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[soft serene music]
[Marc] Jesus, look at her.
Red sweetened hair, soft Roman nose.
Green eyes, vast pupils.
Black plates wide like she wants to see more
of this world than anyone else.
Sitting still, she's effecting.
Lyndsey, after five years, I--
I have to piss. Pull over at the next Exit.
Lyndsey, I still swell
as if I'm seeing your beauty for the very first time.
- For fuck's sake, Marc. - Where?
- Anywhere. - Where?
- Anywhere! - I want to find you
- a good place to piss. I care. -Here. Now.
- [tires screeching] - Here? -Here.
Lyndsey.
Lyndsey. Lyndsey.
[urine trickling]
Jesus Christ.
Can't you see I'm still crazy about you?
[rhythmic retro music]
Your step's grace and skirt's sway were infatuating.
Potent, like longing somehow for a connection
that hadn't yet existed. I'm glad we eventually dated,
otherwise it would have actually been really fucking creepy.
I'm in love.
You know that's just dopamine.
[Marc] Rush B was infallible,
different class in opus.
Orange September afternoons make you feel ephemeral.
- No, don't do that. - I would make cookies without the intention
of baking cookies.
[chuckles] Where have you been?
[cell phone vibrating]
This is the worse first date ever.
- Calm down. - [door squeaking]
Wait, is that an indoor wind chime?
[mystical music]
Why didn't you call Helen to help?
You have a nurse exactly for emergencies like this.
We have talked about Big Pharma before.
This hurts so bad.
How, just how?
[Evelyn] Who is this?
[mystical music]
I don't think I've seen anyone
with such a chakra so bright, green.
[phone ringing tone]
Uhm, I'm Lyndsey.
Uhm, here.
Oh, oh, ouch.
- Okay Marc, a knife - Uh, yeah.
Her dress is just like caught on the hinge.
I can get this in there and then we unhook it.
If you'll just take a deep breath in.
[Evelyn breaths in]
And let it out.
- [cutting sound] - Oh, oh.
- [Evelyn] Oh, thank you. - Yeah.
- [Lyndsey chuckling] - Thank you.
I did the same thing on my
passenger car door once,
except not my boob.
She's an angel, a green angel.
[soft rock music]
[Marc] That first time in your apartment,
the look was penetrating.
♪ I thought you were my key ♪
[Marc] Feeling the phantom
vibrations between us.
I wondered if you felt them too.
♪ Be anyone for me ♪
♪ In Annerdale ♪
[electronic beeping]
I knew post-college wouldn't match my idealities,
but I never expected to come home
to find that I've been replaced.
[rhythmic techno music]
What the fuck?
You broke up with her because she got a cat?
- Who are you, Hitler? - [Lyndsey] We'll make it work.
Stop being such an asshole.
You're gonna have this pet for like 12 years.
- You didn't think about running it by me? - I didn't run it by you because
you're a controlling asshole and you would've said no!
People get pets because they're trying to fulfil
some lonely, unfulfilled void in themselves.
And I found out that I am not fulfilling a void in Lyndsey.
This is worse than if she cheated on me because that I can handle,
that is instant gratification.
That cat is like a vibrator for her soul.
[siren wailing]
[Marc yelling]
- You know, you can still get her back. - Nope, nope, no.
No, you know how you have that one thing that you
wanna just say, but you hold onto it for ammunition?
We're done.
You know, for the break up moment?
Oh yeah? Well, you know why I can't ever cum
because you have a wide vagina.
Yeah, she is gone.
Girls say they want honesty until you give 'em honesty.
You always leave out the last part of the story
- where you're an asshole. - Asshole?
She got a fucking cat!
[soft guitar strumming]
The first three days of break up: Liberation.
You can discover that true person
with all the things the last didn't have.
Three days later, you keep rubbing one out
to find serotonin deep in your spine
to maintain some level of joy.
Do sperm know they're dying?
Is it genocide?
Do they confide as brothers in their last moments?
Two silent months pass.
She was gone.
But then.
[pastor] Here today to seek and receive comfort.
We would be less than honest if we said that
in our hearts, have not guilt over the situation.
We are not too proud to acknowledge that
we've come here today trusting that God
will minister to our hearts.
Give us strength as we partake in.
[man whispering]
[pastor] It is our human nature
to want to understand everything now.
Trust requires that we were [mumbles] rely heavily on God.
- [muffled crosstalk] - [man] Excuse me, gentlemen.
Lyndsey, I told Marc not to come.
[door slamming]
[muffled] But try positive reinforcement.
Five years and you couldn't come?
- I told you I don't wanna see you. - [cat meowing]
Shut the fuck up.
No that isn't. [gasps]
Oh my god, why would you bring that here?
[door slamming]
I'm sorry, Marc. I really am.
I wanted to be there for you.
[Marc] She asked for you in her last weeks.
I don't know if it was dementia or the meds,
but she asked for you.
I thought they'd be more time.
[Marc] She wanted us to spread her ashes up north.
You didn't tell her?
She was dying, I couldn't.
She talked all the time about how I used to take you there
and her dad buying the place.
How she used to take me there.
It's where she wants to be.
I'm really sorry to change the subject,
but can you get Evelyn out of my room
before I piss my vagina.
I'm going to Daniel's birthday dinner.
I should probably get ready.
You guys have to see the cutest dog out here.
Lyndsey, I need you for this.
[Lyndsey gasping]
We'll go up on Friday.
- I'll think about it. - We're going on Friday.
- Marc! - You don't have to
be nice to me or talk to me.
It's just you meant a lot to her, okay.
No matter what her logic was.
Okay, one day.
It's a holiday weekend.
Do it and then head back, one day.
One full day excluding driving time?
[sighs] For fuck's sake.
Is that a yes?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not proud of this.
It was the only way I could save us.
To remind her why we're great.
The cabin is where she first said she loved me
and it can be that place again.
[soft rock music]
♪ See the redhead woman With her only daughter ♪
♪ See the only son With his only father ♪
[Marc] It is amazing.
After five years, we can drive hours
and still find new things to talk about.
We've talked about this before.
Haven't talked about talking about it.
♪ No electric bed The kids are crying ♪
I forgot about Exeter. God, I love Exeter.
I really wanna get to this winery
before it closes at four or five.
I can't tell because their website looks like
Netscape forgot to pull out a--
- Winery? - You had your first legal drink there.
Oh yeah?
Oh yeah.
We'll hit up Exeter after the winery, okay?
Then we'll do all that cute boutiqueing and antiquing then.
♪ Jesus save the only Friend he never had ♪
[Marc] Whoa, hey, hey, hey.
Stop, stop, stop it.
Sorry, just closed.
But we open tomorrow at 10.00 a.m.
10.00 a.m. wine? What am I, a hobo?
Again, really sorry, sir.
Look, we drove all the way from Washington.
We're just passing through.
Look, I'm really sorry.
My family comes here once a year. You know, uhm. My sister was proposed to here.
- I never heard about that. - Yeah,
and she even conceived here after
in her car in the parking lot.
They named her son Haxton because that is how special
of a place this is.
Geez, I built this shithole with my own hands
and it doesn't mean that much.
Look, I don't have time for a tasting,
but I guess I could sell a few bottles.
