1 00:00:50,028 --> 00:00:51,052 Ten hut! 2 00:01:01,273 --> 00:01:02,570 At ease. 3 00:01:03,676 --> 00:01:06,645 I'm often asked, "What makes a hero?" 4 00:01:07,413 --> 00:01:09,973 Courage, selflessness, sacrifice. 5 00:01:11,483 --> 00:01:13,280 From Bunker Hill to the Alamo, 6 00:01:13,385 --> 00:01:14,818 Gettysburg to Normandy, 7 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,651 Korea to Khe Sanh, the American fighting man 8 00:01:18,224 --> 00:01:20,715 has always answered the call of duty. 9 00:01:21,428 --> 00:01:23,919 These are dangerous times, gentlemen. 10 00:01:24,197 --> 00:01:27,724 Once more, America is in need of its best and brightest. 11 00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:31,131 One wonders if there are still heroes. 12 00:01:31,905 --> 00:01:33,532 Somebody say "hero"? 13 00:01:34,941 --> 00:01:35,931 Hi. 14 00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:38,170 15 00:01:38,279 --> 00:01:39,644 with extra tumbleweeds. 16 00:01:41,215 --> 00:01:44,048 Ah, don't worry about that hair, I'm using a new conditioner. 17 00:01:46,187 --> 00:01:47,654 Sugar britches! 18 00:01:48,723 --> 00:01:51,692 -Larry, we need to talk. -Talk? 19 00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:54,193 What is that, some kind of code for a lunchtime quickie? 20 00:01:54,429 --> 00:01:56,920 -Diaper table, ladies room. -No, Larry... 21 00:01:57,032 --> 00:01:58,465 I'm pregnant. 22 00:01:59,868 --> 00:02:02,234 Pregnant. That's great news! 23 00:02:02,504 --> 00:02:05,530 I just got promoted! Now we can move in together! 24 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,699 -I got an idea, come here! -No, Larry! 25 00:02:07,809 --> 00:02:09,299 -Just a second... -Let me... 26 00:02:09,411 --> 00:02:11,072 I gotta do this. 27 00:02:11,179 --> 00:02:13,080 Hey, everybody? Folks, 28 00:02:13,182 --> 00:02:15,514 my name's Larry, and I'm your server. 29 00:02:15,818 --> 00:02:19,754 And this precious little lady right here is my girlfriend, Karen. 30 00:02:19,856 --> 00:02:20,823 Hi. 31 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:24,051 And I'm happy to say she's having my baby. 32 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,593 Oh! 33 00:02:27,029 --> 00:02:29,520 So, on this special occasion just for today, 34 00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:33,626 the salad bar will be free for an hour with all the fixings you can handle. 35 00:02:34,772 --> 00:02:36,239 Hold on. Before you all get up there 36 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:38,331 to get your bacon bits and your chick peas, 37 00:02:38,475 --> 00:02:40,443 there's one more thing I need to do. 38 00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:42,205 No, Larry. Larry, please. 39 00:02:42,312 --> 00:02:45,179 No, honey, I want to say this in front of God and everybody. 40 00:02:45,282 --> 00:02:47,273 Larry, please! Larry, I... 41 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:48,579 Karen, 42 00:02:49,988 --> 00:02:51,979 I love you with all my heart, 43 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:56,151 and you would make me the happiest man in the world if 44 00:02:56,761 --> 00:02:58,353 you'd be my wife. 45 00:02:59,264 --> 00:03:00,458 Oh! 46 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,322 I... 47 00:03:03,435 --> 00:03:07,736 No, say it in here. I want the whole world to share in this special moment. 48 00:03:13,412 --> 00:03:15,107 It's not your baby. 49 00:03:23,055 --> 00:03:24,114 I don't understand. 50 00:03:24,224 --> 00:03:27,591 It means she's got a bun in her oven that ain't your recipe. 51 00:03:27,694 --> 00:03:30,356 Now, is the salad bar still free, though? 52 00:03:30,464 --> 00:03:31,795 Why would you care? 53 00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:35,425 Doesn't look like you've had a salad in your whole life. 54 00:03:42,944 --> 00:03:45,970 I'm not telling you again. Now, get in here! 55 00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:52,442 -Die, paleface! -You little bastards! 56 00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:55,851 Hey! Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey! 57 00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,426 Hey! Knock that shit off! 58 00:03:59,827 --> 00:04:01,796 Those are my good golf clubs! 59 00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:04,195 My little Rusty. He's a dickens, isn't he? 60 00:04:04,299 --> 00:04:06,392 He's got a nice backswing. 61 00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:11,564 -So, how's Connie? -Oh, she's great. 62 00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:14,073 Damn it, Bill! You better control these kids of yours! 63 00:04:14,176 --> 00:04:16,235 They tore up the backyard! 64 00:04:16,445 --> 00:04:18,676 Well, what do you want me to do about it? 65 00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:21,909 Turn the garden hose on them! I'm busy out here. 66 00:04:23,386 --> 00:04:25,445 I guess this is the kind of marital bliss I'm missing out on. 67 00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:28,319 Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution. 68 00:04:29,559 --> 00:04:33,188 Of course, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. 69 00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:36,865 That is, if you're lucky enough to get a divorce. 70 00:04:38,202 --> 00:04:42,662 That becomes impossible when your wife's got incriminating photos of you 71 00:04:42,773 --> 00:04:47,233 simply having coffee with a young dancer 'cause she was a great listener. 72 00:04:47,611 --> 00:04:51,513 Now, your life is just one series of endless humiliations. 73 00:04:52,449 --> 00:04:55,908 You lie awake and dream of the sweet release 74 00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:58,353 a murder/suicide could bring. 75 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,089 But it's good, though. Really good. 76 00:05:02,193 --> 00:05:03,524 Nice move by Orton! 77 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,356 Well, normally, I don't gotta pay for it, but life is full of sad stories. 78 00:05:12,537 --> 00:05:14,699 Oh, my God. 79 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:16,674 Hey, Victor. 80 00:05:18,344 --> 00:05:19,811 What is this? 81 00:05:19,946 --> 00:05:22,380 When I hired you as a security guard, 82 00:05:22,481 --> 00:05:25,541 I didn't think you was going to be living here. 83 00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:28,643 This is a storage unit, not an apartment. 84 00:05:28,821 --> 00:05:30,948 As a former law enforcement officer, it... 85 00:05:31,058 --> 00:05:32,855 Law enforcement? 86 00:05:33,093 --> 00:05:35,926 You were a cop for, what, only four days 87 00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:38,725 before you drive your car right through the beauty parlor? 88 00:05:38,832 --> 00:05:41,665 -lt was a nail salon. -What the hell's the difference? 89 00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:42,928 Just... 90 00:05:43,036 --> 00:05:44,867 Clean this shit up! 91 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:46,897 Oh, 92 00:05:47,074 --> 00:05:48,564 and keep your eyes open. 93 00:05:49,110 --> 00:05:50,975 Some drunk has been exposing himself 94 00:05:51,079 --> 00:05:54,173 to the waitresses at the Denny's across the street. 95 00:05:54,315 --> 00:05:58,149 The last time, the crazy bastard was carrying a samurai sword. 96 00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,522 There's a lot of deviants out there, ain't they, Victor? 97 00:06:04,626 --> 00:06:05,615 But don't you worry. 98 00:06:05,727 --> 00:06:08,356 I'm gonna keep a eye out when I'm on my next patrol. 99 00:06:08,464 --> 00:06:11,592 I gotta get going. I've got a big weekend planned. 100 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:14,669 Look, man, you're better off without Karen or that crummy job. 101 00:06:14,770 --> 00:06:15,896 Am l? 102 00:06:16,338 --> 00:06:20,331 Larry, listen to me, it's always darkest right before the dawn, all right? 103 00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:22,535 Now, you remember when I had shingles? 104 00:06:22,778 --> 00:06:24,905 Did I give up? Nope. 105 00:06:25,014 --> 00:06:27,711 I put my nose to the grindstone. All my hard work paid off. 106 00:06:27,817 --> 00:06:29,114 Hard work? 107 00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,014 Are you kidding me? 108 00:06:31,154 --> 00:06:32,917 You tripped at the Wal-Mart! 109 00:06:33,023 --> 00:06:35,685 And every day I thank God for that spill on aisle 6. 110 00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:40,353 Because of that settlement, I don't gotta work for another 11 months. 111 00:06:40,463 --> 00:06:41,953 All right, look. Here's Everett. 112 00:06:42,065 --> 00:06:44,227 Now, come on. It's our Reserve weekend. 113 00:06:44,335 --> 00:06:47,236 We're gonna have a great time. We always do. 114 00:06:48,105 --> 00:06:51,199 Thanks for showing up, Everett. We've only been waiting an hour. 115 00:06:51,308 --> 00:06:54,072 Anybody ever tell you that loitering is a class D misdemeanor 116 00:06:54,178 --> 00:06:57,238 punishable by a $50 fine and 10 hours of community service? 117 00:06:57,348 --> 00:07:00,647 Hey, what's the penalty for vehicular homicide of a beauty parlor? 118 00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:02,481 It was a nail salon. 119 00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:07,583 Well, what a great way to chase away the break-up blues, 120 00:07:07,693 --> 00:07:09,718 spending the weekend with two retards. 121 00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:17,931 Nice shooting! Man. 122 00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:19,060 What's next? 123 00:07:19,171 --> 00:07:20,605 That bathroom scale. 124 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,699 I'm gonna blow up every nice thing I ever got that woman. 125 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,302 I got her that on Valentine's Day. 126 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,370 I'm a romantic. 127 00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,744 Pull! 128 00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:35,047 Everett! 129 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,615 What are y'all doing? 130 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,719 -Shooting shit. -Grief counseling. 131 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:43,658 Copy that. Going on a beer run. 132 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:50,967 Nice! 133 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,403 -I know. I feel better already. -Good. 134 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,805 Kind of hungry though. What do you say we hit the mess hall? 135 00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,571 Hooters? 136 00:07:58,146 --> 00:07:58,913 Left! Left! 137 00:07:58,913 --> 00:07:59,470 Left! Left! 138 00:07:59,581 --> 00:08:01,606 Left, right, left. 139 00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:06,877 Sir, we just received another manpower request from Washington. 140 00:08:06,988 --> 00:08:08,785 There's increased fighting outside of Fallujah. 141 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:09,914 What? 142 00:08:10,024 --> 00:08:13,221 Don't those Pentagon pencil-pushers know we're stretched to the limit down here? 143 00:08:13,328 --> 00:08:14,660 What about those men down at Chattahoochee? 144 00:08:14,764 --> 00:08:17,392 I don't think they all reported in. 145 00:08:21,637 --> 00:08:24,572 They drill at the Reserve Center down on Highway 8. 146 00:08:24,673 --> 00:08:28,040 Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore down there to see what we have. 147 00:08:28,144 --> 00:08:29,338 Kilgore? 