It's always the same dream
I'm wandering Naked
In this strange Maze of hallways
And I feel this creeping sense Of impending doom
Like something terrible's About to happen
I pass my roommate
My Mom
My best friend Stella
Basically every significant person in my life
And they're all just staring at me
Like I'm some kind of museum display Behind glass
Then I see two people I've never met before
A mysterious unearthly Beautiful woman
And this red-haired girl
And they both seem to be Leading me deeper into the corridor
This is when I noticed
A black door
And I'm not sure why
But somehow I know that I've gotta Find out what's behind it
So I grabbed hold of the knob
Opened the door and discovered
A dumpster
I've had the same bizarre Fucking dream
Every night since I moved into The dorms last week
So now I'm wide awake
And, being 18 and perpetually horny
Anytime I have 5 idle minutes
My right hand automatically Takes over
Like it's got a will of its own
Sorry I'm just trying to be quiet
It's too hot to sleep anyway
How's the party?
Rad
I'm wasted
Nice
You should've come with us, dude
Everyone got crumped
Took their clothes off
Swam
The water was so warm
Mind if I sit?
Can I ask you something?
Sure - You're like gay, right?
Uhhh, I'm more Undeclared
What's it like exactly?
I imagine it's different from Being with a girl
It's way different
It's more ...
Raw
Physical
I mean, cause you're intimately familiar
With plumbing, There's less mystery and guesswork
Like, You know exactly what to do ...
And how it feels
Do you like, Kiss and stuff?
Of course
I've never ...
Y'know, Kissed another guy before
Well, it's pretty fucking awesome
My roommate ...
Plough me
Plough me with your monstrous tool!
So, yeah
I have an excruciatingly Hot, straight roommate
Wassup I'm Thor
Like the comic Yup!
And his name really is Thor
As in the superhero God of Thunder
With the giant hammer
I sleep naked I hope that doesn't weird you out
It's a perpetual torture
Plus of course he's a surfer, Dumb as a box of rocks
AKA, exactly my type
I'm like really into Gran Turismo 5
And before that I was into SOCOM
And oh yeah! Killzone!
I get with guys sometimes
Sexually I mean
And also, I like to surf
Do you surf, dude?
The guy sounds like a fucking asstard
My partner-in-crime Stella
Stella and I first met way back in 9th Grade
I refuse to do this assignment Cause you're
A sexist loser who has no fucking clue What you're talking about
Are you sure it's not straight love Or in love with another oblivious boy fixation?
It's just that I'm not sure How straight Thor really is
You said he was putting a load In some pinhead stryer last night
Yeah, but doing it with women Doesn't necessarily make him straight
Case in point
The fact that you randomly sometimes
Stick it in a girl does not mean anything
Beyond you Need to monitor your drinking
Here we go
Now he's your typical straight guy, right?
When it comes to sloppiness, and manners
And scratching his balls In public
Or like eating half a piece of pizza On someone's coffee table
However, he also does Stuff like that ...
He wears deodorant every single day
And he exfoliates every night
Religiously, with one of those vibrating Derma-brasion things
Plus, he's a little too
Into his own body Like beyond a normal
Straight guy who works out Admiring his self kinda way
Are we done?
No I saved the weirdest thing for last
He wears flip flops like Almost everyday, right?
Very hetero, very dude, choice
Except for the fact He has a whole collection of them
Which he keeps in a color coordinated row
In his closet
Wow, except from putting a dick in your mouth With Lady Gaga playing in the background
That's about as gay as it gets
See? I told you
Smith, I'm kidding
It's all cute and fun When you're 15
But we're legal adults now
In college
Anyway
I gotta get to class
Me too Where are you headed?
Imagination Theory
I'm beginning to wonder if being an Art major in a college of Creative Studies
Is a little too hippy dippy Even for me
Hey, dudes!
The Messiah
Our pothead RA who is baked 24/7
What's goin' on?
We were just on our way to class
That's cool
I'd a really freaky dream last night
We'd love to hear all about it But ...
Both of you Were in it
And the whole world ...
Blew up
In a horrible nuclear catastrophe
Great, thanks Messiah Goodbye
Majoring in Film Studies Is something I wanted to do all my life
Eventhough it is a little anachronistic
Considering there is real doubt As to whether cinema
As we know will even exist Anymore in the next few years
It's kinda like devoting your life
To studying an animal That's on the verge of extinction
Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life
It's 4 years of having sex
Making stupid mistakes And experiencing stuffs
It's a pitstop Not the second coming of the Messiah
Speaking of, it was sorta bizarre What the Messiah was saying this morning
No kidding
What's that guy's deal? He's gotta be like 30 at least
Yeah I've been having Weird dreams lately too
What do you think it means?
