What I observe are the ravages of today
and I think about the present and the world where I am living my final days;
It is not a world that I like.
You wrote this:
" A graphic writing. The word for the word.
It's the word that conveys the idea and not the other way around."
Here is a mind-boggling quatrain :
" Some booze, some pure, vamps, whores "
[CHUCKLING]
You can see that it's the words that convey the idea and not the inverse.
Now, I really feel like I have done something since I am attacked.
Also, I must say that when you're living abroad, 10,000 kilometers from France,
it is a great pleasure, in the historic period that we are going through
and the difficult times that we are living, to see that we publish such a novel
that raises some deep controversy, animosity, hatred, resentment, threats, etc.
That's wonderful. I think it's only country in the world where you find this,
and because of that same reason, I think it's naturally the most beautiful country.
Stupidity is when you live and say to yourself "That's enough, I live, I'm fine."
when you don't kick yourself in the ass every morning saying "It's not enough."
"You don't know enough, you don't see enough, you don't do enough."
Stupidity is idleness. A kind of grease around the heart.
A kind of grease around the brain.
['INNER CITY BLUES' PLAYING]
Your student's card, please.
Welcome to Panthéon-Assas University.
Excuse me. Sorry.
...romanicist. I should have talked about Carolingians, Merovingians, the Napoleonic Code
but, to avoid boredom, we will rather tackle the great theories of history
beginnig with the wonders of Roman law, the Babylonian code
all the way to the Dreyfus Affair, Maurice Papon, 'Les fleurs du Mal', Ravachol.
We are going to study some oratory masterpieces, some sublime texts
that should be registered in the heritage of humanity..
Fuck.
- Miss.
I'm sorry.
- Miss, please. You are..
[WHISPERING]
I am a first-year student.
Excuse me?
I said I am a first-year student.
No. [CLEARS THROAT] You don't understand what I'm saying. What's your name?
Ah, sorry. Neïla Salah
And your first name?
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
Neïla. My first name is Neïla ans Salah is my family name.
Is it clearer to you now?
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]
Well done.
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]
Your aggressiveness as a response to my incomprehension is quite interesting.
Judging from your civility, your sense of punctuality and elegance,
it is obvious that you have decided, in this first day of higher education,
to pay tribute to the institution and to the professors at your service.
This is a lecture hall and not Sports studies.
You are late.
Yes.
Yes, sir.
You come in the middle of the lecture and you say nothing.
You have nothing to say.
Yes. Excuse me.
It's an order.
What?
[STUDENTS WHISPERING]
I don't understand.
It's very clear to me that you don't understand.
In French, we say: " Please, accept my apologies. "
Are you serious?
Yes, I am serious.
What's the matter? I was only five minutes late.
What do you take it out on me?
There we go with the persecution complex.
[STUDENTS WHISTLING]
That's typical. Well, let's carry on.
Typical? Typical of what exactly?
And here is some controversy.
Well, I don't know, Miss.
I'm asking you. In your opinion, typical of what?
That's racist. You have no right to say that.
No. No.
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING AND BOOING]
Calm down, please. Calm down.
I was saying typical of first-year students.
If I have said typical of these students, so to speak, who have diverse roots
who come sleep in the class for three months before abandoning their studies
because, undoubtedly, their teacher are so mean and the French are so racist...
- You are the one who's racist. - then you would have been able to accuse me of racism.
But, none of that is true. Your defamatory accusations, you can keep them to yourselves!
[APPLAUDING]
Fuck! It's the same mess as last year.
Are you okay? I don't intend to abandon after 3 months.
But coming late and wearing these rags in your first day
doesn't say that of your motivation and your inspirations, Miss.
Well, it's not like we are going to waste the entire course on you.
You should know that there are people here who are willing to learn.
Let us continue then.
Well done.
[STUDENTS CHEERING]
Son of a bitch.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Right.
We were talking about Roman law..
It's a very old law, of course, that has been constantly
Sorry.
evolving the same way as the French law
unlike the Sharia law for example..
one of the most archaic versions of law...
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
[CHEERING AND BOOING] ever created by the humankind, which had a low tendency to evolve
unlike French law that is evolving. For example, up until the 1960s,
we weren't able to name our children as we liked, we had to refer to the calendar
whereas today, if one wants to call his child 'stool', 'Carte orange' or Abdurahman..
[STUDENTS WHISTLING AND MURMURING]
it's possible.
[BOOING]
So, we can identify several periods in the evolution of Roman law.
The oldest strata remain subject to controversy and speculation.
[KEYBOARD TYPING]
Originally, in fact, it was hardly distinguishable from worship and religion,
and remained almost...
Ah, my dear children. Let me intoduce the world-famous Grégoire Viviani,
our beloved president.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
Look at him. He is splendid.
We cannot deny the fantastic impression you leave on the freshmen.
Alas, It seems that your charm fades away as our cherished students grow some gray matter.
You are irresistible. I would love to hear you talk for hours,
but let's go straight to the point, dear president.
As you know, we organize a intercollegiate public speaking contest
every year in favor of the freshmen.
I would not presume to illustrate to you the prestige of this competition
or to outline the list of all the illustrious winners that are today
the leading figures in our law universe.
I leave here the registration forms, on the desk of my prominent colleague.
I invite you to fill these forms as soon as possible. And to remind you,
Assas University hasn't won for 4 years. We have a revenge to get.
I'm counting on you to restore the reputation of our great institution.
[STUDENTS APPLAUDING]
Hey, wait for me.
One could say he was giving you a hard time. He didn't take it easy on you.
You will go on with your synonyms and paraphrases all day or it is over?
No but frankly, you should file a complaint. I'm serious.
Did you see how he agressed you? Besides, that's easy. You are the perfect target.
What did you say?
What do you mean, perfect target?
Go ahead.Go on, my friend. Finish your thoughts.
Well, you know what I mean.
What do you mean?
No, I don't know what you mean.
That's enough. Stop.
You mean I didn't have a music teacher and go sailing in the Île de Ré
when I was young. Is that what you mean?
