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A NETFLIX COMEDY SPECIAL
Good evening and welcome to the future.
The future of the Five Star Movement.
You must understand, this is a new vision of the world.
We're here, and we are evolving.
There's no other thing like this in the entire world.
People, it is present throughout the Italian territory and abroad.
We have "meetups" all over the world.
We have 1,600 people inside the institutions
with no criminal records, a miracle in this country.
We have 160 MPs. We've elected them.
We've thrown a few out. There must be nine left. But it doesn't matter.
We have 18 mayors.
We have 17 MEPs with balls of steel.
They are extraordinary. This movement is growing and we must be ready, people.
Guys, time's up. We must build a huge ark to survive.
Time's up.
An ark, like Noah.
He started building it when it wasn't raining, when it was sunny.
Just think, what sort of a life he must have had,
with wife and kids always on his case.
Where's Dad? Over there, felling trees.
But it's not raining. I know, he must have lost it.
Think what it must have been like.
And yet he kept on going and built it.
And one day he heard thunder, and it started to rain.
That's it. We are hearing thunder, and we must be ready.
Time's up and we must build this ark, to welcome all the underdogs.
We're not interested in the happy ones, they are dead.
We want the underdogs, those who don't give up,
who want to change the world.
We must welcome them in this huge ark.
We'll welcome everyone,
animals, wild boars, canaries,
breeding couples, non-breeding couples, flies, anything.
All sorts of people, right, left and center, over and under.
Dancers and dwarfs, all the dwarfs in the world.
In you come, that's it. The great ark that will change the world's fate.
Hello? Who's that?
The Dwarfs Association? Where?
Berchiddeddu, Sardinia?
No, come on. They shouldn't get upset.
It was just a joke, a metaphor.
What? Do we have councilors there too? Right.
And how many of them are dwarfs?
All of them.
Well, I can't-- I'll try and fix it, give me a chance.
I know, I'll try and sort it out. There's enough room in the ark for--
It was just a banal example about dwarfs.
But can't you see what state I was in?
Can't you see what state I was in?
I spent ten years of my life with people telling me off.
Try and understand my mental dichotomy.
No, stay where you are. Not now. That's the row of complimentary tickets.
So, they have a predisposition to this.
I won't tell you off yet, Gino.
Gino Paoli is here.
The old folks' seats were over there, but you sat here.
So.
It's very simple.
I was a comedian, now I'm a politician. What am I?
Mental dichotomy, 01, computer language.
I have undergone a remarkable personality change.
And yet my mental faculties are still intact.
I don't know where I find the strength. When I was a comedian...
A comedian can joke, use paradox,
but a politician can't.
I was a comedian and I had my "satiric license."
If I cracked a nasty joke it was "satiric license."
Now I'm a politician and I don't even have parliamentary immunity.
I just get screwed.
So, the thing is...
I may use some strong language to please those from Genoa's suburbs.
Anyway...
I'm in Genoa, and Genoa is a really unique city.
It's culturally advanced,
seriously involved in politics.
Politics is "correct" in Genoa, except for when I'm on stage.
So this is a weird time in my life, because--
Hang on. Really, saving on ladders? I mean...
There's a jacket here too...
Right, ignore it. We'll cut this.
So, after 40, almost 50 years of doing this job,
always surrounded by people, I was at risk of getting slightly depressed.
It happens. You get depressed.
So I could either seek the help of a psychiatrist, of a psychologist,
and I'd have to pay them, pay a stranger,
or I could look for strangers that would come and pay me and cheer me up.
So... this is a rather peculiar session.
What you saw before, it really was like that.
I'd say something, then an activist would arrive.
An activist. What are activists?
I don't know, that's what they call themselves.
In Imperia there are five "Friends of Grillo" clubs.
Grillo's True Friends. Grillo's Original Friends. We Met Him First.
What the fuck!
And there's the Non-Sympathizing Activist.
I met one of those, too. He said, "I'm a non-sympathizing activist."
What does that mean? "That I like your program, but I can't stand you."
So, I had all this stuff in my mind.
I thought, "What shall I do? What's going on?"
For years I suffered from insomnia.
Then I started respecting it. Because insomnia has its own dignity.
I didn't want to spoil it with TV or books.
I enjoyed it, moment by moment. I had these awful thoughts. I kept them inside.
This depression that's inside us.
Depression, melancholy, sadness.
And we treat it... Eighty million packets of pills for the depressed.
We have eight million sufferers, it's incredible.
Yet, when you truly understand it, depression is wonderful.
You twist it inside, you make it your friend, a positive force.
Depression is inside us, like happiness.
It's in all here, right here.
There's a second brain in here. There's serotonin, dopamine.
Your feelings are in here. Each time I go on stage, I feel it in here.
They shout: "Break a leg." And I say: "No, stop, this is too much."
I feel it all here in my second brain, this brain that I feel...
and which gives me all these ideas.
It's the one that has made me take tons of antacid
and caused the insomnia.
That insomnia that allowed me to create this movement.
This movement... I've never even been a member of the Scouts.
I would never have dreamt of becoming the leader of a political movement.
Yet it happened. I don't know how.
But I must tell you the truth. I was joking.
Because I'd wander around at night. No, really.
Ask my neighbors. I'd go out in the night,
wander aimlessly, alone with my thoughts.
I'd walk down the streets at night and bump into these incredible people.
I attracted these people, got ideas, heard incredible stories.
I got inspired by all these things.
I walked around the city like a prostitute walks the streets...
I wandered around like that.
And that's how it all came about. It all came from here.
So I thought, "I want to see what the situation is like."
So I had a gastroscopy.
I want to show you a clip, because it shows all the changes
in my second brain.
I got inside myself.
Look, phase one, when the movement was born, and it's all nice and clean.
The second is the black hole, the meeting with Napolitano,
then lower and lower, tons of pills, never enough,
Berlusconi... and in the end...
In the end there was this deviant personality,
this moral transvestite.
That was the last phase, the darkest.
I wanted to show you that that's where the movement was born.
Because if I'd been able to digest things...
I'd have been able to sleep and this movement would not exist.
I'd have been fine. That's where it came from.
It's true, though. A bit of depression, of sadness, is beautiful.
It's evolution. If we hadn't been pessimistic, we wouldn't have survived.
Can you imagine an optimistic caveman?
Where the fuck would he go?
He'd leave his cave and there'd be a saber-toothed tiger.
"Won't hurt me." A minute later he'd be eaten.
Nobody would have survived.
We have it all inside. Happiness, depression, it's all there.
So if you can understand what causes this...
Because sadness and melancholy are two different things.
Sadness is caused by something.
You know why it's there. An image, a moment, a person, a situation.
You know why you get sad. I hate sadness.
But melancholy is wonderful, because you've no idea where it comes from.
You just feel like that. They know all about it in my family.
Because they look at me and say, "Look at the comedian."
Because I feel this melancholy, but it's beautiful.
Can you imagine life without it?
What would nightingales do? They'd start burping.
This is a good one, come on, laugh, for God's sake.
You're holding back, and I know why.
Your wife brought you here, you didn't want to come, you voted "yes."
"No, I won't come. I don't like it."
"You must come. You'll change your mind. You haven't yet,
but by the time you get out of here, you'll hug me!"
So, this is a strange city, and the fact is that I know you.
