11
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:27,455
Booty Sweat and Bust-A-Nut bars
available at concessions now.
12
00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:34,499
In 2013, when the Earth's rotation
came to a halt…
13
00:00:34,500 --> 00:00:38,169
The President has declared
all of North America a disaster area.
14
00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:40,972
I call on my fellow Americans
to come together…
15
00:00:40,973 --> 00:00:45,773
… the world called on the one man
who could make a difference.
16
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:53,848
When it happened again,
the world called on him once more.
17
00:00:54,486 --> 00:00:59,286
And no one saw it coming
three more times!
18
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,662
Now,
19
00:01:04,663 --> 00:01:09,307
the one man who made a difference
five times before,
20
00:01:11,036 --> 00:01:15,836
is about to make a difference again.
21
00:01:16,141 --> 00:01:20,941
Only this time, it's different.
22
00:01:22,081 --> 00:01:24,028
Who left the fridge open?
23
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:27,185
Tugg Speedman.
24
00:01:27,186 --> 00:01:31,986
Scorcher VI: Global Meltdown.
25
00:01:32,057 --> 00:01:34,137
Here we go again.
26
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:36,541
Again.
27
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:47,939
Will there be anything else?
28
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,712
Yes, my dear man. More beans.
29
00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:55,495
Granny!
30
00:01:57,049 --> 00:01:58,316
Please!
31
00:01:58,317 --> 00:02:03,117
This summer,
America's favorite obese family is back.
32
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:07,825
Gross!
33
00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:10,428
- You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny.
- Am not!
34
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:12,187
Jeff Portnoy.
35
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,329
Jeff Portnoy.
36
00:02:14,666 --> 00:02:16,267
Jeff Portnoy.
37
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:21,068
And Jeff Portnoy are
The Fatties: Fart Two.
38
00:02:22,474 --> 00:02:24,635
In some countries,
39
00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:27,245
it's considered a compliment.
40
00:02:27,246 --> 00:02:31,018
Letting loose this summer.
41
00:02:39,725 --> 00:02:44,525
In a time where to be different
was to be condemned,
42
00:02:59,211 --> 00:03:04,011
and to be condemned was to die,
43
00:03:08,153 --> 00:03:12,945
one man chose to question his God.
44
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,376
From Fox Searchlight,
45
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:30,632
five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus
46
00:03:31,076 --> 00:03:35,876
and MTV Movie Award
Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.
47
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:46,587
Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's
coveted Crying Monkey Award,
48
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:49,875
Satan's Alley.
49
00:03:54,032 --> 00:03:57,147
I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.
50
00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:34,972
In the winter of 1969,
51
00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:37,108
an elite force of the U.S. army
52
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:41,909
was sent on a top-secret assignment
in southeast Vietnam.
53
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,949
The objective,
rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback
54
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:48,119
from a heavily guarded
NVA Prison Camp.
55
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:52,248
The mission was considered
to be near suicide.
56
00:04:52,524 --> 00:04:55,927
Of the 10 men sent, four returned.
57
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:59,463
Of those four, three wrote books
about what happened.
58
00:04:59,464 --> 00:05:02,533
Of those three, two were published.
59
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:07,334
Of those two, just one got a movie deal.
60
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:13,007
This is the story of the men
who attempted to make that movie.
61
00:05:24,256 --> 00:05:26,958
Whiskey Fire Old Snake
requests an LZ prep
62
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:30,775
at Alpha-Delta-two-four-eight-niner,
over.
63
00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:39,633
Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon
approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.
64
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:43,977
Floyd, Wall-Eye airborne.
Welcome aboard.
65
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,778
All right, lead's going in.
Give her some cover.
66
00:05:47,779 --> 00:05:51,229
Delivery on five.
I repeat, delivery on five.
67
00:05:56,588 --> 00:05:59,223
This is Zero-Three.
I'm on your six, don't worry.
68
00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:03,663
Chalk-Three's taking fire.
Guns right, guns right.
69
00:06:13,905 --> 00:06:16,140
Lay that shit down!
70
00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,671
Come on!
71
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:21,990
Come on, you damn dirty heathens!
72
00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:25,816
Fats! Run your motherfucking ass
over there,
73
00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,218
hold these men off, now!
74
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:29,020
We're fixing to lift off!
75
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,756
Put some pep in your step, Dick!
Jelly-ass bitch!
76
00:06:31,757 --> 00:06:35,893
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye,
this is Boomer One-Seven in the Zee!
77
00:06:35,894 --> 00:06:39,097
I need fast movers
on my Yankee Smoke, copy?
78
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,666
Boomer, this is Wall-Eye.
I got two-Alpha-four
79
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:44,201
-snake and nape on the ready!
- Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!
80
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:45,369
Holy shit!
81
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:47,471
Get on that horn
and get some firepower, boy!
82
00:06:47,472 --> 00:06:48,539
Jesus Christ!
83
00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:49,740
Listen, you cherry fuck,
84
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:53,244
you call in that snake and nape
and get us some boom-boom now!
85
00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:55,813
I'd do it myself
but I'm kind of goddamn busy!
86
00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:57,281
I need an answer, Boomer!
87
00:06:57,282 --> 00:06:59,282
Wall-Eye, Wall-Eye!
88
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,018
I copy!
89
00:07:01,019 --> 00:07:03,421
We got beaucoup zips in the zee.
90
00:07:03,422 --> 00:07:05,180
Rock and roll!
91
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:07,048
What the fuck?
92
00:07:18,737 --> 00:07:21,272
That's for Brooklyn, motherfucker!
93
00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:23,307
I think I can put it back in!
94
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,176
We got to get back to the bird.
95
00:07:25,177 --> 00:07:26,377
Lukemeyer's got popped!
96
00:07:26,378 --> 00:07:29,480
This is the last Christmas
I spend with Victor Charlie up my ass!
97
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:32,616
Want some? Get some!
98
00:07:32,617 --> 00:07:35,553
Hey, yo, Fats! I ain't seen Four Leaf!
99
00:07:35,554 --> 00:07:36,053
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
100
00:07:36,054 --> 00:07:38,889
Don't count him out! That bastard's
got luck tattooed to his ass!
101
00:07:38,890 --> 00:07:41,992
Motown, get your Detroit jukebox
Jheri curl ass
102
00:07:41,993 --> 00:07:44,328
in this chickenshit chop-chop! ASAFP!
103
00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,263
Four Leaf is still
outside the perimeter, Sarge!
104
00:07:46,264 --> 00:07:49,433
Miss me with that cracker chump jive!
We di di mau! We di di mau!
105
00:07:49,434 --> 00:07:51,168
Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving.
Four Leaf is there.
106
00:07:51,169 --> 00:07:53,070
Dead meat, soldier!
107
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:55,072
Or do you want to be a hero?
108
00:07:55,073 --> 00:07:57,074
That's just how Brooks
got his Jew ass killed, man.
109
00:07:57,075 --> 00:07:59,877
And Meatball's dago ass
bought the six-by-three farm.
110
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:04,678
Now get your ass up in the Huey, before
I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!
111
00:08:05,183 --> 00:08:06,684
Come on, get down, get down!
112
00:08:06,685 --> 00:08:09,411
What am I looking at? What is this?
113
00:08:09,621 --> 00:08:13,691
Come on, let's get, let's go!
Come on, elevator up, up!
114
00:08:13,692 --> 00:08:16,672
Sarge. It's Four Leaf.
115
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:29,755
No!
116
00:08:31,910 --> 00:08:33,857
You get out of that hole!
117
00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,691
You make it home, now.
118
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,289
Survive!
119
00:09:10,849 --> 00:09:12,983
I hope y'all like hamburger meat.
120
00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:15,152
'Cause that's exactly what
I'm gonna be bringing back
121
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:17,288
and serving up in this whirly bird.
122
00:09:17,289 --> 00:09:20,228
Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!
123
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:29,243
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
124
00:09:30,702 --> 00:09:32,742
Hold on, Four Leaf!
125
00:09:35,073 --> 00:09:36,644
Oh, shit!
126
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,974
Watch my right!
127
00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,809
Fuck you, Charlie!
128
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:58,099
Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!
129
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,637
No!
130
00:10:06,638 --> 00:10:07,927
No!
131
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:13,379
- Fats!
- Holy fuck!
132
00:10:14,279 --> 00:10:17,300
Take us over to those men! Shit!
133
00:10:21,319 --> 00:10:24,822
Look at you, man.
Playing with grenades.
134
00:10:27,792 --> 00:10:29,281
I'm cold, Linc.
135
00:10:31,096 --> 00:10:33,257
I can't feel my legs.
136
00:10:34,065 --> 00:10:36,414
Ain't nothing but a thang.
137
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,209
Hey, Linc.
138
00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:43,551
What, man?
139
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:46,744
Why does man
140
00:10:46,745 --> 00:10:50,208
got to pick up sticks
against another man?
141
00:10:51,883 --> 00:10:54,595
Instead of using them sticks to
142
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,254
prop a man up?
143
00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:59,175
I'll never know.
144
00:11:00,191 --> 00:11:02,526
Hold my hands,
145
00:11:02,527 --> 00:11:04,461
'cause I got something to…
146
00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:06,663
I got something to say.
147
00:11:07,732 --> 00:11:09,692
Oh, boy.
148
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:16,719
- You holding 'em?
- I got 'em tight.
149
00:11:18,977 --> 00:11:21,111
When we get back to the world,
150
00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:25,382
we gonna put together that three-piece
combo band we talked about?
151
00:11:25,383 --> 00:11:28,914
- Me on stand-up bass.
- Johnny on drums.
152
00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:32,364
And me tickling the ivories.
153
00:11:34,092 --> 00:11:37,461
I ain't never been worth a nothing
in this life,
154
00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:40,724
but I want you to know something.
155
00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,829
What, man?
156
00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:46,032
You are my…
157
00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:49,305
You are my brother.
158
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:06,787
You are my brother.
You are my… You are my…
159
00:12:07,192 --> 00:12:09,112
I am your brother.
160
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,164
I'm sorry. Could we cut?
161
00:12:14,165 --> 00:12:15,766
- What's he saying?
- Damien, can we cut?
162
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,534
- No. No, no, no, no, no…
- All right, you know what?
163
00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:20,638
We got the jets coming in,
big explosion, two minutes.
164
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,839
Still rolling.
165
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,574
You know what? No, not still rolling.
Can we cut?
166
00:12:23,575 --> 00:12:25,342
- We're cutting.
- No, we're not. Get out!
167
00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:27,411
Hey, what's going on?
For real, my butt is hurting!
168
00:12:27,412 --> 00:12:29,647
This harness is riding up my crack!
169
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:32,216
- Damien, are we cutting?
- No! No! Still rolling!
170
00:12:32,217 --> 00:12:34,451
Mr Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?
171
00:12:34,452 --> 00:12:37,721
No! No. I'm not cutting!
We're still rolling!
172
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,889
Damien, what's the dealy, dude?
173
00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,791
Are we gonna blow
this tree line or what?
174
00:12:40,792 --> 00:12:42,459
Tuk Tuk and Kim
got the blue balls here.
175
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:43,794
I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!
176
00:12:43,795 --> 00:12:46,130
- Play it through. Still rolling!
- Dieter, can he hear me?
177
00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:48,799
That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back.
I said a detonator.
178
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,268
I need some dudes up here
who speak American, God damn it!
179
00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:52,836
He's making
a fucking sweater back here.
180
00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:55,272
I'm trying to put Tiger Balm
on this jungle's nuts.
181
00:12:55,273 --> 00:12:56,540
Everyone, please shut up.
182
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:58,809
The jets are coming in.
We only have one chance at this!
183
00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:00,310
And go!
184
00:13:00,311 --> 00:13:03,270
Let's do it. You feel it?
You feel me?
185
00:13:03,615 --> 00:13:06,407
- You are my…
- I am your brother.
186
00:13:06,451 --> 00:13:08,652
We've seen it all, man.
187
00:13:09,054 --> 00:13:10,154
I'm sorry, Damien?
188
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:11,555
Are you seeing that?
189
00:13:11,556 --> 00:13:15,859
The little froggy on the boom mike?
It's right in my eyeline.
190
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,860
Donny! What's up, man?
191
00:13:18,229 --> 00:13:19,329
It's been there the whole show.
192
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:20,464
Yeah, well it's right in my face,
193
00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,565
I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel…
194
00:13:21,566 --> 00:13:24,234
It's always the yellow frog that
brings them black frog on Fridays, man.
195
00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:26,036
Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.
196
00:13:26,037 --> 00:13:28,238
No, I didn't pee on her,
listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.
197
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:30,874
The story is this. She was in the way
when I was peeing, she walked past.
198
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,343
What the fuck is going on here?
199
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,612
On three, baby. One, two, breathe.
200
00:13:35,613 --> 00:13:38,248
Look, do me a favor. I don't want to do
a countdown before I do the scene.
201
00:13:38,249 --> 00:13:39,416
- No countdown?
- No countdown.
202
00:13:39,417 --> 00:13:40,718
- Okay.
- Can we just do it off of “Action”?
203
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:42,386
Just… In your own time.
204
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:44,288
- Good…
- I'm not a rocket ship, okay?
205
00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,023
- All right, dude.
- And action!
206
00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:49,059
Whatever floats your boat, baby.
Fuck! Don't die!
207
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:51,595
Erika, get me a VitaminWater!
208
00:13:51,596 --> 00:13:53,163
You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.
209
00:13:53,164 --> 00:13:57,668
Not to get into his thing, but if
I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?
210
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:59,670
- No, it's everyone cry…
- We cutting or we crying?
211
00:13:59,671 --> 00:14:01,105
- No, no, no, we're crying!
- Just call it, man!
212
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,340
- Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry.
- Thanks!
213
00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:05,175
- Everybody cry…
- You know what?
214
00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:07,244
- You see how agitated he is now?
- I know.
215
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:10,080
- Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work.
- Okay. Still rolling!
216
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,850
This is Falcon One. We have the ridge
in sight, approximately two miles out.
217
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,219
Dieter, these jets
are about to crest this ridge line.
218
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,254
They got about 200 pounds
of shit your pants.
219
00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:20,059
I need to know if we're ready to go.
220
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,460
- You're my… You're my…
- I am your…
221
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:27,030
See, that's what I think it is, Damien.
I think it's the line.
222
00:14:27,031 --> 00:14:28,165
Yeah?
223
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:30,134
I don't know if Four Leaf
would say that… Four Leaf?
224
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,569
Were you crying
when your hands blew up?
225
00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:34,304
No. See, he didn't.
Yeah, I mean, just that's what…
226
00:14:34,305 --> 00:14:35,973
So now we in re-writes, right?
227
00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:37,207
- Where you going?
- Let's re-write it!
228
00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:39,476
Action Jackson can't cry.
That's what's going down.
229
00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,545
You know what, Kirk?
I'm ready to do the scene!
230
00:14:41,546 --> 00:14:45,215
What scene? The scene is
about emotionality. Where is it?
231
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:46,917
- Now it's time to flip the script!
- Kirk…
232
00:14:46,918 --> 00:14:49,286
Be here till Chinese New Year
waiting for my man to cry.
233
00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:51,355
You're tangling me,
you're fucking tangling me.
234
00:14:51,356 --> 00:14:52,656
You're tangling me, God damn it!
235
00:14:52,657 --> 00:14:55,592
- Kirk, no!
- Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!
236
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:57,861
I'm going potty.
You want to hold my dick?
237
00:14:57,862 --> 00:15:00,798
Shit! What are you fucking both doing,
Good Lord!
238
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,433
We're getting this in a wide shot, right?
239
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,068
Of course we're getting it
in a fucking wide.
240
00:15:05,069 --> 00:15:06,203
What, do you think
I'm a dick or something?
241
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:07,905
Get that fucking food…
242
00:15:07,906 --> 00:15:09,597
Here they come!
243
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:12,943
- The planes are inbound!
- Shit! Shit!
244
00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:17,744
Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks.
Tropic tits!
245
00:15:17,949 --> 00:15:21,018
That's the signal! Go, go, go, go, go!
246
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:23,187
Let's go freaking Tet here!
247
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,537
Goddamn shit-picking cock!
248
00:15:27,292 --> 00:15:29,171
That's my shit!
249
00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:37,895
Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
250
00:15:45,243 --> 00:15:46,692
- Sweet.
- Oh, mama!
251
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,648
Bungle in the jungle.
252
00:15:51,649 --> 00:15:54,852
More bad news from the Vietnamese set
of Tropic Thunder,
253
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:58,689
where a $4 million explosion
charred the Asian location
254
00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:00,757
and the camera wasn't even rolling.
255
00:16:00,758 --> 00:16:03,527
Financed by hotheaded mega-mogul
Les Grossman,
256
00:16:03,528 --> 00:16:06,730
the film is already rumored to be
one month behind schedule
257
00:16:06,731 --> 00:16:09,700
just five days into shooting.
The reason?
258
00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:12,736
Fingers are pointed at rookie director
Damien Cockburn,
259
00:16:12,737 --> 00:16:15,939
who, insiders say,
can't control a star-studded cast,
260
00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:20,740
including flatulent star of the popular
Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.
261
00:16:20,745 --> 00:16:23,380
Let me tell you something.
A lot of people are disrespecting me.
262
00:16:23,381 --> 00:16:27,217
They say that the movie's
just about farts. It's about family,
263
00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:30,420
and… you! You can't do what I do.
264
00:16:30,421 --> 00:16:34,758
Fresh from his most recent arrest
for heroin, glue and crack possession,
265
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:37,227
Portnoy was almost uninsurable.
266
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:41,665
Also in the mix is Booty Sweat-hocking
hip-hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.
267
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:44,268
I'm so excited, you know what I'm
saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.
268
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,536
Hey, drink Booty Sweat, baby.
Drink Booty Sweat.
