Fucking towel.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - MAN: ♪ Happy birthday ♪
- Oh, thank you, Griffin. - ♪ Happy birthday ♪
- What? - No problem, gorgeous.
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - MAN: Whose is it?
Now you blow.
Yeah, that's... Didn't she used to have super breath that's...
Hurricane Jane, they used to call her.
Do you know her breath was once measured
at 516 miles per hour?
The highest speed ever recorded on
- the Beaufort wind force scale. - Imagine the blowjobs.
No, no, technically, a blowjob is a misnomer
because it involves the creation of a vacuum via a suction
rather than exhalation of air,
which was Hurricane Jane's power.
When he was your sidekick,
how could you resist kicking his ass?
Oh, self-control, earplugs.
How long does this go on?
Ready? Give us a good blow, sweetheart.
That's not nice.
My tatties.
Blow that, Rainbow.
In your pocket, buddy.
- Okay, don't. - No, steady, Jerry.
- Glasgow... - Jerry, Jerry.
- ...Rainbow. - Jerry.
I can't fucking control it.
Christ, that's,
that's one bollocksed wheelchair.
- Sorry, Windsor. - Oh, that's all right.
Luckily, I landed on my colostomy bag.
Oh, that's really shocking. Sorry.
Look, here at Dunmanor,
we want you to have as much freedom as possible.
And we recognize that your powers
are part of who you are.
But when those powers create an unsafe environment
for the other residents...
...it is a concern.
Now the last thing we want is to have to downwardly manage
your powers for the safety of others.
Downwardly manage my nut sack.
- Now, now, fellas. - So please,
let's not have any more incidents
like Jerry's act of super incontinence.
Now, on a happier note,
Hero Day is coming around again.
- Yeah? - Whoa!
So, a lovely chance
to meet all your many fans.
And this year, we're hoping there'll be an appearance
from one of the world's most admired superheroes.
- Maximum Justice. - Celestro.
Hey.
Oh, fuck that no talent Lycra jockey.
Yes, thank you, Raymond. So, hope to see you all there.
Oh, and don't forget your blood tests this weekend
- will be in the Lee room. - Ah.
Dolores, darling, what a pretty blouse.
- No, I will not. - Sorry?
- No, I just meant... - I'm not a lesbian, you know.
Which means that this year's Hero Day...
...will be even more exciting for the good folks of Ireland.
One of this year's breakthrough heroes, Celestro,
will be dropping in.
- The celebrated hero... - Oh, come on.
Windsor, do you know where the remote is?
Yes.
- Where is it? - What's that?
- The goddamn remote. - Oh, absolutely, Ray.
...we managed to catch up
- with Celestro in the United... - It's there.
It's there, Windsor.
You guys can check out my website,
- "Celestro.com"... - You're nuts.
akumenang.com
Come over here. Oh, come on.
Hashtag we can all be heroes.
- ...fast as you can. - There, that's more like it. Mm.
Your bicep curl, hammer curl.
Keep your weights in the same position.
Straight up in the air. Bring your elbows down.
Reverse your bicep curl. Bring it down.
A little faster than that. Come on, guys.
Work it, one...
two...
- Pendle? - Yeah?
Prepare to have your ass served up to you
with a side order of loser fries.
You keep saying that.
It ain't never happened yet.
Eat my dust, Pendle.
Hey, hey, hey.
Super speed.
Super speed. Super speed.
Eat my dust, Maximum Justice.
Yeah!
- Ow. - Yes.
Oh, man.
Man, you almost took my eye out.
I win, total failure.
Now, why did you pick a name like that?
- 'Cause you move fast? - Yes, like thunder.
Black Lightning was already taken.
Well, that certainly was some Afro you had back then.
Yep. It was like a black thunder cloud.
- Ah. - At least I didn't have to wear
those thigh high boots with all the high heel.
Make you look like some kind of hooker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is bullshit.
- ♪ Full of grace ♪ - Ow. Ow.
Ted, it's only a little needle.
- I hate needles. - How is that possible?
Don't you people catch bullets in your teeth?
I had more sensitive abilities.
Shimmy here was only ever a sidekick, come on.
Hey...
if it wasn't for us partners, you heroes would be... Ow.
Ow, ow, ow.
What? What is that,
a knitting needle?
Okay, Ray.
Here we go.
Chocolates for everyone. There you go, son.
- Thanks. - You want chocolate?
I'm Maximum Justice.
Feel my fists of justice.
Sounds like he got a football injury.
Try the laser vision. Come on, Dad, I found two on eBay.
Hmm.
Now I look like I got
a football injury.
Well, your grandkids love it.
Your kids and Rachel,
how are they feeling about the relocating?
Are they gung-ho?
Why don't you ask them yourself?
They're here?
- Wow! Why didn't you... - No, I mean on Skype.
Hey, honey.
Hey, Mike. Your dad still being a pain in the...
- He's here. - Hey, Ray.
Hey, Rachel.
You wanna say hi to the grandkids?
Sure.
They're playing with your action figures.
Oh, that's cute.
Celestro, you're so pretty.
Celestro is smarter.
- Maximum Justice is lame. - I'm Maximum Justice
Boring.
Feel my fists of justice.
You know, they made a Shimmy action figure, too.
Looked exactly like me.
And another one with a poisonous lead paint.
Yeah. The boy licked it and died.
It was clearly stated on the box.
Avoid contact with eyes, mouth and skin.
And the court found in my favor.
Did someone order a white Russian?
Ah, look who's here fresh off his cruise.
- Sadamir Putin. - Ciao.
Hey, dodgers of the coffin.
How are you, gay boys?
Are you still taking it up the Rimsky-Korsakov?
The Bolshoi ballet is that away, you Rusky fuck.
Go on.
Dicksky.
Why did they let them in here?
Why did they make us crap in the same john
- with the bad guys? - Why don't you just use a different toilet?
