Ah fuck!
Good morning Woodhaven.
This is WCK, I'm Bob
I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio. B-A-D Radio.
The clock is tick-tick-ticking down to you know what.
The world famous Drink n Shoot.
Don't you judge me.
Looks like some people might have started early.
We're still getting daily reports about missing dogs and cats.
I'm not pointing any fingers
No, but I'd avoid eating the hotdogs they're showing on me.
And I'd avoid those pork swords anyway.
You know what I've heard Dan?
People are certainly scared to getting eaten
by the infamous Woodhaven walking bear.
- Be a bear is on the attack. - We were.
Mayor Bradley is looking like the election frontrunner.
So will it be golden boy Terry Wallace or
returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.
Who has what it takes to clean up this town.
Not enough mayors in the world to help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.
Speaking of which eclipse morning radio is of course brought to you by
Liquor Doughnuts.
Liquor Doughnuts, what more could you ask for?
Where is he?
- I'm right here, genius. - Chief, I was just about to...
Save your bullshit, Lou.
I could smell you the moment you pulled into the station.
Fuck!
Tina should have been off night watch, what, 2 hours ago?
Get an update from her.
- What's up his ass? - They hit Munro's gas station last night.
- Who? - Piggies.
Sergeant Tina Wash.
- Hey, this is Willie Higgins. - Willie. You again.
Yeah ah. Slow down.
Okay. I got it.
Disturbance call. Your boyfriend Willie Higgins.
You think you can get this one?
Willie!
- What is it this time? - Shhhh.
Why don't you come around back?
Officer. Let me show you.
- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape. - No.
Do you believe in the occult, Lou?
Because I think I know what's been happening
to all the missing pets around town.
Jesus Christ?
Teenagers. They've been sacrificing them to Satan.
God knows why, I don't know. I assume they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.
But they've been creeping around in the bushes out back all week.
I'm here in the woods.
The noises have stopped. I think I'm alone.
- Look! Here! - There's the mark of the beast.
Proof.
So I'm going to give you an AK-47, I'm going to take an M-16.
- We're going to find those kids... - You ever hear of heavy metal?
Like lead... mercury?
- No. - Oh my God.
Been a slice. But I have other police work to do.
This is real, Lou. You gonna see an eye when I do is citizen arrest
on a teenager with a fucking shotgun.
Remember what happened to the boy that cried wolf, Willie.
Nothing happened to him. But that town's flock was fucked.
Town's flock was fucked.
Lou, come in. You there? Over.
Go ahead.
How did that thing go with Higgins?
Ah, a bunch of kids partying in the woods.
Following up a possible lead now.
Your usual.
Stocking up for the Drink n Shoot?
Thanks to our forefathers, in two days, this bar will be full of drunk hunters.
That's what we need. Bunch of drunks with guns running around.
Very funny. I'll have you know I haven't fired mine in years.
Are you sure you still know how to use it?
Jess, whiskey for my boys and water for my horses.
Deputy.
Keeping the streets safe I see.
Come on. Beat it!
It's time for a change, Woodhaven.
It's time to take on those who run this town with the drugs and corruption.
Our local law enforcement has done nothing for generations, and Mayor Bradley,
she's more concerned with selling this town than with running it.
It's time we clean up Woodhaven,
and a vote for Wallace is a vote for change.
Vote for Wallace!
Number 1, number 2, 3, 4...
Hello! Hello.
- Did you find anything? - Anything?
- The disturbance calls. - Just some kids partying in the bush.
Well. Seems like they're at it again. We just got another complaint.
Maybe you could catch him in the act for a change.
Well, I just started my shift. I could take it.
No, Mr Phinias will be here. He can deal with it. There you go.
Maybe try getting off your bar-stool this time. Just this once.
Party's over! Pack it up!
Save me the paperwork. Go the fuck home.
Aaargh!
Holy hell?
- Terry! - Behind you.
- Hello. - You're awake? I'm impressed.
- Was just coming in? What's up? - Well, there's been an incident.
- Hey! Don't do that. - Or what?
You forget to shave?
Follow me.
There. Terry Wallace.
Mayoral race just got a whole lot easier to call.
Hello. Did you see anything suspicious last night?
Just didn't peg Terry for a junkie.