269
00:16:46,537 --> 00:16:48,305
But the real heavyweight on the set
270
00:16:48,306 --> 00:16:49,239
is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
271
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,108
Is five-time Academy Award winner
Kirk Lazarus.
272
00:16:51,109 --> 00:16:54,945
The brilliant Australian
known for his bad boy antics off-screen
273
00:16:54,946 --> 00:16:58,649
is famous for his total immersion
into any role he portrays.
274
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,050
Well, being an actor is no different
275
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,352
than being a rugby player
or a construction worker,
276
00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:03,587
save for the fact that my tools
277
00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:05,756
are the mechanisms
that trigger human emotion.
278
00:17:05,757 --> 00:17:07,925
Lazarus underwent a controversial
279
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:11,028
pigmentation alteration procedure
in order to play
280
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,231
the platoon's African-American
sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.
281
00:17:14,232 --> 00:17:15,766
Yeah!
282
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:17,734
Trying to hold his own onscreen
with Kirk
283
00:17:17,735 --> 00:17:19,970
is action juggernaut Tugg Speedman.
284
00:17:19,971 --> 00:17:22,873
Once the highest grossing star
in the world,
285
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:26,043
lately his Scorcher films
have lost their heat.
286
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:28,745
Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.
287
00:17:28,746 --> 00:17:30,781
You have no real family.
288
00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:35,319
You're on the wrong side of 40.
You're childless and alone.
289
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,120
Somebody close to you said,
290
00:17:37,121 --> 00:17:40,423
“One more flop and it's over.”
291
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:45,062
Somebody said they were close to me?
292
00:17:45,063 --> 00:17:46,296
It's been a tough year for Tugg.
293
00:17:46,297 --> 00:17:49,166
The disappointing buddy comedy
Chitlir & the Dude
294
00:17:49,167 --> 00:17:53,937
was followed by an ill-advised venture
into serious dramatic territory.
295
00:17:53,938 --> 00:17:55,138
Simple Jack,
296
00:17:55,139 --> 00:17:58,976
the story of a mentally impaired
farmhand who can talk to animals,
297
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:00,944
was a box office disaster
298
00:18:00,945 --> 00:18:05,649
that many critics called,
“One of the worst movies of all time.”
299
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:09,932
I ain't got a good brain.
300
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:13,290
I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.
301
00:18:13,291 --> 00:18:18,091
You make me happy.
302
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:24,534
But now the question is,
can Speedman make audiences happy
303
00:18:24,535 --> 00:18:26,403
in what's being called
the most expensive
304
00:18:26,404 --> 00:18:28,772
-war movie never made?
- Rick Peck.
305
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,374
Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.
306
00:18:30,375 --> 00:18:34,811
Rum-Tum-Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker.
You got time for your agent?
307
00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:36,179
- Rick?
- Hey, buddy,
308
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:37,848
guess who I'm staring at right now.
309
00:18:37,849 --> 00:18:39,616
-What?
- I'm looking at your ugly mug
310
00:18:39,617 --> 00:18:42,019
on the back cover
of Vanity Fair magazine,
311
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,554
holding a cute, cuddly panda
from Cutesville.
312
00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:47,257
It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.
313
00:18:47,258 --> 00:18:49,960
Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?
314
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:51,094
From Rick.
315
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:53,296
Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.
316
00:18:53,297 --> 00:18:55,966
All right,
that is a real satellite phone, bro.
317
00:18:55,967 --> 00:18:57,667
Do not re-gift.
318
00:18:57,668 --> 00:19:00,270
Hey. You see
that Access Hollywood piece?
319
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,306
Yeah, I did.
It was like pistol-whipping a blind kid.
320
00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:07,844
I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it,
Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?
321
00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:09,413
But right now,
322
00:19:09,414 --> 00:19:11,081
you're like that kid on the playground,
you know,
323
00:19:11,082 --> 00:19:14,151
the one who has lice that none
of the other kids want to play with?
324
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:16,253
- What do you mean?
- I mean we gotta shave your head
325
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:18,822
and get you back
on the monkey bars, right?
326
00:19:18,823 --> 00:19:20,257
What?
327
00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:22,225
How did the crying scene go?
328
00:19:22,226 --> 00:19:24,094
Horrible. Lazarus started crying.
329
00:19:24,095 --> 00:19:27,364
Then he starts drooling and dribbling,
and it wasn't even in the script…
330
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:28,565
Stop right there!
331
00:19:28,566 --> 00:19:30,400
You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.
332
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:33,203
Who cares how much more talented
he may be than you?
333
00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:36,673
If he cries, you cry harder, man.
334
00:19:36,674 --> 00:19:38,942
Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia
or something
335
00:19:38,943 --> 00:19:40,410
when you were a kid?
I mean, think of that.
336
00:19:40,411 --> 00:19:44,281
Boom! End of story.
They hook up the TiVo yet?
337
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:45,649
Good gosh.
338
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:47,584
-What?
- The TiVo, they hook it up?
339
00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:49,953
-No. The guy didn't come.
- What?
340
00:19:49,954 --> 00:19:52,656
For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.
341
00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:54,658
They have digital cable, but,
I mean, it's okay.
342
00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:56,993
No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.
343
00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:59,229
It is not okay, Tugg!
344
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:02,466
And you don't need to explain to me
why you need TiVo
345
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:06,503
or clean water, clean sheets,
food, shelter.
346
00:20:06,504 --> 00:20:09,706
I mean, I fought for
that in your contract.
347
00:20:09,707 --> 00:20:11,875
How's the adoption thing coming,
buddy?
348
00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:14,266
Not too great.
349
00:20:17,148 --> 00:20:20,329
I feel like all the good ones are gone.
350
00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:23,920
Well, at least you get to choose yours.
351
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:26,082
I'm stuck with mine.
352
00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:30,293
Tell you what, get back to work,
genius soldier.
353
00:20:30,294 --> 00:20:33,263
The Pecker's on a TiVo mission
for the Y-O-U.
354
00:20:33,264 --> 00:20:35,132
Work on those tears, my man.
355
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:36,333
All right. Yeah.
356
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,001
Say it for me one time.
357
00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:42,372
- You make me happy.
- Make me happy.
358
00:20:42,373 --> 00:20:44,875
-I love you, buddy.
- All right, bye.
359
00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:46,977
Crisis meeting?
What does that mean, exactly?
360
00:20:46,978 --> 00:20:48,745
I mean, are we in a crisis?
361
00:20:48,746 --> 00:20:50,380
He's the head of the studio.
362
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:52,849
He's reaching out.
We're 10,000 miles away.
363
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,050
He just wants a little face-time.
364
00:20:54,051 --> 00:20:56,753
I know, it's just you said
that he called it a crisis meeting. So…
365
00:20:56,754 --> 00:20:59,256
It's Les Grossman.
He throws these words around.
366
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:03,760
“Crisis,” “explosion,”
“not rolling,” “fired.”
367
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:05,195
These are just words.
368
00:21:05,196 --> 00:21:07,397
Yeah! Yeah!
369
00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:10,800
Keep a secret? A camera truck
in London just plowed into Judi Dench.
370
00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:12,035
Trust me, he's got bigger problems.
371
00:21:12,036 --> 00:21:14,604
Look, he may be able to see me,
but I can't see him.
372
00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:19,242
-Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello!
- Get your ass out of my…
373
00:21:19,243 --> 00:21:20,777
-Your feet were on my desk.
- Can he see us?
374
00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:22,212
I don't know why we don't have…
375
00:21:22,213 --> 00:21:24,481
Get him a Diet Coke. Les! It's working!
376
00:21:24,482 --> 00:21:27,083
Yeah, whatever you're doing right there.
Hello, Les!
377
00:21:27,084 --> 00:21:28,585
-Hello, Les!
- Okay.
378
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:30,754
We got you loud and clear here, Les.
379
00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:34,558
I see you. I see you. I see you.
380
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:38,687
Which one of you fuckfaces
is Damien Cockburn?
381
00:21:38,696 --> 00:21:40,330
That's me, sir.
382
00:21:40,331 --> 00:21:43,967
It's good to finally meet you at last,
get some face-time.
383
00:21:43,968 --> 00:21:48,640
And who here is the key grip?
You? You.
384
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:54,458
Hit that director in the face,
really fucking hard.
385
00:22:00,284 --> 00:22:01,855
Sorry, man.
386
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:11,127
This is your fault, you limey fuck!
387
00:22:11,128 --> 00:22:13,096
You shit the money-bed, my friend.
388
00:22:13,097 --> 00:22:15,732
- What?
- God damn it, Damien!
389
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:18,935
With all due respect, Les Grossman did
not blow up the jungle.
390
00:22:18,936 --> 00:22:20,136
-What?
- Fuck the jungle.
391
00:22:20,137 --> 00:22:21,708
Exactly!
392
00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:23,904
Come on, man.
393
00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:27,210
Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,
394
00:22:27,211 --> 00:22:29,312
but I am dealing
with a bunch of primadonnas!
395
00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:32,916
Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry!
He can't cry!
396
00:22:32,917 --> 00:22:35,418
You know how you handle an actor?
They whine about anything,
397
00:22:35,419 --> 00:22:38,822
you pull down their pants
and you spank their ass.
398
00:22:38,823 --> 00:22:41,124
- You spank that ass, Les.
- What?
399
00:22:41,125 --> 00:22:45,569
Spanking a child
turns him into a little snot.
400
00:22:45,763 --> 00:22:49,186
Fear makes him a man.
401
00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:54,404
I know a place
where a man's worth is measured
402
00:22:54,405 --> 00:22:58,308
in the ears hanging from his dog tags.
403
00:22:58,309 --> 00:23:01,144
The real deep shit.
404
00:23:01,145 --> 00:23:02,646
You wanna make this movie right?
405
00:23:02,647 --> 00:23:03,847
You wanna make this movie right?
406
00:23:03,848 --> 00:23:07,969
That's where you take
your pansy-ass actors.
407
00:23:08,919 --> 00:23:10,887
Who is this guy?
408
00:23:10,888 --> 00:23:12,889
Les, that's Four Leaf.
409
00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:16,783
Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback.
I wrote the book.
410
00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:22,565
You're a great American.
This nation owes you a huge debt.
411
00:23:22,566 --> 00:23:26,382
Now shut the fuck up
and let me do my job!
412
00:23:26,404 --> 00:23:27,971
-Look, Cockburn.
- Yes.
413
00:23:27,972 --> 00:23:32,108
From now on, my fist
is gonna be so far up your shithole
414
00:23:32,109 --> 00:23:33,576
that every time you have a thought,
415
00:23:33,577 --> 00:23:36,713
it's gonna have to tiptoe
past my wedding ring.
416
00:23:36,714 --> 00:23:40,350
Take control of your actors,
or I will shut you down.
417
00:23:40,351 --> 00:23:41,675
Diet Coke!
418
00:23:59,203 --> 00:24:01,504
One week down, two weeks behind,
419
00:24:01,505 --> 00:24:05,408
GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you
ain't got the camera turned on anyway.
420
00:24:05,409 --> 00:24:07,060
Let's party!
421
00:24:07,745 --> 00:24:09,746
Man, you better get your shit straight,
422
00:24:09,747 --> 00:24:13,483
or I'll be on the next NetJet out of here,
baby. You feel me?
423
00:24:13,484 --> 00:24:14,551
- You feel that?
- Yeah.
424
00:24:14,552 --> 00:24:17,454
Here comes another.
There we go. Now what?
425
00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:19,889
- Sandusky. Good.
- Hey, Mr Cockburn.
426
00:24:19,890 --> 00:24:21,858
We need to have a cast meeting
right now.
427
00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:23,259
- Right now? Awesome.
- Yes.
428
00:24:23,260 --> 00:24:24,561
You actually care, don't you?
429
00:24:24,562 --> 00:24:27,263
Yeah, it's a huge deal for me,
are you kidding?
430
00:24:27,264 --> 00:24:29,332
I've spent the past two years of my life
431
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:33,136
living off residuals from a anti-herpes
medication commercial.
432
00:24:33,137 --> 00:24:34,404
I know, you're the only one
who auditioned,
433
00:24:34,405 --> 00:24:36,072
the only one who did
the two-week boot camp.
434
00:24:36,073 --> 00:24:38,033
Hey, hey, Alpa.
435
00:24:38,442 --> 00:24:41,010
I'm the director. He's…
I need to speak to my actor.
436
00:24:41,011 --> 00:24:42,345
All right, hold up. Chino?
437
00:24:42,346 --> 00:24:44,838
What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?
438
00:24:45,049 --> 00:24:46,649
This about
the Booty Sweat cross-promotion?
439
00:24:46,650 --> 00:24:47,784
No, it's about the film.
440
00:24:47,785 --> 00:24:50,153
Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's
the same thing. Give him a shot.
441
00:24:50,154 --> 00:24:52,389
Hey, how you doing, Jeff?
442
00:24:52,390 --> 00:24:56,470
- Who are you?
- That's awesome, man.
443
00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:02,929
Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn,
we've been working together.
444
00:25:02,967 --> 00:25:04,667
Oh, right, right. I like you.
445
00:25:04,668 --> 00:25:06,736
Man, it's a real honor to be here…
446
00:25:06,737 --> 00:25:08,138
I can tell it's gonna be
a good experience.
447
00:25:08,139 --> 00:25:09,372
I'm really having a good time.
448
00:25:09,373 --> 00:25:11,107
Hey, can you help me out, man?
I'm looking for this guy.
449
00:25:11,108 --> 00:25:15,745
The grip with the bandana.
He's got a package for me.
450
00:25:15,746 --> 00:25:18,578
There he is, fucker. Dragon!
451
00:25:19,250 --> 00:25:21,217
What the fuck? Oh, buddy!
452
00:25:21,218 --> 00:25:22,685
I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?
453
00:25:22,686 --> 00:25:24,921
I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers
in the video
454
00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,322
doing the noodle-legs, Damien.
455
00:25:26,323 --> 00:25:30,927
Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing
the hip-hop bunny hop, Damien.
456
00:25:30,928 --> 00:25:32,695
It's good, I love it, great. But I need to…
457
00:25:32,696 --> 00:25:35,832
V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby.
Hit it, baby.
458
00:25:35,833 --> 00:25:38,715
Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.
459
00:25:39,670 --> 00:25:40,937
Alpa!
460
00:25:40,938 --> 00:25:42,472
Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.
461
00:25:42,473 --> 00:25:43,540
Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!
462
00:25:43,541 --> 00:25:47,747
Can we call him back?
I've got to have a cast meeting.
463
00:25:49,146 --> 00:25:51,581
When we put aside our differences,
464
00:25:51,582 --> 00:25:54,965
we see we're kind of the same.
465
00:25:55,352 --> 00:25:59,514
When we put aside our differences,
we see
466
00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:02,894
we're kind of the same.
467
00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:05,295
Let's be friends.
468
00:26:05,296 --> 00:26:08,878
I know we can do great things together.
469
00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:14,571
That's a quotation from
a children's book I co-wrote,
470
00:26:14,572 --> 00:26:16,806
The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.
471
00:26:16,807 --> 00:26:18,641
I think it pertains to the journey…
472
00:26:18,642 --> 00:26:20,978
Simple Jack sucked ass!
473
00:26:21,045 --> 00:26:23,546
All right, who said that? It's not funny.
474
00:26:23,547 --> 00:26:26,896
Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?
475
00:26:32,623 --> 00:26:35,425
When the herd loses its way,
476
00:26:35,426 --> 00:26:40,226
the shepherd must kill
the bull that leads them astray.
477
00:26:41,699 --> 00:26:45,552
- Four Leaf?
- Come on over. It's okay.
478
00:26:46,637 --> 00:26:48,395
- Sit down.
- Yes.
479
00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:54,340
- So, you don't like the hotel?
- Beds give me nightmares.
480
00:26:59,683 --> 00:27:04,483
I'm guessing right about now
you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin
481
00:27:04,989 --> 00:27:09,789
with an Ohio hooker holding your prick
and showing you the way.
482
00:27:16,133 --> 00:27:17,700
What?
483
00:27:17,701 --> 00:27:19,580
You're a riddle
484
00:27:20,804 --> 00:27:24,267
with no cheese to maze through.
485
00:27:25,643 --> 00:27:26,709
Don't you get it?
486
00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:30,547
No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse
or something. I don't know.
487
00:27:30,548 --> 00:27:34,584
I put my story in your limp Brit hands,
488
00:27:34,585 --> 00:27:38,121
and you are not going to fail me.
489
00:27:38,122 --> 00:27:41,824
You think I was just blowing
my own bagpipe in that meeting?
490
00:27:41,825 --> 00:27:45,762
You must put those boys in the shit.
491
00:27:45,763 --> 00:27:47,430
What? I don't understand.
492
00:27:47,431 --> 00:27:50,800
- You wanna make your movie or not?
- Yes, I do.
493
00:27:50,801 --> 00:27:54,404
All right, you get
some of those little video type cameras.
494
00:27:54,405 --> 00:27:58,141
We take them out there, and we put
them in the trees in different angles.
495
00:27:58,142 --> 00:28:01,578
Then you give me
and that pyromaniac Cody
496
00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:06,379
all the smoke bombs, charges,
explosives, detonators you got.
497
00:28:06,550 --> 00:28:09,085
Then we take those boys up there,
498
00:28:09,086 --> 00:28:12,288
me and Cody,
we could light up that fucking jungle,
499
00:28:12,289 --> 00:28:15,325
so those lily-dick actors
would be shitting their pants
500
00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:17,427
and screaming for their mammies.
501
00:28:17,428 --> 00:28:21,867
They'd be begging for a body bag
if it means a ride home.
502
00:28:23,734 --> 00:28:25,532
I could do it.
503
00:28:26,036 --> 00:28:29,572
I could shoot the whole thing
guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.
504
00:28:29,573 --> 00:28:33,009
Get them away from their helpers
and ass-licking assistants.
505
00:28:33,010 --> 00:28:34,210
Put them in the real shit.
506
00:28:34,211 --> 00:28:35,511
- Real shit.