Is he really a bad guy though?
I mean he put a lot of villains away when he turned
state's evidence.
- Oh, don't go soft on me, Ted. - Yes, yes.
Don't let the tiny penis go soft on a gay boy.
Goddamn Rusky super hearing.
Alter-man!
Fuck you, you wee stink of Yankee piss.
That's going on your swear box tab, Jerry.
Arms down, trousers up, Bernard.
You know what I like about this place?
The security.
No supervillains can get in here.
What if they could fly?
Fucking owls.
I thought I'd find you ladies out here.
- Got a smoke? - Yup.
- I thought you'd quit? - Nah.
Allow me.
Thanks.
- Where's Jerry? - You ain't heard?
They pulled the trigger.
Jerry's gonna have his powers downwardly managed.
Huh?
- Ah, Jesus. Poor Jerry. What... - It's either that or he might
Glasgow Rainbow somebody's head off.
You ever think we'd end up in here?
Man, what's so bad about it? You know, they made our beds
every day, laundry, give us mashed potatoes at night.
Love me some mashed potatoes.
Or I'd have longer with Marie
before she was...
- taken from me. - Come on, Ted, she didn't die.
- She ran off with the pool guy. - She was taken from me.
- I never saw that coming. - I never saw anything coming.
And I could see into the past.
Well, you know who else could see in the past, Windsor?
Everybody. It's called remembering shit.
Come on, is this all we got to look forward to,
having our powers downwardly managed
for our own safety
until eventually we just slip into a coma and...
watch endless reruns of Murder, She Wrote?
It doesn't have to end that way.
They show Quincy
in the afternoons now, too.
Enough of all this self-pity.
I'm gonna throw myself a nice, deep bath
and some perfume, some...
incense...
- all that good shit. - I think I'll join you...
in my own bath, I mean.
On my own.
Glasgow Rainbow.
Jerry?
Flynn?
By the power of Baldur's forge.
Ah, bloody Baldur's forge.
What an absolute honor to have Madera Moonlight,
the one and only, here at Dunmanor.
Ah, just Madera, thank you.
Or Moonlight, of course,
if you prefer to be more informal.
Ah, we prefer not to use the old superhero nom de plumes
here at the manor.
It encourages a bit too much excitement.
Perish the thought.
The Kirby dining room is through there.
Three sittings a day with a menu to die for.
Hmm, delightful.
Oh, thank you.
Total Thunder.
I mean, Pendle Carpenter.
Madera Moonlight. Whoa!
You have not changed a bit, girl.
Oh, I know you're lying but I like the way you do it.
Raymond Windesky.
Oh, oh my, Ray.
- How the devil are you? - I'm fine. Fine, Moonlight.
Oh, well.
Two ex-boyfriends under one roof. Mm.
What could possibly go wrong?
Whoo.
Nothing's gonna go right for you with that big gut you got there.
Hey, never mind that.
I saw something strange in Jerry's room.
Don't keep nosing around Jerry's room, man.
This is gonna be too easy. I will see you on the track.
Sorry.
I'd never get a job at Downton Abbey.
What's this here?
I can tell your religion in that outfit.
Yes, well, thanks for your help.
It's like there's,
there's a camel somewhere, yeah, missing a toe.
- You get it? - I'm afraid I do, which is why
I'm taking that back.
- Run along now. - That's...
Oh, and I'll take this, too.
Oh no, that's my own personal use supply.
- That's... That's... - Uh-huh, uh-huh.
I got to...
- Oh. - I'm so, so sorry.
No, no, I, uh...
No, I...
Oh, my goodness.
Oh.
- The blood test detected it. - Hmm.
Metastasis rate, when combined
with a normal hematopoietic cell count would indicate.
So, maybe you have time to put your affairs in order?
Shall I call any family for you?
- I haven't got any. - Ted.
As my old mom used to say,
"It's just one of life's little upsy-daisies."
It's cancer.
I know it is, Ted,
and I know what it's like to receive horrendous news.
I remember the day my father died.
He was in a building that collapsed.
I thought my life wasn't worth living after that.
But I found a reason to continue
and that's what you've got to do, Ted.
What reason do I have to continue?
Well...
- do you like The Dubliners? - Well...
great band.
I hung out with them once back in the day.
My favorite...
- was Ronnie Drew. - Yeah?
Well, the tribute band is doing a special gig here next month
which, with any luck, you'll still be around for.
Oh.
Hmm.
The Dubliners.
Hmm. Well, done Maximum Turtle...
I'm telling you, man, there's something going on here.
There were signs of a fight in Jerry's room
and that laundry van in the middle of the night.
And now the guy's just gone.
Are you talking about Jerry?
Yeah, man.
That Jerry?
Jerry? How are you, man?
Uh...
Where were you last night? What happened?
Madera? Oh, my God. They got you, too?
No, I'm just totally baked.
I'm going to annihilate you.
Read this and start with the weeping.
Why do we even let him play with us?
It should be heroes only.
Come to think of it,
they don't have retirement homes for villains, do they?
They're called prisons, Ray.
With the information I gave to CIA...
they put away more supervillains
than all of you combined.
In a way you can say that Brian is the biggest superhero of all.
Hey, what kind of a Rusky name
- is Brian, anyway? - Changed it in Deepwell.
Big fan of Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music.
What was your original name?
- Dmitri Shostakovich. - Oh, no, no.
His music makes me sad
but Roxy Music, they have sexy album covers
make little Brian very happy.
- Ah, Jesus. - Moving right along.
Ray, what have you been doing for the past few decades?
Did you marry?
Yeah, briefly and then she wised up to me.
One son, couple of grandkids and then I retired.
What about you?
You never were one for the details, were you?
Me, well...
I moved permanently to the US
and settled down and after I got my
- Congressional Medal of Honor... - Whoa.
