0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 INDOXXI Support dengan like & share :) 1 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:32,097 (various voices) Once upon a time, 2 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,266 it seemed like a hundred years ago... 3 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,301 Girl, it was not that long. 4 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,536 [clears throat] 5 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,072 In a land far, far away... 6 00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:42,674 Let's not get carried away. 7 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:47,279 A new teacher was starting her first day of classes. 8 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,681 She was mean and hateful. 9 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,650 She had her reasons. 10 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:53,485 Will you stop interrupting? 11 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,587 I will if you start at the beginning. 12 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:58,407 Fine! 13 00:00:58,408 --> 00:01:01,226 There lived a kind and decent man named Richard. 14 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,595 This is an example of when many large thunderstorms 15 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,265 come together and spin like a funnel-- 16 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:10,135 ...who was perhaps the most awkward teacher in Manhattan. 17 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,237 When is our regular teacher coming back? 18 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:15,374 If you have a question, raise your hand. 19 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:16,708 Now... 20 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,644 Yes? 21 00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,579 When is our regular teacher coming back? 22 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:23,582 Your regular teacher is coming back on Monday. 23 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,317 We have two more topics left 24 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,853 on our Time Warp Through Science Tour. 25 00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,089 Pay attention. 26 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,723 Who am I dressed up as? 27 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:32,858 My grandpa? 28 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,677 Okay, you know what, kids? 29 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,495 This is-- I'm just going to move things along a little faster. 30 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:41,567 Our next stop through our Time Warp through Science Tour is-- 31 00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,102 Get ready! 32 00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:44,736 Are you ready? 33 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,207 Our next science genius is... 34 00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:49,274 [laughing] 35 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,642 A scary old lady? 36 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,144 No! 37 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:53,779 Marie Curie! 38 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,581 This is boring! 39 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,382 Can we talk about sex ed or something? 40 00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:58,684 [bell ringing] 41 00:01:58,686 --> 00:01:59,785 I leave you with this. 42 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,121 My favourite Marie Curie quote-- 43 00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:05,124 The way of progress was neither swift nor easy. 44 00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,593 Remember that, my little scientists. 45 00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,561 See you soon! 46 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,530 If they'll have me back. 47 00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,236 [thunder rumbling] 48 00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:21,340 [thunder crashing] 49 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,427 Dear Mr. Martinez. 50 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,930 Blah, blah, blah. 51 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,432 Sorry to inform you that you are not chosen for this year's 52 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,601 teaching ambassador program. 53 00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,302 Blah, blah, blah. 54 00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,305 Please try again next year. 55 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,376 ¶ 56 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,586 So I'm-- I'm talking to my landlord, okay? 57 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,656 And she's like, Sorry for the construction. 58 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,524 If you'd like to leave early... 59 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:20,859 I'm like, the nerve, right? 60 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,412 Like, I'm going to leave early? 61 00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,964 I'm going to leave when my lease is up, you sundried Barbie! 62 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,733 [chuckles] 63 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,301 -Excuse us! -Coming through! 64 00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,469 We're late, bitch. 65 00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,737 Well, I'm on time. 66 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:32,938 Ooh! My feet hurt. 67 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,239 You wear cheap shoes. 68 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,539 I beg your pardon. I have large toes. 69 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,775 Move! 70 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,043 Hey! 71 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,278 (murmurs indistinctly) 72 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,512 Chakha Convict! 73 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,381 IDs! 74 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:43,849 Oh, girl, come on. 75 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,984 Th-that's a... that's a chemistry joke 76 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:50,522 because I'm a chemistry, uh, teacher. 77 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,057 [coughing] 78 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,793 I would wait here if I were you. 79 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,062 They're about to tell him it's his last night. 80 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,898 He totally bombed again. 81 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:00,899 Hi, guys! 82 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:01,867 Hi! 83 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:03,368 Hi, Richard! You were... 84 00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,970 incredible. 85 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,505 Thanks. 86 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,341 See ya! 87 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,076 Don't try it. 88 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,545 Cute bird's nest. 89 00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,914 I'm sorry we were late. We heard your show was okay. 90 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,816 Worse than leprosy. 91 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,418 -I love leopards. -Shut up Girl! 92 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,919 Did you do that mime bit we practiced? 93 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,422 No, I wasn't feeling that bit tonight. 94 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,656 Do you know what's worse? 95 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,358 I even found out today that I didn't get that 96 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,493 teaching position that I was telling you two about. 97 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:29,945 -What? -Aw, Dick. 98 00:05:29,946 --> 00:05:31,396 But we didn't want you to leave no-how. 99 00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:37,636 Well, listen, I pay $3,468.52 without utilities each month 100 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,605 for that mouse-ridden shithole of an apartment 101 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:41,807 they're going to kick me out of. 102 00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:42,708 Mm. 103 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,009 Well, listen, sister. 104 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,944 Now, you know this old nasty freeloading bitch 105 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,462 is still on my nice couch. 106 00:05:47,463 --> 00:05:48,979 -It's a futon. -It's a professional sectional. 107 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,932 [belches] 108 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,883 Anyhow, we can gas up the air mattress, baby, 109 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:53,952 and put it right in the living room. 110 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,555 Three's company! 111 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:59,391 As much as I appreciate you two, 112 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:02,127 I think I'm just a little too old for that, you know? 113 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,862 And besides, I've been here 11 years 114 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,764 and I've got nothing to show for it. 115 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,066 I just think inside, personally, I'm done. 116 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,000 I'm just done. 117 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,252 Yeah, maybe. 118 00:06:10,253 --> 00:06:11,503 Oh, you know, we're going to need some drinks, okay? 119 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,637 Excuse me? 120 00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:13,972 Do you have the drink tickets? 121 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,691 Yeah. 122 00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:17,409 The bird's nest bitch at the door said we're on her list. 123 00:06:23,117 --> 00:06:25,851 [banging] 124 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:34,459 [banging continues] 125 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,532 [coughing] 126 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,637 [phone chiming] 127 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,808 Hello? 128 00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,610 Hello! 129 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,412 Is this Richard Martinez? 130 00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:56,481 Uh, yes. Hi. Who's this? 131 00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,584 Lawrence Tailor from the Teaching Ambassador program. 132 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:00,719 Oh, hi! 133 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,686 How are you? 134 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:02,854 Very well. 135 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,424 I have some fabulous news. 136 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,193 O-oh? 137 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:08,961 A last-minute slot has opened up in our program, 138 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,729 but I just wanted to check if you were still interested. 139 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,597 Uh, uh, yeah! Yeah. 140 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,399 I'm very interested. 141 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,200 Good. It's in Milford, Texas! 142 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:19,037 I think I actually have something in my eye. 143 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:21,056 Okay. 144 00:07:21,057 --> 00:07:23,074 Obviously, we would supply you with first-class accommodations. 145 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:27,646 Fully furnished, beautiful area, landscaped backyard. 146 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,481 Just to die for! 147 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,882 Uh, uh & I'll take it! 148 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,451 Can I take it? 149 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,019 Milford High needs a new science teacher, 150 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,087 and your teaching certificate is endorsed in chemistry, 151 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:40,792 but I just wanted to check that you were still available. 152 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,695 Of course! I'm your man! 153 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,597 [chuckles] 154 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,534 Sucker! 155 00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,872 Well, that's the last of it. 156 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:57,175 -I'm going to miss you, Boo. -You too. 157 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,810 Bye. 158 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,680 ¶ Yeah! ¶ 159 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:04,983 ¶ 160 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:21,533 (Reporter) Well, folks, it might not be the best time 161 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,235 to book that trip Mexico, 162 00:08:23,237 --> 00:08:25,670 because it looks like the National Hurricane Center 163 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:29,241 has updated Tropical Storm Bianca to a hurricane. 164 00:08:29,243 --> 00:08:30,275 First of the season. 165 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:31,843 Stay tuned for updates. 166 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,612 You don't want to miss this. 167 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,180 ¶ Gotta get the heck outta here... ¶ 168 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,849 Hey! Looks like I'm your new neighbour. 169 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,219 Okay. 170 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,576 [spits] 171 00:08:47,577 --> 00:08:50,195 ¶ Gotta go, gotta get the heck outta here... ¶ 172 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,075 [goats bleating] 173 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:17,155 ¶ 174 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,092 Hey, Shorty! 175 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,028 Now's not a good time for making a mess. 176 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,030 -You just told me-- -Superintendent's on her way! 177 00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:26,765 Make yourself scarce! 178 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,066 Sorry, Miss Ward. 179 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,103 Hi. 180 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,270 I'm looking for the vice principal. 181 00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:36,007 She's in a mood. 182 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,208 Okay. 183 00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,814 What are you still doing here? 184 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,817 -The nurse said that-- -Hit the road. 185 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,118 -But-- -Get out of here. 186 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:52,357 What do you need? 187 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,825 Uh, Richard Martinez. 188 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,093 New science teacher. 189 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,094 [scoffs] You're early. 190 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,963 Uh, you must be Debbie Ward. 191 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,098 [sighs] Deb or Deborah. 192 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,366 Never Debbie. 193 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:03,335 Okay, uh, Deborah. 194 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:06,037 I just wanted to stop by to say hi, 195 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,239 and maybe you can point me in the-- in the right direction. 196 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,175 I'm not really sure-- Wow! 197 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,776 I love your purse. 198 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,178 First of all, don't be late. 199 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,279 Or early. Okay? 200 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,280 It annoys the hell out of me. 201 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,915 Second of all, don't bother me. 202 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:20,151 Third of all, leave the faggy ties at home, okay? 203 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,387 Because nothing bothers me more than a faggy tie. 204 00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:23,755 Now... 205 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,223 Look, here's your lesson plan. 206 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,092 Creationism? 