That's it?
[soft country strumming]
[Hemingway meowing loudly]
Might be the most beautiful I have ever seen it.
Sorry that everything was closed in Exeter.
I forget that small towns close early.
[wine trickling]
[Hemingway meowing]
[crow cawing]
[Hemingway meowing]
Ah, that is some good wine.
What is that smell?
Hemingway diarrheaed in her cage again.
♪ Your faith ♪
♪ Is a road map to the... ♪
[Hemingway meowing]
I don't understand how it
can still smell this bad.
You know When it's off,
it's like we're basking in the smell of it.
If it's on, it's just diarrhea air in my face.
What's the process for freeing oneself of an animal?
Okay.
Just looking at Hemingway makes me so sorry
and my apartment just smells like--
I'm terrible. Fuck.
Yeah, you're not terrible.
- You're eccentric. - Great.
Okay, just put Hemingway on your doorstep
and call animal control and say this bitch ass cat
just won't leave you alone.
Bitch has been eating my mail.
Oh, uh, say she has rabies, foams around her mouth.
That's terrible.
Okay, better idea. Why don't we just
knock her out and then get her taxidermied
before she wakes up.
- [chuckles] You're ridiculous. - Put her on the mantle.
I mean she'll always be there.
Stop it. Every laugh and [laughs]
huge amounts of diarrhea air. [gags]
Feline aids.
[laughs]
[coughs and gags] Oh god.
♪ And why ♪
♪ Would I say I'd pick you up ♪
♪ I'm tryin' ♪
♪ But it's gonna Take some love ♪
This is seriously fucked up we're driving like this.
- [tires screeching] - [car engine roaring]
[Lyndsey] Whoops, you missed the cabin.
Lady, we're parking in the shade.
Right here.
[bottle clanking]
[Lyndsey] Jesus, we're early abusing.
- [bottle smashing] - [soft soothing music]
The sounds of nature.
- Hemingway! - Sorry, Hemingway.
Just give it.
[security system beeping]
You know, I always forget how gorgeous real shit is, you know.
It's like seeing all this life at play together,
it makes you feel so small and insignificant.
Like, no wonder people out here always compensate
with race tracks and guns.
It is gorgeous.
This'd be a great place to live.
You are drunkerer than me.
She's an animal. She deserves this more than
being imprisoned in my apartment.
It's like she's retired.
The constant threat of her life, being murdered.
- You think she'll survive? - of course she will.
There's so many cats out there for her to hang out with.
There's bobcats and mountain lions.
Yeah, but what if she's eaten by a bobcat or mountain lion?
As a human being with human intelligence,
I would not survive out there.
That's because they have a different intelligence.
It's cat smarts, they-- let's-- them know Tsunamis
and sense fear and ghosts.
I don't know if this is a good idea.
Just say some of your book words for her.
You're so poetic at being poetic.
[chuckles] I am. Uh--
Book words.
Uh--
- To Hemingway. - To Hemingway.
You were with us for 2 1/2 months
and in that time, you became more than a cat,
but more like a sister and a friend and a fighter.
Uh, uhm--
Return from whence you came.
You are now free to move about the cabin.
That was rather determined.
- Oh, look how happy she is. - [Hemingway purring]
She's so happy.
Hemingway?
Hemingway!
- Oh fuck. - You-- you killed Hemingway!
What?
Hemingway?
She's alive!
Hemingway, Hemingway!
Where the hell is she going?
[soft soothing music]
Hey, I think this might be the moment for her.
I think that we should wait until tomorrow
when the world isn't spinning.
- [bottle clanking] - Oh, shit.
- Who drank all this? - [blows]
[hick-up] Just getting my charger, I'll be back in a second.
[Marc clicking and whistling]
[whispering] Hemingway.
Food, you fuck.
- [keypad beeping] - [Marc hick-upping]
Hey.
- Hey, I'm having fun today. - Good.
- How're you doing? - Tired.
[laughing]
So serious.
- You're so serious. - I'm not serious.
- You're so serious. - No.
- You're so serious. - No, Marc.
- You're so serious. - Stop it, c'mon.
You know what happens when you're serious.
- No, no, no, no. - Ooh, yeah.
- Please stop it, Marc. - Oh no.
Ooh, it's the piggy [mumbles] come to town.
- Ooh, no! - I hate you.
I missed you.
Not tonight.
- And why? - I'm just not sure.
I just want-- I want you.
I wanna make you feel good.
Fuck.
This is probably the last time we'll ever see each other.
I said no and that's something you need to respect.
I do respect that.
I'm sorry.
Night.
I want you so bad.
You should give me a handy.
Babe, [hick-up] you should give me a handy.
[hick-ups and gags]
- Jesus. - [Marc gagging]
[spits and gags]
[moans]
Raincheck on the handy.
I think we should go home tomorrow.
That's cool.
I'm gonna sleep here.
[foreboding music]
[car approaching]
[car door shuts]
Marc?
[voices mumbling]
- Marc. - I'm sleeping in here tonight
and that is something you need to respect.
There' someone's coming.
- Do you hear that? - Fuck.
- What! What? - Before my grandma died, I told her to haunt me
- if there was an afterlife. - The fuck?
- I just wanted to know. - You're an idiot.
I'm an opportunist.
She died two weeks ago this very night.
[deep boom]
- [door squeaking] - [alarm beeping]
- [light shattering] - [Lyndsey] I don't wanna die!
Oh shit! [thuds]
[Lyndsey] Protect me!
Stay the fuck away or I'll fucking stabs you.
[Lyndsey] Protect me!
I am protecting you!
[Jeff] Is somebody here? Where is that light?
Oh fuck!
[knife clanking]
Hi, my name is Jeff Pearson. I have a reservation for this cabin for this weekend.
Hi, Jeff.
Uh, really reserved here right now.
Okay, why don't we take a minute,
I'll step outside and then we'll discuss the matter?
Lyndsey, where's my shirt?
- Hi. - Hi.
- I'm Ren. - Hi, Gwen.
- No, Ren. - Ren.
Yeah, it's short for Lauren.
- Lau-ren. - Efficient.
- Hi. - Hey, hi.
Right here.
That's the one.
Seriously, no one told Carol?
- I'm sorry? - Carol, she manages and runs this place
for my grandmother Evelyn.
- Evelyn. - She's a sweet lady.
You know, she actually guessed my rising sign over the phone.
- It's Pisces. - Yeah.
I'm sorry to say that she passed away.
- [gasps] Oh my god - I'm so sorry.
Yeah, so the cabin's not being rented,
so I'll get your money back, whatever you need.
Oh, of course.
Hey, if there's anything we can do. Just--
What are we gonna do?
It's just, you know my ex-girlfriend and I
are here to spread her ashes.
It's kind of a personal override.
I hope you understand.
[inhales] Hmm. That's a tough one.
I know. It really kinda sucks, doesn't it?
- Okay. - There's a motel over there.
Yeah, we'll just maybe check out a motel, I suppose.
[Lyndsey] You guys can come in if you want to while you figure it out.
- Oh, we could-- We shouldn't. - Oh, is it okay? I'm just a little--
- Just for a minute maybe. - I could use some water.
