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Call it. (coin chiming)
(light gentle music)
(record scratching)
(light gentle music)
Earthquakes,
mudslides,
sinkholes,
there are worse things than being at a wedding.
Yeah, yeah.
Pets dying.
Sitting here thinking about all that time
I wasted on Match.com.
eCRUSH.
- What is that, like eBay? - Basically.
I prefer the good old fashion sniff test.
You meet somebody and within three seconds
- you know what you're gonna-- - Exactly.
No, I got sucked into the whole dating
industrial complex like a bird into a jet engine
and I'm still at another wedding, alone.
Look at all those people, dancing, happy.
Fuckers.
We're the last ones left.
Not if you count Uncle Claude.
He's 93.
All our friends are paired off.
Even the younger ones.
Who started this whole mess?
[Male] Bobby and Natalie.
No, the whole--
What? Weddings?
Society?
Preservation of the species?
No, love.
Now preserve all you want,
but that feeling, that need you know.
Is it a necessity?
You know, like food, clothing, shelter, love.
Some people get on without it.
Do they?
Really?
Yeah.
Oh you mean like real people?
Yeah, no, that's different.
Even geese mate for life.
I feel like a lone goose.
Gander.
A female goose is a gander.
You're supposed to say something comforting.
Like, you're not a lone goose, you're a queen bee.
I think queen bees just squirt out larva
in a honeycomb and die.
You're pink.
That's what you are.
You're lacy, you're romantic.
- Cynicism just means you're - Love is this big thing.
- Pink too. - No.
- Pink, pink. - I'm not pink!
[Woman] I bet you are so pink
you're like deep, smoldering, sucker red.
No, no, I'm not red, I'm blue, okay.
I'm cool.
I'm blue.
I'm viable.
You can't live with red.
I'm blue.
Blue you can have a meal with.
Blue you can lie down, have a good night sleep.
Tiring of the game?
Do you want a drink?
What's the point?
To forget there isn't one.
A little brown helps with all that pink.
[Bartender] What can I get ya?
Two martinis, up with olives please?
[Bartender] You got it.
Thank you.
One's for Emily.
1961 I believe.
Anyway, Fred is going over
to pick up Peggy for a date you see.
So he goes in and the mother says,
"Peggy is not ready, she's upstairs
getting ready to go out with you.
Will you have a cup of tea?"
"I will."
So Fred sits down and the mother says,
"What are you doing tonight?"
He said, "Well we're going to go dancing."
"Oh yeah, that's very nice" says the mother.
"And I have to tell you, Peggy loves to screw."
[Male] What?
[Uncle] "She loves to screw."
And then Peggy comes down the stairs,
says, "We ready to go mom.
Have a good night, have a good time."
Half an hour later, Peggy comes in the door,
her dress all torn.
"Mother, how many times do I have to tell you!
It's not the screw, it's the twist!"
(men laughing)
[MC] And now, time to cut the cake!
(everyone laughing)
God.
Would you like something a little sweeter my dear?
(both chuckling)
(people cheering)
Now I remember why you're my favourite son.
Ah, one's for Emily.
Oh.
Have you seen your father?
He owes me a dance.
I think he's in the bar.
I wonder why they call it falling in love?
Jesus, you need this more than I thought.
Do all the walls around your heart fall open?
You keep this up I'm gonna sit with Uncle Claude.
Is it all pulpy soft like a peeled tomato?
I keep waiting for that.
A tomato?
No.
Love is a choice.
You know, there comes a time
and you just say you want it, you choose it,
and you just say that's the one that I'm
gonna love for the rest of my life.
It's a choice?
What?
I thought you were gonna choke on the shit you're full of.
What if my heart never falls open?
You could always sleep with me to ease the pain.
Do you never tire of that joke?
Come on.
You know I've always been waiting for you.
Watching you stumble through that minefield of assholes.
So am I just a choice?
[Male] To the happy couple!
Wherever they are.
[MC] And now, for the last dance,
here's something to ease you on your way
out into the night.
Let's do this.
[MC] Don't go alone!
(slow paced music)
Oh, come on.
I mean this is a Philly wedding,
shouldn't we be ending with "Dancing In The Streets"
or something a little more... ugh.
Is this the way your parents danced?
Please don't bring them up.
You never really talk about them.
Well, they weren't like your parents.
Okay, this isn't so bad.
Are we feeling tomato-like?
[Emily] The odds of this ending well are low.
I'll take those odds.
It's not a game to me anymore.
So you won't give it a try?
Packing it in?
Pulling up stakes?
Leaving that last bus?
I'm kind of running out of trite sayings here.
I mean,
honest to fuck Emmy.
Let's give it a go.
This is wedding horny.
A little.
Yes.
We've been on this path ever since we first met.
Finn, it's because you're an
obsessive compulsive flirt.
Your love life is like a trivia contest.
Name three women that Finn dated in October.
Now it's been fun laying side bets
on how long they'd last,
but come on, know thyself dude.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't get up on that tender hearted pedestal
while you be laying points on me all right?
So I've, you know, eaten another rotten apple.
That's another fruit analogy.
Right, so I've done shit, you've done shit, mutual guilt.
Ooh!
Paradise lost, you've got a big brain.
You're lucky I can get you references
enough so I can mock them.
So we're a pair of nasty fucks.
Then what is the point of even wanting to fuck!
Because two wrongs don't make a right,
but two fucks don't make it wrong!
[Everyone] Whoa!
Thank you all for coming
and have a fabulous night!
At least better than that couple over there!
Fucking idiot.
Let's go to the bar.
I wanna bust this place.
I'm gonna find me a dank bar filled with losers,
and I think that's gonna give me a boost.
Yeah, right, whatever.
See, there you go again, being too picky.
Oh don't start that again.
[Finn] So you did pass on a lot of guys.
Yeah, because there are a lot of broken guys out there.
Like a whole generation.
What happened?
Don't, don't turn this into some
vast anthropological argument.
Okay, you know what, it's not too
picky to pass on the sociopath.
Forgive me for dating a felon.
You banged a felon?
And amber alerts are off the table.
Whoa.
It really is a jungle out there.
Yeah.
Come on, look,
I'll be your ape.
You know that begs another fruit illusion.
(imitates ape)
Oh, did you know that romantic love
and obsessive compulsive behaviour
have similar brain chemistry?
So you are pink.
No, I just lack focus.
The bar
is this way.
This way.
You know, tempted by loser bar,
I'm gonna call it a night.
Why? Don't.
Thank you for extracting me
- from all that happy shit. - Just one drink.
[Emily] You're a gentleman of the lowest order.
You're welcome.
Now, where's my--
Finn!
I always wanted to look in one of these.
Finn, give it back! Finn!
- Finn! - Let's see what we got.
[Finn] We got a phone.
We got lip gloss and
oh, look at that.
You didn't think you were gonna get lucky did you?
If I needed a condom I knew who to ask you little slut.
You gonna give me that?
You gonna ask me back out?
Good start.
Trade ya.
No.
Finn, if we're gonna try this psycho chem experiment,
we should at least start sober-ish.
I always bring my A game.
That doesn't,
well yeah it does matter, but--
My passing shot is killer.
Finn.
My cross court is spectacular.
My return of serve is best in the game!
Enough with the guy metaphors!
You've been slinging fruit all night long.
You're telling me I throw in some
tennis analogies and you got a problem?
You like veggies?
'Cause I got one.
Tennis is like squash.
Technically it's a fruit.
We always do this.
We hit the ball back and forth.
Yeah.
Now you got me doing it. God.
Squash isn't a fruit!
(slow paced music)
Hold on, hold on.
Emmy, hold on.
What do you want?
I mean what does,
what does Emmy want?
Integrity, honor, valor.
In like battle?
You let yourself off the hook all the time.
I'm sorry, I don't wanna put you on the couch.
Good, 'cause I wanna go in the bed.
Don't you want it to mean something?
What are we, like 15?
No.
We're so not, that's why I don't wanna wake up with
a hangover and a vague memory of what went down.