207 00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,293 I mean, but I'm a science teacher. 208 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,328 I don't have time, okay? 209 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,147 Superintendent's on her way! 210 00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,965 Go upstairs, find Coach Chuck in the teachers' lounge. 211 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:34,866 Second floor. 212 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:35,934 [makes clicking sound] 213 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:36,801 Second floor. 214 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,936 Thanks. 215 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,172 Honestly. 216 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,743 [smacks lips together] 217 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,678 Happy birthday to me. 218 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,716 Ah! You must be, um, Coach Chuck! 219 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:52,884 Hey, man. 220 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,853 You deliver my tacos? 221 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,755 Uh, no. 222 00:10:56,757 --> 00:11:00,325 Uh, I'm, uh, Richard Martinez, the new science teacher. 223 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,877 I know. 224 00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,428 I was joking with you because you're Spanish-looking. 225 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,063 -Oh. -Do you want some cake? 226 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,364 Uh, no, I'm pretty good. 227 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,166 -Pretty good. -Ah, don't be a sissy. 228 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,869 -Have a tit. -Oh, uh, thanks. 229 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,437 There we go. Mm. 230 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,372 (Chuck) So this is the library. (Richard) Um hmm. 231 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,307 Pretty standard, really. 232 00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,377 You got to check it out every once in a while for sleepers. 233 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,312 Sleepers? 234 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:22,313 [blows whistle] 235 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,715 Get up! 236 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,018 Don't let me see that again! 237 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,888 Well, now that you're in Texas, 238 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,157 I recommend that you get one of these. 239 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,009 A diary? 240 00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:35,860 -I don't think I need a diary. -No, it's a little black book. 241 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,962 Every woman, every number. 242 00:11:37,964 --> 00:11:40,198 I've gone through about three of these just this year. 243 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,134 You don't have a phone to keep your contacts in? 244 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,235 A phone? 245 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,337 How do you mean? 246 00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:48,073 [sighs] 247 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,244 Let's start with discussing the origin of differences 248 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,746 between men and women-- 249 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,448 You're right across the hall from Carly Ward, 250 00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:57,449 Deb's daughter. 251 00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,084 Ain't she a fox? 252 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,119 Many social influences play a role 253 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:02,854 in determining these differences. 254 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,222 If you ever hear the kids talking about someone 255 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,357 named Miss First, you'd best tell me about it. 256 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,193 Is that, like, another teacher? 257 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,394 No one knows who it is. 258 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:12,097 They say Miss First turns boys into men. 259 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,899 For their sake, God, I hope it's her. 260 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,502 Um, this is the longest tour ever. 261 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,904 And this is the grand finale. 262 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,244 Dang. 263 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,212 Mm. 264 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,180 [bell ringing] 265 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,188 Thank you! 266 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,423 Thank you. 267 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,991 Good morning, sir. I'm Keely. 268 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:41,059 And I'm Amber. 269 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,327 Good morning! Hi, ladies! 270 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:43,828 We brought you a little something. 271 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:46,131 We just wanted to say, Welcome to Milford High. 272 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,066 Aw, thank you. 273 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:48,933 Chocolates! 274 00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,802 I love chocolates! 275 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:51,469 Have some. 276 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,504 Sure. 277 00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:54,372 Amber's mom makes it fresh. 278 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,774 Oh, please. 279 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,175 Tell your mom I said thank you. 280 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,161 Oh, I will. 281 00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:01,146 Now you ladies get to your seat before I eat the whole box. 282 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,046 [chuckles] 283 00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,481 -Enjoy. -Thank you. 284 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:07,052 Ladies! 285 00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,287 Today is not the day to show off your ignorance. 286 00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,923 Get it together! 287 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,778 Hi! 288 00:13:16,779 --> 00:13:18,395 I'm Mr. Martinez, and I just want to let you know 289 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,199 how excited I am to be here. 290 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,300 [laughing] 291 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,334 Okay! 292 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,953 Don't worry. 293 00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,571 I used to think the same things were just as funny 294 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,173 when I was your age. 295 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,325 [laughing] 296 00:13:30,326 --> 00:13:32,476 Okay, okay! Let's just get it all out of... 297 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,113 [coughing] ...our systems now. 298 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,915 [laughing] 299 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,384 Three...two...one. 300 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,819 [clearing throat] 301 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,821 You know... [belches] 302 00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:43,822 Pardon me. 303 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,423 [laughing] Lift off! 304 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,459 (RICHARD) You know what, kids? 305 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,093 I'm not-- I'm not feeling so good all of a sudden. 306 00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:50,995 If you can just give me a minute, I'll be-- 307 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,864 I'll be right back. 308 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,203 Keely, can I put you in charge for two minutes, 309 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,271 just two minutes top-- 310 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,407 [laughing] 311 00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:05,510 Okay, guys, quick. Grab the chemistry set. 312 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,883 Best behaviour, baby. 313 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,218 She's here now. 314 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,887 So nice to see you, Superintendent. 315 00:14:15,889 --> 00:14:19,057 So nice to see you again too. 316 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,391 [rumbling] 317 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,960 [explosion] 318 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,561 What the devil? 319 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,363 You, uh, wanted to see me? 320 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,532 Where to start? 321 00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,267 Where to start? 322 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,435 [beep] Uh, you could start 323 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,637 with why Richard left his class alone. 324 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,173 -Hmm? -Is she listening in? 325 00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,675 Yes. 326 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:38,176 Richard, there's been a lot of people come in here 327 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,911 and try out this job. 328 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:42,080 And none of them have been as bad as you. 329 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,350 I know these kids are a handful. 330 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:48,019 There's only one thing keeping me from sending you back 331 00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,587 to the middle of nowhere, where you come from. 332 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,055 Middle of nowhere? 333 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,124 I... I taught in New York City. 334 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,526 You taught kindy-garten. 335 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,495 Mr. Martinez, 336 00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,932 you come highly recommended from the Ambassador Program, 337 00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:05,603 so I need you to help me, help you. 338 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,173 I-I can help these kids if you give me a chance. 339 00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,376 Will I be seeing you at the football game tonight? 340 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:15,546 There's your chance to mingle with the rest of the staff. 341 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:16,881 [sighing] 342 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:18,215 I'll be there with enough school spirit 343 00:15:18,218 --> 00:15:21,219 to fuel a jetliner, sir. 344 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:22,654 Yeah, we'll see about that. 345 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,957 [cheering] 346 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,091 Come on, Mavericks! 347 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,560 Rip 'em up! Rip 'em up! 348 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,564 You almost fumbled it, you pussy! 349 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:34,933 What's your name? 350 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,100 [mumbling] Shut up! 351 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,969 I don't care about your name! Get up! 352 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,137 Get out! 353 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,339 You get on out! 354 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,941 God, you're terrible! 355 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,242 This is intense! 356 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,478 There's something queer about him. 357 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,647 I can't put my finger on it. 358 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,016 Didn't you say he's from New York, Mama? 359 00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:55,019 He complimented my purse. 360 00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,154 So what are you saying? 361 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,456 He's, like, some kind of queer? 362 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,559 Well, there's only one way to find out. 363 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:03,294 You should go talk to him, honey. 364 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,295 You think? 365 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,196 Yeah. 366 00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,965 Show him Minnie and Mickey. 367 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:07,632 [chuckles] 368 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,968 No man can resist. 369 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,182 Bitch! 370 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,454 Well, aren't you just hotter than bark on a tree! 371 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:32,090 Well, hello. [chuckles] 372 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,725 I'm Carly. 373 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,259 I was upset I didn't get to meet 374 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,495 the cute new member of our staff today. 375 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,031 Oh, well, that's very nice. 376 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,566 Nice to meet you. 377 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:44,302 So how do you like Texas so far? 378 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:47,605 Well, um, everybody seems to be very welcoming, 379 00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,508 to say the least. [chuckles nervously] 380 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,442 [chuckles] We're gonna have to spend 381 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,211 more time together. 382 00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,280 We're going to be real, great friends. I can tell. 383 00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,750 So! 384 00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:01,085 Do you, uh, like teaching social studies? 385 00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,487 Oh, yeah! 386 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,389 Mama thinks I have a chance at this year's 387 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:05,590 Teacher of the Year award. 388 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,658 That's out of the whole state. 389 00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:11,496 And this year, the winner gets 25 grand. 390 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,264 [chuckling] 391 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,433 Well, good luck for you. 392 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,576 So now that we've been formally introduced, 393 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,779 I'd like to introduce you to a couple of friends of mine. 394 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:30,381 Oh, sure. 395 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,183 Mickey and Minnie. 396 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,619 Oh! 397 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,088 Ooh! [chuckling nervously] 398 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,122 [cow bell ringing] 399 00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:39,223 (Announcer) Defense! 400 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,726 15 yards on that first down! 401 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,564 I knew it. 402 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,802 Richard, I'm going to make this quick and painless as possible. 403 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,703 Of course. What's up? 404 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,439 We're going to have to let you go. 405 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,441 Excuse me? 406 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,775 He said you're shit-canned. 