I have decided to create a journal.
Not in a word or digital file program,
but handwritten,
write every word that comes out
< i> so that each handwriting inflection,
each selected word,
was crossed out, revised, recorded .
To put all my thoughts
and simple events in my days are factually
and without hiding anything.
When writing about yourself, someone should not show mercy.
I will keep this diary for one year, 12 months.
And in the end, it will be destroyed.
Shredded, then burned. The experiment will be finished.
Please stand up.
Is your only peace in your life and death?
With my body and soul,
good in life and death,
is not mine alone,
but belongs to my Savior who is faithful to Jesus Christ,
who with his precious blood...
These thoughts and memories
are not so different
from the person I said to God every morning.
Someday. When he listens.
Bread is alive. A cup of safety .
Bread is alive. A cup of salvation.
This journal is a tool for talking,
communication from one to another.
Communication that can be easily achieved
and in pauses without prostration or anything else.
That is a form of prayer.
Bread is alive. A cup of safety.
There, uh, there is a leak in the men's room .
No, I fixed it.
No, I was just there. Still leaked.
Same place. Under the hot faucet. </ P>
What about the women's room? </ P>
The women are fine. Uh, do you want me to call
Plumber from Abundant Life?
No, I will fix another slit.
I hate things that always bother with extra small fees.
They don't mind. That's why they are there.
And you really according to your budget.
Still, I don't want to.
Have you posted a sermon?
Yes. I did it this morning.
- Oh, hi... - Pastor?
Yes, uh... Mary, right?
- Mary Mansana. - Yes. Nice to meet you again. </ P>
I want to talk, if that's okay. </ P>
Yes yes yes. Enter, Mary. </ P>
I'll be back soon. </ P>
Mary, how can I help you? </ P>
Um, I want to know what are you want to talk
- for my husband, Michael. - Oh, sure. I...
Actually, not now. He must...
Dia harus pergi bekerja.
He must fill in Home Depot.
Mary? What is that? </ P>
I'm worried about him. </ P>
He was involved in the Green Planet movement. </ P>
- This is an activist group. - Mmm-hmm. </ P>
And he's been imprisoned in Canada. </ P>
And he just came out two weeks ago. </ P>
He just sits at home .
He doesn't... He doesn't come out.
I told him fill out the temp form
for Home... For Home Depot. </ P>
- Good. - Um, so that's good. </ P>
Are you sure you don't want to go to Abundant Life? </ P>
They have a team of counselors there,
who are trained and...
I know, but he doesn't want to.
He thinks it's more than an company rather than a church.
So, he said he would talk to you.
Uh, alright. Tomorrow? </ P>
- After lunch? - Great. Good. </ P>
I just need, uh... I just need an address. </ P>
And, uh, can you tell me a little more? </ P >
Oh, he signed up for Loving Release
when he found out.
He was at Fort Providence. They let him out early.
Wait, now. Um, find what? </ P>
That I... I'm pregnant. </ P>
Oh Hmm Congratulations. </ P>
Thank you. </ P>
He is.... He thinks it's wrong to bring children to this world. </ P>
He wants to kill our baby. </ P>
I help Sunday
p>
Young people are very excited, full of life.
They are open. They welcome communion.
Maybe I shouldn't care whether people like me.
Is Jesus worried about being liked?
I looked at the last line that I wrote with disgust.
Twelve months.
Can I continue exercising during that time?
When I read these words, I don't see the truth , but arrogance.
I wish I hadn't used the word pride.
But I can't cross it.
If only I could pray.
Hi, Pastor.
- Hi. Did Michael come home? - Yes. Come in. </ P>
Good. Yes. </ P>
- Hey... Nice to see you. - Nice to meet you. </ P>
Um, do you want coffee? </ P>
Yes. But, um...
We... I... I think we drink tea. </ P>
Yes. It will be better. </ P>
- Good. - Thank you. </ P>
Let me take your coat? </ P>
Um, no, it's okay . I got it.
Enter it.
Yes. I don't know why Mary...
No need to apologize.
No, uh... He told me that you were in Canada.
Uh, yeah. Uh, Fort Providence. </ P>
This is, uh, in Mackenzie Delta. </ P>
This is the direction north. </ P>
Yes. Beautiful country, I imagine. </ P>
Ya itu dia.
Mary said things made you sad?
Uh, yes, everyone.
Yes, you can say that. Yes.
oh! Thank you very much. </ P>
- It's hot. - Perfect. </ P>
Thank you. </ P>
- Well, Mary is pregnant. - Hmm. </ P>
Yes. How far is he? </ P>
Uh, 20 weeks. </ P>
- Congratulations. - Thank you. </ P>
Hey, how old are you, pastor?
I am 46 years old.
Uh, 33.
That's... That's how old our child is in 2050.
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Yes. - You know, that...
That's two years older than me now. </ P>
Mmm-hmm. </ P>
- You will be 81 years old. - Yes
Hey, do you know what is the world in 2050?
Hmm It's hard to imagine.
>
I mean, Pastor...
Uh, the world is changing very fast.
And right in front of us.
I mean, one third from the natural world
has been destroyed in your life.
You know, the temperature of the earth
will be three degrees centigrade higher.
Four is the threshold.
Do you know? "The impact is severe, extends, and cannot be changed." </ P>
And when scientists say things like that, you know? </ P>
And National Atmospheric Research Center,
Lawrence Livermore,
Potsdam Institute. Uh, Pastor...
He continue like that for some time.
In 2050, two-foot sea level was higher on the East Coast.
Lowland areas in underwater around the world.
Bangladesh, 20% lost land.
Central Africa, 50% reduction yields due to drought.
West reservoirs are drying up.
Climate change refugees. Epidemic. Extreme weather.
You know,...
