0000 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 YoubetCash.vip Agen Judi Online Aman & Terpercaya 000 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Bonus Cashback Bola 6% Bonus Rollingan 0,80% 00 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Welcome Bonus Rp 25.000 Extra Bonus Tambahan Withdraw Rp 2.000.000 0 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000 CashBack Mix Parlay 100% Bonus Ajak teman 45,2% 1 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,448 Why haven't you ever asked me 2 00:03:17,657 --> 00:03:19,993 what is this film about? 3 00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:28,543 And why haven't I ever told you, anyway? 4 00:03:34,716 --> 00:03:37,844 Was it just you not being curious? 5 00:03:41,848 --> 00:03:44,642 Or also me being relieved 6 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,311 you don't ask? 7 00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:55,862 Was it our silent, comfortable agreement 8 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,031 not to talk about it? 9 00:05:47,473 --> 00:05:49,976 Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? 10 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:58,026 Why? 11 00:06:00,737 --> 00:06:02,196 You need to talk? 12 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,869 I wanted to know you a bit better 13 00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:14,167 You don't have to tell me 14 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,918 anything you don't want to. 15 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,424 OK. 16 00:06:25,595 --> 00:06:26,888 The words on your body, 17 00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,431 did you write them? 18 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:32,977 No 19 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,854 It's part of a book 20 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:39,275 What language is it in? 21 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,321 Bulgarian 22 00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,745 Can you explain to me what it says? 23 00:06:59,712 --> 00:07:01,756 It's a really personal tattoo. 24 00:08:57,413 --> 00:08:59,874 I feel that I really... 25 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,792 I take risks 26 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:06,589 90% of me wants to hide. 27 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:12,261 But the 10%, which is smaller, 28 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,265 is strong enough for me to be here 29 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,439 Well, I tell you, when you want to hide 90%, 30 00:09:23,648 --> 00:09:25,858 you go through a lot of shit when filming 31 00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:29,820 For me it's a. 32 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,743 It's a real challenge each time 33 00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:39,247 It's excruciating. 34 00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:53,886 Laura, I'm trying to understand, why am I doing 35 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:57,014 this kind of research 36 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:00,601 and what am I looking for, 37 00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,895 why am I in your bedroom? 38 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:08,526 And I feel I still haven't managed to express 39 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,528 why I am here. 40 00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:19,328 I think because it's not in the words area 41 00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,417 It comes from 42 00:10:25,293 --> 00:10:26,544 earlier on. 43 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:29,839 Before words? 44 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:34,010 Sometimes I have access to that 45 00:10:34,427 --> 00:10:35,553 in my dreams. 46 00:10:55,114 --> 00:10:58,326 Let's just stay in silence for a while. 47 00:11:00,995 --> 00:11:02,538 Take a deep breath in. 48 00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:12,548 Try to synchronize your breathing 49 00:11:12,757 --> 00:11:14,717 with the breathing of your partner 50 00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,223 And then open your eyes and just 51 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:24,977 look at each other. 52 00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:31,734 Enjoy a moment of eye contact. 53 00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:55,800 Be aware of your breathing 54 00:12:09,689 --> 00:12:12,274 Breathe into your fingertips for a moment. 55 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:14,944 Send all your energy to your fingertips. 56 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:27,164 And softly start to use your fingers to explore 57 00:12:27,373 --> 00:12:29,417 the face of your partner 58 00:12:36,382 --> 00:12:39,635 Try to imagine how the face looks, 59 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,637 just with your fingers. 60 00:12:47,435 --> 00:12:50,730 Just like every fingertip is a little eye 61 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:53,733 exploring this new landscape. 62 00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:13,586 When you're ready to explore new territory, 63 00:13:14,170 --> 00:13:16,088 then go to the nose, 64 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,762 the sides of the mouth. 65 00:13:32,146 --> 00:13:33,397 Take your time. 66 00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,702 Then, very slowly, 67 00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:49,622 lift off your hands 68 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,624 No 69 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,083 No 70 00:13:56,504 --> 00:13:59,340 Slowly come back to yourself. 71 00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,812 Tomas and Christian, 72 00:14:16,357 --> 00:14:20,110 can you describe what you feel in this journey? 73 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:27,243 I went through this roller coaster, up and down, 74 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,203 with all the emotions 75 00:14:30,496 --> 00:14:33,916 And I tried to find a point in your eyes 76 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:38,045 where I could really see into your soul. 77 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:42,675 But I had a bit of trouble seeing that 78 00:14:46,554 --> 00:14:48,013 I also noticed 79 00:14:48,222 --> 00:14:51,767 there is some coverage 80 00:14:52,977 --> 00:14:57,773 I mean, it felt like there is some cover over... 81 00:14:58,524 --> 00:15:01,944 If I envisaged your soul 82 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,238 as a proper object, 83 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,907 then I would say there is a cover 84 00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:09,201 or a blanket over it. 85 00:15:09,410 --> 00:15:11,787 I don't know how to interpret that, 86 00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:15,124 or how I could really notice that or so 87 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:18,377 Or if it was just an impression in my head 88 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,635 I hope I don't... 89 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,847 I don't hurt you when I say something like that 90 00:15:31,181 --> 00:15:33,684 Tomas, how was it for you? 91 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,821 It's a very intimate part of the body. 92 00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,072 The face.. 93 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,617 It's not.. 94 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:56,749 It's not very easy. But it's. 95 00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:00,711 I don't know. 96 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,672 It becomes so intimate, 97 00:16:04,048 --> 00:16:07,843 it's like you're falling from a cliff 98 00:16:17,353 --> 00:16:19,188 I don't know what to say. 99 00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:22,733 It's both good and frightening 100 00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:25,110 to go into this zone, 101 00:16:26,612 --> 00:16:28,697 more than any other part of the body. 102 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:32,076 The face is something very personal 103 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:35,829 Normally you don't let anyone into this space. 