Don't pretend. I know you. I know the way you look at me down the street.
"Who does he think he is?"
It's an amazing city, a wonderful city, with great works of art.
Its houses are moldering a bit.
Just like us. We're moldering on the outside...
but inside, we're depressed.
This is Genoa, a beautiful, ugly, wonderful city.
It is everything and its opposite.
Genoa is old. Genoa is young. Genoa and its apps, its ITT,
its big robotics companies.
Genoa is everything and its opposite. Genoa invented banks.
The first bank in the world was San Giorgio, not Monte dei Paschi.
We invented debts, bonds, derivatives, insurance, surnames.
Between the 16th and 17th century, we had the world's most magnificent city.
We waged wars here and there at the same time. We were wonderful.
We'd fund opposing parties.
So I know you. You still have the same DNA.
I grew up in this city. I was born here.
I lived here, in a working-class neighborhood.
For viewers who don't know Genoa, it was the equivalent of the Bronx.
A place where there was a bit of everything.
Where some real characters lived, where the common people lived.
They're such overused words. But you went out and said hello,
and there was the dry goods store, the supermarket, the bar.
I lived near the station. When a train goes by,
I don't mind the noise, I just swear all day.
It's wonderful, actually.
In a neighborhood like this,
in a place where all kinds of people lived,
the Cegnis, the respectable butchers,
the Giovinazzos, one of the two brothers became a killer.
All sorts of people. Donato Bilancia.
He lived there. He was younger, but he seemed more grown up than me.
So when I went out in the evening, as there were no mobiles, mom would say,
"Get Donato to walk you home or I'll worry."
So, that was my childhood.
I was looked after by a serial killer. Nothing can scare me! Nothing!
So... that situation... it's fate.
Consider how destiny works.
We had the same opportunities, grew up in the same neighborhood.
Our fathers were both craftsmen.
We came from the same background.
He became a serial killer. I became a comedian.
We could easily have swapped roles.
I could have been a serial killer. Life is strange.
I grew up like that.
My father was 50 when I was born.
There was half a century between us.
But that was almost 70 years ago.
So the difference was-- and the same gap exists between me and my son Ciro.
He's 16, so he was born when I was 50, more or less.
So I understand exactly how my father felt, the age difference.
I made jokes at home, because I already had that drive.
I'd come in and crack a few jokes to my dad. He never, ever laughed.
He'd look at my mom and say, "Your son is an idiot."
That's it. Then I found out...
Then I found out that he recycled my jokes down at the bar
and was a huge success.
Because he was a piece of shit, you see.
Yes. So, families...
I've made a bit of a mess of things, while always trying my best.
I have two families. My wife is not exactly a Muslim, but she's from Iran.
She lives here. We have Muslims in Genoa, so to speak.
Like my late father-in-law.
Then I have another two children in Rimini. And they're vegans. Vegans!
Muslims and vegans. And I hate-- What a crazy life! Vegans!
When my first mother-in-law was alive, she'd cook me handmade tagliatelle
with that amazing sauce from Romagna.
Now I go there and they are vegan, and they cook tagliatelle with friggin' tofu.
But you can't even say, "What is this?"
Because all hell breaks loose. They go on about death, ill health...
"You're sick and we are healthy, and you are a shit and eat corpses!"
Fuck it. "It's so good that if you hadn't told me it was tofu,
I'd have thought it was meat sauce." Then I'd stab myself under the table.
Then in Genoa, we'd observe Ramadan.
Then I'd have to visit the vegans.
So I'd eat at the gas station. En route.
And... you're really laughing now.
You're losing some of your Genoese traits.
You are letting yourselves go, it's not like you.
So... I had this relationship with my dad, who was 50 years older.
We didn't use words, just gestures. He taught me what he was.
He had these three pillars. Work, my mom, the children.
Nothing, he had nothing else.
But he taught us what he was.
I can't teach my children what I am, because if you teach what you are,
they will never become better than you.
So he used some techniques.
Computers didn't exist, but he intimidated me in other ways.
He sent his first tweets via small paper notes.
He'd leave them around the house.
I'd go out-- how could we go out without a mobile phone?
I was with Donato, so nothing could happen to me, but...
But other boys-- I'd come home at night
and find these little notes in the hallway. A pile of them.
I'd look at the first one and it said, "It's midnight and you're not home."
Then I'd read the second one. "It's 1:30 a.m. You've taken it too far."
"It's three o'clock. Do you think this is a hotel?"
He made me feel so anxious
that when I was out, having fun, I'd look at my watch and think,
"What will he have written now?"
I was really anxious. He made me feel so nervous.
So I'd come in, silently.
I'd go to my bedroom. He'd switch on the light in his bedroom,
just to say, "I know." And that was it. I'd go to bed and pretend to sleep,
because I knew what to expect.
He'd open the door, look in, close the door and go to bed.
It could be 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. The guy never slept.
But the next day, he wouldn't say a thing.
He brought me up with these sophisticated systems.
I tried to work with him,
but fathers are the worst employers.
He had a workshop, so I started there.
With the grease, the old lathes, not the modern CNC ones,
welding, soldering, using acetylene, propane.
I am a true welder. I really used to weld.
Not these...
Not these unionists, the CISL and UIL ones.
And those from FIOM.
I worked as a lathe-turner.
As a welder.
There were a few explosions
because I wasn't all that familiar with acetylene.
And at the end of the week, the money... and my dad would say,
"What should I give you? It's all yours."
Shit. What should I do, pick up a lathe?
It's all yours.
And I experience all this with my kids, but the other way around.
I'll never get bigheaded, because I have a family.
In my home, I'm just a little shit, believe me. They can confirm it.
They treat me like...
I ask them, "Could you pass me the oil?"
"We're all equal. Get it yourself."
So one day I told them, I'm starting a tour.
Every time I do something to earn some cash,
either the government falls, or the president resigns,
and it's a mess.
So I said, I'll go on tour to earn something.
In politics, I'm one of the few who's earned nothing, who's lost something
and has even lost some weight.
Don't look at me like that. I did lose weight.
It shows, doesn't it?
So I spoke to the family and said, if the tour flops and I earn less,
our standard of living must go down.
I know you don't give a damn about anyone at home, but...
Since that day they've been calling me. "How's the tour?"
"Are there lots of people, Daddy?"
Children. What little shits.
I have six of them.
Six dickheads, one worse than the other.
So I've tried-- that's why I'm telling you the story of my life.
Because it's your life, too. It's part of your life, too.
My life was riddled with failure.
Failure is wonderful. When you fail, you feel...
Failure is poetry without a need for talent.
Honda, people like that, said their life had been riddled with failure.
Think of Edison.
Before getting it right with that bulb, think how often he messed up.
Think about it. Dyson,
the vacuum-cleaner guy, with 800 faulty models.
Failure is an exceptional key to move forward.
I tried being a welder and didn't succeed.
Because this port, Genoa's port, that now's detached from the city...
It used to be part of the city. The port was Genoa.
Now it's different.
The port is one thing, the city another.
It's unbelievable.
This lack of continuity is unbelievable.
In the olden days, we didn't have containers, we'd get all sorts.
All sorts of goods. In the '60s and '70s, from China, never mind globalization,
in Genoa we'd get everything, cheeses, lambs,
transistors, TV sets, radios, anything.