It's a well-known fact that dreams are just Your brain taking a dump at the end of the day
It don't mean anything
Hey dude
Let me guess
Thor Wassup?
Thor, this is my best friend Stella Stella, Thor
Mind if I join?
Whatcha major in, Stella?
Art
Oh really? Cool
Yeah Cool
Are you gay, or whatever too?
Or just like ...
Normal?
Hey, Messiah
Smith!
Got something for you
What is it?
Someone slipped it Under my door this morning
You Are The Chosen Son
What does it say?
"The Chosen Son?"
What the crap's that supposed to mean?
I have no idea
Oh, hey dude
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
Trying to suck your own dick?
Bingo
I've been reading on the Internet
That if you do these Flexibility exercises twice a day
You'll be able to give yourself A blowjob in 3 weeks
I'll email you the link
That's ok - You sure?
It's a useful skill to have, y'know?
In case you hit a dry spell ... You ever taste your own cum?
Not a whole load, mind you? But y'know if you
Shoot really hard and some gets In your mouth by accident
Mine's not bad actually
Kinda vanilla-ish - Really, can we change the subject?
Oh, bro!
What's it with you and your friend?
Who, Stella?
Yeah, the uptight dyke
Yeah I know she can be a little aloof When you first meet her, but she's actually
Super hot In a bitter, edgy les kinda way
You think I have any shot At hitting that?
I just threw up a little In my mouth
I know Hello I'm obsessed with you
And you're into my vagitarian best friend?
It's like I told you That guy's a toad
I've met plants With better personalities
And what do you make of him Trying to blow himself ... this afternoon
He likes having a sword swallowed Not exactly a revelation
So anyways The party tonight
You're going
Lorelei, this hot girl from my Emotion Painting class invited me
Lorelei?
As in legendary siren luring Helpless sailors to their doom?
Yeah I know
She's gorgeous and I need a wingman So you're drafted
So that you can hook up And ditch me after 5 seconds?
Basically
Nice hat by the way Are we in Paris?
Well, it's about time asshole - I know
It's been awhile I'm sorry, I've just been super busy
Don't worry bout it, hon I work my ass off
Keeping a roof over your head For the past 18 years
How's college life?
Oh, shit, sweetie
That's Australia on the other line Can I ring you back in 15?
I'm going to a party with Stella I'll just call you later this weekend or something
Sure you will
There she is
Lorelei!
That's her?
I know Effing hot, right?
Smith, Lorelei ... Lorelei ... this is Smith
Have we met before?
No
I'm sorry, I ...
Anyway ... Shall we hit the bar?
Definitely
Are you gonna be okay? - Yeah I'll be fine
Just a minute
Can you hold on?
Can you hurry it up in there I'm gonna piss like a banshee
Hello, are you giving birth To a marine in there or what?
Finally!
What happened to your shoe?
A drunk girl barfed on it
Nice hat
Yeah Same to you
London
Huh? - I'm London
You don't expect me to shake that hand Before you wash it
Sorry gay dude
Excuse me?
Well you are, right?
What?
Gay
I don't really believe in Standardized sexual pejoratives
So you're bi? - Not exactly
You do it with guys and girls, right? Depending on which way your Peter points?
It's ...
A little more ...
Complicated
Life doesn't have to be so complicated Neither does sex
Are you okay?
What was the question again?
Do you wanna fuck?
What? - Do You Want To Fuck?
I just so happen to find queer guys hot So my thing
Dude, keep it simple
You, me, intercourse
Yes, no?
What?! I'll drive
What are you doing?
What do you think?
Maybe We should wait Till we get back to your place
Why?
It's kinda dangerous I mean I'm trying drive here
I live with danger
Me too
I'm gonna cum
Do it, do it Just let me do it more
Did you cum too?
No, it's kinda hard for me In that position
But it was really cool watching you
Wait You didn't cum?
Whatever, I'm good
What kinda guy are you?
If I didn't just have your dick inside of me I swear you didn't have one
I got this kinda weird thing
Where I'm really into making Whoever I'm with, cum
Now that Really turns me on
I happen to take pride In being scandalously great in bed
So if you think you're going Home without cumming
Forget it
Ahh, feels so good!
Oh God ...!
Wait
Don't cum yet
I want to show you something
What?
Just lay back, and relax - Alright
Are you ready?
