[man] I'm a child type it's shy,
but only outside my house.
When I am alone in my room, I can feel like myself.
But when I am in my room and in front of others,
I feel like I have to wear it sort of ahead
and act like everyone else.
But I know I don't like others.
There is special excitement in the air for 40,000 fans
who is waiting for Madonna to go onstage.
In fact, at every stop along the 90,000 mile tour,
Madonna has caused a commotion.
[dance music]
[cheering]
I definitely know why we were chosen, why Jose and I were chosen.
Because he definitely wants us to choreograph Vogue videos...
then tour afterwards.
We already have strange things like this.
Our group is well known
in the underground scene in New York City.
[man # 2] Madonna comes to New York to meet us.
He is like, "Hey, what's wrong? I hear a lot about you
and these cool things you do.
I want to see. Will you show me? "
[woman] Very clear.
Jose is very young. He is gifted in various forms of dance. the best.
I think, like he does.
We bring our flamboyant as a warning.
Yes, we have earrings. Yes, we have eyeliner.
But don't mistake this-- [chuckles] for weaknesses.
[Male] I remember seeing that ad.
I have just experienced the worst summer in my life.
I don't have money to eat. I don't have money, like, traveling around.
I experienced a very bad mullet.
I have never seen so many people at an audition. It's madness.
It runs along the block.
[Male] I'm still young and I'm hungry and America is new to me.
I arrived, eh, June & apos; 87.
June 20, & 87;
And then after that three years in New York,
I get a job with Madonna.
It's very wild. I'm panicking now. Belgian stress.
I always want everyone to see me, like, all the time.
Like, dancing, I always want to be the best dancer.
I want to be the best artist. I want to be the best in everything, huh.
And by dancing, I mean, I'm mostly.
[Male] I remember coming home
and I have an message on my answering machine.
No one has an answering machine anymore.
I answer and it's like,
"Um, hi. I tried to reach Carlton. This is Madonna. "
And I'm like, "What is this? He called my house."
And he said that he would be going to a club called Club Louis.
And he invited me to come.
And all the boys there, you know--
Kevin is there. I remember Oliver was there, Jose and Luis.
I think basically the players who ended were there that night.
Oh man. I went home and I said, "Mom, I succeeded."
And I fell to my knees and started crying. And that's it.
[playing music]
[cheering]
Posing.
[Kevin] For this tour, Madonna has seen many great dancers.
So I think once you see it the great dancers,
what stands out next is style and personality.
There is a statement that I always sit on which represents how he handles us,
and that - Give me more than you.
Give me more than you.
Liberal.
Expressive. You know, we are just like what he did then.
Pressing the button and not afraid to say who we are.
♪ Don't go for the second best, baby ♪
♪ Put your love on the test ♪
♪ You know, you know, you have to ♪
[Carlton] The show is about freedom.
Freedom as an artist, freedom as a human.
Freedom in terms of to damn speak the truth.
♪ Express yourself ♪
[Luis] Express yourself, you know, and not be ashamed of that.
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
We have our own items, our own attitude, our own style, we--
We all grew up differently.
Even though the six of them are gay, they are all raised differently.
I mean, we all have stories to tell.
♪ Ah yeah, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ They can say anything I will do anything ♪
♪ There is no lasting pain Yup, you know this ♪
♪ Louder than a lion No need to try ♪
♪ I live where the sky ends, yup ♪
[Salim] Oh my God, we let Oliver sometimes, you know.
We are all classically trained dancers too.
He is the only one who just came of a type like hip-hop background.
We usually call him not like a real dancer, huh.
Before I meet them, if someone is gay,
I might hit it.
[Luis] We saw a leather jacket with many colors on it...
and he has blonde hair.
You know we are very and flamboyant ourselves that, you know,
that's the first thing we noticed.
You know, other flamboyant people.
Come to find out others flamboyant people not even gay.
Of course, everything is color coordinated.
The sad part is I have more clothes than my wife.
The good thing is that my wife is not materialistic.
The ring is simple, our lives--
Yes, life is simple. My life is not.
I... I'm just that person. I am always like that.
But give someone's name--
Name someone, the name of a man who has a pink Adidas suid.
Right.
[Luis] He certainly doesn't look like that a homophobe,
as, I mean, not the way he is dressed.
You know, how can you be homophobic?
I mean...
You are like a parrot.
[Luis] When you are attacked in this situation,
it's almost like a fish aquarium situation.
You know, we are here and then everyone outside.
[cheering]
[Kevin] This is a wave--
That is a physical wave. That is the wind of shouting.
Hurricanes, like screaming sounds and sounds, like, hit you clearly.
It's not like you just heard it in the distance.
It's like hitting you on your face.
That's crazy, you know.
We not only see "We love Madonna" signs out there,
but we see, you know, "We love Kevin," "We love Carlton,"
"We love Luis and Jose," "We like--" You know...
in the audience.
[woman] This is the first of eight best-selling shows
that Madonna will appear in the New York area
for the next two weeks.
And like the others done by Madonna,
This tour is high in shock value.
A spokesman for rock singer Madonna said
Metro Police and criminal lawyer's office
threatens to capture stars last night for obscene and obscene behavior.
[Madonna] I am aware that the Vatican and certain Catholic communities accuse my performance of being sinful and blasphemous.
That they try to keep people from seeing it.
Hi friend. WELCOME.
Welcome home I grew up.
Okay, come in.
This is the room where I stay now. Now it's like a junk room.