- Yeah, some water, sure. - Just a little cup of water.
- That is so sad. - Come on in.
- I'm just really parched. - Come on in.
[Marc] Okay, yeah, I totally understand.
Thanks for trying. Alright, you have a good night. Thank you.
Yeah, they're all booked. They say everybody's booked.
There's a Citrus Showcase in Visalia.
Oh no.
Oh, app note.
An ad for consumers to be warned about rising hotel costs
or availability issues when conventions are in town.
Thank you. Strike that, thank you.
Thank you so much.
And strike that, thank you so much. End note.
Uh, we decided to leave tomorrow.
So if you guys wanna take the pull-out tonight,
we'll be out of your hair in the morning.
Oh no, we could never ask that
- and especially not after your loss. - It's really okay.
I think we're all just a little bit tired.
- So we can just-- - So why don't we get to bed?
I'll get your bedding.
[soft banjo plucking]
So, you two just let us know if you need anything.
[Ren] Mmm. [chuckling]
[toilet whooshing]
- What the fuck? - Jesus, Marc they were in need.
You don't know these people. They didn't even enter until you invited 'em
like fucking vampires.
They seem like genuinely nice people.
Exactly, too nice.
Compensating for something.
Like crazy do to party.
- Who do? - You know,
[Marc] Every party there's that one guy
that I'm like, how many drinks has he had?
And everyone's like, that's Sober Steve.
He's never had a drink in his life.
Steve Harrigan?
- I love that guy. - [sighs]
All I'm saying is I'd rather be
gang banged by the entire NBA
than hang out with him for an hour.
[scoffs] You're an asshole.
[Lyndsey] Oh.
It was nice of you trying to protect me.
- You know I'll always stab a ghost to death for you. - [chuckles]
[eerie foreboding music]
[electric vibrating sound]
[scream]
[tinkling]
[monster roaring]
[exhales]
Hey.
- [Lyndsey] Good morning. - [Jeff] Good morning, Lyndsey.
- [Jeff] I hope you and Marc like blueberry pancakes. - Shit, shit.
- [Lyndsey] You guys didn't have to do that. - Shit, shit.
- [Ren] It's the least we could do. - [Jeff] It's the least we
- could do for you guys letting us stay. - Shit!
[Jeff] I don't know what we would've done last night if you guys hadn't offered.
C'mon, Jesus.
[Jeff] You have to try these pancakes,
and vegan too, for Ren.
Hey, good morning, everybody. What's everybody cooking?
- I'm on pancake patrol. - And I'm on toast tribunal.
- [Ren chuckling] - These ingredients, best of the best.
All locally sourced around SF. You guys have gotta hear the story
about the lady who makes this bread.
He made us breakfast, how nice is that?
Oh, we have reservations at the Quad Cafe. They're baking omelets.
They're better than friends and family. [chuckles]
Well, that's quite an accolade, so we don't wanna intrude.
You know, whatever we don't eat here, we can save for tomorrow.
- [Ren] Pancakes? - It's smells so good, I kinda wanna eat at the cabin.
Well, then it's settled.
Quad Cafe is always gonna be here.
You two can just go the next time you're in town.
Have some Jeff cakes.
[plates clanking]
Actually, this toast is pretty good.
[Ren] Told ya, Senora's Bakery.
The lady who makes these sandwiches--
- Rebecca. - Don't ruin it.
Senora Rebecca, she's a brain surgeon.
She got disillusioned to all the corruption
in western medicine, left to go find herself in Italy.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to talk your ears off.
Oh no, that's compelling stuff.
Uhm, you said San Francisco, right?
- Mm-hmm. - Technology?
As you saw last night, I-- I develop apps.
I build up a user base, then I sell 'em off.
Move on to the next.
Google, Facebook.
Are names of companies.
Yeah, those companies, they'll buy up anything
for like 100,000, 500,000.
They even think there's a possibility
my apps could compete with them down the road.
Wow, really?
- Wow. - Oh yeah, surely you've heard of Plüg.
- With the umlaut. - The umlaut.
It became Facebook Messenger, so they won't tell you that.
So, what about you, are you in technology?
No, I'm unemployed.
No, you're an entrepreneur.
Show 'em what you do.
- No. - Show them what you do.
- C'mon. - Okay.
Go show 'em.
Okay, you two, Angelinos?
- Mm-hmm. - I knew it.
You're both prettier than anyone in SF.
In SF, anyone your age is either a autistic billionaire
or potbellied, starving writers.
I heard about this 15 year old kid,
he's worth four billion because he invented--
I'm a writer.
- Are you a writer? - Mm-hmm.
That's great.
I think that's great.
Uh, who do you write for?
I am actually working on a novel right now.
- It's pretty good. - Oh, huh.
That's a stuffed animal with a moustache.
- Regal Beasts. - They are hilarious. [chuckles]
They are.
- Look at him. - Look at this one.
- He's just make me smile. - I'm actually talking to a college buddy
about trying to get these into Target.
- Fuck Target! - M-hm, well...
Target can be a tad anti-union.
Mr. Rhino would rather be affiliated with John Wayne Gacy.
Target, John Wayne Gacy can go either way.
I'll be out back.
[sheets whooshing]
Dude, why the hell?
You know, we're out here, I thought we'd have some fun, you know.
Redwood Forest, river jump.
Let's get away from these kind-hearted weirdos
and go have some fun.
I thought we were here to spread your grandmother's ashes.
She wouldn't want today to be a sad day.
She'd want it to be a celebration of life, House of Fudge.
I'll be out back.
[urn clanking]
Fucking cock.
[soft banjo plucking]
[foreboding music]
[Lyndsey] I just about had all the enjoyment I can handle.
[Ren] We won't be back 'til the evening. We're going down to Exeter.
Oh, I love Exeter.
We passed it on the way up, but everything was closed.
Well shucks, if you two were staying,
I'd ask you to come along with us.
Boy, do I only wish.
[soft Asian music]
- Too bad. - Yeah.
Yeah, no, no it sounds like so much fun.
You're right, Marc.
- Well, you two have a safe trip back. - It'll be fun.
Let's go to Exeter with our new friends.
No, that's okay.
I know, it's totally okay with me too.
Um, it's a plan.
["Sweet Maria" by Ben Bostick]
Now that's about the time that Senora Rebecca,
she settled in a small village
in the bosque prohibida,
which loosely translates to forbidden forest.
She has a blind mentor, a panini maker.
He and his family have been making paninis in the same bodega for 175 years.
- Imagine that. - What the fuck?
Incredible.
He tells her one day, "Senora Rebecca,
you don't make paninis with your head. They're from your heart."
- Jesus, fuck! - [tires screeching]
Hemingway!
[tires screeching]
[Jeff] I am so sorry, everybody.
A house cat out here.
- Never seen Homeward Bound? - [Ren] I [mumbles] a fun movie.
[Jeff] I was just getting to the climax too.
This Genoese baker, he invented
the blending of two cheeses that rocked
the then stage sandwich community.
♪ Looked down on the world ♪
♪ And I'd learn To speak Spanish ♪
♪ We'd eat comida rica ♪
♪ And everything would vanish ♪
♪ That we didn't Want in our world ♪
♪ Oh Maria, Dance a little closer ♪
[Jeff] Oh wow, the best [indistinct] I've ever owned is from here.
