They've been out there for centuries.
Lurking in the shadows.
Rotting in our stories and myths.
And buried in our nightmares.
For the time will come when monsters
will shape the fortunes of all.
Tonight!
The most highly anticipated extreme sporting event ever.
Ever, ever, ever.
Eight deadly monsters summoned to the ring
from all corners of the Earth,
fighting to the death to determine the most powerful ghoul of all time.
Ghoul of all time.
Fighting and monster fans from across the world,
board up your windows and put your kids to bed,
for it's the ultimate fight of the living dead.
The living dead.
This is Monster Brawl.
Good evening monster fans in Canada,
Newfoundland and the United States of America.
We're coming to you live from the abandoned and overgrown
Hillside Necropolis in central Michigan,
and folks, we're about to witness an unspeakable war of attrition
here at the first ever Monster Brawl main event.
I'm Buzz Chambers,
here with legendary former champ, Sasquatch Sid Tucker.
And tonight, we present
a shocking and God-awful fighting tournament
featuring a roster of the world's most notorious ghouls,
in what can only be described
as a showdown for the ages.
That's right, Buzz.
This will be a blood-curdling battle to the death
for our eight gruesome and ghastly combatants.
Now, the tournament consists of two conferences.
The Undead and the Creatures.
Each conference contains four monsters.
There are middleweight contenders and the heavyweights.
Let's take a quick look at our fighters.
The Unread Conference.
The Mummy.
Lady Vampire.
Zombie Man.
Frankenstein.
The Creatures Conference.
Cyclops.
Witch Bitch.
Swamp Gut.
Werewolf.
Now, our opening fights feature the middleweight battles
from each conference.
And the division titles are up for grabs.
First up from the Creatures, is Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch.
Then for the Undead
it's Mummy vs. Lady Vampire.
The next round of fights is our heavyweight contests.
For the Creatures it's Swamp Gut pitted against Werewolf.
And for the Undead, it's Frankenstein vs. Zombie Man.
The final fight of the night will have the contenders
from each heavyweight bout facing each other in a bitter
and grisly end showdown.
But first, we welcome special Monster Brawl dignitary,
the perpetually hyper "Mouth from the South", Jimmy Hart.
Come on baby, step on it! Step on it!
I'm going to be late for the Monster Brawl!
Look, I promise you III pay for the speeding ticket.
I promise! I promise! Look, pal, I'm begging you, step on it. Please.
I'm going to turn into a pumpkin if you don't hurry.
II right. Come on, baby. I think I'm gonna make it.
Jimmy, glad you could make it here tonight.
How are you feeling?
Guys, this is awesome! I'm having a blast here.
The monsters are getting ready for the fights.
I just saw a graveyard worker get their arms ripped off by a zombie.
We're in for a blistering, bickering battle royal,
a devastating, disgusting donnybrook,
and a freakish, forlorn fracas.
Hey Jimmy, give us some background info on this event.
How the hell did Monster Brawl come to life, huh?
This event started out as just a crazy old dream
from an unemployed, smalltime wresting promoter named Jake Blackburn.
He first devised this idea over five years ago from
his parent's basement.
I had a chance to catch up with Blackburn earlier in the week,
and he had this to say.
Blackburn, I got a few questions for you, if you don't mind.
Why don't you tell us about yourself?
I've always been a geek when it comes to wresting and monsters.
I used to make Kung Fu tournaments.
I'd have all my friends over, and we'd beat each other up,
and then we'd run inside and watch monster movies and scare
the crap out of each other.
Well, let me ask you this. What in the world compelled
you to go down this path?
I mean, why monsters? Why-why wresting?
Well, these things are like my drugs, man.
I mean, when everyone else was out partying on Friday nights,
I'm sitting at home watching Japanese death matches
and doodling monsters fighting.
As a local promoter, I know it was tough. You had a lot of struggles.
Can you tell us about it?
It was tough. We're going around with wrestlers no one has heard of.
It kind of fizzled out. But, uh, I went back to the drawing board,
that's when I started thinking about the big ideas.
What about Las Vegas?
Bright lights, big city, sold-out crowds?
It all came down to affordability and keeping the monsters comfortable.
They don't wanna be in front of big crowds with lots of lights going
off and stuff like that.
There's a safety issue. You don't want them ripping arms off of people.
That's when we came up with the idea to have it in a secret graveyard.
We can show it to the whole world. It's perfect.
How in the hell did you recruit these monsters?
Frankenstein? Zombie?
We're sending invites all over the place.
Some monsters just caught wind of what was going on.
Some just showed up out of nowhere,
like they were summoned here from the dark forces we got in play.
It's gonna be an amazing battle, Jimmy, and to me it
doesn't matter who wins.
It's all about the journey getting here, and it's been great.
Well, there you have it folks.
The brains behind the brawl.
May I give you some advice?
If you make some money, get you a new suit, okay?
All right. Hey, good luck.
All right, thanks, Jimmy.
We're back graveside, with Cyril Haggard,
the resident grave keeper here at Hillside Necropolis.
Cy, you know this turf better than anyone.
Why was this particular cemetery chosen as tonight's venue?
I told you to mind your own business.
I warned you not to go messing with this place.
Gotcha. We know that the arena terrain is mostly dead mulch
and thick forest, but are there any environmental factors
that might come into play during the fights tonight?
The soil is cursed, boy!
You've gone and stirred up a heap of trouble.
Something evil has been unearthed,
and I can feel it in my bones.
Evil. Evil!
Evil.
Sounds good, Cy.
Thanks for dropping by and we hope you enjoy the fights.
You bastards are gonna pay for what you've done.
You're gonna pay.
You're all doomed.
