(marching)
(cat meowing)
(cat growling)
(static)
- And that was how we saw our city tonight
from your second highest rated news team
in the Peterborough and Cortha Lakes Region.
- Stay tuned next for Dr. Nasty's Cavalcade of Horror
on TV13.
- What do they have on the double feature tonight, Glenn?
- Well first up we have a film about a family
of cannibals, followed by one about a male sadist
for hire escort.
- Ew.
(laughs)
- Will you be staying up late to watch that one, Josie?
- Absolutely not.
The host of that show is one sick fuck.
- Did she just say fuck on the air?
- Don't worry, no one's watching this anyway.
(creepy organ music)
- So what the hell happened to the news desk?
- Director sold it to make a movie.
- Naturally.
- [On PA] Set redress in 20 seconds.
- Okay, who's been stealing my beer nuts?
- Come with me, doctor, you only have one minute.
- I'm serious on the nut thing.
- What is she doing?
- Oh, gosh, not again, doctor, come on, we have to be on.
Come on, we have to get you on stage.
- I'm going to have to say hello, please.
Wouldn't be polite otherwise.
Hello.
- I'm new here.
- Yes, I could tell, I've never seen you before.
- Can you show me the ropes?
- I can show you a lot of things.
Just be in my dressing room the next break, okay.
- There you go.
- Get out of the way, I'm trying to get my gloves on.
- Get your position.
- It's live television, you know.
I've been doing this for years.
- [VOICEOVER] The Dr. Nasty show.
- You always get in my way, what are you, new?
- Hold on.
(creepy rock music)
(evil laugh)
- Hello my troubled patients.
Dr. Nasty here with another late night double feature.
Two really sick movies to keep you up till morning.
(evil laugh)
I'm your resident doctor and this is my assistant,
the lovely Nurse Nasty.
What's our first prescription for Ms. Nasty?
- First, we have the cannibal classic, Dinner for Monsters.
- Ooh, well you look good enough to eat.
Perhaps we should carve you up.
I think I'll skip the main course and go straight
to your dessert.
(evil laugh)
- Remember when this show used to be good?
- Nope.
- So, sit back and take your double prescription
for horror right after this message.
(evil laugh)
- No, still driving, the meeting went late.
I forgot.
I forgot to book the entertainment for the party.
No, I remember who it was.
It's a clown.
Does anyone like clowns anymore?
Is that a thing?
Are you sure that that's what he wants.
Uncle Billy, right?
It's Uncle Bobby's, yeah, I got the poster right here.
(creepy music)
- Atta boy.
Got a good lot to go.
(creepy music)
(unintelligible yelling)
Bang it, you did it.
- No, you didn't.
(evil laughs)
- [Narrator] Next on TV13, the feature Dinner for Monsters,
then coming up at 2, Slit, followed
by the Farm Report at 5 a.m.
(creepy music)
- How long have I been sitting here for?
Too long for a plate like this.
Just as I expected, cold.
- I'm sorry.
I can get you another.
- No, don't apologize.
I've been coming here for the past six months
and it's no way close to the way your father left it.
If I were you, I'd close up shop, because to be quite frank,
there's probably more flavor in my right arm
than any dish I've had here today.
Good day.
(accordion music)
(door slams)
- Like you even need to eat more.
- Fuck!
(phone rings)
What?
- [Male On Phone] Hello, am I speaking
to the restaurant's head chef?
- Yeah, it's him.
- [Male On Phone] This is Vincent Debark calling in regards
to the private dinner party tonight.
- You have the wrong number buddy.
Dinner for 6, yes.
I was actually just prepping some stuff right now.
Getting real busy around here.
I had to hire some extra help actually.
- [Male On Phone] Just to remind you,
dinner should be ready at my hunting lodge by midnight.
Feel free to bring whatever you need for tools,
we'd like to help you.
Just remember we're providing the roast.
- Sure, yeah, perfect.
Well, I'll see you tonight.
I'm excited to meet you.
And by the way, you know what they say, bon appetit.
(laughs)
(dial tone)
Hello?
(phone slams)
Asshole.
(creepy music)
(knocks)
- Hi.
- I'm the chef tonight.
I'm just looking for Vincent.
I was hired for the dinner.
- Yeah, of course.
That's too bad.
- [Male VOICEOVER] Let in our guest.
- Why don't you come in?
- Ah, our chef has arrived.
- Thanks.
- How do you do?
I'm Vincent Debook, we spoke earlier over the phone.
- It's a pleasure, thanks for having me.