Good.
'Cause you're gonna want to remember this.
(slow paced music)
See you at breakfast?
Fine.
I do want it to mean something.
(horns honking)
(woman crying)
Hey, you okay?
Is this still about the whole Bobby and Natalie thing?
Because they're so happy?
Look, they just got married,
and they won't last.
I can't deal with you right now.
So could you get out of here?
Well that's a first.
Really?
[Redhead] Yeah, I just can't deal.
Look, I know,
we got drunk, then we got drunker,
and so, you know, my apologies.
You so don't owe me an apology.
Another first, okay.
Cool.
I mean I didn't think so.
Look, I know that we had to...
I mean I know I didn't have to,
but we did the whole,
the thing,
and it seemed like it was taking you a long time and.
I mean...
I almost thought that I was gonna have to.
But anyway, hats off to you kid.
And my pants!
(imitates drumming)
Zip it.
I just fucked you because I couldn't fuck Natalie.
Okay, that really is a first.
Like Natalie, like the bride Natalie?
Yes that Natalie.
I've been in love with her since college.
I told her last night and she iced me,
so I just slept with the nearest guy I could find
to get back at her for marrying Bobby.
We had a thing in college.
Okay.
Senior year.
That's why she got stoned yesterday.
Natalie was high?
Duh, and Bobby was wasted.
Don't you think something's off
if they both numb out for the most
important day of their lives?
(doors creaking)
Are you sure about this Natalie thing?
Are you sure you're not
getting confused with the old friendship
and getting naked and having sex thing?
Do you have friends you wanna sleep with?
Well yeah.
I mean,
I wanna, fuck, Emily!
Then why did you sleep with me?
(upbeat music)
Everyone knows your reputation Finn.
(redhead laughs)
If you think Emily will ever hook up with you,
you are more hopeless than I am.
Where are my shoes?
In the shower.
So,
thank you.
And I just wanna, I just wanna...
Thank you for making my little
brother's life very interesting.
There are only two mistakes one can
make along the road to truth.
Not going all the way and not starting.
Buddha.
Right.
Take care.
[Emily] Oh hey, I was just heading to breakfast.
[Finn] Yeah.
I thought your
room was down the hall.
Yeah.
- Oh my god. - That's
[Finn] Not really what you think.
You know what, I would never measure
up to you anyway, so--
Oh, right, this is my fault.
'Cause I'm so good?
No, I'm--
Fuck you.
Fuck.
I allow myself for one brief shitty moment
short of hope that maybe there was
this guy under my nose the whole time
who like knows me better than anybody that I thought...
Man, I get soft for a minute and you get in there with a knife.
I didn't mean to, I didn't want to.
Oh you never try anything do you?
Isn't that the guy code?
It's not me, it's you.
We're simple.
I give up hoping to find a guy
who wants to make my world a little better
by being in it.
You know, silly me for wanting to shiny up his world too.
Man, I'm an idiot!
We haven't even fucking slept together!
Okay!
So if you're gonna get fucking mad at
this, then imagine if we actually--
Why, so you officially cheat?
I'm not--
Because it's inevitable! I don't know Finn!
Guess we'll never know.
Snap.
I hate weddings.
Everybody does.
It's just that we keep going around
and around and we do the same things
and it's over and over.
Who knows.
Ask Buddha.
No.
I know who to ask.
(light peppy music)
(door knocking)
I'm not gonna ask about your tux except to query,
was she worth it?
Absolutely not.
They never are, yet we keep--
We, right?
Am I the only one who...
What?
Nothing.
The look.
You have the--
You asked me something.
Did you cheat on mom?
I did.
When?
Our dates are so definitive.
[Finn] Roughly?
After you boys were born.
It was a reaction.
To us?
Oh, don't get all martyr-y.
You see a horizon filled with diapers
and squeaky toys and you just wanna
check in with your old self.
That's all, nothing more.
Wow.
Finn, what are all those girls to you?
When you can answer that, you won't sit in judgment to me.
You've got something else?
Emily says I keep letting myself off the hook.
Do I get that from you?
I'm a good husband.
I was a good father.
Made breakfast every Sunday,
came to every game.
Bobby's at least.
You had your band.
We sucked.
You sounded pretty good on that guitar.
Though I suppose it is a bit of a team effort.
Sorry to keep using sports analogies.
You were a quarterback, Bobby was a tight end,
and I was a lazy ass.
You were more artistic, that's all.
You're taking after your mother.
Where is mom?
Her morning ritual.
She'll come out looking like a million bucks.
You still love her don't you?
Of course.
Women like your mother are a rare find.
I knew what I had and I held on, with both hands.
Despite cheating?
Adele's like Halley's Comet.
It comes around rarely and when it does,
you got to be lucky and tenacious enough
to grab her tail.
That doesn't sound right.
Your father waxing poetical about my fair graces again?
Why are you still in your tuxedo?
We're good people, right ma?
Of course we are darling.
So why am I so fucked up?
I have my morning constitutional.
Jim, this is your fault.
You told him to sow oats.
No, I told him to eat oats.
No, that doesn't sound right.
You always leave the messy bits to me.
But you're so good at it dear.
And what are you going to buy me
to make up for this one?
I always find the appropriate penance.
Ooh.
That's how we work.
[Adele] What are you pretending not to know?
So I told Emily last night that I wanted to give it a go.
And this isn't her.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know why am I so fucked up mom?
Your vocabulary's a bit limited.
Okay, I'm sorry mom.
What up?
Why you're so difficult, I don't know.
We raised you both the same.
Bobby's boring.
Oh and you painted the Sistine Chapel.
Are you telling me is this still
because I changed my fucking major!
I'm sorry.
I know you use that language as a distancing
technique from your sadness.
What?
Finn I'm your mother.
I wiped your tears away for the first
10 years of your life.
I know when my boy is sad.
You've always been more sensitive than Bobby.
Than boys in general.
Hey.
I just mean that you may feel the weight
of societal expectation is an impingement
on your innate freedom.
Sweetheart, we all want carefree lives.
But men sometimes feel the financial burden
because women carry the nurturing burden.
Burden?
Yeah.
Newsflash, parenting is hard work.
I think your father and I tried to balance it more than others.
He had Sunday breakfasts,
my teaching you archery.
We realised that we needed to balance our lives a bit more.
What point?
When we felt a separation
of who we were as a couple.
So we tried each others roles on for a bit.
I think you and I became closer.
Your father got to experience his tender side with boys.
Not just women.
Maybe that's where you get your sensitivity.
Come on.
It's nice Finn.
But it's like you're stuck on a sunny afternoon.
It's a lovely place to play
but you have to do your homework or you won't graduate.
What homework am I not doing?
Finn, how is your life?
It's a fucking wonderland.
And how's your heart?
I don't know.
I don't even know where it is.
You reap what you sow.
I haven't sown anything.
Exactly!
Okay.
Obi Wan Adele, tell me what caused my heart failure?
You want some pan generational post-feminist out.
That I made you boys too soft.
Bobby got married.
Yeah, cause Nat held a gun to his head.
He could've said no.
He doesn't have the balls.
He's taking someone on in his life.
- Maybe children. - Jesus.
[Adele] Maybe you should have a chat with him.
Taking advice from my younger brother.
[Adele] I think it's nice when boys talk.
Passing the buck?
Make a choice.
I did!
I told Emily last night. I said, "Love is a choice."
No!
Love is not a choice!
What you do with it is.
Your mother's right.
Women are smarter.
Finn, I have always loved you
and I always will,
but honestly, grow a pair.
You think just because there's sexual freedom
and birth control you stop mating for life?
That all men are weasels?
There's still men out there being
good fathers and husbands.
Dad wasn't.
That wasn't necessary.
Like I didn't know.
I let him dig his own guilt grave
and it's worked out very well.
Most men are fungible if you just want to use them as
checking accounts that only wanna make a deposit--
Mom, don't!
You think when the ladies lunch we knit.