And we stole. My God, how much we stole.
Silently. All partners. All of us partners in crime.
You opened a container, a bit of coffee came out.
You couldn't leave it there, could you?
A bit for the IRS, a bit for the rest of us. We all stole.
It was a wonderful time.
We stole... it was our philosophy.
You went to rob someone's house,
and in the meantime, your own house would get robbed.
That's how it worked. You rearranged the furniture.
It went round in a circle. That's what happened.
Until one day a guy woke up and said, "I'm not going out tonight."
Shit!
And he broke the circle. The honest man was born.
The honest man has destroyed this country!
In the port, we had transvestites.
Transgenders didn't exist back then.
Nowadays you make a joke about a trannie and you get done for slander.
In those days, you didn't call them transgender. It's a woman with a willy.
A woman with a willy.
It's either a woman with a willy or a man who talks too much.
Transgender? And in fact...
The dock workers would wear a wig and walked on heels, hairy legs and all.
They'd get hold of a drunken marine, bugger him
and throw him on the battleship.
There was Mano 'e pece. We didn't have "escorts," we had proper whores,
the beautiful ones, the old ones.
The real ones, who spoke to you in Genoese.
"Come, rookie, I'll give you a little wash."
Really big on hygiene, they were.
You're relaxing too much. You're laughing too much.
I don't like it. You are taking the piss, aren't you?
Then you go out and say, "What a load of crap. I got really bored."
That's what you do.
So, there was Mano 'e pece, the Mafia, everything was already there.
Everything worked. That's why.
We didn't see anything, because it all worked.
As soon as it stopped working...
The whores are over there. There are the trannies.
There's some drug dealing. The Mocambo's over there.
There's Mano 'e pece. We weren't used to it.
So I'd hang out in these places.
I attended primary school at the bar Mocambo.
In Piazza Martini, there were no women. We were all horny as hell, but no women.
None of them took any notice.
To pass the time, we'd climb a tree up to 10-15 meters,
put the newspaper, the Secolo XIX, on the ground,
and tried to hit it with a turd. It was wonderful.
One of the best ways to put that rag to use.
It's true, though.
If you got the "X."
If you got the "X," you pocketed all the money.
It was extraordinary.
Self-taught games, football,
spontaneous games...
I don't want to sound like the old guy who harks on about the past.
But this was my way of playing hooky. Me and my dad, and the school...
Here's another thing I failed at, school.
But I was really keen, even as a little boy I read a lot.
I learned French poems by heart. I read Flaubert.
I didn't understand, of course.
"Ma mère, que j'aime beaucoup, m'a donné tout..."
I still remember this from my preschool years.
"Ma mère, que j'aime beaucoup, m'a donné tout.
J'aimerai cette bonne mère ma vie entière."
Why do I remember this stuff?
Our brain is a strange thing.
And yet, this is what I'd remember.
I wanted to talk about-- but I couldn't. I was in primary school.
I did well at school, but in order to study the classics in high school,
instead of a vocational school, you had to pass an exam.
You had to take an entrance exam.
It sounds unbelievable now.
So I took the exam, and math...
I was into literature, into the spoken word, into grammar.
But nothing. That test destroyed my life.
Or maybe it sorted it out, improved it.
But I didn't know that at the time.
The question was, "There is a bathtub
whose taps fills it with 30 liters per hour.
But there is a hole, and six liters leak out every 12 hours.
How much water is there after 1.5 years?"
And I thought, "For fuck's sake, shut the tap."
Come on, I was in 6th grade.
I handed it in and that's it. I wasn't interested.
That's not how my mind works. I was into, "Ma mère que j'aime beaucoup,
m'a donné tout."
So I retake my exams in September.
"There is a tanker with a hole..."
Go and fuck yourself!
I said my first proper "fuck off," in 6th grade. I have the copyright.
I ended up studying bookkeeping,
banking, credit systems, commerce, more banks, more credit...
I did all that sort of stuff,
but I wasn't interested. I was cut out to study philosophy.
Kierkegaard, that's who I was interested in.
I didn't understand him, but I was interested in him.
He had spent his life deciding whether to get married or become a priest.
In the end, he went for fucking his sister.
And I thought, "The man's a genius!"
And then I looked at Wittgenstein, one of the greatest philosophers in history.
He lived in Vienna. He came from the wealthiest family in Europe.
The Wittgensteins, a Jewish family.
And he hated his family. He left.
"I don't like the Jews, my parents, their religion," he said.
He left and went to work as a teacher,
then he volunteered for WWI.
When he was at school, one of his classmates...
one of his classmates was Hitler.
There is a photo. Wittgenstein and Hitler. And Hitler...
They were at school together. And Hitler hadn't even considered it...
Wittgenstein would say, "The Jews are bastards, my folks are bastards,"
and Hitler would go, "Come on, don't say that, please."
I imagine that dialogue, where he said, "You're exaggerating, don't say that,"
and tried to calm him down.
That's the sort of thing life is made of.
I wanted to study these things and ended up with this stuff.
The three years at that college had no value.
My dad said, "What did you study?"
"I don't know, I have a diploma." "What diploma is it?"
So I spent another two years studying "applied to admin services."
"Applied to admin services,"
"School for"... You did that too?
The "applied" thing? Have they "applied" you to something?
I didn't manage to "apply" to anything.
I did the two years, and then the teacher told me,
"You fell for it too, didn't you?"
Then they told me there was a shorthand-typing course.
And I did a year of shorthand-typing. You too!
What the... The Gabelsberger-Noe method?
Bloody hell, I did the Gabelsberger-Noe,
and as soon as I got my diploma, they changed method! Fuck it!
So I studied for all these diplomas, applied, secretarial, I didn't know...
So they told me, "You got it all wrong, start all over again."
I did it all over again, four years in one, at this great school.
My dad sold two lathes so I could do that,
with my three diplomas.
So I got my diploma in accountancy.
And my father...
You know what fathers were like.
"He's an accountant.
An accountant!"
He was as happy as a clam. What a great little man.
It didn't take much to make him happy.
And I'd say, "I'd like to go to uni." "That's a bit excessive!"
Well, I couldn't study classics, so I studied economics.
I could do that, with my diploma in accountancy.
And so, back to studying math.
And the Great Hall... And I made people laugh.
I already had it in me. And I was doing odd jobs.
And then the professor asks for the equation of the ellipse.
Everyone was looking at me. I'd memorized it, so I did it.
And the guy, a Calabrian...
Why are you laughing? Calabrians are almost like us.
"I told you that..." He spoke with...
"I told you how to approach this."
He spoke a bit like this.
So I give him the equation of the ellipse, and he goes, "No, it's wrong."
I did it again. "No, it's wrong."
And he never told me what was wrong.
Then he asked, "What's two-thirds by three-fourths?"
Stuff you learned in primary school.
I had no idea, and he'd sussed me out.
So to make me look stupid in front of all the students, he made me do this.
So I saw what he was trying to do, and I counter-attacked.
"What are you doing? Stop it. Do you think I don't know?"
And in the meantime, I looked around for a suggestion.
So I was expelled.
They sent me away.
I started performing in cabarets, here and there.
I stole a few songs here and there.
I'd steal them and internalize them. I'd play Brassens, Brel.
They weren't my songs, but I pretended they were.
I adapted them. "The Island." I sang incredible songs.