Yeah, sometimes people wear different face in public.
Especially politicians. It's a shame. He had my vote.
Ahh. Thank you. Here we go.
Well, that's a lot of track marks...
Hunter found him this morning. Called it in.
Looks like he called the whole town too.
Fuck!
I never saw Terry as much of a hunter.
What about the neck wound?
I imagine a critter got to him last night.
Keep your eye open for a stoned coyote.
Well, I mean is it an attack or is it an OD?
Terms of cause of death, I'm leaning towards an OD but I'll need an autopsy.
All right now, Terry is a well known figure so
we keep this quiet until we got all the facts, alright?
Mayor, was this an animal attack?
Well, of course we can't comment on all the details at the moment,
but, as you know it is our top priority.
How will this impact the festival?
Well, I think in the wake of this tragedy,
the Drink n Shoot is going to have to be canceled.
Oh no!
- What is it Tina? - How do you know it was me?
- I smelt your perfume. - I didn't wear any.
You buying this?
Feels oddly familiar, no?
I'm not trying to dredge up the past. I'm just saying.
When was the last time they canceled the Drink n' Shoot?
I know where you're going with this and I'm not biting.
Just saying.
No, shit!
I'm standing in the forest where locals have gathered for generations
drink in hand to hunt the mystical Woodhaven beast.
Today, this annual tradition is in jeopardy due to a gruesome discovery.
To Terry Wallace.
Such a shame about Terry.
This town could have used some new blood.
- Well they certainly got it today. - Wooh.
Too soon?
You know everyone in town.
Popular, very pretty. Maybe you should run.
You think I'd give Mayor Bradley a run for her money?
- You got my vote. - Mine too.
You don't have to ask. What's this?
- Police work. - Really?
What?
I just don't think I've ever seen you do actual work before.
Well, as Terry normally said, it's time for a change.
Alright, we're closing early tonight. Down it or drain it.
What the fuck for?
- Private party. - What the fuck!
Don't worry, we'll be here tomorrow, I promise.
Fucking bullshit! Whole fucking town's going to hell in a handbasket.
Alright, these will keep you company while I'm gone.
If I didn't know any better... I'd think you're trying to get me drunk.
- Almost done, handsome. - No rush.
- Everything alright? - Yeah. You?
- You want to get out of here? - That is the best idea I've heard all day.
Whoo! You alright fella?
Ooh! Musta eat something funky.
- Well, let's get you to bed. - That sounds...
I'll be right back.
What the...
Aaargh!
Eeeargh!
Aaargh!
Aaah!
Oh! What the fuck!
Jessica!
Morning, Lou Garou. How's your butt?
Willie, what the hell?
I'm sorry man, that's my only cuffs. I improvised.
What the hell's gotten into you?
Oh, that's exactly what I was going to ask you.
Play.
- What are you showing me? - That's you, Lou. Last night.
This is Willie. I just shot Lou Garou.
He's a fucking wolf. I just put 3 tranqs right into his back.
Lou? Wolf. Fucking, he's out.
So who's crying wolf now?
Ok ok. So I washed your uniform last night.
It was a little dirty dirty, so I put it in the cold cycle.
A lot of blood.
I'm going to make you some breakfast.
- I think you shrunk it. - What? What was that?
Thank you Willie for helping me. You're welcome.
I could throw you in jail for kidnapping an officer.
Yeah you could and I could sell you to science.
- You are a real fucking guy, Willie. - Thank you.
Now for the secret ingredient.
You thirsty boy?
Have a dog.
Man, he likes to party.
- That proves that. - What the fuck!
Wolfsbane! It's what garlic is to vampires, Wolfsbane is to...
Don't say it.
This whole Chewbacca thing's got your fucking senses going into overdrive.
Hey, listen. You may or you may not just start to get your period.
I'm gonna make you some new eggs.
Don't bother. Tina's coming.
I'll be damned.
Now, last night was the full moon.
So I did some research in between now and the solar eclipse.
- I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you. - For how long?
2 days, give or take.
But Lou, we gonna have to lock you up tonight.
Come by the station at dusk.
Jesus, Lou. I've been looking everywhere.
Good morning to you too. What's your panic?
There's been another incident. Jessica's bar.
Say, how did you find me anyway?
It might come as a surprise but I'm a police officer.