We have plenty to be catty about.
It keeps us from self-reflecting.
Maybe that's where you get your verbal tennis skills from.
You keep hitting the ball back
so it never lands in your court.
Let it land sometime, pick it up,
hold the fuzzy ball.
That doesn't sound right.
It's not frightening.
When it's hurled at you 100 miles an hour,
yes.
But in essence, it's a very simple thing.
It's like Emily's got this whole list of sins
that she keeps track of.
I didn't do anything.
Well not to her.
Son, we're all guilty of something.
Pick one and seek forgiveness.
Is that it?
Is that the answer?
Oh you always think there's an answer.
One word to sum it all up.
You know what, we're novels,
and not all makes sense.
But aren't we supposed to learn something?
Isn't that the upside to getting older?
Ooh, I'll let you field that one dear.
I don't get older.
They say with age comes wisdom.
Trade-off for no longer tolerating three martinis.
Aging is for humbling you.
It's a slap in the face.
A bucket water over an opening door that says,
"This is it."
This isn't a dress rehearsal.
Go out there and grab it son.
Wherever it is.
With both hands.
And hold tight.
(perky music)
(door knocking)
[Woman] Housekeeping!
You hear about that cancer thing?
It's just a rumor.
Long day.
Oh duh, your wedding night.
Nope, we didn't.
We were too wasted.
We got the honeymoon, right?
Yeah.
Natalie's inside paying the bill.
Points on her credit card.
She's on top of things.
Which is a good thing right?
A big step.
Really big step.
You don't regret it?
No.
I mean, this is where the road was heading, right?
Have you been talking to Finn?
He swung by.
Don't let him drag you down
so you'll be so lonely in cynical town.
He's like the mayor.
Right?
Be deaf to that noise, it's sound and fury.
He's flying out of Newark,
he was gonna give me a lift back, but I
think I'm just gonna take the train.
Oh, so sorry.
I always thought that
you would wind up together.
When I first met you guys when you were in college.
And things would just get better as you got older.
Kind of like the autumn leaves
that turn cooler shades.
Yeah, well sometimes a cold snap just kills 'em.
Yeah.
But, you are a good man,
and you've got a good woman,
and you're gonna have a good life.
What?
What happened?
(door knocking) Well.
[Finn] Hey!
[Natalie] Bobby, did you forget to put
the do not disturb sign on the door?
Bobby.
- What the fuck! - The door.
[Natalie] Right?
[Finn] Hey, it's Finn.
You guys up?
[Natalie] Are you kidding me?
No we're not!
[Finn] Checkout's in an hour.
All right, all right!
(door knocking)
Fuck.
Morning!
Happy couple.
Is this the bridal suite?
[Natalie] We're saving up for the house.
Why are you still in your tux?
It's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.
Can we talk?
About your tux?
Yeah.
Does it make me look fat?
No you nimrod.
Nat, don't you have to go like
brush your teeth or something?
You're asking me to give you privacy in my own room?
No wonder you're still in your tux.
She's like a ray of morning sun.
Oh fuck off!
I can't believe that I'm consulting my
little brother about this.
Kinda humiliating.
But it's about Emily
or maybe it's about all women.
Or maybe it's just about me.
It's unclear.
So who was she?
I'm gonna feign being a gentleman.
That bad?
Surprisingly good.
For a freak.
What is it about freaks?
Great sex, but,
too crazy to deal with.
And then you go ahead and marry one!
Look, you served up a fluffy one,
I had to take a swing.
You're gonna keep taking shots at my wife?
Your wife is Nat.
There's a difference between a wife
and the tail that you chase.
Don't talk like that about Emily.
I'm not talking about Emily.
Em's great.
I don't know why you're not with her.
I'm talking about all the others.
Right?
Sorry.
So why'd you do it?
Enough with the jokes.
No, look, listen to me.
Honest.
Marriage.
The whole thing.
Why'd you do it?
Nat wanted to.
That's what you got?
That's what you're giving me?
And I got a Beamer out of it.
In exchange for a lifetime of free pussy?
And that's not even guaranteed.
Enough Finn, she's going to be the mother of my kids.
She wants kids.
I think she'll be a good mom.
Yeah, she would probably kick the ass
of anybody who came near them.
All right I heard that!
I meant as in the way
a lioness protects her cubs.
Yeah, okay, are we done here?
Because we have a flight to catch.
Not really, no.
Okay, well nut up Finn.
We packed up and moved to Marriedville,
it's an adults only town.
Is that why there's so much porn in it?
That was an art film!
That was beyond the line.
Oh, look at you Mr. Married!
[Nat] Yeah, and you're alone.
It is better to be alone,
than to keep poor company.
Confucius.
Stop insulting my wife.
I meant that about me.
Yeah, all right, sure Finn.
Mr. Quip.
I'm gonna just insult everyone around me,
but it's okay, 'cause it doesn't hurt. It's a joke.
You know what, fuck you. Curl up with your own hand tonight.
Nat, why don't you go smoke some weed and take the edge off?
Yeah, why do think we're going to Jamaica for the honeymoon?
(door knocking)
Okay, can anyone read around here?
We don't need maid service yet!
We need to talk.
No we don't.
Honey, what are you doing?
(door knocking) - Stay out of this.
I'm backing Nat on this one.
We should probably--
Let her in, she's making a scene.
I don't care.
- I've had enough drama - I'll handle this.
- [Natalie] For one weekend. - I'm not sure we wanna...
Finn.
Hi.
What are?
Did you tell them?
The tux?
I'm a whore.
It took me a long time to get here,
but I'm going all the way to truth.
That's Buddha.
That's bullshit.
On the road to truth, there are only two mistakes.
I think there are quite a few.
I already told Bobby years ago.
Told me what?
That stupid college thing.
She was bringing it up again last night.
You told him?
Yeah.
So what?
It was college, we made out a few times
while I was high.
You try shit, let it go.
I can't.
Then what was Finn?
A stunt.
Oh!
(Bobby giggling)
To see if I could live a lie.
Oh you think I am?
I don't know.
How much weed do you have to smoke
to get through a wedding ceremony?
All right, I like to get high.
It's not a big deal.
It doesn't mean anything deeper.
If you say so.
Nat really isn't that deep.
Okay, you know what Marie,
your endless authority in Buddha shit
is working my last nerve!
Like you're so true to yourself.
Like you're the only true one.
Natalie, take it easy.
Listen Marie, I want Bobby.
I want to be a wife.
I want kids.
I want to do what real women do.
Natalie, take it easy, she gets it.
I get it.
Do you?
Do you get it, that I want you period!
Yeah.
I get it.
You're kind of freaking me out.
I want you too.
Gee, that's so much more meaningful
than your vows yesterday.
Kind of rude and desperate,
but at least you're both awake this time.
Desperate?
You used us as an excuse for why you don't have a guy.
And you stay flaky 'cause you don't wanna grow up.
Why?
It's cooler?
No, it's sad.
Get a guy, get married, and get over it!
Oh.
Is that what you did?
Okay Marie, get out of the self-help section
and skip past juvenile fiction,
where you've been spending a little too much time,
and go to the front of the store
where they sell non-fiction.
Or better yet, get out of the store!
Go outside, meet someone!
A real person!
And then you can have a real life!
Natalie, take it easy!
Stay out of this Bobby! Move on, get over it--
Jesus!
Button it!
She needs to hear every word of
this so that it finally sinks in!
That I will never love you!
I will never go down on you!
I will be fucking you for the rest of your life!
Well there you have it.
And thanks for this maid of honor gift.
Oh please.
That is so high school.
Yeah, isn't it?
Good luck Bobby.
I always thought you were kind of sweet,
now I just kind of pity you.
(Natalie screams)
[Natalie] God fucking damn it!
(door slams)
Wow.
This has been enlightening.
(Finn chuckles)
(Finn laughing)
[Bobby] And that happened.
Oh, Bobby.
Take your hands off my husband!
(women laughing)
Hey, Nat, how are you?