104 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,499 What did you feel when you touched his face? 105 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:47,758 It was not that easy around the mouth for me 106 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:54,556 It was more challenging there 107 00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,064 Body fluids like saliva, 108 00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,359 it's something very. 109 00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,905 You're not used to get in contact with that, necessarily. 110 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,954 It's not so easy to be so direct for me. 111 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:20,708 Normally I don't say things like this. 112 00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,876 So directly. 113 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,923 It's good. I'm totally fine with that. 114 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,593 I enjoy the feedback 115 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,394 What feelings did this bring up? 116 00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:47,943 It's.. 117 00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:50,946 It's.. 118 00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:55,200 ... rejection. 119 00:17:57,870 --> 00:18:00,330 It's overwhelming, it's just. 120 00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,042 You wanna leave. 121 00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:07,671 When there is something overwhelming, you just. 122 00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:10,215 You don't want to be where you are 123 00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:07,833 More salt? 124 00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:49,124 Suppose you are the man. 125 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:53,212 You are the cello, of course. 126 00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:55,422 And me... 127 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,507 I'm the piano. 128 00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:59,968 I'm playing around you, 129 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,512 I'm embedding you, 130 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,182 I'm helping you 131 00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,518 to play with strength 132 00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:12,731 A really great piece of music 133 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,567 Well.. 134 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,156 Maybe I'm not cheap, 135 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,201 but I think 136 00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:28,956 I'm worth every dollar or every euro 137 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:31,166 you pay for me. 138 00:21:36,964 --> 00:21:39,758 A possible outfit for "De Luxus Hanna" 139 00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:49,142 Just listen to the wonderful music 140 00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:56,608 Would you tell me a little bit about your desires? 141 00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:59,194 Or it is too early? 142 00:22:12,541 --> 00:22:15,836 And how did you find my telephone number? 143 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:19,047 On my internet site, I remember? 144 00:22:19,256 --> 00:22:20,632 - Yes. - OK 145 00:22:20,966 --> 00:22:23,510 And you watched the site, I think? 146 00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,931 What is interesting? 147 00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:29,891 What interest would you have 148 00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:33,437 in my person especially? 149 00:22:35,814 --> 00:22:37,232 I think it's a bit. 150 00:22:41,445 --> 00:22:46,825 I think it's a bit confused. I'm a bit confused. 151 00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:49,786 - You have been confused? - I am very confused 152 00:22:49,995 --> 00:22:54,374 - Too many people in one person? - No I mean.. 153 00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:59,046 In one of the videos I saw, 154 00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:01,923 there was something very comfortable about you. 155 00:23:02,132 --> 00:23:03,050 OK. 156 00:23:04,926 --> 00:23:07,179 I'm a little bit influenced by my father, 157 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:09,181 who was a piano player. 158 00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:11,767 And he studied in Munich, and so on 159 00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:15,270 He played classical, 160 00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:17,731 and it was a great impression to me 161 00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:23,028 to just hear him playing music 162 00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:26,073 when I got to sleep as a child. 163 00:23:27,032 --> 00:23:30,202 There were no children's songs. 164 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,913 There was Chopin, there was Beethoven 165 00:23:34,414 --> 00:23:35,832 Something like this. 166 00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:37,626 Well, 167 00:23:38,043 --> 00:23:42,130 so I got accustomed to that sort of music and... 168 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:49,513 Where do you have your music, around here? 169 00:23:50,889 --> 00:23:52,140 Down here. 170 00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:57,396 Would you like to choose? 171 00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:04,986 My father liked Brahms very much. 172 00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,658 It's a sort of melancholic music 173 00:24:12,661 --> 00:24:14,746 Just hear a little bit 174 00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:17,707 Sit down. Why so shy? 175 00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:39,020 What do you feel now? 176 00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:42,441 It's a little bit more distance or less distance? 177 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,443 - With you, you mean? - Yes 178 00:24:45,235 --> 00:24:46,319 I feel more comfortable, 179 00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:49,489 - but I don't want you to get too close. - OK 180 00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:51,366 It's too close for you? 181 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,243 A bit. 182 00:24:53,452 --> 00:24:55,829 OK. No problem. 183 00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:01,460 - But I can take off my shoes. - OK 184 00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:09,593 I like them and I hate them. 185 00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:15,223 Would you tell me a little bit more 186 00:25:15,807 --> 00:25:18,101 about this call boy? 187 00:25:18,768 --> 00:25:20,061 And what you did. 188 00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:22,355 The nothing you did? 189 00:25:28,904 --> 00:25:33,325 So, this young man comes around, 190 00:25:34,576 --> 00:25:36,453 and we have this ritual. 191 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:44,294 If you tell me that you watch people, 192 00:25:45,754 --> 00:25:49,424 this young guy getting undressed for instance, 193 00:25:50,592 --> 00:25:52,928 I could do the same with you. 194 00:25:53,261 --> 00:25:55,347 There are kinds of prostitution. 195 00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:58,183 For instance, you can be a call boy, 196 00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:01,645 going to the apartment of people, 197 00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:03,438 you can be in a brothel, 198 00:26:03,980 --> 00:26:05,774 you can be on the street. 199 00:26:07,651 --> 00:26:09,653 I've done all these things. 200 00:26:09,861 --> 00:26:12,239 But what I never have done 201 00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:17,577 is having been member of a peep show 202 00:26:19,246 --> 00:26:23,792 And this I would like to do. 203 00:26:26,378 --> 00:26:27,295 In a certain sense, 204 00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:30,799 you would fulfill a desire of mine, 205 00:26:31,508 --> 00:26:33,969 just playing peep show for you 206 00:26:36,846 --> 00:26:38,306 There are many men 207 00:26:39,432 --> 00:26:41,226 just dropping the coins, 208 00:26:42,727 --> 00:26:44,062 nothing else. 209 00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:48,024 Maybe a man in this direction opens this window, 210 00:26:48,233 --> 00:26:50,694 opens this window, opens this window. 