148 00:08:31,147 --> 00:08:33,309 He scares the shit out of me. 149 00:08:34,217 --> 00:08:38,051 All I'm saying is some of them girls hadn't ought to be wearing little shorty-shorts. 150 00:08:38,155 --> 00:08:39,122 That's all I'm saying. 151 00:08:39,222 --> 00:08:40,484 Well, what's Crystal supposed to do? 152 00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:43,388 You know Hooters don't got a maternity leave. 153 00:08:43,493 --> 00:08:45,825 Hey. Who's the new guy? 154 00:08:45,929 --> 00:08:48,625 How you doing, Gl Joe? Can I help you? 155 00:08:53,004 --> 00:08:54,801 Sergeant Kilgore. 156 00:08:55,106 --> 00:08:58,564 I'm looking for the men that didn't mobilize with this unit. 157 00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:02,208 -I ain't seen them. -I think they went over to... 158 00:09:02,313 --> 00:09:03,610 Who's in charge here, soldier? 159 00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:05,272 -I am. -I am. 160 00:09:06,818 --> 00:09:08,012 This is 161 00:09:09,521 --> 00:09:10,647 quite a setup you got here. 162 00:09:10,756 --> 00:09:11,745 Oh, yeah, it's nice. 163 00:09:11,857 --> 00:09:13,586 We're like a water-head at the theme park in here. 164 00:09:13,692 --> 00:09:14,716 It's real comfortable. 165 00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:17,625 We're about to watch the game. You can join us if you want. Grab a chair. 166 00:09:18,697 --> 00:09:21,825 I tell you what, son. You know, I like you. 167 00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:24,696 Why don't I grab a chair, 168 00:09:25,737 --> 00:09:27,763 and shove it up your ass! 169 00:09:28,174 --> 00:09:30,836 Now, stand at attention, you miserable pissants! 170 00:09:30,944 --> 00:09:34,710 From now on, you will address me as Sergeant Kilgore! 171 00:09:34,814 --> 00:09:36,782 The honeymoon's over, numb nuts! 172 00:09:36,883 --> 00:09:38,475 I am a warrior, 173 00:09:38,585 --> 00:09:40,212 a killing machine, 174 00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:43,321 and your mama's not here to wet-nurse you. 175 00:09:44,424 --> 00:09:47,451 Larry's mom passed away about four years ago. 176 00:09:47,561 --> 00:09:48,550 Yeah, that's true. 177 00:09:48,662 --> 00:09:49,993 She went squirrel hunting with my Uncle Lester... 178 00:09:50,097 --> 00:09:51,291 Shut up! 179 00:09:52,233 --> 00:09:54,201 I don't know what kind of horseshit monkey business 180 00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:57,737 has been going on down here, but that's all about to end, ladies. 181 00:09:57,838 --> 00:09:59,430 This is the Army. 182 00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,734 We're just state military reserves. 183 00:10:03,178 --> 00:10:04,475 Yeah. Smurfs. 184 00:10:04,579 --> 00:10:06,444 And I'm a leprechaun. 185 00:10:07,048 --> 00:10:08,777 Now, pack your gear. 186 00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,783 But we're just weekend warriors. 187 00:10:14,589 --> 00:10:16,716 Well, I'll tell you what, fat body, 188 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,122 this weekend, 189 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:19,716 I own your ass! 190 00:10:21,063 --> 00:10:22,553 Son of a bitch. 191 00:10:25,101 --> 00:10:28,195 If there was ever a worse excuse for a soldier, 192 00:10:28,304 --> 00:10:30,101 I'd like to meet him. 193 00:10:30,206 --> 00:10:31,537 Hey, y'all. 194 00:10:31,707 --> 00:10:35,336 I got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal. Who wants what? 195 00:10:36,112 --> 00:10:39,082 Well, hey, there, Sarge. Snap into a Slim Jim. 196 00:10:40,083 --> 00:10:44,144 Well, this looks like a little slice of heaven. Can they do this to us? 197 00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:46,618 It's the army, man. They can do whatever they want. 198 00:10:46,723 --> 00:10:49,157 Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies. 199 00:10:52,462 --> 00:10:55,226 I want another one! Come on! One more! 200 00:10:55,332 --> 00:10:57,392 Up, up, up! Down, up! 201 00:10:57,502 --> 00:10:59,993 All right, you're all mine now. You ready, Freddy? 202 00:11:00,104 --> 00:11:01,298 Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh? 203 00:11:01,406 --> 00:11:02,873 You like that? 204 00:11:15,219 --> 00:11:18,189 -Get back here! -What are you doing? 205 00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:20,253 Watch out! Watch out! 206 00:11:20,993 --> 00:11:22,620 Get up there! 207 00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:33,265 Take it like a man! 208 00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:47,776 Get out of here! 209 00:11:49,456 --> 00:11:51,549 You gotta stay clear... 210 00:11:51,859 --> 00:11:54,089 -Come on, Everett. Let me hold it. -No, no. It's mine. 211 00:11:54,962 --> 00:11:56,862 Look out! 212 00:11:58,499 --> 00:11:59,557 Yeah! 213 00:12:06,841 --> 00:12:09,105 This is a little harder than I thought. 214 00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:12,908 But I guess it's the price you pay to be a trained government killer. 215 00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:17,349 I didn't think they could activate us. 216 00:12:17,452 --> 00:12:20,615 I mean, if I wanted to get my ass kicked, I'd have stayed home with Connie. 217 00:12:20,722 --> 00:12:24,488 I guess it easier for a samurai-type like myself. 218 00:12:24,593 --> 00:12:26,151 Accept the pain. 219 00:12:26,395 --> 00:12:28,330 It's cleansing. 220 00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:33,063 Plus, the weekend's almost over. One more day and we're gone. 221 00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:41,301 Besides, how much worse could it get? 222 00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:48,075 Rise and shine, ladies! 223 00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:52,054 Where the hell is that other fat turd? 224 00:12:52,156 --> 00:12:53,384 Hey, speaking of turds, 225 00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,958 I just left one in there for the Guinness Book. 226 00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:58,392 Stand at attention, soldier! 227 00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,854 Congratulations, gentlemen. 228 00:13:02,066 --> 00:13:04,000 We just got our orders. 229 00:13:04,102 --> 00:13:06,036 We're going to paradise, 230 00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:08,738 the land of sand and sun. 231 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,775 -Daytona Beach? -Fallujah, lraq, numb nuts! 232 00:13:12,377 --> 00:13:14,743 Sarge, excuse me. 233 00:13:15,914 --> 00:13:19,077 Far be it for me to stand in the way of the war on terror, 234 00:13:19,184 --> 00:13:21,778 but we're supposed to go home tomorrow. 235 00:13:22,221 --> 00:13:25,315 I mean, seriously, we only do this one weekend a month. 236 00:13:25,424 --> 00:13:28,655 -Yeah, and on Mondays, I cut the grass. -Wrong, sunshine! 237 00:13:28,761 --> 00:13:30,353 You will be the tip of the spear 238 00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:33,728 Uncle Sam uses to shove up some insurgent's ass! 239 00:13:33,833 --> 00:13:36,529 Sarge, now that's downright unsanitary. 240 00:13:36,635 --> 00:13:39,661 You know, I read somewhere that them carpet-fliers don't even use toilet paper. 241 00:13:39,772 --> 00:13:41,331 Can it, dipshit! 242 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:45,605 And don't worry, you won't be in the rear with the gear. 243 00:13:45,712 --> 00:13:50,149 I plan on volunteering us for every dangerous assignment there is! 244 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:53,647 Now, I want every one of you to look to the man on your right! 245 00:13:53,753 --> 00:13:56,221 Now, look to the man on your left, 246 00:13:56,656 --> 00:13:59,455 'cause your life is in his hands. 247 00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:03,788 Shit! 248 00:14:04,132 --> 00:14:07,260 Fallujah. No, it's not in Louisiana. 249 00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:09,895 -It's in lraq. -Why are they sending you to Iraq? 250 00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:12,370 -'Cause I'm going to war! -War? 251 00:14:12,473 --> 00:14:14,532 -Well, I can't help it. -Who's gonna mow the grass? 252 00:14:14,642 --> 00:14:16,303 Well, I don't know who's gonna mow the grass. 253 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:17,435 God damn it, Bill! 254 00:14:17,546 --> 00:14:19,343 Five hundred dollars? 255 00:14:19,481 --> 00:14:21,745 Damn. Does she have four tits? 256 00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:25,380 Well, how about a military discount? 257 00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:27,114 Hello? Hello? 258 00:14:32,394 --> 00:14:34,624 -Hey, what unit you with? -101st Airborne. 259 00:14:34,731 --> 00:14:36,699 Screaming Eagles. You? 260 00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:40,399 37th Georgia. The Sleeping Marmots. 261 00:14:41,004 --> 00:14:43,632 What's up, y'all? How'd Connie take it? 262 00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:46,004 Let me just put it this way. I'll be safer in lraq. 263 00:14:46,109 --> 00:14:47,406 Ten hut! 264 00:14:48,845 --> 00:14:50,972 All right, you maggots, 265 00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:53,350 we got a long road ahead of us, 266 00:14:53,450 --> 00:14:55,213 and it won't be easy. 267 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,855 But it's my job as your sergeant to lead the way. 268 00:14:58,956 --> 00:14:59,923 Gee, thanks, Sarge. 269 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,992 I know I'll feel safer standing directly behind you 270 00:15:02,092 --> 00:15:03,753 when the bullets start flying. 271 00:15:17,676 --> 00:15:19,405 Can that shit! 272 00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:24,738 Now, Larry, I'm appointing you acting squad leader. 273 00:15:24,849 --> 00:15:26,578 Don't get too excited. 274 00:15:26,685 --> 00:15:28,949 You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass. 275 00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:30,784 He called you a candy-ass. 276 00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:33,882 Gee, thanks, Sarge. You know, I learned a lot about leadership 277 00:15:33,993 --> 00:15:37,087 when I was secretary of the Midgeville Gun Club. 278 00:15:37,964 --> 00:15:39,192 And don't you worry about it. 279 00:15:39,298 --> 00:15:41,323 Both those shootings were ruled accidental. 280 00:15:41,434 --> 00:15:43,129 Keep your hands to yourself! 281 00:15:43,236 --> 00:15:45,534 It's don't ask and don't tell in this man's army. 282 00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:48,335 Now, get your candy-asses on that plane. 283 00:15:52,145 --> 00:15:55,046 Did you hear what I said? I gave you an order. 284 00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:58,242 You said candy-asses. I'm a mongoloid, sir! 285 00:15:58,352 --> 00:16:00,479 Get your ass on that plane! 286 00:16:01,188 --> 00:16:02,485 Candy-ass. 287 00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:11,954 Oh, sure. 288 00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:14,296 Killing a man with your bare hands is real easy. 289 00:16:14,402 --> 00:16:16,893 Aside from the assorted choke holds and head yanks, 290 00:16:17,005 --> 00:16:19,303 you deliver a hand-spear to a man's temple, 291 00:16:19,407 --> 00:16:23,538 Adam's apple, kidneys, armpits, solar plexus, testicles, 292 00:16:23,646 --> 00:16:26,376 or coccyx, that's the little bone down by your back... 293 00:16:26,482 --> 00:16:28,074 That's real informative, Everett, 294 00:16:28,183 --> 00:16:30,481 but come on, I'm trying to get some sleep here. 295 00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:33,612 Of course, all that pales in comparison to the heart-punch. 296 00:16:33,756 --> 00:16:38,352 It's a strong man's attack, a sharp blow delivered right to the heart. 