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they're actually charging us for water.
- Why not?
- Well 'cause this is Ireland.
I mean I'm not a scientist or anything,
but as far as I know in this country
that stuff falls freely from the sky.
- Just so you know, I might have to go to sleep really soon
if you know what I mean.
- Yeah, oh yeah, right, yeah, sorry, of course.
♪ When I saw you I could barely breathe ♪
♪ When I touched you ♪
♪ I felt my soul in need ♪
- I mean I wouldn't mind if we lived in the desert
or on the moon or somewhere like that,
but I mean the next thing we know,
you know, they'll be charging us for using air.
- You know what.
I'm really not in the mood.
♪ I stood before you lost for something to say ♪
♪ And the rest of our lives just faded away ♪
- You know tomorrow is my mother's nine-month anniversary.
- Oh, I'm so glad I got to meet her.
- Yeah, me too.
I just wish she'd had time to get to know you better.
- Yeah, I never did get beyond calling her Mrs. McCarthy.
- No, she let you call her Mary at the end.
- Yeah, maybe once,
but even then it was a little uncomfortable.
♪ Seems the universe had taken its time ♪
♪ What awaits us all ♪
♪ Is now yours and mine ♪
- Well I'm sure she's looking down on us now.
- Yeah, I'm sure she is.
- Well life goes on.
- Honey, no, no.
Not in front of your mother.
♪ Hold me close forevermore ♪
♪ Or I'll never be the same ♪
♪ Every breath I draw will speak your name ♪
- No, no, honey.
Sorry, it's that time of the week.
- That time of the week?
- Yeah.
- Are American women different?
- No, it's Wednesday, I work a double tomorrow.
- Oh right, that time of the week.
Oh, okay good, phew, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
♪ Believing now in what proves to be real ♪
♪ On the journey towards ♪
♪ Where the scars will heal ♪
- I am so over waiting tables.
- Well hopefully it won't be for too much longer.
- No, just leave it, it's fine.
- No, actually, I think I need to hang that up.
- It's fine, there, it's up.
- Don't you have gravity in America?
- No, no, I never heard of it.
- I need to hang that up.
♪ Hold me close forevermore ♪
♪ Or I'll never be the same ♪
♪ Every breath I draw would speak your name ♪
♪ Every breath I draw will speak your name ♪
- Hi.
- Hey, I have the closing shift
so I will try not to wake you up when I come in.
- No, don't worry if you do.
I always fall back to sleep.
I mean as long as you remember to hang up your clothes
and don't leave them lying on the floor.
- You know what, maybe I'll sleep in the other room.
- What, what do you mean?
- Well we'll talk about this later, okay?
I gotta go.
- Talk about what later? - I have to go.
- Look, Nicole, I know things haven't been great
between us the last few months, but they'll get better.
I mean we're just settling into married life.
You know all couples.
You know this is supposed to go in recycling.
And what's this doing in here?
- Really?
Oh my God.
- No, no, look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just, you'll feel better, I promise you will.
Look just just give it a couple of days,
or a couple of weeks, or a few months.
- I'm late.
- Have a good weekend Colm.
- I will, cheers, see you Monday.
- Oi, O'Sullivan, where do you think you're going?
- It's a minute to five. - Exactly.
- Sure anything I started now,
I could never get finished in a single minute.
I'd only be wasting my time.
- It's my time, not yours.
Now back to work or don't bother coming in Monday.
- I know he's not the best boss in the world,
but you can't just steal all his money.
- If anyone deserves it, it's him.
I mean he's already cut my wages twice
in the last six months.
- How can he get away with that?
- He says it's because of the recession,
but sure he's hardly even been affected by it.
- Yeah, well if you get caught, you'll end up gonna jail,
and that might be just as bad as working for McSweeny.
- You know there must be close to
over 100,000 euro in there.
- How do you know that?
- I set up a nanny cam inside his office.
- Really?
- Yeah, so are you in or not? - Not.
- Why? - Because we're not criminals.
I mean we'd probably, you know, try to blow open the safe,
and end up setting all the money on fire.
- You know there's another reason
why I set up the nanny cam.
- Is it because there's a baby inside the safe?
- No, I actually set up the nanny cam
so that I could video tape the exact combination he dials
when he opens the safe.
- That's actually not a bad idea.
- It's a stroke of genius.
So are you in or out?
- I'm out, and it's your shout.
- Well, you're gonna regret it, but try not to let it.
- Sorry to let you down,
but I have more than half a brain in my crown.
- I'm gonna have a ball
and I won't be taking a fall.
Oh, sorry about that.
- That's the stroke of genius all right.
Well, if I hadn't left America,
then I could never have met you when you came over here.
- So you really didn't like living there?
- No, it's just after 10 years,
I was ready to come home.
And anyway, I thought you liked living in Ireland.
- I do, it's just that I don't really feel
like we're doing anything with our lives here.
I mean remember the business idea we had?
- The sliding table or the talking fridge?
- The talking fridge.
- Nobody wants to have a talking fridge.
- How can you be so sure?
- Well 'cause I sell appliances for a living.
Nobody wants to, you know, open their fridge door
and have a voice telling them what they should
or shouldn't be eating.
- You know we could've at least tried
to get a prototype made.
- Where would we have got the money
to prototype a fridge?
- It's not an entire fridge.
It's just like a little device that goes on the handle.
- Still it would've been expensive.
- We could've got creative.
Why do we always have
to pay the electricity bill right on time?
- Well, 'cause that's what you're supposed to do.
And anyway if you don't, they cut you off.
- Not right away.
I mean if we did everything that we were supposed to do,
then I would've gone back to America even after I met you.
- Well I can't help it if I'm so compelling.
Or at least was so compelling.
- You know,
I really should finish my Master's degree.
- Well you can do that here.
I mean, you know, UCC has a whole nutrition department.
And once your permanent residency comes through,
it'll be really cheap.
- It's not just that.
I mean if my visa wasn't expiring,
would you have even proposed?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I would have.
Definitely.
- I should really go back.
- To America? - Yeah.
- By yourself?
- Yeah.
- You know, I don't need
to always pay the electricity bill on time.
I mean, I don't need to pay it at all.
I mean 'cause I know you think I'm this really kind of safe
and boring kind of person, but you know,
I haven't told you this yet,
but you know Colm's boss has been ripping off his workers
for a really long time, and so myself and Colm,
we're planning to break in there and,
and steal all the money from the safe
that he hasn't been declaring to the tax office,
so if you think that I'm the kind of person
that would never do something like that,
then obviously you don't know the real me.
- How long have you been planning this?
- A really long time.
I mean at least at least I have.
I mean Colm, I mean he was saying,
oh it's too dangerous, you know, it's really risky,
and I was saying what's life without a little bit of risk.
You know a little bit of adventure.
And then I said, you know the only thing
that I want from it is
just enough money to be able to build the prototype
for the talking fridge.
- I thought you didn't like the talking fridge idea.
