07:07,057 --> 01:07:09,324
His name is Roger Patel,
and his app,

1055
01:07:09,326 --> 01:07:12,427
I think it's an app, Connect2U.

1056
01:07:13,296 --> 01:07:15,730
[Eric]You can do this,
you can do this, buddy.

1057
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:17,599
You got it.

1058
01:07:19,236 --> 01:07:22,237
[audience jeering]

1059
01:07:24,775 --> 01:07:27,442
[flatulating]

1060
01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:36,351
Actually, it's not Roger,
it's Raj, but he's not here.

1061
01:07:38,055 --> 01:07:42,557
Actually, he is here,
he's in a handicap chair
'cause he's beaten.

1062
01:07:42,559 --> 01:07:43,591
He can't talk.

1063
01:07:44,628 --> 01:07:46,461
I'll do the talking.

1064
01:07:47,597 --> 01:07:49,631
Yeah. Um...

1065
01:07:54,504 --> 01:07:56,404
[audience member]
This guy's horrible.

1066
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,140
OK, the computer's not working.

1067
01:07:59,509 --> 01:08:01,109
[clicking tongue]

1068
01:08:01,111 --> 01:08:02,577
[audience member] He's horrible.

1069
01:08:03,380 --> 01:08:07,382
OK, uh, I'm Eric.

1070
01:08:08,752 --> 01:08:09,684
I'm...

1071
01:08:11,421 --> 01:08:14,456
I'm Eric Newman.

1072
01:08:17,661 --> 01:08:18,693
I'm Eric Newman.

1073
01:08:23,366 --> 01:08:24,766
I'm Eric.

1074
01:08:25,368 --> 01:08:27,135
[suspenseful music]

1075
01:08:28,105 --> 01:08:28,837
I'm Eric.

1076
01:08:37,514 --> 01:08:39,114
I'm Eric Newman.

1077
01:08:41,218 --> 01:08:45,353
I'm a failed analyst,
entrepreneur and musician.

1078
01:08:47,124 --> 01:08:49,757
But actually, I'm a fraud.

1079
01:08:53,196 --> 01:08:58,633
I'm trying to fit myself into
a box that I can't fit into, OK?

1080
01:08:58,635 --> 01:09:03,838
I'm under stupid pressure
to raise
a stupid amount of money

1081
01:09:04,207 --> 01:09:07,642
for really stupid ideas, OK?

1082
01:09:07,644 --> 01:09:13,381
Ideas that are like, not like
based on love or interest

1083
01:09:13,517 --> 01:09:16,184
or passion,
but, this is so stupid,

1084
01:09:16,186 --> 01:09:18,753
they're based on being
a billionaire, OK?

1085
01:09:18,755 --> 01:09:20,855
Billi Club,
as you like to call it.

1086
01:09:20,857 --> 01:09:23,525
It's not about you,
it's all about myself.

1087
01:09:23,527 --> 01:09:27,328
It's all about validating myself
and finding a place for me.

1088
01:09:27,330 --> 01:09:29,931
That's the whole thing
about this whole tech-ish world.

1089
01:09:29,933 --> 01:09:34,402
It's all these promises
of finding solutions
for your lives

1090
01:09:34,404 --> 01:09:35,904
and improving your lives.

1091
01:09:36,706 --> 01:09:37,672
Here's the thing.

1092
01:09:40,277 --> 01:09:43,545
It's bullshit, it's bullshit.

1093
01:09:43,547 --> 01:09:45,713
The whole thing is bullshit, OK?

1094
01:09:45,715 --> 01:09:51,886
I have sacrificed my time,
my money, my relationships

1095
01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:53,855
on complete bullshit.

1096
01:09:53,857 --> 01:09:57,292
I literally prostituted myself.

1097
01:09:58,328 --> 01:10:02,564
I could give you the pitch for
the app, but it was just done

1098
01:10:02,566 --> 01:10:05,867
so beautifully
by Jerkovsky over there,

1099
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:11,706
who actually just stole
the idea together with the host
of this whole presentation.

1100
01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:15,443
But the truth is, I don't know,
maybe I got the idea from them.

1101
01:10:15,712 --> 01:10:19,847
I mean, does it really matter?
Like a lot of people have
the same good ideas.

1102
01:10:19,849 --> 01:10:25,520
Ultimately, do you have
the power to push through
all this bullshit?