407 00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,610 What-- what is he doing here? 408 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,112 The principal likes extra security 409 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,613 in situations such as these. 410 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:07,819 We feel...I feel that your situation will be a distraction. 411 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:10,621 Wh--what situation? 412 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,226 Found this on the Internet. 413 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,478 [beep] 414 00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:19,729 Single gay male seeks partner who enjoys laughter, music, 415 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,432 long-term relationship. 416 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,401 [laughs] 417 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,735 Where did you find that? 418 00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,504 I haven't logged into that for years! 419 00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,206 He ain't even going to deny it. 420 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,240 I thought we had a deal. 421 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:30,708 You need me to step in, sir? 422 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,312 This school has strong values. 423 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,647 Turn-offs include self-centredness 424 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,382 and bad hygiene. 425 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,617 Oh! 426 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,619 We need to keep the children safe from those 427 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,856 that participate in alternative relationships. 428 00:18:44,858 --> 00:18:47,391 You know, man on man, man on dog. 429 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:48,593 You understand. 430 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,561 Are you serious? 431 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,763 One more word from you, and, uh, 432 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,432 I might have to call the law. 433 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,735 See you never, flamesauce! 434 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,470 [laughing] 435 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,876 Richard, Richard, Richard, 436 00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:06,410 there's very little I can do 437 00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,280 for a teacher who gets fired so quick into the job. 438 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,481 I mean, come on! 439 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:11,681 I'll go to Oklahoma! Kentucky! 440 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:12,783 I'll go anywhere. 441 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,502 Richard, darling, 442 00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:16,220 we have a waiting list of over a hundred people, 443 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,922 and right now, 444 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,423 you're at the bottom of the pile. 445 00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,259 You can't tell me what they did was legal. 446 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,461 You can't just fire somebody. 447 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,797 It's perfectly legal in many states, Texas being one of them. 448 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:31,402 Look, I have to go, but if you need any other help, 449 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,908 just write a letter to congress, okay? 450 00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,442 God. 451 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,914 Siri, I need a drink. 452 00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,630 Hmm? 453 00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:00,698 (Richard) Hey, hey. 454 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,366 There he is. 455 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,202 How you doin', Boo? 456 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,637 Hey, I wish you guys were here. 457 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,606 That's nasty. 458 00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,574 Ask him if he downloaded Grinder yet. 459 00:20:10,575 --> 00:20:12,542 No, I haven't downloaded Grinder yet, you whore. 460 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,412 We just want to know how many gay cowboys there are 461 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:15,580 in the Bible Belt. 462 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:16,881 [chuckles] 463 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:19,517 Wait, hold on. I'm going to put you on speaker. 464 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,819 So, you guys are going to go to White party ? 465 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,104 I think it's racist. 466 00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:24,388 He ain't ever invited me to go to no black party. 467 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,857 She wouldn't think it was racist 468 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,325 if she looked half-decent in anything here. 469 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,361 -I told you I have body issues. -Do cardio. 470 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,597 Okay. All right, 471 00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,832 according to Grinder , the closest gay guy is... 472 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,368 drum roll, please! 473 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,737 30 miles away. 474 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,239 30 miles! Oh, no, bitch. 475 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,540 We've got to get you up out of there. 476 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,259 This is an emergency. 477 00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:45,977 We're coming to get you, baby. Where is she? 478 00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,311 Huh? 479 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:48,479 I'm going to grab a drink. 480 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:49,947 Love you guys. Mean it. 481 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:51,382 Oh, bitch, hurry up and get changed. 482 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:52,717 We are GPS. 483 00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:53,751 Try red. 484 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,820 Do you have anything on sale? 485 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,322 [horks] 486 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,894 Oh, hello. 487 00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,597 Uh, can I have a, uh, vodka soda, please? 488 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:09,700 What? 489 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:10,735 Really? 490 00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,770 Dry county. 491 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,740 Wait! There's, like, no booze in the whole county? 492 00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:18,342 No-no wonder there's no gay people here. 493 00:21:18,344 --> 00:21:20,645 Just get him a club soda, will you? 494 00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,959 Texans always come prepared. 495 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,894 -I'm Richard. -Karma. 496 00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:38,562 Karma Johnstone. 497 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,998 Your parents must be a good time. 498 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,400 Why is that? 499 00:21:42,401 --> 00:21:43,801 Well, most parents don't name their children 500 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,469 after Buddhist principles. 501 00:21:45,471 --> 00:21:47,471 Would you prefer I had a normal name? 502 00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:49,440 Something plain, like Mary? 503 00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:50,574 Mary's not plain. 504 00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:52,476 Mary's angelic. 505 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,812 I know plenty of Marys. 506 00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,747 None are angelic. 507 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,916 Mary was the mother of Jesus. 508 00:21:58,918 --> 00:22:01,819 If someone were to ask me to bear the child of God, 509 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,454 I'd have to say no. 510 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,589 You'd abort the baby Jesus? 511 00:22:05,591 --> 00:22:07,692 Abortion is murder! 512 00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,796 Pay him no mind. 513 00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:14,799 Listen, I host a radio show, 514 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:17,535 and I'm doing a promotion tonight at the Tin Room. 515 00:22:17,537 --> 00:22:20,871 It's about a 30-mile drive right on the county border. 516 00:22:20,873 --> 00:22:22,673 Do they serve real drinks? 517 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,709 Does a bear shit in the woods? 518 00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:28,112 [donkey brays] 519 00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:31,232 [speaks indistinctly] 520 00:22:31,233 --> 00:22:32,583 If I gave you a dollar, would you go away? 521 00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:34,118 Come on, let's go and have a lap dance. 522 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,721 -Just go. -That's enough, Snake. 523 00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,089 Thank God you're here. 524 00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:40,524 Great show tonight, gorgeous. 525 00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:42,560 Thank you, Jocelyn. 526 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:46,130 I'll have my usual, and can we get two shots? 527 00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:47,732 Uh, no. No, no. 528 00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,967 I can't drink. Bad things happen when I drink. 529 00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:52,636 Make it four. Four shots. 530 00:22:52,638 --> 00:22:53,721 You're going to kill me. 531 00:22:53,722 --> 00:22:54,805 (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, 532 00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,640 please welcome to the stage 533 00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:58,743 Ambrosia Salad! 534 00:22:58,745 --> 00:23:00,478 [cheering] 535 00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:04,582 Guess what, ladies and gentlemen? 536 00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:08,686 Ambrosia-palooza is back in business! 537 00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:10,054 You're gonna need this. 538 00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:12,022 [gagging] 539 00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:15,860 And tonight, prizes will be awarded 540 00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,763 for the best impersonation of the wonderful, 541 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:22,900 for the ever-so drop-dead gorgeous... 542 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:25,069 me! Miss Ambrosia Salad! 543 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:26,670 [cheering] [makes clicking sound] 544 00:23:26,672 --> 00:23:28,706 Well, apparently it's perfectly legal 545 00:23:28,708 --> 00:23:31,876 to do what they did here in Texas and in 28 other states. 546 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:34,345 I Googled it. 547 00:23:34,346 --> 00:23:36,813 My brother went to school there, and he was terrorized. 548 00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:38,048 I'm thinking I might want to do, like, 549 00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:39,617 a protest or something. 550 00:23:39,619 --> 00:23:40,951 You know, peaceful, obviously, 551 00:23:40,953 --> 00:23:43,053 because enough people don't know about this. 552 00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:44,889 We're outnumbered, baby. 553 00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:47,825 That's why we had to drive so far to get here. 554 00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:50,060 Well, I won't stand for it! 555 00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:52,463 Ooh, that works fast. 556 00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:53,130 Mm-hmm. 557 00:23:53,132 --> 00:23:54,698 Uh, where's the bathroom? 558 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,534 (Ambrosia) We got any more volunteers 559 00:23:56,536 --> 00:23:58,068 for the contest tonight? 560 00:23:58,070 --> 00:23:59,437 No. No, no. 561 00:23:59,439 --> 00:24:00,571 No, no, no. Not me. 562 00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:03,741 Gorgeous, um, what's your name, sir? 563 00:24:03,743 --> 00:24:05,209 His name is Richard! 564 00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:06,676 No, I don't have a name. That is not my name. 565 00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:07,678 -Yes. -No. No. No! 566 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,449 I don't do this! No, no, no. 567 00:24:11,451 --> 00:24:15,152 Looks like we found our final contestant in tonight's contest! 568 00:24:15,154 --> 00:24:16,654 Come on, Karma. 569 00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:18,556 You are a bitch. 570 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:20,958 [both make clicking sound] 571 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,986 Ohh... shit. 572 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:51,405 (Reporter) This just in... 573 00:24:51,406 --> 00:24:53,823 The storm, which is about 1,300 miles from land, 574 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:58,629 has reached speeds in excess of 75 miles per hour. 575 00:24:58,631 --> 00:25:02,633 In fact, the NHC has categorized Bianca 576 00:25:02,635 --> 00:25:05,569 as a category 1 hurricane. 577 00:25:05,571 --> 00:25:08,105 Hurricane Bianca is going to cause more problems 578 00:25:08,107 --> 00:25:09,740 than anticipated. 579 00:25:09,742 --> 00:25:12,676 Now we've got the latest from Del Rio, Mexico, 580 00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:16,247 where residents are preparing for the worst. 581 00:25:16,249 --> 00:25:19,149 [humming] 582 00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:26,190 ¶ 583 00:25:36,903 --> 00:25:37,968 Good morning. 584 00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:40,538 (Karma) Buenos dias, senorita. 585 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:43,908 And what is your name, my young lady friend? 586 00:25:43,910 --> 00:25:45,643 [laughs] Hung Over. 587 00:25:45,645 --> 00:25:47,044 Nice to meet you. 588 00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:48,779 Hydrate. 589 00:25:48,781 --> 00:25:50,247 Thank you. 590 00:25:52,652 --> 00:25:54,218 [belches] Ooh. 591 00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:56,287 Not a very polite lady. 592 00:25:56,289 --> 00:25:58,188 Well, that's because I'm a man. 593 00:25:58,190 --> 00:26:01,725 I think gender is really just a social construct, 594 00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:03,994 you know what I mean? 595 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:06,262 It is far too early to be talking about things like this. 596 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:08,265 You know, when I told you about my little brother 597 00:26:08,267 --> 00:26:10,200 that was terrorized in Milford High School-- 598 00:26:10,202 --> 00:26:11,735 Yes. 599 00:26:11,737 --> 00:26:14,905 ...I was talking about myself. 600 00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:17,391 What? 601 00:26:17,392 --> 00:26:19,876 Growing up, I thought I was just a little gay boy. 602 00:26:19,879 --> 00:26:24,014 Then I realized there was a bit more to me than that. 603 00:26:24,016 --> 00:26:26,584 I would have never have clocked you. 604 00:26:26,586 --> 00:26:29,720 I don't tell a lot of people, FYI. 605 00:26:29,722 --> 00:26:34,024 But I figured after last night, I could trust you. 606 00:26:34,026 --> 00:26:35,125 Sure. 607 00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:38,095 Oh, about last night. 608 00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:40,998 I'm almost afraid to ask. 609 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,701 First, you introduced yourself as Wilma, 610 00:26:43,703 --> 00:26:45,353 Wilma Shitstink. 611 00:26:45,354 --> 00:26:47,004 Then you wouldn't give the microphone back. 612 00:26:47,006 --> 00:26:48,806 Well, if you were really funny, 613 00:26:48,808 --> 00:26:50,774 you wouldn't need me up here, would you? 614 00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:51,675 [laughing] 615 00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:53,144 You know what's funny? 616 00:26:53,145 --> 00:26:54,612 Is that your name is Ambrosia Salad, 617 00:26:54,614 --> 00:26:58,082 and it looks like you eat everything but a salad! 