You're not even touching me But it's like I can feel your mouth on my ...
Cool, huh?
How do you do that?
I have special talents
What do you mean?
That was so hot
I almost came again Just watching you
Don't get any ideas OrgasMomatic
I gotta get some sleep
What are you doing?
No offence dude ...
I'm really not into the whole ...
Sleepover breakfast thing
Here, gimme your number
So ...
See you?
Help! They're coming! They're coming to get me!
Please! We gotta get outta here! Come on!
Wow Talking bout a bad trip
What kinda drugs were you on anyway?
That's just it I'm not sure
It was so vivid And real
I must have blacked out or something cause When I woke up
I don't know how much later The animal-masked men, the red-haired girl
They were nowhere to be found
Smith, you were hallucinating
I can't believe I let you drag me out of A very sexy dyke's bed for this
That's the other thing, How do you explain me seeing Lorelei in a dream
Before I even met her
Could be because there's more Lorelei Than meets the eye
What do you mean?
She's a witch
A ... what?
She's a witch
Y'know ... Supernatural powers, casts spells
I know Pretty cool, huh?
Dude, we've been searching All morning and found
No footprints, no blood, zilch - I know
And now you wanna spend the rest of the day
Poring over the entire student population In the campus directory?
You got something better to do?
Sucking a fart Out of a dead seagull's ass?
Stella! Stella! - I'm awake
100% awake
Come here
Are you sure that's her?
So what do we do now?
Start calling every O'Hara In the phonebook I guess?
And ... Say what?
"Hi. I was tripping balls last night And you were in my dream"
What are you doing here? - I came to rescue you
Oh my God, Awesome
Smith ...
Go ahead Bail
Hi, I was lookin' for a Madeleine O'Hara ... Is there ...
Okay, sorry to bother you Thank you
What are you doing?
Who is this?
The girl you fucked last night
Hi, sorry ... - I repeat, what are you doing?
I was kinda in the middle of something Right now
I'm stressed about this exam I have on Monday
I was thinking
I could really use a good orgasm
Thanks
I needed that
What?
Nothing
I just, I just think you ...
Cool
Yeah? You're cool too
Now where are you going?
I told you I have a massive test Monday
And I'm still here
So that's it We both cum and you leave?
Pretty much Is there a problem?
Eventhough we just met
I feel ...
This weirdly intense connection with you
I know Me too
Sure you can't stay A little bit longer?
Is that you ...
Or Smith junior talking?
Both
As much as I love to help The two of you out
I gots to study
What's this?
Last night after I left your place
I was walking out By the lagoon and
What?
I know her
What?
I know her Know her
She was in my Sociology class
She was always strung out Totally fucked up
Last week she passed out in the middle of a lecture
And what happened?
Paramedics came and took her away
Well, last night
I had this insanely intense
Vision of her getting murdered
By 3 guys in animal masks
Did you say animal masks?
Why?
Oh, sorry
You guys boning?
I was just leaving
I'll call you
Hi
Errr ... can you move your Fat ass out of my way?
Thanks
I'm Thor By the way
Yeah I'm sure you are
Who was that?
Wow I think that broke my all-time record
You tired already?
We've been going at it For 5 hours
I mean I love sex As much as anyone else
But if I cum anymore tonight My crude is just gonna break
But I wanna make love again
You're kidding, right?
What are you? Some kind of insatiable sex maniac?
Too bad, I'm beat
Buzzkill
What was that?
What What are you talking about?
I felt that Lorelei I know what you're doing, it's not ...
Hello - Smith, what are you doing?
Walking home from the library
Why? What's wrong?
You gotta rescue me
It turns out Lorelei is a little bit crazy Like a shithouse rat
I told you There was something scary about her
Look I'm gonna make up An excuse about you
Having some kinda crisis That I'll meet you back at your place
Stella, what? What's going on?
She walked on
Stella ... Stella are you in there?
I'm just peeing
What's taking so long?
I miss you
Be out in a sec
I gotta go ... - Wait, Stel
Shit
Shit!
Help! Somebody help!
Smith? What's wrong?
The door
It was stuck
Are you alright, man?
Yeah ... I'm fine
Who's there?
The Queen of fucking England Who do you think?
Get in!
Whatthe ...? - Just come here quick
What? - Look!
Yeah that's a beautiful parking lot Smith
They were just down there
Who? What are you talking about?
The animal masks men
You mean the ones you hallucinated?
I'm not hallucinating now
I think that something really Fucking freaky is going on
Oh, sorry Were you two ...