Bad times, they will start. </ P>
And from the moment that, everything moves very fast.
You know, this social structure
can't bear stress from many crises.
Opportunistic diseases,
anarchy, emergency military, critical point. </ P>
And this is not in a few, like, a distant future. </ P>
You will live to see this.
You know, my children will experience this unworthiness.
This, uh...
Damn. I am sorry. I just... You know, I...
I think everything can change, you know?
I think... I think people will listen.
Do you have thoughts to hurt yourself?
No.
Why? Is... Does Mary say something like that? </ P>
No no. </ P>
No, I'm not worried about myself. I'm just...
This world will be to be like this.
Um... But can I ask something, Reverend?
Mmm-hmm.
How did you drop sanctions on a little girl,
uh, for the sake of argument, just say, uh,
Mary and I, uh, son, that is a little girl.
You know, a child who is so hopeful
and naive beliefs,
to a world where the little girl, uh...
She grew up to be a young woman </ p >
and he looked into your eyes
and he said that you knew this all along, didn't you?
You saw it...
I mean, what? Then what do you have to say? </ P>
There is something growing in Maria. </ P>
Something that lives like a tree, of course.
As an endangered species.
Something full of the beauty and mystery of nature.
You say sanctions?
Do you think Mary should have an abortion? </ P>
Birth, is that your right? </ P>
Is that your decision? </ P>
Have you asked /> Maria what is she thinking about? </ P>
Listen, this... This isn't...
It's not about your baby.
It's not about Maria.
It's about you and your despair.
Your lack of hope.
>
Look, people, throughout history,
has awakened in the middle of the night,
is faced with darkness.
The feeling that live us without meaning.
The Sickness Unto Death.
Yes, but this is something different . </ p >
Yes no. Great human achievements
have taken him to a place where life as we know it
can stop at future.
Yes, that's new.
But darkness
that's not it.
We are scientific people. /> We want to solve many things. </ P>
We want a rational answer. </ P>
If a human cannot overcome his interests immediately
is enough to ensure the continuity of his own life, then you're right.
The only rational response /> is despair.
But do you think that, that...
That there is an existence other than this?
This is here, now?
p>
- Uh, yes. - Yes right.
- Before us. After us. - Yes
- Yes Wait a minute. </ P>
Are you talking about the next life? Huh? </ P>
You really... you just, uh...
I feel like I'm Jacob
wrestling all night with the angel.
every response to mortal struggle.
That is fun.
You believe in martyrdom, Reverend?
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
You know, the Saints of God,
early Christians who didn't Will you leave their faith?
The missionaries who were attacked
in the Lord's field.
Do you believe that they died for a purpose?
- I did. - Well, every week,
murdered activists trying to protect the environment.
One hundred and seventeen years died last year
for their beliefs.
All right, there.
Uh, this is José Claudio Ribeiro da Silva .
Huh? And that is his wife, Maria. </ P>
They were shot dead
in 2011 on Amazon.
You know, they protested
free rainforest felling
Hey, uh... This is Dorothy Stang, 2005. </ P>
She, um, a nun from Ohio. </ P>
And what, what is the purpose of of their deaths? </ P>
You know, in, uh...
In 2010, the IPCC predicted
that if drastic measures were not taken in 2015,
environmental collapse will not be changed.
And nothing is done.
And now in 2017.
You say you respect me.
What are you... What I'm going through.
Yes.
So, you know my story.
- Yes, you is a priest. - Uh huh.
My father taught at VMI.
I encouraged my child to register.
That is a family tradition.
Uh, like his father, my father before me.
Patriotic tradition.
My wife, uh, very challenged.
My son is also registered. And, uh...
Six months later he died in Iraq. Right?
I talked my son into war
who didn't have moral justification. </ P>
My wife could no longer live with me. </ P>
I left the military.
I'm lost.
And Reverend Jeffers of Abundant Life,
He gave me this position
in First Reformed and here I am.
Now Michael, I can promise you
that whatever despair you feel
about bringing your child to this world
can't be as desperate as taking your child from it.
Hey, who's... What's his name, his name? Your child?
Joseph.
The child fell into the well.
- Yes, I remember. - Mmm-hmm. </ P>
Dreamer. </ P>
The dreamer, huh. Yes. </ P>
And you can continue? </ P>
Courage is the solution to despair. </ P>
The reason for not giving an answer. </ P>
I don't know what will happen in the future.
We must choose despite uncertainty.
Wisdom holds two contradictory truths
in our minds, simultaneously.
Hope and despair.
Life without despair is life without hope.
Hold two this idea in our head is life itself.
Are you a drinker, Pastor?
That doesn't help.
No, I don't think so.
Can God forgive us?
For what we have, uh, do this world?
I don't know.
Who can know the mind of God?
But we can choose
a godly life.
Trust...
Forgiveness...
Grace covers all of us.
I believe that.
Let's meet again.
Do you want to?
Tomorrow after lunch, the same time.
Okay yeah. This is a... This is a plan. </ P>
I left as said,
what should be said,
what can be said differently,
what can be said is better.
"I know there's no that can change
" And I know there's no hope. "
Thomas Merton wrote this.
Despair is the development of so great pride
that he chose someone's certainty
instead of acknowledging God more creative than us.
Maybe more well I didn't say that to him.
Who am I talking about pride?
Well, to start, the church was built in 1767
in the current style we call Dutch Colonial.
It was made by settlers... Follow me. </ p >
Using local wood.
First reform requires seven years to build.
The Vei Plancks.
Uh, Effie here, the tombstone dates back to 1787.
Partially rebuilt church
on in 1837 after the fire.
This section is retained.
If you take a closer look at behind the Continental Army Flag,
You will find two bullet hole
of shots fired during the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
Within two months we celebrated
our 250th anniversary .
