0 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 1 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,344 Do you think there are aliens on other planets? 2 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:14,651 No, but there might be some on... Ur-anus! 3 00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,854 Oh, buuum! 4 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:23,517 I can't believe that's the 30th joke I've made about that planet, and it's still hilarious! 5 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:28,062 But think about it. With all the hundreds of UFO sightings each year... 6 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:30,597 and all the stories of alien abductions... 7 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,826 Well they can't all be hoaxes. 8 00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:36,605 - No way. - See? Elliot agrees with me. 9 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:40,743 "Inadequate protein intake fosters decreased immune performance"? 10 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,513 Why wasn't I told? 11 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:46,080 OK, you twee. Beam-bye “ma. 12 00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:47,477 Hey, Aunty Kylie. 13 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,948 Andi's afraid she's gonna get abducted by aliens! 14 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:55,057 I'm not afraid! Mum, do you believe in aliens'? 15 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,488 Oh, well... 16 00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,525 That's an interesting question. 17 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,490 - Do you believe in aliens? - Yeah! 18 00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:05,235 In fact, sometimes I hear their voices in my head. 19 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:07,665 Like they're trying to talk to me or something! 20 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,373 Hearing voices is the first sign of dementia. 21 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,234 Dementia! You hear that, Andi? 22 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,412 You're gonna lose all your teeth! 23 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,613 Ignore them, honey. 24 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,817 If you want to believe in aliens, then you believe in aliens 25 00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,883 and don't let anyone tell you you're crazy. 26 00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:27,387 Don't tell me crazy Andi's crappin' on about aliens again! 27 00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:29,651 I don't see the harm in it. 28 00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:31,194 Are you nuts? 29 00:02:31,417 --> 00:02:35,194 She'll end up in a psych ward if she's keeps talking about hearing voices from outer space. 30 00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:38,868 She needs to start taking an interest in normal things, like... pop music. 31 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,969 What about that new band, The Tazmaniax? 32 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,831 They're pretty radl... Right? 33 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,007 Aliens are lame-o! 34 00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:47,609 You know what's really cool? 35 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,139 Pro boxing! 36 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,238 - Ow! - See, Andi? 37 00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:52,973 Why can't you be more like your cousin? 38 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,280 Does he have to sleep in our room? 39 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,044 It's only for one night, sweetie. 40 00:02:57,310 --> 00:03:00,189 And hey - we finally get to make use of the bunk beds! 41 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,618 I'm thrilled for you. 42 00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:03,560 Goodnight, space girl. 43 00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,992 - Goodnight, Aunty Kylie. - Goodnight, Keith. 44 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:08,228 Goodnight, Elliot. 45 00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:09,790 Dennis! 46 00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,994 You heard her - lights out, prisoners. Get some sleep. 47 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,695 And Andrea, 48 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:19,569 no more blathering on about little green men unless they're speaking Irish, get me'? 49 00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,676 "Or you'll be sorry, Earth creatures!" 50 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,110 Goodnight, Uncle Denny. 51 00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,110 Goodnight, children. 52 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:18,920 - Oh my god, what a loser. - Definitely compensating... 53 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,194 Hey-ey-ey-ey! Why're you leaving? 54 00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:28,598 Uh, the music's putting me off my peanuts. 55 00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,501 That's my cousin's band, pal. 56 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,269 My condolences, mate. 57 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:34,909 I got a tip for you, pal. 58 00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:39,941 A bouncer is supposed to stop people from going in, not out, of the bar. 59 00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:41,240 Ah, beat it, pal! 60 00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:42,577 Seeya! 61 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:43,947 Wouldn't want to be ya! 62 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,233 Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda! 63 00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,699 You'll oome a-waltzing Matilda with me! 64 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:05,306 And he sang as he sat and waited til his billy boiled! 65 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:10,310 You'll oome a-waltzing Matilda with meeee! 66 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:12,647 WOOOOOO! 67 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:17,912 Well, that's about it from us! Thank you so much to everyone for coming out to see the show! 68 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,050 Woo! 69 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:26,127 We are Titanium Turtle and we'll be signing copies of our latest CD at the table by the bar 70 00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:29,561 if you want to pick one up on the way out. Great gift for the grandkids! 71 00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:34,938 But just before we go, I want to leave you with one final thought for the ride home. 72 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,207 Aliens exist. 73 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:48,074 When I was 10 years old, a flying saucer visited me at my house, giving me otherworldly cognitive powers. 74 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:50,787 And it's only a matter of time before they come back. 75 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:55,720 And when they do, I, Andrea Gibson, will be the only one with the power to prevent 76 00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,361 the complete extermination of the human species. 77 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:02,833 Goodnight, Brisbane! 78 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:08,395 Well, congratulations, Andi, for alienating our entire audience yet again. 79 00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,201 What, you mean that one person that wasn't a friend or relative? 80 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,309 - Get off me! - Hey, that's my cousin's band. 81 00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,706 - Hey, they're good! - They suck! They suck! 82 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:21,942 Andi, your closing speeches about aliens and psychic powers is the reason why no one shows up to our gigs. 83 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,553 Stix, my close encounter is the one thing separating us 84 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,248 from a thousand other indie bands out there trying to make a name for themselves. 85 00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:30,994 You want to be successful, right? 86 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:32,896 Well, let me think about that. 87 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:33,620 Yeah. 88 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:39,266 Right! And the only way to do that is to be involved in something extraordinarily awesome. 89 00:07:39,525 --> 00:07:43,200 And aliens, Stix, are extraordinarily awesome. 90 00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:44,874 They would be. If they were real. 91 00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:46,371 They are real, trust me! 92 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:47,873 They're as real as that tree. 93 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:51,040 That's a fake tree. 94 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,443 But it exists, it's not a theoretical tree. 95 00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:55,049 I just wanted to say... 96 00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,220 Fantastic show tonight, guys! 97 00:07:57,443 --> 00:08:00,117 I'm your biggest fan. I've seen all your shows, 98 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:02,154 and tonight was easily in the top 20. 99 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:02,859 Thanks, Dad. 100 00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:08,555 I was so disappointed last week when you guys lost the Battle of the Bands to those... "Tazmaniax". 101 00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:14,170 How can they win "Best New Band"? They've been around for 17 freakin' years! 102 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,963 Tell me about it! 103 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,938 Well, I'll just be over there when you're ready, son. 104 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,668 - Yeah, cool. - OK. 105 00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,377 Why'd you bring your Dad again?! 106 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,548 He followed me! 107 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:28,115 Besides, we need someone to fill the empty seats. 108 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,981 Dad's are lame, Stix! Terminally lame! 109 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:34,418 You don't see me bringing my family everywhere I go, do you? 110 00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:35,682 HEY, SIS! 111 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:38,424 Hey, Elliot. 112 00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,460 Great gig tonight, team! 113 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:44,133 Although I'm a little worried that the dry ice might give me carbon monoxide poisoning. 114 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,997 So, I've taken some Diazepam to counteract the effects. 115 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,466 - Good plan. - Mmm. 116 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:49,699 Where's Keith? 117 00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:52,575 Where are bouncers usually situated, Elliot? 118 00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:55,301 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! No boozers. 119 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:56,710 Hey, Keith. 120 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,742 John! What happened to you, man? You missed the whole gig. 121 00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,516 It wasn't on purpose. 122 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,879 I locked myself in my car and I couldn't get out. 123 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:05,755 Is that even possible? 124 00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:06,915 YESH! 125 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,256 I had to survive for two hours on nothing but a crate of rum! 126 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:12,091 I know what you're thinking. 127 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:13,695 But it's O-K. 128 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,725 I know my limitsh. 129 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,540 Hey, Cam! Thanks for filming the gig! 130 00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:23,967 What are friends for? 131 00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:26,005 - D'ya get it all? - Pretty sure. 132 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,702 Might have dozed off a couple of times, but it should be comprehensive enough. 133 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:34,540 What's the matter? 134 00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:35,644 Nothing. 135 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,249 Oh, good! I thought there was something wrong. 136 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,183 I want to be taken seriously, Andi. 137 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,724 I want to be seen as a serious documentarian, 138 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:49,490 but lately all I've been doing are these meaningless rockumentaries on piss-poor indie bands with no future. 139 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:54,505 Still, it must feel pretty good to take a break from all that and oome feel our gig, huh'? 140 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,405 Yeah. 141 00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:01,610 Here. Found this... outside! 142 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:06,042 Way to go, John. Missed the show entirely this time. 143 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:10,084 And I don't know why you bothered to come sign these CDs. You're not even featured on them, 144 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,152 cos you didn't show up for the recording! 145 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:13,857 I am here for the fans. 146 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,855 Hey, John! Great gig tonight. 147 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,221 He wasn't even playing tonight, Elliot. 148 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,431 Oh weren't you? I didn't even notice. 149 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:21,721 What do you play again? 150 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:22,591 Flute. 151 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:25,131 That's right! Actually, you know what? 152 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:27,463 I think a lot of the songs sounded better... 153 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,070 without the flute. 154 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,172 Like... all of them, in fact. 155 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,943 John, are you OK'? 156 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,973 SHE SELLS SEASHELLS! 157 00:10:36,869 --> 00:10:38,314 I need some air. 158 00:10:47,246 --> 00:10:50,557 So, you and Andi have been friends since primary school? 159 00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,562 Sixth grade, yeah. 160 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:56,096 Andi may have mentioned that I was a very successful boxer in my youth. 161 00:10:56,322 --> 00:11:00,464 Six consecutive titles, over a period of 14 years. 162 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,205 So they weren't consecutive at all... 163 00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:06,808 Yeah, they used to call me Keith "Cheap Shot" Flynn. 164 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,079 Had this move that I was famous for. 165 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,145 It was called the "Falsetto Stiletto". 166 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:16,043 What I'd do is let my opponents grab me from behind and then BOOM! 167 00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:18,584 Kick 'em right in the nutsack. 168 00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,246 Charming. 169 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,252 Aren't you supposed to be guarding the door, Cheap Shot? 170 00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:23,186 Hmmm? 171 00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,154 Oh shit! 172 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,263 Private function! 173 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:31,894 There are literally thousands of these bacteria, living inside your belly button, 174 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,159 and they don't grow anywhere El-- 175 00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,804 Sorry. Can I borrow my brother for just a sec? 176 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,336 Oh sure thing, Andi. 177 00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,099 What an affable chap. 178 00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:43,973 Do you know that Stix's dad has been to every one of your shows, same as me? 179 00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,238 Plus, he's interested in alie-- 180 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:46,676 What the hell are you doing? 