Again, thanks for dropping by, Cy, with that wonderful
bit of foreboding.
I warned you this place was cursed!
And now, before we preview our opening match,
Let's go live backstage where legendary mixed martial arts referee
and official Monster Brawl officiator,
Herb Dean is standing by to give us some details
on the rules and regulations for our upcoming fights. Herb?
Hey guys, pleasure to be here.
Herb, what are your thoughts on this event?
It's unbelievable. There's an eerie vibe back here in the crypts
where the monsters are getting prepared.
This night's gonna go down in fighting history.
What do you think about living in a world where monsters
must fight to the death?
I think it's great. I hate monsters more than anything.
And the way I see it, there's gonna be a few less monsters
in the world after tonight
'cause some of them ain't leaving this cemetery.
What kind of rules have been established for this tournament?
None.
What, no rules whatsoever?
No, man. No rules, no time limits, no stoppages.
The match will continue until one of them loses their life.
I'm here to cut down on the shots to the groin,
manager interventions, that sort of thing.
Other than that, standard death-match.
That's wonderful. We'll see you shortly inside the ring.
And we'll take our first break here at the graveyard
and be right back with the opening fight of the evening.
lonian Islands, Greece.
Enter.
An urgent message for you, Sir.
Who sent you?
A shadow from the West.
There's a storm brewing.
Monsters the world over have been summoned.
So, the hour is upon us.
My training will begin at dawn.
Almost 3000 years ago, I made a terrible mistake.
I made a fateful deal with the evil god Hades.
In return for one of my eyes, he grant me power to see future.
I can foretell the deaths of others.
I went into hiding, ashamed and without honor.
Now, a force beckons me
that is more powerful than anything.
If you can see the future,
you must already know the outcome of the battle.
Honor is like an island. Rugged and without shores.
Once you leave, you can never return.
Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts.
Witch! You ought to be burned to the ground.
You're the worst witch ever.
Witch!
You're a witch.
Bitch.
Go away!
What do you want?
I'm known around these parts as the Grub.
The Grub?
That's right. Professional monster bodyguard and manager.
Who sent you here?
Listen. I caught whispers of a secret tournament
for people like yourself.
Piss off, troll!
Wait a minute! They are holding a monster fighting event next month,
and I need a fighter.
We'll make you the most powerful menace the world has ever seen.
No more witch hunts. The townsfolk will bow to you.
Well, don't just stand there. Come inside.
Now, tell me again how I'm supposed to stand up to the
rest of these monsters?
I've trained the most disagreeable monsters in the entire universe.
But you, you could go all the way to the top!
Picture this. Diabolical outcast from small village
wins Monster Brawl.
You will have your vengeance.
Everyone who spit on you, heckled you,
beat and raped you.
But I can't fight!
Nonsense!
Forget all the necromancy crap. The conjury.
The dark magic.
You have to become a warrior!
Now, if we only had the proper name for you,
that would instill terror into the heart of your opponent.
Witch Bitch.
Witch Bitch. Witch Bitch. Witch Bitch.
Creatures Conference Middleweight Title Match.
Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch.
We're back, ladies and gentlemen, with our opening bout of the evening.
Now we're ready to get this brawl underway Buzz,
and what a first match-up.
We have the one-eyed ancient warrior Cyclops
going head-to-head against the uncomely, Witch Bitch.
Let's go to our fight preview.
Cyclops.
Normally Cyclops would not fight women.
But this Witch is a bitch.
And I will crush her!
And Hades is next!
The Cyclops is a mythical creature.
He comes from a long line of one-eyed blacksmiths,
and he's fought nearly everything that's ever walked or crawled.
He's trained in fighting systems
varying from Roman Empire gladiator tactics
to Greco-Spartan field combat.
In fact, he has the ability to eradicate entire villages
with his special laser beam eye maneuver.
Witch Bitch.
Listen up, Cyclops! You Grub-wannabe bastard!
We've got some tricks in store for you.
A whole bag of them, so keep your eye open.
Witch Bitch is a grizzled and vile occultist,
capable of conjuring dark spirits and fatal spell attacks.
And was once part of a Witch/Warlock tag team
until her partner was burned at the stake.
She's also been taken under the wing of monster bodyguard
and acne-smitten troll, the Grub,
who has trained and conditioned Witch Bitch
in the weeks leading up to tonight's event.
And now, we turn it over to Jimmy Hart
to summon the creatures from the crypts.
Ladies and gentlemen, coming to you live
from the Hillside Necropolis in Emmett, County Michigan,
the Monster Brawl Creatures Conference Middleweight Showdown.
Introducing first, fighting out of the stone crypt,
a mythical one-eyed brute from lonia, Greece.
Weighing in at 280 pounds, the legendary, the ageless
Cyclops!
And his opponent, fighting out of the wood crypt,
weighing in at 134 pounds.
From Buzzard's Bay, Massachusetts,
the bane of New England, the infernal,
the unhallowed, the villainous sorceress Witch Bitch.
And let's take a quick peak at our Tale of the Tape, Buzz,
and see how these fighters match up.
The Cyclops has a formidable record
and easily tops Witch Bitch in strength and size.
Herb Dean is making his way out to the ring area through the archway,
and what a class-act individual
and stellar representative of monster fighting.
And the anticipation mounting inside the graveyard
is about to explode.
And this is the biggest event in the history of physical combat,
and I just hope my voice holds up for this, Buzz!
All right guys, center up.
And if I'm Herb Dean, Buzz,
I'd get the hell out of that ring in a hurry.
We've gone over the rules. Protect yourself at all times.
Follow my instructions. We're gonna have a clean fight.
Touch gloves, Let's make it official.