Just dropped that one in there.
- Then my husband died. - Sorry.
So, I went to live with my daughter
until I realized that what she wanted
was a babysitter for her kids.
So, I'm back in the motherland,
in a home.
Okay, gentlemen...
...five-card draw.
- Everybody in? - Yup. Go.
- Ante up, please. - Let's make this interesting.
- I'm all in, 200. - Raise 50.
- Oh. - Oops.
- I'm out. - I'm gone.
Hmm.
All right, I'll see you.
Whoa, you just lowered the ante, Ray.
No, no, this is a first edition action figure,
collector's item, still in the box.
Don't talk massive shit of bull. Nobody cares about you.
Never mind tiny plastic version of you.
The watch. The Rolex.
Well, this was a gift to me
from the ambassador to France, no less.
Gave it to me for, I don't know, some fucking reason or other.
Three of a kind.
- Straight. Oops. - Oh.
I guess you'll have to suck on big Russian balls.
You were using your x-ray vision...
I don't have vision powers.
- You lying commie fuck... - Guys, guys.
Not the time.
What?
Oh no, no.
- Your friend, Jerry. - Oh no, I'm sorry.
Are you kidding me?
This is a sham, Ted.
Where are all the world leaders?
Where's the press?
For Christ's sake, Jerry stopped the moon
- from colliding with the earth. - Nice to see that Alan made it.
- Poor Alan. - He's in pieces.
♪ And grace, my fears ♪
You saw him after he was downwardly managed.
He was a vegetable.
And that was what finished him off.
Come on, Max.
Residents have had their powers downwardly managed before and they're fine.
There was nothing wrong with him before.
- Nothing. - As the saying goes,
what the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls the butterfly.
Earth to earth, ashes to ashes...
- dust to dust... - It ain't right.
It ain't right.
Okay, everybody,
- the bus is here. All aboard. - Have fun.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
...got their hero costumes
on underneath.
We don't want a repeat of last year
when Ted accidentally flashed that ten-year-old.
For the hundredth time the wind caught my towel.
Alter-man!
That's the spirit, Bernard.
Lost your way have you,
- old-timer? - What?
Oh.
I... I don't know, I was just looking for the john
or jacks or whatever.
I think I'm getting a little confused in my old age, you know what I mean?
I know how easy that could be.
Do you want me to help you
- with your toileting? - Just you fucking dare.
Raymond Windesky.
Tick. You just made it.
Where would Hero Day be without you?
Well...
...I see you drew the short straw, Madera.
We figured, because of your prostate problem,
you should be closer to the bathroom.
Oh, planning on going in your seat again, Pendle?
Nice, isn't it?
The old crime fighting duo back together.
Oh, yeah.
And, it's close to the bathroom.
Oh, just shoot me now.
Jesus, that's it?
- This is Hero Day? - This is just the regional one.
The big one is in New York.
Well, thank God, we didn't go to that one.
All those cheering crowds and groupies,
that would've been a nightmare.
Are we early?
I think the term is "forgotten".
And get to take a picture with your favorite superhero.
Mighty hero number 178,
Pendle Carpenter.
- Are you famous? - Sure I am.
Maximum Justice.
Then how come I haven't heard of you?
Just keep on walking, Sinead O'Connor.
Tina.
♪ Something crazy Goin' down tonight ♪
♪ Feel it in the air It feels all right ♪
Let's, uh...
It is you, isn't it?
It sure is. Maximum Justice.
- I love you. - Oh.
- Can I get your autograph? - Oh, sure.
No, no.
Sign these.
♪ Well ♪
♪ Woah-oh ♪
♪ Well ♪
♪ Woah-oh ♪
Yoohoo! Ray.
♪ Relax, don't do it When you want to go to it ♪
♪ Relax, don't do it When you want to come ♪
♪ Relax, don't do it ♪
♪ When you want to sock it to it Relax, don't do it ♪
♪ When you want to come ♪
What the fuck?
Hey!
Hey, you guys! Look over there!
It's the Glasgow Rainbow, down there.
Look.
♪ When you want to come ♪
Ted! Ted, look! Look over there!
I'm telling you, I saw something weird
going on in there. Come on.
What? Weirder than a 70-year-old man
looking through the skylight of a toilet.
Goddamn it! I saw one of these kids playing
with Jerry's rainbow powers. Nobody else has that same power.
Are you sure you're not smelling burning toast, Max?
I'm not having a stroke, Ted.
I saw Flynn in there with him.
- Flynn? - Yeah, Flynn.
Hey, guys. Guys.
I'm all for working as a team
but this is where I draw the line.
Go.
- Hey. - Jesus.
- I've only been two minutes. - Sorry.
I know what I saw.
- Not too much, I hope. - Hey, I'm done with you, ace.
Enough of your dumb ass conspiracy theories.
Not every conspiracy is a theory, you know.
Enough.
If no one minds I'll just grab this opportunity.
Well, talk amongst yourselves,
I can't go if you're all just listening.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Slainte!
Mwah.
The one, the only, Celestro!
And I thought he was just seagull shit
that dropped from the sky unwanted.
I just flew across the Atlantic
from Hero Day in New York.
Just like Phil Collins, Live Aid.
Yeah, he did a set in London then jumped on the Concord,
did a set in Philadelphia.
Yeah, yeah and they both sucked.
Are you guys the superheroes from Dunmanor?
- Sure. - That's fantastic.
Without you, I wouldn't be the man I am today.
Right.
I will look for my will to live.
And what's your name, young sir?
Come on now, don't be shy.
Maximum Justice.
- Maximum Justice? - Yeah.
Like the Maximum Justice?
Sir, you were like my favorite superhero
when I was kid.
- You're totally my inspiration. - Yeah?
Oh, wow! If there is anything I can do to repay you,
just let me know, okay?
Well, you know...
actually there is.