This is an example of some chinaware
brought from the Netherlands.
And the first cup. That's beautiful.
And here, this is the original key
from the front door before the fire.
Yes.
And in the cabinet that we have, um,
souvenirs sold.
We have mugs, hats, postcards, key chains, pens, t-shirts.
What size is this?
unfortunately, they're all small.
I have a few more orders,
but I'm waiting for them to come in.
The lid is good.
This is one size that fits all .
The pulpit was donated in the year 1879 by William Mercer.
And the organs of the church,
which unfortunately did not function now,
uh, produced in England by AG Hill.
Did you hear about
Mrs. Choir and Minister?
No.
He chased him around the church
and caught him by the organ. </ P>
Oh No, I, uh...
I haven't heard that one.
Baiklah. Ayolah. Ikuti aku.
All right. Thank you very much. </ P>
- Well. - Thank you. </ P>
Yes. Thank you very much. </ P>
Be careful driving. </ P>
Thank you. </ P>
Okay, take five. </ P>
Penny for your mind?
Oh Joel wants to talk to me.
- There's nothing serious, I hope. - Oh, I assume it's not.
Do you want to have lunch?
Well, I have something after that, but uh, yeah.
I can sit with you for a moment.
Oh, remember that?
What?
When everything is there in front of you.
Yes. But try saying that to them. </ P>
See you later. </ P>
Hello. </ P>
- Reverend Toller. - Yes. </ P> p>
- Oh. Go right. - Good. </ P>
Dia mengharapkanmu.
Um, this... That is my wife's stuff. I see. </ P>
Continue and take care of it. </ P>
Oh good! Reverend Toller. </ P>
Enter. </ P>
Roger, make sure you reply to me
immediately after that. </ P>
Hi Pastor. </ P>
Nice to see you. Why did you not sit there? </ P>
Roger, okay to let the door open. </ P>
Can I get you water or what?
Oh no. I am good. I'm good.
So, how is the situation in First Reformed?
Oh, busy. you know how that is.
You do one thing for another,
the next thing you know is again Sunday.
Yes, tell me about that.
Well, I brought you in, I want to ask you
about the 250th Reconciliation.
Now, around the corner.
Yes, of course. Only eight weeks away.
And what is the planning?
Well, your office handle invitations
and I'm a little worried about seating.
I mean, because we have your staff.
We have Elders. We have Deacons. </ P>
We have a Governor, the people. </ P>
Mayor, the people. </ P>
We don't have space for spillover. </ P>
You know, that is Holy Place and that's it. </ P>
Do you know what? I think we will simulcast the
ceremony here, in the main room.
- Alright. - So that's 5,000 seats.
Yes, okay. Well then...
We can do reception at rotunda. </ P>
The, um... Organ di First Reformed.
- Is that repaired? - Oh right, yes. No, that's not it. </ P>
We are waiting for some parts. </ P>
I'm not... That's... It's more complicated
than we think at first.
We can't do reconciliation
without organs.
"A Mighty Fortress is our Lord."
That's all organs.
Do you know that, uh,
Martin Luther wrote it on the toilet?
Oh Yes. </ P>
"A Mighty Fortress..."
I think every seminary knows that. </ P>
Oh, I can't get that picture from my mind.
I mean, every time I see the song go
and I can look at the church
and know everyone thinks the same thing.
This man, oh, kindness. Oh, makes me laugh.
Anyway, have you, uh, prepared your statement?
Ugh, no . Not yet. But I'll do it. </ P>
So how are you doing? </ P>
Oh, I'm fine. </ P>
Not really. </ P>
I mean, it's been a long time since we talked. </ P>
And you know, even a priest needs a pastor. </ P>
We have to do it, okay? </ P> p>
I want that.
Good. And come to here more often. </ P>
You have to get out. Come and be part of things. </ P>
So many activities that you can do. And...
- And kids really like you. - Mmm. </ P>
They always praise you. </ P>
So you can go out from that, uh...
What is the game? What do they like to call it,
where are you? The, uh... Museum. </ P>
Souvenir shop. </ P>
They call it a souvenir shop. </ P>
Very good. Very good. You're doing a great job. </ P>
I'm grateful for that opportunity. </ P>
How's Jeffers doing? </ P>
Oh He wants I met with Ed Balq.
Balq Industries, Balq Energy, Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts...
Why?
Well, it's all about Reconciliation. </ P>
And apparently Mr. Balq wants to make sure he gets the right
credit for to bear everything.
Well, he should be.
First Reform is a parking lot
- if not for him. - I think.
Did you see a doctor?
Yes. I made an appointment.
There was a little hanging
with the company insurance, but...
God, they made it very difficult .
Yes, okay. That's what they do.
Mmm-hmm.
You need someone to take care of you.
Esther, we tried it. I wasn't made for it.
For what? Love? You're not made for love? </ P>
My marriage failed. </ P>
There is no marriage that can survive the loss of a child. </ P>
That's not true. </ P>
Is that what you are thinking about? </ P>
That what we did together is sin? </ P>
That we are breaking?
No. That's not what I thought. </ P>
I've seen quite a lot of sins real to know the difference. </ P>
It's just...
Good?
Good. I understand, I...
I care about you. I want you to be happy.
Well, I'm happy.
There who are called to their excitement,
there are those who are called to their suffering.
others are called for their loneliness.
They are called by God,
because through the communication ship
they can reach me,
and hold beating hearts in their hands.
They are called because of their enormous knowledge of
the blanks of all things
are only can be filled by the presence of our Savior.
- Yes? - Reverend Toller?
- Oh! - This is me.
Yes, Mary? I got a message You're about rescheduling.
You have to come. Now.
Is Michael there? </ P>
No. He is working. You have to come. Now.