It's the one and only time these athletes will ever face each other,
and it's winner takes all.
The loser must leave this world.
You ready to fight?
You ready?
Let's do it.
And we're underway here at Monster Brawl
as Cyclops and Witch Bitch engage in a brutal bloodbath
for the Creatures Conference middleweight title.
Cyclops misses with a quick lunge
as Witch Bitch gingerly slingshots him into the ropes
and answers with a clothesline.
Look out! Witch Bitch with a dirty kick to the dick
sends the ancient ogre reeling to the canvas mat.
And Herb Dean has a word with the Witch
regarding that ball-busting maneuver.
That was a groin shot. You need to keep it clean. We're
not gonna have that.
All right, you ready? Fight!
Cyclops pulls out a sledgehammer and blindsides Witch Bitch
with a big backhand hit to the face.
Incredible.
And she's in serious trouble now, Sid.
And Herb Dean clearly appalled by the action happening in the ring.
The Grub is in disbelief, and now he's entering the ring
to mount an intervention on behalf of his mangled protege.
The Grub broadsides Cyclops with a folding chair,
and this fight is descending into a circus, Sid.
And Herb Dean appears ready to disqualify Witch Bitch
as he lectures the Grub at the side of the ring.
And Witch Bitch pushes aside her manager
and slices Herb Dean's neck with a rusty cleaver!
Oh, good Lord! Folks, Herb Dean has been seriously injured
as he flops out of the ring!
Unbelievable!
Monster Brawl ref Herb Dean is dead at the age of 40!
And we're going to have to proceed
throughout the rest of the night with no officiator, Sid.
Look, no more grieving, Buzz.
We're missing the action in the ring.
And the Cyclops with a heavy blow to the head of Witch Bitch,
sending her into the turnbuckle
where he lets loose a couple of heavy punches.
And Witch Bitch with a sneaky dodge as she batters Cyclops with
a shoulder to the chest.
Cyclops grabs Witch Bitch by the neck.
Fantastic.
And a sensational reversal by Witch Bitch.
And Buzz, the Grub hands her a bottle of moonshine or something
and she's happily indulging in it.
She's bitching up for something big, Sid.
And the Witch humiliating the Cyclops
as she spews that Bitch's brew all over him.
Look out! She's going in for an eye-gouge.
Cyclops in serious danger now
as Witch Bitch pries at his exposed eyeball.
It's all fun and games until someone loses their eye.
And the Cyclops is going nuts!
He's amassing an energy force around his eyeball.
Cyclops possesses powers older than time itself,
and he was hesitant to use this weapon, but enough is enough.
It's time for this bitch to pay!
And Cyclops unloads a devastating laser beam attack,
scorching the face of Witch Bitch!
That was a face-melting finish.
Wow!
Cyclops wins.
Mythical laser blast.
Ding dong, the Witch is dead.
She'll find a final resting place here at Hillside Necropolis.
Cyclops parades around the ring, basking in the victory.
Cyclops wins!
And now the Grub enters the ring to steal some thunder from Cyclops.
He wants a piece of the one-eyed monster.
Oh, my God! The Grub gets his head knocked right off
as Cyclops unloads a heavy blow that literally decapitates
the veteran monster manager.
Hades! You're next!
I Love this! I Love it! I Love it! I Love it!
Look at this. Cyclops just scorched Witch Bitch with a laser beam!
And look at Herb Dean. He's dead!
I hate referees anyhow. They are no use for anything.
Trust me on that, girls. And the winner of the match is Cyclops!
A convincing win for the Cyclops,
as he takes the crown for the Creature Conference middleweight title.
That's right, Buzz. The dead are gone, and the Brawl must go on.
We'll be right back to preview our next fight,
this time from the Undead Conference.
Metropolitan Museum, New York City.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is Chris Chilton
with a special B Channel News alert for the Greater New York area.
Authorities have confirmed that a reanimated mummy has escaped
from the Metropolitan Museum after killing a forklift operator.
Experts believe the mummy might be the fabled 4000-year-old remains
of King Khafra, a brutal and vicious Pharaoh.
The entire Tri-state area is now under an orange terror alert
as the undead monster roams the streets aimlessly.
Our cameras caught up with the Sheriff in front of the
museum earlier today.
It's our belief that he's headed somewhere.
Something evil has compelled him from the grave.
I encourage all citizens to remain on high alert.
And if you see that mummy, you all give me a call now, you hear?
Felldorf, Transylvania.
This is special agent Laurence Dunn,
voice memorandum 19F81.
Operation Holy Water.
I have succeeded at traversing the Carpathian Mountains
over the last nine days,
and I have arrived at a mysterious and seemingly abandoned estate
not far from the village of Felldorf.
The local peasants implored me not to go any further,
saying that the land is unhallowed.
And there have been several recent killings by a murderer in the night.
The villagers said things that have happened here must not be known.
After I heard enough of their Gypsy crap,
I followed the trail hard to have a look for myself.
That trail ends here.
Madam, I'm agent Laurence Dunn.
I need to ask you a few questions.
Excuse me, is that blood you're drinking?
This estate originally belonged to Vlad the Impaler.
Is that correct?
How long have you lived here?
Forever.
I'm the last of my kind.
Doomed to immortality.
The villagers have accused you of murder.
I have to take you in.
Undead Conference Middleweight Title Match.
Lady Vampire vs. the Mummy.
Welcome back to the program, folks.
I'm Buzz Chambers, here with living legend Sasquatch Sid,
and we're set for the next fight of the evening,
this one featuring two undead icons.
Lady Vampire.
I dream of a glorious death,
but no monster is a match
for the eternal one.
The Mummy will be destroyed.
