I was born as a good Southern boy.
The night I come into this world, My mama looked out the window
And she could see a cross burnin' on the hills yonder,
A big, bright cross burnin' on the rolling hills of Texas.
And my papa helped raise that cross.
He was part of a certain American institution, If you know what I mean.
Yes, sir, the Klan was big back in those days.
And when I was old enough to stand on my own two feet, I joined, too.
I rose to prominence early on in the Klan.
They took to calling me Leroy “The White Knight” Lowe back then.
I ran for political office in Beaumont, Texas in 1952 With the backing of the Klan.
I lost by 28 votes.
But I never let none of that dampen my spirits, no, sir.
I traveled the south in the heyday of the Klan, vowing to rid the land
of Communism, Socialism, and any other “isms”.
I married a good Klan woman.
And upon the death of the Texas Grand Dragon Carl Winchcombe,
I was elected Grand Dragon of the Texas Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.
But by the time I made Grand Dragon, The liberal elements turned their reformist eye to the Klan
And it wasn't long before they sought to take me down.
In the winter of 1976, I found myself a reluctant guest
of Low Lee Tuna prison work farm in Tuna, Texas.
I shared my predicament with Bubba McCarthy,
Proud card-carryin' Klan member.
You ever notice how everything good out there is white?
You got Whitey Ford...
You got white bread...
You got Snow White...
Well, well, well... Welcome to to Low Lee Tuna state prison, folks.
Merve Merville, one rabid dog of a Warden. Well...
What have we got here?
Bubba McCarthy... Two counts of fraud, one count of federal fraud,
Sentenced to one year and four months.
Well, that's a slap on the wrist, if you ask me.
Leroy Lowe, Grand Dragon of the East Texas chapter of the Ku Klux Klan,
Sentenced to three years for conspiracy against the United States government,
Three counts of misapplying funds, tax evasion.
I'm Warden Merville, and I'm the law here at Low Lee.
Out there, you follow the Lord's ten commandments. In here, you follow mine,
and I only got one-- Work like a dog
so you can produce the best dad-gummed potatoes on God's green earth!
Now, some folks call me the Potato King of the Southern United States.
That's 'cause our prison fields produce the finest award-winning potatoes in the entire south.
We got packin' potatoes, peelin' potatoes, pickin' potatoes.
And if you think potato pickin' is a walk in the park In 99% humidity and 100°F weather,
You got another thing comin', son.
Meet East Texas dirt, gentlemen. Eighty-Three percent clay,
high alkaline content, And hard as a son of a bitch.
Now, that dirt needs to be softened up If them potatoes are gonna grow.
Somebody's gotta loosen that dirt. You ruffle my feathers,
and I will introduce you To a world of pain Texas-Style.
You Klan folks ain't nothin' But a hate-mongerin' bunch of trouble makers.
Maybe your mama didn't love you enough, Or maybe she love you too much.
Whatever the cause for your disease, I can tell you this, I'm the cure!
And that's when I heard it-- A low moan somewhere in the distance,
The grumble of portentous things to come...
The wail of the ragin' wind of destiny headin' my way.
Yes, sir, things was gonna change In unimaginable ways,
And there was nothin' I could do to avoid what was comin'.
Hey, Leroy, did you ever hear that business About George Wallace and George McGovern? What about George Wallace and George McGovern?
Said in the June issue of the White Tuna weekly That they're illegitimate brothers.
George Wallace, the governor of Alabama?
The two of 'em got the same bushy eyebrows, Same runty teeth, same bags under their eyes.
- How they figured? - Everyone knows McGovern's old man was a Minister.
- A philanderin' and womanizin' one, too. - Sure was! It's pretty clear what happened. - How you mean?
- In 1918, Mrs. Wallace got a job as an assistant to McGovern senior.
How that turn out, huh?
Well, story goes that when Mrs. Wallace moved back to Alabama, August 25th, 1919,
She gave birth to a son, George Wallace, Jr. Now every time he flashes a runty grin, Folks wonder why he looks a darn lot like George McGovern.
- They even got the same name! - You couldn't give birth to two more different men, if you tried.
- It's a mystery of nature how that can happen. - Governor Wallace is a hero.
- Must be something in the water up north. - Well, they come out with their heads screwed on sideways up there. - Amen!
Yes, sir, me and Bubba Was just like June and Ward Cleaver,
Two birds of a same-colored feather.</i You could say we was as perfect a pair
As anybody ever saw sharin' a prison cell.
- Hey, Leroy. - Hmm? - Tell me that story about you drivin' to Baton Rouge a few years back.
Well, I was drivin' east for a Klan rally. It was late night
and I was sailin' down I-10, When this little bitty Mexican Run right out in front of my brand-new Ford Fairlane.
When I stop, he come 'round my window and he said, “Excuse me, Señor, how about let me have a ride? I'm going back to Mexico.”
you must've been dreamin'! Ain't no Mexican ever wanna go back to Mexico on his own free will!
So I say, “Sure thing, amigo, hop right in! Ain't nothin' I like better than takin' a Mexican back to Mexico!”
So I ask him, I say, “How come you're goin' back to Mexico? Don't you like it out here in America?”