181 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:47,813 What's wrong? 182 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,647 "What's wrong"? You're geekifying the whole of South Brisbane over here! 183 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,948 What are you doing having a conversation with someone's dad? 184 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:59,720 In case you haven't noticed, there are people in this pub whose lives aren't over yet. 185 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,156 Why don't you go and talk to Cam over there? 186 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,230 C-Cam? 187 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,493 But she'sh... She's... 188 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:06,892 She's a girl! 189 00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:08,971 Well spotted! 190 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:10,833 So pop a cooties pill and go talk to her! 191 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,440 You told me cooties weren't real! 192 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:13,802 They're not--! 193 00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,512 Look, just think of a conversation starter. 194 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,209 - Like what? - I don't know ...! 195 00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:23,243 She's a filmmaker! Ask her about that camera she's got! 196 00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:28,381 Actually, there is something I can ask her about in relation to her camera... 197 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,183 There you go! There's your opener! 198 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,020 Now get over there! 199 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:45,871 I HAVE A LUMP! 200 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,806 You know, between my legs? 201 00:12:51,337 --> 00:12:52,645 It's called a dick. 202 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,986 N-n-no, it's an actual lump, on my scrotum. 203 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,745 At least, I think it's on my scrotum. 204 00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,888 I can't really get a good look at it. 205 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,786 Oh. Shame. 206 00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:03,651 Yeah! 207 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,261 Which is why I was wondering if I could borrow your camera for a few minutes, 208 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:09,159 so I can get in there and check it all out. 209 00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:10,257 Right. 210 00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:13,197 I promise I will only be 5 minutes, and once I'm done, 211 00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:16,599 I will rewind it back, and you can just record straight over it. 212 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:18,841 I just need to know. 213 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:22,234 Tell you what. 214 00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,375 You give me 50 dollars, and it's yours for the rest of the night. 215 00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:28,107 Uh... 216 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:29,713 DEAL! 217 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,418 I am never drinking again. 218 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,028 They're here. 219 00:14:56,328 --> 00:15:01,676 Uh, that had better be your new autograph, because those CD cases are 75 cents each. 220 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,473 John, are you OK'? 221 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:19,922 Yeah, I'm good. 222 00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:52,123 Bugger me purple. 223 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:54,831 This is it, isn't it'? The end of the world. 224 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,567 I never thought the world would end on a Tuesday. 225 00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:08,970 Well, if it isn't the end of the world, I sure hope someone's getting this on camera. 226 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:13,709 We're rolling. 227 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,248 Uh... camera goes here. 228 00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:21,752 And now... step one: 229 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:25,921 The removing... of the pants. 230 00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:32,158 Where's Elliot? 231 00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,267 What the flip is going on?! 232 00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:36,871 Aliens, man! 233 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:37,840 What'!!! 234 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,942 Duh! Aliens are attacking the city! Here, come look at this! 235 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,770 Like, aliens from outer space? 236 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,709 No, aliens from Stradbroke Island. 237 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:48,281 Of course from outer space! Pull your pants up and get over here! 238 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,813 I just got a distresSMS from Dad! 239 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:54,447 "An-Di. You're mother kidnapped by aliens. 240 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,719 Do not come to house. XOXO, Daddies." 241 00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:00,922 Oh my god they kidnapped Mum! 242 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:02,325 Are they gonna kill Mum?I! 243 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:03,726 Hell yes!! 244 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:10,671 We interrupt "Jacqueline and the Beanstalker" to bring you this breaking story. 245 00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:16,971 Brisbane City is under aerial attack from what appears to be a non-terrestrial hostile force. 246 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:22,212 Military personnel from across the state are being summoned to deal with the threat, 247 00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:26,650 and Brisbane residents are advised to evacuate ASAH P. 248 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,859 The "H" is for "Humanly". 249 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:29,888 I'm gonna call Dad. 250 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,958 OK, I've just received an update. 251 00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:36,155 Reports suggest that the enemy has taken out the mobile phone towers, 252 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:40,336 which means calling loved ones is a futile exercise. 253 00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:44,841 I just came back in to find out what the plan is but if there's no plan I'm going back out to shoot some more - 254 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,566 this shit is amazing! 255 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:49,070 We're going to my dad's house. That's the plan. 256 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,406 Whoa, whoa - when did that become the plan? 257 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,412 I have to find out what happened to my mum! 258 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,949 I thought you just said she was kidnapped by aliens. 259 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,121 Where's the question mark in that sentence? 260 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:01,790 This could really work. Give the film a human interest angle. 261 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:06,053 "A young woman's life-altering quest to find the emotionally-crippled mother she never knew"! 262 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:08,764 Look, cuz. I'm sorry that your mum's gone MIA, 263 00:18:08,987 --> 00:18:11,365 but my compassion isn't gonna fix anything. 264 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,627 Besides, I've got my own family to worry about. 265 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,064 They live in Canada! 266 00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:19,069 You're not seeing the big picture, man! The whole world is under attack here! 267 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:22,938 I mean, going to your daddy's house isn't gonna save you. 268 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:25,481 Dad has a bomb shelter. 269 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:27,710 Can I come? 270 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,548 We'll take the van! 271 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:39,656 Or not. 272 00:18:39,918 --> 00:18:43,365 Come on, we can take my car! We need to get to that bomb shelter, stat! 273 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,098 Steven! Get in! 274 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,808 We need to get out of the city ASAHP! 275 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,442 You said I could stay out tonight! 276 00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,977 Things changed slightly when aliens declared war on Earth! 277 00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:00,149 I'm not letting you out of my sight! 278 00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:01,577 I love you, Steven! 279 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:02,911 Shut up, Dad! 280 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,748 Errrr! You are SO EMBARRASSING! 281 00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:08,247 Sorry guys, I gotta go. 282 00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:15,565 Take the back streets. The bridges are gonna be more congested than a pizza boy's bowels. 283 00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:27,239 This all feels totally unreal. 284 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,809 Like a dream or something. 285 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,206 Someone pinch me. 286 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,015 Yep! Not a dream. Ow. 287 00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:36,309 How far to your dad's? 288 00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:37,519 Half an hour. 289 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,724 Hey Elliot, do you still have your phone with the built-in TV tuner? 290 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:41,481 Yeah. 291 00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:42,452 Pass it. 292 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,526 Just be really careful with it, OK? 293 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:51,234 Words such as "catastrophic", "cataclysmic" and "catabolic" fail to express 294 00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:54,335 the "oh-shit" -factor of what we are seeing here tonight. 295 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,300 I'll let these images speak for themselves. 296 00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,869 This is where I'll have some epic music come in, like "0 Fortuna". 297 00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,477 Tuna? That's high in omega-3 fatty acids. 298 00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:09,084 The Prime Minister has expressed shock at these statements issued just a few minutes ago. 299 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:15,314 Our allies, America and the United Kingdom, have refused to send aid to Australia. 300 00:20:15,647 --> 00:20:21,154 There is absolutely no doubt in the President's mind that these aliens, or whatever they may be, 301 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:27,428 have made a grievous mistake by choosing a feeble, backwater, third-world country like Australia 302 00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,730 as the starting point for their global attack. 303 00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:30,632 "Third-world"? 304 00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:33,866 It is therefore inevitable that they will realise their foolishness 305 00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:38,012 and redirect their attentions to the superior nations of the northern hemisphere. 306 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:43,380 When that time comes, we will need the protection of all our defense forces and it is for this reason 307 00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:48,250 we've decided... not to send aid to our doomed allies at the bottom of the world. 308 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,326 The President asks the American people to pray now for the safety... 309 00:20:52,684 --> 00:20:54,630 of the United States of America. 310 00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:58,925 Wait a minute. Does that mean so far only Australia has been attacked? 311 00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:04,641 Recapping the latest news: So far, Australia seems to have been the sole focus of this attack. 312 00:21:04,863 --> 00:21:05,238 OK. 313 00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:07,670 Reports are coming in that the attacks are localised 314 00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:11,437 around the capital cities of each of the states and territories, 315 00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:17,585 with the exception of Tasmania, which seems to, so far, have evaded attack. 316 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,149 Bloody Tasmania! 317 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:22,551 Oh. 318 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:25,251 Sorry, Elliot. 319 00:21:26,918 --> 00:21:30,798 Two questions. One: Why are the aliens only attacking Australia? 320 00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:33,433 And three: Why have they kidnapped your mum? 321 00:21:33,692 --> 00:21:35,831 I mean, it doesn't sound like they've kidnapped anyone else. 322 00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:39,266 Isn't it obvious? I'm the one they're after. 323 00:21:40,699 --> 00:21:41,404 What'? 324 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:46,574 The UFO that flashed me as a child gave me otherworldly cognitive powers. 325 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:50,844 Powers that the aliens now see as a threat to their invasion, and rightly so. 326 00:21:51,109 --> 00:21:53,453 That's why they kidnapped my mum: to get to me. 327 00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:57,421 They came to my house, I wasn't there, so they took her instead. 328 00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,591 Why didn't they take your dad, too? 329 00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:00,919 I don't know. 330 00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:04,431 That's what we're gonna find out. 331 00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:09,069 If these powers of yours are such a threat, why don't you use them'? 332 00:22:09,294 --> 00:22:13,470 Why don't you do some mind control thing on the aliens piloting those ships and bring them down? 333 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:17,204 Well, obviously I can't because if they were to drop out of the sky 334 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,574 they would do serious damage to whatevefs beneath them. 335 00:22:19,805 --> 00:22:22,342 What'? Like they're not doing that already! 336 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:24,484 Go on. Just bring one down. 337 00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:29,453 I'll take full responsibility if it does any serious damage to the pile of smouldering rubble beneath it. 338 00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:33,585 OK, fine. I'll bring one down if it'll make you believe me. 339 00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:36,163 But everyone has to be quiet for it to work. 340 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:37,898 This oughta be good. 341 00:23:07,853 --> 00:23:09,059 I did it. 342 00:23:10,188 --> 00:23:11,189 What do you mean, you did it? 343 00:23:11,456 --> 00:23:13,993 I got inside the pilot's head and I made him fly at the ground! 344 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:16,465 That is amazingl! 345 00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:19,232 Oh, wake up and smell the bullshit, Elliot! 346 00:23:19,498 --> 00:23:22,775 It's a hundred spaceships, 50 k's behind us! 347 00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:25,208 There's no way to prove she brought one down. 348 00:23:40,552 --> 00:23:42,429 Holy Ship- 349 00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,466 You actually brought one down. 350 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:52,573 You pulled some kinda telepathetic mind trick on a creature from outer space. 351 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,479 You're a god-damn Jedi. 352 00:23:57,736 --> 00:23:58,612 I told you. 353 00:23:59,104 --> 00:23:59,775 Let's go check it out! 354 00:24:00,038 --> 00:24:02,382 - Absolutely! - W-wait! 355 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:04,610 What about the pilot? 356 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:08,486 Did it die, or is it still alive? 357 00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:10,192 Well... 358 00:24:12,083 --> 00:24:14,586 I'm not sensing anything right now. 359 00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:17,366 Alright. 