Oh you know, actually I prefer Natalie.
Especially now that I'm married.
Oh yeah, of course. It's a beautiful name.
And it was a beautiful wedding.
Yeah, except for that little last dance bit.
You and Finn yelling on the dance floor.
Yeah, I was hoping that was forgotten.
I mean just imagine if it was your wedding.
You know, if that ever happens.
So, is the car packed?
I'll bring it around.
No, I'm gonna go with you. I saw your
parents leaving the breakfast buffet,
I do not want to say goodbye to them for the fifth time.
Oh nope, here she comes. She saw us. Hi mom!
I thought you'd be halfway to the airport?
Oh, any second now.
I was talking with Emily.
Oh.
Well we best not keep these lovebirds any longer.
Hurry along darling.
Bye mom.
[Adele] Take care of my boy.
I will.
One down, one to go.
Ow, my toe's soar from that hit you just dropped.
Finn paid us a visit this morning,
so it's on my mind.
Has he been talking to everyone?
Apparently he's trying to acquire wisdom in a weekend.
So like Finn.
Trying to get the answers to the test
so he won't have to study.
He usually charms his way through.
Just won't work this time.
Why are you resistant?
I'm not trying to make a sale,
I'm just the manufacturer of the product,
I'd like some consumer feedback.
Straight?
Finn, Finn's a hybrid.
He's not quite a man, but he's far too cool to be a boy.
He's a ban.
Yes, I should ban him from my life.
I used to like your word play.
Now not so much.
It's a habit.
I amuse myself if nobody hits the ball back.
Finn always hits the ball back. But I need more than a ball.
I need balls.
Not me, I mean him.
Why do I keep blowing my analogies?
Chemistry can be powerful.
Maybe Darwin was onto something?
Maybe my chromosomes want Finn's
even though he seems intent on
scattering his everywhere?
I did my best to instill the one man
one woman manifesto.
Bobby followed it.
We pass on these myths
that we hope will feed our children.
Bait, so they'll reach outside
the home that they would never leave
were they to know the truth.
Maybe Finn saw through all that
despite my best efforts.
(horn honking)
Ah, here's Jim.
Emily, lovely to see you.
I'd say I look forward to seeing you again,
but I don't wanna hurt another toe.
(tense music)
Come on now.
(upbeat music)
I heard.
Don't blow it.
Remember, don't blow it.
What if everything they told us is a lie?
Are we gonna do a complete rewind
or you wanna just give me the cliff notes?
In chromosome six, MHC is this big genetic player.
It deals with the immune system,
reproduction, most vertebrates have it.
You know how when you think you're seeking
a partner who's similar?
You're actually seeking differences,
because you may think you don't wanna have children,
the drive to have healthy offspring
still factors in with whom you pick as a mate.
And in my case it's gotta be purely chromosomal
because the social angle makes no sense.
You're a teacher, I'm in branding.
Which is basically a millennial term for advertising.
You impart knowledge whereas I spin it.
We couldn't be more opposite
and I really don't understand where you're going with this.
Finn, you're not my life partner.
That's where I'm at.
You're still hooking up.
Whoa, oh hey.
Look, Marie was just--
Sport fucking?
I don't.
I fuck with intent.
You have a filthy mouth.
I use your language so the point is made.
I've been grabbing a lot of points lately today.
How 'bout that?
Good for you.
Hey, thanks for the offer for the lift back to New York,
but I'm taking the train.
I'll use the time to build a lesson plan
to educate the next generation better than this one.
Emily.
Emily why don't we skip New York.
Why don't we drive down to New Orleans and get married?
Finn,
we haven't even--
Ah!
See, I got a hunch about that.
We'll head to a blues bar.
We'll find an old horn player who can vouch for us.
He'll be a witness, right?
An old soul stepping up for two new ones
who are just trying to learn a little bit.
More.
And then, we watch the sunset
from a room with a wrought iron balcony
and a big gauzy bed.
Where we just lie down
and we lay and just dream together.
Are you channeling Tennessee Williams?
'Cause it's usually Raymond Carver.
Maybe I'm trying to shed some skin.
Snakes shed, they're still snakes.
There's my car. (car honking)
And what about all that stuff last night
about love and fruit?
I was drunk and bitter.
(enlightening music)
[Finn] What about today?
Just bitter.
And P.S. proposal on the curb, not the way to go.
Train station please.
I cannot believe you just refused my proposal
just like that.
I repeat, on a curb, that is so last minute.
Crass, and I'm not even rushing to marry anyone.
Maybe because nobody ever measured up to you.
Oh, you wanted someone like me but not me?
No, maybe I always wanted you.
But I never thought you'd go for somebody like me.
A narcissist with low self-esteem?
A narcissist with a friend with high standards.
Oh, back to making it my fault?
Just drive will you?
Always off the hook.
That is so un-hot.
Finn, I like men.
Honest to God, grown up,
I'll take a punch if I have to kind of men.
Who'd defend a lady and is not sexist when it's just right.
Who'd go to bat for me,
who, not because he has to or he's supposed to,
just an honest human caring.
That's hot.
Yeah, well, I was reading on the internet the other day.
It popped up on my homepage.
And it said that through the course of a marriage
you go through phases.
When you're aging with somebody you become
friends, lovers, enemies, brother and sister.
I don't necessarily agree with that last part,
but we've gone through all those phases.
We've done them all, okay!
Not lovers not withstanding,
but I mean, you get me.
I get you.
It's Biblical.
He knew her.
He knew her, he knew her, wink wink.
It's like the Old Testament.
Wink wink is "Mighty Python."
See, you get me.
Get your references.
I feel like I'm on an endless game show.
So then why do you keep playing?
So I think you won't like me if I'm not clever.
Are you reading the answers
from inside my head?
Because that's my like my deepest most innermost fear.
We really are a match.
(horns honking)
Hey!
If we're so alike,
does that make me an even bigger narcissist
for wanting to spend
the rest of my life with myself?
[Emily] You'll find I'm plenty different.
Is that a come on?
Is it all sex with you?
I'm trying to get past that.
You used to be gentle.
Now you're slicker,
like a tacky jacket on a good book.
I've always been honest about what a sleaze I am.
I think you played the long con on yourself.
Well maybe I just got out of the game.
Maybe I'm ready to start a new one,
playing by your rules.
You don't want me.
You just wanna win.
Well homie don't play that.
Hold on.
Look, look, hey, hey.
You can quote evolution, you can quote television,
but it all comes down to chance in the end.
So why don't we just roll the dice?
Is this a trust game?
It's not chicken, it's a choice.
Oh enough with the choice.
Someone told me,
who shall remain anonymous,
said that love isn't a choice,
but what you do with it is.
So maybe that's the problem.
Maybe you can't live with making a choice.
Oh I live with plenty.
But it just seems to me that
no one can live with anyone
without lying to someone.
But what if it's all lies!
What if it's up to us to make it true!
You're mad.
And what if I am?
I know you Em, and saying that will bore you.
Be a chance or choice.
And you call.
(coin chimes)
Can't you see it?
(upbeat music)
(engine revving)
Yeah.
So let's save a few steps. (train horn blowing)
I knew you'd be back.
(determined music)
Vodka tonic?
Great, thank you.
Sure.
So yeah, my father insisted I go work for him.
So I said, "Fuck you."
I started my own company, now, I'm richer than he is.
(male laughing)
As a gun owner, I can assure you
there'd be just as many murders
if handguns were illegal.
Just think how it could be.
You could share my country house,
take care of my dogs.
You are so smart.
I'd wanna tie you up and gag you
and keep you in the basement.
Just dumb you down a little.
Are we done here?
Oh yeah.
So I'm liking the pitch,
but what's the but?
Like life, only better.
Because it's virtual.
Exactly.
Awesome, awesome.
(light music)
You wanna talk about him?
It's not about Finn.
Did I think I could stretch the unitard
of his better angels across the fat ass of his issues?
Maybe.
But I've given up on that.
