As every child knows, as I'm sure you know,
there are a great many stories. Too many even to count.
There are stories of great deeds and high adventure,
stories of magic and mystery,
of princes and princesses.
Stories of boys and girls who learn to do the impossible,
and soar to heights they have never imagined.
But the one thing they all have in common
is that they all have a beginning.
Our story is no different.
Now you two stay out of trouble, okay?
Yes. Of course.
It begins in an ordinary town,
full of ordinary people,
doing terribly ordinary things.
But this was no ordinary day,
and it was to be no ordinary summer,
for an adventure was about to begin
that would... - Oy!
That would change the lives
of everyone... - I said, Oy!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I don't know what you mean.
Are you filming kids?
No!
Well, I mean, obviously, yes. But not like that!
Like what, then?
'sighs'
Maisie!
Mrs. Vargas is looking for you.
What's he doing?
Filming kids.
- That's well wrong... - I know!
Now, children. This is all a terrible misunderstanding.
I'm simply attempting to tell a story.
You like stories, don't you?
Yeah, that didn't sound dodgy at all.
I'm going to tell the headmistress you're filming kids and
she's going to call the police and you're going to jail.
I'm not filming bloody kids, alright?
You shouldn't swear, you know.
Yeah. There are Year Threes here. You're definitely going to jail.
Look, uh, wait. You're right. I'm sorry.
What kind of story, anyway?
Sorry, what?
You said you were just trying to tell a story.
Go on then. What kind of story?
Well, you know, a kid's story. “But this was no ordinary day
and it was to be no ordinary summer. For
an adventure was about to begin that would...”
Ugh. Boring.
It's not boring.
It's totally boring. That sounds old. And rubbish. And boring.
Well, it isn't. So, if you'd just clear off and let me get on with it.
Mrs Vargas! A stranger asked me where I live!
Hey, no. Hold on a minute.
He said I can have some sweets if I get in his car!
That's not fair.
Life's not fair.
Alright, alright. Have it your way.
But now you'll never know how the story ends.
I'll get over it.
Hey! Where do you think you're going?
The story's just getting started.
Heaven knows, how much longer I can hold this pose.
Cause you can swap my head and change my clothes. But I'll remain the same.
Preserved inside this picture frame, above my paste and glitter name.
A past that makes you tense the more it grows.
You always break your toys.
You may see what I'll grow up to be. But I just learned to spell consultancy.
Cause when you say you need me, I feel like plasticine.
Cast in the mould of someone else. Who says he's grateful
for his health. But acts like he's been recently deposed.
You always break your toys.
Well, I think ifs a brilliant idea.
You would.
I also think you're an idiot.
Which proves my ideas are usually right.
What horror movies have you even seen?
I've seen loads.
Sure.
I have.
Uh huh.
It's not my fault you're too babyish...
Hey. Thai hurt.
It was meant to, dummy.
How do you like this?
I liked it just fine, thanks.
You're a freak.
You'd know. Now shut up and watch, you might learn something.
My name is Maisie McCormack. This is my twin sister, Daisy.
We're 12 years old. And this is our story.
What the hell was that?
Like, the introduction?
Well, it sucked.
No, it didn't.You don't know anything about it.
I know that sucked.
We should have a ghost girl, that haunts a school
and eats all the teachers.
No, it's got to be about people we know. All the people we know.
Fine, a ghost girl that eats all the people we know.
There's no ghost girl.
You're so boring.
Stop being a pain. What does Dad always say'?
'Why are there plates in your underwear drawer?"
No. Write what you know.
And we know crazy people. Lots and lots of crazy people.
True. But that's not a story. That's just stuff.
We'll make it into a story. We... edit it.
And how do you suppose we do that?
We can do anything. It's a movie. Watch.
And that, kids, is how you edit a movie.
Any questions?
What was that?
You said we could do anything we want.
And that, children...
is how you apply monster make-up.
You're not doing it right!
It's my movie too!
Then do it properly!
Idiot.
I'll tell Dad.
And?
You'll see.
Daisy McCormack?
I didn't do nothing.
Anything. You didn't do anything.
You said it.
Well, your sister says you called her an idiot.
She's lying.
The cow.
Oh, really?
What are you doing?
I ain't doing nothing.
You leave Hettie alone! She's not part of this!
Thai would never happen.
I'm just saying.
It wouldn't.
Fine.
Now, Lady Daisy, you know are the most beloved
of my children and the very light of my days.
Obviously. Go on.
It pains me to report that the evil witch...
I seem to have forgotten her name. Does it start with an N'?
Maisie.
That's the one. It pains me to report that the
evil witch Maisie has issued the most dreadful
slanders against you.
Of course, I do not believe a single vile word of it, but...
I did want to know how you'd like me to proceed...
You're such an idiot.
Off with her head.
Mmm-hmm.
Shhh.
What are you laughing at, weirdo'?
Sorry. I was just thinking about your face.
Ewww, what were you thinking about me for'?
Lesbian.
Do you even know what that means?
Uh, yes.
Of course.
D'uh.
Go on, then.
Beth. Tell her.
