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WYATT: Hey, Mom.
I'm doing all right.
My narcolepsy is fine.
No, I haven't been sleeping on the floor.
¶¶ [guitar, whistling]
I'm fine.
Things have been good.
Really...
good.
No.
I have a job, remember?
Okay, yeah, I'm just a temp,
but isn't every job temporary?
If you work anywhere long enough,
everyone's just a temp in the end, right?
We're temporary beings is what I'm getting at.
We all die eventually.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Didn't mean to be so dark.
Yes, I'm still a temp.
That's why I called.
[sighs] I'm gonna give them an ultimatum today.
So some support would be nice.
Wait a second, Mom, hold on.
What are you guys doing?
Oh, hey, dude. Just doing some day trading.
And why are you doing it up here in the living room
and not downstairs in your own bedroom?
Well, we rented out our rooms for the night.
It's the sharing economy, you know.
Sharing is caring, Wyatt.
Thank you, Barrett.
What happened to the flat screen?
Yeah, we rented that out too.
TV is gonna rot your brain, Wyatt.
Oh, okay.
So who'd you rent your rooms out to anyway?
Oh, hey, look, there's one of 'em right there.
Hey, are you guys gonna eat this?
- Oh, hey, dude. - Hi.
- Hey, is that the gordita? - Not the gordita.
I'm sorry, Mom, what were you saying again?
Nothing.
¶¶ [guitar continues]
Fine, Mom.
I've been staying awake.
So how's Dad?
No, please, don't put him on the phone.
[sighs]
Hi, Dad.
I'm not quitting. I'm just asking for a promotion.
Yeah, I know, but I'm talking about my career here, now.
Whatever.
Okay, I'll move home!
If I don't get the job.
But I'm gonna get it.
Look, I gotta go.
I'll talk to you two later, okay?
[engine starts]
[car door closes]
Okay, ending global hunger.
Charities.
Where's the new stuff we were talking about?
Well, on the top there, there's an article
about endangered tortoises.
Endangered tortoises. Nice.
Let me ask you a question.
Who gives a, uh,
flying fuck about endangered tortoises?
Okay, you know what we publish here.
Things like homelessness, drugs,
shameful deviant sex acts.
Raw human emotion with an emphasis on tragedy.
But I can do that stuff too.
Listen, bring me something good for the website,
and I'll consider it, okay?
Until then, I've gotta keep you where you're at.
Thanks.
Or, you know, you can consider a different route,
maybe a job in tech.
I just-- You might not be cut out
for being a journalist, bud.
Are you-- Are you meditating?
Wyatt!
Wait, you okay?
You need me to call you an ambulance?
No, no, I don't need an ambulance. I just...
I have narcolepsy.
Mild narcolepsy. It's not a big deal.
You have fucking narcolepsy, and you didn't think
that would be something pertinent to tell us?
Fuckin' hell, man!
Jesus Christ.
Look, I'm sorry it happened.
I'm sorry, I was just... [mumbles]
I just fuckin' fell asleep in your office.
You fall over, you crack your fuckin' head,
I've got a lawsuit on my hands.
I don't want a lawsuit on my hands.
The next time you're in my office,
you fucking wear a helmet!
¶¶ [xylophone]
¶¶ [rock]
[cheering]
Oh, excuse me, bud.
¶¶ [continues]
[door closes]
- Oh, you're back in your room. - Oh, hey, man, what's up?
No one told me that we're having a party tonight.
Yeah, it's just something Barrett put together.
Super low key.
[man screaming]
Sounds like it.
So how'd it go today?
I'm still a temp.
That is so unjust, man.
I think it's time for me to pack up and go home.
Stepping stones, man, stepping stones.
Dude, when I started my website, it was just me and a dream.
And now I've got 10 people underneath me.
Right, and how much do you pay these people again?
$3 an hour.
But that is a really good rate in India.
Microsoft, those cheap bastards,
are only paying 50 cents over there.
$3, that's a lot, man.
You're Mother Teresa, Mahoney.
Damn right I am.
Hey, come upstairs for a while.
Maybe get drunk and mush it in something.
WYATT: Not very Teresa-like!
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the world of Slice.
I'm Sean Cross. Tonight on Slice News,
Wayne Bradshaw takes you to the worst shooting gallery
in the entire Western hemisphere.
Let's go to Wayne now.
Wayne, are you there?
We've got junkies galore out here, Sean.
They call this neighborhood The Haystack
'cause there's needles everywhere.
Watch your step. Here we go.
We got a couple people ready to shoot up right now.
Let's get a close-up on that needle.
Ooh, that's some great needle footage, Wayne. Super gross.
WAYNE: You guys are out here doing drugs every day, huh?
Yeah, you want some?
These guys are basically fucked, Sean.
There's no hope for 'em.
They really, really are.
Looks super sketchy down there, Wayne.
Smells like human feces out here, Sean.
People don't just come fuckin' take a shit at your house.
SEAN: Why don't you get some more injection close-ups?
Show me some blood.
Could you guys shoot up just like one more time?
We didn't really get a clean take on that.
JUNKIE: You can just shoot up your--
¶¶ [rock]
[yelling]
Damn, Gina.
Oh, hey, Barrett.
Hey, listen, I want you to meet my friends.
- Hi. - This is Claire.
This is Stephanie. They're from New Zealand.
They're staying with us for the week.
- Hey, how you doing? - Baby bird!
That was so sick!
Oh, you're pretty good. That's gonna be good!
Bawk bawk!
[soft chatter]
- Nothing like modified. - No difference.
- Hey. - Hey.
Look who decided to come out of his cave.
You know, I can't tell who lives here at this point.
Feel like I'm living in a flophouse.