618 00:26:58,084 --> 00:26:59,950 Fact! [makes clicking sound] 619 00:27:00,786 --> 00:27:03,187 Do I owe anybody an apology? 620 00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:04,922 Are you kidding me, Wilma? 621 00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:07,291 Everyone loved you. 622 00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,093 You won the contest. 623 00:27:09,095 --> 00:27:10,861 Well... 624 00:27:12,898 --> 00:27:14,331 We're going to have to let you go. 625 00:27:14,333 --> 00:27:17,234 See you never, flamesauce! 626 00:27:17,236 --> 00:27:18,869 Mama thinks I have a chance at this year's 627 00:27:18,871 --> 00:27:20,170 Teacher of the Year award. 628 00:27:20,172 --> 00:27:22,840 The winner gets 25 grand. 629 00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:23,907 Hmm. 630 00:27:25,911 --> 00:27:29,313 ¶ 631 00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:46,230 [car engine revving] 632 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,368 (Radio Announcer) This just in... 633 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:53,037 In the next 48 hours, Hurricane Bianca is expected to strengthen 634 00:27:53,039 --> 00:27:58,008 and is forecast to become a category 4 or above. 635 00:28:00,379 --> 00:28:05,816 ¶ 636 00:28:23,469 --> 00:28:24,968 [bell rings] 637 00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:29,106 Hi. 638 00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,874 I'm here to interview for the science teacher position. 639 00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:33,077 What's your name? 640 00:28:33,079 --> 00:28:35,479 Uh, Bianca, Bianca Del Rio. 641 00:28:35,481 --> 00:28:37,481 Does the principal know you're coming? 642 00:28:37,483 --> 00:28:39,349 Of course, Debbie. 643 00:28:39,351 --> 00:28:41,719 It's Deb or Deborah. 644 00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:43,487 Never Debbie. 645 00:28:43,489 --> 00:28:46,790 Wow, what a gorgeous photo. 646 00:28:46,792 --> 00:28:49,226 Is that you, Deb... bie? 647 00:28:49,228 --> 00:28:52,730 Teacher of the Year ceremony, 1999. 648 00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:55,232 Such a proud moment for our school. 649 00:28:55,234 --> 00:28:58,969 First and last time Milford's ever won. 650 00:28:58,971 --> 00:29:00,104 Hmm. 651 00:29:00,106 --> 00:29:01,271 [telephone rings] 652 00:29:01,273 --> 00:29:03,841 -Hmm? - What's next, Deborah? 653 00:29:03,842 --> 00:29:06,410 Oh, some wannabe teacher, and a little retard who says 654 00:29:06,412 --> 00:29:08,779 he got beat up so he could get out of gym class. 655 00:29:08,781 --> 00:29:12,816 Forgive me, Deb, but is this school part of the NEA? 656 00:29:12,818 --> 00:29:14,151 The who? 657 00:29:14,152 --> 00:29:15,485 The National Education Association 658 00:29:15,488 --> 00:29:19,123 that's trying to remove the R word from American schools. 659 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,058 [chuckling] Well... 660 00:29:21,060 --> 00:29:22,860 Especially when used as slang 661 00:29:22,862 --> 00:29:24,995 in a negative or derogatory context. 662 00:29:24,997 --> 00:29:27,431 Look, this particular student has been a problem at the school 663 00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:29,166 for quite some time. 664 00:29:29,168 --> 00:29:31,268 -So just-- -Don't worry. 665 00:29:31,270 --> 00:29:34,138 They're only trying to remove the word, not the people. 666 00:29:34,140 --> 00:29:35,272 [whispering] You'll be safe. 667 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:36,406 [whispering] That's not funny. 668 00:29:36,408 --> 00:29:37,841 It's not a joke. 669 00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:39,176 Just a statement. 670 00:29:39,178 --> 00:29:40,477 Just a statement. 671 00:29:52,958 --> 00:29:55,559 So, you're a cougar. 672 00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:58,796 Uh, I'm-- I'm sorry. 673 00:29:58,798 --> 00:30:00,564 Houston University Cougars. 674 00:30:00,566 --> 00:30:01,465 Oh! 675 00:30:01,467 --> 00:30:03,000 Yes, yes. Cougars. 676 00:30:03,002 --> 00:30:04,468 Go, Cougars! 677 00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:06,003 I grew up in Houston. 678 00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:08,205 Football scholarship. 679 00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:10,974 Impressive. 680 00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:12,493 [beep] 681 00:30:12,494 --> 00:30:14,011 Sir, there's a real long list of students 682 00:30:16,549 --> 00:30:18,065 that need to see you right now. 683 00:30:18,066 --> 00:30:19,582 (Richard) Can we talk about something off the record? 684 00:30:19,585 --> 00:30:21,468 (Principal) Sure. 685 00:30:21,469 --> 00:30:23,352 You're looking at your next teacher of the year. 686 00:30:23,355 --> 00:30:24,988 (Principal) What makes you think that? 687 00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:26,557 Hire me, and you'll get a lot more than 688 00:30:26,559 --> 00:30:28,826 just a brilliant science teacher. 689 00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:31,595 I've got ideas, Wayne, lots of ideas that can help 690 00:30:31,597 --> 00:30:33,530 more than just the science department. 691 00:30:33,532 --> 00:30:35,866 It can help the whole school. 692 00:30:35,868 --> 00:30:36,600 Mm-mm. 693 00:30:36,602 --> 00:30:37,935 Mm-mm. 694 00:30:37,937 --> 00:30:40,054 I can't pay you extra for all that. 695 00:30:40,055 --> 00:30:42,172 My only reward will be the satisfaction that I gave back 696 00:30:42,174 --> 00:30:45,943 to a community that has treated me so well. 697 00:30:45,945 --> 00:30:48,545 I want to sharpen your pencil, Wayne. 698 00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:50,480 Oh! Disgusting. 699 00:30:50,482 --> 00:30:51,548 That will work. 700 00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:52,616 Good. 701 00:30:53,519 --> 00:30:55,853 Nope. Nope. 702 00:30:55,855 --> 00:30:58,388 I can't believe you're doing this. 703 00:30:58,390 --> 00:30:59,890 Do you think she would wear this? 704 00:30:59,892 --> 00:31:01,358 I mean, I want to keep her classy. 705 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,861 Richard, I'm worried about you. 706 00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:05,362 I'm worried about you too, 707 00:31:05,364 --> 00:31:07,531 that you're not using enough moisturizer. 708 00:31:07,533 --> 00:31:09,433 I'm serious. 709 00:31:09,435 --> 00:31:11,468 I'm serious too. 710 00:31:11,470 --> 00:31:14,638 That's why you're going to teach me everything you know. 711 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,273 The fate of this school rests 712 00:31:16,275 --> 00:31:19,142 on your dainty little shoulder... pads. 713 00:31:19,144 --> 00:31:21,044 Please tell me those are shoulder pads. 714 00:31:21,046 --> 00:31:23,580 Putting all this effort into this. Why? 715 00:31:23,582 --> 00:31:25,382 Because you're pissed off! 716 00:31:25,384 --> 00:31:27,284 You need to move on. 717 00:31:27,286 --> 00:31:30,621 I was pissed, but I haven't given up hope on these kids. 718 00:31:30,623 --> 00:31:32,923 They're not full-grown bigots yet, 719 00:31:32,925 --> 00:31:35,592 and all it takes is one teacher to change their lives. 720 00:31:35,594 --> 00:31:37,111 Who's it going to be? 721 00:31:37,112 --> 00:31:38,629 The one with the rodents on her boobs, 722 00:31:38,631 --> 00:31:41,098 or that stupid Coach Chuck? 723 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:42,266 Coach Chuck? 724 00:31:42,268 --> 00:31:43,133 Yeah. 725 00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:44,201 You know him? 726 00:31:44,203 --> 00:31:45,369 You could say that. 727 00:31:45,371 --> 00:31:48,505 Wait a minute. 728 00:31:48,507 --> 00:31:50,274 You like him. 729 00:31:50,276 --> 00:31:51,909 Absolutely not. 730 00:31:51,911 --> 00:31:53,243 You think he's dreamy. 731 00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:55,229 Stop! 732 00:31:55,230 --> 00:31:57,214 You like him! You want to marry him! 733 00:31:57,216 --> 00:31:58,248 Ow! 734 00:31:58,250 --> 00:31:59,917 I have a secret to tell you. 735 00:31:59,919 --> 00:32:01,435 Another one? 736 00:32:01,436 --> 00:32:02,952 [whispering] So you know that I grew up as a boy, 737 00:32:02,955 --> 00:32:04,621 but what you don't know is-- 738 00:32:04,623 --> 00:32:06,123 Why are you whispering? 739 00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,025 We're in your house alone. 740 00:32:08,027 --> 00:32:09,293 [whispering] But what I didn't tell you 741 00:32:09,295 --> 00:32:11,662 is the experience that I had growing up. 742 00:32:11,664 --> 00:32:14,331 Okay, you need to stop, because this is freaking me out. 743 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:15,599 Okay. 744 00:32:15,601 --> 00:32:17,367 [whispering] So what I'm trying to say is-- 745 00:32:17,369 --> 00:32:18,969 You're doing it again! 746 00:32:18,971 --> 00:32:20,704 This is difficult for me! 747 00:32:20,706 --> 00:32:22,639 You need to calm down! 748 00:32:22,641 --> 00:32:24,241 [both grunt in frustration] 749 00:32:24,977 --> 00:32:29,947 Coach Chuck is my baby brother. 750 00:32:32,251 --> 00:32:34,384 Is it a requirement in this town 751 00:32:34,386 --> 00:32:36,486 for everyone to be related? 752 00:32:36,488 --> 00:32:38,588 We were close when I was younger, but... 753 00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,691 I ran away after I came out. 754 00:32:42,161 --> 00:32:45,696 You're the only person I've ever told any of this. 755 00:32:45,698 --> 00:32:48,649 Let me get this straight. 756 00:32:48,650 --> 00:32:51,601 So Miss Cartoon Boobs is related to Little Debbie Snack Cakes. 757 00:32:51,603 --> 00:32:53,337 You used to be a man. 758 00:32:53,339 --> 00:32:54,738 I'm dealing with my own identity issues, 759 00:32:54,740 --> 00:32:56,690 and now you're trying to convince me 760 00:32:56,691 --> 00:32:58,641 that you're related to Little Black Book and Titty Cake? 761 00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:01,895 So you won't say anything? 762 00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:05,147 Who could I possibly tell that would believe this shit, Karma? 763 00:33:08,587 --> 00:33:10,587 Is this the front, or the back? 764 00:33:10,589 --> 00:33:12,689 It's a poncho, bitch. 765 00:33:18,397 --> 00:33:21,031 (Over PA) We'd like to introduce the newest member 766 00:33:21,033 --> 00:33:22,532 to Milford's teaching staff. 767 00:33:22,534 --> 00:33:25,135 Starting today in the senior science department, 768 00:33:25,137 --> 00:33:27,437 please welcome Miss Del Rio. 769 00:33:30,409 --> 00:33:32,009 Smear the queer! 770 00:33:32,011 --> 00:33:33,176 Smear the queer! 771 00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:34,644 Yeah! 772 00:33:34,646 --> 00:33:36,279 (shouts indistinctly) 773 00:33:36,281 --> 00:33:37,748 Smear the queer! 774 00:33:37,750 --> 00:33:39,249 Smear the queer! 775 00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:40,584 Smear the queer! 776 00:33:40,586 --> 00:33:44,087 [chanting continues] 777 00:33:47,526 --> 00:33:49,126 [air horn sounds] 778 00:33:49,128 --> 00:33:50,093 Get some of that! 779 00:33:50,095 --> 00:33:51,561 Get-- 780 00:33:52,531 --> 00:33:54,097 What the... What... 781 00:33:54,099 --> 00:33:55,399 What on earth? 782 00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:58,268 [air horn continues to blast] 783 00:34:08,380 --> 00:34:09,997 She's not going to last. 784 00:34:09,998 --> 00:34:11,615 She might last longer than Professor Gaywad. 785 00:34:11,617 --> 00:34:13,283 I give her two days. 786 00:34:13,285 --> 00:34:14,751 I give her two minutes. 787 00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:17,421 Let's start with covalent bonds. 788 00:34:17,423 --> 00:34:19,589 Um, Miss Del Taco? 789 00:34:19,591 --> 00:34:20,524 [laughing] 790 00:34:20,526 --> 00:34:21,691 Call me Miss Bianca. 791 00:34:21,693 --> 00:34:24,261 It's easier for you to pronounce. 792 00:34:24,263 --> 00:34:26,563 Um, when we have a substitute teacher, 793 00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,799 we always just get a study period. 794 00:34:28,801 --> 00:34:29,833 Oh, really? 795 00:34:29,835 --> 00:34:31,435 What's your name, sweetheart? 796 00:34:31,437 --> 00:34:32,636 I'm Keely. 797 00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:34,004 Keely? 798 00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:35,371 Well, I'm going to call you Bath Mat. 799 00:34:35,374 --> 00:34:36,852 [laughing] 800 00:34:36,853 --> 00:34:38,331 Not because of that lovely vest you're wearing. 801 00:34:38,332 --> 00:34:39,810 It's because I think you smell like feet. 802 00:34:39,812 --> 00:34:41,745 [laughing] 803 00:34:42,614 --> 00:34:45,215 Bath Mat, you have detention after school. 804 00:34:45,217 --> 00:34:46,884 For what? 805 00:34:46,885 --> 00:34:48,552 Did you happen to notice your classmate getting beat up? 806 00:34:48,554 --> 00:34:50,287 Yeah, but I wasn't doing it. 807 00:34:50,289 --> 00:34:52,355 No, but you laughed and didn't help. 808 00:34:52,357 --> 00:34:53,590 It's just as bad. 809 00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:55,759 Detention, two hours. 810 00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:56,660 [laughing] 811 00:34:56,662 --> 00:34:57,661 And you! 812 00:34:57,663 --> 00:34:58,862 Detention all week. 813 00:34:58,864 --> 00:35:00,197 I have football practice! 814 00:35:00,199 --> 00:35:02,265 Not my problem. 815 00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:04,434 I love your outfit. 816 00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:05,435 Where did you get it? 817 00:35:05,437 --> 00:35:06,803 Salvation Army? 818 00:35:06,805 --> 00:35:08,605 [laughing] 819 00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:10,406 No, I got it from someone named Lady Gaga. 820 00:35:10,409 --> 00:35:11,508 Heard of her? 821 00:35:11,509 --> 00:35:12,608 What? Like, at a concert? 822 00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:13,861 No. 823 00:35:13,862 --> 00:35:15,112 Like, we're friends from New York. 824 00:35:15,114 --> 00:35:16,714 [gasping] 825 00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:18,315 Yeah, and Britney Spears is your sister. 826 00:35:18,317 --> 00:35:19,182 No. 827 00:35:19,184 --> 00:35:20,650 But Cher is my cousin. 828 00:35:20,652 --> 00:35:21,751 Bullshit. 829 00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:22,652 [laughing] 830 00:35:22,654 --> 00:35:23,620 What's your name? 831 00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:24,872 Oh, wait. 832 00:35:24,873 --> 00:35:26,123 I know what we're going to call you. 833 00:35:26,125 --> 00:35:27,824 White Trash that Won't Burn. 834 00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:30,627 [laughing] 835 00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:31,862 [gasping] 836 00:35:32,598 --> 00:35:33,663 [groaning] 837 00:35:33,665 --> 00:35:35,398 Miss Dorito? 838 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,300 [laughs] 839 00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,201 Hey, James and the Giant Peach, keep it down. 840 00:35:39,204 --> 00:35:40,237 [laughing] 841 00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:41,538 You can't call me that. 842 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:42,739 My parents are lawyers. 843 00:35:42,741 --> 00:35:44,374 Your parents are siblings. 844 00:35:44,376 --> 00:35:45,709 Now shut up! 845 00:35:47,513 --> 00:35:50,313 Look, we all pitched in and got these for you. 846 00:35:50,315 --> 00:35:51,715 To welcome you to Milford High. 847 00:35:51,717 --> 00:35:54,217 Oh, how nice. 848 00:35:54,219 --> 00:35:57,420 Bath Mat, pass these out. 849 00:35:57,422 --> 00:35:58,922 They're for you. [chuckles nervously] 850 00:35:58,924 --> 00:36:01,291 Hand them out to the class, Bath Mat. 851 00:36:01,293 --> 00:36:03,293 I'm feeling very generous today. 852 00:36:03,295 --> 00:36:05,362 Miss Del Rio, may I have a word? 853 00:36:05,364 --> 00:36:06,730 Of course! 854 00:36:06,732 --> 00:36:11,635 What a lovely, unexpected surprise, Deb...bie. 855 00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:13,236 Outside! 856 00:36:15,807 --> 00:36:17,541 (Students) Ooh! 857 00:36:17,543 --> 00:36:19,276 [laughing] 858 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,188 I understand you're new here, Miss Del Rio, 859 00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,890 but it is against school policy to feed the students. 860 00:36:33,892 --> 00:36:35,225 So that's why you're here. 861 00:36:35,227 --> 00:36:37,227 You smell food. 862 00:36:37,229 --> 00:36:40,830 I wanted to give this to you before you started your lesson. 863 00:36:40,832 --> 00:36:43,200 Creationism. Hmm. 864 00:36:43,202 --> 00:36:44,568 Now, is this from the school board, 865 00:36:44,570 --> 00:36:46,403 or your own personal collection? 866 00:36:46,405 --> 00:36:48,605 Well, we believe in teaching an alternative. 867 00:36:48,607 --> 00:36:50,607 Miss Ward, these opinions 868 00:36:50,609 --> 00:36:52,776 are far more religious than scientific. 869 00:36:52,778 --> 00:36:53,910 God created the universe. 870 00:36:53,912 --> 00:36:55,345 That's not an opinion. 871 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:57,481 That's a fact. 872 00:36:57,482 --> 00:36:59,616 This is a science class, not a Sunday school. 873 00:36:59,618 --> 00:37:02,552 Let me make something very clear, Miss Del Rio. 874 00:37:02,554 --> 00:37:05,789 It is in your best interest to get along with me. 875 00:37:05,791 --> 00:37:09,526 Let me make something very clear to you, Debbie. 876 00:37:09,528 --> 00:37:10,994 I'm fucking this cat. 877 00:37:10,996 --> 00:37:12,662 You just hold the legs. 878 00:37:13,498 --> 00:37:14,931 Got it? 879 00:37:17,569 --> 00:37:19,236 [clapping] 880 00:37:20,572 --> 00:37:21,638 [laughing] 881 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:22,606 Silence! 