People... I had my guitar and I sang.
I'd go to the cabaret and sing. It was about singing, not talking.
And I'd introduce the next song and people would laugh.
So, when I saw they were laughing, I'd speak more,
and the guitar just sat there and then I'd leave.
And they said, "Why the hell did you bring a guitar?" I don't know.
Life is strange. Please don't doze off now.
Don't doze off.
Gentiloni is here. Please don't.
Renziloni.
An empty ministerial car turned up and Gentiloni got out.
So...
So I'd start singing. I even copied Pippo Franco!
I'll admit it. I completely sold out.
Pippo Franco. "Shit... She told me she loved me."
"Lace the lace of your blue dress." "Look at me now."
Dreadful stuff. People would laugh. The ones from suburbia, anyway.
They laughed and laughed.
And one day Pippo Franco came to Genoa and everyone got up and said,
"You imitated Grillo!" It was so embarrassing.
I must apologize to Pippo Franco.
So I was singing and not earning anything.
My father wasn't helping out, so I started selling jeans, clothes.
I sold Levi's. It was their first year. The agent earned 1.2 billion.
This was in the '70s. The jeans had four pockets.
I tried to find out how he handled his clients.
Pamfin in Florence gave me this new exclusive line,
because I was charismatic.
Nobody bought anything, but I made prospective clients.
So, one day, they invited all the salesmen to a convention.
It was at the Ciocco Resort, a beautiful place in Tuscany, near Lucca,
and they invited all of us, including me.
There was the owner with his wife and kids and 2,000 employees.
Everyone was there, even those earning a fortune.
Someone said, "Grillo is a cabaret artist."
The owner said, "Play something for us." I picked up my guitar, sang two songs.
The owner was delighted.
He said, "Grillo, I didn't know you were an artist! Come over here.
Sit next to my wife, my daughter. You're one of us. Come here."
I was in heaven. My girlfriend was there. She was my model, so to speak.
She'd show off the jeans when people were in the shop.
"Do you like these? Have a look."
We were two jokers.
We charmed the owner. It was wonderful. I went back home.
My family, my in-laws... I told them, "We've charmed the owners.
It's wonderful. You'll see, everything will change."
The following day a letter arrived. I called them about it.
"Here we go. I've made it." We sat down, her parents, my parents...
I opened the envelope as though I was playing poker.
And I read... F... F...
Fired?
We laugh about it now, but I was incredulous. Fired!
The reason given was, "Since you perform in cabarets in the evening,
you'd not be available first thing in the morning, when shops open.
You may keep the samples in lieu of severance pay."
And that was it.
And I became very depressed, again, as I had at school,
when they told me, "Your certificates are worthless."
It was hurtful. It was another failure.
This sense of failure gave me the strength to take these samples--
I lived on the 11th floor, above a railway line.
I threw them down and almost derailed a high-speed train bound for La Spezia.
I took my guitar and went to Milan, though I didn't know anyone there.
I called Fabrizio and asked, "Do you know anyone?"
He said, "Try this guest house in Galleria del Corso.
It's run by a woman from Genoa who'll give you free meals,
steak for breakfast, first courses...
She'll be really nice to you, and she'll even sleep with you."
Gino also lived in that guesthouse
for four or five years. And...
Yes, Fabrizio, Tenco, everyone went there.
So I went there, and he was right, she was really nice.
Except that she was 82.
I went there and started wandering around aimlessly,
nursing this pain in my heart.
I met a guitarist who told me, "Come and meet my agent."
The agent said, "I don't deal with cabarets,
but you could go to this restaurant
where a man called Marangoni organizes cabaret acts for diners."
I went and performed for three people who were eating a pizza.
They laughed and the owner said, "Great! Work for 20 days.
In 20 days' time, I'll pay you 2,500 lire a day."
So I started working for him. The old woman fed me.
I went there every day and soon the three clients turned into four or five...
Business is picking up.
On the 19th day, the owner said, "I can't pay you because I have a tumor,
and they said I only had 20 days to live." "Shit! I just hope they got that right!"
And he died 20 days' later. The timing was impeccable.
That's been the story of my life.
So I carried on and went on the road with my little car,
performing in shows.
I started performing, but...
That's Baudo, on the left.
I started doing shows. They went well.
Then there were the first broadcasts on RAI 1.
Only RAI 1 existed back then.
You had 20 million viewers. I remember when they added a second channel.
I swear, my father, who was sitting on his armchair, said,
"Two channels? How confusing!"
"We'll have no idea what's going on."
How wonderful!
So I did stuff, in a leotard.
"It's crazy! 1,500! It's crazy!"
I looked like a bee with its stripes.
And people liked me-- 22-23 million people liked me.
So when I went out, people recognized me in the street.
With an audience of 22 million, you'd be a star!
Compared to today's audiences, those figures are ridiculous.
So you made it big immediately.
And I carried on until... Another great disappointment awaited me.
A huge life disappointment,
another humiliation, another failure.
That's how I became hardened.
This failure happened one Saturday night, and it was live.
The general manager called and said,
"I hold you in high esteem, but be careful."
And he added, "You can't say this."
A comedian is prepared to risk his life for his jokes.
When people said, "You can't say this,"
I'd say, "Don't think about censoring me, or it's the first thing I'll say."
And I'd go out and say, "They told me not to say this, so I'm going to."
They were terrified, because people liked me.
There was censorship, but there were ways to get round it. I loved censorship!
I'd have been happy to be killed over a joke.
I chose to become a comedian so that nobody could tell me what to do.
That's the path I chose.
So I'm the happiest man in the world.
So that evening I spoke about the nuclear-power referendum.
Are you getting bored?
Do you remember the nuclear-power referendum?
I'd done all my research. They said, "Don't discuss nuclear power." Right!
You might... you might...
you might influence the referendum!
They were so naive.
I went onstage, and that's all I spoke about.
I discussed the accidents at Caorso, everything.
In the end, if you remember that Saturday...
In the end, this was what was in the news...
Craxi, Andreotti, the mayor of Venice, Martelli, had all flown to China.
And I read about that.
But here's the thing. I thought of something.
They all went to China, and I asked myself,
"But if all the socialists went to China, and everyone's a socialist there,
who are they going to steal from while they're there?"
And if you watch that show, you'll see there is no reaction.
Because from the moment I mentioned the socialists,
even before I made the joke... You were all at home,
but the actual audience saw the stage manager removing his earphone,
throwing it on the ground and leaving. Baudo stormed off as well.
So people understood something was up,
so when I told my joke, if you remember, nobody laughed,
because they were all terrified. And so I said...
I came out with this sentence,
"All right, see you again in 15 years."
And I got that right, because I was back on TV after 16 years.
All right? So, I went back home.
No, I'm not saying that's the reason.
Heavens, no. But I thought they were angry about my stance on nuclear power.
Because I'd made jokes about Caorso, about nuclear power stations. Right?
So when I left the stage and went to my dressing room,
there was no one. Pippo Baudo had locked himself in his dressing room.
The stagehands ignored me. They all turned their backs on me.
What the hell happened? I had no idea!
I got back to the hotel De La Ville in Rome and the concierge said,
"Oh, Grillo! You told them they stole! You told them!"
And I said, "You mean that little joke?"
And then on the news that night, Prime Minister Craxi came on.
