1
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,887
<i>I know you have
a lot of girls talking to you.</i>

2
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,656
Why don't we go back
to my place?

3
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,095
I wanna explore

4
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,798
every inch of your body.

5
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:13,572
Will you just fuck me?

6
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,609
You're suffering from OSD,

7
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,412
which is obsessive
sexual desires.

8
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:24,049
So I'd like for you
to read my book.

9
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:27,119
This book will show you
how to rechannel

10
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,720
those negative sexual impulses.

11
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:33,792
Example: Instead of copulation,
try communication.

12
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:37,329
I had a patient who
was addicted to group sex,

13
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:40,732
and he read this book,
and it changed him so much

14
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,235
that he just recently
climbed mt. Everest.

15
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,937
Wow, that's amazing.

16
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:47,506
He ended up having a three-way
with a couple of Sherpas,

17
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:51,276
so there's still work to be
done, because it is a process.

18
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:53,645
I want to help you
climb your Everest,

19
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:57,816
because I know that
there is a... amazing,

20
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:01,386
productive, confident
woman inside of you.

21
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:05,791
It's just waiting to break free.

22
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,293
Will you read the book?

23
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,497
Put your balls in my mouth.

24
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,969
Idea for a chapter in new book:

25
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:35,507
How important is sex
to being a man?

26
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:44,182
Note for chapter in new book:

27
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:48,553
What's more important in a man,
the mental or the physical?

28
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:51,690
Idea for chapter in next book:

29
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:57,062
Can you truly be an adult
without experiencing sex?

30
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,463
Another chapter:

31
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:02,000
Can a person be truly happy
without sex?

32
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,206
- Hey, doc.
- Hey, Josh.

33
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,475
So I took your advice
and invited Becky to a movie,

34
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,843
and she said yes.

35
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,546
- That's great.
- She brought a friend.

36
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,349
Ooh. Well, doesn't mean
she doesn't like you.

37
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,384
Girls just want
their friends' approval.

38
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,887
- It was a guy. They made out.
- Jesus.

39
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,823
Then he fingered her
under her jacket.

40
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,425
Oh... you okay?

41
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,360
I was really bummed,
but when I got home,

42
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,429
I just jerked off
into a sock, so...

43
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,964
It may seem trite right now,
but I promise you,

44
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,833
there's plenty of fish
in the sea.

45
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,835
And plenty of socks
in the drawer.

46
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:40,205
- There you go, buddy.
- Catch you later.

47
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,942
How do you exist moment to moment
when you're not a goldfish?

48
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:46,244
- Thanks.
- -That's not a compliment.

49
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:49,748
Guys? Can we at least text whenever
we're coming over, please?

50
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,017
- You gave us a key.
- I know, but remember?

51
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,819
We talked about this.
That's for emergencies.

52
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,521
Jenny thinks I'm at work
till 8:00.

53
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,056
This is emergency fun time.

54
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,392
You know, it's the kids.
I love 'em,

55
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,427
but we have, like,
so little in common.

56
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,995
They're into cartoons
and crayons,

57
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,531
and I'm just not
into that shit right now.

58
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,533
And, Luke, what's your excuse?

59
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,403
Rachel's over picking up
the rest of her stuff.

60
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:15,207
Clothes, furniture, and everything
else we shared together.

61
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:18,610
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.

62
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,679
No, I'm great.
You think she's my type?

63
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:23,582
Yeah, she's everyone's type.
Swipe right on that.

64
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,717
Man, if I had knew dating
was like this today,

65
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,019
I wouldn't have been so afraid
to break up with Rachel.

66
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,223
- She broke up with you. -Right.
'Cause I was so afraid of her.

67
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,859
My point is thought that
this is like a whole new world.

68
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,594
Pete, you gotta
get on this, man.

69
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,729
I'll make you an account.
It's so easy.

70
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,765
What the hell
are you guys watching?

71
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,968
<i>Valkyrie.</i> I think
they're about to kill Hitler.

72
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:47,239
Spoiler alert!
I haven't seen this movie yet.

73
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,840
- What...
- I have a job and kids.

74
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,243
I don't watch every fucking
movie that comes out.

75
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:55,013
- But Hitler dies. -Don't...!
I'm trying to forget it.

76
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,249
Michelle's actually having
some people over at her house

77
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,151
and she's testing some new dishes,
so I promised to go over.

78
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,019
- I'm sorry, but I have to leave.
- That's great.

79
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,888
Just make sure you
smile a lot. Or, hey,

80
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,257
we could just kill Charlie
and then you could ask her out.

81
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:08,326
Wait, wait, wait. Are there gonna
be beautiful honeys there?

82
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,762
Let's do cousins. Wait,
no one's gonna believe that.

83
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:14,566
We're second cousins, I live in
New York, I'm into textiles.

84
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:18,170
- Oh, girls love textiles.
- I'm not gonna help you cheat.

85
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:22,974
No, no, no. Don't wanna cheat, just
wanna flirt. Catch and release.

86
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,912
See if Batman can still
fight crime, you know?

87
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:29,548
See if Ali can still
sting like a bee.

88
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,350
Can't do it. I'm sorry. What about
you, Luke? Do you wanna go?

89
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:35,921
Man, I would love to, really,
but I'm kind of on a roll here.

90
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:38,924
Tonight will be six nights
in a row and I just kinda feel

91
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,159
like I have an obligation
for the tinder record.

92
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,094
- What's the tinder record?
- Seventy-one.

93
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,997
- Good luck with that.
- Yeah, definitely go for that.

94
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:48,900
Right? I just feel
like I haven't done much

95
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,536
with my life
and this could be my thing.

96
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:55,807
You gotta do it for my dick. You gotta
do it for the dicks of all of us.

97
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,215
Hey, Nikki.

98
00:08:03,217 --> 00:08:05,584
Do you hate me?
You came alone.

99
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,386
No. Oh, I was supposed
to bring a plus-one.

100
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:12,290
Yes, you were supposed to bring a charming,
single, wildly employed friend of yours.

101
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,526
Right. Well, one of
my friends is married,

102
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:18,029
the other one just got tinder,
so he's a little preoccupied.

103
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,664
How is he getting on?
Any luck?

104
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,233
Because my sister
met her boyfriend on there.

105
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:23,034
He's actually,
I would say professionally,

106
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,337
getting a little too lucky,
if you know what I mean.

107
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,806
It's good to see you, Nikki. I see
Michelle. I'm gonna go say hi.

108
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:29,307
Uh-huh.

109
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:32,043
You're carrying that ball
like a newborn baby, you dick!

110
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,045
- Hey, Charlie. -That was a four
step lay-up! That was blatant!

111
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:37,883
I'm watching on a fucking
phone and I saw it!

112
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,853
Yeah, no shit, it was a travel.

113
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,588
What is he,
a goddamn running back?

114
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:45,557
Listen, get Connelly
to come up with a pic,

115
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:48,460
put it on the home page in 31
seconds, or I'm gonna tell your wife

116
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:51,029
that the stain in the backseat
of your car is hooker blood.

117
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:55,033
Okay? Yeah, not kidding.
Holy shit, I am pissed.

118
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,869
Worst officiating since
the Kennedy assassination.

119
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,238
What's up?
What do you need?

120
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,240
I... I'm Pete,
Michelle's neighbor.

121
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,576
Okay. Pleasure to meet you,
Pete, Michelle's neighbor.

122
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:08,280
- We've met a few times. Yeah.
- Oh, really? No shit, huh?

123
00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:10,682
Wow. I do it all the time.
Hate when I do that.

124
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:15,487
Listen, gotta get back to
the game. It's for work, okay?

125
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:18,056
- Hi!
- Got you some wine.

126
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,959
Aw, thanks. I just opened up
a bottle of wine. Want a glass?

127
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:24,095
Yes. You keep working
and I'll pour us a glass.

128
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,431
Ooh, try this.

129
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:31,202
- Huh?
- Alright.

130
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,238
Mm. Oh, my god.

131
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,973
Yeah? You're not
just saying that?

132
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,175
My taste buds are celebrating
as if they've

133
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:40,412
been rescued from evil.
What the hell is that?

134
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,682
It's a Chile en Nogada.
It's insane prep, three days,

135
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,084
but it's totally
worth it, right?

136
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,987
You cannot waste this genius
on me and your semi-odd friends.

137
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,357
I don't know.
I'm... not ready.

138
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,526
You say that,
but if you don't start now,

139
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:57,195
you're never gonna have your own
restaurant with a nice big blackboard

140
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,431
with all your specials
for the day

141
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:03,635
and some nice food-based puns
like "no country for old hens."

142
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,104
- Or "Ace tempura."
- "The Codfather."

143
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:09,541
"American snapper,"
"you've got Kale"...

144
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,376
- "Raisin Arizona." Um...

145
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,979
- I'll work on it.
- But the music, I gotta say,

146
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,780
I'll make the mix for you.
It'll be great.

147
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,916
Well, yeah,
you're in charge of that.

148
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,652
I can't leave that to you.
You really are ready.

149
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,121
- You really think so?
- Oh, yeah.

150
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:26,958
- Mm!
- Oh, god! That did not hurt.

151
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,461
- It was my head. Ahem.
- Oh, you want some medicine?

152
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,664
No, no, I'm fine. People have had
headaches before, believe it or not.

153
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,766
- No!
- Yes. Cheers.

154
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,067
You should probably
see a doctor.

155
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,136
You should probably
shut the fuck up.

156
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:42,207
Hey, sorry, babe.
Sorry, game's been crazy.

157
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:45,043
That's okay. You said you
weren't gonna work tonight.

158
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,680
I know, but remember, it's a big game. I
was supposed to be there, but I'm not.

159
00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,749
I'm here and I'm glad
to be here. Look at this.

160
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,250
Phone? Going on mute.

161
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,320
- Huh? You like that? Yeah?
- Wow.

162
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,789
Ooh, fancy cookin',
good lookin'.

163
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,457
What is that?
What you got going on there?

164
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,925
- Well, try it.
- Yeah?

165
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:05,130
What the hell's that?

166
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:09,734
My other phone. I forgot
to turn off my other phone.

167
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,736
Babe, I'm so sorry,
I have to take this.

168
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,139
- It's okay.
- Two seconds, I swear, okay?

169
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,908
I promise, two seconds.
Connelly.

170
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,910
Shut up and tell me!

171
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:24,783
- It's really good.
- Thanks.

172
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,419
Another chapter:

173
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:31,256
Can there be romantic love...

174
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:34,859
Without sex?

175
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:48,573
Brenda, the boy's here.

176
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,508
- Hey, dad.
- Hey, pal.

177
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,777
Hey!

178
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:57,048
Namaste. My beautiful boy!

179
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,617
- I made your favorite brownies.
- Mm...

180
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:03,354
Okay, tell me, did you do
any sexual healing today?

181
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,390
Do we have to constantly
celebrate what the boy does?

182
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,892
Hey, hon, I just
asked him about work.

183
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,228
Excuse me for being proud
of our son.

184
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,864
Yep, he suppresses
people's natural desires.

185
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:15,366
- Strike up the band.
- Did I tell you this?

186
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,336
Carmen was complaining the other
day about her husband's needs,

187
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:20,305
and then I gave her a copy
of the book.

188
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:23,742
Turns out, he totally is
rechanneling his sexual energy,

189
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:25,376
putting it into his gardening.

190
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,579
She brought a squash here
the other night,

191
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,348
- that zucchini that was huge.
- I get the connection.

192
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,518
Anyway, do you want
to stay for dinner, hon?

193
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,386
I can't, I have plans.

194
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:38,389
Plans? Like a woman plans?

195
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:41,159
It's not like that, mom.

196
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,962
I worry about you
that you work so much,

197
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,030
you never have time
for a girlfriend.

198
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,933
Alright, that's my cue.
I gotta go.

199
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:51,636
- Good to see you, dad. See you.
- See you, pal.

200
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:55,340
- Bye. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

201
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,613
Why do you have
to be so negative?

202
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:06,751
Pete's very successful. Why don't
you just accept him for who he is?

203
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:10,955
I don't know who he is. He's not the
man I tried to raise him to be.

204
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,658
Well, okay. Maybe he's
not sporty like you are.

205
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:18,096
You know, he's light and sweet
and spiritual and cute,

206
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,431
and what better son
could you ask for?

207
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:23,968
How about the kind I could make
some sense of to begin with?

208
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:28,706
You know? I mean, who writes books about
sex and has never had a girlfriend?

209
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:33,444
And if he's gay, okay, great.
Our son is gay, yippee.

210
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,246
But this is...

211
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:40,118
I mean, he's... he's...

212
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,922
I don't know what he is.

213
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,657
What'd you wanna
see me about, boss?

214
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:50,195
You're a superstar.

215
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,697
- I just got the call.
- What? What is it?

216
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,767
Oh, I can't stand it.
You're doing a Ned talk!

217
00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:58,136
How? How did that...
How did that...?

218
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,239
Wh-what... what...? How...?
Did they just call, or...

219
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,775
They don't just call anybody!

220
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:07,145
I submitted you,
you nutty genius.

221
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,214
You and your marvelous book.

222
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:13,151
I would've told you earlier, but I
was afraid they would reject you.

223
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:16,020
And there was a very
strong possibility of that.

224
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:19,490
But they didn't.
They accepted us.

225
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,959
- Oh, my god.
- Wow!

226
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:24,028
This so amazing for me!
And for you!

227
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,331
Your book is gonna reach
millions of people now.

228
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,099
It's gonna be so good
for the clinic.

229
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,602
- That is amazing.
- And that's not all.

230
00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:36,107
- There's more? -Don't freak out, okay?
Promise me.

231
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,977
Someone pretty important...

232
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:44,649
At m... p...

233
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,318
r wants to interview you.

234
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,920
Noema Willcoxen?

235
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:51,623
She wants to
interview you about me,

236
00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,491
and what we do here.

237
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,126
I'm so excited.

238
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,395
Noema Willcoxen, wow.

239
00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:01,399
How could she say no, huh,
to the new Tony Robbins?

240
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,068
Yeah, that's... that is...

241
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,838
This is happening!

242
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,843
Thank you so much for all
your support, Caroline,

243
00:15:11,845 --> 00:15:13,745
- what you've done for me.
- Well, you know, it wasn't easy.

244
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,648
- I... -There were a
lot of moving parts.

245
00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:19,951
I mean, logistically,
this has been a nightmare.

246
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:24,689
But I'm so glad
that I made it happen.

247
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,658
So that's it?
- It's just over?

248
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:29,394
- You gotta be kidding me!
- -Just go!

249
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,065
Un-fucking-believable.

250
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,135
She won't even
fucking listen to me.

251
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:40,705
It's just work, you know?
Women.

252
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:43,908
You're fucking lucky
that you date dudes.

253
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,779
- No, I'm not... -I'm actually
dead serious about that.

254
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:52,150
I don't...

255
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:54,585
Go away!

256
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,724
Michelle, it's Pete.

257
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,026
- Hey.
- Hi.