- I was just pretending
'cause then it would be an even better surprise for you,
you know when I got the money to make the prototype.
- So the the workers get the money they deserve,
and we have enough to build a prototype
and market our product.
- Yeah, yeah exactly.
- What, what's that?
- Oh that's just my tax bill, you know for my car.
They want me to pay it in the next two days.
Like they have any hope
of someone like me ever doing something like that.
- Wow, I've never seen you this passionate before.
- Yeah, well you'd better get used to it
'cause now that I know it doesn't completely freak you out,
I can just be my true self for a change.
And then I'm just gonna destroy the water bill.
- Really, how you gonna do that?
- I'm gonna slash it into a million pieces
with a razor blade.
- And what about the rent check?
- Oh, I have to send that. - Oh.
- But, but, but, I'm gonna send it five days late.
- And what about our clothes?
Are we gonna hang them up?
- No, no, no, we're just gonna throw them on the floor
and pile them all the way up to the ceiling.
- Oh, all the way to the ceiling.
- And through the roof.
- No, no, you did not have to tell her.
- Yeah, I did.
- You know there are plenty
of other ways you can get her to stay.
- Yeah, like what?
- I don't know, just set her passport on fire.
- Yeah, yeah,
'cause she's never gonna get another one of those.
- Or I could just hit you over the head with a crowbar,
tell the guards that she did it,
then she'll get sent to prison,
and you can go visit her any time you like.
- You know, Colm, I really wish I had your brains.
Actually if you did hit me with a crowbar, I probably would.
- I have the superior brains
and my ideas come as plentiful as the rains.
- Yeah, and you should be locked up with the insanes.
- That's not a word.
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Look Colm, she has to be involved, okay?
I mean ever since I told her,
it's like we're newlyweds.
- Ye are newlyweds.
- Yeah, well I'd like it to continue
to the next level if I could.
- We can handle it just fine with just the two of us.
- Look, even if that was true,
I'm not doing it unless she's involved, okay?
You can take it or leave it.
- Are you sure you don't want me to hit you with a crowbar?
- Hm.
- Hey, hey, that's my boat.
Get out, get out, get out.
- I thought you said we had permission to use the boat.
- Hey, get out that's my boat.
- Of course we don't, row. - That's my boat.
Get out, get out, get out.
- You're gonna get me killed one of these days.
- Just row. - God Almighty.
- So if we study this carefully,
we definitely should be able to work out the combinations.
- What's he doing here?
- He thinks he can come round any time
there's a match on the telly.
- Should I let him in? - No.
- Hey guys.
Oh, no need to get up.
I'm already here.
What are ye watching? - Nothing.
- Yes ye are, what are ye watching?
- It doesn't matter.
- If it doesn't matter then why are ye watching it?
- It has nothing to do with you, okay?
- Then who's it to do with?
- Just mind your own business, all right.
- Look, can we watch the match.
- I can see that the extended warranty may be worth it
over time, but in my case there may not be a whole lot
of time left if you know what I mean.
- Yeah, I see your point, all right.
- What?
- Well no, I mean I was just saying,
yeah, it's wise to consider that.
I mean I don't know what year you were born, but you might--
- It is absolutely no business of yours
what year I was born.
- I'm sorry, Ma'am, I was just agreeing with you.
I mean you were the one that said that you--
- I'm aware of what I said, thank you very much.
The cheek of a little whippersnapper like you--
- Shane - Implying that I'm past
my sell by date. - What are you doing?
- Why wouldn't you tell me about the video ye were watching?
- Where did you get that anyway?
- I took it from Colm's house.
I knew ye were trying to hide something.
- Can you sign me out for a five-minute break?
- There's no need.
- Just do it, okay.
You don't want to be involved in this, okay?
- Why? - Because it's too risky.
- You're gonna steal the money from the safe, aren't ye?
- Will you keep your voice down for God's sake.
- I want to be part of it as well.
- Look, it's not my decision to make, okay.
- Why are the two of ye always doing things without me?
Ye never let me be a part of anything.
- You can be part of other things, okay?
Just not this.
- All right then, fine.
If that's the way you want to be,
but um now that I know about it,
it's not gonna be my fault if something slips out
when I'm talking to other people
because it's very hard for me to control what I'm saying
about things about fellas who I know--
- Whippersnapper.
- So it's just the four of us now, right?
- Right.
- And are ye sure about that?
- Well my cousin might be interested.
Should I ask him?
- No, we don't want to ask your cousin Shane.
- What about my sister?
- We don't want any of your family.
Let's just keep it amongst ourselves, okay?
So...
So the first thing McSweeny does in the video is go
about 20 minutes clockwise,
then 35 minutes anti-clockwise
about 18 minutes clockwise,
28 minutes anticlockwise
and then 13 minutes clockwise again.
- And you can see the numbers on the video?
- No, but as long as we know the starting point
and follow exactly the same pattern as McSweeny does,
then we should open the safe up without any problems.
- It's not that simple.
- Why not?
- Well first of all,
the face of a clock has only 60 positions,
where a dial on a safe probably has about a hundred,
and when you're considering you can't see exactly
what numbers he turns to,
you're gonna have to allow for a margin of error.
- Shane if you break my tree house, I will kill you.
What kind of a margin?
- Well you're gonna have to consider that it could be,
you know, plus or minus one at every stop of the dial.
- And how many possibilities does that make?
- There's um five positions.
Three possibilities each, that's three to the power of five.
- 15, 15. - That's not so bad.
- No, actually it's more like a couple of hundred.
When was the video last taken?
- About two weeks ago.
- And has he opened the safe since then?
- Yeah, probably.
- So he probably spins the dial after he closes it,
so the starting positions are gonna be different
than what's on the video, so your plan's kind of hopeless.
- It is not hopeless.
- Okay, look, if you can get back in the office,
and you can see what number the safe is on now,
and then you videotape it the next time he opens it,
I think we can find a definite pattern.
Colm, you need to see what number the dial is on now
and then set up the nanny cam again.
- I could do that, yeah.
- And we should write all the possible combinations
on poster board so we can see them all together.
- Yeah, and I can get some poster board from work.
- And I can get some of the other supplies
from the restaurant.
Oh and you know the clock face was good for demonstration,
but for practicing we're gonna need something
that has a hundred increments instead.
♪ Unmatched in its magnitude ♪
♪ The whisper reaches me ♪
♪ Unparalleled in fortitude ♪
♪ The echo teaches me ♪
♪ As I unfold ♪
♪ I am bold ♪
- Could you tell how many minutes that one has in its hour.
- 60.
- I'm just gonna steal these and take them home.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna,
well no, actually, I should probably leave 10 euro.
- They don't cost that much.
- Yeah, well I just want to make sure
I'm covered, you know, so the boss just.
- I'm looking for one that a hundred minutes in the hour.
Do you have any of those?
- No.
- See you tomorrow.
- There you go, Sister, enjoy that now.
