and I really only expected, like, an inch or two.
That's not bad.
Why don't you just kill me?
Is that what you think I want?
Isn't it?
Close.
I love that you have all this stuff
because, like, this way you can watch, you know?
Now I'm hurt.
I go through all the trouble to set this up and you don't want to watch?
I just...
I stayed one summer with my Aunt Denise and her kids.
You know, and her kids were, like four or five,
and I was, like, ten.
No. No, I was nine.
And the littlest one... the daughter, Lynnie...
She... she loved me.
So she had this... she had this game
where she would jump out of the bathtub, all soaking wet...
and she'd jump on top of me
and she'd tickle me.
And she'd tickle me and she'd shout:
"Prune attack! Prune attack!"
'cause her fingers were all pruney.
I-I-I couldn't do anything 'cause I was afraid I'd hurt her
and it was weird.
And one day her mother came in, in the middle of it...
and she saw her daughter, naked on top of me.
And then... she yelled at her:
"Lynnie, get back in the bathtub."
Then she took me by the hand...
and she dragged me to the kitchen.
She turned the stove on.
We stood there while the burner got hot.
And she pulled my pants down...
and lifted me up over the burner.
I could feel the dirt on my skin from her hands.
She must have been gardening.
And I cried and cried.
And I could hear the tears sizzle as they hit the burner.
Then she sat me down.
She said, "If I ever catch you with my daughter again..."
She called my mom.
My mom came the next day.
I never saw Aunt Denise again.
These things really stick.
Okay, well, you know, we're set.
Don't.
I told you not to use that word.
Okay?
Hayley, please.
You need help.
A teenage girl doesn't do this.
I've seen your idea of what a teenage girl should do,
so don't even start.
I'll pay for a therapist.
Thanks.
Thanks, but if I ever see a shrink...
- I want to make my case... - Please.
really, really interesting for them.
Please. I'll do whatever you want.
You could call the cops. I'll say I did whatever you want.
I don't think they're gonna believe a confession under these circumstances.
Then I'll leave. I'll leave, okay? I'll move.
Mm-hmm.
Donna's body will still be where you left it.
I'm not the guy!
I'm not the guy, I swear!
Anything! Please!
Please don't do this!
- Anything? - Anything! Piss on me!
Fucking feed me glass! I don't care! Whatever you want!
I'll tell the cops I did whatever you want. Please!
I don't what ever you want. Anything. Please.
Please. Anything.
Anything. Anything.
Please.
- Anything. - Yes.
Yeah, anything.
Oh, please.
Please!
When I talked about sending an email to Janelle, you changed the subject.
I could send it right now, pack up and go.
It could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
You could stop torturing yourself with the idea that you might get back with her.
- What do you say? - Goddamn it! Get the fuck off of me!
Please untie me and let me go!
Please! Please don't cut me!
Please! Please!
Please!
I shouldn't have teased you like that.
I shouldn't have let you think there was a way out of this.
Hey, um...
I got this medical text,
and if I forget anything just don't panic.
Okay, 'cause it's... It's right here.
Yeah, I knew you'd want to watch.
Look, if you move too much, I could...
knick the perineal artery and you...
You could, like, bleed to death before anyone got here, okay?
So, just, please. I really need to have
a steady, steady hand, okay?
Jeff?
Do you feel that?
Why do you care?
I'd be thankful for small favors.
Wow.
That went well.
You know, you told that, uh...
that Aunt Denise story very well.
Very, very well.
What was that supposed to be? Some kind of magic key
to explain why you are the way you are?
Doesn't.
Okay. What should I do first? Your right or left testicle?
Why don't we just say right, okay?
All right, now, I just have to give it one little slice to free it up,
and then, um...
Snip.
Okay. Now I just need to suture it up.
This would be so much easier if I had, like, a nurse or something,
but, you know, I asked my friend if she'd help me castrate a guy
and, well, she made all these, like, ooky sounds,
like I was asking her to swallow worms or something.
Yeah, we'll see who makes medical school in eight years, huh?
All right, now, you're gonna feel a tug,
'cause I really gotta get this tight, all right?
So just... bear with me.
Okay...
Okay.
Okay, halfway through. Over the hump.
Can't you stop?
Please?
Some men,
they go through their whole lives with only one ball,
and they're just fine, you know?
Or so I've read.
Well, I guess I figured that you're not really punished if I leave you with a spare.
Okay, stay with me. Stay with me.
It's okay. It's okay, Jeff.
If-if I left one, then you'd be walking around crooked all the time.
Look, this is for the best, all right?
Okay, you're entering a whole new world now.
Just gotta...
snip and...
Okay.
Wow.
This seriously has to be, like,
one of the easiest operations, because...
Wow.
I wonder why they teach Girl Scouts things like camping
and selling cookies.
You know? 'Cause this is what's really useful.
I don't know how they'd design a merit badge though.
That'd be interesting.
I saw Lynnie at Aunt Denise's funeral.