- With real fear in their eyes!
507
00:28:35,512 --> 00:28:38,681
Real fear, real emotion!
Yes, Four Leaf, yes!
508
00:28:38,682 --> 00:28:40,883
- Yes! Yes!
- Yes! Yes!
509
00:28:40,884 --> 00:28:43,298
Take them off the fucking grid!
510
00:29:00,104 --> 00:29:03,366
You are no longer actors in a movie!
511
00:29:03,974 --> 00:29:07,195
You are five men in a helicopter!
512
00:29:08,479 --> 00:29:10,559
With three other men!
513
00:29:15,886 --> 00:29:17,520
How long are we gonna be gone,
anyways?
514
00:29:17,521 --> 00:29:21,691
'Cause I left most of my vitamins
back at the hotel.
515
00:29:21,692 --> 00:29:25,664
- Save your breath, maggots!
- That's right, maggots!
516
00:29:36,340 --> 00:29:37,829
M&M?
517
00:29:39,510 --> 00:29:41,040
M&M?
518
00:30:00,597 --> 00:30:02,732
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
519
00:30:02,733 --> 00:30:04,567
Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!
520
00:30:04,568 --> 00:30:07,837
Move it, maggots, move!
Move, grunts, move your ass!
521
00:30:07,838 --> 00:30:10,239
Get out, you wriggly worms!
522
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,152
- It's up too high!
- Move, move, move!
523
00:30:16,180 --> 00:30:18,220
See you in hell!
524
00:30:29,426 --> 00:30:34,226
This is bullshit!
I gotta at least call my fucking assistant.
525
00:30:34,898 --> 00:30:38,119
Fucking! Jesus! Dude!
526
00:30:39,103 --> 00:30:41,437
You're sitting on a nest
of hostile enemy V.C.
527
00:30:41,438 --> 00:30:45,492
Congratulations, Fats.
You just got us all killed.
528
00:30:45,876 --> 00:30:49,579
Anybody else care to give away
our position to Charlie?
529
00:30:49,580 --> 00:30:51,447
Cell phones!
530
00:30:51,448 --> 00:30:53,015
What the hell, Damien?
531
00:30:53,016 --> 00:30:56,819
Weren't no cell phones in '69, man.
I'm head-to-toe legitimate.
532
00:30:56,820 --> 00:31:00,323
Gentlemen, I've got good news
and bad news.
533
00:31:00,324 --> 00:31:03,960
The studio wants to shut us down.
That's the bad news.
534
00:31:03,961 --> 00:31:06,362
And the good news.
535
00:31:06,363 --> 00:31:09,365
If you wanna save this movie,
you will become a unit.
536
00:31:09,366 --> 00:31:13,236
Your objective is to head north
to the D'ang Kwook River
537
00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:14,837
and liberate the POW camp,
538
00:31:14,838 --> 00:31:18,207
at which point Four Leaf
will get himself captured,
539
00:31:18,208 --> 00:31:20,109
at which point you will rescue him,
540
00:31:20,110 --> 00:31:24,083
at which point
we will chopper you home!
541
00:31:24,681 --> 00:31:25,882
Damn.
542
00:31:25,883 --> 00:31:27,784
Four Leaf,
since you're the staff sergeant,
543
00:31:27,785 --> 00:31:30,286
there's the map, this is the scene list.
544
00:31:30,287 --> 00:31:32,522
Think you can handle it?
545
00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:37,323
We have rigged this entire
valley of death with hidden cameras.
546
00:31:38,195 --> 00:31:41,931
And I will be shooting as well,
from unseen vantage points,
547
00:31:41,932 --> 00:31:46,174
so that every glorious moment
is captured on film.
548
00:31:46,804 --> 00:31:50,072
And believe me, gentlemen,
it will be glorious.
549
00:31:50,073 --> 00:31:52,708
If it looks real,
chances are it probably is.
550
00:31:52,709 --> 00:31:54,410
You wanted to be actors.
551
00:31:54,411 --> 00:31:57,113
You wanted to occupy
the skin of another human being.
552
00:31:57,114 --> 00:32:00,216
Well, get ready to occupy the skin
of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,
553
00:32:00,217 --> 00:32:04,661
surrounded by death,
crawling up Satan's bottom.
554
00:32:05,022 --> 00:32:09,822
There'll be ambushes, enemy fire,
your own little personal slice of 'Nam.
555
00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:14,530
This radio goes to the chopper
and the chopper only.
556
00:32:14,531 --> 00:32:19,068
The chopper is God,
and I am Jesus Christ, his son.
557
00:32:19,069 --> 00:32:21,871
You are my chosen disciples.
558
00:32:21,872 --> 00:32:25,007
And no one gets to go home
till we get the shots.
559
00:32:25,008 --> 00:32:28,144
Put on your war faces, gentlemen.
560
00:32:28,145 --> 00:32:32,945
Now, let's go and make
the greatest war movie ever!
561
00:32:32,950 --> 00:32:35,702
- Yeah!
- All right!
562
00:32:54,037 --> 00:32:55,285
Yeah!
563
00:33:00,544 --> 00:33:01,792
Yeah!
564
00:33:14,157 --> 00:33:16,399
Not bad, Cockburn!
565
00:33:17,895 --> 00:33:19,304
Not bad.
566
00:33:20,797 --> 00:33:22,676
Wherever you are!
567
00:33:24,401 --> 00:33:28,373
Wherever he is,
looks like he's all over the place.
568
00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:31,274
Here we go.
569
00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:33,409
Must be an old French mine.
570
00:33:33,410 --> 00:33:38,210
It's a remnant from colonial Indo-China.
This jungle must be full of them.
571
00:33:38,949 --> 00:33:42,518
Don't you get it?
He's messing with our heads.
572
00:33:42,519 --> 00:33:44,654
That's what all that
playing God stuff was about.
573
00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:47,323
He's trying to get us to act good,
save the movie.
574
00:33:47,324 --> 00:33:50,984
He ain't playing God.
He's being judged by him.
575
00:33:54,364 --> 00:33:57,713
That's our objective.
Complete the mission.
576
00:34:03,273 --> 00:34:06,275
No offense, Kirk,
I know you're the big fancy actor here,
577
00:34:06,276 --> 00:34:10,279
but I've done a lot more effects-driven
event films than you. Okay?
578
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:11,993
And I think I can spot
579
00:34:13,784 --> 00:34:15,418
a prop head when I see one.
580
00:34:15,419 --> 00:34:17,177
Oh, Jesus.
581
00:34:18,121 --> 00:34:22,242
It's corn syrup, guys.
Corn syrup and latex.
582
00:34:24,828 --> 00:34:28,064
Warm, blood-flavored corn syrup.
583
00:34:28,065 --> 00:34:29,394
Oh, God.
584
00:34:29,833 --> 00:34:33,069
Smoke and mirrors, guys.
Welcome to the movie factory.
585
00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:35,017
Oldest trick in the book.
586
00:34:36,273 --> 00:34:37,673
He getting down now.
587
00:34:37,674 --> 00:34:39,285
Oh, my God!
588
00:34:41,845 --> 00:34:44,013
Whoa, look at me!
589
00:34:44,014 --> 00:34:45,581
You're going to get the shots,
590
00:34:45,582 --> 00:34:48,684
and I'm going to make sure
because I'm the director.
591
00:34:48,685 --> 00:34:50,920
I'm from London. I direct plays.
592
00:34:50,921 --> 00:34:54,492
Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!
593
00:35:03,967 --> 00:35:05,967
Look, I'm Dave Beckham.
594
00:35:15,312 --> 00:35:17,813
So, we gotta
light these boys up today, huh?
595
00:35:17,814 --> 00:35:20,696
Blow some sense into these young men.
596
00:35:20,984 --> 00:35:23,986
Hey, I don't want to come off
as weird or anything,
597
00:35:23,987 --> 00:35:28,631
but I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.
598
00:35:29,292 --> 00:35:34,030
Tropic Thunder.
Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.
599
00:35:34,031 --> 00:35:36,365
Yeah, I've never been in the military,
per se,
600
00:35:36,366 --> 00:35:40,182
but I have lost an appendage
in the line of duty.
601
00:35:40,604 --> 00:35:43,606
Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.
602
00:35:43,607 --> 00:35:44,855
Yeah.
603
00:35:45,175 --> 00:35:48,077
It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there.
What is it?
604
00:35:48,078 --> 00:35:50,414
I don't know what it's called.
605
00:35:50,881 --> 00:35:55,681
I just know the sound it makes
when it takes a mars life.
606
00:35:58,755 --> 00:36:00,003
Okay.
607
00:36:00,390 --> 00:36:01,724
Damien, we're go for explosion.
608
00:36:01,725 --> 00:36:04,627
Ready to kick the tires
and light the fires on your say-so.
609
00:36:04,628 --> 00:36:07,042
Damien, we're go for explosion.
610
00:36:07,497 --> 00:36:08,631
Do you copy?
611
00:36:08,632 --> 00:36:11,600
I got an itchy trigger finger here,
and I'm ready to blow some shit up.
612
00:36:11,601 --> 00:36:15,337
All right, you happy now?
Can we do the scene?
613
00:36:15,338 --> 00:36:19,544
Or do you need a formal invitation?
Come on, let's go!
614
00:36:19,776 --> 00:36:20,976
Here. Okay.
615
00:36:20,977 --> 00:36:24,871
“Scene 12, exterior,
jungle clearing, day, ambush.
616
00:36:28,718 --> 00:36:30,753
”Four Leaf notices
movement in the brush.
617
00:36:30,754 --> 00:36:33,889
”A dozen guerrilla fighters
can be seen moving in the tree line.
618
00:36:33,890 --> 00:36:36,911
Somewhere a mine explodes.”
And you.
619
00:36:37,794 --> 00:36:39,929
“I got a bad feeling on this one.”
620
00:36:39,930 --> 00:36:41,530
- Yeah.
- No, that's your line.
621
00:36:41,531 --> 00:36:44,500
- I got… Now?
- Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.
622
00:36:44,501 --> 00:36:47,336
- “I got a bad feeling on this one.”
- Dude, wait, like how?
623
00:36:47,337 --> 00:36:49,271
“I got a bad feeling on this one.”
624
00:36:49,272 --> 00:36:51,742
- Okay.
- Action. Go, come on.
625
00:37:00,383 --> 00:37:03,810
I got a bad feeling
on this one there, Fats.
626
00:37:04,588 --> 00:37:08,090
Our asses don't get fragged
in this bullshit valley,
627
00:37:08,091 --> 00:37:10,025
first thing I'm doing
is paying my two bucks
628
00:37:10,026 --> 00:37:11,760
so I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry
629
00:37:11,761 --> 00:37:14,563
on a sweet little mama-san's
dinky dau poontang.
630
00:37:14,564 --> 00:37:17,566
Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged
before he get any cooch.
631
00:37:17,567 --> 00:37:20,903
He die, he probably die
a coochless motherfucker.
632
00:37:20,904 --> 00:37:22,404
Zip it, Motown.
633
00:37:22,405 --> 00:37:24,073
Don't you worry, Brooklyn.
634
00:37:24,074 --> 00:37:27,656
You got a lot of days of fucking
ahead of you.
635
00:37:28,245 --> 00:37:30,124
Man, I'm thirsty.
636
00:37:30,947 --> 00:37:35,747
Might as well have some of this
Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.
637
00:37:36,786 --> 00:37:40,389
Yo, asshole! This motherfucker's dead!
638
00:37:40,390 --> 00:37:42,291
Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,
639
00:37:42,292 --> 00:37:45,728
David Blaine trapdoor
horseshit jumping off here!
640
00:37:45,729 --> 00:37:49,598
Hey! You wanna get on the train here,
or do you wanna ruin another take?
641
00:37:49,599 --> 00:37:53,903
There ain't no goddamn takes,
ain't no goddamn motion picture!
642
00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,771
- You sure?
- Yeah.
643
00:37:55,772 --> 00:37:57,673
- Yeah?
- For certain, man.
644
00:37:57,674 --> 00:38:00,478
Then why are you still in character?
645
00:38:01,144 --> 00:38:04,026
I know, but I don't have to tell you.
646
00:38:04,247 --> 00:38:05,414
You don't know.
647
00:38:05,415 --> 00:38:09,854
Man, I don't drop character
till I done a DVD commentary.
648
00:38:11,121 --> 00:38:13,389
You happy now?
We're out of position for the effects!
649
00:38:13,390 --> 00:38:15,430
Get down, fool!
650
00:38:16,826 --> 00:38:20,720
Didn't anyone read the script?
This is the ambush!
651
00:38:21,131 --> 00:38:25,453
- This feels pretty real!
- Exactly! Let's use it.
652
00:38:35,412 --> 00:38:36,781
Yeah!
653
00:38:37,847 --> 00:38:39,458
Yeah!
654
00:38:41,818 --> 00:38:43,307
Eat lead!
655
00:38:45,055 --> 00:38:49,105
They're busting caps
like a motherfucker down there.
656
00:38:50,694 --> 00:38:52,895
This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.
657
00:38:52,896 --> 00:38:55,388
- What do you think?
- Juice them.
658
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,739
Fuck you, Charlie!
659
00:39:01,371 --> 00:39:03,102
Big-ass titties!
660
00:39:08,812 --> 00:39:10,732
Look at that, huh?
661
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:17,128
And cut!
662
00:39:19,189 --> 00:39:21,123
That's the trailer right there.
663
00:39:21,124 --> 00:39:22,524
Yeah!
664
00:39:22,525 --> 00:39:24,893
- What do we do now?
- Yeah.
665
00:39:24,894 --> 00:39:26,528
North. Man said to head north.
666
00:39:26,529 --> 00:39:29,965
- Did you see me shooting?
- That's how we do. Good work, baby.
667
00:39:29,966 --> 00:39:31,133
I believed it.
668
00:39:31,134 --> 00:39:32,536
D'ang Kwook River.
669
00:39:32,936 --> 00:39:34,436
I'm betting
he's got more of these battles
670
00:39:34,437 --> 00:39:37,273
and Viet Congs
rigged for us along the way.
671
00:39:37,274 --> 00:39:41,710
Sergeant Osiris, get your men.
Load and lock.
672
00:39:41,711 --> 00:39:43,791
Real, baby, I'm real.
673
00:39:44,547 --> 00:39:47,849
Let's go! We got a lot of klicks to cover!
674
00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:51,620
Hump it up, gentlemen!
Single formation.
675
00:39:51,621 --> 00:39:53,782
Don't dawdle now!
676
00:40:17,580 --> 00:40:22,380
D-Rod, D-Rod, this is Puddingface.
How are we coming on that hotplate?
677
00:40:24,487 --> 00:40:27,890
Something's up.
I think we better drag ass back there.
678
00:40:27,891 --> 00:40:32,486
Make sure Damien ain't forgot
how to use his talkbox again.
679
00:40:38,335 --> 00:40:41,838
Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.
680
00:40:42,906 --> 00:40:45,140
- What are you doing, Jeff?
- Fucking… Nothing, man!
681
00:40:45,141 --> 00:40:48,577
- I'm eating jellybeans.
- Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please…
682
00:40:48,578 --> 00:40:51,413
No, you can't have
any fucking jellybeans.
683
00:40:51,414 --> 00:40:52,614
They're mine.
684
00:40:52,615 --> 00:40:53,882
You think
you're the only one who gets sick
685
00:40:53,883 --> 00:40:55,684
when he doesn't have his jellybeans?
686
00:40:55,685 --> 00:40:57,398
Boundaries, man. Fuck.
687
00:41:17,006 --> 00:41:19,808
Hey. I didn't mean to
show you up back there.
688
00:41:19,809 --> 00:41:24,046
It's just, I feel like we really need
to set the example for the other guys.
689
00:41:24,047 --> 00:41:26,048
It's gonna be tough,
690
00:41:26,049 --> 00:41:30,488
but I think Damien's gonna get
some great shit out of us.
691
00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:32,454
Just wish I had
a director like this on Jack.
692
00:41:32,455 --> 00:41:36,158
On Jack. What? Jack?
What you talking about?
693
00:41:36,159 --> 00:41:38,573
-Simple Jack.
- Oh, yeah.
694
00:41:39,629 --> 00:41:42,965
Simple Jack, yeah.
You went all out on that one, huh?
695
00:41:42,966 --> 00:41:45,334
You did.
Really swung for the fences, huh?
696
00:41:45,335 --> 00:41:47,836
Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.
697
00:41:47,837 --> 00:41:51,342
Yeah, it was an intense experience,
you know.
698
00:41:51,441 --> 00:41:53,642
I just did the work.
699
00:41:53,643 --> 00:41:58,443
Watched a lot of retarded people.
Spent time with them. Observed them.
700
00:41:58,748 --> 00:42:01,016
Watched all the retarded stuff they did.
701
00:42:01,017 --> 00:42:02,885
Then again,
I always found mere observation
702
00:42:02,886 --> 00:42:05,287
in and of itself is a tad rudimentary.
703
00:42:05,288 --> 00:42:08,457
Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper
to mine the true emotional pay dirt.
704
00:42:08,458 --> 00:42:12,895
Thus, we can diagram the source
of the pain and then live it, you know.
705
00:42:12,896 --> 00:42:15,063
Yeah, yeah, live it. Yeah, exactly.
706
00:42:15,064 --> 00:42:17,900
You know, there were times
when I was doing Jack
707
00:42:17,901 --> 00:42:20,469
that I actually felt retarded,
708
00:42:20,470 --> 00:42:21,937
- like really retarded.
- Oh, yeah.
709
00:42:21,938 --> 00:42:24,239
I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,
710
00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:26,141
- I rode the bus retarded.
- Damn.
711
00:42:26,142 --> 00:42:29,478
In a weird way,
I had to sort of just free myself up
712
00:42:29,479 --> 00:42:32,548
to believe that it was okay
to be stupid or dumb.