It means gay.
And, what's wrong with being gay'?
Wasp.
See, even your sister admits it.
You're a Les... Bi... An.
Time to go.
Just pathetic.
I said I was sorry.
Why did you tell them I was gay?
I didn't. I only said there wasn't anything wrong with being gay.
I know there isn't anything wrong with it. I'm not stupid.
I'm just tired of everyone saying I am, when I'm not.
It would be fine if you were.
I'm not.
You know what Dad would say.
Don't tell Dad.
Why not?
Cause he'll go to school. And he'll give a speech or something.
And then we'll have to move.
You're supposed to tell someone if you're being bullied.
We're telling EVERYONE! Just don't tell Dad.
Fine. I won't.
Thank you.
What about Mum'?
Definitely don't tell Mum.
Now, children. Today we're going to learn how to make beautiful
egg transporters, using only common household items.
Fantastic. Now if you'll all take your biodegradable crayon substitute...
Which one of you is Jennifer Carter?
Hands? Who is she? I know ifs not him. Or could be. Progressive environment.
You going to help me out or am I just going to stand here?
Ah. And we have a point.
You are going to stand up, right now.
March over here. Marchy-march.
There we go. Sour face. Hard life.
Clip-clop, clip-clop. The clip-clop of doom.
Faster.
Come over here. Nice and close.
Do you know why I've asked you to come over and
have a little talk with Auntie J? No? No idea?
Okay. Repeat after me. I will never...
I will never...
bully...
Ah, save your voice.
This is to teach you to never mess with my family.
You can keep them.
You're probably right.
Just leave it. I'll figure it out myself.
O-M-G.
We heard what happened with Jennifer,
the B-I-T-C-H, are you okay?
She is so horrible. What is her problem'?
I-S-S-U-E-S.
What?
She's got issues.
I heard that Jennifer's Mum once bit the head-teacher for giving Jennifer isolation.
And her Dad showed up at school drunk and ran over Mr Brown with his car.
No, he didn't.
He did.
Thai was Ms. Wilson, dummy.
I'm pretty sure that didn't happen at all.
You weren't there that day. You were off sick.
I agree with Sam.
You always agree with Sam.
If Jennifer's Dad had run over a teacher with his car, he'd be in jail.
Maybe he is in jail.
Etta, we just saw him pick her up from school.
I didn't.
Come here!
Dad, I didn't do anything.
Don't talk back to me, you little brat. And get in the damned car.
I didn't.
Do you really want to find out what happens if you say it again?
See? Not in jail. So he didn't run over a teacher.
He still didn't seem very nice.
Race you!
So, how'd you do that then? Editing?
Uh. Yeah. Obviously.
Cool.
We're making a film about our lives.
Nice.
It's alright. I wanted to make a horror film but Maisie's a wimp.
You could have had a ghost girl to eat all the teachers.
Right? Wouldn't that have been amazing?
Now we're probably going to be stuck with something... romantic.
Yeah... ewww.
I don't know what's wrong with her lately.
She used to be into cool things and now all she
talks about is boys and shoes and dresses. And
she's a total drama queen. I got ketchup on her
top the other day and she cried like a baby.
I mean, what the hell? I wouldn't cry just because someone got ketchup on my top.
I've got ketchup on my top right now. You don't see me having a hissy fit.
What are you doing?
Umm. Nothing.
Nothing.
See? Boys. You're one of the good kind and you're still weird.
Maybe she's gone insane.
Maybe you should out to her, make sure she's not getting up to anything weird.
That's probably a good idea.
Before she spends all her pocket money on a bra or something.
Yeah.
Go on, then!
She would you know. The other day we were in town and she spent
half an hour trying on jeans. Jeans. Half an hour. She's losing it.
No, it's a real-life thing. About all the people we know.
Ooh. Has it got anyone famous in it?
Do we know anyone famous?
No, but...
Then how would it have anyone famous in it'?
It's not a proper movie then, is it'?
Yes, it is.
Heal movies have famous people in them.
Maybe this how we become famous.
I don't think that's how it works. To be in a movie you have to be famous.
I think there's a law.
How are we meant to become famous then?
D'uh. Go on telly.
Anyway, my dad's famous.
No, he isn't.
Yes, he is. He writes books.
I've never heard of him.
What are you talking about? You've met him.
Well, he's not famous-famous.
He's on the Internet. Shows what you know.
Have you ever read any of his books?
No. They look well dull.
One of the things that's most annoying about being our age
is that everybody seems to think you're up to something.
If you're on the park, all the parents keep their kids away from you.
If you're on the bus, the driver keeps staring at you in the mirror.
And, if you're in a shop, well...
Can't you read?
Movie cameras don't count!
See? Totally unfair. What do they think we're going to do'?
Everybody! On the floor! Now!
We don't want anyone to get hurt,
so do as you're told and we can all go back to our lives.
Come on. Don't be shy.
Be a good boy and fill it up.
Uh uh. We want the good stuff.
Don't be a hero, son. It's not worth it.
Dad says we're not allowed them. They make us too hyper.