Hey, you read the search terms on the Craigslist ad.
Kegs, 420 friendly, bacchanalia, debauchery.
Hey, have you ever noticed that hatchback over there?
Yeah, I think it's been there for a few months.
Some weird girl lives inside of it.
That's what you get when you have good street parking.
It's like a beacon for transients.
I wonder who she is.
Listen, man, I think we need to collectively
raise our standards as a household.
We do not need another drifter in this house.
SEAN: You know what we publish here.
Homelessness, drugs,
raw human emotion with an emphasis on tragedy.
¶¶
- Okay, I'll leave. - You don't have to leave.
It's a great spot.
That's why you knocked on my window?
To compliment my choice in parking?
No.
You know me, right?
You-- I mean, you see me.
I live right around the corner.
We're like neighbors.
I guess I was just being neighborly.
Okay.
Hi, neighbor.
I'm Wyatt.
Fern.
So what do you really want, Wyatt?
I guess I just wanna get to know you.
What's a girl, who doesn't seem like a drug addict,
doing all the way from Montana,
living in her '88 hatchback?
Well, it's an '87, and I'm a total meth head,
You got any?
Um...
Was I really that convincing?
No, no, of course not. Um...
You want a car-warming present?
Oh, because at the very least, I must be an alcoholic, right?
No, obviously not.
Girl living in her car,
there's gotta be something wrong with her.
This was stupid.
I'm really sorry and embarrassed,
so I'm gonna leave you.
You have a good night.
Wait, don't go.
I mean, I don't wanna get arrested
for soliciting a prostitute, so...
just get in.
You want me to get inside there?
Yeah.
Come on, give me that.
This isn't so bad, actually.
Why here?
A lot of people park on this block.
See that red truck back there?
This construction worker parks there every day.
He leaves on the weekends,
probably to go back to see his wife and kids.
And that little white car right there,
this old woman named Margaret lives there.
She's from Vermont.
So basically like any car with shades on?
Yeah, or else it'll steam up from your breath,
and cops look for steam.
Where do you shower?
Who says that I do?
You smell like Head & Shoulders.
The YWCA.
Do you like always let strangers into your car?
No, but when I read your articles,
I knew you were harmless.
You stole my stuff?
You threw it in the trash.
I mean, what kind of guy who writes about pet adoptions
and county fairs would hurt me?
Besides, I need something to do
while I'm sitting here all night.
Well, I guess it could make good toilet paper.
I don't have a toilet.
There's some pretty good stuff in here, like...
Something about tortoises.
Yeah, I know. I wrote about tortoises.
No, seriously. I mean...
they've been adapting to the deserts for eons,
and then we just come through with our strip malls
and gas stations and just pave right over their homes.
It's so sad.
Yeah, it is.
That's why I wrote it.
It's too bad nobody gives a shit, I guess.
I give a shit. I give lots of shits.
I mean...
I know what you mean.
Why are you here?
I work for this company called Slice.
It's not working out so well though, so...
I think I'm just probably gonna go home.
That shitty clickbait company?
Yep.
Your stuff's better than that.
Gee, thanks.
Who's he?
No one.
I mean, he's like everywhere on your car.
Can you take the hint that I don't wanna talk about it?
Sorry. I was just trying to be friendly.
He's my dad, all right?
Did they ever find him?
No. Assumed dead since I was nine.
Then I got this a few months ago.
"Dear Fern, your father needs your help.
He's in Los Angeles.
Sincerely, Dr. Green."
Dr. Green?
Some street guy.
We searched the shelters and databases,
but can't find him.
If you need to, you can stay on our couch.
We have surfers all the time.
I don't surf on couches.
- We have a shower and a toilet. - I'm fine on my own.
I don't what to say. I just wanna...
do something.
Thanks, Wyatt.
Hey, wake up.
Oh, my God.
Sorry. I guess I overstayed my welcome.
I deserve it for getting drunk with a stranger.
What about you?
You just slept in a weird girl's car.
You should really think about that, Wyatt.
Okay.
I'm kinda kidding.
But kinda not.
You wanna come inside? I'll make you breakfast.
I don't belong in your world.
Well, maybe you should give me your number
- in case you need anything. - I don't have a phone.
Well, then maybe I can find you one.
I don't want it. The Internet's terrifying.
I've got laundry to do and then I have work, so...
- Work? - Yeah.
I work at the thrift store.
Where do you think I get all these cool rags?
Well, it was nice talking.
It was... decent.
[engine starts]
So did you have a good time last night?
Yeah, actually.
I met a really interesting girl.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, the one in the hatchback.
[gasps]
I stayed in her car that night too.
- Oh, no, really? - Yep.
Dude, that's classic.
It's almost as good as the time that Barrett
banged that chick with one breast implant.
Actually, it's nothing like that.
We just talked.
- What? - Yeah.
I think I'm gonna help her find her dad.
Huh?
I'm gonna write an article about it for Slice.
It might get some clicks.
And she's into that?
I'm gonna change her name.
She's not probably gonna read it, so...
Sounds like you've got it all figured out, man.
Dude, nice wheelie, by the way.
Thanks.
So Barrett really slept with a girl
who only has one breast implant?
Yeah.
We called her Sili-con-solo.
He would just put the deflated breast to the side,
and he would just work up on the good one.
You know the funny thing about that story
is that when she finally got an implant
put on the other side,
she stopped answering his calls.
Well, that seems about right.
After all, he really is a one-breast caliber kinda--
¶ Hey there, little lemoncita ¶
Uh, excuse me.
Would you happen to know anybody
by the name of Dr. Green?
¶ Come down, I'm trying to meet ya ¶
Fuck you!