Hey guys, stop for a second.
Hang back.
Okay, so Ren and I were wondering.
Guys, you seem pretty cool, but are you this cool?
- I'm hip. - [Jeff] Cool.
Yeah, no this, oh, this is my friend.
He's one of the original Haight-Ashburiers.
This guy, 80 years old.
He's still making music on his organic carrot farm.
Can you believe that? It's so good.
He doesn't do taxes or anything.
The dude is punk as fuck.
[Jeff] You know, just a time capsule.
He's from the 60s and met everybody.
He one time blew all of Judas Priest.
[Jeff] He loved that band.
Here you go.
Uuuh, square.
I thought you said you were a writer.
I write literature, not fish albums.
Too bad you don't write fish albums,
Come on.
[transcendent Asian music]
[Jeff] Hey, Lyndsey knows how to party, huh?
- You're so beautiful when you smoke like that. - Yeah.
You know, the smoke comes through the windows
and catches the light, it's really nice.
Phew, I am stoned, you guys.
This is some good shit. This is Wizard Pubes,
Ah, this is one of my favorite strains.
I don't know what that was, but I'm high as fuck.
Attention everyone!
- Lyndsey's high as fuck. - Shut up!
[clock gonging]
- Eh, hey, you're in my space. - No, I'm not.
- [Jeff humming] - [Ren chuckling]
Small towns like this really jerk themselves off
over having shitty murals.
Street over there has this mural.
Someone really thought it was a really good idea
to paint people picking oranges like it's not the only thing
for 30 miles here.
Well, if you lived here, oranges would probably mean something to you.
Jesus, those two.
- Oh wait, do it like this? - Yup.
Ren said they have a rented cabin schedule.
Jeff takes it around every other weekend.
I think it's sweet.
Jesus.
Couples like that, their whole foundation
is based on mediocre activities
so they can brag about them to other couples.
Yeah, how does a girl like that get with a guy like him, huh?
Daddy issues, no dad issues, Stockholm syndrome.
- [train horn bellowing] [Jeff] Oh, hang on.
[train horn bellowing]
Dummy! I left my phone
- on the counter at the last place - Oh no.
Hey, grab a drink! I'll be right there.
- There's a bar here? - Jeff invented an app, it's like the Armenian Yelp.
Oh well, he could go invent an app to go fuck himself.
- So you two have been here before? - I get it. Me and him, right?
- Eh, no-- - Before Jeff, I dated so many deadbeat punks, like so many.
And Jeff was the first person that was actually like nice.
I get why people get taken back.
- Oh no, I-- - And you know, he's the only one
who's actually truly undermining the man.
Ripping them off with those apps like that.
Fuck. Found it.
Can I get four PBRs?
- You got it. - Thanks.
- Open or closed? - Open.
Alright.
- What is that? - Who is that?
It's Mama Napkin Dispenser. It started out as a joke, you know, then a habit.
Now it's my thing. Some people call me Googs, which you can do if you want.
[gasps] Oh my god, the baby's coming!
Everybody, steer clear!
Push, push.
Push, Mama Napkin Dispenser, push!
[Ren vocalizing]
[gasps] Could it be twins?
Push! You got it, you got it, You go-- Oh.
Miscarriage?
So, Ren, your Regal Beasts, do they thematically tell
a man's subconscious desires to assign human brush strokes
on their surroundings, so that'll ease their relationship
in an otherwise cold and animalistic world?
Yes.
- We have a modern Melville. - Thanks, Marc.
No one's ever called me a modern marvel, I like it.
- Hey, can we get-- - No I already paid, man.
- I got it. - No, no, no, no, I got it.
No need to be a hero now.
Thanks, Marcus. Oh Well, I see Ren's been making us some new friends.
Jeff, Marc called me a modern marvel.
- Did he now? - Yeah.
I meant like a national treasure.
[Ren] I love that movie.
Eh, I mean I know it's a dumb movie, but it has a good story.
And then-- I just have a Nick Cage thing.
Like I made a-- I made an actual Nick Cage thing
out of pieces of bird's nest that I found in our garden.
[gasps] You have to hear the story about this bird.
- It is the sweetest. - It's a really good story actually.
Hey, speaking of stories, Marc I've been meaning to ask you.
What is this novel of yours about?
[Ren] Oh, yeah!
You don't want me to bore you with that.
- [Ren] Oh please, bore us. - [Lyndsey] Yeah, come on.
C'mon, it's really good.
Okay, uhm...
Alright, so basically it's this modern day
morality play centered on time travel.
Okay, but you don't really know
that it's time travel until the very end, okay.
So, so, so picture this: There's basically
this-- this laymen Texan guy in 1950 suburbia.
He travels back in time to ancient Alexandria
and-- and it's-- you know, things get bad like the library.
It's basically a-- a-- a allegory for our dependency on foreign oil.
- Oh fuck, yeah. - But like 1970's oil and not signing the Kyoto Protocol.
It's just, uh--
It's really important stuff.
And then what happens?
That's-- that's it.
Well that sounds very interesting, Marc.
You know I actually have a few publishing buddies in SF,
I'd love to send it to 'em.
- Oh really? - Aww, Jeff.
Marc, that's really exciting.
No, it's probably not their thing.
Well, I have a few connections at Barra-Collier.
It's more of a McSweeney's type of thing.
Marc's super serious about his work.
He's been working on it for, how long now?
Since before the shoe store, like three years.
You worked at a shoe store? He must have more shoes that me.
I doubt that, Ren. Eh, well, if the artist has a specific vision
he wants to match to a certain publisher,
I totally understand that.
I wish you all the luck in the world, Marc.
[sighs] So, what was the last place you guys travelled to?
Oh we did a soup tour through Vietnam.
- Incredible. - Yeah.
I'm gonna use the restroom,
so does anyone need anything?
Just really--
They have got the best soup.
[slapping]
- Oh good day joy. - [laughing]
Oh good day joy. He's like I don't know what that is, like a joyride?
- [all laughing] - [beer trickling]
- Whoa. - Oh shit, I'm sorry.
- So sorry. - Okay.
- Here. - It's alright, it's okay.
It's okay. Well, I had a surprise I was hoping to save until we got back,
but I should probably unveil it now before it soaks through.
Ren, my lady, I thought these were
absolutely perfect for you.
I love you, Jeffypop.
- They're very chic. - [mumbles] in sunglasses?
And also, uhm, Lyndsey, I thought you looked
absolutely fantastic in these.
- Aww. - No, what?
- I, I can't. - You absolutely can.
- [Ren] Isn't Jeff the best? - Oh my god, that is so nice.
I don't-- I can't believe it. Thank you. Marc.
If Marc had seen you in those,
he would've done the same thing.
Lyndsey, you can't take those.
[chuckles] Marc.
Oh they look so good on you.
Lyndsey.
- Marc. - C'mon now.
What is your problem?
Hey, I'm sorry. It's just, you know
you guys have been way too kind to us already, you know, so--
Well, I didn't mean to be too kind to the point of agitation.
- Apologies are all on me. - I'm just gonna use the bathroom.
I'm really sorry.