211 00:28:48,103 --> 00:28:49,938 This is the whole truth. 212 00:28:56,319 --> 00:28:57,779 What about the breasts? 213 00:29:02,701 --> 00:29:03,785 The nipples 214 00:29:05,870 --> 00:29:07,497 standing a little bit 215 00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:12,919 Touch them. You can even spit a little bit, 216 00:29:17,799 --> 00:29:20,176 so it goes a little bit more smoothly 217 00:29:21,678 --> 00:29:23,763 I think my penis is my clit, 218 00:29:24,264 --> 00:29:26,433 clitoris. It's the same. 219 00:29:26,850 --> 00:29:30,353 Also you can manipulate it the same. 220 00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:33,940 I do not do it like the men do it. 221 00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:37,152 I just do it, I'll show you, 222 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,154 more like a woman does it 223 00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:41,239 See? 224 00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:52,584 Now Laura, how do you feel? 225 00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:56,296 What about your body? 226 00:30:10,185 --> 00:30:11,978 I live with my body every day. 227 00:30:14,773 --> 00:30:16,649 But I suppose I don't really know it. 228 00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:23,406 Apart from the varicose veins, 229 00:30:24,282 --> 00:30:24,908 the scar 230 00:30:25,116 --> 00:30:26,451 You know, when she asked me: 231 00:30:27,535 --> 00:30:28,953 Talk to me about your body or. 232 00:30:29,162 --> 00:30:32,123 You know, I didn't have anything to say 233 00:30:37,462 --> 00:30:39,631 In my perception, you are your body, 234 00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:41,925 in this moment. 235 00:30:43,802 --> 00:30:45,762 And you are talking about your body 236 00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:48,097 as about a stranger 237 00:30:55,772 --> 00:30:57,315 It's kind of questioning. 238 00:31:00,026 --> 00:31:01,361 You know, when Hanna 239 00:31:02,946 --> 00:31:05,406 became, or chose to become a female, 240 00:31:06,366 --> 00:31:08,368 she was 50, she was about my age 241 00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:12,997 And I think it's an age where you start thinking: 242 00:31:13,206 --> 00:31:14,791 OK, I've got another... 243 00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:18,294 .. let's say 15 to 20 years 244 00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:20,213 of hopefully being in good health. 245 00:31:21,339 --> 00:31:24,384 Do I want to continue the way I'm living now? 246 00:32:33,077 --> 00:32:34,621 - It's something you can't control. - Yes. 247 00:32:34,829 --> 00:32:36,497 It's totally bad 248 00:32:37,373 --> 00:32:41,336 I wouldn't say that there is good and bad 249 00:32:42,003 --> 00:32:43,963 I mean, for you it was distracting, 250 00:32:44,172 --> 00:32:46,841 and you had the impulse to go away. 251 00:32:47,091 --> 00:32:48,635 But it's not bad 252 00:32:48,843 --> 00:32:51,638 It's just something you experienced 253 00:32:53,306 --> 00:32:55,850 And you can go into that emotion 254 00:32:56,059 --> 00:32:59,270 and feel how it feels to have that emotion, 255 00:32:59,938 --> 00:33:03,691 wanting to go away Really experience that. 256 00:33:11,908 --> 00:33:14,369 Did you have long hair at some stage? 257 00:33:15,328 --> 00:33:17,038 Yes, until I was 13 258 00:33:19,374 --> 00:33:21,834 Did you decide to take it away? 259 00:33:22,085 --> 00:33:24,545 No, it's natural, I lost all my hair 260 00:33:24,754 --> 00:33:27,215 Oh, I didn't know that. How was it? 261 00:33:27,966 --> 00:33:30,927 It was pretty hard then, when you're 13 262 00:33:31,344 --> 00:33:33,304 I can imagine 263 00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:37,976 When you are young, you are very vulnerable, 264 00:33:38,768 --> 00:33:42,063 you want to have contacts with girls, and so on 265 00:33:42,981 --> 00:33:46,025 It's not easy to be different, I guess. 266 00:33:46,234 --> 00:33:46,985 No 267 00:33:48,736 --> 00:33:51,906 How did you manage to cope? How did you. 268 00:33:53,950 --> 00:33:56,035 I just hold all my emotions inside. 269 00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:59,038 I never cried, I never did anything. I just... 270 00:33:59,455 --> 00:34:01,749 - That must be hard. - Yes. 271 00:34:04,794 --> 00:34:07,463 And you, being different? 272 00:34:10,508 --> 00:34:13,386 In my childhood I had one experience, 273 00:34:13,594 --> 00:34:17,056 that I was in physiotherapy, 274 00:34:17,265 --> 00:34:20,643 and I was talking to my therapist, 275 00:34:20,852 --> 00:34:23,771 and I was mentioning 276 00:34:23,980 --> 00:34:28,151 that sometimes I feel that. 277 00:34:29,318 --> 00:34:32,989 I'm a brain being carried around 278 00:34:33,990 --> 00:34:36,034 without any body 279 00:34:37,785 --> 00:34:41,706 And that was the state of my mind 280 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:45,501 until I really came in touch 281 00:34:45,710 --> 00:34:49,714 with the pleasure of sexuality. 282 00:36:58,926 --> 00:37:00,428 I can feel your heart 283 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:08,936 You had cold hands, and now they are warming up 284 00:37:14,859 --> 00:37:16,194 Scars. 285 00:37:16,402 --> 00:37:17,778 I have a scar, 286 00:37:18,988 --> 00:37:19,906 here. 287 00:37:24,702 --> 00:37:27,330 Your belly button is different than mine. 288 00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:31,667 This is a funny part 289 00:37:34,003 --> 00:37:36,297 - Inexplicable. - Yes. 290 00:37:37,381 --> 00:37:39,091 An old connection. 291 00:37:44,847 --> 00:37:46,766 What color was your hair? 292 00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:48,726 Blondish. 293 00:37:52,855 --> 00:37:54,774 It was tough for me then 294 00:37:57,985 --> 00:38:00,821 I went from being the cute boy to the weird. 295 00:38:04,867 --> 00:38:07,245 I was always wearing a hat, hiding 296 00:38:12,959 --> 00:38:14,752 And how do you feel now? 297 00:38:16,671 --> 00:38:18,589 You feel comfortable in your skin? 298 00:38:18,798 --> 00:38:19,715 Yes. 299 00:38:21,592 --> 00:38:23,552 It's been more than half of my life 300 00:38:24,887 --> 00:38:27,807 If I had a choice, I wouldn't choose hair today. 301 00:38:30,810 --> 00:38:33,187 In a way, it's also one mask less. 302 00:38:36,232 --> 00:38:38,567 We are always hiding behind many masks, 303 00:38:38,776 --> 00:38:40,736 and hair is one mask. 304 00:38:41,904 --> 00:38:44,657 And it's like being more naked like that now 305 00:38:46,993 --> 00:38:48,995 And I have a lot of hair 306 00:38:51,998 --> 00:38:53,749 It's in my genes 307 00:38:57,712 --> 00:39:00,298 I used to be very embarrassed when I was little 308 00:39:01,590 --> 00:39:03,009 that I had hair on my. 309 00:39:03,384 --> 00:39:04,051 Your hands? 310 00:39:04,260 --> 00:39:05,136 ... on my hands 311 00:39:05,344 --> 00:39:09,807 And because I'm very dark, with pale skin 312 00:39:10,391 --> 00:39:12,101 And you can see everything 313 00:40:19,752 --> 00:40:21,670 I spent my whole childhood 314 00:40:21,879 --> 00:40:23,714 being told what to do. 315 00:40:28,010 --> 00:40:29,595 And I did think, when I grew up, 316 00:40:29,804 --> 00:40:33,891 I thought there's gonna be this miracle age: 18 317 00:40:34,975 --> 00:40:37,728 And when you wake up on your 18th birthday, 318 00:40:38,562 --> 00:40:40,106 it's all changed. 319 00:40:40,815 --> 00:40:41,857 Freedom 320 00:40:42,942 --> 00:40:44,026 is there 321 00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:47,279 What a disappointment. 322 00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:53,661 It's very innocent. 323 00:40:59,291 --> 00:41:00,835 But freedom. 324 00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:05,381 ... is a hell of a. 325 00:41:08,634 --> 00:41:09,635 .. quest. 326 00:41:15,182 --> 00:41:16,642 Isn't it? 327 00:41:27,570 --> 00:41:28,988 Freedom fighters. 328 00:41:50,050 --> 00:41:51,886 I could give you a few options 329 00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:55,014 and you can say: That's what I need. 330 00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:58,434 Let's start with something I think you don't need, 331 00:41:58,642 --> 00:42:01,312 so you see what I feel like How does that feel? 332 00:42:04,398 --> 00:42:07,026 Some clients need a boyfriend experience 333 00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:10,070 They want to feel cozy and loved 334 00:42:10,279 --> 00:42:12,531 and have a snuggle for several hours, 335 00:42:13,115 --> 00:42:15,284 and just sort of feel that closeness 336 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,454 I think you probably don't need that right now, 337 00:42:18,662 --> 00:42:20,206 but you'll probably need that another time 338 00:42:20,414 --> 00:42:21,624 Some people like to surrender, 339 00:42:21,832 --> 00:42:23,709 being physically overpowered 340 00:42:24,502 --> 00:42:26,086 Holding your wrists, 341 00:42:27,129 --> 00:42:28,589 holding you down, 342 00:42:29,089 --> 00:42:32,718 and sort of being ripped asunder emotionally. 