- Is it?
- Sorry?
- Is it a pleasure?
It's just, on the phone earlier, you seemed disgruntled.
- Well.
- Don't worry, perfectly understandable.
I mean, why would a man like you want to spend
his evening working for a rich and powerful couple?
I mean surely you, of all people, have better
things to do with your time.
In fact, it might even save your life for you to just
turn around and leave right now.
- Right, yeah.
- I'm just busting your chops, chef.
You're staying with us tonight.
- Yes, you are.
Don't mind my husband.
He clearly lacks any and all social graces.
Carmen.
How do you do?
I read about your father in the paper.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
We were big fans of his restaurant.
Let's hope his talent runs in the family.
- Thanks.
This is quite the place you guys have here.
- Aren't you sweet?
Yes, we thought it rustic and serene,
so of course we had to buy it.
- What do you guys do exactly?
- Entrepreneurs of a sort.
Now can I ask you a personal question?
- Sure, yeah.
- Do you eat meat?
- Do I eat meat, yeah.
- Of course you do.
After all you're a chef and I don't suppose
there are many chefs who don't, now are there?
Now I hate to preach, but I'm afraid my friends
and I just don't see the pleasure in it.
I mean, surely there are alternatives,
substitutions one could make which are equally satisfying
if not better than animal, don't you agree.
- Well, you know as a chef, I'm trained to accommodate
any dietary restrictions that you guys might have.
- My friends and I, we just don't feel that animals deserve
such vile treatment.
I mean, why should they have to suffer and die
just for our selfish tastes for meat?
Take our friend on the wall over here.
A holdover from the previous tenant, I assure you.
So proud.
So majestic.
Once.
Now just a tacky bit of furnishing.
I keep thinking I should take him down,
but wherever would I put him.
Whatever would I put in his place?
- An ex-employee, perhaps?
- And let me ask you this.
Do cattle cause war?
- No.
- Cattle do not cause war, no, no, all farm animals
are guilty of is feeding an every growing insatiable
disgusting vile race-
- Darling, darling, don't work yourself up.
Shall we take a tour through to the kitchen.
- Yeah, sure, sure.
- This way.
- Ah, kitchen.
- Holy shit.
- It's all yours for tonight.
It's gorgeous, it's state of the art.
- Yes, well, you should have everything you need.
Let's check out the roast.
Now, chef, the meal we're asking you to prepare
may not be one you're used to.
- Yes, we prefer a specific type of cuisine.
- Are you guys vegan or?
- No, not exactly.
No, we prefer to dine on humano carne.
- Humano carne, is that like Italian, German?
- Sometimes.
- What the fuck, what's this.
- It's like how the French refer to fattened duckling.
It's fois Gras.
Just somehow sounds tasty.
- Are you kidding me?
- No, why would we?
Wouldn't you agree that it's far smarter
on cutting back the population rather than feeding it?
- No, I don't think it's very smart to kill
a human being and eat it.
Okay, you guys are sick.
You're sick.
- Let's be civilized about this, chef.
My party and I are paying you a handsome sum of money
to be here tonight.
- I don't care.
- Oh, yes, you do, chef.
You do.
You see, I don't just hire anyone without
checking up on them first.
Let's review.
The chef here was once the darling of the culinary academy,
but add a few years of heaving drinking,
a few failed marriages, a failed restaurant of your own
and now, as I understand it, a second restaurant,
inherited from your father upon his death,
also on it's last course.
Now take a look at the man on the counter.
He's nobody.
Nothing but a slab of meat.
No one will ever trace him back to you
or to this meal.
- How do I know that?
- By taking a look at me.
Take a look around you, chef.
I am a man of wealth, respect and taste.
I own four such properties and this humble lodge
will soon be renovated to be the most state of the art
in modern cuisine.
Do you really think a man in my position would jeopardize
all of that?
I understand your concern, chef, I do.
But you've been on this planet long enough to know
that there are two kinds of people.
You can be the hunter, like me.
Or you can be the hunted, like our friend on the slab.
Decide what you'd rather be.
- Come darling, let us get ready.
Our guests will be here soon.
- All right, my dear.
I think chef and I understand each other now.
Do call us when dinner's ready.
I'm famished.
- Go for the ribs.
It's probably the easiest way to do it.
Slice.
One slice, it's done.
Just a piece of meat.
What the fuck are you doing?
How can you fucking do this?
It's him or me.
This guy's already dead.
He's already fucking dead.
If I don't do this, I'll be fucking dead.