And instead of saying, "He was a bit unkind about us."
The Prime Minister shouldn't get angry at a comedian.
It shows a complete lack of political common sense.
He got angry. He said, "Let's ban him. He can't do this.
The RAI can't... There are limits!"
So he made a hero out of me.
If he'd said, "It was just a joke. We forgive him.
It was a harmless prank."
If he'd said that, he'd have buried me. My life would have gone a different way.
But because he said, "Shit! This is unacceptable!"
I'd go out and people would offer me meatloaf, Easter cakes...
And I was amazed. I had Easter cakes coming out of my ears.
I was given relief parcels.
In other words, I'd become a hero in spite of myself.
See what life is like? Life is made out of failures.
You have expectations, but then life takes a completely different turn.
But this is what's wonderful.
To be alive. This is what being alive means,
overcoming failures, being curious about what will come next.
When you're no longer curious, you're dead!
Heavens alive!
And so I traveled around. I traveled and traveled
and I started to meet people.
I performed to packed theaters, packed arenas. God, how amazing!
10,000, 12,000, 15,000, 100,000 in Turin.
Huge crowds and I was up there on my own.
God! How amazing it was to live through all that.
Then I met important people.
I got to know Gino, Renzo... Renzo Piano,
one of the greatest architects in the world.
We've lost touch a bit, over politics.
But Renzo didn't know about solar panels.
My house was already fitted with solar panels.
I used hydrogen, Ansaldo's batteries.
I had the first hydroelectric car.
I used hydrogen to fire things up.
I had an inverter that this Dutch man could adjust over the phone.
Thanks to Ansaldo, my house had the most advanced technology in the world.
With the help of my solar panels, I created hydrogen.
I had a little furnace, and I got hydrogen through my solar panels.
I wanted to showcase this at my house, 20 years ago.
My house was the first in Italy to have all this.
I was so curious. I wanted to try everything.
You'd put your hand over this flame and could neither see it nor feel it.
If you added iron powder, the flame looked orange.
So I'd be in the garden, boiling a potato
with the greatest technology known to man.
And it boiled, it boiled.
It boiled for three days, because hydrogen doesn't burn very hot.
I spent three days watching this shitty little potato boil,
a potato that had cost me a million and a half, but I didn't care.
I experimented with all this.
And Renzo hadn't heard of solar panels, so I put him in touch with the Germans.
So he started putting solar panels everywhere,
even where they weren't needed, just for show.
He's put them in the shade. "What the hell are you doing?"
"No, they're choreographic. Let's put them in."
I went to the Beaubourg, in Paris, which he'd built,
and when I saw it, I said, "So the plumbers have done their bit,
when will the plasterers come?"
"No, what the hell are you saying?" These amazing works.
They were poetic, brave. Don't get me wrong, they were brave.
So I went and he loved me. He still loves me. He knows he does.
And so one day he said, "Come along, the US President, Clinton,
wants to give me a prize for being the best architect in the world.
They give this prize out every year. And I'd like to bring you along."
My wife and I went.
It was great to go through US immigration
with my wife, whose name is Tadjk.
I... every, every...
every step we took, "Tadjk? Who's Tadjk?"
"Tadjk, Tadjk, Tadjk."
So, lasers, CAT, MRI, lasers...
My wife was sent to a different line. "Tadjk, stand like this. Tadjk..."
The German shepherd kept sniffing her.
He'd go, "Tadjk is fine." We got through. We went to the White House.
There were thousands of guests, 900 of them were CIA.
So...
So we reached this...
There were ten people at each table-- 50 tables, 500 guests.
Piano went up to where Clinton was standing.
And Clinton mentioned the architects who'd won the prize in previous years.
They were all sitting at these tables.
He'd call out, "Chung Lin!"
"We want to shout out to Chung Lin, who won the prize in 1997."
Chung Lin stood up, to general applause.
"Roger Canding!" Roger Canding stood up. Everyone clapped for Roger Canding.
"Jongsen Bing Tan Berkoten!"
Berkoten stood up and everyone clapped. Then they said, "John Gradding!"
Nobody stood up.
So I stood up and went...
Everyone clapped and Renzo was there...
And Renzo did this.
The video of it is great, because you can see Renzo saying to Clinton...
So I sat down and next to me was the richest woman in China.
She was about to give $50 million to the Guggenheim Foundation.
And Renzo was involved with the Guggenheim Foundation.
And she asked me, in faltering English, what I'd won the prize for.
I swear to God.
And I said, "I built a bridge that goes from here to there,
then comes back, because why the hell would you go there in the first place?"
Symbolically, a bit like Calatrava's,
that go from here to here. In other words, they don't go anywhere.
Anyway, after that, my relationship with Renzo got a bit...
Because she didn't give him $50 million.
She gave him a lot less.
And this is a picture of my wife, who'd just given birth.
As you can see, in this picture she looks a bit like Monica Lewinsky.
And he was definitely looking at her.
This picture was taken by the greatest photographer in Japan.
Renzo had brought him along to take pictures.
The greatest photographer in Japan.
Look at that shitty photo!
I'm the one in the background, looking shifty, see?
But I still see Renzo and Gino. We have the same dentist.
It's great when we all meet up at the dentist's.
All the artists go to see Gaggero, in Pegli. We're all there.
In fact, I believe Renzo Piano has been given one of Gino's molars.
Because we recycle everything. And going to the dentist can be strange.
Since Renzo went on TV to say I should stick to being a comedian,
not a politician...
But he went into politics, since he became a senator.
And senators vote. You vote. Napolitano asks you to vote and you vote.
You live in France. Why are you voting?
You shouldn't have accepted 250,000 a year.
You should have just accepted a symbolic honor.
Yes, he gives all the money to charity. But that's not the issue.
The problem is that he votes and I don't.
He votes in parliament, and I don't.
So which one of us should have quit politics?
That's what we quarreled about.
So, last time we saw each other at Gaggero's,
just as they were drilling into one of his teeth,
I went up to him and said, "You bloody traitor!
Where did you go wrong? Now whenever Napolitano summons you..."
I really chewed him out.
But he couldn't say anything, and it was great.
What a relationship! One person at a time gets to speak.
Then it was my turn to be tortured and was justifying himself,
"What the hell are you saying? You can fuck off!"
He went to town on me. And I couldn't say a thing. See?
That's the best talk show in the world!
One person at a time gets to speak. So you have to listen!
Then I met the person who changed my life.
He's no longer with us, but it was a meeting of two different worlds.
I was a buffoon, a comedian. He was an entrepreneur for Olivetti.
We got together. He came to visit. We both had good careers.
I had my villa at Sant'Ilario, with a gate.
Yes, damn it. I could hide away behind that gate.
So we said, "Let's do something for others
without getting anything in return, since we don't need anything."
That's what broke the system. Because nobody could believe
that two people could plan something that didn't involve personal gain.
That's what wrecked the kind of politics we've had until now.
So the fact I did this stuff with Gianroberto...
He's the one who explained how to write a blog.
Because what I had been doing was...
stupid.
He told me, "Blogs can be bidirectional.
When you go on tour, you can write to people.
If you go to Turin or Milan, you can write to the Milanese."
And I'd sit there at night, my wife thought I was crazy,
and I'd type, "Is anyone there? This is Grillo.
Is anyone there?"