- May the Lord have mercy on your soul
and all those who come into contact with it.
- And that last one looks like 65.
I think this is really gonna work, guys.
You and I can write down the combinations
on the poster board. - Yeah.
- And you can test the equipment.
- Yeah.
- Once we write down three possibilities
for each of the five digits and then do every combination
of all those numbers in the correct order,
we should come up with 243 combinations.
♪ Silence turns its head around ♪
♪ As bitter winds have stilled ♪
♪ Winter's moon no longer found ♪
♪ The emptiness is filled ♪
♪ Darkness no match for this dawn ♪
- All right, so tomorrow we can cross check the combinations
on the poster board against each other,
and as long as everything adds up,
I think I can have it typed and ready by Friday night.
- This Friday night? - Yeah.
- Maybe we should wait another week.
- Another week? - Yeah.
- Why?
- I mean, you know,
we've been having such a good time planning everything,
maybe we should just continue to be,
you know, planning everything.
- You're funny.
- Yeah, I am.
- Colm says he can easily get us into the front door,
and according to him,
the only security camera is right there at that entrance,
so if we park here at other side of the building,
we just have to cover our faces until we get inside.
So we're gonna need some kind of disguises.
- Okay, well if you're going to be typing up
the combinations tomorrow,
I suppose I could probably go get us
some disguises if you like.
- Great.
- Hm, grand day, isn't it? - 'Tis, yeah.
- So you're shopping for the wife, are you?
- I am, yeah.
- Tell me something.
Is she a very big woman or is she a very small woman?
- That's not important.
- Oh but it is, it's extremely important.
- Well then, she's a thin woman.
Look, I just want to buy these.
- Absolutely not.
- What?
- You take my advice now and put these two back on the shelf
if you don't want to get into the height of trouble
when you get home.
- What do you mean?
What do I mean, says he.
Sure aren't these two the very largest size
that's available to womanhood.
- Well to be honest, I'm not really sure of her size,
I, so I just need to take the small ones
and the extra large ones just in case.
- But haven't you already told me she's a very thin woman?
- Yes, I have but, well, they're not for her, okay.
I mean the small ones are, but the large ones,
they're for someone else entirely.
- I see how it is now all right.
Well there's no doubt about it,
but the sacrament of marriage isn't worth a single freckle
of what it used to be.
- No, no, it's not like that at all.
- When it comes to men and their fancy women,
there's not one single morsel of a moral left
inside any of their godforsaken adulterous heads.
- Look, even if that was true,
it's none of your business, okay?
I just came in here to buy something,
so, so let me buy it and I'll be on my way.
- Hello Jim.
- Yeah.
- If you feel like dropping round to the shop
in the next couple of minutes,
you never know what you might find.
- What's going on?
- I can guarantee you
that even if it doesn't happen straightaway,
any married man who engages
in such vulgar adulterous activities
will most definitely get his comeuppance in the end.
- You called the guards?
- If I can get something on this fella now,
we can knock off for the rest of the day.
- Jim, don't move.
There's a fella behind you
who has a gun pointed at your head.
- What?
- I got you a beauty.
Who's the bastard now, hah?
- Oh you are.
You're definitely the bastard.
- And now I get to go home for the rest of the day.
- How's it going there? - How's it going?
- Are you aware that your tax disc has expired?
- I, yeah, well it's just by a couple of days,
and you know to be honest,
that's the first time in my whole life
that I didn't renew it.
- It doesn't matter if it's a couple of days
or a couple of minutes, you still have to pay the fine.
- Wow, nothing like this has ever happened to me before.
You know I couldn't help noticing
that your friend played a bit of a joke on you before.
- Oh begod, he did.
And I can't believe I fell for it.
- Well I don't know if you'd be interested,
but maybe I could help you try
to play a joke on him, you know.
And then if he falls for it, you see, you got him back
and I could keep my driving record
as clean as it's always been.
- He's probably gone home to the house.
I tell you what, why don't we hop into your car
and drive over there.
And when we get there, you blow the horn,
and as soon as Kieran comes out,
you throw me out onto the ground,
I'll go face-down on the dirt,
and he'll think I'm completely dead on the ground.
- No, no, no, I was just thinking
that maybe I could do something like, you know,
I could ring him up and pretend, you know,
you hurt your big toe or something
and I'm the doctor asking him to come pick you up.
- And then and he'd drive all the way
to the hospital and I wouldn't even be there?
- Yeah, exactly.
- No, no, let's go with the other one.
Hop in there and we'll drive around to the house.
- No, no, listen, I'm sorry.
I don't know why I said that.
You know it's just been a really strange week,
and I haven't really been myself,
so why don't you give me a fine for the tax disc, and and--
- Hey. - We'll call it a day.
- You know now, I have plenty of ways
of finding a lot more wrong with a car
besides an expired tax disc.
You can be absolutely sure of that.
- That's a nice house.
And the both of ye live here? - Uh huh.
Now you blow the horn, and then boot me out of the car.
- What do you mean boot you out of the car?
- Lift up your leg, and then kick me as hard as you can
and send me flying out onto the ground.
- No, no, listen, I can you know,
maybe I can blow the horn, but if you want to do that,
then I think you should probably make your own way
out of the car.
- Jim, Jim, Jimmy, are you all right?
Jim, are you all right, boy?
- I got you an absolute beauty, hah?
- You scared the living daylights out of me.
- And you thought I was completely dead on the ground,
didn't you?
- Oh begod, I did.
- So who's the bastard now, hah?
- Oh you are, Jim, you're definitely the bastard.
- And don't you forget it.
And another thing.
- What?
- I don't think we'll have any problem reaching
our criminal quota for the month.
- Is that right, Jim?
- Hm, he gave me a right good whack on the side of the head.
- Oh I can see a mark there all right.
- But you--
- You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held
against you in a court of law.
- But, he forced forced my hand to I didn't--
- That sounds like an admission of guilt to me.
- Absolutely, and I'm sure that
that's how a judge will see it as well.
Here's how it is.
First, Kieran got me
by making me think that you had a gun pointed
to the back of my head.
Then yourself and myself got Kieran by making him think
that I was stone dead on the ground,
and now the two of us got you
by arresting you for assaulting a guard.
- A good whack on the side of the head.
- And we got you an absolute beauty, didn't we, Kieran?
- Oh we did.
- I'd say that's probably one of our best ever, is it?
- I'd say it's in the top 20 anyway.
- Oh, top 15 surely.
- 17.
- 16.
- So I'm not really under arrest?
- Oh God, no,
what kind of fellas do you think we are at all?
- I don't really know.
- Good luck to you now.
- All right, thanks very much.
It was a great laugh, lads.
Thanks, thanks a million, bye bye now.
- All the best to you now, boy.
- Yeah, all the best.
God Almighty.
And then after they handcuffed me, and I started, you know,
thinking about the possibility
of spending half my life in jail,
I realized that I can't keep up this kind of charade.