- So I said to him, I said, "If you won't eat it, I will."
(laughs)
Oh, oh, oh, my friend, my friend.
Allow me to introduce tonight's chef.
- How do you do? Hello.
- Now, chef, what is our appetizer?
- Yes, we're awfully hungry, aren't we?
- Well, I thought we'd start the night off
with something a bit more lighter,
a personal favorite of mine.
Something I like to call a Greek salad.
- Where's the Greek?
- Yeah, I really don't think there's any meat
in that salad at all.
- Well, that's because there's no meat in the recipe,
but, you know, studies show that if you start the night off
with something a bit more lighter and clean,
you're consuming a lot less calories.
- Ch, ch, ch, less calories?
- Did he just call us fat?
- No.
- I think he is.
- I came here for dinner with my friends
and now I'm being insulted.
Vincent, who is this guy?
- That's not what I'm saying.
- How would you feel if we said something like that to you?
- Yeah, you're not that thin, either, buster.
- I'm not calling you fat!
- Chef!
Excuse me.
May I have a word, please.
Excuse us.
Now I'm sure if Vincent and I were clear enough earlier,
but you're here to cook one thing.
I don't care if it's your left arm or that man's over there,
but my husband, our guests and I expect meat on our plates.
Now, it's my turn to warn you.
If you fail, I can assure you,
you will be on next week's plate.
Do you understand?
Good luck.
- I can't do it.
I can't do it.
- Okay, come on, let's just get this done.
- What are you doing?
- Look, I have seen a lot of chefs come in here
and very few leave.
I just, I don't want you to be another one of them.
So, let's get cooking.
- Let's listen to some music.
(upbeat guitar music)
♪ Baby, please don't go ♪
♪ Baby please don't go ♪
♪ And leave me here, you know it's cold out here ♪
♪ Babe, I'm way down here ♪
♪ You know I'm way down here ♪
♪ Babe, I'm way down here on old Parchment Farm ♪
♪ Baby please don't go ♪
♪ You know it's cold down here ♪
♪ Baby it's cold out here ♪
♪ Baby it's cold out here on old Parchment Farm ♪
♪ Baby please don't go ♪
♪ Baby please don't go and leave me here ♪
♪ You know it's cold out here ♪
♪ I'm half fit down here ♪
♪ On old Parchment Farm ♪
♪ Baby please don't go ♪
- [Carmen] Yes, and you should see the plot of land
that we have behind the lodge.
- Dinner is served.
- [Carmen] Oh, chef, what have you prepared for us?
- We have a meal to die for.
- We're all certainly famished.
Please, tell us what we'll be digging into.
- Our entree this evening is a man roast with rosemary
and thyme with a side of baked potato infused
with garlic and bloody gravy.
Ladies and gentleman, bon appetit.
- [Female Dinner Guest] Where did you find meat
of this quality?
- Well, you see it's not in the body itself,
but how the meat is prepared.
We made sure he had the most painful and shocking death.
Isn't that right?
- Yes, it's a little trick I learned from the Chinese.
You see they sometimes give the animals stressful deaths
to make the meat taste better.
So, we simply raped his wife and murdered his children
in front of him and then tortured him for
and hour and a half before flash freezing him.
(laughs)
- Overkill.
- Excuse me?
- Nothing.
- No, no, please, by all means, speak up.
- I was just thinking out loud.
Is it really necessary to do all that?
- Well, I don't know, why don't you try chef?
- No, I'm okay.
- But we insist, all of us.
In fact, we won't have another bite until you do.
- No really, I'm okay guys.
- One bite chef, no more, no less.
- You're not really the negotiating type, are you?
- Sit.
- May I?
Wouldn't want you to get dirty.
- For you, chef's first bite.
Let us all revel at the awesome chef as he samples
his first bite of Human Con Carne.
- But Vincent, you haven't told our guests the best part.
We froze the child.
- Carmen never could keep a secret, yes, that's true.
I wanted to save this for later,
but next week we are all dining on honey baby.
(dramatic music)
- [Carmen] Vincent do something!
- How's it taste guys?
How's it taste?
Hey pretty boy.
There you go!
- [Narrator] We'll be right back.
- Hey there horror fans, Ken Riding here
from KMR and Associates, your mortgage broker.
We'll get you back to Dr. Nasty in just a minute,
but we all know what really keeps you up at night
and that is paying too much on your mortgage
for your new home, but don't worry.
KMR has you covered.
We'll slay that boogy man because we've got
killer mortgage rates.
(evil laughs)
I slash the high prices of the big banks.