¶ Hanging in the sun ¶
¶ Ba baduda ba ba ba baduda ¶
¶ But I need you now ¶
¶ Ba baduda ba ba ba baduda ¶
¶ Won't you please come down ¶
¶ Hey there, little lemoncita ¶
¶ Won't you come down ¶
¶ I'm trying to meet ya ¶
¶ Hey there, little lemoncita ¶
¶ Won't you come down ¶
¶ I'm trying to meet ya ¶
¶ You've been having fun ¶
¶ Ba baduda ba ba ba baduda ¶
Hey.
Yo, come on, man, scoot over.
Wake up, come on.
My dogs are barkin'.
I'm sorry.
[inhales]
You know, they're giving out free meals
down there at the church.
You should get yourself one.
I don't suppose you would know anybody named Dr. Green.
Let's see.
Green, Green, Green, Green.
Oh, you mean Dr. Gangrene.
- Yeah, I know her. - Her?
Mm-hmm.
She lives up under Sepulveda.
She's a real doctor, you know?
Why do you call her "Gangrene?"
'Cause she's got gangrene on her foot.
Oh, well, then I guess she must not be a very good doctor, huh?
She amputated it herself. She's real smart.
Look, this-- this is really helpful.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
Just don't call her that to her face, all right?
I found her.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm being hypnotized by this machine.
Far out.
But on a cooler note, Dr. Green, I found her.
- Did you say her? - Yeah.
Didn't you do your laundry last week?
I'm always doing laundry. Come on, let's go.
Wait, what about your-- What about your clothes?
I'll get 'em later.
I guess this is it.
I hope she's not a bridge troll.
¶¶ [soft guitar]
¶¶ [guitar continues]
Dr. Green, are you in there?
Maybe she's not home.
Hello, Dr. Green? Dr. Gangrene?
DR. GREEN: Who is it? Who is it?
Um, it's Wyatt, and--
Who are you? Transportation Authority, huh?
No, no, we're not.
Who told you to call me Gangrene?
It was your friend, the old guy.
I'm not friends with an old guy.
I am not going back to that shelter.
We're not taking you back to a shelter.
We're not going to hurt you, please.
I'm just looking for my dad--
Simon.
Yeah.
I sent you the letter.
Oh, my God.
I'm Dr. Green.
It's so nice to meet you.
Likewise.
- Can you let me friend go now? - WYATT: Please?
Sorry, kid. I didn't mean it.
Dr. Green.
It's okay.
Wyatt. Pleasure.
Let me put this away.
Sit! Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
It's dirty, it's filthy, I know,
but it's just I'm not expecting any company.
Just sit, sit, sit. Come on.
It's just a miracle that you're here.
Why did you send it?
Oh, honey, he told me to.
You know, you're all he talks about.
I think he thought maybe it might be better
if it came from some kind of a neutral party, you know?
See this?
He built that for me.
I met him under this bridge.
He should have sent it himself.
Oh, honey, he's sick.
He's always been sick.
You see that behind you there?
Now, he said he carved that for me.
But that's not my face, right?
That's your face. That's not me.
He always used to carve things like this.
He's got cancer, Fern.
What?
Doesn't wanna go to a hospital.
He's gonna let it finish him.
That's why I wrote you the note.
When was the last time you saw him?
About two weeks ago, I guess.
There's a place called Murphy's Ranch.
It's one of his favorite spots. It's up in Topanga.
Were you two at all...
Yes, we were.
He's a hard man to hang onto.
Maybe I was better off without him.
Now, if you believe that,
you wouldn't have gotten in your car,
come all the way down here, now, would you, huh?
You have to see your father. He should see you again.
He should see what a lovely young lady you've become.
It was nice meeting you, Dr. Green.
No, you don't have to go yet.
We can't waste any more time.
Well, listen, kids, if you need anything,
you need anything at all...
Oh, I can't believe you're here.
I just can't believe it.
If you need anything, you call me.
You come right here. You come right here.
- Thanks. - You have any questions--
We will. Thanks.
- You know where to find me. - Okay.
WYATT: Hey.
Do you really have a PhD?
Berkeley '71, Philosophy.
You be careful of her. She's like her papa.
¶¶ [guitar]
Gotta say, your dad has great taste
in getaway locations.
He must love it here.
Was he, um, decent when he was around?
Yeah, from what I remember.
I mean, sometimes I'd look into his eyes,
and he just wasn't there.
My grandparents said the last time they saw him,
he was slow dancing with a Barbie doll in the living room.
Well, maybe they ran away together
and started a family.
That'd be nice.
WYATT: Are you scared?
I'm always scared.
Anybody home?
Hey, look at this.
Hello?
Think I could fit in here?
No, don't do that, Fern.
- I think so. - Fern, seriously?
- Yeah. - Fern!
Whoa.
It's so cool in here.
Hey, you should come in here.
Nah, I'm not really a derelict-structure kinda guy.
He's here!
He's-- He's in there?
- Garbage? - No.
Sardines. They were his favorite.
Those could be anybody's. You know that, right?
No, it's his brand: Beach Cliff.
He's here. He's definitely here.
Come on, we have to go find him.
- Okay. - Come on!
Your dad has a brand of sardines?
¶¶ [guitar]
[knocking]
Hello?
Hey, look.
This is his.
And this is his stuff.
What's this?
It's a medical bracelet with his name on it. Lynn Blade.
Wait, I've read about that place.
It's a psych ward downtown.
What is this place? [pounding]
Why can't we get in? Maybe he's here.
Goddamn it!
I just want him to be real.
I promise he's real.
What just happened? Is this a joke?
Wyatt, Wyatt.
Are you okay? Wyatt!
- [snoring] - Huh?