It's not that I haven't dated a
sane man in the last eight months,
I'm just starting to tie it to the job.
Look, I like dating younger guys too but we can't date students.
I mean, do we teach them anything
that matters in the end?
Drinking or shopping?
Shopping.
As teachers we do the best we can.
Sure, if we go along with the status quo.
Change is up to us.
Are you gonna make it a PSA?
That's why only ever hear these talks
about innovative teaching strategies.
Like whether emotional intelligence could be taught.
Oh, so this is a comedy convention.
Seriously, there's a theory kicking around
that emotions can help or hurt your ability to learn.
Like if you're stressed out how can you focus on anything?
Hence linking emotional skills with academic performance.
Like if you better manage your emotions
you have a better chance of reaching your potential.
If you don't, it might explain some
of the freaks I've dated.
Besides, what if we meet some nice guys there?
So you're not gonna revamp the entire education system?
Gotta mix it up.
Where is this happening again?
Vegas.
You know what they say about Vegas.
(woman purrs)
Boobs!
(Emily laughs)
Emotional intelligence.
(upbeat music)
(light music)
Hey, what are you doing here?
Oh.
I mean, sorry, not oh.
I just thought you were someone else.
Do I know you?
I'm Finn.
Finn.
Hi, yeah.
Good to meet you.
- Is there something wrong? - Yes.
[Finn] No, no, there isn't.
Okay.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
You as well.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no,
it's fine.
What are you doing here?
I have working, convention thing.
Me too.
Teachers don't have conventions.
We do now.
That's...
I thought that was you.
I thought that was you, that's why I was with the...
Whoa.
Is it just that random?
I just, maybe it...
(upbeat music)
I mean it's so obvious isn't it?
Or maybe,
maybe it's so obvious that it isn't.
I'm just trying to find a spin on it.
My head is still spinning.
Is that better?
We couldn't of just gambled our life savings?
No!
Now that would be cliche.
You don't even have to say anything.
Just sign on the dotted line.
Four a.m.
It's an American tradition.
Uncle Claude is gonna sulk.
He really likes kissing the bride.
Your mom will not be pleased.
Are you kidding me?
She loves you.
Oh dad's gonna dig this.
And Bobby's gonna give me shit.
No he won't.
[Both] Natalie.
She's gonna be fucking merciless.
What are the odds of overlapping conventions?
Seriously?
I mean we're in Vegas, you're a teacher, you do the math.
If we hadn't run into each other,
- would we-- - Babe.
[Finn] Babe.
We've been on this path since... daily.
An eight month ride with a rest stop in panic town.
With a scenic overview of Bleaksberg.
There's always comfort in Reno.
America's landfill for hopes and dreams.
It's what we agreed to.
Yeah.
No tears if we walk away?
Not a drop.
Man that's comforting.
You know neither one of us buy into the
magic of New Orleans.
I like seeing what I'm getting into
and the honest glare of Vegas neon.
How do I look?
Like a sucker.
See, 'cause that's what we'll do.
We'll send everybody the licensing
from Emily and sucker.
(Emily giggling)
Hi there.
Okay.
Can you squeeze size nine feet
into a pair of eight just 'cause
it's the most popular size?
You know, when you're young it takes
a lot of conviction.
And then the older students are doing it now,
now what is it?
No, you know what it is?
It's the fear of the unknown,
and that's what freaks you out.
'Cause I know you Emily,
and you're a knowledge whore.
You're curious.
You need to know!
And I'm just a whore.
I was, I was.
I'm a domesticated wolf these days.
We'll see how long before you howl.
A big howl.
You wanna go to your room or mine?
Wanna toss for it?
Yeah, sure.
Let's finish this first.
(Finn chuckling)
What's with the 10 minute wait?
Maybe if we bolt before they file,
it's like it never happened.
No.
(phone buzzing)
It's my mom.
Shut up.
How'd she know?
I don't know.
I mean I didn't even know.
Was this planned?
No, how was it planned?
Look, this is, oh.
And now it's Bobby.
You lying romantic.
You knew I was gonna be--
I didn't! I didn't, how did I know? Hold on, just give me.
Well it's that or she's calling
- to talk you out of it. - Hi mom.
[Finn] Yeah, no.
I'm only answering this call 'cause I'm in Vegas baby.
I'm with Emily.
- I can't hear you, hold on. - Oh God,
she's talking you out of it.
[Finn] Mom, I've got Bobby on the other line.
Give me one second, hold on.
Bobby, I've got news.
Oh my God, Bobby too.
What?
Yeah I heard.
So, you gonna punt?
It's my dad.
Well I thought he was gonna be for this?
He's had a heart attack.
Is he all right?
I gotta go home.
We.
Yeah, right.
(light music)
Just, put the bags anywhere,
I'll deal with them later.
Can I do something?
Nah, I gotta find Bobby.
(Natalie gasps)
Oh, Jesus Christ!
I didn't hear you come in.
Look at you.
Why are you so big?
What's with the duck?
It's a stork.
And it was for my baby shower.
What are you doing here?
We're married.
Of all days to joke.
For once I'm not.
You're lying.
For once, I'm not.
Bobby!
Get down here!
[Bobby] What's up?
They're married.
What?
Tell him.
We got married last night.
Well technically this morning.
You're lying.
Right.
I thought our wedding was a bust for you guys?
We actually
saw each other in Vegas.
We succumbed to the kitsch!
Congrats.
I thought you had higher standards.
Well, I thought you wanted cool foliage.
What does that mean?
Oh, it's just an old--
(Bobby crying)
Bobby.
He's been doing this all day. Come here baby.
It's okay, shh.
[Emily] And congrats to you too, I didn't know.
I'm losing a dad too.
I know you are baby, shh.
I'm sorry guys.
Where's mom?
[Bobby] Upstairs lying down.
She's not crying.
Natalie.
I'm just saying, it's weird.
Everybody grieves in their own way.
Is she okay?
She's in shock I think.
What happened?
He had a pain in his chest
so mom drove him to the hospital.
She thought he was having a minor heart attack.
Then they got to the hospital and he had a massive one.
He had a heart condition.
What?
Hold on.
Why didn't she tell us?
I saw the prescription once.
He was on meds.
Meds didn't work.
Apparently.
Just saying.
Why are you keeping that from us?
They didn't want us to worry.
The pills had it under control.
Not!
Apparently.
I'm just saying.
Come on, he's dead.
That's not under control.
That's like the opposite.
Christ, what's she doing here?
She came for the baby shower
and she stayed to help.
I thought the whole morning after, the wedding thing--
Just because she's one of your ghosts
of Christmas past doesn't mean
we can't get over our stuff.
Yeah.
But why is Emily here?
They got married last night in Vegas.
Emily married you?
I guess I'm not that hopeless after all.
Seriously, were you drunk?
Well--
Just,
beside the point.
Is it?
Just save the Buddha lesson!
Oh, I'm into Yogi Ramakrishna Paramahansa now.
He believed all religions lead to the same goal.
So it's not about one choice,
it's about embracing all of them.
I see how that could work for you.
And I see how that's displacement
of an assortment of feelings
you must be experiencing.
So I'll let it go and go refill Claude's drink.
Uncle Claude?
Yeah, he's here for mom.
She's the closest thing he has to a daughter.
He likes cherry cola?
With vodka.
[Finn] How is he still alive?
Finn.
I'm just saying.
He's like 93.
He has no wife or kids.
That's how.
Nat, not really making a strong case for yourself.
I'm just saying.
I mean he has no responsibilities,
everyone takes care of him.
He's like a very old kid
who likes dirty jokes.
And it's like dad, dad was 65?
66, he just had a birthday.
Shit.
I'm a lousy son.
Yeah well, we decided that
you should write the eulogy anyway.
[Finn] What?
Finn, you should.
[Finn] Who made you two in charge?
We had to start planning for the funeral.
And since we already know how to plan a family event
because we had a wedding,
and you write for a living--
I spin!
A eulogy is a summation of a mans life.
