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1
00:00:08,685 --> 00:00:11,251
Our dad could have
beat the shit out of your dad.
2
00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:13,386
I'm not bragging,
it's just a fact.
3
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,555
You may have heard that
the human head weighs 11 pounds
4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,324
and the neck
shouldn't be able to support it.
5
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,727
Our dad's
mustache alone weighed 12,
6
00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:23,229
and his neck didn't give a shit,
because it was basically a third bicep.
7
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,599
He drove an '89 350.
8
00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:26,466
Got ten miles to the gallon,
9
00:00:26,468 --> 00:00:28,903
but he offset his carbon
footprint by growing our mom
10
00:00:28,905 --> 00:00:33,340
a fresh bouquet of flowers
every single day.
11
00:00:33,342 --> 00:00:34,642
I still drive it.
12
00:00:34,644 --> 00:00:36,343
Him and our mom had three boys.
13
00:00:36,345 --> 00:00:39,212
Adam, that's me, Tim, and Kevin.
14
00:00:39,214 --> 00:00:40,480
With our powers combined,
15
00:00:40,482 --> 00:00:41,949
we never once
got him to the ground,
16
00:00:41,951 --> 00:00:45,454
and Tim was a high school state
champion wrestler in junior high.
17
00:00:46,188 --> 00:00:48,923
Every summer, we'd go to the
cabin he built with his bare hands,
18
00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:51,224
because tools are for cowards,
19
00:00:51,226 --> 00:00:52,893
and he showed us
everything there was to know
20
00:00:52,895 --> 00:00:53,796
about being a man.
21
00:00:54,998 --> 00:00:58,264
Building fires, chopping
down trees, subduing bears.
22
00:00:58,266 --> 00:00:59,532
You know, the basics.
23
00:00:59,534 --> 00:01:01,534
He called it "Man Camp",
24
00:01:01,536 --> 00:01:04,705
and then
when I was 16 years old,
25
00:01:04,707 --> 00:01:06,841
he ran into the one thing that
he couldn't take down
26
00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:09,244
with his world class
ax throwing abilities.
27
00:01:09,979 --> 00:01:10,880
He got cancer.
28
00:01:11,914 --> 00:01:14,314
And within months,
29
00:01:14,316 --> 00:01:16,284
the greatest man to
walk the planet was gone.
30
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:20,688
Now, your dad
might still be alive,
31
00:01:20,690 --> 00:01:23,256
but if they ever
do throw down in Heaven,
32
00:01:23,258 --> 00:01:25,660
or you know, I don't
how all that's going to work,
33
00:01:25,662 --> 00:01:26,461
but if they do,
34
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:31,231
our dad will absolutely
beat the shit out of your dad.
35
00:01:49,852 --> 00:01:51,186
Can we not do this today?
36
00:01:53,022 --> 00:01:54,755
Stop licking it, eat it.
37
00:01:56,726 --> 00:01:59,392
If you like the taste,
then put it all the way in.
38
00:01:59,394 --> 00:02:02,562
If you like the way it tastes,
then put it in your belly.
39
00:02:02,564 --> 00:02:04,965
Look at me, you eat
that oatmeal right now.
40
00:02:04,967 --> 00:02:07,634
You put it in your mouth and you
swallow it or I will take your blankie
41
00:02:07,636 --> 00:02:10,403
and I will burn it like Captain
von Trapp burning the Nazi flag.
42
00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,940
Do you understand? I can
get rid of you in a second, bud.
43
00:02:12,942 --> 00:02:14,711
They got orphanages
on every corner.
44
00:02:17,312 --> 00:02:19,479
I thought the breakfast
battle would be over by now.
45
00:02:19,481 --> 00:02:21,949
Hey, is this thing ours,
because I'm not,
46
00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:23,718
I'm not feeling
super sure about it.
47
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,020
You saw him come out of me, so.
48
00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:28,791
Indeed, indeed I did.
How was the gym?
49
00:02:29,424 --> 00:02:31,759
Ugh, Kristen, you know,
50
00:02:31,761 --> 00:02:34,561
the one who is
only eating raw bacteria
51
00:02:34,563 --> 00:02:37,064
for three weeks
to reset my vagina?
52
00:02:37,066 --> 00:02:38,933
Cornered me about
her pyramid scheme again.
53
00:02:38,935 --> 00:02:41,668
- Did you get in the pyramid, babe?
- No, I did not, babe.
54
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,670
Babe, you got a chance
to get in a pyramid,
55
00:02:43,672 --> 00:02:45,873
you get in there, you get
that forbidden treasure, babe.
56
00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:47,407
Oh, you're dumb.
57
00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:49,444
- Did you start packing for your trip yet?
- Yeah.
58
00:02:50,445 --> 00:02:52,012
Yeah, yeah?
59
00:02:52,014 --> 00:02:54,547
What is the matter with you?
It's Man Camp Week!
60
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,918
Usually you're all like,
"Oh, cook up this meat!
61
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,820
Grab me a beer,
scratch my balls.
62
00:02:59,822 --> 00:03:01,321
Yeah."
63
00:03:01,323 --> 00:03:04,524
- Whoa!
- Wow, that's what I'm like?
64
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:06,127
Yeah, when you're
with the your brothers, yes.
65
00:03:06,129 --> 00:03:09,329
Well, I'm just a little tired of being
the only adult in the family, you know?
66
00:03:09,331 --> 00:03:11,866
It's been like
babysitting the last few years.
67
00:03:13,368 --> 00:03:15,938
Not now, Artiz,
I'm trying to make a point.
68
00:03:17,907 --> 00:03:18,973
Really?
69
00:03:18,975 --> 00:03:20,875
Listen, can't you just,
70
00:03:20,877 --> 00:03:22,810
like, crack the whip
and tell me I can't go?
71
00:03:22,812 --> 00:03:25,413
- Crack... the whip?
- Yeah.
72
00:03:26,548 --> 00:03:28,748
- You know, the whip.
- Oh, ugh, mm.
73
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:29,784
Lots of wives do it.
74
00:03:29,786 --> 00:03:30,885
You're disgusting and no,
75
00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:33,988
I'm not going to let you
end your 12 year tradition
76
00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:37,357
of celebrating your dad's life at the cabin, okay?
77
00:03:37,359 --> 00:03:38,326
Now, I'm going to go shower.
78
00:03:39,128 --> 00:03:41,561
I've had a morning, okay?
Clean this up, please.
79
00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:42,863
- Thank you.
- Okay, bye.
80
00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,733
- Bye, I love you.
- Love you.
81
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:47,802
Oh, hey, babe? Uh, we got to
burn Max's blankie.
82
00:03:47,804 --> 00:03:49,669
I can't afford to
make another idle threat.
83
00:03:49,671 --> 00:03:51,073
- Have fun. Bye.
- Bye.
84
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:56,442
Don't get too drunk.
85
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:57,814
- I will!
- Okay.
86
00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:03,052
Oh, God, okay. Uh, yeah.
87
00:04:04,419 --> 00:04:05,654
Yep, okay.
88
00:04:06,388 --> 00:04:07,520
There... there you go.
89
00:04:26,608 --> 00:04:29,442
What the hell do you want, man? It's like 10:00 in the morning.
90
00:04:29,444 --> 00:04:32,512
Yeah, man, that's not early,
so is Tim around?
91
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,716
- Tim, resident Tim?
- Yeah.
92
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,151
Yeah, nobody
comes in just to see Tim.
93
00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:38,618
Not nobody, not no how.
94
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:40,054
Yeah, man,
I'm his older brother, so.
95
00:04:40,056 --> 00:04:43,059
Oh, bro, why didn't you say so?
Come on in.
96
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:51,831
This guy from
the President Tim poster.
97
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,437
Hey, man, I saw
a picture of your wife.
98
00:04:57,772 --> 00:04:59,507
- Did you?
- Yeah, it's right there.
99
00:04:59,909 --> 00:05:03,443
It's actually a
picture of you and your wife.
100
00:05:03,445 --> 00:05:06,013
Not a day goes
by that I don't regret
101
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,714
letting that
little one off the hook.
102
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,582
I, I don't know
what you mean, what?
103
00:05:09,584 --> 00:05:13,755
Me and Katie, we were a...
a thing.
104
00:05:14,556 --> 00:05:15,690
All right, what about this?
105
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,591
♪ Let's get the starty parted! ♪
106
00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:20,428
♪ Ooh, ooh! ♪
107
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,099
Eric Brinkerhoff?
108
00:05:25,101 --> 00:05:26,701
In the flesh.
109
00:05:35,644 --> 00:05:38,845
Katie Baker is married... to me.
110
00:05:40,983 --> 00:05:42,182
- Tim.
- Adam!
111
00:05:42,184 --> 00:05:43,750
- Bro!
- Broski.
112
00:05:43,752 --> 00:05:45,685
- Broski?
- Brocahontas.
113
00:05:45,687 --> 00:05:47,654
- Brocapontas.
- Brontosaurus.
114
00:05:47,656 --> 00:05:49,589
- Brohannesburg.
- Bone browth.
115
00:05:49,591 --> 00:05:51,758
- Saxobrone.
- Dearly bebrothed.
116
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,227
- Broner.
- Potato potahbro.
117
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:56,163
- Bronze Julius.
- Broreos and milk.
118
00:05:56,165 --> 00:05:59,001
♪ Brone, brone, brone, brone ♪
119
00:05:59,834 --> 00:06:03,770
♪ Brone, brone, brone ♪
120
00:06:03,772 --> 00:06:06,572
♪ Brone, Brone ♪
121
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:11,213
♪ Brone, Brone, Brone ♪
122
00:06:12,781 --> 00:06:14,814
- What's up, dude?
- Did you skip the party last night?
123
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:16,649
Uh, I wasn't
really in the mood to rage,
124
00:06:16,651 --> 00:06:19,752
but I saw the ladies
in here and wowza,
125
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:23,023
so I kept it to a 12-pack
and hung around for a bit
126
00:06:23,025 --> 00:06:24,557
to fulfill
my presidential duties,
127
00:06:24,559 --> 00:06:26,461
look after these fine lads.
128
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,030
I'm going to go
wait in the truck.
129
00:06:30,032 --> 00:06:32,865
Cool, uh, let me grab a quick rinse,
then we'll head, okay?
130
00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:34,701
- Man Camp!
- Man Camp!
131
00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:38,174
So, uh, is Katie
staying home alone?
132
00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:40,977
Hey bud, why don't you
rinse off when we get there?
133
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:43,177
I'm going to get out of here.
134
00:06:43,179 --> 00:06:46,013
So you, uh, planning
on graduating anytime soon?
135
00:06:46,015 --> 00:06:48,581
Or are you just going to kind of hang out,
become the next-door
136
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:50,317
- dude perving on people's family pictures?
- Come on, dude.
137
00:06:50,319 --> 00:06:52,952
What do you mean "come on?"
That guy was fricking perving on Katie.
138
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,222
Everyone pervs on Katie,
dude, it's the circle of life.
139
00:06:55,224 --> 00:06:58,691
Every... so you perv on Katie,
that's something you do?
140
00:06:58,693 --> 00:07:02,262
She had, like, a baby last year,
so obviously not lately,
141
00:07:02,264 --> 00:07:03,763
that'd be
pretty messed up, dude.
142
00:07:03,765 --> 00:07:06,035
Besides, she family's on me.
143
00:07:07,269 --> 00:07:09,003
- Brewski?
- I'm driving.
144
00:07:09,005 --> 00:07:11,271
- Right, stick shift.
- I don't know, man.
145
00:07:11,273 --> 00:07:13,706
All this partying,
drinking nonstop,
146
00:07:13,708 --> 00:07:15,009
different girl every week.
147
00:07:15,011 --> 00:07:16,642
At some point you're
going to have to grow up.
148
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,745
What, so I can get
it together like you?
149
00:07:18,747 --> 00:07:21,881
Get a wife, kid, sell like two
cars a month, pay taxes and shit?
150
00:07:21,883 --> 00:07:24,018
It must be pretty lonely
on the top of that mountain.
151
00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,752
You don't pay taxes?
152
00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:28,188
I don't know, Dad,
let me check with my accountant.
153
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:29,922
Hello, Mr. Steinberg's office.
154
00:07:29,924 --> 00:07:31,924
- Yeah, I'll hold.
- Dude, don't be a dick.
155
00:07:31,926 --> 00:07:34,328
Fake out, dude!
It's not even a real phone, bro.
156
00:07:34,330 --> 00:07:36,263
Mom told me you
were an accident.
157
00:07:36,265 --> 00:07:40,800
Well, um, life, uh...
158
00:07:40,802 --> 00:07:41,903
Finds a way.
159
00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:57,685
Mom?
160
00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:01,155
Mom, we're home!
161
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,159
I don't see Kevin's GoPed.
162
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,228
He's living in
the garage, right?
163
00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,698
Hey, Kev, bud?
164
00:08:12,134 --> 00:08:13,735
Kev?
165
00:08:15,837 --> 00:08:16,938
Where the hell is everybody?
166
00:08:28,284 --> 00:08:29,782
Brave warrior Bill,
167
00:08:29,784 --> 00:08:31,385
you must journey to
the Forbidden Mountain
168
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:35,054
and save my father from
the shadows of the Dark Lord.
169
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:40,162
I will, my lady, and when I return I
shall ask for your hand in marriage.
170
00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:45,667
And at that time you
shall have your true reward.
171
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,239
The Mighty Ax of Kabazaduil.
172
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,407
Bro, wake up dipshit!
173
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:54,374
My lady?
174
00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:57,444
- Kevin, hello, it's Tim!
- Tim?
175
00:08:57,446 --> 00:09:00,114
- Is he on drugs or something?
- Let's try his, that language that he knows.
176
00:09:02,016 --> 00:09:04,418
I don't actually know the
language, I don't actually know.
177
00:09:08,723 --> 00:09:11,691
Kevin, Kevin, wake up.
178
00:09:11,693 --> 00:09:13,427
He hasn't gotten
any better at drawing.
179
00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:16,097
Kevin, wake up,
dude. Hey, Kev.
180
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:19,968
Hey, bros.
181
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:25,938
I... To what do I... I owe
this... prestigious pleasure?
182
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,209
It's Man Camp week, dude.
183
00:09:28,042 --> 00:09:30,210
It's Man Camp...
it's Man Camp weekend?
184
00:09:30,212 --> 00:09:33,913
Sure, uh, sure, yeah.
Totes, totes knew that.
185
00:09:33,915 --> 00:09:35,650
Yeah, is... is Mom around?
186
00:09:36,418 --> 00:09:41,120
Actually, mom... Mom is, uh,
let me check the planner.
187
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,325
Oh, she said...
188
00:09:45,093 --> 00:09:48,297
Um, yes. See, a work retreat.
189
00:09:49,764 --> 00:09:50,830
A work retreat?
190
00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:53,500
Uh, yeah, something
about team building exercises.
191
00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:56,403
For her business that
she owns herself,
192
00:09:56,405 --> 00:09:58,104
and she doesn't
have any employees?
193
00:09:58,106 --> 00:09:59,173
Mm-hmm.
194
00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:00,174
She wasn't worried at all
195
00:10:00,176 --> 00:10:02,108
about missing us on
her way up to the cabin?
196
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:04,411
Yeah, well, I'm sure she'll be
here when we get back, so
197
00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:06,213
we'll see her then to say hi.
198
00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:07,314
So, how is it man?
199
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:10,419
All moved in back at home,
is it, uh, pretty nice?
200
00:10:11,119 --> 00:10:12,084
Epic.
201
00:10:12,086 --> 00:10:13,187
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it's sweet.
202
00:10:13,189 --> 00:10:15,389
Um, you know, other than that
203
00:10:15,391 --> 00:10:17,125
I'm just killing it
at college right now.
204
00:10:18,092 --> 00:10:19,058
Five year plan.
205
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:20,394
I thought, uh, online college
206
00:10:20,396 --> 00:10:21,896
was like a less than
two year kind of thing.
207
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,299
Yeah, if you're intellectually
inferior and only want one degree.
208
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:29,902
I have four already,
so we got philosophy,
209
00:10:29,904 --> 00:10:34,006
astrophysics, quantum
mechanics, and home economics.
210
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:36,343
Wow, is... is Mom paying or?
211
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:38,177
I'm going to stop you there.
Uh, she will be reimbursed.
212
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:42,148
It's all part of,
you know, five year plan, so.
213
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:43,250
You got a job then or?
214
00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:46,453
Yeah, I started my own
business actually, distribution.
215
00:10:46,455 --> 00:10:48,020
Of what?
216
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,122
Uh, just like,
beer, wine, spirits.
217
00:10:50,124 --> 00:10:52,426
Oh, you're a liquor rep
for, uh, for who?
218
00:10:52,428 --> 00:10:55,229
People that can't get it themselves,
like they're either too young
219
00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:57,196
or not old enough,
220
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,999
or in a lot of cases they're just
born later than they should've been.
221
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:01,501
Kevin, that's illegal, bud.
222
00:11:01,503 --> 00:11:04,170
Where does it say
that in the Constitution?
223
00:11:04,172 --> 00:11:08,475
Because this is America and
last I checked I'm American, so.
224
00:11:08,477 --> 00:11:11,445
You're selling
alcohol to children, Kevin.