713
00:42:32,549 --> 00:42:34,216
- To be a moron.
- Yeah.
714
00:42:34,217 --> 00:42:37,052
- To be moronical.
- Exactly, to be a moron.
715
00:42:37,053 --> 00:42:38,520
- An imbecile.
- Yeah.
716
00:42:38,521 --> 00:42:41,490
Like the dumbest motherfucker
that ever lived.
717
00:42:41,491 --> 00:42:42,758
When I was playing the character.
718
00:42:42,759 --> 00:42:45,461
- When you was the character.
- Yeah, as Jack, definitely.
719
00:42:45,462 --> 00:42:47,763
Jack, stupid ass Jack.
720
00:42:47,764 --> 00:42:49,131
Trying to come back from that.
721
00:42:49,132 --> 00:42:53,368
In a weird way it was almost like
I had to sort of fool my mind
722
00:42:53,369 --> 00:42:56,438
into believing that it wasn't retarded,
723
00:42:56,439 --> 00:42:58,273
and by the end of the whole thing,
I was like,
724
00:42:58,274 --> 00:43:02,911
“Wait a minute, I flushed so much out,
how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?”
725
00:43:02,912 --> 00:43:05,080
- It's just like… Right?
- Yeah.
726
00:43:05,081 --> 00:43:07,950
You was farting in bathtubs
and laughing your ass off.
727
00:43:07,951 --> 00:43:09,918
Yeah.
728
00:43:09,919 --> 00:43:12,321
But Simple Jack thought he was smart,
729
00:43:12,322 --> 00:43:13,722
or rather, didn't think he was retarded,
730
00:43:13,723 --> 00:43:16,692
so you can't afford to play retarded,
being a smart actor.
731
00:43:16,693 --> 00:43:19,294
Playing a guy who ain't smart
but thinks he is,
732
00:43:19,295 --> 00:43:21,029
- that's tricky.
- Tricky.
733
00:43:21,030 --> 00:43:24,666
It's like working with mercury.
It's high science, man. It's an art form.
734
00:43:24,667 --> 00:43:26,802
- Yeah.
- You an artist.
735
00:43:26,803 --> 00:43:28,704
- That's what we do, right? Yeah.
- Yeah.
736
00:43:28,705 --> 00:43:30,072
Hats off for going there,
737
00:43:30,073 --> 00:43:34,279
especially knowing how
the Academy is about that shit.
738
00:43:36,513 --> 00:43:40,675
- About what?
- You're serious? You don't know?
739
00:43:42,252 --> 00:43:45,445
Everybody knows
you never go full retard.
740
00:43:45,822 --> 00:43:48,056
- What do you mean?
- Check it out.
741
00:43:48,057 --> 00:43:52,261
Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked
retarded, act retarded, not retarded.
742
00:43:52,262 --> 00:43:57,062
Count toothpicks, cheat at cards.
Autistic, sure. Not retarded.
743
00:43:57,233 --> 00:43:59,201
Then you got Tom Hanks,
Forrest Gump.
744
00:43:59,202 --> 00:44:01,603
Slow, yes, retarded, maybe,
braces on his legs.
745
00:44:01,604 --> 00:44:04,606
But he charmed the pants off Nixon,
and he won a Ping-Pong competition.
746
00:44:04,607 --> 00:44:05,774
That ain't retarded.
747
00:44:05,775 --> 00:44:10,575
And he was a goddamn war hero.
You know any retarded war heroes?
748
00:44:11,648 --> 00:44:13,997
You went full retard, man.
749
00:44:15,184 --> 00:44:16,819
Never go full retard.
750
00:44:17,554 --> 00:44:21,223
You don't buy that?
Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.
751
00:44:21,224 --> 00:44:25,196
Remember? Went full retard?
Went home empty-handed.
752
00:44:34,370 --> 00:44:38,142
Oh, my God! Holy shit!
753
00:44:38,241 --> 00:44:41,043
Good job, turd. You killed the director.
754
00:44:41,044 --> 00:44:42,411
No, that's impossible, man.
755
00:44:42,412 --> 00:44:45,414
I rigged the whole tree line,
and this is here.
756
00:44:45,415 --> 00:44:47,049
- He must have missed his mark.
- Missed his mark?
757
00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:48,383
Yeah, this isn't me.
758
00:44:48,384 --> 00:44:51,286
Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard
and get back to the hotel.
759
00:44:51,287 --> 00:44:54,089
- You're in a world of hurt, dumbo!
- We're in a world of hurt!
760
00:44:54,090 --> 00:44:56,391
- You're in trouble.
- This isn't just on me!
761
00:44:56,392 --> 00:44:58,727
- We're in a… We're together on this.
- Bullshit.
762
00:44:58,728 --> 00:45:00,295
You're just gonna run away.
You're gonna leave.
763
00:45:00,296 --> 00:45:02,064
What happened to,
“No man left behind,” okay?
764
00:45:02,065 --> 00:45:04,433
Just wait, just wait! Listen!
Listen, okay?
765
00:45:04,434 --> 00:45:07,269
- I don't wanna hear it.
- Let me just be real with you, all right?
766
00:45:07,270 --> 00:45:10,672
I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis
on Freaky Friday, okay?
767
00:45:10,673 --> 00:45:12,107
This shit will fucking ruin me!
768
00:45:12,108 --> 00:45:14,109
- Just get off me! You're pathetic.
- No, I'm not.
769
00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:17,022
- Get off me!
- You are not going back!
770
00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:22,675
- What the fuck?
- Now wait a minute.
771
00:45:32,261 --> 00:45:35,063
So, what?
We're just supposed to keep walking?
772
00:45:35,064 --> 00:45:38,066
Try to stay in character.
Remember, we're on camera.
773
00:45:38,067 --> 00:45:39,134
This thing's too heavy.
774
00:45:39,135 --> 00:45:40,669
I want the rubber one
that the prop guy gave me.
775
00:45:40,670 --> 00:45:43,342
Where's the fucking prop guy?
776
00:45:47,910 --> 00:45:50,612
How's it going with that map, chief?
777
00:45:50,613 --> 00:45:53,315
- Can I have a look at it?
- I got it.
778
00:45:53,316 --> 00:45:54,983
Yeah, Damien gave it to me,
remember?
779
00:45:54,984 --> 00:45:56,585
Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.
780
00:45:56,586 --> 00:45:58,320
- Yeah.
- Okay.
781
00:45:58,321 --> 00:46:00,989
- I got it.
- You got it upside down.
782
00:46:00,990 --> 00:46:02,090
Thank you.
783
00:46:02,091 --> 00:46:03,759
Letters go one way
and the numbers another.
784
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,427
Dude, I'm trying to…
I got your back, man.
785
00:46:05,428 --> 00:46:07,295
- Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool.
- You are?
786
00:46:07,296 --> 00:46:09,264
Is your character dyslexic?
787
00:46:09,265 --> 00:46:11,099
- No, my character's not dyslexic.
- So you a can'tographer.
788
00:46:11,100 --> 00:46:13,035
I'm tired, I want to go home.
789
00:46:13,036 --> 00:46:15,671
Why, so you can get back and make
Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?
790
00:46:15,672 --> 00:46:18,707
It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no… Hey,
you wish you had a Fatties franchise.
791
00:46:18,708 --> 00:46:20,042
-What?
- It's Fatties: Fart Two.
792
00:46:20,043 --> 00:46:21,376
-Yeah, you do.
- I don't want no Fatties franchise,
793
00:46:21,377 --> 00:46:23,879
- I got a diamond toilet.
- Your stupid-ass commercials.
794
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:25,447
You're all fucked up, man,
you look tired.
795
00:46:25,448 --> 00:46:26,682
You look like you bumped your head
or something,
796
00:46:26,683 --> 00:46:28,617
so I came over to see
if you're fucking all right, that's all.
797
00:46:28,618 --> 00:46:30,752
- Yeah, why don't you get on point?
- I'm on point right here.
798
00:46:30,753 --> 00:46:31,887
my farts
are fucking more beautiful than…
799
00:46:31,888 --> 00:46:34,909
You still got that shit upside down.
800
00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,558
The numbers help, man, the numbers…
801
00:46:36,559 --> 00:46:38,894
The letters go across the top
and then the numbers.
802
00:46:38,895 --> 00:46:40,562
- Want the map?
- Yeah, I want the fucking map.
803
00:46:40,563 --> 00:46:42,097
Well, you can't have it,
'cause Damien gave it me.
804
00:46:42,098 --> 00:46:45,367
You wish you had my farts,
my farts are fucking music.
805
00:46:45,368 --> 00:46:48,160
All right. That's enough.
806
00:46:49,205 --> 00:46:53,542
Everybody's obviously a little bushed
from all this humping.
807
00:46:53,543 --> 00:46:56,482
So take a chow break. Chow break!
808
00:46:57,847 --> 00:46:59,685
But stay alert.
809
00:46:59,982 --> 00:47:04,265
Remember, Charlie don't care
if you're on break or not.
810
00:47:08,558 --> 00:47:11,593
All right, that's lunch. Coming back
to the same scene afterwards,
811
00:47:11,594 --> 00:47:13,061
“Lost in the goddamn jungle.”
812
00:47:13,062 --> 00:47:14,620
Captain Simple Jack.
813
00:47:15,031 --> 00:47:16,211
Fuck you.
814
00:47:24,941 --> 00:47:26,779
I fucking hate movies.
815
00:47:28,845 --> 00:47:33,206
This is bullshit.
I don't wanna be in this shitty movie.
816
00:47:41,524 --> 00:47:44,392
No! That's my jellybeans! No!
817
00:47:44,393 --> 00:47:49,164
Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!
818
00:47:49,165 --> 00:47:53,760
- Yo, man, I got a Bust-A-Nut.
- You go to hell! There he is.
819
00:47:55,872 --> 00:47:59,335
God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?
820
00:47:59,776 --> 00:48:04,179
You little piece of shit!
I'm gonna fucking rip your wings off!
821
00:48:04,180 --> 00:48:07,918
Sanducci. Hold up, man,
keep it on the down-low.
822
00:48:08,618 --> 00:48:10,952
I don't really gotta piss.
I'm trying to talk at you, man.
823
00:48:10,953 --> 00:48:12,873
Bait, I need bait.
824
00:48:13,723 --> 00:48:17,526
You went to boot camp, right?
You can read a map?
825
00:48:17,527 --> 00:48:18,860
Yeah, I think so.
826
00:48:18,861 --> 00:48:21,663
I know Speedman
got everyone convinced we out here
827
00:48:21,664 --> 00:48:25,567
making Planet of the Apes on YouTube
or some shit, but I don't buy it.
828
00:48:25,568 --> 00:48:28,837
You wanna step on a real landmine?
You wanna die?
829
00:48:28,838 --> 00:48:30,639
You wanna get shot
by a real motherfucker?
830
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,209
- Keep looking ahead, man.
- No, of course not.
831
00:48:34,210 --> 00:48:36,478
Trying to get home, man.
832
00:48:36,479 --> 00:48:38,246
Got a big job coming up next year.
833
00:48:38,247 --> 00:48:39,781
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
834
00:48:39,782 --> 00:48:42,417
It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes
Booth when they were both young.
835
00:48:42,418 --> 00:48:43,618
- Oh, wow!
- Yeah.
836
00:48:43,619 --> 00:48:46,221
- That's a classy picture.
- Dude, you kind of look like Abe.
837
00:48:46,222 --> 00:48:47,789
Slap a beard on you.
838
00:48:47,790 --> 00:48:49,925
- What's your fucking name?
- Really? It's Kevin.
839
00:48:49,926 --> 00:48:52,275
- Kevin Sandusky.
- Yeah.
840
00:48:52,595 --> 00:48:56,565
If I can put that map in your hands,
can I count on you?
841
00:48:56,566 --> 00:49:00,728
- Well, yeah, I guess you can.
- Dynamite. I'm out.
842
00:49:03,773 --> 00:49:06,308
That smelled just like bologna
for some reason.
843
00:49:06,309 --> 00:49:09,544
Is anyone gonna fucking help me
get this fucking thing?
844
00:49:09,545 --> 00:49:12,566
Why are they even out in the daytime?
845
00:49:14,317 --> 00:49:19,117
I'm gonna level with you, bro.
I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.
846
00:49:24,994 --> 00:49:29,438
Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.
847
00:49:30,967 --> 00:49:32,801
He's way out on a limb
with this character,
848
00:49:32,802 --> 00:49:35,528
and I think he's getting cold feet.
849
00:49:35,938 --> 00:49:38,840
And the men respect you,
'cause you went to boot camp
850
00:49:38,841 --> 00:49:40,761
and rehearsal.
851
00:49:41,510 --> 00:49:44,145
- Can I count on you, Kyle.
- It's Kevin.
852
00:49:44,146 --> 00:49:45,394
Good.
853
00:49:46,782 --> 00:49:49,751
If you want
I could give the map a look-see.
854
00:49:49,752 --> 00:49:52,020
- I'll handle the map.
- Okay.
855
00:49:52,021 --> 00:49:55,357
You stick with the program,
we get this movie in the can,
856
00:49:55,358 --> 00:49:59,160
I'm thinking there could be
a Teen Choice Award in it for you.
857
00:49:59,161 --> 00:50:03,465
You have that potential.
They'll slime you, the whole deal.
858
00:50:03,466 --> 00:50:07,748
- Yeah, that's wicked.
- Good.
859
00:50:13,009 --> 00:50:15,735
There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!
860
00:50:16,279 --> 00:50:17,728
You O.D'ed!
861
00:50:19,081 --> 00:50:20,652
Hold up now, Jeff.
862
00:50:22,818 --> 00:50:24,469
Fucking hell!
863
00:50:25,855 --> 00:50:29,024
What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!
864
00:50:29,025 --> 00:50:31,937
I don't have any more jellybeans.
865
00:50:38,100 --> 00:50:40,220
You land there!
866
00:50:54,817 --> 00:50:57,649
Wow. Look at these ruins.
867
00:50:59,388 --> 00:51:03,925
- Where the hell are we?
- D'ang Kwook River.
868
00:51:03,926 --> 00:51:06,394
That so? How do you know that?
How you sure?
869
00:51:06,395 --> 00:51:08,697
Only one way to find out, dude. Let's go.
870
00:51:08,698 --> 00:51:13,498
Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now.
Seriously, my skin hurts!
871
00:51:13,903 --> 00:51:16,438
Enough from the peanut gallery!
Into the water, ladies!
872
00:51:16,439 --> 00:51:18,673
No, man. Let me take a look at that map
right quick.
873
00:51:18,674 --> 00:51:20,375
Why is everybody
all obsessed with the map?
874
00:51:20,376 --> 00:51:22,510
'Cause we're tired
of being your trail donkeys!
875
00:51:22,511 --> 00:51:25,013
Acting like you some one-man GPS!
876
00:51:25,014 --> 00:51:28,984
God damn it! We lost!
We fucking super lost, man!
877
00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:31,219
Tell him, McClusky.
Tell him what time it is.
878
00:51:31,220 --> 00:51:33,323
I don't believe you people.
879
00:51:34,523 --> 00:51:36,859
What do you mean “you people”?
880
00:51:38,894 --> 00:51:41,596
What do you mean, “you people”?
881
00:51:41,597 --> 00:51:43,698
I think what Tugg means is…
882
00:51:43,699 --> 00:51:45,166
No, look at his eyes, man.
883
00:51:45,167 --> 00:51:48,003
you people, you actors. You people…
- Look at them beady, white devil eyes.
884
00:51:48,004 --> 00:51:49,637
I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!
885
00:51:49,638 --> 00:51:51,960
- Hell, no!
- Silence!
886
00:51:52,641 --> 00:51:55,782
Chill! All right? Just chill it.
887
00:51:56,812 --> 00:52:00,584
Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
888
00:52:00,850 --> 00:52:02,688
- “Viet Cong”!
- What?
889
00:52:02,918 --> 00:52:06,054
It's “Viet Cong.” There's no “S.”
It's already plural.
890
00:52:06,055 --> 00:52:08,236
You wouldn't say “Chineses.”
891
00:52:09,025 --> 00:52:11,559
All right, that's enough
of this insubordination!
892
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,462
If the machine breaks down,
we break down.
893
00:52:14,463 --> 00:52:17,098
Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I,
he was big but a little puffy
894
00:52:17,099 --> 00:52:18,800
and then Rambo II,
he got all shredded up?
895
00:52:18,801 --> 00:52:21,770
- Yeah.
- That's kind of how you look right now.
896
00:52:21,771 --> 00:52:23,438
-Yeah?
- Not Rambo I but II.
897
00:52:23,439 --> 00:52:25,273
- Really?
- Yeah, when he was cut up.
898
00:52:25,274 --> 00:52:27,742
I'm not that… I mean,
that's what I'm going for, but you know…
899
00:52:27,743 --> 00:52:30,545
Come on, dude. You more shredded
than a julienne salad, man.
900
00:52:30,546 --> 00:52:32,147
- Thanks.
- What's the secret, dude?
901
00:52:32,148 --> 00:52:33,615
- It's a diet. I'm just dieting.
- Really?
902
00:52:33,616 --> 00:52:36,718
'Cause I'm trying to come up a little,
but it's just… It's tough.
903
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:38,319
- You look good.
- Any tips?
904
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,121
- What?
- Any tips, you got?
905
00:52:40,122 --> 00:52:41,356
There's, like, the pineapple…
906
00:52:41,357 --> 00:52:43,758
- Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you!
- Hey!
907
00:52:43,759 --> 00:52:45,460
- Hey!
- All right, now!
908
00:52:45,461 --> 00:52:47,996
What it is, Sikorski?
Tell us where we really at.
909
00:52:47,997 --> 00:52:50,727
That's fucking bullshit!
It's a chump move.
910
00:52:50,728 --> 00:52:53,134
We just getting a second opinion, doc.
911
00:52:54,029 --> 00:52:55,396
We're going the wrong way!