1103
01:10:26,823 --> 01:10:31,993
And I guess the point is,
I'm coming to realize
that I don't.

1104
01:10:34,364 --> 01:10:38,299
You know, I wish instead
of this bullshit app,

1105
01:10:38,301 --> 01:10:42,370
I had just spent the time
to connect with actual people.

1106
01:10:43,306 --> 01:10:45,773
Like wouldn't that have been
smarter and simpler,

1107
01:10:45,775 --> 01:10:47,442
like really talking to girls?

1108
01:10:47,444 --> 01:10:51,980
Ask yourself,
is this really what you want
to do with your life?

1109
01:10:51,982 --> 01:10:55,316
You're running a dog shit
company, and you want to insert

1110
01:10:55,318 --> 01:10:58,419
yourself into pictures
with people who don't want you

1111
01:10:58,421 --> 01:10:59,821
there in the first place.

1112
01:10:59,823 --> 01:11:01,656
Look [scoffing]...

1113
01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:05,326
I don't have that much time left
on this stage

1114
01:11:05,996 --> 01:11:08,663
-or on this planet.
-[audience member]
Oh, my God, he's terminal.

1115
01:11:08,965 --> 01:11:11,766
But what I would've
done was just,

1116
01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:13,768
I should've just been honest.

1117
01:11:14,404 --> 01:11:16,471
I should've just done
this earlier.

1118
01:11:16,473 --> 01:11:21,576
And then that way I really
could have connected to you.

1119
01:11:23,013 --> 01:11:24,812
[audience member] It's Pornknob.

1120
01:11:24,914 --> 01:11:26,281
[audience laughing]

1121
01:11:26,283 --> 01:11:27,982
[Eric] Oh.

1122
01:11:27,984 --> 01:11:31,386
OK, let's be honest,
this is no filter.

1123
01:11:31,388 --> 01:11:34,522
This is my screen
from last night.

1124
01:11:34,524 --> 01:11:38,026
That's me putting up my
ShitKicker campaign
for my music.

1125
01:11:38,028 --> 01:11:41,896
That's really what I want to do.
It's crap music, no one's
ever gonna listen to it.

1126
01:11:41,898 --> 01:11:43,798
It doesn't matter,
it's what I love.

1127
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:46,901
It's like Jeanine said,
that's where my heart is.

1128
01:11:47,671 --> 01:11:48,936
That's where my heart is.

1129
01:11:50,440 --> 01:11:52,373
Oh, yeah, and Pornknob.
So, let's be honest,

1130
01:11:52,375 --> 01:11:54,876
I was looking
at pornography last night.

1131
01:11:54,878 --> 01:11:59,547
But you know what?
By show of hands,
how many people here

1132
01:11:59,549 --> 01:12:03,985
were looking at pornography
between the hours of midnight

1133
01:12:03,987 --> 01:12:06,854
and five a.m. last night, huh?

1134
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:21,102
Yes. See, can we just be
honest, can we, yes!

1135
01:12:22,072 --> 01:12:25,039
Yes,
that's what I'm talking about.

1136
01:12:25,041 --> 01:12:28,343
This is it,
this is radical honesty, people.

1137
01:12:28,345 --> 01:12:34,415
This is awesome, come on,
people, we can connect,
feel, be honest.

1138
01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:38,386
Connection, that's what I'm
talking about, people, yes!

1139
01:12:38,388 --> 01:12:40,922
Connect, you can connect!

1140
01:12:40,924 --> 01:12:45,426
That's why we will Connect2U!

1141
01:12:45,428 --> 01:12:47,862
[audience cheering
and applauding]

1142
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:52,800
[Eric] Yeah!

1143
01:12:54,637 --> 01:12:57,605
[Chet] Hey, hey, do you do
weddings, bar mitzvahs?

1144
01:12:58,108 --> 01:13:01,609
OK, we're gonna let
our judges mingle,
and we'll be back

1145
01:13:01,611 --> 01:13:04,112
with the grand prize
winner in one minute.

1146
01:13:07,384 --> 01:13:09,517
That was amazing.

1147
01:13:09,519 --> 01:13:13,654
Uh, you just saved my life
for five minutes.

1148
01:13:13,656 --> 01:13:14,922
You did that.

1149
01:13:14,924 --> 01:13:16,657
Look, I have to tell the truth.

1150
01:13:16,659 --> 01:13:19,660
You're in deep shit,
I know, Vipin told me.