360 00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,569 Well as long as you're not sensing anything. 361 00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:35,208 Are you guys crazy'? It's pitch-black in there! 362 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,078 Your eyes will adjust -just give them time. 363 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,983 Time enough to be impregnated by a pissed-off alien parasite! 364 00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:44,421 Relax, Elliot. Andi will tell us if there's a disturbance in the Force. 365 00:25:11,776 --> 00:25:13,619 I still don't see anything. 366 00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:17,359 Does anybody think we're not being very intelligent here? 367 00:25:19,651 --> 00:25:22,655 Wait a minute. Cam, isn't there a light on that camera? 368 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:25,527 Well, yeah, but I don't want to run down the battery on tonight of a-- 369 00:25:25,757 --> 00:25:29,398 - TURN THE BLOODY LIGHT ON! - OK, jeeez! 370 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:32,239 It's one of these buttons on the side. 371 00:25:37,035 --> 00:25:38,036 What the hell is that'?! 372 00:25:38,303 --> 00:25:40,681 I don't know! I can't find the button! 373 00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:47,153 Cam, I can't over-emphasise how urgently we need that light on. 374 00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:57,491 WHAT IS lT?!! 375 00:26:04,829 --> 00:26:05,807 WHERE IS IT?? 376 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:07,737 OH, WE'RE GONNA DIE! 377 00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:15,444 WHAT'S GOING ON')? 378 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:17,384 OH, ANDI! 379 00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:24,018 OH, IT'S EATING HER!! 380 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,957 IT BIT MEI! IT BIT MEEEEI! 381 00:26:29,387 --> 00:26:30,730 It's OK! 382 00:26:31,756 --> 00:26:33,133 Alien down. 383 00:26:36,861 --> 00:26:39,137 You said you didn't sense anything! 384 00:26:39,364 --> 00:26:40,468 What the hell was that??! 385 00:26:40,699 --> 00:26:42,804 I guess my powers aren't 100% reliable. 386 00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:43,938 Hey! 387 00:26:44,436 --> 00:26:46,382 Found some conveniently-placed torches! 388 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,548 Cam, are you OK? 389 00:26:50,842 --> 00:26:53,686 It bit me. I don't think it's bad, though. 390 00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,219 Let me see. 391 00:26:55,547 --> 00:26:57,686 I know a thing or two about upper body injuries. 392 00:26:57,916 --> 00:27:01,625 Should be fine, as long as you keep the wound clean so it doesn't get infected. 393 00:27:14,733 --> 00:27:16,178 Sorry, Cam. 394 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:28,588 Hey guys, check out E.T. 395 00:27:48,967 --> 00:27:52,938 It's like a... slimy, hairless monkey. 396 00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:55,344 No, I think it's the alien from the ship. 397 00:27:55,607 --> 00:27:57,553 He's just describing it, you idiot! 398 00:27:57,776 --> 00:28:00,450 Obviously it's the alien from the ship! 399 00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:03,382 Ladies and gentlemen. 400 00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:06,151 With the footage you are seeing now, we answer the question of whether or not 401 00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:08,728 humankind is alone in the universe. 402 00:28:10,855 --> 00:28:11,697 The answer is "no". 403 00:28:11,956 --> 00:28:15,460 Well said, but I knew the answer to that question 17 years ago. 404 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,772 If this is the choice of company, I think I'd rather be alone in the universe. 405 00:28:20,465 --> 00:28:21,910 Is that the ship over there? 406 00:28:22,667 --> 00:28:24,305 Yeah, let's check it out! 407 00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,516 Elliot. You stay here with the alien. 408 00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:27,772 Don't take your eyes off it. 409 00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:28,381 But-- 410 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,314 Do not take your eyes off it! 411 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,096 There's two seats. 412 00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:45,730 So that means there were two aliens piloting this spaceship. 413 00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:49,494 Not necessarily. Might just be a guest seat. 414 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:18,795 What the hell are you looking at? 415 00:29:40,678 --> 00:29:41,486 Pssst. 416 00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,485 Psssssk. Guys. 417 00:29:46,851 --> 00:29:48,660 Psst. The alien. 418 00:29:51,256 --> 00:29:52,200 Pssst. 419 00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:54,737 The alien - I think it's moving! 420 00:29:56,594 --> 00:29:57,436 Pssst. 421 00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:02,168 Hey guys, I think the alien's movi-- 422 00:30:14,045 --> 00:30:17,151 Tell me... you were filming that. 423 00:30:17,916 --> 00:30:19,224 Are you kidding? 424 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,927 That's the new opening shot of my doco. 425 00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:24,258 Hey look, I found two more! 426 00:30:27,492 --> 00:30:30,200 Oh my god, it's on my face, it's in my mouth! 427 00:30:30,461 --> 00:30:33,408 It's gonna give me weird and incurable diseases, I know it! 428 00:30:33,631 --> 00:30:35,406 Oh! Oh god, it's everywhere. 429 00:30:35,633 --> 00:30:37,738 It's everywhere! Oh my god! 430 00:30:38,469 --> 00:30:39,607 Hey, John! 431 00:30:47,245 --> 00:30:49,691 Yes, I am John. 432 00:30:49,948 --> 00:30:51,086 Yeah we know that! 433 00:30:51,749 --> 00:30:54,229 Hey John, you seen any other aliens out here'? 434 00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:58,491 Other aliens? Are you suggesting that I am an alien? 435 00:30:58,756 --> 00:31:02,397 No, you idiot! Other, as in other than the alien we just killed. 436 00:31:04,162 --> 00:31:05,869 You... killed an alien? 437 00:31:06,130 --> 00:31:09,577 Yeah man! I just blew it's head off with this sick-arse spacegun! 438 00:31:09,801 --> 00:31:11,280 YOU BLEW IT'S HEAD OFF'!!! 439 00:31:11,502 --> 00:31:14,813 Yeah, but don't celebrate too soon, cos Cam's convinced there's another one somewhere. 440 00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:18,919 There were two seats on that spaceship, so clearly there was another alien on board. 441 00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:23,887 Hey look, human cars have seating for five people, doesn't always mean there's five people in them. 442 00:31:24,148 --> 00:31:24,819 Besides, check out what we-- 443 00:31:25,049 --> 00:31:29,395 Except it's not a car, is it'? It's a plane. There's always two pilots on a plane. 444 00:31:29,654 --> 00:31:33,295 Cam, can we just save the spaceship seating discussion for another time'? 445 00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:37,301 Besides, if there was another alien around here, we would have seen it by now. 446 00:31:37,528 --> 00:31:38,802 Here, give this baby a go. 447 00:31:39,564 --> 00:31:42,044 Wait, wait wait! I just want to try mine again first! 448 00:31:45,136 --> 00:31:50,108 OK, stand back, ladies and gentlemen, cos this is about to go off. 449 00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:55,448 Tech-tacular. 450 00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:58,087 OK, John, your turn. 451 00:32:14,265 --> 00:32:16,267 Oh. yeah! 452 00:32:16,534 --> 00:32:21,313 Oh yeah, man! That was frickin' awesome! 453 00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:26,619 Last but not least. 454 00:32:37,021 --> 00:32:40,025 Aw! Why do I get the dud one? 455 00:32:48,433 --> 00:32:50,435 Holy shit! 456 00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:01,920 We need to go. Now. The aliens would have seen that. 457 00:33:02,146 --> 00:33:04,990 No they wouldn't've. They're all the way over there in the city. 458 00:33:05,249 --> 00:33:07,627 She's right. They saw it and they're coming. 459 00:33:08,386 --> 00:33:09,660 I can sense it. 460 00:33:09,921 --> 00:33:11,628 She's sensing stuff! 461 00:33:11,889 --> 00:33:13,493 Let's get the heck out of herel! 462 00:33:13,725 --> 00:33:17,036 Ah, sensing, shmensing! I say, let 'em come! 463 00:33:17,261 --> 00:33:20,765 I'd like to see them stand up to these beauties! 464 00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:35,314 I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SO SORRY! 465 00:33:35,780 --> 00:33:36,884 Where's your spacegun? 466 00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:39,220 SPACEGUN?! WHAT'S A SPACEGUN GONNA DOT? 467 00:33:39,450 --> 00:33:40,986 WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! 468 00:33:41,252 --> 00:33:42,094 Is this it? 469 00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,196 Yes, that's it! Elliot! 470 00:33:43,454 --> 00:33:45,798 Take the gun and open your window - we need to return fire! 471 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,231 I can't - I need to finish cleaning my face! 472 00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:50,131 Oh, I don't believe thisl! 473 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:53,308 Get off the damn road, ya freakin' arseholel! 474 00:33:53,531 --> 00:33:55,408 What are you doing, you idiotl! 475 00:33:55,666 --> 00:34:00,046 Oh, I hate bikelists! This is exactly why I frickin' hate bikelists! 476 00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:01,983 Seriously, dude! 477 00:34:05,810 --> 00:34:06,982 Now, Elliot! 478 00:34:10,214 --> 00:34:13,252 Shit! It won't lock on cos it thinks they're friendly! 479 00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:15,224 Show's what guns know! 480 00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:23,835 Dang it! 481 00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:50,527 That's what I call road rage. 482 00:34:50,822 --> 00:34:53,302 See'? Told you we'd make it. 483 00:34:54,525 --> 00:34:56,835 I don't know what you guys were so worried about. 484 00:35:18,616 --> 00:35:19,560 You hear that? 485 00:35:20,051 --> 00:35:20,825 What'? 486 00:35:21,552 --> 00:35:23,156 That noise back there. 487 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:28,737 Sounds exactly like the kicking and groaning of someone bound and gagged in the boot of the car. 488 00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:32,301 Must be the rear axle. 489 00:35:32,563 --> 00:35:34,338 Well obviously it's the rear axle! 490 00:35:34,565 --> 00:35:37,068 I'm just worried it might break off before we reach your dad's place. 491 00:35:37,301 --> 00:35:39,076 Then we'd really be screwed. 492 00:35:40,771 --> 00:35:42,148 What is that smell? 493 00:35:43,307 --> 00:35:44,012 What smell? 494 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,981 Something smells like dead reptiles. 495 00:35:47,912 --> 00:35:48,720 Wasn't me. 496 00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,420 Roll down your window. 497 00:35:56,087 --> 00:35:57,088 To kingdom come. 498 00:35:57,321 --> 00:36:02,031 Attempts by the Australian Defence Forces to stop the onslaught have failed spectacularly. 499 00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:07,606 Hopes of overseas support were crushed earlier this evening, following this statement by the US President: 500 00:36:07,832 --> 00:36:12,110 If the Aussies insist on stealing all the attention, then let it be on their heads. 501 00:36:12,336 --> 00:36:16,375 When these Martians feel like they need a challenge, America is ready for them. 502 00:36:16,641 --> 00:36:18,314 - Bastard! - Hey, calm down! 503 00:36:18,576 --> 00:36:21,284 Why on earth haven't the aliens started attacking other countries yet? 504 00:36:21,512 --> 00:36:25,153 Because they haven't found me yet. They're trying to flush me out! 505 00:36:25,416 --> 00:36:27,919 The future appears bleak for the people of Australia, 506 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:32,157 unless you happen to live in Tasmania, which has so far remained immune. 507 00:36:32,423 --> 00:36:33,766 BASTARDS!!! 508 00:36:34,792 --> 00:36:36,237 Hey, take a chill tablet. 509 00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:38,963 Why haven't they started attacking Tasmania yet'? 510 00:36:39,197 --> 00:36:40,972 I guess they don't see it as part of Australia. 511 00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:45,045 Listeners, an anonymous tip has just been emailed through to the station. 512 00:36:45,303 --> 00:36:51,254 Bare in mind that its source has not been validated, but the subject reads, "A warning to all Australians". 513 00:36:51,475 --> 00:36:55,423 According to the content of the message, the alien creatures piloting these ships 514 00:36:55,646 --> 00:37:01,824 have the ability to generate a false skin, and appear almost identical to human beings they wish to emulate. 515 00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:07,560 The anonymous sender advises the Australian public to be on the lookout for aliens imitating people. 516 00:37:07,825 --> 00:37:12,274 Some indicators are: lack of personal knowledge about the person being imitated, 517 00:37:12,496 --> 00:37:13,998 strange bodily spasms, 518 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,734 halting, croaky speech. 519 00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:19,338 And an unusual odour, that can only be described as... 520 00:37:19,804 --> 00:37:21,010 "dead reptiles". 521 00:37:27,211 --> 00:37:31,091 Now I know how you're so in-tuned with the aliens - how you can sense them - you're one of them! 522 00:37:31,349 --> 00:37:32,623 How many times! 523 00:37:32,850 --> 00:37:35,660 The flying saucer gave me otherworldly cognitive powers! 524 00:37:35,886 --> 00:37:38,025 Otherworldly, cognitive, powers! 525 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:39,257 Oh, stop PMS-hwy. 526 00:37:39,523 --> 00:37:42,561 I'm the one who smelled the dead reptiles! You didn't even notice it! 527 00:37:42,827 --> 00:37:46,536 Well I don't know what primary school you went to, but where I grew up, the one who smelt it 528 00:37:46,764 --> 00:37:49,608 was more often than not, the one who dealt it! 529 00:37:49,867 --> 00:37:52,473 Spare me the first amendment to the Constitution of Farting! 530 00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:55,547 Hey, did one of you guys step on a gecko or something? 531 00:37:55,773 --> 00:37:56,808 Elliot, thank god! 532 00:37:57,074 --> 00:37:59,520 Ask me a question. Something only the real Andi would know. 533 00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:02,520 Something I learned about well before the events of today. 534 00:38:02,747 --> 00:38:05,227 Uh... OK. Um... 535 00:38:05,683 --> 00:38:07,390 When did I get my braces taken off? 536 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:11,430 Which braces? Upper teeth, lower teeth, legs, arms, ears or buttocks? 537 00:38:11,756 --> 00:38:13,929 Alright, forget that. Um... 538 00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:15,902 I know. 539 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:17,839 What is my biggest fear') 540 00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:19,333 Rabies. 541 00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:24,109 Yep. That's definitely Andi. 542 00:38:24,368 --> 00:38:27,679 Oh yeah? Well how do I know he's not an alien too? 543 00:38:27,905 --> 00:38:30,283 Well then you ask a question! 544 00:38:31,042 --> 00:38:31,884 OK... 545 00:38:32,276 --> 00:38:34,779 Elliot. So we've met before today, right? 546 00:38:35,246 --> 00:38:38,056 Well then. How many consecutive titles did I win when I was a boxer-J? 547 00:38:38,282 --> 00:38:41,286 "Six titles over a period of 14 years." 548 00:38:41,786 --> 00:38:45,233 Don't make it sound like I'm constantly telling people. 549 00:38:45,990 --> 00:38:49,437 Hey John. You hear that? Six consecutive titles. 550 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:52,300 OK, Keith. Here's one for you. 551 00:38:53,097 --> 00:38:56,943 Who is my... least favourite relative? 552 00:38:57,435 --> 00:38:59,142 That's easy. Your dad. 553 00:39:00,771 --> 00:39:01,545 OK, you're in. 554 00:39:01,772 --> 00:39:03,376 And I'm your most favourite, right? 555 00:39:04,241 --> 00:39:05,618 Are you sure you're not an alien? 556 00:39:05,843 --> 00:39:09,222 Hate to be a hassle, but pretty sure I'm dying. 557 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:10,083 Cam! 558 00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,127 Where did we first meet? 559 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:12,851 What'? 560 00:39:13,117 --> 00:39:15,961 Answer the question or we're gonna fry you like a prawn on a barbecue! 561 00:39:17,121 --> 00:39:20,830 We met at St Sheila's Girls School. Sixth Grade. 562 00:39:21,158 --> 00:39:26,301 You were so obsessed with aliens you made me prove I wasn't one by having me take off my skin-- 563 00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:29,306 OK-K! That's enough information! Thank you! 564 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:40,584 Surely you do not suspect John. 565 00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:43,081 Give him a hard one. 566 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:46,589 What's your favourite colour? 567 00:39:47,518 --> 00:39:49,998 Errrrrrrr... 568 00:39:50,888 --> 00:39:51,696 Green. 569 00:39:52,623 --> 00:39:54,967 You always told me it was blue. 570 00:39:56,293 --> 00:40:00,139 I recently switched... to green. 571 00:40:02,533 --> 00:40:04,240 Well, that clears all of us, thank god! 572 00:40:04,502 --> 00:40:06,038 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa - Wait! 573 00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:07,805 What about the dead reptile smell? 