It's the police! We're surrounded.
Let me deal with this.
Maisie! Can you get me some laces?
Get your own!
Only three at a time in the shop!
I'm not even in the shop!
Bloody kids.
I'll pay for them. Can you just get them?
I'll get you some.
Don't be ridiculous. You can't go in the shop either.
Well...
I'll pay for them. If you want.
Sam's paying for them. Just get them. Please? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE'?
Fine!
No shouting in the shop!
Fine.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
Hey!
We're almost there Dad. God!
Alright, I love you. Goodbye.
Bye!
Thai was Dad.
Really?
We've got to go home.
Fine. I've gotta go, guys.
See you tomorrow, Daisy.
See ya!
Thai was really weird.
Yeah, my stomach feels all funny now.
That'll be slow motion sickness.
Is that even a thing?
Yeah, cause if I get sick, my Mum's going to kill me.
I was just... Never mind.
This is my Dad, Henry McCormack.
Daisy and I live with him since he and my Mum split up.
He's a writer and he works from home, so
they decided it was better for us to stay with him.
I can't hear you.
THIS IS MY DAD, HENRY MCCORMACK...
I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU!
IT'S NOT MY FAULT! HE'S GOT THE HOOVER ON!
HOW DO YOU KNOW'?
LOOK!
OH, RIGHT! HOW ARE YOU EVEN DOING THAT?
IT'S A VOICE-OVER! WE PUT IT ON AFTERWARDS!
THAT'S JUST WEIRD!
HOLD ON! IF WE'RE DOING THIS AFTERWARDS...
THEN WHY DID WE FILM HIM... hoovering'?
Cause this is where we come in.
Hi, Dad.
I still say the whole thing sounds mental.
Oh, stop, stop. I don't think I can handle such an emotional reunion. I might cry.
What about you'? No kiss for your beloved father?
The man who works his fingers to the bone
to provide you with your every want and need?
No. You're a Dad. Thai's what Dads do.
If you didn't want to do it, you shouldn't have had kids.
Daisy!
What?
Ah, don't worry about it, Maisie. She's not wrong.
She's not polite either. But she's not wrong.
I'm just saying.
Apology accepted.
I'm hungry-
Of course you are. Foie gras with burgundy truffles suit you?
No. Just some noodles please.
Right. One pack of nutritionally deficient noodles coming right up.
Maisie?
Yes, please.
We've lived with Dad for about two years now.
Which is cool.
So, girls. You're getting a bit older now and I was wondering if you
had any questions about menstruation and the like.
No!
Mum's a model, so she's traveling a lot.
Not a real model!
Yes, she is!
No, she isn't.
That's proper.
You know what I mean. She's not fashion.
So?
I'm just saying.
You're always just saying.
Anyway, Mum's great but she says Dad's better at the normal stuff.
Which is true.
Mum, I'm thirsty.
Me too.
Of course, darlings.
Mum, no.
Dad used to travel a lot too, with his books,
but he says it's more important to be here for us right now.
Ah, there you are. I was wondering if you fancied a game of the old Barbies there?
I was thinking, perhaps, they could be working as
high-powered lawyers or forensic scientists...
And that Ken fella's a single Dad who wonders if he
might have been a bit too liberal with the old pocket money.
Right, now Patsy has just told Sharon about Danielle and
the baby and, let me tell you, she's not a happy bunny.
It's nice, but he gets a bit over-the-top sometimes.
A bit'?
Who was it'?
You just point me in their direction and I'll introduce him to the toe of my boot.
Nobody treats my daughter like that. Nobody.
Unless, of course, you want me to back off, lei you fight your own battles,
that's absolutely fine, I can do that too.
Do you want ice cream? Or money to buy your own ice cream?
Anything you need. Just, just, just tell me.
Some stupid band she liked split up. She's been like this all day.
I don't know why. They were rubbish.
Ah, kiddo.
The old musical differences, was it'? One of them gone solo?
It wasn't the drugs, was it'?
I remember when I was younger there was a band I really loved...
I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine.
Do you want a piggy-back?
Dad. No.
Alright, whatever you need. Space. Time. That sort of thing.
Can I have ice cream?
He does his best.
I'd hate to see his worst.
Don't be mean.
Well, if he tries to talk about S-E-X with me again,
I'm moving to Ireland to live with Granddad.
Bye!
I hope, in years to come, you'll think of me fondly whenever anyone
mentions the word, “starch? Daisy, stop hitting your sister.
I hadn't even started yet.
Fair enough. Don't start hitting your sister.
Dad!
Maisie. Don't wind her up.
Thank you, Dad.
Suck up.
Thank you, Father.
Oh my God. Don't. It's just too weird.
How was school today?
Fine.
Never let it be said that the modern educational
establishment is anything less than thorough.
How's Matthew?
Dad!
Ah, I'm only asking. Do I have to send the boys round and sort him out yet?
Stop it! He's fine. And his name's Matty.
That's not a name. It's an adjective. And not a very
good one at that. ls it something to do with his hair'?
You're not funny, Dad.
I've been trying to tell him that for years.