225
00:11:11,447 --> 00:11:13,247
Well, they identify as adults,
226
00:11:13,249 --> 00:11:16,352
so, jeez, that's insensitive.
227
00:11:17,151 --> 00:11:19,919
Hey, isn't this guy in jail for running
an illegal cat fighting ring or something?
228
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:22,389
Cats?
229
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:23,856
No, rabbits actually.
230
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:25,394
It's way higher net revenue.
231
00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:28,961
Tim?
232
00:11:28,963 --> 00:11:30,129
Shit, it's
Christy Borders, hide me.
233
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:33,167
Tim, is that you? Hey, guys,
it's been, like, forever.
234
00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:36,869
Tim, you look all grown up.
235
00:11:36,871 --> 00:11:40,407
What's up? Hey, Christy, we, uh,
we were just about to leave, so.
236
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,510
Oh, yeah? Where are you guys...
oh, your little Min Camp.
237
00:11:43,512 --> 00:11:46,382
- It's called Man Camp.
- She's the worst.
238
00:11:47,949 --> 00:11:51,917
Uh, you know, Tim, I was
cleaning out my closet recently,
239
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,956
and, uh, found that love poem
you wrote me. Do you remember?
240
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,591
- Nope.
- Oh, come on, yeah, you do.
241
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,493
You wrote it in eighth grade
to ask me to prom,
242
00:11:59,495 --> 00:12:01,994
and you titled it, like,
"Sexy Poem."
243
00:12:01,996 --> 00:12:03,330
It sounds like a fake poem.
244
00:12:03,332 --> 00:12:05,567
Well, it's real
and I found it, um...
245
00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:09,405
kind of bummed I didn't say
yes seeing as how you grew up.
246
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:13,207
Well, uh, you didn't
so, sucks for you I guess.
247
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:20,281
Yeah, um, well,
you guys enjoy your "Man Camp."
248
00:12:22,584 --> 00:12:23,983
Bye, Tim.
249
00:12:23,985 --> 00:12:25,521
Really nice to see you, Christy.
250
00:12:26,655 --> 00:12:28,455
What's your deal with her, dude?
251
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,657
You used to be obsessed
with her when we were kids.
252
00:12:30,659 --> 00:12:33,192
Now you actually have a shot,
and you're being a total douche.
253
00:12:33,194 --> 00:12:36,130
Well, now she has
wooden teeth, okay? Hard pass.
254
00:12:36,665 --> 00:12:38,332
Come on, let's go.
255
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:39,535
The ice, put it in.
256
00:12:43,572 --> 00:12:45,439
Did you guys see the
way she was flirting with me?
257
00:13:19,073 --> 00:13:21,040
What can I
get you fine gentlemen
258
00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:22,975
this glorious post morning?
259
00:13:22,977 --> 00:13:23,779
Post.
260
00:13:25,246 --> 00:13:27,581
Uh, where's Sam?
He's never not here.
261
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:30,584
Ah, yes, our proprietor
is currently indisposed.
262
00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:32,386
And he left you in charge?
263
00:13:32,388 --> 00:13:34,122
They call me Kurt.
264
00:13:34,656 --> 00:13:35,822
I got to take a piss.
265
00:13:35,824 --> 00:13:38,324
Great, uh, Kurt, can we
just get four bourbons, please.
266
00:13:38,326 --> 00:13:39,459
Straight up.
267
00:13:39,461 --> 00:13:42,161
You don't want that.
Allow me to delight your senses
268
00:13:42,163 --> 00:13:45,364
with my self-authored specialty.
269
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:49,235
Including handcrafted bitters,
which I crafted myself, with my hands.
270
00:13:49,237 --> 00:13:52,506
Uh, yeah, no, no specials,
just the four bourbons, please.
271
00:13:52,508 --> 00:13:56,144
Actually that sounds delightful,
I'll try one of those. On the house.
272
00:13:57,311 --> 00:13:58,745
Kevin, it's tradition.
273
00:13:58,747 --> 00:14:01,013
Four bourbons, nothing else.
274
00:14:01,015 --> 00:14:03,282
And you can't order
things on the house.
275
00:14:03,284 --> 00:14:04,653
One Kurt Special on the house.
276
00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:10,322
It's delicious.
277
00:14:10,324 --> 00:14:11,558
Okay, you know what?
278
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,225
Just the four bourbons, please.
279
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,530
Straight up, nothing else.
280
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:19,165
I don't know what's happening
to this place, but I don't like it.
281
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:22,236
- Whiskey au gelatin.
- Oh, come on.
282
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:26,675
- It's Jello shots.
- Whatever. Um...
283
00:14:29,143 --> 00:14:30,077
To Dad.
284
00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:33,715
To Dad.
285
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,017
Really?
286
00:14:45,026 --> 00:14:47,328
- We're not paying for this.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
287
00:15:01,309 --> 00:15:02,410
Let's do this.
288
00:15:11,753 --> 00:15:13,387
I can still feel
him up here, you know?
289
00:15:14,723 --> 00:15:15,657
Me too.
290
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:20,361
Or the altitude,
but I'm pretty sure it's Dad.
291
00:15:21,229 --> 00:15:22,562
Enough with the
ghost stories, boys.
292
00:15:22,564 --> 00:15:24,432
These beers aren't
going to drink themselves.
293
00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:54,228
Mom?
294
00:15:55,864 --> 00:15:57,164
Mom!
295
00:15:58,399 --> 00:15:59,699
Mom!
296
00:16:01,469 --> 00:16:03,603
Adam, oh, my God!
297
00:16:03,605 --> 00:16:05,106
Why are you naked?
298
00:16:05,874 --> 00:16:07,206
You should never be nude, Mom.
299
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,276
Timmy, I am not naked.
300
00:16:10,278 --> 00:16:13,145
Oh, hey, Mom.
How's the work retreat going?
301
00:16:13,147 --> 00:16:14,248
Oh, no, Kevin!
302
00:16:15,651 --> 00:16:18,150
- What are you all even doing up here?
- What are you doing here?
303
00:16:18,152 --> 00:16:19,518
It's Man Camp week.
304
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,620
It's this weekend?
305
00:16:20,622 --> 00:16:22,488
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit!
306
00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:26,525
Okay, fine, I'll, uh...
I'll just gather my things up.
307
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,461
I forgot that it was this...
308
00:16:29,463 --> 00:16:34,300
Sometimes a woman just needs
some special time
309
00:16:34,302 --> 00:16:36,201
- alone to herself to...
- Oh, God, Mom, no!
310
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,537
Gross! No explanation
necessary, please.
311
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:39,906
Don't be such a
little bitch, Adam.
312
00:16:39,908 --> 00:16:41,808
Explanation fully necessary.
313
00:16:41,810 --> 00:16:44,711
So, you're just here by yourself
having special time then?
314
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,880
Yes, yes.
315
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,618
I hear there's a few logs
316
00:16:51,620 --> 00:16:54,486
that need to be
split in this here woods.
317
00:16:54,488 --> 00:16:56,590
Oh!
318
00:16:56,592 --> 00:17:00,762
Oh, oh, I, uh, wow.
319
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:06,231
I was just, uh,
getting some wood.
320
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:10,770
No, I, it's so nice
to actually meet you guys.
321
00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:15,209
Hi!
322
00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:18,112
Um.
323
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:21,547
You must be... Oh.
324
00:17:21,549 --> 00:17:23,415
- Tim.
- We can talk this through.
325
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,818
Tim. Tim.
326
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:27,623
- Mister, g...
- No, no, no, I, we should...
327
00:17:28,389 --> 00:17:29,388
Tim, Tim, Tim!
328
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:31,625
Go! Grab him! Run!
329
00:17:31,627 --> 00:17:32,859
- Stop it!
- Run!
330
00:17:34,528 --> 00:17:36,528
Tim! Stop that!
331
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:39,365
Stop it!
332
00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:55,383
- Um...
- Shh!
333
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:06,325
Maybe... some
introductions are in order.
334
00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:07,894
Well, now that's
a great idea, Kevin.
335
00:18:07,896 --> 00:18:09,731
Okay, I'm Alan.
336
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:15,702
Uh, guys, guys,
relax, just chill, bros.
337
00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:19,438
Um, you know, maybe I can,
do you mind if I?
338
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,410
I... I think I can
explain what's going on here.
339
00:18:23,779 --> 00:18:26,614
Mom and Alan are friends...
340
00:18:27,749 --> 00:18:31,885
who apparently work together
since Alan is here on the work retreat.
341
00:18:31,887 --> 00:18:33,452
- It's not a work retreat.
- Nothing going on here.
342
00:18:33,454 --> 00:18:35,955
It's just,
it's just two work friends
343
00:18:35,957 --> 00:18:37,658
doing what
work friends do, you know?
344
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:42,394
Riding work bikes and
going to the movies for work,
345
00:18:42,396 --> 00:18:45,799
or going to
fancy work restaurants.
346
00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:48,768
You know, or
having work sleepovers.
347
00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:52,606
- You know, or all night work wrestling matches.
- Kevin.
348
00:18:53,541 --> 00:18:54,575
It's just work.
349
00:18:55,711 --> 00:18:56,910
Dude, you know this guy?
350
00:18:56,912 --> 00:18:58,778
- Who, Alan?
- Yeah!
351
00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:01,382
Yeah, of course. What's up, Alan?
352
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:04,483
Mom, what the
hell is going on here?
353
00:19:04,485 --> 00:19:05,486
Boys, look.
354
00:19:06,487 --> 00:19:08,689
I've been wanting to
talk to you for a while.
355
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,927
I've met someone.
356
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:14,896
What the hell do you
mean you've met someone?
357
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,064
Well, Tim, is it?
358
00:19:18,066 --> 00:19:19,833
When a man loves a woman...
359
00:19:19,835 --> 00:19:21,901
I know exactly what happens
when a man loves a woman,
360
00:19:21,903 --> 00:19:23,702
and it sure as hell
better not be happening
361
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,839
outside the boundaries
of holy matrimony!
362
00:19:25,841 --> 00:19:28,742
Now, Tim, I think you need
to see the whole picture here.
363
00:19:28,744 --> 00:19:29,976
Whole picture?
364
00:19:29,978 --> 00:19:33,612
This isn't just about
physical stuff going on,
365
00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:35,683
and believe me,
that is going on.
366
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:37,951
I think what I'm trying to say
367
00:19:37,953 --> 00:19:41,755
is that sometimes
there's more to the story, okay?
368
00:19:41,757 --> 00:19:44,057
And what more to
story is there, Alan?
369
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:47,595
It... There's nothing.
It... It's nothing.
370
00:19:48,329 --> 00:19:50,899
- What he's trying to say...
- No, no, honey.
371
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,067
Bless you, but I know
what I'm trying to say.
372
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:57,436
I want you boys to know that
I'm a man of good intentions,
373
00:19:57,438 --> 00:19:59,873
and I think that
if you boys understand
374
00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,908
where this is
going with your Mom and I,
375
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,642
we can smooth
this whole thing over.
376
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:04,911
Where things are going?
377
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:08,415
That's... That's great, it sounds
like you're planning a wedding.
378
00:20:13,454 --> 00:20:14,555
Oh, shit.
379
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:17,358
What do you want me to say?
380
00:20:19,027 --> 00:20:20,860
Okay, okay, so I guess...
381
00:20:20,862 --> 00:20:23,762
I guess whatever we
think about all this is just,
382
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,467
who gives a shit
what we think about it. Wow.
383
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:28,602
I've got news
for you, young man.
384
00:20:29,403 --> 00:20:33,505
I am 54 years old and
I think I am perfectly capable
385
00:20:33,507 --> 00:20:35,407
of making a decision by myself,
386
00:20:35,409 --> 00:20:37,944
and if you think you should've
been included in that decision,
387
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:41,547
well, I'm sorry,
I am, but I love this man.
388
00:20:41,549 --> 00:20:43,582
- I love you too, Ther.
- Not now, babe.
389
00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:46,752
I love him and I wanted to
wait to discuss it with you boys
390
00:20:46,754 --> 00:20:48,453
until I saw that it was serious.
391
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,522
I can't imagine why I was
so nervous,
392
00:20:50,524 --> 00:20:52,926
because you also
clearly have the ability
393
00:20:52,928 --> 00:20:54,595
to handle
things like mature adults.
394
00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:58,697
And if I hear you talk
to me in that language again,
395
00:20:58,699 --> 00:21:01,000
I'm going to wash
your mouth out with bleach,
396
00:21:01,002 --> 00:21:03,504
- do you understand?
- I'm a grown ass man.
397
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,174
God, okay, Mom, Mom!
398
00:21:08,176 --> 00:21:10,442
Okay, jeez.
399
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:12,078
So, this is what
you wanted all along?
400
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,480
You just got stuck with Dad?
401
00:21:14,782 --> 00:21:16,817
How dare you!
402
00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:34,468
We always have s'mores
the first night, is that not?
403
00:21:48,582 --> 00:21:49,650
Hey, brother.
404
00:21:50,986 --> 00:21:52,020
You need a push?
405
00:21:53,088 --> 00:21:55,554
Judas! How long have you
known about this, Kevin?
406
00:21:55,556 --> 00:22:00,692
Um, phew,
eight months and a half.
407
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,961
Maybe nine.
408
00:22:01,963 --> 00:22:04,563
Nine months? Are they doing it?
409
00:22:04,565 --> 00:22:05,631
Doing what?
410
00:22:05,633 --> 00:22:07,967
It, sex, intercourse!
411
00:22:07,969 --> 00:22:11,737
I couldn't say for sure,
but, yes, definitely.
412
00:22:11,739 --> 00:22:13,839
You piece of human shit.
413
00:22:13,841 --> 00:22:15,707
Why didn't you tell
us this was going on?
414
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,843
Because Mom seemed happy.
415
00:22:17,845 --> 00:22:19,747
I mean, the happiest
I've ever seen her.
416
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:23,851
You know,
since everything happened.
417
00:22:24,652 --> 00:22:26,718
And I knew you guys
would just lose your minds, so.
418
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,587
- You don't know that, dude.
- I do, I do know that!
419
00:22:28,589 --> 00:22:31,991
Father Flynn, you planted
drugs on him because you thought
420
00:22:31,993 --> 00:22:34,928
he hugged Mom for too long
at Christmas Eve service.
421
00:22:34,930 --> 00:22:36,795
He's never hugged me that long.
422
00:22:36,797 --> 00:22:39,134
And Alan is, he's not that bad.
423
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:43,769
You know, he can't
play baseball or fix a truck,
424
00:22:43,771 --> 00:22:45,771
or play pranks as good
as Dad could,
425
00:22:45,773 --> 00:22:48,575
but you know,
he's been really nice to me.
426
00:22:53,081 --> 00:22:54,983
Yeah, he probably doesn't have
Dad's sense of humor, does he?
427
00:22:56,217 --> 00:22:58,852
He's probably a little
more emotionally fragile, yeah?
428
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:02,221
Uh, well, you know,
he did submit
429
00:23:02,223 --> 00:23:05,224
this really thoughtful gardening
plan to Reader's Digest.
430
00:23:05,226 --> 00:23:06,527
Kevin, get in the truck.
431
00:23:07,128 --> 00:23:08,629
We're going to need supplies.
432
00:23:12,833 --> 00:23:17,103
I am so glad that this is
now my top memory of this place.
433
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:19,040
Really, I'm thrilled about it.
434
00:23:19,673 --> 00:23:21,540
God knows what else
has been going on up here.
435
00:23:21,542 --> 00:23:24,143
Right, Adam,
and I'm just the town...
436
00:23:24,145 --> 00:23:25,512
What?
437
00:23:27,815 --> 00:23:29,815
- Bicycle.
- Bicycle?
438
00:23:29,817 --> 00:23:31,550
Everyone goes for a ride on me.
439
00:23:31,552 --> 00:23:32,617
Oh, gosh, Mom.
440
00:23:32,619 --> 00:23:34,020
Sweetie, don't say that.
441
00:23:34,022 --> 00:23:37,825
I made you some chamomile
to calm you down.
442
00:23:38,994 --> 00:23:39,927
I'll get you one.
443
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:42,230
Listen, Mom.
444
00:23:43,398 --> 00:23:47,133
I'm not saying that you're
some kind of... whore, okay?
445
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:49,935
I'm just, you have to
understand this is hard for us.
446
00:23:49,937 --> 00:23:51,603
This guy could be
anybody for all we know.
447
00:23:51,605 --> 00:23:54,040
He, he, he could
be a serial killer.
448
00:23:54,042 --> 00:23:57,176
He could be a rapist. He could
be a registered sex offender.
449
00:23:57,178 --> 00:24:00,645
- Careful, it's hot.
- Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I saw a guy
450
00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:02,916
that looked a lot like
him on To Catch a Predator.
451
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,956
Oh, I've got folding to do.
452
00:24:10,958 --> 00:24:12,559
These people
are out there.
453
00:24:14,195 --> 00:24:16,262
- Oh, that's hot.
- Told you!
454
00:24:16,264 --> 00:24:18,966
Alan is not a predator,
don't be silly!
455
00:24:19,767 --> 00:24:21,034
You know, I am sorry.
456
00:24:21,036 --> 00:24:22,734
I don't want
you to be sorry, Mom.
457
00:24:22,736 --> 00:24:24,903
I want you to act like
you give a shit what we think.