343 00:42:32,927 --> 00:42:34,553 So whatever is knocking at the door, 344 00:42:34,887 --> 00:42:36,388 I burst that door down, 345 00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,517 and let it come out. 346 00:42:39,725 --> 00:42:40,809 So I force my way in, 347 00:42:41,018 --> 00:42:43,521 but within consent I force my way in 348 00:42:46,315 --> 00:42:48,108 Just by holding your wrist down? 349 00:42:48,817 --> 00:42:50,569 Holding your wrist is a start. 350 00:42:50,778 --> 00:42:54,031 There's also tools like floggers and ropes, 351 00:42:54,698 --> 00:42:58,035 kink, BDSM, role-play 352 00:42:58,494 --> 00:43:00,120 Move your hand towards your heart 353 00:43:04,708 --> 00:43:06,085 You're a strong lass. 354 00:43:10,923 --> 00:43:12,675 That emotion that came out, that "whraa" 355 00:43:12,883 --> 00:43:14,009 that we spoke about earlier, 356 00:43:14,218 --> 00:43:16,387 is a powerful force inside you 357 00:43:16,804 --> 00:43:18,055 The creature behind the door, 358 00:43:18,264 --> 00:43:20,683 your shadow will come out through that "whraa" 359 00:43:21,183 --> 00:43:22,518 It's just one wrist. 360 00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:24,687 You've got two, of course 361 00:43:24,895 --> 00:43:27,606 And ankles, and clothes, 362 00:43:28,023 --> 00:43:29,817 and thighs 363 00:43:35,114 --> 00:43:36,407 How's that feel? 364 00:43:40,327 --> 00:43:41,912 It feels 365 00:43:45,874 --> 00:43:47,084 powerful. 366 00:43:50,045 --> 00:43:52,339 It doesn't actually scare me. 367 00:43:55,259 --> 00:43:57,469 Behind most people's "whraa", 368 00:43:57,678 --> 00:44:00,264 unreleased "whraa", there's a story 369 00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:03,183 And sometimes that story is really relevant 370 00:44:04,351 --> 00:44:05,978 In terms of the healing process, 371 00:44:06,186 --> 00:44:09,148 telling that story is really a potent thing. 372 00:44:09,398 --> 00:44:11,609 And sometimes, that's not relevant at all. 373 00:44:12,693 --> 00:44:13,777 Do you think with you, it's relevant, 374 00:44:13,986 --> 00:44:15,362 the story that's there? 375 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,825 I honestly. 376 00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:24,455 I honestly don't know. 377 00:44:26,498 --> 00:44:27,666 I don't think 378 00:44:29,209 --> 00:44:30,628 my story is... 379 00:44:32,963 --> 00:44:35,799 There's anything particularly incredible 380 00:44:36,008 --> 00:44:37,551 about my story. 381 00:44:39,345 --> 00:44:40,596 I mean, I don't understand 382 00:44:40,804 --> 00:44:44,099 why I've reached this point because of my story 383 00:44:47,645 --> 00:44:50,272 So, maybe there's something in my story I don't know 384 00:44:53,484 --> 00:44:55,235 Or I don't remember. 385 00:44:58,614 --> 00:45:00,282 I'm gonna touch your hair 386 00:45:21,345 --> 00:45:23,555 All emotion welcome here 387 00:45:32,314 --> 00:45:33,982 This emotion, this shadow, 388 00:45:34,233 --> 00:45:35,984 this thing that's locked inside you. 389 00:45:36,193 --> 00:45:38,195 This is the start of releasing it 390 00:45:38,404 --> 00:45:40,364 This is what you called me for. 391 00:45:41,907 --> 00:45:43,409 I've got the skills to hold you, 392 00:45:43,617 --> 00:45:44,535 as you go through it, 393 00:45:44,743 --> 00:45:46,787 but you're gonna drive at your own pace. 394 00:45:47,955 --> 00:45:49,415 You're feeling safe? 395 00:45:50,666 --> 00:45:52,084 I think so, yeah 396 00:45:56,463 --> 00:45:57,798 There's some good energy inside you, 397 00:45:58,006 --> 00:46:01,093 there's some potent emotion inside that "whraa" 398 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:05,931 When the door opens, 399 00:46:06,849 --> 00:46:07,850 there's levels of intimacy 400 00:46:08,058 --> 00:46:12,563 that help you feel safe to be emotional 401 00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:15,733 We can also bring that more into your body, 402 00:46:17,192 --> 00:46:22,865 bringing the "whraa" from here, down to here, to here 403 00:46:23,198 --> 00:46:25,951 - OK. - Would you like to try something like that? 404 00:46:29,830 --> 00:46:31,999 Shall we stand. Shall we go here? 405 00:46:35,794 --> 00:46:37,421 I'm gonna tap you here. 406 00:46:39,923 --> 00:46:41,133 How does that feel? 407 00:46:43,510 --> 00:46:46,054 Look into my eyes. How does that feel? 408 00:46:46,263 --> 00:46:47,306 OK. 409 00:46:47,890 --> 00:46:48,932 If you want harder, 410 00:46:50,017 --> 00:46:51,560 you tell me: harder 411 00:46:54,354 --> 00:46:55,230 Harder. 412 00:47:13,207 --> 00:47:14,750 How does that feel, Laura? 413 00:47:18,796 --> 00:47:20,339 I'm gonna use two hands 414 00:47:33,519 --> 00:47:35,229 I'm gonna shake you a little bit. 415 00:47:37,147 --> 00:47:38,857 This feels like punching down, 416 00:47:39,066 --> 00:47:41,652 breaking down the locked-up temple walls 417 00:47:42,528 --> 00:47:43,654 in here, 418 00:47:44,112 --> 00:47:45,364 letting love in. 419 00:47:48,158 --> 00:47:49,243 How does that feel? 420 00:47:54,957 --> 00:47:56,458 Can I touch your tears? 421 00:47:57,918 --> 00:47:59,670 And there I touch your face. 422 00:48:01,630 --> 00:48:02,840 How's that? 423 00:48:03,048 --> 00:48:04,383 Uncomfortable 424 00:48:09,721 --> 00:48:10,973 I taste your tear. 425 00:48:20,941 --> 00:48:22,734 I have a fetish for tears 426 00:48:24,903 --> 00:48:26,405 You're missing salt. 427 00:48:26,613 --> 00:48:27,656 Maybe 428 00:48:35,706 --> 00:48:37,666 There's that shadow behind the door. 429 00:48:37,875 --> 00:48:39,626 And male sexuality 430 00:48:40,335 --> 00:48:42,838 is one of the things that's keeping it there 431 00:48:43,755 --> 00:48:46,592 It's good to become conscious of that 432 00:48:47,509 --> 00:48:49,011 Think, you're in bed, 433 00:48:49,219 --> 00:48:52,472 or in intimate situations with your lovers, 434 00:48:53,223 --> 00:48:57,019 if this is having this unconscious effect on you, 435 00:48:57,227 --> 00:48:58,103 it also can stop you 436 00:48:58,312 --> 00:49:00,272 from being intimate with people. 437 00:49:01,064 --> 00:49:02,399 But if you can project that out 438 00:49:02,608 --> 00:49:04,526 without breaking your wrists, 439 00:49:05,944 --> 00:49:07,779 there's more chance of intimacy. 440 00:49:20,626 --> 00:49:22,753 What was the word you used yesterday? 441 00:49:26,924 --> 00:49:29,092 When I said revolt, and you said. 442 00:49:29,301 --> 00:49:30,385 Anger. 443 00:49:36,224 --> 00:49:38,393 I wasn't expecting to scream. 444 00:49:48,487 --> 00:49:51,031 And I didn't realize how just a simple 445 00:49:52,032 --> 00:49:54,701 someone holding your wrist, 446 00:50:00,540 --> 00:50:02,376 in a non-aggressive way, 447 00:50:02,584 --> 00:50:08,465 could make me so angry 448 00:50:15,597 --> 00:50:18,850 I think I'm really scared of my anger. 449 00:50:48,922 --> 00:50:50,716 Open your eyes. 450 00:50:56,013 --> 00:50:58,682 And then, very slowly 451 00:51:00,017 --> 00:51:03,103 lift off your hand from your partner's chest. 452 00:51:14,573 --> 00:51:16,992 Slowly come back to yourself. 453 00:51:21,121 --> 00:51:22,456 And breathe 454 00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:40,432 Do we have a towel, or a paper or something? 455 00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:45,145 I think I'm drooling a bit Maybe you can wipe me? 456 00:51:48,065 --> 00:51:50,484 Yes. That's better. 457 00:52:02,496 --> 00:52:04,164 I guess there's one discussion there 458 00:52:04,372 --> 00:52:08,710 that could be. We could give it a try. 459 00:52:09,044 --> 00:52:11,254 - Sure. - Please feel free 460 00:52:13,381 --> 00:52:14,591 I think I was.. 461 00:52:16,676 --> 00:52:17,511 I was brought up. 462 00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:20,972 I think my mother was in a way that she was. 463 00:52:22,390 --> 00:52:23,975 She didn't want to. 464 00:52:24,768 --> 00:52:27,354 She didn't always feel so good when I was a kid 465 00:52:27,646 --> 00:52:31,358 and she didn't want me to feel that she felt bad 466 00:52:31,775 --> 00:52:35,195 So she was always hiding her emotions, 467 00:52:35,403 --> 00:52:38,031 she was always smiling when she was feeling bad. 468 00:52:38,406 --> 00:52:41,576 Like it was a certain message that was: 469 00:52:41,785 --> 00:52:43,703 "You always have to feel good." 470 00:52:45,247 --> 00:52:49,126 And I think I often try to say only good things 471 00:52:49,334 --> 00:52:50,710 Also, when I feel something else, 472 00:52:50,919 --> 00:52:53,755 I just push it away and I'm not allowing myself 473 00:52:53,964 --> 00:52:56,133 to say things that I think 474 00:52:56,341 --> 00:52:57,926 could hurt someone else. 475 00:52:59,928 --> 00:53:02,305 And it's freeing 476 00:53:02,514 --> 00:53:06,309 to be against someone that is not afraid 477 00:53:06,518 --> 00:53:09,479 of talking things straight out 478 00:53:09,688 --> 00:53:11,690 and receiving things and.. 479 00:53:12,399 --> 00:53:14,818 ... being in a secure space like here, 480 00:53:15,986 --> 00:53:20,740 where I allow myself to talk a bit more openly. 