Gross! No
You must be Smith's new girlfriend
Huh? - She's kidding
Madeleine O'Hara, the red-haired girl ...
London says she was in her Sociology class And then went missing about a week ago
Well that's why I came by
She may have turned up
What do you mean?
Is Oceanography, that building past
Madigan Hall Way out on the west side of campus
Right by the lagoon?
I don't know What's going on?
It could just be a coincidence
But I was studying tonight In the library
And there on the floor
I saw this ...
Unidentified Headless Female Torso Found In Oceanography Department Dumpster
Days passed
I searched the news religiously but There was no word on the body in the dumpster
I started to wonder If maybe I really was losing my mind
To clear my head I went to this nude beach
A few miles from campus
I've never been to One before in my life
So one morning before class I checked it out
I gotta say It was a little nerve-wracking
But kinda liberating
Lying there with the sun, and the breeze The smell of the ocean
All my worries All the weird shit going on
Everything melted away
But then ...
How's it goin'?
Mind if I join you?
Hunter
Smith
You come here often?
This is my first time
I didn't think I'd seen ya around
You in school?
Yeah. You? - Fuck, no
I build and design hot tubs
Oh really?
Wait ...
Do you like Do this a lot?
What do you mean?
This ...
Oh, hey dude!
What's going on? - Teaching this fag a lesson
Yeah, who's teaching who yeah fag?
Smith, this is my best bud Rex Rex, Smith
Wassup, man
Well I was just gonna grab a shower
Alright hey man, if you want it you should try Some of that awesome new conditioner I just got
It's the one on my sofa With the French name
Listen to yourself You sound like a huge fucking fag!
Ok fag, that's it! I'm kicking your giant homo ass!
Who's the fag now huh?
You, faggot fag steak!
What's that? - Fag burger with a side of fag fries
Yeah ... I'm just gonna ...
You meet some guy on the nude beach
And 5 minutes later, you're downloading his hard drive in the back of a van?
You're a slut
Really?
So did you dump Lorelei yet?
I'm trying to pull away But she's not exactly making it easy
You're not inviting me in?
I'm kinda tired And I have a super early class tomorrow
Is something wrong?
No, I'm just tired
Aren't you gonna kiss me goodnight?
Uhmmm ... Sure
Well, ummm ... Goodnight
I love you
Yeah ... Me too
I know I have to end it But my experience with psychopaths
Like her You have to ease away very gradually
The sooner the better Before she pulls something really nutty
I told you nothing's wrong I just gotta finish this project
You're not avoiding me Are you?
Of course not
If you're lying That would make me very upset
I'm not lying babe
Look, I need to get back to work
I'll call you tomorrow, alright?
What time tomorrow?
After class
I'll be counting the minutes
Okay - I love you
Me too
Goodnight
Hi, Smith
I hope you don't think This is too creepy stalker of me
But I'm too much of a social retard to Walk up and say Hi like a normal person
In case you're wondering
I got your e-mail from the Explosions in the Sky's Facebook page
So at least We have this much in common
Anyways I was wondering If you maybe wanna get together
Have coffee or something
If not, then uh ...
Have a great life I guess
Okay, I'm gonna stop now before I chicken out and toss this in the trash
Yeah, I'm Oliver By the way
So I've been meaning to ask
The other day when I mentioned The animal masks guys
You seemed kinda weirded out
It seems appropriate
It's a weird story
Is it your Mom?
How did ...
Your face
My Mom's okay She did the best she could
Raising me on her own ... Working full-time
What about your Dad?
He died in a car accident When I was a baby
I'm sorry
I never knew him so it's kinda like I don't even have a father
I don't see my Dad either He was an alcoholic
Abandoned us when I was little
I guess we have more in common Than we thought
What are you looking at now?
It's just my roommate's friend
Smith's got a crush!
I do not have a crush
You're hooked for him like you're Hooked for that shaved egg roommate of yours
When I walked in They were both rolling around
On the floor Wrestling in their underwear
Straight guys are gayer than gay guys The fact that they're in love but can't
Suck each other's dick Makes them queerer than Clay Aiken
What ... What are you doing?
I inviting him over
Chillax Just having some fun
Here he comes
Hey
Rex, this is my friend London London, Rex
You look lonesome Want some company?
Sure Thanks
We were just talking about sex
She's kidding
So Rex, Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?
It's a rating system For sexual orientation
0, being totally hetero And 6, 100% gay
Smith here is probably a 3 or 4
While I'm like a 1.5
Why don't we talk about something else?
Kinsey discovered that only 5 to 10% of the population are at 6 or 0
What do you think your number is?