297 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,985 Chuck Norris used it once on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger 298 00:16:41,096 --> 00:16:43,395 to kill some smart-ass intern. 299 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,961 Talk about your hush-money. 300 00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:48,162 All right. 301 00:16:48,271 --> 00:16:50,364 All right. That's it. 302 00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:56,172 Let's hit it. 303 00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:07,519 I don't think the flight attendant turned off the fasten seatbelt sign. 304 00:17:07,625 --> 00:17:10,958 Look, y'all, if I'm gonna die tomorrow, I want to get a good night's sleep. 305 00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:14,691 My Uncle Dave died in his sleep. That's a peaceful way to go. 306 00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,495 Of course, all his friends died screaming from the back seat 307 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:19,433 trying to wake him up. 308 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,005 It was a mess. 309 00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:22,797 Good night, Everett! 310 00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,638 -Good night, Larry. -Good night, Larry. 311 00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,412 Who farted? 312 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,314 Severe weather alert until 0600 hours. 313 00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:40,790 With a possible... 314 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,330 I'm losing all pressure in engines three and four! 315 00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:48,491 Hydraulic pressure down in the rear stabilizer. 316 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,865 Damn it! 317 00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:15,921 -Oh, this is bad. -Losing altitude. 318 00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:18,999 We're overloaded. Get ready to dump the gear. 319 00:18:20,935 --> 00:18:22,630 What the... 320 00:18:33,382 --> 00:18:35,942 Hey! Wait a minute! 321 00:18:38,387 --> 00:18:39,820 Come on! 322 00:18:40,656 --> 00:18:42,920 Hey! Wait a minute! 323 00:18:47,229 --> 00:18:48,218 No! 324 00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:03,409 I'm gonna kill you miserable pissants! 325 00:19:04,948 --> 00:19:07,008 Did you hear something? 326 00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:08,878 That was weird. 327 00:19:08,986 --> 00:19:10,886 For a minute there, I thought we were goners. 328 00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:12,649 What are we gonna do about the gear we dumped? 329 00:19:12,757 --> 00:19:15,817 You fill out the paperwork, and then it's the Army's problem. 330 00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:19,556 Hey, you like meatloaf? They got a killer meatloaf in Ramstein. 331 00:19:19,664 --> 00:19:21,131 -Yeah? -Oh, yeah. 332 00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:33,541 Where the hell? 333 00:19:37,816 --> 00:19:39,511 Oh, son of a bitch. 334 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,785 So, this is it, lraq, 335 00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:48,022 jewel of the Middle East, 336 00:19:48,127 --> 00:19:49,992 Iand of the Hammurabis. 337 00:19:50,497 --> 00:19:52,294 Iraq? Oh, damn! 338 00:19:52,732 --> 00:19:55,428 Damn! Hey, we're in... Hey! 339 00:19:55,535 --> 00:19:57,765 We're in lraq! Damn! 340 00:19:57,871 --> 00:19:59,236 Get up! Hey! 341 00:20:00,807 --> 00:20:02,435 Bill, we're in... 342 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:07,574 What in the name of Siegfried and Roy are you fellas doing? 343 00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:09,148 Don't ask. 344 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,581 Don't tell. 345 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,916 We're in lraq! 346 00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:14,487 We're in lraq! 347 00:20:15,022 --> 00:20:17,582 -All right, now, Larry, calm down. -Be careful, Everett. 348 00:20:17,691 --> 00:20:19,159 There's a lot of gear scattered around. 349 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,458 Now, listen to me, Larry. Pull yourself together. 350 00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:24,765 Now, we're in a hot zone. 351 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:27,164 It's time to take it up a notch. 352 00:20:38,648 --> 00:20:39,945 Shot. 353 00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:45,085 Leave it to Everett to break the only working radio we got. 354 00:20:45,922 --> 00:20:48,220 They drop us in lraq, they don't even wake us up. 355 00:20:48,324 --> 00:20:51,782 What the hell are we supposed to do now? I guarantee you this was Kilgore's idea. 356 00:20:51,894 --> 00:20:54,089 All right, let's calm down. 357 00:20:54,497 --> 00:20:58,696 Let's just regroup while we're here. Last thing we need to do is panic. 358 00:20:58,835 --> 00:21:00,996 Man down! Man down! 359 00:21:01,104 --> 00:21:03,504 Man down! There's a man down! 360 00:21:14,552 --> 00:21:15,678 Sarge? 361 00:21:17,922 --> 00:21:19,822 I think he's dead, y'all. 362 00:21:19,924 --> 00:21:22,085 K.I.A., man! K.I.A.! 363 00:21:23,695 --> 00:21:24,889 Oh, man. 364 00:21:26,130 --> 00:21:28,223 This is gonna be a lawsuit. 365 00:21:35,641 --> 00:21:37,165 Well, 366 00:21:37,276 --> 00:21:39,642 I guess we ought to say a few words. 367 00:21:39,745 --> 00:21:40,803 Bill? 368 00:21:40,913 --> 00:21:43,507 Me? You were closer to him than I was. 369 00:21:43,949 --> 00:21:45,109 Well, 370 00:21:45,517 --> 00:21:46,984 all right. 371 00:21:50,056 --> 00:21:51,216 Lord, 372 00:21:51,825 --> 00:21:55,056 we ask that you be with Sergeant Kilgore. 373 00:21:55,895 --> 00:22:00,161 Sure, he was a mean bastard, incapable of establishing normal relationships 374 00:22:00,266 --> 00:22:02,131 with any other human being, and... 375 00:22:02,235 --> 00:22:03,702 Larry. 376 00:22:06,072 --> 00:22:07,232 But, Lord... 377 00:22:09,777 --> 00:22:11,711 -Everett! -Everett! 378 00:22:11,812 --> 00:22:12,779 What the hell are you doing? 379 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:15,542 When we run out of water, we're gonna have to drink our own urine. 380 00:22:15,650 --> 00:22:18,278 Desert warfare 101, man! 381 00:22:18,386 --> 00:22:21,753 Everett, now's not the time to be talking about bodily functions. 382 00:22:21,856 --> 00:22:24,723 We're talking to the Lord here! 383 00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:27,994 -You want to say a few words? -Yeah. 384 00:22:30,132 --> 00:22:31,622 Dear Lord, 385 00:22:31,733 --> 00:22:33,963 I ask you to take this man, 386 00:22:34,069 --> 00:22:35,798 for richer or for poorer, 387 00:22:35,904 --> 00:22:39,533 as he walks through the valley of the shadow of death. 388 00:22:39,641 --> 00:22:41,233 And also, dear Lord, 389 00:22:41,343 --> 00:22:43,470 the Powerball's up to 90 million. 390 00:22:43,578 --> 00:22:46,241 So, if you could help me out, I sure would appreciate it. 391 00:22:46,349 --> 00:22:47,680 Amen! 392 00:22:47,950 --> 00:22:51,408 -That was just great, Everett. -Yeah, real touching. 393 00:22:53,990 --> 00:22:55,685 Powerball! 394 00:23:35,533 --> 00:23:37,558 Come on! Get some! 395 00:23:37,669 --> 00:23:38,898 Get some! 396 00:23:43,209 --> 00:23:44,938 All right, ladies, 397 00:23:46,078 --> 00:23:48,137 Iet's git-r-done. 398 00:23:50,316 --> 00:23:53,114 Operation shock and awe! 399 00:23:53,219 --> 00:23:54,777 Here we go! 400 00:23:54,887 --> 00:23:56,651 Kill, kill, kill! 401 00:24:34,096 --> 00:24:36,656 All right, y'all, let's fan out. 402 00:24:38,433 --> 00:24:42,836 I'll secure the perimeter. That Charlie's a real sneaky bastard! 403 00:24:42,938 --> 00:24:43,927 Charlie? 404 00:24:44,039 --> 00:24:46,064 You think Everett's mom drank during pregnancy? 405 00:24:46,175 --> 00:24:49,042 Yeah, and I'm guessing she sniffed paint thinner, too. 406 00:24:59,022 --> 00:25:01,456 Well, what do we have here? 407 00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:04,726 Damn! 408 00:25:05,128 --> 00:25:08,097 You know who that is? That's the Butcher of Baghdad, buddy. 409 00:25:08,198 --> 00:25:10,167 That's Saddam Hussein. 410 00:25:10,267 --> 00:25:11,928 He's an ugly son of a bitch, isn't he? 411 00:25:12,036 --> 00:25:14,197 Kind of looks like that fellow that works the register 412 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:15,772 down there at the Circle K. 413 00:25:15,873 --> 00:25:17,738 You know, Rugburn. 414 00:25:17,842 --> 00:25:19,309 You mean Raji? 415 00:25:20,211 --> 00:25:22,475 Yeah, that little lndian fella. 416 00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:25,310 He's a red-dot lndian though, not a tomahawk lndian. 417 00:25:25,416 --> 00:25:27,885 You're crazy. That don't look nothing like him. 418 00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,284 Only an idiot would think that. 419 00:25:31,323 --> 00:25:34,190 Oh, look! It's Raji from Circle K! 420 00:25:34,292 --> 00:25:35,725 Y'all hungry? 421 00:25:40,899 --> 00:25:42,526 What's wrong with it? Why aren't you eating? 422 00:25:42,634 --> 00:25:44,625 I got spaghetti and meat sauce. 423 00:25:44,736 --> 00:25:45,726 So? 424 00:25:46,305 --> 00:25:48,466 It gives me bad gas. 425 00:25:48,875 --> 00:25:51,969 Fine. Take my beef stew. 426 00:25:53,746 --> 00:25:55,737 Larry, what the hell is that? 427 00:25:55,848 --> 00:25:57,645 I needed a spit cup. 428 00:25:59,852 --> 00:26:01,479 Just eat around it. 429 00:26:01,587 --> 00:26:04,580 That's gross. Come on. We gotta get on the road. 430 00:26:26,547 --> 00:26:29,744 Why don't you just admit it? We're lost! 431 00:26:29,851 --> 00:26:31,409 He thinks you're lost! 432 00:26:31,519 --> 00:26:34,283 There's a town right over this next ridge! 433 00:26:37,392 --> 00:26:38,359 Wait a minute. 434 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,019 Nope. 435 00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:42,461 We're lost. 436 00:26:43,065 --> 00:26:45,260 Nothing to report from my patrols. 437 00:26:45,367 --> 00:26:48,029 Damn it, I thought we was gonna be in the shit. 438 00:26:48,137 --> 00:26:49,604 When am I gonna get to shoot somebody? 439 00:26:49,705 --> 00:26:52,265 Everett, there are specific rules of engagement. 440 00:26:52,374 --> 00:26:53,932 There are friendlies around. 441 00:26:54,043 --> 00:26:56,273 You can't just run around shooting people. 442 00:26:56,378 --> 00:26:58,404 You got your Geneva Convention to think about. 443 00:26:58,515 --> 00:27:01,143 Rule is you don't fire unless you're fired upon. 444 00:27:01,251 --> 00:27:03,242 -You understand? -Yep. 445 00:27:13,063 --> 00:27:16,522 One shot, one kill! Get some! 446 00:27:16,634 --> 00:27:19,660 Damn it, Everett! What the hell are you doing? 447 00:27:19,770 --> 00:27:21,032 Nice shooting! 448 00:27:21,138 --> 00:27:24,164 Down on your knees, hands behind your head! 449 00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:31,373 Easy, man! This ain't Cops. 450 00:27:31,482 --> 00:27:34,646 -I was on Cops once. Remember? -Who could forget? 451 00:27:34,753 --> 00:27:38,189 High speed pursuit followed by indecent exposure. 452 00:27:38,290 --> 00:27:40,952 That was the best Thanksgiving ever. 453 00:27:41,927 --> 00:27:44,395 All right, assume the position. 454 00:27:46,932 --> 00:27:49,332 Well, congratulations, Everett! 455 00:27:49,434 --> 00:27:51,800 You just killed yourself a donkey. 456 00:27:52,070 --> 00:27:54,562 We don't even know if they have a donkey season. 457 00:27:54,674 --> 00:27:55,766 What do we do now? 458 00:28:04,150 --> 00:28:08,018 -Come on. Let me blow them both away. -Calm down, Everett. 