882 00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,541 Read chapter eight for tomorrow. 883 00:37:24,543 --> 00:37:26,643 There will be a quiz. 884 00:37:26,645 --> 00:37:28,578 (Karma) Stay calm. 885 00:37:28,580 --> 00:37:31,615 There's eyelash glue in the emergency kit I made you. 886 00:37:31,617 --> 00:37:33,416 Oh, yes! I found it. 887 00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,702 Thank you. 888 00:37:35,703 --> 00:37:37,987 There's also a disposable razor in case you need a touch up. 889 00:37:37,990 --> 00:37:39,990 Nobody likes a hairy lady. 890 00:37:39,992 --> 00:37:41,524 You are a lifesaver. 891 00:37:41,526 --> 00:37:42,792 Mwah! Thanks. 892 00:37:44,496 --> 00:37:45,895 (Chuck) You okay, pretty girl? 893 00:37:45,897 --> 00:37:48,698 Uh, yeah. Everything's fine. 894 00:37:50,269 --> 00:37:52,802 You know this is the men's room, don't you? 895 00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:54,888 God! 896 00:37:54,889 --> 00:37:56,973 Well, I don't... I don't have my contacts in! 897 00:37:59,711 --> 00:38:01,578 So you're the new science guru. 898 00:38:01,580 --> 00:38:04,047 Uh, yeah. Today is my very first day. 899 00:38:04,049 --> 00:38:05,815 I'm, uh, Bianca. 900 00:38:05,817 --> 00:38:07,350 -Coach Chuck. -Yeah. 901 00:38:07,352 --> 00:38:08,818 And good luck with that group. 902 00:38:08,820 --> 00:38:10,020 Yeah, they really are a... 903 00:38:10,022 --> 00:38:11,821 -a handful. -Yeah. 904 00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:13,657 Lucky you weren't here last year. 905 00:38:13,659 --> 00:38:15,458 Two of my kids climbed to the roof and made bets 906 00:38:15,460 --> 00:38:17,961 on who's going to hit the ground first if they jump. 907 00:38:17,963 --> 00:38:19,396 Shit. 908 00:38:19,398 --> 00:38:20,530 Well, they're fine now. 909 00:38:20,532 --> 00:38:22,732 -But it was a mess. -Hmm. 910 00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:24,734 And you know what the French say. 911 00:38:24,736 --> 00:38:27,604 Mi casa is su casa. 912 00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:33,376 -It means, That's life. -Yeah. 913 00:38:33,378 --> 00:38:35,478 You are so cultured. 914 00:38:36,014 --> 00:38:37,013 I'm sure I'll be seeing you. 915 00:38:37,015 --> 00:38:38,648 I'm sure. 916 00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:43,953 [sighs] 917 00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:46,089 [cheering] 918 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,425 Let's go, Mavericks! 919 00:38:48,427 --> 00:38:49,559 Whoo! 920 00:38:51,763 --> 00:38:53,463 That smells real good. 921 00:38:53,465 --> 00:38:54,864 Oh, it's honey gloss. 922 00:38:54,866 --> 00:38:56,533 It smells delicious. 923 00:38:56,535 --> 00:38:58,468 It tastes good, too. 924 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:00,537 [cheering with excitement] 925 00:39:00,539 --> 00:39:02,339 (Announcer) Touchdown! 926 00:39:02,341 --> 00:39:05,375 -Our team! Our team! -That's the wrong team, stupid! 927 00:39:08,413 --> 00:39:09,112 (Cheerleaders) Ready? 928 00:39:09,114 --> 00:39:09,979 Okay! 929 00:39:09,981 --> 00:39:12,048 U-G-L-Y... 930 00:39:12,050 --> 00:39:13,683 You ain't got no alibi! 931 00:39:13,685 --> 00:39:14,684 You ugly! 932 00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:16,586 Yes, yes, you ugly! 933 00:39:16,588 --> 00:39:17,737 Whoo! 934 00:39:17,738 --> 00:39:18,887 (Richard) Oh, my God, ladies. 935 00:39:18,890 --> 00:39:21,124 That wouldn't ignite a fart. 936 00:39:21,126 --> 00:39:23,026 You think you can do better? 937 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:25,428 Well, they can't get any worse. 938 00:39:25,430 --> 00:39:26,930 Will you shut up already? 939 00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:28,031 Will you? 940 00:39:28,367 --> 00:39:30,633 -Come on, Mavericks. -Whoo! 941 00:39:32,404 --> 00:39:33,737 Whoo! 942 00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:35,071 Okay, ladies, you want to make this happen? 943 00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:36,373 Let me show you something 944 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,641 that Miley Cyrus taught me in Amsterdam. 945 00:39:38,643 --> 00:39:39,642 Whoo! 946 00:39:39,644 --> 00:39:41,022 I know, I know. Shh! Listen. 947 00:39:41,023 --> 00:39:42,401 So what you're going to have to do first-- 948 00:39:42,402 --> 00:39:43,780 (Announcer) First down for the visiting Bison, 949 00:39:43,782 --> 00:39:45,982 leaving Milford trailing by four. 950 00:39:45,984 --> 00:39:47,817 Looks like any hope the Mavericks had 951 00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:49,419 of breaking their losing streak 952 00:39:49,421 --> 00:39:50,687 will be dashed. 953 00:39:50,689 --> 00:39:51,721 Tits up! 954 00:39:51,723 --> 00:39:53,790 Sparkle, Meely, sparkle. 955 00:39:53,792 --> 00:39:55,458 Y-- Ugh. 956 00:39:55,460 --> 00:39:57,127 Hut! Hut! Hike! 957 00:39:57,863 --> 00:40:00,463 One, two, three... 958 00:40:00,465 --> 00:40:02,065 ...five, six, seven, eight. 959 00:40:02,067 --> 00:40:04,033 We are the Maverick girls! 960 00:40:04,035 --> 00:40:06,002 We wear our hair in curls! 961 00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:09,839 We wear our dungarees above our dirty knees! 962 00:40:09,841 --> 00:40:11,674 We wear no underwear! 963 00:40:11,676 --> 00:40:13,543 Check out our derriere! 964 00:40:13,545 --> 00:40:14,611 Whoo! 965 00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:16,513 Whoo! 966 00:40:18,784 --> 00:40:20,917 Oh, my God! 967 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,886 Oh, my God! 968 00:40:22,888 --> 00:40:24,621 Holy shit! 969 00:40:24,623 --> 00:40:25,655 [blows whistle] 970 00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:27,524 Touchdown! 971 00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:30,460 [cheering, exclaiming] 972 00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:32,529 Good work! Whoo! 973 00:40:32,531 --> 00:40:33,864 Cheer, damn it! Cheer! 974 00:40:33,865 --> 00:40:35,198 (Announcer) This is the first win of the season 975 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,699 for the Mavericks. 976 00:40:36,701 --> 00:40:38,868 I did not say touch me. 977 00:40:38,870 --> 00:40:41,571 [shouting indistinctly, cheering] 978 00:40:41,573 --> 00:40:43,039 Your hair smells delicious. 979 00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:47,777 [cheering] 980 00:40:59,024 --> 00:41:02,559 Another day with Miss Dorito. 981 00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,795 She's almost as hot as Miss First. 982 00:41:05,797 --> 00:41:07,197 Almost. 983 00:41:07,199 --> 00:41:09,065 Come on, you've never had Miss First. 984 00:41:09,067 --> 00:41:10,767 Neither have you. 985 00:41:10,769 --> 00:41:12,969 Frick and Frack, this is not TV. 986 00:41:12,971 --> 00:41:14,571 I can hear you. 987 00:41:14,573 --> 00:41:16,072 So what do you say? 988 00:41:16,074 --> 00:41:19,008 I know a real romantic spot under the bleachers. 989 00:41:19,010 --> 00:41:21,511 Oh, please. I already gave to charity. 990 00:41:21,513 --> 00:41:22,779 [scoffing] 991 00:41:22,781 --> 00:41:23,947 Okay, shit stains! 992 00:41:23,949 --> 00:41:26,850 We're going to try something new today. 993 00:41:26,852 --> 00:41:28,485 Did everybody do the reading? 994 00:41:28,487 --> 00:41:29,486 Hmm? 995 00:41:29,488 --> 00:41:31,688 White Trash? 996 00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:32,655 Muffin Top? 997 00:41:32,657 --> 00:41:33,690 [giggling] 998 00:41:33,692 --> 00:41:34,724 Man Boobs? 999 00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:35,892 [laughing] 1000 00:41:35,894 --> 00:41:37,727 What about you, Bath Mat? 1001 00:41:38,497 --> 00:41:39,996 Bath Mat? 1002 00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:41,164 What? 1003 00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:44,734 Did you do the reading? 1004 00:41:44,736 --> 00:41:45,935 Yes. 1005 00:41:45,937 --> 00:41:47,754 Good. 1006 00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:49,572 Then you're going to enjoy our little game today. 1007 00:41:49,574 --> 00:41:53,142 Now, everyone take out the volcanoes that I have prepared. 1008 00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:56,646 Oh, yeah. 1009 00:41:56,647 --> 00:41:59,248 Now please put on your safety gear and follow my instructions. 1010 00:41:59,251 --> 00:42:02,218 I am only going to ask once. 1011 00:42:02,220 --> 00:42:04,754 Now remove the liquid bottles, 1012 00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:07,991 and can anybody name the dark bottle? 1013 00:42:07,993 --> 00:42:09,158 Nitroglycerin. 1014 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,260 Speak up. 1015 00:42:10,262 --> 00:42:12,529 Um, nit-- nitroglycerin. 1016 00:42:12,531 --> 00:42:14,764 Yes! Nitroglycerin. 1017 00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:17,267 Nitroglycerin is a colourless liquid that's used 1018 00:42:17,269 --> 00:42:21,671 as an active ingredient to manufacture explosives. 1019 00:42:21,673 --> 00:42:23,006 Oh, yeah! [chuckling] 1020 00:42:23,008 --> 00:42:25,875 This is a very, very interesting chemical. 1021 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:28,611 Now, can anybody tell me what the second bottle is? 1022 00:42:28,613 --> 00:42:30,046 Orange nitrate. 1023 00:42:30,048 --> 00:42:31,748 That's correct! 1024 00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:33,149 Orange nitrate. 1025 00:42:33,151 --> 00:42:37,287 This chemical comes in a variety of colours. 1026 00:42:37,289 --> 00:42:41,691 The interesting thing about orange nitrate is-- 1027 00:42:41,693 --> 00:42:43,059 [screaming] 1028 00:42:46,798 --> 00:42:48,665 -Ooh! -Oh! 1029 00:42:48,667 --> 00:42:49,999 What the hell? 1030 00:42:51,169 --> 00:42:52,835 [laughing] 1031 00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:54,237 Your face is orange. 1032 00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:57,106 So is yours. 1033 00:42:57,108 --> 00:42:59,909 Oh, dear. 1034 00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:02,946 You didn't happen to mix the two chemicals together now, did you? 1035 00:43:02,948 --> 00:43:04,314 [laughing] 1036 00:43:04,316 --> 00:43:06,066 Was this a trick? 1037 00:43:06,067 --> 00:43:07,817 Oh, please. If you'd have done your homework assignment, 1038 00:43:07,819 --> 00:43:09,218 you would know that orange nitrate 1039 00:43:09,220 --> 00:43:11,054 causes skin discoloration. 1040 00:43:11,056 --> 00:43:12,088 What? 1041 00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:14,724 Who looks like a Dorito now? 1042 00:43:14,726 --> 00:43:16,759 [scoffs] 1043 00:43:16,761 --> 00:43:18,978 There you are, children. 1044 00:43:18,979 --> 00:43:21,196 This is what happens when you don't do your homework. 1045 00:43:21,199 --> 00:43:24,634 It's only going to get worse. [bell rings] 1046 00:43:27,606 --> 00:43:29,906 -Bye, Miss Del Rio. -Hey! 1047 00:43:29,908 --> 00:43:32,308 I notice you avoided most of the damage today. 1048 00:43:32,310 --> 00:43:33,676 Oh, well, yeah. I mean, 1049 00:43:33,678 --> 00:43:35,144 I actually read the chapter last week, 1050 00:43:35,146 --> 00:43:36,379 so I knew the surprise, 1051 00:43:36,381 --> 00:43:38,281 but that was still really awesome. 1052 00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:39,816 Good job, Bobby. 1053 00:43:39,818 --> 00:43:41,651 You know my real name? 1054 00:43:41,653 --> 00:43:42,819 Who am I fooling? 1055 00:43:42,821 --> 00:43:45,088 Of course I know your real name. 1056 00:43:45,090 --> 00:43:46,255 Now, tell me. 1057 00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:47,657 What's going on here? 1058 00:43:47,659 --> 00:43:50,059 Oh, I mean, I could say something, 1059 00:43:50,061 --> 00:43:51,894 but I've already complained to Principal Wayne 1060 00:43:51,896 --> 00:43:53,396 about a hundred times, so... 1061 00:43:53,398 --> 00:43:55,815 What's the deal? 1062 00:43:55,816 --> 00:43:58,233 There are these guys that follow me home from school a lot 1063 00:43:58,236 --> 00:44:01,638 and call me names, push me down. 1064 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,407 You know, Bobby, sometimes people are douchebags 1065 00:44:04,409 --> 00:44:06,342 just to make themselves feel better. 1066 00:44:06,344 --> 00:44:09,078 It has nothing to do with you. 1067 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,747 Now, do you have keys? 1068 00:44:10,749 --> 00:44:11,781 Keys? 1069 00:44:11,783 --> 00:44:12,649 Like house keys. 1070 00:44:12,651 --> 00:44:13,950 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 1071 00:44:13,951 --> 00:44:15,250 Let me show you a little trick my mom taught me 1072 00:44:15,253 --> 00:44:16,719 -when I was younger. -Okay. 1073 00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:18,121 What you do is you make a fist, 1074 00:44:18,123 --> 00:44:20,323 and you put the keys in between your fingers. 1075 00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:22,125 -Like Wolverine? -That's it! 1076 00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:23,426 And listen, this is going to leave a mark 1077 00:44:23,428 --> 00:44:25,094 and you don't even have to hit that hard. 1078 00:44:25,096 --> 00:44:27,096 -Revenge at its finest! -That's it. 1079 00:44:27,098 --> 00:44:28,665 [moaning in pain] 1080 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:31,050 Okay, Bobby. 1081 00:44:31,051 --> 00:44:32,801 Why don't you just leave the revenge to us grownups? 1082 00:44:32,804 --> 00:44:34,404 -Okay? -Okay. 1083 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,306 (Chuck) Hey! Miss Del Rio! 1084 00:44:37,308 --> 00:44:38,341 Hey, Coach Chuck! 1085 00:44:38,343 --> 00:44:39,709 Big win last night. 1086 00:44:39,711 --> 00:44:41,294 Congratulations. 1087 00:44:41,295 --> 00:44:42,878 I gotta say, I saw how you helped the girls last night. 1088 00:44:42,881 --> 00:44:44,564 The cheers were really something. 1089 00:44:44,565 --> 00:44:46,248 Yeah, it's amazing what the handicapped can accomplish. 1090 00:44:46,251 --> 00:44:47,884 [chuckles] You're funny. 1091 00:44:47,886 --> 00:44:48,918 You should see me naked. 1092 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,153 [chuckling] Really? 1093 00:44:50,155 --> 00:44:52,133 You know what, Coach? 1094 00:44:52,134 --> 00:44:54,112 There is something I wanted to ask you. 1095 00:44:54,113 --> 00:44:56,091 Some kids in my class were talking about Miss First. 1096 00:44:56,094 --> 00:44:57,794 -Who is she? -No idea. 1097 00:44:57,796 --> 00:44:59,028 Come on, Coach. You gotta know. 1098 00:44:59,030 --> 00:45:00,897 If I knew, I would tell you. 1099 00:45:00,899 --> 00:45:02,331 Can I ask you something? 1100 00:45:02,333 --> 00:45:03,399 I suppose. 1101 00:45:03,401 --> 00:45:04,867 Can I take you out sometime? 1102 00:45:04,869 --> 00:45:05,802 No. 1103 00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:07,203 I'm not like most other guys. 1104 00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:08,938 I'm not like most other women. 1105 00:45:08,940 --> 00:45:10,106 So say yes. 1106 00:45:10,909 --> 00:45:11,941 All right, Coach Chuck. 1107 00:45:11,943 --> 00:45:13,176 You want to take me out on a date, 1108 00:45:13,178 --> 00:45:15,178 you better bring your A-game. 1109 00:45:15,180 --> 00:45:17,480 I'll be ready after 6:00. 1110 00:45:18,950 --> 00:45:21,484 I love it when they play hard to get. 1111 00:45:42,774 --> 00:45:44,507 Girl! 1112 00:45:44,508 --> 00:45:46,241 Let's just say things are not turning out as I had planned. 1113 00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:47,477 Are you okay? 1114 00:45:47,479 --> 00:45:50,113 Yeah, you can tell us anything. We won't judge. 1115 00:45:50,115 --> 00:45:51,681 All right. 1116 00:45:51,682 --> 00:45:53,248 Well, for starters, I got fired as soon as I got here, 1117 00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:55,051 and then I had to start dressing as a woman 1118 00:45:55,053 --> 00:45:56,252 so I could get my job back. 1119 00:45:56,254 --> 00:45:57,604 Then I started lying to the children, 1120 00:45:57,605 --> 00:45:58,955 telling them that I knew famous people 1121 00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,289 so that they would like me. 1122 00:46:00,291 --> 00:46:02,058 I mean, who lies to children? 1123 00:46:02,060 --> 00:46:03,643 Well... 1124 00:46:03,644 --> 00:46:05,227 And to top it off, right now I'm at a rollerskate rink 1125 00:46:05,230 --> 00:46:07,196 with the football coach, on a date, 1126 00:46:07,198 --> 00:46:09,932 and he thinks my name is Bianca. 1127 00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:10,833 Hello? 1128 00:46:10,835 --> 00:46:12,835 Word, bitch! Yeah! 1129 00:46:12,837 --> 00:46:15,104 -Yeah! Suck his dick. -Uh-uh. 1130 00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:16,272 He's actually taking a leak, 1131 00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:17,439 and I'm trying to grab us some beers. 1132 00:46:17,442 --> 00:46:18,441 Oh! 1133 00:46:18,443 --> 00:46:20,126 Don't drink too much. 1134 00:46:20,127 --> 00:46:21,810 Yeah. Bad things happen when you drink too much. 1135 00:46:21,813 --> 00:46:23,146 Oh, really? Coming from you? 1136 00:46:23,148 --> 00:46:24,531 Don't try it. 1137 00:46:24,532 --> 00:46:25,915 You remember that thing with the candlestick? 1138 00:46:25,917 --> 00:46:28,451 [cackles] [laughs] 1139 00:46:28,453 --> 00:46:30,419 I'll call you back later. I've got things to do. Bye. 1140 00:46:30,421 --> 00:46:32,021 -Okay, bye. -Bye. 1141 00:46:32,023 --> 00:46:33,823 -Don't hit my phone, ho. -Shh... 1142 00:46:33,825 --> 00:46:34,924 -You don't pay my bill. -...up. 1143 00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:36,826 -You got a four. -Change the channel. 