0000 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 YoubetCash.net Agen Judi Online Aman & Terpercaya 000 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Bonus Cashback Bola 6% Bonus Rollingan 0,80% 00 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Welcome Bonus Rp 25.000 Extra Bonus Tambahan Withdraw Rp 2.000.000 0 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000 CashBack Mix Parlay 100% Bonus Ajak teman 45,2% 1 00:00:48,354 --> 00:00:53,354 2 00:01:09,568 --> 00:01:11,569 I wish I didn't have any holes. 3 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:12,770 If I didn't have to worry about 4 00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:14,073 things going in and out of my holes, 5 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,974 life would be so much easier. 6 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,344 Sure I'd have to give up talking and I like talking, 7 00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,379 but I'd also get to give up public rest rooms. 8 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:21,746 I mean there's always something on the seat lid, 9 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,648 it's just like why? 10 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,350 Historically I will choose the handicap stall 11 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:26,484 which is my personal favorite 12 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,653 because it's usually the cleanest 13 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,555 and it has the most leg room. 14 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:31,689 But lately I've been experiencing increased anxiety 15 00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:33,624 that some kid in a wheelchair will be waiting 16 00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:34,760 outside the stall when I exit 17 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,594 and he's going to glare at me once he sees 18 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:38,397 that I'm clearly physically unafflicted. 19 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,531 The more times I use the handicap stall, 20 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,431 the likelier it is to happen. 21 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,567 It's like a car crash, 22 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:42,934 it's not a matter of if, it's just a matter of when. 23 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,669 But then if I don't drive a car, 24 00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:45,704 how will I get anywhere when the bus is unreliable 25 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,472 and filled with homeless people? 26 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,108 Or social delinquents who resemble homeless people. 27 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,109 I suppose if you were truly homeless 28 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,076 you wouldn't take the bus either 29 00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,511 because you couldn't afford it 30 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,746 or have nowhere to go, one or the other. 31 00:01:53,748 --> 00:01:55,013 Todd I think we're getting a bit off topic. 32 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,915 Well it's my job to be tangential, 33 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,084 it's your job to magically relate everything to my problems. 34 00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:02,821 Okay you treat sex like the kid in a wheelchair. 35 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,157 The handicap stall is a metaphor 36 00:02:04,159 --> 00:02:05,892 for your state of sexual confusion, 37 00:02:05,894 --> 00:02:07,594 and you're afraid of the kid 38 00:02:07,596 --> 00:02:09,628 because he might tell you you're in a wheelchair too. 39 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,763 But I'm not in a wheelchair. 40 00:02:10,765 --> 00:02:12,765 You're in an emotional wheelchair. 41 00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:13,633 So does that mean I'm not gay? 42 00:02:13,635 --> 00:02:16,805 I don't know, it's just a metaphor. 43 00:02:17,973 --> 00:02:19,506 I think I might not be gay. 44 00:02:19,508 --> 00:02:21,608 - You're gay. - You don't know that. 45 00:02:21,610 --> 00:02:23,876 Todd your favorite film is "Legally Blonde". 46 00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:25,043 Well that's just it, 47 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,179 I've always dismissed the possibility 48 00:02:26,181 --> 00:02:27,813 of having any heterosexual feelings, 49 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,082 but I think that's because I've been 50 00:02:29,084 --> 00:02:31,817 socially conditioned to be gay, gay, gay. 51 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,787 Kids have been calling me a faggot at recess 52 00:02:33,789 --> 00:02:34,620 since the second grade, 53 00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,755 I never really had the opportunity 54 00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:37,556 to explore the female gender. 55 00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,924 So you wanna start dating girls? 56 00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,727 I think it would statistically improve my love life. 57 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:42,929 Don't take this the wrong way, 58 00:02:42,931 --> 00:02:46,499 but even if you wanted to experiment, 59 00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:47,767 I don't think you would find anyone. 60 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,637 Girls aren't gay-blind anymore, 61 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:50,638 this isn't the '60s. 62 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,173 And you're no Rock Hudson. 63 00:02:52,175 --> 00:02:53,674 I don't think that I'm that transparent, 64 00:02:53,676 --> 00:02:55,976 I could just be metro. Or a hipster. 65 00:02:55,978 --> 00:02:58,078 Todd you're like a Kinsey six. 66 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,914 Maybe a five when you're not wearing cashmere. 67 00:03:00,916 --> 00:03:02,782 Well I think that I can get it down to a three. 68 00:03:02,784 --> 00:03:03,651 Francis says that 69 00:03:03,653 --> 00:03:05,585 - my masculinity has been - His therapist. 70 00:03:05,587 --> 00:03:07,121 suppressed by my own precognitions of sexual identity, 71 00:03:07,123 --> 00:03:08,823 and she think that I could be happier 72 00:03:08,825 --> 00:03:10,723 if I'm more aggressive and I don't let political labels 73 00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:11,859 like gay define me. 74 00:03:11,861 --> 00:03:13,760 Sorry political labels? 75 00:03:13,762 --> 00:03:15,462 Yes we choose to be gay. 76 00:03:15,464 --> 00:03:17,965 Can I choose to punch you in the face right now? 77 00:03:17,967 --> 00:03:19,567 I don't mean that we choose who we're attracted to. 78 00:03:19,569 --> 00:03:22,203 Okay both of you stop. 79 00:03:22,205 --> 00:03:24,504 Todd do you like gay sex? 80 00:03:24,506 --> 00:03:25,705 He wouldn't know, 81 00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:28,842 - he's never had any. - What, no really? 82 00:03:28,844 --> 00:03:29,710 I can't, it makes me think of poop, 83 00:03:29,712 --> 00:03:30,777 And I don't like poop. 84 00:03:30,779 --> 00:03:32,045 The smell, the image, the sound, 85 00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:33,746 the texture, not that I've ever touched it, 86 00:03:33,748 --> 00:03:34,814 oh God even thinking about poop makes me want to vomit. 87 00:03:34,816 --> 00:03:36,684 Does thinking about vomit make you wanna poo? 88 00:03:36,686 --> 00:03:37,686 Okay no one likes poop. 89 00:03:37,688 --> 00:03:39,688 I could offer an anecdote to the contrary. 90 00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:40,521 What about Jerry? 91 00:03:40,523 --> 00:03:42,591 You at least gave him a blow job. 92 00:03:42,593 --> 00:03:45,196 For a few seconds, it was more of a blow consultation. 93 00:03:46,929 --> 00:03:48,597 Maybe you're bisexual. 94 00:03:48,599 --> 00:03:51,199 No I'm sorry this is recockulous. 95 00:03:51,201 --> 00:03:54,002 Todd you can not decide that you're straight 96 00:03:54,004 --> 00:03:55,203 just because you don't like 97 00:03:55,205 --> 00:03:56,705 the gay people you've been meeting. 98 00:03:56,707 --> 00:03:58,272 I like girls, I've always liked girls. 99 00:03:58,274 --> 00:04:00,876 They're pretty, and they're clean and they're soft. 100 00:04:00,878 --> 00:04:03,677 You can find all those qualities in a decorative pillow. 101 00:04:03,679 --> 00:04:04,979 No you can't they're not always soft, 102 00:04:04,981 --> 00:04:06,681 that's why they're not called functional pillows 103 00:04:06,683 --> 00:04:08,717 and for two they're not always clean unless you steam them. 104 00:04:08,719 --> 00:04:10,085 - Oh my God. - Todd I think 105 00:04:10,087 --> 00:04:11,019 you're missing the point. 106 00:04:11,021 --> 00:04:12,253 No you're missing the point. 107 00:04:12,255 --> 00:04:14,556 I'm undergoing a severe sexual identity crisis 108 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,825 and neither of my only two friends are taking me seriously. 109 00:04:17,827 --> 00:04:19,594 Okay I am sorry. 110 00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:21,732 I support you so does Ryder. 111 00:04:22,798 --> 00:04:24,800 - Yay. - Thank you, 112 00:04:24,802 --> 00:04:25,800 because I do need your help. 113 00:04:25,802 --> 00:04:29,872 I'm still a little bit scared of the p-word. 114 00:04:29,874 --> 00:04:30,773 - Pillow? - Poop? 115 00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:32,210 No you know, meow. 116 00:04:36,547 --> 00:04:39,648 Okay Todd, if you can't say the word pussy, 117 00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:41,651 you're definitely gay. 118 00:04:41,653 --> 00:04:43,985 I can say it, I just think it's vulgar. 119 00:04:43,987 --> 00:04:45,023 Then say it. 120 00:04:47,157 --> 00:04:47,992 Pussy. 121 00:04:49,994 --> 00:04:54,999 Todd say I wanna fuck some pussy. 122 00:05:00,071 --> 00:05:01,607 I wanna fuck some pussy. 123 00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:14,286 I'm straight. 124 00:05:16,055 --> 00:05:17,723 I'm straight. 125 00:05:21,759 --> 00:05:25,228 I'm straight, I like bean burritos 126 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:29,866 and motorcycles and 127 00:05:29,868 --> 00:05:34,274 motorcycles and pussy. 128 00:05:48,654 --> 00:05:49,288 - Hi. - Hi. 129 00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:54,657 Do you come here a lot? 130 00:05:54,659 --> 00:05:56,258 - What? - I said do 131 00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:58,027 you come here a lot? 132 00:05:58,029 --> 00:06:01,334 Oh I thought you said do I come a lot. 133 00:06:02,902 --> 00:06:04,167 That's not what I said. 134 00:06:04,169 --> 00:06:06,804 Yes on both accounts. 135 00:06:06,806 --> 00:06:07,974 My boyfriend is a god. 136 00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:12,309 Well as long as he doesn't support religious genocide. 137 00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:14,211 You're so cute! 138 00:06:14,213 --> 00:06:16,280 My friend Tracy would love you. 139 00:06:16,282 --> 00:06:18,818 - Tracy! - Somebody rang? 140 00:06:28,794 --> 00:06:29,929 Is anybody sitting here? 141 00:06:31,830 --> 00:06:36,837 No I'm completely alone. 142 00:06:42,909 --> 00:06:45,076 Are you all right? 143 00:06:45,078 --> 00:06:46,780 No I'm not. 144 00:06:48,749 --> 00:06:51,016 - Okay. - My best friend from home 145 00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,951 was supposed to fly into L.A. for my birthday, 146 00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,853 but then some pigeon ran into the engine... 147 00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:56,087 Oh my God. Avian ingestion? 148 00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:57,255 That's literally my third worst nightmare. 149 00:06:57,257 --> 00:06:59,324 What was the death count? 150 00:06:59,326 --> 00:07:00,425 What? 151 00:07:00,427 --> 00:07:02,894 No it just got delayed but then 152 00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:04,865 now I have no one to buy me drinks. 153 00:07:08,069 --> 00:07:09,270 I can buy you a drink. 154 00:07:10,336 --> 00:07:11,171 Really? 155 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,908 Do you wanna be my birthday buddy? 156 00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:20,814 - Okay. - Yay, let's do shots. 157 00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:24,483 My momma wanted me to go to Ohio State 158 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,784 but I was like, "I'm turning 18!" 159 00:07:26,786 --> 00:07:28,153 That's 40 in pop star years. 160 00:07:28,155 --> 00:07:29,488 Wait how old are you now? 161 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,923 18 but don't worry, 162 00:07:31,925 --> 00:07:34,793 my momma installed me with Southern values. 163 00:07:34,795 --> 00:07:36,229 I do not hook up. 164 00:07:36,231 --> 00:07:37,897 Like that Kelly Clarkson song, 165 00:07:37,899 --> 00:07:39,431 "I Do Not Hook Up". 166 00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:41,066 - Instilled. - What? 167 00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:43,303 And I think Ohio's in the Midwest. 168 00:07:43,305 --> 00:07:44,503 What are you tryna say? 169 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,972 So you shouldn't have southern values. 170 00:07:46,974 --> 00:07:49,778 Oh yeah you're right. 171 00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:52,010 I'm in L.A. now. 172 00:08:00,921 --> 00:08:04,224 You've like done this before right? 173 00:08:04,226 --> 00:08:06,760 Oh yeah, yeah lots of times. 174 00:08:06,762 --> 00:08:09,432 Oh good. Me too. So many times. 175 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,265 - Oh God what is that? - What's wrong? 176 00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:17,436 Oh my God! 177 00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:18,438 Get it off ooh! 178 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,039 It was like that scene in "Alien" 179 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,907 after they eat dinner with the, 180 00:08:21,909 --> 00:08:23,308 you know that scene? 181 00:08:24,513 --> 00:08:25,846 Well I don't pay you to laugh at me. 182 00:08:25,848 --> 00:08:27,781 Your parents pay me. 183 00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:28,451 Yeah well. 184 00:08:29,518 --> 00:08:34,021 Frankly Todd, I'm surprised by your behavior. 185 00:08:34,023 --> 00:08:35,890 You're willfully barking up the wrong tree, 186 00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:38,494 but I'm unclear as to what you're even chasing. 187 00:08:39,494 --> 00:08:40,861 Is it sex? 188 00:08:40,863 --> 00:08:42,362 Is it love? 189 00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:43,564 What do you want? 190 00:08:43,566 --> 00:08:45,465 I don't know what I want. 191 00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:47,801 I know what I don't want. 192 00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:50,805 I don't wanna be alone for the rest of my life. 193 00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:54,177 Excuse me do you work here? 194 00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:12,964 Tell me you don't love me. 195 00:09:14,398 --> 00:09:16,163 Tell me you don't love me and I'll let you get on 196 00:09:16,165 --> 00:09:18,834 that Korean Air flight and never look back. 197 00:09:18,836 --> 00:09:22,240 My whole life I've been waiting 198 00:09:23,874 --> 00:09:28,279 for you to appear in my life and make me whole. 199 00:09:32,548 --> 00:09:33,647 That was good Rory. 200 00:09:33,649 --> 00:09:36,151 I think she should be crying the this scene though, 201 00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:39,921 so take a minute and then we'll try again. 202 00:09:39,923 --> 00:09:41,522 - Okay. - And I see on your 203 00:09:41,524 --> 00:09:45,560 special skills you can do a Zooey Deschanel impression. 204 00:09:45,562 --> 00:09:46,563 I'd love to hear it. 205 00:09:48,532 --> 00:09:51,502 It's so soft, I can't believe it's not cotton. 206 00:09:52,535 --> 00:09:54,337 I'm probably gonna take that off. 207 00:09:55,505 --> 00:09:56,872 Do you have any other questions 208 00:09:56,874 --> 00:09:59,007 before we give this another whirl? 209 00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:01,310 No, no I mean yes, 210 00:10:01,312 --> 00:10:03,645 are you really asking or is that just an obligatory gesture? 211 00:10:03,647 --> 00:10:05,648 I'm really asking. 212 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:06,481 This isn't a comedy right? 213 00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:10,619 - No. - So Jenna has a genius IQ, 214 00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:13,556 it say she's runway gorgeous and she studies Jujutsu. 215 00:10:13,558 --> 00:10:15,358 I am having some trouble understanding 216 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,893 why she'd be attracted to Jonah 217 00:10:16,895 --> 00:10:18,594 who doesn't work out, he's unemployed 218 00:10:18,596 --> 00:10:20,462 and they have absolutely nothing in common. 219 00:10:20,464 --> 00:10:23,331 Remember Jenna has a troubled past. 220 00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:24,566 Right yes, dead dad. 221 00:10:24,568 --> 00:10:25,534 Which I get 'cause I have that, so 222 00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:26,503 I can understand if it was like a whole solace, 223 00:10:26,505 --> 00:10:28,470 I just wanna fuck the pain away kind of thing, 224 00:10:28,472 --> 00:10:29,504 although you'd think with all her CIA training 225 00:10:29,506 --> 00:10:30,472 she'd develop some equanimity. 226 00:10:30,474 --> 00:10:32,675 But she chooses to stay with him in Wisconsin 227 00:10:32,677 --> 00:10:34,110 over potentially thwarting a North Korean 228 00:10:34,112 --> 00:10:36,180 nuclear missile crisis I mean that's, 229 00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:37,049 that's a lot. 230 00:10:38,015 --> 00:10:40,318 People do crazy things when they're in love. 231 00:10:41,486 --> 00:10:43,552 Okay now you're just quoting "Hercules". 