No. That's not at all what I said
Listen to me, cute smile. You forget about me.
Stay away from me. Is that clear?
That mean bastard.
You should have a functioning knowledge in order to claim the 'privileged' title.
Additionally, you are favored by nature that, in its huge indulgence,
it gave you this skin color to distinguish your other cheek.
This is a good one.
[KEYBOARD TYPING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
So, did it go well today?
Mhm.
So?
What did you make for dinner?
A filet mignon and some new potatoes.
Serve youself, Neïla. You'll find everything you need in the fridge.
Yes. I'm leaving.
Are you leaving?
Again?
Some nachos.
Are you happy now?
Come on, the Salade niçoises are the best.
Yeah. You're working. Me too.
Nah. I know.
Yeah. I know.
Goodbye, honey.
Look who's coming.
Oh. How are you, Super French?
I was humiliated by a professor in front of everyone.
That's normal. You're taking your studies too seriously.
Look at me. I am a private driver.
No resumes to send, I am my own boss and nobody bothers me.
You should take your driving test first, brother.
I'm sorry Mounir, but being a football player at 8, rapper at 14 and private driver at 18,
I think that's not a good stereotype.
Is that so? You are the stereotype.
Working your ass off at university to find yourself jobless after 5 years
just because you don't have the right family name.
[LAUGHING]
Yes. I'm coming
Hurry up.
Good evening.
Goodbye, Neïla.
You're leaving? Okay, go.
[CHUCKLING]
What?
Nothing.
Well, I think I'm leaving too.
Right. You should be in a good shape for your TV program tomorrow.
But, what do you want to do?
You're right. There is nothing to do.
I'm going to bed myself.
Hey, not even a 'Goodnight Mounir'.
Good night, Mounir.
Fuck. What did I say?
...by humankind, that has a low tendency to evolve
unlike French law that's evolving.
For example, up until the 1960s,
we weren't able to name our children as we liked, we had to refer to the calendar
whereas today, if one wants to call his child 'stool', 'Carte orange' or Abdurahman..
[STUDENTS WHISTLING AND MURMURING] it's possible.
You really screwed up, Pierre.
Especially what you said about the Sharia.
It's not politically correct. Is that what's bothering you?
Would you like it better if I say 'Je suis Charlie' between every 2 sentences?
I remind you that I trusted you with this course to get you out of your deadlock
and not so that you can have fun stirring a hornet's nest stigmatizing the kids that you don't like.
It's too much this time, Pierre.
You must at least know that nobody is enjoying your boasting since a long time.
I have received complaints from the students about all the bullshit you say
in your lecture hall after only the first hour of your course.
You don't follow the schedule, you humiliate the students,
you make the teachers your enemies.
Even the guard you haven't spared.
The guard is a moron.
He says you are racist.
Maybe, but not as much as him.
There is already 3 Facebook pages and an online petition demanding
that you be dischrged and presented to the disciplinary board.
They're asking for your head, Pierre.
My head? Are you serious?
Not just the students, the entire council.
You put my ass on the line.
I have no choice but to present you to the disciplinary board.
I have no choice.
If I do nothing, it's the faculty that's going to be on the hot seat.
Look where we have come.
I think I can help you support your case
in order to have a maximum of positive reviews.
I'm listening.
This story of racist comments. Neïla Salah.
What about her?
You present her to me at the public speeking contest.
You prepare her to me. She will get through the first rounds.
We are heading straight for disaster. The institution is not ready.
That's what we should do.
We make as much noise as we can to shut the rectors' mouths.
It's not a problem whether she wins or loses.
Anyway, I've been trying for 10 years to erase the bad reputation of the university.
We could benefit from the image of a young immigrant woman representing Assas
in a contest for the elite under the supervision of the eminent Pierre Mazard.
My salvation is in the hands of Neïla Salah.
That's a nightmare.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Are you still here?
3 months haven't yet passed.
Please wait for me at the end of the course.
Have you registered for the public speaking contest?
No.
Is this something typical too?
Ah, okay.
You are mad at me because of my little preterition the other day.
Preterition is when we pretend not saying what we are exactly saying.
" And not to mention the odors. "
You see? I pretend not talking about it, but really I am.
That was an example.
Mhm.
And the other day, that was also an example?
Maybe, you didn't mean what you said?
Of course not.
Or maybe yes.
That's not important. That's not the problem.
What matters is to be right. We don't care about the truth.
That's precisely what I'm going to teach you, to always be right.
Do you understand?
I want to prepare you.
Huh?
The contest. I want to help you.
But I don't want anything from you. Thanks a lot!
Yes, of course.
It's more comfortable not to try anything, to remain a victim for the rest of one's life.
One day, you will realise that your failure was planned.
Not by me or the university, but by youself.
And this will certainly be of great help to you.
Miss, if acquiring the means of your independence doesn't interest you,
then you deserve every obstacle, every rock that's waiting for you.
And not to mention the humiliations.
Do you see? Another preterition.
This is a game for you, right?
I'm waiting for you tomorrow, 9 a.m. in Hall 4.
What a moron!
Go to hell.
Let's go?
Eloquence, rhetoric, the art of speaking well.
To convince, one should also be good at dialectics,
a series of rigorous reasoning intended for swaying the interlocutor
and the audience in your favor, because, in reality,
that's the only thing that matters.
Convince. Be right. We don't care about the truth.
Do you remember?
We will then begin with the basics.
Schopenhauer, a very funny German guy who lived in the early 19th century.
He also wrote a very funny treatise called
' The Art of Being Right: 38 Ways to Win an Argument '.
Let us begin.
For instance, if I propose this: We must absolutely restore the death penalty
and you want to prove that I am wrong, what would you say?
That the death penalty was abolished in the interest of humanizing the justice
of the French republic.
That's a crazy way to talk. You sound like an Uber driver.
" Sir, Madam, do you have a favorite radio station you would like to listen to
in the car at your convenience. "
This obsession of making long and convoluted phrases with adjectives everywhere.
During the contest, the time is acounted for.
You have to be effective, fast and natural.
" Do you want to restore the death penalty? You are therefore on the side of death.