[Lyndsey] At least I get to do one thing I wanted this weekend.
I'll go with her. Hey, Linds, wait up.
Hey, we'll catch up with you girls in a minute.
[sighs] I'm sorry, man. I just--
Things have been on the rocks lately. It's just--
Hey, we've all been there, Buds McKenzie.
If I knew this was such a big weekend for you, I never would've imposed.
But Lyndsey's here now and she wants to have fun,
so you better find a way to make it fun for yourself too,
otherwise it's just, you know poo-poo.
Hey, go to her, really apologize, okay.
Tell her she looks beautiful in those earrings, and then-- here.
Why don't you give her this?
It was supposed to be another gift for Ren,
but she's already got five just like it.
Girls in their 20s and woodland creatures, right?
Go live in the woods, ladies.
- [Marc mumbling] - Hey, hey, be smooth.
Go out there and say, hey.
She turns, huh?
Say...
Your eyes are like rare jade.
- And..? - And I gotta go to the little boys' room.
Hey, can I close up?
Your stepdad paid for the bill
while you were in the restroom.
♪ How I'm goin' ♪
♪ If I should ever Meet another stranger ♪
Hey.
[street musician playing]
[train horn bellowing]
Okay, look, I, uhm-- I had this notion of what this weekend was to me
and I didn't consider what it meant to you.
That's selfish. You don't have to accept it,
- but I'm sorry. - [train horn bellowing]
When we get back to the cabin, we'll spread the ashes and go home.
I won't fight or anything.
Also, I reacted because I felt like he one-upped me.
Marc.
Also you're beautiful
in those earrings.
And...
They make your eyes look like jade...
Which is rare.
Okay, thanks.
[soft guitar strumming]
Oh hey, there's the lovebirds.
Hey.
How's everything?
[Marc] Everything's great.
Okay, alright. Well, Ren and I wanted to ask,
you know there's some really cool stuff on the way back.
Would you two wanna take our time, maybe make a day of it?
[Lyndsey] Yeah, sounds fun to me.
[Marc] Yeah, I'm okay with that.
♪ It's been days I make my way ♪
♪ On the interstate back home ♪
♪ South from the moment ♪
♪ There's a blood red moon And a chip on my shoulder ♪
♪ And I know if I'm not There soon he'll be gone ♪
I [mumbles] grapevine.
[Lyndsey chuckling]
[chattering]
It's a smile. That's not a smile.
- C'mon really, a big smile. - Give us a smile.
- Give us a good smile. - That's pretty good.
♪ And as the long cold Winter looms ahead ♪
♪ And a coat empty Sat on my bed ♪
[Ren] I'm still so pissed about that ignorant farmer
and his Monsanto death oranges.
That guy had no idea what you were talking about, Ren.
[crickets chirping]
This is such a surreal place to have in my life.
You know, the cabin still smells of her.
You know, when I was five, I saw them cut down that tree.
And apparently it was blocking the view of the cabin, so...
Then I just remember afterwards seeing those redwoods,
just these massive lumps on the top of that peak.
So I was just starting to get erections.
Alright, I didn't know what they were.
It's like-- With my dick bone sticking up,
I thought they were these weird embarrassing medical things.
And-- and I remember seeing those redwoods
just sticking out of the mountain
and I just started crying because those were my dicks.
Just a bunch of my dicks on that mountain.
And Eve came in. And...
I'm up against the window, my pants down, crying
and I tell her my dick bone sticks up, you know. [chuckles]
She says: "That's okay."
She says: "This is a special place.
And that mountain was like me."
And she kept that going for so many years.
I was seven years old and I was still pressing my child dick in that window.
You know. [laughing]
And now they're only my memories.
And those trees are only dicks to me now.
I see them too, Marc.
I missed her so much.
You still miss her.
[Marc weeping]
- I'm ready. - Okay.
You have to say goodbye first.
Hey, sorry I know you wanna get going by this afternoon.
Guess we had a little too much fun on the way home.
- [Jeff] So... - We have a proposal.
Dinner?
[Ren squealing]
Just yet, not yet.
You know, I'm really glad you two could stay for dinner.
Yeah, you know I never would've imagined that sharing a small cabin
with two strangers would be something I would enjoy,
but here I am enjoyed.
- [alarm beeping] - Okay, gotta hurry.
Alright, cut thin strips diagonal.
Diagonal. Wait, whoa, whoa.
Okay, diagonal, otherwise it won't marinate.
There we go. Wait, a little more lateral.
Bitching, there you go.
Okay.
Ah god,
they are both so gorgeous.
You know if girls were this pretty when I was your age,
- I would've lost my weight in sperm. - Thanks.
Hey, you know what? It's a special occasion.
Hey Ren, could you bring the bag of enlightenment?
[chuckles]
Hey.
- You're gonna love this. - Yeah.
Thank you.
[Ren chuckling mischievously]
Here we go.
Ever met Molly before?
Uh.
Mm-hmm.
- And one for you. - Thank you, my darling.
Lyndsey, do you want some?
I think so.
- [Lyndsey] You like it? - [Ren] Mm-hmm.
It's absolutely wonderful.
It's like being wrapped in a blanket of whispers
with the power to touch music.
We wouldn't be able to drive home tonight.
Please, Marc. [speaks Spanish].
It is my cabin. Uhm--
Ashes tomorrow?
And I promise it's not that crazy,
wacky, jump-off-a-building high you think it is.
[hand smacking]
But we're gonna get fucked up for sure.
[soft transcendental music]
That was absolutely fantastic, Jeff.
Well the man of the hour is Marcus.
I've never seen anyone cut meat quite like him before.
BTW, how are you feeling?
It's so awesome.
There's so many drug programs, you know.
but you never hear about love programs.
- You won't see that on the news. - I can't believe this is the one that's illegal.
- You are right. - If this is illegal, hot baths should be illegal.
I don't really get the connection,
but I guess I see the logic.
I really, really want your hair, Jeff.
It's receding, but it's like sexy receding like Jude Law.
Lyndsey, you have the spirit of a much, much older woman.
But I'm sure you get that all the time.
Ren, I like how much makeup you wear.
Marc, I have never met someone--
[chuckling] This is gonna sound weird,
someone so confident with so few credits.
And I mean that in the best way you can take that.
It's inspiring.
[loud eerie whimpering]
Oh my god, I killed him. I'm so sorry.
[Marc] Not to be too serious for a second,
Uhm, you know, I wasn't really sure if I liked you guys.
Like [sighs] it's not that I didn't like-like you guys,
it's just [sighs] I was just so obsessed
with how this weekend was supposed to be
and I could not let go of that control.
And I just have to thank you for helping me reign that in
and for helping me realize how fantastic it can be.
To being absolutely fantastic.
- To being absolutely fantastic. - To being absolutely fantastic.
- [glasses clinking] - [fire crackling]
[Ren yawning and vocalizing]
I'm coming down hard. Feel like sad and dying, which meanswait in bed.
- I should too. - I'm gonna be a few minutes, guys.
Come soon.
- [crickets chirping] - [frogs croaking]
I have to tell you, Marc. Ren and I are gonna miss this place.
Yeah, I really hope that one day
I can travel like the two of you do.
Ah, it's okay.