458
00:24:24,905 --> 00:24:28,006
Hey, hey, mister. Watch the language.
Your mother already mentioned that.
459
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:29,308
Oh, oh, okay,
460
00:24:29,310 --> 00:24:32,378
so I can't come to
my Dad's cabin and say "shit",
461
00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:34,147
but you're
fully welcome to come here
462
00:24:34,149 --> 00:24:36,615
with no freaking pants on
and take care of quote,
463
00:24:36,617 --> 00:24:38,683
"A log that needs splitting."
464
00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:39,885
I don't even know
what that means, man.
465
00:24:39,887 --> 00:24:41,220
That was a
flirtatious expression...
466
00:24:41,222 --> 00:24:44,357
- My mom is not a log!
- Honey, please!
467
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,725
I know this is hard on you.
468
00:24:46,727 --> 00:24:49,362
Why do you think we were afraid
to tell you guys in the first place?
469
00:24:49,364 --> 00:24:50,562
Look how you boys are acting!
470
00:24:50,564 --> 00:24:53,033
It's like having two clones
of your father in this room.
471
00:24:55,170 --> 00:24:56,703
We're still a family, Mom.
472
00:24:58,073 --> 00:24:59,174
Even if Dad's gone.
473
00:25:00,941 --> 00:25:02,042
Yes, we are.
474
00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:06,878
And I'm still a person
with a life,
475
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,182
and I deserve to have
someone to share it with.
476
00:25:11,785 --> 00:25:14,089
I'd give anything to
have your father back.
477
00:25:15,223 --> 00:25:17,158
But that's not going to happen.
478
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:20,761
It's time you
boys understood that.
479
00:25:26,334 --> 00:25:27,601
I need some air.
480
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:06,705
Thanks for sticking around to
back me up. I appreciate it.
481
00:26:06,707 --> 00:26:08,307
Don't worry about it,
everything's under control.
482
00:26:08,309 --> 00:26:11,076
No, it's not, dude. I can't stand this guy,
he needs to go.
483
00:26:11,078 --> 00:26:12,347
Way ahead of you, pal.
484
00:26:17,885 --> 00:26:18,917
Can I help you?
485
00:26:18,919 --> 00:26:20,153
No, no, I've got it.
486
00:26:20,155 --> 00:26:21,953
This is kind of my thing.
487
00:26:25,426 --> 00:26:26,827
I'm so sorry, Mom.
488
00:26:27,928 --> 00:26:29,963
- You are?
- Yeah.
489
00:26:31,432 --> 00:26:34,167
You know me,
I always go overboard.
490
00:26:34,169 --> 00:26:37,070
I mean, it's like zero to 60
in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
491
00:26:40,408 --> 00:26:42,443
I love you.
492
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:47,346
What are you up to, Timmy?
493
00:26:47,348 --> 00:26:48,548
Am I upset?
494
00:26:48,550 --> 00:26:52,851
Yes, but does that mean that
I don't want you to be happy
495
00:26:52,853 --> 00:26:54,220
and find some love in your life?
496
00:26:54,222 --> 00:26:56,154
I mean, come on.
497
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:58,025
I'm not a monster.
498
00:27:00,093 --> 00:27:01,394
Let us make it up to you.
499
00:27:01,396 --> 00:27:03,828
It's all right.
Alan and I are going to go.
500
00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,897
You guys have a great weekend
501
00:27:05,899 --> 00:27:07,366
and we can talk
about this another time.
502
00:27:07,368 --> 00:27:10,403
There's no time
like the present, okay?
503
00:27:10,405 --> 00:27:12,438
Now, the boys and I
have a proposition,
504
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,105
and I think you'll
find it very appealing.
505
00:27:14,107 --> 00:27:15,508
What?
506
00:27:15,510 --> 00:27:18,244
Well, you go home
for the weekend, okay?
507
00:27:18,246 --> 00:27:22,049
Hang out with your girlfriends, paint
your toenails, watch a little Gilly Girls.
508
00:27:22,550 --> 00:27:25,384
And, uh, we'll hang up here with Alan, just the boys.
509
00:27:25,386 --> 00:27:27,320
Okay, just
really get a real chance
510
00:27:27,322 --> 00:27:30,258
to really get to know the
real Alan, Man Camp plus one.
511
00:27:31,392 --> 00:27:32,293
Really?
512
00:27:32,926 --> 00:27:35,195
Um, uh...
513
00:27:36,063 --> 00:27:38,464
Yes, yes, yep.
514
00:27:38,466 --> 00:27:40,466
Perfect, so
we're all in agreement.
515
00:27:40,468 --> 00:27:42,934
- Uh, I, I don't think so.
- What?
516
00:27:42,936 --> 00:27:46,405
- You have that look in your eye.
- What look?
517
00:27:46,407 --> 00:27:49,207
The look that before you
burned the neighbor's shed down,
518
00:27:49,209 --> 00:27:52,077
or you buried their
cat for meowing at night,
519
00:27:52,079 --> 00:27:55,013
- oh, and when you booby trapped the teacher's lounge.
- Mom, Mom!
520
00:27:55,015 --> 00:27:57,383
That look.
521
00:27:57,385 --> 00:28:01,121
Mom, that was old Tim, okay?
This is new Tim.
522
00:28:02,155 --> 00:28:07,125
That's sweet, honey,
but, um, Alan has some work
523
00:28:07,127 --> 00:28:09,194
that he's just
got to get back to.
524
00:28:09,196 --> 00:28:12,030
Honey, no, no, no.
I can reschedule that.
525
00:28:12,032 --> 00:28:14,232
Yeah, you know, honestly,
I think this is a great idea.
526
00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:17,035
There you go, Al, buddy.
527
00:28:17,037 --> 00:28:18,103
Well. Oh!
528
00:28:18,105 --> 00:28:19,904
You won't regret this.
529
00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:23,476
Hey, hey, hey, I know we came on
a little strong up there, okay?
530
00:28:23,478 --> 00:28:25,411
- At the top.
- Just a little bit.
531
00:28:25,413 --> 00:28:27,981
- And for that, I apologize.
- Oh.
532
00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:33,352
And Kev says you're a
stand-up guy, so I trust my brother.
533
00:28:33,354 --> 00:28:35,020
Let's try this again.
534
00:28:35,022 --> 00:28:36,254
Welcome to Man Camp.
535
00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:37,922
Well, thank you, New Tim.
536
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:39,257
I appreciate it.
Oh, that's good.
537
00:28:39,259 --> 00:28:42,528
- I'm glad to have a new start and hit to old reset button.
- Yeah.
538
00:28:42,530 --> 00:28:45,096
And just have a
little man on man time.
539
00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:48,166
- What's that?
- Oh, you know, break down some barriers.
540
00:28:48,168 --> 00:28:51,304
Just get going guy on guy,
I think it sounds amazing,
541
00:28:51,306 --> 00:28:52,137
and you know what?
542
00:28:52,139 --> 00:28:53,639
You've got
nothing to worry about,
543
00:28:53,641 --> 00:28:54,707
because all we're
going to be doing up here
544
00:28:54,709 --> 00:28:59,044
is just a couple of
guys taking it nice and deep.
545
00:28:59,046 --> 00:29:00,178
I can't wait.
546
00:29:03,618 --> 00:29:08,153
So, I guess I'm going to have to split that log another time.
547
00:29:08,155 --> 00:29:10,389
Stop!
548
00:29:10,391 --> 00:29:13,024
Well, this is all going to be fine.
It's going to be okay, trust me.
549
00:29:13,026 --> 00:29:15,594
Oh, you poor, poor sweet man.
550
00:29:15,596 --> 00:29:17,630
- Oh!
- All right, all set.
551
00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:21,032
Okay, um, I'll call you
when I get home, okay?
552
00:29:21,034 --> 00:29:23,469
- Oh, please do, sweetie.
- Drive safe, Mom.
553
00:29:23,471 --> 00:29:27,205
- It's gonna be scary at night.
- Oh, oh, hey, you guys be good to him.
554
00:29:27,207 --> 00:29:30,643
He's not used to these
sort of situations, okay?
555
00:29:30,645 --> 00:29:34,848
- We'll take care of him, Mom.
- Okay, oh, my sweet boys. Oh.
556
00:29:36,016 --> 00:29:38,116
- All right.
- Oh, okay, okay.
557
00:29:38,118 --> 00:29:39,618
- Drive safe, Mom.
- Okay.
558
00:29:39,620 --> 00:29:41,186
Don't you worry about a thing.
559
00:29:41,188 --> 00:29:42,388
When we come
down off of this mountain,
560
00:29:42,390 --> 00:29:43,689
we're going to be
like peas and carrots.
561
00:29:43,691 --> 00:29:47,560
- Aw, I love you, babe.
- Oh.
562
00:29:47,562 --> 00:29:49,127
- Bye!
- Bye, Mom.
563
00:29:49,129 --> 00:29:51,162
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye!
564
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,934
Well, boys, here we go, ooh.
565
00:29:55,936 --> 00:29:57,068
- Hey, buddy.
- Oh.
566
00:29:57,070 --> 00:29:58,537
You ready to spend some
quality time with the boys?
567
00:29:58,539 --> 00:30:00,271
Oh, yeah.
568
00:30:00,273 --> 00:30:03,074
I just had a
ruptured disc, I think.
569
00:30:03,076 --> 00:30:04,543
Oh, my gosh, yeah, I can feel
570
00:30:04,545 --> 00:30:07,646
those little pieces
floating around in my back skin.
571
00:30:07,648 --> 00:30:08,980
I can't breathe really.
572
00:30:08,982 --> 00:30:09,782
I think he's telling the truth.
573
00:30:09,784 --> 00:30:11,550
His face looks
really fat and tight.
574
00:30:11,552 --> 00:30:13,318
Oh, no, that's just
what his face looks like.
575
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,988
- No, okay, please.
- Okay.
576
00:30:16,990 --> 00:30:19,991
- Oh.
- Just a little brotherly wrestling with you, Alan.
577
00:30:19,993 --> 00:30:21,928
It's going to be a good
weekend up here.
578
00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,030
I can't wait to just hang out
and see what you're all about.
579
00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:26,965
Well, hang on,
are you winking to them
580
00:30:26,967 --> 00:30:28,099
to surreptitiously suggest
581
00:30:28,101 --> 00:30:30,034
that you're not going to
have a good weekend with me?
582
00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:32,438
Don't be silly, Alvis.
583
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,607
I've got something in my eye.
584
00:30:34,609 --> 00:30:37,242
Oh, you know what? I think you
actually do have something in your eye.
585
00:30:38,345 --> 00:30:42,280
- Oh, very good, Kevin!
- Not the time for magic, Kevin.
586
00:30:42,282 --> 00:30:45,686
Hey, Kevin, I think I
might have a quarter in my eye.
587
00:30:46,286 --> 00:30:48,153
I don't see
anything in your eye.
588
00:30:48,155 --> 00:30:49,522
Maybe if I check into... oh!
589
00:30:49,524 --> 00:30:51,222
Oh, come on.
590
00:30:51,224 --> 00:30:52,591
Did you hear what
I just said, Alvin?
591
00:30:52,593 --> 00:30:54,259
Actually, it's Alan.
592
00:30:54,261 --> 00:30:55,663
Sure thing, Alice.
593
00:30:56,329 --> 00:30:58,196
Oh, I get it.
594
00:30:58,198 --> 00:31:01,099
You like to give each
other a little smack down, huh?
595
00:31:01,101 --> 00:31:03,536
Kind of razz the bros,
well, I totally dig that.
596
00:31:03,538 --> 00:31:06,204
Yeah, I dig it. I dig it with both shovels,
but I'll tell you something,
597
00:31:06,206 --> 00:31:09,376
you better watch out,
because four can play that game.
598
00:31:10,277 --> 00:31:15,248
Like, hey, you
little weirdo wankers.
599
00:31:16,316 --> 00:31:17,716
Buncha weirdo wankers.
600
00:31:17,718 --> 00:31:19,317
Don't tell your mother
I said that.
601
00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:21,286
It's a good thing no one can
hear you way up here.
602
00:31:21,288 --> 00:31:22,954
Away from the modern world.
603
00:31:22,956 --> 00:31:26,659
You could scream your lungs out and no one
would hear you but the wind and the trees.
604
00:31:26,661 --> 00:31:29,628
You know, Tim, that kind
of came across as a threat.
605
00:31:29,630 --> 00:31:32,397
The imagination on this one.
606
00:31:32,399 --> 00:31:33,668
Let's get you situated.
607
00:31:34,469 --> 00:31:37,135
Hey, are there any
more sleeping options?
608
00:31:37,137 --> 00:31:38,671
Because I know there
are bedrooms downstairs,
609
00:31:38,673 --> 00:31:40,673
and also I need
to use the potty.
610
00:31:40,675 --> 00:31:41,709
Outhouse is over there.
611
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:43,709
Goodnight, baby bear.
612
00:31:53,721 --> 00:31:56,120
All right,
boys, homewrecker's all tucked in.
613
00:31:56,122 --> 00:31:57,523
Great, so what's the plan?
614
00:31:57,525 --> 00:31:59,525
Now this guy's
staying up here for Man Camp?
615
00:31:59,527 --> 00:32:01,359
Dad would not be happy, dude.
616
00:32:01,361 --> 00:32:02,495
Obviously Dad would be pissed
617
00:32:02,497 --> 00:32:05,129
about Mom knocking boots
with Small Bunyan out there.
618
00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:08,299
Okay, that guy is ugly, weak
as shit, and probably racist.
619
00:32:08,301 --> 00:32:11,537
He... He teaches African American
Studies at the community college.
620
00:32:11,539 --> 00:32:12,705
Classic racist cover-up, Kevin.
621
00:32:12,707 --> 00:32:14,205
You're avoiding
the question, man.
622
00:32:14,207 --> 00:32:15,841
Why the hell did
you invite him up here?
623
00:32:15,843 --> 00:32:17,510
We could've at least
had a decent weekend,
624
00:32:17,512 --> 00:32:18,744
but now that's out the window.
625
00:32:18,746 --> 00:32:20,113
Bro, trust.
626
00:32:21,281 --> 00:32:24,082
After this weekend, you'll
never have to see him again.
627
00:32:24,084 --> 00:32:25,118
I give you...
628
00:32:36,263 --> 00:32:37,598
the master plan.
629
00:32:39,366 --> 00:32:43,201
Mom's on her way home now,
confident everything is cool.
630
00:32:43,203 --> 00:32:45,538
Now, while she has a
nice little weekend to herself,
631
00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:48,809
we keep that dong bag up
here and let the games begin.
632
00:32:49,442 --> 00:32:50,576
You made this?
633
00:32:50,578 --> 00:32:51,777
Yeah, dude,
I'm not a kindergartner.
634
00:32:51,779 --> 00:32:53,111
I know basic cartography.
635
00:32:53,113 --> 00:32:54,747
Oh, are those ninja stars?
636
00:32:54,749 --> 00:32:56,582
Shuriken, read the legend.
637
00:32:56,584 --> 00:32:58,516
Oh, hey, that guy's
falling off a cliff.
638
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:00,487
This guy's just on fire. We're
going to light him on fire?
639
00:33:01,488 --> 00:33:04,122
What do you think
I am, a psychopath?
640
00:33:04,124 --> 00:33:05,624
He'll be
setting himself on fire,
641
00:33:05,626 --> 00:33:07,425
which you would know
if you read the legend.
642
00:33:07,427 --> 00:33:11,162
Whoa, whoa, whoa. This guy on fire,
that's supposed to be Alan?
643
00:33:11,164 --> 00:33:12,633
- Yeah.
- Oh, no.
644
00:33:13,433 --> 00:33:16,702
Uh-uh, no, I'm sorry,
change of allegiance, Tim.
645
00:33:16,704 --> 00:33:19,537
Thanks, Kevin, yeah,
we're not torturing this guy.
646
00:33:19,539 --> 00:33:21,607
But thank you for
ruining this entire weekend
647
00:33:21,609 --> 00:33:23,174
because of your
stupid little plan.
648
00:33:23,176 --> 00:33:25,243
So, you'd rather it just
be the three of us up here?
649
00:33:25,245 --> 00:33:29,615
While he's down in our house
touching our mom? Dad's Mom?
650
00:33:29,617 --> 00:33:33,251
Dude, I'm not a bigger fan of this guy
than you are, but we need a real plan.
651
00:33:33,253 --> 00:33:34,653
You're acting as
if I didn't create
652
00:33:34,655 --> 00:33:37,388
an incredibly detailed map
for that very purpose!
653
00:33:37,390 --> 00:33:39,190
Are you even aware
of what's at stake here?
654
00:33:39,192 --> 00:33:41,062
Kevin, tell him
what you told me.
655
00:33:41,662 --> 00:33:44,195
The only place
a dream becomes impossible
656
00:33:44,197 --> 00:33:45,600
is in your own mind.
657
00:33:47,233 --> 00:33:48,703
About Mom and Alan.
658
00:33:49,569 --> 00:33:53,506
Oh, um, they...
they love each other.
659
00:33:54,474 --> 00:33:55,643
And how do they love each other?
660
00:33:57,544 --> 00:33:59,210
In the sheets.
661
00:33:59,212 --> 00:34:00,012
Thank you.