-Oh, hi. I'm Jimmy. - This is Jimmy, my boyfriend.
-Hai. - big head.
Good. And come here.
And this-- this is my mother behind there.
Mother [speaks Spanish]
-Hai. - That's my mother. Come on out, please.
-Hai. -And that's the woman, people.
[speaking Spanish]
He said when we were in Europe--
Uh huh. [speaks Spanish]
that he saw it in news--
[speaking Spanish]
that everyone will call him or--
[speaking Spanish]
He--
He said that was a very big problem. That is very controversial, everything.
And they say how are we Hispanic.
And because of that we-- I and Luis come from the Hispanic community--
that is a very big problem.
So they will call him, you know,
and when he will come out shop at the grocery store,
they are like, "Oh, my God. We see your son. Big controversy.
He is almost captured in Europe to be anything or anything. "
[Madonna] When we left Japan,
I find myself growing really attached to the dancers,
and I began to feel like a mother to them.
Gabriel, because you never gave me any attitude,
You get the oldest and most valuable.
Thank you.
Oh, rest calmly. Oh
Love him. [tasting lips]
Love him very much.
These two people took care of me: Kevin and Gabriel.
They really look after me when I'm on tour.
Because they know where I come from.
Everyone knows about me and where I come from,
but they always have my back.
I'm not saying that my other sons and daughters don't have my back,
but I am still a baby.
If I can make it down back through my shoes.
I have a problem that I say.
What do we get here?
Some pictures from the tour.
Um... there is Gabriel.
There is Gabriel.
I was there.
[Kevin] He unofficial beloved child.
There is something about it it's just, um, peaceful.
As usual, like, it's peaceful, presence is bright.
-Oh, this is my Christmas gift. - [man] What is that?
My Christmas gift from Madonna. Years ago.
- [man] What did he say? - "For my dear little Asian beauty.
Kevin, baby, take life with the ball and don't let go. "
I will call them my first family.
You know, besides my-- I, you know, blood relatives,
they must be my first family that I was really bound.
Because it's very formative part of my life.
My mother was a little absent at the time.
So, uh, making Madonna really...
does it kind of fill that space for me, you know,
and I think for him too.
He wants kids and me to sort of-- It's not that I want a mother, but I of course--
I like to have someone it will be kind of--
I know I can rely on it.
[Jose] It feels like the instincts of motherhood he feels.
You know, when you are on that element become a superstar like that,
very difficult to find the truth.
And children can be very honest.
And gay children can be very, very honest and flamboyant.
Here! We are weird! Get used to it!
There are many misconceptions towards the gay community at the time,
and, you know, it's not easy to accept.
It's fun for a little, You know, gay scene,
but then, like, with AIDS coming out and HIV,
everyone is really scared.
I think that is the time where, um...
something new is needed.
Something new and artistic.
Something outside the norm.
That's more than everything in years & 90s.
I think it's time when the world is ready for it.
And that will require someone like Madonna to take that to the forefront.
Well, get ready, America. This is where the Truth or Dare.
This summer's Madonna Blond Ambition _ trip has become a head throughout the world.
The documentary on the tour is steamy
like this exclusive first look.
[man] Truth or Dare shot documentary style.
Some of the more open scenes are those featuring talking pillows
with backup singers and dancers.
There are even scenes with two men kissing.
One of the bigger goals of this film is really to...
again, press the button.
Do we want to be accepted by Hollywood?
No!
Do we care what people think about us?
No!
Our first guest is two men who started craze on fashion.
They are Madonna's main dancers, are also featured in the film Truth or Dare.
These are Luis and Jose! Let's get out!
[clapping]
- [cheering] - [man] All right.
Jose and Luis.
Madonna, like these people have been proven,
get to people in the current order and set a destructive tone.
If you look at our society now, Western American Society,
we really become a nation sexual dysfunction.
Your fans will like this movie. Some people will find the part offensive.
-Well, that's their problem. -You do not care?
No, of course not, because, look, these things are in life.
I only present life to people, you know.
I do not present anything that is possible they are not exposed, you know,
in everyday life, but maybe they don't want to face it.
You know, if you keep putting something on someone's face,
finally, you know, maybe they can handle it.
[Salim] We are really alone. Yes, and we don't care.
We are only ourselves in movies and on tours.
Yes. It helps him, I think, reaches his goal too,
from obstacles he wants to break up at that time.
-Slam, truth or bravery? -And.
Whoo!
French... kiss... Gabriel.
Good!
[woman] She wakes up. He is ready and he is ready.
[all shouting]
Do it! Do it!
They want it.
-Whoo! Hold that head! -Oh, yes! Finish.
Hot kiss. It's like, I'm sorry.
If you see that even as a straight man, I mean,
You want to kiss a man after you see the kiss.
You know, this is a hot kiss.
And I think that has helped in general,
it doesn't-- has helped many men or women
more comfortable about their sexuality.
[no dialog can be heard]
It's hard to hear yourself. Can you hear me out there?
[cheering]
Good. Finally a great audience.
A very special person just entered.
A dancer from Madonna Tour Ambis Ambisi!
[cheering]
It's great that you are here.
Make a noise, Stonewall!
[cheering]
[Kevin] This kind of brave and progressive message in this film
is that you can be gay and human.
Because until now,
being gay is becoming another and being subversive and evil.
And suddenly, there is this big message
you can become gay and be happy and successful
and full of life and being young, you know.
You don't have to hide in the back alley
of some rotten bars somewhere
and hiding and marrying and pretending and--
You can be yourself and happy and-and still be gay.