912
00:52:55,397 --> 00:52:56,598
- Damn!
- Son of a bitch.
913
00:52:56,599 --> 00:53:01,169
God! I think we were
supposed to be doing this,
914
00:53:01,170 --> 00:53:04,172
and instead we did this.
915
00:53:04,173 --> 00:53:07,909
Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!
916
00:53:07,910 --> 00:53:11,379
Think you can get us back
to that drop zone, boy?
917
00:53:11,380 --> 00:53:13,031
This is not cool!
918
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:16,813
Maybe.
919
00:53:18,053 --> 00:53:19,811
This is insane!
920
00:53:20,823 --> 00:53:23,958
Are you really going
to abandon this movie?
921
00:53:23,959 --> 00:53:26,261
We're supposed to be a unit!
922
00:53:26,262 --> 00:53:28,060
Suck my unit!
923
00:53:28,664 --> 00:53:30,565
All right, fine.
924
00:53:30,566 --> 00:53:35,366
- I'll finish it by myself.
- You go be all you can be, man.
925
00:53:35,571 --> 00:53:37,672
Tugg, you have no idea
where you're going!
926
00:53:37,673 --> 00:53:39,574
Yes, I do!
927
00:53:39,575 --> 00:53:44,212
I'm going to, “Exterior, rain forest, dusk.
928
00:53:44,213 --> 00:53:48,783
Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks
alone through a frightening jungle.”
929
00:53:48,784 --> 00:53:51,066
Suck on that unit, Kirk!
930
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:07,831
Come on, men. Let's get home.
931
00:54:45,474 --> 00:54:50,274
Hello, Mr Mantis. You're beautiful.
932
00:54:52,414 --> 00:54:54,449
Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo
933
00:54:54,450 --> 00:54:56,284
where Hollywood
was split into schisms,
934
00:54:56,285 --> 00:54:59,787
some studios backing Blu-ray Disc,
others backing HD DVD.
935
00:54:59,788 --> 00:55:00,988
People thought it would come down to
936
00:55:00,989 --> 00:55:03,358
pixel rate or refresh rate,
and they're pretty much the same.
937
00:55:03,359 --> 00:55:07,261
What it came down to was
a combination of gamers and porn.
938
00:55:07,262 --> 00:55:09,097
Now, whichever format porno backs
939
00:55:09,098 --> 00:55:13,034
is usually the one
that becomes the most successful.
940
00:55:13,035 --> 00:55:16,137
But, you know, Sony,
every PlayStation 3 has a Blu-ray in it.
941
00:55:16,138 --> 00:55:18,606
You talking to me this whole time?
942
00:55:18,607 --> 00:55:20,007
I was talking to whoever
was listening to me.
943
00:55:20,008 --> 00:55:21,739
Jesus Christ, man!
944
00:55:39,895 --> 00:55:42,325
Booty Sweat.
945
00:55:48,003 --> 00:55:49,654
Oh, God!
946
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:56,310
It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.
947
00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:58,613
You want my flak jacket?
948
00:55:58,614 --> 00:56:02,583
What, are you insane? It's boiling!
It's like a sweat lodge out here!
949
00:56:02,584 --> 00:56:05,520
Keep the volume down on that bitching,
Flatch Adams.
950
00:56:05,521 --> 00:56:07,522
I gotta take a fucking 12-pound shit!
951
00:56:07,523 --> 00:56:09,590
- How we doing? We making good time?
- We're making good time,
952
00:56:09,591 --> 00:56:12,827
but there's no way we make it
over that ridge before sundown.
953
00:56:12,828 --> 00:56:15,430
All right, fellas,
we're gonna make camp, rest up!
954
00:56:15,431 --> 00:56:17,832
- Oh, God.
- Y'all might be in for a treat.
955
00:56:17,833 --> 00:56:19,333
You know,
back before the war broked out,
956
00:56:19,334 --> 00:56:22,170
I was a saucier in San Antone.
957
00:56:22,171 --> 00:56:24,906
I bet I could collar up
some of them greens.
958
00:56:24,907 --> 00:56:29,310
Yeah, noodle some crawfish
out the paddy, yo.
959
00:56:29,311 --> 00:56:34,111
And maybe some crab apples
for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!
960
00:56:34,683 --> 00:56:36,050
Hell, yeah!
961
00:56:36,051 --> 00:56:40,354
That's how we all talk.
We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.
962
00:56:40,355 --> 00:56:45,155
Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.
963
00:56:45,694 --> 00:56:50,494
You're Australian! Be Australian!
Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.
964
00:56:54,803 --> 00:56:57,635
I get excited about my foods, man.
965
00:58:22,824 --> 00:58:25,696
Die!
966
00:58:39,174 --> 00:58:41,644
No!
967
00:58:47,816 --> 00:58:52,219
Dude, dude, what the hell
is going on here? Where are we?
968
00:58:52,220 --> 00:58:54,722
I have no idea.
969
00:58:54,723 --> 00:58:57,391
I've never been outside the States.
970
00:58:57,392 --> 00:58:59,660
Wait, what?
Are you fucking kidding me?
971
00:58:59,661 --> 00:59:01,762
Did you make this
whole goddamn thing up?
972
00:59:01,763 --> 00:59:03,230
Dude, were you
even in the fucking service?
973
00:59:03,231 --> 00:59:06,000
Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.
974
00:59:06,001 --> 00:59:08,002
- Coast Guard.
- Sanitation Department.
975
00:59:08,003 --> 00:59:10,805
Oh, my God!
You're a fucking garbage man!
976
00:59:10,806 --> 00:59:14,642
Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me
and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.
977
00:59:14,643 --> 00:59:17,411
I wrote the book as a tribute!
I'm a patriot!
978
00:59:17,412 --> 00:59:19,580
Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli
of patriots, okay?
979
00:59:19,581 --> 00:59:21,382
You lied
about fighting the Vietnam War.
980
00:59:21,383 --> 00:59:24,752
It's like punching the American flag
in the face, God damn it.
981
00:59:24,753 --> 00:59:26,287
God, and to think I believed in you!
982
00:59:26,288 --> 00:59:28,756
- I don't wanna be next to you.
- Writers lie all the time.
983
00:59:28,757 --> 00:59:31,561
Can I be tied to another post? Okay.
984
00:59:52,202 --> 00:59:54,136
-Rick?
- Tugg.
985
00:59:54,137 --> 00:59:56,567
I killed one, Rick.
986
00:59:57,340 --> 00:59:59,841
The thing I love most in the world.
987
00:59:59,842 --> 01:00:02,101
Vivica, get off the line now!
988
01:00:03,980 --> 01:00:06,481
A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.
989
01:00:06,482 --> 01:00:08,650
Calm down.
Here's what you're gonna do.
990
01:00:08,651 --> 01:00:09,918
Get your hands on some bleach,
991
01:00:09,919 --> 01:00:12,387
some hydrogen peroxide
and a shitload of lime.
992
01:00:12,388 --> 01:00:13,989
No, a panda.
993
01:00:13,990 --> 01:00:15,857
I killed a panda.
994
01:00:15,858 --> 01:00:17,759
Amanda? Come on, dude.
995
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:19,895
I mean,
that's probably not even her real name.
996
01:00:19,896 --> 01:00:21,663
No, a panda!
997
01:00:21,664 --> 01:00:23,131
A panda?
998
01:00:23,132 --> 01:00:25,834
A sweet, cuddly,
999
01:00:25,835 --> 01:00:27,903
vicious little panda.
1000
01:00:27,904 --> 01:00:30,939
Jesus Christ, Tugg!
Man, don't scare me like that!
1001
01:00:30,940 --> 01:00:32,207
It's beautiful here.
1002
01:00:32,208 --> 01:00:33,809
You on the set?
1003
01:00:33,810 --> 01:00:35,177
I am the set.
1004
01:00:35,178 --> 01:00:38,247
All right, man.
Hey, how's the TiVo working out?
1005
01:00:38,248 --> 01:00:39,581
Screw TiVo.
1006
01:00:39,582 --> 01:00:42,150
I'm way beyond TiVo.
1007
01:00:42,151 --> 01:00:44,353
Last I checked,
they hadn't hooked it up, though.
1008
01:00:44,354 --> 01:00:47,756
Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?
1009
01:00:47,757 --> 01:00:49,918
It doesn't matter anymore.
1010
01:00:52,428 --> 01:00:54,159
I've moved on.
1011
01:00:54,631 --> 01:00:56,465
Where have you moved on to?
1012
01:00:56,466 --> 01:00:58,224
Another agency?
1013
01:00:59,502 --> 01:01:01,136
Who's with you?
1014
01:01:01,137 --> 01:01:03,405
It's Nick Stevens, isn't it?
That little fucker.
1015
01:01:03,406 --> 01:01:07,609
You are still my client, Tugg Speedman!
I am getting the TiVo!
1016
01:01:07,610 --> 01:01:09,911
Jacket's on, I'm out the door!
1017
01:01:09,912 --> 01:01:11,160
Tugg?
1018
01:01:14,284 --> 01:01:15,919
Please don't fire me.
1019
01:01:16,452 --> 01:01:17,753
I did it, I did it!
1020
01:01:17,754 --> 01:01:20,188
Vivica, what do I have scheduled
this afternoon?
1021
01:01:20,189 --> 01:01:23,572
-Two and a Half Men taping.
- Shit.
1022
01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:25,193
Cancel it.
1023
01:01:25,194 --> 01:01:26,962
And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder
contract.
1024
01:01:26,963 --> 01:01:30,198
I'm going to Grossman's office,
I'm playing the card.
1025
01:01:30,199 --> 01:01:31,379
Okay.
1026
01:01:34,771 --> 01:01:37,806
Oh, mama. Thirsty.
1027
01:01:37,807 --> 01:01:39,975
He doesn't look too good.
1028
01:01:39,976 --> 01:01:44,776
Must drink,
so I can throw something up!
1029
01:01:45,114 --> 01:01:47,349
No, no. Don't drink that water!
That water's like a petri dish!
1030
01:01:47,350 --> 01:01:48,550
No, don't!
1031
01:01:48,551 --> 01:01:51,186
Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?
1032
01:01:51,187 --> 01:01:53,655
Yeah, get him chugging on
some of Alpa's ass water.
1033
01:01:53,656 --> 01:01:55,691
That'll bring him around. It's a cure-all.
1034
01:01:55,692 --> 01:01:57,693
Man, what you coming out
in movies for anyway?
1035
01:01:57,694 --> 01:01:59,461
Did you need another revenue stream?
1036
01:01:59,462 --> 01:02:02,364
For your information,
my revenue stream
1037
01:02:02,365 --> 01:02:04,800
currently generates $2 million a year
1038
01:02:04,801 --> 01:02:06,835
in charitable contributions
for my community.
1039
01:02:06,836 --> 01:02:09,271
- Hot damn.
- And why am I in this movie?
1040
01:02:09,272 --> 01:02:11,707
Maybe I just knew I had to represent,
1041
01:02:11,708 --> 01:02:13,608
because they had one good part
in it for a black man
1042
01:02:13,609 --> 01:02:16,491
and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.
1043
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,949
Pump your brakes, kid.
That man is a national treasure.
1044
01:02:20,950 --> 01:02:23,185
I just wanted to throw another shrimp
on your barbie.
1045
01:02:23,186 --> 01:02:24,419
That shit ain't funny.
1046
01:02:24,420 --> 01:02:27,222
Hey, fellas! It's hot!
We're tired! It stinks!
1047
01:02:27,223 --> 01:02:28,890
I'm just fucking with you,
Kangaroo Jack!
1048
01:02:28,891 --> 01:02:30,726
I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.
1049
01:02:30,727 --> 01:02:33,295
You know that's a true story?
Lady lost her kid.
1050
01:02:33,296 --> 01:02:36,064
- You about to cross some fucking lines.
- Guys, relax and stuff.
1051
01:02:36,065 --> 01:02:37,232
You know what? Fuck that, man!
1052
01:02:37,233 --> 01:02:41,049
I'm sick of this koala-hugging nigger
telling me…
1053
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:46,478
For 400 years,
1054
01:02:47,243 --> 01:02:50,666
that word has kept us down.
1055
01:02:51,214 --> 01:02:52,948
What the fuck?
1056
01:02:52,949 --> 01:02:56,818
It took a whole lot of trying
just to get up that hill.
1057
01:02:56,819 --> 01:02:59,821
Now we up in the big leagues,
1058
01:02:59,822 --> 01:03:01,690
getting our turn at bat.
1059
01:03:01,691 --> 01:03:04,832
Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.
1060
01:03:05,027 --> 01:03:08,463
That's the theme song for
The Jeffersons. You really need help.
1061
01:03:08,464 --> 01:03:11,700
Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song,
don't make it not true.
1062
01:03:11,701 --> 01:03:13,735
You know what?
I'm gonna tell you what's true.
1063
01:03:13,736 --> 01:03:17,272
I'm gonna tag you back.
You better believe that, baby.
1064
01:03:17,273 --> 01:03:20,334
Guys! Hey, guys!
1065
01:03:20,476 --> 01:03:23,388
Jeff, stay away from that animal.
1066
01:03:25,314 --> 01:03:28,657
I'm gonna bite his hide. I need…
1067
01:03:29,185 --> 01:03:33,038
I need to wear his stomach skin
like a unitard.
1068
01:03:33,423 --> 01:03:36,825
Ain't nobody doing nothing
to no one or body!
1069
01:03:36,826 --> 01:03:41,626
Now, if Mr Portnoy is feeling
a little flu-ish, don't wanna walk,
1070
01:03:41,798 --> 01:03:44,757
put him up on that cloven-hoof animal!
1071
01:03:45,234 --> 01:03:47,025
We got ground to cover!
1072
01:04:15,531 --> 01:04:19,384
All right, POW camp, scene 67.
1073
01:04:19,702 --> 01:04:21,742
Bring it on, Cockburn!
1074
01:04:29,512 --> 01:04:32,047
Maybe he's not, you know,
Ridley Scott or something,
1075
01:04:32,048 --> 01:04:33,949
but I think Renny Harlin's
a tremendous filmmaker
1076
01:04:33,950 --> 01:04:36,852
like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane,
you know,
1077
01:04:36,853 --> 01:04:40,589
as far as an Andrew Dice Clay
vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.
1078
01:04:40,590 --> 01:04:43,124
And Cliffhanger.
Cliffhanger's incredible.
1079
01:04:43,125 --> 01:04:46,695
As far as the whole like,
man against nature type of movies go,
1080
01:04:46,696 --> 01:04:48,964
it's absolutely amazing.
1081
01:04:48,965 --> 01:04:51,207
Shut the fuck up!
1082
01:04:55,505 --> 01:04:57,272
Who send you here?
1083
01:04:57,273 --> 01:05:02,073
Tayback, John, Sergeant,
United States Army.
1084
01:05:02,645 --> 01:05:07,445
Serial number 694529987.
1085
01:05:11,854 --> 01:05:14,956
Perhaps some hot tea
will make conversing
1086
01:05:14,957 --> 01:05:17,037
a little easier.
1087
01:05:20,496 --> 01:05:23,066
My leader's not quite as cordial.
1088
01:05:26,068 --> 01:05:29,037
Look, what? I just thought you might
like some hot tea
1089
01:05:29,038 --> 01:05:32,707
- in order to calm your nerves.
- Tayback, John, Sergeant,
1090
01:05:32,708 --> 01:05:37,508
United States Army, 694529987.
1091
01:05:38,514 --> 01:05:43,314
And here's a little message
from my Uncle Sam.
1092
01:05:49,692 --> 01:05:52,160
Dude, you all right?
1093
01:05:52,161 --> 01:05:53,695
Man you totally leaned into that.
1094
01:05:53,696 --> 01:05:56,865
I was pulling it back
and you just came in too…
1095
01:05:56,866 --> 01:05:59,456
Hey, it was an accident, man.
1096
01:06:01,604 --> 01:06:03,638
Come on, good.
You want to keep going?
1097
01:06:03,639 --> 01:06:05,340
- Let's go.
- Get up.
1098
01:06:05,341 --> 01:06:07,042
I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!
1099
01:06:07,043 --> 01:06:11,012
I'll never bend to your will!
You scum! You scum!
1100
01:06:11,013 --> 01:06:13,148
Now say this
and go to the beginning again,
1101
01:06:13,149 --> 01:06:15,330
let's do the tea part, okay?
1102
01:06:16,452 --> 01:06:18,219
Dude, I hope you're not pissed.
1103
01:06:18,220 --> 01:06:20,121
I see moss on both sides of that tree.
1104
01:06:20,122 --> 01:06:23,358
Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't
the only one at boot camp…
1105
01:06:23,359 --> 01:06:25,360
My belly really hurts, you guys!
1106
01:06:25,361 --> 01:06:27,662
I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.
1107
01:06:27,663 --> 01:06:29,998
Let me off, I gotta puke!
I don't wanna die like Hendrix!
1108
01:06:29,999 --> 01:06:31,959
All right. All right.
1109
01:06:36,238 --> 01:06:38,340
Are you okay, Jeff?
1110
01:06:38,341 --> 01:06:39,952
I'm awesome.
1111
01:06:42,111 --> 01:06:43,842
Holy shit!
1112
01:06:48,117 --> 01:06:50,687
Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.
1113
01:06:54,991 --> 01:06:56,591
Man. Now I'm tripping.
1114
01:06:56,592 --> 01:07:00,095
That looks like the POW camp
from out the script, yo.
1115
01:07:00,096 --> 01:07:01,896
Speedman was right?
1116
01:07:01,897 --> 01:07:03,365
I don't think so.
1117
01:07:03,366 --> 01:07:06,715
Look at the cooking vats,
the armed guards.
1118
01:07:07,203 --> 01:07:10,085
Looks like a heroin processing plant.
1119
01:07:10,406 --> 01:07:11,640
We were in that chopper for hours.
1120
01:07:11,641 --> 01:07:14,009
I don't even think
we're in Vietnam anymore.