Choke out the competition with my great deals.
- Thank you KMR.
- Thank you.
- Thank you KMR.
- [Together] Thank you KMR.
- So, horror fans, for killer mortgage rates,
come and sign with KMR.
You'll get more than what you bargained for.
(evil laughs)
- [Narrator] Now back to Dr. Nasty's Cavalcade of Horror.
(coughing)
(choking)
- Hey, what's going on?
- Beautiful, isn't it.
You won't find a better selection on any menu.
- Say one word and this bitch gets it.
- You asked us what we did for a living.
Let me tell you chef, there's quite the market
for human meat.
Well, feast your eyes on a year's supply.
Carmen and I have been working on our collection
for some time.
It was difficult at first, culling the herd,
without anyone noticing, learning the optimal
means of harvesting, but with time and practice,
of course, plenty of that, we made it an art.
The one thing we never got the hang of, though,
was the cooking, which, of course is why you are here.
If you won't be one of us, you'll be one of them.
- I was insane to cook you that meal.
- You're just like your father.
- You didn't know my father.
- Maybe not all that well, but I know he was a man
with very great taste.
(groaning)
(dramatic music)
(grunting)
- What did you think of the meat?
- Let's have a little taste.
(screams)
- No, no, no, no.
- One more slab of meat for the meat pile.
- I got something else in mind.
(accordion music)
- Well, chef, I don't know how you did it, but bravo.
- Thank you, sir.
- The flavor, the presentation, the taste.
All of it is just outstanding.
It's discovery of an urban flavor that I just
can't put my finger on.
You do have to tell me, what's the secret to this roast?
- Well, if you must know, it's a little something
I like to call humano carne.
- Well, I've never heard of that before,
but it's delectable.
How about another slice please, but this time
I want it bloodier.
- Coming right up.
(door slams)
(creepy music)
- Oh, baby.
(keyboard clicks)
(walkie talkie beep)
- Gopher Sam.
- [Walkie Talkie Voice] Where are you Sam?
- Yeah, Shawn, I'll have these call sheets
done in a moment.
- Never mind that, cue the doctor, we're on in five.
(walkie talkie clicks)
- Orson, Shawn's already talked to me.
I'll have everything after the next film.
- I can get the doctor, you just get ready to go live.
- I just found out about these
after movie guests an hour a ago.
I can't even find their IMDB page.
Are they even real actors?
- You work too hard.
- Where'd I put my boobs?
Wow.
I bet that bitch has my wig.
(spray)
- Uh, uh.
- Give me back my wig.
John we're on the air on four minutes.
- I was almost done.
And don't call me John.
- Your turn.
- No.
Getting a little young aren't we John?
- That girl's got talent.
You on the other hand need to watch yourself.
What are you, pushing 30?
A few prospects working on a bargain basement show
like this.
Me, I know I'm washed up, but I can still get
just about any starlet to fuck an old geezer like me
for a part.
Think I'm any different than that director friend of yours?
You watch.
He's gonna kick you to the curb the moment
he's done with you.
We all have our part to play.
You need to learn your place.
(creepy carnival music)
- Okay, ready, and 10, 9, 8-
- Where my cast?
- They're getting in position.
- Cue the doctor.
- [Cameraman] And we're live.
- Rock and roll.
- I bet that last movie made you lose your midnight snack.
Let's see if Ms. Nasty can help us.
Ms. Nasty likes to feel a little pain from the doctor.
- No, doctor, no.
- Our next rarely seen feature is called Slit.
For all you late night sloths.
- Right after this commercial.
(evil laughs)
(groaning)
- [Narrator] He was half man, half beast,
living off the world he loved so dear.
Encephalopithecus.
A man and a woman steeped in the throws
of their own passions.
Little did they know they were not alone
when they soiled his sacred ground.
From Felix Broncowitz, producer of I Suck From Your Arteries
and Dance Recital Massacre comes a new generation
of backwoods terror.
Filmed in glorious Betavision black and white.
He hears you, he sees you, he wants you.
Encephalopithecus.
Come see the film and survive the terror
the Toronto Film Herald calls relatively in focus.
Encephalopithecus.
He's been waiting for you to die.
Now playing at Diamond Cinemas,
214 Townhill Road, Peterborough.
(upbeat music)
Now to our feature presentation.
(techno)
(creepy music)
- [Radio Newscaster] In further news, police revealed
more information regarding the gruesome discovery
of a mutilated human body found in a dumpster
behind the local shopping mall.