Good. OK. </ P>
Thank you for coming. </ P>
Follow me. </ P>
I, uh, looking for some batteries,
because we're out. And I think maybe
there will be some here, you know?
And then something doesn't seem right.
Okay, I returned everything as I found it,
because I want you to see how it is.
Explosives?
This is a suicide vest.
And there are other elements there too.
There are batteries and, um, detonators
and jelly tubes.
You know, he worked in the garage lately.
And he said he was repairing the motorcycle.
And I didn't question it.
Because I... I'm glad
that he did something that made him happy.
But you don't know if he thinks...
There is no suspicion. Nothing like this.
All right. Well. I'll take this. All right?
It can't stay here.
I'll take it and throw it away. And...
You won't go to the police?
No, I won't... Are you... Do you want me?
No! No no No
Aku tidak berpikir itu akan membantu.
I don't think there's anything good
will come from him feeling threatened.
I think I'm coming tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Somehow, through our conversation,
I will discuss this.
I'm very scared.
You didn't mean that him, were you afraid of him?
That he would hurt you, right?
No no no no.
- I'm afraid of him. - No? Well. All right. </ P>
You know, are there other activists,
- like coming here, calling? - No. There is no one. </ P>
He has no friends. He can't even socialize, so. </ P>
All right, but he has you. </ P>
- Yes - Will you stand with him? </ P>
- Ya, tentu saja. - Baiklah. Yah, begitu juga aku.
Sharpness intersects with Christian life
at any time.
Wisdom.
Wisdom. i>
Listen and wait for God's will
what actions should be taken.
My little illness has made me angry.
I resisted the urge not to write
the thought that arises in my mind.
The desire to pray that is itself a type of prayer.
How often do we ask for true experience
when everything we want is emotion.
My hands tremble when I write these sentences.
Eh, we got a message from the boss.
He said that was a top priority.
You held some sort of big event here?
Yes, this church has an 250 year anniversary.
Abundant life is planning enough ceremonies.
Hmm A Mighty Fortress.
p>
Oh
Yes sir.
I mean, he struggles with depression.
That's why I have to meet with him.
I never imagined something like this.
Are you related to a close family?
Well, he. .. His wife, Mary. </ P>
He was the first person asked me to meet him. </ P>
Did he know about your text? </ P>
No.
I think that's my goal.
All right. OK. </ P>
Okay, do you mind if I follow behind you? Alright. </ P>
I know his father. </ P>
Very? What is he like? </ P>
A businessman. </ P>
A dead kid. </ P>
I thought it was flowing in the blood. </ P>
Thank you, Pastor.
Mrs. Mensana, once again I apologize for your loss.
If there is anything else we can do, please let us know. </ p >
- Thank you. - Thank you, Officer.
Pastor. Thank you. </ P>
You didn't give know the police, didn't you? </ P>
About? </ P>
No no. </ P>
If you find another
like that, get rid of it.
As long as it's safe, I mean. Burn, grave.
Michael is nervous, but the cause is fair.
There is no reason to bring up that reason.
Yes.
Is it you're an activist too?
I share Michael's beliefs.
But it's not his despair. I mean, I want to live.
- I want to be a mother. - Right.
I want to have this child.
Do you have a family near here?
I... Yes, my sister. He is in Buffalo.
- You might want to call him. - I will.
So, he... He went to the garage? </ P>
Yes. </ P>
What did he say? </ P>
Nothing. </ P>
Now, from the police point of view,
I imagine this is a case of which is quite difficult and dry.
Still, I might be cleaning the office,
might get rid of the laptop.
You...
Open.
I will feel it.
What? </ p >
He was not present.
He became someone who I didn't know.
Like, even before I got pregnant.
And he's so full of anger, you know? </ P>
I thought maybe I should call my parents. My sisters. </ P>
They must... They should know. </ P>
I lived while he called his sister.
Her sister will go down.
And her parents will come for the last rights.
Uh, hey, Bill. Chicken or beef?
- Uh, beef. - Beef. Okay, good. </ P>
How are you doing? </ P>
- Aku baik baik saja. Ya. - Kau baik-baik saja?
Is that enough for you?
Thank you very much, Pastor.
Do you want chicken or beef?
Uh, meat cow. Thank you. </ P>
Beef? Yes. Cool. </ P>
You're there. Be careful, it's hot. </ P>
Priest, I want to ask you...
- Oh, damn it! - Ow! </ P>
Damn. I'm sorry, Joseph! I'm very sorry.
A terrible night. Not long after I close my eyes,
destruction comes to me.
What's your last thought when you pull the trigger?
"There is my head "
Or," Jesus, watch over me? " Or not?
I will tear < br /> these pages.
This journal doesn't keep me calm.
It's sorry for yourself. No more.
I wake up at three with a shout.
It's been five months
since I felt the signs the first warning.
I went to church and fell asleep on the bench.
How easy they are talking about prayer,
those who have never truly prayed.
Excuse me? Oh my God!
Well, since I made my commitment, I...
I feel God move in my life.
If happiness comes in pill size,
it will cross JC on it.
The release size is continuous.
I wake up feeling better.
My relationship is better.
And I got a raise last week.
I found myself in prayer
without thinking about it.
Thank you, Jason. It's very inspiring.
Praise Jesus. Every breath I have is prayer.
Uh, mind? Reaction? Yes? Cynthia. </ P>
Three months ago, my father was fired. </ P>
He couldn't find any work. </ P>
Nobody loved God is more than my father. </ P>
He always testifies, he volunteers. </ P>
Did he make a mistake? </ P>
Um... You all know Reverend Toller
from Reformed First. </ P>
Hey, yes, Hi. Yes. </ P>
Bagaimana... Bagaimana kau menjawab ini, Pendeta?
Well, Cynthia. I'm sorry what happened to your father. </ P>
There are many church people,
good Christians, who see, uh, a connection
between piety and prosperity.