I remember watching this movie when I, like, in middle school,
and that's the first--
You know, this was before the internet.
I rent it from the video store,
and it's like the first time that I see like... gay people.
Like, real, like, gay people, only talk un-- without censorship,
like, being themselves
and with this, you know, extraordinary woman
who is like, "Yes, that's all cool."
I want to be like those people.
I want to, like...
being kind of free and open and-and-and, you know.
Like... you know.
I saw two men kiss for the first time, and I knew that I was fine with that.
I grew up in Michigan in the Midwest on a farm.
So when I see gay kisses, this is the first time I've seen that,
and that is very liberating for me.
I understand...
right at the beginning-- this new year.
30 December 2014.
"Hi, Luis.
I just want to tell you that as gay children grow up
in a rough part of East LA,
I really admire you.
I will never forget my mother took me to watch Truth or Dare
after school when I was in sixth grade.
And see you and other dancers on stage with Madonna,
I am very relieved finally I can identify with someone
and everything will be fine.
I learn all your movements. LOL. "[Chuckles]
"You are still and still my hero.
You give me hope when it's not there. Thank you, Luis. "
" When turning the channel on TV last night,
I found a random show from the movie Truth or Dare.
I was immediately taken back to my youth
and everything I faced when that in my life.
I grew up in a very small time, a homogeneous city.
This film suddenly opens the world is possible for me. "
Wow. Grow in the Midwest, huh.
And then everything - I mean, my father is a very strict Muslim.
You know, too, I mean, that is also the time I remember
when he moved with us for a while, I have to like -
Because I used to have Barbie too.
It was really fun. I love Barbie when I was little.
And I really can buy it with my mom.
But when my father came in the picture for several years,
um, I had to hide it, yes, but I never threw it away. place. Yes, I remember that actually now, huh.
Then when my father and mother split,
I really want to play with them again and do more girlie things, huh.
Estoy Caliente.
[cheering]
¿Estáis calientes?
- ¡Sí! - ¿Sí?
¡Sí!
Whoo!
Oh my God!
Oh, rubber! Condoms, I mean!
-Hei. -Hi, you guys!
-Hei, honest or brave? -Truth or challenge?
Truth or challenge?
Do you want to make love with us?
[laughs]
You never really know a man until you ask him to use a condom.
-Better! -In fact!
Hey you! Do not be stupid! Put the condom on your willy!
- [music starts] -Good?
When we tour, I think,
the problem of homosexuality, gay rights and prevention of AIDS
and sexuality and sexual strength,
I think they are all on the front lines of their minds,
because-- because of the death of his friends, you know.
[Madonna] Now, you might know Keith Haring as an artist.
But I know him as a man who has the courage to tell the truth.
Actually, he's gay.
Actually, he has AIDS...
and he said that to anyone who would listen.
To commemorate Keith, let's be honest with ourselves.
Let us tell each other.
Let's face it together.
I learned a lot. Man, I learned a lot from them.
I thank God. Madonna - I toured with him,
because I changed from homophobic to love everyone.
I know that they may not realize it, but years have passed...
but, yes, I brought it in a very special place, those people.
You don't think of that moment when it's over.
And that is a hard blow. Forgive me. That is very difficult, huh.
That's why I'm so emotional at the end of the film. Crying, huh.
Very good...
each other.
Grow each other, like--
as we grow together, it feels like.
In a short time.
Symbolic like that - we are very young-- symbolic time for me.
I can imagine for them, growing up, very young.
We will each take it a bullet for each of us.
For everyone. That's how close we are.
I want it to continue forever, you know.
Who wants to get off the trip? Not me.
[cheering]
Posing.
[cheering]
[chuckles]
And good.
Better. Yes.
Good. Ho, ho.
Good. A little right. Good.
You know, you have a difficult life and it is very difficult to destroy
and some types of energy take over you.
That's good, Jennifer, huh. Good.
[Salim] Film Truth or Dare, that is the reality behind the scenes
about what is happening on the tour,
but then there's another backstage that you can't see.
And it's clear that none of us is ready to talk about.
Wow.
[Carlton] When you look in the mirror, before I perform,
first, I see myself going,
"You know that you are a liar."
No one in the crew, in that team, no one knows my secret.
He will be there soon, okay? OK.
Ahh
Good.
What are you looking for when you do that?
So many things.
I see what is happening in your mouth.
Um, just something specific.
Um, look at your throat.
Um, specifically related to HIV.
Um, you see, uh, the edge of the tongue,
Because there is something people get called hairy leukoplakia.
-Um... -What's seen-- What is that?
This is like a type of small white growth along the side of the tongue. Swallowing.
[Carlton] I feel like cramps
or something is happening with my body when we are in Japan.
And I went to the doctor that they sent me to,
and they see something
and they say so will have to tell him.
And I like, "There is no bad way You will tell them anything. "
I froze after that.
You know, You never really knew a man
until you asked him to use a condom. Don't be stupid! Put a condom on your willy!
[Carlton] The irony for me, like, I'm in production to express yourself.
I am not at all like that with myself.
I really like this.
Of course, he looks very happy, and he still supports.
I just hope that he will be remembered, You know, he-- the dance.
But, um, it's a pity that he would like that be remembered for the Truth or Brave scene.
- [man] That kiss? That kiss, huh.
[all shouting]
[woman] She's embarrassed and she, um,
shame to be caught like that.
He hasn't been there yet. He is not ready yet.