- What'd he say? - He said, “oh, si­, Señor, I like it very much.”
- “That's why I'm going back to Mexico To get my wife and six children And bring 'em back to your country.” - I'd be damned.
And that's about the time I open my car door And kick that son of a bitch right out of the car!
- You must've been doin' 50! - Sixty-Five.
- I don't want no one thinkin' the Klan ain't got no sense of humor now! - That's a Hell of a story, Leroy, A Hell of a story.
I got a lot of 'em, Bubba, a lot of stories.
I've been in the Klan 45 years... 45 consecutive years.
I've been harassed for the Klan,
persecuted, shot at, beaten.
I marched, I boycotted.
Hell, I even gave up my freedom for the cause.
Lights out!
You're a great man, Leroy, A Hell of a great man.
Every Tuesday, we spent one hour with the Warden For the benefit of our rehabilitation.
Cultivating potatoes teach a man all he kneed to know About living a moral life.
He who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward. Proverbs.
Not all potatoes are the same, mind you. Yellow potatoes, for instance are good for boilin'.
Yukon gold... White potatoes, au gratin, oh...
Russet potatoes, fingerlings, hash browns...
Let my teachings fall like rain. You wanna make the perfect potato stew?
- I feel... Rehabilitated. - You do now? - That's right.
If I get an early release from prison, I'm fixin' to return to my life as a door-To-Door vacuum salesman.
- A vacuum salesman? - That's brill vacuum cleaners, mind you,
- Unquestionably the finest value on the market! - Well,
that sound like a Hell of an honest job, Leroy.
But, uh... what about the Klan?
Hmm. Well, the Klan's gonna have to get along without me,
- As I'm gonna be gainfully employed and all. - I heard they're already gettin' along without you just fine..
- What have you heard? - That they've elected a new grand dragon in your absence.
So there's plenty of time for you to sell vacuums when you get out... In 19 months.
I want this place shinin' like a pair of new boots! You hear me?
Ever heard the story of the woman who walks into a man's life And don't make one bit of difference?
Neither have I.
I think the time's come for me to give the good ol' Warden here
A display of my influence in this neck of the woods.
- I'm gonna stir up a Hell of a fuss! - You are? - Uh-Huh.
I'm gonna write the “White Tuna” and I'm gonna call on every Klansmen east of the Mississippi,
to support my cause!
- Right. - Hundreds of folks are gonna rally at the doorsteps of this institution
To demand that I be set free!
- Be a mighty spectacle. - Pure Jesus. Pure Jesus. Amen.
- You think you might make it Saturday instead? - What? Why?
Well, I'd rather not cause a hullabaloo on Friday. It's sweet potato day.
You should try the potatoes today, Leroy. Pretty darn good for prison fare.
I don't see nothin' in here about my stirrin' letter,
my call to action! Don't even see my name mentioned in here. Oh,
- Wait. Here's somethin'. - What?
“The New Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Ratt Sloan,
Had this to say about his predecessor, Leroy “The White Knight” Lowe--”
“I know he tried to join the Louisiana order on at least two occasions
When he felt attendance to his Klan was slippin'...”
- Well, that's a Goddamn Jew lie! - You went to Bogalusa once.
- I ain't never been to Bogalusa! I wouldn't be caught dead in Bogalusa! - What else it says?
“Furthermore, Grand Dragon Ratt Sloan has learned from unassailable sources “That Leroy Lowe's mother is a...
half-breed Jewess by the name of Finkelstein.”
Oh, Hell no! Oh!
Oh, when I get out of here, I'm gonna find this son of a bitch!
Bubba! Bubba, Bubba, Bubba,
oh, come on now. Come on, boy, get up!
Guard! Guard!
That piece of baked potato That got stuck in Bubba's throat Cut off the oxygen flow to his brain Longer than any piece of potato has the right to.
Bubba survived, but he was never quite the same after that.
He was transferred to Low Lee Tuna psychiatric ward,
Where he spent the remainder of his sentence in imbecilic hebetude.
I know Bubba wasn't much to look at, But he sure was good people.
It's a shame about Bubba, a real shame.
He was a hard-Working member of this establishment,
A man who packed potatoes swiftly and efficiently.
He will be woefully missed.
But we must press on.
I reckon it ain't right for a man To spend all his time alone
with nobody to talk to, No matter what his crime is.
Besides, space is a scarce and valuable commodity here at Low Lee,
And we need to fill that empty bunk in your cell.
So I'm fixin' to pair you up with a new cell mate.
Somethin' was in the air That balmy summer day at Low Lee.
I could sense it as clear as a man feels</i The hot desert wind on his face.
Somethin' big was headed my way.
Who the Hell are you?
- My name is Emilio Ortiz. - What?
- Emilio Ortiz. - Guard! Guard, get back here! You left a Mexican in my cell!
Guard!
Well, well, well... Leroy Lowe don't like Jews,
He don't like negroes, and he don't like mexicans neither.
I don't have a problem with nobody, Warden. I ain't anti-Colored, I'm Pro-American.
Pro-American? You think you're the only one who's Pro-American around here?
Don't you think that I would like to tar and feather me A colored folk from time to time?