232 00:10:53,632 --> 00:10:54,664 Right, you done cleaning up? 233 00:10:54,666 --> 00:10:56,633 Hi yes yeah I am. 234 00:10:56,635 --> 00:10:57,801 Again I'm so sorry I was late, 235 00:10:57,803 --> 00:11:00,269 my audition went really long and the 405 was backed up. 236 00:11:00,271 --> 00:11:01,471 - Just... - No don't even 237 00:11:01,473 --> 00:11:04,109 worry about it yeah I'm firing you. 238 00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,710 - What? - I would have fired you 239 00:11:06,712 --> 00:11:09,212 when you got in but Jamie called in sick, 240 00:11:09,214 --> 00:11:11,148 - and we were short-handed. - Why didn't you fire Jamie? 241 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:12,615 I like Jamie, 242 00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:14,621 and you clearly don't want to be a waitress so. 243 00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:17,656 Who the fuck wants to be a waitress? 244 00:11:26,665 --> 00:11:28,233 The food here sucks! 245 00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:33,003 Oh put that back! 246 00:11:33,005 --> 00:11:33,673 Put I back! 247 00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:37,741 Is this seat taken? 248 00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:39,577 Does it look like it's taken? 249 00:11:39,579 --> 00:11:40,712 Don't deflect move 250 00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:41,949 - the story forward. - Okay. 251 00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:48,922 No would you like to join me for a cup of joe? 252 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,162 Have I seen you somewhere before? 253 00:11:57,730 --> 00:12:00,698 Maybe, are you familiar with the filmography 254 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:03,534 of Lars Von Trier? 255 00:12:03,536 --> 00:12:05,636 So you're an actress? 256 00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:08,072 Do you want my autograph? 257 00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:08,709 Have you ever done a sex scene? 258 00:12:12,144 --> 00:12:13,079 Hmm. Does rape count? 259 00:12:14,714 --> 00:12:15,950 No. 260 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:18,085 Okay Rory, um. 261 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,687 We're not gonna tell you what you can and can't say. 262 00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:24,659 We're not the PC police 263 00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:27,659 but rape is never funny. 264 00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,328 I thought it was funny. 265 00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,595 I didn't laugh. 266 00:12:30,597 --> 00:12:31,796 It's not like I was mocking rape victims, 267 00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:33,598 I was mocking actors. 268 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,068 Uh-huh, not everybody can make that distinction. 269 00:12:36,070 --> 00:12:38,369 Well it's not my fault if people are fucking stupid. 270 00:12:38,371 --> 00:12:41,540 My best friend was date raped in college. 271 00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:43,478 That made me feel really uncomfortable. 272 00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:46,310 See Rory. It's different for people 273 00:12:46,312 --> 00:12:48,313 who've actually been affected by sexual abuse. 274 00:12:48,315 --> 00:12:49,718 Yes I would know, thank you. 275 00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:55,521 If you need to talk to someone, 276 00:12:55,523 --> 00:12:58,556 my best friend really loves her therapist. 277 00:12:58,558 --> 00:12:59,590 Your date rape friend? 278 00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:01,225 No, Colleen moved to Boston. 279 00:13:01,227 --> 00:13:03,529 We don't really talk any more. 280 00:13:07,334 --> 00:13:09,133 Hey Karen it's your daughter. 281 00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:10,170 Just calling to chat. 282 00:13:11,172 --> 00:13:12,104 How's Sri Lanka? 283 00:13:12,106 --> 00:13:12,774 I hear they have great... 284 00:13:13,641 --> 00:13:15,075 What do they have in Sri Lanka? 285 00:13:15,077 --> 00:13:16,542 Anyway I'm trying to be less negative 286 00:13:16,544 --> 00:13:18,578 so I'm gonna sandwich technique this for you. 287 00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:21,484 It didn't rain. So that's positive. 288 00:13:23,684 --> 00:13:26,618 I got fired and everybody in my improv class 289 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:28,754 thinks I'm a huge bitch and I got a parking ticket 290 00:13:28,756 --> 00:13:31,590 and I think there's a dead mouse in my garbage disposal. 291 00:13:31,592 --> 00:13:35,295 So that's my negative thing. 292 00:13:35,297 --> 00:13:37,629 That's all 24 hours so it counts as one thing. 293 00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:41,801 And positive, positive, what's positive? 294 00:13:41,803 --> 00:13:44,774 Oh I thought I saw Amy Adams at Trader Joes. 295 00:13:46,241 --> 00:13:48,744 But it was just Isla Fischer. So. 296 00:13:50,678 --> 00:13:54,848 I'm out here living the dream. 297 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:57,816 Hey, you know that saying shoot for the moon, 298 00:13:57,818 --> 00:13:59,820 even if you miss you'll land among the stars? 299 00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,825 I did some research and apparently 300 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,259 the closest star excluding our sun, 301 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,693 is still four light years away from Earth. 302 00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:08,361 So if you miss the moon, 303 00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,599 you don't land on anything ever. 304 00:14:11,733 --> 00:14:14,237 You just float aimlessly in space 305 00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:16,406 until you die. 306 00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:24,847 Okay so call me back sometime or whatever. Bye. 307 00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:42,491 Excuse me do you work here? 308 00:15:42,493 --> 00:15:44,894 No but I get that a lot, I don't know why. 309 00:15:44,896 --> 00:15:46,529 You're restocking the shelves. 310 00:15:46,531 --> 00:15:48,331 Oh some of the books are out of order. 311 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:49,799 Yeah but it's not your job. 312 00:15:49,801 --> 00:15:52,468 Valid. Counterpoint, I was at Staples the other day 313 00:15:52,470 --> 00:15:53,636 and somebody asked me if we sold paperweights 314 00:15:53,638 --> 00:15:55,838 and I wasn't doing anything, I was just standing there. 315 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,240 Were you wearing a red shirt? 316 00:15:57,242 --> 00:15:57,876 No. 317 00:15:59,844 --> 00:16:01,276 I know what your problem is, 318 00:16:01,278 --> 00:16:02,544 you have a very friendly demeanor, 319 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,746 like you look super helpful. 320 00:16:04,748 --> 00:16:06,448 Can I fix that? 321 00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:09,017 Yeah sure, don't make eye contact, don't smile. 322 00:16:09,019 --> 00:16:10,719 The more you can project an air of antipathy, 323 00:16:10,721 --> 00:16:11,621 the less you'll be approached. 324 00:16:11,623 --> 00:16:13,425 It's not a hobby, it's a way of life. 325 00:16:15,759 --> 00:16:16,727 I'm ignoring you. 326 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,594 - It's convincing. - I can practice later. 327 00:16:19,596 --> 00:16:20,596 Sorry am I in your way? 328 00:16:20,598 --> 00:16:21,731 Everything's sort of in disarray at the moment. 329 00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:22,932 I'm in the it gets worse before it gets better phase. 330 00:16:22,934 --> 00:16:23,867 No, no you're fine, 331 00:16:23,869 --> 00:16:24,868 I just, the library is hiring, 332 00:16:24,870 --> 00:16:26,639 I wanted to drop off my resume to 333 00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:30,373 a corporeal entity if possible. 334 00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,276 - Good word. Corporeal. - Thank you. 335 00:16:32,278 --> 00:16:33,776 And antipathy, you said that earlier. 336 00:16:33,778 --> 00:16:35,411 Yeah that's one of my go-to smart people words. 337 00:16:35,413 --> 00:16:36,512 It's your smart people what? 338 00:16:36,514 --> 00:16:39,382 You know that handful of words that you overuse 339 00:16:39,384 --> 00:16:40,684 in conversations to impress strangers 340 00:16:40,686 --> 00:16:42,486 even if they don't really fit like, 341 00:16:42,488 --> 00:16:44,757 my worst offenders are emblematic and perspicacity. 342 00:16:45,923 --> 00:16:47,690 You don't do that do you? 343 00:16:47,692 --> 00:16:48,624 I'm sorry, ignore me, 344 00:16:48,626 --> 00:16:49,895 I am pretentious apparently. 345 00:16:51,462 --> 00:16:52,628 My middle name is pretentious. 346 00:16:52,630 --> 00:16:54,363 - What? - So we're even Steven. 347 00:16:54,365 --> 00:16:55,299 Is that a joke? 348 00:16:55,301 --> 00:16:57,534 Like danger is my middle name. 349 00:16:57,536 --> 00:16:59,636 No my middle name is Preston. 350 00:16:59,638 --> 00:17:02,571 It's a pretentious name, I'm trying to relate to you. 351 00:17:02,573 --> 00:17:04,507 Right. Preston is pretentious. 352 00:17:04,509 --> 00:17:05,676 - Yeah. - Yeah. 353 00:17:05,678 --> 00:17:07,847 Some would say that it is Prestontious. 354 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:10,546 Would they? 355 00:17:10,548 --> 00:17:11,818 If it's a joke yeah. 356 00:17:12,818 --> 00:17:13,654 Copy. 357 00:17:14,721 --> 00:17:15,752 My first name is Todd. 358 00:17:15,754 --> 00:17:16,756 Hi Todd, I'm Rory. 359 00:17:17,956 --> 00:17:19,356 - I like that name. - Thank you. 360 00:17:19,358 --> 00:17:20,691 It reminds me of Rory Gilmore. 361 00:17:20,693 --> 00:17:21,625 You watch "Gilmore Girls"? 362 00:17:21,627 --> 00:17:22,493 I watch "Gilmore Girls", 363 00:17:22,495 --> 00:17:23,861 I own all the seven seasons on DVD. 364 00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:25,095 I own all seven seasons on DVD. 365 00:17:25,097 --> 00:17:26,497 I almost went to Yale because of that show. 366 00:17:26,499 --> 00:17:27,731 I almost went to Yale because of the show. 367 00:17:27,733 --> 00:17:29,336 - I didn't get in obviously. - I did. 368 00:17:30,502 --> 00:17:31,571 That sucks I'm sorry. 369 00:17:32,606 --> 00:17:35,073 Oh, favorite Rory boyfriend on one, two, three 370 00:17:35,075 --> 00:17:36,708 - Jesse. - Jesse obviously. 371 00:17:36,710 --> 00:17:37,643 Do you think I'm gay? 372 00:17:37,645 --> 00:17:38,677 - Pardon? - One can like "Gilmore Girls" 373 00:17:38,679 --> 00:17:39,678 - and be not gay. - I wasn't assuming anything. 374 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,881 Okay because both my friends think I'm gay, 375 00:17:41,914 --> 00:17:43,581 so I didn't want you to, last week I had sex with a girl. 376 00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,682 Well woman, well girl. 377 00:17:45,684 --> 00:17:46,883 Good for you. 378 00:17:46,885 --> 00:17:48,118 Sorry I don't know why I said that. 379 00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,554 I'm not bragging I only got my hand in. 380 00:17:49,556 --> 00:17:50,354 Not because she was gay or I'm gay 381 00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:51,588 because she was a virgin 382 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,690 - and then I just... - No it's fine, 383 00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:54,624 - really I believe you. - Oh. I just didn't want you 384 00:17:54,626 --> 00:17:55,660 to label me so. 385 00:17:55,662 --> 00:17:57,127 I don't, labels are for vegans 386 00:17:57,129 --> 00:17:58,363 as I sometimes say. 387 00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,765 I eat meat. 388 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,799 I, you know, feel bad for the animals. 389 00:18:01,801 --> 00:18:04,536 I prefer to eat smaller animals like chickens, 390 00:18:04,538 --> 00:18:05,738 because the smaller you are the less likely 391 00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:06,572 you are to feel pain. 392 00:18:06,574 --> 00:18:07,772 I didn't know that. 393 00:18:07,774 --> 00:18:09,607 Might not be true I haven't looked into it thoroughly. 394 00:18:09,609 --> 00:18:11,545 I already have a lot of guilt on my plate so. 395 00:18:15,383 --> 00:18:16,017 - Hm? - What? 396 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,817 Oh nothing I just, 397 00:18:19,819 --> 00:18:21,955 I thought maybe you wanted to ask me something. 398 00:18:23,656 --> 00:18:24,722 So you said you're an actress, 399 00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:25,923 have I seen you in anything? 400 00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:27,692 Maybe have you seen "2 Girls 1 Cup"? 401 00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:28,826 No when did it come out? 402 00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:30,128 Oh I'm just kidding sorry, 403 00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:31,529 I hate that question. 404 00:18:31,531 --> 00:18:32,597 When did it come out? 405 00:18:32,599 --> 00:18:33,531 No have I seen you in anything? 406 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:34,833 Because like you haven't, 407 00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:36,734 but anyway it's a porn video. 408 00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:37,670 You were in a porn video? 409 00:18:37,672 --> 00:18:39,738 No, no, no, "2 Girls 1 Cup' is a porn, 410 00:18:39,740 --> 00:18:41,406 you've never really? 411 00:18:41,408 --> 00:18:42,807 Oh well it's two girls, 412 00:18:42,809 --> 00:18:45,109 and then they shit into a cup, 413 00:18:45,111 --> 00:18:46,577 - it's really gross. - Oh no, 414 00:18:46,579 --> 00:18:47,614 - yeah if you could, no, just - I'm sorry, 415 00:18:47,616 --> 00:18:48,882 - change, I'm a visual person. - Oh, oh let me... 416 00:18:48,884 --> 00:18:50,048 Change the topic 417 00:18:50,050 --> 00:18:50,716 - please yeah. - Okay sure great, 418 00:18:50,718 --> 00:18:51,651 what do you do? 419 00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:52,818 Well I get intrusive thoughts, 420 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:53,920 so I keep replaying that imagery 421 00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:55,555 - over and over in my head. - No, no, no, for work, 422 00:18:55,557 --> 00:18:57,156 for work, for work, for work, what do you do? 423 00:18:57,158 --> 00:19:00,193 Software coding and I house sit as a side hobby 424 00:19:00,195 --> 00:19:02,628 but mostly just to meet people. 425 00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:03,863 Who do you meet house sitting? 426 00:19:03,865 --> 00:19:06,732 The owners before they leave. 427 00:19:06,734 --> 00:19:09,935 Oh. Whose house is this? 428 00:19:09,937 --> 00:19:13,839 My first cousin once removed chiropractor's ex-wife. 429 00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:14,840 And what does she do? 430 00:19:14,842 --> 00:19:17,477 I didn't ask, you have a very symmetrical face. 431 00:19:17,479 --> 00:19:18,545 - Thank you. - I'm developing an app 432 00:19:18,547 --> 00:19:20,480 called Face Value that leverages machine learning 433 00:19:20,482 --> 00:19:21,780 to measure facial bilateral symmetry 434 00:19:21,782 --> 00:19:22,781 on a scale of one to 10. 435 00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:24,616 You can tell a lot about a person by their face. 436 00:19:24,618 --> 00:19:25,684 Yeah what does my face say? 437 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:26,719 Oh I'm glad you asked. 438 00:19:26,721 --> 00:19:27,987 Facial symmetry indicates 439 00:19:27,989 --> 00:19:29,154 - extraversion, - Sometimes. 440 00:19:29,156 --> 00:19:30,789 - Lower levels of neuroticism, - Nope. 441 00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:33,058 - And developmental stability. - Definitely not. 442 00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,661 It's true, they've done studies. 443 00:19:34,663 --> 00:19:37,764 Ah yeah well to invalidate that research, 444 00:19:37,766 --> 00:19:38,699 I don't have a dad, 445 00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:39,867 my mom was, she still is, 446 00:19:39,869 --> 00:19:41,100 a surgeon for doctor's without boarders 447 00:19:41,102 --> 00:19:42,470 so she was always gone 448 00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:43,703 and my brother basically raised me. 449 00:19:43,705 --> 00:19:44,972 Except he got addicted to heroin, 450 00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:46,607 he stole a bunch of money from my nana, 451 00:19:46,609 --> 00:19:49,175 we kinda don't talk anymore, it's a bit fucked up. 452 00:19:49,177 --> 00:19:50,543 Why am I telling you this? 453 00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,213 I don't know. 454 00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:54,682 I do. I have a theory 455 00:19:54,684 --> 00:19:55,649 that millennials over share 456 00:19:55,651 --> 00:19:57,851 because we're the most godless generation. 457 00:19:57,853 --> 00:19:59,953 So that's why we confess everything on social media, 458 00:19:59,955 --> 00:20:02,923 it's sort of our way to cling to some kind of permanence. 459 00:20:02,925 --> 00:20:04,058 Are you on social media? 460 00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,928 - No are you? - No. 461 00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,697 Well it's just a theory. 462 00:20:10,699 --> 00:20:12,665 - Oh I see it now. - What? 463 00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:15,069 Your drug addict brother, he's right... 464 00:20:15,071 --> 00:20:16,736 So what's your face value? 465 00:20:16,738 --> 00:20:17,637 Six point two. 466 00:20:17,639 --> 00:20:19,572 - That doesn't sound good. - It's not. 467 00:20:19,574 --> 00:20:20,773 I have a deviated septum, 468 00:20:20,775 --> 00:20:22,041 a triangle of moles on this side, 469 00:20:22,043 --> 00:20:23,480 and then only one dimple. 