Lou, you know I've given up expecting you to be a great cop.
But the least you could do is be a cop that shows up on time.
Now, I don't know if you're ashamed, but I do know that your dad sure shit would be.
- Jessie, thank you. We'll keep you posted. - Well, thank you Ray.
Make yourself useful. See Jessie to her car.
Chief, with all due respect, between this and Wallace,
I think we're in over our head. Might be time to bring someone in from the city.
This stays local. You understand?
Maybe you could stop trying to do my job and secure the crime scene.
- Mmm. How about that? - Aah.
- Jess, I'm really sorry. I don't know... - You weren't yourself, Lou.
- You didn't do this. - Did I hurt you?
No. No, you saved me.
We'll talk later.
Lou.
That is some gnarly shit.
Lou.
Like a face.
Hey, kind of looks like you.
Oh, sorry I'm late, Chief. Had to stop off at the brewery.
Do some investigating.
So if you had to guess, what happened here?
Two dead man in the bathroom,
if not for the excess of severed flesh, I would have guessed lovers quarrel.
- Is that animal hair? - I don't know. What do you think Lou?
Look! You've been covering me a lot lately. Why don't you take off?
I'll cover the night shift.
- Are you drunk? - Thought I'd be nice.
- Nice? - Yeah.
Okay.
Well, this is nuts.
One simple task.
Knock the cop out...
and bring him to me by 10 pm.
- Boss, we tried, but when we got there... - You were late!
Timing is everything.
It's how the world runs, it's how...
a business thrives.
Every second is precious.
Cause you see, time... is the one thing that money can't buy.
- But he wasn't a... He was a... - A what?
A big fucking wolf.
- A wolf? - Yeah. Fucking yeah.
Now are you sure that your eyes weren't playing tricks on you?
I saw what I saw with my own eye.
Well, let's see then shall we?
Keep your eye on the time.
You dumb fuck!
Hey!
You got any books on devil worship?
- Where'd you find this? - Library. It's misfiled for years.
- The eee like jee, but I don't get this. - Werewolves.
It says here, werewolves are created in a baptism of blood.
The sacrifice of an innocent turns another into a beast.
Yeah, that makes total sense.
According to this, werewolves are pretty much impossible to kill
during phases of the full moon. So it's usually a village idiot.
Village idiot? Hey Lou, this is a book about you.
Someone easily contained leading up to the reckoning.
What the hell is that?
I'm not a werewolf expert, man. I don't know.
The reckoning. The reason for the ritual.
The blood of beast is drained during the solar eclipse
when the wolf is rendered weak.
Who the hell would want werewolf blood?
Looks like changeling, shape-shifters.
Apparently the blood of one werewolf can maintain their power for decades.
What do they do? Crystallize it, drink it up like Tang?
Who fucking does that?
Do think I'm myself when I'm the wolf?
I recognised you, man. Same uniform plus you know...
You were drunk, so I knew it was you. Why?
Well, we found 2 dead men this morning, ripped to shreds in a bathroom.
And you think that was the hairy you?
Oh, I remember an attack. Don't remember killing anyone, though.
Well you did seem like freakishly strong, right?
And you had on those... teeth and those claws.
Plus you got that, you know, low self esteem,
low IQ daddy issues, you're and alcoholic,
so you gotta have some rage, right?
That's a lethal combo, man. I would have killed myself.
But hey, don't worry man.
Horse tranqs. Street name: See You in a Fucking Week.
Jesus, Willie, that's enough to drop a hippo.
That's the plan. Shit!
- Tweedledee, tweedledum. - Just taking an official statement
- ...on those noise complaints. - I made... I made a citizen's arrest.
Okay. You stay awake now. You call me if anything comes up.
You bet. Ah, yes sir.
Fuck! Christ.
Lou! I'm so nervous. Oh, I'm excited and nervous.
- Yeah. - Yeah. It's exhilarating.
- Okay. Now, take off your gitch. - No.
- Yeah, yeah. Take it off. For science. - I'm not taking my gitch off, Willie.
Lose your gitch for science. Lose your gitch.
Okay, turn around, hands on the wall, bend over...
I'm just... I'm fucking with you.
Now if you can, fucking just like transform like right in that spot.
- Really? - We got a shot.