He doesn't hold the flag and tries to make it more acceptable to anyone.
He just wants to live his life and no, um...
uh, be an advocate for something.
That is not an statement he wants to make.
That-- That is the statement.
[Kevin] He loves Gabriel.
I think it never happened his intention to hurt him.
- He really likes it. - [no dialog can be heard]
I just think life is unfair.
Like, here I am, this person all thinks I have everything I want, right?
I want you and can't have you.
He begged him not to use it,
and, um, he won't, uh, sorry.
This, um, Gabriel's lawsuit against Madonna.
This is a deposition given under oath to the lawyers.
"Before this, at least, you wouldn't see me and say" She's gay. "
You won't know me
unless you are close friends or I choose to tell.
At dinner at a restaurant,
I told him how this hurt me emotionally,
it's a problem.
This is when he told me I was just ashamed of myself.
Question: He says you are ashamed of yourself?
Answer: Yes, he said I was ashamed of myself.
He told me to forget it. "
[Maury Povich] Welcome Madonna dancers from Truth or Dare,
Kevin Stea and Oliver Crumes
and lawyers representing them in their lawsuit, Debra Johnson.
Oliver and I are on the same boat.
That's really a clause in our contract.
Gabriel, however, is in a very unique position.
He basically demands to be forced out.
Gabriel is not here today. She's the third dancer
-Who are also involved in this lawsuit. -Persis.
With Oliver and Kevin.
We have been pursuing this since when we got off the tour. Since--
[Kevin] The clause is for certain the amount of money that must be paid to us.
Not too. I just feel that, um--
We are not in court, but we are in this office.
And there are me, Kevin and Gabriel and Madonna sits in front of us.
And I just-- I feel bad, but I look for her, like, go, "Really, Madonna?"
I mean, do we have to go through this, you know?
And the expression on his face is like, "How can you do this to me?"
But we look like,
"Well, by the way...
if it's not for us...
there won't be a movie."
-Do you ever try to solve it? -Yes.
What what did he say to you?
I sent him a very personal letter said that I wanted to talk. "You are on my list..." Yes, this--
Oh wow!
All of these items. Photos.
Ah.
Here it is. This is recording of Jose & Luis artists.
Huh? English Queen.
Yes.
[Luis] As soon as we arrived in New York,
we drive this local celebrity such fame.
So we decided to, you know-- to do the recording.
[dancing]
- ♪ Hey, Luis ♪ - ♪ Yes? ♪
- ♪ Introduce yourself ♪ - ♪ All right ♪
♪ Introduce yourself ♪
♪ Alright, my name is Luis ♪
♪ I come from downtown ♪
♪ And I go down ♪
♪ And I know that ♪
[Luis] He helped us. He knows, you know, some backup vocals for us.
That's good. I mean, he's really generous.
[Madonna] ♪ If you can't speak English Queen ♪
♪ If you can't read Queen & apos's English ♪
♪ If you can't speak English Queen ♪
♪ Then just walk ♪
[Luis] It's easy to, uh,
losing contact with reality when you live in this kind, like,
celeb bubble.
Life hinders my path.
I think Luis is blocking my way.
[blurred]
Hey, is that baby material there?
[Oliver] When I got off the tour, I was bigheaded.
I walk like my dirt doesn't smell. I will not lie.
Even when I moved to Vegas on 94, I was that man.
I was on my Splash show.
One of the best dance performances that... is in Vegas.
They have a Madonna impersonator.
I have to do and choreograph my place.
I used to come here every night. I have never missed a club.
I go to the club. Everybody knows me.
That's very beautiful. I don't have to pay for drinks.
I drink very much.
I will, every day, buy a bottle of vodka.
I will go buy the cheapest vodka. I don't even care.
[Salim] You just came out, you know, with Jose.
We party a lot. We will only come out. We go to the club.
Hang out with the House of Xtravaganza. We can have a small house party there.
Then we just go the whole city and party, huh.
When you are in it - in that bubble,
You don't care about anything, you don't care about anyone.
[Luis] At first, it was very glamorous.
And all beautiful and visible people beautiful and wearing expensive clothes.
And we are in an expensive setting.
So, you know, drugs look glamorous.
As soon as the drug becomes more important...
the less glamorous they become.
So you start doing it in less glamorous places.
That's as bad, you know, I live in an apartment,
you know, with two chests and television...
and the wardrobe is full of expensive clothes.
[Salim] I am very evil.
I don't want to see this one. I don't care about that.
Just cut your feelings. That's what I did.
I don't care about anyone. I only lived at that time,
do all the things that I always do just don't think about anything.
[man] Sounds like that You have almost no life.
Yes, it's not life. It's not life. It's partying.
Sometimes, you know, I don't have funds, so I will come out too.
Oh, that was terrible. And sometimes, you know,
have no place to sleep no and then, you know, i will--
I can always be at the club.
I like, "Please, let me find someone where I can crash. "
That's mainly because I have a lot of friends and I can fall somewhere.
But many times, I have no place to live too. It's terrible.
It's like-- And I'm not - What will I do? Call my mother?
"Listen, Mom, I have no place to live."
You know, so I never want to-- I think I did it not to hurt him.
But I hurt him more by not telling that is actually happening.
[woman] I remember sending her away to New York and crying in the car,
that she is in danger.
And, uh...
What should I say to him?
What else can be said?
"Be careful."
But that doesn't work.
[Kevin] I don't know it's Gabriel HIV positive or AIDS,
Because of him not say it.