470 00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:25,780 That's ironic you know? 471 00:20:25,782 --> 00:20:27,081 Guy obsessed with symmetry has crooked face. 472 00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:28,183 You must hate yourself. 473 00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:30,150 Yeah most of the time. 474 00:20:30,152 --> 00:20:31,752 Oh no I didn't mean, no. 475 00:20:31,754 --> 00:20:32,887 Don't, I'm just fucking with you, 476 00:20:32,889 --> 00:20:34,723 don't hate yourself, that's sad. 477 00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:35,760 Okay. 478 00:20:36,659 --> 00:20:39,560 So you're legit OCD right? 479 00:20:39,562 --> 00:20:40,662 You're not just like, 480 00:20:40,664 --> 00:20:43,865 "Oh I'm so OCD I save the red skittles for last."? 481 00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,133 Oh I do save the red skittles for last. 482 00:20:45,135 --> 00:20:46,902 - Oh. - But I'm also a checker 483 00:20:46,904 --> 00:20:48,736 and a washer and I don't fly. 484 00:20:48,738 --> 00:20:50,571 You don't fly, how do you get anywhere? 485 00:20:50,573 --> 00:20:51,875 I don't need to go anywhere. 486 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,775 - Paris? - Small fridges. 487 00:20:54,777 --> 00:20:56,043 - New York? - I can drive to New York. 488 00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:57,545 - Have you? - No but I've seen 489 00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:00,281 "Taxi Driver" and "Cloverfield" so I get the idea. 490 00:21:00,283 --> 00:21:03,318 You know driving is way more dangerous than flying right? 491 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:04,655 Not the way I drive. 492 00:21:05,789 --> 00:21:06,987 Do you see a psychiatrist? 493 00:21:06,989 --> 00:21:08,790 Yes but mostly I see a psychoanalyst 494 00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:09,791 because I like to talk a lot, 495 00:21:09,793 --> 00:21:11,193 and I used to do cognitive behavioral therapy 496 00:21:11,195 --> 00:21:12,695 to help with my phobias. 497 00:21:12,697 --> 00:21:13,795 What are you afraid of? 498 00:21:13,797 --> 00:21:15,263 Everything under the sun. 499 00:21:15,265 --> 00:21:17,832 - The sun. - You're afraid of the sun? 500 00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,301 Yeah I try to avoid it. 501 00:21:19,303 --> 00:21:20,703 Especially during the hours of 10 a.m. and four p.m. 502 00:21:20,705 --> 00:21:21,838 when the UV rays are the most potent 503 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,705 because I'm afraid it's going to expedite my cancer. 504 00:21:23,707 --> 00:21:24,840 Oh wait, you have cancer? 505 00:21:24,842 --> 00:21:26,775 Oh not yet. But I will. 506 00:21:26,777 --> 00:21:27,909 - You will? - Uh-huh. 507 00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:29,678 There's a 44% chance that I'll develop 508 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,280 some form of cancer throughout my lifetime 509 00:21:31,282 --> 00:21:33,616 and I've never been exceptionally lucky. 510 00:21:33,618 --> 00:21:35,618 But you need serotonin. 511 00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:37,086 Sunlight's good for your soul. 512 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:38,821 I know, I don't get enough 513 00:21:38,823 --> 00:21:40,222 and it stresses me out and the worst part 514 00:21:40,224 --> 00:21:42,692 is that stress causes cancer. 515 00:21:42,694 --> 00:21:43,826 It's a vicious cycle. 516 00:21:43,828 --> 00:21:45,261 It really is. 517 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:48,863 So are you afraid of dying too soon 518 00:21:48,865 --> 00:21:50,032 or just dying in general? 519 00:21:50,034 --> 00:21:52,334 The latter, I don't wanna die ever. 520 00:21:52,336 --> 00:21:53,636 Oh see I'm the opposite, 521 00:21:53,638 --> 00:21:54,971 I already know how I wanna die. 522 00:21:54,973 --> 00:21:58,139 I am 90 and I just won my second Oscar, 523 00:21:58,141 --> 00:22:00,877 I used to say third but I don't wanna be unrealistic, 524 00:22:00,879 --> 00:22:03,312 and I fall asleep hugging a panda 525 00:22:03,314 --> 00:22:05,148 and then she falls asleep 526 00:22:05,150 --> 00:22:07,283 and then she rolls over and accidentally smothers me. 527 00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:08,985 - Well that sounds nice. - But I can understand, 528 00:22:08,987 --> 00:22:10,720 I can understand not wanting to die prematurely, 529 00:22:10,722 --> 00:22:13,322 'cause like if I died now before I've done anything 530 00:22:13,324 --> 00:22:16,360 you know like, significant, I would be livid. 531 00:22:16,362 --> 00:22:17,727 Well I doubt many people would 532 00:22:17,729 --> 00:22:18,928 be jumping in their boots to die. 533 00:22:18,930 --> 00:22:19,862 Like happy people. 534 00:22:19,864 --> 00:22:21,130 Except for suicidal people. 535 00:22:21,132 --> 00:22:22,399 I don't hang out with those people. 536 00:22:22,401 --> 00:22:23,065 But they're probably not the jumping type. 537 00:22:23,067 --> 00:22:24,301 I know some. 538 00:22:24,303 --> 00:22:25,235 Unless it's off of a bridge or something. 539 00:22:25,237 --> 00:22:26,168 But seriously if I died now 540 00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:27,337 I would literally kill somebody. 541 00:22:27,339 --> 00:22:30,172 - Literally? - Well no, oh no! 542 00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,109 Oh God, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. 543 00:22:32,111 --> 00:22:33,776 I can't believe I just fucking did that. 544 00:22:33,778 --> 00:22:35,012 Well they say that things you don't like 545 00:22:35,014 --> 00:22:36,245 about other people are usually problems 546 00:22:36,247 --> 00:22:37,648 that you have with yourself. 547 00:22:37,650 --> 00:22:39,116 Okay first of all, who says that? 548 00:22:39,118 --> 00:22:40,350 Nobody says that, that is rude. 549 00:22:40,352 --> 00:22:42,886 Second of all I did mean literally. 550 00:22:42,888 --> 00:22:45,322 What you'd literally kill somebody? 551 00:22:45,324 --> 00:22:47,792 To be not dead? Yeah. 552 00:22:47,794 --> 00:22:48,959 Like I'm not saying I'd go out 553 00:22:48,961 --> 00:22:50,727 and sign up to be a terrorist, 554 00:22:50,729 --> 00:22:52,030 but if somebody put a gun to my head and they said, 555 00:22:52,032 --> 00:22:53,831 "Hey kill that guy or I'm gonna kill you." 556 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:54,931 I'd be like, "Hey sorry man, 557 00:22:54,933 --> 00:22:56,737 "I gotta lookout for number one." 558 00:22:57,437 --> 00:22:58,369 No matter who it was? 559 00:22:58,371 --> 00:23:00,438 Well maybe if it was like, 560 00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,406 no, I'd let Obama die. 561 00:23:01,408 --> 00:23:03,240 - Your parents? - They've had their time. 562 00:23:03,242 --> 00:23:04,875 - A baby? - I would definitely 563 00:23:04,877 --> 00:23:05,909 - kill a baby. - What? 564 00:23:05,911 --> 00:23:07,411 Oh come on, 565 00:23:07,413 --> 00:23:08,912 think about how much time and investment goes into 566 00:23:08,914 --> 00:23:10,214 raising a well adjusted adult. 567 00:23:10,216 --> 00:23:11,785 I am college educated, 568 00:23:12,719 --> 00:23:14,185 I have a great sense of humor, 569 00:23:14,187 --> 00:23:16,187 I'm going to be a famous actress, 570 00:23:16,189 --> 00:23:18,322 I am way more beneficial to society than a 571 00:23:18,324 --> 00:23:20,691 useless, resource-consuming baby. 572 00:23:20,693 --> 00:23:21,692 - Wow. - It would be like 573 00:23:21,694 --> 00:23:23,761 painting the Mona Lisa white to start fresh. 574 00:23:23,763 --> 00:23:25,228 What if that baby was the next Picasso? 575 00:23:25,230 --> 00:23:27,732 Or a more likely scenario, 576 00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:29,934 what if he was a gangbanger? 577 00:23:29,936 --> 00:23:33,236 Or a heroin addict or just had a real crooked face like you? 578 00:23:33,238 --> 00:23:34,707 I'm joking, Todd I'm joking. 579 00:23:34,709 --> 00:23:36,808 I'm sorry you're really easy. 580 00:23:36,810 --> 00:23:38,310 No I just, it's the same reason I don't wanna have kids. 581 00:23:38,312 --> 00:23:39,911 I figure Murphy's law if I had kids 582 00:23:39,913 --> 00:23:41,345 I'd probably end up like the mother in 583 00:23:41,347 --> 00:23:43,347 "We Need to Talk About Kevin". 584 00:23:43,349 --> 00:23:44,882 Oh I though that was gonna be one of those movies 585 00:23:44,884 --> 00:23:46,785 where they say the title somewhere in the dialogue, 586 00:23:46,787 --> 00:23:48,053 and I kept waiting for it to happen 587 00:23:48,055 --> 00:23:50,057 and it never did and it really bothered me. 588 00:23:51,025 --> 00:23:52,324 Not the massacre itself, 589 00:23:52,326 --> 00:23:53,292 just the fact that nobody ever said, 590 00:23:53,294 --> 00:23:54,293 we need to talk about Kevin? 591 00:23:54,295 --> 00:23:56,163 Yeah, it just wasn't right. 592 00:23:57,864 --> 00:23:59,398 My mom wants me to have kids. 593 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,833 She wants me to have kids and she wants me 594 00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:03,368 to save the planet and I'm like, 595 00:24:03,370 --> 00:24:06,839 "Fuck can I just do what makes me happy?" 596 00:24:06,841 --> 00:24:08,907 You know like isn't that why our forefathers 597 00:24:08,909 --> 00:24:10,843 bombed and pillaged other countries 598 00:24:10,845 --> 00:24:12,844 so that I could be happy? 599 00:24:12,846 --> 00:24:15,881 And as much as I pretend to give no fucks 600 00:24:15,883 --> 00:24:17,416 what my mother things invariably, 601 00:24:17,418 --> 00:24:19,817 the only way that I can justify being an actor, 602 00:24:19,819 --> 00:24:21,987 which is like the epitome of vanity, 603 00:24:21,989 --> 00:24:23,890 is to be a disgustingly rich philanthropist 604 00:24:23,892 --> 00:24:26,492 like Paul Newman and trying to be Paul Newman all the time 605 00:24:26,494 --> 00:24:29,161 is way too much pressure. 606 00:24:29,163 --> 00:24:30,896 Tell me about it. 607 00:24:30,898 --> 00:24:33,034 What would you do, would you shoot the baby? 608 00:24:34,068 --> 00:24:36,769 - I'd shoot the baby. - Thank you. 609 00:24:36,771 --> 00:24:38,470 But if it was you or me, 610 00:24:38,472 --> 00:24:39,407 I'd shoot me. 611 00:24:44,546 --> 00:24:45,844 Hey, are you okay? 612 00:24:45,846 --> 00:24:47,348 Yeah sorry, 613 00:24:49,017 --> 00:24:50,350 it's just the wine and the cake 614 00:24:50,352 --> 00:24:53,419 and we've been talking for eight hours. 615 00:24:53,421 --> 00:24:54,921 Why are you so nice? 616 00:24:54,923 --> 00:24:56,322 - Oh I'm not that nice. - Yes you are. 617 00:24:56,324 --> 00:24:57,524 No I'm not. 618 00:24:57,526 --> 00:24:58,792 You're the nicest person in L.A. 619 00:24:58,794 --> 00:24:59,826 Really I'm not. 620 00:24:59,828 --> 00:25:01,126 I lie to homeless people, I always have change 621 00:25:01,128 --> 00:25:02,764 I just don't give it to them. 622 00:25:05,133 --> 00:25:06,799 I think I'm depressed. 623 00:25:06,801 --> 00:25:08,803 Well that's okay. I'm depressed too. 624 00:25:11,307 --> 00:25:12,308 I should lie down. 625 00:25:14,343 --> 00:25:16,513 Well if you feel like you're gonna throw up, 626 00:25:17,579 --> 00:25:19,215 - don't. - Okay. 627 00:25:23,318 --> 00:25:24,820 I don't know why I'm here. 628 00:25:27,889 --> 00:25:29,925 I don't mean existentially, specifically L.A. 629 00:25:31,527 --> 00:25:33,896 I hate meeting people. 630 00:25:35,231 --> 00:25:36,329 "So what do you do?" 631 00:25:36,331 --> 00:25:39,066 "I'm an actress." "Oh have I seen you in anything?" 632 00:25:39,068 --> 00:25:39,767 "Oohh" 633 00:25:39,769 --> 00:25:42,506 Go fuck yourself, no offense. 634 00:25:44,106 --> 00:25:48,041 I usually lie and say I'm a geospatial analyst or something 635 00:25:48,043 --> 00:25:50,044 because the truth is, and I know 636 00:25:50,046 --> 00:25:51,945 I know that all yuppies are miserable 637 00:25:51,947 --> 00:25:53,614 because we have these chimerical expectations 638 00:25:53,616 --> 00:25:55,548 that that will inevitably falter to reality 639 00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:57,351 because we can't accept that we are not 640 00:25:57,353 --> 00:25:58,352 as special as we think we are. 641 00:25:58,354 --> 00:26:01,155 But I don't care about them. I care about me 642 00:26:01,157 --> 00:26:02,891 and I was valedictorian in high school. 643 00:26:02,893 --> 00:26:04,192 Which shouldn't mean anything except that it does, 644 00:26:04,194 --> 00:26:06,427 it means I was better than 87 other people, 645 00:26:06,429 --> 00:26:07,628 small private school. 646 00:26:07,630 --> 00:26:11,199 You know I honestly thought that I would be an outlier, 647 00:26:11,201 --> 00:26:12,867 like that Malcolm Gladwell book "Outliers" 648 00:26:12,869 --> 00:26:14,301 that I read at the Starbucks across from CAA, 649 00:26:14,303 --> 00:26:16,938 but nothing ever fucking manifests and I'm already old! 650 00:26:16,940 --> 00:26:18,339 When did that happen? 651 00:26:18,341 --> 00:26:19,641 And I know that they say 652 00:26:19,643 --> 00:26:22,042 it's who you know or rather who knows you, 653 00:26:22,044 --> 00:26:23,979 but nobody knows me, nobody really knows me 654 00:26:23,981 --> 00:26:25,413 and I keep going out for these stupid 655 00:26:25,415 --> 00:26:27,548 fucking student films where everything is a dream, 656 00:26:27,550 --> 00:26:28,616 and I don't even get a callback 657 00:26:28,618 --> 00:26:29,951 and I didn't even want it anyway 658 00:26:29,953 --> 00:26:30,618 and I must be dreaming, 659 00:26:30,620 --> 00:26:31,552 I must be dreaming! 660 00:26:31,554 --> 00:26:33,020 I must be out of my fucking mind 661 00:26:33,022 --> 00:26:35,158 and I am so poor! 662 00:26:37,159 --> 00:26:38,326 But you're a great actress. 663 00:26:38,328 --> 00:26:39,594 You've never even see me act. 664 00:26:39,596 --> 00:26:41,496 Oh yeah that's true. 665 00:26:41,498 --> 00:26:43,097 But I can just tell I mean, 666 00:26:43,099 --> 00:26:44,932 you're smart and you're funny 667 00:26:44,934 --> 00:26:48,170 and you're clean and that's all you need. 668 00:26:48,172 --> 00:26:50,539 - Oh stop it. - No really, 669 00:26:50,541 --> 00:26:52,575 you've a start personality. 670 00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:55,110 You're like Katherine Hepburn. 671 00:26:56,915 --> 00:26:59,347 "The stage is really life buster ha, ha, ha, ha." 672 00:26:59,349 --> 00:27:00,950 That was really good. 673 00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:03,955 Thanks. 674 00:27:12,664 --> 00:27:13,999 Can I hold your hand? 675 00:28:00,646 --> 00:28:02,546 Hi you've reached Todd. 676 00:28:02,548 --> 00:28:04,647 I'm sorry I missed you but please leave your name, 677 00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,582 number, time and date you called in that order, 678 00:28:06,584 --> 00:28:08,752 followed by any other pertinent information 679 00:28:08,754 --> 00:28:11,655 and I will get to you as soon as reasonably possible. 680 00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:16,659 Hi it's Rory, my number is 206-377-2616, 681 00:28:16,661 --> 00:28:20,329 it's like two thirtyish on a Wednesday, 682 00:28:20,331 --> 00:28:23,501 and I, sorry I have another call hold on. 683 00:28:23,503 --> 00:28:24,972 Oh it's you okay, 684 00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:27,538 I'll talk to you in a second. 685 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,540 - Hello? - Hi you called? 686 00:28:29,542 --> 00:28:31,208 You called first. 687 00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:32,743 Oh right, you're still unemployed? 688 00:28:32,745 --> 00:28:35,379 There must have been a gentler way to phrase that but yes. 689 00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:37,348 Good, so a friend of one of my clients asked me 690 00:28:37,350 --> 00:28:39,216 to house-sit for her while she's vacationing in Europe 691 00:28:39,218 --> 00:28:40,650 but it's a bit of a drive so I wanted to see 692 00:28:40,652 --> 00:28:41,519 if you were available. 693 00:28:41,521 --> 00:28:43,454 - She's driving to Europe? - No what? 694 00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:44,554 - You lost me. - I'm house sitting 695 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:46,456 - in Monterey. - Oh. 696 00:28:46,458 --> 00:28:47,692 But I can't drive for that long by myself 697 00:28:47,694 --> 00:28:49,426 or I'll asleep and die so I wanted to see 698 00:28:49,428 --> 00:28:50,695 if you'd be interested in joining me? 699 00:28:50,697 --> 00:28:52,295 I'll pay you. 700 00:28:52,297 --> 00:28:53,531 - Okay. - Yeah? 701 00:28:53,533 --> 00:28:56,203 I didn't know if you could get away with auditions and all. 702 00:28:57,669 --> 00:29:00,070 Wait why wouldn't she just hire someone more local? 703 00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:02,740 I organize closets, I have great references. 704 00:29:02,742 --> 00:29:03,808 Of course you do. 705 00:29:03,810 --> 00:29:04,742 The only thing is, 706 00:29:04,744 --> 00:29:06,444 how do you feel about dogs? 707 00:29:06,446 --> 00:29:07,677 - Dogs? - Yes dogs, 708 00:29:07,679 --> 00:29:09,280 I normally adhere to a strict no pets policy, 709 00:29:09,282 --> 00:29:11,082 but if you're with me I could be persuaded. 710 00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:12,618 The deal-breaker is that you have to be 711 00:29:12,620 --> 00:29:13,519 the poop picker-upper. 712 00:29:13,521 --> 00:29:14,453 Stop. 713 00:29:14,455 --> 00:29:16,588 You had me at 'I'll pay you.' 714 00:30:26,260 --> 00:30:27,659 Okay are you ready? 715 00:30:27,661 --> 00:30:29,228 - I think so. - Okay and you have to look 716 00:30:29,230 --> 00:30:31,197 right at me and keep a straight face. 717 00:30:31,199 --> 00:30:32,398 - Okay. - And no frowning 718 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:33,899 - 'cause that's cheating okay? - Okay. 719 00:30:33,901 --> 00:30:39,107 Okay 720 00:30:41,575 --> 00:30:42,675 Baby! 721 00:30:42,677 --> 00:30:44,677 Oh come on man! 722 00:30:44,679 --> 00:30:46,450 You didn't even let me finish. 723 00:30:47,749 --> 00:30:50,287 You suck. Okay your turn. 724 00:30:51,219 --> 00:30:52,253 What's the line again? 725 00:30:52,255 --> 00:30:53,419 Baby if you love me, 726 00:30:53,421 --> 00:30:55,191 won't you please just give me a smile? 