Recently, one of my best friends died
and the rotten kids in this little town,
they stole his superpowers
and I've told everyone about it
but they think I'm hallucinating. I'm not.
I'm sharp. I'm sharp as a tack.
Okay.
Well, I hope you get to the bottom of all of that.
And, um, I'll see you real soon. Okay?
Oh my God, is that Moonlight?
I can't believe it. You were like...
- ...my favorite superhero... - Oh.
...when I was a kid.
Okay, everybody.
That was about as much fun as an MRI scan.
Right. Who's for a little sing-song?
- Whoa! - Yay!
Hey, Flynn! We're not fucking children.
I should hope not.
I... I meant, we're not children. You know what I mean.
- Ah, never mind. - I know...
Hey.
Those are the kids that are messing
with Jerry's rainbow.
- Oh, not this again. - Yes, this again.
We gotta find out what they're up to.
Time for you to do your thing, Shimmy.
- We got to get off this tin can. - I'm tired, Ray.
I don't feel too good.
I need you, Ted.
You know what happens these days
- when I use my power? - Just do it. Do it.
Oh God, it's gotten worse.
- I can't help it. - Oh, it really stinks.
It's like somebody took a burning tire,
stuffed it full of rotten eggs,
and then shoved it up a skunk's ass.
- That's cruel. - We got to get
in that pub, see what those kids are up to.
In a minute.
Sometime today, ladies. Come on.
- Do we make our move now? - No.
We'll just stay frosty. We don't wanna lose sight of them.
- Yeah, you're up next. - Roger that.
Remember, when we went up against Reactor Man?
Super dense fist that could topple
- a building with a single punch? - Yeah, come on, yo.
Smacked me into the side of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Nope.
You must remember then I fought back
by shimmying him under water into the bay.
Then he shot out of the water,
I smacked him into that taco stand
and shimmied him right into San Quentin,
lock it up, threw away the key.
Well, I remember the taco stand, yes.
Typical. The proudest moment of my career
- and you remember the tacos. - Well, I...
Oh my God, they're gone.
Let's go.
Wait.
Look over there.
You do know these aren't the same kids?
- Come on. - No, Max. Max.
Evening, fellas.
- Oh, and ladies. - Careful, Grandpa.
All right, that's it. Out of the car.
- Are you fucking senile, man? - No.
And I don't usually fight girls, so you just stay cool.
You're all under arrest.
- Are you's the pension police? - I'm Maximum Justice.
And this is my sidekick...
- Actually, I'm his partner. - ...Shimmy.
And we're gonna bring you all in.
Who did you nick that phone from, Grandad?
That looks like mine, did you nick that phone from me?
Are you touching me up?
No, I... Wait, wait now, come on. We don't want any...
Fucking old pervs just touched me up.
- No. - Guys,
we're just a couple of old men, out for a walk.
I don't care if you're the fucking Jonas Brothers.
My girl wants her phone back.
- Easy boy. - Oh, oh.
- Max. - I'm looking at fucking idiots.
This ain't no game.
You're getting mugged, you hear me?
Now, give us your phones and your fucking wallets...
- Max. - ...before your little bone show
- gets cut up here. - I'd give 'em, partner.
No.
What the fuck did you just say to me?
No.
Are you having a turn old-timer?
Max.
What the fuck?
I'm gonna knock the fucking shit out of you.
Go.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Max.
- Fuck me. - Max, they're just kids.
Feel my fists of justice!
Max!
Hey!
Sex rampage?
- Sidekick. - That's a bunch of crap.
- You know what the most shocking thing about this is? - That printed papers
is still a thing?
That it was you two. Two of my favorite boys.
My best...
Oh, Alicia, come on.
Look, if it were up to me, I'd let it go
but the powers that be, they...
Someone needs to be made an example of.
It was me. The pub was my idea.
No.
- No, it was me. - I thought as much.
You can leave, Ted.
Raymond, why?
Because...
I'm a hero.
Don't you understand?
I'm a goddamn hero.
Look, the federation want to throw you out of here
because of this.
I fought for you,
but I'm afraid they now see you as a public liability.
Raymond, I'm sorry
but they're insisting your powers
be downwardly managed.
What were you thinking, Ray?
I ain't afraid to die.
You're not gonna die. You're gonna be fine.
Oh, you mean like Jerry was fine?
We've been through all of this. It was just Jerry's time.
Yeah? And how about that kid with Jerry's rainbow?
Anybody see this? Any of this?
Does anyone find it convenient that Brian
wasn't out there with us yesterday?
Why would Brian wanna kill Jerry?
Oh, I don't know, he's a villain.
That's what villains do. He's in on this.
I buy Brian wanting to kill you, you're an irritating man,
but Jerry's harmless.
Max, a man has died. I'm gonna.
We're all going to. Just let it go.
Good afternoon, I need a moment of your time.
Now, I'm afraid to say, Raymond's actions constituted
a flagrant breach of the rules and as a result,
I'm under orders to assess the ability of all of you
- to control your powers. - Oh.
- What? No, you... - I'm truly sorry but
anybody unable to meet the basic criteria
will understandably have their powers downwardly managed.
No.
Stupid mother fu...
Now, on a brighter note, don't forget that today is
- Tuna Bake Tuesday. - Uh-huh.
Yummy.
I do like tuna.
Okay, Dolores, love.
This is a simple task, designed to gauge
your level of control over your abilities.
- Well, I've never had any complaints from the gentleman... - Dolores...
- ...that I've been... - ...freeze the water, please.
Very good.
Thank...
Okay, Eagle Wings, ready and fly!
Soar like an eagle.
And the eagle has landed.
Okay, Brian, and destroy the mannequin safely.
Brian not perform like a monkey for you.
In which case, you won't mind being downwardly managed.
Now, you want me to peel banana?
It doesn't always work.