I told her what her mom did.
She didn't believe me.
If Denise was here right now, what would you say?
I'd say, "Help.
A teenager cut my balls off. Call the police."
She wasn't very sympathetic the last time,
so I wouldn't really hold your breath.
All right.
I would cancel any appointments you have in the next few days
because you're going to be sorer than you've ever been before.
Oh, I'd say, in, like,
eight or nine days, take the stitches out,
which I suggest you do yourself
to save embarrassment.
Oh, and there's this website: EunuchsQuestions. com.
Eunuchs is e-u-n-u-c-h-s.
I had a lot of trouble with that but it gives great advice
on how to deal with your castration.
You really... You don't have to go through this alone, you know?
Do you want some souvenirs?
No?
Okay.
What should we do with them?
We could see how far they bounce.
Actually...
we wouldn't want, like, a little animal
confusing it for an afternoon snack.
You know? A little squirrelly
or a coyote might get sick.
We don't want that, especially with you being such a conservationist.
We could grind them up in the garbage disposal.
Or... or we could sew them back in.
I had this shop teacher once,
who sawed off his thumb in class,
and then he grabbed some ice,
drove to the emergency room.
The next day, sure enough, he has his thumb.
Didn't bend so well, but he could, like, hitchhike and stuff.
I'm just checking to see if it works.
I guess they, uh, weren't brass.
You're not laughing, are you?
Well, no wonder. This isn't a laughing matter at all.
I don't know. Maybe Donna's smiling just a tad.
I didn't do anything to her.
Maybe, maybe not.
But I suggest you track down the guy who did...
'cause he has no idea what's waiting for him.
Here.
You really need to rehydrate.
Jeff. Please. Come on.
Jeff, I'm serious.
You really, really need to drink this, okay?
Come on.
Attaboy.
Do you want more?
Why are you being so nice to me now?
You're pitiful now, aren't you?
I mean, it's going to be tricky, not letting anyone find out about...
No more sex.
No more taking public showers.
But one of these days you're going to get a physical,
and your doctor's going to find out.
And don't worry. He's not gonna tell his golf buddies...
and they're not gonna tell their friends,
and they're not gonna tell their friends.
But a couple years down the road you're going to start wondering,
"Do your publishers know?"
"Do your models know?"
"Does Janelle know?"
God, I'm sweating.
Look, I'll go take a shower
and then I'll be out of your life, okay?
I'll find you.
Don't make threats while you're still tied down.
- I'm just saying... - What do you expect me to do about it?
I'm just saying.
The easiest thing for me to do
would be to just kill you.
But I already told you I'm not going to do that.
You don't get off that easy, Jeff.
I'm sweating like a pig. Seriously.
Um... I gotta go have a shower,
and then when I come back later, maybe we can chat some more.
I'm all here.
Why you can see it with your very own eyes.
Come on. Come on.
Fuck.
Hey, Trace.
Look, I'm gonna be done, like, so much sooner than I thought,
so do you wanna catch a movie or something?
Cool.
No, I'm not telling you.
Yes, this is Lieutenant Hayley, L.A.P.D.
You're acquainted with a photographer, one Jeffrey Kohlver?
Yes, there's been an incident here.
Is it possible that you can assist us?
I'm not at liberty to discuss that at this moment, ma'am,
but it's a very delicate matter and the sooner we can speak with you here,
the better chance we have of keeping it out of the newspapers.
We appreciate that.
The address...
Yes.
Yes, that's the place.
How soon do you think we can be here?
Steady.
Stand straight.
Attaboy.
- You're insane. - Right.
Which I did tell you when we first met, remember?
"Four out of five doctors agree..."
Maybe I should ask my therapist.
See what she thinks about it.
Ask her much it would cost to get a padded cell...
Help!
Shut up.
Hi.
Oh, hello. Is Mr. Kohlver here?
Um, he's asleep. Not feeling so well.
I think it's food poisoning.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Are you...
I'm his niece.
Oh, really?
Can I ask you something?
Okay.
I might be a little out of line here.
Do you babysit?
Yeah, yeah. I do. I do.
But I'm only here for, like, a couple more days.
That's too bad.
I'm on a constant patrol for new babysitters.
Right.
Are those...
Yes. Mr. Kohlver's cookies.
My daughter's a Girl Scout and we've been trying to deliver these,
but we've always been missing him, so here they are, yummy stuff.
Thanks.
Yeah. Uncle Jeff loves his Girl Scouts, so...
- You should probably... - What?
Well, pay me.
Right. Yeah. I'm sorry. How much is it?
- Six. - Six.
Can you just wait here for a second?
No problem. Sure.
Here you go.
Did I hear something?
The food poisoning. He's... vomiting and...
I'm so sorry.
- Your cookies. - Thanks.
And if you're going to be around any longer,
I'm just... I'm three houses down, across.
I can always, always, always use a new sitter.
- I wish I could, but... - Yeah, me too.