662
00:34:00,014 --> 00:34:02,681
- Well...
- Sometimes on the couch.
663
00:34:02,683 --> 00:34:04,783
Kevin, got it. Kind of
put two and two together
664
00:34:04,785 --> 00:34:07,418
when we walked in on Mom spread
eagle on the bearskin rug.
665
00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:08,586
Dad's bearskin rug.
666
00:34:08,588 --> 00:34:10,856
Dad's Mom's bearskin rug.
667
00:34:10,858 --> 00:34:12,490
Tim, I'm not going to jail again
668
00:34:12,492 --> 00:34:15,228
for another one of your stupid
little plans. Goodnight.
669
00:34:16,831 --> 00:34:19,397
Hey, I'm
starting to get the feeling
670
00:34:19,399 --> 00:34:21,566
you don't care about
defending Mom's honor.
671
00:34:21,568 --> 00:34:25,603
- Dad's Mom's honor.
- Okay, first of all, Dad's mom is Grandma,
672
00:34:25,605 --> 00:34:27,773
and second,
yes, I absolutely do care,
673
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,340
but there has
to be a better way.
674
00:34:29,342 --> 00:34:31,576
This is it, man. Pick a side.
675
00:34:31,578 --> 00:34:33,444
I'm on your side,
but this kind of childish shit
676
00:34:33,446 --> 00:34:34,813
is the exact reason
that Mom doesn't tell us
677
00:34:34,815 --> 00:34:36,347
any of this stuff
in the first place.
678
00:34:36,349 --> 00:34:37,850
Thank you, Dad, for the lecture.
679
00:34:37,852 --> 00:34:39,417
Hey, let me know if
you see my brother around,
680
00:34:39,419 --> 00:34:40,320
I need his help with something.
681
00:34:41,187 --> 00:34:42,186
- I'm right here, Tim.
- Not you, Kevin.
682
00:34:42,188 --> 00:34:43,822
I'm talking about
Captain Dingle over here.
683
00:34:43,824 --> 00:34:45,423
You know what, dude? Fine.
684
00:34:45,425 --> 00:34:47,660
You just kill a guy and
see where that gets you, okay?
685
00:34:47,662 --> 00:34:48,559
Have fun.
686
00:34:48,561 --> 00:34:51,897
I'm not crazy, okay, dude.
I get it.
687
00:34:51,899 --> 00:34:54,332
You know,
maybe one day in the future
688
00:34:54,334 --> 00:34:56,902
Mom's going to find
some guy or something, okay?
689
00:34:56,904 --> 00:34:58,603
I'm not totally opposed to that,
690
00:34:58,605 --> 00:35:02,273
but if he can't prove
himself a worthy successor,
691
00:35:02,275 --> 00:35:03,909
by a few tests of manhood,
692
00:35:03,911 --> 00:35:06,912
then, you know,
maybe he's not the right guy.
693
00:35:06,914 --> 00:35:09,948
Death is not a test of manhood,
dude. He's not Jesus.
694
00:35:09,950 --> 00:35:11,251
He can't rise from the dead.
695
00:35:11,786 --> 00:35:12,617
Gandalf did it.
696
00:35:12,619 --> 00:35:15,188
Gandalf did it,
thank you, Kevin.
697
00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:18,458
Make a choice, Adam.
Are you in or out?
698
00:35:21,729 --> 00:35:22,863
Choose!
699
00:35:25,665 --> 00:35:26,865
Is that a bear?
700
00:35:32,572 --> 00:35:33,741
Bear pit.
701
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:35,675
Legend.
702
00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:38,378
I'm going to bed.
703
00:35:39,279 --> 00:35:40,779
And when I wake up,
704
00:35:40,781 --> 00:35:45,585
this little idea of
yours better be gone.
705
00:35:46,553 --> 00:35:47,953
All right, Adam.
706
00:35:47,955 --> 00:35:50,655
You're the leader, map's out.
707
00:35:50,657 --> 00:35:52,860
Yeah, I'll
believe it when I see it, bud.
708
00:35:53,593 --> 00:35:56,694
A snake this large would have to
be flown in from South America.
709
00:35:56,696 --> 00:35:59,299
- Now, I have a guy but...
- Give me that!
710
00:36:17,852 --> 00:36:19,584
What's that smell?
711
00:36:19,586 --> 00:36:21,987
Oh, I see we have a
late riser on our hands.
712
00:36:21,989 --> 00:36:24,624
Good almost
afternoon to you, Adam.
713
00:36:29,063 --> 00:36:30,929
What's... what's going on here?
714
00:36:30,931 --> 00:36:33,966
Alan made us breakfast,
cruelty-free veggie omelets.
715
00:36:33,968 --> 00:36:35,870
- They've got kale and everything.
- Oh.
716
00:36:37,670 --> 00:36:39,470
It's like a dream come true.
717
00:36:39,472 --> 00:36:41,307
- You're going to love it.
- These are delicious, Alan.
718
00:36:42,709 --> 00:36:44,509
Now, Adam, what'll it be?
719
00:36:44,511 --> 00:36:46,677
Would you like a two
cage-free free range egger
720
00:36:46,679 --> 00:36:48,513
or a three
cage-free free range egger?
721
00:36:48,515 --> 00:36:49,582
Uh, whatever.
722
00:36:50,517 --> 00:36:51,482
What egg-er?
723
00:36:56,422 --> 00:36:57,622
I just... I don't know.
724
00:36:57,624 --> 00:36:59,357
We were just telling Alan
725
00:36:59,359 --> 00:37:01,059
how we're throwing out
our plans for the weekend,
726
00:37:01,061 --> 00:37:02,426
so we can just
get to know each other.
727
00:37:02,428 --> 00:37:03,661
Oh, great.
728
00:37:03,663 --> 00:37:05,798
That's great, thank you, Tim.
Thank you.
729
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,599
You know, I don't want to interrupt,
but I just was wondering,
730
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:10,135
what do you guys
usually do when you're here?
731
00:37:10,137 --> 00:37:13,638
I mean, do you just hang out? Do
you just kind of shoot the crap, or what?
732
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,874
Just, you know,
typical guy stuff.
733
00:37:15,876 --> 00:37:18,776
We, uh, we light stuff on fire.
734
00:37:18,778 --> 00:37:22,080
We drink alcoholic beers.
735
00:37:22,082 --> 00:37:24,082
You know, fish, whatever.
736
00:37:24,084 --> 00:37:26,484
Ooh, yikes, I'll definitely
have to sit that one out,
737
00:37:26,486 --> 00:37:28,686
because I can't
imagine anything crueler
738
00:37:28,688 --> 00:37:30,454
than having
a hook in your mouth.
739
00:37:30,456 --> 00:37:32,659
I mean, just, ugh, ow.
740
00:37:33,127 --> 00:37:36,394
I, um, I respect your compassion
741
00:37:36,396 --> 00:37:37,896
for all creatures
on this earth, you know I do.
742
00:37:37,898 --> 00:37:40,098
But, um, and you
got to hear me on this.
743
00:37:40,100 --> 00:37:42,600
Fish are not living things.
744
00:37:42,602 --> 00:37:45,371
They are the vegetables of
the sea. No worries, Alan.
745
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:46,905
Fishing's out.
746
00:37:46,907 --> 00:37:48,739
Our plans are out the window.
747
00:37:48,741 --> 00:37:50,843
- We want to hear about your plans.
- Really?
748
00:37:50,845 --> 00:37:52,845
Your mother and I were
going to do some birdwatching,
749
00:37:52,847 --> 00:37:54,712
so we could definitely do
that, and they're in season,
750
00:37:54,714 --> 00:37:58,718
and then also, oh, this tops it.
We not even bird.
751
00:37:59,586 --> 00:38:01,153
I have all my
scrapbooking stuff up here.
752
00:38:01,155 --> 00:38:02,653
- Scrapbooking?
- Mm-hmm.
753
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:03,956
Adam loves scrapbooking.
754
00:38:03,958 --> 00:38:06,024
No way! Are you a scrapper?
755
00:38:06,026 --> 00:38:09,027
- Uh-huh.
- I totally felt that, we're twinsies.
756
00:38:09,029 --> 00:38:12,030
Well, tell you what? Why don't
you take the reins for today, huh?
757
00:38:12,032 --> 00:38:15,433
- What do you say, Adam?
- Best plan I've heard in the past 24 hours, Tim.
758
00:38:15,435 --> 00:38:16,767
Oh, that's wonderful!
759
00:38:16,769 --> 00:38:18,170
This is it, I'm going
to step up to the challenge.
760
00:38:18,172 --> 00:38:19,537
Okay, does anybody want seconds
761
00:38:19,539 --> 00:38:20,573
because we
definitely have seconds?
762
00:38:21,641 --> 00:38:23,141
Is that a bird out there?
763
00:38:23,143 --> 00:38:25,812
- I don't eat breakfast after 10:00.
- Oh, okay. Kev?
764
00:38:26,713 --> 00:38:27,845
Pick one of those.
765
00:38:43,463 --> 00:38:45,463
Ooh!
766
00:38:45,465 --> 00:38:47,099
- Wow!
- You like it?
767
00:38:55,842 --> 00:38:56,709
There you go.
768
00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:06,717
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
769
00:39:15,162 --> 00:39:18,562
This is from my
seventh grade dream diary,
770
00:39:18,564 --> 00:39:22,136
and it's, uh,
"One day I'll have friends."
771
00:39:25,072 --> 00:39:29,241
All right, guys,
score is Team Awesome, three.
772
00:39:29,243 --> 00:39:31,678
Team Friends Forever, zero.
773
00:39:32,812 --> 00:39:34,014
All right, Kev, you're up.
774
00:39:35,548 --> 00:39:36,216
Ha ha!
775
00:39:37,684 --> 00:39:40,087
And go!
776
00:39:41,587 --> 00:39:42,887
- Jaws.
- Yes!
777
00:39:42,889 --> 00:39:44,755
- Yes, yes!
- Oh!
778
00:39:44,757 --> 00:39:46,924
- Yeah!
- Yes, come on!
779
00:39:46,926 --> 00:39:48,559
Bullshit!
780
00:39:48,561 --> 00:39:50,528
- There's no way, there's...
- What, what?
781
00:39:50,530 --> 00:39:53,131
Yeah, you guys got some
catching up to do, come on.
782
00:39:53,133 --> 00:39:55,800
All right, I am
totally feeling this.
783
00:39:55,802 --> 00:39:57,269
Are you ready, buddy?
Here we go.
784
00:39:57,271 --> 00:40:00,305
Come on, we're syncing up, we're
all connected. Are you ready?
785
00:40:00,307 --> 00:40:02,977
- Yep.
- Okay, here we go.
786
00:40:03,743 --> 00:40:04,875
Bompity bo!
787
00:40:04,877 --> 00:40:07,312
Oh, I know this one.
Here we go, ready?
788
00:40:07,314 --> 00:40:09,214
And... go.
789
00:40:09,216 --> 00:40:11,684
Pig, pig, pigtail.
790
00:40:12,252 --> 00:40:14,987
Pigtail, pig penis,
pig penis, pig...
791
00:40:14,989 --> 00:40:16,221
- long penis.
- Come on, am I not getting through here?
792
00:40:16,223 --> 00:40:17,655
Hey, you cannot
talk in this part.
793
00:40:17,657 --> 00:40:19,124
- Okay, okay.
- Zipper.
794
00:40:19,126 --> 00:40:22,960
Pig hands,
pig hands, pat-a-cake.
795
00:40:22,962 --> 00:40:26,064
- And time.
- Oh, oh, oh, it's so close!
796
00:40:26,066 --> 00:40:29,700
- Oh, it was Hambone. That was one of mine.
- Hambone?
797
00:40:29,702 --> 00:40:31,802
The category was movies, Alan.
798
00:40:31,804 --> 00:40:34,705
Yeah, I know I figured
that out about halfway through.
799
00:40:34,707 --> 00:40:36,974
Okay, uh, I need to take a walk.
800
00:40:36,976 --> 00:40:39,177
Uh, uh, uh, not so fast, mister.
801
00:40:39,179 --> 00:40:40,878
There are bears out there.
802
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,682
- You need some bear spray first.
- Fine.
803
00:40:44,650 --> 00:40:46,650
- What are you... what are you doing?
- Well, it's...
804
00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:48,253
It's just basically
like bug spray for bears.
805
00:40:48,255 --> 00:40:50,721
- No, no, no!
- Oh, no, oh, no!
806
00:40:50,723 --> 00:40:52,324
Oh, you got to hold still.
807
00:40:52,326 --> 00:40:54,825
Oh, whew!
808
00:40:54,827 --> 00:40:55,993
Oh, that's heavy.
809
00:40:57,730 --> 00:40:58,896
- Tim!
- Yeah?
810
00:40:58,898 --> 00:41:00,898
- I swallowed it.
- Kevin!
811
00:41:00,900 --> 00:41:02,700
You guys stay here,
I'm going to get help.
812
00:41:06,739 --> 00:41:08,240
I am so sorry.
813
00:41:08,242 --> 00:41:09,374
They told me that it
would keep the bears away,
814
00:41:09,376 --> 00:41:11,243
but they didn't
tell me how to use it.
815
00:41:11,245 --> 00:41:12,945
I'm definitely
writing them a letter.
816
00:41:13,746 --> 00:41:14,947
You can take that to the bank.
817
00:41:15,615 --> 00:41:17,215
Oh, is there
anything that I can do?
818
00:41:17,217 --> 00:41:19,919
You know, they tell me that I do
some pretty good head scratches.
819
00:41:20,853 --> 00:41:23,788
Here we go. Break an egg
on your head...
820
00:41:23,790 --> 00:41:25,723
...and the yolk runs down.
821
00:41:25,725 --> 00:41:26,959
Just get me a beer, bud.
822
00:41:28,162 --> 00:41:30,197
Don't you think it's a little
early in the day for alcohol?
823
00:41:30,963 --> 00:41:33,198
- What's that?
- For alcohol, I think it's a little early.
824
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,033
I mean, I'm generally
like a after five o'clock boy,
825
00:41:36,035 --> 00:41:37,570
but you know what?
826
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:40,971
We're all men here,
doing guy stuff, right?
827
00:41:40,973 --> 00:41:42,740
I have just the thing.
828
00:41:42,742 --> 00:41:45,976
Oh, oh, you guys,
wait for the party to explode.
829
00:41:45,978 --> 00:41:48,148
Hang on, you're going to feel
a whole lot better in a second.
830
00:41:49,249 --> 00:41:52,850
I was saving this for your mom and I...
831
00:41:52,852 --> 00:41:55,688
...but when the cat's away,
the mice will play.
832
00:41:58,024 --> 00:41:59,357
Here you go.
833
00:41:59,359 --> 00:42:02,059
Now, some ground rules.
834
00:42:02,061 --> 00:42:05,363
As long as everybody
does this within reason,
835
00:42:05,365 --> 00:42:07,665
and there's no bad
decisions that are made.
836
00:42:07,667 --> 00:42:09,733
- Of course.
- We take actions that honor our bodies,
837
00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:16,108
I think that we can have
ourselves a good old time in style.
838
00:42:16,110 --> 00:42:18,112
Anybody up for a
little brown sackin' it?
839
00:42:18,811 --> 00:42:20,713
- Brown sackin' it?
- Yeah.
840
00:42:21,415 --> 00:42:23,714
See, this is what happens.
We just kind of loosen up.
841
00:42:23,716 --> 00:42:25,352
We break down some walls.
842
00:42:26,186 --> 00:42:28,919
Who wants to be
the first to sip the sack?
843
00:42:28,921 --> 00:42:30,222
Come on, don't be shy.
844
00:42:30,224 --> 00:42:33,991
Who's ready to put
their lips to the old brownie?
845
00:42:33,993 --> 00:42:36,927
You know what? Brown me up.
846
00:42:36,929 --> 00:42:38,296
My man!
847
00:42:38,298 --> 00:42:39,333
Right, guys?
848
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:41,266
Go to brown town.
849
00:42:41,268 --> 00:42:45,903
Now, Kevin, I think
it's only fair that as eldest,
850
00:42:45,905 --> 00:42:48,406
the brownie would
be Adam's birthright.
851
00:42:48,408 --> 00:42:49,343
Adam?
852
00:42:50,710 --> 00:42:51,411
Adam?
853
00:42:52,945 --> 00:42:56,714
Do you want to be the first to take a
big swallow from the old man pouch?
854
00:42:56,716 --> 00:42:57,848
Don't be rude, Adam.
855
00:42:57,850 --> 00:43:00,653
Take a drink from Alan's
mouthwatering old man pouch.
856
00:43:08,928 --> 00:43:12,297
Oh, I don't Adam's ready
for the old wrinkled wraparound.
857
00:43:12,299 --> 00:43:14,798
What the hell is this, man?
Bloody Mary mix?
858
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,271
Well, I say we toast.
859
00:43:18,172 --> 00:43:20,773
To man pouches...
860
00:43:22,476 --> 00:43:23,910
fun times...
861
00:43:25,212 --> 00:43:29,013
- no plans.
- I, sir, will drink to that,
862
00:43:29,015 --> 00:43:31,115
and I have another one.
863
00:43:31,117 --> 00:43:33,353
This is one is to
the ladies in our lives.