But that's not what Jesus taught.
That's not what Jesus lived.
There is no dollar sign on his pulpit.
There is no American flag too.
I think, Cynthia, what your father experienced is...
Christians shouldn't succeed.
That's what he meant. Christianity is for the losers?
Jake, Jake!
I just tired to give the other cheek.
Jesus doesn't give the other cheek.
Why stand up?
Go out of school.
Give people money that is too lazy to work for it.
And whatever you do, don't offend Muslims.
I mean, not for long I mention the poor,
and this teen jumped into my throat
like I just took the damn thing on the American flag.
Forgive my language. Oh my God! </ P>
Oh, Roger told me. </ P>
He's great. He's amazing. He is a good person. </ P>
Well, he said you stay calm,
and he admires you for that. </ P>
There is no middle ground with these children.
Everything is very extreme.
This is the time. This is a scary moment. This...
These children, they grew up in the world
itu, kau dan aku, kita bahkan tidak akan mengenali.
Global warming, sea of pornography,
violent video games. This is a world without privacy.
Every child is isolated, communicate in the media.
It is a world without hope!
You don't know how it feels raising a child in this case...
No, I'm raising children. </ P>
I don't mean that. </ P>
I know you didn't do it. </ P>
They're just scared. Son This kid,
- They want certainty. - Mmm-hmm.
You know, don't think, follow.
Uh...
But they became victims of extremism.
Jihadism is everywhere. Even here.
It's just that... That's not the church that calls me. </ P>
Maupun aku.
It's up to us. We have to listen and guide
and encourage our young members
to express themselves
without judging them. </ P>
We must lead by example.
We must be patient.
Oh, this sounds good.
I have to sharpen my meat
for Reconciliation.
Do you know what they want to play?
No, I don't know.
Abundant Life handle everything.
Invitation, seating.
Basically, I just just introduced Joel.
And then he did he said, introducing the Governor,
maybe Ed Balq.
Oh, why is he?
This is some kind of agreement.
I mean, he was borne entirely,
get paid for organ repair.
I have a question other music for you...
Oh Take it from above.
This is actually a kind sad business.
- Hm? - Michael Mansana's warning.
Scattering the ashes. He asked me to arrange it.
He asked you?
Well, he wrote a letter. He had several requests.
Then the Lord spoke to Job, stepping from the storm.
He said, "Where are you
" When I put the foundation of the Earth,
"Mark the dimensions, put the foundation,
"when the morning star sings,
" and the angels shout with joy? Where are you? "
This environment selected by Michael
as a repository for his physical remains.
I say physically because of his memory
and the spirit of living with us,
as well as his mission.
Michael cares about this world.
Maybe it's too much.
The Youth Choir Life is Abundant now will sing for us, uh,
the song chosen by Michael .
Protect wild children tomorrow
Protect the land from human greed
< i> Remove and stand for oil
Protect plants and update the land
Who will stand up and save the Earth?
Who would say that he is enough?
Who will take a large machine?
Who will stand up and save the Earth?
This all starts with you and me </ p >
End fossil fuels
Drag the line
Before we build one more pipeline
End fracking now let's save water
And build lives for sons and our daughter
Who will stand up and save the Earth?
Who will say that he is enough?
Who will take the big machine?
Who will stand and save the Earth?
It all started with you and me
- aku baik. - Baiklah.
- Mr. Balq! - Hey!
- Hello! - How are you?
- Very good! Very good. - Very good. Good. </ P>
Hey. Sorry I'm late. I have, uh... I'm arrested. </ P>
Oh good. You know Reverend Toller, right?
Well, just by looking. Ed Barq. </ P>
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. </ P>
Bring me coffee
- And apple pie. All right? - Good. Thank you. </ P>
Uh, apple pie. I know it's a cliché,
but they made it here. It's organic. This is local. </ P>
I have a surprise for you. </ P>
I, uh... I stopped to the printer on the way. </ P>
Oh Ooh, nice. Good. They do great work. </ P>
Yes. All guests
pada rekonsiliasi akan mendapatkan salinan.
And then, uh, also there will be mail delivery.
Dan... And of course that will be available at the bookstore.
So how did the plan come? </ P>
Is the organ repaired? </ P>
Oh yeah. Sounds beautiful. Better than ever. </ P>
Good. Um, we drew a small seating chart. </ P>
Now, Mayor Wilson will be there,
and the Governor. </ P>
Well, at least he will try...
All those mighty men of God,
servants of the cross.
Period of service, baptism,
confession, funeral, sermon.
Hours in prayer,
the suffering suffered. Does God give them strength?
Reverend Toller will introduce me. I will go up,
I will introduce the Governor.
There will be a selection of songs. Now, the main one... .
There won't be any politics whatsoever , will it be there?
No. No, why should it be there? </ P>
Yes... Oh. Sorry. Is that okay? </ P>
Here you seem. </ P>
- Thank you. - Same. Enjoy. </ P>
Well, I... I ask, uh,
um, this is my concern. </ P>
This is a print & apos from the website.
Yes, both Reformed Life and Abundant Life First
is named.
That is a political event. And Neil Young's protest song ?
I only respect the wishes of
of the deceased and... And... The schedule.
That's their instruction for memorial service.
In the place of toxic waste with the press present?
No press was invited.
No. This is just a friend of Mensana. </ P>
That is political action. </ P>
You and the choir represent The Church of Abundant Life. </ P>
And the Hanstown site,
p>
by the way, even is not polluted.
It was cleaned with EPA superfunds.
- Well, Hanstown... /> - No, no, of course not,
but give me credit, okay? </ P>
I'm in the energy business. </ P>
This is my business for <
Listen, sorry.
Pastor Toller doesn't understand
the implications here.