574 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:08,944 The what-now'? 575 00:40:13,911 --> 00:40:18,053 I can't smell it anymore. Maybe we ran over a goanna? 576 00:40:19,016 --> 00:40:21,553 Brain tumours can often cause phantom smells! 577 00:40:21,886 --> 00:40:23,888 Are you experiencing any dizziness or migraines-J? 578 00:40:24,155 --> 00:40:28,467 Elliot! Would you stop relating everything to brain tumours? 579 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:32,539 Come on, let's get back in the car. We've got a long way to go still. 580 00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:36,438 Hey, Andi. Isn't that your dad's house just there? 581 00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:40,140 Oh. 582 00:40:41,539 --> 00:40:42,711 Never mind. 583 00:40:50,014 --> 00:40:51,220 His car's here. 584 00:40:52,750 --> 00:40:54,354 Where'd we first meet? 585 00:40:56,720 --> 00:40:59,428 At the Royal Women's Hospital... w-where I was born. 586 00:40:59,690 --> 00:41:00,532 What about them? 587 00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:03,968 L- I checked them, they're clean. 588 00:41:04,261 --> 00:41:06,639 - Have you been listening to the radio too'? - Get inside. 589 00:41:16,807 --> 00:41:18,844 Dad! What happened to Mum? 590 00:41:19,777 --> 00:41:21,757 I told you - aliens kidnapped her. 591 00:41:22,279 --> 00:41:24,316 It was a few minutes before they first attacked. 592 00:41:24,582 --> 00:41:28,530 A small troop of them came to the house and dragged her out screaming through this door. 593 00:41:29,253 --> 00:41:30,459 It was horrible. 594 00:41:32,389 --> 00:41:35,268 I saw the whole thing from inside that cardboard box. 595 00:41:39,797 --> 00:41:42,334 What'? You were hiding under a box'?! 596 00:41:43,934 --> 00:41:45,379 Is that what I think it is'? 597 00:41:46,971 --> 00:41:49,645 If you think it's an alien bite wound, then yeah. 598 00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:51,179 Good god. 599 00:41:51,909 --> 00:41:53,115 You need chocolate. 600 00:42:02,820 --> 00:42:03,662 What are you doing? 601 00:42:03,921 --> 00:42:06,299 I'm saving your friend's life - what does it look like? 602 00:42:06,657 --> 00:42:07,499 Ah! 603 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:16,875 OK. 604 00:42:19,003 --> 00:42:21,040 This might sting a little. 605 00:42:31,515 --> 00:42:35,053 I think your dad's gonna kill us... and eat us. 606 00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:38,125 Not if we kill him first. 607 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:40,331 There. 608 00:42:41,525 --> 00:42:43,163 It doesn't feel any different. 609 00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:47,433 Well of course not - I haven't added the coconut sprinkles yet. 610 00:42:59,710 --> 00:43:00,814 Oh my god. 611 00:43:01,845 --> 00:43:02,880 It's gone. 612 00:43:03,814 --> 00:43:05,487 The pain's all gone! 613 00:43:05,983 --> 00:43:07,189 Dad... 614 00:43:08,185 --> 00:43:09,630 That's incrediblel! 615 00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:14,100 That's nothing. You should see what I can do with a cup of jelly and a creme brulee. 616 00:43:19,663 --> 00:43:21,142 OK, stop the music! 617 00:43:21,498 --> 00:43:23,273 It's questions and answers time. 618 00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:27,171 Dad, why were you hiding in a cardboard box when the aliens came? 619 00:43:27,404 --> 00:43:28,610 Why do you have a gun? 620 00:43:28,872 --> 00:43:32,684 And how do you know that Nutella and coconut sprinkles cures alien bite wounds? 621 00:43:32,910 --> 00:43:36,517 In brief, what the smeg is going on'.7? 622 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,905 I s'pose it's high time I told you kids the truth. 623 00:43:59,103 --> 00:44:00,582 I am not... 624 00:44:01,639 --> 00:44:05,280 the retired lead banjo player from a Country & Western folk-pop duo. 625 00:44:05,643 --> 00:44:06,644 What')? 626 00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:08,818 I'm a retired ASIO operative. 627 00:44:09,079 --> 00:44:10,956 Codename PP-69. 628 00:44:11,615 --> 00:44:12,423 What's ASIO? 629 00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,427 You know ASIO - Australia's intelligence agency that no one's ever heard of. 630 00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:19,635 We're a secret intelligence agency, princess. 631 00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:23,094 And if no one's ever heard of us, we're obviously doing a far betterjob than the 632 00:44:23,327 --> 00:44:26,672 CIA, MIG, and those other publicity-hungry wankers! 633 00:44:26,930 --> 00:44:27,635 Dad! 634 00:44:28,065 --> 00:44:30,204 And I wasn't hiding when the aliens turned up. 635 00:44:30,434 --> 00:44:32,607 I was keeping out of sight, to avoid being found. 636 00:44:32,836 --> 00:44:34,338 That's what hiding is, Dad. 637 00:44:35,105 --> 00:44:37,642 Alright, I was hiding. But I had a good reason! 638 00:44:40,778 --> 00:44:42,155 It's me they're after. 639 00:44:42,646 --> 00:44:46,253 I thought they'd up and leave when they couldn't find me but they kidnapped your mother instead. 640 00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:49,123 They kidnapped her to get to me. 641 00:44:50,421 --> 00:44:51,957 What do they want with you? 642 00:45:00,364 --> 00:45:01,672 Hold this. 643 00:45:02,933 --> 00:45:05,777 Ah, the dust of days gone by. 644 00:45:07,838 --> 00:45:09,681 Or is that asbestos? 645 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:18,250 - Dad, can we turn on the overhead lights? - Shhh! 646 00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:24,393 A year before you were born, one of these alien spaceships crashed out near the Simpson Desert. 647 00:45:24,655 --> 00:45:26,862 The alien occupant died on impact. 648 00:45:27,124 --> 00:45:28,626 ASIO was first on the scene. 649 00:45:28,859 --> 00:45:31,965 We took the remains back to a secret outback installation: 650 00:45:32,196 --> 00:45:33,402 Shed 51. 651 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:41,312 I was all set to perform the world's first autopsy on an extra-terrestrial species, 652 00:45:41,538 --> 00:45:43,540 when the body just... 653 00:45:43,807 --> 00:45:45,081 vanished. 654 00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:48,018 - Vanished? - Literally vanished. 655 00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:52,125 I turned my back for two seconds, turned around and hey presto - it's gone! 656 00:45:52,549 --> 00:45:56,395 My partner, Agent Crowe - he never believed me. 657 00:45:56,653 --> 00:46:00,533 For years he hounded me, sending me text messages day and night. 658 00:46:01,225 --> 00:46:02,431 It was brutal. 659 00:46:03,227 --> 00:46:05,229 But the truth is what I'm telling you now. 660 00:46:05,529 --> 00:46:09,238 That dead alien just abracadabrdd itself into thin air. 661 00:46:09,733 --> 00:46:14,079 So you think that these aliens want you because you might know what happened to that alien? 662 00:46:14,438 --> 00:46:17,317 Maybe. Maybe that alien was special. 663 00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:19,585 Or maybe it's because I know too much. 664 00:46:20,043 --> 00:46:20,748 Unlikely. 665 00:46:21,011 --> 00:46:24,686 After the disappearance, ASIO bumped me down to Scholastic Division. 666 00:46:24,915 --> 00:46:27,919 I studied these guys for 12 years while I was with the agency. 667 00:46:28,185 --> 00:46:32,224 Since retiring, I've compiled all of my research into a single memoir. 668 00:46:33,524 --> 00:46:36,403 I'm still looking for a publisher, if you know anyone. 669 00:46:38,762 --> 00:46:42,039 "A steamy action-adventure about a 16-year-old virgin 670 00:46:42,266 --> 00:46:46,237 who goes to witch school and falls in love with an extra-terrestrial vampire." 671 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:49,641 Well, I... had to juice it up a little bit otherwise who's gonna buy it, right? 672 00:46:49,907 --> 00:46:51,750 So let me just come to terms with something. 673 00:46:51,975 --> 00:46:54,080 All these things you kept telling me when I was a kid - 674 00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:56,814 "There's no such thing as aliens", "There's no such thing as flying saucers", 675 00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,186 "There's no such thing as Christmas" - that was all bullshit? 676 00:47:00,884 --> 00:47:03,364 I wanted to tell you, Andi. I did. 677 00:47:03,587 --> 00:47:06,067 But hey! Maybe the truth can bring us closer together. 678 00:47:06,290 --> 00:47:07,291 Dad, you're touching me. 679 00:47:07,558 --> 00:47:10,437 Oh, sorry! Forgot you don't like me doing that. Won't happen again. 680 00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:13,005 Wait! Are you the one that emailed the radio station'? 681 00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:13,798 Yes. 682 00:47:14,064 --> 00:47:16,567 It's against everything ASIO stands for. 683 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:18,177 Well, the "S" at least. 684 00:47:18,435 --> 00:47:19,914 But people have to be warned. 685 00:47:20,137 --> 00:47:23,607 Those things could look like anyone, down to the minutest detail. 686 00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:26,720 Hell, John here could be an alien and we wouldn't have the faintest clue. 687 00:47:41,024 --> 00:47:43,504 Highly amusing, Mr Gibson. 688 00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:52,013 That's a hell of a cold you've got there, John-o. 689 00:47:52,269 --> 00:47:53,475 I'll get you some aspirin. 690 00:47:57,608 --> 00:47:59,451 So what's the plan to get her back? 691 00:47:59,977 --> 00:48:00,921 Who? 692 00:48:01,778 --> 00:48:02,779 Mum! 693 00:48:03,013 --> 00:48:05,391 Andi, I'd love nothing better than to go get your mum back 694 00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:07,993 but the fact is, we don't know where they've taken her. 695 00:48:08,785 --> 00:48:12,824 So, what? We're just gonna hang loose here and hope the aliens come back? 696 00:48:13,624 --> 00:48:14,568 Good idea. 697 00:48:14,791 --> 00:48:16,236 We should try and get some sleep, too. 698 00:48:16,460 --> 00:48:17,268 Sleep?! 699 00:48:17,628 --> 00:48:20,131 Aliens have kidnapped my mum, Dad! 700 00:48:20,364 --> 00:48:23,504 If you think I'm gonna rest for one second until she's home safe 701 00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:26,908 then you obviously don't know me very well. 702 00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:33,053 Andi! 703 00:48:33,744 --> 00:48:34,688 Andi! 704 00:48:36,313 --> 00:48:38,122 Andi! Wake up! 705 00:48:38,415 --> 00:48:40,861 I think I have a way to find out where your mother is. 706 00:48:41,084 --> 00:48:43,121 Can we do it some other time'? 707 00:48:47,724 --> 00:48:49,499 AARGH! What the hell are you doing?! 708 00:48:49,726 --> 00:48:50,500 Hey! 709 00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,769 What's all the rumpus'? 710 00:48:52,996 --> 00:48:53,599 Shut up! 711 00:48:53,830 --> 00:48:56,470 I'm just... taking Andi to show her something. 712 00:48:56,700 --> 00:48:59,647 Sounds mighty suspicious to me. 713 00:48:59,870 --> 00:49:01,008 What do you think, John-o? 714 00:49:02,205 --> 00:49:03,309 A-firrnative. 715 00:49:03,540 --> 00:49:06,680 Hey John, if you're gonna sleep, why don't you just lie down on the bottom bunk? 716 00:49:06,910 --> 00:49:09,618 I would prefer to staaaand. 717 00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,054 That's pretty weird, man. But I guess it's those little peculiarities 718 00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:15,786 that makes a person special, right? 719 00:49:20,857 --> 00:49:22,393 I'm watching you sussiesl 720 00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:24,936 Don't think I'm not. 721 00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,099 Darn it! 722 00:49:28,598 --> 00:49:33,741 I just had a 120-minute shower and my hair still smells of alien brains. 723 00:49:34,271 --> 00:49:35,716 Oh, and Dad, 724 00:49:36,039 --> 00:49:37,074 you may be out of hot water. 725 00:49:37,307 --> 00:49:40,584 Shhh! There's a strange car parked outside the house! 726 00:49:42,312 --> 00:49:44,417 Well... is it Keith's car'? 727 00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:47,026 The... car we came here in? 728 00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:49,624 On. Right. 729 00:49:49,886 --> 00:49:50,421 Wait! 730 00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:52,323 There's a second car parked outside the house! 731 00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:53,995 Explain that! 732 00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:57,370 Isn't your car parked out there too, Dad? 733 00:49:58,562 --> 00:50:01,099 Oh. Yeah, I didn't recognise it from this angle. 734 00:50:01,732 --> 00:50:02,233 Wait! 735 00:50:02,466 --> 00:50:04,468 There's a third car! A silver Ute! 736 00:50:04,735 --> 00:50:05,543 Dad') 737 00:50:05,802 --> 00:50:08,180 Don't take this the wrong way, but 738 00:50:08,472 --> 00:50:12,682 Do you think that maybe those years of working for ASIO have made you a little... 739 00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:14,611 paranoid? 740 00:50:15,145 --> 00:50:17,489 Paranoid'? Why'? 741 00:50:17,781 --> 00:50:19,886 Are the others saying stuff about me behind my back'? 742 00:50:20,283 --> 00:50:22,786 Are you saying stuff about me behind my back')? 743 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:23,957 No. 744 00:50:24,421 --> 00:50:25,923 Easy to say. 745 00:50:32,929 --> 00:50:36,035 Dang! Where did I leave my puffer? 746 00:50:38,935 --> 00:50:39,709 Yeah! 747 00:50:42,005 --> 00:50:43,507 Amazing! 748 00:50:50,981 --> 00:50:52,961 Thank you, memory! 749 00:50:55,685 --> 00:50:58,131 Is this gonna take long'? I gotta get some kip! 750 00:50:58,355 --> 00:50:59,129 Listen! 751 00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:03,193 While I was asleep in the back of the car, the record button on my camera must have been bumped. 752 00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:04,939 Look what it captured! 753 00:51:11,368 --> 00:51:12,540 John!'? 754 00:51:13,236 --> 00:51:15,216 John is an alien?! 755 00:51:17,140 --> 00:51:21,179 S'pose he has been looking a little greener since we found that spaceship. 756 00:51:21,711 --> 00:51:22,815 There's that. 757 00:51:43,567 --> 00:51:46,548 OK. fime to go back inside. 758 00:51:51,908 --> 00:51:53,114 Stupid rear axle. 759 00:51:53,376 --> 00:51:54,650 (Elliot!) 760 00:52:01,618 --> 00:52:03,256 Need some more chocolate paste? 761 00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:06,000 Actually, I've been reading your dad's book. 762 00:52:06,223 --> 00:52:07,930 The first few chapters are a bit contrived, 763 00:52:08,191 --> 00:52:12,697 but things really heat up when she spends the night with a sexy ectoparasite from Omicron 5. 764 00:52:13,029 --> 00:52:14,406 - Is this relevant? - Anyway! 765 00:52:14,698 --> 00:52:18,236 According to the book, these aliens are a lot like slugs! 766 00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:19,674 You needed a book to tell you that? 767 00:52:19,936 --> 00:52:23,247 What I mean is, they're vulnerable to sodium chloride. 768 00:52:24,274 --> 00:52:26,049 Yeah, well, I hate to break this to you, Cam, 769 00:52:26,276 --> 00:52:29,985 but we don't exactly have access to a chemistry lab, now do we'? 770 00:52:30,580 --> 00:52:31,456 Andi... 771 00:52:32,115 --> 00:52:34,755 sodium chloride is table salt. 772 00:52:36,119 --> 00:52:39,225 Well... yeah. I knew that. 773 00:52:39,489 --> 00:52:41,435 I just thought you said... 774 00:52:42,159 --> 00:52:44,298 plutonium... chloride. 775 00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:48,532 John? 776 00:52:48,798 --> 00:52:50,937 I thought you were in the bedroom! 777 00:52:51,268 --> 00:52:53,874 Did you hear that rear axle just now'? 778 00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:58,376 Game's up, John! We know you're the a--! 779 00:52:58,642 --> 00:52:59,916 Oh crap, we're too late. 780 00:53:00,243 --> 00:53:02,689 Stay back! Or I'll blow his head ofil 781 00:53:02,946 --> 00:53:04,619 Just like he did to my sister! 782 00:53:04,848 --> 00:53:06,828 He's out of his freaking mindll 783 00:53:07,083 --> 00:53:08,926 John, I swear to god, 784 00:53:09,152 --> 00:53:11,154 I've never even met your sister! 785 00:53:11,454 --> 00:53:14,560 Keith! That's not John - it's the other alien from the crash! 786 00:53:14,791 --> 00:53:16,998 Duh! That's why there were two seats on the spaceship! 787 00:53:17,260 --> 00:53:20,764 What'?! Why am I always the last to know about these developments'?! 788 00:53:20,997 --> 00:53:21,805 It's pretty obvious! 789 00:53:22,032 --> 00:53:22,510 Keith! 790 00:53:22,799 --> 00:53:25,905 Do that move you were famous for - the Falsetto Stiletto! 791 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:35,048 I think you'll find that in my species, the scrotum is located in the neck! 792 00:53:38,848 --> 00:53:39,383 Now! 793 00:53:47,023 --> 00:53:48,195 No! We need him alive! 794 00:53:49,025 --> 00:53:52,632 I... hate... humans! 795 00:53:54,197 --> 00:53:56,040 Come on, guys. We can take him! 796 00:53:56,666 --> 00:53:58,668 There's three of us and only one of him. 797 00:53:59,469 --> 00:54:00,573 Go get him, Cam! 798 00:54:05,875 --> 00:54:08,082 O-K... 799 00:54:08,345 --> 00:54:11,656 Two of us and only one of him - those are still fantastic odds! 800 00:54:17,587 --> 00:54:18,861 You're up, Cheap Shot. 801 00:54:19,222 --> 00:54:22,431 OK, pal. You're gonna regret the day that you ever stepped foot in the ring 802 00:54:22,692 --> 00:54:25,400 with the winner of six consecutive titles over a period- OH! 803 00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:27,936 So that's how you want to play, hey? 804 00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:28,903 With skill! 805 00:54:29,165 --> 00:54:31,668 Alrighty then, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. 806 00:54:37,374 --> 00:54:39,877 He squashed me like an insect! 