481 00:53:23,368 --> 00:53:24,786 And it's a. 482 00:53:27,831 --> 00:53:30,750 It's so great I'm very grateful for that 483 00:53:31,084 --> 00:53:32,335 Thank you. 484 00:53:32,669 --> 00:53:35,964 It was.. It helped me when you said 485 00:53:36,173 --> 00:53:38,425 that there's no bad nor good. 486 00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:40,760 It's just what it is. 487 00:53:41,094 --> 00:53:45,348 It's not bad to feel something 488 00:53:45,557 --> 00:53:47,475 that you don't like but... 489 00:53:47,934 --> 00:53:49,686 It is like it is. 490 00:53:51,396 --> 00:53:54,441 At some stage I learned, 491 00:53:55,233 --> 00:53:58,069 or I heard, that all this 492 00:54:00,363 --> 00:54:02,949 idea of good and bad 493 00:54:03,408 --> 00:54:05,035 is actually 494 00:54:06,870 --> 00:54:09,372 a thing coming from the Middle Ages, 495 00:54:09,789 --> 00:54:11,583 or from Christianity, 496 00:54:12,751 --> 00:54:15,086 which is quite artificial, 497 00:54:16,129 --> 00:54:19,090 to divide the world into two parts, 498 00:54:19,758 --> 00:54:21,259 good and bad 499 00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:26,306 And that's actually not how the world works 500 00:54:27,641 --> 00:54:29,601 Things are much more complex 501 00:54:29,976 --> 00:54:32,812 than black and white, good and bad. 502 00:54:34,731 --> 00:54:37,150 There's so many shades of everything. 503 00:56:22,422 --> 00:56:24,382 How about we exchange places? 504 00:56:27,052 --> 00:56:28,219 I go there. 505 00:56:29,095 --> 00:56:30,430 And you come here. 506 00:57:10,929 --> 00:57:13,139 This is a really tough place to be 507 00:57:15,809 --> 00:57:16,851 Why? 508 00:57:21,106 --> 00:57:23,650 I think I'm feeling what you must have felt 509 00:57:25,527 --> 00:57:27,779 very often, in this place 510 00:57:37,455 --> 00:57:38,706 What do you feel? 511 00:57:42,043 --> 00:57:43,920 I think it's a lot of fear. 512 00:57:50,009 --> 00:57:51,261 Do you know what of? 513 00:58:01,980 --> 00:58:03,606 Of being looked at. 514 00:58:06,901 --> 00:58:08,403 Of being judged. 515 00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:18,455 And I think the most powerful moment I've seen 516 00:58:19,330 --> 00:58:22,292 was when you touched your anger. 517 00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:26,504 It was something I knew very well. 518 00:58:40,435 --> 00:58:42,145 Did I scream for you? 519 00:59:40,662 --> 00:59:42,580 Just listen to the music. 520 00:59:44,499 --> 00:59:47,001 Just reflect on what you expect from me 521 00:59:47,418 --> 00:59:48,670 How can I help you 522 01:00:06,396 --> 01:00:08,231 It's very much more light 523 01:00:09,148 --> 01:00:10,483 It's more easy. 524 01:00:11,401 --> 01:00:12,277 More.. 525 01:00:14,362 --> 01:00:16,406 - A bit more playful. - Yes. 526 01:00:17,740 --> 01:00:19,701 There you see music is a play. 527 01:00:22,328 --> 01:00:24,831 Also, I think sexuality is a play. 528 01:00:25,582 --> 01:00:28,543 Just... you ought to take it a little bit easy. 529 01:00:31,588 --> 01:00:33,464 Well, I'd like to be more relaxed 530 01:00:34,048 --> 01:00:35,049 OK. 531 01:00:36,426 --> 01:00:38,469 - I'm relaxed. - I know 532 01:00:40,763 --> 01:00:41,931 And I'm not. 533 01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:44,017 And I wish I were 534 01:00:44,225 --> 01:00:47,103 OK Just try to do the same as I do 535 01:00:49,772 --> 01:00:50,732 Literally? 536 01:00:52,483 --> 01:00:53,651 Lie down and be on a beach. 537 01:00:53,860 --> 01:00:55,778 Like being in a mirror. 538 01:00:56,571 --> 01:01:00,742 There is a mirror, there is you, OK. 539 01:01:10,376 --> 01:01:11,794 It's so quiet. 540 01:01:16,633 --> 01:01:17,842 Just watch it 541 01:01:19,636 --> 01:01:21,137 A little bit more lively. 542 01:01:24,098 --> 01:01:26,476 Four intelligent people just chatting. 543 01:01:30,980 --> 01:01:32,148 Like birds. 544 01:01:36,611 --> 01:01:38,946 It's the same Brahms as we heard last time, 545 01:01:41,115 --> 01:01:44,035 but he was a little bit older here, 546 01:01:44,619 --> 01:01:46,579 a little bit more relaxed. 547 01:01:48,623 --> 01:01:49,916 Yes, of course. 548 01:01:50,124 --> 01:01:53,086 The age of composers is also important. 549 01:01:56,130 --> 01:01:58,508 So we move a little bit opposite. 550 01:01:58,716 --> 01:01:59,550 Come. 551 01:02:00,426 --> 01:02:01,719 It's a mirror. 552 01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:03,429 I'm your mirror. 553 01:02:04,180 --> 01:02:06,349 You are my mirror. OK? 554 01:02:08,393 --> 01:02:10,269 It's really like birds 555 01:02:10,478 --> 01:02:11,854 I didn't hear this piece of music 556 01:02:12,063 --> 01:02:13,106 for a long time 557 01:02:17,026 --> 01:02:19,612 Schumann got seriously ill, 558 01:02:19,821 --> 01:02:21,072 ill in the brain 559 01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:22,782 He was transferred to a hospital 560 01:02:22,990 --> 01:02:25,034 so they could keep him closed in 561 01:02:25,243 --> 01:02:27,120 He even tried to murder himself. 562 01:02:27,453 --> 01:02:29,622 And Brahms 563 01:02:29,831 --> 01:02:34,293 and the young Clara Schumann were alone 564 01:02:34,585 --> 01:02:36,129 And so they came together 565 01:02:36,671 --> 01:02:40,550 But Brahms was completely unable 566 01:02:40,758 --> 01:02:42,719 to practice sexuality 567 01:02:44,220 --> 01:02:46,431 He couldn't really get close to her 568 01:02:47,098 --> 01:02:50,143 Because he was such an introverted man. 569 01:02:50,810 --> 01:02:52,311 And he suffered from his introversion, 570 01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:55,148 so he put everything in his music 571 01:02:55,648 --> 01:02:58,568 All his feelings, he put in his music. 572 01:02:59,902 --> 01:03:00,737 Lucky thing. 573 01:03:04,365 --> 01:03:06,284 I think with you it's different. 574 01:03:07,660 --> 01:03:09,662 - Don't you think? - Different how? 575 01:03:10,997 --> 01:03:11,873 Well, 576 01:03:12,999 --> 01:03:14,167 I think. 577 01:03:16,586 --> 01:03:18,212 It's just my feeling. 578 01:03:19,505 --> 01:03:22,550 There may be a sort of inhibition. 579 01:03:23,634 --> 01:03:25,887 But I think we... 580 01:03:26,304 --> 01:03:28,097 ... can overcome it. 581 01:03:32,435 --> 01:03:36,898 Always presenting something new for my clients. 582 01:03:40,276 --> 01:03:41,110 So? 583 01:03:44,697 --> 01:03:45,823 What do you see? 584 01:03:48,242 --> 01:03:49,952 An imperfect body. 585 01:03:51,078 --> 01:03:54,373 This belly, very much too fat 586 01:03:56,751 --> 01:03:59,504 This here, this navel - broken. 587 01:03:59,712 --> 01:04:02,632 I caught it with this piercing. 588 01:04:05,009 --> 01:04:07,220 That's OK. 589 01:04:10,598 --> 01:04:12,517 My breasts. Well... 590 01:04:13,726 --> 01:04:16,604 I have names for my breasts Have I told you? 591 01:04:16,813 --> 01:04:18,147 - No. - No? 592 01:04:19,023 --> 01:04:20,358 This is Gusti 593 01:04:20,733 --> 01:04:21,818 - Gusti? - Gusti 594 01:04:22,026 --> 01:04:23,110 How do you do? 595 01:04:23,986 --> 01:04:24,904 I'm fine! 596 01:04:26,572 --> 01:04:27,865 This is Lilo. 597 01:04:28,366 --> 01:04:29,617 - Lilo? - Lilo. 598 01:04:29,826 --> 01:04:31,577 Why did you choose Gusti and Lilo? 599 01:04:31,786 --> 01:04:33,746 Well, it was spontaneous 600 01:04:34,121 --> 01:04:36,874 I always give names spontaneously. 601 01:04:37,834 --> 01:04:38,709 Yes. 602 01:04:40,545 --> 01:04:44,340 Gusti is, well, more sensitive, you know? 603 01:04:45,800 --> 01:04:46,926 And Lilo, 604 01:04:47,844 --> 01:04:49,971 Lilo had an operation 605 01:04:51,639 --> 01:04:53,266 Lilo was not there before. 606 01:04:53,766 --> 01:04:55,977 - And Gusti was? - Gusti was. 607 01:04:57,937 --> 01:04:59,856 So, Gusti is the older one also. 608 01:05:01,023 --> 01:05:02,650 They are sisters, you know? 609 01:05:06,696 --> 01:05:08,155 I think there is no weird, 610 01:05:08,364 --> 01:05:10,533 really weird, in sexuality. 611 01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:13,202 You don't think what? That there's no what? 612 01:05:13,411 --> 01:05:17,373 I think there's nothing weird in sexuality It's nothing 613 01:05:19,166 --> 01:05:21,544 There are just things which are dangerous. 614 01:05:22,461 --> 01:05:25,089 Dangerous for your life and for your health, 615 01:05:25,298 --> 01:05:27,633 and for your psyche 616 01:05:28,134 --> 01:05:32,513 And every other thing shouldn't be forbidden. 