459 00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:11,355 I guess since I'm squad leader, I ought to do the interrogating. 460 00:28:11,558 --> 00:28:14,118 Besides that, everybody knows I'm a skilled communicator. 461 00:28:16,463 --> 00:28:18,294 Who are you? 462 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,734 Are you Republican Guard? 463 00:28:23,604 --> 00:28:25,629 Larry, 464 00:28:25,739 --> 00:28:28,105 they're not deaf, they're lraqi. 465 00:28:28,510 --> 00:28:32,640 What we need to do is find out whether they're Turds or Shitites. 466 00:28:33,782 --> 00:28:35,773 I think you mean Kurds or Shiites. 467 00:28:47,830 --> 00:28:48,888 Hi. 468 00:28:48,998 --> 00:28:50,829 My name's Larry. 469 00:28:51,934 --> 00:28:54,334 We're here to liberate your people. 470 00:28:55,604 --> 00:28:58,266 We bring gifts of freedom and democracy. 471 00:29:00,076 --> 00:29:02,135 Oh, sorry about your donkey. 472 00:29:11,755 --> 00:29:13,655 Freedoms? 473 00:29:13,857 --> 00:29:17,315 Freedom. Yeah, right. We're here to liberate you. 474 00:29:17,961 --> 00:29:19,929 -Freedoms! -Freedoms! 475 00:29:20,030 --> 00:29:21,429 -Freedoms! -Freedoms! 476 00:29:21,531 --> 00:29:22,931 Freedom, yeah! 477 00:29:23,034 --> 00:29:24,501 -Freedoms. -Freedoms. 478 00:29:24,602 --> 00:29:26,399 Freedoms! Freedoms! 479 00:29:26,504 --> 00:29:27,698 Shut up! 480 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:33,308 Your village? Is your village named Baslamabad? 481 00:29:36,314 --> 00:29:37,804 Freedoms! 482 00:29:37,915 --> 00:29:41,647 -Yeah, freedoms. -This is it, fellas. This is our objective. 483 00:29:41,854 --> 00:29:43,845 Get ready to be heroes. 484 00:29:44,056 --> 00:29:48,117 I wish Sarge was here right now. He'd be so dag-gum proud of us. 485 00:29:50,262 --> 00:29:51,729 It's alive! 486 00:29:58,137 --> 00:29:59,298 Iraq, 487 00:30:00,206 --> 00:30:02,140 it's a land of miracles. 488 00:30:16,656 --> 00:30:18,420 Where the hell am l? 489 00:30:21,962 --> 00:30:23,930 You gotta be shitting me! 490 00:30:40,182 --> 00:30:43,879 Son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill those miserable pissants! 491 00:30:51,493 --> 00:30:53,188 What do you see? 492 00:30:54,363 --> 00:30:57,423 Not much. I forgot to take off the lens caps. 493 00:30:57,900 --> 00:31:00,767 -And he's in charge. -I know. 494 00:31:04,774 --> 00:31:05,832 Well? 495 00:31:06,275 --> 00:31:07,640 Iraqi insurgents. Four of them. 496 00:31:08,277 --> 00:31:09,574 Freedoms. Freedoms. 497 00:31:09,679 --> 00:31:12,240 Just hold on, Saddam. 498 00:31:13,283 --> 00:31:16,309 Look, this is what I think we should do. 499 00:31:16,420 --> 00:31:18,684 We just sit tight until reinforcements get here. 500 00:31:18,789 --> 00:31:20,552 The 101st Airborne is gonna be here any minute. 501 00:31:20,657 --> 00:31:23,455 These people are in trouble. I think we're dealing with Fedayin. 502 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:24,822 Damn right they're in trouble. 503 00:31:24,928 --> 00:31:28,091 I had some of that Fedayin at the Parthenon Cafe. 504 00:31:28,799 --> 00:31:31,394 Greek food goes right through me. 505 00:31:32,503 --> 00:31:34,494 Irritable bowel syndrome. 506 00:31:40,378 --> 00:31:42,369 It looks like she needs our help. 507 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:43,504 She? 508 00:31:44,682 --> 00:31:46,149 I mean "they." 509 00:31:48,687 --> 00:31:51,281 They appear to be C-cups. 510 00:31:52,591 --> 00:31:55,025 All right, listen. Our orders are clear. 511 00:31:55,127 --> 00:31:56,754 We have to engage the enemy. 512 00:31:56,862 --> 00:31:58,159 Gentlemen, 513 00:31:58,464 --> 00:32:00,898 you know what they say in the Army, Semper fi. 514 00:32:01,100 --> 00:32:03,432 That would be the Marines. 515 00:32:05,671 --> 00:32:07,230 Stay here. 516 00:32:07,340 --> 00:32:09,706 Don't worry about anything. The cavalry is on the way. 517 00:32:09,809 --> 00:32:11,834 They are? Oh, thank God. 518 00:32:12,646 --> 00:32:16,946 I thought for a second you wanted us to go down there by ourselves. 519 00:32:20,787 --> 00:32:23,585 When this is over, I am so gonna sue you. 520 00:32:27,728 --> 00:32:30,663 What we need is some fighting music. 521 00:32:34,602 --> 00:32:36,502 What the hell's that? 522 00:32:37,738 --> 00:32:38,932 Hold on. 523 00:32:46,114 --> 00:32:47,672 Here we go. 524 00:32:47,783 --> 00:32:49,410 God bless America! 525 00:33:01,464 --> 00:33:03,398 -Should I shoot? -Hold your fire! 526 00:33:03,499 --> 00:33:05,626 -Did you say fire? -I said hold your fire! 527 00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:07,726 All right, I'm gonna fire! 528 00:33:08,571 --> 00:33:10,436 It's Rambo! Let's get out of here! 529 00:33:12,542 --> 00:33:13,975 I'm going in! 530 00:33:41,639 --> 00:33:43,539 On the ground, now! 531 00:33:43,641 --> 00:33:45,609 I'm a trained killing machine! 532 00:33:45,710 --> 00:33:47,177 Everett! 533 00:33:48,113 --> 00:33:50,377 I think you got her, Everett! 534 00:33:52,851 --> 00:33:53,840 Oh. 535 00:33:56,789 --> 00:33:58,620 Where the hell's Larry? 536 00:33:59,225 --> 00:34:01,625 I guess that coward run off, huh? 537 00:34:01,727 --> 00:34:04,525 Not everybody's cut out for the rigors of combat. 538 00:34:06,399 --> 00:34:08,492 The other three got away, but I got this guy. 539 00:34:08,601 --> 00:34:10,364 Oh, hey there, Larry. 540 00:34:10,870 --> 00:34:12,064 Thank you for the help, Everett. 541 00:34:12,171 --> 00:34:15,369 I was just telling Bill here, what a good job you done. 542 00:34:20,013 --> 00:34:22,481 That lraqi is a pretty language, ain't it? 543 00:34:22,582 --> 00:34:24,675 Think they're friendly? 544 00:34:24,785 --> 00:34:26,548 It's a very delicate situation 545 00:34:26,653 --> 00:34:29,645 that calls for the soft touch of a diplomat, so... 546 00:34:29,756 --> 00:34:31,748 I am your king! 547 00:34:31,859 --> 00:34:33,554 Bow down before me! 548 00:34:38,966 --> 00:34:41,059 Everett, get down from there! 549 00:34:47,208 --> 00:34:49,143 Not just a job, it's an adventure. 550 00:34:49,244 --> 00:34:52,577 Yeah. That's the Navy, but I know what you're saying. 551 00:35:06,128 --> 00:35:08,029 Wish the Sarge was here to see this. 552 00:35:21,444 --> 00:35:24,470 At least those idiots left me something to eat. 553 00:35:32,723 --> 00:35:34,054 Oh, Christ! 554 00:35:39,497 --> 00:35:41,795 Oh, I'll be damned! Hey! Hey! 555 00:35:43,133 --> 00:35:44,965 Hey, am I glad to see you! 556 00:35:45,070 --> 00:35:46,367 Hey... 557 00:35:46,972 --> 00:35:49,338 I don't parla any Espanola, 558 00:35:49,441 --> 00:35:51,432 but either of you two amigos habla Inglese? 559 00:35:57,749 --> 00:35:59,614 I need a ride to the next town. 560 00:36:00,485 --> 00:36:04,081 El ride-o in el car-o to el town-o. 561 00:36:06,893 --> 00:36:08,053 Hey, tequila, eh? 562 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,094 Si. Tequila! 563 00:36:10,196 --> 00:36:12,061 Hey, hey. All right. Okay. 564 00:36:16,469 --> 00:36:17,436 Yeah, well... 565 00:36:17,537 --> 00:36:19,528 You two pissants gonna give me a ride to the next town? 566 00:36:32,219 --> 00:36:33,277 Oh, good! 567 00:36:35,055 --> 00:36:36,113 Yeah! 568 00:36:36,957 --> 00:36:38,619 You're all right, amigo! 569 00:36:39,060 --> 00:36:40,186 Right on! 570 00:36:42,163 --> 00:36:43,391 Right on! 571 00:36:50,238 --> 00:36:53,332 Hey, Everett, why don't you go guard the prisoner? 572 00:36:53,441 --> 00:36:54,931 Oh, hell, yeah! 573 00:36:59,248 --> 00:37:01,978 Should we be worried he's too excited about this? 574 00:37:02,084 --> 00:37:03,244 Probably. 575 00:37:04,453 --> 00:37:05,852 Hey, man, 576 00:37:05,955 --> 00:37:07,445 radio's had it. 577 00:37:07,723 --> 00:37:10,783 And I did a house to house search, and there ain't nothing close to a phone 578 00:37:10,893 --> 00:37:12,793 in this little podunk town. 579 00:37:12,895 --> 00:37:14,989 -So, what now? -Well, 580 00:37:16,132 --> 00:37:18,293 reckon we ought to maintain a defensive posture, 581 00:37:18,401 --> 00:37:20,926 and then hold our position here in case there's a counterattack. 582 00:37:21,037 --> 00:37:24,404 And then, we'll link up with some reinforcements. 583 00:37:24,841 --> 00:37:26,172 I don't even know what that means. 584 00:37:26,276 --> 00:37:27,368 I bought it. 585 00:37:27,477 --> 00:37:29,468 You know, I gotta say, 586 00:37:29,579 --> 00:37:30,910 feeling pretty good. 587 00:37:31,081 --> 00:37:32,549 A couple days ago, 588 00:37:32,650 --> 00:37:35,118 I had more problems than a Cub Scout at the Neverland Ranch, 589 00:37:35,219 --> 00:37:37,210 but now I think I've found my true calling. 590 00:37:37,321 --> 00:37:39,016 Yeah? And what might that be? 591 00:37:39,123 --> 00:37:40,112 Well, think about it. 592 00:37:40,224 --> 00:37:41,555 We're in lraq, 593 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:44,025 the most dangerous place in the world, 594 00:37:44,128 --> 00:37:46,995 well, except for maybe Detroit, 595 00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:50,124 but the point is, I've been tested in the crucible of battle, 596 00:37:50,234 --> 00:37:54,467 and my troops seized their objective and didn't even get a scratch. 597 00:37:56,408 --> 00:38:00,105 I think I'm cut out for this military stuff after all. 598 00:38:03,382 --> 00:38:06,715 All right, Akmed. Don't get your burka in a wad. 599 00:38:06,852 --> 00:38:07,910 Jesus. 600 00:38:08,688 --> 00:38:10,622 I thought maybe we'd see more turbans around here. 601 00:38:10,723 --> 00:38:11,781 Yeah. 602 00:38:15,128 --> 00:38:16,152 Hey! 603 00:38:21,300 --> 00:38:24,235 Boy, them lraqis really know how to throw a good party. 604 00:38:24,337 --> 00:38:25,304 How are you? 605 00:38:25,405 --> 00:38:27,135 Thank you for saving our village. 606 00:38:27,241 --> 00:38:28,833 Hold on, Abdul! You speak English? 607 00:38:28,942 --> 00:38:32,036 Of course! Many of us do! You're country is very close to ours. 608 00:38:32,146 --> 00:38:33,875 That's right! Our people are friends 609 00:38:33,981 --> 00:38:35,846 in freedom and democracy. 610 00:38:35,949 --> 00:38:39,908 Oh, right. We're also very close together literally. 611 00:38:41,321 --> 00:38:43,881 -Somebody ought to get this guy a map. -Yeah. 612 00:38:43,991 --> 00:38:45,584 Hey, how are you? 613 00:38:51,933 --> 00:38:53,924 Man, that smells delicious! 614 00:38:54,402 --> 00:38:56,700 What do you call this local delicacy? 615 00:38:56,805 --> 00:38:58,932 -Tacos. -Tacos? 616 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,065 -Si, si. Tacos. -You got tacos here? 617 00:39:01,176 --> 00:39:02,473 This is... 618 00:39:02,577 --> 00:39:03,909 Who would have thought they'd have tacos here? 619 00:39:04,046 --> 00:39:07,777 Tell you what, if they got pork rinds, I'm never leaving. 620 00:39:10,386 --> 00:39:11,353 That's delicious! 621 00:39:11,454 --> 00:39:13,820 You do realize that's probably a camel ass taco. 622 00:39:14,990 --> 00:39:18,357 I wish my wife could cook camel ass this good. 623 00:39:25,802 --> 00:39:28,430 Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself. 624 00:39:28,538 --> 00:39:30,267 My name is Maria Garcia, 625 00:39:30,373 --> 00:39:34,400 and this is my father, Antonio Garcia, the mayor of La Miranda. 626 00:39:34,878 --> 00:39:36,505 We owe you our lives. 627 00:39:36,613 --> 00:39:39,378 Thank you for freeing us from under the thumb of these bandits. 628 00:39:39,484 --> 00:39:40,781 It's been far too long. 629 00:39:40,885 --> 00:39:42,409 Oh, it's our pleasure, Mayor. 630 00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,249 Bill Little, U.S. Army. 631 00:39:45,423 --> 00:39:48,859 It's my honor to introduce you to General Eisenhower. 632 00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:52,286 He's currently the ranking officer in this theater of operations. 633 00:39:54,699 --> 00:39:56,690 You can just call me Larry. 634 00:39:57,936 --> 00:40:02,396 You answered our prayers today, General, and you were very brave. 