I'm on the side of life " End of debate.
It's the homonymy stratagem.
You take any word from your opponent's phrase and you attack him
by adding a value judgment that has nothing to do with the question.
" I have always adored potatoes. "
" Adoration, that is an evasive and fallacious subject. "
That's good.
We have 38 of them. We will go through them one by one,
but we will also study Cicero, Aristotle.
Basically, we have a lot of work ahead.
This is for tomorrow, 9 a.m.
You're lying.
Look at her, Keufran.
She's lying. That's obvious.
No, she's not.
If she were, she wouldn't have killed Abde.
That's a classic technique, to make us believe she is a werwolf.
Guys, you have to make a decision here.
Neïla, give us one good reason why you are not a werewolf
and why we wouldn't eliminate you.
I don't even understand the grammatical construction of your question, brother.
Stop your linguistic boasting. Just answer.
I just want to remind you that, statistically speaking, being a werewolf
3 times in a row is a little bit weird, don't you think?
You can do whatever you want then.
I would also like to draw your attention, ladies and gentlemen,
to the insistence of Mounir on eliminating me in the begining of the game.
This makes us forget about him.
To attack before being attacked when we know that we are guilty.
A very common but mediocre technique.
If you want my opinion, that's suspicious.
You can do as you please after that.
Don't listen to her. She's trying to hypnotise you.
I'm not. It's you who's asking questions.
No. She's right, bro. You really look like a suspect.
And you look like a Maghrebi.
[LAUGHING]
I kill you, Mounir. You are dead.
Are you serious, Mr. ISIS? I saved your life.
I told you I am a Witch.
I agree with him.
She is not guilty, and I will kill Mounir.
Yes. I will kill you.
You too?
I have a good memory, you know?
Go ahead. You never forget.
- Remember there will be future games. - Go ahead. No problem.
You didn't say a thing, Anissa.
What tells you he's not a werewolf?
There is something that tells me.
Do you see? These are 2 friends, pal.
Tells you what?
He's not a werewolf.
2 friends, that's good friendship.
You don't know these values, coward.
I'm not your friend, right?
Don't talk to me. You've annoyed me.
You are the one annoying me. Who's with eliminating Mounir?
Me. One, two, three, four.
Die. One, two, three, four.
- You die. - No. Stop, stop.
Give away your card. You are unanimously killed.
Go ahead, turn your card. You're dead.
Go on. You're dead.
- Show us your card. - You know what? Remember this one very well, assholes.
Go on.
What's this? Is this a werewolf?
That's a witch, morons.
I told you 1000 times, it's her the werewolf.
Werewolf.
[LAUGHING]
Damn, that killed me. Let us play another one right away.
Accept the defeat. It's over, bro.
And the loser is...
That's normal. You played against the best lawyer in France.
Best lawyer of France? [CHUCKLING] And of Navarre.
Since when one can be a werewolf and a lawyer at the same time?
What?
[LOUD LAUGH]
Shut up!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Come on, guys. My mother is about to come, and I will be in deep shit.
Let's go, bro.
Mounir, do you know what you've just called me?
You called me Master.
Yeah, Master Crow perched on a tree. (French poem)
Poor girl.
Poor girl, but I will make some really good pleading.
I leave you with your defeat.
Of course, your judiciary honor.
[LAUGHING]
What's the matter with your lame jokes. You're a real asshole with her.
Asshole? Are you serious, bro?
Yes. Get away.
It's you who's in love with here. We can all see that.
Do you see how he agresses me every time?
You like that.
Good luck.
Good night, honey.
What for?
Tomorrow.
Be safe.
Good night, Pierre.
See you tomorrow!
[DOG BARKING]
Good evening.
Good evening, Madam.
It's a pug. It's 6 years old.
I don't understand how did you get to this point.
Picking up canine excrements. I really don't understand.
What do you mean?
Do you get a sort of pleasure from doing that?
That's the only explanation, because that's really beyond me.
Mind your own business.
Do you realise that, for a little affection, you are ready to humiliate yourself?
Would you mind your own..
You should reply because, in this case, you're worth as much as what you're
wearing on your hands, that little bag...
Come, Vanille. Let's go home.
She is unfuckable.
What? Unfuckable?
Did you see your face? Pervert.
You look like someone who hasn't fucked since President Mitterand.
Asshole.
Vanille
Let's go home.
Cunt
Good morning.
Read what's written on the board.
Logos Ethos Pathos.
Are you sure?
Yes
So, you can read.
Give the opponent his own facts to destabilize him.
Stratagem number 7.
If you can read, you know that in the rules of the university,
you are required to dress apprpriately.
When will you get rid of your shapeless suburbanite clothing?
Alright.
It's unbearable.
I thought we were done with the clothing subject.
Do you want to look like these little wildlings who set the cars on fire
to celebrate Christmas and New Year's Day?
Here we are again with the odors' talk.
If you are not going to wear the burka, you might as well have nice clothes. Right?
You know what?
I don't like you.
Don't say: I don't like you.
That doesn't any scale or depth. Say: There is nothing to be liked in you.
Otherwise, that would sound like a demonstration. It's definitive.
Say: I tried to like you, but it's impossible in reality.
Look for an emotion. Create an expectation and deceive it.
It's stronger, isn't it?
Fatima
What did you just call me?
I made a bad joke. I'm sorry.
I will get the hell out. I'm gonna file a complaint.
No, No. Wait, wait.
Excuse me.
Why are you doing this?
Do what?
These private lessons. Why are you helping me? I don't understand.
What do you think?
I'm asking.
You know the answer.
No.
Do you have a hypothesis?
No.
Maybe, I have discovered in you something special, a particular talent,
that you deserve more than what your appearance suggests.
Voilà.
What do you think? We are not judged about our appearance,
that the way we present ourselves to the others is not important?
The costume is the biggest alienation. It's the enemy of reflexion and language.
You're right. Don't stand out.
Stay within the herd. Your 'panurgisme' keeps you from...
My what?
Panurgisme. Get your phone and look for the definition right away.
Right away. Here. Now!