258
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,004
Uh, yeah, come on in.
I'm drinking some wine.

259
00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:15,707
- Want a glass?
- Sure.

260
00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:18,910
God, I don't even know
why I'm still crying.

261
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:22,313
So stupid.

262
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,384
- Is white okay?
- Sounds great.

263
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,087
Okay.

264
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:33,491
I really mean it.

265
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:37,061
I gotta be done with this guy.

266
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,931
Whatever the hell
Charlie and I had...

267
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:42,266
It's not what I want.

268
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:46,270
I don't really think that love
is supposed to feel like this.

269
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:54,078
What does it feel like?

270
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,681
Well, you know
what love feels like.

271
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,984
Yes, of course. I mean...

272
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:04,655
I meant, what does it feel
like when you're with Charlie?

273
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:11,529
I feel...

274
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,465
alone.

275
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,402
His work and himself,
it always comes first.

276
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:20,405
It's his entire world.
And, no,

277
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:24,409
it's not even about that.
I'm just...

278
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,544
I'm tired of being
an afterthought.

279
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:30,581
- Yeah.
- Let's sit.

280
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,760
Michelle, I've known you
for a few years,

281
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,496
and you're pretty damn amazing.

282
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,398
You're kind, you're funny.

283
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,168
- I'm hilarious.
- You are hilarious.

284
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,938
And you're not too difficult to
look at, if you know what I mean.

285
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,942
And I do think Charlie does
love you, in his own way.

286
00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:00,078
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

287
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,082
But if he keeps
making you feel unnecessary?

288
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:08,486
God, ask me to make a great paella
and I'll blow your fucking mind,

289
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:14,725
but treat me like a doormat, and
I'm obviously falling to pieces.

290
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:23,401
I know what I need now.

291
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:29,207
- Some more wine?
- No.

292
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,775
I need to become a chef.

293
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,177
I need to transfer
all of this energy

294
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:39,217
and this sadness into something
that I know that I really want...

295
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,252
And I know that I can do.

296
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:46,891
That's a fucking great idea.

297
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,293
- Thank you.
- Of course.

298
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:53,998
I don't know what
I would do without you.

299
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,535
You'd do the same for me,
wouldn't you? Yeah.

300
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,181
- I'm sorry.
- I...

301
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,616
I'm so... I'm so sorry.

302
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:16,320
- I'm sorry, but i...
- No, no.

303
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,690
- It's okay. Are you okay?
- No, I... my head is...

304
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,527
I think the wine or something...
But can I call you tomorrow?

305
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:26,497
- Yeah.
- Okay, thank you. Sorry.

306
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:53,591
What the hell's wrong with me?

307
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,335
Pete?

308
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,304
- Pete, wake up!
- -Wake-upsies!

309
00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,072
- Your friends are here, Pete!
- Wake up!

310
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,808
- Hi, Pete! -Oh, my god, Pete!
It's an emergency!

311
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,444
- What happened?!
- I was talking to him!

312
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,480
- Pete! Hey...
- Hey, buddy, how are you?

313
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,216
What the hell
are you guys doing here?

314
00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,483
We have a basketball game

315
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,818
and you're not dressed.

316
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:24,455
I have a massive...
Headache right now,

317
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,558
so I want you to turn around
and leave my house...

318
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,560
Not gonna happen. Left Jenny
and the kids at home

319
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,329
to play three-on-three
with you guys.

320
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:34,599
If I go home and haven't played
basketball, she's gonna know,

321
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,235
then it's gonna be considered
non-basketball-related "me time"

322
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:40,504
and then she's gonna want
non-activity-related "her time,"

323
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,473
and it's gonna upset
the whole ecosystem.

324
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,943
- It's a whole thing, so get up.
- Okay, I will go.

325
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:51,315
Did you get food?

326
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:55,786
- Who is it?
- It's Michelle. Hold on.

327
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,688
- Hey.
- Hey.

328
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,691
Um...

329
00:21:00,693 --> 00:21:05,496
Listen, I just... I just
wanted to say... thank you.

330
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,266
Thank you for being
there for me yesterday.

331
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:10,801
It's Pete, you know...?

332
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,104
- He's right, it's Michelle.
- I figured he wouldn't be lying.

333
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:17,041
- But what's the vibe? -Well, it's
kinda casual. Like, not very fancy.

334
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:19,143
So they're not at a fancy
restaurant out there?

335
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,544
No, she's not dressed up
or anything.

336
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:22,513
I just really needed
to talk to somebody,

337
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,715
and... I really only wanted
to talk to you.

338
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:28,219
So I really appreciate
that you were there.

339
00:21:28,221 --> 00:21:31,322
And sorry if, you know,
things got weird,

340
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:34,525
and, you know,
like, we kissed and stuff,

341
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:38,462
- or whatever.
- I'm here for you.

342
00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:48,406
She went in for an emotional hug

343
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:52,076
and he chose...
A back-slapper.

344
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:56,314
He wants cock. I don't understand why
he just won't embrace some cock.

345
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:57,715
Let him have cock
if he wants cock.

346
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:00,751
Okay, $47 to stop
saying cock, okay?

347
00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:02,753
Have you ever seen him
look twice at a dude? No.

348
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:06,657
Enough with the gay thing. We're
not children. Don't say "cock."

349
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,060
- Cock.
- Don't...!

350
00:22:09,062 --> 00:22:11,395
- Sorry, I didn't mean to.
- Say cock!

351
00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:14,598
Cock, cock, cock,
cock, cock, cock, cock...

352
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:17,835
Seriously,
why won't you even try?

353
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:21,072
I mean, fresh off a breakup,
that's strike time!

354
00:22:21,074 --> 00:22:23,107
- I mean, that's when you do it.
- Yeah, go for it.

355
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:24,642
Sure, that's what you would do.

356
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:26,377
You would take advantage
of the situation.

357
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:29,814
I believe that Michelle needed
actual kindness last night.

358
00:22:29,816 --> 00:22:31,849
- No. I bet she didn't.
- Genuine kindness.

359
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,584
- I bet what she wanted...
- Was penis.

360
00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,219
Yeah, was a nice penis.

361
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:37,788
Do you really wanna be the guy
that women confide in?

362
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:40,124
- Oh, god, no. No, no, no.
- Yeah, you don't.

363
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:42,993
Then I'd have to make a highly
successful career out of that.

364
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:44,562
Alright, you don't have
to say "highly successful."

365
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:47,298
Michelle confides in me
because she trusts me.

366
00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:50,434
- That's the point. -Yeah, but
therapists can be fucked up

367
00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:53,437
in their personal lives, too.
I mean, Freud banged his mom.

368
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:57,708
- You're an idiot. -Mm-hmm. Pretty
sure they wrote a play about it.

369
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,711
So it's nine days in Santa Barbara that
could potentially change your life.

370
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,580
What's there to think about?

371
00:23:02,582 --> 00:23:06,250
Nine days? I'll never get that
time off from the gallery.

372
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:08,185
Oh, yes, you will, if you ask.

373
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:10,988
You haven't taken a vacation
since I've known you.

374
00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:15,192
Besides, it's not a vacation,
it's the start of your career.

375
00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:18,429
Now you sound like Pete. He'd
be so thrilled if I did this.

376
00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:22,566
- Okay, about Pete...
- He's not gay.

377
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,835
I think he's a serial killer.

378
00:23:24,837 --> 00:23:26,604
I do.

379
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,439
He's always 'round here
mincing around

380
00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:31,242
with that small waist.
Ugh. Creepy.

381
00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:33,544
And the way he looks at you,
that's not love.

382
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:35,079
He's clocking your every move.

383
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,848
I don't like it.
I don't like it, Michelle.

384
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,317
And he dresses better
than both of us.

385
00:23:40,319 --> 00:23:42,153
That is gay or serial killer.

386
00:23:42,155 --> 00:23:45,055
Well, I think that he's very...

387
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:47,224
Kind and he's genuine.

388
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:51,362
And when I'm around him,
I feel... I feel safe.

389
00:23:51,364 --> 00:23:54,698
Listen, I'm sorry,
at some point, guys need sex.

390
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:58,569
- Have you tried it on with him?
- Last night, I was...

391
00:23:58,571 --> 00:24:01,071
I was feeling really shitty about
the whole Charlie situation

392
00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:05,910
and I was feeling very vulnerable, and...
I kissed him.

393
00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:07,678
Mm-hmm.

394
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,615
And he didn't
take advantage of that.

395
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:17,188
Classic serial killer.

396
00:24:17,190 --> 00:24:21,725
- Ooh! Welcome back, ladies.
- Double or nothing.

397
00:24:21,727 --> 00:24:25,930
- Okay, $200 it is. -Remind me why
you assholes didn't pay last time?

398
00:24:25,932 --> 00:24:27,932
'Cause your mother
needed help with the rent.

399
00:24:27,934 --> 00:24:31,569
Okay, let's leave the mothers
out of it today, rich,

400
00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:35,539
and let's get our head in the game,
play a little basketball, okay?

401
00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:37,374
You heard dickless, let's go.

402
00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:45,182
Oh!

403
00:25:03,703 --> 00:25:06,537
Yeah! Straight out
of cobra, bitch!

404
00:25:45,545 --> 00:25:47,344
- What time do you get off?
- Midnight.

405
00:25:47,346 --> 00:25:49,446
- Luke, she's working.
- Took a shot to the nuts.

406
00:25:49,448 --> 00:25:50,848
Might've also dinged his melon,

407
00:25:50,850 --> 00:25:53,250
'cause he dropped
like a box of rocks.

408
00:25:53,252 --> 00:25:55,819
Alright, just checking
for internal bleeding.

409
00:25:55,821 --> 00:25:57,922
Just to be safe,
let's order up a cat scan.

410
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:00,157
- How's your insurance?
- I'm a PHD.

411
00:26:00,159 --> 00:26:02,259
Yahtzee. You know what?
Make it a cat scan and an MRI.

412
00:26:02,261 --> 00:26:05,296
- My head is fine. -Look, we
just need to be certain,

413
00:26:05,298 --> 00:26:07,731
so just take it easy, alright? I'm
gonna do a quick examination.

414
00:26:07,733 --> 00:26:10,601
Just try to relax for me. Nurse,
let's take a closer look, please.

415
00:26:10,603 --> 00:26:16,040
- No, no, no! -I just wanna see if
everything has adjusted on its own.

416
00:26:16,042 --> 00:26:18,509
Damn, they're like
little quail eggs.

417
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:26,116
I've got some, uh,
rather serious MRI results.

418
00:26:26,118 --> 00:26:29,320
We found a brain tumor, benign,
thankfully, but quite sizable.

419
00:26:29,322 --> 00:26:32,856
- Jesus. -It's probably
been there for many years,

420
00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:35,125
pressed up against
your pituitary gland.

421
00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:37,628
The pressure it's applied
has caused your body

422
00:26:37,630 --> 00:26:39,229
to produce the female
hormone prolactin,

423
00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:41,365
which has blocked
your normal male development.

424
00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:44,168
We found just trace amounts
of testosterone.

425
00:26:44,170 --> 00:26:49,940
Basically, you've never
gone through puberty.

426
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:54,078
- I have a brain tumor?
- Yes.

427
00:26:58,516 --> 00:27:02,286
That...

428
00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:04,121
is....

429
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:07,157
Awesome.

430
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:08,459
That is awesome!

431
00:27:08,461 --> 00:27:11,328
Okay, well, seems
you're in shock, but...

432
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:13,197
See, I thought
I was a freak! I thought,

433
00:27:13,199 --> 00:27:14,932
you're different, but what am I?

434
00:27:14,934 --> 00:27:16,533
I thought,
you're some kind of anomaly,

435
00:27:16,535 --> 00:27:18,636
but what the fuck kind
of weirdo we talking about?

436
00:27:18,638 --> 00:27:20,304
And you're saying I'm normal?

437
00:27:20,306 --> 00:27:22,406
Yes. That would explain why
you've never physically matured,

438
00:27:22,408 --> 00:27:25,175
- the lack of hair, the boy balls.
- The what?

439
00:27:25,177 --> 00:27:28,946
Sometimes the nurses coin a
phrase that sticks in your head.

440
00:27:28,948 --> 00:27:31,815
This is the best damn day
of my life.

441
00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:34,351
- So what do we do now?
- Well, given its placement,

442
00:27:34,353 --> 00:27:36,654
I think we can remove it
fairly easily through your nose.

443
00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:41,058
You're gonna take this life-sucking,
puberty-fucking tumor

444
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,559
out of my brain through my nose?

445
00:27:42,561 --> 00:27:44,795
Can we go now?

446
00:27:44,797 --> 00:27:48,198
<i>But why couldn't you tell your
best friends that you're a weirdo?</i>

447
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,001
<i>- You don't have to answer that.
- Why?</i>

448
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,604
<i>Because you just did!
You called him a weirdo!</i>

449
00:27:53,606 --> 00:27:57,908
No, but he has a point. Who wants to
be treated like the elephant man?

450
00:27:57,910 --> 00:28:00,177
<i>But, like,
you still could've told us.</i>

451
00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:02,780
<i>I mean, who we gonna tell?
Maybe my sisters, but they're,</i>

452
00:28:02,782 --> 00:28:06,250
<i>- like, in seventh grade.
- Don't tell your sisters.</i>

453
00:28:06,252 --> 00:28:08,085
<i>I'm really close to my sisters.</i>

454
00:28:08,087 --> 00:28:10,087
<i>That's okay.
But do you tell them</i>

455
00:28:10,089 --> 00:28:13,424
<i>- every time you masturbate?
- Not every time.</i>

456
00:28:13,426 --> 00:28:15,125
<i>Hang on, Pete.</i>

457
00:28:15,127 --> 00:28:18,128
<i>So after puberty didn't happen,
weren't you, like,</i>

458
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:22,166
<i>"this is fucked up.
I'm really worried about this"?</i>

459
00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:24,068
Of course! Yes! I was worried
of people finding out.

460
00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:26,170
I was worried that people
were gonna find out

461
00:28:26,172 --> 00:28:27,905
I was a freakazoid
with baby balls who'd...

462
00:28:27,907 --> 00:28:31,275
never even had
an erection before.

463
00:28:31,277 --> 00:28:35,045
<i>But didn't you think a doctor
could maybe figure out...</i>

464
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:37,981
No. I never told a doctor
about this. Are you crazy?

465
00:28:37,983 --> 00:28:40,718
<i>Right, 'cause they'd
make fun of you?</i>

466
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,655
No, that's not it at all.

467
00:28:44,657 --> 00:28:47,091
I was...

468
00:28:47,093 --> 00:28:49,993
Scared shitless
that they'd tell me

469
00:28:49,995 --> 00:28:51,962
that I would be
like this forever.

470
00:28:51,964 --> 00:28:53,831
And all I ever wanted
was to be normal,

471
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:55,899
and I couldn't let a doctor
kill my hope

472
00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:58,001
that normal was possible.