727 00:30:59,428 --> 00:31:00,727 Baby if you love me, 728 00:31:00,729 --> 00:31:03,264 won't you please just give me a smile? 729 00:31:03,266 --> 00:31:05,632 Baby I love you but I just can't smile. 730 00:31:05,634 --> 00:31:07,200 Weak, weak choice. 731 00:31:07,202 --> 00:31:08,738 Okay, okay. 732 00:31:10,706 --> 00:31:14,874 Baby if you love me, won't you please just give me a smile? 733 00:31:14,876 --> 00:31:16,442 Baby I love you but I just can't smile, 734 00:31:16,444 --> 00:31:17,777 what the fuck was that? 735 00:31:17,779 --> 00:31:19,580 - Are you trying? - I am trying, 736 00:31:19,582 --> 00:31:20,547 I'm just not good at this game. 737 00:31:20,549 --> 00:31:21,782 It's because you're self-conscious. 738 00:31:21,784 --> 00:31:23,683 Look if you wanna make me smile, 739 00:31:23,685 --> 00:31:25,652 you have to humiliate yourself in a way 740 00:31:25,654 --> 00:31:27,755 that isn't like cute or endearing. 741 00:31:27,757 --> 00:31:29,359 Have ugly, will travel. 742 00:31:32,627 --> 00:31:36,564 Okay. 743 00:31:36,566 --> 00:31:41,538 Baby if you love me, won't you please just give me a smile? 744 00:31:42,306 --> 00:31:44,471 Yes? Huh, yeah, yeah? 745 00:31:44,473 --> 00:31:45,940 Ah that was a smile. 746 00:31:45,942 --> 00:31:49,312 Ah I win! 747 00:31:50,980 --> 00:31:53,515 You didn't smile on purpose, did you? 748 00:31:53,517 --> 00:31:55,850 I don't know, I don't know maybe. 749 00:31:55,852 --> 00:31:56,921 Okay. 750 00:31:59,556 --> 00:32:04,562 Baby if you love me, won't you please 751 00:32:05,495 --> 00:32:09,800 just give me a smile? 752 00:32:11,535 --> 00:32:13,504 Baby I love you 753 00:32:15,404 --> 00:32:17,407 but I just can't smile. 754 00:32:41,965 --> 00:32:44,602 Do you wanna be my girlfriend? 755 00:32:49,641 --> 00:32:50,442 Hi. 756 00:32:51,942 --> 00:32:54,277 Rory I'm so glad to finally meet you, 757 00:32:54,279 --> 00:32:56,679 Todd has been MIA forever. 758 00:32:56,681 --> 00:32:57,779 - Three months. - Yeah that's like 759 00:32:57,781 --> 00:32:59,748 24 months in bitch years, 760 00:32:59,750 --> 00:33:01,683 and you didn't tell me that Rory's so pretty. 761 00:33:01,685 --> 00:33:04,854 Oh thank you. I mean you look like a model. 762 00:33:04,856 --> 00:33:06,055 I am a model. 763 00:33:06,057 --> 00:33:08,460 You clearly haven't heard anything about me. 764 00:33:10,428 --> 00:33:12,764 And this is my boo Zane. 765 00:33:13,898 --> 00:33:16,633 He's also a model but mostly underwear. 766 00:33:16,635 --> 00:33:19,736 - Hi Zane. - So updates, give, give. 767 00:33:19,738 --> 00:33:21,872 Well we just got back from San Diego. 768 00:33:21,874 --> 00:33:23,573 - Professional house sitters. - Ah. Bangin'. 769 00:33:23,575 --> 00:33:26,710 Zane's from London. Note the vernacular. 770 00:33:26,712 --> 00:33:29,046 We also sit dogs, no cats. 771 00:33:29,048 --> 00:33:30,614 I'm allergic, she just hates them. 772 00:33:30,616 --> 00:33:31,615 - I do. - We should tell Danny 773 00:33:31,617 --> 00:33:32,716 for the holidays. 774 00:33:32,718 --> 00:33:34,050 - He's got that tiny wiener. - Okay enough business. 775 00:33:34,052 --> 00:33:36,952 Rory how did you two meet? 776 00:33:36,954 --> 00:33:38,387 Well it's kind of funny, 777 00:33:38,389 --> 00:33:39,323 actually Todd do you wanna tell it? 778 00:33:39,325 --> 00:33:40,022 Well you tell it better. 779 00:33:40,024 --> 00:33:42,326 Stop I love already. 780 00:33:42,328 --> 00:33:44,361 We met in the self-help section at the library. 781 00:33:44,363 --> 00:33:46,529 He was stocking shelves, so I thought he worked there 782 00:33:46,531 --> 00:33:47,631 and I was looking for a job. 783 00:33:47,633 --> 00:33:49,665 Aww but you found him instead. 784 00:33:49,667 --> 00:33:51,536 So cute. All of it. 785 00:33:52,671 --> 00:33:53,836 How did you and Zane meet? 786 00:33:53,838 --> 00:33:55,508 - Mutual friends. - Group sex party. 787 00:34:01,981 --> 00:34:04,615 Rory what do you do? 788 00:34:04,617 --> 00:34:06,384 I'm a geospatial analyst. 789 00:34:06,386 --> 00:34:07,952 She's an actress. 790 00:34:07,954 --> 00:34:10,554 Well I totally believed you. 791 00:34:10,556 --> 00:34:11,456 Do you have an agent? 792 00:34:11,458 --> 00:34:12,989 Should I get one, are they helpful? 793 00:34:12,991 --> 00:34:14,692 - Oh my God yes. - You can't book anything 794 00:34:14,694 --> 00:34:16,693 - without one. - I know sorry I'm looking. 795 00:34:16,695 --> 00:34:17,594 Is anyone getting food? 796 00:34:17,596 --> 00:34:19,797 Oh we're on a cleanse but you should try 797 00:34:19,799 --> 00:34:21,465 their artisan flatbread. 798 00:34:21,467 --> 00:34:22,967 My treat. I just wanna smell it. 799 00:34:22,969 --> 00:34:24,802 Oh we shouldn't we're having a pizza tomorrow night. 800 00:34:24,804 --> 00:34:26,637 - Can we do that Thursday? - Well we're making 801 00:34:26,639 --> 00:34:27,572 - Mongolian Thursday. - Right, right. 802 00:34:27,574 --> 00:34:29,673 You plan out all your suppers in advance. 803 00:34:29,675 --> 00:34:30,907 Well it's our Doc night. 804 00:34:30,909 --> 00:34:33,643 Doc night, is that some role play thing? 805 00:34:33,645 --> 00:34:35,579 I enjoy spanking. 806 00:34:35,581 --> 00:34:36,880 Every Thursday we watch a documentary 807 00:34:36,882 --> 00:34:38,815 to keep our relationship cognitively stimulating. 808 00:34:38,817 --> 00:34:39,751 This Thursday we're watching 809 00:34:39,753 --> 00:34:41,451 "The Story of the Weeping Camel" 810 00:34:41,453 --> 00:34:42,820 because it's set in Mongolia so we thought it'd be ironic 811 00:34:42,822 --> 00:34:44,121 if we were eating Mongolian. 812 00:34:44,123 --> 00:34:45,590 Well it wouldn't be ironic. 813 00:34:45,592 --> 00:34:47,493 It would be ironic if we were eating camel. 814 00:34:47,495 --> 00:34:48,727 I don't think that Whole Foods sells camel. 815 00:34:48,729 --> 00:34:50,062 - Was that a joke? - Was it not funny? 816 00:34:50,064 --> 00:34:51,763 - It was okay. - Scale of one to six? 817 00:34:51,765 --> 00:34:53,767 Who scales one to six? 818 00:34:56,604 --> 00:34:57,935 Oh my God, who are you dressing up as 819 00:34:57,937 --> 00:34:59,171 for Ryder's birthday party? 820 00:34:59,173 --> 00:35:00,606 Ryder's having a birthday party? 821 00:35:00,608 --> 00:35:02,807 Yeah the theme is iconic movie couples. 822 00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:04,443 I thought you'd be on the at like Asian on rice. 823 00:35:04,445 --> 00:35:05,477 Didn't you get the Evite? 824 00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:06,644 White on rice. 825 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:08,513 Yeah but don't Asians eat more rice? 826 00:35:08,515 --> 00:35:09,647 I didn't get the Evite. 827 00:35:09,649 --> 00:35:11,950 Oh well you know Ryder, he's fag-get-ful. 828 00:35:11,952 --> 00:35:13,718 Are you making fun of my accent? 829 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:17,122 Oh no I'm saying he's fag-get-ful, 830 00:35:17,124 --> 00:35:19,591 because he's a fag who's forgetful. 831 00:35:19,593 --> 00:35:21,660 You can't say fag in America. 832 00:35:21,662 --> 00:35:22,727 Well Todd made it up. 833 00:35:22,729 --> 00:35:23,861 - Is that right Todd? - No I... 834 00:35:23,863 --> 00:35:25,930 Anyway you have to come. 835 00:35:25,932 --> 00:35:27,732 Plus Marcus Stafford will be there, 836 00:35:27,734 --> 00:35:30,836 and he would be a perect talent manager for Rory. 837 00:35:30,838 --> 00:35:32,571 - Really? - Yeah! 838 00:35:32,573 --> 00:35:34,741 I mean he's always saying that his clients are shit 839 00:35:34,743 --> 00:35:36,576 but I'm sure he would love you. 840 00:35:36,578 --> 00:35:37,911 Fucking A, I feel like 841 00:35:37,913 --> 00:35:39,945 Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side". 842 00:35:39,947 --> 00:35:41,549 Making dreams come true. 843 00:35:44,453 --> 00:35:46,018 We need to go home, I think I left the toaster on. 844 00:35:46,020 --> 00:35:46,953 You didn't leave the toaster on. 845 00:35:46,955 --> 00:35:47,920 We could go home and play 846 00:35:47,922 --> 00:35:48,822 The Game of Life and turn off the toaster. 847 00:35:48,824 --> 00:35:49,922 We're never playing that game again, 848 00:35:49,924 --> 00:35:51,623 you get too emotional also the toasters always off 849 00:35:51,625 --> 00:35:52,491 unless you put toast in it. 850 00:35:52,493 --> 00:35:53,393 You don't put toast in a toaster. 851 00:35:53,395 --> 00:35:54,092 - I meant bread. - Well you said toast. 852 00:35:54,094 --> 00:35:55,094 You know what I meant Todd. 853 00:35:55,096 --> 00:35:56,996 The toaster is always on unless you unplug it, 854 00:35:56,998 --> 00:35:57,896 and I forgot to unplug it so it's on. 855 00:35:57,898 --> 00:35:59,532 You do not forget to unplug things, 856 00:35:59,534 --> 00:36:00,967 so either you're being paranoid 857 00:36:00,969 --> 00:36:02,201 or you're making up excuses to avoid going inside. 858 00:36:02,203 --> 00:36:03,969 Both are scenarios I refuse to accommodate. 859 00:36:03,971 --> 00:36:05,637 Okay fine but if you get bored and you wanna leave, 860 00:36:05,639 --> 00:36:06,505 just use the safe word. 861 00:36:06,507 --> 00:36:07,706 - What's the safe word? - I don't know, 862 00:36:07,708 --> 00:36:08,708 we haven't picked one yet. 863 00:36:08,710 --> 00:36:09,842 How about snollygoster? 864 00:36:09,844 --> 00:36:11,043 It's not very discreet, 865 00:36:11,045 --> 00:36:12,212 how would I slip it into a sentence? 866 00:36:12,214 --> 00:36:13,545 Honey have you seen my snollygoster? 867 00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:14,514 What's a snollygoster? 868 00:36:14,516 --> 00:36:16,752 You're right, people will ask questions. 869 00:36:18,085 --> 00:36:19,652 I'm just saying how funny would it have been 870 00:36:19,654 --> 00:36:20,987 if "The Fifth Element" had been dick? 871 00:36:23,059 --> 00:36:24,825 Oh my God. Todd. 872 00:36:24,827 --> 00:36:26,059 Ryder. Happy birthday. 873 00:36:26,061 --> 00:36:27,660 It has been so long, 874 00:36:27,662 --> 00:36:29,698 I think I thought you were dead. 875 00:36:30,765 --> 00:36:32,066 And you must be Rory. 876 00:36:32,068 --> 00:36:33,600 Hi nice to meet you. 877 00:36:33,602 --> 00:36:35,769 - You're Todd's girlfriend. - Yes. 878 00:36:35,771 --> 00:36:37,671 How is that going? 879 00:36:37,673 --> 00:36:38,606 It's a ball. 880 00:36:38,608 --> 00:36:40,039 Super. Is that for me? 881 00:36:40,041 --> 00:36:41,608 It is yeah, Todd picked it out. 882 00:36:41,610 --> 00:36:42,510 It's from Crate and Barrel. 883 00:36:42,512 --> 00:36:43,744 Don't tell him that. 884 00:36:43,746 --> 00:36:44,745 It's not from Crate and Barrel. 885 00:36:44,747 --> 00:36:45,678 If you don't like it, there's a gift receipt. 886 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:46,245 You know what? 887 00:36:46,247 --> 00:36:47,680 I bet I'm gonna love it, 888 00:36:47,682 --> 00:36:48,282 because our Todd here has the aesthetic taste 889 00:36:48,284 --> 00:36:49,950 of a well-oiled woman. 890 00:36:49,952 --> 00:36:52,519 - Where should I put it? - That's what Todd said. 891 00:36:52,521 --> 00:36:53,720 The guest bedroom is down the hall, 892 00:36:53,722 --> 00:36:54,787 it's the second door on your right. 893 00:36:54,789 --> 00:36:55,624 Okay. 894 00:36:57,559 --> 00:36:58,291 You're fine. 895 00:36:58,293 --> 00:36:59,959 Oh okay, yeah I'm fine. 896 00:36:59,961 --> 00:37:02,162 Okay so like she's in on it then? 897 00:37:02,164 --> 00:37:03,763 In on what? 898 00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:05,865 You're Paul Newman in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". 899 00:37:05,867 --> 00:37:06,934 Oh you got it, we were worried 900 00:37:06,936 --> 00:37:08,669 nobody would recognize us. 901 00:37:08,671 --> 00:37:12,674 Oh God Todd, you must know that he was gay right? 902 00:37:12,676 --> 00:37:13,875 Paul Newman? No he's not. 903 00:37:13,877 --> 00:37:16,877 His character, his character was gay. 904 00:37:16,879 --> 00:37:19,080 That's why they never had any sex. 905 00:37:19,082 --> 00:37:21,148 I didn't pick up on that at all. 906 00:37:21,150 --> 00:37:22,951 I think you just see subliminal homosexuality 907 00:37:22,953 --> 00:37:24,786 - even when... - Todd no. 908 00:37:24,788 --> 00:37:25,853 He was gay okay? 909 00:37:25,855 --> 00:37:27,288 The film was make in the '50s, 910 00:37:27,290 --> 00:37:30,257 so Hollywood censored the gayness and you would know that 911 00:37:30,259 --> 00:37:33,661 if you had ever read the fucking play. 912 00:37:33,663 --> 00:37:35,596 I just like the movie. 913 00:37:35,598 --> 00:37:39,769 - Babe! - Hi! 914 00:37:45,308 --> 00:37:49,978 Oh right Todd this is Trent. 915 00:37:49,980 --> 00:37:52,112 Trent this is Todd. 916 00:37:52,114 --> 00:37:53,850 Guess which movie couple we are. 917 00:37:54,785 --> 00:37:55,850 "Brokeback Mountain"? 918 00:37:55,852 --> 00:37:56,817 No. 919 00:37:56,819 --> 00:37:59,088 He's Butch Cassidy and I'm the Sundance Kid, 920 00:37:59,090 --> 00:38:00,789 because I'm a total bottom. 921 00:38:00,791 --> 00:38:02,057 Stop making Paul Newman gay. 922 00:38:02,059 --> 00:38:03,726 Okay? There is no evidence. 923 00:38:03,728 --> 00:38:05,026 Oh I heard he slept with James Dean. 924 00:38:05,028 --> 00:38:06,695 - He did. - No he was married 925 00:38:06,697 --> 00:38:08,799 to Joanne for 50 years and they were very happy. 926 00:38:10,334 --> 00:38:11,901 Baby is this your gay friend that's dating a girl? 927 00:38:11,903 --> 00:38:13,572 That's the one. 928 00:38:14,237 --> 00:38:16,707 Do you guys have sex or? 929 00:38:17,976 --> 00:38:20,610 I don't have to answer that. 930 00:38:20,612 --> 00:38:22,144 - That's a no. - We're just taking it slow. 931 00:38:22,146 --> 00:38:23,778 And that's denial. 932 00:38:23,780 --> 00:38:25,081 Pussies are gross. 933 00:38:25,083 --> 00:38:26,247 Semen for the win. 934 00:38:26,249 --> 00:38:28,851 Todd doesn't like bodily fluids. 935 00:38:28,853 --> 00:38:30,785 You know pussies have juices right? 936 00:38:30,787 --> 00:38:32,724 They spray at you like Spider-man. 937 00:38:34,258 --> 00:38:35,825 You're making me uncomfortable. 938 00:38:35,827 --> 00:38:37,793 Oh I'm sorry, I have a big mouth. 939 00:38:37,795 --> 00:38:39,294 He's not exaggerating. 940 00:38:39,296 --> 00:38:40,296 I just think it's kind of sad 941 00:38:40,298 --> 00:38:41,796 that you haven't found yourself. 942 00:38:41,798 --> 00:38:43,331 It's a waste. 943 00:38:43,333 --> 00:38:44,702 He's cute though right? 944 00:38:45,403 --> 00:38:46,706 Yeah he's okay. 945 00:38:49,207 --> 00:38:51,140 - I'm gonna go find Rory. - Okay. 946 00:38:53,946 --> 00:38:56,279 - Baby did you and Todd ever? - No. 947 00:38:56,281 --> 00:38:58,949 That's what I thought. 948 00:38:58,951 --> 00:38:59,786 Wow. 949 00:39:05,723 --> 00:39:07,857 - Rory? - Meg. 950 00:39:07,859 --> 00:39:09,861 Come sit with us. 951 00:39:13,232 --> 00:39:16,332 You look so pretty, who are you? 952 00:39:16,334 --> 00:39:18,234 Oh thank you. I'm Elizabeth Taylor 953 00:39:18,236 --> 00:39:20,404 - from "Cat on... - "on a Hot Tin Roof". 954 00:39:20,406 --> 00:39:25,044 Oh my God, whoa you and Todd have a bitchin' sense of humor. 955 00:39:26,944 --> 00:39:28,978 I don't get it. 956 00:39:28,980 --> 00:39:32,049 Okay so Liz is married to Paul Newman, 957 00:39:32,051 --> 00:39:34,251 and shit hits the fan because he's secretly gay. 958 00:39:34,253 --> 00:39:36,454 I don't think that's what happens. 959 00:39:36,456 --> 00:39:37,621 Didn't you read the play? 960 00:39:37,623 --> 00:39:41,425 In the play it's obvi that he has the hots for Skipper. 961 00:39:41,427 --> 00:39:42,962 Oh I just like the movie. 962 00:39:45,731 --> 00:39:47,865 Oh because you said Todd is gay. 963 00:39:47,867 --> 00:39:48,932 Oh no it's okay, it's okay. 964 00:39:48,934 --> 00:39:51,304 Todd told me everybody used to think he was gay. 965 00:39:53,806 --> 00:39:57,374 We didn't just think he was gay. He was gay. 966 00:39:57,376 --> 00:39:59,077 Like he went to gay bars, 967 00:39:59,079 --> 00:40:01,311 he had a gay eHarmony account, 968 00:40:01,313 --> 00:40:03,447 he sucked Jerry's gay willy willingly. 969 00:40:03,449 --> 00:40:05,717 - What? - Oh just the tip, 970 00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,050 but that was before you. 971 00:40:07,052 --> 00:40:09,820 Don't worry. He's totally crazy about you. 972 00:40:09,822 --> 00:40:11,290 Right, right yeah I know. 973 00:40:12,492 --> 00:40:14,128 Can I ask you a personal question? 974 00:40:16,496 --> 00:40:17,998 How's Todd in bed? 975 00:40:19,833 --> 00:40:20,968 Well you know he, 976 00:40:22,269 --> 00:40:26,504 he is great. 977 00:40:26,506 --> 00:40:28,006 I knew it. 978 00:40:28,008 --> 00:40:29,408 He's just so attentive right? 979 00:40:29,410 --> 00:40:30,808 I bet he's one of those guys 980 00:40:30,810 --> 00:40:32,777 who makes it all about pleasing you. 981 00:40:32,779 --> 00:40:36,718 Like I literally have to drag Zane's tongue to my clit. 982 00:40:37,818 --> 00:40:39,183 Well maybe if you shaved. 983 00:40:39,185 --> 00:40:40,319 Shut the fuck up! 984 00:40:40,321 --> 00:40:42,053 I had a skin infection so I stopped. 985 00:40:42,055 --> 00:40:44,522 You're one to talk, Bushy McPhearson. 986 00:40:44,524 --> 00:40:48,093 - I love your sass. - I love your ass. 987 00:40:48,095 --> 00:40:49,430 God I'm so funny! 988 00:40:51,265 --> 00:40:53,902 Todd? 989 00:40:56,403 --> 00:40:58,770 We're doing cake bitches. 990 00:40:58,772 --> 00:41:01,475 Let's go. 991 00:41:03,243 --> 00:41:06,377 Rory meet Marcus. He's a talent manager. 992 00:41:06,379 --> 00:41:08,946 Rory is a phenomenal actress. 993 00:41:08,948 --> 00:41:10,349 Oh she's never seen me act. 994 00:41:10,351 --> 00:41:11,784 Yeah you got a good look. 995 00:41:11,786 --> 00:41:14,788 You're attractive in an ordinary sort of way. 996 00:41:14,790 --> 00:41:17,891 The kind of thing you'd find at a Supercuts in Puerto Rico. 997 00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:19,224 - Thanks. - You know one of my clients, 998 00:41:19,226 --> 00:41:20,827 she keeps nagging me and she's like, 999 00:41:20,829 --> 00:41:22,561 "Marcus you never send me out anymore." 1000 00:41:22,563 --> 00:41:23,429 And it's like, "baby I try, 1001 00:41:23,431 --> 00:41:25,465 "but there's just only so many roles 1002 00:41:25,467 --> 00:41:27,203 "every year for a female troll." 1003 00:41:28,570 --> 00:41:29,936 I'd drop her if she wasn't my niece. 1004 00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:39,945 It is ironic because rain on your wedding day 1005 00:41:39,947 --> 00:41:41,181 is considered good luck even though 1006 00:41:41,183 --> 00:41:42,114 it's a logistical nightmare. 