Come on.
Masculine noun originating from Panurge, a character created by Rabelais.
A passive and gregarious behavior. Synonymous with conformism.
See you tomorrow, same time.
Good evening, Latifa.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
It's okay. I'll do it.
I'll do it, grandmother. Let me do it.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] Do it like this.
Not much.
Yes. I know that.
It's okay. I know it.
Voilà. Not much.
Now, you do like this.
[SPEAKING ARABIC]
[LAUGHING]
The good thing is that we will have tupperwares for 6 months.
But it's great to eat something that doesn't come out of a microwave.
Take some.
Is it my turn now?
Now I will hear the usual stuff:
Find yourself a good husband to help you with the house expenses.
It's not good to be a signle woman at your age.
The neighbors will talk.
Did I say something?
Not yet.
Well, I will say it now.
You see? It's a shame to be a signle woman at your age.
[SPEAKING ARABIC] You can marry an old man. That's not a problem.
No, mom. If you want, we can find an oldman for you.
Your father is enough for me. I have buried him.
What will the neighbors say?
What neighbors, mom?
These ones, especially Samira. She has a very big mouth.
She talks too much. All day, she's like "What's the matter with your daughter?".
I tell her she will marry soon, we are planning her engagement.
All the girls of the neighborhood are married. You're the only one left.
There is this dating site.
Dating site?
That's enough, mom.
Stop.
It's very racist.
He calls me Fatima.
So what? Fatima is a cute name.
We can never talk with you.
No, that's true about you and all your generation.
Yes, but grandma complains all the time, too.
You complain all the time.
And why is that?
I'm asking you.
Why?
Look at those socks. That's a shame.
That's enough, grandma. No one is gonna see my socks.
Is that how I raised you?
Your daughter looks like a hobo.
Mom. I would love to have the time to knit my daughter's socks
and make her some very nice dresses
but you can see I don't have the time.
Did I let you be filthy?
[LAUGHING]
Don't you like your daughter to look young and beautiful?
Tell me.
Is that how you go to school? Huh?
You don't even tell her to pluck her moustache.
What moustache?
Your moustache.
[LAUGHING]
Do you have a moustache?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[DOOR OPENS]
" I know my lot. One day my name will be connected with the
"of somethin'"?
recollection of somethin'..
You have to learn how to speak first.
Can you articulate a little?
You say these half-words, we don't understand a thing.
"Somethin'", that's not a word.
"Something". Your turn.
" I know my lot. One day my name will be connected with the
recollection of something enormous,
- with a crisis.. - Why are you in such a hurry?
Take your time.
Eloquence is also knowing how to use the silence.
Your turn.
"the recollection of somethin'..
"Something", dammit. It's not rocket science.
Is your brain made out of jelly?
No, No. It's not a provocation. It's an existing French expression
meaning that you have a soft brain.
Right?
Start over.
Wait.
Put this pen in your mouth, like this, and articulate.
Go on.
It's okay. That's halal.
That is a provocation.
" I know my lot.
[LAUGHING]
Listen. Don't laugh foolishly.
" One day my name will be..
- Stand up. [LOUD LAUGH]
Start over.
One day my name will be connected with the recollection of something enormous..
Stand up straight. Shut up.
But what are you doing?
Be proud of what you are. Make headway.
The breath is the key.
Start over.
One day my name will be connected with the recollection of something enormous..
Good. Get up on the table.
Take up some space. I want to hear you.
I want your voice to resonate in the hemicycle. I want to understand everything.
Come on.
" I know my lot. One day my name will be connected with the
recollection of something enormous,
with a crisis like never before on earth,
with the deepest clash of conscience..
No, No. That's not possible.
We will try with this one.
Let's go.
Go where?
I can't.
Imagine that I come across someone I know.
Come again.
"That I know".
Voilà.
Hey. What's the matter, bro?
Don't you see she looks like a Saudi princess?
Calm down, pal.
" Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar..
Louder.
We don't hear a thing.
" Friends, Romans, countrymen..
Friends, Romans.
" Friends, Romans..
countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
- This lad has completely lost it - The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
- So let it be with Caesar. - She's acting like that guy from the Lord of the Rings, right?
That's right. That's the Lord of the Rings.
[LAUGHING]
The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
[LOUD LAUGH]
And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.
It's time to go chase the dragon, Queen of the Forrest.
[LOUD LAUGH]
Come on. Shut up.
What do you mean, shut up?
What are you looking at?
You disrespect me, cutie. Is that it?
What are you doing in the metro? Didn't you see the carriage?
Come with me. I'll get you to your carriage, my little thing.
Come on. I'm not talking to you.
Is that so? You have some character.
I like that.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
So, using Stratagem 5: False propositions,
you will prove to me that euthanasia is beneficial to our society.
A mass euthanasia is good because, as everyone knows,
there is not enough place on the planet anymore.
Also, there is a lack of natural ressources, so..
ecologically speaking, it's a very good point.
Euthanasia gives us some carbon.
Besides, economically, um..
In Belgium, for example, where euthanasia is a well-know practice,
the GDP has reached a quota of 157% of petrodollar profit,
according to the CAC 40 index, with a marginal cost of 5.
You have instinctively understood that it's in your interest
to combine different stratagems.
You have just mixed Stratagem 5: False propositions
with Stratagem 15 that calls for using absurd arguments.
Let's move to Strategem 6: Postulate What Has to Be Proved.
Go ahead.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Are you okay?
What do you want?
How is it going?
Mazard is your coach, right?
And you like me, right?
Everytime we are together, you act weird.
No. I just want to wish you good luck for the first round. That's all.
You too.
After the jury's deliberation, we have decided to award the win
to Benjamin de Segonzac.
[APPLAUDING]
Please. Now is the turn of Neïla Salah and Jean Proutot.
[APPLAUDING]
Can we have some silence, please?
Miss, Mr, you will now debate on the subject:
Do clothes make the man?
I remind you that your time is distributed.
So be clear and precise.
Mr. Proutot, you will begin be explaing why the clothes don't make the man.