635 00:40:02,508 --> 00:40:05,272 Oh, shoot. It's just part of the job. 636 00:40:05,377 --> 00:40:08,175 This evening is yours. Our town is your town. 637 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,680 Please, please, enjoy yourselves. 638 00:40:20,226 --> 00:40:22,456 A general? What the hell did you say that for? 639 00:40:22,562 --> 00:40:26,020 Well, what did you want me to say? Hey, Maria, meet my buddy, Larry. 640 00:40:26,132 --> 00:40:27,690 He just got fired from Cowboy Franks, 641 00:40:27,801 --> 00:40:30,133 and his girlfriend is carrying a parolee's baby. 642 00:40:30,236 --> 00:40:31,635 Funny. 643 00:40:33,006 --> 00:40:35,237 I tell you what, though, she is a looker. 644 00:40:35,342 --> 00:40:38,505 You play your cards right, and you could end up with a war bride. 645 00:40:38,612 --> 00:40:40,807 -War bride? -Yeah. 646 00:40:41,182 --> 00:40:45,209 It's the right of every American fighting man to take a wife in a combat zone. 647 00:40:45,319 --> 00:40:48,447 My Uncle Charlie came home from Korea with one. 648 00:40:48,556 --> 00:40:50,456 Boy, Aunt Rose was pissed. 649 00:40:51,025 --> 00:40:52,687 -Hey, let's have a toast. -A toast. 650 00:40:52,794 --> 00:40:54,125 The Army... 651 00:40:55,230 --> 00:40:58,165 -Leave the driving to us. -Good God, man. 652 00:40:58,266 --> 00:40:59,858 That's Greyhound. 653 00:41:01,636 --> 00:41:04,332 Might as well fess up, Haji, 654 00:41:04,439 --> 00:41:09,274 'cause I'm gonna break you down till I get the truth out of your ass. 655 00:41:09,644 --> 00:41:11,909 I don't know what you want. 656 00:41:12,014 --> 00:41:13,811 I'm just a poor Mexican. 657 00:41:13,916 --> 00:41:16,646 Oh. A foreign fighter, huh? 658 00:41:16,752 --> 00:41:19,277 Well, that's even worse in my book. 659 00:41:19,388 --> 00:41:22,983 I should just ship you off to Guantanamera Bay right now. 660 00:41:24,727 --> 00:41:26,718 Don't you mean Guantanamo Bay? 661 00:41:29,333 --> 00:41:33,895 Guantanamo, Gorgonzola! They're all hell-holes, man! 662 00:41:34,004 --> 00:41:36,598 Hey, Everett, I think we ought to... 663 00:41:36,707 --> 00:41:38,470 What the hell are you wearing? 664 00:41:38,575 --> 00:41:39,974 This is my sniper suit. 665 00:41:40,077 --> 00:41:42,409 I'm doing some serious Psyop shit here, man. 666 00:41:42,512 --> 00:41:45,811 -We weren't issued any sniper gear. -I brought it from home. 667 00:41:45,917 --> 00:41:48,511 Well, you look like a retard Chewbacca. 668 00:41:48,620 --> 00:41:49,917 How's it going with this guy? 669 00:41:50,021 --> 00:41:52,387 Oh, he's a tough nut to crack, but I'm gonna bust... 670 00:41:52,490 --> 00:41:53,650 Let me handle it! 671 00:41:53,758 --> 00:41:55,726 I don't know nothing. 672 00:41:55,827 --> 00:41:58,523 Where are the weapons of mass destruction? 673 00:42:01,065 --> 00:42:04,558 Are you Republican Guard or Al-Qaeda? 674 00:42:06,038 --> 00:42:08,302 Are you a Turd or a Shitite? 675 00:42:08,407 --> 00:42:10,568 Wait a minute. What... 676 00:42:10,676 --> 00:42:13,042 Weapons of mass destruction? 677 00:42:16,181 --> 00:42:19,173 You guys actually think that you're in... 678 00:42:23,556 --> 00:42:25,251 Hey, what's so funny? 679 00:42:25,392 --> 00:42:27,826 You're not in lraq, gringo. 680 00:42:30,397 --> 00:42:31,557 Gringo. 681 00:42:32,399 --> 00:42:34,390 That's what you say in... 682 00:42:35,502 --> 00:42:36,833 Oh, my God! 683 00:42:37,003 --> 00:42:38,129 What? 684 00:42:40,474 --> 00:42:41,964 Are we in France? 685 00:42:53,554 --> 00:42:54,885 Hey, buddy! 686 00:42:55,489 --> 00:42:59,392 This is gonna sound crazy, but we might be in Mexico! 687 00:43:06,902 --> 00:43:07,891 Oh. 688 00:43:08,704 --> 00:43:10,331 Well, this is bad. 689 00:43:10,706 --> 00:43:12,367 Really bad. 690 00:43:12,474 --> 00:43:15,102 Slow down. It's not that big a deal. 691 00:43:15,210 --> 00:43:17,611 We invaded Mexico. 692 00:43:17,814 --> 00:43:19,042 And we're AWOL. 693 00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:22,345 I mean, that alone is 10 years in Leavenworth. 694 00:43:22,785 --> 00:43:24,343 I can't do time. 695 00:43:25,088 --> 00:43:26,715 Prison's full of chubby-chasers. 696 00:43:26,823 --> 00:43:30,054 Hope you got smokes. Cigarettes is currency in the joint, man. 697 00:43:30,159 --> 00:43:33,185 You can't buy a prison bitch or a shank for anything less than a carton of Kools. 698 00:43:33,296 --> 00:43:36,664 Everett, don't you have something else to be doing? 699 00:43:36,767 --> 00:43:39,258 Yep. I'll go question the villagers. 700 00:43:39,370 --> 00:43:42,066 See if there's been any bin Laden sightings. 701 00:43:42,172 --> 00:43:43,935 We're in Mexico! 702 00:43:44,041 --> 00:43:45,372 Roger that. 703 00:43:46,677 --> 00:43:48,304 I'm a screw-up. 704 00:43:48,412 --> 00:43:53,441 I finally found something I was good at, and what I do, invade a friendly nation. 705 00:43:53,551 --> 00:43:56,111 We were asleep during the drop. 706 00:43:56,221 --> 00:43:58,416 Who's to say the Army doesn't want us to be here? 707 00:43:58,523 --> 00:44:01,549 Why would they want us here? This is Mexico. 708 00:44:01,893 --> 00:44:05,829 We committed an act of war inside a sovereign nation. 709 00:44:06,331 --> 00:44:09,164 This is an international incident just waiting to happen. 710 00:44:09,267 --> 00:44:11,896 One man's international incident is another man's preemptive strike 711 00:44:12,004 --> 00:44:13,437 in the war on terror. 712 00:44:13,539 --> 00:44:15,905 Those men weren't terrorists. 713 00:44:16,642 --> 00:44:18,507 Hang on. Tell him, Everett. 714 00:44:19,311 --> 00:44:23,213 The U.S. Government defines terrorism as the unlawful use or threatened use 715 00:44:23,315 --> 00:44:27,217 of force or violence to intimidate or coerce governments or societies, 716 00:44:27,319 --> 00:44:30,380 often for ideological or political reasons. 717 00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:34,616 Now, I don't know about you, 718 00:44:35,595 --> 00:44:37,495 but those fellows sound like terrorists to me. 719 00:44:37,597 --> 00:44:39,428 Hell, my wife could be a terrorist. 720 00:44:39,533 --> 00:44:42,331 Look, man, these people think we're heroes, 721 00:44:42,436 --> 00:44:44,404 and there's nothing we can do about it right now. 722 00:44:44,504 --> 00:44:46,563 Eventually, somebody's gonna come get us. 723 00:44:46,673 --> 00:44:48,539 So, I say we just enjoy ourselves. 724 00:44:48,643 --> 00:44:50,133 Señor Bill? 725 00:44:50,244 --> 00:44:52,974 We have more tacos and cervezas for you. 726 00:44:53,347 --> 00:44:56,373 You see? If we leave now, the terrorists win. 727 00:45:02,323 --> 00:45:04,154 Everett, where did you get that cannon? 728 00:45:04,258 --> 00:45:07,251 This is an 1875 Napoleon 12-pounder. 729 00:45:07,362 --> 00:45:10,126 Only an amateur like yourself would call it a cannon. 730 00:45:10,232 --> 00:45:12,757 I found it out behind a barn. 731 00:45:12,868 --> 00:45:15,564 I thought that court order said you wasn't supposed to be around cannons. 732 00:45:15,671 --> 00:45:16,797 Only in the state of Georgia. 733 00:45:16,905 --> 00:45:18,805 General Eisenhower, 734 00:45:18,907 --> 00:45:20,898 how come you're not at the party? 735 00:45:21,176 --> 00:45:25,739 Oh, I'm just strategizing my next counteroffensive against the insurgents. 736 00:45:26,516 --> 00:45:28,381 Or something like that. 737 00:45:29,119 --> 00:45:31,553 So, you thought this was lraq. 738 00:45:32,122 --> 00:45:34,716 How can that happen? This is Mexico. 739 00:45:34,824 --> 00:45:38,487 Well, we kind of confused our latitudes with our longitudes, 740 00:45:38,595 --> 00:45:41,565 and our stalagmites with our stalactites. 741 00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:44,667 -It's a long story. -Well, I don't care. 742 00:45:44,768 --> 00:45:46,861 You saved our village from those animals. 743 00:45:46,971 --> 00:45:49,166 Yeah, who were those guys? 744 00:45:49,306 --> 00:45:51,206 They are vicious bandidos. 745 00:45:51,642 --> 00:45:55,976 Their leader is a cruel man, nothing more than a common criminal. 746 00:45:56,213 --> 00:45:58,704 He's preyed upon our village for years, 747 00:45:58,816 --> 00:46:01,809 stealing our crops and what little else we have. 748 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,547 You think they might be back? 749 00:46:03,755 --> 00:46:06,622 No. They are cowards. 750 00:46:07,225 --> 00:46:11,093 And now we have a brave general here to protect us. 751 00:46:11,830 --> 00:46:13,764 Well, about that, I'm... 752 00:46:13,999 --> 00:46:16,467 I'm not actually a general. 753 00:46:16,568 --> 00:46:20,562 I am a squad leader though, and that's pretty high up there. 754 00:46:21,307 --> 00:46:24,868 One day, I hope to travel across those mountains to the ocean. 755 00:46:25,011 --> 00:46:29,004 And I will open a cantina on a beautiful beach far away from here. 756 00:46:29,615 --> 00:46:32,880 Well, if you need an assistant manager, I got some experience. 757 00:46:34,587 --> 00:46:36,078 Maria! 758 00:46:36,924 --> 00:46:39,051 That's my father. I must go. 759 00:46:39,693 --> 00:46:43,356 But perhaps you will allow me the honor to cook dinner for you some night? 760 00:46:44,598 --> 00:46:47,032 The honor would be all mine. 761 00:46:47,634 --> 00:46:49,693 -Good night. -Good night. 762 00:46:50,037 --> 00:46:51,265 Oh... 763 00:46:51,939 --> 00:46:53,270 What was the name of that bandit leader? 764 00:46:55,643 --> 00:46:58,612 His name is one that strikes fear 765 00:46:58,713 --> 00:47:01,375 into the hearts of decent people everywhere. 766 00:47:01,683 --> 00:47:05,449 The bastard's name is Carlos Santana. 767 00:47:17,900 --> 00:47:19,697 Let's get this party started! 768 00:47:19,802 --> 00:47:22,168 Okay, so where's the entertainment? 769 00:47:22,605 --> 00:47:24,368 Bring out the gringo! 770 00:47:25,407 --> 00:47:28,535 El Jefe, I think you're really going to like this act, Jefe. 771 00:47:28,744 --> 00:47:31,077 We kidnapped him from a hotel in Cancún. 772 00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:35,279 So, without further ado, por favor, please welcome 773 00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:38,047 the Amazing Ken and Rufus! 774 00:47:40,523 --> 00:47:44,220 Thank you. Quite a crowd. What do you think, Rufus? 775 00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:46,789 Lots of Mexicans tonight. 776 00:47:46,896 --> 00:47:50,856 Feels like I'm standing in front of the Home Depot. 777 00:47:52,436 --> 00:47:55,303 Be nice, Rufus. How about a joke? 778 00:47:55,406 --> 00:47:56,395 Okay. 779 00:47:56,507 --> 00:48:02,104 Do you know why there were only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? 780 00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:05,205 -No. Why? -They only had four trucks. 781 00:48:06,217 --> 00:48:07,378 Boo! Boo! 782 00:48:07,486 --> 00:48:08,646 That's not funny! 783 00:48:08,820 --> 00:48:12,950 Relax, sweetheart. I did not know this was a gay bar. 784 00:48:14,526 --> 00:48:16,460 He's just kidding. 785 00:48:17,195 --> 00:48:19,425 What is your name, sir? 786 00:48:19,531 --> 00:48:21,294 I am Carlos Santana. 787 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:23,800 Holy shit! The singer? 788 00:48:24,069 --> 00:48:27,801 No, not the singer! I'm the real Carlos Santana! 789 00:48:27,907 --> 00:48:31,468 Man of courage, honor. The leader of men! 790 00:48:31,978 --> 00:48:34,776 That other guy, he is just a guitar player. 791 00:48:34,881 --> 00:48:37,247 Yeah, well, I think you both suck. 792 00:48:40,586 --> 00:48:42,247 You shot Rufus! 793 00:48:43,691 --> 00:48:46,251 I was aiming for the Amazing Ken. 794 00:48:54,268 --> 00:48:57,499 Luis, you are back. How did the pillaging go? 795 00:48:59,373 --> 00:49:01,001 Not so good, Jefe. 796 00:49:01,142 --> 00:49:02,871 What do you mean, not so good? 797 00:49:02,977 --> 00:49:04,569 There was a problem. 798 00:49:04,679 --> 00:49:06,112 And we could not get your tribute. 