807 00:54:41,578 --> 00:54:43,922 Elliot, are you in here? 808 00:54:47,417 --> 00:54:49,897 You know what the difference is between you and a punching bag? 809 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,155 Cos I sure don't. 810 00:54:54,224 --> 00:54:56,898 I think our words speak louder than our actions. 811 00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:59,107 Maybe we can talk him into submission. 812 00:54:59,396 --> 00:55:01,535 This fighting grows tiresome. 813 00:55:01,765 --> 00:55:03,608 You hear that? He's getting tired! 814 00:55:03,867 --> 00:55:05,244 Maybe we still got a shot! 815 00:55:05,969 --> 00:55:07,141 I surrender. 816 00:55:08,138 --> 00:55:11,278 This... is for [alien noises]! 817 00:55:11,541 --> 00:55:12,246 What's he saying? 818 00:55:12,475 --> 00:55:13,954 I think he's talking about his sister. 819 00:55:14,210 --> 00:55:14,984 Makes sense. 820 00:55:22,419 --> 00:55:23,420 John? 821 00:55:25,221 --> 00:55:26,427 John is an alienl! 822 00:55:28,758 --> 00:55:31,466 Thank god I got here in time to warn you guys... 823 00:55:31,795 --> 00:55:33,069 Uh, a... l, uh... 824 00:55:33,596 --> 00:55:36,600 found the real John in the boot of your car, Keith. 825 00:55:36,833 --> 00:55:38,141 You might want to get the carpet replaced. 826 00:55:38,401 --> 00:55:39,709 Are you OK, John? 827 00:55:40,136 --> 00:55:41,240 I need a drink. 828 00:55:41,471 --> 00:55:44,281 You need some pants, dude. Desperately. 829 00:55:48,278 --> 00:55:50,622 Why am I staring at John's naked butt? 830 00:55:56,019 --> 00:55:59,125 Dad, have you got any clothes for John to wear') 831 00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:03,133 Sure. 832 00:56:03,660 --> 00:56:05,537 How does a body bag sound? 833 00:56:11,634 --> 00:56:12,738 Oh shit! 834 00:56:15,805 --> 00:56:18,911 TAKE THAT, YOU ALIEN IMPOSTOR!!! 835 00:56:37,127 --> 00:56:38,128 What'? 836 00:56:39,295 --> 00:56:41,798 What are you all looking at me like that for'? 837 00:56:49,339 --> 00:56:50,716 Oopsidaisy. 838 00:57:03,553 --> 00:57:06,033 There. That's the last bullet. 839 00:57:06,322 --> 00:57:09,531 Lucky I was aiming for alien organs and not human ones, or he'd probably be dead. 840 00:57:09,759 --> 00:57:14,765 Guess the "shoot 15 times first, ask questions later" strategy didn't work so well, huh? 841 00:57:15,098 --> 00:57:17,203 Ah well. No harm, no foul. 842 00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,307 No, Dad. There's foul. 843 00:57:19,569 --> 00:57:21,674 Oodles and oodles of foul. 844 00:57:23,006 --> 00:57:23,643 Hey! 845 00:57:23,873 --> 00:57:29,152 I saw that video, and I made a split-second command decision to protect everyone, OK'? 846 00:57:29,379 --> 00:57:31,017 That's what the ASIO training does. 847 00:57:31,247 --> 00:57:34,854 It sculpts you into a deadly, instinctual instrument. 848 00:57:35,118 --> 00:57:37,724 I think your instrument needs to be restrung. 849 00:57:38,788 --> 00:57:40,461 We're all set up in the garage. 850 00:57:41,357 --> 00:57:42,836 When you're ready. 851 00:58:02,412 --> 00:58:04,722 OK. Take that thing off his head. 852 00:58:11,955 --> 00:58:14,492 No, the other thing. 853 00:58:28,838 --> 00:58:30,283 OK, Starman. 854 00:58:32,408 --> 00:58:34,046 My name is Andrea Gibson. 855 00:58:34,277 --> 00:58:36,985 My mother's been kidnapped and we don't have a lot of time. 856 00:58:37,247 --> 00:58:41,718 So I'm gonna cut right to the chase and ask the big question that's on everybody's lips. 857 00:58:41,951 --> 00:58:44,227 How do you aliens speak English'? 858 00:58:45,088 --> 00:58:46,965 We speak English in the same way you do. 859 00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:50,831 By manipulating sonic vibrations from the voice box with our tongue, teeth and tonsils. 860 00:58:51,094 --> 00:58:54,769 I believe the question you mean to ask is, "How is that we come to speak English?" 861 00:58:54,998 --> 00:58:55,840 Wow. 862 00:58:56,132 --> 00:58:58,009 They speak English better than we do. 863 00:58:58,601 --> 00:59:02,071 OK, then. How did you "come to speak English", Mr Shakespeare? 864 00:59:02,305 --> 00:59:03,682 The same way all foreigners do. 865 00:59:03,940 --> 00:59:06,113 We took classes disguised as human immigrants. 866 00:59:06,342 --> 00:59:10,552 OK, class! Let's start by saying your name... 867 00:59:10,980 --> 00:59:13,426 and, where you're from! 868 00:59:14,017 --> 00:59:14,859 Yong! 869 00:59:15,184 --> 00:59:17,630 Would you like to go first? 870 00:59:18,788 --> 00:59:21,962 My name is Yong Sing and I am from outer space. 871 00:59:22,191 --> 00:59:23,295 I MEAN-China. 872 00:59:23,526 --> 00:59:25,028 Very good, Yong! 873 00:59:25,295 --> 00:59:27,468 Except for that "outer space" flub. 874 00:59:27,697 --> 00:59:30,405 You're not that kind of alien, are you? 875 00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,305 Do not be ab-surd. 876 00:59:36,372 --> 00:59:38,818 Elliot, I'm the one handling this interrogation. 877 00:59:39,042 --> 00:59:41,079 Oh, so-sorry, Andi - I won't interrupt again. 878 00:59:41,344 --> 00:59:42,618 Good. Now then-- 879 00:59:42,845 --> 00:59:45,189 Wait! I've got one. What caused your ship to crash? 880 00:59:45,415 --> 00:59:46,553 We already know that! 881 00:59:46,816 --> 00:59:47,954 How could you possibly know that? 882 00:59:48,184 --> 00:59:50,130 - Go on, Andi - tell him! - I'm not telling him anything! 883 00:59:50,353 --> 00:59:52,162 Do it! Tell him how you crashed his ship! Tell him! 884 00:59:52,388 --> 00:59:55,335 Andi! What the hell is he talking about? How did you crash his ship? 885 00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:56,696 Come on, Andi! Tell him! 886 00:59:56,926 --> 00:59:57,904 - Tell me. - Tell him! 887 00:59:58,161 --> 00:59:58,696 Tell me! 888 00:59:58,928 --> 01:00:01,135 - Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! - Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! 889 01:00:01,397 --> 01:00:03,673 - Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! - Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! 890 01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:04,878 Tell me! Tell me! 891 01:00:05,101 --> 01:00:06,205 Excuse me! 892 01:00:06,903 --> 01:00:10,248 We are here to interrogate the alien, not me. 893 01:00:10,506 --> 01:00:13,180 So can you idiots just shut up, please? 894 01:00:15,778 --> 01:00:20,284 My sister, who was piloting the ship, had some sort of aneurysm at the controls. 895 01:00:20,550 --> 01:00:22,188 It had nothing to do with you! 896 01:00:23,286 --> 01:00:25,732 Nice try, Marvin, but it's time to 'fess up. 897 01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:28,401 Admit it: I'm the whole reason you're here. 898 01:00:28,625 --> 01:00:32,971 17 years ago one of your spaceships gave me otherworldly cognitive powers. 899 01:00:33,229 --> 01:00:37,075 The same powers I used to take control of your sister's mind a few hours ago. 900 01:00:37,300 --> 01:00:40,611 The same powers you came to Earth to destroy. 901 01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:42,812 I have no idea what you're talking about. 902 01:00:45,808 --> 01:00:47,151 Still have no idea? 903 01:00:47,410 --> 01:00:49,356 Andi, that's ridiculous. 904 01:00:49,612 --> 01:00:51,114 I know these spaceships. 905 01:00:51,381 --> 01:00:53,861 I studied them for 12 consecutive years. 906 01:00:54,150 --> 01:00:57,324 You reckon you saw one that night when you were 10? OK, I believe you. 907 01:00:57,820 --> 01:00:59,993 Better 17 years late than never. 908 01:01:00,256 --> 01:01:02,793 I deserved that. But know this: 909 01:01:03,092 --> 01:01:06,539 Those spaceships don't "flash" people and give them super powers. 910 01:01:06,963 --> 01:01:07,498 Can't happen. 911 01:01:07,764 --> 01:01:09,243 Well it happened to me, Dad! 912 01:01:09,465 --> 01:01:12,605 And that's why they're here. I'm their biggest threat! 913 01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:13,711 Isn't that right? 914 01:01:15,238 --> 01:01:16,216 Stop that! 915 01:01:16,506 --> 01:01:17,883 That's not helping, Andi! 916 01:01:18,241 --> 01:01:19,447 Because you're wrong. 917 01:01:19,776 --> 01:01:21,449 I'm their biggest threat. 918 01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:24,625 I know too much and that makes me extremely dangerous. 919 01:01:25,014 --> 01:01:27,221 I'm the one you're really after, right? 920 01:01:28,951 --> 01:01:30,055 I have no idea who you are. 921 01:01:30,286 --> 01:01:31,458 LIES!!! 922 01:01:32,255 --> 01:01:33,461 You know exactly who I am! 923 01:01:33,690 --> 01:01:35,499 Admit it! I'm the one that you want! 924 01:01:35,758 --> 01:01:36,759 Dad, stop it! 925 01:01:36,993 --> 01:01:39,200 I'm the one they want and this sonofabitch knows it! 926 01:01:39,495 --> 01:01:40,530 Don't youll 927 01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:42,866 It's me they want! 928 01:01:43,466 --> 01:01:44,604 I'm the one they want! 929 01:01:44,834 --> 01:01:46,711 - Look-- it's me! - It's me! 930 01:01:48,471 --> 01:01:49,506 Guys! GUYS! 931 01:01:50,306 --> 01:01:52,411 Maybe the aliens are after both of you. 932 01:01:52,642 --> 01:01:53,916 Isn't that right? 933 01:01:59,382 --> 01:02:01,828 Uh... yes! That's true, we... 934 01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:04,098 I admit it - we're after both of you. 935 01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:05,321 Equally. 936 01:02:06,856 --> 01:02:08,233 But you're afler me more, right'? 937 01:02:08,491 --> 01:02:11,165 For god's sakes, Dad! It's not a competition! 938 01:02:12,462 --> 01:02:13,998 And if it was, I'd win. 939 01:02:14,363 --> 01:02:15,671 OK, Slugface! 940 01:02:16,132 --> 01:02:18,510 There's just one more thing I need to know. 941 01:02:18,735 --> 01:02:20,544 Where did they take my Mum'? 942 01:02:20,903 --> 01:02:22,541 I'll never tell you that. 943 01:02:23,406 --> 01:02:24,749 Never's a big word. 944 01:02:25,041 --> 01:02:26,145 No, it's a strong word. 945 01:02:26,375 --> 01:02:28,981 72% of the words in the English language are bigger than "never". 946 01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:30,885 Ha! Burn! 947 01:02:32,148 --> 01:02:33,786 Tell me where they took her! 948 01:02:34,083 --> 01:02:35,960 If I tell you, what's to stop you from killing me? 949 01:02:36,219 --> 01:02:40,167 A little thing they call "humanity". Wouldn't expect you to understand. 950 01:02:40,389 --> 01:02:41,333 Cos you're not human! 951 01:02:41,557 --> 01:02:43,161 - Elliot! - Sorry! Sorry! 952 01:02:46,062 --> 01:02:48,406 Look. I didn't mean to hurt your friend. 953 01:02:48,664 --> 01:02:50,610 I just needed to disguise myself. 954 01:02:51,067 --> 01:02:54,014 Trust me. My dad's done more damage to him than you ever could. 955 01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:59,075 Look, I can sense your emotions. With my otherworldly cognitive powers. 956 01:02:59,342 --> 01:03:01,015 I know you loved your sister. 957 01:03:01,244 --> 01:03:04,384 Well I feel the same way about my mother, OK'? 958 01:03:04,714 --> 01:03:05,692 You killed my sister. 959 01:03:05,915 --> 01:03:06,916 No, Keith killed your sister. 960 01:03:07,183 --> 01:03:08,890 - Guilty. - But that's all in the past now. 961 01:03:09,118 --> 01:03:11,257 You can't dwell on these things - you have to move on! 962 01:03:11,521 --> 01:03:12,625 It happened three hours ago! 963 01:03:12,855 --> 01:03:15,836 Look, you slimy bastard, are you gonna tell me where my mum is 964 01:03:16,058 --> 01:03:18,060 or am I gonna have to spill this entire shaker in your face? 965 01:03:18,294 --> 01:03:19,500 No! Please! 966 01:03:19,762 --> 01:03:21,639 That's too much salt! 967 01:03:26,435 --> 01:03:28,938 They've taken her to our ground operations in the city. 968 01:03:29,205 --> 01:03:30,343 Which is where? 969 01:03:32,308 --> 01:03:34,310 St Sheila's School For Girls. 970 01:03:34,577 --> 01:03:35,351 What'? 971 01:03:35,578 --> 01:03:37,751 You've taken over our old high school? 972 01:03:38,047 --> 01:03:38,923 Why there? 973 01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:41,758 It has the best view of Brisbane for conducting our attack. 974 01:03:41,984 --> 01:03:43,622 Plus, the facilities are first-rate. 975 01:03:43,886 --> 01:03:46,332 But you'll never make it! It's too heavily-guarded. 976 01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:47,432 We'll see. 977 01:03:48,090 --> 01:03:51,071 OK, guys. You heard him. We're going back to school! 978 01:03:51,294 --> 01:03:54,969 If that's the case, I'm gonna start studying for a Certificate Ill in Histopathology and Health-- 979 01:03:55,231 --> 01:03:57,336 I'm talking about rescuing Mum, you idiot! 980 01:03:57,567 --> 01:03:58,511 Who's with me? 981 01:03:58,734 --> 01:03:59,405 I'm coming. 982 01:03:59,635 --> 01:04:02,138 I know the place inside-out. Just need to charge my camera. 983 01:04:02,405 --> 01:04:02,780 Keith ? 984 01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:06,350 Have you ever known Keith "Cheap Shot" Flynn to back down from a fight? 985 01:04:06,642 --> 01:04:09,486 Well there was that one time, between my fifth and sixth consecutive titles, 986 01:04:09,745 --> 01:04:11,122 But that guys was on stronger drugs! 987 01:04:11,347 --> 01:04:12,985 Elliot, she's your mum. 988 01:04:13,249 --> 01:04:15,889 Hmm. That's true. Guess I didn't think of it that way. 989 01:04:16,118 --> 01:04:17,153 Yeah, I guess so. 990 01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,193 I could be in charge of pharmaceuticals! 991 01:04:19,856 --> 01:04:22,302 A vital component to any rescue mission. 992 01:04:22,758 --> 01:04:24,965 Well then, that's all five of us! Alright! 993 01:04:25,428 --> 01:04:27,135 Uuuuuuh... 994 01:04:28,097 --> 01:04:29,405 I can't come. 995 01:04:30,099 --> 01:04:30,804 What'? 996 01:04:31,133 --> 01:04:36,242 Look, Andi. I'd love nothing better than to flitter off with you guys and go rescue Mum. 997 01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:39,282 But someone has to stay here to take care of John and water the houseplant. 998 01:04:43,012 --> 01:04:44,457 Dad, that houseplant is fake. 999 01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:46,387 But I'll tell you what I will do. 1000 01:04:46,649 --> 01:04:49,493 I will wish you four... the very... 1001 01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:51,198 best of luck! 1002 01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,030 Thanks, Dad! 1003 01:04:56,392 --> 01:04:57,166 What'? 1004 01:04:57,660 --> 01:04:59,833 We need all the luck we can get. 1005 01:05:00,363 --> 01:05:02,900 In fact, call me superstitious... 1006 01:05:04,834 --> 01:05:06,211 But I guess it couldn't hurt. 1007 01:05:35,231 --> 01:05:36,733 My bad. 1008 01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:44,783 OK. I hurried to do up this map just now so bare with me, cos it's a little basic. 1009 01:05:45,041 --> 01:05:47,419 Holy cow - it looks like a computer drew this. 1010 01:05:47,677 --> 01:05:49,020 Well... I used a ruler. 1011 01:05:49,245 --> 01:05:52,920 Guys, guys. guys - I drew up a map of St Sheila's! 1012 01:05:53,683 --> 01:05:54,525 Check it out. 1013 01:05:54,750 --> 01:05:56,730 OK. So that's you, Andi... 1014 01:05:57,019 --> 01:05:57,997 No that's you, Andi. 1015 01:05:58,220 --> 01:05:59,893 - And that's me... - Elliot! 1016 01:06:00,623 --> 01:06:01,328 Oh. 1017 01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:04,098 I see you already have a map. 1018 01:06:04,961 --> 01:06:06,770 Well thanks for telling me. 1019 01:06:09,131 --> 01:06:10,769 Anyway... 1020 01:06:11,233 --> 01:06:12,769 Back to what I was a saying... 1021 01:06:13,035 --> 01:06:15,914 The entrance is all glass, so that's no good for a surprise attack. 1022 01:06:16,138 --> 01:06:19,813 I say we hit from the back, which is easy because we'll be coming from that direction anyway. 1023 01:06:20,076 --> 01:06:21,077 Who's this red dot? 1024 01:06:21,310 --> 01:06:23,620 Oh that's John's blood seeping though from the other side. 1025 01:06:23,879 --> 01:06:25,085 - On. - Right! 1026 01:06:25,448 --> 01:06:26,756 It's time to get suited up. 1027 01:06:26,983 --> 01:06:29,657 True that! We're gonna need some body Armour, shields... 1028 01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:31,592 paper mache - anything that we can use to protect ours-- 1029 01:06:31,821 --> 01:06:32,265 No! 1030 01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:34,968 The first thing we need is some appropriate suiting-up music! 1031 01:06:35,491 --> 01:06:39,132 How 'bout it, Dad'? You got anything in this old house that'll get the adrenalin pumping? 1032 01:06:39,428 --> 01:06:40,600 I have some... 1033 01:06:41,297 --> 01:06:43,140 Tazmaniax! 1034 01:06:44,467 --> 01:06:46,640 You are not my father. 1035 01:06:49,005 --> 01:06:51,144 The time has come, to make a stand 1036 01:06:51,407 --> 01:06:53,546 We're sick of being the forgotten land 1037 01:06:53,776 --> 01:06:55,915 We're just like you. We're Aussies too 1038 01:06:56,145 --> 01:06:58,182 But not as bronzed - more under-tanned 1039 01:06:58,447 --> 01:07:00,324 Tasmania! Australia! 1040 01:07:00,583 --> 01:07:02,688 We're the bit below the big bit! 1041 01:07:02,918 --> 01:07:04,864 Tasmania! No-brainia! 1042 01:07:05,087 --> 01:07:07,067 We're like an island... 1043 01:07:07,490 --> 01:07:09,492 that's completely surrounded by water! 1044 01:07:09,925 --> 01:07:10,903 (It's like an island!) 1045 01:07:11,127 --> 01:07:13,232 Some people say, we've got two heads 1046 01:07:13,462 --> 01:07:15,408 They even say, that we're inbred! 1047 01:07:15,631 --> 01:07:17,838 Well I've had enough! And I have too! 1048 01:07:18,100 --> 01:07:20,273 So cuz and me, we're off to bed 1049 01:07:20,503 --> 01:07:22,312 Tasmania! Australia! 1050 01:07:22,538 --> 01:07:24,814 We're the bit below the big bit! 1051 01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:26,918 Tasmania! No-brainia! 1052 01:07:27,176 --> 01:07:29,281 We're like an island... 1053 01:07:29,545 --> 01:07:31,821 That's completely surrounded by water! (Yeah!) 1054 01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:34,187 Completely surrounded by water! (Sing it!) 1055 01:07:34,450 --> 01:07:35,952 Our home, is gin, by seal 1056 01:07:36,185 --> 01:07:37,493 Alright, listen up! 1057 01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:39,597 It's aliens versus Australians. 