864
00:43:34,421 --> 00:43:35,487
To a wonderful mother,
of course.
865
00:43:35,489 --> 00:43:39,023
She's a wonderful woman,
wonderful roommate too.
866
00:43:39,025 --> 00:43:42,360
And to Tim's future wife,
Christy Borders.
867
00:43:42,362 --> 00:43:46,431
Christy Borders is a swamp woman with
a glass eye and a shovel face, no thanks.
868
00:43:48,268 --> 00:43:51,168
And I think Adam has
a beautiful bride at home,
869
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:53,505
if I'm not mistaken.
I've seen some pictures of her.
870
00:43:53,507 --> 00:43:56,508
Ooh, here's to you, good sir.
Hat's off to you.
871
00:43:56,510 --> 00:43:57,808
You know what's funny though?
872
00:43:57,810 --> 00:44:00,844
She looks
just like the young lady
873
00:44:00,846 --> 00:44:03,180
that is our spin instructor
over at Shapers,
874
00:44:03,182 --> 00:44:04,449
and I'll tell you something,
875
00:44:04,451 --> 00:44:06,351
that woman is a
little firecracker.
876
00:44:06,353 --> 00:44:08,118
Oh, if I were a younger man.
877
00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,055
I put the boots to her!
878
00:44:11,057 --> 00:44:14,259
Knocking the boots,
making the bacon.
879
00:44:14,261 --> 00:44:15,928
Isn't Shapers just for women?
880
00:44:16,396 --> 00:44:17,861
Pretty sweet of Alan to notice
881
00:44:17,863 --> 00:44:19,997
how attractive
your wife is, isn't he?
882
00:44:19,999 --> 00:44:24,302
Oh, come on. Any red-blooded man
is going to notice a woman like that.
883
00:44:24,304 --> 00:44:27,439
You're just upset that
he locked her down first.
884
00:44:27,441 --> 00:44:28,573
Here's to Katie, come on.
885
00:44:28,575 --> 00:44:31,509
- Katie, to Katie.
- To Katie.
886
00:44:31,511 --> 00:44:33,110
Katie, Katie, Katie!
887
00:44:33,112 --> 00:44:35,781
Yeah!
888
00:44:36,983 --> 00:44:39,484
- Oh.
- Whoops, uh-oh.
889
00:44:39,486 --> 00:44:42,186
- Clumsy. Just...
- Oh, I'll get it.
890
00:44:42,188 --> 00:44:44,389
Uh, Tim, did you, um,
891
00:44:44,391 --> 00:44:49,193
did you have like a... like a plan or
something that you wanted to do today?
892
00:44:49,195 --> 00:44:50,928
I may have mapped something out.
893
00:44:50,930 --> 00:44:52,896
Is that the map
with all the dead Alans?
894
00:44:52,898 --> 00:44:54,834
Kev, you joker!
895
00:44:55,302 --> 00:44:57,868
Uh, Alan, I
think we are going to need
896
00:44:57,870 --> 00:45:00,137
- some firewood for tonight.
- Okay.
897
00:45:00,139 --> 00:45:02,975
I've got a map that will take us
to the best spot, what do you say?
898
00:45:03,976 --> 00:45:05,175
Yeah, sure, that sounds great.
899
00:45:05,177 --> 00:45:07,447
Just a little bit higher, bud!
900
00:45:08,315 --> 00:45:10,948
The good one's at the top,
you're doing great!
901
00:45:10,950 --> 00:45:12,952
Yeah? Okay.
902
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:17,455
Hey, uh, what about,
uh, what about this one?
903
00:45:17,457 --> 00:45:19,524
No, no, that won't burn.
904
00:45:19,526 --> 00:45:21,359
Up top, let's not
make a thing out of this.
905
00:45:21,361 --> 00:45:23,861
But this one's got,
like, kindling on it.
906
00:45:23,863 --> 00:45:25,131
Got to have that top wood, bud!
907
00:45:26,832 --> 00:45:30,100
About time you came around, man. We were like
ten minutes away from a show tunes review.
908
00:45:30,102 --> 00:45:32,838
Yeah, man, you're right.
This guy's got to go.
909
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:37,609
And you know,
if this map is the way to do it,
910
00:45:37,611 --> 00:45:38,942
then I guess it's worth a shot.
911
00:45:38,944 --> 00:45:40,645
Sounds good to me. Kev, you in?
912
00:45:42,582 --> 00:45:45,017
I've dedicated my life
to pacifism, so.
913
00:45:46,486 --> 00:45:47,352
Great, Kev's in.
914
00:45:47,354 --> 00:45:50,022
I, I do draw the
line at murder though.
915
00:45:50,923 --> 00:45:53,023
Whoa, ah!
916
00:45:56,162 --> 00:45:57,163
Sweet.
917
00:46:03,202 --> 00:46:04,436
How many fingers
am I holding up?
918
00:46:04,438 --> 00:46:06,972
Three? Good job.
You're going to be fine.
919
00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:09,576
Am I still falling?
920
00:46:12,679 --> 00:46:16,282
A dark evil has awakened.
You need to flee this place.
921
00:46:17,283 --> 00:46:21,051
Oh, nonsense,
it's just a scratch.
922
00:46:21,053 --> 00:46:23,421
Hey, Kev? Do me a favor,
923
00:46:23,423 --> 00:46:26,190
there's a lot of good wood
that came down with me.
924
00:46:26,192 --> 00:46:27,525
It's all over
there in the woods.
925
00:46:27,527 --> 00:46:29,293
Just, just pick it up,
would you?
926
00:46:32,264 --> 00:46:35,467
So, uh, Al,
you ever start a fire before?
927
00:46:35,469 --> 00:46:37,968
No. Confidentiality, Tim,
your mother and I...
928
00:46:37,970 --> 00:46:39,704
- That's great, man. Hey, Kev.
- Yeah?
929
00:46:39,706 --> 00:46:43,006
Why don't you come over here and
show Alan how to start a Man Camp fire.
930
00:46:43,008 --> 00:46:44,341
Oh, sure.
931
00:46:44,343 --> 00:46:47,344
You take, uh,
this is called a flint.
932
00:46:47,346 --> 00:46:51,949
And you take, uh, the back
of a knife and just get going.
933
00:46:51,951 --> 00:46:53,418
Oh, that's good,
you're getting some sparks.
934
00:46:53,420 --> 00:46:54,419
Really getting
some sparks there.
935
00:46:54,421 --> 00:46:56,353
Oh, let me, I think I can do
that. Thank you.
936
00:46:56,355 --> 00:46:58,088
- Yes!
- There you go, bud.
937
00:46:58,090 --> 00:46:59,591
Now you got a spark going there.
938
00:46:59,593 --> 00:47:01,158
- Oh!
- All right, Al.
939
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,060
You got it,
you're like a firecracker.
940
00:47:03,062 --> 00:47:05,898
- Al, come on over, man. Try it on the pile.
- Me?
941
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,999
- Yeah, you're good.
- Let me get in close.
942
00:47:09,001 --> 00:47:09,669
Oh!
943
00:47:10,737 --> 00:47:13,507
Ah!
944
00:47:16,510 --> 00:47:18,041
I think I saw Satan.
945
00:47:20,580 --> 00:47:23,013
- Oh!
- Yes!
946
00:47:23,015 --> 00:47:24,283
Oh!
947
00:47:27,019 --> 00:47:28,986
- Oh.
- A little much for you there, Al?
948
00:47:28,988 --> 00:47:31,088
Ew, no, there beer is not right.
949
00:47:31,090 --> 00:47:32,492
There's something wrong there.
950
00:47:34,193 --> 00:47:36,293
- Asparagus.
- Timbo?
951
00:47:36,295 --> 00:47:38,998
Timbo, it's your shot,
I'm killing it out here, man.
952
00:47:39,999 --> 00:47:42,001
- Tim?
- Tim!
953
00:47:43,335 --> 00:47:44,301
Ugh.
954
00:47:44,303 --> 00:47:45,337
Tim?
955
00:47:46,540 --> 00:47:49,474
Your pound, Tim. It's our shot,
bud. Bud?
956
00:47:51,578 --> 00:47:52,512
Tim?
957
00:47:58,284 --> 00:47:59,218
Tim?
958
00:48:02,556 --> 00:48:05,590
Shh, shh, shh. It's me, it's me.
959
00:48:08,294 --> 00:48:11,195
- Are you in blackface?
- What?
960
00:48:11,197 --> 00:48:13,430
No, it's Navy Seal camo paint,
don't be such a noob.
961
00:48:13,432 --> 00:48:16,400
- What are you doing?
- Going commando for this next phase.
962
00:48:16,402 --> 00:48:18,235
What does that
have to do with anything?
963
00:48:18,237 --> 00:48:19,704
Just get Alan out about 15 yards
964
00:48:19,706 --> 00:48:21,106
into the woods
towards the creek.
965
00:48:22,041 --> 00:48:22,973
- Okay.
- Okay.
966
00:48:22,975 --> 00:48:27,077
Hey, um, did you
pee in one of the cups?
967
00:48:27,079 --> 00:48:28,780
I peed in all the cups.
968
00:48:28,782 --> 00:48:31,016
It's my signature move.
Everybody loses.
969
00:48:34,721 --> 00:48:36,253
- You rolled a four.
- No!
970
00:48:37,491 --> 00:48:40,390
I mean, talk
about a critical fail.
971
00:48:40,392 --> 00:48:42,794
So he garrisoned
on an enchantment.
972
00:48:42,796 --> 00:48:45,329
Exactly! Exactly!
973
00:48:45,331 --> 00:48:48,265
- That's unbelievable!
- Unbelievable!
974
00:48:48,267 --> 00:48:49,834
You, don't even worry about it,
975
00:48:49,836 --> 00:48:51,803
because we're just
rapping some D&D here.
976
00:48:51,805 --> 00:48:53,538
- He don't know.
- You don't know.
977
00:48:53,540 --> 00:48:57,274
You guys having,
like, a fellowship together?
978
00:48:58,778 --> 00:49:02,514
- Yes, and no, it's more of a guild than a fellowship.
- Yeah!
979
00:49:02,516 --> 00:49:06,116
Alan, actually uh, I need
you to go down um, to the creek
980
00:49:06,118 --> 00:49:10,254
to um, get something from
the creek.
981
00:49:10,256 --> 00:49:12,322
What, is it a secret?
982
00:49:12,324 --> 00:49:13,758
Uh, water... water.
983
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,227
For breakfast tomorrow.
984
00:49:18,364 --> 00:49:21,265
- But can't we just use the sink?
- It's not potable.
985
00:49:21,267 --> 00:49:24,301
Listen, Alan, we all got
to pull our weight around here.
986
00:49:24,303 --> 00:49:26,638
Can you just head
down there and get that?
987
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:30,577
I will be back before
you can say prestidigitation.
988
00:49:32,244 --> 00:49:33,778
Whoops!
989
00:49:33,780 --> 00:49:37,082
The, the creek,
it's swarming with Giardia.
990
00:49:37,884 --> 00:49:39,351
Yeah, probably.
991
00:49:45,892 --> 00:49:51,631
Low, medium, high, full.
992
00:49:57,771 --> 00:49:59,271
There you are, buddy.
993
00:49:59,773 --> 00:50:02,508
- What are we doing?
- Shh! Watching.
994
00:50:04,578 --> 00:50:07,712
Go get some water,
I can do that easy enough,
995
00:50:07,714 --> 00:50:09,814
as soon as I find the creek.
996
00:50:11,183 --> 00:50:15,855
- "Professional Strength Electrified Animal Fence."
- There you go.
997
00:50:18,357 --> 00:50:20,792
There you go, keep walking.
998
00:50:20,794 --> 00:50:23,728
So, I guess everybody's
got to do their share.
999
00:50:23,730 --> 00:50:25,362
Everybody's got
to carry their weight.
1000
00:50:25,364 --> 00:50:26,565
What did he mean by that?
1001
00:50:27,299 --> 00:50:29,701
It sounded like
kind of a fat crack to me.
1002
00:50:29,703 --> 00:50:31,671
Right into my little...
1003
00:50:33,673 --> 00:50:35,441
What's he doing?
1004
00:50:39,478 --> 00:50:41,244
Dammit, he's taking a piss.
1005
00:50:41,246 --> 00:50:42,780
Hey, are you sure this is safe?
1006
00:50:46,653 --> 00:50:47,821
Alan!
1007
00:50:55,795 --> 00:50:57,227
Oh, shit!
1008
00:50:57,229 --> 00:50:58,497
Dude, dude!
1009
00:50:59,465 --> 00:51:00,330
Sick.
1010
00:51:00,332 --> 00:51:02,432
- What happened?
- I don't know, Kevin.
1011
00:51:02,434 --> 00:51:03,635
- Alan?
- What?
1012
00:51:03,637 --> 00:51:05,302
- Alan, are you okay?
- Oh, my God.
1013
00:51:05,304 --> 00:51:07,839
- Is he okay?
- I don't know, Kevin!
1014
00:51:07,841 --> 00:51:09,841
Mom, is it time for school?
1015
00:51:09,843 --> 00:51:11,341
Let's get him to the couch.
1016
00:51:11,343 --> 00:51:13,477
Alan, hey, you okay, bud?
1017
00:51:13,479 --> 00:51:14,979
- What, what?
- Are you going to be all right?
1018
00:51:14,981 --> 00:51:16,513
- Who, me?
- Yeah.
1019
00:51:16,515 --> 00:51:18,850
Oh, no, I mean,
no, I'm fine.
1020
00:51:18,852 --> 00:51:21,653
Hey, guys, what'd I miss?
Woof, what happened to you?
1021
00:51:21,655 --> 00:51:22,689
Oh, I don't know.
1022
00:51:23,657 --> 00:51:25,255
I just relieving myself,
1023
00:51:25,257 --> 00:51:28,558
and then I heard Kevin
calling me over, and then
1024
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:30,527
from out of nowhere
this surge of,
1025
00:51:30,529 --> 00:51:33,931
this surge of energy
entered from my, my penis.
1026
00:51:33,933 --> 00:51:36,299
And then it just
electrified my entire body.
1027
00:51:36,301 --> 00:51:39,636
We didn't ask what happened the
first time you saw a dolphin jump.
1028
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:40,740
What happened outside?
1029
00:51:41,908 --> 00:51:43,943
- Are you going to be all right, Alan?
- I don't know.
1030
00:51:44,678 --> 00:51:48,012
I mean, I think so, I just,
I don't know what happened.
1031
00:51:48,014 --> 00:51:49,747
Heat lightning probably.
1032
00:51:49,749 --> 00:51:52,582
You must have some extremely
high iron levels in your piss.
1033
00:51:52,584 --> 00:51:53,718
Must've attracted a bolt.
1034
00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:56,553
That's weird,
because in my research,
1035
00:51:56,555 --> 00:51:58,655
urine was
always a poor conductor.
1036
00:51:58,657 --> 00:52:02,392
You know what, Alan? Let's, uh,
let's get you to bed, come on.
1037
00:52:02,394 --> 00:52:04,996
Okay, do I have
to go in the tent?
1038
00:52:04,998 --> 00:52:07,965
Uh, yeah, yeah.
1039
00:52:07,967 --> 00:52:11,301
Oh, okay, well,
that's only fair.
1040
00:52:11,303 --> 00:52:13,205
Hey, could one of
you guys zip me up?
1041
00:52:16,341 --> 00:52:18,442
A-1 in the books,
nice work, boys.
1042
00:52:18,444 --> 00:52:21,380
That was all on
your map, was it?
1043
00:52:23,750 --> 00:52:24,882
I don't want any part of this.
1044
00:52:24,884 --> 00:52:28,052
You're just,
you're just bullying him!
1045
00:52:28,054 --> 00:52:29,856
Like you bully everybody else!
1046
00:52:30,724 --> 00:52:32,957
Cool, so you're just
going to let him marry Mom
1047
00:52:32,959 --> 00:52:34,859
and have their
little happily ever after?
1048
00:52:34,861 --> 00:52:36,359
I don't think it'd be
the worst thing in the world.
1049
00:52:36,361 --> 00:52:37,496
Cool!
1050
00:52:43,002 --> 00:52:44,904
So, you find a new place to live yet?
1051
00:52:46,973 --> 00:52:51,008
Well, once they're
married and he's all moved in,
1052
00:52:51,010 --> 00:52:52,678
they're not just going
to want you hanging around.
1053
00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:55,614
You don't know that. Adam?
1054
00:53:00,019 --> 00:53:01,720
He's got a point, Kev.
1055
00:53:02,789 --> 00:53:06,423
No, Alan and I,
we're in a guild, okay?
1056
00:53:06,425 --> 00:53:08,525
So, he'd never betray me.
1057
00:53:08,527 --> 00:53:10,393
Things change, Kevin.
1058
00:53:10,395 --> 00:53:11,330
Guilds break up.
1059
00:53:12,364 --> 00:53:13,798
Once he moves in,
1060
00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:17,434
your little Friday
fro-yo dates with Mom, bye bye.
1061
00:53:17,436 --> 00:53:19,871
Mac and cheese
ready every day at 12:30?
1062
00:53:19,873 --> 00:53:21,404
Nope.
1063
00:53:21,406 --> 00:53:23,841
Your movie spot on the couch,
your favorite spot.