Of course I do! But it don't work that way no more.
Them civil rights laws make it very hard To discriminate and segregate these days.
Of course, that's on the outside. In here, the time-honored tradition Of indentured servitude
Is alive and well And doin' just fine.
This country was built on the backs of minorities Workin' for nothin',
And I'm here to make sure that it stays that way.
- Do you think that these award-Winning potatoes pick themselves? - No, sir.
Of course they don't.
Before he was arrested, That Mexican sharing that cell with you
- Was working in the fields, he was getting paid for it, and you know what he'd do? - What?
He says he ain't gettin' paid enough! He and his fellow workers organized a strike!
Well, the Tuna County Sheriff's Office Marched right down there,
Clamped handcuffs on them radicals, And they turned 'em over to me.
Now they're workin' my potato fields, And they don't get paid a single penny for doin' it.
And that's how I take care of the minority problem, legally.
I appreciate your position, Warden. I really do.
But if there's any way you could transfer This particular radical to any other cell--
No way, no how! I got me radicals fillin' every cell in this institution!
You know what happens when you put two radicals in the same cell? You got a revolution!
But I figured that a few months In tight quarters with you
is gonna break this radical's spirit.
Just make sure you don't break nothin' else Because a broken body cannot meet quota.
- Am I gonna have any more trouble with you, Leroy? - No, sir.
Figure you could say I felt like American frontiersman Davey Crockett.
Surrounded by savage Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo with nowhere to run.
Well, I hear there's a mutinous agitator in my institution.
- I believe this situation just ain't gonna work, Warden. - I don't give a hoot what you believe!
I will not tolerate insubordination and infighting in my prison!
You have got to learn to get along amicably With your fellow prisoners.
- Do I make myself clear? - I protest!
- I request, no, I demand a separate cell! - Oh, really?!
Oh, si­, the East Texas Alkaline soil is very hard,
86% clay.
My friend Cleto say to me, “we strike.”
And I say, “Cleto, if we strike, how we can make any money?”
“Well,” he say, after we finish the strike, “We will get more money,
better working conditions, And we will get more respect.”
And so we strike. We paint a sign that say we want more money.
We put it on a tractor and we drive the tractor around the field
To show everybody we mean business.
I drive the tractor. But I can't drive no tractor.
I hit one side of the barn. The roof fall, It destroy 200 crates of melons.
In the truck on the way to jail, I ask to Cleto,
“Cleto, we strike, But we didn't get more money.” “No,” he say.
“We didn't get no respect.” “No,” he say.
“We didn't get more work.” “No,” he say.
“So what did we get?” “A lesson,” he say.
You know, you remind me of my brother Eduardo. He hate that I talk so much.
He say, “Emilio, if you say one more word,
I'm gonna grab you and I'm gonna hit your head against the wall.”
I tried to keep my lip closed, but I can't keep my lip closed.
My lips open again, and the words start coming out.
Do you ever see Dr. Ben Casey on TV? That's my favorite TV show.
Dr. Ben Casey always have perfect hair, Even when he spend the whole day in the hospital room
Saving a woman hit by a car, Or a man who jump from a window.
Dr. Ben Casey walks into the operating room, And wow, he have great hair.
My grandfather have great hair. My father have great hair, too.
When I'm born, I have this hair.
My mother ask to me, “Emilio, why you don't have hair like your father?
“You look like un caniche, a poodle dog.
“You want to live in America? All Americans have great hair,” that's what she say.
Sometimes a whole potato field can be lost to pests.
You got them blister beetles that cause retarded growth and ragged leaves,
Them Colorado potato beetles that leave stringy black excrement behind.
You got them flea beetles that love nothin' more than.
Look at Elvis Presley, Frankie Avalon -
Johnny Carson, Dick Van Dyke.
They have great hair. That's what makes them very American.
- You got the green peach aphid, you got the potato aphid. - Frank Sinatra, Walter Cronkite.
You got the flea beetle that loves nothin' more Than to bore these tiny little holes into the potato.
- Robert Redford in the candidate... - White grubs, brown grubs, green grubs...
- Edmund Muskie. - Pinworms, Wireworms...
- Even James Brown... - Mites, weevils... - Has great hair.
This is my father's comb. It was his father's comb.
My Grandfather used this comb when he fight in the Battle of Celaya in 1915.
In the battle, my grandfather lost an arm, And he keep fighting.
Then he lost the other arm, And he keep fighting.
After the battle, General Pancho Villa Look at my Grandfather and he say,
“You have the most perfect hair I ever see.”
- He was very proud, my Grandfather. - Proud, huh?
Very proud. They call him “El Sin Brazos”, the man without arms.
He married three times, had 17 children, And all that without hands.
Very proud.
- Pride! What you know about pride? Huh?
You want me to tell you about pride?
Well, pride is nearly winnin' district 26 of the Beaumont's house of representatives by a small margin of votes.
Pride is makin' Grand Dragon of one of the finest American Institutions ever created.
Yeah, but if you did all that without hands, It would be more impressive, no?
Well, I guess if I'm condemned to share a cell with you, We're gonna have to set some ground rules, huh?