Police say that the body is believed to be that
of a man, but indication of gender
was difficult to ascertain as the body has suffered
a number of severe lacerations.
The body was found in the early hours of Tuesday morning
by county workers when emptying the dumpster.
Police announced today that they are now treating
the case as a homicide.
Initial conclusions released by the coroner's office
suggested the cause of the laceration and dismemberment
would have to have been a long and sharp instrument,
most likely a kitchen knife or other cutting tool.
Though no further information has been made public yet,
police say they are working closely with the forensics
and missing peoples department in order
to identify the remains.
However, due to the state of the remains,
this may take some time.
Police have conducted searches of the local area
and questioned locals where the remains were discovered.
As part of the ongoing investigation, police are urging
anyone who may have some information to please go forward
with anything that may be valuable
to the ongoing investigation.
We will of course keep you update on the story
as information comes to light.
(guitar music)
- You hear about this guy?
- What guy?
- All over the 12:00 news.
- Good news or bad news?
- What do you think?
TV said they found the deceased in a fast food dumpster
behind the mall.
Indignity to the remains.
Internet says the killer had a knife, used it everywhere.
Genitals removed, face.
- I get it.
- What's the matter?
You don't like hearing about your competition?
- My competition?
Where'd you hear this shit?
- Man, it's the word on the street.
- I don't do shit out and about.
- You didn't do it did you?
You wouldn't kill somebody?
- Jesus, you're paranoid.
You really think that's me.
I don't even know what I would charge
for something like that.
- But you cut, don't you.
- This is a niche service, Michael.
Not a thrill, it's a business.
I relieve people.
I'm not crazy.
- Are you sure?
- Not at work.
What are you, paranoid bastard?
- Well, we're all a little funny aren't we?
- I suppose.
- You ought to get a doctor's office or something
with a waiting room, you know.
- With magazines.
- Yeah, and a sexy bitch secretary.
- To be honest, I don't really mind the hike.
It's nice to get out of the house very once in a while.
- Yeah, for what?
That shit hole out there?
No thanks.
- You got too much to occupy yourself with here.
- That's the idea.
So, what kind of degenerate you got lined up next?
- Some girl downtown.
She called me last night.
She's new, so we'll see how it goes.
- She cute?
- It was out of the blue when she called.
Said she needed it bad.
- Yeah, I've been there.
- Michael, you haven't given out my phone number, have you?
- Well, no, 'cause somebody said it was
against the rules.
You got to trust me more man,
you're the one with the knife.
You don't know her, so what?
- So what?
I'm not going to open myself up to every pervert fuck
wasting in the alley, okay?
- I didn't give your number out to anybody.
I don't know anybody else that's even into this shit.
You'll be okay.
Can we go back to you trusting me again?
I'm sorry I asked you about killing that guy.
Listen, I need it.
Your services.
- And I need yours.
- You thief.
- See you next week.
- [Radio Newscaster] More updates regarding
the human remains discovered in a dumpster
behind the King Fisher shopping mall have just come in.
The police have announced that they've been able
to identify the body as that of 26-year old
Jeffrey Williford, a resident
from the lower west end of town.
His next of kin have been contacted,
but as of yet have not issued a statement
about the discovery.
Friends say that he worked nights at a fast food restaurant,
including the night prior to his body's discovery.
Police are questioning his co-workers and friends,
but continue their request for members of the public
to come forward if the have any information
that could help with the investigation.
We'll keep you informed of any further updates.
- Hey, mister, do you have some change for the bus, man?
- No, sorry.
- Like a five or anything that will help me,
you know what I mean.
- I said fuck off, I'm using my change.
- You got a bad attitude, man.
- Yeah, well.
- [Female] Excuse me.
Are you Bradley?
- So how do you like the building so far?
- [Female] Good, before the power was cut off.
I don't know, it's all right.
It's a hideout for me.
- [Bradley] How long you been here?
- [Female] Not long.
I haven't really laid down roots or anything, you know.
You got roots?
- [Bradley] I got piles of junk of that's what you mean.
I don't know about roots.
- This is it.
My bachelor pad.
Do you want anything?
- Like what?
- Like a drink.
- We should get started.
It's our first time working together
and I'm gonna go over a couple of rules.
- Where do you want me to?
- Lay down and I can go your back or some sit
if they like it done to their legs.
- What do you like?
- Whatever you're paying.
- So how does one get into this sort of profession?
- Demand.
- So you're a cutting whore?
- I'm an entrepreneur.
- It's amazing what you can find to do in this city.