Zero I guess ... ?
Boring
You wanna fuck anyway?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Dude don't worry I'll give you the 4-1-1 after
Okay
Excuse me?
Let's have sex
Just with you, though Right?
Yeah, that's it!
Oh don't stop You're doing great!
Are you joking?
Sorry - I've had pelvic exams last longer than that
It's just ... You felt so good
What are you, 14? Wow!
I'll be hard again in a few
And it lasts way longer The second time around, I swear
Oh joy!
In the meantime I'll eat your pussy or something
This just keeps getting Better and better doesn't it?
C'mon Let me make it up to you
Yeah that's it, baby I just want to make you feel good
What the hell's going on down there?
What do you think you're doing? - Eating you out
Dude, it's a vagina not a bowl of spaghetti
I don't know What your fucking problem is
But I've gone down on lots of girls And never had any complaints
Maybe they're faking it to Spare your fragile male ego?
Look, you want a few Constructive pointers?
I don't need pointers
Trust, you so do
And you know what a clit is, right?
Yeah I know what a clit is
Think of it as a little girl dick
And treat it accordingly Imagine what your dick likes
Kiss it, tease it with your tongue
Suck it, even nibble it a little
Just make sure you true-to-God Treat it with the utmost care and respect
Which brings us to the number one Golden rule of oral
Pay attention to how she's reacting
If she seems into something
Keep doing that same thing Over and over and over
It's about finding the rhythm she likes And sticking to it until the job is done
Got it
You want a practical?
So ready
Well, get busy son
Hey - So we hooking up or what?
Excuse me?
I thought maybe you might wanna have sex so that You can do Rex via the transfer property
If A fucks B, and B fucks C It's like A fucks C by default
As appealing as you make that sound I'll pass
You're not curious?
About ...
What Rex is like in bed
Oh hey -Hey
I just came by to pick up some stuff
Is everything alright?
Yeah Totally
Well late
See ya
What was that about? - I don't know, got me
What is it?
I set a Google Alert For any news of the dead girl in the dumpster
Did they finally identify her? - Maybe
What?
It's gone - What's gone?
The torso
Someone stole it From the coroner's office
Today's the day
My 19th birthday
My morning starts out Like any other
But very quickly Weirdness takes over
And now what begins? - The hell if I know
It's just freaking me out Because the minute I woke up
I was overwhelmed by this vague sense
That some sort of Major shift has occurred
Well I finally did break up with Lorelei this morning
Yeah How did that go?
Yikes Then what happened?
This isn't over Stella
You have no fucking idea What you're getting yourself into
So are you worried?
Does Mel Gibson hate Jews?
Anyway, let's change the subject
Any word yet from what's-his-name?
Oswald? - Oliver
No, I spent literally hours honing my reply of a masterpiece
That's definitely interested but Not too desperate for this
How long's it been?
Three days
I know
So, don't forget
We're seeing Helen Stellar Tonight over in Ocean City
That's right!
Fuck me!
Smith! What happened?
Smith stepped into dog shit
And it's his birthday
Happy fucking birthday!
Could this day get any worse?
Hello? - Smith?
Hi, who is this?
Hunter
Who?
Hunter From the beach?
Oh hi, sorry I didn't recognize your voice
That's okay Just playing back
In my mind the good time we had
Started getting a chub Just thinking about it
So, I'm sure you have an important class Or something to go to?
I'm totally free all afternoon
Sweet Wanna come down?
I'm on my way
I'll fuck you
Just a second!
Hold on!
Hey!
Dude, you don't have to hide your porn I'm not your Mom
What do you mean?
Like you think the unmistakable sound of gay porn Doesn't penetrate these walls?
Alright, biatch
You made your point
So I gather your tawdry hook-up At the beach was a bust?
His cell went just when He was going down on me
It's my wife
You're married? - Yeah, I thought I told you
Gotta run, we'll take care Of this guy later
Can you believe it?
Since it's you Yes
Anyway ... Happy Birthday monkey-spanker
What's this? You already got me The Helen Stellar tickets
Shut up and open it already
Oh my God ... How did you ...
I contacted them through their website and they autographed it for me
This is so awesome Thank you
What are you doing right now?
Uhmm, I'm just Talking to Stella
Can you meet me in my room In 20 minutes?
I have a birthday surprise for you
This is making me a little uncomfortable
Do you want your surprise Or do you want to complain?
I'm not complaining
I really appreciate the effort But ...
London?
London, c'mon This isn't funny
Chill pill I'm right here
Can you please take The blindfold off?