473
00:28:58,003 --> 00:29:02,272
<i>Dude, that actually makes sense.
That's, like, super zen.</i>

474
00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:04,341
<i>I mean, this is great.
You're normal now.</i>

475
00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:07,044
<i>You got to tell Michelle,
play the sympathy card, right?</i>

476
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:10,948
- No. <i>-I'm gonna hate
myself in the morning</i>

477
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:13,183
<i>for saying this,
but that could actually be</i>

478
00:29:13,185 --> 00:29:15,419
<i>the greatest closing line
of all time.</i>

479
00:29:15,421 --> 00:29:17,755
<i>"Hey, baby,
I've never had an erection,</i>

480
00:29:17,757 --> 00:29:22,493
<i>and I just had elective surgery
to remove a tumor from my brain</i>

481
00:29:22,495 --> 00:29:24,628
<i>and I'm getting
my first erection,</i>

482
00:29:24,630 --> 00:29:28,432
<i>looking for the right girl
to utilize it on."</i>

483
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:31,902
Neither one of you fucking say
a word to Michelle! Okay?

484
00:29:31,904 --> 00:29:34,238
Besides, we don't even know
what's gonna come of this.

485
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,975
<i>Well, hopefully</i> you<i> are.</i>

486
00:29:37,977 --> 00:29:41,345
<i>Gonna</i> come<i> from this?</i>

487
00:29:41,347 --> 00:29:46,250
<i>- You know? -You mean, like...
Like ejaculating?</i>

488
00:29:46,252 --> 00:29:49,686
<i>Yes. C-u-m.</i>

489
00:29:49,688 --> 00:29:53,857
<i>It's c-o-m-e.</i>

490
00:29:53,859 --> 00:29:55,926
Recovery should be fairly quick.

491
00:29:55,928 --> 00:29:58,762
But you'll have to take
a few weeks off work.

492
00:29:58,764 --> 00:30:01,965
You're gonna be okay.
There's nothing to worry about.

493
00:30:01,967 --> 00:30:04,868
Actually, more like
champagne grapes.

494
00:30:04,870 --> 00:30:10,174
Yeah, they are.
Yeah.

495
00:30:10,176 --> 00:30:13,343
Yeah, I'm still feeling great.

496
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:17,815
Hi, honey.
We're here for you.

497
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:20,217
I'm sorry we let you down.

498
00:30:20,219 --> 00:30:23,754
We're not doctors so,
you know, how could we...?

499
00:30:23,756 --> 00:30:25,355
How you feeling?

500
00:30:25,357 --> 00:30:27,491
When rich told me that the tumor

501
00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:30,694
had kept you trapped inside
the body of a 7th-grader

502
00:30:30,696 --> 00:30:33,931
and that's why you've never
had sex or an erection,

503
00:30:33,933 --> 00:30:36,733
I felt so happy for you.

504
00:30:36,735 --> 00:30:39,736
This hospital smells so bad...

505
00:30:39,738 --> 00:30:43,006
But... you
smell really good.

506
00:30:43,008 --> 00:30:47,744
Now you'll be able to experience the
full essence of your masculinity.

507
00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:51,215
Yeah, right.
How about that, pal?

508
00:30:51,217 --> 00:30:55,619
Just... I don't know,
kind of reminds me of sex.

509
00:30:55,621 --> 00:30:57,187
Do you wonder
what it looks like?

510
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:58,789
- Just do it.
- I'm not gonna do it.

511
00:30:58,791 --> 00:31:00,157
- Just do it. You're bros.
- Okay.

512
00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:02,259
Just pull back the covers.

513
00:31:02,261 --> 00:31:05,963
- Oh!
- Oh-ho... that's... sweet.

514
00:31:05,965 --> 00:31:08,131
That's gonna improve.

515
00:31:08,133 --> 00:31:11,501
Well, the surgery was a success.

516
00:31:11,503 --> 00:31:14,371
It may take a while before
you start noticing changes,

517
00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:20,477
but, uh... just
focus on your recovery.

518
00:31:20,479 --> 00:31:22,813
Finally gonna be a man.

519
00:31:22,815 --> 00:31:25,816
And good luck with that.

520
00:31:28,954 --> 00:31:31,889
I'm channeling
from your spirit guide.

521
00:31:31,891 --> 00:31:34,358
May the great goddess shakti...

522
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:38,061
Inspire this blessed heart...

523
00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,631
And may the universal energy...

524
00:31:40,633 --> 00:31:44,368
Bring joy and life
up through the heart,

525
00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:47,771
out into the universe
through this human body.

526
00:31:47,773 --> 00:31:53,844
Thank you to our brothers
and sisters of the Pleiades.

527
00:31:53,846 --> 00:31:58,982
Namaste.

528
00:31:58,984 --> 00:32:02,452
Thank you, mom.
I really like recouping here.

529
00:32:02,454 --> 00:32:04,821
We all love you, honey.

530
00:32:04,823 --> 00:32:08,025
We all love you!

531
00:32:08,027 --> 00:32:11,495
Look at you!

532
00:32:46,065 --> 00:32:49,299
Everything alright in there?

533
00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:54,705
Yep.

534
00:32:54,707 --> 00:32:57,774
- Hey.
- Hey, how's it going, buddy?

535
00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:01,378
You getting wood yet?
Sorry.

536
00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:02,846
- We talked about this.
- Right.

537
00:33:02,848 --> 00:33:04,915
You said you're gonna go in,
grab his penis.

538
00:33:04,917 --> 00:33:07,150
I said don't do it.
You said you wouldn't.

539
00:33:07,152 --> 00:33:09,086
Sorry. I'm sorry.
We've just been talking

540
00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:10,454
about whether
you got wood or not,

541
00:33:10,456 --> 00:33:11,922
and I've just
been thinking about it,

542
00:33:11,924 --> 00:33:13,123
and I just wanted
to see if you did.

543
00:33:13,125 --> 00:33:14,958
I feel the same as I did before,

544
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,395
and I'm starting to worry that the
surgery might not have worked.

545
00:33:18,397 --> 00:33:20,130
Of course it worked!
You were at a hospital

546
00:33:20,132 --> 00:33:21,965
with doctors who went to school
for this sort of thing.

547
00:33:21,967 --> 00:33:25,135
I can't go back to living
the way that I lived before,

548
00:33:25,137 --> 00:33:27,471
knowing what I know now.

549
00:33:27,473 --> 00:33:29,639
It's going to work,
and trust me,

550
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:32,309
you are going
to love sporting wood.

551
00:33:32,311 --> 00:33:34,978
I do it all the time.
As much as I can. I love it.

552
00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:38,081
- Yeah, he tells me about it each time.
- Yeah, you know.

553
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:40,017
You definitely
don't have to text me,

554
00:33:40,019 --> 00:33:42,252
because my wife and I,
we share a cloud.

555
00:33:42,254 --> 00:33:44,187
Don't talk to my wife
about your penis!

556
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:47,224
Fine! I'll get you a different phone
or something so I can text you.

557
00:33:47,226 --> 00:33:49,059
It's not... I don't need
a burner for your penis.

558
00:33:49,061 --> 00:33:50,794
How about this?
How about one time,

559
00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:53,563
you masturbate, don't tell me,
see how that affects your life?

560
00:33:53,565 --> 00:33:55,932
- I'm not gonna like that.
- I have a question.

561
00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:59,102
If you could never actually
physically perform...

562
00:33:59,104 --> 00:34:02,305
- Mm-hmm.
- Like have sex with somebody.

563
00:34:02,307 --> 00:34:05,742
- Mm-hm. -What about that
time in high school

564
00:34:05,744 --> 00:34:07,577
that you told us about?

565
00:34:07,579 --> 00:34:10,447
Well, um, technically,
there was penetration.

566
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:14,351
- Great. -But, technically,
I was not erect.

567
00:34:14,353 --> 00:34:17,354
So, technically, it was
the worst day of my life.

568
00:34:17,356 --> 00:34:20,490
How did you get it all in
there if it's not hard?

569
00:34:20,492 --> 00:34:23,060
She said it was like making
love to a boneless thumb.

570
00:34:23,062 --> 00:34:26,263
- Ah... so specific.
- And right now,

571
00:34:26,265 --> 00:34:29,366
I got nothing. Zero.
Nothing happening down there.

572
00:34:29,368 --> 00:34:31,401
Got the penis of Stephen Hawking
at the moment.

573
00:34:31,403 --> 00:34:33,170
I don't wanna split hairs,
but Stephen Hawking

574
00:34:33,172 --> 00:34:35,072
could actually get an erection.

575
00:34:35,074 --> 00:34:37,340
But you're trying to say
that your penis is brilliant.

576
00:34:37,342 --> 00:34:42,079
Alright, well,
for your Stephen Hawking,

577
00:34:42,081 --> 00:34:44,714
we have brought a black hole...

578
00:34:44,716 --> 00:34:47,984
- Well...
- That... seemed disrespectful.

579
00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:49,453
It's gonna be great.

580
00:34:49,455 --> 00:34:52,856
Come on in.
So sorry we kept you waiting.

581
00:34:52,858 --> 00:34:55,792
Pete, Montana
is a professional stripper.

582
00:34:55,794 --> 00:35:01,498
Who we've brought here
to give you a boner.

583
00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:03,133
I felt like that subtext
was very clear.

584
00:35:03,135 --> 00:35:05,268
- I got you.
- Do you get it?

585
00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:07,904
- Yeah.
- Cool. Very cool.

586
00:35:07,906 --> 00:35:12,109
So, Montana... do your thing.

587
00:35:16,582 --> 00:35:19,082
- Huh? Huh?

588
00:35:19,084 --> 00:35:22,052
Get out.

589
00:35:22,054 --> 00:35:24,421
- Mm-mm...
- No...

590
00:35:24,423 --> 00:35:28,492
- Just go.
- Um, we did pay for it...

591
00:35:28,494 --> 00:35:30,227
Her. Her.

592
00:35:30,229 --> 00:35:33,630
If one thing leads to another,
we could always pay you more.

593
00:35:33,632 --> 00:35:36,533
We won't tell the cops
if you guys have sex.

594
00:35:42,573 --> 00:35:45,876
- Shhh! Don't fucking...

595
00:35:57,989 --> 00:36:01,191
- I'm hard. -But don't tell me.
We just discussed this.

596
00:36:10,201 --> 00:36:13,570
- Wow! That's actually impressive.
- Thanks, man.

597
00:36:22,047 --> 00:36:26,116
- How's it going up there?
- Oh, uh, pretty good.

598
00:36:26,118 --> 00:36:29,452
She's a great gal. I think she's
got his best interests in mind.

599
00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:32,923
- Yeah, she's a hooker, Luke.
- Right.

600
00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:45,569
It's not you.
Let me just put it that way.

601
00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:47,637
I've been through an immense
amount of pressure,

602
00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:49,757
personal stress, since
about the age of...

603
00:36:49,782 --> 00:36:50,840
honey, it's okay.

604
00:36:50,842 --> 00:36:54,444
I've been thinking about getting
my real-estate license.

605
00:37:37,488 --> 00:37:42,325
Petey?
Breakfast is ready!

606
00:37:42,327 --> 00:37:46,196
I will eat your eggs!

607
00:37:46,198 --> 00:37:50,900
Hey, Carmen, can you get me
some more orange juice, please?

608
00:37:50,902 --> 00:37:53,536
And cut up some apples
in little tiny pieces.

609
00:37:53,538 --> 00:37:55,505
- Good morning.
- Good morning, hon.

610
00:37:55,507 --> 00:38:00,010
Hey, pal.

611
00:38:00,012 --> 00:38:02,646
- Oh, my god!
- Oh!

612
00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:05,448
- The flame has arisen!
- Touchdown!

613
00:38:05,450 --> 00:38:08,718
Ha-ha-ha! He could put out
an eye with that one.

614
00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:11,721
It's like he's got the<i> Sunday</i>
<i>times</i> rolled up in there.

615
00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:13,556
- Don't be embarrassed!
- Embarrassed?

616
00:38:13,558 --> 00:38:16,393
Be proud, young man!
Take a victory lap!

617
00:38:16,395 --> 00:38:20,864
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

618
00:38:20,866 --> 00:38:23,700
We got one!

619
00:38:23,702 --> 00:38:27,871
- Thanks for everything, guys!

620
00:38:27,873 --> 00:38:30,040
You're not stepping out that door
until you have some breakfast.

621
00:38:30,042 --> 00:38:32,409
- Thanks, mom, I'm really...
- Let him go, hon.

622
00:38:32,411 --> 00:38:36,346
It's time to get on that field
and score.

623
00:38:36,348 --> 00:38:38,048
- Gotta go! Gotta go!
- Call me!

624
00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:40,617
- Tell me what happens! Call me!
- Okay, I will!

625
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:12,816
- Luke.
- Pete! What are you doing here?

626
00:39:12,818 --> 00:39:17,420
Or, no, it's your house. That's what
you're doing here. But like, today,

627
00:39:17,422 --> 00:39:19,489
I thought you were gonna
get here... tomorrow.

628
00:39:19,491 --> 00:39:23,760
But it's so awesome to see you.
I'm so glad you're here. C'mere.

629
00:39:23,762 --> 00:39:27,230
- Ah! Naked! Get off me. -I know
you said emergencies only, but...

630
00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:31,935
Rosalyn wanted a place to...
Have sex with me.

631
00:39:31,937 --> 00:39:35,905
- So we came here. -Your bed
was really comfortable.

632
00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:39,275
- You used my fucking bed?
- We did it everywhere.

633
00:39:39,277 --> 00:39:41,077
Get the fuck out. Get out.

634
00:39:41,079 --> 00:39:43,546
- Did I do something wrong?
- Get out. Get out.

635
00:39:43,548 --> 00:39:45,248
- Get out.
- Both of us?

636
00:39:45,250 --> 00:39:46,983
- Both of you.
- Now?

637
00:39:46,985 --> 00:39:49,853
- Yeah, get out. Get out.
- I guess we have to go.

638
00:39:49,855 --> 00:39:52,822
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
- Dude! Congratulations!

639
00:39:52,824 --> 00:39:55,425
- That's awesome! That's great!
- Fuck!

640
00:39:55,427 --> 00:39:56,960
Rich is gonna be so excited!

641
00:39:56,962 --> 00:39:58,895
Let's go.
Let's give him some privacy.

642
00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:01,131
He just got a boner
for the first time.

643
00:41:30,821 --> 00:41:32,922
I'm pretty sure I've got
carpal tunnel syndrome.

644
00:41:32,924 --> 00:41:35,892
- It's part of the process.
- My son is already starting.

645
00:41:35,894 --> 00:41:39,362
The other day, I walked in on
him, he's watching<i> Spongebob,</i>

646
00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:41,731
his six-year-old Wang
is in a bowl of apple sauce.

647
00:41:41,733 --> 00:41:44,734
- Wow. What'd you do?
- Shut the door,

648
00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:47,770
- gave him his privacy.
- Oh, that's what's up.

649
00:41:47,772 --> 00:41:50,340
You know, every moment,
it seems to be a new thought,

650
00:41:50,342 --> 00:41:53,476
like a new realization,
and most of them are good.