This is embarrassing.
What the fuck was that?
I fell asleep.
Wow.
That boring, huh?
Narcolepsy.
Seriously? Why didn't you tell me?
You just scared the crap out of me.
I thought I had a handle on it.
Jesus.
It only happens when I get emotionally triggered.
How do you drive?
I don't know. I try to stay calm,
listen to smooth jazz,
avoid road rage.
You know, when I was a kid in like school,
all the students would just try to get me so riled up and angry
so I'd pass out and wake up
with a bunch of marker drawings on my face.
- Aw, that's so terrible. - I know.
Wait, does this mean that you're gonna fall asleep
every time we kiss?
I guess we'll just have to find out.
- You look alert. - Yeah?
[shouting]
Jesus!
Sorry. I thought you were park rangers.
We didn't see anything. We're not gonna tell anybody.
What do you think I'm doing?
Do you think I'm making meth in there?
Goddamn it! I'm tired of people thinking that
just 'cause of the way I look!
What about me says I'm making meth?
It's not what I'm making!
What are you making then?
Making angel dust, PCP. It's not meth.
That's gross, you know?
It's not a big deal. Gotta make something.
It's hard to get a job out there for a felon.
We understand.
Yeah, no, we're not judging you at all.
Thank you. Actually, that...
You actually don't even know how much that means.
I need to hear that sometimes.
WYATT: You're welcome.
Do you wanna buy some?
Do you know a guy named Simon who lives out here sometimes?
Yeah, I know him.
Haven't seen him in a few weeks though.
If you see him, that bastard owes me money.
This homeless powder isn't free.
He does PCP?
[chuckles]
He dabbles.
You should try the Star Hotel downtown.
He's usually there with the other degenerates.
Thanks.
Hey...
you're not gonna tell anyone about me, are you?
We have no idea where we are, so that would be impossible.
I trust you guys to keep my clandestine drug lab a secret.
Really?
No.
Hey, wait! I was kidding!
I was just-- It's lonely out here, man!
¶¶ [bongos]
¶ I'm gonna burn him down ¶
- ¶ I'm gonna burn him ¶ - ¶ I'm gonna burn one ¶
¶ Down ¶
That's it.
Do you two knuckleheads ever work?
By the way, rent's due tomorrow.
Oh, dude, I didn't tell you.
- What? - My uncle died.
Barrett, um...
I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I--
No, it's great, man!
I inherited 20K, man!
That's $20,000!
So I was planning, not next week,
but the week after to do like a work search
and try to find a job.
Not happening now, dude!
Well, in at case, I guess congratulations.
¶ My uncle's gone ¶
¶ He's in the sky ¶
¶ I got the cash, and I am fine ¶
Nice to meet you, sir.
Hey.
Don't say "sir." Say "bro."
You haven't met Farid yet.
No, I have not.
Yeah, he just got in from Delhi.
He's one of my employees over there.
Nice to meet you, bro.
Ooh, you gotta let those cool down, dude.
They are very hot.
So anyway, uh...
kinda have Fern coming over.
Cool. The homeless chick, right?
Let's not call her that ever again,
if you don't mind.
And if it's at all possible for you guys
maybe to like, I don't know, clear out?
[knocking]
Or not.
[sighs] Come in!
[door closes]
Guys, this is Fern.
Hi.
Hi. These are my roommates.
I'm Barrett. How do you do?
It's nice to finally meet you.
Hello.
We've heard so much about you.
So you know why I'm here then.
I think you're going to dinner, right?
To save your souls from the coming apocalypse.
What?
The government's watching us right now.
CIA, NSA, FBI,
Homeland Security.
Everybody knows that. It was on 60 Minutes.
No, seriously.
They've got this whole place bugged.
They're all working together to orchestrate this one.
The end of humanity.
We must go underground!
They're listening to us right now, I promise.
We have to fight back.
Really, bro?
Really, bro!
We have to fight the bastards.
You have to help yourself.
You know the truth. I can see it in your eyes!
- I don't. - Fern, let's just get going.
We have a reservation.
Just calm down. Just look at me.
Look at me, Fern. Listen to me. Fern, can you hear me?
Fern, Fern, look at me, please. Look at me, Fern!
Can you hear me? Fern, are you there?
Oh, my God, that's--
- [laughing] - You are--
You're certifiably insane.
Come on, let's go to dinner.
I gotta say,
your level of commitment is really commendable.
Guess I'm just not great with first impressions.
You know, they're never gonna let you come back.
That was my intention.
[laughing]
I'm sorry I couldn't take you to a real restaurant.
Don't worry about it. I live off of this stuff.
I know what time every fast-food breakfast ends.
That's an admirable quality.
Seriously, try me.
Um, Burger King.
12:00.
- Taco Bell. - 11:00.
- Arby's. - Yuck.
I'd rather skip breakfast.
I thought vegetarians were like huge foodies.
I can't afford to be a foodie. [chuckles]
Of course.
- I live in my car... - Mm-hmm.
I eat french fries.
I guess you do make a point.
And seriously though, that girl's mental.
Honestly, it probably was the best date I've ever gone on.
Date?
Chill with a girl.
Either way, it was amazing.
Whoa, dude. Where'd you learn that?
Saw it online.
- So guess what. - What?
I finished the article,
and Slice is gonna put it on the website.
No shit! Hey, congrats, dude.
Yeah, it's a good thing we got going.
For you and her, or you and the job?
Both?
Hey, I think our form is looking pretty good.
Yeah?
I think we're ready.
- Okay, let's go. - Let's do it.
So what happens after she finds daddio?
I don't know. I'll just play it by ear.
- Shit! - No.
Whew!
MAHONEY: I think we need wetsuits.