When I go to Italy, I have called quite often from the set.
Like, after the show, I will call, almost every Sunday.
And then I called and her mother answered.
And I said, "Oh, is Gabriel there?" He said, "No, and he will never be there again."
And I like, "What?
What do you say to me now? "
He doesn't tell me until he can't help but tell me again and...
I - It-It-That is a gift, but on the one hand,
but what I regret is that he must, um...
You know, that he-- that he must, uh, keep it a secret,
and what feels worried about having to tell it.
That's scary.
That is scary enough to scare people into silence.
That is the soundless battle that you bring yourself.
A few days I will enter and he will cry,
and... he will, you know, uh...
just entertained...
and-and scared, you know, are in pain and...
Um...
Just worry about what happens next, what will happen next.
And he just became, you know, less...
You know, I remember him talking to dogs,
and he said the dogs stop listening to you
because your voice changes when you get sick
and you don't have strength in your voice.
Then you become a different person.
And the dogs take it and they don't want to listen to it,
Because they know he is sick.
Dan-- And, uh...
So in everything he changes, you know.
And from this, you know, beautiful, strong...
this young man, you know, a sickly being.
[no sound]
[man] Do you think Gabriel knows he is HIV positive during the tour?
[mother] Yes, I think he did it.
Yes.
It's hard for Gabriel to, um, be honest about being gay
and then honest about being infected.
So he must continue a large part of himself being locked up.
And there's irony with a message from, uh, tour.
But when he dances, he can really get off,
and it's a safe way to-- be expressive.
So I think he took refuge in dance
as a way to be himself
without having to to express these other things.
Sorry.
Good.
[man] What do you think?
[sniffles]
Only Gabriel and Carlton.
Good.
[man] Do you wish they told you?
Yes, because that's fine.
That's fine.
[crackling pills]
[man on TV] And-- And continue.
Because there is something extraordinary, great strength in learning to love.
[Oprah Winfrey] Well, this is our show for tonight.
Tweet me or e-mail us.
Who do you want to see where are they now?
Thank you for watching. We will see you next week.
[Carlton] When I was diagnosed in 1985,
You know, I already have a big circle to--
85, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1990 - five years.
I have just been overthrown, you know, fear and hatred from lepers.
That's how it feels.
Internal storms just try
falsify your way to be accepted.
Faking that you are strong. Faking that you are confident.
Pretend that you think you look good.
Faking that you believe people care deeply about you.
Faking almost everything.
[man] I want to go to some...
only a few people you have work with your long career.
Prince, Ricky Martin, Janet Jackson, David Bowie,
Céline Dion, George Michael, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé.
But I want to go...
How can it happen to you even start working with Madonna?
I think many people know you the best
from, you know, tour the Hairy and Truthful Ambis.
So how...
[Kevin] I began to feel very depressed about the whole situation.
As much as I will try to sort it out like pushing it to the background
and ignore the lawsuit or what happened,
um, he's the most visible person in the world.
[chuckles] Like, everywhere.
You know, on every cover of each magazine.
There are photos of him everywhere. People talk about it all the time.
People come to me to talk about him all the time.
And what happened-- Every time he came in a conversation
is someone in the world angry with me.
I suffer a lot don't have him in my life.
You know, not as boss,
but literally just as a person in my life
that I admire and love and can relate to.
Corner.
Soup?
[Oliver] I almost lost my family. I have to beg my family again.
My mother, my father, my brothers and sisters.
Um, because I'm acting like that.
I do the right thing. I stopped drinking.
But then I-- Because it will be a cold turkey. I see...
But of course, you know-- Because years later he...
-Oh. In 2006. -... what they call Bell's apalsy.
And sometimes you can see it.
So when you smile, you can see that this part is not that big
and the eyes are sometimes squinted, especially when he is tired.
It's a nervous system, you know, and--
Twice in my life something bad has happened.
They tell him and me, "Oh, that's just something that can happen.
One in one hundred people get it. "
That can happen to anyone.
However, we always think that maybe because you have a seizure,
and your nervous system shock, you know.
But that can happen to you now, when we speak.
They say anyone-- No, you have some kind of - you wake up with that.
You wake up with that. My fault.
Or you have a dramatic moment
and your face can sort of pause in one place.
And that-- And...
- whole face. -Yes.
I have been awake--
-He can't blink his eyes. -I can't blink my eyes.
I wake up, you know, talking like this.
[Salim] Hey, how are you?
Good Class. -Thank you.
Hey. How are you?
How are you all?
- [women singing aria] -and pull again.
Again, all the way down.
and plié.
Slowly roll again.
Stay on a plié. Push your hips forward.
Good.
And roll again. Last variation.
All the way down.
That is difficult because I never talked about it before,
and this is the first time, so... [sob]
Also, um, in 1987--
Uh, surely, like, inside, uh--
uh, must be around December,
uh, I'm not feeling well, and that is something with my kidney.
And I've been in New York.
And I don't have insurance here, so I go to Belgium for review,
and that is something with my injury, but they fix it and everything is fine.
They drain or something, and they say it doesn't matter.
But for some reason the day before I left, I got another call,
and they asked me to go back to the hospital
because they want to talk to me.
And I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that's weird."
So my mother and I left.
I don't remember where the hospital is.
It's close to Antwerp. And I went to the hospital.
I remember my mother and I went into the room
and doctors talk to us,
and that's where he told me, "Yes, I'm sorry, sir,
but I'm sad to tell you that you are HIV."