Just think of this as... As a border, okay?
This is the Rio Grande of Low Lee State prison.
On this side, we have the United States of America. On that side, we have Mexico.
Me, I'm the gringo. I stay on my side called America, You, the Mexican, stay on your side, and that's called Mexico
I don't go to Mexico. No.
And you don't come to America, comprende?
- Yes, but there is a problem. - What problem?
America has the toilet.
Any mail for me? Did I get any mail? Hey!
My friend Felipe write to me..
Praise the Lord! The fence hopper got himself a fence hopper pen pal.
Well, if you wasn't such a racist gringo, You might have a pen pal, too.
Oh, he say they continue with the strike.
And he hope when I get out we will get better work hours and more pay.
But it don't look like anybody cares about the strike. They just hire new people who will work for less.
- Hey, don't you know anything about how the American government works? - What do you mean?
- You never heard about them liberals out there in Washington? - Liberals? - That's right.
You minorities got more people workin' for you in Washington Than us hard-Workin' white folk got anywhere.
See, all you gotta do is get yourself a few hundred Of them labor union volunteers down here,
And you got yourself a cause. Don't you know nothin'?
Well, I know I have to find more About these Washington Liberals,
that's for sure.
Chlorpropham kills them potato grubs dead.
DDT is lethal for weevils most of the time.
Dieldrin is deadly For all types of aphids..
And my sister, her name is Eliana.
I don't talk very much with her...
I was holdin' down the fort best I could.
But them dogged Mexicans was closin' in.
I'd be lyin' if I said I didn't peek at that clock on the wall from time to time,
Waitin' for the big hand to hit 12.
You see I've got a responsibility. I've got a responsibility to these growers.
These growers are expecting me to produce Some kind of potato crop.
- Did I say something funny, Leroy? - Uh-Uh. No, Warden, you never do.
- What's that? - None of your business!
- What are you reading? - I don't need you nosin' around my personal communications!
Personal communication? Who write to you a personal communication?
- Will you stop harassin' me? It's none of your beeswax! - Okay, okay,
if you don't wanna tell me, Don't have to tell me.
You don't have to tell me nothing if you don't want.
I'm not gonna ask you to show me nothing.
Maybe one day I can see it.
But if you don't want me to see it,
You don't have to show me nothing.
If you don't want.
- It's in Spanish anyway. - Spanish? Who write to you in Spanish?
The Warden's maid, if you must know.
A woman wrote to you a letter? Ah, you're a very lucky man.
- oh, I don't know about all that, now. - Oh, yeah, very lucky man.
- So what this woman say? - I don't know! I don't speak Spanish!
I speak Spanish.
All right... If I let you read this note,
You are gonna read it, you will tell me what it say,
Then you will hand it back to me, And you're gonna forget you ever read it!
- Understood? - Sure. - You're gonna forget we ever even havin' this conversation!
I will forget everything about this conversation.
I will forget everything about this day, too. And this week will only have six days for me.
Okay. What's the damn thing have to say?
Her name is Madalena. Beautiful name.
- What does Madalena have to say? - Oh, she say you should smile sometimes.
- She what? - That's what she say. “You should smile sometimes.”
I can't see why that maid said I never smile. I smile as much as anybody, I think.
Oh, sure. I never see nobody smile as much as you.
I guess I will write her. It's only good manners, right?
It is good manners to write back.
Well, then I will. I'll write her. It don't cost nothin'.
Well, what should I write?
I think you should tell her why you never smile.
There's a problem.
- I don't write no Spanish! - I do.
Well, I don't smile... Because I'm stuck in a prison cell...
Away from the Klan... Surrounded by a bunch of grasshoppers.
- That don't sound too good in Spanish.. - Well, what's not good about it?
The Klan part. And the grasshopper part.
Actually, I don't think any of it is very good.
Endosulfan for them brown grubs.
Aphids don't like Thiabendazole compound
sprayed directly on the leaves.
Now, you wanna get serious about fruit worms?
You gotta use o-Phenylphenol,
Which is also good for them blister beetles,
But not so good as phorate metabolite.
Are you listening to me, Leroy?
- Oh, absolutely, Warden. - Good, 'cause you just might learn somethin'.
What was I sayin'?
You was hailin' the grub-Killin' efficacy
Of phorate metabolite, Warden, wasn't you?
That's right, Leroy. Phorate metabolite is a sure way to get rid of them grubs.
Of course, if you're lookin' for a better way, Then you got to go south.
My name is Leroy Lowe. They used to call me The White Knight.
I've been nothin' but a righteous man. Done all the right things a righteous man's supposed to do.
I married a proud white woman. She was the best female segregation speaker in the south.
Sounded just like Lurleen Wallace. We lived our life as proper as any proud white folks would.
Now my wife's passed on,
My best friend in the world is gone, too, Choked by a wayward piece of potato,
And i can't help but wonder where the Klan went.
I suppose with these thoughts on my mind, I forget to smile sometimes.
- I want a cause. - You what?
You say if I write them liberals, I have a cause.
So I want a cause. I want to write them liberals.
- Well now, you gotta write the right folks to get things stirrin'. - Sure.