617 01:05:34,181 --> 01:05:36,893 It's your way to play this game, 618 01:05:38,394 --> 01:05:39,896 in my opinion. 619 01:05:44,984 --> 01:05:47,612 And I think it's fascinating. 620 01:05:59,457 --> 01:06:01,584 Room tone with rain in the background 621 01:08:17,887 --> 01:08:20,931 What would you say is your favorite part of your body? 622 01:08:24,602 --> 01:08:25,686 I think 623 01:08:25,853 --> 01:08:29,356 if I need to name one part, 624 01:08:29,648 --> 01:08:31,275 that would be my eyes, 625 01:08:32,068 --> 01:08:33,736 I think I have. 626 01:08:34,695 --> 01:08:37,656 I'm aware I have nice eyes 627 01:08:38,157 --> 01:08:40,826 Some say that they are beautiful 628 01:08:42,828 --> 01:08:44,497 and sparkling. 629 01:08:44,872 --> 01:08:46,749 And I'm proud of that 630 01:08:48,709 --> 01:08:51,378 I think I can reach people with my eyes, 631 01:08:52,671 --> 01:08:55,091 and talk to them through my eyes 632 01:08:56,092 --> 01:08:59,053 Yes, your eyes are very strong, I think 633 01:08:59,261 --> 01:09:00,679 I noticed that right away. 634 01:09:02,139 --> 01:09:04,391 But I also like my hair. 635 01:09:05,184 --> 01:09:06,769 I like my skin 636 01:09:07,645 --> 01:09:09,021 I like my penis 637 01:09:11,732 --> 01:09:14,610 There's so many parts of my body which I do like. 638 01:09:17,947 --> 01:09:20,783 About my hair, I'm really proud of my hair, 639 01:09:20,991 --> 01:09:24,078 because it's not only a part of the body, 640 01:09:24,286 --> 01:09:26,372 but also a statement. 641 01:09:28,374 --> 01:09:29,959 It's also a lifestyle, 642 01:09:31,001 --> 01:09:33,629 pretty much connected to the way I live my life, 643 01:09:34,088 --> 01:09:36,257 to the freedom I want to feel. 644 01:09:38,425 --> 01:09:41,387 And non-conformity. 645 01:09:43,514 --> 01:09:44,807 The penis... 646 01:09:47,643 --> 01:09:48,519 I do like it, 647 01:09:48,727 --> 01:09:53,315 because it's one of the parts of my body 648 01:09:53,524 --> 01:09:57,278 which functions totally normally. 649 01:10:01,115 --> 01:10:03,284 I have this severe disability, 650 01:10:06,287 --> 01:10:11,876 but I don't suffer from my disability. 651 01:10:12,710 --> 01:10:16,046 There is a phrase. We are always saying 652 01:10:16,255 --> 01:10:20,467 he or she is suffering from disability. 653 01:10:20,801 --> 01:10:22,344 And I hate that phrase 654 01:10:24,805 --> 01:10:28,225 But still, it is complex, 655 01:10:29,018 --> 01:10:31,770 living in a different-abled body 656 01:10:35,691 --> 01:10:38,319 Sometimes I would like to scratch my head, 657 01:10:39,528 --> 01:10:42,323 I would like to move and I would like to... 658 01:10:43,657 --> 01:10:45,826 Sometimes I would like to be able 659 01:10:46,785 --> 01:10:49,288 to just actively fuck 660 01:10:49,788 --> 01:10:51,332 That would be nice 661 01:10:52,583 --> 01:10:56,462 Not to be passive, but to be active in that part 662 01:10:58,339 --> 01:10:59,840 I wish I had the opportunity 663 01:11:00,049 --> 01:11:01,592 to caress my wife, 664 01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:05,512 and to take her into my arms actively. 665 01:11:06,472 --> 01:11:09,558 But it's the way it is, and I'm OK with that. 666 01:11:10,935 --> 01:11:12,978 But therefore, I'm very very happy 667 01:11:13,187 --> 01:11:16,190 that my penis is very normal, 668 01:11:16,482 --> 01:11:19,568 and sizewise it's good 669 01:11:23,489 --> 01:11:24,823 Altogether, 670 01:11:25,866 --> 01:11:28,869 I think I'm quite an attractive man 671 01:11:30,746 --> 01:11:31,997 I'm different 672 01:11:33,207 --> 01:11:37,169 I'm not beautiful in the mainstream sense, 673 01:11:38,504 --> 01:11:41,382 or in terms of norm. 674 01:11:43,926 --> 01:11:47,137 But I don't give a fuck about norms anyway 675 01:11:53,435 --> 01:11:55,020 Overall, 676 01:11:56,438 --> 01:11:59,191 I think my body, as it is, 677 01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:00,567 is a gift. 678 01:12:01,151 --> 01:12:06,198 And life is a journey to experience that gift 679 01:13:37,206 --> 01:13:38,749 I know it's you 680 01:13:43,212 --> 01:13:44,630 Please understand. 681 01:13:47,549 --> 01:13:48,509 Stop calling. 682 01:13:51,845 --> 01:13:52,763 It's over. 683 01:20:19,733 --> 01:20:21,610 I didn't know you come here 684 01:20:23,612 --> 01:20:24,696 I don't. 685 01:20:26,698 --> 01:20:27,991 I'm looking for someone. 686 01:20:31,495 --> 01:20:32,412 And you? 687 01:20:33,622 --> 01:20:35,582 You come here often? 688 01:20:35,791 --> 01:20:36,792 Yes, sometimes. 689 01:20:38,376 --> 01:20:40,128 It's an interesting place 690 01:20:41,880 --> 01:20:42,839 I'm a searcher 691 01:20:43,048 --> 01:20:44,549 and a hunter 692 01:20:44,758 --> 01:20:50,055 for knowledge and for wisdom 693 01:20:50,680 --> 01:20:53,016 in sexual art 694 01:20:57,938 --> 01:21:01,483 Sex is a big part of my life, 695 01:21:02,067 --> 01:21:04,778 which I like to enjoy 696 01:21:05,946 --> 01:21:08,990 and to celebrate more 697 01:21:12,953 --> 01:21:15,747 And I like to open my mind 698 01:21:19,835 --> 01:21:22,212 and to get a broader horizon. 699 01:21:31,471 --> 01:21:34,057 I look at it a bit also like an art. 700 01:21:36,852 --> 01:21:37,811 Yes, because... 701 01:21:40,105 --> 01:21:44,109 it's not only something you do with your body, 702 01:21:46,111 --> 01:21:47,237 but it's also. 703 01:21:47,904 --> 01:21:50,448 If it's really great, then there is... 704 01:21:52,158 --> 01:21:53,326 I call it 705 01:21:55,370 --> 01:21:57,038 a moment of wonder 706 01:22:02,919 --> 01:22:05,672 And that's something meaningful, 707 01:22:06,673 --> 01:22:08,425 something which stays 708 01:24:34,696 --> 01:24:36,448 I was with my man 709 01:24:38,450 --> 01:24:40,035 trying to make love 710 01:24:44,372 --> 01:24:45,832 And all of a sudden, 711 01:24:46,291 --> 01:24:49,335 I feel there's someone with us in bed. 712 01:24:53,631 --> 01:24:55,800 And I realize it's my mother, 713 01:24:56,301 --> 01:24:58,970 just lying in bed, next to me 714 01:25:05,393 --> 01:25:07,645 There is this physical thing, 715 01:25:07,854 --> 01:25:10,023 there is this cringe in my whole body, 716 01:25:10,231 --> 01:25:11,941 that she shouldn't be there. 717 01:25:13,401 --> 01:25:14,944 So I push her out, 718 01:25:15,653 --> 01:25:16,988 I tell her to leave. 719 01:25:18,990 --> 01:25:21,743 So she gets out of the bed, she stands. 720 01:25:23,203 --> 01:25:24,662 And, worse than that, 721 01:25:26,456 --> 01:25:28,374 I realize she's naked 722 01:25:31,961 --> 01:25:35,465 She stands at the end of the bed, 723 01:25:35,840 --> 01:25:37,383 and she doesn't leave. 724 01:25:40,095 --> 01:25:41,679 She was like a child, 725 01:25:42,222 --> 01:25:45,642 standing there like this, very fragile, 726 01:25:45,892 --> 01:25:48,228 and saying that she doesn't wanna leave, 727 01:25:51,147 --> 01:25:53,441 because she doesn't want to be alone. 728 01:25:58,655 --> 01:26:00,782 And it gets really unbearable. 729 01:26:01,032 --> 01:26:02,242 I insist she leaves, 730 01:26:02,450 --> 01:26:04,536 I tell her that's not her place, 731 01:26:04,744 --> 01:26:06,037 she should leave the room. 732 01:26:08,498 --> 01:26:10,500 So I push my mother outside, 733 01:26:10,708 --> 01:26:12,961 through the hallway I close the door 734 01:26:14,045 --> 01:26:15,463 And guess what? 735 01:26:17,048 --> 01:26:19,968 She appears in the fucking door of the balcony. 736 01:26:20,677 --> 01:26:22,846 Standing there, naked, 737 01:26:24,180 --> 01:26:26,808 very fragile, very vulnerable, 738 01:26:27,559 --> 01:26:29,394 and she really wanted in 739 01:26:29,602 --> 01:26:31,771 She didn't want to be alone. 740 01:26:35,900 --> 01:26:37,819 And this is how I woke up 741 01:26:39,737 --> 01:26:41,948 And this is a dream I will never forget. 742 01:26:46,411 --> 01:26:47,704 It's powerful. 743 01:26:51,791 --> 01:26:55,003 And where's the anger in that? 744 01:26:57,714 --> 01:26:59,841 Well, in your dream you're not angry 745 01:27:00,049 --> 01:27:01,342 because you're. 746 01:27:02,510 --> 01:27:04,053 You want to get rid of her, 747 01:27:04,262 --> 01:27:07,056 but she moves you, because she needs you. 748 01:27:09,350 --> 01:27:11,644 You know when you talked to me about your dream, 749 01:27:12,270 --> 01:27:14,397 you described how fragile she looks, 750 01:27:14,647 --> 01:27:16,232 quite a few times. 751 01:27:17,108 --> 01:27:18,610 As if the fact that she was fragile 752 01:27:18,818 --> 01:27:21,112 meant that you couldn't be angry, 753 01:27:22,947 --> 01:27:25,742 because your aim isn't to hurt her 754 01:27:27,202 --> 01:27:29,495 Your aim is for her just to leave 755 01:27:34,876 --> 01:27:36,127 In dreams, 756 01:27:37,795 --> 01:27:39,631 you can be everybody 757 01:27:44,636 --> 01:27:46,095 You know, when you were talking, 758 01:27:46,304 --> 01:27:48,181 at one point I felt like saying to you, 759 01:27:48,473 --> 01:27:49,682 "Can you say the same thing, and 760 01:27:49,891 --> 01:27:53,061 say 'I' instead of 'her'?" 