Take off your gitch. It's for science, man.
Just forget the gitch.
Hello. You guys shooting a movie?
What? No! It's a science movie.
Lou, can I talk to you for a second. Alone.
I'll be back in a minute and 45 seconds.
- What's going on with you? - What do you mean?
You've gone from lazy to weird. And you're spending a lot of time with Willie.
- He's helping me. - Willie, is helping you?
- Okay, well now I'm worried. - You wouldn't understand.
Wouldn't I? Willie, you and I have more in common than not.
You know why I became a cop?
It's a long story.
My dad used to run the bar. Jess's Bar.
He got mixed up in the wrong crowd, and...
And when he went missing, your dad was the only one that tried to find him.
- The only one who cared. - I already know this.
I don't believe your father's death was an accident.
Anymore than I believe my father was killed by an animal attack, like Terry Wallace.
I know this town has secrets, but if you don't want to trust me...
just... be safe.
I've had my shots. Appreciate your concern.
- Lou, what did she want? - Nothing.
Okay. Is it almost... time?
Sure, you don't want that pill?
It didn't hurt, man. You just... put it right up.
I should do this sober.
Easy.
Showtime.
Shit!
I'm not recording.
Lou, that was like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, man.
That was beautiful.
Is that weird?
Drink.
No, I'm good. I got it.
Oh! Okay, okay!
Jesus Christ.
More.
You got to be kidding me.
You eat fucking... doughnuts.
I don't even know what it means, man, because I tell you in that dream
I mean, he looked pretty and it hurt so good.
Go fish.
Lou, it's not... Hey, that's not how you play... fish.
We've been playing for about 3 hours, you should probably...
Take 1 card. Take 3 card.
Did you... did you get a match?
No, Lou. Pump your fucking brakes.
- Lou, this is not a good idea. - Robbery.
- Lou, you're a wolf. - Cop!
Last run. Hurry.
Oh man. Well, that sounds fucking grim.
Shut it!
Drop it!
What the fuck are you?
The fuzz.
Show yourself.
Fuck!
Get up. I've got hostages.
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
Thank you, officer.
Hey Lou, don't forget to murder someone else on the way to the car.
Low profile man!
Well done, Lou. That's one more thing for us to explain now, man.
Why don't you just go run down the street,
yelling fucking "Ali, ali akbar!"
Could we get out of here, we go home before you blow down the whole...?
What?
I know what you're thinking and I approve.
Fuck them!
- Hey Lou. - Carl.
Okay, you pimped you ride, now what?
Home is that way.
My turn.
Yikes, it burns!
Aargh!
Lou, I think you're eating too much asparagus.
Let's roll.
This is fucking cool!
You got fucking rabies.
- This is still a crime scene. - You gonna arrest me?
No. I just have a few follow up questions.
Well, I have nothing further to add.
How about a drink then?
You know? I used to sit right here when I was a little girl.
Drinking Shirley Temples and watching my dad work.
- Tina here. - This is dispatch. Attempted robbery
reported at Liquor Doughnuts. Reports are of a gang of pigs and
- and large wolf on the scene. - What?
Cheers. Bitch!
No one comes in. Got it?
Chief, come in. Tina here.
There's been an incident at Liquor Doughnuts. Two dead. Piggies.
Motherfucker!
Lou, Lou! If you're still in there, man. We gotta head back.
Lou, what do you smell? What the fuck are you sniffing?
We're out of road, man! Think about this, man!
Go on! Get out of here!
Fuck me!
Fucking...
That's fucking worse, Lou.
Fucking get him, Lou.
Ahhh! You have no face!
Lou! Watch your back.
This is really bad!
Hey! We got a real fucking problem.
Lou!
Lab's exploding man. Let's go.
Let's go, Lou. Now!
That's a meth. Come on Lou.
Nice work.
Sorry, for ruining your fucking...
- ...place of work! - Let's go.
It's gonna blow! It's gonna blow!
Tina, two dead robbers. I mean, what happened?
- It wasn't me. - Well, where is Lou?
- No idea. - Well goddamn it,
he's suppose to be on duty.
- Maybe it was a vigilante. - Well, did you at least get a description.
Ah ha ha. I did. Tell him what you told me.
It was a big fucking Wolfcop.
Tina here.