I'm not entirely sure what your powers are, Madera.
Oh, don't worry, you can just downwardly manage me.
- That's fine. - Thing is, we do need to know
- for the form. - I channel energy
from the negative dimension to invoke
the power of the Elder Gods.
Ah, gives me a bit of a headache in the process.
We do actually need to see this.
Oh, very good.
Do you have an aspirin?
Oh, oh, oh.
Hey.
There is no room for you here.
Oh.
So, this is how I'm to be treated
for trying to expose a cover-up that was right under our nose.
- Change the channel, Ray. - Nobody cares
- about your delusions. - Delusions?
You know what? You're in this, Brian.
I don't know how, but somehow, you're involved in this.
Stop making this bullshit.
It's because of you we're all going to get
our powers managing to downward.
And you have the big hairy balls to call me a villain.
They should stop calling you Maximum Justice,
they should call you Maximum Hairy Balls.
- Oh. - Please,
man's balls are as smooth as an egg.
You know what? Fuck this.
Oh, boy.
What? They are.
You change in and out of Lycra with the man for 30 years,
you've seen it.
Maybe, you're cuddling up with a loved one but if you're not,
don't let those lonely thoughts get you down.
Coming up is a little bit of Celine Dion
with "All By Myself".
You got to be shitting me.
I'm here to take all you night owls to the...
That was "Alone" by Heart
but now hankies at the ready, for "Solitaire".
- Ugh, goddammit! - I'm worried about Ray.
Ted, you were his sidekick, huh?
Again, partner.
What I'm saying is you know the guy.
You also seem to know enough about his egg-smooth balls.
The thing you need to know about Max
and this informs everything that he does...
- is Max is basically... - Ostracized
from the pride, the wounded aged male lion
is forced to wander the savanna alone
before he finds a quiet spot to lick his wounds
and eventually die a lonely,
- painful death. - Oh, come on.
But because of your own stupidity,
the entire castle is now dead.
That is all your fault. Do you understand me?
- Your fault. - Hang him!
- Which is why he always smiles
whenever he sees the color mauve.
But that's Max, a warrior, a thinker
and a world-class interior decorator.
The question that has been asked,
is do you think that Jerry got his powers stolen?
- Or is Ray being paranoid? - No, I think they were stolen.
Why?
Well, as Einstein says,
"The important thing is to not stop questioning."
The curiosity has its own reason for existing.
Ah, I see. You're just spouting bullshit,
dropping names like Einstein
to cover for Ray 'cause you're his sidekick.
Partner. And damn right I'm backing him up.
- It's called loyalty. - Ah.
Hey, Ted, come on. Don't go.
We haven't finished taking all your money off you yet.
Please, come on back.
Hello?
"Federation Detention Center."
"Release of prisoner"?
What?
"Ability to absorb."
Fair enough.
You're saying that someone inside here
has the power of absorption?
I don't know.
Absorbing other people's superpowers?
I think so but I can't be sure.
I had to get out of there.
You mentioned a blueprint with some sort of device?
- Pendle. - What?
- It was a private conversation. - Well, your voice carries.
Okay, they are guilty.
First, I see Flynn driving the laundry van,
late the night they take Jerry.
He's a wonderful chap.
Gave me blanket bath the other night.
- Such sensitive hands. - I don't buy Flynn's a villain.
Well, neither do I. I mean, he could kill you
- with kindness kumbayas. - Yeah, damn right.
He's more like a Dudley goddamn Do-Right
- than a criminal mastermind. - Yeah, but, you know who isn't?
Brian.
And I saw him in the lobby the other day,
handing Flynn, something, probably cash.
- Where is Brian, anyway? - Morning, everyone.
Good news, Raymond, your son's here.
Nope, bad news, Alicia.
We're on to you.
You're not only downwardly managing
people's powers,
- you're absorbing them. - Goodness, me! Really?
- Yes. - Why?
I... I don't know but I...
I know that Brian's definitely involved, right, Ted?
Well, you're kind of putting me on the spot here.
Maybe.
So, I'm absorbing all your powers and giving them
to Brian, am I?
Or some kids in the town, we're not sure.
And there are... are blueprints for a secret machine.
Well, we don't know if it's a secret machine,
exactly.
Just so I got this clear in my head.
Brian and I are taking all your powers
and giving them to some kids in the town?
- Hmm. - I have to admit it sounds less convincing
- when you hear it out loud. - And there's a machine,
- which may or may not be secret. - Damn right.
And remind me, why am I doing all this?
- You tell me. - Right, well,
let me have a think and get back to you.
In the meantime, Raymond, can I just say that,
I'm hearing a lot of anger and frustration from you
and I think you're bottling it up inside,
and I just want you to know that I'm here for you
- whenever you want to talk. - Oh.
Well, I do have two words for you right now.
The first word begins with "F"
and the second one ends with "uck off"!
Again, lot of anger.
Meantime, you're son's still waiting
in the visitors room. Boop.
Mike, I'm telling you,
they're stealing our powers.
- They're absorbing them. - Yeah, Dad,
can I talk to you about something
that actually happened?
What? You think I'm going senile?
- I'm dementia-ridden? - I didn't get the job, Dad.
You're kidding.
Nope, they gave it to an Irish guy.
Oh, those racists, sons of bitches!
Dad, we're in Ireland.
Can we... You're gonna get another job here, right?
Not as an American.
Yeah, I can't move the whole family over here
if I don't have a job.
So, that's it? That's it.
Occasional visits every couple of years.
Well, fair enough. I guess I wasn't around much either
- when you were a kid. - Don't give me the lone wolf
cape crusader bullshit.
And all this conspiracy stuff,
it's gotta stop.
I mean, what do you need your powers for now anyway,
to beat up a bunch of local kids?
All I want you to do is put your feet up
and enjoy your retirement in this beautiful country,
this beautiful house, with all your old friends.