[scoffs] Really hope I can give that to Lyndsey.
Well, you realize, Marc that you never have as much fun
as what you have in your 20s.
What, shoes and debt?
- Hm. - [owl hooting]
You know, I dropped out of high school,
started a successful business.
Sounds cool, but you know I'll always have this feeling like
you know, wondering, like maybe I missed out
on some of that normal stuff people do.
I never went to prom.
[Marc] Prom is dumb.
Still, I'll never know.
When you get older, you just, you know you realize
man, if I had slowed down, just enjoyed it a little bit more.
I probably would've still got to where I was going anyway.
You know that's if it all works out.
Hey, Marc I am serious about that novel, okay.
My buddy's always looking for new stuff.
I honestly-- I have no idea what yours is about.
Maybe that's a good thing.
I can't ask that of you.
You're a good guy, Marc.
I wanna help, okay. Please let me help, here.
When are you not the most generous person?
I have my days.
You should've seen me on Tuesday.
You would not have wanted to be around this, mister.
You know when-- when we spread Evelyn's ashes tomorrow,
I want you and Ren to be there.
[soft somber music]
Hey, you.
I had fun today.
It felt good.
I don't know if it's the MDMA in my system,
but looking in your eyes
I will do anything for you.
I will always protect you.
I would destroy peoples for you.
[romantic piano music]
- Take it. Take it. - [Jeff] You like that? Huh?
If you didn't like it, then choke me.
- [moans] Wait, choke me back. - Take it!
[somber piano music]
- [foreboding music] - [eerie screaming]
Evelyn!
- [crows cawing] - [grass rustling]
[loud boom]
[baby whining]
[loud boom]
[gasps] Oh fuck.
Jesus Christ, grandma.
When did you get so fucking nefarious?
♪ What's the word ♪
[gasps] There he is!
There's our sleepy Samuel Simmons Sir. [laughs]
I did not mean to sleep so late.
I know, but Lyndsey said you looked so cute
like a sleeping animal, like a sleeping puppy.
And she didn't wanna wake you up or something. You were like [yapping] like that.
- It was so cute. - Where is Lyndsey?
[chuckles] She and Jeff decided to kill their hangovers
- by snacking on some Adderall and going fishing. - Nice.
See, personally I don't really like murdering an animal's life.
So I decided to stay at home and see what happens
when I mix sewing and Adderall and Modafinil altogether.
I have made 50 animals! Fuck, that's a lot of animals!
- Ren, is this yours? - Nope. [laughs]
You know what happened? So, that little stick fell out from underneath bed couch
when me and Jeff were in bed together or sleeping together.
No, we were in bed together.
It's the weirdest thing, uhm--
Do you remember my grandmother that I was telling you about?
- [Ren] Yup. - Yeah, during her last year,
she tried all these new age cures and...
They keep on popping up everywhere.
[gasps] I didn't tell you this story.
[foreboding music]
Okay, when I used to be a driver--
- A commercial driver? - No.
Shh, quiet. I was like 17
and my aunt Kathleen Robins was on her deathbed.
I didn't have a father figure growing up, or a father
and she was the closest thing.
But then because her insurance
wouldn't approve her operation,
she was...
Just...
Gone, you know.
[heart monitor beeping]
I'd never felt so horrible in my life.
How could the world be so cruel?
But then, it hit me.
[foreboding music]
Everything was going to be okay.
Her last name was Robins!
- There were robins? - The bird!
The bird was a robin?
I don't know birds, but yes!
I know it was a sign that even though she had passed,
she was in a better place and she wanted me to know, you know.
I don't know, I think mine might mean more.
Um, okay.
You might wanna wash that
and your hands and the table it's on.
Last night it was in one of our butts.
[soft guitar strumming]
Where are you, you [mumbles] motherfucker?
Holy shit, she caught a fish.
That's so sad.
Good for her!
She's really happy.
[punk music]
[bangs] People do not even begin to appreciate the effort
that it takes to sew in a perfectly-level moustache.
Nepotist spoiled trash!
Brewer's blackbird, bitch please.
[punk music]
♪ And I wake up late at night just wanna do ♪
♪ Hangin' with a girl who's just like me ♪
♪ Just like me ♪
[Ren bangs] Fucking fiddlesticks!
How is it possible that I have an odd number of buttons?
Rosa must be stealing again, that cunt!
I mean cunt in like the feminist way because it means she's a Roman goddess,
but she was the goddess of war. And since the patriarchy's taken over every feminist word,
they've taken over the word cunt as if it's a bad thing.
But actually it means strength,
so Rosa's actually kind of a nice person.
- Hey, guys! - Marc! You're never gonna believe what happened.
- Lyndsey, she caught-- - I caught a fish!
You spoiled it.
Hey, mister.
I really like [mumbles].
- Are we still heading out today? - Out? Lyndsey has to prepare this wonderful dinner.
Tomorrow's Labor Day, which is ironic. It should be called non-Labor Day. That's fun.
- Lyndsey. - I thought we were here
- to spread my grandma's ashes. - Lyndsey.
Lyndsey, have you ever fileted fish?
- No way. - Well, you're so good at other stuff,
I have no doubt you'll be fantastic at that too.
- [Lyndsey giggling] - [Jeff laughing sarcastically]
[Ren] So do you think if I start smoking now,
I'll be able to balance other stimulants
and get sleep in the next 78 hours?
Only one way to find out.
Counter clockwise.
- Does it matter? - Yeah, here you go.
If you go counter clockwise, oval once, okay.
Otherwise your dish won't be as beloved
- as if it were poo-poo flavored. - Got it.
I win. [coughs] And I never win at this.
- You're not very good at this. - Sorry.
I had four in the row in the bottom... row.
[pot clanking]
Shoot.
Ren, did you pack the olive oil from Ricardo's?
I know I did. I think I did.
- It's in the bags. - Maybe there's a substitute.
[Ren] Did I mess up? That's your favorite oil.
This is not happening. [sighs]
Okay, well, this can't be prepared without oil.
And if I leave this stuff, it's gonna fry.
Marc, could you run into town and pick some up?
It would mean the world.
I'm a little drunk and high.
Normally I'm all for being about the influence,
but it's a private road and you're totally a boss, okay.
I can't send Ren, she doesn't drive.
Killed a squirrel in 2011.
Never again.
Marc?
I don't really know the directions to the market.
- Ren knows, so you guys can be a pick-up team. - Oh my god when we and Jeff
go to the market, we pretend we're in the Italian Job. It's so much fun.
We're in the forest You could pretend you're on an indoor speeder bike.
[soft rock music]
I'll go get my keys.
- [Jeff] Thanks so much, buddy. - Marc's the best.
- [Jeff] Hey, now that is looking good. See? - [Lyndsey] Mm-hmm.
- Counter clockwise. - It does make a difference.
[Jeff] Gingerly with vigor, that's how I do it.
Now don't show me up over there.
- [chuckles] I'll try. - I don't want you to make me look bad.
[snaps] Let's get out of Dodge.
Just need one or two hits.
Okay so Ricardo's Olive Oil is Jeff's favorite olive oil
because Rick the founder was the first person
to try pressing olives after the pimento was put in.
I mean I just wish I could follow my dreams like that.