1151
01:13:19,662 --> 01:13:23,631
Look, you'll find
a way out of this, OK?

1152
01:13:24,734 --> 01:13:28,169
Ladies and gentlemen, we're
ready to announce the grand
prize winner

1153
01:13:28,171 --> 01:13:30,171
of this year's
Startup Olympics.

1154
01:13:30,173 --> 01:13:31,439
Drum roll.

1155
01:13:32,709 --> 01:13:33,775
Tok2Me!

1156
01:13:34,511 --> 01:13:37,111
Tok2Me, people!

1157
01:13:37,480 --> 01:13:39,480
-[Dick] Yeah!
-Yes, you can clap.

1158
01:13:40,884 --> 01:13:44,752
And some bonus news.
Dirk Von Dyke has offered

1159
01:13:44,754 --> 01:13:47,188
to match our equity contribution

1160
01:13:47,190 --> 01:13:51,759
to the tune of a grand
prize of one million dollars

1161
01:13:51,761 --> 01:13:54,762
in equity funding for Tok2Me.

1162
01:13:54,864 --> 01:13:58,065
Thank you so much everyone
for making this day so special.

1163
01:13:58,134 --> 01:13:59,867
PerkiledgeCapital.com.

1164
01:14:02,739 --> 01:14:06,541
God, shit, shit, stupid
wheelchair access.

1165
01:14:15,018 --> 01:14:18,085
[Vince] Gentlemen,
this is my father.

1166
01:14:20,890 --> 01:14:23,791
Gentlemen, Vin tells me
that you won everybody

1167
01:14:23,793 --> 01:14:26,527
over with your speech, congrats.

1168
01:14:27,163 --> 01:14:28,863
But you didn't win.

1169
01:14:33,203 --> 01:14:36,137
Am I correct in thinking
that you can't do good
on your loan today?

1170
01:14:36,139 --> 01:14:37,738
That's correct, sir.

1171
01:14:37,740 --> 01:14:40,141
Vito, I'm the financier.

1172
01:14:41,044 --> 01:14:44,612
Vince, I'm trying
to teach him the business,
he's my gadgets guy.

1173
01:14:44,614 --> 01:14:47,882
I don't understand
how I'm gonna make money
on that app.

1174
01:14:47,884 --> 01:14:51,219
What I do know is your father
owns the building next door.

1175
01:14:51,221 --> 01:14:53,654
I'd like to finally
get my hands on it.

1176
01:14:53,656 --> 01:14:55,723
Vince, this is a secured loan.

1177
01:14:55,725 --> 01:14:57,558
You don't lend money
to people with no credit.

1178
01:14:57,560 --> 01:15:01,896
Always back it up
with an asset, huh?

1179
01:15:02,232 --> 01:15:04,499
And that's why I wanted
you personally to come here

1180
01:15:04,501 --> 01:15:07,134
and explain to me how,
if not that way,
am I gonna make

1181
01:15:07,136 --> 01:15:10,671
a lot of money on this
incredible invention of yours.

1182
01:15:10,673 --> 01:15:13,875
So, elevator pitch, no pressure.

1183
01:15:16,112 --> 01:15:19,814
[Eric]<i> Connect2U</i>
<i> is the app of connection</i>

1184
01:15:19,816 --> 01:15:24,018
<i> -in the augmented reality era.</i>
-[Jeffrey]<i> He has no idea</i>
<i> what he wants to do.</i>

1185
01:15:24,020 --> 01:15:27,755
[Raj]<i> You're CEO, hustle, playa.</i>
<i> I did not sell it,</i>
<i> it was a loan.</i>

1186
01:15:27,757 --> 01:15:31,792
[Jeffrey]<i> I thought this was</i>
<i>a convertible loan. Convertible</i>
<i> loan, convertible loan.</i>

1187
01:15:31,794 --> 01:15:35,830
Two words, convertible loan.

1188
01:15:38,935 --> 01:15:40,668
I'm gonna level
with you, Vito.

1189
01:15:41,704 --> 01:15:44,105
This is not
an incredible invention.

1190
01:15:44,107 --> 01:15:46,240
This is an app like
millions of others.

1191
01:15:47,176 --> 01:15:49,844
Some of them are successes,
most don't even come close.

1192
01:15:50,179 --> 01:15:53,314
Odds are this isn't going
to be downloaded by more
than 100 people.