You don't wanna mince your words, now. Fire and brimstone! Let 'em have it!
- Okay, but where do I send my letter? - Well, I'd start with the United States Justice Department.
They love to stick their nose where it don't belong, especially when it concerns the plight of the coloreds.
Well, for a racist gringo, You sure know a lot about the problems of the immigrants.
I have sent my fair share of 'em Kickin' and screamin' back where they came from.
Huh. Can you imagine how many Mexicans Are getting across your border now that you're stuck in here?
- But tell me about your letter. - What about my letter?
- Did you give it to Madalena? - I suppose I did.
- Well? - Well what? - What did she say? - She didn't say nothin'. She just put it in her pocket.
Leroy Lowe! Don't you think I know what's goin' on?
W-What do you mean? W-What's goin' on, Warden?
I hear you're makin' progress with your new cell mate,
That you two are gettin' along like two peas in a pod.
- Oh, I don't think that is the best assessment of the situation. - Well, you just keep that up, now.
That's the kind of behavior I wanna see here at Low Lee Tuna. None of that bellicose attitude.
- Did you get the letter? - So what if I did?
- It's very exciting. - Is it? - Oh, yeah, very exciting.
- What? - Are you gonna show me the letter?
- No. - No? - No! Look, this whole thing's gotten out of hand, all right?
I'm not prepared to get into a written correspondence with a woman, especially with that woman, okay?
- Come on, give me the letter. - No!
Well, you might as well tell me what it says.
As long as you got it in front of you and all.
- Ah. This is a beautiful woman, isn't she? - How in the Hell you know what this woman look like, huh?
Well, look at her writing. It's so pretty, so elegant.
But this is a very sad woman.
Just read the damn thing, will ya?
“Mr. Leroy Lowe, Tell me a story.”
I sure got a story for you. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
It was back in the summer of 1966. I bought myself a shinin' new car,
A Ford Fairlane four-dour Sedan, Colonial white.
I equipped it with all sort of amenities, and I traveled these United States sellin' brill vacuum cleaners door to door.
First week on the job, I sold 26 uprights, Eight canisters, and one carpet beater.
The brill regional manager in Labrecque called me into his office and said, “Leroy, you got one Hell of a fast tongue.”
I still have that salesman of the year award He gave me stashed somewhere.
It says, “To Leroy Lowe The man with the Devil's Silver Tongue.”
It was a fine week.
my father was a good talker, too. He stand in front of a hundred people and said,
“If you go to the United States and work hard,
You don't let them take your rights away from you.'
When I was ten years old, a truck came to our house.
My father jump on that truck and kiss my mother good-Bye.
He crossed the border to fight for the rights Of de Los Braceros, the field workers.
He had a good tongue like you, but he made some people scared.
He was not afraid. He wanted to change things. So he went.
My papa traveled a lot back in the days, too. Never was in a place for longer than a minute.
He told us he was workin' to rewrite history,
And I dreamed of the day I saw his name in a schoolbook
Along with those of Abraham Lincoln and general Robert E. Lee. The heroes of the Civil War and The Reconstruction.
I guess those dreams filled the days we spent without him.
your father sounds a lot like mine, With very big dreams.
He worked hard to change things for laborers.
But one day, two field workers came to our house And brought a shirt to my mother.
It was my father's shirt. That's when she knew he was dead.
His shirt was full of blood.
They say the Texas Rangers Beat the workers during a strike.
And my father was with them.
When my mother saw that shirt, She ran until she couldn't run anymore.
She stopped when she got to the edge of the Rio Grande.
She prayed for the river to take her away. And it did.
Well, I'm awful sorry to hear about your folks.
But I never understood why certain elements Go look for trouble in other folks' backyards.
A man should stay where the good Lord saw fit to put him And not go lookin' to start a fuss somewhere else.
It just ain't sound enterprise, if you ask me. That's why I'm a firm believer
You folks should stay home and tend to your own.
Potato casserole...
Mashed potatoes...
Twice baked potatoes...
Cajun roasted potatoes...
Potato salad... Stuffed baked potatoes...
Illegally... Detained.
- How man ls are in “illegally”? - She hit my foot real hard.
Well, you shouldn't make a beautiful woman angry..
I think there's somethin' broken in there, I swear. This ain't no ordinary foot pain.
- You should apologize. - I should apologize? - She near crushed my foot, and I should apologize?
I told you, don't write that letter. But do you listen? No.
Hey, look, all I said was Mexicans should stay in Mexico.
Now, what's wrong with that?
Well, God damn it, bit don't cost nothin' to apologize. All right, then I'll apologize.
- Yes, but you have to apologize properly. - Well, what would you suggest?
You should give her flowers.
- Flowers? - Yeah, flowers. You always have to apologize with flowers.
Where do you suggest I find 'em around here, huh?
This ain't exactly the botanical gardens!
What did you say?!
I said your potatoes taste like downright manure!
Now, you ever heard about seasonin' around here, huh?
What the Hell you got to be so jovial about, huh?
I just received a letter from the United States Justice Department.
It was addressed to Mr. Emilio Ortiz. That's me.
Justice Department, huh? What'd they have to say?