Miss Salah, logically, you will demonstrate why this proposition is wrong.
Mr. Proutot, it's your turn.
Dear President,
dear jury,
dear public,
As the Ancient Greek would say,
an ape's an ape, though he be clad in silk.
However, we can see to what extent our world is full
of these monkeys,
these miserable people who clumsily try to disguise who they are.
But how can they be blamed when that is the nature of the world.
The poor want to dress like the rich, in order to better fit in the mainstream,
but, more surprisingly, the height of fashion of the rich in the last decades
is to dress like a hobo from the metro station.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
That way, ones buy faux leather shoes from the Chinese
while the others buy ripped jeans from Chanel (luxury clothes company).
But, fortunately, the posture can never fool us for a long time.
Instinctively, a 5-year-old kid
knows the difference between a tea towel and a napkin.
Everyone knows, deep within, how to recognize his own.
It's a question of code. Huh?
Let us take the example of these terrorists who practice the Taqiya,
this art of concealment.
These impure barbarians who shave their beards, go drink some champagne in the pub,
sleep with prostitutes, eat some Hallouf (Arabic word for pig).
Is that how you say it?
[WHISTLING]
They dress up just like you and me.
So, we don't even need to debate that.
We all know that clothes don't make the man.
The miniskirt doesn't make the prostitue, and the veil doesn't make the saint.
[LAUGHING]
Thank you.
[APPLAUDING AND WHISTLING]
Is this a racial slurs contest?
Calm down, Miss Salah.
[LAUGHING]
What's the matter with you?
Do you think I came here to be insulted?
Please, Miss. Calm down.
I would ask you to control yourself if you don't want to be disqualified.
It's your turn, Miss Salah.
[SHIVERING]
Dear president,
dear jury, dear public,
if the clothes don't make the monk then how do we become a monk? (The french version of the quote: Clothes don't make the monk. )
Moreover, when a monk takes office,
don't we say that he 'takes the dress' (Literal translation from French)
If the clothes didn't make the monk, that would mean that we should be born a monk.
However, if you agree with me, we aren't born a monk. We become a monk.
Nice try quoting Simone de Beauvoir.
Mr. Proutot. Please.
Miss Salah, continue.
The clothes totally make the monk and open the doors of the monastery.
In fact, things have a meaning only when they look like what they mean,
because the way we present ourselves to the others says much about what we are.
Let me show you that, um..
Clothes make the monk..
Clothes make the monk because, to be a monk, one should thread his clothes well.
[WHISTLING]
Well said.
[CHUCKLING]
Go on, keep showing off.
In conclusion, you that are standing in front of me,
aren't you wearing the clothes that make you what you are?
This court dress, doesn't it urge you more to stand straight?
[APPLAUDING]
You have let yourself be driven by emotions again.
You could have pulled yourself through.
we have been working for weeks, yet you're only doing what's on your mind.
He insulted me. You heard him.
Yes. So what?
You have well understood that this was your chance.
That's why he was disqualified.
You should learn not to take anything personally, to leave a distance,
to pull yourself away, to forget what the others will think of you.
If you want to conquer an audience, the first thing you have to do
is to completely ignore what it's expecting from you.
Let us resume our practice.
[INSTRUMENTS PLAYING] [LOUD LAUGH]
Ah, yes. People.
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
[PLAYING CONTINUES]
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
[PLAYING LOUDER]
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
[PLAYING STOPS]
I come to bury Caesar,
not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
[TRUMPET PLAYING RESUMES]
The good is oft interred with their bones;
[ACCORDION PLAYING]
So let it be with Caesar.
[LAUGHING]
[TRUMPET PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Thank you, Madam.
Thank you.
[LAUGHING]
Honestly, what you did was amazing!
What are you doing?
What?
Who allowed you to do this?
You're sending a picture to you mom. Is that so?
This phone is truly the dark side of science.
You haven't even spared the phone, right?
It's making you all stupid.
Nevermind. The phonetic messages, the little heart emojis, LOLs, LMAOs...
That's really pitiful.
One must keep up with the times.
And didn't cross your mind that maybe the times are wrong?
Not to mention your social media bullshit and all these jerks speaking.
We couldn't even hear their voices before, and now they're all we hear
as if they have won a Nobel Prize.
Pierre.
Mr. Mazard.
Mr. Mazard, I have no money with me.
Have a try with stratagem 12: Try to pity the waiter using all possible means.
That will work for you.
Shit.
Pierre.
Hi, sir. I mean hi again.
Uh, I'm really sorry. I have a little problem with..
I have billed Mr. Mazard for that, as always.
I thought that was the dark side of science.
Well, I won't wait 25 minutes for a taxi
when I can order one in 5 minutes with this little jewel of technology.
I have even hooked up with a chick on Facebook with this thing.
Well, we can say anyhing and its opposite.
No, I'm not talking about having convictions.
I am talking about making argumentation.
Oh, yes. We don't care about the truth. The only thing that matters is being right.
Ah, perfect. You learned that.
Slowly, but you learned it. Very good.
Come. I'll get you closer.
- That's okay. I'll.. - No. Come, please.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
Hello, sir.
Excuse me, Sir, Madam. Do you have a favorite route?
Okay. Thank you for your confidence.
Uh, no.
You have some candy and water bottles in the door panel for cooling purposes.
Of course, youngman. You have all our confidence.
[CHUCKLING]
Thank you, Ali.
- Bye. - See you tomorrow. Bye.
Hey, shopping lady.
You all right, Mounir?
What are you doing tonight?
We're having some Greek food. Do you want to join us?
It's okay.
No, I can't. I have some work to.
Okay, then go.
What's your problem, Mounir?
Nothing. It's just that you haven't stopped boasting since you started wearing those high heels.
I am wearing high heels. Are you serious?
Yes. You have understood me quite right.
Frankly, I haven't understood.
Ah, yes. I understood.
Understood what?
You don't love me anymore.
I have forgot you, betrayed you.
What?
These studies have really made me dumb.
That's not at all what I meant.
Of course it is.
I only care about my contest, my teachers.
Hey, Neïla. We're here.