I'd be careful if I were you, little miss glass houses.
I know all about you as well.
See? He doesn't even make any sense.
I think it might be time we send him to a home.
Ah, I'm only teasing.
It's just so hard to see my little angels growing up so fast.
I mean, where does the time go?
Where does it go?
We're going to watch TV in our bedroom.
Ah, grand. Let me know if you find it.
I had a look earlier and there was something vaguely
room-shaped, but I was too frightened to go in.
Give it up, Dad.
Sage advice, little one.
Sage advice.
Oh, by the way. Don't forget your Mum gets back tomorrow.
Apparently, she wants you to meet someone.
Yeah, we should probably mention, there's another thing Mum isn't great at.
Cooking. Oh, and knitting.
She made me a jumper for Christmas once, and it had leg-holes in it.
No, the other thing.
Oh, yeah. She's totally rubbish at that.
I'm sure this one will be fine.
What?
Warning. Warning. Dangerous levels of radioactivity detected
within the confines of this room. Immediate quarantine advised.
It's a little bit messy.
Okay, it's a lot messy.
But we've been busy.
Do you really want everyone to see it?
I've got an idea.
Look! There's something interesting!
You must promise always to be good and honest and true.
- We promise! - We promise!
You can come in now.
Ah, there you are. I wondered where you'd got to.
Why did you tell Dad about Matty?
He's never going to stop going on about it.
I tell Dad everything.
I tell Dad most things.
I like telling Dad things. It's not like he freaks out about it.
Yes. And that's weird.
Dad's cool.
Dad thinks he's cool.
And that's why Dad isn't cool.
Who would you rather? Our Dad or Patricia's Dad'?
Where's your mother?
She's at work, Dad.
Where's the other one?
What?
The boy one. The one that follows you around like a little lost dog.
You know who I'm talking about.
His name is Samuel.
Well, good for him.
And where is Samuel?
He's outside.
He's scared of you, Dad.
Good.
And you prefer our Dad's way?
Come on, ya landlubbers. I still can't hear you!
Sing like you've got a sea lion biting at your britches.
Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum. Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.
But not until you're legal,
and even then, drink responsibly!
Yes. Definitely yes.
Well, you're as weird as he is.
At least he cares.
I suppose so. I just wish he could care with less...
Dad-ness.
Anyway, I wanted to tell Dad about Matty.
Because you're an idiot?
No! Because I... love him.
You what?
I love him.
You mean you think he's fit?
No, I love him.
You mean you don't want other girls to have him.
No, dummy, I love him. Properly love him.
Well, that's just ridiculous.
Why? Just because you've never been in love.
Of course, I haven't I'm twelve!
You can't be in love when you're twelve, because you don't know what love is yet.
The most you can be at our age is "in like",
which is better anyway, because it won't
be a whole deal when he runs off with some slut.
Sometimes, I think you're from a different planet.
I'm not arguing with you.
I'm tired.
It's only seven o'clock.
Does it have to be?
I guess not.
Well, good night, my ladies.
What the...
Just don't ask. Don't ask.
Alright, well if I find out you're running a sweat shop, I'll be wanting a out.
Night, Dad.
And don't think I haven't noticed that you're making a movie
about your lives. I have. I'm just choosing to suspend disbelief.
What are you doing?
Why is everything in black and white?
I'm in black and white!
I hate black and white!
And chess? Chess is boring!
And you can stop that. It's just freaky.
Subtitles. Ugh.
Oh...
Five more minutes, Dad!
Mmmm. That better have been your dream.
Because it sucked.
Breakfast!
We're coming, Dad!
Jump forward'?
Jump forward.
Right, so your Mum's going to pick you up after school
and take you back to her new place, okay?
She's not meeting us at school, is she?
No. She wouldn't even consider committing such a heinous crime.
She'll meet you round the corner, like you asked.
Phew.
She'll have signs with your names on it and baby pictures of you both having a bath.
Dad!
I know, I know. Not funny. When will I learn?
Just have a good time. And be nice to your Mum.
And your Mum's friend.
We're always nice!
So you are. I must have been thinking about someone else.
Right, off you go-
Go on, then. Keep an eye on them.
You see, when Mum and Dad split up, which they both say was nobody's fault and
certainly not ours, they both still love each other, but not in the same way, and
they certainly still love us...
They both handled it very differently.
You see, Dad went Dad times ten and
Mum, well, she decided she didn't have enough friends.
Boyfriends.
That's what I meant.
It's not what you said.
Yes, but that's what I meant.
Say what you mean then.
Fine. Because Mum and Dad were so young when they met,
Mum decided that she didn't have enough boyfriends.
And because she's a model...
Not a real model.
She is.
Whatever.
Because she's a model, she tends to meet...
Mentals.
You see, people get Burton all wrong. Ah, was he a hell-raiser'? Ah, yes, he was.
And he'd punch a man in the face, just for saying good morning.
Was he fond of women? Oh, yes. Yes. As a cheetah is fond of momentum.
Was he Welsh?
Well, if the rumours are to be believed, then yes he was.