651
00:41:53,478 --> 00:41:57,780
Like I know for a 100% fact that I
definitely wanna be with Michelle now.

652
00:41:57,782 --> 00:42:00,316
But I'm freaked out.
What if she's not into me?

653
00:42:00,318 --> 00:42:03,987
But also what if she does like me? Now I
have something to actually do about it.

654
00:42:03,989 --> 00:42:05,811
Why can't I stop jerking off?

655
00:42:05,836 --> 00:42:09,959
Last night, I jerked it to just
the theme from<i> game of thrones.</i>

656
00:42:09,961 --> 00:42:12,161
I couldn't even hold out
for Khaleesi.

657
00:42:12,163 --> 00:42:15,999
The need to Jack off is right there
next to the need to breathe. Okay?

658
00:42:16,001 --> 00:42:19,302
Wanna know how much baby batter
I've shot since I was 13?

659
00:42:19,304 --> 00:42:23,172
- No.
- Twice per day, times...

660
00:42:23,174 --> 00:42:25,909
And I did the weekends,
three times more...

661
00:42:25,911 --> 00:42:31,080
Jesus. That's, like,
3.5 million seconds.

662
00:42:31,082 --> 00:42:33,016
Of course you're more successful
than I am.

663
00:42:33,018 --> 00:42:35,084
You've had so much more time
to get shit done.

664
00:42:35,086 --> 00:42:36,986
If I had
all my jerk-off time back,

665
00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:40,790
who knows, I could've been...
The leader of the free world

666
00:42:40,792 --> 00:42:44,527
instead of just...
West valley Honda.

667
00:42:44,529 --> 00:42:46,496
How are women
not running everything?

668
00:42:46,498 --> 00:42:48,631
No, trust me,
women masturbate too.

669
00:42:48,633 --> 00:42:52,602
No shit, murder she wrote. Is there
anything else I can get for you?

670
00:42:52,604 --> 00:42:56,873
- I'm Luke.
- I'm off at 5:30.

671
00:42:56,875 --> 00:43:00,176
- Are you a hypnotist?
- Yeah.

672
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:05,949
- Pete! Hola!
- Hi.

673
00:43:05,951 --> 00:43:07,984
Hey, I've been dying
to talk to you.

674
00:43:07,986 --> 00:43:10,219
I have to go to Santa
Barbara for a week or so.

675
00:43:10,221 --> 00:43:13,389
I got accepted into this new program
that Bobby flay is sponsoring.

676
00:43:13,391 --> 00:43:15,758
And the end of it,
he's gonna select one of us

677
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,195
to be his sous-chef at a new restaurant
that he's opening up in L.A.

678
00:43:19,197 --> 00:43:20,763
- Holy cow! Yes!
- I know!

679
00:43:20,765 --> 00:43:22,599
I can't believe I made it.

680
00:43:22,601 --> 00:43:25,702
I had to submit one of my dishes
and I guess they liked it enough.

681
00:43:25,704 --> 00:43:31,307
So this is maybe my path to becoming
a chef, and it's mostly your fault.

682
00:43:32,309 --> 00:43:34,010
- Come here.
- Uh-oh!

683
00:43:34,012 --> 00:43:37,113
Just realized I'm late and I gotta go.
I'm so sorry.

684
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:39,248
I would love to hang out
with you before I leave.

685
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:42,352
- Me, too. I would love that.
- Okay.

686
00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:59,268
Pete, welcome back!
Ooh, you moisturize. So soft.

687
00:43:59,270 --> 00:44:01,904
So great to have you back.

688
00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:15,785
You know, I'm trying to
rechannel my sexual energy,

689
00:44:15,787 --> 00:44:18,621
but quite frankly,
it's been very difficult,

690
00:44:18,623 --> 00:44:21,224
it's been a challenge for me.

691
00:44:21,226 --> 00:44:24,127
Well, don't beat yourself up
too much, because

692
00:44:24,129 --> 00:44:27,063
if change was easy,
I'd be out of work.

693
00:44:27,065 --> 00:44:32,301
You know, the thing is,
it's a common misconception:

694
00:44:32,303 --> 00:44:35,071
Being a furry is not
just about having sex.

695
00:44:35,073 --> 00:44:39,876
People think that, but it's more of a
lifestyle than anything else, you know?

696
00:44:49,988 --> 00:44:52,288
Y'know, it's about
the memories that you make,

697
00:44:52,290 --> 00:44:55,992
the friends that you
Cherish and it's about the...

698
00:44:55,994 --> 00:44:57,627
The butts that
you sniff, you know?

699
00:44:57,629 --> 00:44:59,896
Once you get your snout
up a couple of good ones,

700
00:44:59,898 --> 00:45:01,464
it's like eating potato chips:

701
00:45:01,466 --> 00:45:04,200
You just keep getting back
into that bag

702
00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:07,603
until there's nothing left,
until it's just a big greasy bag

703
00:45:07,605 --> 00:45:13,176
and you're licking your fingers
at the end. Did you hear that?

704
00:45:13,178 --> 00:45:16,779
Somebody opening up a... can?

705
00:45:16,781 --> 00:45:19,849
I think I understand
your frustration.

706
00:45:19,851 --> 00:45:25,088
Being reduced
to animal instincts.

707
00:45:25,090 --> 00:45:28,825
Being dominated
like a dog or a cat.

708
00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:32,929
Climbing into the lap
of a... of a lover.

709
00:45:32,931 --> 00:45:36,365
Feeling those warm loins
next to you...

710
00:45:36,367 --> 00:45:38,668
While she...

711
00:45:38,670 --> 00:45:41,037
Rubs her fingers
through your hair

712
00:45:41,039 --> 00:45:45,007
and you just...
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

713
00:45:45,009 --> 00:45:47,110
That's a huge turn-on.

714
00:45:47,112 --> 00:45:50,313
What the fuck
is happening here? Are you...

715
00:45:50,315 --> 00:45:55,118
I'm so sorry,
are you hitting on me?

716
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,920
- My mistake.
- -Jennifer is 24,

717
00:45:57,922 --> 00:45:59,822
and she's a tango instructor.

718
00:45:59,824 --> 00:46:01,691
You know,
very limber with the body.

719
00:46:01,693 --> 00:46:06,429
And she has just totally
opened me up sexually, okay?

720
00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:09,599
So, last night, she wanted
me to do something,

721
00:46:09,601 --> 00:46:11,267
you know, a little different.

722
00:46:11,269 --> 00:46:14,370
So she said,
"could you just peg me?"

723
00:46:14,372 --> 00:46:16,639
I didn't even know
what the hell that meant.

724
00:46:16,641 --> 00:46:19,342
I mean, I'm from Connecticut,
for Godssakes.

725
00:46:19,344 --> 00:46:21,811
But apparently it has something
to do with a strap-on.

726
00:46:21,813 --> 00:46:23,479
So I put this strap-on on.

727
00:46:23,481 --> 00:46:26,048
It's like this
gigantic cock, you know,

728
00:46:26,050 --> 00:46:30,086
and she just was
having me, you know,

729
00:46:30,088 --> 00:46:32,421
just drill her again
and again and again.

730
00:46:32,423 --> 00:46:35,858
And I just realized
that I like giving

731
00:46:35,860 --> 00:46:37,994
so much more
than receiving, you know.

732
00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:42,632
Like the power of, you know, just
making a woman, like, come like that.

733
00:46:42,634 --> 00:46:47,537
And she is screaming. I mean, she
has an orgasm. It's like, you know,

734
00:46:47,539 --> 00:46:50,273
it's waking up the cat
down the street,

735
00:46:50,275 --> 00:46:52,508
if you know what I mean.
And she's into it, you know.

736
00:46:52,510 --> 00:46:57,580
Just watching her face as she comes,
like, again and again and again...

737
00:46:57,582 --> 00:47:01,450
Okay. That's all the time
we have today.

738
00:47:01,452 --> 00:47:07,456
No, I'm pretty sure we've
got about 35 minutes left.

739
00:47:23,207 --> 00:47:26,309
Fuck!

740
00:47:30,614 --> 00:47:32,481
Hey, Pete. Nikki's over.

741
00:47:32,483 --> 00:47:34,417
I'm experimenting with
some food. Wanna come over?

742
00:47:34,419 --> 00:47:36,552
Sounds good.
I'm not feeling well.

743
00:47:36,554 --> 00:47:42,124
What is taking so long?
I'm starving. Oh, hi, Pete.

744
00:47:42,126 --> 00:47:45,194
- Hi.
- -Oh, my...

745
00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:47,864
Hey, would you mind
if I pop those on YouTube?

746
00:47:47,866 --> 00:47:51,400
Uh, I think I'll have to take
a rain check on YouTube,

747
00:47:51,402 --> 00:47:57,373
and I had a big breakfast, so...

748
00:47:57,375 --> 00:48:02,011
- What is wrong with you?
- What? It's a real thing.

749
00:48:02,013 --> 00:48:03,746
- Keep your eyes open.
- Doc.

750
00:48:03,748 --> 00:48:07,717
Help! You gotta help me, okay?
I'm losing my mind.

751
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:10,887
I'm horny, I'm moody,
and I think I'm going nuts.

752
00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:16,092
- Excuse me.
- It's fine, go ahead.

753
00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:18,361
I'm sorry,
did we have an appointment?

754
00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:21,664
No, we didn't. But you gotta help me, okay?
Because I'm losing my mind, doc.

755
00:48:21,666 --> 00:48:24,715
It's really all happening
way too fast for me.

756
00:48:24,740 --> 00:48:26,402
Look, just calm down.

757
00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:28,671
I'm sorry the process
is so troubling,

758
00:48:28,673 --> 00:48:30,706
but because it's been
delayed for 15 years,

759
00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:33,910
it's actually not surprising
that your puberty experience

760
00:48:33,912 --> 00:48:35,845
is happening at
a highly accelerated speed.

761
00:48:35,847 --> 00:48:38,681
- It's actually quite fascinating.
- Oh, it's fascinating? Good.

762
00:48:38,683 --> 00:48:40,816
I'm glad my misery
can be an upper for you, doc.

763
00:48:40,818 --> 00:48:44,153
- I didn't mean it that way.
- Can you just give me a pill

764
00:48:44,155 --> 00:48:47,456
that'll make me a normal kind of
human being going through puberty?

765
00:48:47,458 --> 00:48:49,892
That's all I need from you.
That's why I'm here.

766
00:48:49,894 --> 00:48:55,431
If I could create a pill that cured
puberty, I could buy France.

767
00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:04,073
- Hey. Got a minute?
- Yes. Come on in, please, yes.

768
00:49:04,075 --> 00:49:08,644
I'm sorry about Nikki. Your face
looks a lot better, though.

769
00:49:08,646 --> 00:49:11,414
Yeah. You know those guys
at proactiv, that Adam Levine,

770
00:49:11,416 --> 00:49:14,016
they just know what
they're doing. Have a seat.

771
00:49:14,018 --> 00:49:16,886
Oh, thanks. I actually can't
stay long. I have to pack.

772
00:49:16,888 --> 00:49:20,323
I'm leaving for that cooking
retreat thing I told you about.

773
00:49:20,325 --> 00:49:23,726
I'm leaving tomorrow, so I
just wanted to come say goodbye.

774
00:49:23,728 --> 00:49:26,829
Oh. Well, goodbye.

775
00:49:26,831 --> 00:49:28,831
Are you okay?

776
00:49:28,833 --> 00:49:35,037
Yeah. No. Why?
Do I seem like I'm not okay?

777
00:49:35,039 --> 00:49:36,973
Ever since you came back
from that family thing,

778
00:49:36,975 --> 00:49:39,375
it just seems like
you've been avoiding me.

779
00:49:39,377 --> 00:49:42,645
Or... I don't know,
you just seem different.

780
00:49:46,083 --> 00:49:49,318
It's just, uh...
Look, if...

781
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:54,290
When you come back...
We'll have a lot to talk about.

782
00:49:54,292 --> 00:49:57,326
- Good.
- I'll be ready by then.

783
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:59,829
To talk.
About whatever, yeah.

784
00:49:59,831 --> 00:50:02,198
- Well...
- Let me walk you out!

785
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:07,003
- Oh, it's okay. Okay, bye.
- Okay. Bye. Oh...

786
00:50:07,005 --> 00:50:11,173
- Okay.
- Bye.

787
00:50:16,514 --> 00:50:18,447
Okay, yeah.

788
00:50:21,019 --> 00:50:23,285
Hey, Michelle.

789
00:50:23,287 --> 00:50:26,088
<i>- Pete, hey.</i>
- Wow, you look great.

790
00:50:26,090 --> 00:50:28,057
How was your first day?

791
00:50:28,059 --> 00:50:31,494
- Dude, I'm getting raped here.
- Shut the fuck up. Don't say raped.

792
00:50:31,496 --> 00:50:34,063
He's not getting raped.
We're just playing a video game.

793
00:50:34,065 --> 00:50:35,631
<i>- Oh, yeah, yeah, that's cool.</i>
- Hey, what's up, Michelle?

794
00:50:35,633 --> 00:50:38,200
<i>Hey, Josh.
Pete, oh, my gosh.</i>

795
00:50:38,202 --> 00:50:43,272
<i>Things are going so, so great here. Bobby
is incredible. I'm learning so much.</i>

796
00:50:43,274 --> 00:50:45,641
Oh, that's great.
So it's "Bobby" now?

797
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:48,377
<i>Well, he insisted
that we call him Bobby.</i>

798
00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,046
<i>He's very down-to-earth.</i>

799
00:50:50,048 --> 00:50:53,315
<i>And totally normal,
not to mention very handsome.</i>

800
00:50:53,317 --> 00:50:57,553
<i>- I heard that!
- I got busted.</i>

801
00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:01,157
So... you're at his house
right now, just you?

802
00:51:01,159 --> 00:51:05,761
<i>There's a few of us here,
but it's not like... like that.</i>

803
00:51:05,763 --> 00:51:08,030
- Are you drunk?
- <i>-She's not sober!</i>

804
00:51:08,032 --> 00:51:12,468
<i>Quiet! I'm actually teacher's
pet, which is quite nice.</i>

805
00:51:12,470 --> 00:51:15,704
<i>But he's very hands-on
with all the contestants.</i>

806
00:51:15,706 --> 00:51:18,374
- Oh, I bet. -Okay, well, I'm
kind of in the middle of a game.

807
00:51:18,376 --> 00:51:20,776
I'm glad you're having fun.
That's fantastic.

808
00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:23,212
But I promise to call you
tomorrow, okay?

809
00:51:23,214 --> 00:51:25,981
<i>- Yeah.</i>
- Alright. Bye.

810
00:51:25,983 --> 00:51:27,883
Sorry, dude.

811
00:51:27,885 --> 00:51:30,820
I cannot believe that she's chillin'
with master flay like that.

812
00:51:30,822 --> 00:51:34,990
What do you mean?
She's getting extra chef time.

813
00:51:34,992 --> 00:51:37,560
That's good for her.
It's what she wants to do.