When someone tells you,
"You know, listen, you only go to live five to 10 years" -
I mean, everyone falls like a fly.
I actually deleted it. I don't want to talk about it.
My mother promises me she won't tell anyone,
so it's only between us.
Even today, no one knows, you know.
No, I always keep it a secret.
That is a dark and dark time in my life. Very dark. Dark.
That brings me to so much, like, a dark place too, you know.
And can't work and party
and like, "Will I be sick?"
And then this friend died and the one died, you know.
And then I lose weight. "Wait. Am I okay?"
Keep looking at myself. "Oh, my God, do I look sick?"
And there is no outlet, you know.
It's always the hardest, you know. That's difficult.
And sometimes--
You know, there's no place to live too, you know. That's terrible, you know.
But still, I don't want to leave this country.
What will I do, return to Belgium and do what? You know.
And I didn't call my mother.
It's like, "Hey, Mom, look, I do a lot of drugs, you know.
And now--
Sorry, ma'am. I know. "
I do this too because I think a lot people might in this situation
or be in this situation, you know.
And even if I can touch one person, you know, that means the world to me,
because I know it's a bitch.
And if you don't have anyone-- And I'm a strong person, you know,
and I think I'm safe too because I'm strong .
But not everyone is strong like that,
because fucker with your head is very bad.
[man] Bring it back. - [camera shutter clicks] -What's the secret?
Tip your head is slightly more upright.
There. Chill more. Good.
- [click the camera shutter] -Stay there.
Even after my show with it is finished, I'm still in fake mode, you know.
But I am still in the world, even though the tour has ended.
I am still in the world trying to represent what they see as me the super Iron Man.
Kill everything and drop everything.
When I know that I am not like that. I know that I am not like that.
Because when I have another moment, I am afraid.
And I proved that I was weak because I did not defend myself.
It's already very, um...
Gripping things must cancel.
From me to me.
[no sound]
If I rest on who I am,
it's not a problem to get excessive attention at any time.
In the restaurant. You know?
I am in the restaurant with you, but then, who is there?
And I have to be very charming so they say something,
and then I have to give someone else something so they are locked in on me.
That's a lot of damn stuff.
Very interesting to watch yourself collapse into nothingness.
With, like, afraid to get out.
I mean, I really became very small.
[crowd cheering on video]
[Madonna] I love you too. I want to say something.
Oh, my God, I look very uncomfortable.
Nails.
... who is my friend who died of AIDS a few months ago.
Now, you might know Keith Haring as an artist.
- [crowd cheering] - His face is already. I look scared.
... who has the courage to tell the truth.
Actually, he's gay.
Actually, he had AIDS and he said that.
to anyone who wants to listen.
To commemorate Keith, let's be honest with ourselves.
Let us tell each other.
[crowd cheering]
And can't wait to go down.
[man] What do you think about that tour with Madonna means in Jose's life?
[speaking Spanish]
He feels that I still have to dance with him.
That I still have to be there is what he feels.
And that's when that's good.
[speaking Spanish]
He said - He isn't under--
He said that I had to keep on doing it dancing with Madonna, with everyone,
because I have many opportunities.
And he said that the same door that I open
is that I am also closed to myself.
A month ago. It's Saturday or Sunday.
And we-- I went to his own house.
And... just hang out with him.
And we go to the store to buy a magazine.
And we were photographed. It's like a paparazzi moment.
I think that's one of the last times I saw it,
You know, when everything goes down.
You know, heroin and all the items go down.
He told me that, um, you know...
if I need help,
that we-- that we need help.
But, um, more importantly, I need to get help.
And you know...
that's one reason why did he start...
slowly retreat from us.
I think that's the moment I realized,
"Oh no, I don't think I will leave, You know, see it. "
And there is something in my consciousness
or on me, you know-- behind my consciousness
who says this is where it starts...
fade.
[speaking Spanish]
He says when I was little--
Uh huh.
One time he saw home pictures on a postcard,
and he has shown it to me,
say this is home that one day you will buy me.
[speaking Spanish]
And then it bothers because he thinks it's...
[speaking Spanish]
He thinks I have a chance to be able to give it to him.
[speaking Spanish]
Saying that I do a lot of things, do lots of big things.
And he said that I should just continue.
I never took it to that house.
[speaking Spanish]
He said that it bothered him a lot.
Because he said that I could have it, great opportunity.
And he feels-- still wants the house someday.
[man] What did your mother think wrong with you?
He doesn't even know what's wrong.
He only knows a lot of things.
I just disappear and go and live my life, you know.
And, like, he doesn't even know half of many things, you know.
[speaking Spanish]
[man] He will have it want you to continue.
To continue my career which I learned from childhood.
-Do you feel the same way? -Yes.
I would be stupid not to do it.
Right.
[speaking Spanish]
- He said-- - What do you think happened--
Why can't you to continue that path?
I can't continue because I became unsafe.
I get hurt a lot of things in love and in life.
Do you know?
Start doubting yourself about things
and wonder if I will die next and things like that.
Do you know?
Yes, there is a very dark moment.
But I am very, like, strong
in the sense that I will never let anyone know what I am going through.
Many times, you know.
Doesn't matter that my mother-- I never--
I have left, so-- You know.
I don't feel--
I feel because of that fact that I can't succeed,
I have messed things up.
There's no point I'm around.
So I disappeared for a certain period of time.
Brisé, jeté, jeté, assemblé.
Tours en, tours en.
Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah ah.