You know, I mean the last few days
with you have just been fantastic,
but you know the truth is that I've been living a lie,
and no matter what the consequences,
now I feel that I just have to tell you the truth.
- Okay, what are you What are you trying to say exactly?
- Well I--
- I would, just hold on one second.
Hello.
- Are you the wife of a fella
with a car that has a number plate 99G2416?
- I'm sorry, who is this?
- Never mind who I am.
Did you know that your husband is having an affair
with another woman?
He's a good for nothing philandering little scamp.
- Who is this?
How did you get our number?
- I'm a woman the same as yourself
who once trusted a scoundrel that ended up dragging my heart
over the fiery coals.
And if you have any respect for yourself whatsoever,
you won't let the same thing happen to you.
- So you have been living a lie.
- Yeah, I mean that
that's what I've been trying to tell you.
- And what about now.
I mean is it still going on?
- No, no, it's not.
- I mean I know we've had our issues,
but I never thought you were the kind of guy
to just sleep with another woman.
- What, I didn't sleep with another woman.
- Really?
- Of course not.
- So then there was nothing physical?
- Only with you.
- Oh, thank God.
Oh, I mean I could hardly blame you for wanting
to connect with someone else,
especially on an emotional level,
considering how distant I've been these past few months,
but I mean I feel
like I've been really moving past all that, you know.
I mean especially now that I know who you really are.
And, you know, especially since you were gonna,
you were gonna tell me the whole truth.
From now on, you are not gonna connect with anyone else.
Not even on an emotional level, right?
- Right. - Right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, so do you want
to go over those little safe combinations one more time?
- Yeah, yeah I do.
- Okay.
So the only security camera is
outside the front door, right?
- Yes.
- Okay, so we should put on our disguises now
and make sure not to take them off until
we're inside the front door.
- Okay. - Okay, here we go.
- This is it.
- Stay in the car, do not move, do not get out,
and only use the walkie talkie
if you see someone coming, okay?
- Okay.
- Over there.
- Okay, let's just go through the list
until we get the right one.
♪ I sway my eyes in upward turn ♪
♪ With hopes of a higher quest ♪
♪ I beg the path beneath me burn ♪
♪ Through a voice that's yet to rest ♪
♪ But I'm changing for the better every day ♪
- 36.
♪ Ever since you've come my way ♪
- 21.
85.
96.
- Hey, Good Buddy.
- Is something wrong?
Is there someone coming?
Do you hear me?
Shane can you hear me?
- Are you over?
- No, we're not over.
We'll be out when we are, okay?
- No, are you over on the walkie talkie, over.
- Just tell me is everything all right out there?
Is every
over.
- Well Good Buddy, Good Buddy needs to tell Big Daddy
what's going on with Rubber Duckie,
Slim Shaker, and American Pie, over.
- Shane, just don't contact me
unless somebody is around, okay?
- 20, 85 - Over.
- Is that an over, or an over and out, over.
- That's an over and if you don't shut up,
I'll punch your lights out.
- 10-4 Good Buddy.
This an over and out from Big Daddy, too.
♪ You have knocked me over ♪
♪ I can't breathe alone through silence ♪
♪ I can't take these passing moments ♪
♪ I can't leave these thoughts unsettled ♪
♪ Ever since you've come my way ♪
- How's it looking?
- Well we're down to the last two.
- Okay.
- All right.
- No.
- This is it.
- No.
- Oh my God.
- What?
- I didn't allow for enough possibilities.
I'm pretty sure that,
oh if you have a margin of error in the first position,
and then it increases in the next position,
and then with every position after that.
I can't believe I didn't remember that.
It's the propagation of errors.
God, there's not hundreds of possibilities.
There's thousands.
- Sky,
car,
car.
Car, car!
- This is never gonna work.
I'm sorry.
- There's a car and and it's stopping over.
- Where Shane? - No hang on,
I didn't say over.
Well I did say over, but it was over and not over.
The next word I was going to say was there,
so it was stopping over there, not over, which is over.
- Okay, Shane, okay.
Just stay low and be quiet, okay?
Now turn off your walkie talkie,
and stay out of sight, over and out.
- Okay guys, come on.
Shut the door, turn off the light.
- Now, what can I get you?
- Did you remember to get anything other than whisky?
- Oh sorry, I forgot.
- I suppose whisky will have to do then.
- Right.
There you go.
- Thanks.
You're not having ice?
- Nah, I think I'll have it straight tonight.
- And there I was thinking you were a man
that was set in his ways.
- Hm.
- What's this? - What's what?
- This.
Ronan McSweeny, are you cheating on me?
- Of course not, I'm a man of principles.
I wouldn't cheat on anyone.
- Really?
- Well except for my wife, but that's completely different.
- So I'm the only woman you ever brought here?
- Of course you are.
Except for my wife, but that was a really long time ago.
- You know what I think?
- What?
- I think you're cheating on me with your wife.
- Ah for Heaven's sake.
Would you have a bit of cop on.
You know that nothing's happened between me and my wife
for well over a decade.
- Then why in God's name do you refuse to leave her?
- I told you why.
She owns over half the company,
and the house is in her name as well.
I'd be left with practically nothing.
- So it's all about money?
- Ah Sarah, for God's sake, have a bit of sense.
What do you take me for in God's name?
- I should've known.
In all the years of being your fool of a mistress,
you've been messing around with your wife behind my back.
- Ah for heaven's sake.
Don't be so ridiculous.
I would never think
of any other woman like that besides you.
Especially my wife.
- What's going on, over.
♪ You have knocked me over ♪
♪ I can't breathe alone through silence ♪
♪ I can't take these passing moments ♪
♪ I can't leave these thoughts unsettled ♪
♪ Ever since you've come my way ♪
- How could you have not known about this?
- Me?
Ye were the ones putting it in the bags.
- Yeah, but you're the one
who's been monitoring the safe for the last two months.
- The nanny cam only films the front of the safe.
All the Irish punts must've been in the back.
- And how long has the Irish pound been
out of circulation? - Since 2002.
So obviously he's been stacking it away
a lot longer than we thought.
- Too many bubbles. Too many bubbles.
- And they're just not good anymore?
- No, they're not.
- Well I mean at least we have some in euro.
I mean it's probably like 20,000.
Hm, that's not too bad.
- But there must be three times that amount in Irish pounds.
I just don't understand why he didn't change them into euros
when he had the chance.
- Well maybe changing over a large sum of cash
over a short period of time would've been a red flag
to the tax department.
- The central bank, it's our only option.
- How is that an option?
- They still exchange Irish pounds, they have to.
- Look, even even if they do,
we can't just wander in there with wads
of outdated cash in our hands.
- Why not?
- Well because what are we supposed to say?
Oh oh you know this morning I was changing the sheets
on my bed, and 60,000 quid just happened
to fall out from under my mattress.
- We can do it in stages.
- Use the hairdryer.
- Sure, people are always finding stacks of money
in pockets of old coats and things like that.