Give me 2 minutes, guys.
You all right?
Did you notice?
Pass me the ball, pal.
It's disgusting that I only care about myself.
I'm drinking cream coffees in sidewalk cafes in Saint-Germain-des-Prés.
The only times I catch up with you, I blame you for not changing.
Deep down, it's me who's ch..
Stop. That has nothing to do with it. What are you saying?
That's true. I see it in your eyes, Mounir.
- You hate me. - Not at all. I don't hate you.
If you love me, you would tell me.
You know what. Do me a favor.
Tell me that you don't love me.
Of course we love you, Neïla.
Stop. That's not true.
I know it's hard to say, but admit it. Tell me that you don't love me.
Of course we love you.
Yeah, we love you.
That's them. They still have some affection for me.
But you, Mounir, you know me too well. You see that I've changed.
You don't love me and you know it.
What are you saying. Of course I love you.
And I miss you.
And you miss me.
- That's getting embarassing. - What?
Did you see how good I am?
Good at what?
It's the 'Anticatastase' stratagem.
[CHUCKLING]
What?
To describe, by irony or by euphemism, a situation diametrically-opposed
to the real situation.
That's a big stratagem, bro. [CHUCKLING]
You are the stratagem.
Mounir, frankly, she's hitting on you. Come on, go hard on her.
What are you saying?
You are 8.
And a half, bastard.
Little prick.
Oh no. What a show!
I can't believe it.
They know each either since they were 2. That's incest what they're doing.
[LOUD LAUGH] I'm really shocked.
Come on. Let's go.
Mounir.
Come on. Let him French kiss.
Come on.
" And her arm and her leg, and her thigh and her loins,
Shiny as oil, sinuous as a swan,
Passed in front of my eyes, clear-sighted and serene ;
And her belly, her breasts, grapes of my vine,
Advanced, more cajoling than angels of evil,
To trouble the quiet that had possessed my soul,
To dislodge her from the crag of crystal,
Where calm and alone she had taken her seat."
Do you hear the beauty and sensuality of this text?
It's far more exciting and vicious than your Internet and your YouPorn.
[DISTANT LAUGH]
Baudelaire was attacked because of his 'Les Fleurs du mal',
for his offence to public and religious morals.
We're not talking about Muhammad cartoons here;
we're talking about poem lines.
At the time, words had a real expressive force. They were very strong.
You could tear passions apart, you could strike fear
so much so that writers were persecuted to censure them,
to muzzle them, to shut them up.
With these Baudelaire's words, the good morals were offensed.
His trial was justified by the indignation,
a concept that was unfortunately demeaned by a senile thinker
and undermined by your sadly egoistic and passive generation.
[STUDENTS MURMURING] Of course, we feel indignation, sir.
Yes, what's happening in Syria, for example.
- Climate change. - Cropped pants, too.
[LAUGHING]
You feel indignation above all about the discrimination in nightclubs
and because your 25-dollar carrot ginger soup is lukewarm.
[STUDENTS MURMURING]
- Stratagem 14: Draw false conclusions - You don't smoke?
- No. - Do you breathe deeply?
You like breathing, don't you?
- Yes. - That means you like CO2, air, nature.
- Yes. - If you like nature, then you like Africa, large spaces?
- Yes. - If you like large spaces, then you like elephants.
Yes, yes. So?
So, what is there something more beautiful that an elepant?
That means you like beautiful things.
- Yes. - And on top of beautiful things, we find, for example, I don't know,
women. What's more beautiful than a women?
You like women, don't you?
So, you are a lesbian.
Mhm.
[LOUD LAUGH]
The preamble to the Constitution of 1946 comprises two categories of norms:
the PFRLR, the Fundamental Principles Recognized by the Law of the Republic,
and the principles that are particularly necessary for our time.
- I miss you - The constitutional council, with a wide margin of appreciation,
consecrated different principles such as freedom of association..
- I miss you to. - .. freedom of education and conscience, independence of university teachers..
- and respect for the rights of the defence.
- With double O!! I miss you toO. - A distinction should be made between the PFRLR and others principles
adopted by the constitutional council
such as constituional principles..
- Okay Super French !!! - that are general principles of law raised to the constituional value.
Do you know the meaning of "Chébran"?
You know, when I was a kid, we used to inverse the order of syllables in a word.
That's not something new!
A 'beurre'?
That means second-generation immigrants, the French who haven't found sufficiently
a place in a society that should have found them one.
You all right?
Yeah, and you?
You're taking it seriously, huh?
You like that, don't you?
Be careful. This doesn't help with the rumors out there.
What rumors?
That you're doing it.
What?
Are you in your right mind?
That's bullshit.
It's just that I provide him with a distraction. That's all.
You know, I have failed last year.
Last year, I was his victim.
You can't imagine what he made me go through.
Seriously?
He wouldn't let go of me all year.
Every time, I had to hear his monologues about my reduced life expectancy
because of my consanguine genes, about my blue blood..
[CHUCKLING]
He even told me once that I was lucky to be my mother's brother.
He said some nonsense, that I live in the Palace of Versailles,
[CHUCKLING]
- that I blow my nose in the curtains.. - What a bastard!
Alright. See you tomorrow, Benjamin.
See you tomorrow.
The ultimate stratagem: The insult.
When you realize that your opponent is better than you
and beats you with his reasoning,
you have to get personal by consciously attacking him, by insulting him.
Go ahead.
Does that mean..
Yes, that's what it means. Go on.
Really?
I won't say it 20 times.
Are you sure?
You big son of a bitch!
[CHUCKLING]
Filthy bastard!
Yeah.
Motherless racist!
You Less-than-a-bastard shit!
Raceless dog!
Eat shit, cursed race motherfucker!
Okay.. [CHUCKLING]
but it's a bit anecdotic.
Be more personal. You must attack me personally.
You big-nose fuck.
Fat prick.
If you talk when you are this close to me, it smells like a dead fox in the woods.
[INSULTING IN ARABIC]
If you want. [CHUCKLING]
It's not if I want.
Your lectures, your handouts and your Halal pencils,
it's not in the mouth that you'll put them..