- Look, I got two rules.
- Oh, promise, I won't be naughty.
- I'm sure you won't.
That phone number you have,
that needs to stay a secret.
I don't know what kind of crowd you run with
or how you got my number, but that never
should have happened.
There's a lot of weirdos in this town
and I'm not about to start handing
my information out to them.
Rule number two, because it's the first time,
pay me first.
So what would you like?
- My back.
And then I'll flip over.
- Get undressed.
- I'm ready.
- You hired me at your own risk.
- Yeah.
- All right, my instruments have been sanitized
thoroughly after each session.
That being said, if you don't take care of your wounds
properly, I can't protect against infection.
You understand?
- Yes.
- Where do you want it?
- Right here.
- I'll only go as far as you want me to.
One more thing.
If you record any of this or report it,
I will catch up to you.
(laughs)
- And do what?
How does a cutter punish somebody?
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
(screams)
- You okay?
- No, keep going, keep going.
(screams)
(moaning)
- Maybe you'd prefer a different knife.
- Brii stop.
- There's magic there, just listen up.
You and I can do this together.
I saw the way that you looked at me.
I saw the way that you looked at my arms.
Torture anyone Bradley.
- Brii stop!
That's enough.
I'm done here.
(creepy music)
I'm sorry.
You might have got the wrong impression.
I think it's best that I leave.
- [Brii] You're not going anywhere.
- Ah!
- That's more like it.
What's the matter Bradley?
You know how many guys would kill
to be with a sweet girl like me?
Someone who's looking for a good time?
I thought you would understand that, you selfish fuck!
What's the matter Bradley?
Am I not pretty enough for you?
What's the matter Bradley?
Am I not pretty enough for you?
Huh?
Am I?
(screams)
What about now Bradley?
Well, am I?
(screams)
(creepy train)
(laughing)
(door closes)
(keys jingle)
(door locks)
- Aw, fuck.
Aw fuck.
(groans)
(screams)
Fuck.
(groans)
(dial tone)
(rotary dialer)
(phone rings)
- [Female On Phone] Atlanta Pizza.
- I need a large pizza, 525 Western Heights,
Apartment 2B.
- [Female On Phone] Okay, what would you like on it?
- I don't give a shit, just give it here fast.
- [Female On Phone] Okay, that'll be 14-
(slams phone)
- Fuck.
Aw, fuck.
Fuck!
(door creaks)
(knocks)
(bangs on door)
- Shit.
(creepy music)
(tape tearing)
(breathing heavy)
- [Brii] You stay there.
You know, I think you and I got off on the wrong foot.
I just don't think you understand.
I'm actually a pretty fucking smart girl, Bradley.
I've just been fucked over too many times.
You know what?
We do it to ourselves.
Our fate, we just don't realize until it's too late
and we start having flashbacks to when we were kids.
Then you got the lies of your mother and the scars
from your father splitting your insides
and pulling everything from inside you to opposite
ends of the room.
You know what?
You realize that you would rather be crushed
like a coreless fruit in an angry god's hand.
You just want to die.
You cut from the outside in.
You try to get to what's inside and kill that.
You, guys like you, Brad, you just keep cutting.
You don't fucking care about getting to the inside.
You just keep cutting.
Guys like you take whatever the fuck they want
and then they fuck off and they leave girls like me
to sit around and hate themselves afterwards.
We're the ones sitting there hating ourselves,
but you're the one who's fucking us up.
You keep cutting, but do you actually think about
what you're doing to yourself?
Don't you know that you're just hurting yourself
and you're going to end up with this in the end?
Huh?
What would you have done if you had somebody like me
the first time that you ever dragged your blade
across some soul-less, helpless little fuck
who just wanted to feel something again.
But you don't stop.
You don't fucking stop, do you.
Well, it's not your turn anymore, Brad.
Yeah.
It's my turn.
How about we start doing things my way, hmm?
How about that.
How about you sit there, you sit there
and be good and quiet this time.
Yeah, we'll do things my way.
You like that?
Yeah?
What's wrong, what's wrong, Brad?
Am I pretty enough for you?
Fuck you.
(screams)
(footsteps in snow)
(creepy music)
(knocks)
- Hello?
- Are you Michael?
(snoring)
(dead air beep)
- What the fuck?
Wake up, we got dead air.
- Go to camera one.
Okay, we'll go to camera two.
- Wasn't that just painfully scary.
Makes me tingle in all the wrong places
just thinking about it.
How about you Nurse Nasty?
- Oh, yes, doctor.