- May I asking questions? - Yes Continue.
Will God forgive us for what we did to his creation?
That was what Mensana asked when I visited him.
This... There many loose talks
about changing the environment.
There is scientific consensus. Ninety-seven percent...
The man who says there isn't who always looks smarter.
Why can't I just shut up?
This is a problem complicated.
Not really. I mean, who benefits?
Cui bono? Who benefits? </ P>
That's what I asked of myself. </ P>
Besides the Bible call for stewardship,
who fortunately when we land
our own nest? What can be obtained...
Can we agree to keep politics
out of the reconciliation service?
- Yes. - Yes, but this is not politics.
I mean, what God wants is to...
Oh, you, you, you, you... Do you know God's thoughts? </ P>
You talked to him, personally?
He told you His plan for Earth?
Look, I understand, you are upset.
I mean, you found the body, right?
Yes.
How?
I should have met her.
p>
And he sent me an sms, and... Changes in location.
And?
And I went to there and he died.
You advise him, then he shoots himself?
Ed?
Yes.
Well, I think you > need to step back, Pastor,
and look at life You yourself
before you criticize others. Hmm?
Mary and I climb the park trail.
I haven't ridden a bicycle, I think, in 20 years.
I'm afraid I'll fall.
It's amazing the strength of is simple curative from practice.
That is God's gift.
Thank you again.
Michael and I are ordinary cycling twice a week,
and I miss him so much.
No, I enjoyed it. It's been a long time.
But it's under protest.
-I... I asked my doctor. - Really? Still. </ P>
Um, can I ask for help again? </ P>
Sure. </ P>
Can you pack Michael's stuff?
Or looking for someone to do it?
Are you sure you want to give it so fast?
No, like... don't give it,
You know. Just pack it up. </ P>
It's just... You know, I feel...
... it's hard to be around
so many scents and memories.
You know?
Yes I can... I can do that.
Good.
Have you decide what is the next ?
Um, the rent is paid for two months,
so there's no need to rush.
But, um, I will stay here
with my sister and brother-in-law.
- Hmm. Is that so? - Until the baby is born. </ P>
So you will move there? </ P>
Yes. I think so. He contacted an obstetrician. </ P>
Do we speak pink or blue? </ P>
- Blue! - Blue. </ P>
Blue!
- Ah! Congratulations. - Thank you. </ P>
- That's amazing. - Yes
Oh, hey, uh... I have questions for you,
if, uh... Otherwise is too painful.
Do you think he is, uh...
He is right- right will hurt someone?
Um, he has become part of some nonviolent protests.
We both have. He is imprisoned.
He has a temper. I mean, he will start shouting at the police,
but no, I don't think of him...
No. I don't think he's rude.
I just, um...
I can't help but keep wondering
what I should do differently.
He doesn't want to live.
He's not a person who is religious, you know.
He doesn't care about the church. That's me
I'm the one who asked him to come.
I grew up in church
and I have never been able to let it go.
I'll be in a strange city,
and I'll go
to the church and sit , ok?
I'm the spiritual one.
Thank you.
Yes. I will, uh... I will go take a few boxes. </ P>
Aku akan kembali untuk membeli pakaian.
Good.
Uh, Pastor? Um,
would you pray with me? </ P>
I just... I find it hard to do it myself. </ P>
Don't talk...
Are you uncomfortable with me asking that?
No no no no. Of course not. Yes. </ P>
Good. </ P>
Dear Heavenly Father,
we invite you to this room, into our hearts... </ p >
I hold his hand, I speak,
and those words come out of my mouth.
"With your words, you will be justified,
" and with your words, you will be punished. "
I can no longer ignore my health.
I have postponed my examination continuously.
Yesterday I almost couldn't stand.
No, I haven't lost my faith.
" And the rich man says I will lower my barns,
"and wake up bigger..."
"And I will say to my soul,
>
"Take your ease, eat, drink, and be happy.
" But God said to his students,
"Don't think about your life ,
"what will you eat..."
"Not for the body, what will you use.
" Life is more from meat,
"And the body is more than just clothes."
Thus ending the reading of God. Praise God.
When did he come back? </ P>
So he goes to Albany for the examination?
I ask him, buy him don't give me details.
Uh, you know how he .
Maybe I can check it out.
Esther.
It's just...
I know. I know. </ P>
- Good. OK. Bye - See you later. </ P>
We want to do gastroscopic exam. </ P>
We drop the fiber optic camera to the throat and esophagus, </ p >
and look around.
This is a nursing procedure the way, local anesthesia.
You should be able to leave before evening. </ p >
Still, it's not... It doesn't sound very good.
We want to check evidence of malignancy.
Cancer. </ p >
Cancer is not that frightening medical enemy.
Mmm-hmm.
What is... Treatment for that?
It depends on how far the tumor progresses.
But...
You stated that you had experienced discomfort.
Uh huh. Yes. </ P>
Six months? </ P>
Well, diet, medicine, chemotherapy, even surgery. </ P>
We have various diagnostic tool.
Do you have bloody stools?
Just now?
Good. I want to schedule
gastroscopy as soon as possible.
We have an empty week for the next.
Good.
What your diet?
My diet? Um, I'm hungry, I eat.
- You smoke? - No.
Drink?
Mmm, in moderation.
That must end.
I will call a recipe to help
- With a stomach ache. - Huh.
And I want you to take nutritional supplements .
Good.
Are you in pain now?
No. I feel good. </ P>
We tend to think that anxiety and worry
is only an indication of how wise we are ,
but that is a much better indication of
how evil we are. </ p >
Fretting arises from our determination
to have our own way.
Our Lord never worry and never worry.
I'll be back in a minute.
Because His goal is to achieve it
not the plan itself...
Reverend?