Well, they say they just received my letter And they're going to look into my case.
- Oh, look into your case, huh? - Yes. - Don't you know nothin', huh?
You wait for them imbeciles at the justice department to do something about your case, you might as well get really comfortable in here, Emilio, 'cause this is where you're gonna stay!
- So what do I do? - Well, what you do is you don't send one letter. You don't send ten letters. You send a hundred letters!
And you keep sendin' 'em till they stop lookin' into your case and they do something about it! You don't stop at the Justice Department. There's plenty of folks out there to send letters to.
You got your labor unions who got nothin' better to do than cause a fuss on behalf of the immigrant.
You got members of the senate subcommittee on labor who love stirring up trouble. You got your Governor, always gonna make good with that Liberal element.
And you got your Jew-Run media Who love gettin' in bed with them Liberals up in Washington, right?
- And you got your local paper-- - Did she like the flowers? - Who? What? - Madalena. Did she like the flowers?
I reckon she loved the flowers.
Well, here. What she say?
She say, “Mr. Lowe, tell me...
didn't you ever want to change anything?
Well, I suppose there was a time not too long ago When I wanted to change a few things.
When I first made Grand Dragon, I looked at myself in the mirror, My peaked hood proudly over my head,
And I thought I was on top of the world. I believed I was gonna accomplish great and mighty things.
But no matter what i did, I didn't make much of a difference.
The world is changin', And maybe I was too blind to see.
There's still folks out there who wanna keep dancin' When the band's already gone home.
But my feet are gettin' tired.
people can change if they want, Mr. Lowe. But only if they really want.
That's why I came here. I have a lot of dreams.
There is a place in Mexico, Just on the other side of the border.
The sun shines different there
It makes even the dirt on the ground Glow like little pieces of gold.
And the air smells sweet, like mother's milk.
The place is called Deseo, that means “wish.”
My wish is to live in Deseo and open a restaurant With the money I save working here.
I will cook all the food myself.
I know a lot of recipes, And each is right for someone.
Well, you workin' so hard and all, I'm sure you'll open that restaurant of yours in no time.
Bet you're a Hell of a cook, too. Sure wish I could sample one of them soul-fillin' recipes.
I'm darn sick of these potatoes, No matter how many awards they won.
- Hey. Who's it for? - “Mr. Leroy Lowe.”
Well, hand it over, will ya?
for the man that never smiles, I will make my world famous
Madalena Moreno cinnamon and sugar cookies.
I make each one curl up at the corners So it looks like a smile.
For the man who is cold, I will make lime and tequila pie.
I add two eggs and a squeeze of lime juice.
I will add a lot of tequila So it will warm his stomach like fire.
For the man who is very hungry, I will make Mexican Polvorones
With almond paste and powdered sugar.
For the sick man, I will make Chile Chocolate Cake
With brown sugar, ancho chile, and cayenne.
Chile Chocolate Cake, can bring a dying man back to life Like a magic potion.
Hey, look, you might wanna pick up the pace there, boy.
What the Hell is wrong with you? Come on!
We send in all those letters to the Liberals and the Jews up in Washington, and it don't make any difference.
What? Why?
Even if I get more work and better pay, I will never be American enough.
- What the Hell you talkin' about? - It's my hair!
- Your hair? - Yes, it's my hair.
- I will never look like Dr. Ben Casey. - Who?
Dr. Ben Casey from the television show.
He has beautiful hair.
It doesn't matter how much I comb my hair, How much pomade I put in my hair,
I will never look like Dr. Ben Casey.
You can't just have a cause. Americans have a cause and great hair.
Hey, maybe the good Lord Don't want you to look like that Dr. Ben Casey fella,
Ever thought about that?
Quit that fussin'!
We are gonna have to solve that coiffure predicament of yours Before I lose my good wit!
- It's my hair, Warden. - What? What about your hair?
I don't know. It's just... It's just not what it used to be.
Well, you just have weak follicles, Leroy.
It's an hereditary condition that I was fortunate enough to elude.
But what's that got to do with your ability to work? Hmm?
I expect 35 crates a day from each and every one of my inmates, And you just ain't deliverin', Leroy..
I just can't seem to pay attention to much of anything anymore. I mean,.
my will to live has gone with my good hair.
Well, we can't let your follicle defect interfere with your work, Leroy. That's just not acceptable.
Well, Warden, I know. But if there was something you could do, out of the goodness of your heart--
- What do you have in mind? - Well... I was thinkin' about a wig.
You know, somethin' fancy Just might put the will to live right back in my heart.
Well, it just so happens that my wife Priscilla Owns the hair salon down on main street.
She does highlighting, perm, hair color, And she gives a good haircut, too.
- Look at this. Isn't this prize winning hair stylin'? - Oh. That's a beaut, for sure!
A real beaut!
Figure your missus could get her hands on a nice hair piece? I mean, if she so inclined.
Well, I'll put in a good word for you and she just might.
But that hair piece is gonna be part of a payment plan, Leroy.
It represents 25 extra hours of work that you owe me.
I love my new hair! This is better than Dr. Ben Casey!
- I will wear it always! - You might wanna take that hair off sometimes.