Lady Vampire has a lifetime record
that has spanned over six centuries, dating back to the year 1381.
She's virtually immortal.
And an expert with XIV century fisticuffs.
She's a cold-blooded professional killer,
and I hope the Mummy is carrying some garlic or holy water, Buzz,
'cause this is a bit of a mismatch.
Lady Vampire is a big favorite going into this brawl.
The Mummy.
Although feeble and frail,
the Mummy presents an interesting challenge to Lady Vampire.
As an Egyptian Pharaoh,
he must have undergone some form of military training in his past life.
Regardless, we expect to see a lifeless,
shuffling wraith in action tonight.
His bandages might be battered and bedraggled,
and his skeletal interior very vulnerable,
but mark my words, people.
We're dealing with a former tyrant of ancient Egypt,
and he's gotta have a couple of tricks up his sleeve.
It's time for the Undead Conference Middleweight Division title match.
Introducing first, weighing in at 127 pounds,
from the far outreaches of the Carpathian Mountains in Transylvania,
the eternal champion of blood lust,
Lady Vampire!
And her opponent, from the Valley of the Kings,
the Hexecutioner, the rotten wraith of the ring,
the cursed, snake-bitten,
King Khafra, the Mummy!
I gotta say, I'm pulling for the Vampire in this fight, Sid.
I'll be damned before I cheer for a mummy.
I've hated mummies my whole life.
And taking a look at these numbers, Buzz,
the fighters line up very closely with one another,
both being ancient undead icons with very similar vital stats.
Strap yourself in, Sasquatch Sid.
We're set for this unspeakable undead ultimatum.
For the winner, the middleweight Conference Championship.
For the vanquished, a bitter harvest.
And we're in for some extreme undead action here, Buzz.
Two ancient adversaries meeting in bloody battle for
the first and only time.
And the combatants lock up in the center of the ring.
She goes to town on his battered torso,
delivering a torrent of kicks to the frail frame of the Mummy.
And the Mummy with a retaliatory headbutt.
And the Mummy starting to show signs of life.
That was an aggressive body-slam by the mangled monarch.
And he throws in a big kick to the gut of Lady Vampire
for good measure.
Lady Vampire delivers a right elbow,
followed by a big left hook, and then another big right!
Glorious combo.
The Mummy is up to something here, Buzz.
He's fumbling around with his bandages.
And he throws a fistful of dust
into the eyes of the Nosferatu.
Watch out! The Mummy locks Lady Vampire
into a merciless sleeper hold submission.
How anyone could withstand that degree of asphyxiation is beyond me.
It's lights out for Lady Vampire.
She's drifted into the darkness.
And the Mummy in prime position to win this contest.
The Mummy now exits the ring area,
and is shuffling over towards the wood crypt.
That filthy Mummy is up to no good, Sid.
Keep in mind, Buzz, it is very difficult
to kill something that's already dead.
This is a risky delay by the Mummy.
And the Mummy has gone and grabbed what looks like a wooden
stake from the crypt
and is making his way back towards the ring.
And with no ref, all foreign objects are fair game, Buzz.
A smart weapon of choice on behalf of the Mummy.
We've underestimated this rotting Pharaoh.
He must be trained in vampire-slaying techniques.
Back in the ring, the Mummy stalks over Lady Vampire,
raising that stake for the finisher.
Holy jumping Jesus, she awakens in the nick of time!
She's revamped now, Sid, and on the attack as she moves in
with a clothesline into the turnbuckle.
And Lady Vampire lines him up with a devastating bulldog,
face-planting the frazzled Pharaoh into the mat.
How in God's name are those bandages holding up, Sid?
Embalming is a fine art, Buzz.
He's been wrapped in that crap for centuries.
And Lady Vampire slingshots the Mummy into the corner.
The Mummy is reaching for his medallion hanging on
the corner of the ring.
The former king appears to be holding some type of ancient sun relic.
Majestic.
The Mummy deploys a blistering sun curse technique
that scorches the face of the Vampire.
A timely retaliation of twisted alchemy from the Pharaoh.
And the action moves into the cemetery
as Lady Vampire pursues her opponent outside the ring.
And quick jab followed by a push kick sends the Mummy
reeling to the ground.
Lady Vampire picks up a granite tombstone, and look out!
She just hammered it over the skull of the Mummy!
That must have weighed 200 pounds, Sid.
Some serious grindhouse action happening over in the graveyard, Buzz.
I haven't seen a tombstone smash in 25 years.
She picks up the weakened corpse of the Mummy.
Lady Vampire has just ripped the black heart
right out of the Mummy's body.
Lady Vampire wins.
Black heart removal.
That was phenomenal!
Did you see that, girls? Of course you did.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match is Lady Vampire!
Unbelievable.
Look at her preening to the world, holding that black heart.
She wins the Undead Conference Middleweight title,
and can return home triumphant,
and get back to killing Gypsies in the night.
So long, Mummy. Back to the grave you go.
Stay tuned, folks. We'll be right back
with our first heavyweight match of the evening.
You're watching Monster Brawl,
the ultimate fight of the living dead.
Silver Springs, New Jersey.
No!
Marshfield, Louisiana.
Over 10 % of the Earth's landmass
is covered by festering, impenetrable marshlands.
The Mississippi Bayou.
Home to over 30,000 species of wildlife.
This vast boggy wasteland
is also home to one of the most bizarre and disgusting creatures
in the whole world.
The Louisiana Swamp Gut.
The undisputed king of all reptilian bog-dwellers.
Swamp Gut is one with his nebulous surroundings.
So toxic is his slime and venom,
that it changes the very composition of the bayou atmosphere.