Hi Esther.
I... I don't know you will come.
Well, Joel's office called.
They want to talk to me about the Reconciliation program.
Do... Do they talk to you?
Eh, I will be in First Reformed . And Stanley will be
with a full choir in here for simulcast broadcasts.
Mmm-hmm. Good. </ P>
Acoustics will be very beautiful. I mean...
Stop. </ P>
Very beautiful. Did you hear from Albany ?
Yes. I did it. </ P>
What did they say? </ P>
Nothing. Just a few more tests. </ P>
Gastroscopy. </ P>
And do you know this? </ P>
I contacted. </ P>
- Aku mengkhawatirkanmu. - Tinggalkan aku sendiri.
- I just want to try... - I know what you want!
All right? And I can't stand with your worries,
you are constantly floating. You need it. </ P>
you, you are constant reminders
p>
my own personal shortcomings and failures.
You want something that never existed and will never exist.
Don't make me doing this , because of me...
Esther. Esther. Esther. </ P>
Pull yourself together. OK? Look at you. </ P>
You don't take care of yourself . </ P>
I hate you. </ P>
I hate what you bring in myself.
Your concerns are small.
You are a stumbling block.
I suddenly felt much better.
and immediately set about my day assignments.
"The nations went berserk..."
"But your anger comes,
" and the time for people dies to be judged,
"and to reward your servant,
" and the prophet and saint,
"and for those who fear of your name,
"small and great,
" and to destroy destroyers of the Earth. "
Revelation 11:18.
I have deleted the previous page.
They are written in delirium.
But I am determined to continue.
Difficult fighting against suspended animation.
I have to set pen to paper.
Dirt.
- Oh, hey Mary. - Hi. Can I enter? </ P>
Yes, of course. Come on in. Come on, come on. </ P>
Come on, come in. Do you need anything? </ P>
Um, do you want... Um, can I take your coat?
- Yes - Hey, are you okay?
- Um... - Let me get this.
Uh, no.
I'm just, I'm really scared.
I'm like me afraid of everything.
Uh, I woke up and my heart was racing
and I... I thought, like, the roof,
sky- sky, will fall.
Um, so I... I have to go out.
Yes. Mary? </ P>
And I just went around, and... And I...
I don't wear make-up. Sorry.
I'm glad you came. Do you want to, uh...
Water, tea...
Without warning,
this dark curtain just falls.
I... I'm afraid of everything.
Well, you're doing the right thing coming here. </ P>
I can't stop my mind. </ P>
They keep going and going. </ P>
They repeat and repeat.
Has this ever happened before Michael's death?
Slightly. Yes. It's not like this. </ P>
I read it online, um, they used to believe
that pregnancy made you happy, but now they feel like that
it only makes your feelings more extreme.
Michael...
He is really strong.
What about it?
Um, he listens. He is kind. </ P>
We used to do this
called the Magical Mystery Tour. </ P>
That sounds ridiculous. But, um...
We will, uh, share the joints
and lie above one with each other fully clothed. </ P>
We will try to get that much
possible body-to-body contact.
We will have our hands and...
We will only see directly into the eyes of each
and move it in unison,
like right, left, right, left.
And then we will breathe in rhythm.
Do you want me to do this?
No, I don't mean that.
All right.
I mean... I...
Yes. I mean, yes. I think... I...
Yes. I guess I did it.
Good. Uh, show me. </ P>
Well, you're lying on your back,
and with your hands and your legs stretched out. </ P>
Do we need music? </ P>
Do we need music? </ P> p>
No, we only listen to the breath.
Just lie down?
Yes. And then, yes. </ P>
Come on let's go! Come on let's go! </ P>
Come on, Benny. </ P>
Hi friends. Let's sit
on the first bench here. All the way down. </ P>
All right. Good work, guys. </ P>
Okay, so last week, we read The Patchwork Path
about Underground Railroad,
who is not a train, but... Rosa?
That is a trail of slaves.
That is the escape route from South to North.
is one of stops on that route. Reverend Toller? </ P>
Yes. Slaves, uh, running away themselves north to Canada
often helped, fed, hidden by homes and churches
along this route. Calvin Verlander
is dominee, the minister in is here in First Reformed. </ P>
And he is very active in the Abolitionist Movement. </ P>
He helped...
No. Miss Suriya, let me try this. </ P>
Uh, why aren't you standing for a while? </ P>
Look here. </ P>
You see one part wood that looks different
than other parts of wood?
Yes!
You all saw it, didn't you?
>
But does this look a little
- Yes, what's your name? - Benny.
Benny, will you help me?
- Come here. - Mmm-hmm.
You see, there used to be the bench above this.
And they will move it, and then they will lift this.
Can do you do it? Help me. </ P>
Yes! Oh! </ P>
Come here to everyone. </ P>
Slaves will hide here. Sometimes the whole family. </ P>
Be careful. All right. </ P>
Can you imagine that? </ P>
In the dark. Hot air,
trembling in fear. </ P>
The sound of the horse hunting slaves outside. </ P>
Kneeling, each other holding hands,
p>
pray that God will save them?
Do you want me to pack any
No, I can get it later. Thank you.
I'd love to meet with your sister sometime.
- You want to come to Buffalo? - If I'm invited. I really want to. </ P>
- Will you visit me? - I'll, yes. </ P>
I want to meet Michael Jr. </ P>
You have helped me.
My great-grandfather
was a priest in Muskegon, Michigan.
The Saint of God.
And, uh, the bank in the city is a two-story building,
the first building which has an elevator. </ P>
And one Monday,
Grandpa, uh, get boys together
and they go to the city to deposit church funds,
as they do every Monday.
And they need to talk with the managers.
They ride the elevator.
And he has a heart attack.
And he... He takes off his hat.
Apparently he always wears a hat.