1144 00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:38,127 Ow! [giggling] 1145 00:46:38,530 --> 00:46:40,263 So I was going to take you to a stuffy, 1146 00:46:40,265 --> 00:46:41,614 fancy old restaurant, 1147 00:46:41,615 --> 00:46:42,964 but I figured this would be a way more fun way 1148 00:46:42,967 --> 00:46:44,033 to get to know each other. 1149 00:46:44,035 --> 00:46:45,868 Well, I love this place. 1150 00:46:45,870 --> 00:46:47,436 It's really adorable. 1151 00:46:47,438 --> 00:46:49,205 It's more than adorable. 1152 00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,407 It's really romantic. 1153 00:46:51,409 --> 00:46:53,209 Uh, yeah. 1154 00:46:53,211 --> 00:46:55,311 And it also gives us a lot of time to talk about 1155 00:46:55,313 --> 00:46:57,313 that Miss First character. 1156 00:46:57,315 --> 00:46:59,148 Are you still on that, Nancy Drew? 1157 00:46:59,150 --> 00:47:01,584 Actually, I look more like Nancy Grace. 1158 00:47:01,586 --> 00:47:04,320 But spill it! Spill it. Tell me. 1159 00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:07,456 She's what you call a myth, which means she ain't real. 1160 00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:09,892 Uh, yeah, I know what a myth is, Chuck. 1161 00:47:09,894 --> 00:47:13,462 Well, they say that Miss First turns the boys into men, 1162 00:47:13,464 --> 00:47:14,864 if you know what I mean. 1163 00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,465 Oh, it's got to be that Carly chick. 1164 00:47:16,467 --> 00:47:18,467 She seems really trampy. 1165 00:47:18,469 --> 00:47:20,002 What makes you think I know? 1166 00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:21,470 Well, I would assume you have her number 1167 00:47:21,472 --> 00:47:23,339 in your little black book. 1168 00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:24,874 How do you know about that? 1169 00:47:24,876 --> 00:47:26,209 I mean, come on, Fred Flintstone. 1170 00:47:26,211 --> 00:47:27,544 Who the hell carries around 1171 00:47:27,545 --> 00:47:28,878 a book with phone numbers in it anymore? 1172 00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:31,347 I only show that to folks I'm trying to impress. 1173 00:47:31,349 --> 00:47:34,917 Well, you're really impressing me, Chuck. 1174 00:47:34,919 --> 00:47:37,253 So tell me, do you have a big family? 1175 00:47:37,255 --> 00:47:39,555 You are really, really pretty. 1176 00:47:39,557 --> 00:47:41,958 You are really, really drunk. 1177 00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:43,559 So do you have any brothers and sisters? 1178 00:47:43,561 --> 00:47:46,896 I mean, it seems to be the theme down here in the south. 1179 00:47:46,898 --> 00:47:49,031 I want to kiss you so bad right now. 1180 00:47:49,033 --> 00:47:51,901 Listen, I'm trying to get to know you, you idiot. 1181 00:47:51,903 --> 00:47:53,903 You know, you are as mean as a snake, 1182 00:47:53,905 --> 00:47:55,905 and I love that about you. 1183 00:47:58,476 --> 00:48:00,309 Look, I'm already falling for you. 1184 00:48:00,311 --> 00:48:02,545 Get up, you big oaf! 1185 00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:03,646 Oh! 1186 00:48:21,599 --> 00:48:23,099 Mm. 1187 00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:25,334 Oh, mother of Christ. We're late. 1188 00:48:26,537 --> 00:48:28,571 What time is it? 1189 00:48:28,573 --> 00:48:29,906 (Chuck) What's the matter? 1190 00:48:29,908 --> 00:48:31,274 Uh, nothing. 1191 00:48:31,276 --> 00:48:34,210 I just have the worst morning breath ever. 1192 00:48:34,212 --> 00:48:36,012 (Chuck) Did anything happen between us? 1193 00:48:36,014 --> 00:48:38,347 I mean, sex-wise? 1194 00:48:38,349 --> 00:48:40,416 Oh, God. I hope not. 1195 00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:43,286 (Chuck) Why would you say that? 1196 00:48:43,288 --> 00:48:47,423 Because sex can ruin a beautiful friendship. 1197 00:48:50,228 --> 00:48:52,161 Not if you're real, real good at it. 1198 00:48:52,163 --> 00:48:54,697 Can you, like, put all of that away, please? 1199 00:48:57,101 --> 00:48:58,668 You can hitch a ride with me. 1200 00:48:58,670 --> 00:49:00,336 You going to take a quick shower? 1201 00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:03,205 Uh, sometimes a lady needs more than a quick shower. 1202 00:49:03,207 --> 00:49:04,674 I hear you. 1203 00:49:04,676 --> 00:49:07,476 All right. [toilet flushes] 1204 00:49:10,682 --> 00:49:14,417 She's as crooked as a dog's hind legs, and you know it. 1205 00:49:14,419 --> 00:49:16,419 And Principal Wayne knows it. 1206 00:49:16,421 --> 00:49:18,421 I sure as hell do. 1207 00:49:18,422 --> 00:49:20,422 She's worn out her welcome, as far as I'm concerned. 1208 00:49:20,425 --> 00:49:24,427 As long as I get a Teacher of the Year nomination, I'm happy. 1209 00:49:24,429 --> 00:49:25,695 I'll make sure of that. 1210 00:49:25,697 --> 00:49:27,063 Don't you worry. 1211 00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:28,531 We'll get rid of that skunk 1212 00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:30,299 faster than shit through a goose. 1213 00:49:30,301 --> 00:49:32,969 [smacks her lips] 1214 00:49:32,971 --> 00:49:35,271 Mama, you don't think they're too big, though, do you? 1215 00:49:35,273 --> 00:49:37,406 Oh, you look beautiful. Come on. 1216 00:49:53,024 --> 00:49:54,290 I knew it! 1217 00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,911 I can explain. 1218 00:49:58,912 --> 00:50:00,662 Shaving is a really, really good exfoliator. 1219 00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:03,099 You think I'm dumber than a box of hammers, don't you? 1220 00:50:03,735 --> 00:50:05,634 Yes, it's me. Richard. 1221 00:50:05,636 --> 00:50:07,269 Yes, Richard from New York. 1222 00:50:07,271 --> 00:50:08,471 Richard that everybody hates. 1223 00:50:08,473 --> 00:50:09,605 Richard that got fired. 1224 00:50:09,607 --> 00:50:10,873 You don't have to kneel. 1225 00:50:10,874 --> 00:50:12,140 I can see you fine from where you were. 1226 00:50:12,143 --> 00:50:13,409 I-I wanted to kneel. 1227 00:50:13,411 --> 00:50:14,643 That's really condescending. 1228 00:50:14,645 --> 00:50:16,445 My feet hurt! That's why. 1229 00:50:16,447 --> 00:50:17,646 My feet hurt. It's not all about you. 1230 00:50:17,648 --> 00:50:19,048 Fine. 1231 00:50:19,049 --> 00:50:20,449 I know this is going to sound crazy, 1232 00:50:20,451 --> 00:50:22,018 but after they got rid of me, 1233 00:50:22,019 --> 00:50:23,586 who are they going to get to teach these kids? 1234 00:50:23,588 --> 00:50:24,965 Carly? 1235 00:50:24,966 --> 00:50:26,343 Everyone thinks she's sweet, 1236 00:50:26,344 --> 00:50:27,721 but she's just as much of a jerk as her mom. 1237 00:50:27,725 --> 00:50:29,258 You notice that too, huh? 1238 00:50:29,260 --> 00:50:30,659 I notice everything. 1239 00:50:30,661 --> 00:50:31,594 Do me a favour. 1240 00:50:31,596 --> 00:50:33,563 Keep your eye on her, 1241 00:50:33,564 --> 00:50:35,531 and let me know if she's got any funny business going on. 1242 00:50:35,533 --> 00:50:40,669 -You can count on me, sir. -Oh, cute. Real cute. 1243 00:50:40,671 --> 00:50:43,239 Why don't you go mop the yellow brick road or something? 1244 00:50:44,409 --> 00:50:47,143 To celebrate today being a half day of school, 1245 00:50:47,145 --> 00:50:49,378 we're going to play a little game. 1246 00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:50,379 [cheering] 1247 00:50:50,381 --> 00:50:51,714 And here we go. 1248 00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:55,151 Who can name the substance that cells use 1249 00:50:55,153 --> 00:50:58,087 as an immediate source of energy? 1250 00:50:59,490 --> 00:51:01,457 Keely? 1251 00:51:01,459 --> 00:51:03,125 I wasn't raising my hand. 1252 00:51:03,127 --> 00:51:04,560 Did you do the homework? 1253 00:51:04,562 --> 00:51:06,662 Yeah. I just don't know the answer. 1254 00:51:06,664 --> 00:51:08,464 Come on up here, Keely. 1255 00:51:08,466 --> 00:51:10,066 Come up. 1256 00:51:10,535 --> 00:51:12,768 (Students) Ooh! -Right here. 1257 00:51:12,770 --> 00:51:15,805 Why didn't you complete the assignment, Bath Mat? 1258 00:51:15,807 --> 00:51:16,772 Um... 1259 00:51:16,774 --> 00:51:18,307 Now, come here. Stand closer. 1260 00:51:18,309 --> 00:51:20,176 Closer so I look prettier. 1261 00:51:20,178 --> 00:51:21,243 [laughing] 1262 00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:22,678 Now, what did you do last night? 1263 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,480 She went to a college party! 1264 00:51:24,482 --> 00:51:26,415 Oh, really? 1265 00:51:26,417 --> 00:51:28,284 How was that? 1266 00:51:28,286 --> 00:51:31,454 Uh, the pool was filthy, and the music was torrible. 1267 00:51:31,456 --> 00:51:34,423 And that's worse than terrible and horrible combined. 1268 00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,592 -Sounds horrible. -Uh, torrible. 1269 00:51:36,594 --> 00:51:38,861 I think the real question is, what did you do last night, 1270 00:51:38,863 --> 00:51:40,563 Miss Del Rio? 1271 00:51:40,564 --> 00:51:42,264 Coach Chuck said, you were grade A. 1272 00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:43,332 [chuckling] 1273 00:51:43,334 --> 00:51:44,433 Get up here! 1274 00:51:45,403 --> 00:51:46,769 (Students) Ooh! 1275 00:51:48,106 --> 00:51:49,271 Now, look at me. 1276 00:51:49,273 --> 00:51:50,172 Come here. 1277 00:51:50,174 --> 00:51:50,873 Now, look at me. 1278 00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:51,807 Both eyes. 1279 00:51:51,809 --> 00:51:53,843 Bring that lazy one around. 1280 00:51:53,845 --> 00:51:55,277 There we go. There we go. 1281 00:51:55,279 --> 00:51:56,579 [laughing] 1282 00:51:56,581 --> 00:51:57,613 Tell me, big man. 1283 00:51:57,615 --> 00:51:59,348 What happened to your face? 1284 00:51:59,350 --> 00:52:01,517 Oh, uh... 1285 00:52:01,519 --> 00:52:03,819 My girlfriend got a little wild last night. 1286 00:52:03,821 --> 00:52:05,354 (Student) Yeah! (Richard) Yeah, whatever. 1287 00:52:05,356 --> 00:52:07,623 Okay, listen. The question is, 1288 00:52:07,625 --> 00:52:10,759 what is the cause of most infectious diseases? 1289 00:52:10,761 --> 00:52:11,627 Oh, I know this one. 1290 00:52:11,629 --> 00:52:14,497 Raise your hand. 1291 00:52:14,499 --> 00:52:15,531 Keely? 1292 00:52:15,533 --> 00:52:17,133 Microorganisms? 1293 00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:18,567 Mm, pollutants. 1294 00:52:18,569 --> 00:52:20,436 And Keely is correct! 1295 00:52:20,438 --> 00:52:21,770 [applause] 1296 00:52:21,772 --> 00:52:24,673 Now for a closer look into more microorganisms, 1297 00:52:24,675 --> 00:52:28,811 you could read page 43, or just look into Tommy's pants. 1298 00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:30,346 [laughing] 1299 00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:36,218 It's a joke. Good for you, Keely. 1300 00:52:37,622 --> 00:52:39,155 [clapping] 1301 00:52:41,292 --> 00:52:42,424 (Chuck) You need a ride home? 1302 00:52:42,426 --> 00:52:43,792 Uh, no. I'm-- I'm okay. 1303 00:52:43,794 --> 00:52:46,729 I have a friend picking me up, thanks. 1304 00:52:46,731 --> 00:52:49,198 I had a real, good time last night. 1305 00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:52,368 Yeah. Uh, me-- me too. 1306 00:52:52,370 --> 00:52:53,352 [car horn beeping] 1307 00:52:53,353 --> 00:52:54,335 Oh, you know what? Th-that's her. 1308 00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:55,871 Gotta go! Bye! 1309 00:52:58,543 --> 00:52:59,842 [sighing] 1310 00:53:02,413 --> 00:53:05,447 What the fucking fuck? 1311 00:53:05,449 --> 00:53:06,715 It's not what it looks like. 1312 00:53:06,717 --> 00:53:08,884 Are you sleeping with my brother? 1313 00:53:08,886 --> 00:53:10,319 No! 1314 00:53:10,321 --> 00:53:13,522 Gross! Oh, no! 1315 00:53:13,524 --> 00:53:15,524 I'm just messing with his head. 1316 00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:18,794 Can I trust you to stay away from my brother? 1317 00:53:18,796 --> 00:53:20,296 Maybe you should talk to him. 1318 00:53:20,298 --> 00:53:22,364 He might be a really cool guy, for all you know. 1319 00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:24,600 You have no idea. 1320 00:53:24,602 --> 00:53:26,368 Just don't worry about it. 1321 00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:28,237 He teaches right across the hall. 1322 00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:30,806 If you ever! 1323 00:53:30,808 --> 00:53:32,308 Okay, fine. 1324 00:53:32,310 --> 00:53:34,093 I will not talk about him. 1325 00:53:34,094 --> 00:53:35,877 I will not talk about you, or that hat! 1326 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:37,546 Oh! 1327 00:53:37,949 --> 00:53:39,248 Drive! 1328 00:53:39,250 --> 00:53:40,382 [engine starting] 1329 00:53:40,384 --> 00:53:41,517 Slut! 1330 00:53:43,421 --> 00:53:44,520 [slurping] 1331 00:53:45,590 --> 00:53:47,856 So, um, are you from around this area? 1332 00:53:47,858 --> 00:53:49,959 Yeah. A few miles outside of Milford. 1333 00:53:49,961 --> 00:53:51,293 I really like it here. 1334 00:53:51,295 --> 00:53:52,561 It's rather charming. 1335 00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:53,495 I'm trying to convince my brother 1336 00:53:53,497 --> 00:53:54,697 to come down and visit sometime. 1337 00:53:54,699 --> 00:53:58,467 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah, but, um... 1338 00:53:58,469 --> 00:53:59,368 [whispering] He's gay. 1339 00:53:59,370 --> 00:54:00,853 Oh. 1340 00:54:00,854 --> 00:54:02,337 Well, you know, it's getting better down here. 1341 00:54:02,340 --> 00:54:03,973 It used to be real bad for gay dudes. 1342 00:54:03,975 --> 00:54:05,391 Mm. 1343 00:54:05,392 --> 00:54:06,808 Do, uh, you have any siblings? 1344 00:54:09,981 --> 00:54:11,747 Can I tell you a secret? 1345 00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:12,948 Sure. 1346 00:54:12,950 --> 00:54:15,618 I had a gay brother too, growing up. 1347 00:54:15,620 --> 00:54:17,486 He used to get beat up a lot. 1348 00:54:17,488 --> 00:54:19,922 Must have been a real chick magnet for you. 1349 00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,724 I never thought about that. 1350 00:54:21,726 --> 00:54:23,892 It's not like I went to gay bars with him or nothing. 1351 00:54:23,894 --> 00:54:25,461 I would have. 1352 00:54:25,463 --> 00:54:27,296 I just get annoyed getting hit on by dudes. 1353 00:54:27,298 --> 00:54:28,631 But I guess it comes with the territory 1354 00:54:28,633 --> 00:54:29,932 having an ass this good. 1355 00:54:29,934 --> 00:54:31,033 [chuckles] 1356 00:54:32,403 --> 00:54:34,870 So, um, what happened to your brother? 1357 00:54:34,872 --> 00:54:36,438 He ran away. 1358 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,975 I haven't seen him since right before his 19th birthday, 1359 00:54:39,977 --> 00:54:42,645 but I swear, I'd give my right nut 1360 00:54:42,647 --> 00:54:44,513 to know that little shit is okay. 1361 00:54:47,285 --> 00:54:49,785 He brought it up! I promise! 1362 00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:50,919 Get out! 1363 00:54:50,921 --> 00:54:53,188 What? 1364 00:54:53,189 --> 00:54:55,456 I specifically asked you not to stir anything up with him. 1365 00:54:55,459 --> 00:54:57,359 But this is good news! 1366 00:54:57,361 --> 00:54:58,594 At least it's a start. 1367 00:54:58,596 --> 00:55:00,329 I really think you should talk to him. 1368 00:55:00,331 --> 00:55:02,698 I really think you should mind your own business! 1369 00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:03,666 Let me get this straight. 1370 00:55:03,668 --> 00:55:05,535 You have a radio show 1371 00:55:05,536 --> 00:55:07,403 where you give people advice about relationship problems, 1372 00:55:07,405 --> 00:55:08,570 and the way that you deal with your own 1373 00:55:08,572 --> 00:55:10,005 is by running away from them? 1374 00:55:10,007 --> 00:55:11,974 You don't know these people, Richard. 1375 00:55:11,976 --> 00:55:13,509 Do you think my parents were happy 1376 00:55:13,511 --> 00:55:14,843 when they found out I was gay? 1377 00:55:14,845 --> 00:55:16,645 No! 1378 00:55:16,646 --> 00:55:18,446 But eventually, they came around. 1379 00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:21,350 My situation is a little bit different! 1380 00:55:21,352 --> 00:55:24,453 All I'm saying is that you can't judge people for mistreating you 1381 00:55:24,455 --> 00:55:27,523 about something that they know nothing about. 1382 00:55:27,525 --> 00:55:30,793 All I'm saying is you don't have to go home, 1383 00:55:30,795 --> 00:55:34,029 but you can't stay here! 1384 00:55:34,031 --> 00:55:35,497 [sighs] 1385 00:55:38,502 --> 00:55:40,369 [gasps] 1386 00:55:52,016 --> 00:55:54,383 [cackling] 1387 00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:05,928 Grand Inn. Can you hold, please? 1388 00:56:05,930 --> 00:56:07,429 Okay. 1389 00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:10,399 Two twin beds or a single queen? 1390 00:56:10,401 --> 00:56:12,067 A single queen. 1391 00:56:12,069 --> 00:56:14,470 [sobbing] 1392 00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:17,806 Single queen. 1393 00:56:17,808 --> 00:56:19,141 Oh, dear. 1394 00:56:19,143 --> 00:56:20,642 (Karma on radio) Take my advice. 1395 00:56:20,644 --> 00:56:22,911 Whatever it is you're going through, 1396 00:56:22,913 --> 00:56:26,515 surround yourself with as many friends as possible. 1397 00:56:26,517 --> 00:56:30,452 This is the time to patch up old relationships. 1398 00:56:30,454 --> 00:56:33,122 That's it for the Karma Sutra show. 1399 00:56:33,124 --> 00:56:35,023 Good night. 1400 00:56:35,025 --> 00:56:37,760 (Voice outside) Listen, this was your stupid ass idea. 1401 00:56:37,762 --> 00:56:39,395 Girl, can you get off Grinder for a second 1402 00:56:39,397 --> 00:56:40,596 and do something useful? 