Yup.
It's gone.
All the evidence is gone.
- What are you talking about? - I just snuck back
into the administration office
and all that stuff I saw about absorption,
it's disappeared.
So, the stuff you weren't entirely sure
about before, now you have no evidence of it,
- whatsoever. - Just think about it, will you?
If these people have nothing to hide,
then why has someone just hidden it?
Cheer up, people. Who died?
Brian late for lunch?
Crazy big bowel movement.
Now moving right along.
Max says he saw you giving money to Flynn.
Are you trading in stolen superpowers?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ugh, so you didn't give Flynn money?
Yes, uh...
- gambling debt. - No, no, no,
that mama's boy, he does not gamble.
If it wasn't a gambling debt, Brian, what was it?
I'd rather not say.
So, you are stealing superpowers.
No! When Brian commit crime,
- he'll not do it in the shadows. - He does appear, however,
to do it in the third person.
- The truth, Brian, now. - You threaten Brian?
- Sorry, me? - Spit it out, Brian.
Why were you paying off Flynn?
Fine. It's Viagra.
Yes, a big joke, laugh. Brian get a floppy cock.
But Viagra make him rock hard like a submarine.
Through there is the day lounge.
And Flynn is a good man. He tried to help me.
He sold stolen powers to those kids.
Sorry, could you just excuse me one second?
Oh sure, no problem. Let's just go...
Hey, Madera, Brian take a pill this morning,
you wanna play Hunt for Red October?
No.
I wanna find out what's going on here.
- Let's go find Flynn. - Let's see what we can find
on the security monitors besides Griffin's drool.
Yeah.
- Flynn? - Hey, Ray.
Ready for the old procedure?
Sure. Downwardly manage away.
- In the clinic, right? - Yeah. Yeah.
Something like that.
Griffin?
♪ And say goodbye ♪
Griffin?
What the hell?
Hi.
I'm really high.
Hey, Griffin, come down.
Come on, Griff.
Hey, wake up. Wake up now.
I'm the man.
Wow. My man.
Am I dreaming you?
How are you doing that?
Does what it says on the tin.
Griffin, where did you get this?
I got it from the kids at the youth club, yeah.
Someone is trying to sell our superpowers
like drugs.
I'm flat out Lionel Richie.
- What? - I'm dancing
on the fucking ceiling, man.
- True fact... - Mm-hmm.
...the video for "Dancing on the Ceiling"
was actually filmed on three sets,
one, right side up, one, upside down,
and the other on a device known as a rotating gimbal.
Oh, is there any way you can extract those powers to keep
from boring the shit out of me?
Hey, Ray's got a wheelchair, too.
Oh.
Hey, we gotta help him, fast.
- Pendle. - Okay.
Come on, Pendle.
Oh, Raymond, I'm really glad you've seen sense
about the whole downwardly managing thing.
I'm ready, Alicia.
I'm really ready to start enjoying my retirement.
You know, it's like you said, I've got all this anger
bottled up inside and...
- and I don't talk to anybody. - Yeah, that's fantastic,
Raymond, can I just borrow Flynn for a second?
It all stems back to my dad.
Flynn, what the hell have you been doing?
I brought you here because you could help me
absorb superpowers, not flaunt them
to the inbred teenagers in the town.
Do you have any idea how many strings I had to pull
with the federation to get you out of prison and this is how you repay me?
...cut the toast into triangles...
I just wanted to make a bit of extra coin on the side,
- you know? - A bit of extra coin?
You gave them Jerry's superpowers, you idiot.
Only a tiny dose.
It's so small, it wears off after a couple of minutes.
If you must know, I cut it with a can of Dr. Pepper.
...just eat the eggs, Ray-Ray.
I need you to go to town...
pull your finger out from wherever it is jammed
and stop this whole plan from unraveling.
...fried, poached, sunny side up,
all of 'em, like knives to my heart.
What the fuck you talking about, man?
I own you, Flynn,
don't ever forget that.
- I got you, Raymundo. - Now, Raymond, where were we?
Step on it, damn it.
Oh, Ray. Thank God.
I just wanna say, I know that we all doubted you but...
Hey, it's Flynn.
We gotta get after him.
Hey, weren't we halfway through an apology here?
Listen...
good luck, guys.
- Wait, you're not coming, Ted? - No, uh...
my sidekick days are done.
- Oh. - Come on, Ted.
I mean, we're on the trail of bad guys here.
The clock's ticking.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Cancer. It's aggressive.
I got a couple of months, if I'm lucky.
- Shit. - Yeah.
- Fuck. - Oh, my giddy aunt.
- Jesus, Ted, I'm so sorry. - Yeah.
Damn it.
Well, I guess it's a fact that,
we're all on our way out.
And we're all getting that superpower
that all people get facing old age,
invisibility.
Where people look right through you...
then they see nothing.
But I ain't nothing...
and you ain't nothing.
I need you, Ted, I do.
- So, what are we waiting for? - Yeah.
- All right.
Feel my Fist of Shimmy.
- Yeah! - Feel my Fist...
This doesn't work unless you take your...
- Wait a minute. - Each person
- does their own thing. - Look, then you go first, now.
- Bring the heat. - No, no, no.
It's getting caught.
Justice is served.
Is it just me or is this place weirdly anti-owl?
Let's get help.
Oh, that's a tricky piece.
Well, just turn it, you know, you just push it in, it'll...
- Are you God? - But he's black.
Oh, come on, Gwyneth.
Where is it written that God has to be white?
Well, I just meant to say and he's black.
Yeah, but honestly, why would you even bring up
- the color of the skin. - Ladies? Ladies? Ladies?
What you're doing now,
I need that.
Bernard.
Bernard, we need your help.
Alter-man.
Preferably with your pants on.
Whoa.
- Brian. - Brian take Viagra.