- Nother day. - Nother day.
¶¶ [guitar]
SEAN: Oh, Wyatt, my man, there you are.
Listen, great work on the article.
Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it.
I'm just curious why you changed the title though.
I never said I slept with her.
Buddy, it's clickbait. And you know what?
It's fuckin' working 'cause people are clicking, okay?
You're not gonna believe it. It's the top link on the site.
People are sharing it.
They wanna know what's gonna happen.
Listen, I can't wait for the next installment.
The readers can't wait for the next installment.
Take the rest of the month off and finish the story.
[pats table]
WYATT: I think they're closed.
We have to get in.
It's open.
Damn it.
FERN: Hello.
FERN: This must have been a really classy hotel.
Do you really think your dad would live in here?
I don't know.
Probably.
What's over here?
Hello.
Anybody up here?
If you are, don't jump out and surprise us.
Just... say hello.
You know, the more we hang out,
the more my life is starting to look like a horror film.
You're welcome.
Wanna take a bubble bath?
Go for it.
Hey, look.
Look at this.
It's him, all right.
"Lynn Blade Asylum?"
"Diagnosis: bipolar disorder with schizoid tendencies
and suicidal ideation?"
Jesus, Dad, what don't you have?
You look surprised.
It's weird seeing it written out officially like this.
They used electric shock.
Geez, they still do that?
[door slams]
- Let's run. - Let's get out of here.
- Which way is out? - I don't know. This way.
Aah!
Oh, my God, are you okay?
Ow. Looks like it hurts.
Ah!
When you do that.
Sorry.
Ow. Okay. I'm gonna wrap it up.
It's like very bruised.
Oops.
- Is that okay? - Yeah.
Good as new.
Thanks.
Yeah.
¶¶
So what are the illustrations all about?
I don't know, just...
things I imagine while I'm lying here at night.
Can I have this one?
You like Dick-Nose Fern?
Yeah, I think she's beautiful.
She's all yours.
Here.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
Have a seat, buddy.
Okay.
What is this, like some sort of...
family meeting?
No.
- Listen, I just-- - It's an intervention, Wyatt.
Intervention.
I'm gonna begin by reading my letter, but before I do,
I want you to know...
everyone in this room loves you very much.
"Dear Wyatt, you've been a really great friend of mine
for a long time.
I miss you, buddy."
MAHONEY: Shut up, Barrett.
Ever since...
you met that homeless chick,
you've put us on the back burner.
Now all you do is you trample around the city
on all these little adventures.
And what about us, man?
You've gotta get help, Wyatt!
Beautiful.
Does anyone wanna maybe tell me
what the fuck is going on right now?
I've done some research on Fern.
What? Why?
She's not who she says she is. She's making it all up.
She's a faker, bro.
Farid, what, you too?
That's right, Farid.
She's a charlatan, dude.
That's not--
Yeah, she's like a gypsy.
She's after something. I mean, it's clear.
No, fuck it--
That guy that you've been trying to find,
it can't be her dad, okay?
She's from Arizona.
And, dude...
she's married.
- Please! That's bullshit. - It's all online.
She doesn't even have a fucking Internet connection,
let alone a cell phone.
MAHONEY: Fern Montgomery.
From Scottsdale.
She's running away from her old life, man.
Don't kill the messenger, bro.
Fuckin' A, Farid.
Sorry. I'm just trying to help. Hey, where are you going?
Oh, excuse me.
Would you take a dollar for this toaster oven?
Oh, it's $3.
It has a great big dent in it. See right there?
Yeah, that's why it's $3.
How about $2?
I'm sorry. It's already only $3.
How come you won't work with me? I come in here all the time.
All the proceeds go to charity, so...
Why does this store suck so bad?
Right, well, um, it's $3.
Let me know if you would like to buy it. Thanks.
[bells jingle]
So you heard about the toaster sale too?
Sure, Mrs. Montgomery.
That's not my name anymore.
Hey, you shouldn't bring your domestic disputes
into the workplace.
Very unprofessional!
Just take the dang toaster, lady, okay?
No! I don't want it anymore!
I'm never coming back to this stupid store again!
Look, I don't owe you anything, all right?
You decided to help me, remember?
Oh, no, I remember I totally fell for the bait.
I just wanna know what the hell's going on.
What is this all about anyway?
I mean, is...
Is Simon even your real dad?
Just leave me alone, Wyatt.
Hey, where are you going?
Hey, you can't leave!
What about the store?
Um, honor system, everyone, okay?
Just name your price and leave the money on the counter.
¶¶
¶¶ [continues]
I just...
I just want you to be who I think you are.
I like that person.
I want her to be real.
I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier.
- I was being a jerk. - It doesn't matter.
I didn't want you to think I was a bigger mess
than I already am.
My mom died three years after Simon disappeared.
My godparents in Arizona adopted me.
I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
She liked pills.
The hatchback was hers.
I used to sleep in it at night in my godparents' driveway.
It still had her scent back then.
Are you married?
Legally, yeah,
but not emotionally.
I never really loved him much.
Do you think he's out there looking for you?
No. When I got Green's letter, I saw it as my chance to leave.
Tomorrow we'll go talk to Dr. Green.
What's the use?
Well, this is beyond you now. I'm invested in this.
Well, that really sucks for you, Wyatt.
Seriously, it does.
Well, I guess I don't care.
WYATT: Maybe we'll see the green flash tonight.
What's that?
It happens when the sun goes down,
right before it disappears.
It's really rare, but I've seen it happen once.
It's supposed to mean good luck.
It only really happens in pollution anyway.
Oh, hey!
I was wondering what happened to you two.
Did you find him?
No.
Well, the man likes to wander.