1064
00:53:23,843 --> 00:53:25,243
- No!
- Effing ta-ta, man.
1065
00:53:25,245 --> 00:53:29,013
I... I mean, you probably stand
to lose more in this than any of us,
1066
00:53:29,015 --> 00:53:32,349
and we're not
saying you can't be friends,
1067
00:53:32,351 --> 00:53:34,986
but we need to put
a stop to this wedding.
1068
00:53:34,988 --> 00:53:35,789
Think about it.
1069
00:53:38,057 --> 00:53:39,658
I need to be
alone with my thoughts.
1070
00:53:48,835 --> 00:53:51,803
- I think we got him.
- That shit you pulled tonight was too far.
1071
00:53:51,805 --> 00:53:53,603
I explicitly said no murder.
1072
00:53:53,605 --> 00:53:55,574
You pull that
shit again and I'm done.
1073
00:53:57,776 --> 00:53:59,711
Last I checked,
the guy's not dead.
1074
00:54:06,385 --> 00:54:07,719
Pfft, vomit.
1075
00:54:21,466 --> 00:54:22,434
Hey, Timmy.
1076
00:54:22,969 --> 00:54:23,837
Christy?
1077
00:54:25,171 --> 00:54:27,939
What are you doing here?
Go away, you're gross.
1078
00:54:27,941 --> 00:54:29,108
Oh, really?
1079
00:54:29,943 --> 00:54:31,376
Is this gross?
1080
00:54:32,846 --> 00:54:34,411
Yes.
1081
00:54:34,413 --> 00:54:35,614
What about this?
1082
00:54:37,016 --> 00:54:39,016
- Uh...
- Mm-hmm?
1083
00:54:43,189 --> 00:54:44,922
I got something else for you.
1084
00:54:44,924 --> 00:54:46,092
Oh.
1085
00:54:47,093 --> 00:54:49,126
These, bills to pay!
1086
00:54:49,128 --> 00:54:51,128
- What?
- Tiffany has horseback riding lessons
1087
00:54:51,130 --> 00:54:52,529
and you're
behind on the payments.
1088
00:54:52,531 --> 00:54:54,564
- No!
- I've got bible study.
1089
00:54:54,566 --> 00:54:55,867
- What?
- That's $60 a day.
1090
00:54:55,869 --> 00:54:58,702
For what? That should be free!
1091
00:54:58,704 --> 00:55:00,104
Did you pick up the
kids from soccer practice?
1092
00:55:00,106 --> 00:55:01,738
We don't have kids.
1093
00:55:01,740 --> 00:55:05,442
- Timmy, Penelope, Julep, Jeremiah.
- Oh, my God!
1094
00:55:05,444 --> 00:55:07,912
Andy, and Molly,
I'm forgetting someone.
1095
00:55:09,115 --> 00:55:10,114
Julep's a Boy Scout now.
1096
00:55:10,116 --> 00:55:11,949
- He wants you to be the team leader.
- No!
1097
00:55:11,951 --> 00:55:13,617
There's some logs
that need splitting outside.
1098
00:55:33,505 --> 00:55:35,174
Did you think at all about what
we talked about last night?
1099
00:55:36,109 --> 00:55:37,509
We'll see what happens.
1100
00:55:39,611 --> 00:55:40,545
Oh, morning, sunshine.
1101
00:55:41,114 --> 00:55:42,681
Glad you could join the men.
1102
00:55:43,216 --> 00:55:44,714
Did you get your
hair curled just right?
1103
00:55:44,716 --> 00:55:47,517
Eat it, dude. I was FaceTiming
with Katie and Max.
1104
00:55:47,519 --> 00:55:51,088
FaceTiming at Man Camp? Dude,
you are so whipped.
1105
00:55:55,161 --> 00:55:56,528
What are you doing?
1106
00:55:57,263 --> 00:56:00,764
I was just thinking
about Katie whipping me
1107
00:56:00,766 --> 00:56:02,801
with, like, a little Indiana
Jones hat on or something.
1108
00:56:03,802 --> 00:56:05,937
That body belongs in a museum.
1109
00:56:06,905 --> 00:56:07,906
You guys are going to Hell.
1110
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,843
Temple of Do Me.
1111
00:56:16,515 --> 00:56:18,848
- Alan still asleep?
- Yeah.
1112
00:56:18,850 --> 00:56:19,986
We should probably wake him up.
1113
00:56:33,932 --> 00:56:37,168
Bear!
1114
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:43,274
Bear, Bear!
1115
00:57:10,869 --> 00:57:13,505
Kevin!
1116
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:10,061
Oh, that was so close!
1117
00:58:10,063 --> 00:58:11,297
I almost had it!
1118
00:58:13,965 --> 00:58:16,133
How long has he been out there?
1119
00:58:16,135 --> 00:58:18,001
Like, 45 minutes.
1120
00:58:18,003 --> 00:58:20,870
I don't get it, he should
have severe hypothermia by now,
1121
00:58:20,872 --> 00:58:21,907
like near death.
1122
00:58:24,843 --> 00:58:26,976
Man, he's really
going for it out there.
1123
00:58:26,978 --> 00:58:29,045
I got to hand it to him, I mean,
1124
00:58:29,047 --> 00:58:31,748
he might be a dumb ass
but he's a committed one.
1125
00:58:31,750 --> 00:58:33,650
Yeah, well, you know,
1126
00:58:33,652 --> 00:58:35,352
at least somebody's
not afraid of commitment.
1127
00:58:35,354 --> 00:58:37,290
Is that supposed to make
me upset? Because it doesn't.
1128
00:58:37,956 --> 00:58:39,390
Getting married,
having kids, that's great.
1129
00:58:39,392 --> 00:58:40,424
But...
1130
00:58:40,426 --> 00:58:42,659
...you're not always
going to be there for him,
1131
00:58:42,661 --> 00:58:44,230
and I'm not going to
put another kid through that.
1132
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:46,397
Look at Kev.
1133
00:58:46,399 --> 00:58:47,231
So weird, dude.
1134
00:58:47,233 --> 00:58:49,400
This guy's going
to be our stepdad?
1135
00:58:49,402 --> 00:58:51,000
Dad would be so pissed.
1136
00:58:51,002 --> 00:58:52,136
Dad wouldn't be
pissed, guys.
1137
00:58:52,138 --> 00:58:56,739
What was that, um, that
saying that he came up with?
1138
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:58,908
"Never judge a book by
its cover."
1139
00:58:58,910 --> 00:59:02,246
- Kevin, Dad didn't make that up, that's like...
- Literally everyone says that.
1140
00:59:02,248 --> 00:59:03,746
- Every dad.
- Everyone says that.
1141
00:59:03,748 --> 00:59:06,683
Oh, got it! I got one!
1142
00:59:06,685 --> 00:59:07,750
- Oh, shit!
- I got it!
1143
00:59:07,752 --> 00:59:10,387
- Oh!
- Oh, my God, it's screaming!
1144
00:59:10,389 --> 00:59:12,689
It's screaming! Fish scream?
1145
00:59:12,691 --> 00:59:14,958
Oh, my God!
Someone, please, help!
1146
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,394
- Help!
- Not living things, Alan, remember!
1147
00:59:17,396 --> 00:59:18,928
Veggies of the sea.
1148
00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,232
- Ugh!
- You got to put it out of its misery, bud.
1149
00:59:21,234 --> 00:59:22,333
Most people like...
1150
00:59:24,470 --> 00:59:26,137
- Oh!
- what?
1151
00:59:26,139 --> 00:59:27,404
Wow!
1152
00:59:29,774 --> 00:59:31,342
I hope you're happy!
1153
00:59:31,344 --> 00:59:34,077
Well done,
you sick son of a bitch.
1154
00:59:35,747 --> 00:59:37,248
So, let me get this straight.
1155
00:59:37,250 --> 00:59:39,483
I said put it out of its misery,
1156
00:59:39,485 --> 00:59:41,352
and you first
thought is let me bite
1157
00:59:41,354 --> 00:59:43,753
this creature's
head off like a monster?
1158
00:59:43,755 --> 00:59:46,357
Well, it seemed
the closest type of death
1159
00:59:46,359 --> 00:59:48,126
that it might've
faced in the natural world.
1160
00:59:49,395 --> 00:59:50,396
I respect that actually.
1161
00:59:53,232 --> 00:59:55,432
You know that
was a setup, right?
1162
00:59:55,434 --> 00:59:58,169
Like a joke we play on
people that are stupid enough
1163
00:59:58,171 --> 01:00:00,404
to think you can
actually catch a fish like that.
1164
01:00:00,406 --> 01:00:02,339
Yeah, that part
was pretty obvious.
1165
01:00:02,341 --> 01:00:04,275
Well, then why didn't
you just stand up for yourself?
1166
01:00:04,277 --> 01:00:06,212
What, so you could electrocute
me on something else?
1167
01:00:07,946 --> 01:00:12,115
I went in that water with
that ridiculous little spear
1168
01:00:12,117 --> 01:00:13,450
to make a statement to you boys
1169
01:00:13,452 --> 01:00:15,319
that there's nothing
I wouldn't do
1170
01:00:15,321 --> 01:00:18,154
to try to make it work with this family,
on your terms, not mine.
1171
01:00:18,156 --> 01:00:20,224
I'd have
stayed out there all night,
1172
01:00:20,226 --> 01:00:24,060
until either you broke
or I stabbed a damn fish.
1173
01:00:24,062 --> 01:00:28,232
I mean, it was supposed to
be this big cathartic symbol.
1174
01:00:28,234 --> 01:00:30,334
Then I actually pierced
one's skin,
1175
01:00:30,336 --> 01:00:32,904
and it shrieked,
and I just panicked.
1176
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:35,838
Well, well done.
1177
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:37,142
Yeah, thanks.
1178
01:00:38,678 --> 01:00:40,910
But if you think it's going to be that
easy, you got another thing coming.
1179
01:00:40,912 --> 01:00:42,346
You got a lot to live up to
1180
01:00:42,348 --> 01:00:44,383
when it comes to
marriage number one.
1181
01:00:45,551 --> 01:00:47,886
I know he'll
always be her soulmate, Tim.
1182
01:00:49,322 --> 01:00:51,455
And that's the way it should be.
1183
01:00:51,457 --> 01:00:53,823
He must've been a hell of a man.
1184
01:00:53,825 --> 01:00:55,459
I... I wish I had met him.
1185
01:00:58,830 --> 01:01:00,832
I'm just glad
she likes being around me.
1186
01:01:04,936 --> 01:01:06,405
Well, I'm going to
put on some dry clothes.
1187
01:01:19,150 --> 01:01:21,920
Everybody hydrate and tell your
wives and kids you love them.
1188
01:01:22,854 --> 01:01:24,122
We're going to Curly's.
1189
01:01:24,923 --> 01:01:26,923
Come on, you bitch.
This is happening, okay?
1190
01:01:26,925 --> 01:01:28,024
Don't make me take you by force.
1191
01:01:28,026 --> 01:01:30,394
I promised Katie that I
would never go back there,
1192
01:01:30,396 --> 01:01:31,428
not after last time.
1193
01:01:31,430 --> 01:01:32,663
Come on, dude.
1194
01:01:32,665 --> 01:01:35,566
The charges were dropped,
and the guy didn't die, I mean...
1195
01:01:35,568 --> 01:01:38,935
Didn't die? That's your
qualification for everything being fine,
1196
01:01:38,937 --> 01:01:41,170
- that he didn't die.
- How else are we supposed to bond
1197
01:01:41,172 --> 01:01:44,475
with wiener lips back here
if we don't take him to Curly's?
1198
01:01:44,477 --> 01:01:46,379
It's what separates
the men from the boys.
1199
01:01:48,146 --> 01:01:50,046
Adam, bro.
1200
01:01:56,087 --> 01:01:57,088
Fine.
1201
01:01:58,457 --> 01:02:02,393
But... phones are
locked in the glove box.
1202
01:02:02,395 --> 01:02:06,229
No evidence,
and two drink max, okay?
1203
01:02:06,231 --> 01:02:07,198
Totes, dude.
1204
01:02:07,932 --> 01:02:11,968
Two more moonshines, please!
1205
01:02:11,970 --> 01:02:14,170
Three, Kevin?
Kevin, you having a moonshine?
1206
01:02:14,172 --> 01:02:16,039
I switched to water an hour ago.
1207
01:02:16,041 --> 01:02:17,441
Kevin switched
to water an hour ago.
1208
01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:19,576
Could you lift your chin
just a little...
1209
01:02:19,578 --> 01:02:20,479
Perfect.
1210
01:02:21,246 --> 01:02:23,279
Thank you. Where's Alan?
1211
01:02:23,281 --> 01:02:24,548
Where's that guy?
1212
01:02:29,287 --> 01:02:32,556
Now, dude, if you hurt
my mom, she's a good dude.
1213
01:02:32,558 --> 01:02:33,892
If you hurt her...
1214
01:02:36,895 --> 01:02:38,294
- Wow.
- Get it?
1215
01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:41,164
Okay, number one,
I get what you're saying,
1216
01:02:41,166 --> 01:02:45,101
but hold your horses,
because I love her, okay?
1217
01:02:45,103 --> 01:02:46,503
- Me too, me too.
- So if you love someone...
1218
01:02:46,505 --> 01:02:48,339
I know you do,
and I believe in that,
1219
01:02:48,341 --> 01:02:51,542
but if I love someone,
I'm not going to hurt someone,
1220
01:02:51,544 --> 01:02:54,411
because she's my family, bro.
Just like you are.
1221
01:02:54,413 --> 01:02:55,512
- You are family.
- That's right.
1222
01:02:55,514 --> 01:02:57,947
- Never above you, never below you.
- That's right.
1223
01:02:57,949 --> 01:02:59,452
- Always with you.
- That's it.
1224
01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:03,387
- I hear, you know...
- Ugh!
1225
01:03:03,389 --> 01:03:06,392
If somebody... to Katie...
if somebody did something...
1226
01:03:07,992 --> 01:03:10,561
One time,
this guy wrote something
1227
01:03:10,563 --> 01:03:14,531
- about her on a bathroom wall, dude.
- No way!
1228
01:03:14,533 --> 01:03:17,033
- And I was...
- Are you serious?
1229
01:03:17,035 --> 01:03:20,373
Oh, you, you killed him?
1230
01:03:21,407 --> 01:03:23,239
- I wanted to.
- Oh.
1231
01:03:23,241 --> 01:03:26,610
I almost did. I still almost
want to kill him, almost.
1232
01:03:26,612 --> 01:03:28,211
- Almost.
- I'm going to do it.
1233
01:03:28,213 --> 01:03:30,079
I'm going to rough him up!
1234
01:03:30,081 --> 01:03:32,383
- I'm going to rough up Eric Brinkerhoff.
- Yeah!
1235
01:03:32,385 --> 01:03:33,983
- Tim!
- Come on!
1236
01:03:33,985 --> 01:03:38,323
What do they call
a, uh, straight flush?
1237
01:03:40,024 --> 01:03:41,725
I think it's a win, right?
1238
01:03:43,027 --> 01:03:45,396
Nice, eh. Enjoy the watch.
1239
01:03:45,398 --> 01:03:47,698
Thank you, big watch.
1240
01:03:47,700 --> 01:03:49,700
- I need your keys.
- Ain't happening, bud.
1241
01:03:49,702 --> 01:03:51,968
- No, it's just me and Alan just...
- All right, who's next?
1242
01:03:51,970 --> 01:03:54,203
Me and Alan are
going to go rough up Eric,
1243
01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:56,239
Eric Brinkerhoff and I
need the keys...
1244
01:03:56,241 --> 01:03:57,408
Hey, bud, why don't you
sober up for a half hour,
1245
01:03:57,410 --> 01:04:00,446
then I'll go rough up Eric
Brinkerface, okay?
1246
01:04:05,183 --> 01:04:06,419
Your wife is hot.
1247
01:04:07,486 --> 01:04:08,621
What are you looking at?
1248
01:04:09,755 --> 01:04:13,724
This one time, I got to
second base with Katie Baker.
1249
01:04:15,093 --> 01:04:17,428
Katie Baker is
my wife, you asshole!
1250
01:04:17,430 --> 01:04:18,662
We got a problem, son?
1251
01:04:20,165 --> 01:04:21,230
Second base.
1252
01:04:21,232 --> 01:04:22,535
I'm about to rough you up!
1253
01:04:26,572 --> 01:04:27,438
Now if I could just get you to,
1254
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:30,239
just turn to the
light a little bit.
1255
01:04:30,241 --> 01:04:31,407
Cheek down.
1256
01:04:33,077 --> 01:04:35,044
- Like this? Mm-hmm.
- Absolutely.
1257
01:04:36,515 --> 01:04:39,650
Are you sure you never modeled before?
1258
01:04:39,652 --> 01:04:41,050
That was good.
1259
01:04:41,052 --> 01:04:44,053
You have the brow
line of a Nordic queen.
1260
01:04:45,323 --> 01:04:46,958
I'm sure you get
that all the time.
1261
01:04:47,693 --> 01:04:51,260
My daddy said I had the
hardest forehead he'd ever seen.
1262
01:04:51,262 --> 01:04:52,195
Well, he's not wrong.
1263
01:04:52,197 --> 01:04:54,430
It's hard.