There wasn't much Internet coverage. We still had those big computers...
You'd switch the thing on. "Is anyone there?"
I'd sit there at night, then suddenly, ping!
"I'm your next-door neighbor. What the hell are you up to?"
I opened the window. "Is that you?" "Yes, it's me."
That's how it all started. If I was going to Turin, I'd ask,
"Can anyone give me information about Turin?"
So I'd get a response from 20, 30, 40 Turinese, who's say,
"If you go to Turin, mention that the mayor's wife
runs an unauthorized car park in such and such a square,
via her brother's company. Do something!"
Over 30 bits of information would come in about this.
And before I even got to Turin, the mayor was already on my ass.
Before I'd even said anything. It meant it was working.
And it went on from there. I'm in the middle of 125 court cases.
Every now and then one ends because the lawyer has died
or the person who brought the action against me has died.
These are my court cases. If you slow down, we can have a look.
Garone, Rita Levi-Montalcini.
Rita Levi-Montalcini busted my balls until she was 102.
But then three of her lawyers died of old age.
Imagine how old she was.
Then there was Garone, Iachini, Esposito, Lombardi,
the RAI, Tucker, Agnes, Telepiù,
Google, Sgarbi, Libero, Misiani,
Guerisoli, Il Giornale, Battaglia,
the RAI, Panorama, Fininvest,
SIAE, even Bocchio, they were all against me.
But I faced up to it all, with the help of my lawyers.
In fact, when there are no court cases, my lawyers call me and say,
"Excuse me, Grillo, but isn't there anything we should be doing this week?"
And so people started following me on the Internet.
I want to reveal something extremely important to you.
We're the only political movement in the world
to have turned down 42 million euros in party funding.
This hasn't happened anywhere else.
-Actually, that's 80 million. -I know you appreciate this.
It's not 42 million. Where's the picture of the check?
We returned 80 million euros to the state.
But I thought this gesture would be understood by everyone.
I got it wrong. We got it wrong.
We thought they'd see we were doing a beautiful thing.
I thought they'd stop me in the street, saying,
"Shit! This has never happened before!" The Koreans, the Japanese compliment us,
their eyes filled with wonder. But half the Italians still distrust me.
As if to say, "If you do this,
who knows what's in it for you?"
There's all this distrust. I was wrong to harp on about honesty!
We were wrong to believe
something like this would be understood.
We were wrong. That's not how information works.
Everyone perceives things differently.
Besides, it should be left to others to shout about your honesty.
It's not up to you to communicate these things about yourself.
You have to proceed like Lieutenant Columbo.
Lieutenant Columbo is the greatest communicator in the history of TV.
He'd let the murderer point him in the right direction.
He'd go in and act unassuming.
The murderer would look at him. He'd pretend to leave.
He'd pause at the door, then turn around, look at him,
and the murderer would say something and he'd work out the rest.
And so, you see, the brain is a strange thing.
Our minds are very strange.
That's why I remember, "Ma mère, que j'aime beaucoup, m'a donné tout.
J'aimerai cette..." I was six.
And I can't remember the first pussy I ever knew, though it was beautiful.
But I remember, "Ma mère, que j'aime beaucoup, m'a donné tout."
The brain is stupid.
It perceives things that aren't there.
Truths that don't exist. Your mind, at times, is at odds with your brain.
Your car is a filthy junk heap, and you take it to the car wash.
It comes out all clean and your brain reasons like that of an Albanian.
It sees the clean car and thinks,
"Beautiful, new, mine."
But your mind says, "You prick! That's still your shitty old car."
Our mind is always at odds with your brain.
The brain is weak. It has no antibodies.
If you cut your knee, your white blood cells try to stop the bleeding.
The brain cannot defend itself. Its only form of defense is Alzheimer's.
We think of it as an illness, but it's your brain's way of defending itself.
When your wife has been a pain in your neck for 50 years,
you get home... "Hello, darling." "Who are you?"
It's fantastic!
So...
The brain is strange.
But if you look at nature, there's a type of moss, for example,
there's a type of seaweed, which, as soon as it-- this seaweed, here.
It's a type of seaweed-- there it is, on the left.
As soon as there's no more plankton for it to eat,
it emits a spore, up there on the right.
The spore it emits has a tiny nervous system. See?
A tiny nervous system.
This nervous system leads it to a place where it can find plankton.
The spore settles into a hole where the plankton is,
and the first thing it eats is its brain, because it's no longer relevant.
Nature is full of this kind of thing.
And we're not exempt.
Because there is a case that has made neurological history.
It's about a 45-year-old man from Marseilles who led a normal life.
He worked for the Inland Revenue in Marseilles.
He was married with two kids. He led a normal life.
Work, home, ice-cream, the movies, pizza, home, work.
That was his daily life. A normal life.
One day his leg hurt. He went to hospital.
He felt faint, and they gave him a CAT scan.
And this is the CAT.
This is a normal CAT, of a normal brain.
The CAT of this 45-year-old gentleman from Marseilles,
is this one. There is no brain.
The brain was full of hydrocephalus inside. It was filled up,
and it had spread the brains along the borders.
It was full of water.
But he had continued to live normally, he lived his everyday life.
He never noticed anything, apart from the pain in his leg.
They asked his wife, "Didn't you notice anything? That's almost impossible."
She said, "He was a very normal man, except for one thing which was odd."
"Every time he shook his head to say no, I heard this lapping..."
"But as we live in Marseilles, I thought it was the boats."
Splash, splash, splash...
So, how many people, how many of us
live this kind of life and do the same things?
How many of us never decide anything and let others decide?
When they have a normal brain. How many of us have a normal brain?
Mankind is divided in two today.
They look for a leader in order to avoid responsibility.
We feel so much fear, despair and guilt,
that we let everything be taken away from us without saying anything.
I'm coming down, I have to touch you.
I have to be with you, I have to touch you.
Because...
we're heading towards something we don't understand.
This is not about a crisis, this is about a change.
The world changes at the speed of light, and what are we talking about?
In a bit, we'll have-- In 2025-- we actually researched this.
In 2025, we'll have 60,000 hours... Say, a boy of 20 will live to be 88.
He will work 20,000 hours-- I mean, 60,000 hours.
And his free time will consist of 240,000 hours. Freed up time.
We can't even imagine how you can organize free time.
But a lot of people will do fuck all.
They'll walk around like this, depressed, because they have nothing to do.
What are we going to do about that?
We have to make sure there's a universal income.
That's what Musk says, from Tesla, the smartest brain around.
He sends rockets to Mars, he sends up satellites,
to connect his Tesla Motors to his satellite.
He has invented the recoverable missiles.
An absolute genius. Things you wouldn't believe possible.
By a man who stammers.
He got mad one day because...
his bank applied charges on his credit card.
He just became furious.
Like people with a stammer do when they can't get the words out.
A bit like Totò Riina when he went, "Fuck, fuck, fuck..."
Then he would knife you because he couldn't find the words.
God, everything makes you guys laugh.
Tonight I just can't go wrong.
Right.
So...
Hey, lady.
Come here, darling.
-How lovely. The effect I have... -This is my birthday surprise.
I have an effect on people like tepid polenta.
Really. They don't make women like this one anymore.
They're all so skinny now. Let me hug you so I can feel your fantastic tits.
Seriously, I mean...