799 00:49:06,214 --> 00:49:07,181 What? 800 00:49:07,282 --> 00:49:10,683 Jefe, you don't understand! There's nothing we could do. 801 00:49:11,319 --> 00:49:13,014 The American Army show up. 802 00:49:14,522 --> 00:49:16,888 There were hundreds of them. 803 00:49:16,991 --> 00:49:20,894 They captured Ricardo. Jefe, we barely escaped with our lives. 804 00:49:21,764 --> 00:49:24,255 Gringo soldiers in La Miranda. 805 00:49:24,567 --> 00:49:26,159 It was good you brought me this news. 806 00:49:26,268 --> 00:49:29,362 Since they shut off the cable, I can't get CNN. 807 00:49:29,472 --> 00:49:30,666 Hard to stay current. 808 00:49:32,141 --> 00:49:34,974 I thought you were going to kill me. 809 00:49:35,277 --> 00:49:37,405 Kill you? 810 00:49:37,514 --> 00:49:40,039 We have shared many a great adventure together. 811 00:49:42,452 --> 00:49:45,580 I would never kill you. 812 00:49:49,559 --> 00:49:51,584 Paco and Hector are going to kill you. 813 00:49:53,363 --> 00:49:55,559 Jefe, please don't kill me! Jefe! Jefe, no! 814 00:49:55,666 --> 00:49:58,328 Jefe! Are we going to destroy La Miranda? 815 00:50:00,004 --> 00:50:02,495 No, I don't like to work on the weekends. 816 00:50:02,607 --> 00:50:05,235 Tonight, it's karaoke! 817 00:50:31,871 --> 00:50:34,339 What did you guys do last night? 818 00:50:34,441 --> 00:50:36,739 You missed a hell of a party. 819 00:50:36,843 --> 00:50:38,140 You were partying? 820 00:50:38,244 --> 00:50:40,269 It's part of the hero business, man. 821 00:50:40,947 --> 00:50:43,780 For us not to partake in the celebration would have just been rude. 822 00:50:43,883 --> 00:50:44,850 Relax. 823 00:50:45,151 --> 00:50:48,484 We're goodwill ambassadors winning over hearts and minds. 824 00:50:48,588 --> 00:50:52,081 Everett, that's exactly why you shouldn't drink tequila. 825 00:50:52,193 --> 00:50:53,251 Damn. 826 00:50:54,028 --> 00:50:56,963 This always happens when I eat the worm. 827 00:50:57,064 --> 00:50:58,554 Where were you? 828 00:51:00,234 --> 00:51:03,169 You went and saw that little girl, didn't you? 829 00:51:04,138 --> 00:51:05,469 Did y'all do the chimichanga? 830 00:51:05,573 --> 00:51:08,008 Oh, come on, Bill. Don't be crude, man. 831 00:51:08,109 --> 00:51:10,577 Larry's a gentleman, and Maria's a lady. 832 00:51:10,679 --> 00:51:12,271 Did you bang her? 833 00:51:12,414 --> 00:51:17,078 All right, listen, I was up all night thinking about our situation. 834 00:51:17,185 --> 00:51:20,677 We just can't be running around a country we're not supposed to be in. 835 00:51:20,789 --> 00:51:24,190 So, I think we ought to just stay right here and wait for the Army to pick us up. 836 00:51:24,292 --> 00:51:26,090 -So, we're staying? -Relax. 837 00:51:26,195 --> 00:51:28,060 This ain't the infield at Talladega. 838 00:51:28,164 --> 00:51:29,722 Since we're stuck here, 839 00:51:29,832 --> 00:51:32,562 I figure we ought to do what we're supposed to do. 840 00:51:32,668 --> 00:51:34,636 And these folks have been pretty hospitable. 841 00:51:35,505 --> 00:51:39,703 I think it's time we return the favor. So, come on, let's get to it. 842 00:51:42,345 --> 00:51:46,715 -You want to change there, señorita? -Oh, I forgot I had this on. 843 00:51:46,817 --> 00:51:48,375 It really breathes. 844 00:51:49,286 --> 00:51:52,619 Iraq? You guys may want to buy a map, eh? 845 00:51:52,723 --> 00:51:55,123 But what my father means to say 846 00:51:55,225 --> 00:51:56,988 is that we are really appreciative 847 00:51:57,094 --> 00:51:59,221 for what you have done for our poor village. 848 00:51:59,329 --> 00:52:01,058 We know we messed up, 849 00:52:01,965 --> 00:52:04,491 and kind of hoping we can keep this our little secret. 850 00:52:04,702 --> 00:52:06,829 We'd like to stick around and provide perimeter security 851 00:52:06,938 --> 00:52:08,200 and help restore your infrastructure. 852 00:52:08,306 --> 00:52:10,536 Infrastructure? Okay! 853 00:52:10,642 --> 00:52:13,008 First place you can start is this well. 854 00:52:13,111 --> 00:52:14,738 It's been dry for years. 855 00:52:14,846 --> 00:52:17,940 We're forced to carry water from the river. 856 00:52:18,049 --> 00:52:19,607 Yeah. No problem. 857 00:52:19,717 --> 00:52:21,982 Thank you for your generosity. 858 00:52:23,088 --> 00:52:24,715 My pleasure, ma'am. 859 00:52:24,823 --> 00:52:27,348 Here's the problem with the well. 860 00:52:28,894 --> 00:52:30,122 It's dry. 861 00:52:54,754 --> 00:52:57,747 That's right, boys! Can't hate number 8! 862 00:53:14,175 --> 00:53:15,609 They love it! 863 00:53:29,758 --> 00:53:31,089 Hey, where'd you get all those extra nails? 864 00:53:31,193 --> 00:53:33,856 I just pulled them out of that old shed. 865 00:53:37,900 --> 00:53:39,094 Everett! 866 00:53:51,482 --> 00:53:53,450 You know, we're doing a lot of good. 867 00:53:53,550 --> 00:53:55,609 They could really use these medical supplies. 868 00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:57,152 Copy that. 869 00:54:00,357 --> 00:54:03,326 Oh, man. Guys, you gotta see this. 870 00:54:08,866 --> 00:54:10,801 What do you think happened? 871 00:54:10,902 --> 00:54:12,335 I don't know. 872 00:54:12,871 --> 00:54:14,896 Maybe some wild critters dug him up. 873 00:54:15,006 --> 00:54:17,497 I think it's a more logical explanation. 874 00:54:18,643 --> 00:54:19,940 The Chupacabra. 875 00:54:20,111 --> 00:54:21,874 -What? -The Chupacabra. 876 00:54:21,980 --> 00:54:23,845 It's a mythical hairless dog-like creature 877 00:54:24,015 --> 00:54:26,347 that sucks the blood out of both man and beast. 878 00:54:26,451 --> 00:54:29,012 It's been terrorizing these parts for years. 879 00:54:29,121 --> 00:54:30,349 Either that, or it's grave robbers. 880 00:54:30,456 --> 00:54:33,687 I mean, you can get top dollar for a testicle on eBay these days. 881 00:54:35,628 --> 00:54:38,358 Poor bastard. Couldn't even rest in peace. 882 00:54:55,849 --> 00:54:58,340 I am gonna kill you deviant bastards! 883 00:55:22,745 --> 00:55:25,270 What are you doing, Señor Bill? 884 00:55:25,380 --> 00:55:29,783 Trying to get this dang radio working. I need to talk to my superior. 885 00:55:29,885 --> 00:55:32,752 Well, why don't you just use a telephone? 886 00:55:33,388 --> 00:55:34,946 You got a phone? 887 00:55:35,057 --> 00:55:39,050 Well, not here in town, but I can show you where. 888 00:55:42,098 --> 00:55:43,998 Now, we need to keep this between you and l. 889 00:55:44,100 --> 00:55:47,194 See, it's a covert op, and we don't want General Larry interfering. 890 00:55:47,303 --> 00:55:50,704 Why wouldn't you want him to know? I thought you had to call your superior. 891 00:55:50,807 --> 00:55:53,002 I do. My wife. 892 00:55:53,510 --> 00:55:54,943 Oh, si, Señor Bill. 893 00:55:55,578 --> 00:55:57,170 It will be our secret. 894 00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:58,680 Good. Now, where the hell is this phone? 895 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:04,951 Shut up in there! Hello? 896 00:56:05,055 --> 00:56:06,716 Hey, sweetie! It's me! 897 00:56:06,824 --> 00:56:09,258 Why haven't you called? Are you in Iraq? 898 00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:12,056 No. No, we had a little change of plans. 899 00:56:12,163 --> 00:56:13,187 This better be good. 900 00:56:13,297 --> 00:56:15,492 Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story. 901 00:56:15,599 --> 00:56:17,090 Quiet in there! I'm talking to your dad! 902 00:56:17,202 --> 00:56:18,760 We're in Mexico. 903 00:56:19,037 --> 00:56:21,198 Mexico? You better get your ass right back here... 904 00:56:21,306 --> 00:56:23,297 -Señor Bill? -Hang on a second. 905 00:56:23,408 --> 00:56:24,841 A two-way whore in a rowdy... 906 00:56:24,943 --> 00:56:27,673 No, no, no, no. Now, you hold on a second, honey. 907 00:56:27,779 --> 00:56:30,714 It's not like that at all. I'm not on vacation down here. 908 00:56:30,816 --> 00:56:33,080 Damn right you're not on vacation. What are you doing down there? 909 00:56:33,185 --> 00:56:34,483 I'm working! 910 00:56:34,587 --> 00:56:37,317 Hey, this is part of a government sanctioned incursion 911 00:56:37,423 --> 00:56:40,051 into a sovereign nation as part of Operation Sombrero. 912 00:56:40,159 --> 00:56:41,183 You're a part of a government operation? 913 00:56:41,294 --> 00:56:43,888 Yeah. Yeah, so, tell the boys, their daddy is a hero. 914 00:56:43,996 --> 00:56:45,623 Señor Bill? 915 00:56:45,731 --> 00:56:46,789 Hang on a second! 916 00:56:46,899 --> 00:56:48,093 Are you coming home or not? 917 00:56:48,201 --> 00:56:50,795 No. I don't know when I'm gonna be home. 918 00:56:50,903 --> 00:56:52,462 Well, I don't know. Hell. 919 00:56:52,573 --> 00:56:54,268 -Wrong! -Hello? 920 00:56:54,374 --> 00:56:55,705 Connie? 921 00:56:55,809 --> 00:56:56,867 Hello. 922 00:56:58,078 --> 00:57:01,138 -Hey, what is... -Oh, I'm sorry, señor. 923 00:57:01,248 --> 00:57:03,011 Did I cut you off? 924 00:57:10,892 --> 00:57:12,086 Shit. 925 00:57:12,193 --> 00:57:13,660 Okay, gringo, 926 00:57:13,761 --> 00:57:16,229 how many more men you got back in La Miranda? 927 00:57:16,331 --> 00:57:19,823 All I gotta tell you is my name, rank, and favorite cereal. 928 00:57:19,934 --> 00:57:22,300 And that's all you're getting. 929 00:57:24,505 --> 00:57:26,803 I think Ruben likes you. 930 00:57:28,410 --> 00:57:31,709 It just seems odd that a man of your stature 931 00:57:31,814 --> 00:57:34,977 would embrace alternative lifestyles amongst his men. 932 00:57:35,084 --> 00:57:37,575 You can't fire someone because they're gay! 933 00:57:37,686 --> 00:57:39,654 That's discrimination! 934 00:57:39,755 --> 00:57:41,382 You can get sued for that, eh? 935 00:57:41,490 --> 00:57:43,617 Besides, he's my nephew. 936 00:57:43,726 --> 00:57:45,990 You can't choose your familia. 937 00:57:46,596 --> 00:57:49,565 So, he's here, he's queer. Get used to it. 938 00:57:49,666 --> 00:57:52,760 I'm still not telling you anything. 939 00:57:52,869 --> 00:57:56,236 Start talking or I'll tell Ruben he can marry you. 940 00:57:56,339 --> 00:57:57,897 He wants a wife. 941 00:57:59,175 --> 00:58:01,700 Well, there's just three of us. 942 00:58:01,811 --> 00:58:04,075 We don't have an idea what we're doing. We thought this was lraq. 943 00:58:04,180 --> 00:58:05,341 Can you believe that? Iraq. 944 00:58:05,449 --> 00:58:07,974 Who would make that stupid mistake? 945 00:58:08,786 --> 00:58:10,981 You and you men have really done some good here. 946 00:58:11,122 --> 00:58:14,421 Oh, well, just goes to show you what a little hard work 947 00:58:14,525 --> 00:58:16,254 and ingenuity can do. 948 00:58:16,494 --> 00:58:18,621 You must have learned so much in the Army. 949 00:58:19,030 --> 00:58:22,591 Oh, shoot, yeah. We're all highly-trained individuals. 950 00:58:22,868 --> 00:58:26,565 Hey, Larry! Help me out with this thing! 951 00:58:26,672 --> 00:58:28,606 Well, most of us, anyway. 952 00:58:28,707 --> 00:58:31,505 -I better handle this. I'll see you later. -Okay. 953 00:58:40,686 --> 00:58:42,587 I think I got it now. 954 00:58:47,894 --> 00:58:49,862 Look out, you idiot! Not at the village! 955 00:58:49,963 --> 00:58:52,158 -Oh, yeah. -Turn it! 956 00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:55,931 Stand back! 957 00:58:58,571 --> 00:59:01,302 Damn it! That's been happening all day! 958 00:59:01,408 --> 00:59:03,103 I don't get it. 959 00:59:04,845 --> 00:59:07,905 I'm gonna get this thing working if it kills me. 960 00:59:10,517 --> 00:59:14,044 -Damn it. Come on, Everett! -I'm right behind you, buddy! 961 00:59:15,055 --> 00:59:16,249 Damn! 962 00:59:25,233 --> 00:59:26,996 People of La Miranda, 963 00:59:27,602 --> 00:59:31,333 you have disobeyed your Jefe by not paying my tribute. 964 00:59:31,439 --> 00:59:34,340 Now, come out and take your punishment! 965 00:59:34,909 --> 00:59:36,775 Hold it right there! 966 00:59:36,879 --> 00:59:39,939 You're in a lot of trouble, gringo! This is not lraq! 967 00:59:40,049 --> 00:59:41,380 I am the law here! 968 00:59:41,484 --> 00:59:43,577 I am Carlos Santana! 