Yeah well, Bobby is calling the funeral director
and Marie and I are setting up the funeral luncheon.
Can I help with the flowers?
What's with jumping all over this?
These things need to be done.
Which is something you would know if
you read the adult learners manual.
Marie, I need you!
She makes you feel like more of a grown-up?
Can you really find more of a flakier friend?
Displacement.
Now you're gonna tell me who I can be friends with?
Who died and put--
I'm sorry.
I am sorry.
I'm sorry.
Bobby, did you call the church?
Yeah, they can do Thursday.
That means we're gonna have to call everyone
tonight. I can use my wedding list.
Can I do something?
Marie helped me with my wedding so
it'd just be easier if we did it.
I probably have to go shopping anyway.
I've got a whole closet of New York black
and I didn't pack any.
Oh, I could lend you something if you want.
I'm purging black from my wardrobe
because I've decided to let color reflect my mood.
Orange is for life.
Thanks, but--
Oh, because your husband slept with me?
Christ.
What?
I just say the truth instead of tip-toeing around it.
Which is why we get along.
Anyone else.
[Bobby] Nat, you--
Oh what, it's one glass.
Come on, our parents drank and smoked
through their pregnancies, look at us.
[Bobby] I think we could all use one, Emily?
Sure.
I've stopped.
My body is a temple.
Gene taught me that.
Gene is Marie's new girlfriend.
Gene with a G, for great guy!
He's a yoga instructor.
Yeah, Marie found herself a guy who acts like a girl.
You're so conventional and closed off.
Yeah, just like the way I like it.
[Bobby] To dad
and the bride and groom.
(Bobby sniffling)
So Vegas.
Does that even count?
Can we do this some other time?
I'm just saying that a wedding means more
if you get married in front of everyone you know and love.
Two groups of different people.
Yeah, fuck you.
Just standby now.
Yeah, good luck with that.
[Bobby] Hey, you two back to your corners.
I have to go to the funeral home before it closes.
[Finn] Bobby.
Bobby.
Finn!
Your dad,
he was one good man.
He took great care of his family.
I hope you can emulate him.
Natalie, what's with the whole
"Good luck with that thing?"
I mean, we're supposed to be on the same side now.
I just know Finn and Bobby.
I mean they're horn dogs,
but I keep Bobby satisfied,
so I know I don't have to worry.
Not that I want to talk about this,
now or like ever.
But sex is not a problem.
(Marie laughs)
I'll second that, right, Emily.
That's the easy part.
Communication is the tricky part.
Are you kidding?
Those two never stop talking.
I mean, Bobby and I don't.
We have sex, we get high,
I mean not now.
You and Bobby seem to always have
a separate conversation going on.
I don't know.
We've known each other longer. Maybe it's comforting.
Comforting?
What's he scared of?
You know.
No, tell me.
Maybe you.
In the family half a day
and already telling me about my marriage.
Sorry.
I'm tired, I'm hungover, and I don't have my filter on.
Oh, so then you would lie?
Don't freak.
But Uncle Claude wants to kiss you.
And I told him it was okay.
All right, come on Marie.
We have to plan the menu
and you have to drive.
I can't fit behind the wheel anymore.
Jesus.
What?
I told him no tongue!
No Marie though.
[Finn] What?
She's her prop, friend, whatever.
You left me alone with them.
You could run rings around them.
That's not the point.
[Finn] What is then?
It's...
I just need to lie down.
Yeah, sure.
I wish that I could.
I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
(slow paced music)
I'd be better if I didn't have to write the eulogy.
I mean, why can't I numbly go through the motions
without saying anything?
What can I say?
We hardly spoke, then I forgot his...
I forgot his birthday and then...
He cheated.
He raised two screwed up sons.
If it's too hard to talk about him as a father,
maybe say something about him as a husband.
They say the best gift a father can give his sons
is to love their mother.
And he did.
I mean everybody could see that.
Yeah.
Looks that way, but my family is--
They're my family now too.
I could spin anything.
I can't spin this.
Mom always knows what to say.
I'm gonna see if she's awake.
Maybe you should let her rest.
Sorry.
What room?
The one on the right.
And don't forget Uncle Claude.
Okay.
He's probably watching TV and
heads up, it's probably the Playboy channel.
(light music)
Hi.
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
(Uncle Claude chuckling)
♪ Da, Da, Da, Da ♪
Come on.
Mm-mm, on the lips.
That's the only time I get any action.
As the patriarch,
I get to vet all newcomers.
This is what you wore?
Well, when I was young,
the bride wore layers and layers.
It was like unwrapping a present.
This, you know what you're getting.
Oh look, I like it.
I like you.
Oh, thank you Claude.
Uncle Claude.
We're family now, so.
I can say this to you.
You should have had a wedding.
If I had been lucky enough to find a girl like you,
I'd of puffed up my chest
and crowed to the whole world,
"she's mine, she's mine."
But that's my generation.
Did you at least have a dance?
No.
Well marriage is like,
is like a dance you know.
We go to finding the rhythm
and learning the steps.
(Uncle Claude laughing)
But you've never married.
No, I,
I could never find the right,
right dance partner.
(light door knocking)
[Finn] Mom, you awake?
Finn.
(thunder rumbling)
Oh.
That's the first hug in years.
I'm a lousy son.
Bobby always hugs me.
I get it, I'm a lousy son.
Maybe I'll hug him more.
Mom, you don't have to.
You always seemed more open to coddling.
You were more difficult, questioning.
Smarter.
(Adele laughs)
Maybe you took away my ability to parent you
because you knew more.
When the little ones aren't so helpless
you let them fly the nest.
You seemed to want your freedom, so I let you go.
Maybe that's why you never give a woman
a chance to let you go again.
Whoa.
Where is this coming from?
It's like having a bright light
shown on everything you've done.
One day 10 years has gone behind you.
Don't miss the starting gun.
Mom, you're quoting Pink Floyd.
And you thought I wasn't listening
when you were practicing your guitar.
I didn't miss it.
I married Emily.
I've had a Valium.
I must be delirious.
Yeah, yeah.
When you called, in Vegas.
Finn!
And we didn't even say our vows.
You say vows every day.
I'll pick up the milk on the way home.
I'll lock the doors at night.
Dad said women are smarter.
Maybe that's the reason why I married Emily.
Well, there's smarter and then there's knowing trivia.
What are you saying?
She has to lean on me that we're screwed?
I lost out.
And I lost my role model.
I can't even argue with him
about how wrong he got it.
No.
No, your father always kept an eye out.
The in between moments.
A soft word.
The first crocus on my nightstand every spring.
Love is smaller than you think.
Emily agreed to a Vegas wedding
because it was easier to get out of.
Oh, she doesn't trust you because
you don't trust yourself.
Well, well, what up with that?
You saw through our charade.
All the younger sadder girls.
Sadder.
Yeah.
Girls who sleep with married men
are trying to get back at someone
who didn't love them enough.
Round and round, the baton being,
not handed off but
used to smite the wrong person.
It's like Jim wanted to punish me for something.
He was so charming.
Just like you.
Using women like Kleenex.
I never fully loved him after all of that.
(Adele sobbing)
Just, just love her.
Love her Finn.
Love Emily in spite of me.
He knew what he had by the tail.
It's a guy thing.
Goodnight Halley.
How is she?
And I sat with Uncle Claude.
Been making out this whole time?
He thinks we should of had a wedding.
This coming from a 93-year-old bachelor.
They all wanted a wedding.
You think because of the funeral?
Do I think it's a circle of life thing?
I think they're all a bunch of petty motherfuckers
who are trying to rewrite their own history.
You gonna put that in the eulogy?
I'll spin it.
These things come with expectations.
No matter how pretty the speech you can't bring him back.
Man, I don't wanna do this.
I don't wanna pull out all the conventions
and spout phrases that
capture the man,
but don't start a heart that stopped too soon.
(light music)
I'm not judging over anyone.
But recognise
all our weaknesses.