Well...
So how's the roof?
Sorry?
You were on the roof.
I was.
Just a little while ago I was trimming my roses and looked up
and I saw you there and I was wondering who it was.
Ah, yeah, we... There's, uh...
We had a leak and I...
thought I'd go up and check.
Your uncle made you go up on the roof?
Well...
he's sick
and I said I'd go and see if there's, like...
- A hole or... - Right.
Did it rain?
I have to go back to my uncle.
Oh, sure. No problem.
Just tell him Judy Tokuda said hello.
- You bet. - Okay?
Thanks.
Well... it's "yummy stuff."
A leak? That's all you could come up with? Pathetic.
Don't piss me off right now, Uncle Jeff.
You know, she'll be back.
She thinks you're flakey.
You might need help... putting it fucking mildly.
When you got loose...
did you call the police, did you run for help, like an innocent person would?
- I did call. - Oh, yeah?
Why don't we just press redial and see?
Face it, Jeff.
You could have gotten away and you didn't.
Now it's so easy.
I leave you here,
someone will find you...
along with the photo of Donna
and the confession that I typed on your computer.
Or...
I have a special time, limited offer.
You step off that chair, you end it all,
I destroy all the evidence.
No one will ever know why you killed yourself,
not even Janelle.
I didn't kill Donna Mauer.
- We've been over this. - Fuck you. I'm not gonna beg.
You mean you're not going to beg again?
Because you do it so well.
Please.
Please, pretty please, with a cherry on top.
One that you just had to pop.
You'll leave a clue.
You've messed up once already,
more than once.
Mrs. Tokuda's made you.
She's figured you out.
They'll find you.
- They might. - No. They will.
You'll spend the rest of your life lookin' over your shoulder.
Waking up, in the middle of the night,
jumping at every noise.
How hard do you think they're going to look for me, really?
I mean, they find a pedophile killer, all gift wrapped for them.
Do you think they're going to care who did the work?
Do you think they're even gonna bring it up?
And I will have the biggest legal defense you ever saw.
If everyone who's ever molested sends me $5,
oh, come on, I'll be able to afford
the best fucking lawyer in the world.
Worst case scenario:
two years of community service?
Jody Foster directs the movie version of the whole thing.
Who do you want to play you?
You didn't leave, did ya?
No.
You don't wanna leave me... do ya?
Where are ya?
We've spent too much time only to walk away.
I know you're not gonna leave.
Come on!
I'll make it good for you, I promise!
Oh, you're good.
You're so good. You're so fucking good!
You're just like her! You're all just fucking like her!
You wanna drive a man fucking crazy,
then go ahead, until you go out of your fucking mind!
Then go... Go on your fucking way!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Go!
You're right.
You're right, Hayley.
Thank you. Thank you.
This is me.
This is who I am.
Thank you.
Thank you for helping me see it.
What took you so long?
- You dropped this. - I had to.
- Yeah? - You would have been down there forever.
Were you jerkin' off?
Which do you wanna fuck first, me or the knife?
- You know how to use that? - Honor student, remember?
Nothing I can't do when I put my mind to it.
Toss the knife in the backyard!
Why?
Or you'll shoot again? Go on, shoot me.
You're not gonna shoot me!
It's not me you have to worry about. It's Janelle.
I called her.
Told her I was Lieutenant Hayley from the L.A.P.D.
How far does she live, Jeff?
Look over there.
Look over there!
The deal's still open.
You put the noose around your neck, you end this whole game.
I will still clean up all the evidence. You're running out of time!
Or we can wait for her.
I'll pull off my clothes,
and I will run into her arms.
What? Unless I hang myself?
I'll find you. I'll track you down!
Assuming you knew anything about me.
Calabasas girl who's dad teaches at UCW shouldn't be that hard to find.
You believed all that, huh?
Who are you?
It's hard to say for sure.
Maybe not a Calabasas girl.
Maybe not the daughter of a med school professor.
- Maybe not even a friend of Donna Mauer. - Maybe not even named Hayley.
Who the hell are you?
I am every little girl you ever watched...
touched, hurt,
screwed, killed.
- She's gonna find it, Jeff. - No.
She's gonna find it all. Put on the noose and jump and I'll stop it.
She'll never find out.
She'll just think you were some sad man
who she never should have left.
Jeff?
Bad things...
Fucking awful things will happen to you in prison.
This is the only way. You'll wish you'd killed yourself when you had the chance.
It's the only way, Jeff.
Jeff!
I didn't kill her.
I just watched.
I wanted to take pictures...
but he wouldn't let me.
It was me and another guy.
I didn't do it. I swear.
I'll tell you the name,
and I'll help you find him.
I'll help you find him.
I know his name.
I know his name, Jeff.
You know what's funny?
Jeff?
Aaron told me you did it before he killed himself.
It was him. It wasn't me.
Jeff.
I don't care.
Jeff?
Don't worry.
I promise I'll take care of it all.
Or not.