1007 00:41:42,116 --> 00:41:43,382 Rain is not good luck. 1008 00:41:43,384 --> 00:41:45,485 It's a cultural belief that a wet knot is harder to untie. 1009 00:41:45,487 --> 00:41:47,286 Fine whatever it doesn't matter, it's not ironic, 1010 00:41:47,288 --> 00:41:48,487 it's a logical paradox. 1011 00:41:48,489 --> 00:41:50,956 It would be ironic if you were marrying a meteorologist 1012 00:41:50,958 --> 00:41:52,257 named Sonny Weathers and you planned 1013 00:41:52,259 --> 00:41:53,525 an outdoor summer wedding in Arizona 1014 00:41:53,527 --> 00:41:55,228 and then it rained but only if he set the date. 1015 00:41:55,230 --> 00:41:56,829 What if Sonny weathers wanted it to rain 1016 00:41:56,831 --> 00:41:57,832 because it's considered good luck 1017 00:41:57,834 --> 00:41:58,932 and so his forecast was right, 1018 00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:00,834 - is it ironic then? - What? 1019 00:42:00,836 --> 00:42:03,236 Yes, no, no Todd it's still not. 1020 00:42:03,238 --> 00:42:05,606 Okay fine 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. 1021 00:42:05,608 --> 00:42:07,607 - It's not ironic! - How can you say that? 1022 00:42:07,609 --> 00:42:09,243 Like if I work at a spoon factory 1023 00:42:09,245 --> 00:42:10,544 and it's somebody's birthday and I made them a cake 1024 00:42:10,546 --> 00:42:11,879 but I forgot the knife and I'm like, 1025 00:42:11,881 --> 00:42:12,847 "Hey does anybody have a knife?" 1026 00:42:12,849 --> 00:42:14,515 Nope but ironically we have 10,000 spoons! 1027 00:42:14,517 --> 00:42:16,850 No because you should have remembered the knife. 1028 00:42:16,852 --> 00:42:19,886 You wouldn't expect there to be a knife 1029 00:42:19,888 --> 00:42:21,087 at a spoon factory. 1030 00:42:21,089 --> 00:42:23,189 It's not ironic, it's just unfortunate. 1031 00:42:23,191 --> 00:42:25,626 It would be ironic if it was a knife factory 1032 00:42:25,628 --> 00:42:27,428 but they have a policy against using company knives 1033 00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:28,928 for personal use and then you had nothing to cut 1034 00:42:28,930 --> 00:42:31,332 the fucking cake with Todd that would be ironic. 1035 00:42:31,334 --> 00:42:32,499 Well I think you have a very narrow definition 1036 00:42:32,501 --> 00:42:33,868 of the word ironic. 1037 00:42:33,870 --> 00:42:35,002 No you're missing the point. 1038 00:42:35,004 --> 00:42:37,403 She's transpired an entire generation of adolescents 1039 00:42:37,405 --> 00:42:38,638 who just causally toss the word around 1040 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,006 to the point where irony has lost 1041 00:42:40,008 --> 00:42:41,441 its whole fucking meaning. 1042 00:42:41,443 --> 00:42:42,977 It hasn't lost its meaning, it's just evolved, 1043 00:42:42,979 --> 00:42:44,278 language is fluid. 1044 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,380 Yeah well you'd be one to talk about fluidity. 1045 00:42:46,382 --> 00:42:47,882 And how would you like me to extrapolate that statement? 1046 00:42:47,884 --> 00:42:48,784 You know what's really ironic? 1047 00:42:48,786 --> 00:42:50,485 Arguing about an Alanis Morissette song 1048 00:42:50,487 --> 00:42:52,587 with your gay boyfriend. 1049 00:42:52,589 --> 00:42:54,322 I don't see the irony in that, 1050 00:42:54,324 --> 00:42:55,657 and if that's an accusation then I will have you know 1051 00:42:55,659 --> 00:42:57,058 that Ryder is an unreliable source. 1052 00:42:57,060 --> 00:42:58,525 Did you know he cheated on his eye exam? 1053 00:42:58,527 --> 00:43:00,027 You can't cheat on an eye exam Todd! 1054 00:43:00,029 --> 00:43:01,596 He did, he just memorized the letters. 1055 00:43:01,598 --> 00:43:03,534 Okay Meg said and I quote, 1056 00:43:04,534 --> 00:43:07,134 you sucked Jerry's gay willy willingly. 1057 00:43:07,136 --> 00:43:09,137 Well that is hearsay, and as such it's inadmissible. 1058 00:43:09,139 --> 00:43:10,371 You're really not going to admit it? 1059 00:43:10,373 --> 00:43:11,605 No I won't admit it because it was just 1060 00:43:11,607 --> 00:43:12,574 a couple of licks and it didn't mean anything. 1061 00:43:12,576 --> 00:43:14,976 Oh my God it means you're gay. 1062 00:43:14,978 --> 00:43:17,212 It means that I'm possibly bisexual 1063 00:43:17,214 --> 00:43:18,679 if you feel obliged to pigeonhole me 1064 00:43:18,681 --> 00:43:20,081 into a category of sexual identity 1065 00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:22,116 that you can easily apprehend. 1066 00:43:22,118 --> 00:43:23,518 Okay fine I admit that I've dabbled 1067 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:24,485 in male-on-male courting in the past, 1068 00:43:24,487 --> 00:43:26,520 but I found it repulsive and I'm with you now, 1069 00:43:26,522 --> 00:43:27,621 and I chose and you're a woman, 1070 00:43:27,623 --> 00:43:28,690 what else do you need to know? 1071 00:43:28,692 --> 00:43:30,190 Why haven't you ever tried to have sex with me? 1072 00:43:30,192 --> 00:43:31,692 I don't like bodily fluids. 1073 00:43:31,694 --> 00:43:32,661 You can't use your OCD as an excuse for everything. 1074 00:43:32,663 --> 00:43:34,463 Just because you can control your brain, 1075 00:43:34,465 --> 00:43:36,031 doesn't mean it's a universal skill-set. 1076 00:43:36,033 --> 00:43:38,066 And I don't recall you attempting to sex me either 1077 00:43:38,068 --> 00:43:39,635 and have I accused you of being a lesbian? 1078 00:43:39,637 --> 00:43:40,503 Yeah well it's different for me. 1079 00:43:40,505 --> 00:43:41,637 Why is it different for you? 1080 00:43:41,639 --> 00:43:43,138 - Because - Because why? 1081 00:43:43,140 --> 00:43:46,242 Because you are supposed to be the man. 1082 00:43:46,244 --> 00:43:47,443 Well that's really sexist, 1083 00:43:47,445 --> 00:43:48,410 and frankly you should feel offended. 1084 00:43:48,412 --> 00:43:51,013 Todd, we have been dating for six months 1085 00:43:51,015 --> 00:43:52,548 and you haven't even tried to fondle my boobs. 1086 00:43:52,550 --> 00:43:54,050 This is not normal. 1087 00:43:54,052 --> 00:43:55,617 Well being normal is vastly overrated. 1088 00:43:55,619 --> 00:43:57,586 Oh my God, you're quoting "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"! 1089 00:43:57,588 --> 00:43:59,354 - You are so gay. - It's "Halloweentown". 1090 00:43:59,356 --> 00:44:00,588 Whatever still gay! 1091 00:44:00,590 --> 00:44:01,390 Fine there does that make you happy? 1092 00:44:01,392 --> 00:44:02,325 No, God stop it. 1093 00:44:02,327 --> 00:44:04,292 Well what do you want? 1094 00:44:04,294 --> 00:44:06,461 I want a real relationship. 1095 00:44:06,463 --> 00:44:07,629 This is a real relationship. 1096 00:44:07,631 --> 00:44:10,166 No, no this is playing house. 1097 00:44:10,168 --> 00:44:11,566 Our names are not on the lease, 1098 00:44:11,568 --> 00:44:13,468 and even if we were married it would be annulled 1099 00:44:13,470 --> 00:44:15,137 because there's been no fucking consummation. 1100 00:44:15,139 --> 00:44:16,271 - Well that's redundant. - What? 1101 00:44:16,273 --> 00:44:17,974 Fucking consummation, it's redundant. 1102 00:44:17,976 --> 00:44:19,608 - Focus Todd. - Sorry fine let's do it. 1103 00:44:19,610 --> 00:44:21,343 - What? - Sex let's do the sex. 1104 00:44:21,345 --> 00:44:22,346 - Right now? - No not now, 1105 00:44:22,348 --> 00:44:24,984 I'm hardly in the right frame of mind right now. 1106 00:44:25,717 --> 00:44:27,551 Tonight then I guess? 1107 00:44:27,553 --> 00:44:28,621 Yeah okay tonight. 1108 00:44:30,589 --> 00:44:31,654 It's tonight. 1109 00:44:31,656 --> 00:44:33,190 It came so fast. 1110 00:44:33,192 --> 00:44:34,590 It does that. 1111 00:44:34,592 --> 00:44:36,629 I'm just gonna take a shower first. 1112 00:46:47,695 --> 00:46:49,431 - There you go. - Aww. 1113 00:47:07,715 --> 00:47:10,617 Okay I think we need to talk about 1114 00:47:10,619 --> 00:47:12,151 the elephant in the room. 1115 00:47:12,153 --> 00:47:13,586 The white elephant. 1116 00:47:13,588 --> 00:47:15,722 Sure yeah the color doesn't really matter. 1117 00:47:15,724 --> 00:47:17,689 Well the phrase is the white elephant in the room. 1118 00:47:17,691 --> 00:47:18,758 No it's not. 1119 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:19,892 Yes it is, it's derived from the short story, 1120 00:47:19,894 --> 00:47:21,193 "Hills Like White Elephants." 1121 00:47:21,195 --> 00:47:22,295 - Wait what? - By Ernest Hemingway. 1122 00:47:22,297 --> 00:47:23,496 Yeah no I know I've read it. 1123 00:47:23,498 --> 00:47:24,496 Do you know what that story's about? 1124 00:47:24,498 --> 00:47:26,199 - Abortion. - Okay yes. 1125 00:47:26,201 --> 00:47:27,900 But they never explicitly say the word abortion, 1126 00:47:27,902 --> 00:47:29,302 it's the white elephant in the room, 1127 00:47:29,304 --> 00:47:30,503 the thing nobody wants to talk about. 1128 00:47:30,505 --> 00:47:32,671 No you're mixed up, the white elephant is the unborn baby. 1129 00:47:32,673 --> 00:47:33,473 Well unborn baby, abortion, 1130 00:47:33,475 --> 00:47:34,942 I think you're arguing semantics. 1131 00:47:34,944 --> 00:47:36,410 No it's not semantics, the elephant in the room 1132 00:47:36,412 --> 00:47:37,410 is the thing nobody wants to talk about, 1133 00:47:37,412 --> 00:47:39,480 the white elephant is an unwanted possession 1134 00:47:39,482 --> 00:47:40,714 that's a bitch to get rid of, 1135 00:47:40,716 --> 00:47:41,748 you're like mixing two separate idioms. 1136 00:47:41,750 --> 00:47:42,750 What? Are you sure? 1137 00:47:42,752 --> 00:47:44,285 Yes. 1138 00:47:44,287 --> 00:47:45,518 - So then what's the origin... - Todd forget the 1139 00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:46,687 fucking elephants. We need to talk about sex. 1140 00:47:46,689 --> 00:47:47,555 So sex is the white elephant? 1141 00:47:47,557 --> 00:47:49,290 No it's the elephant in the room! 1142 00:47:49,292 --> 00:47:50,491 Okay I'm sorry, why are you getting so angry? 1143 00:47:50,493 --> 00:47:51,759 Because you're not listening to me. 1144 00:47:51,761 --> 00:47:52,593 I am listening, I'm just confused. 1145 00:47:52,595 --> 00:47:53,694 You're confused? 1146 00:47:53,696 --> 00:47:55,663 I'm confused. Do you want sex? 1147 00:47:55,665 --> 00:47:56,564 Only if you do. 1148 00:47:56,566 --> 00:47:57,698 Okay well I don't. 1149 00:47:57,700 --> 00:47:59,265 Okay good. 1150 00:47:59,267 --> 00:48:00,366 Great. 1151 00:48:00,368 --> 00:48:01,403 Wonderful. 1152 00:48:05,540 --> 00:48:08,642 I realize that I may have undermined your OCD. 1153 00:48:08,644 --> 00:48:10,877 I just have to accept that you don't like bodily fluids, 1154 00:48:10,879 --> 00:48:13,714 so maybe sex isn't on your agenda. 1155 00:48:13,716 --> 00:48:15,815 And for me I mean, 1156 00:48:15,817 --> 00:48:17,451 we know that I think intercourse 1157 00:48:17,453 --> 00:48:18,618 is a primitive national pastime 1158 00:48:18,620 --> 00:48:20,854 that's been overblown by the media and popular culture. 1159 00:48:20,856 --> 00:48:22,958 And copulation is only intended for reproduction, 1160 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:24,326 and we both hate babies. 1161 00:48:24,328 --> 00:48:25,827 So really the question is why do we 1162 00:48:25,829 --> 00:48:27,762 wanna ruin our relationship with sex? 1163 00:48:27,764 --> 00:48:29,364 - We don't. - I concur. 1164 00:48:29,366 --> 00:48:31,766 Also objectively to a random bystander who didn't know 1165 00:48:31,768 --> 00:48:32,599 we were having intimacy problems, 1166 00:48:32,601 --> 00:48:34,235 we look just like Paul and Joanne. 1167 00:48:34,237 --> 00:48:35,737 And who cares what society thinks anyway? 1168 00:48:35,739 --> 00:48:37,239 - Right? - And it would be ridiculous 1169 00:48:37,241 --> 00:48:38,606 to say that we're just best friends. 1170 00:48:38,608 --> 00:48:40,474 I mean we live together, we sleep together, 1171 00:48:40,476 --> 00:48:41,476 we kiss sometimes with tongue, 1172 00:48:41,478 --> 00:48:42,744 - your crumbs are falling. - Sorry. 1173 00:48:42,746 --> 00:48:43,878 It's okay I'll vacuum later, 1174 00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,581 and you give great back massages which let's be honest, 1175 00:48:46,583 --> 00:48:48,550 is basically comparable to an orgasm anyway. 1176 00:48:48,552 --> 00:48:51,385 And you know maintaining routine, 1177 00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:52,920 passionate sex is a hurdle for any couple. 1178 00:48:52,922 --> 00:48:54,322 When you think about it, 1179 00:48:54,324 --> 00:48:55,556 we're just throwing the towel early. 1180 00:48:55,558 --> 00:48:56,858 Exactly I mean 65% of married couples 1181 00:48:56,860 --> 00:48:58,425 stop having sex after 10 years. 1182 00:48:58,427 --> 00:48:59,360 - Really? - I don't know, 1183 00:48:59,362 --> 00:49:00,561 I just made that number up. 1184 00:49:00,563 --> 00:49:01,362 Well it sounds like a real statistic. 1185 00:49:01,364 --> 00:49:02,297 It does doesn't it? 1186 00:49:02,299 --> 00:49:03,465 I'm so glad we had this talk. 1187 00:49:03,467 --> 00:49:04,101 Me too. 1188 00:49:06,503 --> 00:49:08,637 Oh so sex is the white elephant 1189 00:49:08,639 --> 00:49:10,272 - because its the thing - It's the thing 1190 00:49:10,274 --> 00:49:11,006 - we wanna get rid of. - we wanna get rid of okay, 1191 00:49:11,008 --> 00:49:12,741 okay that's true you're right. 1192 00:49:12,743 --> 00:49:14,442 Are you happy? 1193 00:49:14,444 --> 00:49:15,745 Yes. 1194 00:49:15,747 --> 00:49:17,779 And why do you think that is? 1195 00:49:17,781 --> 00:49:19,714 Because if you love someone enough, 1196 00:49:19,716 --> 00:49:20,883 you can change. 1197 00:49:20,885 --> 00:49:22,752 The other day I was re-reading "The Life-Changing Magic 1198 00:49:22,754 --> 00:49:24,687 "of Tidying Up" and I accidentally ripped 1199 00:49:24,689 --> 00:49:27,756 page 138 and it didn't ever bother me. That much. 1200 00:49:27,758 --> 00:49:28,691 Good for you. 1201 00:49:28,693 --> 00:49:30,392 I did get rid of the book, 1202 00:49:30,394 --> 00:49:31,627 but only because it was no longer bringing me joy. 1203 00:49:31,629 --> 00:49:33,763 Anyway Rory makes me a better person, 1204 00:49:33,765 --> 00:49:35,865 I'm not crying, my hand eczema is gone, 1205 00:49:35,867 --> 00:49:37,866 I'm watching more documentaries. 1206 00:49:37,868 --> 00:49:39,635 It's so funny to think I was in here just six months ago 1207 00:49:39,637 --> 00:49:41,870 complaining about how I was gonna be alone forever. 1208 00:49:48,646 --> 00:49:50,412 What a hoot. 1209 00:49:50,414 --> 00:49:51,814 You know Todd, 1210 00:49:51,816 --> 00:49:54,950 I have to admit when I told you to experiment 1211 00:49:54,952 --> 00:49:56,551 with your heterosexual inklings, 1212 00:49:56,553 --> 00:49:58,621 I wasn't sure it was the best idea, 1213 00:49:58,623 --> 00:50:02,694 but you actually may be somewhat straight. 1214 00:50:03,661 --> 00:50:04,730 Like a Kinsey 3. 1215 00:50:05,732 --> 00:50:08,364 Thank you, that means so much coming from you. 1216 00:50:08,366 --> 00:50:10,701 You're welcome. Will you be spending 1217 00:50:10,703 --> 00:50:11,835 Thanksgiving with your parents? 1218 00:50:11,837 --> 00:50:13,869 I will yes and I'm bringing Rory. 1219 00:50:13,871 --> 00:50:16,605 How exciting. Please remind them 1220 00:50:16,607 --> 00:50:18,608 that they still owe me for September. 1221 00:50:18,610 --> 00:50:19,812 I sent them an invoice. 1222 00:50:23,415 --> 00:50:24,780 Pleased to meet you, I'm Topanga. 1223 00:50:24,782 --> 00:50:25,748 - Nice to meet you. - We're so happy to have you. 1224 00:50:25,750 --> 00:50:28,287 - This is my husband. - Come on in, come on. 1225 00:50:30,054 --> 00:50:31,420 Oh take off your shoes. 1226 00:50:31,422 --> 00:50:32,389 - Oh yeah okay. - She doesn't have to 1227 00:50:32,391 --> 00:50:33,023 do that right away. 1228 00:50:36,994 --> 00:50:38,895 Okay so when can we expect grandkids? 1229 00:50:38,897 --> 00:50:40,529 - Mother. - What? 1230 00:50:40,531 --> 00:50:42,398 Rory is the first girl that you've brought home. 1231 00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,601 It's my cultural duty to torment you in front of her. 1232 00:50:44,603 --> 00:50:45,870 Oh but we don't want children. 1233 00:50:45,872 --> 00:50:47,037 They bring you unhappiness. 1234 00:50:47,039 --> 00:50:48,638 Oh don't be so self-deprecating Todd, 1235 00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:49,807 we forgive you. 1236 00:50:49,809 --> 00:50:51,376 It's true, they've done studies. 1237 00:50:51,378 --> 00:50:52,642 Parents report statistically lower levels 1238 00:50:52,644 --> 00:50:54,077 of happiness and marital satisfaction 1239 00:50:54,079 --> 00:50:55,713 compared to non-parents. 1240 00:50:55,715 --> 00:50:58,015 That's funny I don't recall filing out a survey. 1241 00:50:58,017 --> 00:51:00,484 Oh not all parent I'm sure. 1242 00:51:00,486 --> 00:51:01,785 I'm sure you guys are outliers. 1243 00:51:01,787 --> 00:51:03,588 But I can't handle irrational behavior, 1244 00:51:03,590 --> 00:51:04,856 or crying or poop. 1245 00:51:04,858 --> 00:51:08,126 Well having kids fills your life with purpose. 1246 00:51:08,128 --> 00:51:09,760 But does that intangible sense of purpose 1247 00:51:09,762 --> 00:51:11,729 outweigh the burden of lost sleep, time and income? 1248 00:51:11,731 --> 00:51:13,464 Or are you justifying your actions? 1249 00:51:13,466 --> 00:51:14,698 I have no buyers remorse. 1250 00:51:14,700 --> 00:51:16,934 You were the second best decision I ever made. 1251 00:51:16,936 --> 00:51:17,769 What was the first? 1252 00:51:17,771 --> 00:51:18,970 Investing in Google. 1253 00:51:18,972 --> 00:51:19,970 What am I? 1254 00:51:19,972 --> 00:51:21,104 You're the fourth. 1255 00:51:21,106 --> 00:51:22,640 Well we have everything we need. 1256 00:51:22,642 --> 00:51:23,575 Why would we purposefully follow a path 1257 00:51:23,577 --> 00:51:25,642 that could obstruct our personal happiness? 1258 00:51:25,644 --> 00:51:27,577 Because there are some things in life 1259 00:51:27,579 --> 00:51:30,013 that are more important than personal happiness. 1260 00:51:30,015 --> 00:51:31,481 Like what? 1261 00:51:31,483 --> 00:51:32,716 I don't know honey, why don't we just ask 1262 00:51:32,718 --> 00:51:33,552 our friend Socrates? 