1058 01:07:39,855 --> 01:07:41,129 Guess who's gonna win? 1059 01:07:41,357 --> 01:07:42,335 Aliens. 1060 01:07:43,692 --> 01:07:45,569 Just to clarify, we're the Austr- 1061 01:07:45,828 --> 01:07:48,308 Oh, oh, oh! Australians. Definitely. 1062 01:07:50,733 --> 01:07:51,211 Ow. 1063 01:07:53,469 --> 01:07:55,278 This is a moment we've been waiting for. 1064 01:07:55,504 --> 01:07:59,953 The moment that turns an ordinary nobody into an extraordinary somebody! 1065 01:08:00,209 --> 01:08:02,155 The eyes of the world are on us tonight. 1066 01:08:02,378 --> 01:08:03,721 Now are we gonna kick some ass'? 1067 01:08:04,046 --> 01:08:05,081 - Yeah! - Wrong! 1068 01:08:05,347 --> 01:08:07,020 We're gonna kick some arse! 1069 01:08:07,316 --> 01:08:09,762 We will not go soberly into the night. 1070 01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,329 We will not scarper without a bamey. 1071 01:08:12,588 --> 01:08:14,625 Today, we celebrate... 1072 01:08:14,924 --> 01:08:17,097 our Australia Day! 1073 01:08:17,359 --> 01:08:17,860 Yeah! 1074 01:08:18,094 --> 01:08:19,903 Even though it's the middle of August! 1075 01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:20,663 Yeah! 1076 01:08:20,896 --> 01:08:21,533 Everybody now! 1077 01:08:22,064 --> 01:08:24,567 "Au-stralians all let us rejoi--" 1078 01:08:24,834 --> 01:08:25,505 Andi. 1079 01:08:26,068 --> 01:08:28,446 Maybe we should go save your mother from the aliens now. 1080 01:08:28,904 --> 01:08:29,575 Good call. 1081 01:08:38,114 --> 01:08:40,890 Show no mercy. Cos you won't get any from them. 1082 01:08:41,117 --> 01:08:42,391 And remember, 1083 01:08:42,618 --> 01:08:44,620 drink plenty of water and keep your fluids up. 1084 01:08:45,020 --> 01:08:45,691 Alright? 1085 01:08:46,255 --> 01:08:47,256 Take a few. 1086 01:08:47,590 --> 01:08:48,432 Pass them round. 1087 01:08:48,691 --> 01:08:49,897 Everybody needs one. 1088 01:08:50,126 --> 01:08:51,605 Elliot, you should have two. Yep. 1089 01:08:52,027 --> 01:08:53,335 I know what you're like. 1090 01:08:56,699 --> 01:08:57,700 Just a couple more. 1091 01:08:58,801 --> 01:09:02,442 It's really important. You don't want to get caught fighting aliens and dehydrated - it's bad. 1092 01:09:02,705 --> 01:09:03,843 Dad, that's really enough! 1093 01:09:04,073 --> 01:09:07,213 No, no, wait, wait - I made some sandwiches and I've got the Nutella and the shredded coc-- 1094 01:09:08,777 --> 01:09:09,585 Alright! 1095 01:09:09,879 --> 01:09:11,381 Well you go get those mothers! 1096 01:09:11,881 --> 01:09:13,189 And your mother! 1097 01:09:28,097 --> 01:09:28,871 Thirsty. 1098 01:09:32,401 --> 01:09:34,438 Cam! How long til we reach the alien command? 1099 01:09:34,737 --> 01:09:36,216 An... hour and fifteen minutes? 1100 01:09:36,438 --> 01:09:39,647 With the final refusal of assistance from the Democratic Republic of Congo, 1101 01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:42,856 it seems that all hope is lost for the citizens of Australia, 1102 01:09:43,078 --> 01:09:45,388 with the exception of Tasmania, which is yet to be affected. 1103 01:09:45,781 --> 01:09:49,160 What the frick is the dilly with this Tasmania shit')? 1104 01:09:49,418 --> 01:09:51,762 Forget about Tasmania! You're like a broken CD. 1105 01:09:51,987 --> 01:09:54,092 The cold emptiness of oblivion beckons. 1106 01:09:54,323 --> 01:09:55,802 Who will save us now'? 1107 01:09:56,025 --> 01:09:59,165 Email us at WTFM with the answer for your chance to win a trip to Tasman-- 1108 01:09:59,461 --> 01:10:01,270 You hear that? This is it, guys! 1109 01:10:01,497 --> 01:10:03,443 This is our big chance to save the day! 1110 01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:04,337 Yeah! 1111 01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:05,801 What are we gonna do? 1112 01:10:06,035 --> 01:10:06,843 Save the day! 1113 01:10:07,102 --> 01:10:08,706 Who are we gonna rescue in the process? 1114 01:10:08,938 --> 01:10:09,916 You're/my mother! 1115 01:10:10,139 --> 01:10:11,243 Who's gonna stop us? 1116 01:10:11,473 --> 01:10:12,417 No one! 1117 01:10:12,641 --> 01:10:13,745 YEEEAH! 1118 01:10:13,976 --> 01:10:15,114 WOOOOOO! 1119 01:10:25,154 --> 01:10:26,690 Are we there yet? 1120 01:10:39,868 --> 01:10:40,346 KEITH! 1121 01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:41,347 Hmmm? 1122 01:10:46,375 --> 01:10:48,218 Ya... idiot! 1123 01:10:48,978 --> 01:10:51,254 - Freakin' idiot! - I'm sorry. 1124 01:10:57,686 --> 01:10:59,723 Holy crap, it's St Sheila's. 1125 01:10:59,989 --> 01:11:01,366 Are you kidding me? 1126 01:11:03,759 --> 01:11:06,205 I don't see anyone - human or otherwise. 1127 01:11:06,428 --> 01:11:08,305 It looks almost... deserted. 1128 01:11:08,697 --> 01:11:11,678 So much for "heavily-guarded". I knew that alien was full of it. 1129 01:11:11,934 --> 01:11:15,905 Can you believe he tried to convince us they came to Earth for anyone other than just me? 1130 01:11:16,171 --> 01:11:17,309 Who did he take us for'? 1131 01:11:17,539 --> 01:11:19,519 Maybe he was lying about everything. 1132 01:11:19,775 --> 01:11:23,120 Maybe this isn't their secret ground operations... base. 1133 01:11:23,379 --> 01:11:25,086 Attention, humans. 1134 01:11:25,447 --> 01:11:29,896 You are trespassing on the alien secret ground operations base. 1135 01:11:30,219 --> 01:11:34,599 You have five Earth seconds to leave before you are vaporised. 1136 01:11:35,024 --> 01:11:35,798 It's a bluff. 1137 01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:46,143 It's an elaborate bluff. 1138 01:11:47,436 --> 01:11:49,939 ABANDON SHIIIIIIPI! 1139 01:11:50,205 --> 01:11:51,707 - Grab the guns! - No time! 1140 01:11:56,912 --> 01:11:57,788 My Puffer! 1141 01:11:58,647 --> 01:12:00,320 Elliot! No! 1142 01:12:03,052 --> 01:12:04,190 What the helli0t?!I 1143 01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:06,296 Elliot, no! 1144 01:12:08,057 --> 01:12:09,092 Elliot, what are you doing? 1145 01:12:09,325 --> 01:12:10,269 Elliot! 1146 01:12:10,893 --> 01:12:11,837 Elliot! 1147 01:12:12,928 --> 01:12:13,429 Stop! 1148 01:12:14,396 --> 01:12:14,999 Get off me! 1149 01:12:15,631 --> 01:12:16,439 Elliot! 1150 01:12:17,232 --> 01:12:18,074 Oh wait! 1151 01:12:19,435 --> 01:12:21,381 I have my backup puffer. 1152 01:12:23,605 --> 01:12:25,141 ELLIOOOOOT! 1153 01:12:26,342 --> 01:12:27,980 NOOOOO! 1154 01:12:29,144 --> 01:12:30,646 - Andi! Andi! - Get off! 1155 01:12:47,529 --> 01:12:50,339 Andi! Could you maybe approach from a different trajectory')? 1156 01:12:52,434 --> 01:12:54,471 This is for my brother! 1157 01:13:06,448 --> 01:13:09,759 Drop the gun. It belongs to us. 1158 01:13:13,489 --> 01:13:16,026 Leave the planet. It belongs to us. 1159 01:13:17,626 --> 01:13:20,129 You're preaching to the wrong alien. 1160 01:13:20,462 --> 01:13:24,604 I personally cannot wait until this planet no longer exists. 1161 01:13:27,169 --> 01:13:30,548 I feel sick every moment I spend on it. 1162 01:13:30,806 --> 01:13:31,978 OI, ROBOTI! 1163 01:13:37,346 --> 01:13:38,791 Welcome to my world. 1164 01:14:01,236 --> 01:14:01,941 Andi. 1165 01:14:05,541 --> 01:14:08,044 Elliot? You're alive! 1166 01:14:08,343 --> 01:14:09,651 Yeah. For now. 1167 01:14:10,045 --> 01:14:12,685 I may have some infectious disease I'm not aware of, but 1168 01:14:13,182 --> 01:14:14,183 we'll wait and see. 1169 01:14:14,750 --> 01:14:16,423 You're all covered in din. 1170 01:14:16,685 --> 01:14:17,390 I am? 1171 01:14:18,854 --> 01:14:19,628 Huh. 1172 01:14:20,689 --> 01:14:21,690 You know what? 1173 01:14:22,191 --> 01:14:23,169 I don't care. 1174 01:14:23,625 --> 01:14:24,399 You don't? 1175 01:14:24,626 --> 01:14:25,434 No! 1176 01:14:25,694 --> 01:14:26,900 I'm alive! 1177 01:14:27,129 --> 01:14:28,437 That's what matters! 1178 01:14:29,898 --> 01:14:32,538 Elliot, I take back what I said about you. 1179 01:14:32,768 --> 01:14:36,978 You are not the lamest, dorkiest, most abhorrently pathetic piece of uterine scum 1180 01:14:37,239 --> 01:14:39,378 to have ever been shat upon this Earth. 1181 01:14:40,075 --> 01:14:40,883 What'!!! 1182 01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:42,213 When did you say that')? 1183 01:14:42,911 --> 01:14:44,754 Oh that's right - you weren't there. 1184 01:14:45,380 --> 01:14:47,087 Guess I only say that when you're not around. 1185 01:14:47,382 --> 01:14:48,520 But not anymore! 1186 01:14:48,784 --> 01:14:49,819 You're the best! 1187 01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:52,764 Elliot! 1188 01:14:53,722 --> 01:14:55,099 That was amazing! 1189 01:14:55,657 --> 01:14:57,159 I'll tell you what's amazing: 1190 01:14:57,426 --> 01:15:00,464 The savagery with which we're gonna take down this school! 1191 01:15:00,729 --> 01:15:01,935 Who's with me? 1192 01:15:02,164 --> 01:15:03,472 Hell yeah! 1193 01:15:04,066 --> 01:15:04,840 OK, well... 1194 01:15:05,067 --> 01:15:08,173 We're on the wrong side of the complex, so if we just adjust the plan slightly-- 1195 01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:14,453 Screw the plan! 1196 01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:18,317 Let's bust up in here and laser those slimeballs into the next dimension! 1197 01:15:18,614 --> 01:15:19,285 YEAH!! 1198 01:15:20,249 --> 01:15:21,728 CHAAAARGEI! 1199 01:15:21,950 --> 01:15:24,954 - Yeah! Woohool. Let's go! - Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oy, oy, oy! 1200 01:15:34,029 --> 01:15:36,339 Guys, I can't help but notice that we're running towards a brick wall. 1201 01:15:36,598 --> 01:15:38,134 Not for long! Elliot? 1202 01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:39,410 With pleasure! 1203 01:15:47,009 --> 01:15:47,783 Hey! 1204 01:15:48,110 --> 01:15:50,420 Guess we're not the only ones who stole some alien weapons 1205 01:15:50,646 --> 01:15:52,319 and broke into their secret base! 1206 01:15:52,714 --> 01:15:53,715 Alrighty then! 1207 01:15:53,982 --> 01:15:55,825 Where them aliens at'? 1208 01:15:56,151 --> 01:15:58,028 We are the aliens. 1209 01:16:00,122 --> 01:16:01,965 Did not see that coming. 1210 01:16:04,860 --> 01:16:05,804 Andi? 1211 01:16:06,128 --> 01:16:06,970 Andi? 1212 01:16:07,729 --> 01:16:08,571 Andrea? 1213 01:16:11,366 --> 01:16:12,344 Mum? 1214 01:16:12,701 --> 01:16:13,975 Is that you? 1215 01:16:14,202 --> 01:16:15,977 Yeah, it's me, space girl. 1216 01:16:16,338 --> 01:16:17,783 Oh, Mum! 1217 01:16:18,507 --> 01:16:20,885 You wouldn't believe the dream I just had. 1218 01:16:21,143 --> 01:16:22,747 But it felt so real. 1219 01:16:23,145 --> 01:16:25,819 Aliens from outer space were attacking Australia. 1220 01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:29,757 They were clearly after me because of my otherworldly cognitive powers. 1221 01:16:30,018 --> 01:16:31,656 And you were in it too! 1222 01:16:31,887 --> 01:16:33,833 They'd captured you to get to me. 1223 01:16:34,056 --> 01:16:35,399 And we were coming to rescue you - 1224 01:16:35,724 --> 01:16:38,227 Me and Elliot and Keith and Cam. 1225 01:16:38,894 --> 01:16:40,396 And I was totally kicking arse. 1226 01:16:40,662 --> 01:16:46,203 I found this spacegun, and I completely terminated this giant robot that was about to kill Elliot. 1227 01:16:46,768 --> 01:16:48,543 Keith was being such a tool. 1228 01:16:48,904 --> 01:16:51,214 Acting like some gung-ho lunatic. 1229 01:16:51,506 --> 01:16:54,453 And then he goes and tears up this super-detailed map I drew! 1230 01:16:54,743 --> 01:16:56,450 He was being a real jerk, Mum. 1231 01:16:56,778 --> 01:16:59,418 I was the only one holding it together. 1232 01:17:00,015 --> 01:17:01,551 Andi... this dream, 1233 01:17:01,783 --> 01:17:06,425 did it conclude at St Sheila's Private Girls School, by any chance? 1234 01:17:07,189 --> 01:17:08,862 "St Sheila's Private Girls School"?! 1235 01:17:09,424 --> 01:17:11,199 Move another inch and you die! 1236 01:17:11,426 --> 01:17:13,736 Oh, I don't believe this! 1237 01:17:13,962 --> 01:17:15,805 You guys let us get captured? 1238 01:17:16,064 --> 01:17:17,168 Nice work, team! 1239 01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:18,707 Oh, shut up, Andi! 1240 01:17:18,934 --> 01:17:21,312 Yeah! It's your fault we're stuck in this mess! 1241 01:17:21,570 --> 01:17:22,878 We should have stuck to the plan! 1242 01:17:23,105 --> 01:17:24,106 Keith! Elliot! 1243 01:17:24,373 --> 01:17:25,818 What did I tell you two? 1244 01:17:26,108 --> 01:17:29,248 Look, I'm proud of all of you, just for trying to rescue me! 1245 01:17:29,611 --> 01:17:31,716 It took a lot of guts coming in here like that, 1246 01:17:31,947 --> 01:17:33,324 just the five of you. 1247 01:17:33,582 --> 01:17:35,084 - Five? - Yes. 1248 01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:37,923 I'm assuming your father was killed resisting capture. 1249 01:17:38,153 --> 01:17:39,655 No, Mum. He's fine. 1250 01:17:39,921 --> 01:17:45,132 He elected to stay at the house and look alter John, whom he shot, accidentally, 15 times. 1251 01:17:45,727 --> 01:17:47,729 Oh, that's unfortunate. 1252 01:17:47,963 --> 01:17:49,169 I mean, for John. 1253 01:17:49,464 --> 01:17:51,671 Mrs Gibson, have they told you why you're here? 1254 01:17:51,933 --> 01:17:53,913 No, they haven't said anything to me. 1255 01:17:54,136 --> 01:17:57,481 We already know why they took her- she was bait for me! 1256 01:17:57,739 --> 01:17:59,878 And thanks to you idiots, it worked! 1257 01:18:00,108 --> 01:18:02,418 And now that they have me, and my powers, 1258 01:18:02,644 --> 01:18:05,181 there's nothing to stop them destroying the rest of Earth! 1259 01:18:05,447 --> 01:18:07,654 So congratu-flipping-lations! 1260 01:18:07,916 --> 01:18:12,194 You know, now would be a real opportune time to use some of those quote-unquote 1261 01:18:12,421 --> 01:18:14,867 "powers" you're always bragging about, sis! 1262 01:18:15,090 --> 01:18:18,799 Yeah, like I'm gonna save your life after you put my powers in quotation marks. 1263 01:18:19,027 --> 01:18:21,029 Shhh! Someone's coming. 1264 01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:24,041 On your feet, Earth scum! 1265 01:18:24,433 --> 01:18:26,242 She will see you now. 1266 01:18:26,468 --> 01:18:28,470 Well it's about time! 1267 01:18:29,371 --> 01:18:31,044 Wait, who are you talking about? 1268 01:19:20,388 --> 01:19:21,264 So... 1269 01:19:21,757 --> 01:19:26,536 Look who walked straight into my trap. 1270 01:19:28,997 --> 01:19:30,806 WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING STANDING?!! 1271 01:19:31,099 --> 01:19:33,443 KNEEL BEFORE THE SUPREME COMMANDER OF OUR ARMED FORCES, 1272 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,407 MOLVAFRONSHKRABB! 1273 01:19:38,039 --> 01:19:41,043 You must excuse my appearance. 1274 01:19:41,676 --> 01:19:46,147 This was the most regal human I could find to imitate. 1275 01:19:46,381 --> 01:19:48,884 A Lady Gaga lookalike competition winner. 1276 01:19:49,851 --> 01:19:51,387 - I like it a lot, it's very nice... - I'd wear it myself... 1277 01:19:51,620 --> 01:19:52,496 - Lady Gaga is a talented artist... - Can I get one in black? 1278 01:19:52,754 --> 01:19:53,926 Regal! 1279 01:20:00,529 --> 01:20:02,839 You don't remember me, do you'? 1280 01:20:06,468 --> 01:20:07,242 YES! 1281 01:20:07,469 --> 01:20:09,415 YOU, with the red hair! 1282 01:20:10,372 --> 01:20:12,682 You don't remember me'? 1283 01:20:13,041 --> 01:20:14,577 Uuuuuh... 1284 01:20:14,810 --> 01:20:17,256 Pretty sure this is the first time we've met... 1285 01:20:18,079 --> 01:20:20,059 Is that so? 1286 01:20:20,582 --> 01:20:21,959 Well then, 1287 01:20:22,250 --> 01:20:25,129 Perhaps you will remember... 1288 01:20:25,587 --> 01:20:26,463 this! 1289 01:20:28,557 --> 01:20:30,161 17 years ago. 1290 01:20:30,592 --> 01:20:34,768 I was a mere pilot then. On a routine shock-and-awe flyover mission. 1291 01:20:34,996 --> 01:20:36,498 We flew over, we shocked you, 1292 01:20:36,765 --> 01:20:39,871 you were in awe - the mission was a roaring success! 1293 01:20:40,101 --> 01:20:42,047 And then, upon our return home, 1294 01:20:42,270 --> 01:20:44,272 I find this, 1295 01:20:44,506 --> 01:20:46,884 stuck to the outer hull of our ship! 1296 01:20:47,776 --> 01:20:48,618 Blow it up, 1297 01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:53,987 and read aloud the very words that have doomed your planet to total annihilation! 1298 01:20:54,950 --> 01:20:55,621 Words? 1299 01:20:55,851 --> 01:20:57,626 DO AS THE COMMANDER COMMANDS“.! 1300 01:20:57,853 --> 01:20:59,491 OK, sheesh! 1301 01:21:20,208 --> 01:21:23,189 There's no words - it's just a picture I drew when I was a kid! 1302 01:21:23,445 --> 01:21:24,822 DON'T BE COY! 1303 01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:27,048 The other side. 1304 01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:37,097 You. 1305 01:22:05,053 --> 01:22:06,396 It was funny at the time. 1306 01:22:06,655 --> 01:22:10,432 Not only did you impugn our entire race in the most egregious way, 1307 01:22:10,659 --> 01:22:14,801 but the included portrait was an exact likeness of myself! 1308 01:22:15,096 --> 01:22:16,769 This is all your fault! 1309 01:22:17,032 --> 01:22:19,376 What'?! How was I supposed to know you were gonna take the balloon outside 1310 01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:24,209 and let it go and it'd attach itself to a spaceship from an alien species with an inferiority complex'? 1311 01:22:24,439 --> 01:22:26,544 Are you kidding? I could have seen that coming a mile away! 1312 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:27,549 Oh, WHATEVER! 1313 01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:32,122 So wait a second. You guys really were after Andi this whole time? 1314 01:22:32,914 --> 01:22:35,224 You say that like you never believed it until now. 1315 01:22:35,517 --> 01:22:38,964 And that's why you attacked Australia; why you kidnapped Aunty Kylie. 1316 01:22:39,187 --> 01:22:40,393 Well, that's all my questions answered. 1317 01:22:40,622 --> 01:22:41,794 But what took you so long? 1318 01:22:42,090 --> 01:22:44,536 That balloon thing happened 17 years ago. 1319 01:22:44,759 --> 01:22:49,401 You obviously have no idea how difficult it is to obtain an interplanetary visa where we come from. 1320 01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:50,974 It's a huge process! 