Maybe this is the closest I've ever come to saying a prayer.
But what is prayer?
Collective hope?
Pleas.
Bribes to an unseen force
to make sense of meaninglessness?
Our brain puts us at the top of the chain,
our souls separate us from the beasts,
but I envy them.
Natural order filled by
the next in line.
The pack moves on.
Blessed are the jackals,
(Bobby grunts)
for they know not grief.
I have had it.
Did you hear him?
Yeah, but--
So?
So who cares?
Who cares?
I care, you should care,
hell, even Marie cares.
Finn tends to over verbalize.
Yeah, see.
So Finn talks a lot.
Is anything ever a big deal to you?
Sure, but--
Yeah, what?
I don't know, how about her wearing white to a funeral.
Hindu's believe white is the color of peace.
I don't care if she wears pink.
Oh no, pink is the color of joy.
Okay, Marie, we are not talking about you.
I thought we were.
Finn!
We are talking about Finn talking!
So talk to Finn.
Finn!
See you back at the house.
(perky music)
[Natalie] Hi--
Nah, I'm good.
Hi.
I'm Emily.
Emily?
I'm Finn's wife.
Oh!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, I forgot.
Oh no, no, no, that's okay.
No, we just didn't--
No, it's a stressful time.
Hi.
Here, let me help you.
All right, you help her set up the
food, Emily you can set the table.
[Emily] Finn, wanna help?
I'm gonna go sit with Uncle Claude.
Lunch is served.
Now at last we can watch the game.
The Eagles, they're playing a classic.
(TV cheering)
They should've run.
It was pass interference.
Look, don't start that again.
Who actually played football?
Hey, Finn, don't you think
you should be out here with the guests?
I can't believe you.
We're men watching other men attack men.
It's soothing.
It's for him.
Fine, I'll take care of everything.
(TV cheering)
Why run when you have an open receiver!
If you actually played football, you'd understand!
Would you stop with that already!
Could you keep it down for your mom?
- Hey, what are you doing! - Hey, turn that back on!
[Natalie] I am sick and tired of you two
arguing over men running around in silly uniforms!
Who names their team after a gaggle of birds?
I think eagles are noble.
Yeah? Well it's stupid for football.
No it's not!
Eagles are birds of prey!
A whole gaggle of them.
It's a gaggle of geese, so!
(Finn stutters)
Aerie. It's an aerie of eagles!
Whatever!
- It's a collective term! - I won money on that game!
[Finn] Like an ambush of tigers
or a congregation of plovers,
a murder of crows!
A murder of crows?
Okay you are making that up!
No, ask her, she's the teacher!
She knows!
They like carrying.
Well who makes this shit up?
Old poets and old wives!
Can we stop talking - Please!
- about birds! - Can we watch the game!
[Uncle Claude] Quiet or get out!
Yeah, well you should throw him out!
Heavens to whole!
God damn game, even the funeral's done!
Not one of you man enough to take your fathers shoes!
Man enough?
Okay.
No!
Stop it!
I think she actually might be a man!
(Natalie screaming)
Why is there always a power play?
Because we're men, and it's what men do!
Can't dodge grief.
Oh Jesus. Like there's a murder of idiots in here.
Are you gonna keep insulting us all
day calling us jackals in church--
That's not what I meant!
You know what, you'd probably be more like a hyena!
- Oh my god, Bobby-- - Finn--
[Finn] It's just because they're matriarchal!
And because chicks run the show!
All right, one to one fine Mr. Metaphor.
Ugh, you just keep butting heads with Bobby
like a bunch of freaking Billy goats!
Oh, I'm sorry, is bunch not the right word?
It's flock as in sheep.
Well you know what?
Bobby is not following Finn back to boy town.
He's gonna be a father!
[Finn] You didn't waste time on that now did ya!
What are you saying?
I mean it's so old school, on the honeymoon.
- We both wanted this! - [Bobby] We do.
Just because one of your boys gets through and
gets lucky does not make you an uber man.
- Uber this, he is a real man. - Finn, stop this.
[Natalie] And we are doing the real adult thing!
(candlestick clanking)
- Ugh! - Shit.
(Finn screaming)
[Natalie] I swear to God Finn, I have been waiting for this day
for a really long time!
Then why don't we go outside then!
Hey, quit being so smug!
It's not like you invented kids!
We know why we got married
and we know what our life is going to look like,
so do not get pissy at me because you don't!
I'm not gonna participate!
We're not gonna participate in some kind of a breed off!
But if we wanted to we could take you!
Right Em?
Seriously?
Our first conversation about this is a fight contest?
(Marie giggles) - [Natalie] See.
Hold this.
What?
Why am I?
- Jesus Christ! - What was that for?
[Finn] You're marrying that.
You know what, that's it.
On the grass.
Put up or shut up!
Finn!
You honestly think you could take me?
- You forget that I boxed. - Finn, don't.
I got faster hands.
Bass players aren't fast!
[Emily] Oh Finn! (Natalie gasps)
(Finn laughing) (Bobby grunting)
[Natalie] Okay, stop it! Stop it!
[Emily] What are you doing!
We're men!
This is what men do!
[Marie] It's displacement!
[Finn] It feels good!
Finn, stop!
(Bobby moaning)
That was a sucker punch!
Yeah, because I punched a sucker!
You're a sucker for marrying Natalie!
Do not get me started!
Don't fight, you're pregnant, bad karma.
No, I'll fight with your karma!
Stop it!
This is how your father's funeral ends?
- Knock it off! - Sorry about that.
[Bobby] You not so much.
Knock it off!
- Natalie, stop it! - No, I am done!
[Natalie] He is a little shit and I am done with it!
Bobby!
Finn!
What is going on?
Natalie started it.
She did.
I am sick of these two cutting in, ruining everything!
We're doing everything right!
Natalie, Bobby loves you
and I am not sure why.
But I hope one day you'll realise how lucky you are.
I don't know why I'm such a bitch, I'm just really.
I'm trying hard to make everything perfect.
It's okay, you don't have to be perfect.
You're too hard, sometimes I'm too soft.
But this little guy,
it's like this little guy is gonna be just right.
[Natalie] Okay, I hope so.
Okay?
[Natalie] I really really hope so.
All right baby, let's go home.
I'm sorry.
It's been a long day, I'll see you off.
[Natalie] Okay.
You should really ice that before it turns.
I'll do it.
You know, my yogi says aggression--
Isn't there something in yoga about quieting the mind
and by extension, the tongue?
Maybe that's something you should try.
Maybe I'm a word spinner so I don't
have to lean on one ideology for all my answers.
Maybe one teaches what one most tries to learn.
That's
not bad.
Oh, I can get that.
No, let me.
Isn't there something in marriage
about taking care of each other?
I took a punch for you.
Am I hot now?
Sorry.
I just have been
struggling with this whole man thing.
I went all caveman.
It's like Freud 101 around here.
Someone needs to take Uncle Claude home.
Straight home.
No strip clubs.
No matter how many times he asks.
I'll do it.
No, no, no, no, no.
I started this whole mess.
I'll do it.
That's my boy.
I'm still fucked up.
Oh, but you're working on it.
Yes.
(slow paced music)
[Uncle Claude] You did well.
With the eulogy?
No, I mean Emily.
Well it's not such a bad place.
Around the clock women.
Good evening Claude.
Hello my dear.
This is my grand-nephew.
[Woman] Hello.
He just got married.
[Woman] How lovely.
But I am still available.
[Woman] Yes, you remind us daily.
I got something for you.
Bowl of lifesavers?
I ordered this from the computer.
For you and Emily,
when you have that first dance.
Now don't blow it.
Well, this is not a bad place you know.
Unless it's for you.
Hello my love.
Would you like to tuck me in?
[Woman] You're incorrigible.
Thank you.
Some honeymoon.
I forgot.
Emily, I don't like shifting into wise woman,
but I am allowed to give advice now.
I'm a realist, I always have been
and Jim and I got on well.