But what people don't take into account, in his
heart, he was a man of the soil.
Literally.
He was a terribly keen gardener. Terribly keen.
He raised award-winning hydrangeas under an assumed name.
I wager you never knew that.
Now Harris, he was different.
He was all about the origami.
Ah, you couldn't hand him a coat check slip without being neck-deep in swans.
And I... I remember discussing this with dear P O'T.
And I said to him, “Peter, darling," I said,
“What is it with Harris and his damn origami?"
"I mean, he picked up the cheque at dinner the other night and the
poor waiter spent the rest of the evening unfurling a praying mantis.”
And he looked at me with those eyes, those azure pools and he said to me...
“Jonathan, my darling," he said,
“The thing is with Richard is if he doesn't fold the
paper, then the paper must inevitably fold him."
And then he opened a bottle of sake and...
Interesting people...
This one goes out to my old lady.
"You brought me flowers in the spring,"
"One day, you're going to wear my ring."
"For you have taught my head to sing."
"Hing-a-ding. Ring-a-ding. Ring-a-ding."
"Hing-a-ding. Ring-a-ding."
"Hing-a-ding."
Girls. I'd like you to meet my friend, Squirrel.
He is an eco-warrior.
Nah, nah. I'm sorry, Jac.
Not to be difficult, but warrior is an ugly, violent word.
I am an Eco-Sandinista.
Of course, darling, yes. My mistake.
Why are you in a tree?
Trees are people too.
No, they're not.
Fascist!
His name was Cyril, he lived in a normal house
and he was an... environmentalist?
Like I said. Mentalist.
He was alright.
He didn't even eat meat.
Lots of people don't eat meat.
He didn't even eat chicken.
They're all alright. The problem is, Mum's all excited
and I think she wants us to be all excited. But...
They don't last long.
Daisy!
They don't!
That's not Mum's fault.
It sort of is. She picks them.
She picked Dad.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, if it isn't the lesbian sisters.
I thought only she was a lesbian.
Hey!
There's nothing wrong with being gay.
I'm just not.
You're her twin sister.
If she's a lesbian then,
obviously, so are you.
You're an idiot.
Hah. Just what a lesbian would say.
Thai doesn't make any sense.
You don't make any sense.
Thai makes even less sense.
Okay. Fine. I'm gay. So what?
I mean, I'm only 12 and I kind of like boys, but sure, I'm a lesbian.
What exactly is your problem with that?
What exactly is wrong with that?
Well, ifs... It's weird.
Yeah, weird.
Why? Why is it weird'?
I think ifs weird you go around being mean to people for no reason,
I don't bully you for it.
It's just... not right.
My Mum told me.
Your Mum's an alcoholic. My Dad told me.
What did you say'?
She said your Mum was an alcoholic.
I know what she said.
Then why did you ask'?
Daisy. Time to go. Really, really time to go.
What? He did tell me.
She was asleep at the Year 4 talent show and when I asked him why,
he said she was an alcoholic,
and hoped she would get help.
Oh. Time to go.
I didn't really think this through.
Me neither.
Maisie and Daisy McCormack! Are you talking in my class?
No, miss.
Good.
Geoffrey Adams?
Present.
Ellie Appleby?
Present.
Matthew Archer?
Present.
Etta Bradley?
Present.
Maisie. You're drooling on your desk.
What?
Seriously. There's a puddle on your desk.
What?
Oh, god.
Come on, Maisie. Why am I in this bit?
Seriously. This is horrible.
Hi.
Blurgh.
I really like you.
I really like you too.
Just so you know, I hate you both.
Would you like to go on a date sometime?
Yes, I would.
Dad says, no dates until you're 13.
Can I bring my sister?
Please don't.
Do you want to?
No.
Hey!
I do have something I really need to tell you.
You can tell me anything.
I'm actually a werewolf!
And that, children,
is how you apply advanced monster make-up.
That's cool.
That's actually quite cool.
I don't mind at all.
Quietly, please! You're not animals.
He's not really a werewolf, you know.
He barely has any hair.
I know that. And he so does have hair.
For a werewolf, he's basically bald.
Who are we talking about?
Matty Archer.
Maisie likes him. No, sorry, loves him.
Do you?
Awww, that's so sweet.
It's not sweet. I don't know what's wrong with you all.
Samuel, do you think ifs sweet?
See?
He's a boy.
Yeah. He doesn't count.
He so does.
He's not a proper boy.
How did you do that?
Yeah, we just got here.
Well, nothing interesting was going to happen at school, was it'?
Good call, Maisie. Home time.
Yeah, cool.
Maisie. We better go. We don't want to be late for Mum.
Bye!
See you tomorrow.
Bye.
Not a real place.
Yes it is.
Bolivia?
Yep.
Not a thing.
How long do you think she's back for'?
Don't know. Why don't you ask her'?
She gets that look.
Actually, that gives me an idea.
Hi, Mum.
Hi, my darlings. I missed you.
We've missed you too.
You're late.
Just kidding.
We're making a movie.
Oh, so you are. Aren't you clever girls? Does that mean we can...?