I mean sometimes I just don't know how real artists do that, you know
like Ricardo started going by Ricardo after he started making the oil.
[Ren] Isn't That crazy? Because he defied his high school guidance counsellor,
he's now the top-rated olive oil maker in the world.
Doesn't that make you just explode?
[Marc] Yeah, Uh-- I forgot my wallet.
Oh good, could've used one or two hits.
Two hitsssss...
Two hitsss...
Do you think there are snakes here?
Do you ever think about how when snakes with that [hisses],
they're probably like actually singing?
[guitar strumming]
Marc, you're driving slow.
Oh, [moans] cool.
What are you-- Forget it.
It's a yin yang, it's all about balance.
Like I try to have a balance in my life,
like I'm trying to do with amphetamines and weed right now.
- I'll go. - No, stay.
- It would just be easy-- - Stay.
[high pitch tone]
[door squeaks]
[tense music]
- Oh, hey. - Hey, forgot my wallet.
- [Lyndsey] Haven't seen it. - That's a world record.
- Yeah, just forgot my wallet. - Haven't seen it.
I'd let that simmer just a bit longer.
Looks good.
[Ren whistling]
How'd it go?
"It go?"
Do you even hear yourself sometimes?
Well, I kind of have to 'cause our mouths are close to our ears, like yours is--
Is yours closer than this?
What the fuck is this hick ass shit?
Nice shirt, man. I like those buttons. It's gonna be 3.59.
Hey, what's your skank doing?
Say, what the fuck are you doing?
What the fuck is this?
I don't know, she doesn't know what she's doing. Okay, I'll buy it.
- Doesn't know what she's doing? - Look, I said I'll buy it, okay.
Doesn't know what she's doing. What kinda dumb spunk hole
doesn't know fucking up somebody else's property?
Listen, man, listen. Okay, I get it. We're on the same page.
And I get it, you wanna solve problems by being all angry
and being what this hick town thinks what a man is,
but you never call a woman a spunk hole, you understand me?
What type of faggot we got here?
The kind that didn't move when you stepped closer to him.
[fist bashing]
I cannot believe that guy used the word faggot
and he used violence?
It's 2015, people. Wake up.
- Ren-- - It's not my fault that guy didn't understand my googles.
I'm sorry we live in this sad, unfair world
and all I wanna do is spread a little bit of joy when people least expect it.
Well, your little bit of joy has blood coming out of my nose.
You know what I noticed? There wasn't a single organic or vegan thing in that place.
That guy was like Hitler II.
Do you realize that you eat
organic and vegan to stay healthy,
but you constantly drink alcohol which is a known poison?
Okay, alcohol's not like a poison-poison.
Molly, amphetamines.
You're constantly putting shit in your body.
It's poison.
Sorry?
You're dumb.
- What? - I said, you're dumb.
I mean, Ren is a dumb name.
The only reason guys like your googles
is because they think you're easy.
The only reason Jeff likes your googles
is because you're fucking him.
Pull over.
I said, pull over.
I said, pull over!
[sighs]
Hey, hey, look at me.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I'm an asshole. Okay?
I like your Regal Beasts, I think they're cool.
That was your apology?
You lack any kind of empathy.
All you're looking out for is yourself
and how you imagine the world to be.
This is how I apologize.
This is my apology voice, okay.
- I'm sorry! - It feels like you're still yelling at me
- while you're apologizing. - Cause I'm in a bad mood!
I'm sorry.
You don't even know me. You know.
You judge people so hard, it's exhausting.
No wonder Lyndsey doesn't wanna be with you, you know.
Well, I think now you owe me an apology.
You're a dick.
Here they are.
Just in time to save the day.
Quality olive oil. [mumbles]
[tribal drumming]
[Jeff] Ren?
[tribal drumming]
Fuck.
[tribal drumming]
[blood trickling]
Hey, is there an ice pack in the fridge?
[sighs]
You think Regal Beasts are stupid too?
No.
Marc, can we step outside for a second?
[door slamming]
Okay, uhm, I just wanna say I'm sorry 'cause--
[Jeff mumbling]
No, I'm sorry, Marc.
I'm sorry, but you are an asshole!
Yes, OK, yes, I am an asshole.
Who the frick are you to crush another person's dreams, huh?
Okay, I said I'm so--
- Lyndsey. - You're lucky they're watching,
otherwise I'd beat you to a bloody pulp!
Uh-- Do-- Yeah? Did she tell you about my nose
- in the convenience store? - No!
Lyndsey, we should go, okay.
No, Marc, she's gonna stay and enjoy the meal
she worked so hard to prepare!
- Lyndsey. - Until then,
take a hike, mister!
[soft foreboding music]
Lyndsey deserves better than you, Marc.
You can't poo-poo everyone else's happiness just because you hate yourself
for being a pathetic 27 year old potbellied writer!
[Marc] Looking into Lyndsey's eyes,
I always think of the probabilities
of everything that brought us together.
The probability of being born, the probability of being born in same era of geography,
of vicinity, of fucking health
packs around by the absence of disaster
in the simple luck of gravity.
In the crime of all those equations fused.
You came along to me.
My blood sings with those impossibilities
and in all that math, I fucked it, multiplied it by zero.
Can't you see your grudge is nothing compared to being nothing forever.
Now you only see me with hate.
That hate and pity is worth sharing
those last remainders before--
before for forever.
[river trickling]
I really should've shit when we got back.
Wait, no.
Hemingway?
Hemingway.
Where did you go, you piece of shit?
[soft somber music]
[Jeff] It's really good.
Everything came out really well, Lyndsey.
You should be proud.
Uhm, there is an obvious unease in the air
that's effecting tonight and I should blame myself.
I was too harsh on him.
I shouldn't have said anything.
'Course you should.
I got heated and, you know
I'm gonna fix up a plate, and go out and see if I can find him.
Oh, Marc we were just talking about you.
I was saying that I owe you an apology.
I just was out of line and it's just out of character for me.
[clanking]
[Marc] Jeff, can you explain to me why that bottle of olive oil
made by the best presser in the world
that defied his high school guidance counsellor
was in the middle of the fucking woods?
- I-- Marc, I-- - What's going on?
- I don't know. - Ooh, I think you do.
I think you were distracting us while you were filling Lyndsey
- with your body weight in sperm. - Marc!
- [marc] That's his words. - What?
- Out of context.
Body weight in sperm can be put into context?
I saw you guys at the dock!
- Fishing? - Fishing.
Fishing in her mouth!
Marc!
Okay, Marc, where did you find this bottle of olive oil?
I found it at the bottom of a cliff in a bush.
Nature's camouflage.
[Ren gasps] No!
Yeah, because if you noticed
the cliff is adjacent to where we parked the car.
[banging] I found this in the bottom of a cliff
in a fucking bush, you asshole!
Don't fucking lie to me!
I have absolutely no idea how that got there.
Listen, the parking area has a slope to it.
There's a grade that leads to a hill
and that hill leads down to the cliff.
Oh, logic here.
Okay, so say when we were bringing our things in,
it was dark out. This bottle drops out and goes rolling off without noticing,
so, it's that simple.
No, fuck no!
Fuck, no!
You were fucking Lyndsey!