1263 00:51:33,554 --> 00:51:35,420 - Or Gandhi. - Maybe Harriet Tubman 1264 00:51:35,422 --> 00:51:36,621 - would know. - That little blond kind 1265 00:51:36,623 --> 00:51:38,757 - in "Pay it Forward". - Oh I love him, 1266 00:51:38,759 --> 00:51:39,958 what ever happened to that kid? 1267 00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,659 Okay point made. 1268 00:51:41,661 --> 00:51:42,560 All right here's why you have kids. 1269 00:51:42,562 --> 00:51:44,163 Now you're both healthy, intelligent, 1270 00:51:44,165 --> 00:51:46,197 valuable contributors to society. 1271 00:51:46,199 --> 00:51:47,900 So you have a biological imperative 1272 00:51:47,902 --> 00:51:49,201 to pass on those genes 1273 00:51:49,203 --> 00:51:51,737 because you know who's ruining this country? 1274 00:51:51,739 --> 00:51:52,807 The Mexicans. 1275 00:51:53,908 --> 00:51:54,873 - Wally. - Okay dad can we save 1276 00:51:54,875 --> 00:51:56,775 the racism until after dessert? 1277 00:51:56,777 --> 00:51:58,677 What I'm not saying that all Mexicans are stupid, 1278 00:51:58,679 --> 00:52:00,645 I'm just saying and there's plenty of literature 1279 00:52:00,647 --> 00:52:01,547 to back me up on this. 1280 00:52:01,549 --> 00:52:03,681 There's an inverse correlation between 1281 00:52:03,683 --> 00:52:05,016 intelligence and fertility 1282 00:52:05,018 --> 00:52:07,485 and guess who's popping out the most babies? 1283 00:52:07,487 --> 00:52:09,621 - Mexicans. - Bingo, and you all know 1284 00:52:09,623 --> 00:52:11,723 - who's the smartest race. - Asians. 1285 00:52:11,725 --> 00:52:13,458 God damn right. 1286 00:52:13,460 --> 00:52:17,128 What he means is you would both make excellent parents. 1287 00:52:17,130 --> 00:52:19,931 - No. - No, no what I mean is 1288 00:52:19,933 --> 00:52:22,235 everything that is ultimately wrong with the world 1289 00:52:22,237 --> 00:52:24,470 is caused by stupidity so smart people 1290 00:52:24,472 --> 00:52:27,774 have an obligation to combat reverse Darwinism. 1291 00:52:27,776 --> 00:52:29,508 Then why am I an only child? 1292 00:52:29,510 --> 00:52:30,977 - You were enough. - Rory name a social issue. 1293 00:52:30,979 --> 00:52:32,745 - Don't encourage him. - AIDS. 1294 00:52:32,747 --> 00:52:35,548 AIDS wouldn't even exist if some fucking idiot 1295 00:52:35,550 --> 00:52:36,816 didn't have sex with a monkey. 1296 00:52:36,818 --> 00:52:37,783 That is, what? 1297 00:52:37,785 --> 00:52:39,718 You know how I would eradicate stupid people? 1298 00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:41,220 - Sarin gas. - No how? 1299 00:52:41,222 --> 00:52:42,655 Here's what I would do. 1300 00:52:42,657 --> 00:52:44,823 Every male should have a vasectomy at birth, 1301 00:52:44,825 --> 00:52:46,225 just a little snip, snip. 1302 00:52:46,227 --> 00:52:48,628 In order to qualify for a reverse vasectomy, 1303 00:52:48,630 --> 00:52:50,696 the couple in question has to pass 1304 00:52:50,698 --> 00:52:52,097 a series of aptitude tests. 1305 00:52:52,099 --> 00:52:53,633 Okay now that's actually genius. 1306 00:52:53,635 --> 00:52:55,200 No that is completely unethical. 1307 00:52:55,202 --> 00:52:57,903 You cannot advance society by debasing natural human rights. 1308 00:52:57,905 --> 00:52:59,771 And what I'm saying is that having children 1309 00:52:59,773 --> 00:53:02,108 shouldn't be a right, it should be a privilege. 1310 00:53:02,110 --> 00:53:03,142 Amen. 1311 00:53:03,144 --> 00:53:04,510 Okay ethics aside, 1312 00:53:04,512 --> 00:53:05,678 implementation would be impossible. 1313 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:07,780 - No government could ever... - Oh God Todd, stop being so 1314 00:53:07,782 --> 00:53:09,683 pragmatic he's obviously being hypothetical. 1315 00:53:09,685 --> 00:53:10,551 Listen to your girlfriend son. 1316 00:53:10,553 --> 00:53:11,951 Okay hypothetically this would be 1317 00:53:11,953 --> 00:53:13,219 a repressive caste system. 1318 00:53:13,221 --> 00:53:14,687 There would be a proletarian revolution. 1319 00:53:14,689 --> 00:53:16,556 You're right, instead of abortion clinics, 1320 00:53:16,558 --> 00:53:17,790 we would have pregnancy clinics. 1321 00:53:17,792 --> 00:53:19,627 Would that change the meaning of pro-choice? 1322 00:53:19,629 --> 00:53:21,895 Oh and you just know that there'd be some sleezeball 1323 00:53:21,897 --> 00:53:23,931 on Skid Row with a trench coat who is like, 1324 00:53:23,933 --> 00:53:25,900 "Hey you wanna buy some sperm?" 1325 00:53:28,103 --> 00:53:30,638 and it's probably not even human sperm. 1326 00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,806 That's disgusting. 1327 00:53:32,808 --> 00:53:35,808 Okay I have a hypothetical. 1328 00:53:35,810 --> 00:53:40,816 What if a very smart, beautiful woman married a stupid man? 1329 00:53:42,919 --> 00:53:44,884 Are you trying to say something? 1330 00:53:44,886 --> 00:53:47,020 No it is true, she's just with me for the sex. 1331 00:53:47,022 --> 00:53:48,989 Oh honey come on. Not in front of the kids. 1332 00:53:48,991 --> 00:53:51,158 Oh come on, Todd is a big boy now. 1333 00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:52,659 He should know that his old man 1334 00:53:52,661 --> 00:53:54,094 still pitches like Roger Clemens. 1335 00:53:54,096 --> 00:53:55,699 Yes he does. 1336 00:53:56,934 --> 00:53:58,767 Is that a basketball person? 1337 00:54:10,681 --> 00:54:12,146 Oh God look at that. 1338 00:54:12,148 --> 00:54:15,816 Oh tiny boy. Todd you used to be so cheerful. 1339 00:54:15,818 --> 00:54:18,320 What happened? 1340 00:54:18,322 --> 00:54:21,722 The sweetest little baby. Oh my God this reminds me, 1341 00:54:21,724 --> 00:54:23,291 I think it's in the garage honey, 1342 00:54:23,293 --> 00:54:28,162 we have a video of Todd doing the Macarena 1343 00:54:28,164 --> 00:54:30,064 to "Building a Mystery" and he called it, 1344 00:54:30,066 --> 00:54:31,800 no, this is the best, 1345 00:54:31,802 --> 00:54:34,135 he called it the Sarah MacLacharena. 1346 00:54:34,137 --> 00:54:35,403 Can we find that? 1347 00:54:35,405 --> 00:54:37,271 Oh gosh I'm gonna send Wally out to look for it. 1348 00:54:37,273 --> 00:54:40,108 - Okay. - Oh wait, look at this one, 1349 00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:42,242 that's in Venice. Where are you going sweetie? 1350 00:54:42,244 --> 00:54:43,345 I have more. 1351 00:54:57,794 --> 00:55:00,131 You seem well, you taking your meds? 1352 00:55:01,165 --> 00:55:04,236 Yes. 1353 00:55:06,803 --> 00:55:08,069 That girl is something else, 1354 00:55:08,071 --> 00:55:10,741 - you really hit the jackpot. - Thank you. 1355 00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:17,982 Todd I... 1356 00:55:20,984 --> 00:55:21,787 Dad? 1357 00:55:32,831 --> 00:55:35,934 I'm proud of you, I just want you to know that. 1358 00:55:59,058 --> 00:56:00,923 Are your hands getting tired? 1359 00:56:00,925 --> 00:56:02,362 No I can keep going. 1360 00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:10,833 Did my dad seem unusually nice to you? 1361 00:56:10,835 --> 00:56:12,004 Yeah he's awesome. 1362 00:56:13,206 --> 00:56:17,010 Your mom is doubly awesome because she's 50% less racist. 1363 00:56:18,911 --> 00:56:19,746 Yeah. 1364 00:56:23,482 --> 00:56:25,919 I know this is my anxiety talking. I just, 1365 00:56:27,352 --> 00:56:29,821 I always thought my parents loved me unconditionally, 1366 00:56:29,823 --> 00:56:32,292 and tonight it felt like they loved me more. 1367 00:56:33,392 --> 00:56:35,959 Like they were relieved that you were a girl 1368 00:56:35,961 --> 00:56:37,761 and I kept thinking that if I brought a boy home 1369 00:56:37,763 --> 00:56:39,730 it wouldn't have been like that. 1370 00:56:39,732 --> 00:56:40,732 They wouldn't have used the good chard, 1371 00:56:40,734 --> 00:56:42,232 the turkey would have been dry, 1372 00:56:42,234 --> 00:56:44,771 my dad wouldn't hug me, he'd just shake my hand. 1373 00:56:47,740 --> 00:56:50,006 I know. Why am I thinking that right? 1374 00:56:50,008 --> 00:56:50,843 Stupid brain. 1375 00:56:56,749 --> 00:56:58,182 Okay my turn. 1376 00:57:08,127 --> 00:57:12,463 I think they're just happy that you're happy. 1377 00:57:12,465 --> 00:57:14,101 Yeah you're probably right. 1378 00:57:28,815 --> 00:57:29,717 - Todd. - Meg. 1379 00:57:30,518 --> 00:57:34,786 Rory, merry holidays. 1380 00:57:34,788 --> 00:57:36,387 We brought fluffernutters. 1381 00:57:36,389 --> 00:57:39,060 Bitchin'. You can put them next to the jello shots. 1382 00:57:40,161 --> 00:57:42,126 Don't spaz but Ryder brought Jerry. 1383 00:57:42,128 --> 00:57:43,929 - Jerry who? - Blow job Jerry, 1384 00:57:43,931 --> 00:57:45,264 but don't spaz I'm sure he won't say anything 1385 00:57:45,266 --> 00:57:46,798 you don't want him to say. 1386 00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:48,467 God, this is so awkward right? 1387 00:57:48,469 --> 00:57:50,235 - Is it? - You know Todd 1388 00:57:50,237 --> 00:57:51,170 is such a sweet guy, 1389 00:57:51,172 --> 00:57:52,503 I'm so happy for you guys. 1390 00:57:52,505 --> 00:57:53,938 I guess he didn't like me, 1391 00:57:53,940 --> 00:57:56,574 but whatever, what are you gonna do right? 1392 00:57:56,576 --> 00:57:58,812 And you are here with... 1393 00:57:58,814 --> 00:58:03,249 Ryder. Yeah, he invited me last minute. 1394 00:58:03,251 --> 00:58:05,385 You know I didn't think he liked me either. 1395 00:58:05,387 --> 00:58:07,921 He usually doesn't even respond to my texts. 1396 00:58:07,923 --> 00:58:10,923 But you know what, I bet somebody else bailed and 1397 00:58:10,925 --> 00:58:13,392 he just invited me because he knew I'd be available. 1398 00:58:19,867 --> 00:58:21,269 Tonight should be fun though. 1399 00:58:22,604 --> 00:58:23,906 - Cybill Shepherd. - Ellen Degeneres. 1400 00:58:25,974 --> 00:58:28,040 - Novak Djokovic. - Ellen Degeneres. 1401 00:58:28,042 --> 00:58:29,144 Heath Ledger. 1402 00:58:30,477 --> 00:58:32,046 - Judy Garland. - Ellen Degeneres. 1403 00:58:33,548 --> 00:58:34,981 - Ruth Bader Ginsburg. - Ellen Degeneres. 1404 00:58:34,983 --> 00:58:36,015 None of them are Ellen Degeneres! 1405 00:58:36,017 --> 00:58:37,383 Could be. 1406 00:58:37,385 --> 00:58:38,551 - Ellen Degeneres. - Tracy Chapman. 1407 00:58:38,553 --> 00:58:41,086 - Yes, yes, yes we win! - Yes! 1408 00:58:44,459 --> 00:58:47,161 28, 62. We beat you so bad. 1409 00:58:47,163 --> 00:58:48,362 You didn't do anything. 1410 00:58:48,364 --> 00:58:49,563 Yeah I'm sorry, whose idea was it to have 1411 00:58:49,565 --> 00:58:51,331 fucking Will and Grace on the same team? 1412 00:58:51,333 --> 00:58:52,532 You know I've actually never seen 1413 00:58:52,534 --> 00:58:54,335 - I don't watch - "Will and Grace". 1414 00:58:55,170 --> 00:58:56,436 They are so cute. 1415 00:58:56,438 --> 00:58:58,873 - I want that. - Yeah keep dreaming, Jerry. 1416 00:58:58,875 --> 00:59:00,107 Well we can play a different game. 1417 00:59:00,109 --> 00:59:01,641 I brought Bananagrams and Exploding Kittens, 1418 00:59:01,643 --> 00:59:03,643 and I tried to bring Scene It: Turner Classics edition 1419 00:59:03,645 --> 00:59:05,212 but this one confiscated it. 1420 00:59:05,214 --> 00:59:06,579 It's not fun when you know all the answers. 1421 00:59:06,581 --> 00:59:07,514 It's fun for me. 1422 00:59:07,516 --> 00:59:09,983 Okay fuck all those options. 1423 00:59:09,985 --> 00:59:11,652 I'm the hostess and I've decided 1424 00:59:11,654 --> 00:59:13,556 that we're gonna play a grown-up game. 1425 00:59:14,389 --> 00:59:15,491 Truth or dare. 1426 00:59:17,292 --> 00:59:18,125 Oh dare baby, pick me, 1427 00:59:18,127 --> 00:59:19,560 pick me, I pick dare. 1428 00:59:19,562 --> 00:59:23,529 Zane. I dare you to 1429 00:59:23,531 --> 00:59:28,435 strip naked and let me draw flowers all over your body. 1430 00:59:28,437 --> 00:59:29,272 Fine. 1431 00:59:33,110 --> 00:59:33,945 Oh wow. 1432 00:59:36,646 --> 00:59:37,881 Go on then. 1433 00:59:40,082 --> 00:59:42,350 Ryder, truth or dare? 1434 00:59:42,352 --> 00:59:44,586 Dare obviously. 1435 00:59:44,588 --> 00:59:49,157 I dare you to spank Jimmy's ass. 1436 00:59:49,159 --> 00:59:50,658 It's Jerry. 1437 00:59:50,660 --> 00:59:51,660 You heard the man Jimmy, 1438 00:59:51,662 --> 00:59:52,494 get your sweet tush over here. 1439 00:59:52,496 --> 00:59:55,562 Okay. Like that? Oh! 1440 00:59:55,564 --> 00:59:57,499 You've been a bad, bad boy Jerry. 1441 00:59:57,501 --> 00:59:59,033 - I have. - All those nights alone. 1442 00:59:59,035 --> 01:00:01,236 Yeah I live alone. 1443 01:00:01,238 --> 01:00:02,637 Yeah this is what you like, isn't it? 1444 01:00:02,639 --> 01:00:04,071 Ow okay, that one was too hard. 1445 01:00:04,073 --> 01:00:05,976 - AHH. - There we go. 1446 01:00:08,244 --> 01:00:09,544 So fun. 1447 01:00:09,546 --> 01:00:13,213 - Meg. Truth or dare? - Please. 1448 01:00:13,215 --> 01:00:18,221 I dare you to give everyone at this party a lap dance. 1449 01:00:19,055 --> 01:00:20,690 Oh my God yes. 1450 01:00:20,692 --> 01:00:23,426 Alexa, play slut playlist. 1451 01:00:28,632 --> 01:00:31,602 Yes. Oh my God. 1452 01:00:32,437 --> 01:00:35,140 Okay. Oh. Yeah. 1453 01:00:38,509 --> 01:00:40,012 - You like this, baby? - Yeah. 1454 01:00:41,279 --> 01:00:43,545 - Todd, Todd is he gonna? - Oh God okay. 1455 01:00:43,547 --> 01:00:45,681 Yup, yup, yup that's happening. 1456 01:00:47,518 --> 01:00:49,420 Oh my God, oh my God! 1457 01:00:50,687 --> 01:00:51,522 - Hi. - Hi. 1458 01:00:55,526 --> 01:00:57,663 Oh, sorry I just have, 1459 01:00:59,129 --> 01:01:00,529 an eyelash in my eye. 1460 01:01:00,531 --> 01:01:02,000 I'm just gonna. 1461 01:01:04,469 --> 01:01:05,404 Bye Rory. 1462 01:01:06,337 --> 01:01:08,073 Fuck I'm horny. 1463 01:01:09,273 --> 01:01:10,606 I think we all are. 1464 01:01:15,680 --> 01:01:17,282 You wanna do the thing? 1465 01:01:19,650 --> 01:01:21,219 Not that horny, Jerry. 1466 01:01:34,666 --> 01:01:37,034 My sweater is green. 1467 01:01:37,036 --> 01:01:38,671 My sweater is green. 1468 01:01:39,570 --> 01:01:40,572 My skirt is beige. 1469 01:01:41,807 --> 01:01:44,644 The walls are gray, the door is... 1470 01:01:46,077 --> 01:01:46,646 Truth. 1471 01:01:48,579 --> 01:01:50,650 - Have you and Rory... - I mean dare. 1472 01:01:52,284 --> 01:01:53,586 Afraid of the truth Todd? 1473 01:01:55,086 --> 01:01:55,688 Stand up. 1474 01:01:59,392 --> 01:02:00,227 Just do it. 1475 01:02:02,729 --> 01:02:04,564 I dare you to switch clothes with me. 1476 01:02:12,504 --> 01:02:14,340 You have to play Todd. 1477 01:02:16,776 --> 01:02:17,611 Let me. 1478 01:02:21,714 --> 01:02:22,549 Todd? 1479 01:02:25,350 --> 01:02:29,655 I have a headache, I think it's all that snollygoster I ate. 1480 01:02:36,395 --> 01:02:37,631 I'm in the shower. 1481 01:02:50,577 --> 01:02:53,547 - Can I come in? - What? 1482 01:02:55,349 --> 01:02:57,152 In the shower can I come in? 1483 01:02:58,219 --> 01:02:59,351 Well I have a bristle body back brush, 1484 01:02:59,353 --> 01:03:00,751 so I can reach everywhere, 1485 01:03:00,753 --> 01:03:02,554 It might be counterproductive. 1486 01:03:02,556 --> 01:03:05,456 Please? 1487 01:03:05,458 --> 01:03:07,461 I won't look I promise. 1488 01:03:10,463 --> 01:03:11,298 Okay. 1489 01:03:33,455 --> 01:03:37,226 - Good night. - Good night. 1490 01:03:38,260 --> 01:03:39,361 I love you. 1491 01:03:42,863 --> 01:03:44,466 I love you too. 1492 01:04:32,815 --> 01:04:34,949 What are you doing? 1493 01:04:34,951 --> 01:04:35,819 Can't you tell? 1494 01:04:36,752 --> 01:04:38,621 Well I think so but. 1495 01:04:39,454 --> 01:04:41,789 It should be obvious. 1496 01:04:41,791 --> 01:04:45,695 - You shouldn't. - I know. 1497 01:04:46,962 --> 01:04:49,465 Okay stop, stop acting. 1498 01:04:51,866 --> 01:04:53,567 Like now or in general? 1499 01:04:53,569 --> 01:04:54,670 You tell me. 1500 01:04:55,704 --> 01:04:57,503 Are you getting cast? 1501 01:04:57,505 --> 01:04:59,542 Is this routine working for you? 1502 01:05:07,717 --> 01:05:08,649 I think you have a Trojan. 1503 01:05:08,651 --> 01:05:10,484 Impossible I only bareback. 1504 01:05:10,486 --> 01:05:11,519 - Trojan horse. - My nickname in college 1505 01:05:11,521 --> 01:05:13,254 was literally Bareback Ryder. 1506 01:05:13,256 --> 01:05:14,723 That's really unsafe. 1507 01:05:14,725 --> 01:05:16,624 Yeah it's also a joke Todd, I read the "Iliad". 1508 01:05:16,626 --> 01:05:17,725 The Trojan horse wasn't in the "Iliad". 1509 01:05:17,727 --> 01:05:19,827 Okay I skimmed the "Iliad". 1510 01:05:19,829 --> 01:05:21,328 It keeps shutting me down. 1511 01:05:21,330 --> 01:05:22,497 What do you do on the internet? 1512 01:05:22,499 --> 01:05:23,832 Do you really wanna know? 1513 01:05:23,834 --> 01:05:24,832 - No. - Are you sure? 1514 01:05:24,834 --> 01:05:26,267 You might like it. 1515 01:05:26,269 --> 01:05:27,535 I'm sure we don't like the same things. 1516 01:05:27,537 --> 01:05:29,437 Okay keep telling yourself that Todd. 1517 01:05:29,439 --> 01:05:30,705 Okay you know what, you can fix this. 1518 01:05:30,707 --> 01:05:32,877 I would if I could but. 1519 01:05:34,278 --> 01:05:35,510 I don't know what your problem is. 1520 01:05:35,512 --> 01:05:37,412 I thought that you said it was a Trojan. 1521 01:05:37,414 --> 01:05:38,613 No I yes, it's a Trojan. 1522 01:05:38,615 --> 01:05:41,048 I don't know what your problem is with me. 1523 01:05:41,050 --> 01:05:42,783 Do you really wanna know? 1524 01:05:42,785 --> 01:05:45,687 Yes. 1525 01:05:45,689 --> 01:05:47,321 My problem with you Todd, 1526 01:05:47,323 --> 01:05:48,823 is that you are trying so hard 1527 01:05:48,825 --> 01:05:51,593 to be something that you're not and it's offensive. 1528 01:05:51,595 --> 01:05:53,761 - Oh I offend you? - Yes you offend me. 1529 01:05:53,763 --> 01:05:55,897 You are not bisexual Todd, 1530 01:05:55,899 --> 01:05:57,666 and it's gays like you who can't get over 1531 01:05:57,668 --> 01:05:59,802 their internalized homophobic shame 1532 01:05:59,804 --> 01:06:01,737 that reinforces society's idea 1533 01:06:01,739 --> 01:06:03,938 that actual bisexuality is a myth. 1534 01:06:03,940 --> 01:06:04,773 Why do you even care? 1535 01:06:04,775 --> 01:06:05,708 You're not bisexual. 1536 01:06:05,710 --> 01:06:07,043 I've slept with bisexuals. 1537 01:06:07,045 --> 01:06:08,643 - So? - Rory is not 1538 01:06:08,645 --> 01:06:10,078 your girlfriend Todd. 1539 01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:11,713 She's your fucking Katie Holmes. 1540 01:06:11,715 --> 01:06:14,549 - Well I love her. - No you think you love her, 1541 01:06:14,551 --> 01:06:16,585 but you are gonna break that poor girl's heart. 1542 01:06:16,587 --> 01:06:18,087 Yeah you'd like that wouldn't you? 1543 01:06:18,089 --> 01:06:20,690 Right because I'm the asshole in this situation. 