And I'm not asking you if you love Finn,
but if you don't, walk away now.
I feel he may.
He's kept me at arms length since I got here.
I thought he'd want me closer.
You'll get back on course.
Is it worth it?
Jim and I both got what we thought we wanted.
You know, I look at you and I see a scene
from my own life.
I wonder if I could go back to it
I'd still do the sensible thing.
Be ready Emily, it comes when you least expect it.
And you won't even realise what it was
until you see the lines on your face.
I wanted to get married when it was charming,
not inevitable.
All the rushing around we did to get everything in.
We weren't rushing, talking.
Always talking.
It's the quiet spaces.
We try not to fill them.
The nakedness of just existing alongside someone.
If you're always on it's unnerving
for someone to see you backstage.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't be bothering you with all this.
This isn't the way it's supposed to begin.
But in the middle of the night in Vegas isn't either.
Not having the courage to make those big promises
in front of everyone.
My dad's gone.
And my mom's on her second life.
She's quite glad to be done with that.
She never wanted to marry my father.
Or have me.
She did 18 years and checked out.
As soon as I went to college.
So I'm kind of an orphan.
No idea what it looks like.
Love, a partnership.
Romantic notions of someone altering my life.
Yeah.
But real world love?
I haven't a clue.
Your mother withheld,
so you were drawn to those who withhold.
You're saying I married my mother?
(Adele laughs)
Sometimes I think Finn may want you to be me.
Have me in some way because I never
fully gave myself to him or his father,
or anyone.
Selfish.
The ultimate stranger.
The perfect distance to keep the
nomadic males in my life in my thrall.
Lessons I deed to you if you fear being seen backstage.
But I am curious.
Just woman to woman, what don't you want Finn to see?
Me.
Just plain me.
Nobody ever gets it right.
At best,
you hope to get it better.
(ambient music)
(slow paced music)
(door clanking)
(slow paced music)
(water running)
♪ I remember when you ♪
♪ Were just 19 ♪
♪ Smiling ♪
♪ Up from a magazine ♪
♪ Oh we ♪
♪ Were younger then ♪
♪ And everything ♪
♪ Was an accident ♪
♪ To be sure ♪
♪ I remember ♪
♪ Out on the water ship ♪
♪ When you held me ♪
♪ And we made our bed ♪
♪ Oh we ♪
♪ Were so hungry then ♪
♪ And our appetites ♪
♪ Were a happy accident ♪
♪ To be sure ♪
♪ Oh one day ♪
♪ When the hours are found ♪
♪ Well the way to bite ♪
♪ The hand that feeds us now ♪
♪ Well we'll slow down ♪
♪ Slow down to a crawl ♪
♪ Yeah we'll go down ♪
♪ We'll go down and listen to all ♪
♪ Yeah we'll slow down ♪
♪ Slow down to a crawl ♪
Mom didn't make coffee.
You gonna make some?
I'm a Starbucks man.
Deli.
Right.
How 'bout I figure this out while you clean up?
Deal.
You don't have to stare at it.
It works all by itself.
Penny for your thoughts?
A nickel?
Fiddy cent!
What's ya thinkin' Lincoln!
Maybe what happened in Vegas should stay there.
Maybe Natalie was right.
Wash your mouth out.
We haven't thought this through. I mean, where are we gonna live?
Iowa.
It's 3,000 miles--
It's in the middle, who cares!
Your whole family's on the East Coast
and I don't wanna make you do something--
Why are you picking a fight?
Why do you keep pushing me away?
[Adele] Good morning.
Hi, good morning.
I'm cleaning.
I'm making coffee.
You both get gold stars.
I'm just not sure about the measurements.
You stopped making coffee halfway through.
You okay?
You're worried that when I'm here alone
I'll become cobwebby, live in the past, play bingo?
I really didn't read that much
into the coffee crimes ma.
I just,
I'm just,
I just wanna check in.
This morning I woke up and saw life
stretching up before me.
Solo breakfasts,
doting grandma, senior tours,
travel, art class.
Paris.
Everyone talks about it,
but I'm going to do it.
Running away, avoiding, possibly,
but for the first time in my life
I am without a game plan.
It's like going off to school again.
But with a little wisdom in my back pocket this time.
It's a big wide world
and I'm gonna swim in it
while I can still navigate the waves.
Okay.
Wow.
Well good.
You wanna go out in the road, you go for it.
You're a good son.
You are a good liar.
We were just talking about where we're gonna live.
Maybe near to you.
You'll gather your own family
in one form or another.
You can run this tribe.
I hand over the reigns.
Then we could take care of you.
Oh, don't use me as an excuse.
And do you really wanna be near Bobby and Natalie?
Somebody has to make sure that kid
isn't too screwed up.
Well,
looks like this throws the decision
back in your court.
I hope it isn't practical.
Well for starters,
at the risk of being too practical,
how 'bout some breakfast?
Oh, I don't what's here--
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll let you know when it's ready.
See.
I'm taking the reigns.
Be careful with them.
You know, I have been wondering
about why you're so fucked up.
And why are so many men if women raised them?
I don't wanna believe that it's our fault.
But we do go along with this push
to make men achieve.
Make them powerful before they
maybe know who they are or what they even want.
And then, by the time that they have
gained enough to actually let themselves
be who they are,
they're still the boy left behind.
Maybe that's what Jim saw in all those women.
His youth,
hope, before it got so...
Maybe it wasn't about me.
Did I not help you grow up
so you wouldn't hurt me like he did?
Wise women have much to learn.
All right.
We could use some eggs.
And bacon.
Gotta have bacon.
And, oh!
We used to keep the pancake mix,
but I'll just pick some up.
And I'll get some syrup and some oatmeal
and I'm gonna cook.
That'll be a challenge.
Oh, yeah.
Uncle Claude gave me this CD.
And he said to play if we ever
decided to have a first dance.
So.
Finn, what is this?
Probably a polka.
No, I mean us.
I feel like every guidepost is gone.
Well, maybe
our road has curves,
leading to adventures.
Where the sun is always on the horizon.
That new car ad.
Well maybe it was something I might have said
if we actually had a wedding.
What would you have said?
How do you pledge a lifetime in 10 minutes?
Well maybe you can only promise with the present.
Then what's the point of vows?
To carry the present into each moment after them.
But you didn't get the suitcases.
You didn't think to bring me.
Then you keep me at arms length.
Then you go caveman.
I fought for you!
Over me.
What?
If you can't fix it, you come to blows?
We were men, were just--
I know but will we fight each other or for each other?
I don't know!
Look, I just don't wanna rinse and repeat!
What's it gonna look like?
I don't know.
("Best Day of My Life" by American Authors)
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ I had a dream so big and loud ♪
♪ I jumped so high I touched the clouds ♪
♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪
♪ I stretched my hands out to the sky ♪
♪ We danced with monsters through the night ♪
♪ Wo-o-o-o-o-oh ♪
♪ I'm never gonna look back ♪
♪ Whoa, I'm never gonna give it up ♪
♪ No, please don't wake me now ♪
[Male] Two, three, four.
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ I howled at the moon with friends ♪
♪ And then the sun came crashing in ♪
Maybe we're just the sum of our dysfunction.
Were we ever drawn to each other?
Let's prove them wrong.
It's not about being right.
Em.
Who cares if it's something we've seen before?
Or if it's something so terrifying
that we can't even handle it!
Who knows!
I just wanna spend every awkward,
uncertain making it up on the fly
moment with you.
Finn, you make me question everything.
And the only thing I do know
is what it looks like now.
We won't know where it ends ♪ I can hear you calling ♪
unless we start. ♪ Outside my window ♪
♪ I feel it in my soul ♪
♪ The stars were burning so bright ♪
♪ The sun was out til midnight ♪
♪ I say we lose control ♪
♪ Control ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ Woo, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ This is gonna be the best day of my life ♪
♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪
♪ This is gonna be ♪
♪ The best day of my life ♪
♪ My Li-i-i-i-i-ife ♪
(upbeat music)