Humans are frequent casualties of the harsh and cursed swampland,
and this Swamp Gut is not above scavenging from a corpse.
Good friends are hard to find these days for Swamp Gut.
Signs of the enemy are detected and examined closely.
Fishing in these nefarious waters is nearly suicidal.
Swamp Gut has developed a savage combat technique for
such reckless adventurers.
Swamp Gut's deadly slime attack is so toxic,
that it paralyzes the fisherman's nervous system instantly.
This solitary creature may never see another of his kind again.
Not only is his prey seasonal.
It's also very hard to find.
Only the most bumbling mammals, like this unsuspecting canoeist,
dare to traverse such deadly waterways of the world.
He is oblivious to the approaching danger.
The hunt is on.
The canoeist doesn't stand a chance against such a formidable opponent.
There are under ten Swamp Guts left in the wild,
and that number is falling.
Like so many creatures, the Guts have been pushed to the
very edge of extinction
by the destruction of their habitat.
Creature Conference Heavyweight Title Match.
Swamp Gut vs. Werewolf.
Welcome back to the program, folks.
He's Sasquatch Sid, I'm Buzz Chambers,
and we're ready to set up the next fight of the evening.
For this match we have our first Heavyweight division
title up for grabs
coming from the Creatures Conference.
Werewolf.
Swamp Gut! I know you've been hearing it,
walking through the swamp with that big gut of yours.
You must have been hearing it. All the frogs have been saying it,
all the toads, all the creepy crawlers have been saying it.
Here comes the Wolf.
The Werewolf was once a simple man who was viciously mauled
by a rabid lobo and became infected by the dreadful wolf bane.
Werewolf possesses incredible agility,
speed and those keen animal instincts.
He can take a ton of abuse,
and he'll be in turbo moonshine mode tonight.
We're basically looking at a tremendous athlete,
Weill-conditioned and powerful, and Swamp Gut is gonna
have his hands full.
Swamp Gut.
Next up is the king of the bog,
the disgusting and repulsive marsh demon known as Swamp Gut.
This gelatinous creature will be out of his element for
the first time tonight.
Swamp Gut is a repugnant pariah and odious glutton.
He is morbidly obese so he must use that size and
power to his advantage,
to make up for the obvious drawback of his massive gut.
He is also capable of stirring up a bellyful of toxic swamp trash,
so Werewolf will wanna avoid close quarters
or else risk getting slimed.
Now, over to Jimmy Hart to summon these bastards out of the crypts.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the heavyweight battle
for the Monster Brawl Creatures Conference.
Introducing first, weighing in at 225 pounds,
the man in the moon, the howler,
the disemboweller, Werewolf!
And his opponent, weighing in at 438 pounds,
the uncontested marshal of the marsh,
Swamp Gut!
And a quick look at our tale of the tape for this fight
reveals an interesting dichotomy.
Swamp Gut is obviously the older,
bigger and more experienced of the two fighters,
and Werewolf comes in with a relatively unknown record.
The fight is afoot, folks,
with our Creature Conference Heavyweight Championship.
We'll soon find out who will be representing the realm of Creatures
in the Monster Brawl finale.
Werewolf to the offensive in the early-going, as he uses
a headlock like a vice
and showers down a torrent of face shots.
And a reactionary elbow from the man in moss.
And Werewolf runs into a solid brick wall
as Swamp Gut easily stands his ground
using that insurmountable gut gravity to stay on his feet.
Appalling.
Swamp Gut with a heavy frog splash,
flattening Werewolf into a pancake.
He follows it up with a ruthless knee to the head.
Werewolf has got to be careful here.
He can't afford to exchange big maneuvers like that
or he'll never survive.
Werewolf evades the giant swamp creature,
trying to gain some ground.
Swamp Gut with a heavy right hook,
but Werewolf counters with a great block.
Perfect timing by Werewolf.
And Swamp Gut hoarks up some toxic marsh venom
into the face of Werewolf, sending him to the mat.
And Werewolf trying to throw some punches,
but Swamp Gut expertly defends that big, fat belly of his.
That's definitely his weak spot, and now Werewolf
gets a jab into the face
and the Gut is now exposed for an open assault!
Werewolf goes to work on the bread-basket,
dealing several hard jabs to Swamp Gut's putrid paunch.
I haven't seen an abdomen attack like this since King
Hippo back in '88.
Swamp Gut is hung up in the ropes as Werewolf comes running at him
with a lethal shoulder spear.
And I don't believe it! Swamp gut is down!
He's gotta throw everything at this fat son of a bitch!
It's now or never!
Sensational.
And Werewolf pressing the advantage now as he delivers
a kick to the face
of the glutinous Swamp Gut.
His wolf-sense is at an all-time high, Buzz.
He needs to crush this Gut once and for all!
Werewolf with a thunderous uppercut to Swamp Gut,
and his bowels are churning, Sid.
He lets the air out of Swamp Gut's spare tire,
and this is going to get messy, Buzz.
Swamp Gut falls to the canvas mat,
and I don't think he's ever gonna get up, Buzz.
Swamp Gut having serious indigestion problems.
Werewolf climbs up to the top rope,
and letting that animal inside take over as he howls into the night.
And a sky-high lunar assault from Werewolf
explodes the belly of Swamp Gut.
We have just witnessed the disgusting demise
of a truly legendary forest demon.
Werewolf wins.
Lunar Belly Buster.
Hey, and the winner is the Werewolf!
Our first Heavyweight match is in the books
as Werewolf is crowned
with the Creatures Conference Heavyweight Title.
He'll move on to our championship match later this evening
to face the Heavyweight winner from the Undead Conference.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
Colonel Crookshanks, Sir!