1264
01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:58,234
And also pensive, inquisitive.
1265
01:04:58,236 --> 01:05:00,573
No, I ain't no inquisitiver.
1266
01:05:01,674 --> 01:05:04,273
Are you by any chance a Virgo?
1267
01:05:04,275 --> 01:05:07,345
Nope, not since I was 15.
1268
01:05:11,082 --> 01:05:13,416
Daddy like.
1269
01:05:13,418 --> 01:05:16,118
You moron, you brought
this on yourself.
1270
01:05:18,056 --> 01:05:19,623
Got him, go, go, go run!
1271
01:05:19,625 --> 01:05:21,224
I'll be right there! Uh, no.
1272
01:05:21,226 --> 01:05:22,425
No, no, no, don't fight it.
1273
01:05:22,427 --> 01:05:23,494
Don't fight it.
1274
01:05:29,702 --> 01:05:32,268
Holy shit, that was amazing, dude!
1275
01:05:32,270 --> 01:05:34,538
Dude, we threw that guy!
We threw him!
1276
01:05:34,540 --> 01:05:36,339
We threw a guy!
1277
01:05:36,341 --> 01:05:39,275
And Alan, Alan
with the choke hold, bro!
1278
01:05:40,579 --> 01:05:43,279
My man! Alan?
1279
01:05:43,281 --> 01:05:44,182
Alan?
1280
01:05:45,250 --> 01:05:46,550
We forgot Alan!
1281
01:05:50,355 --> 01:05:51,289
Kevin.
1282
01:05:55,460 --> 01:05:57,126
What are they doing?
1283
01:05:57,128 --> 01:05:59,830
They're probably divvying
up his personal effects.
1284
01:05:59,832 --> 01:06:02,733
- Yeah!
- Now, I'm sure you're all wondering,
1285
01:06:02,735 --> 01:06:07,169
what happened to Lumpy's card,
and it's right here!
1286
01:06:09,307 --> 01:06:11,142
Yeah!
1287
01:06:14,112 --> 01:06:16,647
Oh, my ride's here, got to go.
1288
01:06:16,649 --> 01:06:17,515
Like hell you do.
1289
01:06:18,884 --> 01:06:22,586
Curly, I'd like to buy these
sons of bitches a round of drinks.
1290
01:06:22,588 --> 01:06:24,621
Yeah!
1291
01:06:28,727 --> 01:06:31,496
- Home.
- We're home!
1292
01:06:32,363 --> 01:06:34,898
Oh, man, I shouldn't
have hit those cheese fries.
1293
01:06:34,900 --> 01:06:36,733
Where did you
learn how to do that?
1294
01:06:36,735 --> 01:06:38,467
- What, the rear naked choke?
- Yeah.
1295
01:06:38,469 --> 01:06:40,503
Oh, your mom and I,
1296
01:06:40,505 --> 01:06:43,439
see, we take a
self-defense fitness class.
1297
01:06:43,441 --> 01:06:47,443
Every Tuesday at 11:30,
that's actually,
1298
01:06:47,445 --> 01:06:49,780
that's why I go to Shapers,
1299
01:06:49,782 --> 01:06:53,349
and it is for women,
just so you know, Kev, it is.
1300
01:06:53,351 --> 01:06:55,652
But you know what?
1301
01:06:55,654 --> 01:06:58,855
Old Tara, she gets a little
self-conscious now and then
1302
01:06:58,857 --> 01:07:01,357
when she's trying something new,
so I said, you know what?
1303
01:07:01,359 --> 01:07:03,660
- Taking care of Tara.
- Taking care of Tara.
1304
01:07:03,662 --> 01:07:05,461
Well, I don't
want to start crying,
1305
01:07:05,463 --> 01:07:07,598
but you know what I didn't know,
1306
01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:10,801
I didn't know that
I would be using it like that.
1307
01:07:14,172 --> 01:07:15,573
Hiya!
1308
01:07:17,508 --> 01:07:18,574
Did anyone get a video?
1309
01:07:18,576 --> 01:07:22,178
No, because our phones
were all locked in the truck.
1310
01:07:22,180 --> 01:07:25,381
- Thanks a lot, Adam.
- Oh, Adam.
1311
01:07:25,383 --> 01:07:27,251
You're welcome, you guys.
1312
01:07:28,453 --> 01:07:31,187
I'll go get them for you guys.
1313
01:07:31,189 --> 01:07:35,224
Yeah, Alan, you're my new buddy.
1314
01:07:35,226 --> 01:07:40,296
You saved me with chokehold,
because... oh, oh, oh.
1315
01:07:40,298 --> 01:07:42,666
Oh, it's Alan's phone.
1316
01:07:42,668 --> 01:07:47,773
Let's see, my friend Alan,
what do you say to my mom?
1317
01:07:48,606 --> 01:07:51,307
"Hope you're having
a nice time."
1318
01:07:51,309 --> 01:07:54,412
That's nice,
what else have we got?
1319
01:08:00,318 --> 01:08:04,622
Tim, Kevin, I got
something to show you guys.
1320
01:08:09,862 --> 01:08:11,697
I got something
to show you guys.
1321
01:08:23,608 --> 01:08:25,474
Want me to roll
again for you or?
1322
01:08:25,476 --> 01:08:26,577
Mm-hmm.
1323
01:08:28,847 --> 01:08:32,583
Oh, man, it feels so good
to get a sleep in a bed again.
1324
01:08:33,251 --> 01:08:35,620
My man!
1325
01:08:36,989 --> 01:08:41,357
Well, boys, last day of
Man Camp. Let's make it count.
1326
01:08:41,359 --> 01:08:43,292
- Hike up to the Hideaway.
- Yeah.
1327
01:08:43,294 --> 01:08:45,628
Um, Alan, we're
low on water again.
1328
01:08:45,630 --> 01:08:47,030
Would you mind
running down to the creek
1329
01:08:47,032 --> 01:08:48,699
and filling us up
before we head out?
1330
01:08:48,701 --> 01:08:50,803
Aces.
1331
01:08:52,670 --> 01:08:53,604
Dick pic.
1332
01:08:54,472 --> 01:08:56,574
Alan is sending dick pics.
1333
01:08:57,776 --> 01:08:58,877
See for yourself.
1334
01:09:03,614 --> 01:09:04,547
Are you sure that's him?
1335
01:09:04,549 --> 01:09:06,049
It's an email from a week ago.
1336
01:09:06,051 --> 01:09:08,051
Dude is sending dick pics.
1337
01:09:08,053 --> 01:09:11,287
- Gross, is that it?
- What do you mean, is that it?
1338
01:09:11,289 --> 01:09:14,390
I mean, it's gross that
you had see his situation, man,
1339
01:09:14,392 --> 01:09:17,326
and thank you for bestowing
that honor on the rest of us,
1340
01:09:17,328 --> 01:09:19,662
really, thanks, but you know,
1341
01:09:19,664 --> 01:09:21,965
it's none of my business
if him and Mom want to,
1342
01:09:21,967 --> 01:09:23,900
you know, do that.
1343
01:09:23,902 --> 01:09:26,370
Yeah, wha... what's the big deal?
1344
01:09:27,305 --> 01:09:31,007
Besides having forever
X-ray vision into Alan's pants?
1345
01:09:31,009 --> 01:09:32,541
You know, that
doesn't affect us, so.
1346
01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:33,910
Yeah, except that it does.
1347
01:09:33,912 --> 01:09:35,613
He's not sending them to Mom.
1348
01:09:36,547 --> 01:09:37,981
Check the outgoing message.
1349
01:09:37,983 --> 01:09:39,752
He's sending them to
some lady named Sheila.
1350
01:09:41,319 --> 01:09:42,685
"Wow, that's really big.
1351
01:09:42,687 --> 01:09:44,655
You're going to
need to come over soon."
1352
01:09:45,623 --> 01:09:46,724
What's the big deal?
1353
01:09:54,833 --> 01:09:56,867
Alan, how could you do this?
How could you do this?
1354
01:09:56,869 --> 01:09:58,367
We were blood
brothers in a guild.
1355
01:09:58,369 --> 01:09:59,903
This isn't a joke, Kevin.
Mom's getting played.
1356
01:09:59,905 --> 01:10:01,637
D&D is not a joke.
1357
01:10:01,639 --> 01:10:03,706
- I'm calling Mom.
- Don't call her, okay?
1358
01:10:03,708 --> 01:10:05,407
This is a face
to face conversation.
1359
01:10:05,409 --> 01:10:06,742
We'll tell her when we get home.
1360
01:10:06,744 --> 01:10:09,079
Tim, do not call her.
1361
01:10:09,081 --> 01:10:09,982
Kevin, come on.
1362
01:10:37,475 --> 01:10:39,943
You know, just for the record,
1363
01:10:39,945 --> 01:10:42,946
I really like
being at the cabin. Oh.
1364
01:10:42,948 --> 01:10:45,882
Last day of Man Camp, bud. We
hike up to the Hideaway, it's tradition.
1365
01:10:45,884 --> 01:10:48,784
- Yeah, I know but I'm just getting a little winded here.
- Well, it's good for you.
1366
01:10:48,786 --> 01:10:51,154
Gets the heart pumping, blood
flowing to the extremities.
1367
01:10:51,156 --> 01:10:52,923
I think I need to
take a little breather.
1368
01:10:52,925 --> 01:10:55,058
There's a lone peak that
opens up about a half mile.
1369
01:10:55,060 --> 01:10:56,625
I'll meet you up there.
1370
01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:59,830
You can't miss it,
bulges up from the ground.
1371
01:10:59,832 --> 01:11:02,665
Strong, firm, ready to explode.
1372
01:11:02,667 --> 01:11:03,900
You'll want a
pic of that for sure.
1373
01:11:03,902 --> 01:11:06,136
- Dude.
- Lone peak.
1374
01:11:06,138 --> 01:11:07,770
Meet you guys up there,
1375
01:11:07,772 --> 01:11:09,908
right there in your face,
can't miss it.
1376
01:11:15,848 --> 01:11:18,014
I'm thinking you
maybe should go next.
1377
01:11:18,016 --> 01:11:18,884
I'll spot you.
1378
01:11:20,618 --> 01:11:21,920
I always liked you, Alan.
1379
01:11:32,998 --> 01:11:36,367
- Hey.
- Howdy, princess.
1380
01:11:37,135 --> 01:11:38,667
Alan's getting
pretty gassed, I think.
1381
01:11:38,669 --> 01:11:39,938
You mean step daddy dick pic?
1382
01:11:40,973 --> 01:11:42,838
You got short term memory loss?
1383
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,574
I'm not sitting around playing
pretend with that little perv, dude.
1384
01:11:45,576 --> 01:11:48,546
I was actually starting to think it might
be nice to have him around, you know?
1385
01:11:50,514 --> 01:11:51,649
Well, you want the truth?
1386
01:11:52,885 --> 01:11:54,086
No time like the present.
1387
01:11:55,753 --> 01:11:57,486
Hey, boys, there it is.
1388
01:11:57,488 --> 01:11:59,157
The lone peak just as described.
1389
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:02,893
Whew, good lord.
1390
01:12:02,895 --> 01:12:06,029
- Hey, buddy.
- Hello, Tim.
1391
01:12:06,031 --> 01:12:09,067
Wasn't, uh, expecting you there.
1392
01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,168
Do you, uh,
do you need something?
1393
01:12:12,170 --> 01:12:13,937
Me? No.
1394
01:12:13,939 --> 01:12:14,805
No, I'm good.
1395
01:12:16,341 --> 01:12:19,677
Yeah, I just didn't know if there was
anything you wanted to share with us?
1396
01:12:21,046 --> 01:12:23,712
Uh, I don't know
what you're referring to.
1397
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:25,215
Nothing you want
to get off your chest?
1398
01:12:25,217 --> 01:12:27,984
Maybe let us in the loop on?
1399
01:12:27,986 --> 01:12:31,620
Um, oh, okay.
1400
01:12:31,622 --> 01:12:32,721
Yeah, you got me.
1401
01:12:32,723 --> 01:12:34,757
- You have no idea.
- No, you're right.
1402
01:12:34,759 --> 01:12:37,160
I mean, I shouldn't have
tried to keep it to myself.
1403
01:12:37,162 --> 01:12:40,796
Yeah, I'm saving it for your
mom and I, for this weekend.
1404
01:12:40,798 --> 01:12:43,866
- What?
- Yeah, it's a Thai stick. But we...
1405
01:12:43,868 --> 01:12:46,169
I don't give a shit about
your shitty little joint, Alan!
1406
01:12:46,171 --> 01:12:48,639
I want you to tell us right now if
you've been cheating on our mom.
1407
01:12:50,175 --> 01:12:51,776
- Cheating?
- We're brothers in a guild.
1408
01:12:53,011 --> 01:12:54,010
How could you?
1409
01:12:55,546 --> 01:12:57,082
You guys think that I
was cheating on your mother?
1410
01:12:57,815 --> 01:13:00,118
Read my lips.
1411
01:13:11,163 --> 01:13:13,829
- What?
- What do you mean, what?
1412
01:13:13,831 --> 01:13:16,099
Well, you said read your lips,
and then you picked up a rock,
1413
01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:17,267
and you threw it,
and you hit a...
1414
01:13:17,269 --> 01:13:18,268
I know what I said!
1415
01:13:18,270 --> 01:13:19,635
I think what he's trying to say,
1416
01:13:19,637 --> 01:13:21,271
Alan, is we just
want to make sure
1417
01:13:21,273 --> 01:13:23,906
that you're fully committed to
Mom, and there's not, like,
1418
01:13:23,908 --> 01:13:26,608
some other stuff out there,
kind of floating around.
1419
01:13:26,610 --> 01:13:28,144
You might want to
tell us about and be honest.
1420
01:13:28,146 --> 01:13:29,145
Well, the answer is,
1421
01:13:29,147 --> 01:13:30,913
there's absolutely no
one besides your mother
1422
01:13:30,915 --> 01:13:31,880
that I would like to spend
1423
01:13:31,882 --> 01:13:33,083
even a second of
the rest of my life with.
1424
01:13:33,085 --> 01:13:36,186
That's really the way I feel,
and I don't appreciate you...
1425
01:13:36,188 --> 01:13:38,587
You're so full of shit, dude.
1426
01:13:38,589 --> 01:13:39,955
- Guys, what is this?
- Don't be such an asshole, man.
1427
01:13:39,957 --> 01:13:41,992
You know what you did,
just admit it.
1428
01:13:41,994 --> 01:13:45,097
I honestly have no idea what you
guys are talking about. Kevin?
1429
01:13:45,930 --> 01:13:50,233
I'm so confused because
you're such a great guy, Alan,
1430
01:13:50,235 --> 01:13:54,039
and you're, like,
pretty much my best friend...
1431
01:13:55,140 --> 01:13:57,042
but the pictures on your phone.
1432
01:13:59,677 --> 01:14:00,709
What?
1433
01:14:00,711 --> 01:14:02,680
You heard what he said, we know.
1434
01:14:06,118 --> 01:14:09,052
Guys, come on, that's something
that I can explain if you want...
1435
01:14:09,054 --> 01:14:11,154
We don't need your
Goddamn explanation, man.
1436
01:14:11,156 --> 01:14:13,123
Okay, we just want you
to get the hell out of here
1437
01:14:13,125 --> 01:14:14,357
and leave our family alone.
1438
01:14:14,359 --> 01:14:15,358
You know, if you would stop
1439
01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:17,993
this macho barbarian
bullshit for one second
1440
01:14:17,995 --> 01:14:20,298
and just listen to what I
have to say, I can explain this.
1441
01:14:21,366 --> 01:14:25,137
You leave
my mom alone.
1442
01:14:26,371 --> 01:14:30,373
She's already married to someone
who even if he is six feet underground,
1443
01:14:30,375 --> 01:14:32,610
is more of a man
than you'll ever be.
1444
01:14:34,046 --> 01:14:36,148
Okay, okay.
1445
01:14:39,217 --> 01:14:40,218
That's fine.
1446
01:14:46,324 --> 01:14:50,226
You know,
I know that I'll never be
1447
01:14:50,228 --> 01:14:52,095
what you guys want me to be,
1448
01:14:52,097 --> 01:14:54,029
but did you ever
think for even a second
1449
01:14:54,031 --> 01:14:56,199
that maybe your dad
wasn't perfect?
1450
01:14:56,201 --> 01:14:58,068
Maybe that he actually
had some problems of his own?
1451
01:14:58,070 --> 01:15:00,203
- Careful, man.
- You're old enough to know this,
1452
01:15:00,205 --> 01:15:01,404
that this impossible standard
1453
01:15:01,406 --> 01:15:04,076
that you're
holding me to is not real.
1454
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:07,210
Why don't you ask your mom
what really happened?
1455
01:15:07,212 --> 01:15:09,814
- What are you talking about?
- I'm talking about your dad, Tim.
1456
01:15:10,915 --> 01:15:12,350
He didn't have cancer, okay?
1457
01:15:14,885 --> 01:15:16,053
It was liver failure.
1458
01:15:17,021 --> 01:15:18,055
He was an alcoholic.
1459
01:15:19,191 --> 01:15:21,124
But so what?
1460
01:15:21,126 --> 01:15:22,225
I mean, that
doesn't change the fact
1461
01:15:22,227 --> 01:15:24,127
that he was a great dad.