Stay tuned for our interview segment
where I'll be talking to-
- You, Nurse Nasty?
Are you sure that your empty little brain
can handle that all on your own?
- Of course with your help, doctor.
- Right, my help.
Some people like a little throbbing pain,
don't they Nurse Nasty.
- Yes, doctor.
I know I do.
I bet you do.
I bet you like it when people use you
for their own ends like a whore, wouldn't you say?
You know, wait, no, no, no, I'm wrong.
At least a whore gets some kind of payoff in the end.
- Stick to the script you washed up alcoholic.
- Nurse Nasty.
You shouldn't talk like that.
You've been very, very naughty
and I think I'm going to have to punish you.
- John, no.
(whip slashes)
(screams)
- Shit.
Cut to commercial.
- Okay, what the hell is going on.
- Hey, it's show biz.
- You asshole.
- All right, everybody just calm down.
Orson get her out of this contraption.
- Is that blood?
I'm bleeding.
Oh, you know that you're fired right?
- Says the girl who takes the garbage out
at the end of the night.
- Oh, I can so have you fired.
- Go ahead.
I'd much rather to have you pay me to sit at home
than to have to read that shit off the teleprompter.
In fact, how about I leave now.
- No, John.
All right, everybody, let's just take a breath.
No one is firing anybody.
- But Shawn, did you see what that asshole did to me?
- I'll talk to you about this later.
- Orson.
No, not later.
You need to fucking fire him now.
- Sam, I said I'll talk to you about this later.
- Uh, we're supposed to be on in one minute.
- Right, put on the extended spot
and get set up for the interviews.
And you, John, for Christ's sake, just sober up, man.
(click)
(door slams)
(crying)
(creepy music)
- [Shawn] How are you doing?
- How do you think I'm doing?
I'm just got whipped by a drunk maniac on live television,
Shawn, and you're telling me that I have to back out there
and take more of it.
You should have fucking fired him.
- He has an iron clad contract.
We can't afford paying him and to hire a replacement.
- I can do the show on my own, John,
you know I could.
I practically do it already.
- I know, you're the best actress I know.
But we need him for this show,
at least for a little bit longer.
- I can't do this anymore.
- I know.
I know.
And you know what?
I hate this as much as you do.
And if we weren't so close to getting the financing
to get our feature film off the ground,
you know what?
I would tel that son of a bitch to fuck right off.
- You've been telling me the same lines
for the last five years, Shawn.
But you know what?
What you did out there, sticking up to that monster,
that was the last fucking straw.
- We need him or our investors will walk.
- I don't care about the movie or the show,
any of it Shawn.
I'm done.
- What are you doing?
- Packing.
- So you're just leaving?
After all the work we've done?
- We, what we Shawn?
Do we even have a relationship?
- All I know is that we need to focus on work.
- And it's my work, my ideas that has gotten
us this far and you know what, you've just been along
for the girls and the parties.
I'm done, okay, and I'm not going
to be your work horse any longer.
- I don't think of you like that.
- Yes, you do.
You know what?
When I go Shawn, all of this goes with me.
Like making your movie without the production schedule,
the tax credit forms, you know, the call sheets,
you might need those Shawn.
- Okay, Sam, come here.
Come here.
I'm sorry.
That bastard really hurt you, didn't he?
If it means that much to you, I'll fire him.
- Really?
- Yes.
Look, he's replaceable.
It's you that I need.
We're a team, remember?
- What about his contract?
- Just don't worry about that, okay.
(crying)
We good?
- No, you can be a fucking bastard sometimes,
you know that right?
- I know but that's why you love me.
(laughing)
(throat clears)
- Sorry, they need you on the set.
We go live in one minute.
- Thanks Orson.
Look, baby, why don't you just sit this one out, all right?
I'll let John deal with the interviews
and then I'll give him the good news after.
- Yeah, as long as I get to be there when you fire him.
- Deal.
Orson, take her somewhere where she can be comfortable,
maybe put some ice on her back.
- [Sam] Thanks.
- Okay, you crazy kids.
We've got two guests that were on both of the features.
Can you introduce yourselves?
- I'm Danny, I played a person in the barn
on Dinner for Monsters.
I believe you see my elbow.
- I play the pizza delivery boy in the movie Slit.
- Well, don't we get the big names here
on Dr. Nasty's Cavalcade of Horror.
(evil laugh)
- No.
(groans)
This place is crazy.
I mean do I actually have a job where I get whipped.
- I've always loved that tattoo on your shoulder.
- That?