No! I never take it off!
This is the most beautiful gift I have received in my life! Thank you.
You'll be happy to know that for the second time in a row,
Low Lee potatoes have been bestowed the “Best potato in the South” award.
Such an award is not easy to obtain, mind you. It takes a lot of hard work to create the perfect potato.
Warden Merville here.
What? Aphids?
What do you mean, aphids?
We got aphids!
What are you making? This here?
I dabble in sculpture from time to time-- Soap, potatoes, whatever's at hand.
This here is a particularly fragrant bar of soap, see?
Oh, a soap sculpture. What is it?
- Can't you tell? - Are those eyes? - No, God damn it, those aren't eyes!
I'm creating a desert rose out of a bar of soap. You ain't never seen no rose?
Hey, I never thought I'd say anything like this, but...
There is somethin' special about that woman.
Well, she's a very special woman.
She's smart, she's kind, unpretentious, and she's a Hell of a hard worker.
And her eyes?
Her eyes are as dark as the Texas midnight sky.
- And her hands? - Her hands are.. Soft like two...
Slices of wonder bread.
And her lips?
Her lips? Well, her lips are darn sugar plums!
Hey, what you got there? What you got there?
- It's from the Justice Department. - Really? Let's hear it.
“Emilio Ortiz, we are pleased to let you know that
after carefully reviewing Your complaints of discriminatory practices,
“The United States Justice Department has launched a civil-Rights investigation of the events leading to your arrest.”
I have a cause!
Dear Madalena, Merry Christmas. Sure, you can say East Texas look the same all year long--
Great stretches of dirt under a big sky--
But you can smell Christmas in the air when it come. It's always been my favorite time of the year.
When my Lorna was still alive, we decorated our living room With all sort of fancy adornments.
We needed four men just to carry Our Christmas tree into the house.
When Lorna died, I became negligent With my Christmas ornamentation.
I guess I was too preoccupied With other less savory activities
To take the time to reflect on the birth Of our Lord Jesus Christ. A darn shame.
One Christmas, Dr. Ben Casey fall in love with a woman Who was in a coma for 15 years.
- The romance last four episodes. - He what?
Yes. He fell in love with her when he operates her.
She was so beautiful.
- What's that got to do with Christmas? - Everything.
During Christmas, love is the most important thing, Even if you are in a coma.
Did I tell you my grandmother Was born in Deseo?
Her mother was born there, too, and her mother's mother.
When I was a little girl, my family visited Deseo.
On Christmas day, we all made decorations.
My mother made piñatas. My grandmother painted them.
My aunt filled them with fruit. Her mother put a rope on them.
And I filled the house with the decorations we made.
Our Christmas was very special.
I hope this Christmas is special for you, too.
Leroy Lowe, get in here!
Can you believe this? Look at this Goddamn place!
Well, it looks like somebody brought some Christmas cheer Into your office there, Warden, huh?
Cheer?!
Have you ever seen such frivolous embellishments in a Warden's office?!
This is a serious place, and I have to attend to pressing prison matters. I don't need no cheerin'!
Oh, I think it looks mighty festive myself, Warden. I mean, from where I'm sittin'.
It is blatant disrespect for my position, That's what it is.
I have enough problems to attend to
Without having the distraction Of these stupid Christmas ornaments!
This winter has been unseasonably warm, Even for East Texas weather,
And now I'm staring down the dark abyss
Of a bona fide aphid infestation!
You should've seen the look on the Warden's face. what a spectacle, I tell ya.
- And all around us, it was Christmas. - How's your rose?
Almost done. Just a few more touches.
- Are you going to give it to the beautiful Madalena? - Next time I'm in the Warden's office, I'm gonna try to get it to her somehow.
I just gotta work out the logistics. I wanna see the look on her face when she see it.
I been workin' on it for two months. Sure hope she'll like it.
Lights out!
- Merry Christmas, Leroy. - Merry Christmas to you, too, Emilio.
I got a call from the Governor today.
Seems that darn Mexican you share your cell with
Has caused a bona fide heap of trouble.
He has taken it upon himself to undermine my authority,
The authority of the Tuna County Sheriff's Office, And the authority of every law enforcement...
News of false imprisonment charges Has traveled all the way up to the Governor's ears.
He's asking me to make these slanderous accusations go away.
He can't afford the scandal. It's an election year, and he's scared that he just might lose..
the colored constituency.
- Excuse me, Warden. - What?
Well, I couldn't help but notice It's 40 minutes past 5:00 and...
Well, I can see that for myself, Leroy.
That's why I have a timepiece on the wall. What's your Goddamn point?
Well, there's a... Well, there's a woman...
Who, uh... She straightens up your office punctually at 5:00 every week,
and I... I--I don't see her here today,
And I was just wonderin', you know...
- You mean the maid? - Yes, sir, that one.
Well, if you must know, I terminated her employment in this institution.
You what? Why?
I've had just about enough of these subversive fence hoppers undermining my authority!
One takes it upon himself to file false imprisonment charges,
And the other one takes the liberty Of decorating my entire office with Christmas ornaments,
Making a mockery of my repute!
Why are you so concerned about the whereabouts of the God-damn maid?!