Okay. That's enough.
Monday, Lille. Second round.
10:46 a.m., Gare du Nord station.
Mounir. Mounir.
Mounir, My mom is coming. Wake up.
That's okay. I can stay, your mom wouldn't mind.
Move your ass. I said my mom is coming.
- Fuck. - Move your ass.
Hurry up.
Take that. Meet me on the other side.
Come here.
Would you like to go out for dinner some evening?
Neïla, I wanted to tell you something.
I mean, if you want, when you go back home.
But no Kebab this time, though.
A real restaurant, just me and you. We try something different.
If you would like.
If you 'like'.
Of course I like, since I'm the one who's asking.
[CHUCKLING] What?
We say 'If you like', not 'If you would like'. That's not Fernch.
That's all you have to say?
Mounir.
Okay. Bye, Super Frenchwoman.
But, Mounir.. It's just that it's funny the way you talk.
It's funny, huh?
Shh!
That's all.
Mounir, wait.
Fuck. You're dumb. Of course I'd like to go for dinner with you.
Mounir.
Mounir. Fuck, come back.
You know what? Maybe I say things wrong,but at least I mean what I say.
Mounir.
Fuck.
Lille, second round.
Miss Neïla Salah, the floor is yours.
Mr. Preseident, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
I swear to say the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,
even though I lie as often as I breathe.
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
Marseille, third round. - If the master should systematically choose his student,
determine beforhand to whom he would provide with his enlightenment and his support,
then, ladies and gentlmen, he would fold into an insupportable fatalism.
[APPLAUDING]
Bordeaux, Round of 16. My truth may not be your truth,
but is every truth worth saying?
Would you have the courage to a delighted kid on Christmas Eve
that Santa Claus doesn't exist?
Would you have the courage to tell a man in his deathbed that the paradise doesn't exist?
Does love make one happy?
Miss Salah, you will defend the Yes position.
Does love make one happy?
Love?
Lyon, quaterfinals - But what kind of love?
The love of others,
the self love?
And what happiness are we talking about?
Don't we have an idiom saying ' We can live on love and water alone' ?
Besides, what does being in love mean?
Roland Barth said that we could measure our love by what we're waiting for.
Yes.
I am in love because I am waiting for something.
The other one, the corsair, the adventurer, the mountaineer never waits.
From climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, he goes on to roam over the South Seas.
It's unbearable.
So, sometimes, when we are in love,
we try our hand at impudence:
I will be late; that'll teach my Furious Fifties' navigation system a lesson.
But, alas, we always lose at this kind of games.
We never go further than the beltway.
No matter what we do, we find ourselves idle, exact,
precise like an unsophisticated alarm clock
and, sometimes, even worse, we keep moving.
But, when we understand that we are loved, we love back.
And when, by the landing stage, we begin to accept this expectation
of infinite depths, we accept the dizziness..
Nantes, semifinals. - of losing control in the port's shallow waters,
then these dreary and motionless streams
turn into a sweet and soft place inside which we wait,
confident, invincible, for the beloved one to return.
And this waiting becomes the most exquisite and the happiest condition.
[APPLAUDING]
And the winner is Neïla Salah.
[APPLAUDING]
It's not because you are in the final that you can go rest as you wish.
We still have to work.
New exercice: fitting in with your audience.
Pooh!
Good morning, Madam.
Are you alright?
Are you in peace?
Is life treating you well?
Do you like being here?
Is it good?
Madam
Do you play bridge? Do you have any friends?
Do you have any family? Kids, maybe?
Do you have a son?
My son, let him get his ass fucked.
That will do him some good.
Got it, cunt?
Well, you have just met my mother.
[CHUCKILING]
Ah, now I get it.
Of course, I left Nantes to pursue my studies
and then, time went by and we can't talk anymore.
You, with all these words of yours, you can't talk?
Yes. You're right. When we speak well, sometimes we forget how to say things simply.
Excuse me.
When we speak well, sometimes we forget how to say things simply.
So, are you sending kisses and little heart emojis?
You better send some to you mother. It would do her good.
Who's the lucky guy?
Are you jealous or what?
Why do you think I introduced you to my mother?
[CHUCKLING]
So, who's that?
Mounir.
He's a prince.
He doesn't know yet, but he's a prince.
He has a heart of gold. His thinking is like a sword.
He's straight, remarkable, brilliant, sharp.
He's not afraid of anything.
Thus, with him, I'm not afraid of anything.
And he makes me scream with laughter.
Besides, he's handsome as hell.
What does he do for a living?
An uber driver.
[LOUD LAUGH]
- Good evening, Madam. Good evening, Sir. - Good evening.
Yes. For me, one 'Demoiselle de Mecque' and baked great scallop.
Are you happy with our service?
But, at the same time, I was hesitating with (French dishes names)
[CHUCKLING]
That's what I'll take.
And, as an appetizer, (inaudible French dish)
with cucumber, red caviar and Wasabi cream, please.
- Thank you, Madam. - Thank you.
And for you, Sir?
The same as her.
Very good.
[CHUCKLING]
Are you still mad?
Not even a 'Goodnight, Neïla'?
This is a great day for our university.
I would then ask you to give a warm round of applause
to Neïla Salah
[APPLAUDING]
who will represent us in the finals.
[APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
As you know, speeches aren't my cup of tea.
And here is the proof.
I'd like to thank Grégoire Viviani, our dear president
to have allowed me to represent Assas until the final.
[APPLAUDING]
And it's not easy for me to admit, but
I have the most extraordinary of teachers.
[WHISTLING]
God knows that it wasn't off to a good start.
He made me suffer like no one can imagine.
But, I would give anything to have another teacher.
When we speak well, we forget how to say things simply.
So, I will say it simply.
Thank you, Pierre.
[APPLAUDING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Congratulations.
Well then, how are you doing with your story?
You pretend to entertain Mazard, to give him a taste of life.
What are you talking about?
It's okay. I understood the thing.
What thing?
Your game.
Mazard's disciplinary council is next week and you're thanking him here
What game?
in front of all of the university's elite.