And so, they charge his credit card, I'm talking about Musk.
And what does he do? He founds PayPal. Yes, he does.
Because for him, nothing is impossible.
He founds PayPal and then he sells it on to eBay for $140 million.
Then for ten years, he does everything wrong.
Every project he does, goes wrong. Then he does Tesla, without drivers.
He sends satellites up in the sky to connect Tesla to them.
The car becomes a new concept.
We won't have drivers, this generation of intermediaries will disappear.
We'll call the car, and it will come.
"Take the children to school." And the car will take them there.
Cars without drivers.
In thousands of experiments, there's been only one accident.
Because the driverless car behaved badly.
Because it was texting while it was driving.
That is a good one, isn't it?
I just had to tell this one to you.
There's another guy, Piccard, a psychiatrist. Son of the great Piccard.
He makes a photovoltaic plane and flies around the world with it.
It's built like the Wright brothers' one.
It starts like a bicycle and takes off.
They all said it was impossible, but it did it by charging itself.
It charged itself as it went up and as it came down.
And it flew around the world like that.
Nothing is impossible anymore when one comedian meets another,
an entrepreneur, and without a cent
he founds the biggest historical political movement of this country.
Nothing is impossible anymore.
It's true, it's true.
We are full of...
They call us all kinds of things.
They called me a criminal and God knows what else.
That I'm on the left, on the right, that I'm a Nazi.
They called us all kinds of things.
But it is a very simple psychological mechanism.
The mechanism of projection.
You blame others for what you feel inside yourself.
They do that. They are jealous. They don't accept.
They will never accept a political movement founded by a comedian.
A movement based on a bit on irony, on a couple of jokes.
Or simply on joy, at times.
They will never accept that. Never.
And so we are like mice for experiments.
It doesn't matter if the experiment goes well or not.
Napster. With Napster, the supply of music has changed the world.
All youngsters download music online.
All the shops close down and the multinationals sue Napster.
Napster closes, but who cares?
The way of distributing music has been changed by Napster.
We are the Napster of today.
We try things. We experiment, to get a different view of the world.
But the others equip themselves to get an extraordinary equipment
to manage a world that is about to disappear.
But I see everything is different for my children.
When I was 20, I thought about sex, cars, sex, cars, a house somewhere,
and sex, sex, sex...
My children think of other things. It's another generation. They don't buy.
My father left me the house, I will leave my children one.
That was really our DNA.
They don't think like that. They don't even buy a house.
They rent. They work just enough to get a flight of 30 euros with Ryanair.
Ryanair has united Europe more
than these stupid European politics. So...
They work a bit. They travel.
They do car sharing. They don't even buy a car anymore.
They share experiences. That's what they do.
We think it's stupid they spend ages on their mobiles.
But that's when they share experiences. Listen to them when they talk.
I was told by the mayor of that enormous city, Seoul,
one of the world's biggest metropolises,
"My city's symbol is an ear."
"Let's hear what the people are saying."
That's what politics are, listening to voices.
Don't do top-down, but listen.
So we have these big ears, and we travel around and listen to people.
Whether we succeed or not, who cares?
We have created a fantastic operating system. It's called Rousseau.
We give you, you, and you the chance to...
What kind of work you do? What's your name? Where are you from?
You're a banker. You said it with a certain...
You are provoking me by sitting here in front, you know that.
Bankers and politicians should go to the back.
I just have to take you on, now.
We are not in a banking crisis. I've been to the Board of Directors three times.
The Monte dei Paschi has been split and we also know exactly by who,
i.e. by the Democratic Party. I'm sorry, but that's how it is.
The foundation consisted of municipal, provincial and regional politicians.
They quoted it on the stock exchange and destroyed this fantastic bank.
So we shouldn't use public funds to solve this.
The ones who did the damage must pay for it.
And that is that party, together...
with the CONSOB that didn't act, while the Banca d'Italia refused to help.
Come on, fellow Italians! Forgive me. I got carried away.
So, the Internet and bringing together all kinds of knowledge. Rousseau.
Your experience... Listen, I will be kind to you, I swear.
Your experience... If we make a law about banks...
and you get a chance to read that law online and say,
"That's crap, and I've been a banker all my life."
Or else you make a law to separate finance from the commercial bank.
You can do it better than me. You worked in a bank all your life.
Online, you have the chance to say what you think.
You can leave a mark, proof that you lived.
Because when you die, nobody cares.
Am I right? So, Jobs said, Jobs...
the son of Syrian immigrants, this guy, Jobs, has changed the world.
Today the mayor of London is someone from Bangladesh.
The world's third biggest bank, the Credit Swisse,
has a 42-year-old director from Senegal, called Thiam.
So, we all get the immigrants we deserve.
Go, democracy, go, democracy-light.
This emptied democracy, without active principles, without anything.
When there's a vote, half of the people don't bother, the other half sell theirs.
Let's find other solutions, let's toss for it.
That would be more civil and democratic, like a popular jury.
What is this exchanging votes for favors?
This democracy smells of rotten fish, of farmed fish.
Of farmed sea bream that looks nice, but tastes like rotten sponge.
Hello?
An activist from...
The sea-bream farmers are angry?
This really happened.
But it's just an allegory, sea bream stands for democracy.
Explain that to them, please.
Okay, in that case, I will say it differently.
Or else we lose votes? How many farmers?
This is politics.
Three hundred mill-- okay, hold on, I'll do something about it.
So this democracy that consists of...
It's like a farmed sea bream, which tastes absolutely fantastic.
But if you look at it, it just looks a little less tasty.
So the Internet gives you the chance to get involved, leave your mark,
you can make or propose a law, you can modify it.
It's a way of giving tools to people.
Maybe the movement will go away, will fail, will disappear.
It won't be needed anymore when the citizens with a click
decide to go to Afghanistan, say,
or to go on manufacturing F-35s after the Americans have left.
We fought battles.
The word "no" is the strongest expression of politics today.
Each one of us has to learn to say no, inside ourselves.
When they offer a promotion you don't deserve, say no. You can do it.
Say no to a pleasure if it doesn't feel right.
Or to money that you didn't earn. Do you feel like saying no to that?
That's what I'm talking about.
So let's go on with the Internet.
We're in my children's world, a world of super processors.
Every 18 months, the computer acquires...
it doubles in speed, every 18 months.
In seven years, with iPhone, you have the world in your pocket.
Seriously. Which could be dangerous.
It's fantastic, but it could be dangerous.
When you don't know who pays, That's when you are the product.
You should take a step back and see what happens. What's on the Internet?
Who are the big companies? Not one oil company.
Not one car manufacturer, not one bank.
The biggest companies, capitalization wise,
are five companies that connect people.
Alphabet, the financing company of Google,
Microsoft, Facebook.
Sixty employees-- I mean 60 directors,
one billion and 200 million employees
who work without a salary.
We are capitalizing those companies.
That's how this world of the Internet works.
Alphabet buys things off line.
Google is buying things, from your thermostat,
to a toilet with Wi-Fi, a fridge, a cooker,
they will all be connected, and Google will know everything.
Thirty-two billion searches on Google.
Google will know things before they happen.
The fridge is connected to the cooker.
The toilet is connected to the fridge.
The toilet will analyze you. In Japan, toilets already analyze urine and feces.