And he took off his hat and he said,
"Children, release my shoes.
" I stand in the Holy Land. "
p>
And then he died.
Somewhere between the first and second floors.
Um, I thought about the story when I thought about Michael.
Because I believe he stood
in the Holy Land when he died.
Thank you.
So I will see you in Buffalo?
I think I'll go to, uh, Reconciliation.
Oh no you... You don't need to do that.
Yes, but you have there for me,
and I want to be there for you.
It's great for you offer,
um, but it's only a group of rich people
pat each other behind.
- But you will it's there. - But I have to be there.
- So I'll leave. - Please don't come.
Good? I don't want you to come. Do you understand?
Good.
Good. Enjoy a beautiful night. </ P>
"Be strong in the Lord and in His great power.
" Put on armor full of God,
"So that you can take your attitude
" Against the devil's plan.
"Because our struggle is not against flesh and blood,
"But against the rulers,
" against the authorities,
"against the forces of the world < br /> this dark one. "
Balq Home Products,
makers of paper goods, fertilizer,
everyday items for households,
is one of the first companies
to realize the need to resolve environmental issues.
Sir? Did you join us? </ P>
This unit makes plastic pens recyclable. </ P>
Balq has facilities or production settings
with 18 countries all over the world.
Today, I stopped. I have Miso and fish.
Such simple pleasures.
Why do we deny ourselves?
Every preservation action is an act of creation.
Everything that is preserved updates the creation.
This is how we participate in creation.
I have found another form of prayer.
Reverend Toller. Come in. Close the door. </ P>
Why aren't you sitting? </ P>
We are concerned about you. </ P>
Who is it? </ P>
How your health?
I'm doing some tests.
Hmm? Have you got any results? </ P>
No no. </ P>
What about your diet? </ P>
You know, I will be honest, you don't look that way well.
I have some... Some stomach problems.
And I understand you have drunk.
Hm. What? It's just a little wine with dinner. </ P>
- Wine? - Yes Yes. </ P>
Well, that's not recommended
for someone who has stomach problems.
I understand, okay?
I'll... I'll start taking care of myself.
You're always in the garden.
Even Jesus doesn't always in the garden,
kneels, sweats blood.
He is on the mountain.
He's in the market. He's in the temple.
But you, you're always in the garden.
For you every hour is Dark Hour. </ P>
I am not aware that I have been offended. </ P>
Jesus did not want our suffering. </ P>
- He suffered for us. - Mmm-mmm.
He wants commitment and our obedience.
And what is His creation?
Heaven declares God's glory.
God is everywhere,
in every plant, every river, every small insect.
The whole world is a manifestation
of His Holy presence.
I think this is a problem
where... Where the church can lead. </ P>
But... But they don't say anything. </ P>
That...
The US Congress is still denying climate change?
Where are we when these people are elected?
The, the, the...
We know who speaks for big businesses. Right? </ P>
But who speaks for God? </ P>
"Creation awaits hopefully
" liberation from slavery. "</ P> >
That is Romans 8:23. Do you understand?
So, we have to pollute so God can restore?
We must sin so God forgives?
I don't think that is what the Apostle meant.
I think we should see
with the eyes of Jesus to every life...
You do not live in the real world.
You don't. You, you are a minister
in a tourist church that no one is present.
Do you know what is needed to do God's work?
I tried...
To, maintain this big mission?
Staff , translation,
the number of people we touch every day.
Who is the pastor that you really like?
- Thomas Merton ? - Thomas Merton. He is not alive
- in the real world too! - Yeah, he did it! He will...
No. He was a living monk
in a monastery in Kentucky and wrote a book! </ P>
Well, someone must do something! </ P>
Earth that is dependent on balance. </ P>
Now what if this is the plan? What if we can't see it? </ P>
You think God wants to destroy his creation?
He once did it.
For 40 days and 40 nights.
Look, Life Abundant, we are with you.
p>
Good? We care. </ P>
We do. And I know, this is a hard time for you. </ P>
But we will help you with that. </ P>
After we go through reconciliation services,
You have to go check out yourself to a medical institution.
Alright? Maybe go to Nicaragua
and preach the gospel or build a house .
But do something in the real world.
And if you can't do the ceremony,
I will understand that.
You are expected to be in there, but look.
We can only say that you are sick, right.
No . No...
It's not about ceremonies. OK? I can... I will...
I... I want to be there. I have to be there.
This is my church. It's been 250 years. </ P>
I want to be there. I want to introduce you. Please? </ P>
Well, Ed Balq has decided
that he wants to comment,
so the Governor will introduce it.
Will it be a problem?
Not everything. Not everything. </ P>
Very good. Good. </ P>
Listen. We will skip this reconciliation. </ P>
That will be special. </ P>
And then we will deal with this other problem. </ P>
Thank Thank you.
Thank you.
Where, um... Where is Pastor Toller?
I'm not sure, ma & apos; am. Inside. </ P>
- Did you see it? - No.
- Where is he? - I don't know. </ P>
Toller!
Toller! are you there?
Start service.
Really fellowship
What a divine joy
Lean
The eternal arm
How blessed
How peaceful for me
Lean
Eternal arms
Lean
Safe and comfortable
Of all alarms
Lean
Leaning
Lean
Eternal arms
Oh, how the sweetness goes
By the way of this pilgrim
Leaned
Arm eternal
Oh, how bright the way is
Growing day by day
Lean
The eternal arm
Lean
Safe and comfortable
Of all the alarms
Lean
Everlasting arms
What should I fear
Lean
Ernst? </ P>
To the eternal hand i>
I have blessed peace
With my Lord so close
Lean
To eternal hands
Lean
Peacefully and comfortably
Of all hazards
Lean
To eternal hands
Lean
To the eternal hand
Lean