If we do it 50 quid at a time, it won't look suspicious.
- Right, so we're supposed to go in there every single week
for the next what, 20 or 30 years and say,
oh well this particular 50 quid I happened to find
in an old overcoat that's different
from all the other thousands of overcoats
that I've been finding money in for the last,
you know three or four decades.
Yeah, nothing suspicious about that.
- Yeah, and isn't the central bank in Dublin?
- Yeah, it is.
- So if you factor in the five or six hour drive
it would take to get there and back, and expenses like fuel,
and wear and tear on the car, and maybe a meal,
you're gonna be running at a loss.
- So what are we supposed to do?
It's still money.
It's still worth something.
- No, it's not.
Not in this situation.
And you know, we can't leave it here.
McSweeny might've already reported it stolen.
- No, he wouldn't have.
Not unless he wants the revenue commissioner
down on his head.
- You know what, Brendan's right.
We have to get rid of it.
You know, we'll just give it to some charity.
No one's gonna suspect them.
If they can find a way to change it into euro,
at least we know it went to a good cause.
- But that's us, we're the good cause.
- Look, we don't have to decide now, okay?
Why don't we just put the money somewhere,
we'll get some sleep,
and we'll just work out what to do later on.
- Okay.
- Do you still think that our share
of the euro will be enough to build the talking fridge?
- Well it's not as much as we expected,
but I'm sure we could at least build
some kind of a prototype.
If that's what you still want to do.
- Yeah, we're building a prototype.
- Brendan, Brendan, wake up. - What?
- Something happened to the money.
- What, what happened?
- One of the bags is missing.
It's the one with all the euro.
- Well who would've taken it?
♪ From tainted ground where we once lay ♪
♪ We call forth a brighter day ♪
♪ Shielded 'neath a falling tide ♪
♪ All our dreams coincide ♪
♪ If only to share the taste of summer rain ♪
♪ Embrace this moment's refrain ♪
- Shane here, leave a message
and I'll phone you back there.
- Shane, it's Brendan.
We're on our way to your house,
so just wait for us there, okay,
and if you're not there, just phone me back.
Don't do anything stupid, okay.
- There you go, Sister, enjoy that now.
♪ Oh how humble my eyes ♪
♪ As we feel the earth's release ♪
♪ And beg this moment to bring peace ♪
- That's him, that's him, there he is.
♪ Carried by the dawn of a drifting moon ♪
♪ All our fears stand imune ♪
- Ye said it was dangerous keeping it inside,
and then I heard ye say ye wanted
to give it to charity, so that's what I did.
- We were talking about the pounds, not the euro.
- It wasn't euro.
I looked inside, and I saw it was pounds.
- Well then you must've only looked at the very top.
- How do you, how do you know that?
- Well, because look, Shane, what happened was,
okay we put the 20,000 euro in the blue bag,
then we filled up the white bag with pounds,
but then there were some pounds left over,
so we took those and we put them in the blue bag
on top of the euro, okay?
Now for the last time, where did you leave it?
- Are there even any nuns left anymore?
- Yeah, but there's not that many,
so probably nobody's even seen it yet.
- Aw, hopefully.
- You know if there really is a God,
we're gonna get to that money before the nuns do.
- Blow the horn, blow the horn.
- I don't want to scare the dog.
- For 20,000 euro.
Why are these streets so narrow?
- 'Cause they were built
when people only had horses.
- Well they should've waited
till cars were invented
- Excuse me, ma'am.
Excuse me, we're in a bit of a hurry.
Would you mind just-- - You, again?
- I'm, we're just, we gotta-- - You whippersnapper.
- Praise be to God.
- But is it enough to save the school?
- Oh indeed it is, Ukaria.
Indeed it is.
- Thanks be to God.
- Amen.
- Yeah but even if we could break in there,
the nuns probably have it stashed away somewhere.
We're never gonna find it.
- We have to get it, it's our money.
- No, it's not.
- Well, it's not the nuns' money.
They didn't steal it.
- Oh, well then all we have to do is go down
to the courthouse and tell the judge
that we're the ones that stole it.
- I'm not saying it's ours legally.
I'm saying morally.
- Yeah, and how do we even know
the nuns haven't called the police already?
- Because they need the money
so their school doesn't shut down.
That's, that's why I gave it to them.
- Colm! - Colm!
- He's probably right.
I mean if they've been asking for donations,
why would they even question it?
- We'll go over to the convent and tell the nuns
that we're the commissioner of schools
and that we will leave their school open indefinitely
for 20,000 euros up front, no questions asked.
- Yeah, or we could just go in there
and tell them we're Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,
and we need 20,000 euro to stop heaven from closing down.
- Well at least we tried.
Maybe it's just not meant to be.
- How do you mean?
- Well it's been a very exciting week,
but maybe we're just fooling ourselves.
- You think so?
- It certainly feels that way.
- We'll dress up as guards.
- What?
- Myself and Colm, we'll dress up as guards,
and we'll go in there and tell the nuns
that the money is stolen
and just demand that they hand it over.
- You want to impersonate a police officer?
- Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what I want to do.
I mean all I need is...
Those two guards who pretended to arrest me,
if I can find a way back into their house,
I'll just steal their uniforms.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I mean actually,
I can find a way back into their house.
I remember after they took the handcuffs off me,
I went into the bathroom,
and I was thinking if they try anything else,
I can just escape out through the window
'cause it wasn't even locked.
- And you think it still might be open?
- Yeah, I mean lots of people leave their bathroom window
open all the time.
- Sneaking in there like that, isn't that kind of risky?
- Of course it's risky.
But what do I care about a little thing like risk?
I mean I'm not gonna let something like that stop us
from getting where we need to be.
I mean I'm just not that kind of a person.
- We should go now?
- Now?
- I mean the guards are probably sleeping,
and at this time of night,
we could be there and back with the uniforms
in less than an hour.
- Yeah, yeah, I mean we probably could,
but I mean the other thing we could do is
we could just stay here and, you know, take advantage
of these really exciting feelings that we're having.
- No, no, no, this is too exciting.
Come on, get up.
We are stealing garda uniforms.
- Yeah.
- Well even if it's not open,
we'll have to find another way in.
- Yeah.
- And you're sure they don't have guns?
- No, guards in Ireland never carry guns.
- Well how do they shoot people?
- They don't. - Well what do they do?
- I don't know, they have truncheons.
- Oh, and those have bullets?
- No, of course not. - Oh.
- But if you got over the head
with one of those things,
it could really crack open your skull.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay, so what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna go in there,
I'm gonna grab the uniforms and be back--
- No, no, no, no, I should go in there.
I'm gonna fit more easily through the window.
- No, you're not.
And anyway it's my idea,
so I should be the one who goes in there.
- Why wouldn't I fit more easily through the window?
- Well because even though I have broader shoulders,
I can just pull them in, and once I get past my chest,
I don't have any hips to worry about, so--
- And I do?