1193
01:15:53,850 --> 01:15:56,751
But let me tell you
why we're going
to strike a deal right now

1194
01:15:56,753 --> 01:16:00,021
and we're going
to walk out of here
the same way we walked in.

1195
01:16:00,023 --> 01:16:03,257
You're not going
to get your investment
back from Connect2U,

1196
01:16:03,259 --> 01:16:07,895
but what you will get
is the ultimate front.

1197
01:16:08,965 --> 01:16:12,033
You're taking money
from your core business,

1198
01:16:12,035 --> 01:16:15,236
and you're investing it
into your tech venture.

1199
01:16:15,939 --> 01:16:18,706
Forgive the loan,
take the company,

1200
01:16:18,708 --> 01:16:21,208
and enjoy the losses
for years to come.

1201
01:16:22,345 --> 01:16:25,880
Me, I want a write-off
that brings in cash.

1202
01:16:25,882 --> 01:16:27,615
How's you're app going
to bring cash, huh?

1203
01:16:32,255 --> 01:16:33,588
You like cash?

1204
01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:36,057
How about geocache?

1205
01:16:37,594 --> 01:16:39,226
We built an app
that allows people

1206
01:16:39,228 --> 01:16:42,129
to go on anonymous
scavenger hunts.

1207
01:16:42,131 --> 01:16:46,734
That means pick-ups
and drop-offs untraceable,

1208
01:16:46,736 --> 01:16:50,838
and you can exchange virtual
currency on the platform.

1209
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:52,607
This is called geocaching.

1210
01:16:52,609 --> 01:16:54,208
That's what I've been
talking about, Pa.

1211
01:16:54,210 --> 01:16:56,177
Think about what we
can use this for.

1212
01:16:56,179 --> 01:16:58,679
It's like having our own
private phone company.

1213
01:17:00,917 --> 01:17:03,884
Untraceable pick-ups
and drop-offs.

1214
01:17:16,833 --> 01:17:21,268
For my dumbest kid
you're a freakin' genius.

1215
01:17:21,270 --> 01:17:24,138
Moah! Bello di Papa.

1216
01:17:24,974 --> 01:17:28,776
It's a pleasure to see the three
of you do crime together,

1217
01:17:28,778 --> 01:17:32,747
and in your own generation.
Gentlemen, a pleasure.

1218
01:17:35,084 --> 01:17:38,085
I assume you understand
the non-disclosure agreement.

1219
01:17:43,292 --> 01:17:44,725
Yeah.

1220
01:17:45,294 --> 01:17:46,227
Mm-hmm.

1221
01:17:49,065 --> 01:17:53,401
That was a pretty good show
tonight. Your mother
showed me your video.

1222
01:17:55,438 --> 01:17:57,805
I didn't know you could
speak like that, it was good.

1223
01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:00,675
You've got balls, Son.

1224
01:18:02,245 --> 01:18:03,177
Thanks, Dad.

1225
01:18:07,450 --> 01:18:08,416
Wait, what video?

1226
01:18:08,418 --> 01:18:12,386
You're a star,
it's a virus video.

1227
01:18:23,766 --> 01:18:27,401
Yeah. Hey, Vipin, can you get
some more SEO juice on awkward?

1228
01:18:28,371 --> 01:18:30,171
Can't wait to see how
much he can boost this.

1229
01:18:30,173 --> 01:18:32,006
[chuckles]
That's what she had said.

1230
01:18:32,008 --> 01:18:33,474
[laughing]

1231
01:18:35,812 --> 01:18:37,311
You just hit 300K.

1232
01:18:38,414 --> 01:18:39,447
Awesome.

1233
01:18:43,820 --> 01:18:44,952
Well, it's about time.

1234
01:18:46,856 --> 01:18:51,926
-Oh.
<i> -¶ Happy birthday to you ¶</i>

1235
01:18:51,928 --> 01:18:55,796
<i> ¶ Happy birthday to you ¶</i>

1236
01:18:55,798 --> 01:19:00,468
<i> ¶ Happy birthday dear Eric ¶</i>

1237
01:19:00,470 --> 01:19:05,239
<i> ¶ Happy birthday to you ¶</i>

1238
01:19:09,178 --> 01:19:10,811
[Jeanine] Yay!

1239
01:19:11,848 --> 01:19:15,182
[rhythmic guitar music]

1240
01:19:24,894 --> 01:19:28,095
[rhythmic band music]