1321 01:22:51,232 --> 01:22:53,109 Forms have to be submitted, background checks, 1322 01:22:53,368 --> 01:22:56,406 immunisations against literally millions of foreign parasites. 1323 01:22:56,771 --> 01:23:00,878 Oh yes. We've all read "War of the Worlds" - we know about your little bacteria buddies. 1324 01:23:01,109 --> 01:23:02,315 I've never gotten used to them myself. 1325 01:23:02,577 --> 01:23:03,851 Oh, shut up, Elliot! 1326 01:23:05,747 --> 01:23:09,559 Now that we have captured those directly responsible for this outrage, 1327 01:23:09,784 --> 01:23:14,494 we shall take you, and our vessels, out of your atmosphere and into high orbit. 1328 01:23:14,789 --> 01:23:19,499 From there, you shall witness first-hand the judgment you have brought down upon yourselves 1329 01:23:19,761 --> 01:23:23,800 as we blast your impudent little planet back into spaoedust! 1330 01:23:25,800 --> 01:23:29,111 The illustrations really help... tell the story. 1331 01:23:29,337 --> 01:23:32,147 Then what? We have to rebuild the human race? 1332 01:23:32,407 --> 01:23:34,512 Do you realise that four of us are related? 1333 01:23:34,743 --> 01:23:36,381 No. After that, we will kill you, 1334 01:23:36,611 --> 01:23:40,753 and eject your lifeless corpses with the rest of our accumulated waste. 1335 01:23:46,321 --> 01:23:48,927 The human race will be extinct. 1336 01:23:49,190 --> 01:23:53,138 Our mission complete, and our pride restored, 1337 01:23:53,428 --> 01:23:57,399 we shall bid farewell to this insolent corner of the solar system 1338 01:23:57,632 --> 01:23:59,839 and return triumphantly... 1339 01:24:00,435 --> 01:24:02,711 to Uranus. 1340 01:24:09,477 --> 01:24:12,287 You actually come from Uranus? 1341 01:24:13,048 --> 01:24:15,824 Holy shit, you really do suck balls! 1342 01:24:17,819 --> 01:24:20,129 I changed my mind. Kill them immediately. 1343 01:24:22,991 --> 01:24:24,834 Not so fast. 1344 01:24:32,333 --> 01:24:33,869 - Dad? ~ Honey') 1345 01:24:34,135 --> 01:24:35,773 - Uncle Denny? - Mr Gibson! 1346 01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:38,540 You go by many names, stranger. 1347 01:24:38,807 --> 01:24:40,650 Dad! What did you do with John'? 1348 01:24:40,875 --> 01:24:43,185 Ah, he's fine - he's in the back seat of my car outside. 1349 01:24:43,411 --> 01:24:46,017 Ah. Is that where the houseplant is too? 1350 01:24:47,315 --> 01:24:50,296 I'm the one you want. Let my family go. 1351 01:24:50,518 --> 01:24:53,692 I'm not related by blood, but I'm sure he's including me in that as well. 1352 01:24:54,923 --> 01:24:56,095 Who are you? 1353 01:24:57,058 --> 01:25:00,369 I'm the one you're after. The one you were looking for 17 years ago. 1354 01:25:00,595 --> 01:25:01,699 L--- 1355 01:25:02,597 --> 01:25:04,076 am the fugitive. 1356 01:25:06,000 --> 01:25:09,140 Dad, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, 1357 01:25:09,370 --> 01:25:12,374 but they just explained that I'm the one they're after. 1358 01:25:12,607 --> 01:25:14,416 Well, technically I am, but they thought it was Andi. 1359 01:25:14,676 --> 01:25:16,849 Kids, please! You don't know the whole story! 1360 01:25:17,445 --> 01:25:20,654 Remember how I told you about the alien that disappeared during the autopsy? 1361 01:25:20,915 --> 01:25:22,895 Yeah! That was a cool story! 1362 01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:25,758 I liked the bit at the end, where the alien disappears. 1363 01:25:26,054 --> 01:25:27,032 I lied. 1364 01:25:28,223 --> 01:25:31,932 The alien didn't disappear. And it didn't die on impact. 1365 01:25:32,727 --> 01:25:33,899 The alien... 1366 01:25:35,897 --> 01:25:37,843 is me. 1367 01:25:41,569 --> 01:25:42,912 Yeah, sure Dad. 1368 01:25:43,138 --> 01:25:44,811 You really thought you could pull that off'? 1369 01:25:45,106 --> 01:25:47,712 No... but I thought I could pull this off... 1370 01:25:50,478 --> 01:25:52,924 OK, OK! The face is back! The face is back! 1371 01:25:53,148 --> 01:25:55,594 Tell me this is some kind of communal nightmare! 1372 01:25:55,817 --> 01:25:57,819 I think it's really happening! 1373 01:25:58,086 --> 01:25:58,152 I just checked the playback - it really happened! 1374 01:25:58,153 --> 01:26:00,531 I just checked the playback - it really happened! 1375 01:26:00,788 --> 01:26:03,098 Oh my god, it's PLAYBACK CONFIRMEDI! 1376 01:26:03,324 --> 01:26:05,361 SILENCE, EARTH SCUMI! 1377 01:26:06,294 --> 01:26:11,403 Would someone please explain to me what the zvix-trog is going on??I 1378 01:26:12,600 --> 01:26:15,046 My true name is Wix Bluzqafleg, 1379 01:26:15,303 --> 01:26:18,614 and 28 years ago I committed a terrible crime on Uranus. 1380 01:26:20,408 --> 01:26:22,183 Keith, for god's sakes. 1381 01:26:22,410 --> 01:26:24,117 I'm sorry... but, man, 1382 01:26:24,345 --> 01:26:27,554 they really screwed up when they named that planet. 1383 01:26:28,416 --> 01:26:32,057 I stole a ship and flew to Earth, crash-landed in the Australian desert - 1384 01:26:32,420 --> 01:26:34,525 a fugitive from my home planet. 1385 01:26:38,259 --> 01:26:42,196 I was found by an elderly South-Australian couple and their three-legged dog, Footloose. 1386 01:26:42,197 --> 01:26:42,641 I was found by an elderly South-Australian couple and their three-legged dog, Footloose. 1387 01:26:45,266 --> 01:26:47,371 I lived with them for several months... 1388 01:26:47,835 --> 01:26:48,973 Can you pass the salt'? 1389 01:26:49,204 --> 01:26:50,308 NOOOO! 1390 01:26:51,639 --> 01:26:53,812 Before the men in black found me. 1391 01:26:54,876 --> 01:26:56,549 I was so devo'd. 1392 01:26:57,178 --> 01:26:59,158 I pretended to be dead. 1393 01:27:00,348 --> 01:27:02,521 Right up until the autopsy. 1394 01:27:16,130 --> 01:27:18,406 Look, I don't want to cause a panic. 1395 01:27:26,507 --> 01:27:30,478 I didn't mean for it to happen, but once it did, I had no other choice. 1396 01:27:33,648 --> 01:27:36,652 Couldn't just leave the body there, so... 1397 01:27:36,884 --> 01:27:38,227 I ingested it. 1398 01:27:40,188 --> 01:27:41,531 Bones and all. 1399 01:27:43,591 --> 01:27:47,437 Well... almost all - I did keep a little bit for bubble and squeak the next day. 1400 01:27:47,729 --> 01:27:47,761 Ugh, that's sick! 1401 01:27:47,762 --> 01:27:49,036 Ugh, that's sick! 1402 01:27:49,497 --> 01:27:53,707 To you maybe, but eating the dead is a sign of respect on our planet, right Commander? 1403 01:27:54,569 --> 01:27:58,574 I managed to convince most of the other agents that the alien magically vanished. 1404 01:27:58,906 --> 01:28:03,286 Since the disguise was so effective, I decided to continue on at ASIO as a researcher and 1405 01:28:03,544 --> 01:28:05,990 put my extensive alien knowledge to good use. 1406 01:28:06,714 --> 01:28:09,783 A year later I met your mother, and... the rest you know. 1407 01:28:09,784 --> 01:28:09,818 A year later I met your mother, and... the rest you know. 1408 01:28:12,453 --> 01:28:14,433 Dad... is an alien. 1409 01:28:16,257 --> 01:28:18,737 Well I'd be lying if I said that didn't make any sense. 1410 01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:22,169 Well... how come your fake skin doesn't look like it does on the other aliens? 1411 01:28:22,430 --> 01:28:23,408 Oh, I moisturise. 1412 01:28:23,631 --> 01:28:25,838 What about your voice? You don't sound like the other aliens. 1413 01:28:26,100 --> 01:28:28,637 I do a lot of vocal exercises, drink a lot of camomile tea, 1414 01:28:28,903 --> 01:28:30,211 throat lozenges, that sort of thing. 1415 01:28:30,438 --> 01:28:31,805 What about salt? You must have used salt before. 1416 01:28:31,806 --> 01:28:32,546 What about salt? You must have used salt before. 1417 01:28:32,774 --> 01:28:33,752 I never ate real salt. 1418 01:28:33,975 --> 01:28:36,854 We had imitation salt, also known as "I Can't Believe It's Not Salt". 1419 01:28:37,111 --> 01:28:37,919 It's made from coconut. 1420 01:28:38,146 --> 01:28:38,920 Well then... What ab--- 1421 01:28:39,147 --> 01:28:39,921 Cam? 1422 01:28:40,148 --> 01:28:41,627 Just... back off, OK? 1423 01:28:42,884 --> 01:28:44,022 Mum, did you know'? 1424 01:28:44,285 --> 01:28:46,822 Yes of course I knew. And I wanted to tell you, too. 1425 01:28:47,088 --> 01:28:50,035 But your father always had some genius excuse up his sleeve. 1426 01:28:50,725 --> 01:28:52,500 We have to tell the kids. 1427 01:28:52,727 --> 01:28:54,104 We can't just now. 1428 01:28:54,562 --> 01:28:56,542 Andi's obsessed with aliens. 1429 01:28:56,764 --> 01:28:59,142 Imagine if she found out I am an alien! 1430 01:28:59,834 --> 01:29:02,644 Well she'd treat me like a god and completely brush you aside. 1431 01:29:02,970 --> 01:29:05,007 I don't want to see that happen to you, honey. 1432 01:29:06,274 --> 01:29:08,948 Dennis, we need to tell the kids. 1433 01:29:09,177 --> 01:29:10,121 Not now. 1434 01:29:10,511 --> 01:29:12,957 Not while Elliot's going through his hypochondriac phase. 1435 01:29:13,281 --> 01:29:16,149 He'll probably call Biosecurity Services and have me quarantined. 1436 01:29:16,150 --> 01:29:16,389 He'll probably call Biosecurity Services and have me quarantined. 1437 01:29:21,289 --> 01:29:22,131 Honey! 1438 01:29:22,657 --> 01:29:24,432 We need to tell the kids! 1439 01:29:26,494 --> 01:29:29,134 A mere seven months before Andi's birthday? 1440 01:29:29,364 --> 01:29:30,638 Nice, Kylie. 1441 01:29:34,535 --> 01:29:34,910 Ow! 1442 01:29:35,169 --> 01:29:37,171 That's for hiding in a box while they kidnapped me! 1443 01:29:37,538 --> 01:29:38,171 OK, for the record... 1444 01:29:38,172 --> 01:29:39,310 OK, for the record... 1445 01:29:39,540 --> 01:29:42,077 that box was tremendously dusty an claustrophobic. 1446 01:29:42,343 --> 01:29:44,016 So don't pretend like I didn't suffer! 1447 01:29:44,278 --> 01:29:44,756 Mum? 1448 01:29:44,979 --> 01:29:45,855 What is it, Andi? 1449 01:29:46,147 --> 01:29:48,787 You knowingly had sex with an alien')? 1450 01:29:49,016 --> 01:29:52,122 I knowingly made love with an alien, yes Andrea. 1451 01:29:52,353 --> 01:29:55,664 And he'll be extremely lucky if it ever happens again, quite frankly. 1452 01:29:55,890 --> 01:29:58,336 Welcome to "Jerry Springer" meets "The Thing". 1453 01:29:58,893 --> 01:29:59,701 So... 1454 01:29:59,961 --> 01:30:00,193 That means... 1455 01:30:00,194 --> 01:30:00,672 That means... 1456 01:30:00,895 --> 01:30:01,839 Oh my gosh. 1457 01:30:02,063 --> 01:30:03,041 Elliot and I are... 1458 01:30:03,398 --> 01:30:04,934 Part-alien??? 1459 01:30:11,339 --> 01:30:12,215 Yes. 1460 01:30:20,982 --> 01:30:21,960 Well... 1461 01:30:22,750 --> 01:30:24,923 This explains a few things. 1462 01:30:26,087 --> 01:30:27,566 Like what')? 1463 01:30:28,489 --> 01:30:31,800 For one thing, it explains why I have three belly-buttons! 1464 01:30:32,093 --> 01:30:33,401 It's called a "tri-navel". 1465 01:30:33,895 --> 01:30:35,533 And why I have a tail! 1466 01:30:41,436 --> 01:30:42,710 Sorry, Cam. 1467 01:30:45,740 --> 01:30:48,584 And that explains why I have a lump on my scrotum! 1468 01:30:48,843 --> 01:30:51,551 No, that's not alien related. You should get that checked out. 1469 01:30:51,779 --> 01:30:52,985 Oh you know what it probably is'? 1470 01:30:53,247 --> 01:30:54,351 Prostate cancer. 1471 01:30:54,782 --> 01:30:56,261 Oh my god! 1472 01:30:56,751 --> 01:31:02,463 But the main thing it explains is the true reason why I have otherworldly cognitive powers! 1473 01:31:02,723 --> 01:31:06,068 I didn't get them from that flying saucer 17 years ago! 1474 01:31:06,294 --> 01:31:08,467 I got them from Dad! 1475 01:31:08,763 --> 01:31:12,575 I don't know about "powers", but you may have a telepathic connection with other aliens. 1476 01:31:13,034 --> 01:31:16,914 For instance, have you ever heard your brother's voice inside your head'? 1477 01:31:17,538 --> 01:31:20,212 Andi, have you ever heard my voice inside your head? 1478 01:31:20,441 --> 01:31:23,217 Hmmm, not that I can specifically recall... 1479 01:31:25,379 --> 01:31:26,687 Anyway! 1480 01:31:27,048 --> 01:31:28,281 I'm here now so please arrest me and let these innocent people go. 1481 01:31:28,282 --> 01:31:30,762 I'm here now so please arrest me and let these innocent people go. 1482 01:31:33,087 --> 01:31:34,691 Mr Blizzle-flake, 1483 01:31:35,289 --> 01:31:36,768 Despite what you may think, 1484 01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,703 I have no idea who you are, or what you've done. 1485 01:31:39,961 --> 01:31:42,066 My business here is with your daughter. 1486 01:31:42,396 --> 01:31:44,672 And, to a lesser extent, planet Earth. 1487 01:31:45,399 --> 01:31:49,040 So... my coming here was completely meaningless? 1488 01:31:49,470 --> 01:31:50,303 It appears so. 1489 01:31:50,304 --> 01:31:50,907 It appears so. 1490 01:31:51,472 --> 01:31:52,644 Well... 1491 01:31:52,940 --> 01:31:54,248 I'll just be off, then. 1492 01:31:54,509 --> 01:31:56,216 Not so fast! 1493 01:32:07,955 --> 01:32:09,093 Hello, Dennis. 1494 01:32:10,491 --> 01:32:11,765 Crowe. 1495 01:32:12,426 --> 01:32:14,702 What the hell is Stix's dad doing here? 1496 01:32:15,162 --> 01:32:17,608 What's the matter, Agent PP-69? 1497 01:32:18,165 --> 01:32:20,202 Not happy to see your old partner? 1498 01:32:20,668 --> 01:32:21,510 Wait a second! 1499 01:32:21,802 --> 01:32:24,305 Stix's dad is Agent Crowe from ASIO? 1500 01:32:24,705 --> 01:32:26,912 The guy you told us about - the one that never believed you'? 1501 01:32:27,174 --> 01:32:28,881 That's right, starchild. 1502 01:32:29,377 --> 01:32:32,756 I knew that whole vanishing alien story was a crock of shit! 1503 01:32:33,180 --> 01:32:34,347 It only took 28 years of stalking your family to prove myself right. 1504 01:32:34,348 --> 01:32:36,555 It only took 28 years of stalking your family to prove myself right. 1505 01:32:37,318 --> 01:32:40,162 That was you in the silver Ute outside my house tonight! 1506 01:32:40,655 --> 01:32:43,499 I've been there every night for the last quarter-century! 1507 01:32:44,025 --> 01:32:45,561 Thanks for finally noticing! 1508 01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:51,109 Speaking of which, how oorne I never see you at any of Titanium Turtle's gigs, Dennis? 1509 01:32:51,365 --> 01:32:53,174 What kind of unsupponive parent are you? 1510 01:32:53,401 --> 01:32:55,210 Andi tells me not to come. 1511 01:32:55,469 --> 01:32:56,369 And, besides, have you heard 'em play'? 1512 01:32:56,370 --> 01:32:56,905 And, besides, have you heard 'em play'? 1513 01:32:57,171 --> 01:32:58,206 They're no Tazmaniax. 1514 01:32:58,472 --> 01:32:59,280 SHUT UPI! 1515 01:32:59,674 --> 01:33:01,847 You are not gonna ruin this moment for me. 1516 01:33:02,076 --> 01:33:04,852 Don't bet on it. He's ruined many a moment in his time. 1517 01:33:10,051 --> 01:33:12,554 Stix, have you and your dad been following us all night? 1518 01:33:12,820 --> 01:33:13,298 Don't answer that. 1519 01:33:13,521 --> 01:33:16,127 Well, obviously you have, otherwise you wouldn't be here. 1520 01:33:16,524 --> 01:33:17,298 Lame, dude. 1521 01:33:17,658 --> 01:33:18,391 - Real lame. - It's not my fault! 1522 01:33:18,392 --> 01:33:19,063 - Real lame. - It's not my fault! 1523 01:33:19,327 --> 01:33:21,034 Dad never talks about his work! 1524 01:33:21,262 --> 01:33:23,071 He only told me everything a few hours ago. 1525 01:33:23,331 --> 01:33:24,366 - I didn't mean for-- - Steven! 1526 01:33:24,599 --> 01:33:26,943 One more word, and there's no ice-cream tonight, young man. 1527 01:33:27,201 --> 01:33:29,545 ERRRRRR!!! Dad, stop embarrassing me! 1528 01:33:30,605 --> 01:33:32,778 Funny how things turn out, isn't it? 1529 01:33:33,240 --> 01:33:38,383 You know, I've always dreamed of conducting gruesomely unethical experiments on you, Dennis. 1530 01:33:38,613 --> 01:33:40,413 But, tonight... I had a change of heart. 1531 01:33:40,414 --> 01:33:41,085 But, tonight... I had a change of heart. 1532 01:33:41,349 --> 01:33:42,521 Oh, thank god! 1533 01:33:42,750 --> 01:33:44,229 I'm gonna kill you instead. 1534 01:33:44,552 --> 01:33:46,554 What'??? What about the experiments? 1535 01:33:46,854 --> 01:33:47,628 Well... 1536 01:33:48,022 --> 01:33:52,300 Why settle for a small fry, when I can take home the big cheese'? 1537 01:33:52,760 --> 01:33:53,966 Drop those guns, 1538 01:33:54,228 --> 01:33:56,367 or I'll put a big fat bullet in the Commander's head. 1539 01:34:02,103 --> 01:34:02,435 Do you know who I am, human? 1540 01:34:02,436 --> 01:34:05,144 Do you know who I am, human? 1541 01:34:05,806 --> 01:34:06,614 Yes. 1542 01:34:07,074 --> 01:34:11,352 You're the alien that's gonna help me to achieve my lifelong ambition. 1543 01:34:11,746 --> 01:34:17,025 With your advanced technology, I'm gonna turn this country into a new superpower. 1544 01:34:17,385 --> 01:34:21,595 All other nations of the world will be forced to bow down, in subservience, 1545 01:34:21,822 --> 01:34:24,457 before the awesome might of the Iron Kangaroo! 1546 01:34:24,458 --> 01:34:24,799 Before the awesome might of the Iron Kangaroo! 1547 01:34:25,326 --> 01:34:26,270 And I, 1548 01:34:26,494 --> 01:34:28,098 Agent Nelson Crowe, 1549 01:34:28,329 --> 01:34:31,310 will be Supreme Commander and LORD 1550 01:34:31,632 --> 01:34:36,081 of all the lands, seas and skies of this Earth! 1551 01:34:37,238 --> 01:34:39,684 Someone needs to stop sniffing glue. 1552 01:34:39,907 --> 01:34:41,750 Thank you, Elliot! 1553 01:34:42,009 --> 01:34:43,545 I almost forgot. 1554 01:34:43,811 --> 01:34:46,314 As witnesses to my little acquisition, 1555 01:34:46,647 --> 01:34:49,685 I can't allow any of you to leave this room alive. 1556 01:34:50,785 --> 01:34:53,095 Well how else are we supposed to leave the room, genius? 1557 01:34:53,320 --> 01:34:55,596 We can't exactly leave it dead, now can we? 1558 01:34:57,992 --> 01:34:59,869 I don't think we're leaving the room at all. 1559 01:35:00,127 --> 01:35:02,107 - You must be the smart one. - But Mr Crowel 1560 01:35:02,329 --> 01:35:04,832 What about that wonderful conversation we had at Andi's gig'? 1561 01:35:05,099 --> 01:35:06,271 Didn't that mean anything to you? 1562 01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:07,604 - I was faking it. - Oh! 1563 01:35:07,835 --> 01:35:08,501 Besides, the time for conversation is over. 1564 01:35:08,502 --> 01:35:10,311 Besides, the time for conversation is over. 1565 01:35:10,604 --> 01:35:11,275 Aw! 1566 01:35:12,106 --> 01:35:15,144 Since this whole thing started because of you, Dennis, 1567 01:35:15,509 --> 01:35:18,956 It seems only fitting that you should be the first to die. 1568 01:35:19,547 --> 01:35:22,323 I'm sure there's a more appropriate person you could start with. 1569 01:35:22,550 --> 01:35:24,325 Are you sure you've thought it through thoroughly? 