I didn't know you'd seen that.
I did it to pay tribute to my late mother.
She always loved butterflies.
- I've got a question.
Why am I here at 4:30 in the morning?
Don't you guys pre-tape this stuff sometime
during the afternoon or something?
- And how long have you acted?
- Dude, I don't act.
I'm actually a pizza delivery boy.
Now my true calling is being a movie director.
- Amazing, I'm sure you'll be fantastic at it.
- I'm going to be glad to see this bunch gone.
You know, I've been the station manager here for 14 years,
and the last few years seeing this group
tear up the studio like that, it's been the worst,
especially how he treats you.
- Who, Shawn?
He's just a tough guy in front of others.
Sometimes I wonder if he does appreciate me, you know.
- He doesn't understand you like I do.
- I write all the scripts for the show.
Now I'm out here and he's in there,
making a fucking fool of himself.
- Yeah, I know.
I think that-
- I just take them all out and take over
the fucking show myself, you know what I mean?
- I think things will probably get better for you
once production on the feature starts on Monday.
- Monday?
Who told you that?
- I heard them talking about it in between the movies.
What'd you think all that location scouting you did was for?
- I don't know, but no one actually told me
we were going to camera yet.
- Hey, why don't you stay here at the station with me?
You could have your own show and we could-
- Hey, brownie faces.
Guess who's favorite hot little intern
just got her first lead role?
It's me.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You got the lead part?
- Yeah.
I mean, I haven't like read the full script,
but I've skimmed it and from what I can tell,
it's like, it's like Grammy award winning.
It's that good.
You know, Sam, I'm always telling you
and I know that you're a little bit older
and you don't really understand this,
but it's all about social networking
and branding yourself and you know,
I'm not above texting directors at 3 in the morning,
posting constant selfies on Instagram,
Facebooking all the time to let people
know how driven and ambitious you are.
I mean it's a networking job, it's 24/7.
Anyway, is Dr. Nasty in here?
No, well, I'll leave you guys alone.
See you later.
- Son of a bitch!
- I'm cutting to commercial in 5, 4, 3.
- If you think you're leaving me on the sidelines
while you shoot your feature, Shawn,
you've got another fucking thing coming.
You know what?
I can only bite my tongue for so long
before it starts bleeding.
What about all those script edits I did for you, huh?
The location scouting.
I did everything you asked me to do.
- No, baby, I read those.
This is my script, you know, and I just didn't think
I could really use them.
- Shawn, your script sucks.
It's got nothing but zombies and dead cheerleaders
and a found footage film.
It's nothing but cliches.
- Well, you clearly don't know what you're talking about.
Why don't you stick to the jobs that I tell you to do, huh?
- You're fucking this up.
- Do you know how you got this job?
- What do you mean?
- You heard what I said.
Do you know how you got this job?
Fucked your way into it, nothing more.
- I'm going home.
- Okay, princess, but you did do some pre-production
work and you can throw that shit on your resume
if you think it's going to help,
but the bottom line is if you go home,
you're out of a job.
- Is that a threat?
- No, it's a promise.
- I'm a solid actress and a solid writer, Shawn.
I earned that part.
- Baby, I've seen all your parts.
(laughs)
You know what?
Fuck it.
Get the fuck out of here and you can move
out of my place, as well.
I think that we're all looking for a team player
around here and I just don't quite think
you're pulling your weight.
You're fired.
- What?
- And you know what?
Don't bother cleaning out your office, either,
because everything in there, including the laptop,
is property of this production and I'm in charge,
so I own it, just like I own you.
- Fuck you.
- Shawn, I'm not sure if this is like a bad time
or whatever, but I was wondering if
we could go over the script.
- Absolutely, let's go this way.
- You're so nice.
(screams)
(glass breaks)
(background screams)
(laughs)
(evil laughs)
(whip)
(screams)
(distant moaning)
(moaning)
- Samantha.
Help me Samantha, he's crazy.
- I did this for you.
This was all for you.
For us.
I'd admire this when I'd watch you change for the show.
From the back curtain.
I got one.
So we could e together as one.
(creepy organ music)
(moans)
It's what you wanted, isn't it?
Your own show.
No more scheming ladder climbers that you have
to worry about.
No more drunken co-hosts to have to tolerate.
(moans)
No more ass to kiss.
No more male bullshit to swallow.
You've got your own show now.
Samantha, this is your time to shine.
(creepy carnival music)
We're going live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Action.
- Welcome to the Nurse Nasty show.
(punk rock music)
(alternative music)