1121
01:07:14,010 --> 01:07:16,544
- Fuck.
- Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?
1122
01:07:16,545 --> 01:07:19,414
No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.
1123
01:07:19,415 --> 01:07:21,082
What the fuck is Laos?
1124
01:07:21,083 --> 01:07:22,350
It's the Golden Triangle.
1125
01:07:22,351 --> 01:07:24,419
Oh, fuck. We're dead.
1126
01:07:24,420 --> 01:07:26,488
No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.
1127
01:07:26,489 --> 01:07:30,625
Fucking boats, airplanes,
UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!
1128
01:07:30,626 --> 01:07:33,261
Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle,
dumbass.
1129
01:07:33,262 --> 01:07:35,730
This is the Golden Triangle.
1130
01:07:35,731 --> 01:07:37,399
It's the world's hard drug superhighway.
1131
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:38,800
How do you know that?
1132
01:07:38,801 --> 01:07:43,240
It was a really long trip.
I read the in-flight magazine.
1133
01:07:43,339 --> 01:07:44,739
Cut!
1134
01:07:44,740 --> 01:07:46,307
Oh, Jesus!
1135
01:07:46,308 --> 01:07:48,910
What do you see, man? I'm blocked.
1136
01:07:48,911 --> 01:07:50,522
Damien, cut!
1137
01:07:52,048 --> 01:07:53,927
Hey, Damien, cut!
1138
01:07:54,483 --> 01:07:56,443
They got Speedman.
1139
01:07:56,719 --> 01:07:58,666
And it doesn't look good.
1140
01:08:30,820 --> 01:08:32,350
I am Tran.
1141
01:08:33,089 --> 01:08:36,204
You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.
1142
01:08:36,659 --> 01:08:39,760
You are DE. A. Scum!
1143
01:08:41,230 --> 01:08:45,284
Were there some re-writes
that I missed?
1144
01:08:50,973 --> 01:08:52,731
Do you want to die?
1145
01:08:53,242 --> 01:08:54,809
- Do you?
- No!
1146
01:08:54,810 --> 01:08:59,610
Please, don't hurt me!
1147
01:09:06,822 --> 01:09:08,231
Say that again.
1148
01:09:09,024 --> 01:09:10,925
Please, don't hurt me.
1149
01:09:10,926 --> 01:09:14,577
No! Like you did before! Say it!
1150
01:09:14,997 --> 01:09:16,097
Say it!
1151
01:09:16,098 --> 01:09:20,810
Please, don't hurt me!
1152
01:09:35,718 --> 01:09:38,779
- What?
- You are Simple Jack.
1153
01:09:41,290 --> 01:09:43,258
You saw Simple Jack?
1154
01:09:43,259 --> 01:09:46,530
We love the tale of this man,
Simple Jack.
1155
01:09:47,296 --> 01:09:49,230
We do not have many luxury here.
1156
01:09:49,231 --> 01:09:51,766
And Simple Jack is the only movie
we possess.
1157
01:09:51,767 --> 01:09:55,703
You got the VHS.
1158
01:09:55,704 --> 01:09:57,872
We've watched it many, many times.
1159
01:09:57,873 --> 01:10:00,785
You should've got Oscar.
1160
01:10:03,379 --> 01:10:05,459
Well, you know. It's…
1161
01:10:06,415 --> 01:10:07,782
Just to be nominated…
1162
01:10:07,783 --> 01:10:09,117
You were nominated?
1163
01:10:09,118 --> 01:10:10,752
No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.
1164
01:10:10,753 --> 01:10:14,022
I'm just saying that to have been
nominated would have been nice.
1165
01:10:14,023 --> 01:10:16,491
It's just… It's very political.
You have to take out ads…
1166
01:10:16,492 --> 01:10:19,431
- Shut up now!
- Okay. Okay.
1167
01:10:19,829 --> 01:10:21,869
So, are you going to
1168
01:10:23,199 --> 01:10:24,933
let me go, or…
1169
01:10:24,934 --> 01:10:27,168
No. We'll hold you for ransom.
1170
01:10:27,169 --> 01:10:29,289
Much more money now!
1171
01:10:40,549 --> 01:10:41,649
He's in a meeting.
1172
01:10:41,650 --> 01:10:45,453
Yeah, I know.
In about two seconds with the Pecker.
1173
01:10:45,454 --> 01:10:47,422
I'm gonna rip your fucking tits off.
1174
01:10:47,423 --> 01:10:50,191
You wanna talk about trouble?
That's trouble.
1175
01:10:50,192 --> 01:10:52,030
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1176
01:10:53,662 --> 01:10:55,663
What do you need, Peck?
1177
01:10:55,664 --> 01:10:58,399
No, more like what do you need, Les?
1178
01:10:58,400 --> 01:10:59,809
Glasses?
1179
01:11:00,669 --> 01:11:01,836
What?
1180
01:11:01,837 --> 01:11:04,439
So you can read
the Tropic Thunder contract
1181
01:11:04,440 --> 01:11:06,941
that guarantees my client,
Tugg Speedman,
1182
01:11:06,942 --> 01:11:11,345
some form of digital video recorder
on location.
1183
01:11:11,447 --> 01:11:14,406
- Huh?
- I can't believe you let him in.
1184
01:11:15,217 --> 01:11:18,152
Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy,
so why don't you get the hell out of here
1185
01:11:18,153 --> 01:11:21,322
before I snap your dick off
and jam it into your ass?
1186
01:11:21,323 --> 01:11:23,458
No, not you, Helen.
1187
01:11:23,459 --> 01:11:27,262
But I will rip your tits off
if you don't get me those theaters.
1188
01:11:27,263 --> 01:11:28,897
Perfect.
1189
01:11:28,898 --> 01:11:31,432
Hey, Tuggernuts,
I've got you on speakerphone.
1190
01:11:31,433 --> 01:11:33,401
I'm standing here with Les Grossman,
1191
01:11:33,402 --> 01:11:36,671
and he is dying to tell you
why he's apparently wiped his ass
1192
01:11:36,672 --> 01:11:39,787
with the TiVo clause from your contract.
1193
01:11:40,175 --> 01:11:42,277
We are Flaming Dragon.
1194
01:11:42,278 --> 01:11:44,746
Speedman is with us now.
1195
01:11:44,747 --> 01:11:48,416
For 50 million, you will get him back.
1196
01:11:48,417 --> 01:11:50,685
- Are you gonna get those…
- Who is this?
1197
01:11:50,686 --> 01:11:53,488
- And how did you get this phone?
- We are Flaming Dragon!
1198
01:11:53,489 --> 01:11:55,748
Simple Jack belong to us now.
1199
01:11:58,127 --> 01:12:00,261
He does, does he?
1200
01:12:00,262 --> 01:12:02,830
Let me tell you something, shitbird.
1201
01:12:02,831 --> 01:12:05,366
I've never even heard
of your little agency.
1202
01:12:05,367 --> 01:12:07,435
But if you think
you can poach my client…
1203
01:12:07,436 --> 01:12:12,073
Send $50 million, or you no see
Simple Jack again because we kill him.
1204
01:12:12,074 --> 01:12:13,675
This is Les Grossman. Who is this?
1205
01:12:13,676 --> 01:12:16,077
This is Flaming Dragon!
1206
01:12:16,078 --> 01:12:18,947
Okay. Flaming Dragon. Fuckface.
1207
01:12:18,948 --> 01:12:23,748
First, take a big step back
and literally fuck your own face!
1208
01:12:25,154 --> 01:12:27,989
Now, I don't know what kind of
pan-Pacific bullshit power play
1209
01:12:27,990 --> 01:12:30,558
you're trying to pull here,
but Asia, Jack, is my territory.
1210
01:12:30,559 --> 01:12:31,960
So whatever you're thinking,
you better think again.
1211
01:12:31,961 --> 01:12:33,428
Otherwise, I'm gonna
have to head down there,
1212
01:12:33,429 --> 01:12:36,898
and I will rain down an ungodly
fucking firestorm upon you.
1213
01:12:36,899 --> 01:12:38,633
You're gonna have to call
the fucking United Nations
1214
01:12:38,634 --> 01:12:42,770
and get a fucking binding resolution
to keep me from fucking destroying you.
1215
01:12:42,771 --> 01:12:45,473
I am talking scorched earth,
motherfucker!
1216
01:12:45,474 --> 01:12:47,342
I will massacre you!
1217
01:12:47,343 --> 01:12:49,625
I will fuck you up!
1218
01:12:57,086 --> 01:13:00,980
- Could you find out who that was? Go.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1219
01:13:34,256 --> 01:13:37,358
You wear these.
More like Simple Jack teeth.
1220
01:13:37,359 --> 01:13:39,193
Okay.
1221
01:13:39,194 --> 01:13:43,322
Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan,
and that's great…
1222
01:13:44,933 --> 01:13:46,853
Put teeth in!
1223
01:13:53,675 --> 01:13:55,643
Now do movie.
1224
01:13:55,644 --> 01:13:57,412
The whole movie?
1225
01:13:57,413 --> 01:13:59,180
I can't. I don't know the whole…
1226
01:13:59,181 --> 01:14:02,120
You perform! You perform or die!
1227
01:14:02,418 --> 01:14:04,176
Monkey swine!
1228
01:14:06,822 --> 01:14:08,473
Pa.
1229
01:14:10,192 --> 01:14:11,803
More stupid!
1230
01:14:13,328 --> 01:14:18,128
Pa, why you gotta make me feel bad?
1231
01:14:20,836 --> 01:14:22,270
You saw what I saw.
1232
01:14:22,271 --> 01:14:24,972
Tugg Speedman is dead meat
if we don't do something soon.
1233
01:14:24,973 --> 01:14:27,442
Yeah. We could do something
by getting our asses back to the hotel,
1234
01:14:27,443 --> 01:14:28,876
which is in the other direction!
1235
01:14:28,877 --> 01:14:30,578
Ain't right.
1236
01:14:30,579 --> 01:14:32,713
What would've happened
in The Great Escape
1237
01:14:32,714 --> 01:14:36,651
if Steve McQueen and them dudes
had turned tail and ran?
1238
01:14:36,652 --> 01:14:40,755
Well, that's what that movie was about.
They were escaping. They ran away.
1239
01:14:40,756 --> 01:14:43,491
I'm trying to agree with you.
The point is they did something.
1240
01:14:43,492 --> 01:14:44,792
Then what are we supposed to do, huh?
1241
01:14:44,793 --> 01:14:48,796
'Cause he's cleaning a gun
with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.
1242
01:14:48,797 --> 01:14:53,597
I'm just like a little boy,
playing with his dick when he's nervous.
1243
01:14:56,138 --> 01:14:58,739
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
1244
01:14:58,740 --> 01:15:01,909
I got an idea.
This might be a little crazy.
1245
01:15:01,910 --> 01:15:03,978
Crazy's better than nothing.
1246
01:15:03,979 --> 01:15:08,049
Back in '98, I did a low-budget
titty comedy for Skinemax.
1247
01:15:08,050 --> 01:15:11,486
-Sex Camp. Remember it?
- Yeah.
1248
01:15:11,487 --> 01:15:15,556
Anyway, me and the campers
from the uncool camp
1249
01:15:15,557 --> 01:15:18,192
had to break into the rich girl camp.
1250
01:15:18,193 --> 01:15:19,994
So, what we did,
1251
01:15:19,995 --> 01:15:23,097
we built a catapult
out of logs and underwear,
1252
01:15:23,098 --> 01:15:27,381
and they shot us over the wall,
and we parachuted down.
1253
01:15:32,274 --> 01:15:33,741
Look,
1254
01:15:33,742 --> 01:15:35,910
you guys, we already know the plan.
1255
01:15:35,911 --> 01:15:37,979
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm giving you gold.
1256
01:15:37,980 --> 01:15:42,450
We do it just like in the book,
Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.
1257
01:15:42,451 --> 01:15:44,952
The book of Tropic Thunder.
1258
01:15:44,953 --> 01:15:47,584
Yeah, did you guys read the book?
1259
01:15:48,490 --> 01:15:51,893
The flap, I read the back flap
and saw the pictures.
1260
01:15:51,894 --> 01:15:55,129
Well, it's okay.
It's exactly the same as in the script.
1261
01:15:55,130 --> 01:15:56,378
Cool.
1262
01:15:58,167 --> 01:16:00,835
You guys all read the script, right?
1263
01:16:00,836 --> 01:16:04,029
I don't read the script, script reads me.
1264
01:16:04,106 --> 01:16:05,673
What the hell does that even mean?
1265
01:16:05,674 --> 01:16:10,474
What you getting at with the books,
scripts? Spit that shit out, man!
1266
01:16:12,381 --> 01:16:14,640
All right. The Wet Offensive.
1267
01:16:15,250 --> 01:16:17,685
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1268
01:16:17,686 --> 01:16:18,252
Osiris and Fats go undercover
as a diversion.
1269
01:16:18,253 --> 01:16:20,688
Motown and Brooklyn sneak in
via the river.
1270
01:16:20,689 --> 01:16:24,038
Yeah. But those dudes
was trained soldiers.
1271
01:16:24,960 --> 01:16:26,208
Yeah!
1272
01:16:27,095 --> 01:16:30,198
And we trained actors, motherfucker.
1273
01:16:30,199 --> 01:16:34,635
Time to man up.
And I ain't gonna sugarcoat.
1274
01:16:34,636 --> 01:16:37,505
Some of us
might not even make it back.
1275
01:16:37,506 --> 01:16:41,157
What do you mean?
Like not on the same flight?
1276
01:16:43,312 --> 01:16:46,180
Alpa and I's already wearing
earth mama's natural night camo.
1277
01:16:46,181 --> 01:16:48,342
- Cool it, Benson.
- Sorry.
1278
01:16:49,084 --> 01:16:53,884
We gonna scout, get a plan together.
We ain't back in 20, come looking.
1279
01:16:55,123 --> 01:16:57,382
We are Flaming Dragon.
1280
01:17:00,729 --> 01:17:02,138
Okay.
1281
01:17:03,232 --> 01:17:06,434
Flaming Dragon's
a heroin manufacturer.
1282
01:17:06,435 --> 01:17:09,637
They're responsible
for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.
1283
01:17:09,638 --> 01:17:12,974
- Huge profit margin.
- Guys!
1284
01:17:12,975 --> 01:17:16,010
Would somebody please let me know
what the game plan is?
1285
01:17:16,011 --> 01:17:17,845
Peck! We have it handled.
1286
01:17:17,846 --> 01:17:20,448
Please, don't interrupt.
Everything's under control.
1287
01:17:20,449 --> 01:17:22,798
I got it. Got it.
1288
01:17:34,563 --> 01:17:37,331
-Les Grossman.
- We not get money yet.
1289
01:17:37,332 --> 01:17:39,567
Price now 100 million!
1290
01:17:39,568 --> 01:17:42,503
You pay now,
or tomorrow Simple Jack die.
1291
01:17:42,504 --> 01:17:45,673
Great. Let me get this down.
1292
01:17:45,674 --> 01:17:47,208
100 million.
1293
01:17:47,209 --> 01:17:50,121
Wait! I got a better idea.
1294
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:52,413
Instead of 100 million,
1295
01:17:52,414 --> 01:17:55,383
how about I send you
a hobo's dick cheese?
1296
01:17:55,384 --> 01:17:57,785
Then you kill him! Do your thing!
Skin the fucking bastard!
1297
01:17:57,786 --> 01:18:00,087
Go to town, man! Go to town!
1298
01:18:00,088 --> 01:18:02,356
- No…
- In the meantime, and as usual,
1299
01:18:02,357 --> 01:18:04,317
go fuck yourself!
1300
01:18:05,127 --> 01:18:08,320
- No.
- We don't negotiate with terrorists.
1301
01:18:09,798 --> 01:18:12,633
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, are you insane?
1302
01:18:12,634 --> 01:18:14,568
- I think I could've done that better.
- I thought it was good.
1303
01:18:14,569 --> 01:18:16,770
They're gonna kill him!
1304
01:18:19,508 --> 01:18:20,756
And?
1305
01:18:22,911 --> 01:18:24,240
“And?”
1306
01:18:25,414 --> 01:18:30,166
It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.
1307
01:18:31,753 --> 01:18:35,089
We'll weep for him, in the press.
1308
01:18:35,090 --> 01:18:37,858
Set up a scholarship in his name.
1309
01:18:37,859 --> 01:18:41,896
Eventually, and I'm talking way,
way down the road,
1310
01:18:41,897 --> 01:18:43,497
we file an insurance claim.
1311
01:18:43,498 --> 01:18:46,400
Preferably before
the end of the fiscal year.
1312
01:18:46,401 --> 01:18:51,201
Actually, the claim alone would net us
more than the movie would lose.
1313
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:54,320
You can't be serious.
1314
01:18:55,243 --> 01:18:56,911
You kick in the door to my house,
1315
01:18:56,912 --> 01:19:01,712
all ants in your pants,
sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap
1316
01:19:02,484 --> 01:19:07,188
for the third runner-up
Sexiest Man Alive 1998,
1317
01:19:07,189 --> 01:19:09,981
and you're asking if I'm serious?
1318
01:19:13,428 --> 01:19:15,229
Let's face it.
1319
01:19:15,230 --> 01:19:19,982
The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher
for Purim anymore.
1320
01:19:20,669 --> 01:19:23,771
Speedman is a dying star,
1321
01:19:23,772 --> 01:19:27,108
a white dwarf heading for a black hole.
1322
01:19:27,109 --> 01:19:29,944
That's physics. It's inevitable.
1323
01:19:29,945 --> 01:19:33,381
We've been handed
an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
1324
01:19:33,382 --> 01:19:37,318
The universe is talking to us right now.
1325
01:19:37,319 --> 01:19:39,157
You just gotta listen.
1326
01:19:52,000 --> 01:19:55,703
See, this is the good part, Pecker.