As you were, Briggs.
I just got word from base, Sir.
They've reported us AWOL.
Don't worry about it, Lieutenant.
We stay the course, just like we planned.
It's a culmination of what?
Sacrifice! Discipline! Yes, honor!
The dawn of a new weapon is upon us.
This monster tournament, the perfect testing ground.
Now, how about you and I go take a look
at this magnificent son of a bitch?
Yeah.
This thing, a specimen from the '69 outbreak?
Affirmative. The military's worst kept secret.
I've been training this bastard for ten years.
You know, the government wants to shut it down.
They should have a hard-on for this kind of stuff.
And the personnel? What happened to them?
Who ran this place before you got on board?
They were eaten.
So, how's our old friend doing?
He's in a foul mood, Sir.
He's starving. He's always starving.
We're running out of bodies to feed this thing.
Lieutenant, why in the hell are you always so negative?
Colonel, we could be shot for this.
We're gonna get medals for this.
Morning, sunshine.
Briggs, go ahead. Unleash him.
Let's get an idea of what kind of conditioning we've got going.
You're kidding me?
You think I'm kidding?
Go in there and let him loose,
or I'm gonna stick one between your eyes.
I never signed up for this, Colonel.
The ultimate killing machine. The ultimate soldier.
Bent on death and destruction.
Briggs, this is our finest hour, I swear to you.
Colonel, shoot him!
Shoot him!
Zombie Man.
Eat slow, my friend.
Briggs was a good man.
Ingolstadt, Germany.
From the journal of Dr. Ivo Igora.
November 5th. To examine the causes of life,
we must first have recourse to death.
I have become well-acquainted with the science of anatomy.
I have also observed the natural decay and corruption
of the human body.
In a solitary chamber, I kept my workshop of filthy creation,
while I brought my work near to a conclusion.
And the moon gazed on my midnight labors
while I pursued nature to her hiding places.
Who shall conceive the horrors of my secret toil
as I dabbled among the unhallowed damps of the grave?
Remember.
I am not recording the vision of a madman.
After days and nights of incredible labor and fatigue,
I succeeded in discovering the cause
of generation and life.
Nay, more.
I became myself capable of bestowing animation
upon lifeless matter.
Father.
Undead Conference Heavyweight Title Match.
Frankenstein vs. Zombie Man.
We're back, folks, and ready for our next match-up
which is a ghastly showdown of undead forces.
Our next fight features the seemingly immortal corpse Frankenstein
versus the cannibalistic revenant known as Zombie Man.
The winner of this fight will proceed to the championship
main event against Werewolf.
Now, time to unearth some more dirt on these two brain-dead savages.
Frankenstein.
Like one who on a lonely road,
doth walk in fear and dread.
And having once turned round walks on,
and turns no more his head.
Because he knows a frightful fiend
doth close behind him tread.
Frankenstein!
Father!
Frankenstein has been reanimated
and deactivated several times throughout his lengthy career.
He's waved goodbye to the European fight scene,
and has brought his "A" game to North America for the first time.
He's basically a bruising and brawling sort of fighter
who relies heavily on 19th century ogre battle systems.
Frankenstein can wield immense power and strength,
and is essentially a zombie himself,
albeit a bigger one and not blinded by a desire for flesh.
And watch for his manager, the ubiquitous Dr. Igora
to play a major role in the proceedings.
Zombie Man.
Frankenstein, you stitched-up bastard!
I gotta question for you!
I got the ultimate killing machine, Zombie Man!
What are you gonna do when he defeats you,
then
eats you?
Zombie Man is a well-trained grappler type of combatant,
relying on an arsenal of punches,
grabs, holds and bites.
This guy can take a lot of damage.
He is managed by the rogue soldier Colonel Crookshanks,
who has transformed this cannibalistic ghoul
into a one-man army.
Colonel Crookshanks has done a fabulous job of training Zombie Man
and my understanding is that if Zombie Man wins the Brawl,
we'll have a new type of soldier for future wars around the world.
If he loses, just another corpse added to the heap.
Add to this an insatiable hunger for flesh,
and you have yourself one hell of a killing machine.
Battling for the Undead Conference title,
two horrendous champions of the grave!
First up, fighting out of the stone crypt,
is the undisputed grandmaster of Gothic giants.
The reigning champion of reanimation
and eternal damnation.
The undefeated legend of the fall,
Frankenstein!
And, Buzz, technically it's Frankenstein's monster,
if you want to be a dick about it.
And now making his way out to the ring,
hailing from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,
a blood-drunk, belligerent, brain-eating bastard.
The deathless, non-perishable, ever-lasting,
invincible and undying Zombie Man!
And a quick glance to see how our monsters align,
illustrates a grim contrast here
as Frankenstein takes the cake in mostly all categories.
Zombie Man is no slouch himself,
and he reminds me of a younger, healthier Sasquatch Sid Tucker.
Both fighters getting ready inside the ring,
and you can just feel the tension rising here at the
Necropolis tonight.
Frankenstein and Zombie collide in the middle of the ring.
The big man corrals Zombie into the corner and goes to work right away.
Frankenstein executes a superb clothesline,
sending the godforsaken Zombie to the canvas mat.
Incredible move, Buzz.
I concur, Sidney.
Exceptional.
And Zombie Man in serious danger now, Buzz.
This fight could be over.
And keep in mind these fighters have already died
once in their lifetime,
but this time, there will be no reanimation.
All the chips are on the table.
And what a tolerance for pain.
Folks, he just won't stay down.
Zombie Man is incredibly resilient.
Frankenstein, better try a new strategy.
And Frankenstein manager Doc Igora
is getting a little impatient with his monster.