814
00:51:37,562 --> 00:51:40,729
Easy does it,
Dr. j for "jealous."

815
00:51:40,731 --> 00:51:42,832
I'm not jealous.

816
00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:47,837
You're listening
to metropolitan public radio.

817
00:51:47,839 --> 00:51:51,340
And this is a safe place.
I'm Noema Willcoxen.

818
00:51:51,342 --> 00:51:54,276
My guest today
is Dr. Peter Newmans,

819
00:51:54,278 --> 00:51:56,579
sexual-addiction
therapist and author

820
00:51:56,581 --> 00:52:00,182
of<i> from sex to success,</i>
a book specializing

821
00:52:00,184 --> 00:52:02,551
in the rechanneling
of sexual energy.

822
00:52:02,553 --> 00:52:05,154
- Welcome, Dr. Newmans.
- Thank you so much, Noema.

823
00:52:05,156 --> 00:52:09,458
I just have to say, I'm a huge
fan. And please call me Pete.

824
00:52:09,460 --> 00:52:12,595
It's good to have you on,
Pete. I read your book,

825
00:52:12,597 --> 00:52:15,998
and I was fascinated
by some of your findings.

826
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,802
First, tell us about
the Genesis of your book.

827
00:52:19,804 --> 00:52:22,605
Well, first of all,
I'd like to acknowledge

828
00:52:22,607 --> 00:52:26,475
the time-consuming aspect
that sex plays in all our lives.

829
00:52:26,477 --> 00:52:28,844
We see it in movies,
we see it in billboards,

830
00:52:28,846 --> 00:52:33,182
we even hear it on the
radio! Ahem.

831
00:52:33,184 --> 00:52:34,650
I wanted to draw attention

832
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:36,785
to the vast,
mostly wasted potential

833
00:52:36,787 --> 00:52:39,488
and everyone who allows sex
to control...

834
00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:42,558
Their lives!
Ahem. Ahem!

835
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:45,227
- Sorry about that.
- Why don't have some water?

836
00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:47,163
Thank you.

837
00:52:47,165 --> 00:52:52,902
- Have a little more. Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

838
00:52:52,904 --> 00:52:55,237
The book shows that...

839
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:58,407
The pursuit of constant
sexual gratification

840
00:52:58,409 --> 00:53:03,779
creates neglect for more important
things like family, career goals...

841
00:53:03,781 --> 00:53:07,516
personal well-being.
Ahem-hem-hem.

842
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:09,318
Do you think you'll
be okay to continue?

843
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:13,856
- I think I'm fine. I'm great.
- Alright.

844
00:53:13,858 --> 00:53:16,659
You know, in reading your book,
I couldn't help wondering

845
00:53:16,661 --> 00:53:19,495
about the basis
of your discovery.

846
00:53:19,497 --> 00:53:23,933
If it started with your journey
to remove sex from your life,

847
00:53:23,935 --> 00:53:26,368
as you're suggesting others do.

848
00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:28,938
Well, the book's not about me.

849
00:53:28,940 --> 00:53:31,807
It's about people
who put their lives aside

850
00:53:31,809 --> 00:53:35,644
in pursuit of their next orgasm.

851
00:53:35,646 --> 00:53:38,080
Orgasm. Orgasm!

852
00:53:38,082 --> 00:53:41,517
Ahem.

853
00:53:41,519 --> 00:53:44,920
So your voice cracked
a little bit. Not a big deal.

854
00:53:44,922 --> 00:53:49,091
That's just one of the changes
you're going through right now.

855
00:53:49,093 --> 00:53:54,029
It's only natural to feel
self-conscious or insecure

856
00:53:54,031 --> 00:53:58,801
about your voice or skin or...

857
00:53:58,803 --> 00:54:01,937
- genitals.
- I know what puberty is.

858
00:54:01,939 --> 00:54:04,406
Okay.
Let's watch the tone, huh?

859
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:07,610
No, no, it's okay.
You can act out, baby.

860
00:54:07,612 --> 00:54:11,747
I'm not a baby.
I'm a full-grown man!

861
00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:14,583
Yes, of course,
you recently are.

862
00:54:14,585 --> 00:54:16,752
We're just trying
to relate here.

863
00:54:16,754 --> 00:54:19,521
You're trying to relate to me?
Really? Thank you for that.

864
00:54:19,523 --> 00:54:21,991
How could you possibly
relate to me?!

865
00:54:21,993 --> 00:54:23,826
Hey, don't talk
to your mother like that.

866
00:54:23,828 --> 00:54:27,429
You don't get it!
You'll never get it!

867
00:54:27,431 --> 00:54:29,820
You're like from another
planet or something!

868
00:54:29,845 --> 00:54:32,025
I hate you! I wish I
was never even born!

869
00:54:34,571 --> 00:54:38,007
I've been waiting 15 years
for him to do that.

870
00:54:59,297 --> 00:55:01,030
Uh...

871
00:55:06,036 --> 00:55:07,603
Hey, Michelle!

872
00:55:07,605 --> 00:55:10,439
<i>Pete, hey.
Did I catch you at a bad time?</i>

873
00:55:10,441 --> 00:55:12,941
No, no, not at all.
It's a great time.

874
00:55:12,943 --> 00:55:15,444
<i>- Oh, gosh, what a day we had.</i>
- We?

875
00:55:15,446 --> 00:55:17,446
<i>Well, there's only
seven of us left.</i>

876
00:55:17,448 --> 00:55:20,115
<i>And this competition
is... fierce.</i>

877
00:55:20,117 --> 00:55:23,719
Oh, you made it to the finals. Wow,
congratulations, that's awesome.

878
00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:26,822
<i>Bobby's inside cooking us
a little late-night snack,</i>

879
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:30,326
<i>and so I thought I would
come out and see how you are.</i>

880
00:55:30,328 --> 00:55:32,061
So it's you and the sexy chef.

881
00:55:32,063 --> 00:55:35,030
<i>Are you okay?
You sound a little... odd.</i>

882
00:55:35,032 --> 00:55:38,400
No, I'm fine, I'm great.
I... love the update.

883
00:55:38,402 --> 00:55:40,936
<i>- -Alright, guys,
dinner's up.</i>

884
00:55:40,938 --> 00:55:44,106
<i>That's the dinner bell. I gotta go, but
I'll try you back if you want me to.</i>

885
00:55:44,108 --> 00:55:46,909
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Try me later, that's fine.

886
00:55:46,911 --> 00:55:48,877
Actually, don't try me later.
Enjoy the wine.

887
00:55:48,879 --> 00:55:54,083
- Enjoy his dick. Boner appetite.
<i>- What?</i>

888
00:55:54,085 --> 00:55:57,586
- Obsessed with that thing much?
- Yeah, I am. It's a new app.

889
00:55:57,588 --> 00:56:00,222
A whole new world.
This one...

890
00:56:00,224 --> 00:56:02,324
Look, it's couples
seeking a third party.

891
00:56:02,326 --> 00:56:03,892
So that'd be me.
Like a threesome?

892
00:56:03,894 --> 00:56:06,395
Okay. Cool. Just concerned
with their well-being, are you?

893
00:56:06,397 --> 00:56:08,297
No, I just wanna
have a threesome.

894
00:56:08,299 --> 00:56:10,532
I need you to babysit
on the 22nd.

895
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:12,067
What about your neighbor?

896
00:56:12,069 --> 00:56:13,736
What about the one
that's so nice,

897
00:56:13,738 --> 00:56:15,704
the bubbly "I love her so much"?

898
00:56:15,706 --> 00:56:17,873
She drank all our whiskey,
filled the bottles with ice tea.

899
00:56:17,875 --> 00:56:20,509
- What about Luke? -Why are
all these couples so oblong?

900
00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:22,945
- Duly noted.
- Come on, man.

901
00:56:22,947 --> 00:56:24,947
It's our anniversary.
Crazy sex shit in a hotel room.

902
00:56:24,949 --> 00:56:27,015
I can't do this
around the house.

903
00:56:27,017 --> 00:56:29,218
The kids are gonna smell it.
When we're done with that room,

904
00:56:29,220 --> 00:56:32,921
they're gonna have to light some Sage
and use it to set the room on fire.

905
00:56:32,923 --> 00:56:35,090
Okay, I'll babysit!
I don't wanna know.

906
00:56:35,092 --> 00:56:38,494
Great. Fix the resolution.

907
00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:39,628
- Oh.
- See? Normal.

908
00:56:39,630 --> 00:56:41,730
- Like me.
- Yeah!

909
00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:46,802
Hey, if you ladies are ready,
you wanna up the fucking ante?

910
00:56:46,804 --> 00:56:48,904
- Yeah.
- Double it?

911
00:56:48,906 --> 00:56:53,008
If y'all wanna give us 400
instead of two, we'll let ya.

912
00:56:53,010 --> 00:56:55,043
We don't wanna give you 400
instead of two.

913
00:56:55,045 --> 00:56:57,146
- But that's what it would be.
- Yeah, but just...

914
00:56:57,148 --> 00:57:00,949
- No, but we're gonna win.
- We know math.

915
00:57:00,951 --> 00:57:04,319
Oh, really? Okay.
Yeah, that's funny, isn't it?

916
00:57:04,321 --> 00:57:06,989
Let's fucking do it! You wanna
fucking play that game?!

917
00:57:06,991 --> 00:57:09,057
Let's go, man! I'm so down!

918
00:57:38,522 --> 00:57:40,155
I'll let you try
that one again, son.

919
00:57:40,157 --> 00:57:43,892
Come on, go for it.
You gotta get it. Oh, oh, oh!

920
00:57:43,894 --> 00:57:47,029
- Oh!

921
00:57:47,031 --> 00:57:48,831
You don't want it
bad enough, man.

922
00:57:48,833 --> 00:57:50,799
I'll give it back to you.
Try again.

923
00:57:50,801 --> 00:57:52,534
- What's your problem?
- Pass or shoot!

924
00:57:52,536 --> 00:57:54,136
Or maybe you wanna hit
my fucking nuts again.

925
00:57:54,138 --> 00:57:56,238
That was
a completely legal play...

926
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:58,240
- Shut the fuck up and shoot.
- I'm sorry,

927
00:57:58,242 --> 00:58:00,442
- what the hell are you doing?
- He's playing like a man!

928
00:58:00,444 --> 00:58:02,878
- Fine, then let's play, then.
- Yeah, but is he okay?

929
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,113
I will skin your fucking
face off and wear it as a hat.

930
00:58:05,115 --> 00:58:08,183
- Take a shot. Let's play.
- That's a little aggressive.

931
00:58:08,185 --> 00:58:11,520
Let's chill out a little bit, buddy.
Take a couple of deep breaths.

932
00:58:11,522 --> 00:58:13,288
The big guy's
about to kill himself.

933
00:58:13,290 --> 00:58:15,290
- I'm not gonna kill myself.
- I'm sorry, is he juicing?

934
00:58:15,292 --> 00:58:17,493
- It's fine.
- Fuck this. I gotta go to work.

935
00:58:17,495 --> 00:58:20,596
- Yeah, that's cool.
- Applebee's, I'll see you?

936
00:58:20,598 --> 00:58:22,130
- See you, buddy.
- Have fun. Have a real...

937
00:58:22,132 --> 00:58:24,099
- Alright. Bye, guys.
- That's a victory for us.

938
00:58:24,101 --> 00:58:28,971
Why are you jacking them off
into your own mouth?

939
00:58:28,973 --> 00:58:31,240
- Oh, hey, man.
- What's up?

940
00:58:31,242 --> 00:58:36,211
Oh, god! Dude, you smell
like an ass taco. Jesus.

941
00:58:36,213 --> 00:58:38,046
Try the arctic force.

942
00:58:38,048 --> 00:58:41,617
It's mint. It's nice.
I'll try it.

943
00:58:41,619 --> 00:58:46,488
- How's Becky doing? -Officially with
Brendan, but she keeps texting me,

944
00:58:46,490 --> 00:58:48,790
so I don't know, you know?

945
00:58:48,792 --> 00:58:50,392
I wanna jump in front
of a bus, basically.

946
00:58:50,394 --> 00:58:55,531
I'm sorry, dude.
Girls, you know? They just...

947
00:58:55,533 --> 00:58:59,635
You try to be the nice guy, then
all these things get in the way,

948
00:58:59,637 --> 00:59:03,672
like hormones and testosterone,
mood swings...

949
00:59:03,674 --> 00:59:05,307
- Boners.
- Boners, yeah.

950
00:59:05,309 --> 00:59:07,843
I got one in class
right before the bell rang.

951
00:59:07,845 --> 00:59:09,578
I had to stick it
in my waistband.

952
00:59:09,580 --> 00:59:11,547
- Sweet move.
- The tip poked out,

953
00:59:11,549 --> 00:59:13,982
- and everyone saw.
- Oh, that's harsh.

954
00:59:13,984 --> 00:59:16,184
I just acted confident,
like I did it on purpose,

955
00:59:16,186 --> 00:59:19,254
and everyone started applauding,
which was unexpected.

956
00:59:19,256 --> 00:59:23,992
The rogue boner.
He's a heartless bastard.

957
00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:31,033
I wish I hated Becky Addams. I
wanna ask her to the spring fling,

958
00:59:31,035 --> 00:59:35,237
but I don't know how to exactly,
without sounding like an ass.

959
00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:37,839
School dances are designed
to make 10 popular people

960
00:59:37,841 --> 00:59:39,608
feel really good
about themselves and happy,

961
00:59:39,610 --> 00:59:41,376
and the rest
are scarred for life.

962
00:59:41,378 --> 00:59:43,245
Everybody's got
their Becky Addams. Trust me.

963
00:59:43,247 --> 00:59:44,880
Is yours Michelle?

964
00:59:44,882 --> 00:59:47,716
No, mine's not Michelle!

965
00:59:47,718 --> 00:59:49,284
I am gonna ask her out
whenever she gets back.

966
00:59:49,286 --> 00:59:51,587
That is, if Bobby
hasn't filleted her vagina

967
00:59:51,589 --> 00:59:53,889
and put it on a fucking plate.
It's not funny, man.

968
00:59:53,891 --> 00:59:55,991
I have these possessive urges,
I can't control them.

969
00:59:55,993 --> 00:59:58,226
They're not based
in any form of logic,

970
00:59:58,228 --> 00:59:59,761
and it's confusing
the shit outta me!

971
00:59:59,763 --> 01:00:01,597
Why does it have to suck
so much?

972
01:00:01,599 --> 01:00:03,999
- Like an anvil on your chest.
- You can't sleep, can't eat.

973
01:00:04,001 --> 01:00:05,867
The more uptight you get,
the more pimples you get

974
01:00:05,869 --> 01:00:07,936
on your head and back
and all this shit.

975
01:00:07,938 --> 01:00:09,705
You're like the
only adult who gets it.

976
01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:13,075
I don't know how you don't
know what to do with women.

977
01:00:13,077 --> 01:00:15,143
- I haven't dated much.
- Dude, why not?