Let's move on, shall we?
Seems you have...
Fallen behind in your potato boxing again.
Thirty-five crates a day is the expected quota, As you are well aware.
My beautiful desert rose is gone.
She's... She's gone.
- Desert rose? - Yeah.
A desert rose she was.
My sweet desert rose.
- I have good news. - You do? - Yes.
I received my parole letter today. I will be released in a week!
That's a Hell of a momentous occasion.
I guess having a cause can do great things for a man.
I think I'm gonna have more causes when I get out.
Well, you go ahead and do that, boy. A man is nothin' without a cause, you know, nothin'.
- Did she write you? - No.
- Grand Kleagle of Texas. - Who?
The Grand-- Never mind.
What he say?
He says, uh... “Ratt Sloan, the Grand Dragon
“Of the Texas Knights of the Ku Klux Klan,
“absconded with Klan funds and evaded to Paraguay
- with Ms. Loretta Gale.
the Klan's regional secretary.”
He's askin' me what I'm gonna do about it.
What are you gonna do?
I guess I'm gonna think about it.
I will always cherish my new hair and our time together, Leroy.
And I hope I become a proud American like you.
Lookin' at you right now, I see nothin' but a honest to God, bona fide American!
Oh, thank you, Leroy. I feel very American today.
And when I get out, I will take up a cause For each and every one of my friends
who are still in here waiting for freedom and better working conditions.
- How many friends we talkin' about, now? - Oh, I have many friends!
You do, now?
Oh, I almost forgot.
If you ever visit Mexico, you will need this.
I'll be...
That night, as I laid in my bed, I pondered long and hard about the last letter I received from the Klan.
And I thought back to the heydays, When I traveled this United States of America
To free the land of Socialism, Papism, Semitism, And all other sorts of “isms,”
When I roused the great crowds of hundreds Under the glow of a burnin' cross.
Memories came back to me like a flood, Like the Rio Grande when it break out its banks
And invades the East Texas plains With wondrous force.
And when the flood of memories placated, I could see clear as day. The cause that laid in front of me.
The cause that laid in front of me.
I started to write. Fire and brimstone, Like I used to back in the heydays.
I wrote the United States Justice Department, The labor unions, Members of the senate subcommittee on labor,
The Governor of Texas, local papers,National publications, and even a few Of the liberal elements up in Washington.
I wrote on behalf of every fence hopper, Wetback, and four footer serving time at Low Lee,
Each and every one of them Who was ever arrested by a corrupt law enforcement,
Wrongfully convicted of a crime by a crooked justice system,
Who was ever imprisoned by a two-Faced, Profiteering Warden driven by greed.
I wrote on behalf of them slandered, degraded, Beaten down,
unjustly imprisoned souls Who had not given up on America.
I wrote until I used up every word I ever knew.
Well, if it ain't Leroy Lowe. Have a seat.
These? Aphids.
Aphids infiltrated my fields and destroyed my entire crop.
But let's move on to a different topic, shall we?
You may be interested to know that the Justice Department Has just announced..
a full scale civil-Rights investigation here at Low Lee.
Into farm labor practices.
They speculate that I violated
The Civil Rights of farm workers working in this institution!
How do you like them beans?
Me, Merve Merville, upstanding civil servant,
Accused of violating Civil Rights. Ain't that somethin'? Yeah.
I've also been informed that the labor unions are planning a march on Austin
To demand the release of certain inmates here at Low Lee.
And the Governor just called me and demanded my head on a plate!
The liberal media has decided to take a break From the coverage of the Gubernatorial Election
To find out all they can about these so-called Civil Rights Violations!
And do you know who they quote as being the source of these slanderous rumors?
A certain individual by the name of Leroy Lowe,
Inmate number 24994 of Low Lee Tuna prison!
- Oh, that. - Yes, you son of a bitch, that!
- I was just doin' what you instructed me to do. - You what?
If I remember correctly, it was you who told me
I should become a contributing member of our society.
And I figured what better place To start contributing than right here.
You filthy, feculent piece of scum!
You have destroyed my reputation and squandered my name!
And I'm gonna make damn sure that you spend every last moment of your time here...
in Hell!
Before Warden Merville was dragged to court To face charges of unsavory business practices,
He made sure I toiled in that potato field
Every day for the remainder of my sentence.
I tasted that bitter dirt on my tongue And felt the sting of the desert sun on my back.
And for the first time in my life,
I felt like a true, bona fide White Knight.
It was like I finally earned that name I was given so long ago.
And even though I didn't understand A single darn word she wrote me,
I saved that blessed correspondence And each and every other one I received
from that day on Like they was a treasure made of gold.
The last letter I wrote, was to the Grand Kleagle
To announce the White Knight had found a new cause and moved on,
And that I sure hoped Ratt Sloan had found happiness down in Paraguay with Miss Loretta Gale.
And on a hot August day in 1979, I walked out of Low Lee as free man.
That day, I walked away from Low Lee, Away from the Klan,
Away from everything I ever knew,/i>
But it didn't scare me one bit.
Because I knew my way... South.
To the other side of the Rio Grande,
To a small border town called Deseo.