Mmm-hmm.
Okay. Wonderful.
Because, my darlings, I have something to show you.
Follow me.
Let's go.
Whoah.
Where are we'?
Well, my darlings, if you like, at least part of the time, this could be home.
What the...?
Told you she was a proper model.
Hah. Let's go. Come on.
Come on, Daisy!
Are you sure this is your house?
Yes, Daisy, I'm sure this is my house.
Well, partly mine.
Are you sure you're not just trying to help sell it?
Ha, ha. No, I'm not trying to help sell it.
Pan your muse and pan...'?
Well, that, girls, is the other part of the surprise.
Tyler, darling! We're here!
Tyler! Come meet my precious girls.
Ah, hi.
Oh my.
Girls.
So pleased to meet you.
This is Daisy. And this is Maisie.
I know, I know. Rhyming names. It's totally my fault.
Their father was horrified, but I couldn't resist.
They were so cute when they were born.
Right? Ha hah, look at them now. Even cuter.
Well, I think they're lovely names.
They're alright. Could be worse.
Could be called Tyler.
Sorry, honey, what was that?
Nothing. I like my name. It's like a flower.
That's right. Just like you.
Right.
Come through, come through. I'll give you the tour.
This is the hall.
And this is another room.
Not entirely sure what this one's for yet.
We just moved in.
Yes. So, it could be for anything, I suppose.
It's very nice.
Aren't you sweet?
Right.
Not entirely sure about this one yet either.
But I suppose it could be some sort of sitting room...
Or a standing room'?
Hah. Yes. Very good. A standing room it is then.
Or a standing on one leg room?
Could be. Yes.
Maybe.
Sure.
Ah, I know this one. It's the bedroom, isn't it?
Hee-hee.
Of course, it isn't. It's the kitchen. Hmmm.
You'll have to let us know what your favourite foods are
and we'll make sure to get them in.
Mum knows what we like.
That's right, darling. I do.
Here you go. Are you hungry?
Okay-
Do you have a TV'?
Ummm.
Oh, they're making a movie.
Oh, good for them. Thai's nice.
So, shall I get us all a drink?
Can I have milk, please?
Mmm-hmm. Tyler? Do we have any milk?
I'll go check.
Maisie? Milk?
Yes, please.
Okay-
Do you want me to help you look?
No, no. I'll be fine. Okay. You just sit down
and relax, darling and get to know each other.
So. Tyler. Are you rich?
No. Well, not rich-rich. I have a good job.
I earn a good living. I get by.
Not that money is everything.
What do you do'?
I work in a bank.
What, like giving out money?
Daisy!
What'? I'm interested!
Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it.
No, no, it's fine. Daisy, that's not quite what I do.
I think you mean a teller'? The person you see at a window in a bank?
Well I don't do that, exactly. I do something similar. Only with companies.
Big companies with lots of money.
I have an office and they come to see me with their money. And I...
help them out.
Cool.
What are your intentions towards my mother'?
Oh... Hah... Uh... I don't really know how to answer that one.
Uh, I love your... I mean, I really like your mother.
I like spending time with her and I know that she loves you guys,
so it would be great if we were able to...
You're messing me with me.
A bit.
Sorry. She's always like this.
Hey. He could have hated us.
He could have sent us to a boarding school
or sold us into slavery or something.
Why would I do that?
I don't know.
You could have been weird
about children or something.
But, hey, the last one lived in a tree, so I guess you're better.
The last what?
Nothing. She says crazy things sometimes.
I'm never going to call you Dad though. Just so you know.
Why would you call me Dad'?
There you go. We're fine.
Thank you.
So, how are all my darlings doing?
We're fine, Mum.
Daisy?
So, do you two want to stay for dinner?
Are you making dinner'?
Ha-ha-ha. No. I thought this was a special occasion and we could get take-away.
Then, sure.
Okay. Good. I'll call your Dad and let him know.
So, what do you think?
Of what?
Of everything. Of the house.
Of Tyler. All of it.
It's good.
Good.
It's just, I want you guys to have somewhere
you feel like you can come. You know?
That's not just a hotel room.
I just want somewhere not instead of your Dad's,
but as well as. Hmmm?
Mum, can I ask you something?
Yeah. Always.
Why did you and Dad split up?
I'm not upset about it or anything.
It's just I was wondering.
You know me, I'm impossible. Absolutely impossible.
And your Dad, bless him, he
put up with that for a lot longer than he should have.
Your Dad is one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He is one of the best friends I've ever had,
and he always will be my best friend.
But your Dad needs someone possible.
You know. He deserves someone possible.
Does that make sense?
I guess so.
It's pretty much what Dad said.
But he thinks he's the impossible one.
Hah. Well, there you go.
What about Tyler, then?
It's the strangest thing, but he doesn't seem to notice that I'm impossible.
Cause, I guess, I'm possible for him.
And this - my darlings - is what I want you guys to keep your eyes open for, okay?
I want you to look for people - whoever they are and wherever they
come from - who think you are absolutely, positively possible.
Thai seems like too much work.
Hah. Yes, it is, baby,
but it's worth it.