Where is he, really? What's going on with him?
Well, he's here.
Stay there.
There, you see? [chuckles]
Oh, I'm getting so old. I'm so sorry.
This is him.
This is all him.
He's all here.
That's mine.
That should never have been in there.
Why didn't you show me these things earlier?
He just dropped it by.
Didn't even bother to wake me up.
He must know you're in town.
Where is he going?
If you didn't find him at Murphy's Ranch...
Shady Acres. He's gonna be at Shady Acres.
A rehab?
No, no, no, no, no!
It's a refuge.
To get off the drugs you got him on?
I didn't get your dad on drugs.
I might do a little smokey-smoke, kiddo,
but your old man, he likes to self-medicate,
and there's nothin' he won't take.
You don't mind me asking,
why do they call you Gangrene?
This is what happens when you cut your foot,
and you don't get it taken care of in time.
What do you think?
Is that making you happy?
Your father carved that.
He did such a good job, nobody knows I even have it.
I can walk a couple of feet, you don't even tell.
You don't have to cut your toenails anymore.
No, but the termites, my dear, are a bitch.
So do you know what you're gonna say to him when you see him?
Not at all.
How 'bout we practice?
I'll be Simon, and you can be you.
Okay.
[Southern accent] Hiya, Fern.
Hey, Dad. Didn't know you were a Southerner now.
Do you remember me?
I spent some time in the Ozarks.
Oh.
I did a lotta thinkin' back there.
I... I thought about you.
I understand if you don't wanna forgive me.
Yeah, I know, I get it.
You're a pretty messed-up dude.
Guess I can't blame you for being the way you are.
Maybe I'm the same way.
You think you're the sa-- I mean...
You think we're the same way?
Guess we'll see.
Mental illness comes out in your 20s.
Did for you, right, Pops?
That's my girl.
[phone chiming]
Um, hello?
SEAN: Wyatt, my man.
Yeah, Mom, do you mind if I just call you back later?
Yeah, I'll talk to you soon, okay? Love you too. Bye.
Why is your mom calling right now?
Um, she's just, uh... She's just emotional.
She really wanted me to move back.
Are you going to?
No.
Why would I... I mean, are you...
Where are you gonna go anyway,
after we figure this all out?
Hey, guys, come down.
I got some drinks with your names on 'em.
Come on, let's go.
- Shall we? - Yep.
[laughing]
- It was Barrett's girlfriend? - Yes!
In India, we don't even talk to a girl before we're married.
It is ridiculous!
Hey, we need shots.
Really?
No more shots.
More shots, more shots, more shots!
- More shots? - More!
- More. - No!
Yes.
Here, you get the big one, big guy.
- Great. - He's my bestie best.
Here you go.
- Thanks, bestie. - Here you go, man.
And okay, we're gonna toast.
To friendships.
[coughing]
No more.
Yeah, hits the spot.
- I can't-- - [phone chiming]
Um, hey, guys, I gotta go make a phone call.
No!
Yeah, no, don't worry.
I'll be back. I'll just...
FARID: Don't go.
- This is our time, man! - What a mama's boy.
- Don't go on without me, okay? - Okay.
What a fuddy-duddy.
I think I'm gonna go to sleep.
MAHONEY: Hey, that's not-- that's not the couch.
SEAN: Keep suckin' on these teats, Wyatt.
You're makin' mama proud.
About that, I was trying to cover.
Oh, you can call me Mom. That's cool.
You know, your story's really interesting, by the way.
Thanks.
My mom left when I was little too.
Wyatt told you about my--
Was I not supposed to know?
We need it by next week.
No problem, I just...
I don't know. I think I should tell her, honestly.
Think about what's important, okay?
Your career or this girl?
I know, I know.
Ooh, okay.
You know, it's pretty insane that you live in that car.
Why do you say that?
I mean, you're way too attractive for that.
Um...
Thanks.
I mean, you could totally pull off living in your car though.
[laughing]
I concur.
Look, Wyatt, you're good,
and we could really use a guy like you.
- You mean that? - Of course, man.
There's been talks about moving you up
to full-time fuckin' staff writer.
That's-- That's amazing. I would really like that.
[laughs]
So much body and volume.
Look at that beautiful shine.
Is that Pantene?
- Yes, it is! Very good. - [laughing]
[sniffs]
Is that Head & Shoulders?
Yeah, it is! [laughs]
I knew it.
No, of course. [hiccup]
I-- I really wanna work with you guys.
That's all I ever wanted.
Then finish the job.
Okay, no, um, I'm sorry.
I'm just really drunk and--
- Yeah, I am too. - I have to go.
[vomits, groans]
Fuck.
I just woke up.
What happened last night?
We got drunk.
Well, I know you got drunk.
You slept over.
Yeah, I know.
I don't even remember falling asleep.
I found you on the floor.
Yeah, that sounds like me.
I need to eat.
You wanna go somewhere?
No, I've got stuff to do.
But I thought we were going to the ranch.
- Okay, what's up? - Nothing.
Are you angry at me?
No, I-- I just gotta go.
Fern, wait.
Oh, man, dude, my head's killing me.
Hey, should we be concerned about Farid?
Fern was acting really weird this morning.
Kinda left without saying bye.
Well, she does have ovaries.
Oh, fuck me.
MAHONEY: There's my champ.
Did anything strange happen last night after I left?
No. We just talked.
Just talked, huh?
I was asleep, bro.
Drunk as hell.
What happened last night?
We just made out for a second, and she backed away.
- I'm sorry. - Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
I got the story, man. I get it. No, no.
I had a few drinks in me, I was getting a little wasted,
one thing led to another, before you know it,
I got my hand around her, yeah, I got it!