969 00:59:45,321 --> 00:59:46,652 The singer? 970 00:59:46,756 --> 00:59:49,122 Definitely not the singer. 971 00:59:51,027 --> 00:59:53,553 We caught your friend here trying to call his wife. 972 00:59:53,663 --> 00:59:54,994 What? 973 00:59:55,098 --> 00:59:57,566 You found a phone, and the one person you call is your wife? 974 00:59:57,667 --> 00:59:59,692 She gets moody if I don't check in. 975 00:59:59,803 --> 01:00:01,862 She sounds like a real bitch, señor. 976 01:00:01,972 --> 01:00:04,338 You have to set some boundaries. 977 01:00:06,343 --> 01:00:07,401 All right, turn him loose! 978 01:00:07,511 --> 01:00:10,241 Turn him loose? We have you outnumbered. 979 01:00:10,347 --> 01:00:14,045 What are you gonna do, kill us all by yourself? 980 01:00:15,186 --> 01:00:16,244 Nope. 981 01:00:18,256 --> 01:00:20,554 I'm just gonna kill you. 982 01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:23,482 Oh. 983 01:00:24,062 --> 01:00:25,859 I hadn't thought of that. 984 01:00:26,330 --> 01:00:30,165 Well, looks like we got ourselves a Mexican standoff. 985 01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:35,000 Actually, señor, down here, we just call it a standoff. 986 01:00:35,107 --> 01:00:36,335 Yeah, okay. 987 01:00:36,942 --> 01:00:38,466 Tell your people to stand back. 988 01:00:38,577 --> 01:00:39,669 This is my town! 989 01:00:39,778 --> 01:00:42,042 You don't give the orders here, I do! 990 01:00:44,750 --> 01:00:47,777 In just a few minutes, the entire 101st Airborne 991 01:00:47,887 --> 01:00:49,354 is gonna come down that road. 992 01:00:50,023 --> 01:00:51,251 They are? 993 01:00:51,891 --> 01:00:53,882 Just go with me on this. 994 01:00:54,761 --> 01:00:56,956 Señor, I think you're bluffing! 995 01:01:09,343 --> 01:01:11,573 Iraq, it's a land of miracles. 996 01:01:12,413 --> 01:01:13,573 Sarge? You're alive? 997 01:01:13,681 --> 01:01:15,581 Shut up, numb nuts. 998 01:01:17,618 --> 01:01:19,950 Surprised to see me, maggots? 999 01:01:20,221 --> 01:01:23,088 Can we sort this out later, Sarge? 1000 01:01:23,357 --> 01:01:27,055 -Little bit of a situation on our hands. -You bet your ass we got a situation. 1001 01:01:27,162 --> 01:01:29,426 You assholes are A-W-O-L! 1002 01:01:31,766 --> 01:01:32,824 What? 1003 01:01:32,934 --> 01:01:36,495 I was just telling these armed men, the rest of our highly-trained 1004 01:01:36,605 --> 01:01:40,439 firepower-out-the-ass 101st Airborne was coming up right behind you. 1005 01:01:40,542 --> 01:01:42,009 Are you nuts? 1006 01:01:42,678 --> 01:01:43,906 We're not even in lraq. 1007 01:01:44,213 --> 01:01:46,511 There's no one here! We're alone. 1008 01:01:46,616 --> 01:01:48,516 Now give me that weapon. 1009 01:01:50,553 --> 01:01:52,180 This shit-hole of a country is Mexico. 1010 01:01:52,288 --> 01:01:53,277 Hey! 1011 01:01:53,389 --> 01:01:56,790 You're not exactly a box of chocolates, eh, sweetheart? 1012 01:01:56,893 --> 01:01:58,622 Mind your own business, Pedro. 1013 01:01:58,728 --> 01:02:02,062 Actually, señor, this is my business. 1014 01:02:05,936 --> 01:02:07,164 Oh, shit. 1015 01:02:15,279 --> 01:02:17,213 Put your hands in the air now! 1016 01:02:17,314 --> 01:02:18,805 You have the right to remain silent! 1017 01:02:18,917 --> 01:02:20,214 You have the right to an attorney! 1018 01:02:20,318 --> 01:02:21,945 What the hell is that? 1019 01:02:22,053 --> 01:02:26,012 This is a Mark 153 shoulder-launch multipurpose assault weapon. 1020 01:02:28,059 --> 01:02:30,118 Who wants to ride the pain train? 1021 01:02:32,330 --> 01:02:36,893 Well, boys, looks like we got ourselves a Mexican standoff. 1022 01:02:39,672 --> 01:02:42,232 Hey, Sarge. You still got your testicles? 1023 01:02:42,341 --> 01:02:44,070 Everett? Everett, hand that thing over. 1024 01:02:44,176 --> 01:02:45,143 -No, I can do it. -Hand it over. 1025 01:02:45,244 --> 01:02:46,233 I'm a trained law enforcement officer. 1026 01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:47,369 You're gonna hurt somebody. 1027 01:02:47,479 --> 01:02:48,639 Watch and learn! 1028 01:02:48,747 --> 01:02:50,112 Everett, no! 1029 01:02:54,587 --> 01:02:55,816 Incoming! 1030 01:03:27,355 --> 01:03:28,686 Hell, yeah! 1031 01:03:42,104 --> 01:03:44,265 That's what I'm talking about! 1032 01:03:50,179 --> 01:03:54,741 Not only have you saved us again, but you've given us the miracle of water. 1033 01:03:56,152 --> 01:03:58,746 -Nice shooting, Everett. -I know. 1034 01:03:58,855 --> 01:04:02,951 You know what they say? The Army, toughest job you'll ever love. 1035 01:04:03,126 --> 01:04:05,356 No, that's the Peace Corps. 1036 01:04:06,562 --> 01:04:07,825 Hey! 1037 01:04:07,931 --> 01:04:08,693 Where's Sarge? 1038 01:04:09,266 --> 01:04:10,665 God damn it, Everett! 1039 01:04:10,768 --> 01:04:13,430 I'm gonna tear off your head and shit down your... 1040 01:04:13,537 --> 01:04:16,370 Say hello to my nephew Ruben. 1041 01:04:20,544 --> 01:04:21,602 Shit. 1042 01:04:24,548 --> 01:04:27,416 Do you really think this is a good idea? 1043 01:04:27,519 --> 01:04:29,680 I mean, we've already buried Sarge once, 1044 01:04:30,021 --> 01:04:33,320 and I don't know if I can go through this again, 1045 01:04:33,458 --> 01:04:35,187 emotionally speaking. 1046 01:04:35,327 --> 01:04:38,819 Look, he may be an asshole, but he's our asshole. 1047 01:04:41,900 --> 01:04:43,333 Everett, what are you doing? 1048 01:04:43,669 --> 01:04:47,196 I'm changing the terror level from orange to red piñata. 1049 01:04:47,306 --> 01:04:48,933 Everett, get down! 1050 01:04:51,177 --> 01:04:54,772 Are you sure you must do this? This is not your fight. 1051 01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:58,338 Look, once they messed with Sarge, it became our fight. 1052 01:05:06,026 --> 01:05:07,653 Bin Laden, here we come! 1053 01:05:07,761 --> 01:05:10,059 Shut up, Everett. 1054 01:05:13,467 --> 01:05:14,593 Lock up the prisoner! 1055 01:05:14,701 --> 01:05:16,066 Jefe, are we going to burn down La Miranda? 1056 01:05:17,671 --> 01:05:19,867 Tonight it's wrestling! 1057 01:05:22,510 --> 01:05:23,568 Yeah! 1058 01:05:24,779 --> 01:05:26,076 El Javalina! 1059 01:05:27,782 --> 01:05:29,477 Who's he fighting, Jefe? 1060 01:05:29,584 --> 01:05:31,575 You and Hector. 1061 01:05:31,686 --> 01:05:33,347 But, Jefe... 1062 01:05:34,522 --> 01:05:36,251 I would love to. 1063 01:05:41,663 --> 01:05:43,824 All right. Does everybody know the plan? 1064 01:05:43,932 --> 01:05:44,990 Yeah. 1065 01:05:45,467 --> 01:05:46,593 Affirmative. 1066 01:05:46,702 --> 01:05:48,897 Crack skulls and kick ass! 1067 01:05:53,542 --> 01:05:57,001 Well, we may never see him again. 1068 01:05:57,113 --> 01:06:00,014 I'm gonna miss that little mongoloid. 1069 01:06:00,116 --> 01:06:03,643 You disable the vehicles. I'm gonna get Sarge. 1070 01:06:07,490 --> 01:06:09,424 Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face. 1071 01:06:11,127 --> 01:06:14,529 I have had the darnedest time ever since I left the interstate. 1072 01:06:14,632 --> 01:06:17,931 I think we took a wrong turn at buenas noches. 1073 01:06:19,136 --> 01:06:20,660 What you have to do is... 1074 01:06:20,771 --> 01:06:23,433 That's what I need to do right there. 1075 01:06:41,660 --> 01:06:44,026 I'm getting too fat for this shit. 1076 01:07:09,256 --> 01:07:10,985 Electric shock, huh? 1077 01:07:11,592 --> 01:07:13,560 Well, in the Mekong Delta, 1078 01:07:13,660 --> 01:07:17,289 the Vietcong stuck bamboo shoots under my fingernails. 1079 01:07:17,431 --> 01:07:20,332 It'll take a lot more than that to break me. 1080 01:07:21,268 --> 01:07:23,031 What the hell is this? 1081 01:07:29,043 --> 01:07:30,408 It's a duet! 1082 01:08:02,311 --> 01:08:04,246 Hey, hey, hey! 1083 01:08:34,111 --> 01:08:37,239 Who else is man enough to step into the ring? 1084 01:08:37,481 --> 01:08:39,245 Right here, amigo! 1085 01:08:39,484 --> 01:08:40,974 Who is this maricón? 1086 01:08:41,086 --> 01:08:42,485 I don't know, 1087 01:08:42,754 --> 01:08:44,244 but I like him. 1088 01:08:53,832 --> 01:08:55,459 He's got style! 1089 01:08:56,134 --> 01:09:00,162 Muchachos, a masked challenger is gonna take on El Javalina. 1090 01:09:08,014 --> 01:09:10,744 Hold on, Sarge. I'm coming. 1091 01:09:15,856 --> 01:09:18,552 Come on, Tijuana! You want some? 1092 01:09:18,659 --> 01:09:20,092 You gonna get some! 1093 01:09:20,194 --> 01:09:22,253 Hey, don't you worry about anything, man. I'm a pro. 1094 01:09:22,363 --> 01:09:23,523 I'm a card-carrying member 1095 01:09:23,631 --> 01:09:26,122 of the Georgia lndependent Wrestling Alliance. 1096 01:09:26,233 --> 01:09:28,793 Just take a lookout for my trick knee. 1097 01:09:51,292 --> 01:09:53,784 Man, look at the size of that son of a bitch. 1098 01:09:53,896 --> 01:09:56,694 -He'd have ripped you a... -Get me loose! 1099 01:09:59,402 --> 01:10:00,869 I hate Sonny and Cher. 1100 01:10:00,970 --> 01:10:03,200 Hey, Bill's down by the gate. I'm gonna go get Everett. 1101 01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:04,428 Okay. 1102 01:10:09,545 --> 01:10:10,979 What are you doing? 1103 01:10:11,081 --> 01:10:12,412 Hey, Sarge. 1104 01:10:13,116 --> 01:10:16,813 You're wearing the enemy's uniform. I should have known you'd be a traitor. 1105 01:10:16,920 --> 01:10:18,444 No, I'm undercover. 1106 01:10:19,056 --> 01:10:22,048 I'm wrecking the vehicles. Here's the plan. 1107 01:10:22,292 --> 01:10:24,783 I'm putting sugar in their gas tanks. 1108 01:10:26,697 --> 01:10:28,529 I got a better idea. 1109 01:10:29,167 --> 01:10:30,259 Okay. 1110 01:10:53,325 --> 01:10:54,314 Oh! 1111 01:10:54,493 --> 01:10:57,519 I see we're playing by Panamanian prison rules. 1112 01:11:05,772 --> 01:11:08,707 Yeah, take some of this, amigo! 1113 01:11:22,656 --> 01:11:25,591 You just bought yourself a six pack of pain, buddy! 1114 01:11:25,726 --> 01:11:27,591 Come get some! 1115 01:11:34,368 --> 01:11:37,064 I'm the king! I'm the king! 1116 01:11:46,281 --> 01:11:49,546 Get set for the full force of the U.S. Military! 1117 01:11:49,651 --> 01:11:51,414 Get them, guys! 1118 01:11:53,755 --> 01:11:54,813 Guys? 1119 01:11:55,090 --> 01:11:56,421 I know you! 1120 01:11:56,591 --> 01:11:59,459 You're that retarded guy with the bazooka! 1121 01:11:59,562 --> 01:12:00,961 It was a rocket-launcher. 1122 01:12:01,063 --> 01:12:02,655 Kill this cabrón! 1123 01:12:05,067 --> 01:12:06,694 Hold it right there! 1124 01:12:06,803 --> 01:12:09,067 You gotta be kidding me! 1125 01:12:09,372 --> 01:12:12,205 You gringos are like a bad case of the crabs. 1126 01:12:12,308 --> 01:12:13,673 I can't get rid of you! 1127 01:12:13,776 --> 01:12:15,767 Everett, get over here. 1128 01:12:18,115 --> 01:12:22,609 You, señor, are either very brave or very stupid. 1129 01:12:22,719 --> 01:12:25,210 Either way, you can't kill all of us. 1130 01:12:25,823 --> 01:12:27,256 Probably not. 1131 01:12:28,091 --> 01:12:30,184 I'll just kill you. 1132 01:12:30,427 --> 01:12:32,918 Damn! I keep doing that. 1133 01:12:33,030 --> 01:12:34,896 Good job, Larry. 1134 01:12:34,999 --> 01:12:37,092 I'm out of here. You disarm them, 1135 01:12:37,202 --> 01:12:38,897 and I'll meet you back at Checkpoint Charlie. 1136 01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:43,205 All right, come on! Let's get out of here! 1137 01:12:55,120 --> 01:12:57,020 Let's go! Shotgun! 1138 01:12:57,122 --> 01:12:58,953 Damn you, Everett! 1139 01:13:09,768 --> 01:13:11,464 They're over there! 1140 01:13:16,643 --> 01:13:19,134 Look at our cars, Jefe. 1141 01:13:19,246 --> 01:13:21,146 Who would do such a thing? 1142 01:13:21,281 --> 01:13:22,976 That's vandalism! 1143 01:13:23,083 --> 01:13:25,415 Saddle up the horses and bring out Big Bertha! 1144 01:13:25,619 --> 01:13:27,519 Come on! Move, move, move! 1145 01:13:27,621 --> 01:13:28,747 Come on! Let's go! 1146 01:13:28,855 --> 01:13:30,016 Go! Go! 1147 01:13:30,124 --> 01:13:32,718 This is the end of La Miranda. 1148 01:13:42,670 --> 01:13:43,762 You made it back. 1149 01:13:43,871 --> 01:13:45,771 I'm so glad. I was very worried. 