I'm not buying it.
Hah.
Grrr.
Right, should I get you girls home'?
It's alright, Mum. We've got this.
Come in.
You guys alright?
We're fine, Dad.
How did it go?
It was awkward, but,
okay, I guess.
Okay-
Well, you know if you need to speak to anyone,
to me or your Mum, you can, right?
We know, Dad. Thanks.
Okay-
Sleep well. Love you.
Love you.
Dad?
Yes?
Why did you knock'? You never knock.
You know what? I'm not entirely sure.
Grown-ups are weird.
Daisy?
What?
We need to find someone possible for Dad.
And how do you suppose we do that?
I'm thinking.
Let me know how that goes.
I've got it!
What the hell, Maisie? I just fell asleep.
I didn't actually mean to bring us here,
but we're here now, so...
Where is here?
The school bake sale, last month.
Awesome! Free cake.
Well, that's disappointing.
Try to concentrate.
How am I meant to concentrate if you won't let me sleep?
Concentrate. Then I'll let you sleep.
Fine. What are we looking at?
Dad.
What's he looking at?
Not what. Who.
That's what we're here to find out.
Right.
A teacher? Who would want to date a teacher'?
You mean someone who likes books, art and stuff'?
Oh yeah. They can be utterly boring together.
Exactly.
So, what are we going to do about it'?
I've not actually figured that out yet.
Can I go to bed?
Fine.
Oh my god, he's so cute.
Morning.
Have you worked it out yet'?
Yeah, I think so.
Good.
Are you going to tell me?
I can do better than that.
Grab one of Dad's books.
Okay, Why'?
This would go a lot faster if you didn't ask questions.
Fine.
Which one?
The one that sounds most romantic.
Well there's one called “The Forgotten Grave';
one called, 'The Twenty-Seven Deaths of Jim" and
another one called, “The Blade..."
"Craved Her Skin."
Oh my God. What does he write?
They actually sound more interesting than I thought they would.
Daisy, is there anything else'?
There's one called “The Thorns of the Rose.”
That'll do.
What now'?
Stage two.
Maisie?
What?
Did we leave our bikes here yesterday'?
It doesn't matter now. Come on.
Jennifer really needs to see someone.
Stay here. Keep a lookout.
I do not think you take my meaning, Miss Walters.
It was not my intention to deceive you, but that letter was not for your eyes.
Whatever do you mean, Mr Brown'? Not for my eyes'? Not for my eyes?
If not for my eyes then whose? Whose eyes, Mr Brown?
I... I... I...
Why, now there are three eyes in play, Mr Brown.
However can one hope to find one's way through such a fog of confusion?
I'm quite lost. Quite lost.
And my ankle badly sprained.
Oh, but Miss Walters, what is an ankle when one's heart has been sprained'?
Mr Brown. You mustn't.
He mustn't what?
I never imagined for a moment...
You can't.
I'm terribly confused.
That a woman such as Mrs Vargas...
MRS VARGAS?!
You shouldn't.
No, you really shouldn't.
Would ever look twice at such a man as me.
I have looked thrice, Mr Brown.
Entirely thrice.
You mean...?
Yes. By every grape in my father's vineyard, yes.
You know what? You deserve each other.
Walters out.
Maisie. You're here early.
Uh... breakfast club'?
Thai was close.
Yeah, right. Here we go.
Perfect.
What exactly are we doing?
Shhh. You'll see.
Ah, hello, Miss Walters.
How's the old art treating you?
Oh. Right, of course.
Is everything okay'?
Actually, just give me a moment.
Did it work?
Maisie, can we slow down'?
I'm starting to get dizzy.
Shut up. I'm trying to listen.
Ah. Oh. Not one of my better works.
I wanted you to see this.
Listen to what?
I said, SHUT UP. Now.
Okay. I just wanted to know.
It's very sweet.
Um.
Slightly worrying though.
That's not right. That's not what's supposed to happen.
Well, we might be in the money if they ever open a junior department of Mills and Boon,
but other than that, I'm very, very sorry.
It was oddly flattering, actually.
What's supposed to happen? What is happening?
Nothing. It was a stupid idea and it didn't work.
Now, SHUT UP!
They're clearly very worried about you.
What's wrong with you?
Maybe if they'd read one of my books.
Are things okay at home?
Well, they're obviously a little bit more complicated than I thought, but
I can handle it.
Thank you for your patience.
It's alright.
Maisie! Daisy! What on earth do you think you're doing?
You could have warned us!
Right. I don't know what all this is all about,
but if you could stop killing each other long enough
to fill me in, I'd appreciate it.
It's nothing, Dad.
Ah, right, cause that's exactly what it looked like.
Maisie?
Ah.
That's an entirely different matter.
Just tell me what happened.
Daisy?
Yes, Dad?
Do you think you could go and stay at your Mum's for a bit?
Everything's fine and I'll explain everything when I get back, I promise.
Is Maisie okay?
She will be.
She just needs to talk for a bit.
I don't like it when she's upset. It makes me upset.
That's normal.
Really?
Really very normal.