I made a mistake.
You know, I would expect this stuff from Barrett,
this being Scum Palace and all, but you?
I thought it would help the story.
How does that make any sense?
You're way too invested in her. You said it yourself.
This should be about business, not romance.
Can't you see that?
I want you to move out.
You don't mean that.
Why wouldn't I?
We're geography friends.
I only hang out with you because I live with you.
If I met you on the street,
if I just didn't even really know you,
I would never hang out with you.
I thought it wasn't about her, man.
She doesn't even know about the articles yet, does she?
I'm sorry that you had to witness that.
I'm disappointed in the both of you.
I'm low on coolant.
Yeah, me too.
So you wanna talk about Mahoney?
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.
Do you like him?
No. He's repugnant.
So why did you do it then?
I'm low on oil too.
Could you just stop looking at your fucking car for a second
and talk to me?
You know what?
Maybe I'm just not ready for this, okay?
Why are you shutting down?
'Cause that's what I do.
You said to me--
You said you were scared of happiness back in the woods
because it ends eventually, right?
Everything ends when you die, so what, does nothing matter?
I can't believe it, Fern,
like after everything that we've been through together,
after everything I've done for you, you just--
You just go behind my back.
It was just overwhelming, okay?
So I freaked out.
I freaked out because...
because I like you.
I like you a lot.
I just thought it would be a way out,
and I wouldn't have to be scared.
I've had a lot of broken relationships in my life, Wyatt.
I'm sorry.
It didn't mean anything to me, okay?
Can we just forget about it?
Please?
Honestly, I don't care anymore. Let's just--
Let's just go to the ranch.
Let's find your dad.
We're so close.
Thanks.
You're a good person, Wyatt.
No, I'm not.
I'm not, actually.
Fern, I should tell you.
Um...
What?
I...
What is it?
What?
Wyatt?
Wyatt.
[snoring]
Just sleep.
It's okay.
Just sleep.
So what were you gonna tell me right before you passed out?
Oh, I don't remember.
The place is so green.
It does exist.
I guess this is it.
Dr. Green wasn't lying to us after all.
Look, they have archery. Exciting.
Stop the car.
- Stop the car! - Okay, okay!
¶¶ [guitar, whistling]
- I knew it. - He can paint too.
Simon?
Simon!
Hey, look, look.
Look at that one over there.
Hi.
Hi. I'm Bill.
I run Shady Acres.
Hey, I'm Wyatt.
Nice to meet you, Wyatt.
And you must be Fern.
Yeah.
Your father told me you'd come.
Your likeness is all over this place.
So what do you guys do here?
We provide help to anyone who needs it.
Let me show you.
Here we rehabilitate the mind, body, and soul.
These are the main grounds.
Some of the buildings are a little drab,
but your father was commissioned to put a friendly face on them.
- See that mural right there? - Mm-hmm.
Your father painted that.
Simon was an incredibly talented man.
What do you mean, was?
He used to talk about you
like you were always in communication.
What's with all the past tense?
Fern...
your dad passed four months ago.
It was peaceful, in his sleep.
I'm so sorry.
I'll give you a moment.
Fern...
Fern, I'm sorry.
I can't believe he left again.
He didn't even wait for me.
He's gone.
Don't, don't say that. I mean...
WYATT: I'm sorry.
I wanna go home.
Okay.
What was he like?
He was a good friend.
I didn't know much about his past.
[chuckles]
Well, I don't even think he knew.
He just told me that he had a daughter,
and everything he did was for her.
I don't think I'll ever understand him.
Your dad suffered from schizophrenia, big time.
He was picked up for roaming the streets, sometimes naked.
On more than one occasion, we petitioned the authorities
to let him stay here, rather than be sent to prison.
Simon was no criminal.
He just had mental health issues.
He looked happy.
He was great, when he was taking his meds.
Easy to get along with.
I'm glad you came, Fern.
He's still here, in a way.
[birds chirping]
Where's his grave?
There isn't one.
Someone picked up his ashes from the mortuary before we could.
[sighs] Gangrene.
[knocking]
We need to talk, Dr. Gangrene.
Fern?
Hey. Hey.
Do you wanna sit down?
You know why we're here.
No. What?
Why did you lie?
- Well, Fern, he asked me to. - Oh, please, yeah, right.
What would you have done, huh? What would you have done
if I told you he was dead in the letter?
Would you have come? No.
You would've stayed right where you are.
He wanted you to see all the things that he's built.
He wanted you to get a glimpse.
It wasn't fair.
Don't tell me about fair.
I live underneath a fucking bridge, Fern.
Guess what, honey? Life isn't fair.
Your father wanted you to see how he lived
the last days of his life, and that's what he did.
So you put clues all over the city
and just sent us wandering around.
What?
Come on, the masks,
the medical bracelet, the files?
That was all you, right?
That would be insane.
Yeah, that would be insane.
What is this?
The ashes, you have them.
No, I don't.
Will you just stop lying to us?
You keep them in that yellow container.
What are you talking about? I don't have his ashes!
Yes, you do!
Hey, what are you doing? No, no!
- Oh, my God! - No, no!
I got it, Fern!
Be careful!
- Fern, take it! - You son of a bitch!
No! You son of a bitch!
- [snaps] - [screams]
[groaning]
You broke my fucking foot!
Don't! Fern!
Thanks for all your help, Dr. Green.
Don't do that! Don't, please.
It's all I got. It's all I got of him, please.
I hope everything works out for you.
Don't! Fern, Fern!
Fern, it's mine!
Fern! Fern!
I'm gonna keep some of him.
Here you lie, finally,
in a permanent home.
Well, sorta permanent.
I hope you found the peace you've been searching for, Dad.