Is this a coincidence?
You're his amende honorable.
But it's well played. You become the star of the university
and he gets to keep his job and be a big racist
now that he has made things right.
It's the kind of cynism that makes me lose every faith in humanity, but
I have to admit that I'm impressed.
Ah, here is the wonder girl.
I will never be your amende honorable.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
This conference hall opened on 5 December 1908.
[LAUGHTER]
Final of the public speaking contest.
[PHONE BEEPING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Mounir.
I'm sorry, Mounir.
Take me in your arms.
Sorry, I messed up.
You're right. I screwed up.
I gave it all up. I don't care.
You were right all along, Mounir.
I really lost control.
And I realised that..
I didn't belong there.
You won't answer?
[SIGHING]
Look up.
[SIGHING]
Stand straight.
The girl I met doesn't quit like that.
That's not the one I love.
After everything you have achieved,
everything you have gone through,
you quit just like that
because of a mean teacher?
What did you think? That he's good with us and bad with them?
We are all in this together, girl.
He took advantage of you? But didn't you take advantage of him, too?
[SOBBING]
Answer me, Neïla.
Huh?
Didn't you learn anything, maybe?
Didn't you give anything?
Didn't he make you a better person?
It's too late, Mounir.
No, it's not too late.
[GASPING]
Who allowed you?
I allowed myself.
I allowed myself especially that it seems to me
that you are gathered today to discuss something
that concerns me more than anyone else.
Are you talking about stories of 'Carte Orange', stool and Abdulrahman, right?
You have all gathered here today to discuss the alleged obscenity and violence
of the word 'Stool', for example.
I believe I get a say in this.
Say what you have to say, Miss.
Thank you.
I have come to confirm to you that
you have, in front of you, the most despicable being ever created.
Thank you, Miss Salah, but it seems to me..
Let her talk, Grégoire.
Take a seat and sit down, Miss.
Pierre Mazard is a cynical man,
in the coldest and most deplorable sense.
He doesn't believe in anything, and certainly not in himself.
He hates the current era. He doesn't respect anything and anyone,
and even less any form of institution.
So certainly, he gave me his confidence and all this patience but,
he's first of all an ambitious man who doesn't hesitate
to accommodate himself with some little side arrangements to serve his career.
Pierre Mazard is cynical, then.
It doesn't matter if he showed me an intelligence and a generosity
that I never thought to doubt in the teaching staff.
It doesn't matter if he is the embodiment of dedication and passion.
It doesn't matter if I hope that every student in the world
to cross paths with someone like him.
And not even to mention
the fact that, with him,
everything is within the bounds of possibility,
that a little suburbanite having a hard time channeling her emotions
could represent Assas in the final of the public speaking contest,
less than a year after crossing paths with him.
Because, ultimately, what he will remembered for
is the mediocrity and the vulgarity of his rant in the lecture hall.
We will remeber the stools.
I would have liked to tell you that I have also remember a TV artist,
a muckraker, a grouch, a man full more of paradoxes than prejudice
who made me suffer like hell,
who gave the greatest weapons of peace without ever judging me,
thanks to whom I will face the bullets without ever ceasing to be soft.
And I only remeber the man who only has words,
a lot of words,
these words that have made his heart dead
and supressed the last residues of his humanity.
And what word? Stool.
So, go ahead.
Let us pillory him to let the students dance on his still-fuming ember.
But, thanks to his education, I know my destiny.
I know that, one day, my name will be connected with the
recollection of something enormous.
That's what Pierre Mazard has given me.
To me, Neïla Salah, who lives in Créteil,
born on July 13, 1987, daughter of Bouziane Salah and Khadija Salah.
These attachements are not pardonable;
one must be crazy to forgive him for all this.
Thank you for your attention.
Excuse me.
Neïla.
I wanted to tell you that, to quote the great lawyer in the making,
" In life, we must know how to say things simply. "
So thank you.
Thank you Neïla.
Did you mean what you have just said?
Since when the probelm is meaning what we say?
What matters isn't the truth, but instead to convince.
Filthy bitch!
Motherless racist!
You bastard!
No, you less-than-a-bastard!
[CHUCKLING]
Eat shit, you and your whore mother!
Eat shit, cursed race motherfucker.
That's it.
Raceless dog.
Bloody desert jackal..
[CHUCKLING] who dies down a well.
Old dog.
Please excuse me. I was only told at the last minute.
I am horribly late.
No, you're just horrible.
What are you looking at me like that?
Well, you should know that I didn't want a female. I wanted a man with big balls.
You will only do shit,
Shut the fuck up.
with you whore tie.
Watch your tone.
I think you forgot that you're here to serve me.
You shut the fuck up now, and take your hat off.
I'll do that if my mom were the queen of whores.
You are the whore. Take your hat off.
[CHUCKLING]
It's good? Am I cute now?
I'm telling you, there's nothing to do here.
I am the victim of a judicial error. That's all.
Sorry, I don't understand. Articulate clearly.
I am the victim of a judicial error, Madam.
- Master. - What?
You call me Master.
Do you think I am your slave or what?
Who do you think you are, patronizing me from the beginning
with your old haircut playing the Frenchwoman.
I am a Frenchwoman.
Me too, I am French.
Well, a minimarket robbery, reoffence.
Were there any witnesses?
Your little buddies have snitched on you.
Yes, that's right. You might get your ass kicked hard.
I know.
So, from now on, either you listen to me and you can get away on a technicality
or you keep acting like a wise guy and you get 10 years.
You'll have to stand there.
The judge doesn't like guys like you.
With these sweatpants, you'll lose the case.
Stand up.
On your feet!
" Judge, ladies and gentlement from the jury " Say it.
" Judge, ladies and gentlement from the jury "
Judge.
"Judge"
Stand up straight.
Shame on you. Not like this.
It's your stupidity that's shameful. I'm telling you to stand up straight.
" Judge, ladies and gentlement from the jury "
Pull your hands out of your pockets.
[IN ARABIC] Pull your hands out of your pockets.
Stand up straight.
We start over.