978
01:00:15,145 --> 01:00:16,712
You have money,
an apartment, a car.

979
01:00:16,714 --> 01:00:18,246
If I was you, I'd be killing it.

980
01:00:18,248 --> 01:00:20,349
Everyone your age
has already been laid a ton,

981
01:00:20,351 --> 01:00:22,117
so Michelle's probably already
been with tons of dudes.

982
01:00:22,119 --> 01:00:24,252
No, she hasn't.
She's been with Charlie and...

983
01:00:24,254 --> 01:00:27,155
I'll count. I guesstimate
she popped in high school.

984
01:00:27,157 --> 01:00:29,758
That's one, maybe two or
three boyfriends in college.

985
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:31,360
That's four.
A few drunken one-nighters.

986
01:00:31,362 --> 01:00:33,128
She's classy,
let's just say two.

987
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:35,530
So that's six.
But then there's post-college,

988
01:00:35,532 --> 01:00:40,268
and that's when a girl's gotta find her
way, right? So... it's 10 minimum.

989
01:00:40,270 --> 01:00:43,405
- Ten?
- Plus Charlie, so that's 11.

990
01:00:43,407 --> 01:00:45,774
Every girl Michelle's age
knows their way around a dick,

991
01:00:45,776 --> 01:00:50,245
so my advice is to get into some
serious R&D before she comes back.

992
01:00:50,247 --> 01:00:55,250
Show her you know what to do
with the puss.

993
01:00:55,252 --> 01:00:58,687
Yeah. Yeah.

994
01:01:26,383 --> 01:01:28,350
- Oh, shit.
- Ow!

995
01:01:28,352 --> 01:01:29,918
- Oh.
- Ow! Ow!

996
01:01:29,920 --> 01:01:32,521
- My... my watch is...
- Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

997
01:01:44,601 --> 01:01:48,403
- No, no! Wrong hole.
- Oh, sorry.

998
01:02:10,694 --> 01:02:12,761
And so you keep having sex...

999
01:02:12,763 --> 01:02:15,731
Over and over and over
and over again,

1000
01:02:15,733 --> 01:02:17,899
because you're scared
if you say no,

1001
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:20,502
you might not experience enough.

1002
01:02:20,504 --> 01:02:22,471
So size, shape,

1003
01:02:22,473 --> 01:02:24,406
nationality, religion,
it doesn't matter.

1004
01:02:24,408 --> 01:02:26,842
You just bang anybody
who's willing.

1005
01:02:26,844 --> 01:02:30,812
But then your balls
start to itch...

1006
01:02:30,814 --> 01:02:33,782
and you're not sure
if you caught something

1007
01:02:33,784 --> 01:02:38,854
or if it's your psychosomatic
paranoia kicking in again.

1008
01:02:38,856 --> 01:02:40,789
You understand me so well.

1009
01:02:40,791 --> 01:02:46,294
I don't have balls or anything,
but the rest of it is dead-on.

1010
01:02:46,296 --> 01:02:49,231
Mm, yeah, that's interesting.

1011
01:02:50,900 --> 01:02:53,935
She's still out of town. I don't
know when she'll be back.

1012
01:02:53,937 --> 01:02:56,638
- Oh, yeah? You talk to her?
- Yep.

1013
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,940
- She say anything about me?
- I stay out of her business.

1014
01:02:58,942 --> 01:03:03,211
Oh, come on, Phil.
I know you guys are besties.

1015
01:03:03,213 --> 01:03:07,048
I messed up. I haven't been...
Putting her first.

1016
01:03:07,050 --> 01:03:09,851
But I miss her, I really do.

1017
01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:12,254
I mean, you know
how great she is, right?

1018
01:03:12,256 --> 01:03:16,458
I just... I just
wanna make things right.

1019
01:03:16,460 --> 01:03:18,827
Hey, if you see her,
will you just let her know

1020
01:03:18,829 --> 01:03:20,762
that I stopped by
and I dropped off these flowers?

1021
01:03:20,764 --> 01:03:23,965
- Yeah, I'll do that for you.
- I appreciate that.

1022
01:03:23,967 --> 01:03:26,568
- No worries.
- Alright.

1023
01:03:26,570 --> 01:03:28,537
Pete!

1024
01:03:28,539 --> 01:03:33,742
I just remembered your name
is Pete. I'm such an ass.

1025
01:03:33,744 --> 01:03:38,046
No, you're not, man.

1026
01:03:38,048 --> 01:03:43,218
- Just not right for her.
- Sorry, what was that?

1027
01:03:43,220 --> 01:03:45,587
I said, "just not
the right key in the door."

1028
01:03:45,589 --> 01:03:47,856
Yeah.

1029
01:04:10,546 --> 01:04:13,548
- Hey. Did you give me flowers?
- Hey.

1030
01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:18,954
I just saw them, but you
didn't sign the card, silly.

1031
01:04:18,956 --> 01:04:20,922
Welcome home.

1032
01:04:20,924 --> 01:04:23,225
Thanks. You wanna come over?

1033
01:04:23,227 --> 01:04:28,897
- I can put them in some water.
- Yeah.

1034
01:04:28,899 --> 01:04:31,066
There's something
different about you.

1035
01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:33,468
I don't know,
maybe it's your hair,

1036
01:04:33,470 --> 01:04:35,370
it's longer or something,
I don't know.

1037
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:38,740
But you look good.
It's good to see you.

1038
01:04:38,742 --> 01:04:43,778
It's good to see you, too.
You look good, too.

1039
01:04:43,780 --> 01:04:45,413
Thanks.

1040
01:04:45,415 --> 01:04:49,184
I wanted to ask you something.

1041
01:04:49,186 --> 01:04:50,218
Uh...

1042
01:04:50,220 --> 01:04:55,957
- Yes?
- Maybe...

1043
01:04:55,959 --> 01:04:58,860
you wanted to tell me
about Santa Barbara,

1044
01:04:58,862 --> 01:05:04,666
and maybe you wanted to tell me
about Santa Barbara over dinner?

1045
01:05:04,668 --> 01:05:08,503
Dinner?
Yeah, I could do that.

1046
01:05:08,505 --> 01:05:10,438
Give me an hour and I'll
tell you more about it.

1047
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:13,408
- So I'll see you in an hour.
- Yeah.

1048
01:05:13,410 --> 01:05:17,112
Cool. Alright.

1049
01:05:24,721 --> 01:05:28,256
Oh, my god...

1050
01:05:28,258 --> 01:05:30,191
Rich. What's up, man?

1051
01:05:30,193 --> 01:05:33,061
- Where the fuck are you? <i>-You are
not gonna fucking believe it.</i>

1052
01:05:33,063 --> 01:05:34,729
Guess who has a date
with Michelle.

1053
01:05:34,731 --> 01:05:37,365
No! You're babysitting for me,
remember?

1054
01:05:37,367 --> 01:05:41,369
- Anniversary? Weird hotel sex?
- Oh, shit, dude!

1055
01:05:41,371 --> 01:05:43,605
The 22nd.
I fucking forgot, man!

1056
01:05:43,607 --> 01:05:46,074
You need to be on your way
right now.

1057
01:05:46,076 --> 01:05:47,509
<i>Well, I can't do that, rich.</i>

1058
01:05:47,511 --> 01:05:49,544
Michelle asked me to dinner.
Sorry, man.

1059
01:05:49,546 --> 01:05:51,346
Do it another night, okay?
I've had reservations

1060
01:05:51,348 --> 01:05:53,281
at Monte Grappa
and a suite for a month.

1061
01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:55,183
And the things we're gonna do
in that suite,

1062
01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:57,452
<i>we're gonna fucking
wreck furniture,</i>

1063
01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:59,888
we're gonna lose
our security deposit for sure.

1064
01:05:59,890 --> 01:06:02,490
- What the hell! Is he close?
- Yeah.

1065
01:06:02,492 --> 01:06:05,560
Well, he better be,
because I am done being mommy!

1066
01:06:05,562 --> 01:06:07,495
I should be choking on a bar
of hotel soap right now.

1067
01:06:07,497 --> 01:06:09,464
Because I've been a bad girl,
haven't I?

1068
01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:11,666
You gotta discipline me,
don't you, okay?

1069
01:06:11,668 --> 01:06:14,703
You discipline me, not them,
those fucking monsters!

1070
01:06:14,705 --> 01:06:17,005
Get the Vaseline and the
cotton balls and the zip ties.

1071
01:06:17,007 --> 01:06:20,675
Oh, and you better have changed the
fucking light bulb in the closet.

1072
01:06:20,677 --> 01:06:23,979
I swear on my children's lives
if you're not here,

1073
01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:25,880
I'm gonna rip out
your brand-new Adam's apple

1074
01:06:25,882 --> 01:06:28,550
<i>and I'm gonna use it
as a fucking sex toy!</i>

1075
01:06:28,552 --> 01:06:31,419
You know what we're gonna do
in that hotel room? Butt stuff.

1076
01:06:31,421 --> 01:06:34,255
I didn't wanna tell you,
but you have forced my hand.

1077
01:06:34,257 --> 01:06:36,057
Are you kidding me, rich?
Really?

1078
01:06:36,059 --> 01:06:38,460
I've been waiting my whole
fucking life for this moment!

1079
01:06:38,462 --> 01:06:40,895
Things change
when you have children, okay?

1080
01:06:40,897 --> 01:06:42,597
You're the one who chose
to have kids.

1081
01:06:42,599 --> 01:06:44,766
<i>- Right?</i>
- Yes, and I love them.

1082
01:06:44,768 --> 01:06:46,568
But right now, I'm not a father,

1083
01:06:46,570 --> 01:06:49,170
I'm just a guy who wants
to violate their mother.

1084
01:06:49,172 --> 01:06:53,274
You know what, rich? I wanna do
something for myself for once!

1085
01:06:53,276 --> 01:06:55,176
Okay, great.
Good for you, buddy.

1086
01:06:55,178 --> 01:06:56,878
Do it another night.
Tonight's my anniversary.

1087
01:06:56,880 --> 01:06:58,980
Well, you can move
your anniversary, alright?!

1088
01:06:58,982 --> 01:07:00,348
Anniversaries are moveable.

1089
01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:02,150
This is my one fucking
shot at Michelle!

1090
01:07:02,152 --> 01:07:05,086
You do not understand
how anniversaries work.

1091
01:07:05,088 --> 01:07:08,390
It's a specific date.
That's why I fucking asked you.

1092
01:07:08,392 --> 01:07:11,893
- You're a prick, rich.
- You're an asshole.

1093
01:07:11,895 --> 01:07:14,329
You're a prick!

1094
01:07:14,331 --> 01:07:17,065
- Shithead!
- What's a shiphead?

1095
01:07:17,067 --> 01:07:21,236
Your uncle Pete.

1096
01:07:21,238 --> 01:07:24,172
And it's "shithead."

1097
01:07:24,174 --> 01:07:28,576
Josh, tell me, am I crazy?
How was I being selfish?

1098
01:07:28,578 --> 01:07:30,578
You weren't. Hos before bros.

1099
01:07:30,580 --> 01:07:33,815
You're exactly right.
Hos before bros.

1100
01:07:33,817 --> 01:07:37,018
There we go. How do I look?

1101
01:07:37,020 --> 01:07:38,720
Outfit's fleek, shoes are weak.

1102
01:07:38,722 --> 01:07:40,422
More importantly,

1103
01:07:40,424 --> 01:07:43,324
girls like some edge,
so do not be a nice guy.

1104
01:07:43,326 --> 01:07:45,393
Well, nice is
the only tune I know.

1105
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:48,329
You cannot be nice, okay?

1106
01:07:48,331 --> 01:07:52,467
Be a dick.
Be a dick. Gotcha.

1107
01:07:54,737 --> 01:07:56,604
Be a dick.

1108
01:08:15,991 --> 01:08:17,459
How did you get us a table here?

1109
01:08:17,461 --> 01:08:20,128
Chill, sexy on the half shell,
I got this.

1110
01:08:20,130 --> 01:08:24,566
Well, it's great. And I hear the food
here is amazing, and I am hungry.

1111
01:08:24,568 --> 01:08:27,435
That's good news for me,
because I like a girl

1112
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:31,072
with a little meat on her bones,
if you know what I mean.

1113
01:08:31,074 --> 01:08:33,308
- Yeah.
- No, no, whoa, Bromo, whoa.

1114
01:08:33,310 --> 01:08:35,443
What are you doing?
We did not order this.

1115
01:08:35,445 --> 01:08:37,312
It's a welcome
the chef offers everyone.

1116
01:08:37,314 --> 01:08:39,314
It's lovely.
Thank you very much.

1117
01:08:39,316 --> 01:08:42,750
- You want this? It can stay.
- Yeah.

1118
01:08:42,752 --> 01:08:45,186
Have some.

1119
01:08:53,496 --> 01:08:54,796
Thank you.

1120
01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:59,067
It was just really great
to get away and clear my head.

1121
01:08:59,069 --> 01:09:02,837
You know, you ever have those
moments when you open your eyes

1122
01:09:02,839 --> 01:09:05,473
and you just realize
your whole world has changed?

1123
01:09:05,475 --> 01:09:08,309
- You have no idea.
- Like, last night,

1124
01:09:08,311 --> 01:09:10,478
I was up late
drinking with Bobby.

1125
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:13,648
You would love it.
He has this old villa from 1908

1126
01:09:13,650 --> 01:09:16,317
and this amazing cellar
with these wines...

1127
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:17,619
Alcoholic much?

1128
01:09:17,621 --> 01:09:20,788
And we were out on this veranda,

1129
01:09:20,790 --> 01:09:22,457
and we were looking up
at a million stars...

1130
01:09:22,459 --> 01:09:25,593
Okay, we get it.
You had a good time with Bobby.

1131
01:09:25,595 --> 01:09:27,262
Are you jealous?

1132
01:09:27,264 --> 01:09:29,898
No, I'm not jealous. How could I be?
I'm just concerned.

1133
01:09:29,900 --> 01:09:33,902
If I slept with him, do you think I
would be telling you this story?

1134
01:09:33,904 --> 01:09:36,871
Hey, you're single.
Say you didn't sleep with him,

1135
01:09:36,873 --> 01:09:39,207
you didn't sleep with him.
Or...?

1136
01:09:39,209 --> 01:09:42,710
Why are you being
such an asshole?

1137
01:09:47,283 --> 01:09:48,950
You're right. I'm sorry.

1138
01:09:48,952 --> 01:09:51,219
I...

1139
01:09:51,221 --> 01:09:55,089
Am just really,
really nervous, actually.

1140
01:09:55,091 --> 01:10:00,228
Because I've been wanting to go on this
date with you longer than I even knew.

1141
01:10:01,530 --> 01:10:05,233
You don't have to be nervous.
You're Pete.

1142
01:10:05,235 --> 01:10:06,634
You're my Pete.

1143
01:10:06,636 --> 01:10:11,239
And I don't want you
to be anything else.

1144
01:10:11,241 --> 01:10:14,142
That's such good news.