Blurgh.
Show me'?
You okay?
No. Not really.
So, this is Matth... Sorry, Matty, is it'?
Ah, baby. I'm so sorry.
And with the girl who tries to bully your sister as well.
Thai sucks.
You knew about that?
Well, I do now. Honestly, you're rubbish at this.
You're going to tell me not to worry and that I'm only twelve
and I'll like other boys, aren't you'?
Maisie Irene McCormack.
Why would I tell you a terrible thing like that?
My darling girl, what you're feeling now might
be the first of millions upon millions of things
you're going to feel in a long and, I predict,
disgustingly successful life, but it doesn't make it any less important.
And it doesn't make it any less real.
It's important every time and it's real every time
and don't ever let anyone tell you differently.
I really liked him, Dad.
Ah, he doesn't deserve you.
And pity the poor fool for being too dim to realise it.
You see, that's the trouble with most people,
they're not my daughters.
Ah well, sucks to be them.
And this is why you thought I liked Miss Walters as well, is it'?
Who, by the way, is a very nice woman, who thought that your
letter showed considerable improvement in your writing,
but that you might want to concentrate on your spelling a tiny bit more.
We just thought you would like to like somebody.
I'm sure I would. And as soon as I meet that person, I'll lei you know.
Until that time, just let me get on with what I do best.
Looking after us?
Well, I was going to say “professional golf caddy'
but nice to know you think I'm half-decent at that as well.
You're alright.
Maisie. Everyone is looking at something or somebody
and wondering how their life could be different or better.
Very few people are looking at each other.
Isn't that your sister's friend?
Can we go home now'?
Of course you can.
Go on, off you go. I'll head home, make some dinner. Something
high in calories you could stiffen a shirt collar with.
I want to talk to Mum too.
Thanks, Dad.
Now, now, Henry. Not your movie.
Hello, my darling.
Hi, Mum.
Have you stopped being weird now?
I don't like it when you're weird.
Fine. I'll let you be the weird one from now on.
Good. Because when I do it, it's much funnier.
Hey! Girls! Right, that's enough, okay?
No more sugar for both of you.
- Mum! - Mum!
No. One more word and I'm going to get out Cyril's wheatgrass smoothie recipe.
Mmm-hmm.Yes.
And just as every story has a beginning,
so too must it come to an end.
But it is not until we've had our first adventure that we realise
that the end of one story is only the beginning of another.
And another after that, each word like a single stone
dropped in a pool of still water.
Now, will you please slay out of trouble this time?
- Yes, of course. - Echoing out through the ages,
until it is all one story, that connects us all...
Seriously? You again?
Are you even allowed to be this close to a school?
Mrs. Vargas!
Oh for heaven's sake. Why do I even bother?
In fact, do you know what? Forget it. Do whatever you like.
I'm going back to wildlife programmes.
You'd never catch an antelope behaving like this.
Even when it's being eaten, it's still professional.
It's alright. You can go too.
Yeah, I think the movie's finished now.
Oh, wait. Just one more thing?
They lived happily...
And that's it.
Heaven knows, how much longer I can hold this pose.
Cause you can swap my head and change my clothes. But I'll remain the same.
Preserved inside this picture frame, Above my paste and glitter name,
A past that makes you tense, The more it grows.
You always break your toys.
You may see what I'll grow up to be. But I just learned to spell consultancy.
Cause when you say you need me, I feel like plasticine.
Cast in the mould of someone else. Who says he's grateful
for his health. But acts like he's been recently deposed.
You always break your toys.
But if it's only this, that keeps us from silence.
You snap and I'll go fish. What are you holding out for'?
I close my eyes, and I remember all the lullabies.
Thai you composed when I was half this size.
And now I understand. It wasn't quite the way you planned.
The moment's passing makes the man.
And you want one last glimpse before it goes.
You always break your toys.
We'll be alright.
I'm the ghost girl that has come to eat all the teachers.
Out! That was brilliant. Really scary, Daisy.
Let's do it again and this time really scream.
Why do you seem so impatient to be done?
With all the memories, you'll
one day dine out upon?
A dozen summers have gone by,
since we first met, you two and I.
And from now till the sun fails to trouble the sky.
I'll try to keep my eye
from drifting off the ball.
And I'll be waiting, when
you find the time to call.
A dozen summers have gone by,
since we first met, you two and I.
And from now till the sun fails to trouble the sky.
I need you to understand,
Thai you've made me
a better kind of man.
Still who decided, I must always play a part,
in every ending you
will need to make a start?
A dozen summers have gone by,
since we first met, you two and I.
And from now till the sun fails to trouble the sky.
Well, I'll be there to stem
the tears you try to hide.
And I won't mind too much,
if you just roll your eyes.
A dozen summers have gone by,
since we first met, you two and I.
And from now till the sun fails to trouble the sky.
I'll be on your side.
What are we supposed to do now?
Don't know. Set up for the sequel?
We're doing a sequel?
Don't know. Probably. Everyone else does.
That's a terrible idea.
What part of "That's a terrible idea" don't you understand?
Go home.