- No, no, no you don't, I didn't mean that, I--
- Okay, fine, so the uniforms are at the end
of the kitchen table?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, well at least
that's where they hung them the day I was there,
and I assume they're still there.
Actually I can just make them out from here.
They hung their hats and their jackets.
I think actually their shirts are in there as well.
I could grab them, and I could be out in five seconds,
I mean, and actually I could even open that door
from the inside and come straight out this way.
I--
What, what are you doing?
What, Nicole, come back, come back.
You locked the window?
- Kieran, is that you?
- What?
- I said is that you? - Course it is.
Who else would it be.
- Okay, God, I know we haven't communicated
in a really long time, and well it's mostly your fault.
I mean in fairness, you're very aloof.
But if you do happen to exist,
maybe you could just first of all
just get Nicole out of this
and then maybe make it so that she,
she, you understand what I mean.
I know you're single and everything,
and maybe it works for you,
but I don't think it'd be very good for me.
No, no, no, no, go, go back.
Sh, sh, sh.
♪ This may be the best day of our life ♪
♪ For all we know tomorrow may not come ♪
♪ This may be the moment of our youth ♪
♪ Maybe the truth has just begun ♪
♪ All the daylight turns through our eyes ♪
♪ We move beyond the path of compromise ♪
- Have you got butterflies in your belly?
- No, but your coat is really smelly.
- You don't look very steady.
- Well I don't think you're really ready.
- What do you want?
A mani/pedi? - What's a mani/pedi?
- It's a manicure pedicure.
- Abbreviations don't count.
- Oh really?
- Yeah, sorry.
- Oh, why not? - They just don't.
Right, should we do this?
- Yeah, let's do it.
- All right, good luck Officer McCarthy.
- Thank you, Ma'am.
Although I probably shouldn't use my real name.
- Yeah, probably not.
- You're gonna do most of the talking, right?
- Don't worry, we'll be grand.
- Are you sure?
- Of course, sure those nuns are easily fooled.
Thank you very much, sister.
- You're very welcome.
So how can I be of assistance?
- Well Sister, we're gathering information
with regards to monies that went missing
over this past weekend.
- Monies?
- Well, yes monies.
I mean it is money,
but there happens to be two different currencies involved,
so it may be more appropriate to say monies.
The majority of it is in euro,
but there happens to be some Irish pounds in there as well.
- Irish pounds you say?
- I do, Sister, yes.
And so we were wondering if you might have come
into contact with said monies at any stage
during the last weekend?
- Do you know something?
You look very familiar to me.
- I do?
- Yes, you do.
- Well you've probably seen me out
and about you know, on my, my beat.
- Hm, that's probably it all right.
- As I was saying, Sister,
we were wondering if you may have come
into contact with the aforementioned monies in question?
- You'd wonder why would anyone have Irish pounds on them
in this day and age.
I mean they'd be of hardly any value at all, would they?
- No, they probably wouldn't, but as for the 20,000 euro,
now that would definitely have a value of,
well of 20,000 euro.
- You're probably right there.
Are you absolutely sure
that yourself and myself haven't met somewhere before?
- Yes, Sister, I am.
- And where would you be from?
- I'm from here, from, from Cork.
- You don't seem to have a very strong Cork accent.
- Well, I used to live abroad,
and you see my wife is a foreigner.
You know sometimes I tend to pick up things, you know.
- Is that right?
- So, Sister, if you have information
that might help us with our investigation,
we would really like you to tell us.
- You wouldn't be Mary McCarthy's son, would you?
- No, Sister, no, no I wouldn't.
- Well then whose son would you be?
- I'd be Mary, Mary Murphy's son.
See, she'd be my mother, you see,
and so then I'd be her son.
- Now it is believed to have been dropped off
on the steps of this very convent
by a five-foot brown-haired man who happened
to be driving a bicycle.
- You know Mary McCarthy's son was married
to a foreigner as well.
- Really?
- I think she was an American.
I remember it clearly now.
A few months before Mary McCarthy died,
I heard her son was getting married,
and I said I'll pop my head into the church
just for the ceremony.
And it was only when the bride was saying her vows
that I realized where she was from.
- My wife is definitely not an American, so--
- No. - No, she--
- Do you know something about me?
I've been teaching in the primary school here
for the last 42 years.
And when you've been teaching young children
of that age for as long as I have,
you develop an impeccable sense
of when someone is being genuine and when they're not.
Now I mustn't be late for mass, gentlemen.
It's very important for someone like me
to set a good example to the rest of the congregation.
Just like your mother, God rest her soul,
believed she was setting a good example for you.
And you can rest assured, gentlemen,
that any and all information I possess on the matter,
I will divulge to Sergeant O'Connell himself directly.
- The other Irish pounds, we should,
we should probably burn them.
Brendan, if she's called the police,
they can be here in like 10 seconds flat.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that,
but Nicole you're not gonna have to worry about that
'cause I just booked you a ticket.
- What?
- Yeah, and I used everything
that was in our savings account,
and it's a nonrefundable ticket, so you have to go.
- Huh, no, I'm not going anywhere.
God, I can't believe we didn't get rid of these.
- Look I tried to get you on an earlier one,
but the earliest one I could get is
at seven o'clock tomorrow night,
so all you have to do is just lay low for 24 hours,
and then you'll be safely on your way back to America.
- Brendan, we're in this together, okay?
I mean all we have to do is just get rid of the evidence,
and everything's gonna be fine.
- We're not.
We're not in anything together.
Look I know when we first got married it seemed
like I was a very adventurous person,
but that was because we were falling in love.
You know, that was the adventure, and to be honest,
I've, I've never wanted anything more than that.
And I know you wanted to do the talking fridge idea,
I mean we should've, and we didn't because I was afraid.
And that's who I am, and you deserve better than that,
so all you gotta do is just lay low for the next 24 hours,
get on that plane, and just get on with your life.
- Brendan Hugh McCarthy?
- Yeah.
- I'm Detective Clifford, this is Detective Coleman.
You're under arrest on suspicion of robbery,
suspicion of impersonating a guard,
and the illegal possession of a Garda uniform.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held against you
in a court of law.
- Wait, Where are you taking him?
- He'll have a chance to phone you when he gets there.
Yeah, that's right, we have him now.
Yeah.
- Well begod, hah?
We got you, didn't we, Kieran?
- Oh we did, we definitely did.
- And you hadn't a clue in the world
that it was the pair of us that was behind it, did you?
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you exactly what's going on.
First Kieran got me by making me think
that you had a gun pointed to the back of my head.
- Top 29.
- Then yourself and myself got him
by making him think that I was stone dead on the ground.
- Top 26.
- Then myself and himself got you by making you think
that you were after being arrested for assaulting a guard.
- Top 17.
- And then you got us by breaking into our house
in the middle of the night.
- Top 32.
- And now we've got you back even better than that
by sending the lads around to arrest you
for stealing the pair of our uniforms.