He used to put Red October in dry dock.
Less of the dry, you cheeky bugger.
No, no, just expression.
- My beautiful, sexy, goddess. - Oh, come on, you guys,
we need you to help us get out of here.
- Time to suit up. - Absolutely.
- In six hours. - No, Brian, now.
You want me to put on tights before Viagra wears off?
It's not good look.
I want you to hack into their computers,
you're Russian, aren't you?
Oh, once I find cushion for lap.
Hey, come on.
Hey, is this a taser in a care home?
Alter-man.
Windsor, you read.
Brian find Latin alphabet hurts his head.
Deactivate security system.
Yes, no.
Enter password.
What are you guys doing in my dream?
- Hey. - Too aggressive.
You need to relax, man, yeah?
Security violation.
Crap.
You have ten seconds to retreat.
- Shimmy? - Ten...
- I can't take us all. - ...nine...
Brian.
I got this shit.
Come on. That's right, that's, that's...
Let's do it again.
Start again, everybody.
- Go, go, go, go. - Max! Max!
Jesus, this place isn't about keeping
the bad guys out, it's about keeping us in.
Time elapsed, man.
What time?
Son of Thea bitch!
Griffin!
Forty a day for twenty years, guys.
Bad lifestyle choices.
- It's not holding. - Let's get out of here.
- Run! - Run!
Step away from the gate.
Hurry, Madera, hurry.
- Are you okay? - I'm okay.
- Madera? - I'm fine.
We got to cross the moat.
Oh, shit. The moat.
Alicia, can we have a word?
Yeah, we were thinking it'd be a really good idea if we could have a spelling bee.
Sorry, ladies, I can't, really.
No, no, a spelling bee's a great idea 'cause we're older
and we have to think about things
and we have to remember words and get numbers, you know...
That's pure peritoneum.
- Death for any superhero. - Oh, boy.
All but one.
Dolores.
I'm not just a sex object, you know?
Dolores, don't.
By the forces of Promiscua.
Promiscua is a place.
I don't even have a phone, so if it'd be...
- It'd burn if I did, though. - It doesn't have to be
a spelling bee. We could play Texas Hold 'Em.
- All in! - All in!
- Ladies, get out of my way. - Oh, oh, oh.
I was hoping for a spelling bee. I just shaved my legs.
- You be all right, Dolores? - Yes.
It does drain my sex drive, though.
I'm usually frigid from the waist down.
What now?
Uber?
Take the Thomond Bridge over the River Shannon.
Your boy is likely to be over the fuckin' Ganges.
He's on his Apple Maps on his iPhone
and he's insisting there's a motorway
between Cork and Limerick.
So, I says to him, "You are no fucking driver,
now, sit in the back, talking shite."
And he's like, "Shoulda got an Uber." And I'm like, "Uber."
- You're sitting on my cape. - Don't get me started on the license...
You're cramping my style.
- Flynn. - Hi, Alicia.
Listen, I shouldn't really be on the phone
- because I'm at the wheel, so... - I don't give a rat's arse.
- Yup... - Listen carefully.
Ray and his little pack of cronies have broken out.
So, we're bringing the plan forward to tonight.
Meet me at the lab as soon as you can, now.
- Can I cancel my order, please? - What's that?
You say something? Sorry, I had me headphones in.
- Keep the change. - Oh.
Good luck
with the clowning now.
You're sure to have the kiddies laugh
their little back sides off.
Fuck!
Evening, scumbags.
You.
- Ooh. - Ooh.
Look, old man, you want everyone to see
you beaten senseless, huh?
Don't be stupid.
Take the freak show and you go back home to bed, yeah?
Before you get hurt.
I notice the eight ball is still remaining.
Now that's a tough hole to make.
You must have one hell of a shot up your sleeve to pull that off.
How is that?
Because I've never seen anyone make that shot
with a cue stick stuck up their ass.
Ooh-wee.
Okay, everybody, let's just keep calm.
Ray.
- Oh, you stinky old... - Hey... where did he go?
Hey.
Some people would pay good money for this view, you know.
I wouldn't give you two euro, you skanky...
Okay, one more time,
where did you get this?
No.
I'm not saying nothing to no one about nothing.
Is anyone else completely lost
with all the double negatives there?
Let me try and get some sense from him.
Get away from me, you freaky bitch.
How about you spend some time on the naughty step
in the negative dimension.
Now, let's try again.
Who gave you the vials and where are they now?
Flynn.
It was Flynn.
Dudley Do-Right son of a bitch.
Where is he?
Knacker's yard.
He is gone to the knacker's yard.
Something big is happening tonight.
- Take the curve slower. - Every time you hit
a bump, I'm like a 70s waterbed.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He said left
- after the roundabout. - What the fuck is a roundabout?
- It's a system they use for traffic control. - There, this left.
It's very efficient.
Wait, he said the knacker's yard was the second left.
- And this is the second left. - I thought he said right.
Ah, Jesus.
Hey, was it the first or second left?
Second left, the knacker's yard.
We're outside of Dunmanor.
Exactly, the knacker's yard.
Is that what you call an old folk's home,
- you son of a bitch? - Well...
yous are all knackered, ain't yous?
Looks like a trap to me.
Fuck it.
We broke out, we may as well stroll right back in.
Hey, what about me?
You're all fucking knackers.
Where is everybody?
Sounds coming from there.
- They're in the spa? - No, spa's in refurb.
They've closed the spa?
- Yeah. - I didn't know that.
It's been in the newsletter.
- I've been trying to tell you. - All right, guys, listen up.
Whatever is beyond those doors, we have to hit them hard
and we have to hit them fast.
Ready?
Three, two, one.
Save your strength, honey. Mm-hmm.
Okay, guys, whatever is beyond these doors,
- we need to... - Ray,
you said that before.
And look, the gang's all here.
I don't think they're just getting a steam, do you?