This is when the job gets fun.
1327
01:19:55,704 --> 01:19:56,904
Yeah.
1328
01:19:56,905 --> 01:20:00,637
Ask and you shall receive.
1329
01:20:01,109 --> 01:20:05,346
- All right.
- You play ball, we play ball.
1330
01:20:05,347 --> 01:20:08,816
I know you want the goodies.
1331
01:20:08,817 --> 01:20:10,918
Welcome to the goody room.
1332
01:20:10,919 --> 01:20:15,656
You paying attention?
'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.
1333
01:20:15,657 --> 01:20:17,024
That's how you're gonna roll.
1334
01:20:17,025 --> 01:20:21,095
No more frequent flier
bitch miles for my boy.
1335
01:20:21,096 --> 01:20:22,626
Yeah!
1336
01:20:22,898 --> 01:20:24,387
Playa.
1337
01:20:25,033 --> 01:20:26,604
Playa!
1338
01:20:27,402 --> 01:20:28,803
Big dick playa.
1339
01:20:28,804 --> 01:20:30,905
Swinging past your knees!
1340
01:20:30,906 --> 01:20:32,039
Big dick, baby.
1341
01:20:32,040 --> 01:20:33,449
Yep.
1342
01:20:36,578 --> 01:20:39,280
Or you can grow a conscience
1343
01:20:39,281 --> 01:20:43,487
in the next five minutes
and see where that takes you.
1344
01:20:46,621 --> 01:20:48,823
Let me get this straight.
1345
01:20:48,824 --> 01:20:52,560
You want me
to let my client of 15 years,
1346
01:20:52,561 --> 01:20:54,028
one of my best friends,
1347
01:20:54,029 --> 01:20:58,829
die in the jungle, alone,
for some money and a G5?
1348
01:20:59,801 --> 01:21:01,130
Yes.
1349
01:21:06,007 --> 01:21:08,679
A G5 airplane?
1350
01:21:10,378 --> 01:21:11,626
Yes.
1351
01:21:12,514 --> 01:21:15,695
And lots of money.
1352
01:21:16,585 --> 01:21:19,135
Playa.
1353
01:21:21,656 --> 01:21:23,065
Yeah!
1354
01:21:24,092 --> 01:21:27,153
Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!
1355
01:21:29,264 --> 01:21:32,405
But Mama take care of Jack a lot.
1356
01:21:32,767 --> 01:21:36,604
How many more sleeps
before she wakes up again?
1357
01:21:36,605 --> 01:21:38,239
Sorry, Jack.
1358
01:21:38,240 --> 01:21:40,912
She in heaven now.
1359
01:21:41,276 --> 01:21:44,645
Damn! I thought the movie was bad.
1360
01:21:44,646 --> 01:21:47,882
She sleep forever.
1361
01:21:47,883 --> 01:21:51,118
To the mars credit, he's actually
eased up on the retard throttle.
1362
01:21:51,119 --> 01:21:54,822
And now that's added a balance,
and the audience can connect.
1363
01:21:54,823 --> 01:21:58,726
I mean, this is Theater 101,
but, you know, he's had a tough road.
1364
01:21:58,727 --> 01:21:59,960
He'll become a naturalist.
1365
01:21:59,961 --> 01:22:01,762
- Yeah.
- Break down the aesthetic distance,
1366
01:22:01,763 --> 01:22:03,803
then the…
1367
01:22:06,167 --> 01:22:08,192
Told you I'd tag you back.
1368
01:22:10,472 --> 01:22:12,840
Can I tell you that I'm sorry
1369
01:22:12,841 --> 01:22:15,242
for any offense I might've caused, man?
1370
01:22:15,243 --> 01:22:17,711
- I just got caught up in…
- In being a dumbass?
1371
01:22:17,712 --> 01:22:19,213
I guess so.
1372
01:22:19,214 --> 01:22:22,016
Why you still doing this
Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
1373
01:22:22,017 --> 01:22:23,417
- Neither do I.
- It's beyond me.
1374
01:22:23,418 --> 01:22:25,719
- It's beyond me.
- You confused.
1375
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:28,290
- I am a little confused.
- I know.
1376
01:22:29,257 --> 01:22:31,158
But are we cool?
1377
01:22:31,159 --> 01:22:32,730
Not really.
1378
01:22:36,298 --> 01:22:37,998
Hey, man.
1379
01:22:37,999 --> 01:22:39,800
- How's it going?
- Good. Yourself?
1380
01:22:39,801 --> 01:22:41,936
Hey, so, if it's no big deal,
1381
01:22:41,937 --> 01:22:44,905
I think I'm just gonna hang back here
for the mission.
1382
01:22:44,906 --> 01:22:46,640
Watch the stuff.
1383
01:22:46,641 --> 01:22:48,776
- Is that cool?
- What? No!
1384
01:22:48,777 --> 01:22:50,778
We need you, Jeff.
1385
01:22:50,779 --> 01:22:52,479
What are you talking about?
1386
01:22:52,480 --> 01:22:54,318
Okay, look, man.
1387
01:22:55,283 --> 01:22:58,087
- I got something to tell you.
- Okay.
1388
01:22:59,821 --> 01:23:02,656
You know those jellybeans
I was eating?
1389
01:23:02,657 --> 01:23:06,308
Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?
1390
01:23:06,661 --> 01:23:09,563
- They were drugs.
- Really?
1391
01:23:09,564 --> 01:23:14,034
I get down there near the mother lode,
I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.
1392
01:23:14,035 --> 01:23:18,474
I'm gonna fucking do all the heroin
in the fucking world.
1393
01:23:20,275 --> 01:23:25,075
If you guys wanna make it through
this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.
1394
01:23:25,814 --> 01:23:29,683
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.
1395
01:23:29,684 --> 01:23:32,653
And you can, no matter what, you can't
fucking untie me until it is done,
1396
01:23:32,654 --> 01:23:34,321
until it is out of my system.
1397
01:23:34,322 --> 01:23:36,056
I'm gonna say,
“Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.
1398
01:23:36,057 --> 01:23:37,725
I'm finally better. I'm finally better.
Untie me.”
1399
01:23:37,726 --> 01:23:41,028
Don't listen to me!
Anything I fucking say is a lie!
1400
01:23:41,029 --> 01:23:42,600
You got it!
1401
01:23:43,031 --> 01:23:45,199
Goodbye, Mama!
1402
01:23:45,200 --> 01:23:48,435
Now you can have ice cream in heaven.
1403
01:23:48,436 --> 01:23:53,236
I'll see you tonight, when I go to bed,
in my head movies.
1404
01:23:54,342 --> 01:23:59,142
But this head movie
makes my eyes rain.
1405
01:24:07,989 --> 01:24:11,802
Dang.
Short-bus is taking some real hits.
1406
01:24:13,094 --> 01:24:16,030
- They got him on the move!
- That's torture, man.
1407
01:24:16,031 --> 01:24:18,999
Okay. That's where they keeping him.
1408
01:24:19,000 --> 01:24:21,301
I gotta get cracking on my costume.
1409
01:24:21,302 --> 01:24:22,803
Say, are you good
with a needle and thread?
1410
01:24:22,804 --> 01:24:23,937
Hell, yeah.
1411
01:24:23,938 --> 01:24:27,374
Alpa Chino chinos sold more than
five million pairs last spring at the Gap.
1412
01:24:27,375 --> 01:24:31,503
- I sewed them patterns myself, baby.
- Let's roll out.
1413
01:25:02,077 --> 01:25:04,708
It's a little twig man Oscar.
1414
01:25:10,919 --> 01:25:13,751
I'm going to call you Half Squat.
1415
01:25:15,023 --> 01:25:17,345
And you can call me
1416
01:25:18,059 --> 01:25:19,589
Papa.
1417
01:25:42,851 --> 01:25:45,110
Wow, look at all those stars.
1418
01:25:46,554 --> 01:25:49,436
Really makes a guy feel pretty small.
1419
01:25:50,058 --> 01:25:53,594
This could be the last time
we look at these stars.
1420
01:25:53,595 --> 01:25:55,326
Man, that's beauty.
1421
01:25:56,998 --> 01:26:00,167
Nights like tonight
make a man wonder what it's all about.
1422
01:26:00,168 --> 01:26:03,439
Hey, you guys.
Anybody got some bug spray?
1423
01:26:04,305 --> 01:26:05,539
Don't ignore me!
1424
01:26:05,540 --> 01:26:09,278
Stick it out, man.
We're gonna get through this.
1425
01:26:09,544 --> 01:26:11,712
- Hey, Kirk?
- Yeah?
1426
01:26:11,713 --> 01:26:14,648
Are you still dating
Jennifer Love Hewitt?
1427
01:26:14,649 --> 01:26:16,150
'Cause I think she's hot.
1428
01:26:16,151 --> 01:26:19,620
No, that was just some
tabloid conjecture.
1429
01:26:19,621 --> 01:26:24,372
Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through.
You can untie me now.
1430
01:26:24,692 --> 01:26:26,126
Funny, huh?
1431
01:26:26,127 --> 01:26:29,554
The circus life 280 days a year
on location.
1432
01:26:30,265 --> 01:26:34,860
It's hard to find a girl
that can hang with that, you know?
1433
01:26:34,969 --> 01:26:37,137
Not one worth keeping, nohow.
1434
01:26:37,138 --> 01:26:39,540
Hey, Radar? Evans?
1435
01:26:39,541 --> 01:26:40,707
No, it's Kevin.
1436
01:26:40,708 --> 01:26:42,543
Kev, whatever the fuck.
Come over here.
1437
01:26:42,544 --> 01:26:44,878
I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three
is coming down the pike,
1438
01:26:44,879 --> 01:26:48,482
and there's a role in there for you
if you come over and untie me.
1439
01:26:48,483 --> 01:26:51,151
Jeff, you're just going to
have to tough it out.
1440
01:26:51,152 --> 01:26:53,220
Your mother's a cankerous whore!
1441
01:26:53,221 --> 01:26:54,792
Jesus, man.
1442
01:26:55,590 --> 01:26:57,157
Hey, man.
1443
01:26:57,158 --> 01:27:00,160
Remember way back when I said
your mother was a cankerous whore?
1444
01:27:00,161 --> 01:27:03,664
I'm sorry, man.
I did not mean that. She's not.
1445
01:27:03,665 --> 01:27:05,499
How about you, man?
1446
01:27:05,500 --> 01:27:08,035
You got some little minx waiting for you
on the other side of tomorrow?
1447
01:27:08,036 --> 01:27:09,603
Me?
1448
01:27:09,604 --> 01:27:12,866
I've barely even had a girlfriend, and…
1449
01:27:13,208 --> 01:27:16,977
I was really hoping I'd get laid
when this movie came out,
1450
01:27:16,978 --> 01:27:19,810
but that's not gonna happen.
1451
01:27:20,248 --> 01:27:21,815
What about you, Masterblaster?
1452
01:27:21,816 --> 01:27:24,551
You got a certain someone you trying
to get with back in the States?
1453
01:27:24,552 --> 01:27:29,352
What, Alpa Chino?
He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.
1454
01:27:29,390 --> 01:27:30,724
No. You missing me, man.
1455
01:27:30,725 --> 01:27:32,626
I'm talking about something special.
Big difference.
1456
01:27:32,627 --> 01:27:34,036
How about it?
1457
01:27:34,596 --> 01:27:35,925
Yeah.
1458
01:27:37,131 --> 01:27:39,199
Yeah, there is.
1459
01:27:39,200 --> 01:27:42,636
Well? What's the skinny?
Y'all been on a date or what?
1460
01:27:42,637 --> 01:27:44,638
No. I mean…
1461
01:27:44,639 --> 01:27:49,439
I always wanted to, but I guess
I just never had the courage to ask.
1462
01:27:49,577 --> 01:27:51,378
It's… It's complicated.
1463
01:27:51,379 --> 01:27:53,914
No! It's simple as pie, man.
1464
01:27:53,915 --> 01:27:56,617
You plant your feet in the ground, you
look her square in the eyes, you say,
1465
01:27:56,618 --> 01:28:00,354
“Hey, baby, you and me's going
on a date.” That's the end of story.
1466
01:28:00,355 --> 01:28:03,156
- What's her name?
- Lance.
1467
01:28:03,157 --> 01:28:05,237
“Listen here, Lance…”
1468
01:28:05,793 --> 01:28:09,696
Lance? What the fuck did I just hear?
Lance?
1469
01:28:09,697 --> 01:28:11,531
- Did you say “Lance”?
- No!
1470
01:28:11,532 --> 01:28:13,567
- That sounded like “Lance.”
- No, I said “Nance.”
1471
01:28:13,568 --> 01:28:15,836
- That's what I said, “Nance.”
- It sounded like “Lance.”
1472
01:28:15,837 --> 01:28:17,471
Look, I'm Alpa Chino, okay?
1473
01:28:17,472 --> 01:28:19,239
I love the pussy! All right?
1474
01:28:19,240 --> 01:28:21,275
Lay your ass back down
and look at the stars.
1475
01:28:21,276 --> 01:28:22,709
When you wrote I Love Tha Pussy
1476
01:28:22,710 --> 01:28:26,179
was you thinking of dangling your dice
on Lance's forehead?
1477
01:28:26,180 --> 01:28:28,649
Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.
1478
01:28:28,650 --> 01:28:31,685
- Man, everyone's gay once in a while.
- I'm not gay!
1479
01:28:31,686 --> 01:28:32,819
This Hollywood.
1480
01:28:32,820 --> 01:28:33,987
How about we all get back to work?
1481
01:28:33,988 --> 01:28:35,756
- Okay. Cool.
- This is ridiculous!
1482
01:28:35,757 --> 01:28:39,262
We got a big day tomorrow.
Let's get focused.
1483
01:28:41,229 --> 01:28:46,029
Alpa, if you untie me,
I will literally suck your dick right now.
1484
01:28:46,167 --> 01:28:49,980
I told you, for the last time,
I love the pussy!
1485
01:28:50,772 --> 01:28:53,707
I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,
1486
01:28:53,708 --> 01:28:56,910
work the pipe and swallow the gravy.
1487
01:28:56,911 --> 01:28:59,948
Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.
1488
01:29:05,553 --> 01:29:06,720
Okay, so, what's the plan?
1489
01:29:06,721 --> 01:29:08,221
Are you gonna talk Vietnamese
to those dudes?
1490
01:29:08,222 --> 01:29:10,090
No. No. Mandarin Chinese.
1491
01:29:10,091 --> 01:29:11,892
Which, from what I can tell,
is what they speaking down there.
1492
01:29:11,893 --> 01:29:13,560
How the hell do you know Chinese?
1493
01:29:13,561 --> 01:29:17,130
Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li.
Second Globe, third Oscar.
1494
01:29:17,131 --> 01:29:21,201
Prepped for that one by working in
a Beijing textile factory for eight months.
1495
01:29:21,202 --> 01:29:23,484
That might be our ride.
1496
01:29:39,887 --> 01:29:41,221
The straps are too tight!
1497
01:29:41,222 --> 01:29:44,014
Shut your mouth and follow my lead.
1498
01:30:11,486 --> 01:30:14,554
The straps are cutting off
my circulation!
1499
01:30:14,555 --> 01:30:15,735
Fuck you!
1500
01:30:23,031 --> 01:30:26,458
Not the fucking bull again.
Fucking asshole.
1501
01:31:19,987 --> 01:31:23,168
Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.
1502
01:31:27,195 --> 01:31:29,867
Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!
1503
01:31:39,607 --> 01:31:41,016
Okay.
1504
01:31:43,010 --> 01:31:44,678
All right.
1505
01:31:44,679 --> 01:31:47,180
That looks like it could be
the munitions hut right there.
1506
01:31:47,181 --> 01:31:51,231
I'm gonna try to find Speedman
in the main building.
1507
01:32:07,135 --> 01:32:10,937
I don't know Chinese but it sounds like
your improvising is for shit.
1508
01:32:10,938 --> 01:32:12,267
Oh, fuck!
1509
01:32:27,588 --> 01:32:29,467
Get over here!
1510
01:32:30,558 --> 01:32:32,225
- What are you guys doing here?
- He has hands.
1511
01:32:32,226 --> 01:32:34,728
- He killed Damien.
- Bullshit!
1512
01:32:34,729 --> 01:32:37,330
- He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis.
- Almost!
1513
01:32:37,331 --> 01:32:40,634
What are you talking about?
Damien stepped on a old landmine.
1514
01:32:40,635 --> 01:32:42,302
Sweet. Thank God.
1515
01:32:42,303 --> 01:32:45,574
- We busting Speedman out.
- Speedmars here?
1516
01:33:12,667 --> 01:33:15,368
I take it y'all are doing
the Wet Offensive from the book.
1517
01:33:15,369 --> 01:33:16,736
I can give y'all a diversion.
1518
01:33:16,737 --> 01:33:21,537
I got enough shit here to light this place
up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.
1519
01:34:02,149 --> 01:34:05,061
Yes, your farm.
1520
01:34:08,990 --> 01:34:11,822
Where is your farm,
1521
01:34:12,960 --> 01:34:14,691
American?
1522
01:34:17,265 --> 01:34:18,754
My farm?
1523
01:34:20,468 --> 01:34:21,957
Oh, shit.
1524
01:34:22,503 --> 01:34:25,805
Here's my motherfucking farm!
1525
01:34:25,806 --> 01:34:27,564
Yeah!
1526
01:34:32,246 --> 01:34:35,777
Yeah! Chicka-chickaw, baby!
1527
01:34:36,250 --> 01:34:37,659
Kwan-Lo!
1528
01:34:38,953 --> 01:34:41,354
I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!
1529
01:34:41,355 --> 01:34:42,724
Yeah!
1530
01:34:44,091 --> 01:34:47,394
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
keep your head down!
1531
01:34:47,395 --> 01:34:49,763
Keep your head down on the ground!