- Top 14.
- So you knew about that?
- Sure of course we did.
And you very nearly got away with it, too.
It was only that I was climbing back into the bed
and I heard a noise from outside the front of the house,
and I got up and I looked out the window, didn't I Kieran?
- Oh you did.
- Yeah, and when I saw that it was your car
that was driving away into the distance,
do you know what I said? - No.
- I said fair play to that bastard.
He got us an absolute beauty.
And then do you know what I said?
- No.
- I said we'll get him back an even better beauty than that
when we send the lads around to arrest him
and make him think he's being taken off to the jail.
Didn't I say that Kieran?
- Oh the very words, Jim, the very words.
- So they said that I was under suspicion
of impersonating a guard
'cause why else would anyone steal Garda uniforms?
But I was just getting ye back
for the joke ye played on me because I'm such a prankster.
- That's exactly it.
So who's the bastard now, hah?
- Ye are, both of ye.
You're definitely a pair of bastards.
- And don't you forget it.
- But I honestly thought that we were gonna get arrested,
so I was just saying whatever I needed to say
to get you to go safely back to America.
- So everything you said this afternoon was a lie,
but everything you told me
before that this week has been the truth?
- Well, no I mean, yes,
I have been putting on a kind of an act, but--
- I think I need to use that plane ticket.
- What?
- I can be packed and ready by tomorrow night.
- Nicole, we're not going to get caught.
I mean if the nun was going to turn us in,
she'd definitely have done it by now.
- I just wish I'd stuck to my original decision,
and then we wouldn't be locked
into this nonrefundable ticket,
and we could've started the divorce proceedings
before I left.
- Divorce proceedings?
But we've just had the single greatest week
of our married life.
- And the entire time you've been lying to me
about who you really are.
- So,
it's yourself again, is it?
This is a fine state of affairs.
A fine state of affairs indeed.
Was it you that dragged Mary McCarthy's boy into this,
or was it him that dragged you?
- It was me, Sister.
It was all my idea.
- And was it just the two of ye that stole the money,
or was there someone else involved as well?
- It was just the two of us.
- Do you know what I can't stand more than anything else?
- The devil?
- A bare-faced lie.
Now you tell me exactly who you were talking about
when you were up here dressed as a guard,
and you told me the money had been dropped off
by a five-foot, brown-haired fella driving a bicycle.
- Well, Sister, it was just that--
- Tell me the truth, or I swear by Almighty God,
I'll be on to Sargent O'Connell,
and it'll be straight into jail with the pair of ye.
- Yeah, what?
What?
What the hell are you doing there?
Yeah, I told you not.
Yeah, all right, okay.
Yeah, look, okay, I'll be there as soon as I can.
- And now the other fella.
- You need some help?
- Oh, um, no actually, I'm almost done.
- Yeah, actually, I sort of need to get going anyway.
- Oh, you're going to work?
- I don't think I'm actually gonna make it in there today.
- Right.
- I know your flight's not till this evening,
but there's a really good chance
that I might not get to see you again before you go.
- So this is goodbye?
- At least it's been an interesting week.
- It has.
- The divorce papers,
I'll, I'll organize those
and, you know, probably I'll just have to just send them
over to you and you'll probably just have to sign them
and just send them back, so you're not gonna have to,
you know, worry about that. - Thanks.
- And when your permanent residency comes through,
I'll just you know,
just tell them you don't need them anymore.
And, that'll, um yeah, so you can just,
you can just, you know, forget about that.
- Okay.
- Well, have a good flight.
- Thanks, I will.
- Why would I bring my wife.
Who said anything about my wife?
- We have to know the rules.
In other words the?
Commandments.
Stretch up to the heavens.
And how does that feel?
- Good, Sister, yeah.
- What commandment comes
after thou shalt not commit adultery?
Brendan?
- Um.
- Back of the class.
- Thou shalt not steal.
- Good boy, that's right.
Now come up here and sit in the front row.
Now stretch down to the depths of hell.
And how does that feel?
- Not good sister.
- Colm?
- Moses.
- Back of the class.
Now sideways to purgatory.
♪ Thou ♪
♪ Shalt ♪
♪ Not ♪
♪ Steal ♪
- And how long might we have to live in purgatory
if we don't repent?
- A very long time, Sister.
- To Heaven or to
hell.
- Sister, would this be Limbo?
♪ Turn the wind onto itself ♪
♪ Still the ocean tide ♪
♪ Burn the light that bleeds my eyes ♪
♪ Take prisoner of my pride ♪
♪ Dare to draw this veil across my sky ♪
- On your knees.
♪ And drifting over the edge of this day ♪
♪ I know ♪
- The time to start.
♪ I could somehow find my way ♪
♪ If you would only ♪
- Now.
♪ Walk with me ♪
- Please forgive me Lord
for I am very sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am very sorry for what I've done.
- Say your prayers.
- Sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am very sorry for what I've done.
- Forgive me Lord.
- Please forgive me Lord for what I've done.
- We'll have a short break now.
Be back here in 10 minutes.
- Excuse me, Sister.
- Yes, child.
- Um, I know I have a few more hours of prayer left,
but I was wondering if I could leave a little early.
There's just somewhere I really need to be
in about half an hour.
- Will you have a cup of tea? - No, thank you.
- It's no bother to pour an extra cup,
and we might as well not waste the water.
- It really is a beautiful building.
- Indeed it is.
It'll be an awful shame when we have to leave it.
- You didn't raise enough to save the school?
- Unfortunately not.
- Couldn't you just use the money
that was left on your doorstep?
- No, child.
Now that I know where it came from,
I'm going to have to ensure that those that stole it,
return it to its rightful owner.
- And where will you live?
- I imagine it won't be far.
Not like yourself having to live thousands of miles
from your homeland.
- Actually that's why I need to leave early.
I'm gonna move there permanently.
My flight's at seven, and it's a nonrefundable ticket.
- I suppose that means that Brendan will want
to be leaving early, too?
- No, no, actually he's not coming with me.
- Did Brendan ever tell you that I was in the church
on the morning you got married?
- Yeah, he mentioned it.
- I remember the two of ye walking down the aisle
with the love of each other deep in your hearts.
- It was an exciting time.
- And it's not anymore?
You know I traveled to your country once.
- Really?
- I still remember the excitement of stepping on a plane
for the first time in my life,
and being raised up from the ground, and after that,
ah, it was nothing to see at all only long stretches
of ocean that bored me to distraction.
Something I could never have imagined
in the very first moments
when I was being elevated to the heavens.
But you know something,
it was a truly wonderful journey.
You're free to do whatever you please.
But choose wisely, child.
There's one thing you have to remember about life,
it's completely nonrefundable, too.
- Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am very sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
- Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
Please forgive me, Lord,
for I am sorry for what I've done.
♪ Walk with me ♪
- You know if we ever wanted to commit another crime,
I think we've done enough penance to be forgiven in advance.
- That is true.