There's a fire. Route 13 just off Junction 8. Fire trucks are on the way.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
You know, I think we need to lay low.
There's a guy literally running around with no face.
Like you clearly ripped his whole face right off.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Oohhh.
I'm ready to give my statement now.
- Yeah, I don't think this is a good idea. - Say bye bye, Willie.
- He is much stronger than you. - He'll be in good hands.
For your safety you should keep him away from booze and doughnuts.
I'm just...
Hey, you call me if you need any...
I'll just go fuck myself.
What big teeth you have.
Whoo, that's not all.
Like a bitch in heat.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way.
I'm glad I waited this sleep with this improved version of you.
Everything all right, lover?
I'm sorry, Lou.
But there is a lot about me you just don't know.
Which hurts, because I thought we were getting along so well.
Now be a good doggie, lie down.
Such a beautiful creature.
Boss, we thought you were dead.
Gather the men. Meet me at Ender's Road in 2 hours.
Okay. Okay.
Now that you successfully fucked the wolf right out of him, that's disgusting.
You're slipping.
You've got one job, and one job only.
Contain the prey until the eclipse.
- This one's different. - I don't give a good god damn.
He was your responsibility.
I think this one is going to give us a problem during the hunt, okay.
I've been documenting his whole process
and I'm trying to figure out why he's stronger than all the others.
Let me tell you something. He's a lot stronger.
- Why? - Well, you tell me.
Lou Garou is not my choice.
Well, it doesn't make any sense, okay. Well... just... this guy's a loser.
Unless it has something to do with the liquor.
You know what would happen if anybody saw that.
What are you up to?
What the fuck?
That was Corey Hart...
and speaking of sunglasses at night, be sure to wear them today kiddies.
Because, it's 1 hour to the solar eclipse.
And if you stare directly at it, Dan,
- You will go blind. - Interesting trivia.
32 years ago, was the last time the Drink and Shoot was canceled.
Yeah, some are calling it, the curse of the eclipse.
So how long does this solar buzz kill last?
The inter-web says seven and a half minutes.
So if you idiots can avert your eyes long enough
you should be okay.
Wow, 7 and a half whole minutes.
- I know that will be tough for you, Bob. - That will be tough for me.
Hey, eclipse news and weather coming after this word from our sponsor.
You guessed it. Liquor Doughnuts.
- What's the plan, boss? - What the fuck are you wearing?
Have you seen what we're up against?
Watch the perimeter. You shoot anything with a heartbeat.
Come on!
You know what they say, Lou.
Keep you friends close, but your enemies closer.
I'm just fucking with you, man. I'm a shape shifter.
Help!
Scream all you want, Lou.
Forest is empty, we canceled the Drink and Shoot.
How long you shapeshifters been running this town?
200 years, give or take.
It takes a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice.
Can't believe I slept with a 200 year old woman.
Who said I'm a woman?
Aye, this isn't our first picnic, man.
Your strength comes from the night.
All this to run a shitty little town. Not the most ambitious bunch, are you?
Oh, you'll be surprised how far up the ladder a little werewolf blood can go.
No time. Stay focused.
Be still.
It's easier that way.
Sorry, it had to be you, man.
Uhh!
- Less than 8 minutes. - Get your man... and get me that wolf.
Big fucking wolf!
No...!
Goodnight, sweet friend.
Hands where I can see them.
- Move and die. - Tina!
You don't understand.
We're protecting Woodhaven from that beast.
Save it, wolf fucker!
Hands behind your head.
You're making a big mistake.
You know, the last wolf I fucked was your father.
Boss?
Why are you dressed like that?
Fuck this!
Not so tough now, are you, huh?
No!
Thanks partner.
Back at ya.
- We should get out of here. - Yeah.
This is your fate, Lou.
Like your nosy father. I need to put you down.
It's funny. This is the exact spot where he was sacrificed.
Nice continuity to it, don't you think?
Hello, Tina.
I'm impressed, Lou,
But it's time to serve your purpose.
Big mistake.
How does that feel?
Let's end this, Lou.
What do you expect to gain?
A promotion.
Good?
Are you okay?
God, I could use a drink.
- I could use a hospital. - Okay, two stops.
Damn it, dog.
You're waking up the neighborhood.
I told you to shut...