1403 00:56:40,598 --> 00:56:41,964 Useful? I wanted to text Richard, 1404 00:56:41,966 --> 00:56:43,599 and tell him we were coming the fuck down here, 1405 00:56:43,601 --> 00:56:45,768 but you said, No, let's make it a surprise! 1406 00:56:45,770 --> 00:56:48,904 Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here? 1407 00:56:48,906 --> 00:56:50,839 You better tie your shoes because you're tripping, bitch! 1408 00:56:50,841 --> 00:56:52,040 Hey! 1409 00:56:52,042 --> 00:56:54,309 Richard! 1410 00:56:54,310 --> 00:56:56,577 Oh, we decided to stop on our way down to White Party . 1411 00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,781 Yeah, this is a really shitty place. 1412 00:56:58,783 --> 00:56:59,982 I'll explain. 1413 00:56:59,984 --> 00:57:01,984 So we asked for a room with one bed. 1414 00:57:01,986 --> 00:57:04,987 Because it was cheaper and not because-- gross. 1415 00:57:04,989 --> 00:57:06,889 You should be so lucky. Ha. 1416 00:57:06,891 --> 00:57:08,274 Anyway, 1417 00:57:08,275 --> 00:57:09,658 but when that cigarette-smoking lunch lady bitch 1418 00:57:09,660 --> 00:57:11,927 behind the counter realized we were two dudes, 1419 00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:15,597 she changed the reservation from one queen to two double beds, 1420 00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:17,900 which was $50 more. 1421 00:57:17,902 --> 00:57:20,636 You know I cannot take you seriously looking like that. 1422 00:57:20,638 --> 00:57:22,871 You don't think I'm pretty? 1423 00:57:22,873 --> 00:57:24,940 You're the prettiest girl on the planet... 1424 00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:27,109 (Both) ...of the apes! [laughing] 1425 00:57:28,612 --> 00:57:30,446 So what else did we miss? 1426 00:57:30,448 --> 00:57:32,714 Well, I just think everybody was right. 1427 00:57:32,716 --> 00:57:34,049 What the hell am I doing here? 1428 00:57:34,051 --> 00:57:36,218 You're following your dreams. That's adorable. 1429 00:57:36,220 --> 00:57:38,620 Well, it looks like I'm going to be following y'all back home. 1430 00:57:38,622 --> 00:57:40,222 You say y'all now? 1431 00:57:40,224 --> 00:57:42,157 -Stay here. Barf. -Shut up. 1432 00:57:42,159 --> 00:57:44,460 Richard, why would you quit? 1433 00:57:44,462 --> 00:57:47,563 Well, to be honest, A, the kids are already doing better, 1434 00:57:47,565 --> 00:57:49,064 B, I'm going to get fired again, 1435 00:57:49,066 --> 00:57:53,135 and, C, I miss brunch. 1436 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:54,336 Come to White Party ! 1437 00:57:54,337 --> 00:57:55,536 Yeah! Come to White Party ! 1438 00:57:55,539 --> 00:57:56,939 No, no, no. I said brunch. 1439 00:57:56,941 --> 00:57:58,507 Eggs are white. 1440 00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:02,711 Nice, job, Tommy. 1441 00:58:03,781 --> 00:58:05,080 Mr. Bobby. 1442 00:58:05,883 --> 00:58:07,149 Here you go. 1443 00:58:07,151 --> 00:58:08,701 I got a B-plus! 1444 00:58:08,702 --> 00:58:10,252 [gasps] I've never even got a B before. 1445 00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,954 Very well-written, Bath Mat. 1446 00:58:11,956 --> 00:58:13,989 You actually have a bright future. 1447 00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:16,258 If you work hard! 1448 00:58:18,262 --> 00:58:19,761 Oh, my God! 1449 00:58:19,763 --> 00:58:21,697 I got a B-minus. 1450 00:58:21,699 --> 00:58:24,233 That is so unexpected. 1451 00:58:24,235 --> 00:58:27,769 Well, I guess you're no longer the dumbest class in school. 1452 00:58:27,771 --> 00:58:29,605 At least on paper. 1453 00:58:29,607 --> 00:58:30,839 [chuckling] [intercom beeps] 1454 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:32,074 Please excuse the interruption. 1455 00:58:32,076 --> 00:58:34,443 Miss Del Rio? 1456 00:58:34,444 --> 00:58:36,811 Principal Wayne would like to see you after class. 1457 00:58:36,814 --> 00:58:37,980 (Students) Ooh! 1458 00:58:37,982 --> 00:58:38,881 What'd you do? 1459 00:58:38,883 --> 00:58:40,148 Come on! Tell us! 1460 00:58:41,719 --> 00:58:42,751 Shut up! 1461 00:58:42,753 --> 00:58:44,186 [laughing] 1462 00:58:44,588 --> 00:58:48,790 Principal Wayne, your daughter is gorgeous! 1463 00:58:48,792 --> 00:58:49,892 That's my wife. 1464 00:58:50,628 --> 00:58:53,245 Oh! 1465 00:58:53,246 --> 00:58:55,863 It's your wife. Well, she's, uh, very blonde. 1466 00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:58,834 I've asked you to come here because I'm, uh, 1467 00:58:58,836 --> 00:59:02,037 faced with a very difficult decision. 1468 00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:03,805 Join the club. 1469 00:59:03,807 --> 00:59:05,874 I notice you've been taking a... 1470 00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:08,977 very unusual approach with your students. 1471 00:59:08,979 --> 00:59:11,980 Well, Principal Wayne, some of the kids are assholes, 1472 00:59:11,982 --> 00:59:15,284 and I have to treat them accordingly. 1473 00:59:15,286 --> 00:59:19,988 The language you use could be argued as inappropriate to some. 1474 00:59:19,990 --> 00:59:21,957 Some of them deserve it. 1475 00:59:21,959 --> 00:59:23,592 You feel it's working? 1476 00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:25,260 In fact, I do. 1477 00:59:25,262 --> 00:59:27,729 Then I've made up my mind, Bianca. 1478 00:59:27,731 --> 00:59:29,998 I've made up my mind as well, sir. 1479 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,133 I've decided to nominate you-- 1480 00:59:31,135 --> 00:59:32,267 You don't have to fire me. I quit. 1481 00:59:32,269 --> 00:59:34,303 ...for Teacher of the Year. 1482 00:59:34,305 --> 00:59:35,938 -What? -What? 1483 00:59:35,940 --> 00:59:37,172 What?! 1484 00:59:37,174 --> 00:59:39,741 Ah! I don't know what to say! 1485 00:59:39,743 --> 00:59:42,694 I... 1486 00:59:42,695 --> 00:59:45,646 Not one student has missed a single class since you started. 1487 00:59:45,649 --> 00:59:48,283 That is unprecedented. 1488 00:59:48,285 --> 00:59:50,352 [beep] This is outrageous! 1489 00:59:50,354 --> 00:59:52,754 I'm sure it didn't hurt that you lied to them. 1490 00:59:52,756 --> 00:59:54,706 Oh, why don't you go ahead 1491 00:59:54,707 --> 00:59:56,657 and tell us all about your cousin Cher, huh? 1492 00:59:56,660 --> 01:00:00,028 Or your best friend, Lady Ga-ga? How's she doing? 1493 01:00:00,030 --> 01:00:02,064 Well, I... I haven't talked to her in a while. 1494 01:00:02,066 --> 01:00:04,933 You really know this Lady Ga-ga? 1495 01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,234 Yes, sir. 1496 01:00:06,236 --> 01:00:07,269 Oh! 1497 01:00:07,271 --> 01:00:09,204 You are so full of shit, Bianca. 1498 01:00:09,206 --> 01:00:11,106 If that even is your real name! 1499 01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:16,144 Do you think it would be too much to invite this Lady Ga-ga 1500 01:00:16,146 --> 01:00:18,430 to the ceremony? 1501 01:00:18,431 --> 01:00:20,715 It would be great publicity for the school. 1502 01:00:20,718 --> 01:00:22,884 I will certainly ask her. 1503 01:00:32,796 --> 01:00:33,962 [sighs] 1504 01:00:38,168 --> 01:00:39,768 Okay. 1505 01:00:45,309 --> 01:00:47,209 [phone rings] 1506 01:00:47,211 --> 01:00:48,810 Mama? 1507 01:00:49,913 --> 01:00:51,413 Hi. 1508 01:00:51,915 --> 01:00:54,916 Yeah. This line always takes forever. 1509 01:00:54,918 --> 01:00:55,951 Yeah, I'll meet you in a few. 1510 01:00:55,953 --> 01:00:57,319 I'm just getting my hair done. 1511 01:00:57,321 --> 01:00:58,887 -I could colour for you! -Thank you. 1512 01:00:58,889 --> 01:01:01,390 -Yeah. -I could colour for you! 1513 01:01:01,392 --> 01:01:03,659 Oh, you always talk on the phone. 1514 01:01:03,661 --> 01:01:05,060 Talk talk on the phone. 1515 01:01:05,062 --> 01:01:06,762 Never talk to me. 1516 01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:09,297 You only white lady who come in here and never talk to me. 1517 01:01:09,299 --> 01:01:10,298 Don't come back! 1518 01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,867 Bye! 1519 01:01:13,704 --> 01:01:14,936 Hi. 1520 01:01:19,276 --> 01:01:20,308 [screams] 1521 01:01:20,310 --> 01:01:22,411 (Richard) Shit! What the fuck?! 1522 01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:27,716 [shouting indistinctly] 1523 01:01:30,387 --> 01:01:33,021 Part one's done, Sis. 1524 01:01:33,023 --> 01:01:34,289 You found her? 1525 01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:36,324 Well, of course I found her. 1526 01:01:36,326 --> 01:01:39,127 Now make sure no one else will. 1527 01:01:39,129 --> 01:01:41,163 And no scars, right? 1528 01:01:41,165 --> 01:01:42,064 [cackles] 1529 01:01:42,066 --> 01:01:43,865 Nothing visible. 1530 01:01:43,867 --> 01:01:45,934 You got it, darling. [cackles] 1531 01:01:46,203 --> 01:01:49,738 ¶ 1532 01:01:51,341 --> 01:01:53,341 -Hey. -Oh! 1533 01:01:53,343 --> 01:01:54,943 Mama! 1534 01:01:57,481 --> 01:01:58,814 Oh! 1535 01:02:00,884 --> 01:02:02,084 [laughing, crying] 1536 01:02:02,086 --> 01:02:04,152 You look beautiful. 1537 01:02:04,154 --> 01:02:06,321 [crying] Thank you. 1538 01:02:06,323 --> 01:02:08,223 Oh, Daddy. 1539 01:02:11,395 --> 01:02:12,928 [knocking] 1540 01:02:12,930 --> 01:02:14,229 Oh, God. 1541 01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:15,964 Chuck doesn't cry. 1542 01:02:16,233 --> 01:02:18,066 [laughing, crying] 1543 01:02:19,937 --> 01:02:21,870 You look beautiful. 1544 01:02:21,872 --> 01:02:23,238 Thank you. 1545 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,506 Hey, Mom. 1546 01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:28,110 (Chuck) Oh, that's a good hug. 1547 01:02:28,112 --> 01:02:30,011 A good hug. 1548 01:02:40,491 --> 01:02:42,274 (Richard) This has gone too far! 1549 01:02:42,275 --> 01:02:44,058 I'm a science teacher, for Christ's sake. 1550 01:02:44,061 --> 01:02:46,194 What is this? Unsolved Mysteries bullshit? 1551 01:02:46,196 --> 01:02:47,963 What can I say? 1552 01:02:47,965 --> 01:02:50,465 I can't believe what just happened. 1553 01:02:52,236 --> 01:02:55,403 Thanks for being such a good friend. 1554 01:02:55,405 --> 01:02:59,040 I'm glad you're in my life, Richard. 1555 01:02:59,042 --> 01:03:02,944 You're still not allowed to sleep with my brother. 1556 01:03:02,946 --> 01:03:04,146 Bye, bitch. 1557 01:03:04,148 --> 01:03:05,213 You know that you're going to jail. 1558 01:03:05,215 --> 01:03:07,616 This-- [voice muffled] 1559 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:10,018 You know Carly wanted that teacher award you're after. 1560 01:03:10,020 --> 01:03:12,788 Sis always makes sure Carly gets what she wants. 1561 01:03:12,790 --> 01:03:14,189 I'm just supposed to keep an eye on you 1562 01:03:14,191 --> 01:03:15,791 until the ceremony is over. 1563 01:03:15,793 --> 01:03:17,793 Now I've got to leave you out here! 1564 01:03:17,795 --> 01:03:20,495 Hey, I know it might be weird to call, 1565 01:03:20,497 --> 01:03:21,997 but something crazy just happened 1566 01:03:21,999 --> 01:03:23,532 I want to tell you about it. 1567 01:03:23,534 --> 01:03:27,536 Also, I had a really great time with you the other night. 1568 01:03:27,538 --> 01:03:30,005 I hope we can do it again soon. 1569 01:03:30,007 --> 01:03:31,506 See you soon, pretty girl. 1570 01:03:34,344 --> 01:03:35,410 (Willie) Sorry, lady. 1571 01:03:35,412 --> 01:03:37,429 Blood is thicker than water. 1572 01:03:37,430 --> 01:03:39,447 What that means to you is family always comes first. 1573 01:03:48,292 --> 01:03:49,925 [lighter clicks] 1574 01:03:50,427 --> 01:03:51,927 What the hell? 1575 01:03:51,929 --> 01:03:54,863 (Richard) Fuck off, Fatty! 1576 01:03:54,865 --> 01:03:56,298 [grunting] 1577 01:03:56,300 --> 01:03:58,300 (Willie) Shit! Son of a Bitch! 1578 01:04:00,470 --> 01:04:02,370 You fucking bitch! 1579 01:04:02,372 --> 01:04:05,540 When I find you, I'm going to cut you open like a cow! 1580 01:04:26,129 --> 01:04:28,063 [snake hissing] 1581 01:04:38,108 --> 01:04:41,610 ¶ 1582 01:04:51,655 --> 01:04:52,888 (Richard) Housekeeping! 1583 01:04:52,890 --> 01:04:54,222 Morning, angels. 1584 01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:57,259 I knew you were going to be hungover. 1585 01:04:57,261 --> 01:04:59,995 -Where have you been, girl? -Ooh, coffee. 1586 01:04:59,997 --> 01:05:01,280 Listen, I can explain. 1587 01:05:01,281 --> 01:05:02,564 But first, I need you to meet my friend. 1588 01:05:02,566 --> 01:05:04,633 This is Karma, and Janice, 1589 01:05:04,635 --> 01:05:06,935 Janice, Karma, Stephen, Bailey. 1590 01:05:06,937 --> 01:05:08,470 (All) Hi. 1591 01:05:08,472 --> 01:05:09,537 Okay, I need your help. 1592 01:05:09,539 --> 01:05:11,289 Uh-uh. 1593 01:05:11,290 --> 01:05:13,040 See, we called you, like, 50 times yesterday. 1594 01:05:13,043 --> 01:05:15,410 Someone from the school tried to have him kidnapped! 1595 01:05:15,412 --> 01:05:16,862 I heard everything! 1596 01:05:16,863 --> 01:05:18,313 Hold up. They're kidnapping bitches over here? 1597 01:05:18,315 --> 01:05:20,048 Oh, hell to the no. 1598 01:05:20,050 --> 01:05:22,351 See, you need to call the police. 1599 01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:24,653 You cannot call the police here because everybody is related. 1600 01:05:24,655 --> 01:05:26,288 It's not a real town. 1601 01:05:26,290 --> 01:05:28,456 It's like a big family reunion. 1602 01:05:28,458 --> 01:05:29,557 What? 1603 01:05:29,559 --> 01:05:31,059 -Explain. -Okay. 1604 01:05:31,061 --> 01:05:33,028 It's like sometimes when you walk in the club, 1605 01:05:33,030 --> 01:05:33,995 and then you look around, 1606 01:05:33,997 --> 01:05:35,247 and you're like, Well, damn, 1607 01:05:35,248 --> 01:05:36,498 I done slept with everybody up in here. 1608 01:05:36,500 --> 01:05:38,500 -Oh, okay. -Proceed. 1609 01:05:38,502 --> 01:05:40,769 Well, look. I have a plan. 1610 01:05:40,770 --> 01:05:43,037 Ooh, look at you, sounding like Miss Tranny MacGyver Fish. Yes! 1611 01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:44,272 Well, I've had time to think about it 1612 01:05:44,274 --> 01:05:46,141 because I've been walking for 13 miles. 1613 01:05:46,143 --> 01:05:47,375 What? 1614 01:05:47,377 --> 01:05:49,694 Explain. 1615 01:05:49,695 --> 01:05:52,012 Um, it's like walking from Soho to Harlem. 1616 01:05:52,015 --> 01:05:54,082 Don't they have Uber here? 1617 01:05:54,084 --> 01:05:55,450 [groaning] 1618 01:06:00,023 --> 01:06:02,424 (Richard) Hurricanes form in tropical regions 1619 01:06:02,426 --> 01:06:04,292 because they need warm water 1620 01:06:04,294 --> 01:06:07,128 of at least 80 degrees Fahrenheit. 1621 01:06:09,132 --> 01:06:13,034 The most characteristic feature of hurricanes is their eye, 1622 01:06:13,036 --> 01:06:17,639 a region of dry air about which the strongest winds circulate. 1623 01:06:20,043 --> 01:06:22,110 [thunder crashing] 1624 01:06:27,351 --> 01:06:30,385 ¶ 1625 01:06:47,137 --> 01:06:48,820 [chanting] Gaga! Gaga! Gaga! 1626 01:06:48,821 --> 01:06:50,504 [chanting continues] This is the Karma Sutra show, 1627 01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:53,742 live from the Texas Theatre , where there are rumors 1628 01:06:53,744 --> 01:06:56,478 that there will be an appearance by Lady Gaga 1629 01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:59,514 at tonight's Teacher of the Year Ceremony. 1630 01:07:01,752 --> 01:07:03,018 Who the hell are you? 1631 01:07:03,020 --> 01:07:04,519 I'm part of G's security team, 1632 01:07:04,521 --> 01:07:06,421 and I need to go through this building 1633 01:07:06,423 --> 01:07:08,690 and make sure it's secure before the event. 1634 01:07:08,692 --> 01:07:10,191 Whose security team? 1635 01:07:10,193 --> 01:07:12,527 G's security team. 1636 01:07:12,529 --> 01:07:14,729 Yeah. Who's G? 1637 01:07:14,731 --> 01:07:16,664 G. Lady Gaga. G. 1638 01:07:16,666 --> 01:07:18,233 This has been cleared for weeks. 1639 01:07:18,235 --> 01:07:21,136 Oh, well, this is news to me. 1640 01:07:21,138 --> 01:07:23,171 Well, you listen to me, Polka Dot. 1641 01:07:23,173 --> 01:07:26,674 Now, Lady Gaga herself is on her way here from the airport, 1642 01:07:26,676 --> 01:07:28,476 and if I'm not able to go through this building 1643 01:07:28,478 --> 01:07:29,744 and make sure it's secure 1644 01:07:29,746 --> 01:07:31,813 from crackheads and cracks in the ceiling, 1645 01:07:31,815 --> 01:07:34,433 then I will make a call. 1646 01:07:34,434 --> 01:07:37,052 She will turn around, and trust me, you don't want that. 1647 01:07:37,054 --> 01:07:38,237 Gaga! Gaga! 1648 01:07:38,238 --> 01:07:39,421 [chanting continues] All right. Go ahead. 1649 01:07:39,423 --> 01:07:40,655 Thank you. 1650 01:07:42,292 --> 01:07:43,525 Nice dress. 1651 01:07:45,462 --> 01:07:47,062 Hey! Knock it off out there! 1652 01:07:47,064 --> 01:07:49,464 Gaga! Gaga! 1653 01:07:51,601 --> 01:07:53,468 [panting] 1654 01:07:53,470 --> 01:07:55,503 Ooh, I've got to start going to the gym. 1655 01:07:55,806 --> 01:07:57,172 Oh! 1656 01:07:57,507 --> 01:07:58,573 Oh! 1657 01:07:59,176 --> 01:08:01,643 Ah! Son of a bitch! Ah! 1658 01:08:03,146 --> 01:08:04,179 Be careful! 1659 01:08:04,181 --> 01:08:05,514 Girl, I'm sorry. 1660 01:08:05,515 --> 01:08:06,848 I was going to cut you a breathing hole, I promise. 1661 01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:09,117 All right, come on, Reese Littlespoon. 1662 01:08:09,119 --> 01:08:10,085 [snaps fingers] 1663 01:08:10,087 --> 01:08:11,152 Hi. 1664 01:08:11,154 --> 01:08:12,620 Oh, hello. 1665 01:08:12,622 --> 01:08:15,423 Uh, okay, Wayne, here you go. 1666 01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:18,426 And here is one for your daughter. 1667 01:08:18,428 --> 01:08:19,494 That's my wife. 1668 01:08:19,496 --> 01:08:20,595 [giggles] 1669 01:08:20,597 --> 01:08:22,197 Oh, you. 1670 01:08:22,866 --> 01:08:24,132 Oh! 1671 01:08:24,134 --> 01:08:25,400 [cheering] 1672 01:08:25,402 --> 01:08:26,267 She's coming! 1673 01:08:26,269 --> 01:08:28,369 Ah! It's really her! 1674 01:08:28,371 --> 01:08:29,771 My feet are killing me. 1675 01:08:29,773 --> 01:08:31,639 Keep your mouth shut, Gaga. 1676 01:08:31,641 --> 01:08:35,143 The queen of pop music has arrived. 