Attitudes and attitudes.
Ta-da!
My bow.
Right?
[man] And still many people see you and get inspiration to be--
Still amazed. Still amazed.
I'm like, "How is that possible
so many people can be so inspired by me? "
You know?
They are not my intention at all-- to move so many people.
And at that moment I didn't realize it. realized what I had done.
I said, "Wait a minute. You actually have touching people with what you bring."
-Is it entertaining now in a way? -Oh, yes.
If I don't have anything else...
That is enough for me.
[no audio in video]
[sighs]
[chat]
Carlton.
[chuckles]
[applause]
- Shut up. -How are you?
- [kissing] -Yes God!
Slamming!
Carlton, how are you?
Jesus! Hai, adult man. Look at you.
Ahh!
-This is number three. -Hey brother!
Luis!
[Carlton] Oh, my God!
-What are you doing? -I am fine. Nice to meet you.
-What are you doing? -Good.
Release your glasses. I want to see your eyes.
No kidding.
Oh my God.
[Carlton] Wow!
Hello dear. How are you?
-Who is this? - [all] Aw!
[Carlton] Small jazz hands.
Oh my God!
-Baby! -What is wrong?
Oh my God!
Like him.
Oh my God.
Wait a minute. Wait. Hold.
Jose!
-Wow! -Oh, my God!
[Carlton] You look beautiful.
-Yes God! -Hello dear.
-Yes God. I like your jacket. -Jose.
[Carlton] This is a beautiful jacket.
How are you?
-Jose. -Jose.
[Kevin] Oh, it smells good.
[Carlton] Oh, my God, friend. Nice to meet you.
Oh!
Hi friend.
I like it, look at men today.
- [Salim] We all have-- We grew up. -Oh, my God, we are growing up.
[Carlton] Cheers!
- [all] Cheers! -Wow.
[Jose] For family and brotherhood, right?
-and brotherhood. With the exception... -Let me tell you--
There is no number tonight.
What is it, for example, 25 years?
Can't we say it's been a long time?
I get a message saying-- all of you--
- The tour changed my life. - [Salim] I know. I know.
The film changes my life.
Each of you. I mean--
- [Salim] I know. No, that's right. -We don't realize it.
- [Oliver] We don't... We don't... -I don't realize it too.
I have to do many things. That one finger wrong, and he will, like, come out.
The same dirt. Yes, yes.
[all laughs]
[chat]
No, one night he was like, "I can't see his hand.
I can't see his hand. "I like," Really? "
[chatting]
[Carlton] What is your life like?
Like, how-- Do you feel like dropping out of school, or is it challenging, or...?
Very strange. I feel like, because I started auditioning again,
but I feel like every time I went to audition,
I never auditioned as an ordinary dancer again.
That is always a Madonna dancer.
And then they hate me for no reason. They don't know who I am.
- Or they hate it. - [Jose] or love you.
So I never auditioned again only as a good dancer.
- [Jose] As an ordinary dancer. -It is always connected.
And that opens many doors, but that is also a curse at the same time.
I want him to be here because it's not like--
That's more--
It's not like dancers and pop stars, dancers who work for a pop star.
- That-- You know, like-- - [Oliver] Deeper.
Yes, it's getting deeper. Exactly.
We become family, and we are all young.
And for all that happens
and for that doesn't become anything after that,
is it to say, "Oh, you messed up"
or, "You guys are messy and I just can't deal with you and your antics
and you and Luis and you.
That's too much. They sued me, and I was - "
-Something You know, it's okay. - [Salim] Yes, yes.
I don't feel like I have-- I have no intention bad to him at all.
I think the greatest shame or the thing I miss is love.
I really love him and I always, and I never say bad things about him.
And I hope he is here
just because I feel like that would be nice to have a chance
to connect with him as an adult.
I don't think he owes us a debt.
I think he gave us fantastic opportunities.
And you know--
I mean, we have lived our lives.
I'm not--
I just said that he didn't really owe us anything.
- [Oliver] Anything. -Do you know what I'm saying?
I mean, what comes out of that experience
is our action.
We are who we are today because of us.
Do you know what I say?
And you know, that's amazing that happened to him.
That's really. That is the right time, you know.
And all stars are aligned correctly for me and Jose and for you.
I mean, you know, our is revoked because it doesn't exist.
And we become--
- [Jose] Existence. -There.
[Oliver] Guys.
Gabriel, I love you, so I want you to hear this.
You change my life.
You change my life,
because I come from a tent, that you don't understand,
from New Orleans, not N'awlins.
New Orleans, at the Lafayette Project.
That's not...
part of I hear-- from gays, whatever, this and that.
And come to the world...
of you...
I am very blessed and I am very grateful.
You like family to me, you know.
And no matter how many years have passed,
like, I'm sitting here now
and it seems like I have never left you.
And I don't know why I'm emotional.
It's not because of sadness or anything.
That, like, extraordinary love.
[Oliver] Cool.
That's a lot of love. That is it.
There is no sadness.
Just as you are my brothers.
- [Carlton] Be right or brave, sir. - [Kevin] Oh, my God.
Uh, honest or brave. Uh, right.
[Carlton] Truth.
What has--
What is the biggest thing in your life that you have to overcome?
Uh, drugs and alcohol.
I think only grace...
um, is my mother.
He sent me to Los Angeles to...
dries.
And, um...
I dry heroin.
Heroin - Heroin takes me to my knee.
Yes.
Tell us what has become the biggest lesson You have learned in your life,
the biggest piece of wisdom that you have learned.