761 01:27:59,484 --> 01:28:01,444 I think needing someone 762 01:28:03,112 --> 01:28:06,449 makes me weak and vulnerable. 763 01:28:08,952 --> 01:28:10,119 Because. 764 01:28:11,704 --> 01:28:14,040 I don't have the freedom to be myself, 765 01:28:14,249 --> 01:28:16,209 because if I am myself, with all the shit, 766 01:28:16,417 --> 01:28:17,961 and with all my feelings, 767 01:28:18,962 --> 01:28:20,213 and especially 768 01:28:21,506 --> 01:28:22,924 with my anger, 769 01:28:24,717 --> 01:28:27,679 I'm gonna lose that person I need 770 01:28:34,769 --> 01:28:36,396 I understand that. 771 01:28:38,439 --> 01:28:41,109 Loving another without losing yourself is... 772 01:28:41,317 --> 01:28:42,318 Difficult 773 01:28:43,236 --> 01:28:44,946 It's such a damn challenge 774 01:28:48,241 --> 01:28:50,994 I hope that's possible. 775 01:28:52,203 --> 01:28:54,706 I'm looking with this huge curiosity 776 01:28:55,164 --> 01:28:56,582 at other people 777 01:28:56,791 --> 01:28:57,500 How they manage. 778 01:28:57,709 --> 01:28:59,544 How the fuck do they manage? 779 01:29:09,053 --> 01:29:10,305 The hair gets tired 780 01:29:10,513 --> 01:29:13,558 if you keep it out more than. 781 01:29:14,183 --> 01:29:17,186 Maybe you can give some coffee to your hair 782 01:29:18,146 --> 01:29:20,606 There's something like coffee shampoo. 783 01:29:20,815 --> 01:29:22,650 You have curls now. 784 01:29:22,942 --> 01:29:23,693 Yes. 785 01:29:36,247 --> 01:29:39,042 Like that? Or different? 786 01:29:40,251 --> 01:29:42,462 I leave this closed or open? 787 01:29:42,670 --> 01:29:43,713 Open. 788 01:29:43,963 --> 01:29:45,506 - Open like that? - Open 789 01:29:46,382 --> 01:29:47,800 I like it open. 790 01:29:48,885 --> 01:29:51,387 I've got a knot down there. 791 01:29:52,305 --> 01:29:56,142 You know, closed is maybe more practical, 792 01:29:56,351 --> 01:29:58,061 but this is far more beautiful. 793 01:29:58,895 --> 01:30:00,521 You look so female. 794 01:30:10,281 --> 01:30:12,700 Can you come a bit closer? 795 01:30:12,909 --> 01:30:15,536 And put my arm a bit backwards. 796 01:30:15,745 --> 01:30:16,954 Like that? 797 01:30:21,250 --> 01:30:23,211 I think we have an audience. 798 01:30:24,003 --> 01:30:25,630 It does look like it. 799 01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:34,180 What do you feel now? 800 01:30:35,681 --> 01:30:38,810 When you allow us in your intimacy? 801 01:30:39,268 --> 01:30:41,896 What makes you allow us 802 01:30:43,439 --> 01:30:46,734 in there, in that very special place? 803 01:30:49,737 --> 01:30:54,409 I feel trusted and trusting at the same time, 804 01:30:54,617 --> 01:30:57,954 and I feel I really hope 805 01:30:58,162 --> 01:31:02,875 that I can change people's perspective, 806 01:31:03,292 --> 01:31:06,546 that I can change your perspective, 807 01:31:06,754 --> 01:31:08,631 as an audience 808 01:31:09,257 --> 01:31:12,009 That you have a wider horizon 809 01:31:12,218 --> 01:31:14,804 after you have seen me. 810 01:31:15,596 --> 01:31:19,142 And I invite you to celebrate your body 811 01:31:19,350 --> 01:31:21,769 and enjoy it every day. 812 01:31:22,520 --> 01:31:25,857 I'm here now, also. With you 813 01:31:26,649 --> 01:31:27,692 - Hi. - Hi, Tomas! 814 01:31:27,900 --> 01:31:28,651 Hi. 815 01:31:32,405 --> 01:31:33,281 I've been very touched 816 01:31:33,489 --> 01:31:36,826 by watching your relationship 817 01:31:39,120 --> 01:31:41,873 It's very emotional to hear that. 818 01:31:44,333 --> 01:31:45,460 I felt like 819 01:31:46,752 --> 01:31:50,256 a connection that was on a very deep level. 820 01:31:52,175 --> 01:31:52,967 Yeah. 821 01:31:54,760 --> 01:31:56,304 And it's. 822 01:31:56,804 --> 01:31:57,763 It's inspiring to see 823 01:31:57,972 --> 01:32:02,310 such a strong connection. 824 01:32:05,354 --> 01:32:06,272 It's.. 825 01:32:08,191 --> 01:32:10,151 My whole vision of you has changed so much 826 01:32:10,359 --> 01:32:11,611 since I met you first. 827 01:32:13,237 --> 01:32:18,034 When I saw Grit so strong, carrying you and... 828 01:32:18,242 --> 01:32:20,536 She was this rock. And then. 829 01:32:20,786 --> 01:32:24,040 I saw the whole situation turn around when. 830 01:32:24,248 --> 01:32:26,042 you were the rock and she was 831 01:32:26,876 --> 01:32:29,170 in a situation where she felt weak. 832 01:32:33,049 --> 01:32:35,635 It's beautiful to see this balance 833 01:32:37,637 --> 01:32:38,721 I think it's important 834 01:32:38,930 --> 01:32:41,849 to have balance in your relationship. 835 01:32:42,391 --> 01:32:44,685 Many people don't see that balance with us, 836 01:32:44,894 --> 01:32:48,689 but we are in a good balance, I guess 837 01:32:50,525 --> 01:32:53,194 Otherwise it wouldn't work for such a long time. 838 01:32:57,490 --> 01:32:58,741 Do you think, Grit, 839 01:32:58,950 --> 01:33:04,163 that your way of perceiving the world has changed 840 01:33:04,580 --> 01:33:06,624 since you are together? 841 01:33:08,584 --> 01:33:11,212 Definitely, I feel really held 842 01:33:12,380 --> 01:33:15,132 in Christian's arms, 843 01:33:15,341 --> 01:33:16,676 very much. 844 01:33:18,511 --> 01:33:24,141 And it's a feeling of strength, and a feeling 845 01:33:24,350 --> 01:33:28,771 of trust and warmth. 846 01:33:29,063 --> 01:33:32,024 And I don't feel that I need to show people 847 01:33:32,233 --> 01:33:34,151 I'm strong, or so. 848 01:33:34,485 --> 01:33:35,486 It seems 849 01:33:35,695 --> 01:33:39,448 we have a very natural relationship to each other 850 01:33:42,201 --> 01:33:44,912 It's not that we are, 851 01:33:45,121 --> 01:33:46,872 as a relationship, 852 01:33:47,081 --> 01:33:51,002 it's also not that we are always "happy together" 853 01:33:51,210 --> 01:33:56,591 or in a state of "cloud 11" or so. 854 01:33:57,008 --> 01:33:59,635 We are very grumpy sometimes, 855 01:34:00,011 --> 01:34:02,930 and we clash with each other sometimes 856 01:34:03,306 --> 01:34:07,393 Especially when we are in a stressful situation 857 01:34:07,602 --> 01:34:09,103 But I have the feeling you are very honest 858 01:34:09,312 --> 01:34:12,189 - always, with how you feel. - Yes. 859 01:34:12,398 --> 01:34:15,610 I think this honesty is very important 860 01:34:15,985 --> 01:34:17,528 because we know that, 861 01:34:17,737 --> 01:34:20,865 even if for one minute we shout at each other, 862 01:34:21,073 --> 01:34:23,534 the next minute we will be good again 863 01:34:53,189 --> 01:34:55,274 You're very clear with some boundaries, 864 01:34:55,483 --> 01:34:56,359 aren't you? 865 01:34:58,235 --> 01:34:59,987 If you can't say no, 866 01:35:00,196 --> 01:35:02,073 you can never really say yes. 867 01:35:03,908 --> 01:35:05,409 Would you like to explore your boundaries 868 01:35:05,618 --> 01:35:08,871 in a ritual in which there's no expectation? 869 01:35:09,413 --> 01:35:10,998 - OK. - Yes? 870 01:35:11,207 --> 01:35:12,792 Can I put my hand here? 871 01:35:14,335 --> 01:35:15,878 How does that feel? 872 01:35:52,665 --> 01:35:53,624 OK. 873 01:36:05,636 --> 01:36:07,930 - What's going on? - I got kind of nausea. 874 01:36:15,563 --> 01:36:16,814 From the hand? 875 01:36:22,069 --> 01:36:23,195 I don't know. 876 01:36:28,242 --> 01:36:31,078 Now we go here, just below, between your. 877 01:36:31,287 --> 01:36:33,289 - My plexus. - Your plexus. 878 01:36:34,790 --> 01:36:36,250 - How does that feel? - OK 879 01:36:36,792 --> 01:36:38,169 I push a little bit. 880 01:36:39,044 --> 01:36:40,838 I'm gonna come down 881 01:36:41,881 --> 01:36:43,090 to your belly 882 01:36:45,801 --> 01:36:47,052 Is that OK there? 883 01:36:59,607 --> 01:37:00,858 How does that feel? 884 01:37:02,651 --> 01:37:04,945 It's beginning to feel uncomfortable 885 01:37:06,447 --> 01:37:08,157 Somewhere here is a jump. 886 01:37:09,116 --> 01:37:11,452 Somewhere here is a jump between you and me 887 01:37:21,003 --> 01:37:22,922 Can I touch you hungrily? 888 01:37:24,799 --> 01:37:26,425 That's the trigger, I think. 889 01:37:30,888 --> 01:37:32,848 And what do I do with your hunger? 890 01:37:38,020 --> 01:37:39,939 Someone's desire for you, 891 01:37:40,648 --> 01:37:43,609 a man's desire for you is a big trigger. 892 01:37:46,111 --> 01:37:47,363 This is what I'm feeling here, 893 01:37:47,571 --> 01:37:49,740 the second I start to pull you in. 894 01:37:50,616 --> 01:37:51,784 That's gonna be a trigger there. 895 01:37:51,992 --> 01:37:55,454 That's related to your father and all this other stuff 896 01:38:00,042 --> 01:38:01,293 Breath with me. 897 01:38:07,967 --> 01:38:09,301 We're ready? 898 01:38:14,390 --> 01:38:17,268 Pulling you in. Feeling my lust. 899 01:38:17,476 --> 01:38:19,144 Feeling my genitals 900 01:38:26,068 --> 01:38:27,403 Very strong defense 901 01:38:32,992 --> 01:38:33,909 Keep going 902 01:38:44,587 --> 01:38:47,089 When you nod, I'm gonna do it again, ready? 