1570 01:35:27,021 --> 01:35:29,228 Say your prayers... 1571 01:35:31,859 --> 01:35:33,338 Not so fast! 1572 01:35:34,328 --> 01:35:35,170 What the hell? 1573 01:35:41,335 --> 01:35:42,780 Drop the gun, Stix's dad. 1574 01:35:43,037 --> 01:35:44,710 John? I thought you were dead! 1575 01:35:45,039 --> 01:35:47,315 I was. But then I woke up. 1576 01:35:47,575 --> 01:35:49,612 I was in the back of someone's car, zipped up in a body bag! 1577 01:35:49,877 --> 01:35:50,651 Dad! 1578 01:35:50,978 --> 01:35:52,321 Well he stopped breathing! 1579 01:35:52,546 --> 01:35:54,423 And I didn't want him stinking up the car! 1580 01:35:54,682 --> 01:35:58,494 Luckily, I managed to chew myself out of the bag and then I crawled all the way here. 1581 01:35:58,753 --> 01:36:00,858 I also found this gun on the ground outside. 1582 01:36:01,322 --> 01:36:03,962 So you better drop it, Stix's dad, before I pump you full of... 1583 01:36:04,925 --> 01:36:05,960 eneYQY- 1584 01:36:06,227 --> 01:36:08,104 Wait a second, that's not my gun, is it? 1585 01:36:08,362 --> 01:36:10,865 The one that ran out of ammo at the worst possible moment? 1586 01:36:16,504 --> 01:36:17,005 Oh darn. 1587 01:36:25,379 --> 01:36:26,756 Oopsidaisy. 1588 01:36:28,449 --> 01:36:29,826 How could you shoot John? 1589 01:36:30,084 --> 01:36:33,361 Now, back to what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted: 1590 01:36:33,721 --> 01:36:35,064 Killing you! 1591 01:36:35,289 --> 01:36:36,589 - Not so fast! - Oh, PUH-LEASE!!! 1592 01:36:36,590 --> 01:36:37,625 - Not so fast! - Oh, PUH-LEASE!!! 1593 01:36:37,892 --> 01:36:41,567 My name is Roy. I'm here from the Brisbane City Council. 1594 01:36:41,796 --> 01:36:46,267 Everybody here is under arrest for trespassing on private property. 1595 01:36:46,567 --> 01:36:47,341 Arrest this. 1596 01:36:48,202 --> 01:36:49,738 NOW! SHOOT HIM!I. 1597 01:37:11,725 --> 01:37:12,760 Run, kids! 1598 01:37:22,937 --> 01:37:23,540 Andi! 1599 01:37:39,119 --> 01:37:40,154 Drop it, kid. 1600 01:37:40,421 --> 01:37:42,355 Or I'll give your brother the incurable disease he's been fearing his whole life. 1601 01:37:42,356 --> 01:37:43,801 Or I'll give your brother the incurable disease he's been fearing his whole life. 1602 01:37:44,258 --> 01:37:46,067 It's called "bullet-in-the-brain-ititis". 1603 01:37:46,293 --> 01:37:47,829 - That's not a real disease... - Shut up! 1604 01:37:48,195 --> 01:37:50,869 Dad, please, drop the gun - it's over! 1605 01:37:51,131 --> 01:37:54,237 Do it, Crowe! Or I'll turn your son into obsidian! 1606 01:37:54,468 --> 01:37:55,776 Don't worry - I'm not gonna hurt you. 1607 01:38:01,308 --> 01:38:03,015 DAD! YOU SHOT MEI! 1608 01:38:03,277 --> 01:38:04,377 Oh, why don't you have a little cry about it? Like that time you got stung by a wasp. 1609 01:38:04,378 --> 01:38:06,722 Oh, why don't you have a little cry about it? Like that time you got stung by a wasp. 1610 01:38:06,981 --> 01:38:08,585 ERRRRR, so embarrassing! 1611 01:38:08,849 --> 01:38:10,021 Listen up, Andi. 1612 01:38:10,284 --> 01:38:12,491 I'm gonna give you to the count of five to drop that spacegun, 1613 01:38:12,853 --> 01:38:16,528 or you're gonna be combing fragments of your brother's skull out of your armpits! 1614 01:38:40,314 --> 01:38:41,292 Elliot. 1615 01:38:41,849 --> 01:38:42,953 Can you hear me? 1616 01:38:43,183 --> 01:38:45,185 If you can, stick out your tongue. 1617 01:38:51,225 --> 01:38:51,930 ONE! 1618 01:38:53,494 --> 01:38:55,940 Elliot? Elliot! Think something! 1619 01:38:56,163 --> 01:38:58,803 Oh, I bit my tongue! 1620 01:38:59,033 --> 01:39:00,808 Forget about your stupid tongue! 1621 01:39:01,035 --> 01:39:03,345 We have to move at the exact same time for this to wo-- 1622 01:39:03,570 --> 01:39:05,846 Wait! I got another call. Let me put you on hold. 1623 01:39:06,073 --> 01:39:06,949 ELLIOT!! 1624 01:39:07,207 --> 01:39:09,050 - TWO! - Hello, who's this? 1625 01:39:09,276 --> 01:39:10,443 Andi! If you keep him distracted long enough, I think I can get to the other spacegun. 1626 01:39:10,444 --> 01:39:13,448 Andi! If you keep him distracted long enough, I think I can get to the other spacegun. 1627 01:39:13,781 --> 01:39:15,158 It's not Andi, Dad, it's Elliot. 1628 01:39:15,416 --> 01:39:17,726 BUGGER! I dialled the wrong brain. 1629 01:39:18,018 --> 01:39:19,156 Guess I'm a little rusty at this. 1630 01:39:19,420 --> 01:39:20,023 THREE! 1631 01:39:20,254 --> 01:39:21,756 Elliot, where the hell are you? 1632 01:39:22,022 --> 01:39:23,194 OK I'm back. Thanks for waiting. 1633 01:39:23,424 --> 01:39:25,802 Elliot, quick! Do the Falsetto Stiletto! 1634 01:39:26,727 --> 01:39:27,865 I have no idea what that means. 1635 01:39:28,095 --> 01:39:28,937 FOUR! 1636 01:39:29,196 --> 01:39:30,903 Kick him in the sperm bank, and then hit the din. 1637 01:39:31,198 --> 01:39:32,142 No problem! 1638 01:39:32,466 --> 01:39:33,604 - What dirt'? - Oh my-l 1639 01:39:33,867 --> 01:39:35,642 You know what? I should just let you die. 1640 01:39:35,869 --> 01:39:37,849 It'd be like putting down a rabid dog. 1641 01:39:38,072 --> 01:39:38,709 FIVE!!! 1642 01:39:38,973 --> 01:39:40,850 I... don't... have... 1643 01:39:41,108 --> 01:39:42,314 RABIES!!! 1644 01:39:51,719 --> 01:39:52,663 Goodbye, Crowe. 1645 01:39:59,960 --> 01:40:01,462 Aw, that's my finger... 1646 01:40:21,348 --> 01:40:23,851 It's not a party... without a balloon. 1647 01:40:37,364 --> 01:40:38,468 YEAH!!! 1648 01:40:38,866 --> 01:40:40,641 YEAH! Did you see that? 1649 01:40:43,470 --> 01:40:44,107 Booyah! 1650 01:40:50,978 --> 01:40:52,286 And I could see it, all in my mind... 1651 01:40:52,513 --> 01:40:53,548 And I could hear you! You did so well... 1652 01:40:53,814 --> 01:40:54,849 Everyone thought it made me blow up... 1653 01:40:55,115 --> 01:40:56,059 I'm so proud of you! 1654 01:41:02,823 --> 01:41:04,825 We... We did it! We did it! 1655 01:41:05,059 --> 01:41:06,402 Oh thank god! 1656 01:41:18,639 --> 01:41:19,515 Andi, 1657 01:41:20,474 --> 01:41:21,953 You killed my father. 1658 01:41:22,576 --> 01:41:23,680 I'm sorry? 1659 01:41:24,311 --> 01:41:25,016 Thank you! 1660 01:41:26,413 --> 01:41:28,051 Maybe one day I can return the favour. 1661 01:41:28,415 --> 01:41:29,758 That's not necessary. 1662 01:41:30,050 --> 01:41:31,757 Oh my god! John! 1663 01:41:33,153 --> 01:41:34,257 Is he gonna be OK'? 1664 01:41:34,488 --> 01:41:37,298 Are you kidding? Six bullets in the chest'?! 1665 01:41:37,524 --> 01:41:38,696 He's gonna be fine. 1666 01:41:42,496 --> 01:41:43,338 Hi, John. 1667 01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:44,597 Get me... to a hospital! 1668 01:41:44,598 --> 01:41:46,839 Get me... to a hospital! 1669 01:41:47,067 --> 01:41:48,068 You don't need a hospital! 1670 01:41:48,335 --> 01:41:50,542 You just need some caramel frosting and a piece of pineapple. 1671 01:41:52,072 --> 01:41:52,880 Oh my god! 1672 01:41:58,579 --> 01:42:00,183 Do you think it's gonna be OK? 1673 01:42:01,782 --> 01:42:03,625 The part that matters will be. 1674 01:42:04,718 --> 01:42:06,619 Um... Everybody? 1675 01:42:06,620 --> 01:42:06,893 Um... Everybody? 1676 01:42:14,428 --> 01:42:16,408 You saved my life. 1677 01:42:16,697 --> 01:42:18,404 I am indebted to you. 1678 01:42:23,537 --> 01:42:26,017 Unfortunately, we still must obliterate your planet. 1679 01:42:26,240 --> 01:42:28,220 Aw, oome on! 1680 01:42:28,609 --> 01:42:28,641 We just saved your life, you stupid cow! 1681 01:42:28,642 --> 01:42:31,384 We just saved your life, you stupid cow! 1682 01:42:31,612 --> 01:42:33,387 Well... if you put it like that, 1683 01:42:33,614 --> 01:42:36,117 I suppose we can come to some sort of compromise. 1684 01:42:36,383 --> 01:42:37,191 Thank you. 1685 01:42:38,152 --> 01:42:41,622 We shall only destroy your country... 1686 01:42:41,889 --> 01:42:43,061 and nowhere else. 1687 01:42:44,057 --> 01:42:45,832 Why do you need to destroy anything? 1688 01:42:46,059 --> 01:42:47,936 Why don't you just call it a day and go home? 1689 01:42:48,162 --> 01:42:49,800 We're a proud species, Camilla. 1690 01:42:51,131 --> 01:42:54,738 And misunderstanding or no misunderstanding, our race has been insulted. 1691 01:42:55,002 --> 01:42:59,781 And having just a single mass of land destroyed is an uncharacteristically small price to pay. 1692 01:43:00,007 --> 01:43:00,985 Am I right, Commander? 1693 01:43:01,241 --> 01:43:05,849 Yes. Now please go stand over there. My guards may still need to shoot you in a moment. 1694 01:43:06,180 --> 01:43:07,181 Roger that. 1695 01:43:11,985 --> 01:43:12,685 Wait a minute. A single mass of land? Can it be any mass of land? 1696 01:43:12,686 --> 01:43:16,998 Wait a minute. A single mass of land? Can it be any mass of land? 1697 01:43:17,858 --> 01:43:19,667 I suppose it could. 1698 01:43:20,194 --> 01:43:21,332 Anywhere in the world. 1699 01:43:22,196 --> 01:43:25,507 As long as it's visible from space, I don't see why not. 1700 01:43:26,767 --> 01:43:29,805 So in order to return home, with your pride intact, 1701 01:43:30,037 --> 01:43:34,486 you just need to destroy a single, isolated land mass that's visible from space? 1702 01:43:34,775 --> 01:43:36,448 That is correct. 1703 01:43:42,983 --> 01:43:46,089 Tasmania has been wiped off the face of the Earth. 1704 01:43:48,288 --> 01:43:53,761 The rumours that have been circulating for the past three days have finally been proven. 1705 01:43:54,027 --> 01:43:56,729 As these satellite images confirm, the island of the arse-end of Oz is no more. 1706 01:43:56,730 --> 01:43:59,540 As these satellite images confirm, the island of the arse-end of Oz is no more. 1707 01:43:59,800 --> 01:44:01,438 Don't you think it was a little... 1708 01:44:01,668 --> 01:44:02,942 unpatriotic of us? 1709 01:44:03,170 --> 01:44:04,706 It's not really pan of Australia. 1710 01:44:04,972 --> 01:44:12,151 Why exactly the alien visitors felt compelled to vaporise this small, mountainous state at the bottom of the world 1711 01:44:12,379 --> 01:44:14,017 is anyone's guess. 1712 01:44:14,481 --> 01:44:18,751 But what is even more baffling is the two-kilometre-high message they left in its wake. 1713 01:44:18,752 --> 01:44:19,856 But what is even more baffling is the two-kilometre-high message they left in its wake. 1714 01:44:20,087 --> 01:44:22,567 Uranus must be like the Tasmania of planets. 1715 01:44:22,856 --> 01:44:23,891 To Tassie. 1716 01:44:24,258 --> 01:44:25,236 To Tassie. 1717 01:44:26,593 --> 01:44:28,595 - Taking one for the team. - Hey hey! 1718 01:44:28,862 --> 01:44:32,139 Who wants a slice of chocolate banana pizza? Good for what ails ya! 1719 01:44:32,699 --> 01:44:34,235 Oh, everyone, everyone! 1720 01:44:34,768 --> 01:44:35,872 Out of the way. 1721 01:44:36,103 --> 01:44:37,707 This is my dad. 1722 01:44:38,939 --> 01:44:40,077 He's an alien. 1723 01:44:40,340 --> 01:44:40,773 "Alien"! 1724 01:44:40,774 --> 01:44:41,411 "Alien"! 1725 01:44:42,175 --> 01:44:43,518 "Alien"! 1726 01:44:44,945 --> 01:44:47,323 Only in private, people! Only in private. 1727 01:44:47,948 --> 01:44:48,323 Ooh! 1728 01:44:49,383 --> 01:44:52,330 Your dad... is so cool. 1729 01:44:52,552 --> 01:44:54,532 - Can I borrow him for a couple of days? - Absolutely! 1730 01:44:55,355 --> 01:44:59,997 But enough about Tasmania. It's time to introduce you to the small band of heroes... 1731 01:45:00,260 --> 01:45:02,795 - Oh! This is us! Everybody, shut up! - who averted disaster for the majority of the nation. 1732 01:45:02,796 --> 01:45:04,241 - Oh! This is us! Everybody, shut up! - who averted disaster for the majority of the nation. 1733 01:45:04,564 --> 01:45:08,944 27-year-old Andrea Gibson, whose band, Titanium Turtle, 1734 01:45:09,202 --> 01:45:12,081 has just released their first album, "Music From Uranus", 1735 01:45:12,306 --> 01:45:12,681 Yes! 1736 01:45:12,939 --> 01:45:16,045 Which has already sold a record number of copies online. 1737 01:45:16,276 --> 01:45:20,418 I'll admit - having a half-alien in the band is extraordinarily awesome. 1738 01:45:20,647 --> 01:45:21,625 I told ya. 1739 01:45:22,249 --> 01:45:28,632 Her brother Elliot Gibson, who has now begun teaching self-help courses at schools all around Brisbane. 1740 01:45:28,889 --> 01:45:33,235 It was then that I realised, that the negative feelings in my head were affecting me more 1741 01:45:33,460 --> 01:45:35,303 than the whipworms in my colon! 1742 01:45:35,996 --> 01:45:37,031 Nice one, bro! 1743 01:45:38,231 --> 01:45:39,039 Hi. 1744 01:45:40,100 --> 01:45:41,374 I'm Naomi. 1745 01:45:42,269 --> 01:45:47,912 I was at your seminar yesterday and I just wanted to say thank you - you've changed my entire life. 1746 01:45:49,142 --> 01:45:51,179 Uh... it was my pleasure. 1747 01:45:59,686 --> 01:46:05,364 Cousin to the Gibsons, Keith Flynn, seen here in an advertisement for his new martial arts program, 1748 01:46:05,659 --> 01:46:07,002 E. T. Kwon Do. 1749 01:46:07,260 --> 01:46:09,763 Fighting humans is for sissies!! 1750 01:46:09,996 --> 01:46:13,944 I'm Keith "Cheap Shot" Flynn, winner of six consecutive titles, 1751 01:46:14,167 --> 01:46:17,444 and I'm gonna show you how to bring down one of these suckers 1752 01:46:17,671 --> 01:46:19,844 using my new signature move: 1753 01:46:20,107 --> 01:46:21,586 The Throat Scrote! 1754 01:46:23,343 --> 01:46:24,481 Booyah! 1755 01:46:26,380 --> 01:46:28,656 I'm gonna get another drink. Who wants a refill? 1756 01:46:28,949 --> 01:46:31,987 John Brown, flutist for Titanium Turtle, 1757 01:46:32,219 --> 01:46:36,827 who, unfortunately, was unavailable for comment at the time of this recording. 1758 01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:38,567 Hey yeah, where is John? 1759 01:46:38,825 --> 01:46:40,771 Not sure. I think he said he was running late. 1760 01:46:40,994 --> 01:46:41,438 He)', guys. 1761 01:46:51,371 --> 01:46:52,372 Did you hear something'? 1762 01:46:52,739 --> 01:46:56,778 And finally, Camilla Weir, whose documentary on the alien attack, 1763 01:46:57,043 --> 01:47:02,755 featuring personally-filmed footage of the event, has become an overnight sensation. 1764 01:47:03,016 --> 01:47:04,120 Yeah, go Cam! 1765 01:47:04,351 --> 01:47:06,194 No more filming gigs for me, guys. 1766 01:47:06,420 --> 01:47:08,422 Next stop, Hollywood. 1767 01:47:08,722 --> 01:47:13,432 And now as part of our exclusive report, we'll show you some amazing footage 1768 01:47:13,693 --> 01:47:15,798 - from the small group of Australians - Shhhhl This is it! 1769 01:47:16,029 --> 01:47:20,375 Who successfully negotiated the ceasefire between the alien invaders 1770 01:47:20,600 --> 01:47:22,773 and our great southern land. 1771 01:47:25,005 --> 01:47:25,710 Pssst! 1772 01:47:26,706 --> 01:47:28,845 She's cute, bro. Just don't blow it. 1773 01:47:29,242 --> 01:47:30,744 Thanks, sis, but, uh... 1774 01:47:31,678 --> 01:47:32,952 I think I got this. 1775 01:47:36,883 --> 01:47:38,055 We're rolling... 1776 01:47:39,019 --> 01:47:41,693 Uh... camera goes here. 1777 01:47:43,423 --> 01:47:46,233 And now... step one: 1778 01:47:47,227 --> 01:47:50,333 The removing... of the pants. 1779 01:47:56,536 --> 01:47:59,881 ♪ When people think about the land Oz' ♪ 1780 01:48:00,106 --> 01:48:02,985 ♪ They never think about the full stop I' 1781 01:48:03,577 --> 01:48:07,081 I And on your company iogo Pm a no-show I 1782 01:48:07,314 --> 01:48:10,818 IA click in Photoshop, and I get the chop ♪ 1783 01:48:11,084 --> 01:48:16,363 ♪ But I guess, I guess I dig the isolation' ♪ 1784 01:48:18,091 --> 01:48:24,770 I And I guess, I guess I feel that way because I 1785 01:48:25,065 --> 01:48:31,744 ♪ I broke away, hey, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah ♪ 1786 01:48:32,305 --> 01:48:37,948 ♪ From the mainland of Oz' ♪ 1787 01:48:39,246 --> 01:48:45,925 ♪ I'm separated, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah I 1788 01:48:46,520 --> 01:48:51,970 ♪ From the mainland of Oz' ♪ 1789 01:48:53,460 --> 01:48:56,907 ♪ Some people cross the sea to see my thyiacines' ♪ 1790 01:48:57,130 --> 01:48:59,508 ♪ But let me give it to you Bass Strait' ♪ 1791 01:49:00,600 --> 01:49:04,241 ♪ You know the last one died in 1936' ♪ 1792 01:49:04,471 --> 01:49:07,748 ♪ So I'm sorry there, mate - I think you might be too late I 1793 01:49:07,974 --> 01:49:13,356 ♪ But I guess, I guess that nothing fives forever' ♪! 1794 01:49:15,048 --> 01:49:21,829 ♪ We“ I hope, I hope I make it on my own' ♪ 1795 01:49:22,122 --> 01:49:29,131 ♪ I broke away, hey, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah ♪ 1796 01:49:29,362 --> 01:49:35,904 ♪ From the mainland of Oz' ♪ 1797 01:49:36,202 --> 01:49:42,915 ♪ I'm separated, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah I 1798 01:49:43,476 --> 01:49:48,949 ♪ From the mainland of Oz' ♪ 1799 01:49:50,650 --> 01:49:55,599 ♪ Oh, I'm not coming back' ♪ 1800 01:49:56,089 --> 01:49:57,090 ♪ (You heard me)' ♪ 1801 01:49:57,691 --> 01:50:02,401 ♪ Yeah, I'm never coming back' ♪ 1802 01:50:02,662 --> 01:50:04,107 ♪ (Plus, it's geologically impossible)! 1803 01:50:04,698 --> 01:50:08,077 ♪ These people living on my island paradise' ♪ 1804 01:50:08,335 --> 01:50:11,509 ♪ They never want to leave my cold shores I 1805 01:50:11,738 --> 01:50:15,117 ♪ Cos I've got mountains, rivers, lakes and clear blue skies I 1806 01:50:15,375 --> 01:50:18,879 JAnd if we hadn't split up, it could have been yours ♪ 1807 01:50:19,112 --> 01:50:23,822 ♪ So I don't know why I'm feeling so excluded I' 1808 01:50:26,186 --> 01:50:32,398 ♪ We“ I guess, I guess it's just the state I'm in I 1809 01:50:32,759 --> 01:50:33,134 r (Yeah!) r 1810 01:50:33,393 --> 01:50:39,901 ♪ I broke away, hey, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah ♪ 1811 01:50:40,467 --> 01:50:46,941 ♪ From the mainland of Oz' ♪ 1812 01:50:47,307 --> 01:50:54,088 ♪ I'm separated, yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah-heh-yeah I 1813 01:50:54,714 --> 01:50:59,714 ♪ From the mainland of O' ♪ 1814 01:51:08,061 --> 01:51:09,233 (Mainland of Oz, y'all) 1815 01:51:20,774 --> 01:51:23,220 Hey Dad, have you seen John?