1150 01:13:45,873 --> 01:13:48,604 There's still a certain señorita I gotta take out on the town. 1151 01:13:48,710 --> 01:13:51,406 Or make sweet, sweet love to her under the stars 1152 01:13:51,513 --> 01:13:56,473 as a mariachi bands serenades you with a song of romance and desire. 1153 01:13:56,585 --> 01:13:59,349 You saved our village by killing Carlos Santana. 1154 01:13:59,454 --> 01:14:01,615 Well, not quite. 1155 01:14:01,723 --> 01:14:03,623 Son, make it quick. We gotta get going. 1156 01:14:03,725 --> 01:14:06,217 What? We can't leave. 1157 01:14:06,663 --> 01:14:08,995 Santana might be on his way down here right now, 1158 01:14:09,098 --> 01:14:10,963 and this village is defenseless. 1159 01:14:11,067 --> 01:14:15,333 Son, you showed me something by coming to save me, you really did. 1160 01:14:15,505 --> 01:14:18,167 But this is out of my hands. We have to leave. 1161 01:14:18,841 --> 01:14:20,832 -Bill? -This isn't lraq. 1162 01:14:20,944 --> 01:14:22,411 It's Mexico. 1163 01:14:22,512 --> 01:14:25,346 We did what we could do, but this isn't our fight. 1164 01:14:25,449 --> 01:14:26,746 Sorry, son. 1165 01:14:27,351 --> 01:14:28,318 I'm not leaving. 1166 01:14:28,419 --> 01:14:29,511 Oh, Larry, come on! 1167 01:14:29,620 --> 01:14:31,986 Private, I'm giving you an order. 1168 01:14:32,456 --> 01:14:35,425 I think you guys forgot what our orders are. 1169 01:14:35,526 --> 01:14:37,323 We're supposed to bring freedom and democracy 1170 01:14:37,428 --> 01:14:39,293 to people that need it. 1171 01:14:39,763 --> 01:14:42,289 I think these people need it. 1172 01:14:43,001 --> 01:14:44,366 I'm staying. 1173 01:14:44,903 --> 01:14:48,669 I'm staying to finish the job. I'm staying to do what's right. 1174 01:14:53,345 --> 01:14:57,372 Anybody that's with me can cross this line. 1175 01:14:58,883 --> 01:15:00,943 Oh, come on, guys! 1176 01:15:02,021 --> 01:15:06,287 Sarge, look at these people. They're honest, hardworking. 1177 01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:09,960 They got hopes, dreams. 1178 01:15:10,963 --> 01:15:13,158 Ain't you ever had a dream? 1179 01:15:13,265 --> 01:15:14,493 Shit. 1180 01:15:15,301 --> 01:15:16,893 Hell, you got me. 1181 01:15:19,506 --> 01:15:22,407 I always wanted to be an aerobics instructor. 1182 01:15:22,843 --> 01:15:23,832 Okay. 1183 01:15:27,547 --> 01:15:30,914 Don't look at me, man. I got a wife and kids to think about. 1184 01:15:31,018 --> 01:15:34,454 And what would you do if Connie and the boys lived in a town like this? 1185 01:15:34,554 --> 01:15:36,523 Would you leave them then? 1186 01:15:38,259 --> 01:15:39,248 No. 1187 01:15:40,228 --> 01:15:41,422 Damn it. 1188 01:15:43,231 --> 01:15:44,528 All right. 1189 01:15:44,899 --> 01:15:48,699 Like they say in the Army, be all you can be. 1190 01:15:49,604 --> 01:15:51,401 You got it right! 1191 01:15:53,608 --> 01:15:55,702 Who am I kidding? I live in a storage locker. 1192 01:15:55,811 --> 01:15:57,574 I'm not going anywhere. 1193 01:15:57,679 --> 01:16:01,115 All right, then. We got all day to figure out a plan. 1194 01:16:01,216 --> 01:16:03,582 Come on, we're the Sleeping Marmots! 1195 01:16:03,685 --> 01:16:05,949 What else can Santana do to us? 1196 01:16:06,755 --> 01:16:10,122 Señor! Señor! I think you better take a look at this. 1197 01:16:24,107 --> 01:16:25,665 A tank? 1198 01:16:25,775 --> 01:16:26,969 Where'd they get that? 1199 01:16:28,478 --> 01:16:31,175 That's a Sherman tank, U.S. Army surplus! 1200 01:16:31,749 --> 01:16:35,412 Back in the '80s, the Mexicans traded 15,000 cases of Chiclets for them. 1201 01:16:35,519 --> 01:16:37,043 You're kidding! 1202 01:16:37,288 --> 01:16:38,516 Incoming! 1203 01:16:41,559 --> 01:16:42,617 Down! 1204 01:16:51,336 --> 01:16:52,303 Get everybody in the church! 1205 01:16:52,404 --> 01:16:54,235 -But what about... -Now! 1206 01:17:03,248 --> 01:17:04,510 We gotta take that tank out. 1207 01:17:04,616 --> 01:17:05,913 Get the rocket-launcher! 1208 01:17:06,017 --> 01:17:08,680 I got it, Sarge! It's in the bunkhouse! 1209 01:17:09,088 --> 01:17:10,555 Cover him. 1210 01:17:21,767 --> 01:17:24,065 If I die, Connie's gonna kill me! 1211 01:17:24,170 --> 01:17:26,105 We gotta take that tank out! 1212 01:17:26,206 --> 01:17:29,232 Don't we have anything in this town we can use? 1213 01:17:30,544 --> 01:17:32,136 Cover me! 1214 01:17:33,247 --> 01:17:34,339 Cover me! 1215 01:17:34,448 --> 01:17:36,848 You heard the man! Cover him! 1216 01:17:39,486 --> 01:17:41,044 I said cover me! 1217 01:17:43,424 --> 01:17:45,016 Bitch! 1218 01:18:06,248 --> 01:18:07,442 Come on! 1219 01:18:09,318 --> 01:18:10,546 Come on! 1220 01:18:12,154 --> 01:18:14,384 Damn it! Come on! 1221 01:18:22,432 --> 01:18:24,992 Shit. That'll work. 1222 01:18:35,378 --> 01:18:39,475 It is time for us to stand up to Santana once and for all! 1223 01:18:47,758 --> 01:18:49,623 Come on! Let's get them! 1224 01:18:50,061 --> 01:18:52,052 Remember the Alamo! 1225 01:18:52,163 --> 01:18:54,563 That is a sore subject around here, señor. 1226 01:19:18,024 --> 01:19:20,219 We did it. We ran them off! 1227 01:19:20,693 --> 01:19:24,527 -Where's Maria? -Oh, General, Santana has taken her. 1228 01:19:26,432 --> 01:19:28,662 You have any more daughters? 1229 01:19:29,335 --> 01:19:30,495 Lupita. 1230 01:19:31,972 --> 01:19:33,667 I'll go find Maria. 1231 01:19:35,009 --> 01:19:36,499 Stupid gringos. 1232 01:19:36,877 --> 01:19:38,504 They may have won this battle, 1233 01:19:38,612 --> 01:19:42,070 but as usual, Carlos Santana will win the war. 1234 01:19:42,182 --> 01:19:43,513 Far enough! 1235 01:19:43,984 --> 01:19:45,474 Now let her go! 1236 01:19:46,920 --> 01:19:49,081 What do you see in this fat redneck? 1237 01:19:49,189 --> 01:19:51,158 Fat redneck? 1238 01:19:51,259 --> 01:19:54,422 I swear, on Monday, I'm starting a low-carb diet. 1239 01:19:55,664 --> 01:19:58,428 Now I'll have to kill both of you. 1240 01:20:02,137 --> 01:20:06,938 It will take more than one helicopter to defeat Carlos Santana! 1241 01:20:09,645 --> 01:20:11,408 This is not good. 1242 01:20:42,279 --> 01:20:43,246 Thank you. 1243 01:20:44,716 --> 01:20:46,877 Papa! Oh, thank God! 1244 01:20:47,251 --> 01:20:49,116 Look forward and come this way, please! 1245 01:20:49,287 --> 01:20:50,481 Hey, everybody okay? 1246 01:20:50,655 --> 01:20:52,122 Oh, sure. Everybody's fine. 1247 01:20:52,323 --> 01:20:53,688 Couldn't be better. 1248 01:20:53,791 --> 01:20:54,780 Bill got shot. 1249 01:20:54,892 --> 01:20:56,723 Bill got... What? 1250 01:20:59,697 --> 01:21:01,927 Bill! You all right? 1251 01:21:02,401 --> 01:21:06,030 They got me! I don't think I'm gonna make it. 1252 01:21:06,271 --> 01:21:07,465 Larry... 1253 01:21:08,607 --> 01:21:10,768 You tell them my story. 1254 01:21:14,413 --> 01:21:17,075 He was shot in the ass. He'll be fine. 1255 01:21:18,951 --> 01:21:20,977 -Sir. -Colonel Dalton, Delta Force. 1256 01:21:21,087 --> 01:21:23,055 Is there a Bill Little here? 1257 01:21:23,156 --> 01:21:24,316 Yeah. That's me. 1258 01:21:24,424 --> 01:21:26,255 Your wife's a real pain in the ass. 1259 01:21:26,359 --> 01:21:29,226 When she found out you were in Mexico, she started calling the Pentagon. 1260 01:21:29,429 --> 01:21:32,125 Wouldn't stop till the Joint Chiefs sent us down here to get you. 1261 01:21:32,232 --> 01:21:33,597 God, I love that woman. 1262 01:21:33,700 --> 01:21:37,636 Yeah. You better mow the lawn when you get home. 1263 01:21:37,737 --> 01:21:39,171 Yes, sir. 1264 01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:42,541 Hey, Larry, this guy wants to talk to you. Says he's from the State Department. 1265 01:21:42,643 --> 01:21:46,511 Roger Grabowski, undersecretary, Central American affairs. 1266 01:21:46,614 --> 01:21:50,072 You hear that? Poor bastard's a secretary. 1267 01:21:50,684 --> 01:21:52,914 Bit of a sticky situation we've got here. 1268 01:21:53,020 --> 01:21:55,488 We're in a lot of trouble, ain't we? 1269 01:21:55,589 --> 01:21:57,888 Maybe not. That is, 1270 01:21:57,993 --> 01:22:00,018 if you guys will cooperate. 1271 01:22:01,229 --> 01:22:03,060 We're all about cooperation. 1272 01:22:03,165 --> 01:22:05,565 Another victory in the war on terror 1273 01:22:05,667 --> 01:22:07,965 as the White House today announced the success 1274 01:22:08,069 --> 01:22:09,866 of Operation Sombrero 1275 01:22:10,305 --> 01:22:13,468 with strikes against terror camps located in northern Mexico 1276 01:22:13,575 --> 01:22:18,036 by U.S. personnel operating with permission from the Mexican government. 1277 01:22:18,147 --> 01:22:21,776 In a shocking development, among those captured in the attack 1278 01:22:21,884 --> 01:22:25,047 was Grammy-winning musician, Carlos Santana, 1279 01:22:25,154 --> 01:22:27,645 known for such hits as Black Magic Woman, 1280 01:22:27,757 --> 01:22:30,385 Evil Ways, and Oye Como Va. 1281 01:22:32,228 --> 01:22:36,962 Once more, America is in need of its best and brightest. 1282 01:22:37,334 --> 01:22:42,465 One wonders if there are still heroes willing to lead us 1283 01:22:42,573 --> 01:22:45,406 through the challenges we face as a nation. 1284 01:22:45,509 --> 01:22:47,443 I say the answer is yes. 1285 01:22:48,812 --> 01:22:51,941 And I am proud to be standing here with them today 1286 01:22:52,050 --> 01:22:53,779 as we honor their sacrifice. 1287 01:22:53,885 --> 01:22:55,182 Ten hut! 1288 01:23:07,732 --> 01:23:09,166 What's my name? 1289 01:23:09,268 --> 01:23:11,065 Sergeant Kilgore, sir! 1290 01:23:11,470 --> 01:23:14,166 You will be a mean, lean fighting machine. 1291 01:23:14,440 --> 01:23:16,237 One, two, three! 1292 01:23:16,342 --> 01:23:17,775 Move it, fat buddy! 1293 01:23:17,877 --> 01:23:19,742 Oh, yeah! That's the way I like it! 1294 01:23:33,360 --> 01:23:34,588 Get some! 1295 01:23:57,118 --> 01:23:58,244 Hey! 1296 01:23:58,619 --> 01:24:00,177 Stop it! Stop it! 1297 01:24:00,488 --> 01:24:04,289 I'm a government employee! You can't do this! 1298 01:24:04,960 --> 01:24:06,188 Here you go, honey. 1299 01:24:14,202 --> 01:24:17,171 Oh, I wish I had a thousand of them just like you, son. 1300 01:24:17,973 --> 01:24:20,737 Any chance I can convince you to come back to Washington? 1301 01:24:23,146 --> 01:24:25,546 Actually, General, I got other plans. 1302 01:24:51,241 --> 01:24:54,210 Mr. Chile, would you like to sing a song? 1303 01:24:54,311 --> 01:24:55,335 Yes! 1304 01:24:56,747 --> 01:25:00,149 Why don't you sing something by Carlos Santana? 1305 01:25:00,418 --> 01:25:01,976 Okay. 1306 01:25:26,512 --> 01:25:29,003 -You sing very good. -Thank you. 1307 01:25:29,615 --> 01:25:32,175 -What did you think of the last guy? -I did not like the last guy. 1308 01:25:32,284 --> 01:25:33,376 -No? -No. 1309 01:25:33,486 --> 01:25:35,045 He was squeezing my stick. 1310 01:25:35,155 --> 01:25:37,316 All right, you're gonna love this. Pull! 1311 01:25:37,424 --> 01:25:39,016 Lace thong. 1312 01:25:40,494 --> 01:25:42,826 Wait a second. Those are mine! 1313 01:25:42,929 --> 01:25:44,556 When you address me, you will address me 1314 01:25:44,665 --> 01:25:47,099 as Sergeant... What is my name? Kilgore! 1315 01:25:47,200 --> 01:25:50,067 How you doing, Gl Joe. Can I help you? 1316 01:25:50,370 --> 01:25:51,860 What is my name? 1317 01:25:56,511 --> 01:25:58,706 My last movie was nominated for two Academy Awards. 1318 01:25:58,813 --> 01:26:00,747 I would like to say that. 1319 01:26:16,098 --> 01:26:20,125 Man, who'd have thought a woman that fat could move so quick? 1320 01:26:20,335 --> 01:26:22,166 Oh, my God, y'all! 1321 01:26:26,909 --> 01:26:28,137 Sergeant! 1322 01:26:28,243 --> 01:26:30,007 People of La Mirada... 1323 01:26:31,781 --> 01:26:33,715 People of La Miranda! 1324 01:26:33,950 --> 01:26:35,247 Tonight. 1325 01:26:35,418 --> 01:26:37,147 The end of La Mirada! 1326 01:26:37,420 --> 01:26:38,853 Shit! 1327 01:26:49,133 --> 01:26:50,464 Git-r-done! 1328 01:26:59,777 --> 01:27:02,871 Oye como va, bitches. I'm out.