1544 01:06:20,692 --> 01:06:22,293 Well you are what you eat. 1545 01:06:23,627 --> 01:06:26,429 And when you'd get to be so cleaver Todd? 1546 01:06:26,431 --> 01:06:27,799 I've always been clever. 1547 01:06:32,837 --> 01:06:34,770 What are you doing? 1548 01:06:34,772 --> 01:06:36,706 Can't you tell? 1549 01:06:36,708 --> 01:06:38,777 Well I think so but. 1550 01:06:40,043 --> 01:06:41,110 It should be obvious. 1551 01:06:41,112 --> 01:06:42,681 - You shouldn't. - I know. 1552 01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,716 I mean I really wish you wouldn't. 1553 01:06:46,718 --> 01:06:49,653 You should have thought of that. 1554 01:06:49,655 --> 01:06:50,957 Is it because of what I did? 1555 01:06:51,789 --> 01:06:55,327 Partly yes, mostly no. 1556 01:06:56,494 --> 01:06:57,727 Stop doing that and really listen to me. 1557 01:06:57,729 --> 01:06:59,965 You don't recognize no do you? 1558 01:07:00,965 --> 01:07:01,897 I'm just asking you to listen. 1559 01:07:01,899 --> 01:07:03,035 I said no. 1560 01:07:29,128 --> 01:07:29,961 Better. 1561 01:07:47,746 --> 01:07:48,746 That would never fucking happen! 1562 01:07:48,748 --> 01:07:50,014 I know it's irrational, 1563 01:07:50,016 --> 01:07:51,581 but that doesn't mean it would never happen. 1564 01:07:51,583 --> 01:07:53,451 No it's more than irrational Todd, it's paranoia. 1565 01:07:53,453 --> 01:07:54,719 Nobody has ever been murdered 1566 01:07:54,721 --> 01:07:55,819 because they registered as an organ donor! 1567 01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:57,654 I didn't say that I think I'm gonna be murdered, 1568 01:07:57,656 --> 01:07:58,989 I said as soon as I register as an organ donor, 1569 01:07:58,991 --> 01:08:00,123 I think I'm going to die. 1570 01:08:00,125 --> 01:08:01,525 - Why? - Because it would be ironic. 1571 01:08:01,527 --> 01:08:02,759 - Sure you can appreciate that. - Oh my God. 1572 01:08:02,761 --> 01:08:04,027 Also I don't like the idea of my organs 1573 01:08:04,029 --> 01:08:05,163 in somebody else's body, 1574 01:08:05,165 --> 01:08:06,596 it's like when different foods touch. 1575 01:08:06,598 --> 01:08:08,632 I need a kidney, I need a kidney 1576 01:08:08,634 --> 01:08:09,534 and you're a perfect match. 1577 01:08:09,536 --> 01:08:11,636 You're type O, I can't give you a kidney. 1578 01:08:11,638 --> 01:08:13,004 You can give me a kidney. 1579 01:08:13,006 --> 01:08:14,705 Hypothetically if you could save my life 1580 01:08:14,707 --> 01:08:15,806 with one of your organs, would you? 1581 01:08:15,808 --> 01:08:17,975 Hypothetically yes. 1582 01:08:17,977 --> 01:08:19,145 Realistically? 1583 01:08:24,717 --> 01:08:27,619 Todd just leave it. 1584 01:08:27,621 --> 01:08:28,456 Todd. 1585 01:08:30,724 --> 01:08:31,559 Todd. 1586 01:08:33,761 --> 01:08:34,793 Todd! 1587 01:08:37,730 --> 01:08:38,932 Nothing? 1588 01:08:44,104 --> 01:08:46,938 How about now? 1589 01:08:46,940 --> 01:08:47,975 No sorry. 1590 01:08:53,047 --> 01:08:54,679 We could try an open relationship, 1591 01:08:54,681 --> 01:08:56,550 if you think that would help. 1592 01:09:11,499 --> 01:09:13,933 What if I have homosexual anxiety OCD? 1593 01:09:13,935 --> 01:09:15,768 So I have an obsessive irrational fear of being gay 1594 01:09:15,770 --> 01:09:17,237 but I'm actually straight. 1595 01:09:17,239 --> 01:09:18,938 Or what if my fear of being gay 1596 01:09:18,940 --> 01:09:20,540 has nothing to do with my OCD 1597 01:09:20,542 --> 01:09:21,974 but I have an egodystonic sexual orientation 1598 01:09:21,976 --> 01:09:23,675 meaning I just don't want to be gay 1599 01:09:23,677 --> 01:09:25,577 because it conflicts with my idealized self-image, 1600 01:09:25,579 --> 01:09:26,912 perpetuated by popular culture? 1601 01:09:26,914 --> 01:09:30,617 Or what if I'm a heteromantic asexual? 1602 01:09:30,619 --> 01:09:32,085 So I'm romantically attracted to women, 1603 01:09:32,087 --> 01:09:33,653 but sexually attracted to nobody. 1604 01:09:33,655 --> 01:09:34,953 And the thing is when I say them out loud, 1605 01:09:34,955 --> 01:09:36,089 they all sound right but 1606 01:09:36,091 --> 01:09:38,625 what if I'm none of the above? 1607 01:09:38,627 --> 01:09:39,559 Do you remember what happened 1608 01:09:39,561 --> 01:09:41,260 when your father took you to Disneyland 1609 01:09:41,262 --> 01:09:43,729 and tried to force you onto a roller coaster? 1610 01:09:43,731 --> 01:09:45,834 - Yes of course I was there. - What happened? 1611 01:09:47,235 --> 01:09:48,967 I started screaming that he was kidnapping me 1612 01:09:48,969 --> 01:09:51,136 and he almost got arrested and we never went back. 1613 01:09:51,138 --> 01:09:52,671 You can lead a horse to water. 1614 01:09:52,673 --> 01:09:54,607 But you can't make it get on a roller coaster 1615 01:09:54,609 --> 01:09:55,742 or try anal sex. I get it. 1616 01:09:55,744 --> 01:09:57,578 I'm the horse but am I a gay horse, 1617 01:09:57,580 --> 01:09:59,747 a straight horse, or a Shetland pony? 1618 01:09:59,749 --> 01:10:00,681 Which is basically a gay horse. 1619 01:10:00,683 --> 01:10:02,181 That's what Ryder would say if he was here. 1620 01:10:02,183 --> 01:10:03,419 See he's in my head! 1621 01:10:07,290 --> 01:10:09,693 Will you please just like tell me what I am? 1622 01:10:11,294 --> 01:10:15,095 Well why don't we just start with the basics? 1623 01:10:15,097 --> 01:10:16,633 Are you sure you're a boy? 1624 01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:20,570 Well I was until now. 1625 01:10:24,139 --> 01:10:24,974 Interesting. 1626 01:10:33,115 --> 01:10:34,681 Rory? 1627 01:10:34,683 --> 01:10:36,585 Oh my God it is you hi! 1628 01:10:37,253 --> 01:10:38,985 Wow this is crazy flakes. 1629 01:10:38,987 --> 01:10:40,753 - Hi. - Nicole Shaw 1630 01:10:40,755 --> 01:10:42,756 from Belmont High? 1631 01:10:42,758 --> 01:10:44,962 I know, I know, I know I look totally different. 1632 01:10:45,795 --> 01:10:46,830 Yeah. 1633 01:10:49,733 --> 01:10:51,665 - Nose job. I got a nose job. - Oh. 1634 01:10:51,667 --> 01:10:53,601 So wow here you are auditioning. 1635 01:10:53,603 --> 01:10:55,936 I didn't even know you were an actress. 1636 01:10:55,938 --> 01:10:57,806 Did you do plays in high school? 1637 01:10:57,808 --> 01:10:58,776 No not really. 1638 01:11:00,643 --> 01:11:03,677 - Did you? - Yeah I was in every play. 1639 01:11:03,679 --> 01:11:05,180 Right you were yeah. 1640 01:11:05,182 --> 01:11:06,748 So how long have you been in L.A.? 1641 01:11:06,750 --> 01:11:08,749 Are you booking a lot? 1642 01:11:08,751 --> 01:11:11,151 Oh well I'm actually not supposed to say anything, 1643 01:11:11,153 --> 01:11:13,622 but I'm the new face of the Squatty Potty. 1644 01:11:13,624 --> 01:11:17,859 Nice wow yeah, I booked two nationals this year. 1645 01:11:17,861 --> 01:11:20,865 So it's like hell yeah no more day job! 1646 01:11:21,764 --> 01:11:23,030 What was your day job? 1647 01:11:23,032 --> 01:11:24,966 Oh no, I'm just being facetious. 1648 01:11:24,968 --> 01:11:27,067 I never had one. Thank God you know? 1649 01:11:27,069 --> 01:11:28,969 That's not really facetious. 1650 01:11:28,971 --> 01:11:30,171 Awe you're so sweet. 1651 01:11:30,173 --> 01:11:33,342 No I mean, 1652 01:11:33,344 --> 01:11:34,677 how'd you pay rent? 1653 01:11:34,679 --> 01:11:36,111 I live with my boo, 1654 01:11:36,113 --> 01:11:38,781 and he's in banks or something 1655 01:11:38,783 --> 01:11:40,316 so that's super convenient. 1656 01:11:40,318 --> 01:11:42,384 And you know my parents will help me 1657 01:11:42,386 --> 01:11:43,553 if I max out my card. 1658 01:11:43,555 --> 01:11:47,059 They just like, they love me too much to see me suffer. 1659 01:11:48,792 --> 01:11:51,227 People think that all we do is memorize lines, 1660 01:11:51,229 --> 01:11:54,897 but acting is really the hardest job there is. 1661 01:11:54,899 --> 01:11:57,366 I don't know about that. 1662 01:11:57,368 --> 01:12:00,669 - No it is. - It's emotionally exhausting 1663 01:12:00,671 --> 01:12:02,972 sure, but it's not like a heart transplant. 1664 01:12:02,974 --> 01:12:06,741 If you're doing it right, it is. 1665 01:12:06,743 --> 01:12:09,144 Hey Janice. Here's those files you wanted. 1666 01:12:18,722 --> 01:12:19,722 Is my breath... 1667 01:12:20,793 --> 01:12:21,828 Sorry. 1668 01:12:25,364 --> 01:12:27,464 Is my breath that bad? 1669 01:12:33,971 --> 01:12:35,237 How 'bout now? 1670 01:12:35,239 --> 01:12:36,309 Better. 1671 01:12:39,177 --> 01:12:40,310 Yeah that was great. 1672 01:12:40,312 --> 01:12:43,179 Nicole, will you just stick around for a little bit? 1673 01:12:43,181 --> 01:12:44,880 - Oh of course yeah. - Thank you so much. 1674 01:12:44,882 --> 01:12:46,215 - Um... - Rory. 1675 01:12:46,217 --> 01:12:47,753 - Rory. - Rory, Rory. 1676 01:12:48,988 --> 01:12:50,821 That's all we need. Thank you so much for coming in today. 1677 01:12:50,823 --> 01:12:52,723 - Okay thanks. - Yeah bye-bye. 1678 01:12:52,725 --> 01:12:54,457 - Great job. - You're really loud. 1679 01:12:54,459 --> 01:12:56,960 Thank you so much. Bye. 1680 01:13:12,378 --> 01:13:13,781 I'm moving to Seattle. 1681 01:13:14,748 --> 01:13:16,180 Well you can't be an actress in Seattle. 1682 01:13:16,182 --> 01:13:17,782 Well apparently I can't be one here either. 1683 01:13:17,784 --> 01:13:20,118 - Not with that attitude. - Todd, I am too smart 1684 01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:23,019 to keep investing my life in a career and a relationship 1685 01:13:23,021 --> 01:13:24,387 that is going nowhere. 1686 01:13:24,389 --> 01:13:26,390 - Lucille Ball. - What about Lucille Ball? 1687 01:13:26,392 --> 01:13:28,259 Lucille Ball didn't make it big until she was 40! 1688 01:13:28,261 --> 01:13:29,827 - Oh my God. - I mean what if she 1689 01:13:29,829 --> 01:13:30,461 had given up? 1690 01:13:30,463 --> 01:13:31,496 Can you imagine that? 1691 01:13:31,498 --> 01:13:32,796 Why are you packing? 1692 01:13:32,798 --> 01:13:34,431 You could have your own show, 1693 01:13:34,433 --> 01:13:36,466 - I Rove Rory. - Yeah and then you can be 1694 01:13:36,468 --> 01:13:38,135 my heavily accented straight man. 1695 01:13:38,137 --> 01:13:40,371 - Yeah. - No Todd. Come on. 1696 01:13:40,373 --> 01:13:42,105 Todd, Todd if you don't want me to go, 1697 01:13:42,107 --> 01:13:43,474 why are you packing? 1698 01:13:43,476 --> 01:13:45,076 - I don't know! - Those aren't my clothes. 1699 01:13:45,078 --> 01:13:45,913 I know. 1700 01:13:47,112 --> 01:13:48,347 Todd we can do better. 1701 01:13:49,414 --> 01:13:50,814 We both deserve more. 1702 01:13:50,816 --> 01:13:52,315 I don't want more, I'm happy. 1703 01:13:52,317 --> 01:13:53,484 - I'm not. - Well that's your 1704 01:13:53,486 --> 01:13:55,153 fault not mine. 1705 01:13:55,155 --> 01:13:57,288 Todd next week or maybe five years from now, 1706 01:13:57,290 --> 01:13:58,457 you could meet the right guy. 1707 01:13:58,459 --> 01:14:00,324 You could. And maybe that's someone 1708 01:14:00,326 --> 01:14:01,793 who doesn't want to touch your butt. 1709 01:14:01,795 --> 01:14:03,162 Or maybe you learn to like it I don't know, 1710 01:14:03,164 --> 01:14:04,797 but I can't just sit around 1711 01:14:04,799 --> 01:14:06,000 and wait for you to hurt me. 1712 01:14:07,268 --> 01:14:09,333 Why would I hurt you when I love you? 1713 01:14:09,335 --> 01:14:10,401 I don't think that you can love somebody 1714 01:14:10,403 --> 01:14:11,837 else until you love yourself. 1715 01:14:11,839 --> 01:14:13,372 Well I love myself when I'm with you. 1716 01:14:13,374 --> 01:14:14,472 Todd this isn't one of our debates, 1717 01:14:14,474 --> 01:14:15,908 you can't win. 1718 01:14:15,910 --> 01:14:17,109 What if this is as good as it gets? 1719 01:14:17,111 --> 01:14:18,510 Like that movie "As Good As It Gets". 1720 01:14:18,512 --> 01:14:21,113 Sometimes something's gotta give like that movie 1721 01:14:21,115 --> 01:14:22,349 "The Day After Tomorrow". 1722 01:14:28,955 --> 01:14:31,222 Well can you just tell me what you want 1723 01:14:31,224 --> 01:14:32,160 so I can try? 1724 01:14:36,063 --> 01:14:38,564 I want my own apartment that accurately represents 1725 01:14:38,566 --> 01:14:40,498 one third of my income, 1726 01:14:40,500 --> 01:14:44,270 and I want my own friends that are less attractive than me, 1727 01:14:44,272 --> 01:14:46,341 and I want simultaneous orgasms, 1728 01:14:47,842 --> 01:14:49,845 and those are things you can't give. 1729 01:14:51,580 --> 01:14:53,980 You said you didn't want sex. 1730 01:14:53,982 --> 01:14:55,514 Yeah I changed my mind. 1731 01:14:55,516 --> 01:14:56,851 Well that's not allowed. 1732 01:15:00,287 --> 01:15:02,223 Maybe one day I want kids. 1733 01:15:12,000 --> 01:15:13,465 Todd, hey Todd. 1734 01:15:13,467 --> 01:15:15,267 Todd come on. Todd don't, 1735 01:15:15,269 --> 01:15:17,570 Todd hey Todd don't, come on. 1736 01:15:17,572 --> 01:15:19,405 Todd I'm sorry I don't want kids. 1737 01:15:19,407 --> 01:15:21,173 I don't want kids. Todd, that was stupid. 1738 01:15:21,175 --> 01:15:23,476 I don't know why I said that, I'm sorry. Come on. 1739 01:15:25,513 --> 01:15:26,549 Todd. 1740 01:15:30,551 --> 01:15:31,587 Todd. 1741 01:15:35,190 --> 01:15:36,492 Todd I'm sorry. 1742 01:15:38,394 --> 01:15:40,027 I'm sorry I didn't mean it. 1743 01:15:40,029 --> 01:15:42,866 I hate babies. We know this. Todd, come on. 1744 01:15:46,202 --> 01:15:51,071 Okay, okay. Todd I need you to breath, alright? 1745 01:15:51,073 --> 01:15:53,276 Just breath for me okay? 1746 01:15:56,578 --> 01:15:57,911 It's okay Todd, it's okay. 1747 01:15:57,913 --> 01:15:58,547 You're gonna be... 1748 01:16:10,359 --> 01:16:11,424 Todd I'm here okay? 1749 01:16:11,426 --> 01:16:13,494 I'm just gonna sit right here, 1750 01:16:13,496 --> 01:16:15,632 but I need you to breath. Alright? 1751 01:16:17,499 --> 01:16:20,238 I'm right here, I'm just gonna be right here. 1752 01:16:43,192 --> 01:16:45,626 People say that finding love is hard. 1753 01:16:45,628 --> 01:16:47,662 Well I did the math. 1754 01:16:47,664 --> 01:16:49,596 There are four million people living in Los Angeles 1755 01:16:49,598 --> 01:16:51,599 based off the 2010 census. 1756 01:16:51,601 --> 01:16:54,435 Approximately eight percent of whom are men aged 20 to 30, 1757 01:16:54,437 --> 01:16:57,205 five to 10% of whom identify as gay or bisexual. 1758 01:16:57,207 --> 01:16:59,107 Of these 32,000 or less men, 1759 01:16:59,109 --> 01:17:00,742 only 10% will have an IQ of 120 or higher, 1760 01:17:00,744 --> 01:17:02,676 so we can eliminate the rest let's be honest. 1761 01:17:02,678 --> 01:17:03,711 Of the remaining 3200, 1762 01:17:03,713 --> 01:17:06,113 I will be sexually incompatible with most of them. 1763 01:17:06,115 --> 01:17:07,615 While there are no conclusive studies 1764 01:17:07,617 --> 01:17:09,584 on the number of gay men who abstain from penetrative sex, 1765 01:17:09,586 --> 01:17:11,520 I'm assuming the number is less than 25% 1766 01:17:11,522 --> 01:17:14,090 especially in my generation and I think that's generous. 1767 01:17:14,092 --> 01:17:15,524 Now of these 800 men, 1768 01:17:15,526 --> 01:17:17,560 30% will be in long-term relationships with each other, 1769 01:17:17,562 --> 01:17:19,227 60% will find me unattractive 1770 01:17:19,229 --> 01:17:20,762 either because I'm Asian, because I have a crooked face, 1771 01:17:20,764 --> 01:17:22,565 or because I'm generally incorrigible, 1772 01:17:22,567 --> 01:17:24,166 and an additional nine percent 1773 01:17:24,168 --> 01:17:25,633 that can actually put up with me, 1774 01:17:25,635 --> 01:17:27,470 I will reject outright over various deal-breakers 1775 01:17:27,472 --> 01:17:28,471 including but not limited to snoring, 1776 01:17:28,473 --> 01:17:31,440 poor dental hygiene and or bad taste in movies. 1777 01:17:31,442 --> 01:17:33,508 That only leaves eight potential could mates on the high end 1778 01:17:33,510 --> 01:17:35,377 and after calculating he binomial distribution 1779 01:17:35,379 --> 01:17:36,645 for randomly meeting any one of them 1780 01:17:36,647 --> 01:17:38,014 on any given day over the next half century 1781 01:17:38,016 --> 01:17:39,547 - Todd. - and integrating the 1782 01:17:39,549 --> 01:17:40,716 probability mass from zero to one number of meetings, 1783 01:17:40,718 --> 01:17:43,551 - Todd. - there is only a .0006% 1784 01:17:43,553 --> 01:17:45,154 chance that I will ever fall in love which is, 1785 01:17:45,156 --> 01:17:47,256 as I'm sure you can guess, statistically insignificant. 1786 01:17:47,258 --> 01:17:48,324 - Todd. - And I'm having 1787 01:17:48,326 --> 01:17:49,658 more compulsions so if you could please refer me 1788 01:17:49,660 --> 01:17:50,592 to a cognitive behavioral therapist, 1789 01:17:50,594 --> 01:17:52,028 I'd greatly appreciate it. 1790 01:17:52,030 --> 01:17:53,695 Why don't you call Dr. Lionetti? 1791 01:17:53,697 --> 01:17:55,297 I don't want him to know that I'm relapsing. 1792 01:17:55,299 --> 01:17:56,732 He has a very high opinion of me, 1793 01:17:56,734 --> 01:17:58,301 he said so in our last session. 1794 01:17:58,303 --> 01:18:00,102 Have you considered that your symptoms 1795 01:18:00,104 --> 01:18:02,405 are being activated by emotional stress? 1796 01:18:02,407 --> 01:18:03,606 Oh you think it's psychological? 1797 01:18:03,608 --> 01:18:06,176 Well I guess that's why my parents pay you the big bucks. 1798 01:18:06,178 --> 01:18:08,110 I'm sorry I know I'm projecting. 1799 01:18:08,112 --> 01:18:09,579 I'm projecting, I'm projecting, 1800 01:18:09,581 --> 01:18:12,214 - I'm projecting. - If Rory was a man, 1801 01:18:12,216 --> 01:18:14,116 would you still love her? 1802 01:18:14,118 --> 01:18:15,384 What do you mean? 1803 01:18:15,386 --> 01:18:17,820 If you met a man with all of Rory's qualities, 1804 01:18:17,822 --> 01:18:22,160 her interests, her intellect, her sense of humor, 1805 01:18:23,295 --> 01:18:26,663 would you consider this man your soul mate? 1806 01:18:26,665 --> 01:18:28,664 Yes obviously. 1807 01:18:28,666 --> 01:18:31,400 Then Todd I think you might be gay. 1808 01:18:31,402 --> 01:18:33,169 Like a Kinsey five. 1809 01:18:33,171 --> 01:18:35,504 Okay fine. I'm 'gay'. Is that what you wanna hear? 1810 01:18:35,506 --> 01:18:36,772 Is that what the world needs to hear? 1811 01:18:36,774 --> 01:18:38,441 I'm fucking gay? 1812 01:18:38,443 --> 01:18:40,444 I don't have a problem with being gay, 1813 01:18:40,446 --> 01:18:43,447 I have a problem with being alone for the rest of my life! 1814 01:18:43,449 --> 01:18:46,720 Well then. I think we're making progress. 1815 01:18:51,323 --> 01:18:52,589 I mean gay men have been marrying women 1816 01:18:52,591 --> 01:18:55,094 since sliced bread. 