- So what was it that changed your mind about us?
- I just figured even if there's gonna be long stretches
of ocean that I didn't want to be staring at it without you.
- Well I don't exactly know what that means, but I like it.
- Hm, you know what's gonna be really exciting?
- What?
- Paying all of our bills on time
and still being able to follow our dream.
- Yeah, that would be exciting,
but I don't really know how we could afford a prototype.
- I think there's a way.
- The thing is Mr. McSweeny,
we have it on very good authority
that you were in possession of a large sum of money
which had never been declared
to the governmental offices of taxation.
- Revenue.
- And the pair of us fellas being officers of the law
and also being in possession
of a very high level of detection skills,
have taken it upon ourselves to get to the very bottom--
- Core.
- The very bottom of the situation.
Now for starters, I want you to show me
all records of all transactions made
by this company over the past--
- Two.
- Five.
- Four.
- Six years.
- I'll see what I can find.
- Good man.
- How's it going there lads?
Ye got my anonymous letter
about McSweeny, did ye?
- Oh begod we did.
- And right here's all the evidence
they're ever going to need.
- And we should have known that it was from you.
Shouldn't we Kieran?
- Oh we should have, yeah, we definitely should have.
- You're going to give me
and the other workers the 25% raise that we deserve.
You will also be required to make a legitimate donation
to the convent down the road
to stop their school from closing down.
- I mean, here was the two of us,
thinking that we had our first ever sniff
of a white collar crime.
And the whole time it was nothing more than you
getting the two of us back for sending
that pair of detectives around to your house.
- That's exactly right.
I made the whole thing up.
- Because my friend over there is the only one
with the power to keep those two guards off your back.
You're going to provide him and his wife with enough capital
to get their new business venture off the ground.
- And I got you a beauty, didn't I?
- You absolutely did, didn't he, Kieran.
- Oh begod, he did.
- Now why would I do any of that?
Sure the worst that could happen me is I'll have
to pay some back taxes,
but it's not the kind of crime they'll throw a guy
in jail for, but you know what is?
Robbery.
- So who's the bastard now, hah?
- Oh you are.
You're definitely the bastard.
- This is for you.
- Fair play to you, boy.
- So it's you, is it?
You dirty rotten scoundrel.
Now you listen to me you filthy mongrel
with your young high heeled hussy stretched out on a couch
in the middle of the night,
if I ever find out who you are and where you live,
your wife will most definitely be getting a visit from me.
You dirty, lying, cheating son of a six-legged goat.
- I can't give you his wife's name and address just yet,
but I'll definitely let you know if anything changes,
okay, bye now, bye bye.
- That was great, that was great.
I mean you'd have to admit
that'd probably be in top the five, would it?
- Era, not at all. - Top 10?
- God no.
- Top 15?
- 25.
- 25, well that's,
I suppose that's better than 20.
- Ah you've a long way to go yet.
♪ Time has turned towards all we hope to be ♪
♪ All its thoughts have passed through you and me ♪
- Test recording for the talking fridge, Colm.
- Closing the button on your pants
won't hurt if you choose the frozen yogurt.
- What, pants doesn't rhyme with yogurt.
- No, no, no, hurt and yogurt.
- No, no, no,
disqualified, disqualified, boo.
- How am I disqualified?
It's hurt and yogurt.
- If you eat too much cheesecake,
looking in the mirror will make you want
to jump in the lake.
- That's pretty good. - Yeah.
Yeah, it's not bad. - I like that one.
- Really? - Yeah.
- How about, If you eat too much chocolate,
you should be lined up against a wall and shot.
- Oh oh. - Oh.
- Yeah. - Over.
- Come on Girls.
Come on girls, welcome back, welcome back.
No, no, Sinead, this way.
- Sorry that we're late. - Ah come on, girls.
- There you go.
Derry.
♪ Time has turned towards all we hope to be ♪
♪ All its thoughts have passed through you and me ♪
- Hey. - Hey, I think this is it.
- What, the prototype? - Yeah.
You want to try it out? - Yeah, yeah, I do.
- Thank you.
- If you're doing penance for a crime,
tasting Brussels sprouts will do just fine.
- It works.
♪ Knelt upon the light of cleansing moon ♪
- If you listen to all our health tips,
your heart will really love what touches your lips.
- I like that one.
So how many have we sold today?
- Ah, about a hundred euro's worth.
- Wow, that's not bad for a Monday morning.
- No, it's not. - So what time's your class?
- 1:30.
- What is it today?
- Kids' nutrition. - Right, great.
Hello.
- Mr. McCarthy? - Yes.
- This is the immigration office,
and we regret to inform you that your wife's application
for Irish residency has been denied.
- At the interview, they said it was--
- And she is hereby instructed to leave the country.
- No, I mean I don't understand.
She's my wife and--
- We got you an absolute beauty.
Didn't we Kieran?
- Oh we did, we definitely did.
- So who's the bastard now, hah?
- You are, you're definitely the bastard.
- And don't you forget it.
- I don't think this is ever gonna stop.
- Well least it keep things interesting.
- Yeah, but I can't believe
I'm not the bastard anymore.
- Ah, that's okay, honey.
I'm sure that you'll be the bastard again soon.
- I hope so.
♪ All the world is dreaming tonight ♪
♪ As if everyone's vision has turned out right ♪
♪ All these years are melting away ♪
♪ All the darkness has turned today ♪
♪ Every piece of me passes back through you ♪
♪ Through me ♪
♪ So take my hand and step out of the shade ♪
♪ Rest your gaze in mine ♪
♪ Let the darkness fade ♪
♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ There's no need to be afraid ♪
♪ Days like these are magic made ♪
♪ All the skies are burning tonight ♪
♪ As heaven bleeds out its endless light ♪
♪ All the seas are calling our names ♪
♪ Every breeze steals away our shame ♪
♪ As all my thoughts turn through your thoughts ♪
♪ All your thoughts through me ♪
♪ So take my hand and step out of the shade ♪
♪ Rest your gaze in mine ♪
♪ And let the darkness fade ♪
♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ There's no need to be afraid ♪
♪ Days like these are magic made ♪
♪ The ocean's are stilled ♪
♪ As these moments unfold ♪
♪ The winds are hushed ♪
♪ Through verses untold ♪
♪ The shimmering sun embraces the tide ♪
♪ Every burden is cast aside ♪
♪ As all are holding on fades back ♪
♪ Through you through me ♪
♪ So take my hand and step out of the shade ♪
♪ Rest your gaze in mine ♪
♪ Let the darkness fade ♪
♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ There's no need to be afraid ♪
♪ Days like these are magic made ♪
♪ And there's no thought of ever losing this time ♪
♪ As we turn our way towards the light ♪
♪ Take my hand and step out of the shade ♪
♪ Rest your gaze in mine ♪
♪ And let the darkness fade ♪
♪ Hold me close ♪
♪ There's no need to be afraid ♪
♪ Days like these are magic made ♪