903 01:38:54,722 --> 01:38:56,599 Powerful and potent. 904 01:39:18,913 --> 01:39:20,039 Stay with it. 905 01:39:20,623 --> 01:39:21,749 Stay with me 906 01:39:22,374 --> 01:39:23,626 Show me your eyes 907 01:39:24,710 --> 01:39:26,795 All emotion welcome here 908 01:42:21,845 --> 01:42:22,763 What happened? 909 01:42:24,807 --> 01:42:25,933 It's OK. 910 01:42:26,141 --> 01:42:27,142 It's OK. 911 01:44:02,487 --> 01:44:04,281 There's a lot of things 912 01:44:04,489 --> 01:44:06,366 that happened the last days for me. 913 01:44:07,242 --> 01:44:10,412 Internal changes and. 914 01:44:13,707 --> 01:44:17,794 There's something very important that I realized. 915 01:44:18,295 --> 01:44:20,464 Which came to me like an epiphany 916 01:44:22,299 --> 01:44:25,344 It is, when Christian was talking about my wall, 917 01:44:25,761 --> 01:44:27,512 which is something I'm conscious of, 918 01:44:27,721 --> 01:44:30,474 And I've been trying to work on for a very long time. 919 01:44:30,682 --> 01:44:34,311 And to me, this wall was always a wall 920 01:44:34,728 --> 01:44:36,939 to protect me from something outside, 921 01:44:37,147 --> 01:44:39,900 not coming into me. 922 01:44:41,193 --> 01:44:45,739 And suddenly, yesterday, it came to me in a flash, 923 01:44:46,823 --> 01:44:49,868 that this wall was absolutely not to protect 924 01:44:50,244 --> 01:44:52,621 anything from outside coming in 925 01:44:53,163 --> 01:44:55,499 It was absolutely the opposite. 926 01:44:55,707 --> 01:45:00,128 I'm protecting something from the inside 927 01:45:00,337 --> 01:45:01,797 which can come out. 928 01:45:03,382 --> 01:45:06,927 This filter on what emotion I'm ready to let out 929 01:45:07,261 --> 01:45:09,096 makes me so unfree. 930 01:46:12,367 --> 01:46:13,702 Stay there 931 01:48:37,429 --> 01:48:39,097 Everything is good 932 01:48:45,437 --> 01:48:46,605 Good girl 933 01:50:07,769 --> 01:50:09,187 Why did you come? 934 01:50:13,567 --> 01:50:14,776 I'm curious. 935 01:50:17,153 --> 01:50:18,780 I'm curious to know 936 01:50:20,991 --> 01:50:22,867 why you are following me. 937 01:50:39,217 --> 01:50:41,052 I'd like you to look at me. 938 01:50:42,846 --> 01:50:43,680 OK. 939 01:50:47,559 --> 01:50:49,144 I'm looking at you now. 940 01:50:58,236 --> 01:51:01,489 I'd like you. to look at me naked. 941 01:51:52,415 --> 01:51:53,583 Can you watch me? 942 01:52:11,434 --> 01:52:12,769 You can do it. 943 01:52:17,524 --> 01:52:18,274 OK. 944 01:52:20,860 --> 01:52:21,986 It's OK. 945 01:52:24,489 --> 01:52:25,532 It's OK. 946 01:52:27,742 --> 01:52:29,035 I'm watching you now 947 01:52:38,962 --> 01:52:40,547 I'm watching your body now. 948 01:52:56,438 --> 01:52:57,981 Can you sing me a lullaby? 949 01:53:00,275 --> 01:53:01,651 A lullaby. 950 01:53:03,111 --> 01:53:05,405 I'm not quite sure I can remember a lullaby. 951 01:53:09,826 --> 01:53:12,495 There was this song I used to like when I was young 952 01:53:13,329 --> 01:53:14,748 It kind of went. 953 01:53:19,669 --> 01:53:23,673 I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie 954 01:53:24,716 --> 01:53:28,094 She used to have this little room in Chelsea. 955 01:53:28,803 --> 01:53:32,599 She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower. 956 01:53:33,183 --> 01:53:36,478 As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour. 957 01:53:37,979 --> 01:53:41,983 The day she died, the neighbours came to snicker. 958 01:53:43,318 --> 01:53:46,237 That's what comes with too many beers and liquor. 959 01:53:47,489 --> 01:53:51,868 But when I saw her laid out like a queen, 960 01:53:53,328 --> 01:53:56,664 she was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen. 961 01:53:56,873 --> 01:54:00,126 It's one of the best lullabies I've ever heard 962 01:54:04,214 --> 01:54:06,508 You want me to sing you a lullaby? 963 01:54:06,966 --> 01:54:08,301 In Icelandic. 964 01:54:43,086 --> 01:54:44,462 What's it about? 965 01:54:54,389 --> 01:54:55,431 It's like.. 966 01:54:55,640 --> 01:54:58,059 Sleep, my little baby. 967 01:55:02,397 --> 01:55:04,232 Rain is crying outside 968 01:55:11,030 --> 01:55:13,491 Mommy is keeping your little toys. 969 01:55:19,455 --> 01:55:21,541 You shouldn't be awake 970 01:55:22,917 --> 01:55:24,627 in the dark night. 971 01:55:33,344 --> 01:55:34,971 I used to feel very calm 972 01:55:35,179 --> 01:55:37,140 when my mom sang this to me 973 01:55:54,908 --> 01:55:57,452 I was so sure I knew everything 974 01:55:58,494 --> 01:56:00,246 about intimacy, 975 01:56:00,538 --> 01:56:01,915 about trust, 976 01:56:02,123 --> 01:56:03,416 desire, 977 01:56:03,958 --> 01:56:04,918 safety 978 01:56:07,128 --> 01:56:08,838 As time passed by, 979 01:56:09,047 --> 01:56:11,424 with real life, with real people, 980 01:56:12,216 --> 01:56:16,095 all my so clear - once - views on things 981 01:56:16,304 --> 01:56:18,431 got gradually destabilized. 982 01:56:22,310 --> 01:56:25,355 After 20 years of being away from home, 983 01:56:25,980 --> 01:56:29,067 of thinking I'm a free, grown-up woman, 984 01:56:31,110 --> 01:56:34,280 I understood the umbilical cord between us 985 01:56:34,530 --> 01:56:36,574 hasn't actually been cut 986 01:56:38,034 --> 01:56:39,118 Not yet. 987 01:56:41,329 --> 01:56:43,748 You're still running through my veins 988 01:56:47,251 --> 01:56:49,003 As a dear friend put it: 989 01:56:49,379 --> 01:56:51,089 Tell me how you were loved, 990 01:56:51,297 --> 01:56:53,216 to tell you how you love. 991 01:56:55,385 --> 01:56:56,386 Tell me 992 01:56:57,178 --> 01:56:58,638 how you loved me, 993 01:56:59,973 --> 01:57:02,517 so I can understand how I love, 994 01:57:03,434 --> 01:57:04,769 how to love 995 01:57:10,608 --> 01:57:11,818 When I started to ask you 996 01:57:12,026 --> 01:57:13,653 about all these memories, 997 01:57:14,028 --> 01:57:16,239 do you remember how difficult it was, 998 01:57:16,614 --> 01:57:17,907 for both of us? 999 01:57:20,910 --> 01:57:24,497 I came to understand how this love-myth 1000 01:57:24,872 --> 01:57:28,001 hides so many conflicting emotions, 1001 01:57:30,378 --> 01:57:32,130 how layers of anger, 1002 01:57:33,381 --> 01:57:34,465 guilt, 1003 01:57:34,841 --> 01:57:36,009 violence 1004 01:57:37,135 --> 01:57:40,096 make it so difficult to reach that "love". 1005 01:57:43,391 --> 01:57:45,184 And how today, I carry with me, 1006 01:57:45,393 --> 01:57:47,395 in my intimate life, 1007 01:57:48,688 --> 01:57:51,149 the fear of losing the one I love, 1008 01:57:51,357 --> 01:57:52,734 the distrust, 1009 01:57:52,942 --> 01:57:54,318 the anger, 1010 01:57:55,194 --> 01:57:57,321 the never fulfilled longing. 1011 01:58:01,284 --> 01:58:02,660 Is there also a conflict 1012 01:58:02,869 --> 01:58:05,413 between your image of me 1013 01:58:06,706 --> 01:58:08,374 and who I really am? 1014 01:58:10,251 --> 01:58:12,045 And am I maybe still 1015 01:58:12,253 --> 01:58:14,464 too afraid to ruin this image, 1016 01:58:16,966 --> 01:58:18,676 for fear I lose you? 1017 01:58:20,470 --> 01:58:24,348 Is this maybe why we never talked about this film? 1018 02:03:11,594 --> 02:03:14,764 Mela-mela, melancholy 1019 02:03:16,891 --> 02:03:20,186 Melancholy, my dear 1020 02:03:23,064 --> 02:03:26,567 Mela-mela, melancholy 1021 02:03:26,776 --> 02:03:32,073 Floats over the new city and over the country 1022 02:03:39,622 --> 02:03:42,833 Over the control centers 1023 02:03:43,584 --> 02:03:48,255 Over the concrete stubble fields 1024 02:03:51,759 --> 02:03:54,220 Over the secret bunkers 1025 02:03:54,428 --> 02:03:59,266 Which are impossible to remove 1026 02:04:03,771 --> 02:04:06,399 Marlene, go home! 1027 02:04:08,067 --> 02:04:13,823 Over the Marlene-Dietrich-Platz, too 1028 02:04:25,376 --> 02:04:29,839 The new temples are already cracked, 1029 02:04:34,051 --> 02:04:36,637 Future ruins 1030 02:04:41,225 --> 02:04:46,355 One day, grass will grow over this city too, 1031 02:04:51,610 --> 02:04:53,988 Over its last layer 1032 02:05:03,914 --> 02:05:08,252 Mela-mela, melancholy 1033 02:05:10,129 --> 02:05:13,174 Melancholy, my dear 1034 02:05:16,385 --> 02:05:19,638 Mela-mela, melancholy 1035 02:05:19,847 --> 02:05:25,686 Floats over the new city and over the country 1036 02:06:10,773 --> 02:06:13,692 In the sky slashed to pieces 1037 02:06:14,818 --> 02:06:18,739 By the rehearsing jets flying across. 1038 02:06:24,328 --> 02:06:28,541 She hangs with widespread wings 1039 02:06:39,593 --> 02:06:41,845 Sleepless, 1040 02:06:43,138 --> 02:06:45,808 Her frozen gaze 1041 02:06:51,188 --> 02:06:53,732 Turned towards the rubble 1042 02:06:56,569 --> 02:07:01,073 Behind her, the future is piling up 1043 02:07:04,535 --> 02:07:08,998 Slowly, she flies higher and higher, 1044 02:07:12,334 --> 02:07:18,966 Finally overseeing the whole country 1045 02:07:20,759 --> 02:07:27,891 What's the state of the country? 1046 02:07:28,726 --> 02:07:35,733 What's the state of the country?