1677 01:08:35,145 --> 01:08:41,149 Hello, and welcome, everyone, to the annual District 214 1678 01:08:41,151 --> 01:08:43,685 Teacher of the Year ceremony. 1679 01:08:43,687 --> 01:08:45,286 [applause] 1680 01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,591 [thunder crashing] 1681 01:08:56,199 --> 01:08:58,466 I am so lucky to be here 1682 01:08:58,468 --> 01:09:03,171 to introduce some of our very talented staff tonight. 1683 01:09:03,173 --> 01:09:05,373 And pinch me now! 1684 01:09:05,375 --> 01:09:08,309 We have a very special guest. 1685 01:09:08,311 --> 01:09:10,145 I still can't believe it. 1686 01:09:10,147 --> 01:09:14,649 Lady Gaga took time out of her very busy schedule 1687 01:09:14,651 --> 01:09:16,784 to join us this evening. 1688 01:09:16,786 --> 01:09:18,853 [applause/cheering] 1689 01:09:19,789 --> 01:09:21,289 Are you having a good time, Gaga? 1690 01:09:21,291 --> 01:09:22,524 Mm-hmm. 1691 01:09:22,525 --> 01:09:23,758 Can you tell that to your face? 1692 01:09:25,428 --> 01:09:29,430 Unfortunately, one of our teachers, Miss Del Rio, 1693 01:09:29,432 --> 01:09:33,401 had some problems and was forced to resign. 1694 01:09:33,403 --> 01:09:36,304 [moaning, muttering] 1695 01:09:36,306 --> 01:09:37,438 When did this happen? 1696 01:09:37,440 --> 01:09:39,407 It's all under control, Wayne. 1697 01:09:39,409 --> 01:09:41,209 -Shay-shay. -Very shady. 1698 01:09:41,211 --> 01:09:42,710 (Superintendent) But not to worry. 1699 01:09:42,712 --> 01:09:46,548 Milford High will still be represented. 1700 01:09:46,550 --> 01:09:51,886 They decided to send Carly Ward as an alternate. 1701 01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:53,688 [applause] 1702 01:09:58,662 --> 01:10:00,228 (Richard) Scientists have warned residents 1703 01:10:00,230 --> 01:10:03,398 to beware of storms with female names, 1704 01:10:03,400 --> 01:10:06,568 as they are perceived to be less threatening, 1705 01:10:06,570 --> 01:10:10,572 but are significantly more likely to kill you. 1706 01:10:11,708 --> 01:10:16,211 Now let's take a moment to get to know some of our nominees. 1707 01:10:16,213 --> 01:10:17,679 [applause] 1708 01:10:19,916 --> 01:10:22,383 Our first nominee is 1709 01:10:22,385 --> 01:10:25,653 Mr. Homer Flint from Nacogdoches. 1710 01:10:25,655 --> 01:10:27,989 [applause] 1711 01:10:27,991 --> 01:10:30,858 Homer is a favourite at this high school 1712 01:10:30,860 --> 01:10:34,495 because of some of his strong and visionary leadership, 1713 01:10:34,497 --> 01:10:39,300 a clear vision of his goals, and his impeccable style. 1714 01:10:39,302 --> 01:10:40,868 [laughing] 1715 01:10:43,406 --> 01:10:47,508 Our next nominee is from Meadowlakes... 1716 01:10:47,510 --> 01:10:49,544 Sue Ellen Spencer. 1717 01:10:49,546 --> 01:10:55,783 She is known for her fun, laid back creative writing classes... 1718 01:10:55,785 --> 01:10:58,920 -Huh? -Sex scandal! Oh! 1719 01:10:58,922 --> 01:11:00,989 What is going down in the school yard? 1720 01:11:00,991 --> 01:11:02,590 Them desks is dirty. 1721 01:11:02,592 --> 01:11:04,459 [gasping, murmuring] Huh? 1722 01:11:05,762 --> 01:11:07,495 Oh! This thing is broken. 1723 01:11:07,497 --> 01:11:08,630 Shut it down! 1724 01:11:08,632 --> 01:11:09,731 [whistles] Shut it down! 1725 01:11:09,733 --> 01:11:10,932 What the hell? 1726 01:11:11,768 --> 01:11:13,118 [gasping, murmuring] (Deb) Hey! 1727 01:11:13,119 --> 01:11:14,469 This-- this isn't-- Shut this down! 1728 01:11:14,471 --> 01:11:16,371 Oh, my God! 1729 01:11:16,373 --> 01:11:17,905 Not in my school! 1730 01:11:17,907 --> 01:11:19,274 That's not me! 1731 01:11:19,276 --> 01:11:20,441 That's not me! It's just... 1732 01:11:20,443 --> 01:11:22,477 It's... It's any short person. 1733 01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:25,913 What the hell? 1734 01:11:30,353 --> 01:11:33,588 Things have taken a strange turn here. 1735 01:11:33,590 --> 01:11:37,759 Miss First, the mysterious, and up until now, anonymous woman 1736 01:11:37,761 --> 01:11:41,796 that has been seducing young boys has been revealed 1737 01:11:41,798 --> 01:11:43,631 as Deborah Ward! 1738 01:11:43,633 --> 01:11:45,700 Oh, quiet down, everybody! 1739 01:11:46,903 --> 01:11:47,935 Oh, God! 1740 01:11:47,937 --> 01:11:50,071 Look, this is not true! 1741 01:11:50,073 --> 01:11:52,607 This is a conspiracy! 1742 01:11:54,377 --> 01:11:57,478 [murmuring, shouting] 1743 01:12:00,984 --> 01:12:02,050 [grunting] 1744 01:12:07,557 --> 01:12:09,957 Will somebody fix the dang projector already?! 1745 01:12:12,862 --> 01:12:13,995 Oh! 1746 01:12:13,997 --> 01:12:15,029 Oh! [gasping] 1747 01:12:15,031 --> 01:12:18,399 What... It's biting me! 1748 01:12:18,401 --> 01:12:19,901 Ah! [deflating sound] 1749 01:12:19,903 --> 01:12:23,104 [laughing] 1750 01:12:23,106 --> 01:12:24,405 Oh! [laughs] 1751 01:12:24,407 --> 01:12:25,573 Girl! 1752 01:12:25,575 --> 01:12:27,775 [gasping] 1753 01:12:27,777 --> 01:12:29,043 [deflating sound] 1754 01:12:29,045 --> 01:12:31,079 [laughing] 1755 01:12:31,081 --> 01:12:32,613 Did she just get botched? 1756 01:12:32,615 --> 01:12:34,415 She's going to need a Band-Aid! 1757 01:12:36,853 --> 01:12:38,052 No! 1758 01:12:38,054 --> 01:12:39,420 No! 1759 01:12:40,090 --> 01:12:41,122 (Deb) Where are you? 1760 01:12:41,124 --> 01:12:42,623 Pick up! Pick up, Willie! 1761 01:12:42,625 --> 01:12:44,792 Willie, pick up! 1762 01:12:46,629 --> 01:12:48,429 [muffled yelling] Let me out of here! 1763 01:12:48,431 --> 01:12:49,997 Somebody let me out of here! 1764 01:12:51,434 --> 01:12:52,734 (Deb) Willie! 1765 01:12:52,735 --> 01:12:54,035 Willie, get back to me right now! 1766 01:12:54,037 --> 01:12:55,570 Oh! 1767 01:12:55,572 --> 01:12:56,971 [moaning] Ooh. 1768 01:12:56,973 --> 01:12:58,573 [toilet flushing] 1769 01:12:58,575 --> 01:13:00,108 Oh, Debbie! 1770 01:13:00,110 --> 01:13:02,610 Don't you look fancy tonight? 1771 01:13:02,612 --> 01:13:03,778 You! 1772 01:13:03,780 --> 01:13:05,480 Sorry I'm a little late. 1773 01:13:05,482 --> 01:13:07,482 I was tied up! 1774 01:13:08,718 --> 01:13:10,585 Give me these! 1775 01:13:10,587 --> 01:13:11,919 Get out of my way. 1776 01:13:11,921 --> 01:13:13,888 Has anybody ever told you, Debbie, 1777 01:13:13,890 --> 01:13:16,591 that you have beautifully shaped lips? 1778 01:13:16,593 --> 01:13:17,492 Yes. 1779 01:13:17,494 --> 01:13:19,628 [chuckling] And you know 1780 01:13:19,629 --> 01:13:21,763 you need to be really careful with that face of yours. 1781 01:13:21,765 --> 01:13:25,099 You might attract a swarm of men. 1782 01:13:25,101 --> 01:13:26,601 [laughing] 1783 01:13:31,808 --> 01:13:33,941 [screaming] 1784 01:13:33,943 --> 01:13:35,777 Oh, my God! 1785 01:13:35,778 --> 01:13:37,612 Oh, my God! It's just like My Girl ! 1786 01:13:37,614 --> 01:13:39,881 Oh! Oh! 1787 01:13:39,883 --> 01:13:41,883 [screaming] 1788 01:13:43,586 --> 01:13:46,921 Without further ado, I'd like to announce the winner, 1789 01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:49,056 before anything else falls on us. 1790 01:13:50,059 --> 01:13:54,929 The winner of this year's Teacher of the Year award is... 1791 01:13:54,931 --> 01:13:56,564 Well, this is awkward. 1792 01:13:56,566 --> 01:13:58,166 Carly Ward? 1793 01:13:58,168 --> 01:13:59,867 [gasping, murmuring] 1794 01:14:00,703 --> 01:14:02,537 Rigged! 1795 01:14:02,539 --> 01:14:03,971 Wh-- Oh... 1796 01:14:03,973 --> 01:14:06,941 Superintendent Howard! The information 1797 01:14:06,943 --> 01:14:09,076 that disqualified our original nominee 1798 01:14:09,078 --> 01:14:12,780 was given to you on false pretenses. 1799 01:14:12,782 --> 01:14:15,116 What makes you say that, Wayne? 1800 01:14:15,118 --> 01:14:20,521 Because Deborah Ward and her daughter are filthy liars! 1801 01:14:20,523 --> 01:14:22,824 -We want Bianca! -Yeah, we want Bianca! 1802 01:14:22,826 --> 01:14:23,691 Bianca! 1803 01:14:23,693 --> 01:14:24,725 Bianca! 1804 01:14:24,727 --> 01:14:25,693 Bianca! 1805 01:14:25,695 --> 01:14:28,963 [chanting continues] Bianca! 1806 01:14:46,049 --> 01:14:47,548 (Chuck) Bianca. 1807 01:14:47,550 --> 01:14:48,866 Where you been? 1808 01:14:48,867 --> 01:14:50,183 I think Lady Gaga was hitting on me. 1809 01:14:50,186 --> 01:14:51,152 Oh, yeah? 1810 01:14:51,154 --> 01:14:52,119 But don't worry. 1811 01:14:52,121 --> 01:14:53,888 I told her I was already taken. 1812 01:14:59,562 --> 01:15:01,929 [chanting Bianca continues] 1813 01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:05,566 [clapping and cheering] Bianca! 1814 01:15:05,568 --> 01:15:07,668 Do you think we need a recount? 1815 01:15:07,670 --> 01:15:09,670 [clapping and cheering] 1816 01:15:14,878 --> 01:15:17,578 Well all right then. 1817 01:15:19,115 --> 01:15:21,649 Thank you, District 214. 1818 01:15:21,651 --> 01:15:24,986 When I started, I didn't know if I was going to fit in, 1819 01:15:24,988 --> 01:15:26,854 but one thing that was consistent 1820 01:15:26,856 --> 01:15:28,990 was this remarkable staff 1821 01:15:28,992 --> 01:15:30,591 who didn't skip a beat 1822 01:15:30,593 --> 01:15:32,760 in allowing me into their community. 1823 01:15:32,762 --> 01:15:37,131 When I arrived, every single student I had was failing. 1824 01:15:37,133 --> 01:15:41,002 Each one has shown improvement of at least 40%. 1825 01:15:41,170 --> 01:15:42,703 All of this, 1826 01:15:44,541 --> 01:15:46,741 coming from someone you said, 1827 01:15:46,743 --> 01:15:49,076 was an embarrassment to your community. 1828 01:15:49,078 --> 01:15:50,177 [gasping] What? 1829 01:15:50,179 --> 01:15:51,913 Holy fucking shit. 1830 01:15:52,782 --> 01:15:54,148 (Both) I knew it. 1831 01:15:56,619 --> 01:15:58,119 She's a dude? 1832 01:15:59,188 --> 01:16:00,855 A man. 1833 01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,891 A man? 1834 01:16:04,193 --> 01:16:06,861 I got punked. 1835 01:16:06,863 --> 01:16:09,063 That was really fucking good. 1836 01:16:09,065 --> 01:16:11,032 [laughing] 1837 01:16:13,336 --> 01:16:16,003 This is Bianca. 1838 01:16:16,005 --> 01:16:19,106 [confetti popping] 1839 01:16:19,108 --> 01:16:21,275 [gasping and laughing] 1840 01:16:29,819 --> 01:16:31,719 It's messed up my hair. 1841 01:16:39,062 --> 01:16:40,995 Oh, it's pretty. 1842 01:16:40,997 --> 01:16:41,862 Yes! 1843 01:16:41,864 --> 01:16:43,264 Word! 1844 01:16:54,844 --> 01:16:58,846 All of you have some very serious explaining to do. 1845 01:16:58,848 --> 01:17:01,315 I can barely move my mouth. 1846 01:17:01,317 --> 01:17:03,284 Beestung lips are really in right now. 1847 01:17:03,286 --> 01:17:05,886 [crying] Do you know how expensive these were? 1848 01:17:05,888 --> 01:17:07,722 Oh, baby. 1849 01:17:07,857 --> 01:17:10,791 I must say, I have seen better behavior 1850 01:17:10,793 --> 01:17:13,227 from some of your worst students! 1851 01:17:13,229 --> 01:17:15,796 Richard, do me a favor? 1852 01:17:16,733 --> 01:17:19,100 Take a look at the front page. 1853 01:17:19,102 --> 01:17:21,936 [crying] Why? Why? 1854 01:17:21,938 --> 01:17:25,706 'Why is my school racist against gay people?' By Keely Carson. 1855 01:17:25,708 --> 01:17:27,008 Oh, Wayne, come on. 1856 01:17:27,010 --> 01:17:28,242 You cannot give in 1857 01:17:28,244 --> 01:17:31,245 to these kinds of special interest groups. 1858 01:17:31,247 --> 01:17:32,313 Chuck. 1859 01:17:32,315 --> 01:17:33,648 On it. 1860 01:17:33,850 --> 01:17:35,372 Sorry, ma'am, the Principal 1861 01:17:35,373 --> 01:17:36,895 asked me to be here for extra security. 1862 01:17:36,896 --> 01:17:38,418 What? Hey, let go of me, you overgrown maggot! Hey-- 1863 01:17:38,421 --> 01:17:41,255 Don't think I want be calling the law, Miss Ward. 1864 01:17:41,257 --> 01:17:42,189 Oh, are you kidding me? 1865 01:17:42,191 --> 01:17:44,041 Is this a joke? 1866 01:17:44,042 --> 01:17:45,892 Come on! That kid's been held back, like, six times. 1867 01:17:45,895 --> 01:17:47,895 He said he was legal! 1868 01:17:47,897 --> 01:17:49,930 He did! Did you see that guy? 1869 01:17:49,932 --> 01:17:51,666 Now, as for you, young lady. 1870 01:17:51,668 --> 01:17:53,852 [Deb continues to rant] 1871 01:17:53,853 --> 01:17:56,037 I have no proof that you were involved in any of this. 1872 01:17:56,039 --> 01:17:57,838 Looks like you've suffered enough already. 1873 01:17:57,840 --> 01:17:59,907 (Deb) You know who you're messing with? 1874 01:17:59,908 --> 01:18:01,975 And to think I was going to let you touch these! 1875 01:18:01,978 --> 01:18:04,245 [crying] 1876 01:18:04,247 --> 01:18:05,913 Just one more thing, Richard. 1877 01:18:07,150 --> 01:18:08,215 Yes, sir. 1878 01:18:08,217 --> 01:18:11,452 Please stay out of the ladies' room. 1879 01:18:11,454 --> 01:18:12,720 [laughing] 1880 01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:14,155 I'll try. 1881 01:18:16,859 --> 01:18:18,259 [call, speak indistinctly] 1882 01:18:18,260 --> 01:18:19,660 (Keely's voice) I used to be one of those people 1883 01:18:19,661 --> 01:18:21,061 that didn't really care about gay people, 1884 01:18:21,064 --> 01:18:22,981 but then we had this teacher, 1885 01:18:22,982 --> 01:18:24,899 and everyone was torrible to him, including me. 1886 01:18:24,901 --> 01:18:27,868 But I didn't think he would get fired or anything. 1887 01:18:27,870 --> 01:18:28,836 (Richard) All right, guys! 1888 01:18:28,838 --> 01:18:30,304 Who's ready to graduate? 1889 01:18:30,306 --> 01:18:32,373 (Keely) Furthermore so, I think the school should have, 1890 01:18:32,375 --> 01:18:35,109 like, some protection program, or something, 1891 01:18:35,111 --> 01:18:36,744 to protect gay people. 1892 01:18:38,748 --> 01:18:41,215 Because my friend Bobby is a total homo, 1893 01:18:41,217 --> 01:18:43,751 but he won't come out because he'll probably get beat up. 1894 01:18:43,753 --> 01:18:45,953 Well, at least more so than he already does. 1895 01:18:45,955 --> 01:18:48,289 Anyway, thank you for reading my article. 1896 01:18:48,291 --> 01:18:49,423 Keely Carson. 1897 01:18:51,427 --> 01:18:52,927 [laughing] 1898 01:18:56,065 --> 01:18:58,399 All right! 1899 01:18:58,401 --> 01:19:00,835 Please help me welcome back to the stage 1900 01:19:00,837 --> 01:19:03,104 someone very important... 1901 01:19:03,106 --> 01:19:05,940 Put your hands together and make some noise for the one, 1902 01:19:05,942 --> 01:19:10,010 the only, Bianca Del Rio! [cheering] 1903 01:19:10,012 --> 01:19:12,780 -Thank you, Ambrosia! Mwah. -Mwah. 1904 01:19:12,782 --> 01:19:14,048 [cheering] 1905 01:19:14,050 --> 01:19:15,249 Yeah, Miss Del Rio! 1906 01:19:15,251 --> 01:19:16,350 Oh, my God. 1907 01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:17,485 What are you guys doing here? 1908 01:19:17,487 --> 01:19:19,386 Do your parents know you're here? 1909 01:19:19,388 --> 01:19:20,287 Security! 1910 01:19:20,289 --> 01:19:21,856 [laughing] 1911 01:19:21,857 --> 01:19:23,424 Okay, listen, we have to get this show started, 1912 01:19:23,426 --> 01:19:26,460 and I can only start the show with a drunk, straight girl. 1913 01:19:26,462 --> 01:19:28,796 Do we have any drunk, straight girls in the audience? 1914 01:19:28,798 --> 01:19:31,198 Thumbelina, come on up! 1915 01:19:31,200 --> 01:19:32,566 I know you! 1916 01:19:32,567 --> 01:19:33,933 This is my good girlfriend, Janice. 1917 01:19:33,936 --> 01:19:35,720 All right. 1918 01:19:35,721 --> 01:19:37,505 Who is ready to see Janice to an interpretive dance? 1919 01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:38,873 [cheering/applause] 1920 01:19:38,875 --> 01:19:40,007 All right. You ready, bitch? 1921 01:19:40,009 --> 01:19:40,975 Let's do it. 1922 01:19:40,977 --> 01:19:42,243 Hit it, DJ! 1923 01:19:42,245 --> 01:19:44,011 ¶ 1924 01:19:45,381 --> 01:19:48,382 (Karma) Janice took over as the dance captain 1925 01:19:48,384 --> 01:19:51,786 of the Lady Maverick cheerleading squad, 1926 01:19:51,788 --> 01:19:55,089 which became her cover when she was recruited 1927 01:19:55,091 --> 01:19:58,425 for Secret Ops at the CIA. 1928 01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:00,327 Anyway, you know, I have to say... 1929 01:20:00,329 --> 01:20:01,295 [laughing] 1930 01:20:01,297 --> 01:20:02,813 ...oh, you two. 1931 01:20:02,814 --> 01:20:04,330 On your fucking phones. Rude. 1932 01:20:04,333 --> 01:20:06,066 ...as Stephen and Bailey 1933 01:20:06,068 --> 01:20:08,869 continued to look for dates on Grinder, 1934 01:20:08,871 --> 01:20:11,005 they realized they'd accidentally 1935 01:20:11,007 --> 01:20:13,374 been talking to each other. 1936 01:20:14,010 --> 01:20:17,111 Bailey still lives on Stephen's futon, 1937 01:20:17,113 --> 01:20:19,914 but sometimes gets an upgrade. 1938 01:20:20,550 --> 01:20:23,017 So... Oh, thank you! 1939 01:20:23,019 --> 01:20:24,552 What are you doing here? 1940 01:20:24,554 --> 01:20:26,821 I came to see my girlfriend. 1941 01:20:26,823 --> 01:20:30,858 Houston, we got lots of problems, mainly you. 1942 01:20:32,094 --> 01:20:35,863 I won the Texas Excellence in Radio award 1943 01:20:35,865 --> 01:20:39,967 for my coverage of the Teacher of the Year ceremony. 1944 01:20:39,969 --> 01:20:42,236 Chuck and I are closer than ever. 1945 01:20:42,238 --> 01:20:46,841 He's still trying to add Bianca to his little black book. 1946 01:20:46,843 --> 01:20:49,577 Richard used his winnings to find a nicer apartment, 1947 01:20:49,579 --> 01:20:52,513 and started a theater program at the school. 1948 01:20:52,515 --> 01:20:57,251 I finally got to meet his cousin, who's not really Cher. 1949 01:20:57,253 --> 01:21:00,354 (Richard) Well, she is every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. 1950 01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:03,274 (Karma) In the end, 1951 01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:06,193 Hurricane Bianca was just the right kind of storm 1952 01:21:06,195 --> 01:21:09,530 that this little town needed. 1953 01:21:09,532 --> 01:21:11,131 [laughing] 1954 01:21:11,467 --> 01:21:14,535 ¶