Your grandmother actually warned me about that.
She said, "Be careful about unpacking things
near the hill that go to the cliff."
Fuck [mumbles].
You were fucking Lyndsey.
Marc, I would never.
[punk music]
[birds chirping]
Huh, now would ya look at that.
Yeah, that's a Brewer's blackbird.
I'm offended that you would--
I'm sorry, but that's inappropriate.
I'm a terrible human being.
I want to die.
No, don't.
Don't, okay?
I love you so fucking much.
That's why I brought you here, to win you back
because I can't imagine my life without you.
I fucked up.
I don't deserve you.
I am a terrible person.
You're not a terrible person.
I...
I had sex with Jeff.
- What? - What?
I saw the recipe on the counter and I threw the bottle over the cliff.
What the fuck, why?
Why?
Fucking why?
Because I wanted to.
Because he treats me nicely and he asks me questions.
And-- and they're in an open relationship
and especially because he loves my wide vagina.
So you found your bottle, who gives a shit?
We're not together.
You even walked in on us while we were fucking
and you were too self-absorbed to notice.
[foreboding music]
[Marc] Hey, forgot my wallet.
Haven't seen it.
That was a world record.
[Jeff] Forgot my wallet.
Oh, haven't seen it.
I'd let that simmer just a big longer.
[clears throat] Open relationship?
I may have mentioned that you once
suggested an open relationship.
[Ren] You're the one who said no to it.
Aren't you always saying that relationships
- are primitive institutions? - No, no I do not!
I said, "The idea of a nuclear family
is primitive," you fuck!
Yeah, I read your shitty thesis.
Jesus Christ.
We had sex 12 hours ago.
[Ren] Oh, oh what is this double standard?
You're mad at Lyndsey, but you're not mad at Jeff
who did the exact same thing?
Because I haven't been fucking Jeff for five years, Ren!
[Ren] Well you're fucking lucky you didn't!
It's fucking terrible.
I am out.
I'm not even packing my bags.
Oh, you're out?
Okay, hey, guys guess how Marc's novel starts off?
There's seriously a scene where pigs are eating pearls!
[laughs sarcastically] How clever!
Pigs eating pearls!
- Pigs eating pearls? - Pearls before swine, Ren.
Jesus fucking Christ!
[foreboding drumming]
Fuck.
These are my grandma's ashes that I was supposed to spread!
Well shine up in the night sky, diva!
[urn crashing]
- Everybody, fuck you! - Fuck you!
You're your biggest problem, you know. You do this to yourself, you know.
This is your fucking fault!
You're not talented enough to be this shitty of a person!
Fine, go!
Good fucking riddance, you self-centered asshole!
[sobs]
- Jeff, are you-- - Not now.
Great.
You lied to me.
I'll drop you off at the Visalia Train Station in the morning.
Did you have a cat, a fun doggie?
We let it go.
I'm sorry?
When we got here, we let her go
so she could live free in the wild.
A house cat?
[scoffs]
That--
That's terrible.
That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard.
[drumming]
[cell phone buzzing]
[frogs croaking]
[car approaching]
[preacher] Jesus took the needle out of my arm.
[static buzzing]
[preacher] Can you imagine those police officers and Jesus took--
[tires screeching]
[footsteps]
[soft foreboding music]
[intense tribal drumming]
I'm a horrible, fucked up person.
You aren't the fuck up.
- You find that today? - I love you.
I wouldn't want this.
Lyndsey, I love you.
You love us.
You don't love me.
I don't know if you really even know me.
Now we're just convenient.
The fear of emptiness of searching for something new
because I know I'll never find anyone like you.
[Marc] If they just hadn't come this weekend.
[ominous music]
[scoffs]
After all this, are you that fucking crazy?
Marc, you can't control people.
All you can do is be nice
and hope that people see something in you back.
I'm sorry.
[Hemingway vocalizing]
You're taking the cat!
[energetic electro music]
- Hey. - Hey, you.
[Sandra] No, I've never heard of that.
You've never read anything by Rushdie?
So you're here by yourself?
I... Yes.
Alright, so you've never heard the song Common People?
[woman] Wait, do you go to college here?
- [lamp rattling] - [Sandra moaning]
- I need your hand to do something to me. - Okay.
- Marc, I'll tell you what. - Okay.
- Marc, I really need you to do something to me. - Okay.
I can't tell you.
Just what?
Don't do it.
No, don't do it.
Don't stop.
Stop, don't.
Don't do it, don't do it.
Don't, don't, don't.
No. [moans]
Oh god! Ooh!
Ooh!
Ooh, yes. [pants]
Okay.
[moans]
[chuckles]
Not tonight.
[sighs]
[eerie buzzing]
[scream]
[muted speech]
- [ominous piano music] - [geese squawking]
- Evelyn? - [car horn honking]
[tires screeching]
[unsettling sound]
- [baby whining] - [wind chimes chiming]
Grandma, what is this?
What does it mean?
- [unsettling sound] - [baby whining]
What the fuck?
[Marc breathing heavily]
[Sandra] Can you get me water?
[intense tribal drumming]
I will fucking find something!
Ow! [growls]
Oh, of fucking course!
[intense tribal drumming]
[breathing heavily]
- [sunroof whirring] - [wind chimes chiming]
[bottles jingles]
- Marc. - Hey.
Uhm, it's kinda dumb of me to surprise you like this,
but, uh, do you have time to just sit and talk?
Yeah 'course I can do that,
but you could've called, you know.
You know I have Dungeon Master on Mondays.
- I know. - [car door slams]
I need to be a better friend.
I need to let people be happy.
I need to let people go.
I need to stop being so controlling, I think.
I need to not let domestic animals free.
It's been a crazy couple of days, man.
- If you're busy-- - The Parliament of Shadows
will live if I push back an hour.
- Where do you wanna go? - Uhm.
I don't know, wherever-- Wherever we can get more beer maybe.
- [seagulls squawking] - [waves crashing]
This is from your grandmother.
I used to drive her to appointments all the time
and she must have stuck it in then.
I found hidden boxes and boxes of similar manifestos
while cleaning out her house.
There's probably a dozen left in the house somewhere.
"New World Order: Dicksucking ducks."
My family new she was eccentric and spiritual,
but she never let on that.
[friend] French press your cunt.
You know what's funny?
Something that...
fills one's life with so much meaning...
that it's their own special dogma
that they can see so vividly
doesn't exist to the next person.
It's trash to everyone else.
Like some dumb bird in a garage.
Where's the bird in the garage thing?
- [paper crumpling] - [soft soothing music]
So, those dreams.
What were they?
I've seen a lot in them.
They didn't mean a thing.
[crickets and birds chirping]
[vacuum humming]
[urn clanking]
[ashes whooshing]
[lively rock music]
[singer vocalizing]
♪ We keep movin', movin' ♪
♪ Through cities Blue and white ♪
♪ We keep running, running ♪
♪ From that awful night ♪
♪ She looks at me And then the repeats ♪
♪ And the [indistinct] Will apply ♪
♪ Their home's at an angle ♪
♪ Risking their lives, yeah ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Is just an ending ♪
♪ Until you go ♪
♪ So let's go ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Is just an ending ♪
[song continues]