Crush his head, you imbecile.
His head!
Well, he's right, Buzz. You can't stop the Zombie
without dealing it some massive trauma to the head.
Frankenstein puts Zombie into a powerful stranglehold.
Come on!
Zombie Man with a double ear-slap
sends Frankenstein reeling to the center of the ring.
A timely counterattack by the Zombie
as he finds new life.
And Zombie Man bites the arm of Frankenstein,
gnawing some of that rotten flesh.
And no concern that Frankenstein will turn into a zombie.
He's already technically dead, people.
Get up! Come on, get up!
And Zombie Man doing his best to try and knock down the
all-powerful Frankenstein.
His only path to victory is toppling the giant
and getting him off his feet.
Medic.
And nothing seems to move this over-sized corpse, Sid,
as Zombie Man throws everything but the kitchen sink at Frankenstein.
And Zombie Man unleashes a barrage of blows to the mid-section
of the big man.
And spank me cross-eyed, Sid.
Doctor Igora enters the ring and he hits Zombie Man
in the back of the head
with a pipe wrench, sending the blood-thirsty bastard to the ground.
And the Colonel is hopping mad, Buzz.
That was an unfair foreign object by the weasel manager Doc Igora.
And wait a minute, folks!
Colonel Crookshanks with a hatchet to the back of the Doctor,
and he goes down at the side of the ring.
Buzz, that was a mistake by the Colonel.
He's triggered a force more powerful than he can imagine.
Look at the rage in Frankenstein's face.
And he's friggin' pissed, folks!
Frankenstein systematically destroys Zombie Man
with a deluge of blows.
Tremendous.
Who is this indestructible Zombie?
I've never seen someone withstand such an ass-kicking!
Zombie Man knocked out of the ring.
Now we're in for some graveyard action!
Frankenstein with a choke-hold move,
lifting Zombie Man off his feet and slamming him hard to the ground.
What a crippling move, Buzz.
And cover your eyes, Sid!
Frankenstein has squashed Zombie Man's head
with a brutal foot stomp.
Zombie Man is done!
Frankenstein wins.
Brain-crushing foot stomp.
You know that was an unbelievable match.
Frankenstein has done it again!
Hey, and the winner of the match is Frankenstein!
And there appears to be some commotion
going on at the back of the graveyard, Sid.
There's trouble a brewing near the old hill, Buzz.
I told you to mind your own business.
The soil is cursed, boy. Something evil has been unearthed.
You're all doomed.
For the Love of God. The dead are rising from their graves,
answering the call of distress from Zombie Man's untimely death.
Unbelievable, ladies and gentlemen!
In death, Zombie Man has summoned an army of undead
united against Frankenstein.
Holy crap, Buzz! This is insanity!
Wait a minute, girls, here comes the zombies! Every man for himself.
Run!
For the first time in the history of professional sports, folks,
we are witnessing the living dead rising from their graves
to confront Frankenstein.
Now, we've seen tag-teams before, Buzz.
But six on one is unheard of.
And Frankenstein escapes the graveyard,
and runs for cover into the crypt.
No sense for him to stick around, Sid.
He's got another fight ahead of him.
And now the Colonel goes down at the side of the ring.
These zombies are out of control.
And we may be next, Sidney.
Don't worry about it, Buzz. I'm packing!
I'll take care of you.
Sweet potato fries!
Good work there, Sid.
That doesn't look very good, Sidney.
Just a scratch, Buzz.
Just a scratch.
Doesn't look so good.
Why?
And we're back on the air in the announcer's booth,
and I regret to inform you that Sasquatch Sid
has sustained a minor injury to his hands, folks.
That's correct. I had a tussle with a zombie
and suffered a small bite wound.
But I put a little alcohol on it and I feel fine.
Really I do.
Now, let's get back to the fights.
Yes, and we'll keep an eye on Sid as the evening advances.
Monster Brawl Heavyweight Championship Match.
Frankenstein vs. Werewolf.
So, what makes me think I have a chance in Hell
of beating Frankenstein?
vengeance.
It is true
that I am a wretch.
I have murdered the lovely and the helpless.
It was a monster that took my wife.
It was a monster that took my child.
It was a monster that took my life away,
so I guess you could say I don't like monsters very much!
I have strangled
the innocent as they slept.
I don't care if they're zombies,
I don't care if they're vampires.
Hell, you saw what I did to Swamp Gut!
My reign
is not yet over.
So, Frankenstein, you can come at me with your big, dumb,
stitched-up face and your "roar-roar-roar Father."
And it ain't gonna do a damn thing.
Come on,
my enemy.
We have yet to wrestle for our lives.
So, after four explosive and gory fights,
we've reached the moment we've all been waiting for.
The final main event featuring Frankenstein from the Undead realm
pitted against Werewolf,
the torchbearer of all evil creatures.
That's right, Buzz.
Bookies in Vegas were paying 200 to 1 odds
on Werewolf from the outset.
To see him
claw his way into the finals
is nothing short of miraculous.
As for Frankenstein he is
after all,
the most legendary monster of all time,
so no surprise that he would
capture the flag for the Undead world.
And now Let's turn the reins over to the Lord of the ring, Jimmy Hart!
The time has come for our main event of the evening.
The supreme and undisputed heavyweight monster championship
is at stake tonight. Ladies and gentlemen, friends and fiends,
introducing first the undefeated king of the Undead Conference.
The eternal green giant.
The electrifying, the death-defying,
the indestructible demon
Frankenstein!
Strap yourself into the electric chair, people.
This is gonna get crazy here at the Hillside Necropolis
as Frankenstein faces down the Werewolf
in a legendary showdown for monster supremacy.