How far? Like--
[Kevin] That's what you learn. You told us. What stands out...
-No to judge, I think. - [Kevin] Hmm.
The biggest piece of wisdom, yes, don't judge anyone, huh.
And just knowing all those people through something,
and everyone acts at the end, you know--
Everyone goes through something and doesn't just really judge them.
That's the greatest thing, I think, I've learned in my life so far,
46 years old, yes.
Truth, right?
If you--
Now you in a slightly different place
around all gays...
if you have sex with a man,
Which man on this table?
- [laughter] - [Jose] Oh, my God.
Good.
There is no answer for that.
Let me finish. Reason why?
Because you, you, you, you, you and you are my brother.
-Okay, but that isn't-- -No no.
No no No.
The question is truth or challenge.
-Game is Truth or Dare. -And you tell the truth.
-I am honest. -And I gave you the truth to answer.
- Yes. -Which one?
You won't or not.
The question is, which one would you do if you had to do it?
-Good. - [Kevin] Choose. Select it.
-And why? -Good. All of you.
No. Which one? One.
- [Salim] You can only choose one. -One.
- [Salim] And we don't judge you. -Yes.
- [Salim] Hypothetically speaking. - I have to go up one?
- [Salim] Yes. Only one. -Yes. And why.
[Jose] And why.
Gabriel.
[Jose] Okay. Why?
-Why? - [Kevin] Yes.
[Kevin] Because he's younger forever from all of us.
[laughter]
- [Carlton] Why? - [Luis] Because he's not here.
- [Carlton] Why? -No.
Because he is innocent.
-Hmm. -For me.
Good.
[Luis] Slam, honest or brave?
[Oliver] He's drunk. & apos; Because you breathe.
[inhaling]
Truth, truth. Because I don't want to kiss anyone, no.
You are like all my sisters. I take the truth.
You can take courage, and you can continue and kiss me. No problem.
No no. I don't want to kiss you. Look.
-I will take the truth. - [Luis] All right.
What is your biggest fear?
[Kevin] Wow.
What is my biggest fear? Uh...
Uh, to say it, I will see Jose
because, you know, you give me the greatest strength always.
I think my biggest fear is and was--
always find out people that I am HIV positive.
That is my biggest fear.
I was diagnosed in 1987, yes, became HIV positive.
And I think that is my biggest fear always--
for people to find out, huh.
And I feel that way, you know-- It's like, I don't know.
I never want to share this story with other people but you, you know.
I mean, I, yes, was diagnosed on & apos; 87,
and, you know, finally in 2015, you know, I just - I want to be free, you know.
[Kevin] Oh, honey.
[sniffles]
You too. You too. You too.
-and, you know, it's like three people. - [Kevin] Oh, my God.
I know. I know.
And that was my first sexual experience. Yes.
Because, you know, I just don't know anything about it, huh.
[Luis] Well, the good news is that you are living proof that it's not a death sentence.
I know, and that's why I tell my story
Because of that, you know, I want to share my story like Carlton, you know.
I just want to share with him, yes, yes.
- [sobbing] -I can't believe we all heard this.
And I always want to tell someone, you know--
- [Oliver] Oh, my God. Thank you. -but it's difficult, you know.
- [Oliver] Thank you. -and I never-- I never--
I just found out the moment was coming.
I just, you know... It's never the right time, you know.
Can I say something to you two? Beyond the Truth or Dare?
With us.
May I say something beyond this?
If this is before Madonna, I will be afraid of this.
I won't--
-Yes God. - [Luis] And how do you feel now?
Oh my God. It's a beautiful thing to get out and express yourself
because you hold something.
Yes yes. And, you know, I just--
And... Oh, my God, friend.
[Salim] Yes. But at the same time, You know, it's a blessing, you know,
because it's like-- it makes me who I am, you know.
That's like-- It changes a lot of things.
But you know, when you were diagnosed,
You know, it's like your whole world is falling, you know.
[Carlton] No, but I just want you to know
there is a very large new light level for everything you do
it will happen because you took this step today.
-Yes. -That's really amazing, Slam.
-Thank you. -Yes, of course.
[piano intro]
[human] ♪ There is a house built of stone ♪
♪ Wooden floors, walls and window sills ♪
♪ Tables and chairs are used by all dust ♪
♪ This is a place where I don't feel alone ♪
♪ This is the place where I feel at home ♪
Four, five!
Ha! I'm not angry with it!
If you have to get something else and you want to get "vroom" as your last pose,
solve it.
♪ I ♪
♪ Built ♪
♪ A home ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For me ♪
You want to read it. Body language is everything, okay?
So, come on. Let's take it again.
Five six,
five, six, seven,
and very slow,
slow slowly.
La la.
Good. La la.
Last.
Proud.
You know, proud, whatever it is.
Because everyone is someone.
Yes!
One of the things we do every year
is respecting someone who grows up with Jazz Camp,
um, is a very important part inheritance from this program:
Mr. Gabriel Trupin,
which is the son of Sue Trupin that we love.
[applause]
♪ When gusts come to blow me up ♪
♪ I hold on tight as you hold me ♪
♪ And I'm ♪
♪ Built ♪
♪ A home ♪
♪ For you ♪
♪ For me ♪
♪ Until ♪
♪ This disappears ♪
♪ From me ♪
♪ From you ♪
♪ And now ♪
♪ It's time ♪
♪ To go ♪
♪ And rotate ♪
♪ Become dust ♪