1817 01:18:56,162 --> 01:18:58,032 I don't know what to tell you. 1818 01:18:59,832 --> 01:19:02,767 Maybe Rory's right. Maybe I don't love myself. 1819 01:19:02,769 --> 01:19:04,735 Maybe I wouldn't have been loyal to her. 1820 01:19:04,737 --> 01:19:07,237 Now you're just being silly. 1821 01:19:07,239 --> 01:19:08,806 You're like the definition of loyal. 1822 01:19:08,808 --> 01:19:12,677 You're like that dog Old Yeller. 1823 01:19:12,679 --> 01:19:13,611 Yeah Old Yeller was loyal, 1824 01:19:13,613 --> 01:19:15,545 until he got rabies and then Travis shot him 1825 01:19:15,547 --> 01:19:17,350 in the face and he died. 1826 01:19:18,885 --> 01:19:20,750 I'm cheating on Zane. 1827 01:19:20,752 --> 01:19:22,186 - What? - I've been sleeping 1828 01:19:22,188 --> 01:19:24,222 with his other guy. His name is River. 1829 01:19:24,224 --> 01:19:26,223 He's beautiful, he has an accent. 1830 01:19:26,225 --> 01:19:27,657 Zane has an accent. 1831 01:19:27,659 --> 01:19:29,794 I know but he didn't feel foreign to me anymore. 1832 01:19:29,796 --> 01:19:32,130 Don't lecture me, I know it's fucked. 1833 01:19:32,132 --> 01:19:33,599 Look, Todd my point is, 1834 01:19:33,601 --> 01:19:35,600 I love you but I can't imagine spending more than 1835 01:19:35,602 --> 01:19:37,669 three days with you at a time. 1836 01:19:37,671 --> 01:19:39,438 That's not a point. 1837 01:19:39,440 --> 01:19:41,540 Zane and I aren't best friends. 1838 01:19:41,542 --> 01:19:43,642 We don't have have doc night, we don't bananagram, 1839 01:19:43,644 --> 01:19:46,444 we don't lose track of time via intense conversation. 1840 01:19:46,446 --> 01:19:48,813 We do lose track of time via intense fucking, 1841 01:19:48,815 --> 01:19:50,349 but for me that's easy to come by. 1842 01:19:50,351 --> 01:19:53,221 You know I throw a penny, I hit a model. 1843 01:19:54,387 --> 01:19:56,156 Can you say the same thing about Rory? 1844 01:20:01,762 --> 01:20:02,597 Think about it. 1845 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:08,666 Can we go inside now? 1846 01:20:08,668 --> 01:20:09,503 Thank you. 1847 01:20:31,358 --> 01:20:35,196 Rory. Rory. Rory. Rory. 1848 01:20:48,543 --> 01:20:50,913 Excuse me. Do you work here? 1849 01:21:01,623 --> 01:21:03,256 Hi Karen, it's Rory. 1850 01:21:03,258 --> 01:21:04,660 Just thought I'd drop you a line. 1851 01:21:06,294 --> 01:21:09,430 Work is good, my boss wanted me to decorate my cubicle. 1852 01:21:09,432 --> 01:21:10,864 Apparently my lack of framed photographs 1853 01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:12,298 is darkening her aura, 1854 01:21:12,300 --> 01:21:15,002 so I photoshopped myself into a fashion spread 1855 01:21:15,004 --> 01:21:16,869 with the cast of "The O.C." and then she was like, 1856 01:21:16,871 --> 01:21:18,471 "All of your friends are white." 1857 01:21:18,473 --> 01:21:20,341 and I was like, "I know I'm sorry." 1858 01:21:20,343 --> 01:21:21,909 Oh in 23 days I qualify for medical 1859 01:21:21,911 --> 01:21:24,011 which is great 'cause I can't hear certain frequencies 1860 01:21:24,013 --> 01:21:25,712 in my left ear. 1861 01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:27,881 I think I might have like an acoustic neuroma or something. 1862 01:21:27,883 --> 01:21:28,885 I know I sound like... 1863 01:21:30,486 --> 01:21:32,686 Oh I found this cool website called SeeYourFolks.com 1864 01:21:32,688 --> 01:21:34,954 and apparently I'm gonna see you seven more times 1865 01:21:34,956 --> 01:21:36,623 before you die. 1866 01:21:36,625 --> 01:21:38,792 I did say you were living in the Philippines, 1867 01:21:38,794 --> 01:21:40,664 I know that's temporary but, 1868 01:21:41,863 --> 01:21:43,700 I think it might have skewed the results. 1869 01:21:46,835 --> 01:21:49,705 Okay call me back. Bye. 1870 01:22:08,457 --> 01:22:10,624 I keep telling them we need to get a second toaster. 1871 01:22:10,626 --> 01:22:12,729 These traffic jams are driving me mad. 1872 01:22:14,930 --> 01:22:17,398 You should write up a cost-benefit analysis. 1873 01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:19,467 When management sees this loss of employee productivity, 1874 01:22:19,469 --> 01:22:21,372 surely they will cave to your demands. 1875 01:22:23,607 --> 01:22:25,542 So what kind of bagel are you having? 1876 01:22:26,576 --> 01:22:28,412 - Sesame. - Nice. 1877 01:22:31,480 --> 01:22:33,414 What kind of bagel are you having? 1878 01:22:33,416 --> 01:22:34,251 Garlic. 1879 01:22:36,452 --> 01:22:37,287 Lovely. 1880 01:22:39,323 --> 01:22:41,626 Well I'm not planing on kissing anyone today so. 1881 01:22:44,729 --> 01:22:45,697 Are you? 1882 01:22:46,631 --> 01:22:48,563 Am I what? 1883 01:22:48,565 --> 01:22:50,568 Do you have plans to kiss anyone today? 1884 01:22:53,805 --> 01:22:56,374 Nope. 1885 01:22:58,376 --> 01:22:59,642 Nothing on the calendar. 1886 01:23:23,667 --> 01:23:25,800 Hey you! Answer the door! 1887 01:23:25,802 --> 01:23:27,738 It is a school night! 1888 01:23:28,573 --> 01:23:30,438 Really? I know you're in there, 1889 01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:31,777 you just turned the lights off. 1890 01:23:33,579 --> 01:23:35,479 God why can't you just have sex for five minutes 1891 01:23:35,481 --> 01:23:36,649 like a normal person? 1892 01:23:49,794 --> 01:23:50,596 Hey Rory. 1893 01:23:51,763 --> 01:23:53,028 Oh hey Craig. 1894 01:23:53,030 --> 01:23:53,997 A bunch of us are gonna check out 1895 01:23:53,999 --> 01:23:55,732 this new Thai place for lunch. 1896 01:23:55,734 --> 01:23:57,637 It's not a party unless you're there. 1897 01:23:59,504 --> 01:24:02,171 Yeah. Okay I like Thai. 1898 01:24:02,173 --> 01:24:04,107 Great. We're about to head over. 1899 01:24:04,109 --> 01:24:06,175 For sure, I'm just gonna finish this 1900 01:24:06,177 --> 01:24:07,879 and then I'll meet you guys there. 1901 01:24:09,647 --> 01:24:11,417 Don't work too hard Rory Gilmore. 1902 01:24:12,584 --> 01:24:14,451 You watch "Gilmore Girls"? 1903 01:24:14,453 --> 01:24:16,787 Oh yeah, yeah I own like all the seasons on DVD. 1904 01:24:16,789 --> 01:24:17,623 Me too. 1905 01:24:21,794 --> 01:24:24,030 Hey Craig, random question. 1906 01:24:24,897 --> 01:24:26,564 Hit me. 1907 01:24:26,566 --> 01:24:28,733 If somebody had a gun to your head 1908 01:24:28,735 --> 01:24:30,667 and they said "Kill this baby 1909 01:24:30,669 --> 01:24:32,703 or I'm gonna kill you", what would you do? 1910 01:24:32,705 --> 01:24:34,605 - What baby? - There's a baby on the floor. 1911 01:24:34,607 --> 01:24:35,873 It's just lying on the floor? 1912 01:24:35,875 --> 01:24:38,443 Okay it's on a shelf but you have a gun, 1913 01:24:38,445 --> 01:24:40,011 and you can either kill the baby or you get shot. 1914 01:24:40,013 --> 01:24:42,680 Can't I just kill the guy with the gun pointed to my head? 1915 01:24:42,682 --> 01:24:43,713 No he's too fast, 1916 01:24:43,715 --> 01:24:44,681 he's like James Bond. 1917 01:24:44,683 --> 01:24:45,583 Why would James Bond make me kill a baby? 1918 01:24:45,585 --> 01:24:47,788 It's a hypothetical situation Craig. 1919 01:24:51,758 --> 01:24:55,525 I mean I guess I would, save the baby. 1920 01:24:55,527 --> 01:24:57,630 I don't think I could live with the guilt. 1921 01:25:00,500 --> 01:25:01,632 Yeah. 1922 01:25:01,634 --> 01:25:03,568 Why, what would you do? 1923 01:25:03,570 --> 01:25:07,776 Oh I would save the baby obviously. 1924 01:25:09,609 --> 01:25:12,781 You're so funny Rory. 1925 01:25:53,621 --> 01:25:55,958 Excuse me. Do you work here? 1926 01:25:57,626 --> 01:25:58,627 Todd? 1927 01:26:00,028 --> 01:26:01,960 What are you doing here? 1928 01:26:01,962 --> 01:26:03,963 How did you find me? 1929 01:26:03,965 --> 01:26:05,298 Your landlord called me for a reference check, 1930 01:26:05,300 --> 01:26:06,900 she had your employer info on file. 1931 01:26:06,902 --> 01:26:08,166 She just gave it to you? 1932 01:26:08,168 --> 01:26:09,602 Well her English wasn't very good. 1933 01:26:09,604 --> 01:26:11,137 Yeah I think she's Bulgarian. 1934 01:26:11,139 --> 01:26:12,604 I would've guessed Hungarian. 1935 01:26:12,606 --> 01:26:13,540 What's the difference? 1936 01:26:13,542 --> 01:26:15,008 Well Hungarians can't make the 'th' sound. 1937 01:26:15,010 --> 01:26:16,174 - The what? - The 'th' sound. 1938 01:26:16,176 --> 01:26:17,710 Okay nevermind Todd 1939 01:26:17,712 --> 01:26:18,844 how did you even get to Seattle? 1940 01:26:18,846 --> 01:26:22,315 Did you, did you take a plane? 1941 01:26:22,317 --> 01:26:23,618 Yes. For you. 1942 01:26:24,920 --> 01:26:25,852 - Really? - No I drove. 1943 01:26:25,854 --> 01:26:27,120 It took me three days. 1944 01:26:27,122 --> 01:26:28,086 I had to book a hotel in Sacramento and Medford. 1945 01:26:28,088 --> 01:26:29,187 Look you called me. 1946 01:26:29,189 --> 01:26:30,656 No, no I didn't. 1947 01:26:30,658 --> 01:26:32,325 - Yes you did. - My butt, my butt dialed you. 1948 01:26:32,327 --> 01:26:34,727 Well I think your butt knows what your heart wants. 1949 01:26:34,729 --> 01:26:35,628 I think you called me like that episode 1950 01:26:35,630 --> 01:26:37,330 of "Gilmore Girls" where Lorelei calls Luke 1951 01:26:37,332 --> 01:26:38,764 like that movie "The Way We Were" 1952 01:26:38,766 --> 01:26:39,665 where Barbra Streisand calls Robert Redford 1953 01:26:39,667 --> 01:26:41,034 because she really needed her best friend. 1954 01:26:41,036 --> 01:26:42,268 Todd, this is too meta for me. 1955 01:26:42,270 --> 01:26:43,737 I'm your best friend, 1956 01:26:43,739 --> 01:26:45,639 and I just wanna be the way we were. 1957 01:26:45,641 --> 01:26:46,807 You know how that movie ends right? 1958 01:26:46,809 --> 01:26:49,178 Yes and it sucked, and that's why. 1959 01:26:50,779 --> 01:26:54,717 And that's why. 1960 01:26:58,119 --> 01:27:01,220 Todd what is this? 1961 01:27:01,222 --> 01:27:03,756 - It's our song. - I have never heard this song 1962 01:27:03,758 --> 01:27:04,959 in my life. 1963 01:27:04,961 --> 01:27:05,960 Well every rainbow 1964 01:27:05,962 --> 01:27:07,763 - has to start somewhere. - What? 1965 01:27:08,964 --> 01:27:11,230 Todd, how long have these people been out there? 1966 01:27:11,232 --> 01:27:12,765 Were they one per tree? 1967 01:27:12,767 --> 01:27:14,033 What if I didn't show up? 1968 01:27:14,035 --> 01:27:16,036 What if I worked late or snuck out the back 1969 01:27:16,038 --> 01:27:17,540 and carpooled to Chipotle? 1970 01:27:18,807 --> 01:27:20,644 - I don't know. - You're crazy. 1971 01:27:21,811 --> 01:27:23,280 People do crazy things 1972 01:27:24,646 --> 01:27:27,684 - when they're in love. - When they're in love. 1973 01:27:32,688 --> 01:27:34,689 Todd, Todd what are you doing? 1974 01:27:34,691 --> 01:27:35,657 Rory I love you. 1975 01:27:35,659 --> 01:27:38,292 - Get up, Todd! - I will always love you. 1976 01:27:38,294 --> 01:27:40,060 And I know that you're scared that I'm going to hurt you, 1977 01:27:40,062 --> 01:27:41,261 so I'm giving you 1978 01:27:41,263 --> 01:27:42,063 - my guarantee. - That better not 1979 01:27:42,065 --> 01:27:42,863 be a ring or I'm gonna... 1980 01:27:42,865 --> 01:27:44,733 Rory will you... 1981 01:27:44,735 --> 01:27:45,667 - What, no! - You didn't even 1982 01:27:45,669 --> 01:27:47,902 - let me finish. - No I will not marry you! 1983 01:27:47,904 --> 01:27:50,005 - Why? - I am not discussing... 1984 01:27:50,007 --> 01:27:52,640 Okay. They need to leave. 1985 01:27:52,642 --> 01:27:54,244 Whoever they are. Do you know these people? 1986 01:27:55,779 --> 01:27:59,346 Great. Okay, hi. Excuse me I'm sorry, 1987 01:27:59,348 --> 01:28:01,082 but this is just a big misunderstanding. 1988 01:28:01,084 --> 01:28:03,784 You're all very talented but show's over. 1989 01:28:03,786 --> 01:28:05,956 Okay, time to go home. All seven of you. 1990 01:28:07,089 --> 01:28:09,759 Okay thank you. Drive safe. 1991 01:28:20,671 --> 01:28:23,004 Todd. I'm not ready for this, 1992 01:28:23,006 --> 01:28:23,939 this is too soon. 1993 01:28:23,941 --> 01:28:26,107 Well are you even happy here? 1994 01:28:26,109 --> 01:28:28,613 - Overall yes. - Oh. Well, 1995 01:28:31,049 --> 01:28:31,883 do you love me? 1996 01:28:34,018 --> 01:28:34,853 No. 1997 01:28:43,326 --> 01:28:45,327 Look, I know that you're worried I'm gonna meet 1998 01:28:45,329 --> 01:28:46,462 the perfect guy some day, 1999 01:28:46,464 --> 01:28:49,267 but I promise you I won't because he doesn't exist. 2000 01:28:50,468 --> 01:28:51,833 Sure we all like to think there's this soul mate 2001 01:28:51,835 --> 01:28:53,269 out there for us who's going to complete 2002 01:28:53,271 --> 01:28:55,370 us intellectually and physically and emotionally, 2003 01:28:55,372 --> 01:28:57,806 but the harsh reality is not everybody gets that. 2004 01:28:57,808 --> 01:28:58,973 So two out of three isn't so bad. 2005 01:28:58,975 --> 01:29:00,810 I mean, if your blind or schizophrenic 2006 01:29:00,812 --> 01:29:02,043 or you're missing an arm and a leg, 2007 01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:03,279 you might not even get one out of three 2008 01:29:03,281 --> 01:29:04,379 and you just have to accept that. 2009 01:29:04,381 --> 01:29:06,347 And I know that that's an offensive thing to say, 2010 01:29:06,349 --> 01:29:08,819 but you agree with me, you agree with me. 2011 01:29:08,821 --> 01:29:11,053 And anyway I had accepted that, that I would never 2012 01:29:11,055 --> 01:29:13,723 find anybody because I admit that I'm finicky, 2013 01:29:13,725 --> 01:29:15,925 but then I met you and I don't have to scour 2014 01:29:15,927 --> 01:29:18,160 the ends of the earth to know beyond a reasonable doubt 2015 01:29:18,162 --> 01:29:19,495 that you're the one. 2016 01:29:19,497 --> 01:29:21,231 I already know. 2017 01:29:21,233 --> 01:29:22,865 You're the only person I like arguing with 2018 01:29:22,867 --> 01:29:25,435 and you're the only person I don't mind losing to, 2019 01:29:25,437 --> 01:29:28,006 and you're the only person I can't lose. 2020 01:29:29,407 --> 01:29:31,107 And so maybe we won't have the greatest sex ever, 2021 01:29:31,109 --> 01:29:33,175 but you know, I mean I can try harder. 2022 01:29:33,177 --> 01:29:34,410 I mean if Helen Keller can learn to talk, 2023 01:29:34,412 --> 01:29:36,045 I can learn to eat you out, 2024 01:29:36,047 --> 01:29:38,347 and I just, I honestly think that we could be happy 2025 01:29:38,349 --> 01:29:41,450 for the rest of our lives because I wanna watch you die. 2026 01:29:41,452 --> 01:29:43,919 I mean, I wanna see you through to the end. 2027 01:29:43,921 --> 01:29:46,222 In sickness, and in health and you know that that says a lot 2028 01:29:46,224 --> 01:29:48,924 because I don't like sickness or endings or poop 2029 01:29:48,926 --> 01:29:50,826 and you know this, but you know, 2030 01:29:50,828 --> 01:29:52,361 if you had cancer and you needed help, 2031 01:29:52,363 --> 01:29:53,929 I mean ideally I'll have a nurse to help deal with that, 2032 01:29:53,931 --> 01:29:55,198 but if it was an emergency 2033 01:29:55,200 --> 01:29:56,433 and you did number two in your pants, 2034 01:29:56,435 --> 01:29:58,469 I would clean you up because I love you 2035 01:29:58,471 --> 01:30:00,340 and I want you to be my wife. 2036 01:30:07,180 --> 01:30:10,417 I'm sorry. 2037 01:30:16,922 --> 01:30:19,490 Baby if you love me, 2038 01:30:19,492 --> 01:30:23,096 won't you please just just give me a smile? 2039 01:30:24,029 --> 01:30:26,496 Baby if you love me, 2040 01:30:26,498 --> 01:30:30,233 won't you please just just give me a smile? 2041 01:30:30,235 --> 01:30:31,904 Baby if you love me, 2042 01:30:33,072 --> 01:30:37,778 won't you please just give me a smile? 2043 01:30:38,511 --> 01:30:40,178 Baby if you love me, 2044 01:30:40,180 --> 01:30:42,881 won't you please just give me a smile? 2045 01:30:49,222 --> 01:30:52,123 Please, please give me a smile. 2046 01:30:52,125 --> 01:30:54,458 Baby if you love me, 2047 01:30:54,460 --> 01:30:57,528 won't you please just give me a smile? 2048 01:30:57,530 --> 01:31:00,400 Rory come on! 2049 01:31:01,569 --> 01:31:03,972 Baby if you love me, 2050 01:31:05,606 --> 01:31:07,542 won't you please just give me a smile? 2051 01:31:29,463 --> 01:31:31,431 - Sonder. - That's a great word. 2052 01:31:31,433 --> 01:31:33,565 I didn't have a moment of sonder until last year. 2053 01:31:33,567 --> 01:31:36,535 That's okay, you have other good qualities. 2054 01:31:36,537 --> 01:31:38,503 - Schadenfreude obviously. - Or Jouska. 2055 01:31:38,505 --> 01:31:40,206 What's Jouska? 2056 01:31:40,208 --> 01:31:41,407 Jouska is when you replay a hypothetical dialogue 2057 01:31:41,409 --> 01:31:42,507 over and over again in your head, 2058 01:31:42,509 --> 01:31:43,943 like winning an argument, 2059 01:31:43,945 --> 01:31:45,578 or getting interviewed by Conan O'Brien. 2060 01:31:45,580 --> 01:31:46,546 There's a word for that? 2061 01:31:46,548 --> 01:31:48,248 There's a word for everything. 2062 01:31:48,250 --> 01:31:49,548 I wonder if there's a word that exactly describes 2063 01:31:49,550 --> 01:31:50,516 the feeling when you learn there's a word 2064 01:31:50,518 --> 01:31:52,185 that exactly describes what you're feeling. 2065 01:31:52,187 --> 01:31:54,386 If there is, I bet it's French. 2066 01:31:54,388 --> 01:31:55,654 What are we talking about? 2067 01:31:55,656 --> 01:31:57,457 Specific words to describe obscure emotions. 2068 01:31:57,459 --> 01:31:58,494 Oh. 2069 01:32:00,294 --> 01:32:01,360 Déjà vu. 2070 01:32:01,362 --> 01:32:02,865 We already said that. 2071 01:32:03,632 --> 01:32:05,597 - Cauliphrenia. - What's that? 2072 01:32:05,599 --> 01:32:08,368 Well Cauliphrenia is the feeling when 2073 01:32:08,370 --> 01:32:10,535 you eat the last bite of something delicious 2074 01:32:10,537 --> 01:32:14,309 and you become sad because you can no longer eat it. 2075 01:32:15,677 --> 01:32:16,642 How do you spell that? 2076 01:32:16,644 --> 01:32:17,478 He's lying. 2077 01:32:18,581 --> 01:32:19,446 You're such a tattletale. 2078 01:32:19,448 --> 01:32:21,181 Yeah you'd get shanked in prison, Todd. 2079 01:32:21,183 --> 01:32:22,415 Oh imagine all the new things 2080 01:32:22,417 --> 01:32:24,584 you'd get to try if you were someone's bitch. 2081 01:32:24,586 --> 01:32:26,453 Hey Todd, remember when you were 2082 01:32:26,455 --> 01:32:28,524 gonna learn how to eat me out? 2083 01:32:31,693 --> 01:32:33,127 I wish there was a word to describe 2084 01:32:33,129 --> 01:32:34,130 how I'm feeling now. 2085 01:32:38,701 --> 01:32:40,301 You guys ready? 2086 01:32:40,303 --> 01:32:41,136 Ready. 2087 01:32:42,071 --> 01:32:43,503 Split.