If it finds fats in your feces, for example,
like cheese, say, and your cholesterol is high,
it tells the fridge to stop buying cheese at the supermarket.
What can you do? What kind of life is that?
To eat some soft cheese you'll have to have a crap at your neighbor's.
Because if they find out, if they find out...
So all those things are connected, whatever they are.
Now robotics are on its way, too.
Robotics is a fantastic thing. We'll have robots that will work for us.
We will manufacture robots, and half of all jobs will disappear.
Our productivity will go up enormously. As a result, paid labor will disappear.
Millions will be unemployed.
Everybody says that. So why are we talking about populism, in Italy,
when in ten years' time we'll lose 50% of our jobs?
Therefore, we must start now programming for the next 30, 40 years.
Like new forms of energy. But school still prepares you for work.
Who said school has to prepare you for work?
School has to teach you to look critically at the world.
Forget about work.
This new thing is coming, and we are not prepared for it at all.
The Internet offers everything, and the biggest success, as you all know,
especially you, is porn. Yes, porn.
I want to see what you do after midnight, when everybody's asleep.
Where, how and what you're connecting to.
That's how it is. Right now 19 million people are on porn sites.
The porn sites are sponsored by Denim, who make jeans.
They give you nine minutes to make a donation to a whale.
They show you the porn and then they show you "save the whales."
In nine minutes, you spank the monkey and save a whale.
Or if you can't make that, you can try with anchovies. Anyway...
That's how it works.
They sell anything, like viewers.
This viewer is just fantastic.
Say, you live in Busalla, for example.
You put on your viewer, and your girlfriend too.
You're close to the factory Iplom.
You go to the Caribbean with her, it's like you can touch and see the water.
That's happening today, this virtual reality is almost real.
You go from Busalla to the Caribbean.
It would be great if two people from the Caribbean could come to Busalla.
"What the fuck is this?" Anyway....
Anyway...
There are incredible things for sex.
Like the Swarovskis, where are they? That is really something else.
Let's not pretend these things don't happen, because they do.
For example the president of the region of Sicily,
he had an anal bleaching done. He had his anus bleached.
It's something surgeons can do for you.
His was a bit dark, and he didn't like that.
It was 80 euros, which he had the region pay for, damn it.
So all the others started to say they wanted it, too.
They all wanted to get it bleached.
These things exist, really.
So now there are these Swarovskis, anal Swarovskis.
Just to make it look better, you don't want to leave it just bleached like that.
You insert the Swarovski, so that it sticks out. You'll say,
"This is just for aesthetic reasons. It's nice and shiny."
"Look, I have an anal Swarovski..." It lifts your morale.
They make them now with a watch inside, to make it more useful.
When you have your hands full and they ask the time you go,
"Here, see for yourself."
They really exist.
In all sizes.
So we're entering into this new system that...
Look at these things here, for example.
They're all made of stainless steel. They are very interesting.
It's fun to try new things, say, when you're 70 and have never seen them.
You can insert them like a catheter.
So you can finally have a wee like a spray.
Like a watering can. We have one spray normally, so let's have some fun now.
So let's play a bit with it now.
You can insert one in your behind
that will give little strips like tagliolini.
These perversions exist as well, there's something for everyone.
For people like us, when we're alone in our room at night and it's dark,
the beast in us comes out. We all have it, come on now.
Don't we? And so...
Look at you, walking up and down, playing the comedian.
Did you walk off just now? Where are you?
You left because that's in your nature. Oh, come off it.
You left the movement without a leader.
Where does it go, without a lighthouse to guide them?
Without someone the masses can follow? Well?
Play the comedian, get paid well for it. It's all right for some.
There are decisions that you make yourself, leader or no leader.
I made a decision that changed my life. And I didn't have a leader.
When I was having a lot of success on TV, I was called by Berlusconi.
I went to his villa in Portofino with my manager Marangoni.
I earned two and a half million lire per show. This was in the '80s.
I was well-paid. I was very popular. As my agent, he got 10%.
So we go there, and we sit down in this villa.
Berlusconi and two, three of his employees walk in and he says,
"We want to offer you something." They had bought American formats.
It was the game show OK, Il Prezzo è Giusto.
So they offer me this game show.
It was a big success in the States. In Italy, it's presented by Iva Zanicchi.
He explained how it works. "There are 60 shows per year."
"We pay 60 million per show."
"For five years, so that's 17 billion lire."
"Here is a check for one billion and a half."
I didn't know how to react, and my agent...
started to sweat.
I didn't have a leader to follow.
I had to decide for myself. It was really a lot of money.
I looked at my agent, Marangoni, and I said,
"Where would this show be recorded?"
In Milan.
I said, "I live in Genoa, think of all the traveling costs involved."
Berlusconi said, "We'll pay for all that. You won't have to pay anything."
"Okay, but there are other things..."
"Like food and stuff like that."
He realized I wasn't going to accept the offer.
And in fact, I said, "Thanks."
"If you had offered three million a month, to work ten hours a day,
I would have considered it, but I have to say no to this.
I'm leaving, thank you." And we left.
That's what I decided.
I have earned lots of money since, anyway. But I didn't have a leader.
So who am I? What is a politician? We have to make our own decisions.
Please, look inside yourselves, even if you can't stand yourselves.
You have to make your own decisions and act accordingly.
If you fail, you just go on anyway, who cares? If you fail, then you must...
I want to do something here. We have food from all over the world.
In ten years, we'll have one billion obese people,
and 800 million people will starve. What a bizarre world.
This is how we will get our proteins in the future.
They're insects. They eat them in Thailand and in Korea.
It's a cultural thing. You may find it disgusting, but you eat snails.
What I didn't like so much were the caramelized crickets.
Damn.
I've got some crickets here. And I wanted to do a ritual with you.
You must become your own leader.
You really have to become...
No, you can't escape. Close all the doors, please.
We must perform this ritual.
I only have small ones, all the big ones were eaten last night.
There were people from Struppa, and they devoured them all.
I want... I want you to do with me...
They're small. This one. Here, try one.
No, you have to wait. This is a ritual. You haven't come here to eat.
I want my neighbor to get up. Stand up, please.
Are you ready to receive my body? Because you have to become me.
You have to become me, open up. Do you want to take me? There you go.
This is Holy Grillo. Eat it up.
Here you go.
This is the transposition. You are me, and I am free at last.
Sit down, please.
I'm free. You are now a part of me, you become your own leader.
You'll make your own decisions. I don't know what will become of me.
I won't be a politician, nor a comedian, I will become transcendent.
I will end up transcendent.
I feel it inside that I can become like that. I will become like that.
Yes, I feel them.
I feel the two crickets inside me. One is not worth one anymore.
Two are worth one now.
Look, there is light, transcendence, introspection.
-Don't take yourselves seriously. -I see the light.
I am the elevated.
Enough already. If that's so,
then we have to stop it, because I might do something like that.
I need your help to stop him.
I've told half Europe to fuck off, and now I need you, together with me,
to tell me to fuck off. Please.
I'll count to three and then we'll all say it.
One, two, three:
Fuck off!
That's it. Thank you, everybody.
Thanks, everybody.
Thank you, goodbye.
Goodbye, thank you.
GENOA, DECEMBER 12, 2016 POLITEAMA GENOVESE THEATER
Subtitle translation by Marisa Castle de Joncaire