1462
01:15:24,129 --> 01:15:25,694
But this superhuman person
1463
01:15:25,696 --> 01:15:28,897
that you guys keep
comparing me to doesn't exist.
1464
01:15:28,899 --> 01:15:30,732
He was broken
just like the rest of us,
1465
01:15:30,734 --> 01:15:33,338
and you made him out
to be this person that...
1466
01:15:35,307 --> 01:15:36,208
Get out.
1467
01:15:37,875 --> 01:15:39,377
- I'm...
- Just go!
1468
01:16:15,447 --> 01:16:18,046
- Shit.
- What?
1469
01:16:18,048 --> 01:16:19,184
Alan had the poles.
1470
01:16:40,272 --> 01:16:41,906
Cirrus cloud.
1471
01:16:45,109 --> 01:16:46,909
It's more of a stratus.
1472
01:16:46,911 --> 01:16:49,144
See, it's flat on top.
1473
01:16:49,146 --> 01:16:50,014
Hmm.
1474
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:56,319
You think it's true
what Alan said about Dad?
1475
01:16:56,321 --> 01:16:57,855
I don't know.
1476
01:16:59,957 --> 01:17:01,859
Even if it was,
what would it change?
1477
01:17:03,894 --> 01:17:04,762
Everything.
1478
01:17:05,630 --> 01:17:07,796
He could've
still been here with us.
1479
01:17:07,798 --> 01:17:09,900
It would've been
his fault that he's not.
1480
01:17:10,768 --> 01:17:12,204
He could've given us more time.
1481
01:17:15,172 --> 01:17:16,040
Yeah.
1482
01:17:20,110 --> 01:17:21,446
It's crazy, you know...
1483
01:17:23,847 --> 01:17:25,350
to see all your friends
grow up...
1484
01:17:27,918 --> 01:17:30,888
get to know their parents,
you know, as people or whatever.
1485
01:17:31,389 --> 01:17:33,425
We're never going
to get that with Dad.
1486
01:17:34,992 --> 01:17:39,063
He's just, always
going to be a kid version.
1487
01:17:41,065 --> 01:17:43,832
I know, like, a lot of that
stuff is shitty or whatever,
1488
01:17:43,834 --> 01:17:47,104
but I just wish he
could see us as men, you know?
1489
01:17:49,139 --> 01:17:51,909
I know after 12 years we should
be over it or whatever, but..
1490
01:17:55,179 --> 01:17:58,283
I still miss him, every day.
1491
01:18:01,319 --> 01:18:03,120
This new guy comes in and...
1492
01:18:07,592 --> 01:18:08,993
I just want Dad.
1493
01:18:11,529 --> 01:18:12,397
Me, too.
1494
01:18:13,197 --> 01:18:14,098
Me, three.
1495
01:18:16,401 --> 01:18:18,035
I do want Mom
to be happy though.
1496
01:18:19,504 --> 01:18:21,238
Well, maybe she'll
find another guy next year.
1497
01:18:22,440 --> 01:18:24,039
Imagine if we
had a year to plan?
1498
01:18:24,041 --> 01:18:27,111
Dude,
you're such a dick.
1499
01:18:28,513 --> 01:18:32,983
You guys might hate me,
but I'm going to miss Alan.
1500
01:18:34,619 --> 01:18:37,021
He was nice to have around.
1501
01:18:37,555 --> 01:18:41,459
I know, Kevin,
he's not who we thought he was.
1502
01:18:44,429 --> 01:18:46,298
I'm sure Mom will
find somebody else.
1503
01:18:48,966 --> 01:18:50,568
Yeah, you're probably right.
1504
01:18:55,607 --> 01:18:58,206
Ants, ants, ants!
1505
01:18:58,208 --> 01:19:01,644
- Oh, oh shit.
- Dammit, Kevin!
1506
01:19:01,646 --> 01:19:02,880
There's no ants, dude.
1507
01:19:09,153 --> 01:19:10,087
What did you do?
1508
01:19:11,989 --> 01:19:13,957
I may or may not
have sent the, uh...
1509
01:19:17,061 --> 01:19:19,798
I was blinded by rage. There's
no way of knowing for sure.
1510
01:19:28,238 --> 01:19:32,140
- Sweetie, I tried calling you all last night.
- Stay away from me!
1511
01:19:32,142 --> 01:19:35,210
I don't want to hear it
from you, I just want you to go.
1512
01:19:35,212 --> 01:19:37,112
But babe, I can
totally explain those pictures.
1513
01:19:37,114 --> 01:19:38,980
Do not call me babe!
1514
01:19:38,982 --> 01:19:42,217
- I thought you were a decent man.
- I am a decent man.
1515
01:19:42,219 --> 01:19:43,619
No, no, no, save it!
1516
01:19:43,621 --> 01:19:45,987
God, I should've known.
1517
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:49,224
I never should've gotten
involved with you.
1518
01:19:49,226 --> 01:19:52,127
I found
the love of my life once,
1519
01:19:52,129 --> 01:19:53,997
that should've been enough.
1520
01:19:58,001 --> 01:20:01,136
I need you to
stay away from my boys, just...-
1521
01:20:01,138 --> 01:20:03,073
just stay away from them!
1522
01:20:04,041 --> 01:20:05,610
Kevin, get in the car!
1523
01:20:06,378 --> 01:20:08,176
But I don't...
I don't have my stuff.
1524
01:20:08,178 --> 01:20:11,915
No, Timmy and Adam
will bring it. Get in the car, now!
1525
01:20:13,984 --> 01:20:15,052
See you, Kevin.
1526
01:21:57,321 --> 01:21:59,755
Do you suffer from
erectile dysfunction?
1527
01:21:59,757 --> 01:22:02,390
Have you
suffered horrible side effects
1528
01:22:02,392 --> 01:22:04,392
from brand name treatments?
1529
01:22:04,394 --> 01:22:06,294
If you're ready to
try something different
1530
01:22:06,296 --> 01:22:11,066
and get your sex life back,
call me, Dr. Sheila Sterns today.
1531
01:22:11,068 --> 01:22:13,769
You can call
anytime, day or night.
1532
01:22:13,771 --> 01:22:16,674
Or call our 24 hour
hotline, I will pick up.
1533
01:22:18,375 --> 01:22:19,376
Oh, shit.
1534
01:22:22,614 --> 01:22:23,648
Oh, shit.
1535
01:22:31,288 --> 01:22:33,390
- What's up, bro?
- Sheila is a dick doctor.
1536
01:22:35,158 --> 01:22:36,559
- Shut up.
- No, dude.
1537
01:22:36,561 --> 01:22:40,530
I just literally saw a commercial
on TV. I called the hotline,
1538
01:22:40,532 --> 01:22:42,264
and they said
you could literally
1539
01:22:42,266 --> 01:22:44,466
send her a
picture of your penis.
1540
01:22:44,468 --> 01:22:46,401
Think about it,
he sends a picture.
1541
01:22:46,403 --> 01:22:49,237
She says, "That's so big,
you need to come in right now."
1542
01:22:49,239 --> 01:22:51,206
Holy shit, you're right.
1543
01:22:51,208 --> 01:22:52,140
What are we going to do?
1544
01:22:52,142 --> 01:22:54,077
Well, we got to fix it, now.
1545
01:22:54,612 --> 01:22:55,510
What time are
you up in the morning?
1546
01:22:55,512 --> 01:22:56,746
Don't you have
classes or something?
1547
01:22:56,748 --> 01:22:57,647
Dude, I've had enough credits
1548
01:22:57,649 --> 01:22:59,615
to graduate for
a year and a half.
1549
01:22:59,617 --> 01:23:02,685
Wow, uh, okay.
1550
01:23:02,687 --> 01:23:06,288
Um, so are you going to, like,
use your degree for your job or?
1551
01:23:06,290 --> 01:23:07,890
- Don't push it, bro.
- Right, right, right.
1552
01:23:07,892 --> 01:23:10,626
- What time?
- Uh, how 'about seven? Pick you up at seven?
1553
01:23:10,628 --> 01:23:12,462
- Be here at four.
- That's in, like, an hour.
1554
01:23:16,834 --> 01:23:19,869
I knew it, I knew Alan
would never send sex mails
1555
01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:21,003
to some woman named Sheila.
1556
01:23:21,005 --> 01:23:24,205
Yeah, Kevin, I think we
all got a little carried away.
1557
01:23:24,207 --> 01:23:25,641
Now, if it were Katie.
1558
01:23:25,643 --> 01:23:28,243
Stop talking about my wife.
Here's the plan.
1559
01:23:28,245 --> 01:23:29,544
Kevin, you know
Alan better than anybody,
1560
01:23:29,546 --> 01:23:31,246
so you and Tim
are going to go find him,
1561
01:23:31,248 --> 01:23:32,848
apologize,
and bring him back here.
1562
01:23:32,850 --> 01:23:34,584
Apologize?
1563
01:23:34,586 --> 01:23:36,184
I don't know what that means.
1564
01:23:36,186 --> 01:23:37,720
Just do it, asshole.
1565
01:23:37,722 --> 01:23:38,790
Sounds good to me.
1566
01:23:41,926 --> 01:23:43,759
- Let's do it.
- Put the sword down, Kev.
1567
01:23:43,761 --> 01:23:45,828
So, where are we going?
1568
01:23:45,830 --> 01:23:48,465
It's 11:30, Tuesday afternoon.
1569
01:23:49,634 --> 01:23:51,266
Do I have to
spell it out for you?
1570
01:23:51,268 --> 01:23:52,434
From the top and punch.
1571
01:23:52,436 --> 01:23:53,803
Yes, oh, you're doing so good.
1572
01:23:53,805 --> 01:23:55,638
Show me that body, yes!
1573
01:23:55,640 --> 01:23:57,940
Knee, double knee,
harder, harder, Leslie!
1574
01:23:57,942 --> 01:23:59,474
Harder, not that hard, Leslie.
1575
01:23:59,476 --> 01:24:01,576
Don't poop on the floor,
don't poop on the floor.
1576
01:24:01,578 --> 01:24:03,511
Elbow, one, two. Do it again.
1577
01:24:03,513 --> 01:24:05,681
If somebody comes to
attack you, what do you do?
1578
01:24:05,683 --> 01:24:07,950
We take it from
the punch and over.
1579
01:24:07,952 --> 01:24:09,752
And over, keep going, yes!
1580
01:24:09,754 --> 01:24:12,287
Up, yes, keep going.
1581
01:24:12,289 --> 01:24:14,589
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
1582
01:24:14,591 --> 01:24:16,591
- Whoa!
- No, no!
1583
01:24:16,593 --> 01:24:20,362
I don't think I'm ready to die, please don't, I'm innocent!
1584
01:24:20,364 --> 01:24:24,134
- Oh, my God.
- Go down, Mimi boy.
1585
01:24:24,969 --> 01:24:26,669
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
1586
01:24:26,671 --> 01:24:29,506
This is normal!
This is normal!
1587
01:24:30,207 --> 01:24:32,908
Shut the fuck up!
Shut the fuck up!
1588
01:24:40,685 --> 01:24:43,286
Seven, eight, and one, and two.
1589
01:24:47,424 --> 01:24:49,459
Yeah. So.
1590
01:24:50,427 --> 01:24:53,628
Well, I feel like a B-I-T-C-H.
1591
01:24:53,630 --> 01:24:54,629
It's not your fault.
1592
01:24:54,631 --> 01:24:56,266
You know, we kind of set you up.
1593
01:24:56,968 --> 01:24:58,834
The good news is,
now things can go back
1594
01:24:58,836 --> 01:25:00,568
to the way they
were before, you know?
1595
01:25:00,570 --> 01:25:02,537
You really think he's
going to take me back after me
1596
01:25:02,539 --> 01:25:07,509
treating him like a
sexual predator for three weeks?
1597
01:25:07,511 --> 01:25:08,744
Yeah, totally.
1598
01:25:08,746 --> 01:25:12,247
- Chill, it's okay, we're helping.
- What the hell?
1599
01:25:12,249 --> 01:25:13,716
You can breathe,
1600
01:25:13,718 --> 01:25:15,851
if you can talk,
you can breathe.
1601
01:25:15,853 --> 01:25:17,720
Okay, okay, okay.
1602
01:25:17,722 --> 01:25:20,255
Sorry, Al.
1603
01:25:20,257 --> 01:25:21,556
Oh, that's okay.
1604
01:25:21,558 --> 01:25:23,695
- Oh, sweetie.
- So, happy family, huh?
1605
01:25:24,494 --> 01:25:25,828
- Listen...
- Look...
1606
01:25:25,830 --> 01:25:27,562
No, you start.
1607
01:25:27,564 --> 01:25:32,001
I am so sorry,
I feel like a complete fool.
1608
01:25:32,003 --> 01:25:35,472
- If you want nothing to do with me, I completely...
- Shh, shh, shh.
1609
01:25:36,007 --> 01:25:38,673
I waited 53 years to find
someone to fall in love with.
1610
01:25:38,675 --> 01:25:40,475
I don't think
I have another 53 years
1611
01:25:40,477 --> 01:25:42,544
to wait to see if it
happens again.
1612
01:25:42,546 --> 01:25:44,013
I love you.
1613
01:25:44,015 --> 01:25:46,249
- I love you.
- Mm.
1614
01:25:49,821 --> 01:25:51,453
Cut him free, dude.
1615
01:25:51,455 --> 01:25:53,555
What, so they can do whatever
they want with their hands?
1616
01:25:53,557 --> 01:25:55,024
No dice, bro.
1617
01:25:55,026 --> 01:25:56,326
Let's go.
1618
01:26:04,769 --> 01:26:06,369
Happy family.
1619
01:26:28,059 --> 01:26:30,025
Go!
1620
01:26:30,027 --> 01:26:32,696
It's okay.
1621
01:26:37,334 --> 01:26:38,468
- Hey.
- Hey, Kev.
1622
01:26:39,469 --> 01:26:40,570
What happened to the cape?
1623
01:26:42,539 --> 01:26:43,775
I don't need it anymore.
1624
01:26:47,577 --> 01:26:48,678
To Alan.
1625
01:26:49,113 --> 01:26:50,280
To Dad.
1626
01:26:51,681 --> 01:26:52,682
To family.
1627
01:26:58,522 --> 01:27:00,490
Hey, Tim.
1628
01:27:01,591 --> 01:27:02,927
She's right behind me,
isn't she?
1629
01:27:04,095 --> 01:27:06,528
- Christy.
- I was just coming over to say hi,
1630
01:27:06,530 --> 01:27:07,997
and see how you're doing.
1631
01:27:07,999 --> 01:27:09,564
- Really good.
- Good.
1632
01:27:09,566 --> 01:27:11,000
Uh, your mom said
college is going great.
1633
01:27:11,002 --> 01:27:13,468
Yeah.
1634
01:27:13,470 --> 01:27:16,404
She keeps talking about it.
1635
01:27:16,406 --> 01:27:21,311
Um, all right,
well, have a good night.
1636
01:27:23,713 --> 01:27:24,581
You, too.
1637
01:27:26,884 --> 01:27:27,751
Hold this.
1638
01:27:28,718 --> 01:27:30,353
I thought she was gross?
1639
01:27:30,888 --> 01:27:32,787
Don't be stupid.
1640
01:27:32,789 --> 01:27:33,925
She's the perfect woman.
1641
01:27:34,926 --> 01:27:37,059
That's why I
could never be with her.
1642
01:27:37,061 --> 01:27:38,062
It'd be all over.
1643
01:27:39,696 --> 01:27:40,697
So?
1644
01:27:42,166 --> 01:27:43,868
I don't know,
maybe it's too late.
1645
01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:47,571
Kevin, tell him
what you told me.
1646
01:27:49,606 --> 01:27:52,074
The only place where
dreams become impossible
1647
01:27:52,076 --> 01:27:53,643
is in your own mind.
1648
01:27:56,613 --> 01:27:57,480
Go get them.
1649
01:28:09,060 --> 01:28:09,927
Hey, um...
1650
01:28:10,928 --> 01:28:12,930
- I think she has a boyfriend.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1651
01:28:14,899 --> 01:28:16,766
Let's just let it play out.
1652
01:28:18,602 --> 01:28:21,070
I kept those letters.
1653
01:28:21,072 --> 01:28:23,105
Oh, I'm sure they're awful.
1654
01:28:23,107 --> 01:28:25,375
Pretty good,
one in particular was like...
1655
01:28:26,810 --> 01:28:31,082
"Roses are red, violets are
blue, I want to kiss you."
1656
01:28:31,883 --> 01:28:33,481
Okay, um...
1657
01:28:33,483 --> 01:28:35,885
Hey, hey, that's my
girlfriend, you son of a bitch!
1658
01:28:35,887 --> 01:28:37,152
It's too late, it's too late!
1659
01:28:37,154 --> 01:28:39,054
- Not now, Christy.
- Stop, stop, stop.
1660
01:28:39,056 --> 01:28:40,155
Andrew!
1661
01:28:49,666 --> 01:28:52,201
No, no, no, no.
Go to sleep, go to sleep.
1662
01:28:52,203 --> 01:28:54,537
Go, buddy, go, go, go.
1663
01:28:57,774 --> 01:29:00,209
That's two, well, let's party!