1145
01:10:14,144 --> 01:10:15,543
Can I start over?

1146
01:10:15,545 --> 01:10:18,379
- Please.
- I have so much to tell you.

1147
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:20,248
I've had an interesting ride.

1148
01:10:20,250 --> 01:10:24,219
I'm... I'm still the
same person that you knew.

1149
01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:29,724
I'm still... Kinda silly, a goof.
I still love your food.

1150
01:10:29,726 --> 01:10:32,994
I'm still genuine,
kinda weird, truthful,

1151
01:10:32,996 --> 01:10:37,198
- honest...
- Un-fucking-believable!

1152
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:38,733
You stole our table.

1153
01:10:38,735 --> 01:10:41,936
I don't know what
you're talking about.

1154
01:10:41,938 --> 01:10:45,106
- Wait, Pete. What?
- I can explain what happened.

1155
01:10:45,108 --> 01:10:48,610
What happened is, he broke a
promise to his best friend,

1156
01:10:48,612 --> 01:10:49,944
and then stole our reservation.

1157
01:10:49,946 --> 01:10:52,347
I can't believe
you stole our table.

1158
01:10:52,349 --> 01:10:54,649
You didn't have a babysitter!

1159
01:10:54,651 --> 01:11:00,421
Luke canceled a three-way!

1160
01:11:00,423 --> 01:11:02,457
Like a real friend would.

1161
01:11:02,459 --> 01:11:05,793
- This is my soup.
- Don't you touch my soup!

1162
01:11:05,795 --> 01:11:08,429
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, there's wine for me.

1163
01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:11,332
Mm. So good, honey.
You gotta try this.

1164
01:11:11,334 --> 01:11:13,134
Alright, let's do it!

1165
01:11:13,136 --> 01:11:16,504
I'm gonna beat your ass, man!
Put 'em up! Let's go!

1166
01:11:16,506 --> 01:11:18,673
I have a boner,
I can use it to fuck or fight.

1167
01:11:18,675 --> 01:11:21,943
- Punch him with your keys!
- Yeah, you better go.

1168
01:11:21,945 --> 01:11:25,213
I'm gonna use my boner
to fuck you!

1169
01:11:25,215 --> 01:11:29,651
Ooh. Oh.

1170
01:11:29,653 --> 01:11:32,754
Michelle!
Let me give you a ride home.

1171
01:11:32,756 --> 01:11:34,722
- We're going to the same place.
- I already called a cab.

1172
01:11:34,724 --> 01:11:37,725
- It's on its way.
- Can you cancel it?

1173
01:11:37,727 --> 01:11:39,994
That went completely opposite of
what I planned for this evening.

1174
01:11:39,996 --> 01:11:44,332
- As did you. -You don't know what
I've been going through lately.

1175
01:11:44,334 --> 01:11:45,900
Explain it to me, then.
Explain, please,

1176
01:11:45,902 --> 01:11:48,436
because I have no idea
who the hell you are right now.

1177
01:11:48,438 --> 01:11:50,338
Some crazy shit
has been happening to me.

1178
01:11:50,340 --> 01:11:52,140
You're just gonna have to give
me another chance to tell you...

1179
01:11:52,142 --> 01:11:55,276
Another chance? Well,
now you just sound like Charlie.

1180
01:11:55,278 --> 01:11:58,813
And, oh, speaking of Charlie,
I got a text message earlier,

1181
01:11:58,815 --> 01:12:03,685
and supposedly he stopped by
and those flowers were from him?

1182
01:12:03,687 --> 01:12:06,688
He did stop by and they
were from him.

1183
01:12:06,690 --> 01:12:08,423
- I didn't think that you...
- You know what?

1184
01:12:08,425 --> 01:12:13,094
Stop. Just please stop.

1185
01:12:13,096 --> 01:12:14,562
You know what? Fuck it.

1186
01:12:14,564 --> 01:12:16,698
You know what?
Go back to Charlie!

1187
01:12:16,700 --> 01:12:20,568
I don't give a shit anymore!

1188
01:12:20,570 --> 01:12:22,136
I'm not gonna apologize

1189
01:12:22,138 --> 01:12:24,605
because I enjoy
having a cock in my mouth.

1190
01:12:24,607 --> 01:12:26,574
My friends
don't seem to like it,

1191
01:12:26,576 --> 01:12:29,243
but I think it feels good
in there.

1192
01:12:29,245 --> 01:12:31,479
Maybe it's
an oral fixation, but...

1193
01:12:31,481 --> 01:12:34,682
I know I love it in my mouth,

1194
01:12:34,684 --> 01:12:36,384
against my face and...

1195
01:12:36,386 --> 01:12:39,287
To have his hard cock
against my lips.

1196
01:12:39,289 --> 01:12:41,489
So stop talking.

1197
01:12:41,491 --> 01:12:44,959
Pardon the interruption,
but do you drive a silver Prius?

1198
01:12:44,961 --> 01:12:47,195
- I'm in session!
- My office, now!

1199
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:51,733
- We have 25 minutes.
- I'm having you towed.

1200
01:12:51,735 --> 01:12:53,601
You are our best and brightest.

1201
01:12:53,603 --> 01:12:55,603
How could you allow
a patient to fellate you?!

1202
01:12:55,605 --> 01:12:57,405
She hadn't yet.

1203
01:12:57,407 --> 01:13:00,141
If news of this gets out, our
clinic could be gone overnight!

1204
01:13:00,143 --> 01:13:04,145
With this Ned talk coming up,
what were you thinking?

1205
01:13:04,147 --> 01:13:07,749
I've been going through a...

1206
01:13:07,751 --> 01:13:10,985
absurd amount
of personal issues.

1207
01:13:10,987 --> 01:13:13,988
That doesn't explain what I saw.
So go home, doctor.

1208
01:13:13,990 --> 01:13:18,159
Can I call you to discuss
the talk, or just to...

1209
01:13:18,161 --> 01:13:20,862
Well, why don't we put
a pin in that,

1210
01:13:20,864 --> 01:13:25,032
until we see if your patient
files a lawsuit, huh?

1211
01:14:07,777 --> 01:14:09,944
Hey.

1212
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:24,158
- You want a beer?
- Yeah.

1213
01:14:34,203 --> 01:14:37,839
Cheers.

1214
01:14:37,841 --> 01:14:40,741
So how's puberty at 30 going?

1215
01:14:40,743 --> 01:14:44,378
Not good.
I don't know what to do with it.

1216
01:14:44,380 --> 01:14:46,647
I can't control it.

1217
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:50,585
I'll let you in
on a little secret.

1218
01:14:50,587 --> 01:14:54,455
Most guys can't.

1219
01:14:54,457 --> 01:14:57,525
Those feelings and urges...

1220
01:14:57,527 --> 01:15:00,561
Start in puberty and...

1221
01:15:00,563 --> 01:15:04,866
Never really goes away.
It's in our DNA.

1222
01:15:04,868 --> 01:15:07,935
That's why we screw up so much.

1223
01:15:14,409 --> 01:15:17,578
You remember the spring
when you were in 5th grade,

1224
01:15:17,580 --> 01:15:20,214
I was away in Miami on business
for a month?

1225
01:15:20,216 --> 01:15:25,019
- Yeah. -I was really at a
motel by the Burbank airport,

1226
01:15:25,021 --> 01:15:29,457
'cause your mom kicked me out.

1227
01:15:29,459 --> 01:15:31,459
With good reason.

1228
01:15:31,461 --> 01:15:34,262
Such a clich�, you know?

1229
01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:40,301
Office party,
had a few drinks and, uh...

1230
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:46,007
I... strayed.

1231
01:15:46,009 --> 01:15:48,643
Once.

1232
01:15:48,645 --> 01:15:49,977
But turns out,

1233
01:15:49,979 --> 01:15:54,649
it's how we repair
our mistakes...

1234
01:15:54,651 --> 01:15:58,586
that defines us...
In their eyes.

1235
01:15:58,588 --> 01:16:02,056
I think...

1236
01:16:02,058 --> 01:16:06,928
the biggest change
we go through...

1237
01:16:06,930 --> 01:16:11,499
is discovering the difference
between acting like a man...

1238
01:16:11,501 --> 01:16:13,968
And being a man.

1239
01:16:18,473 --> 01:16:23,210
Do I, uh...

1240
01:16:23,212 --> 01:16:28,149
Do I embarrass you, dad?

1241
01:16:28,151 --> 01:16:33,254
No.

1242
01:16:33,256 --> 01:16:36,824
No, never.

1243
01:16:36,826 --> 01:16:39,827
All those years,
I knew something was off,

1244
01:16:39,829 --> 01:16:41,796
but you're my son...

1245
01:16:41,798 --> 01:16:45,600
And I love you...

1246
01:16:45,602 --> 01:16:50,371
no matter what.

1247
01:16:50,373 --> 01:16:52,273
That's in the DNA, too.

1248
01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:54,408
Yeah.

1249
01:16:59,782 --> 01:17:03,317
What am I gonna do
about this Ned talk tomorrow?

1250
01:17:03,319 --> 01:17:06,587
I guess my advice would be
to just look this Ned fella

1251
01:17:06,589 --> 01:17:09,123
square in the eye
and tell him the truth.

1252
01:17:15,364 --> 01:17:17,565
<i>Sex.</i>

1253
01:17:17,567 --> 01:17:19,233
<i>Everybody's doing it.</i>

1254
01:17:19,235 --> 01:17:21,669
<i>As a people, first we experience</i>

1255
01:17:21,671 --> 01:17:24,538
<i>an attraction,
and then, at some point,</i>

1256
01:17:24,540 --> 01:17:27,875
<i>we need to get busy.</i>

1257
01:17:27,877 --> 01:17:31,646
We average one sexual thought
every seven seconds.

1258
01:17:31,648 --> 01:17:33,748
We've got 365 day a year.

1259
01:17:33,750 --> 01:17:37,218
Well, guess what,
54 of those days are gone

1260
01:17:37,220 --> 01:17:39,654
to nothing else
but thinking about sex.

1261
01:17:39,656 --> 01:17:43,557
Almost two months combined.
Doing absolutely nothing.

1262
01:17:43,559 --> 01:17:48,829
Isn't this amazing? Long time in the
making. It's a big moment for us.

1263
01:17:48,831 --> 01:17:51,265
I just open and close
the curtain.

1264
01:17:51,267 --> 01:17:54,602
What I believe is that
the only way to combat this

1265
01:17:54,604 --> 01:17:59,006
is the rechanneling
of unnecessary sexual energy.

1266
01:17:59,008 --> 01:18:01,809
One of the most important things
to keep in mind

1267
01:18:01,811 --> 01:18:04,745
is that sexual energy can be...

1268
01:18:04,747 --> 01:18:09,383
Altered and diverted.

1269
01:18:09,385 --> 01:18:14,722
Sexual energy can be altered
and diverted.

1270
01:18:23,899 --> 01:18:29,070
I'm sorry.

1271
01:18:29,072 --> 01:18:32,339
I had a great talk
with my dad last night.

1272
01:18:32,341 --> 01:18:34,608
That and, uh...

1273
01:18:34,610 --> 01:18:37,545
Recent events in my life,
which we don't have time for,

1274
01:18:37,547 --> 01:18:42,349
have led me to say...
What I'm about to say to you.

1275
01:18:42,351 --> 01:18:45,619
It seems that...

1276
01:18:45,621 --> 01:18:47,221
there are flaws...

1277
01:18:47,223 --> 01:18:50,558
In the theories
that I've written.

1278
01:18:50,560 --> 01:18:53,527
- What is he doing?
- I understand the murmur.

1279
01:18:53,529 --> 01:18:57,598
I spent the last 15 years
of my life not having sex.

1280
01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:59,100
Avoiding it.

1281
01:18:59,102 --> 01:19:02,403
And I've done a ton of cool shit
in my life.

1282
01:19:02,405 --> 01:19:04,605
But while not having sex,

1283
01:19:04,607 --> 01:19:08,409
I've also missed out on some
cool-ass live shit like sex.

1284
01:19:08,411 --> 01:19:11,812
And I have to say,
I've been, uh...

1285
01:19:11,814 --> 01:19:16,917
- I've been sampling it lately.
- Uh, clinical trials, as we say.

1286
01:19:16,919 --> 01:19:19,487
Why are they laughing?
That's not funny.

1287
01:19:19,489 --> 01:19:22,757
As a doctor, I can tell you
it's fucking ridonculous!

1288
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:27,061
And masturbation? Are you kidding me?!
Actually, you know what? Show of hands.

1289
01:19:27,063 --> 01:19:29,029
Who here polished the dolphin
last night, huh?

1290
01:19:29,031 --> 01:19:31,465
There it goes.
Okay. I know one of you...

1291
01:19:31,467 --> 01:19:35,236
There's not just one of you. There we go!
There's another one!

1292
01:19:35,238 --> 01:19:37,238
That's cool!
Sex is fucking awesome.

1293
01:19:37,240 --> 01:19:39,373
It's nasty, it's disgusting,
it's weird,

1294
01:19:39,375 --> 01:19:41,809
and that's only
if you're doing it right.

1295
01:19:41,811 --> 01:19:43,210
That's what sex is.

1296
01:19:43,212 --> 01:19:46,013
And it's also two people
coming together.

1297
01:19:46,015 --> 01:19:50,651
And it's, uh... terrifying.

1298
01:19:50,653 --> 01:19:52,887
And it's beautiful.

1299
01:19:52,889 --> 01:19:57,124
And I've been missing that.
And I missed that in my book.

1300
01:19:57,126 --> 01:20:00,094
So what am I saying here?

1301
01:20:00,096 --> 01:20:02,830
Well, I know what I'm saying.

1302
01:20:02,832 --> 01:20:04,498
Fuck away.

1303
01:20:04,500 --> 01:20:07,101
Fuck away!

1304
01:20:07,103 --> 01:20:09,103
Fuck away, fuck away, fuck away.

1305
01:20:09,105 --> 01:20:11,906
Fuck to your heart's desire, fuck
until your heart's covered in come,

1306
01:20:11,908 --> 01:20:14,341
I don't give a shit what you do.
Lick some ass, suck some dicks,

1307
01:20:14,343 --> 01:20:16,177
squeeze some titties,
pinch some nipples.

1308
01:20:16,179 --> 01:20:18,445
As long as it's mutually
beneficial to the other person

1309
01:20:18,447 --> 01:20:20,714
you're doing it with,
you got my vote.

1310
01:20:20,716 --> 01:20:24,718
We got one shot at this,
one shot.

1311
01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:26,153
And there's absolutely no way

1312
01:20:26,155 --> 01:20:29,089
to do that one shot right
without sex.

1313
01:20:29,091 --> 01:20:33,928
- That's all I got to say.

1314
01:20:38,267 --> 01:20:39,900
That was for effect, right?

1315
01:20:39,902 --> 01:20:42,403
I mean,
you're going back out there...

1316
01:20:42,405 --> 01:20:44,238
Have sex, Caroline.

1317
01:20:44,240 --> 01:20:45,506
And repeat.