Seriously, you've had enough fun for ...
Happy birthday
So epic
I know, I'm not gonna Be able to hear for a week
I must admit after a shaky start
This may be the best birthday ever
Smith?
I thought that was you
Hey It's Oliver
Well, I'm just ...
Uh huh I'll meet you back at the car
So ...
I just wanted to say ...
Eat shit and kill yourself
Wait, what the fuck is that? You're pissed at me?
Just next time someone puts Their balls on the line like that
At least be man enough to respond!
I did respond, I sent an email That was so long
And overbaked I thought I scared you off
Dude, I'm already over it
You don't have to lie
I'm not lying, I did want to go out with you I still do
Are you fucking with me now?
No
Just let me take you to dinner And I'll prove it
Here, so we don't have To rely on emails
Gimme your number And I'll give you mine
I have a huge paper due Friday
But that night I'm totally open
Me too
Cool
So It's a date
You aren't gonna ...
Flake again, are ya?
I'm calling you No matter what
Even if the world ends
I better get back to my friends They're probably wondering what happened to me
Alright
See ya
So should I call him?
What?
Should I give Oliver a call, just to say "Hi, it was nice running into you"
Good idea, let him know you're a need-ball freak Right off the bat
Really?
Smith, the universe is finally smiling on you And everything is going your way
Don't fuck it up - Yeah right, okay
Can you pull over at the next stop I haveta pee like a pregnant woman
Hello?
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to
Are you alright?
Yeah
I was just dozed off
Do you remember me?
I think we've met before
At a party
I've never seen you before In my life
You barfed on my shoe
And later that night
I saw three men In animal masks ...
I don't know what you're talking about
Are you sure?
Look I told you ...
I don't know anything
Please I gotta go
Madeleine?
Madeleine O'Hara
What do you know About the animal-masked men?
You gotta tell me
I had a twin sister
Named Rebecca
And when we were little ...
Men in animal masks Came and took her away
Dude, you already googled Rebecca O'Hara
On your BlackBerry And got a million hits of nothing
Deal with it tomorrow
You're right. Let's just try to enjoy Whatever's left of my birthday
So how does it feel to be 19?
Now what is it?
Nothing I'm just tired
So, any more crazy messages From Lorelei?
Well, seems to have died down a little So that's promising
Who knows Maybe I was over-reacting
I mean I know how hell hath no fury and all But could be, she's
Not as bonkers as we thought
Stella What's wrong?
I don't know, do you think Maybe I'm being too much of a wimp?
Dude, you have a Fatal Attraction stalker
With supernatural powers You've got every right to be creeped out
Yeah, okay Sold
I'm gonna give you the bed, lady
You want an Ambien? - No
Thank you. After the day we've had Don't think I'm gonna have any trouble falling asleep
Me neither, but I wanna be so knocked out I don't want how many more gnarly nightmares
So where's Board Knight?
He disappears sometimes For a few days
I assume he's off somewhere Burying his bone in some ...
Smith c'mon That's not funny
Smith, I'm not kidding Cut it out
Smith, what the fuck You're freaking me out, stop it
It's not Smith
Smith, stop fucking around
Stella, I told you
It's not Smith
I warned you Stella
I warned you not to do this
Fuck you, Lorelei
This isn't real
This isn't really happening - Oh it's happening alright
Believe me ...
It's happening
I'm dreaming I must be dreaming
Wake up! Wake up, c'mon ...!
Wake up ...!
Till Death Do Us Part
Lorelei! I know you're out there!
Stop hiding and show your fucking face You fucking coward!
Fuck you, you crazy bitch! You hear me? Fuck you ...
Fuck you!
Holy fucking shit!
Why are you ...
I was up all night I didn't sleep at all
Smith, what's going on?
I woke up In the middle of the night ...
And I found this IM
Telling me to go to this address
You ever heard of the New Order?
The seminal New Wave band from the 80s?
No Here, I'll show you
It's like this secret underground cult
What?
The address It's not in my browser history
Are you sure you weren't just Having some kinda sugar-induced nightmare?
Stella, I'm not making this up
It's gone, all of it The site, the IMs
Stel, I'm not crazy I was on this site
It had a list
Of all these ostracized members
Number 1 on the list was ...
Her name was Rebecca Novak
Rebecca, as in the name of The red-haired girl's twin
So why does she have a different Last name?
I don't know Maybe she was adopted or something
Anyway ...