And the stats are just staggering
for Frankenstein, Buzz.
Over 450 pounds.
Biceps are 30 inches. Thighs 40 inches.
Have you ever seen a bigger combatant in the history
of professional sports?
And his opponent, fighting out of the wood crypt,
the crusader of all evil creatures from across the globe.
The beast of sacred lore, Canus Lupus,
the lunar death-dealer Werewolf!
And look at the menacing way both monsters are staring at each other.
The Werewolf beaming with unbridled rage
as he sizes up the big man.
And Werewolf makes the first move as he whips off the rope
for a take-down, but Frankenstein doesn't even flinch, Sid.
And now he tries to land a few blows,
but Frankenstein is virtually immune to this stuff.
It's child's play to him, Buzz.
And now Frankenstein retaliates
and throws the Werewolf into the corner.
Magnificent.
And somebody better call the Humane Society.
Because we're witnessing extreme animal abuse here tonight.
Couple of big blows from Frankenstein
and he is pummeling Werewolf.
And a big slam by Frankenstein sends the Werewolf crashing
to the canvas mat.
Look out! Frankenstein comes down hard on Werewolf.
Werewolf has done the impossible, folks.
Frankenstein is down and out.
Spectacular.
Werewolf performs a doomsday figure four leg lock.
And now Frankenstein breaks free from the hold.
And now he gets in a couple of mammoth hooks to the cobbled
frame of Frankenstein
and lands a heavy punch to the face.
Now he's using his brains, Buzz.
That's right, Sid.
Smart defensive prowess on behalf of the Werewolf.
And now the Werewolf attempting a bodyslam of Frankenstein.
And this is a gamble folks.
Oh, no! Frankenstein is just too heavy,
and now the Werewolf is paying the price
as nearly a half a cubic ton comes crashing on top of him.
I'm getting awfully hungry, Buzz.
Okay, Sid. We'll be going to the rippers after the show
just like we planned.
Frankenstein using those gigantic hands like a python
squeezing its prey.
And we can literally hear the bones of the Werewolf being pulverized
under that heavy pressure.
Discombobulating.
The Werewolf is out cold, folks.
He is dead!
Frankenstein is now the Monster Brawl Heavyweight Champion.
Can you believe it, Sid?
Sid?
Sasquatch Sid has gone silent, folks.
Welcome back, folks. I'm Buzz Chambers,
and we are back on the air again here at Monster Brawl.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you
that former champion Sasquatch Sid
has been destroyed like a mongrel dog.
He is survived by his 13 kids, 5 ex-wives.
He was 58 years old.
And now, back to the action.
Girls, there's a storm coming. This doesn't look good.
We gotta get to higher ground. Come on, Let's get out of here.
Come on, get out of here. Quick, quick!
And ladies and gentlemen, we have a storm brewing in the distance,
as Central Michigan is under a severe electrical storm alert.
And things are getting sinister here at the Hillside Necropolis.
Frankenstein parading around the ring with the championship belt.
But wait a moment, folks.
Wait a moment. Werewolf is getting up.
The Werewolf refuses to be put to sleep
as he miraculously stands up now
and hits Frankenstein in the back
catching the big man off guard.
And Werewolf to the offensive now,
dealing Frankenstein a series of mortal blows.
Frankenstein smokes Werewolf
with a gargantuan uppercut, sending him flying to the ground.
And Frankenstein removes one of those heavy stone
columns from the crypt,
and swings it like a baseball bat.
One blow from that column, folks,
and this fight would be over.
Werewolf with a quick dodge and he runs in with a kick,
knocking the column away from Frankenstein.
And the Werewolf is in full control.
Werewolf picks up a tombstone
and smashes it over Frankenstein,
who crumples to the ground.
And now he grabs another one
and delivers a second unforgiving blow.
And a third one! Frankenstein is done for, folks,
as the Werewolf gets in three unanswered tombstone blasts.
And Frankenstein is down for the count.
Ah!
We could be looking at the first ever Monster Brawl champion.
Werewolf howling to the moon.
But wait. Frankenstein
somehow rises up once more
and the Werewolf is oblivious.
Frankenstein takes Werewolf down,
and they resume their graveyard tussle.
And he's prying at his head, folks.
He is prying at his--Oh, my lord!
Frankenstein rips the head right off the stunned creature
and the Werewolf is no more.
Frankenstein wins.
Head splitter.
Frankenstein with a death-dealing finisher.
And ladies and gentlemen, Frankenstein has won the Brawl.
We have a new champion!
Frankenstein emerges victorious
after a bruising battle
with the surprisingly resilient Werewolf.
But wait a minute.
Something is going on over by the wood crypt.
Perhaps a secret fighter to challenge Frankenstein's reign.
And the Colonel
is making a comeback, folks.
I don't believe it.
Frankenstein!
Colonel Crookshanks is back from beyond the grave
to confront his mortal nemesis Frankenstein
in a clash for the ages.
Oh, don't nail that coffin closed, yet, folks.
We have another brawl going down here at the cemetery.
He throws the Monster Brawl belt to the ground
and steps on it,
in an act of complete disrespect towards the champ.
Don't turn that channel, folks.
This is going to get nasty!
Of course I'm excited. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my tongue.
Let me tell you this right now. I've been in Madison Square
Garden, sold-out crowd.
I've been all over the world, main event. Hall of Fame ring.
But this is the most excitement I've had in so long. Of course!
Oh, my favorite monsters? We had Frankenstein there, Cyclops was there,
Witch Bitch was--
Zombies? Oh, please, give me a break.
I can't stand zombies. Let me--huh?
You know what? I was telling my friend on the phone
that you're awesome zombie--
Please call 911!