1318
01:20:45,508 --> 01:20:49,944
After sex, I'd rinse
first and then repeat.

1319
01:21:08,064 --> 01:21:13,367
- Oh.

1320
01:21:13,369 --> 01:21:15,903
Delaney?

1321
01:21:15,905 --> 01:21:18,372
Uncle shithead!

1322
01:21:18,374 --> 01:21:20,574
Here's your birthday present!

1323
01:21:28,583 --> 01:21:30,150
I was wrong.

1324
01:21:30,152 --> 01:21:33,387
What I did was selfish
and stupid,

1325
01:21:33,389 --> 01:21:39,360
and I'm sorry to both of you.

1326
01:21:39,362 --> 01:21:42,596
It's fine. We know you're
going through some stuff.

1327
01:21:42,598 --> 01:21:45,366
Yeah. But if you ever do
anything like that again,

1328
01:21:45,368 --> 01:21:47,568
I'm gonna cut your dick off,
and shove it up your asshole.

1329
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:52,172
She's not joking. She knows
her way around a dick.

1330
01:21:52,174 --> 01:21:55,142
- And an asshole.
- Yeah.

1331
01:21:55,144 --> 01:21:58,479
- Michelle went back to Charlie?
- Yeah.

1332
01:21:58,481 --> 01:22:02,016
And I don't blame her.
I... I suck.

1333
01:22:02,018 --> 01:22:04,685
That's too bad. You guys seemed
really good for each other.

1334
01:22:04,687 --> 01:22:10,090
- Yeah. -I wish I had that.
I miss being with someone.

1335
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:14,028
- What about your tinder babes?
- That was fun.

1336
01:22:14,030 --> 01:22:16,163
Some people go on there
to have sex.

1337
01:22:16,165 --> 01:22:17,865
You tried to have sex with
72 different women in a row.

1338
01:22:17,867 --> 01:22:21,869
- Oh, my god. -I know, but
I wanna be with someone.

1339
01:22:21,871 --> 01:22:23,804
Like you guys.
Like in a relationship.

1340
01:22:23,806 --> 01:22:25,606
- Yeah. We get it.
- Okay.

1341
01:22:25,608 --> 01:22:27,241
Hey, did you hear the news?

1342
01:22:27,243 --> 01:22:29,443
Michelle won that sous-chef spot
for that Bobby flay thing.

1343
01:22:29,445 --> 01:22:34,148
- Really? -And the restaurant
opens this weekend.

1344
01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:38,819
- Good for her.
- Okay, so...?

1345
01:22:38,821 --> 01:22:41,956
You should go there,
support her.

1346
01:22:41,958 --> 01:22:43,590
Apologize face-to-face,
like a man.

1347
01:22:43,592 --> 01:22:45,592
Do what you gotta do.
You might need to say

1348
01:22:45,594 --> 01:22:48,262
you're sorry all night
in a million different ways.

1349
01:22:48,264 --> 01:22:51,231
I blew it with Michelle.

1350
01:22:51,233 --> 01:22:54,368
I'd love nothing more
than to go over and see her,

1351
01:22:54,370 --> 01:22:59,640
but... I think I...
Know what being a man is now,

1352
01:22:59,642 --> 01:23:04,611
and maybe that's doing what she
wants and not what I want.

1353
01:23:04,613 --> 01:23:09,750
And I think she wants to not see
my face for a really long time.

1354
01:23:09,752 --> 01:23:12,219
- So are you gonna wear a disguise?
- What?

1355
01:23:12,221 --> 01:23:14,989
I have plenty of disguises.
You can come over...

1356
01:23:14,991 --> 01:23:17,224
- Why do you have disguises?
- I dunno.

1357
01:23:17,226 --> 01:23:22,396
How can so much and so little be
happening in that head of yours?

1358
01:23:31,172 --> 01:23:34,241
- Sorry, sorry. No more phone.
- It's okay.

1359
01:23:34,243 --> 01:23:35,976
- Putting it away.
- It's alright.

1360
01:23:35,978 --> 01:23:38,612
I got to sneak out and I had
a lot to do with this soup.

1361
01:23:38,614 --> 01:23:41,648
So I just wanted you to try it,
see what you think.

1362
01:23:41,650 --> 01:23:45,419
Alright. Alright. Mm.

1363
01:23:48,056 --> 01:23:52,559
- It's cold.
- It's supposed to be.

1364
01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:57,197
- Then it's perfect.
- Thank you.

1365
01:23:57,199 --> 01:23:59,900
Welcome.
What's the name, please?

1366
01:23:59,902 --> 01:24:01,935
Sir? Sir?!

1367
01:24:11,379 --> 01:24:13,480
- It's the mix I made you.
- Yeah, yeah.

1368
01:24:13,482 --> 01:24:15,816
You really have a thing about
making scenes in restaurants.

1369
01:24:15,818 --> 01:24:18,819
- Just hear me out.
- No! No! I'm busy!

1370
01:24:18,821 --> 01:24:22,956
Are you too selfish to realize that this
is a very, very important night for me

1371
01:24:22,958 --> 01:24:27,027
and that whatever you're doing, whatever
this is, this is obviously about you?

1372
01:24:27,029 --> 01:24:29,630
No, I came here to apologize.

1373
01:24:29,632 --> 01:24:33,600
Don't. Okay?
I've moved on.

1374
01:24:33,602 --> 01:24:36,470
With Charlie?
That's moving backwards!

1375
01:24:36,472 --> 01:24:40,140
- At least I know who he is.
- Hey, is there a problem here?

1376
01:24:40,142 --> 01:24:44,611
Pete, please, just leave.

1377
01:24:46,815 --> 01:24:50,751
Yeah. Alright.

1378
01:24:50,753 --> 01:24:53,454
You are not leaving
until you tell her everything.

1379
01:24:53,456 --> 01:24:55,022
<i>Carpe Diem,</i> Dr. Newmans.

1380
01:24:55,024 --> 01:24:59,126
Get the fuck... back in there.

1381
01:24:59,128 --> 01:25:02,096
Right now.

1382
01:25:06,134 --> 01:25:09,870
I never went through puberty!

1383
01:25:09,872 --> 01:25:12,873
- I thought it would be more of a
private moment. -This is good.

1384
01:25:12,875 --> 01:25:17,311
I'm 30 years old, never went
through puberty. I had a...

1385
01:25:17,313 --> 01:25:20,314
A tumor in my pituitary gland

1386
01:25:20,316 --> 01:25:22,983
and it stunted everything.

1387
01:25:22,985 --> 01:25:24,685
So when they took it out,

1388
01:25:24,687 --> 01:25:27,721
I had a lifetime of testosterone
that hit me all at once.

1389
01:25:27,723 --> 01:25:31,892
So jerkin' it, mood swings,
acne, it just fucking hit me.

1390
01:25:31,894 --> 01:25:34,661
Our date... our date... that...

1391
01:25:34,663 --> 01:25:39,600
That was me learning that I had
no idea how to be a man.

1392
01:25:39,602 --> 01:25:42,336
I've always known
what you're capable of.

1393
01:25:42,338 --> 01:25:44,571
Now that I know
what kind of man I wanna be,

1394
01:25:44,573 --> 01:25:46,707
I'd really like it
if you'd be around

1395
01:25:46,709 --> 01:25:49,476
when I figure out
what I'm capable of.

1396
01:25:49,478 --> 01:25:51,912
What the fuck is going on here?!

1397
01:25:51,914 --> 01:25:53,447
- Okay, um...
- No, no, no!

1398
01:25:53,449 --> 01:25:55,315
Who does he think he is?
He's causing a scene.

1399
01:25:55,317 --> 01:25:57,284
This is embarrassing.
Let me get him outta here.

1400
01:25:57,286 --> 01:25:59,052
I'm very confused right now,

1401
01:25:59,054 --> 01:26:01,421
but this is bringing up
a bigger issue,

1402
01:26:01,423 --> 01:26:04,391
and I think the issue is...

1403
01:26:04,393 --> 01:26:08,395
We're not supposed
to be together.

1404
01:26:08,397 --> 01:26:12,533
You gotta know that... right?

1405
01:26:12,535 --> 01:26:15,068
And I am starting
this whole new career

1406
01:26:15,070 --> 01:26:18,438
and this whole new life
and I just...

1407
01:26:18,440 --> 01:26:21,141
I just don't see you...

1408
01:26:21,143 --> 01:26:22,876
In that life.

1409
01:26:22,878 --> 01:26:26,113
Wow.

1410
01:26:26,115 --> 01:26:28,081
I, uh...

1411
01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:31,919
Wasn't expecting this tonight.

1412
01:26:31,921 --> 01:26:35,722
Glad we could do it in public.

1413
01:26:35,724 --> 01:26:39,226
Um... okay.

1414
01:26:39,228 --> 01:26:42,696
If you want me to go,
yeah, I'll go.

1415
01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:46,600
Yeah, I'm gonna get
the fuck outta here.

1416
01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:53,540
Enjoy that cold soup.

1417
01:26:53,542 --> 01:26:55,676
- See ya, Chuck.
- Later, Chazz.

1418
01:26:55,678 --> 01:26:58,912
- Get the fuck out of my...
- Oh! Oh!

1419
01:27:01,816 --> 01:27:04,618
- What the fuck happened there?
- I don't know,

1420
01:27:04,620 --> 01:27:07,187
I kinda just came alive.
Did I scare him?

1421
01:27:07,189 --> 01:27:09,990
- Yeah, I think you scared everybody.
- Fuck, yeah.

1422
01:27:09,992 --> 01:27:12,593
I, um, I-I'm really busy,

1423
01:27:12,595 --> 01:27:16,029
and I have to get back to work,
but I get off at midnight,

1424
01:27:16,031 --> 01:27:20,934
and if you wanna maybe come by and talk me
through what has been happening with you

1425
01:27:20,936 --> 01:27:25,439
and your whole... life...

1426
01:27:25,441 --> 01:27:29,509
then I would like that.

1427
01:27:29,511 --> 01:27:32,746
That sounds really good.

1428
01:27:32,748 --> 01:27:34,915
In fact, you know what?
Fuck it, I'm starving.

1429
01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:37,251
- You got a table?
- -Not a chance, pal.

1430
01:27:37,253 --> 01:27:39,853
I couldn't get my mother a table
in this place tonight.

1431
01:27:39,855 --> 01:27:42,889
But I'll tell you what. Kiss her
like it's your last chance

1432
01:27:42,891 --> 01:27:44,992
and maybe I'll let you order
something to go.

1433
01:27:53,535 --> 01:27:57,271
- Yes! Whoo!
- There you go.

1434
01:28:08,650 --> 01:28:11,184
And I get so pissed off
at my parents!

1435
01:28:11,186 --> 01:28:15,022
They're on me about everything!
School, sports, girls!

1436
01:28:15,024 --> 01:28:17,357
- They don't get it at all!
- You know what?

1437
01:28:17,359 --> 01:28:20,927
I don't blame you. Parents stink.
They just don't get it.

1438
01:28:20,929 --> 01:28:24,164
Really? Parents have to stink
so you can pander to teenagers?

1439
01:28:24,166 --> 01:28:28,201
No, I didn't get it. All these
years of my study of Kundalini

1440
01:28:28,203 --> 01:28:31,004
and I didn't realize your
sex Chakra, the red Chakra,

1441
01:28:31,006 --> 01:28:32,806
wasn't flowing
since you were a kid.

1442
01:28:32,808 --> 01:28:36,476
- But I'm okay now, mom.
- You're better than okay.

1443
01:28:36,478 --> 01:28:38,845
Now you can have your
own little bundle of joy.

1444
01:28:38,847 --> 01:28:41,214
So apparently
you'll also stink in the future.

1445
01:28:41,216 --> 01:28:43,984
Oh, no, he's gonna stink. I'm gonna
be the best mother in all of history.

1446
01:28:43,986 --> 01:28:47,521
Good to know. Alright, grandma,
let's let the man sign books.

1447
01:28:47,523 --> 01:28:49,222
- Proud of you.
- Thank you.

1448
01:28:49,224 --> 01:28:51,058
- See you, pal.
- Bye.

1449
01:28:51,060 --> 01:28:54,594
And what's your name,
future achiever?

1450
01:29:01,669 --> 01:29:05,839
Well, well, well, I see you have
a copy of Dr. Newmans' new book.

1451
01:29:05,841 --> 01:29:08,575
You gonna to get it signed?
He's right over there, kid.

1452
01:29:08,577 --> 01:29:11,778
I want to, but the line's too long.
I'm not sure my mom will wait.

1453
01:29:11,780 --> 01:29:13,613
Oh, I can get you
through that line.

1454
01:29:13,615 --> 01:29:15,982
I go way back
with that doc over there.

1455
01:29:15,984 --> 01:29:18,085
Yeah, I actually helped
put him on the map.

1456
01:29:18,087 --> 01:29:20,320
In fact, I can probably say
I did put him on the map.

1457
01:29:20,322 --> 01:29:24,057
He started out at my practice, he
was still wet behind the ears.

1458
01:29:24,059 --> 01:29:26,760
- Not much older than you are now.
- Really?

1459
01:29:29,063 --> 01:29:32,265
I knew right away
he was a superstar.

1460
01:29:32,267 --> 01:29:35,702
He had that... "It" quality,

1461
01:29:35,704 --> 01:29:40,040
that undefinable essence
that nobody else saw,

1462
01:29:40,042 --> 01:29:41,508
but I sure as Hyannis port did.

1463
01:29:42,677 --> 01:29:45,412
I mean, look at him over there,
my goodness.

1464
01:29:45,414 --> 01:29:48,281
Lovely wife, baby on the way.

1465
01:29:48,283 --> 01:29:50,417
Big, successful author.

1466
01:29:50,419 --> 01:29:53,153
Well-paid lecturer
on the national circuit.

1467
01:29:53,155 --> 01:29:56,390
He owes me a debt of gratitude
for where he is today.

1468
01:29:56,392 --> 01:29:59,860
Not that I'm asking for thanks,
I'm just stating that as a fact.

1469
01:29:59,862 --> 01:30:03,563
But if I were him,
I would thank me.

1470
01:30:03,565 --> 01:30:07,834
At least in, you know,
the foreword of the book.

1471
01:30:07,836 --> 01:30:10,370
And if I'm being
100% truthful here,

1472
01:30:10,372 --> 01:30:12,806
I learned a lot
of things from him.

1473
01:30:16,911 --> 01:30:19,713
I can't think of any right now.

1474
01:30:19,715 --> 01:30:22,616
No, he doesn't
need my help anymore.

1475
01:30:22,618 --> 01:30:25,986
Nope, he's got it all...
Figured out.

1476
01:30:25,988 --> 01:30:29,790
With a smug smile that says:

1477
01:30:29,792 --> 01:30:33,960
"Yeah, my shit smells
like three-dozen roses."

1478
01:30:35,197 --> 01:30:37,164
I think I'm gonna go get
in line with the others.

1479
01:30:37,166 --> 01:30:39,933
Yeah, me, too.