That Rebecca girl
she had this whole litany of transgressions
Blasphemy, sedition, treason
And her penance
Was death
And there's something else Even weirder
On the website, they had a photo Of the cult's leader
Like their L. Ron Hubbard The whole thing
The Supreme One
And he looked like ...
My Dad
What the fuck are you talking about Your Dad is dead
I found this in the trash When I was little
I always kept it a secret
The guy on the website That's him
I know it
Oh Milo ... It hurts so good
Tight session You were really in the zone today
I had a lot of tension to work out - I could tell
So is there anything else I can do for you?
Well for starters You can get out of those fucking clothes
Now what?
Oh I've got a few ideas
And they're absolutely Filthy
Oh oh Hold that
Hello? - Mom?
Smith, I'm in the middle of a meeting Can I call you right back?
It's kinda important It's about Dad
What about him?
I just got a couple of questions - Alright
He died when I was a baby, right?
Yeah, in a car accident You know all this already, what's going on?
Mom, I just have to know Is there anything you're not telling me?
No, there is not This chapter of our life has been closed
For a long time
What was Dad's last name?
Did he go by any other aliases?
Smith, look I'm hanging up now okay?
Stop asking questions about your father
For your own good
Mom, wait ...
London?
My Dad's alive?
He got his PhD in psychology
His research focused on an obscure
Community of hippies Devoted to this book ...
An Ideal for Living
Your father spent years studying the techniques That leaders use to control the group
In the early 90s, he took the cult head for himself
How do you know all this?
My father wasn't an alcoholic He was in the cult too
Ever since I can remember My Dad would disappear
Then one night When I was around 10
We never saw him again
And what does all this Have to do with me?
You're the first-born male child Of the Supreme One
The Chosen Son
What about you?
Did you know who I was All this time?
So that night we met At the party
I was following you
But only because I was hoping You might be able to lead me to my father
But our friendship, Everything that's happened since then
None of that was planned
You believe me, don't you?
I'm not sure what I believe in anymore
Messiah!
The end ...
The end is near
Hello?
So you're saying, her body just Vanished into thin air
It was the freakiest fucking thing One minute I'm checking her for a pulse ...
She seems dead Cold as stone
So I run out to grab my cell to call 9-1-1
And by the time I got back I swear it was like 10 seconds later
She's gone
I know it sounds nuttier Than squirrel shit
Well, strange seems to be The new normal lately
What about Messiah?
Did the doctors say He was just tripping or what?
His pupils were like Big black suns
They're running a bunch of tests
Smith?
Mom What is it, what's wrong?
I need you to drop whatever you're doing And come home immediately
What ... What are you talking about?
I can't say anything more
They're probably listening to us Right now
Who's listening?
Mom, are you in some kinda danger? Maybe you should call the police
No, no police, they can't be trusted They're part of it
Look, no more questions okay?
Just get in your car And come home
Smith, I'm not kidding
Do it Now!
Smith, don't worry I'm sure your Mom Will explain everything when we get there
I just can't stop thinking about
What the Messiah said
You mean all that "End is Near" shit?
Stella, I have the exact same feeling
And it keeps getting progressively More and more intense
Like ...
What if this really Is the beginning ...
Of the end?
Hello
Smith, where are you?
Dude, me and Stella are driving To L.A. for the night
Actually it's a family emergency
Is everything okay?
Hope so What's going on?
Well, I just called the hospital
The Messiah's gone
How could someone who's barely even conscious Just up and disappear?
Nobody knows what happened to him
That's not the only thing
What?
The results of his toxicology Report came back
They discovered traces of dioxin in his bloodstream
Dioxin?
You mean, Like that Russian spy dude?
Yeah The Messiah was poisoned
Are you sure You're gonna be alright?
It's just I don't know how my Mom's gonna React and it might be touchy feely family ...
Don't worry about me
Just call or text whenever The coast is clear
Thanks Stel
For everything
Smith, everything's gonna be fine
Mom?
Hello?
Smith, you alright?
Come on, let's get outta here!
Smith, hurry up!
What are you doing? What is it?
London? Smith, I was just about to call you
There's something really weird going on
What do you mean?
All the highest-ranking members of The New Order seem to be heading out of town
It's a mass migration
We're heading back now
Listen
I have something major to tell you
I think my Mom's been kidnapped
What? - She's missing and we found her Blackberry
And there's all this information on it
What kind of information?
A bunch of incriminating documents about My Dad and the New Order
It's so much huger Than just some sick little cult
It's like this whole secret society and
Infiltrating the media, government Even the police are involved
But look, that's not all
My Dad had dozens of wives
Like he basically slept with Anyone in the cult he wanted
As a result, he has all these Illegitimate children
And he's your biological father
And you're my half-sister
London
London, are you still there?