Brian, Brian.
What happened?
There was a massive fight,
- Brian kicked a lot of assholes. - Uh-huh.
We spiked his Earl Gray.
Same with the rest of the old farts.
I don't get the master plan, Alicia.
I do.
It's Flynn.
The absorbing former super jailbird.
Yup, and I'm taking his power.
Cool device, eh?
All my own work.
You lying cow. I was downwardly managed,
but you never said
you were taking my super cells.
And five, four,
three, two, one.
This is getting way too heavy
for a sea horse contract.
- Too fuckin' right. - Let's go.
Go, I don't need you.
I don't need any of you.
Now there's been a change of plan.
Why, Alicia?
The problem with all you superheroes
is the wrong sorts always ended up with the powers.
Just look at you all.
No one would miss a few old people's powers.
I'm going to create a perfect super-being.
I'm going to add all your power cells
to my youthful eggs,
to mother the one that will defeat all others.
You are gonna create this super-being and kill
all these good folks?
- Like Jerry, huh? - Jerry was a mistake.
But now I've perfected the process,
so these people won't die. Not that they deserve to live.
I'm so sick of all you tormented superheroes
with all your darkness and your demons
and there's so fucking many of you.
Captain this, Super that,
Doctor who-gives-a-shit. Hello, it's a crowded market.
All the world needs is one superhero.
Preferably one Maximum Justice,
who isn't going to knock over a building
that killed my parents.
Your parents were in the Tower Block
- that fell in Brussels? - No.
Well, not the skyscraper in Tokyo?
Guess again.
The tenement building in New York City
that collapsed when I captured Dr. Left Eye.
- Sorry, I... - Too late, Ray.
- You're all about to join them. - Alicia.
Ted?
Sorry, I kind of stole his powers and unfortunately,
- his smell. - Ugh.
Well, it's time to wake up and smell the justice.
No.
Stop.
Get up, Ray.
Get up.
Ow, ow, oh! Ugh! Ugh!
- Bitch. - No, you're a bitch.
That was my hip, bitch.
My elbow. Ow, my tits.
Now, Madera, I'm...
Alicia, you look tired.
Why don't you take a seat?
Don't waste your breath, old man.
I'll absorb your very soul.
No.
Let go, Ray. Hmm, easy now.
Give it up.
He ain't giving up nothing to nobody, sister.
Oh, it's the other one.
Thunder Thighs, Black Lace, whatever.
The name is Total Thunder.
And I'm gonna put you under.
Put you under, what is that, an anesthetic thing?
- Oh, it's when you bury... - Well, if it needs explaining.
Oh, fuck you all.
Ow, I think I pulled something.
Enough of this shit.
You can't make a blunder
when you mess with Total Thunder.
- Is that better now? - Eh.
Bingo.
We're not here to play games, Alicia.
My powers have gone, Ray. She's taken them.
I've got you.
No, I won't let her get away with this.
Okay, Ray.
Time to... No.
I peaked with "bingo".
Now I have all your powers, you can take a seat.
Ooh, you're looking a little cold there, Ray-Ray.
Have a blankie.
- Ooh. - Heaven, no.
How about a nice cup of tea?
Now...
time to take out your teeth.
- Alicia. - Ugh, please.
Ted, I took your powers.
What are you gonna do, bore me to death
with one of your anecdotes?
Oh, I don't need to bore you to death, Alicia.
You see, nobody can absorb all our powers and live.
What are you talking about?
The toxic cocktail is destroying you from within.
Oh.
I would go into details
but I don't think you'll last that long.
"Just think of that as one of life's little upsy-daisies."
That sure ain't no river dance, baby.
- All right. - Going. Going.
Gone.
Shit.
Cleaner to the game room.
- All right, though? - Yeah.
Well...
justice is served.
Christ.
Hang in there, buddy. We're gonna get you help.
Okay?
It's no good, Max.
I'm done.
No.
No, no.
No, goddamn it. Don't you go dying on me, partner.
That's right, we're partners.
I am so sorry that I treated you...
like just a sidekick, Ted.
You're the real hero.
You're my hero.
I love you, man. Come on.
I hate to bring up a point of logic,
but if Ted had cancer when his powers were absorbed,
the cancer would also have been sucked out,
so, wouldn't that mean that he's fine now?
- Hmm? - Good point.
Oh.
- Howdy, partner. - Oh, you ass.
♪ Let the wind and the rain And the hail blow high ♪
♪ Snow come shovelin' From the sky ♪
♪ She's as sweet As apple pie ♪
♪ She'll get 'er own lad By and by ♪
♪ When she gets A lad of her own ♪
♪ She won't tell her ma When she goes home ♪
♪ Old Jenny Murphy Says she'll die ♪
♪ If she doesn't get the fellow With the roving eye ♪
- Shimmy, Shimmy. - Moonlight, over here.
- Moonlight, now please. - Maximum Justice.
- Moonlight, please. - Maximum Justice.
How did you work out that the residents
were being robbed of their powers
- by the management? - Well...
Celestro.
Checking in.
Celestro, please over here.
- Celestro... - Greetings.
Celestro, what was your role
in the uncovering of this scandal?
Guys, guys, today's not about me.
I was just the guy Maximum Justice
came to for help and advice,
like, the modern world crime fighting
is literally light years away
from what these guys were used to.
So, I just want to impart a little bit of wisdom
to all these splendid folks.
Some "What would Celestro do" advice.
You guys should check out my website, like,
akumenang.com
Or what would... do...
...Celes... Celestro do dot...
Celestro loves...
Hey, testing.
Two, one, two.
- Hey, stick around... - Hey, you old dog.
- ...technical snafu... - Well...
Amateur, yeah.
Anybody up for a game of KerPlunk?
- I'm going to kick your ass. - In your dreams, Pendle.
Oh, will the excitement ever end?