Rest in peace, Mr. Darby.
¶¶
I was kinda hoping he'd be some sort of millionaire
with a big family,
and then I could really hate him.
But I just kinda feel bad for him now.
Well, I think that's better than hating him.
Hate's easier.
Move in with me.
[scoffs] You don't want that.
I do.
You can get a job, get back on your feet.
I don't know.
I'm not asking you sign a one-year lease with me, okay?
It's just move in, we'll try it,
and we'll see how it works, okay?
Okay.
Here's a cupboard for you to put your clothes in.
- Thanks. - And actually, you know what?
You could use the closet as an art studio.
Oh, yeah, that could work.
We can move your stuff in tonight.
We'll go job hunting next week.
- [urinating] - You can park in the garage.
Guys won't mind.
And you know what, actually? We have a laundry machine
that doesn't even need quarters.
So you know, no more Laundromat.
How's that sound?
"Her father is mentally ill,
and she, it seems, is mentally ill too,
but I still love every moment spent with her."
Okay, Fern,
I was gonna tell you, I swear.
"Sometimes I envied her tough life,
wrought with pain and struggle,
mine being a prepackaged suburban nightmare of boredom."
You used me.
You used me too. You used me to find Simon.
I didn't knock on your window that night.
Okay, look, all they want is one more article from me.
The ending to this sad, sad tale.
- I'm not going to submit it. - Why not?
I shouldn't have done this in the first place, okay?
You're right. They're a terrible company,
and I just wanted to impress them, okay?
And it was just gonna be one article,
but it ended up being another, and...
I hurt you.
Please believe me when I tell you
that if I could erase every single word that I ever wrote,
I would.
I'm gonna go sleep in my hatchback.
Fern, please.
I've got a lot to digest.
Okay.
[door closes]
¶¶ [guitar]
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ I know that you ¶
¶ You play rough ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
Fern? Fern!
¶ That's been your kinda job ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ You ain't got everything ¶
Hey, have you seen Fern?
No. She left the store unattended.
She's banned.
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ You have made it this far, but ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ I know who you are and ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ We'll have to wait and see why ¶
¶ But for the moment ¶
¶ Your secret's safe with me ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ On the street astray ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ Your teeth is vertebrae ¶
¶ The tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ You is not home free ¶
¶ The only thing chasing you is man ¶
¶ But man is me ¶
¶ Tiger in the jungle ¶
¶ It's here you are ¶
You okay?
I saw some kids doing some parkour earlier.
Looked so fun.
I looked up some YouTube videos on it,
and I wanted to try it,
but I didn't wanna do it alone.
I think you need to take a break, man.
Startin' to scare the neighbors.
Yeah, the lady next door thinks you're peeping on her.
I told her you're doing a crime watch for the neighborhood.
So what do you say?
Wanna go do some urban running
before you get put on the sexual predators watch list?
Where could she have gone?
Anywhere.
She could literally be anywhere
in the continental United States.
Well, you did know what you were getting yourself into.
Look, I'm-- I'm sorry I...
I'm sorry I called you a geography friend.
Hey, don't be.
I deserved it.
I've got a therapist now.
Seriously? Really?
Yeah. Farid suggested it.
You know, that Farid guy, he's pretty smart.
[phone chiming]
Sean again.
Hey, now you can finish your story.
I actually been avoiding him.
What, are you crazy? Dude, she abandoned you.
She just left without saying a word.
It was all my fault.
You did help her out a lot.
You know, maybe she left to help you finish your story.
You really think so?
Yeah, man.
Now go finish it.
¶¶ [soft guitar]
[knocking]
Hi, Wyatt.
Hey.
You don't answer your phone?
I was worried sick.
I've been kind of...
busy.
You find Pops yet or what?
Yeah, I found Pops.
Brilliant! Perfect, perfect, perfect.
So let me guess. He is a...
He's a circus performer.
- He's dead. - Oh, come on.
That's no fun. Let's do this.
Let's twist it up a little bit so that he--
Wow, this is a really big spot you've got here.
Let's twist it up a little bit so that he is a cult leader,
no longer dead.
No, I don't think I'm gonna do that at all.
What do you mean? He can't just be dead.
Sean, I'm not broadcasting her life anymore, okay?
- Are you serious? - Yeah. I'm done.
Come on, man, seriously. The advertisers love it.
I don't care what the advertisers like, okay?
I'm-- I'm done.
Are you fucking kidding me?
After everything I've fucking done for you?
You haven't done squat for me, Sean.
I'm done.
Look at me.
You're never going to amount to anything.
Do you know why?
Because you're worthless human trash.
¶¶ [dirge]
SEAN: You fucking narcoleptic piece of shit!
Go fucking cry to your mommy
'cause it's a tough world out there, Wyatt,
and you just go and sleep and let it fucking pass you by!
¶¶ [dirge]
Hey, Wyatt.
Hey, Bill.
Welcome back.
I brought you a gift.
You look good.
Thank you.
Just wanted to stop by and show you this.
"Shady Acres Ranch:
Rehabilitating Mind, Body and Soul."
You wrote this?
Yeah, I did.
This is amazing.
It's on newsstands all over the town,
so you should get some donors.
Thanks so much, Wyatt.
Thank you for this.
It's my pleasure.
Anyway, I gotta go.
Just thought I'd let you see.
Wait.
You going up to the hill again?
I sense a green flash tonight.
You say that every time you come by here.
Gotta be right one of these days.
Let me know when that day comes.
¶¶
And additionally...
¶¶ [organ]
¶ The newspaper read ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶ God bless, God bless, God bless ¶
¶ Z-E-R-M-A-T-T-S ¶
¶¶ [organ]