I'm here Smith
Look, you just need to get back here Soon ...
London?
London, what's going on? What's happening?
London ...
London Open up!
Fuck!
This always works on my room
First The Messiah, then my Mom, now London What's fucking next!
What are you gonna do?
We gotta get outta here, just pack some stuffs In a bag, I'll meet you in your room in like 5 minutes
What? - Stel, just do it!
Five minutes, hurry And watch your back!
Mom, what happened Who did this to you?
What are you waiting for? We don't have all night
Blow me, fag Who made you queen for the day?
Dudes, seriously
This is no time for dicking around
Smith? Smith?
Messiah? Jesus, you gave me a freakin' heart attack
Stella, there's no time to explain Where is Smith?
I think he's been kidnapped
Fuck! - Messiah, what the shit is going on?
Come with me I'll explain on the way
On the way where? What are you talking about?
Stella, we may already be too late Just come on
Welcome back, dude
What is this?
Finally!
The Chosen Son awakes
Can someone please tell me What the fuck is happening?
It's Day Zero
What the hell is Day Zero?
It's New Order codespeak For the day the world ends
Dude I'm sure you heard it before But you gotta cut way back on your weed intake
As a matter of fact ...
I've never touched that stuff
The stoner thing was just a front
I'm actually part of a covert group Operation called The Resistance
And it's our mission, to wipe out The New Order once and for all
Oliver?
So lemme get this straight You guys are both ex-members
Of the New Order who are Now like spies trying to destroy it?
In grossly simplified terms Yes
My girlfriend Rebecca Is also in the movement
Rebecca Novak?
The red-haired girl
She's your girlfriend?
She was
Before she was murdered
The cult performs secret initiations Involving underage girls
Who are either abducted or donated By their fucked up parents
Rebecca was working undercover Videotaping the rituals for the FBI
Smith saw that video It was on the USB drive he said got stolen
We suspect Thor and Rex are responsible for that - Thor?
And Rex?
So all 3 of you have been Spying on me this whole time?
Dude, you're the Chosen Son
We have to monitor and report Your every move
Hers too
Where are you taking us now?
Go ahead, tell him
Tell me what?
We're taking you To meet your father
Where are they Oliver? Do you see them?
Yeah, I got them They're heading east on I-10
You're some kinda witch too? Like Lorelei?
The New Order tests all its members' Offspring for the "gift"
A certain type of brain activity indicating a predisposition
For paranormal ability
Subjects displaying a high level Of this marker
Are inducted into a program with Intensive psychotropic treatment
To cultivate those skills
And that's what happened to you?
And Lorelei?
Some come out of the program Severely damaged
With a laundry list Of personality disorders
Others don't make it at all
Smith's gift is exceptionally strong
Smith has psychic powers too?
They're just dormant Like seeds that haven't germinated
Now that he's turned 19
It looks like the Prophecy Is coming true
What's the Prophecy?
It's based on a recurring dream Of your father's
The Chosen Son will return to the fold In its 19th year
And the world as we know it
Will be destroyed in a nuclear holocaust
You're shitting me
The New Order has warheads Strategically planted in every major city in the world
World War 3 can be started With the push of a button
But won't they obliterate Themselves in the process?
The cult has a massive underground lair Called the Secret Sanctum
Specially designed to survive A nuclear disaster
So after the great Apocalypse
The New Order will be all that's left
When the Prophecy transpires You'll inherit the Kingdom
You're gonna be like The Prince of the new fucking world
Well if that's true Why am I tied up
Why do London and my Mom Have their mouths taped?
Sorry, man We're just following orders
Though I guess now that we're out
In the middle of nowhere It's probably okay to let them get some air
What do you guys think?
Why not? But if either of them mouth off I reserve the right
To plug their face - whole With my cock
Don't worry
I'll do it nice, and slow
So it won't hurt
Thanks, arse hat
No problemo
Grab her, fucking douche! - I'm trying!
Look, is that them?
That van belongs to a Level 4 Night Assignment Smith
So, yes
Well then What the Jesus are you waiting for?
Floor it!
Who's the girl now?
What the fuck's wrong With you pussies?
Jesus! She's a fucking girl!
Dude, come on! Get her!
What the ...
Pull over!
Kiss my fucking starfish Homo!
What are you doing?
Hang on!
Are you fucking kidding?!
You couldn't pick a smoother road?
What the hell?
Look out!