1532
01:34:49,764 --> 01:34:52,032
Nobody move or I do the little big guy!
1533
01:34:52,033 --> 01:34:55,568
That's right,
we running this program now, J.P.
1534
01:34:55,569 --> 01:34:58,305
Now show me where the drugs are.
1535
01:34:58,306 --> 01:35:00,206
What the fuck?
1536
01:35:00,207 --> 01:35:02,008
That ain't the plan!
1537
01:35:02,009 --> 01:35:04,009
Don't judge me!
1538
01:35:07,381 --> 01:35:09,873
He's got a real serious problem.
1539
01:35:09,950 --> 01:35:12,319
Hey! Hey, you!
1540
01:35:12,320 --> 01:35:14,621
Take off your clothes!
1541
01:35:14,622 --> 01:35:16,389
Take off your clothes!
1542
01:35:16,390 --> 01:35:17,791
What do we do now?
1543
01:35:17,792 --> 01:35:19,726
Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.
1544
01:35:19,727 --> 01:35:22,228
Alpa, keep this clown posse down.
Come on now.
1545
01:35:22,229 --> 01:35:25,699
Y'all heard the man.
Be suede, don't move!
1546
01:35:25,700 --> 01:35:27,701
Fuck your do-rag. Fuck your do-rag.
1547
01:35:27,702 --> 01:35:30,641
- Door!
- One, two, three!
1548
01:35:43,484 --> 01:35:45,645
I go high, you go low.
1549
01:35:49,690 --> 01:35:53,660
Get down. Get down! Get down!
Chow Yun-Fat, get the hell down!
1550
01:35:53,661 --> 01:35:58,461
If I see one more head pop up,
it's gonna be bullet Whac-A-Mole.
1551
01:35:58,532 --> 01:36:00,066
Come on, come on!
1552
01:36:00,067 --> 01:36:02,736
- Smoke grenade.
- Don't drop it now.
1553
01:36:02,737 --> 01:36:04,404
Here.
1554
01:36:04,405 --> 01:36:06,506
- What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.
1555
01:36:06,507 --> 01:36:06,906
- What's this?
- I don't know what it's called.
1556
01:36:06,907 --> 01:36:09,609
I just know the sound it makes
when it lies.
1557
01:36:09,610 --> 01:36:13,246
Don't move, Matchbox,
or I will shoot you.
1558
01:36:13,247 --> 01:36:16,216
I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.
1559
01:36:16,217 --> 01:36:18,257
I can still see you.
1560
01:36:24,091 --> 01:36:25,380
Tugg!
1561
01:36:27,728 --> 01:36:29,097
Tugg?
1562
01:36:30,965 --> 01:36:32,374
Gotcha.
1563
01:36:33,334 --> 01:36:36,336
Roll your shit up, man. We going home.
1564
01:36:36,337 --> 01:36:37,666
Home?
1565
01:36:39,607 --> 01:36:43,543
But I'm doing five shows a day
for a standing-room-only crowd.
1566
01:36:43,544 --> 01:36:46,565
Don't you get it? I already am home.
1567
01:36:48,416 --> 01:36:51,651
All right, now, dude, you gotta get it…
1568
01:36:51,652 --> 01:36:53,953
My son gave this to me.
1569
01:36:53,954 --> 01:36:57,557
- That's your stick buddy?
- His name is Twigman.
1570
01:36:57,558 --> 01:36:59,719
Does he wanna come with us?
1571
01:37:20,381 --> 01:37:22,615
Get down! Get down! Get down!
1572
01:37:22,616 --> 01:37:27,416
Maybe y'all heard of me.
Y'all heard of Alpa Chino? No?
1573
01:37:27,688 --> 01:37:30,256
I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah
1574
01:37:30,257 --> 01:37:31,858
They're not your demo, dude.
1575
01:37:31,859 --> 01:37:34,360
Come on.
Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.
1576
01:37:34,361 --> 01:37:37,664
Two BET Awards. Alpa Chino.
1577
01:37:37,665 --> 01:37:42,465
Like him in Carlito's Way?
1578
01:37:44,438 --> 01:37:47,207
Hey, yo, you know what?
Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.
1579
01:37:47,208 --> 01:37:49,242
What're you sayin'? Huh?
1580
01:37:49,243 --> 01:37:54,043
Devil's Advocate. Dog Day Afternoon.
1581
01:37:54,181 --> 01:37:57,116
Cruising. Sea of Love.
1582
01:37:57,117 --> 01:38:00,220
Real Al Pacino.
1583
01:38:00,221 --> 01:38:03,923
Get the fuck down. That's a whole
different dude altogether.
1584
01:38:03,924 --> 01:38:07,093
What you doing? What you doing?
Don't touch that gun.
1585
01:38:07,094 --> 01:38:08,595
Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!
1586
01:38:08,596 --> 01:38:11,322
On my momma, if you touch that gun…
1587
01:38:15,536 --> 01:38:18,368
- Oh, shit, it's on!
- Over here!
1588
01:38:52,339 --> 01:38:54,207
- What're you doing?
- I'm gonna give these boys
1589
01:38:54,208 --> 01:38:56,128
a Hanoi high-five.
1590
01:39:08,489 --> 01:39:10,124
Shadow me, Pinocchio!
1591
01:39:10,624 --> 01:39:12,073
Smoke!
1592
01:39:17,698 --> 01:39:19,698
Oh, shit!
1593
01:39:24,238 --> 01:39:26,036
Jeff, don't!
1594
01:39:26,607 --> 01:39:28,708
It doesn't matter what I do.
1595
01:39:28,709 --> 01:39:31,778
I'll always be a screw-up.
No one'll ever respect me.
1596
01:39:31,779 --> 01:39:35,882
That is not true, you are not a screw-up!
You make so many people laugh.
1597
01:39:35,883 --> 01:39:38,217
They only laugh at my farts.
1598
01:39:38,218 --> 01:39:40,320
Jeff, we really need to go now!
1599
01:39:40,321 --> 01:39:42,200
This is all I deserve!
1600
01:40:02,076 --> 01:40:04,410
Laugh at that, you bastards!
1601
01:40:04,411 --> 01:40:08,424
Hilarious! Hilarious!
1602
01:40:09,350 --> 01:40:13,556
Let's move. We only have 16 hours
before they wake up.
1603
01:40:28,469 --> 01:40:30,169
Sounds like the dinner bell's ringing.
1604
01:40:30,170 --> 01:40:34,970
These assholes are gonna be crawling
in here ready to fucking eat us.
1605
01:40:36,043 --> 01:40:39,426
There. All right, you keep six right here.
1606
01:40:40,848 --> 01:40:43,116
Come on, let's go.
1607
01:40:43,117 --> 01:40:45,151
Come on, what are you guys doing?
Let's get out of here!
1608
01:40:45,152 --> 01:40:46,919
He's on tilt status.
1609
01:40:46,920 --> 01:40:50,990
Same thing happened to me when
I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.
1610
01:40:50,991 --> 01:40:53,192
They found me in an alley in Burbank
1611
01:40:53,193 --> 01:40:57,163
trying to re-enter the Earth's
atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
1612
01:40:57,164 --> 01:40:58,331
What're you talking about?
1613
01:40:58,332 --> 01:41:00,800
Come on, fellas, we really need to go.
1614
01:41:00,801 --> 01:41:05,601
Daggomit, Blamtucky,
I ain't re-programming a VCR.
1615
01:41:11,145 --> 01:41:13,479
Give me the flame thrower.
You gotta start the chopper.
1616
01:41:13,480 --> 01:41:18,151
- No, fuck that! Just give me this.
- No time! I'll take care of this!
1617
01:41:18,152 --> 01:41:20,153
All right. Give me your hooks.
1618
01:41:20,154 --> 01:41:21,888
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna put them on again.
1619
01:41:21,889 --> 01:41:24,824
- Just give me your goddamn hooks.
- All right. Here.
1620
01:41:24,825 --> 01:41:27,940
Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!
1621
01:41:31,932 --> 01:41:34,200
Shit! Enough!
1622
01:41:34,201 --> 01:41:36,443
Fake shit!
1623
01:41:39,206 --> 01:41:40,535
Fuck!
1624
01:41:48,048 --> 01:41:51,317
Go get your guys!
Get them to the chopper!
1625
01:41:51,318 --> 01:41:53,788
I'll take care of these yahoos!
1626
01:41:55,456 --> 01:41:57,824
You're gonna focus up now,
motherfucker, and say it.
1627
01:41:57,825 --> 01:42:00,059
- “It's me, Tugg!”
- It's me, Tugg.
1628
01:42:00,060 --> 01:42:01,627
That's right! Now, Tugg who?
1629
01:42:01,628 --> 01:42:04,530
- Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you?
- Me?
1630
01:42:04,531 --> 01:42:06,332
I know who I am!
1631
01:42:06,333 --> 01:42:10,169
I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude.
1632
01:42:10,170 --> 01:42:11,337
What?
1633
01:42:11,338 --> 01:42:13,539
You a dude
that don't know what dude he is!
1634
01:42:13,540 --> 01:42:16,342
Or are you a dude who has no idea
what dude he is
1635
01:42:16,343 --> 01:42:17,710
and claims to know what dude he is…
1636
01:42:17,711 --> 01:42:19,579
What the fuck
are you guys talking about?
1637
01:42:19,580 --> 01:42:20,780
by playing other dudes?
1638
01:42:20,781 --> 01:42:22,081
I know what dude I am!
1639
01:42:22,082 --> 01:42:24,984
- You're scared.
- I ain't scared. Scared of what?
1640
01:42:24,985 --> 01:42:26,352
Or scared of who?
1641
01:42:26,353 --> 01:42:29,055
- Scared of who?
- Come on, guys. We really need to go!
1642
01:42:29,056 --> 01:42:30,545
Scared of you.
1643
01:42:35,229 --> 01:42:37,663
- Jesus.
- What's going on?
1644
01:42:37,664 --> 01:42:39,298
The dudes are emerging.
1645
01:42:39,299 --> 01:42:40,934
He's right, you know.
1646
01:42:42,402 --> 01:42:44,053
I am not
1647
01:42:45,372 --> 01:42:47,372
Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.
1648
01:42:51,478 --> 01:42:53,045
We gotta roll out.
1649
01:42:53,046 --> 01:42:56,859
Nor am I Father O'Malley.
1650
01:42:58,519 --> 01:43:01,982
Or Neil Armstrong.
1651
01:43:09,029 --> 01:43:11,579
I think I might be nobody.
1652
01:43:12,599 --> 01:43:13,866
Wow!
1653
01:43:13,867 --> 01:43:17,683
The insecurity level
with you guys is ridiculous!
1654
01:43:17,805 --> 01:43:20,873
- Everybody's got issues!
- Yeah, man, everybody got issues.
1655
01:43:20,874 --> 01:43:23,543
Come on! You're Kirk Lazarus.
1656
01:43:23,544 --> 01:43:25,812
You're the whole reason
I got into acting.
1657
01:43:25,813 --> 01:43:27,747
I memorized every single monologue
1658
01:43:27,748 --> 01:43:30,449
you ever did
when I was in theater school.
1659
01:43:30,450 --> 01:43:32,585
- Really?
- Yeah. And look, Tugg!
1660
01:43:32,586 --> 01:43:35,121
I saw Scorcher I
24 times when I was in eighth grade.
1661
01:43:35,122 --> 01:43:38,191
That shit blew me away!
I got high to that shit! You the man!
1662
01:43:38,192 --> 01:43:41,427
Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
1663
01:43:41,428 --> 01:43:45,665
Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece
of the puzzle, buddy.
1664
01:43:45,666 --> 01:43:49,404
We need you! Your men need you!
Are you with us?
1665
01:43:53,006 --> 01:43:55,107
I'm a rooster illusion.
1666
01:43:55,108 --> 01:43:56,409
Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
1667
01:43:56,410 --> 01:44:00,460
Let's move. Come on. Come on.
Double time. Gotta go!
1668
01:44:02,115 --> 01:44:04,235
Come on, come on, come on.
1669
01:44:07,688 --> 01:44:09,970
Bingo! Move out.
1670
01:44:11,558 --> 01:44:13,169
Oh, God.
1671
01:44:14,895 --> 01:44:18,322
Just say no to this,
you drug-making midget.
1672
01:44:22,336 --> 01:44:24,067
Gotta hold on!
1673
01:44:29,977 --> 01:44:31,588
Four Leaf!
1674
01:44:36,083 --> 01:44:37,654
You grew hands?
1675
01:44:46,660 --> 01:44:48,458
RPG, gentlemen!
1676
01:44:50,964 --> 01:44:52,762
Where are you going?
1677
01:44:58,005 --> 01:45:01,665
Oh, my God.
I am moving to catering after this.
1678
01:45:22,562 --> 01:45:24,133
My ass!
1679
01:45:27,134 --> 01:45:28,705
My ass!
1680
01:45:30,070 --> 01:45:33,439
Hey, yo!
We gotta get our shit together, Tugg!
1681
01:45:33,440 --> 01:45:35,775
We gotta get his cracker ass
to the chopper!
1682
01:45:35,776 --> 01:45:40,179
Are you still crazy?
We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!
1683
01:45:40,180 --> 01:45:41,911
It's Sandusky.
1684
01:45:43,517 --> 01:45:46,919
- Kevin Sandusky.
- That's my name.
1685
01:45:46,920 --> 01:45:48,621
You remembered my name.
1686
01:45:48,622 --> 01:45:50,756
Alpa, go help Cody.
1687
01:45:50,757 --> 01:45:52,858
Portnoy, get Sandusky
back to the chopper. Go!
1688
01:45:52,859 --> 01:45:55,020
- I got him!
- Let's go!
1689
01:45:56,129 --> 01:45:57,927
Let's get out of here!
1690
01:46:09,543 --> 01:46:11,143
Hey, Leaf!
1691
01:46:11,144 --> 01:46:12,478
- Leaf!
- Yeah.
1692
01:46:12,479 --> 01:46:13,579
Hit the plunger
1693
01:46:13,580 --> 01:46:16,929
- as soon as they clear the bridge!
- Got it!
1694
01:46:20,020 --> 01:46:22,655
Come on! Get in the chopper!
1695
01:46:22,656 --> 01:46:25,958
- Come on! Move!
- Kirk! Wait!
1696
01:46:29,997 --> 01:46:31,731
Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!
1697
01:46:31,732 --> 01:46:33,632
Are you the special effects guy?
1698
01:46:33,633 --> 01:46:36,168
- You God damn right I am.
- Fuck yeah!
1699
01:46:36,169 --> 01:46:37,470
Leaf's about to blow the bridge.
Come on!
1700
01:46:37,471 --> 01:46:40,172
You don't have to! You don't have to!
I'm staying.
1701
01:46:40,173 --> 01:46:41,774
No, I can't let you do that, mate.
We gotta go.
1702
01:46:41,775 --> 01:46:44,410
No, I'm telling you, I'm not being crazy.
They'll listen to me.
1703
01:46:44,411 --> 01:46:47,013
I know it sounds weird,
but I have a connection with them.
1704
01:46:47,014 --> 01:46:49,915
You're not doing tofu dinner theater
for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!
1705
01:46:49,916 --> 01:46:53,853
- Get over here!
- I have a son now. Little Half Squat.
1706
01:46:53,854 --> 01:46:55,521
Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?
1707
01:46:55,522 --> 01:46:57,857
He's my son. He's my boy!
1708
01:46:57,858 --> 01:47:00,817
He needs me. I have to go back to him.
1709
01:47:03,430 --> 01:47:05,197
You tell the world what happened here.
1710
01:47:05,198 --> 01:47:07,133
What happened here?
1711
01:47:07,134 --> 01:47:10,249
I don't know, but you need to tell them.
1712
01:47:11,738 --> 01:47:13,672
I got this.
1713
01:47:13,673 --> 01:47:15,042
Tugg!
1714
01:47:15,542 --> 01:47:19,744
You take care of the boys!
I'll deal with these guys.
1715
01:47:20,514 --> 01:47:24,216
Where is he going?
We're gonna fucking die!
1716
01:47:24,217 --> 01:47:26,952
Laz, come on. He joined the circus.
Let's go.
1717
01:47:26,953 --> 01:47:28,254
- You've got hands.
- Yeah.
1718
01:47:28,255 --> 01:47:30,903
- Fuck! You've got hands?
- Come on!
1719
01:47:31,458 --> 01:47:32,691
- Come on!
- Get in!
1720
01:47:32,692 --> 01:47:34,427
- Come on!
- He's staying?
1721
01:47:34,428 --> 01:47:37,933
Go! He's a lost cause, mate!
Get out of here!
1722
01:47:41,268 --> 01:47:46,068
I was wrong! Blow the bridge!
Blow the fucking bridge!
1723
01:47:51,611 --> 01:47:53,262
I got this.
1724
01:47:53,680 --> 01:47:55,371
Leaf, no!
1725
01:48:39,259 --> 01:48:41,994
It's over! He's gone!
1726
01:48:41,995 --> 01:48:44,425
Cody! We gotta go!
1727
01:48:46,066 --> 01:48:47,475
Look.
1728
01:49:09,890 --> 01:49:11,323
Think he's done.
1729
01:49:11,324 --> 01:49:12,773
Cover me!
1730
01:49:13,627 --> 01:49:16,662
- Come on!
- Wait, come back!
1731
01:49:16,663 --> 01:49:18,703
How do we cover him?
1732
01:49:22,636 --> 01:49:26,138
All right, game over. Come on, mate.
Come on.
1733
01:49:26,139 --> 01:49:28,841
- You all right, man?
- I'm cold.
1734
01:49:28,842 --> 01:49:30,943
I can't feel my legs.
1735
01:49:30,944 --> 01:49:33,979
No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See?
There's a puddle right there.
1736
01:49:33,980 --> 01:49:35,281
- No worries.
- Good.
1737
01:49:35,282 --> 01:49:36,682
Come on, we gotta split, man.
1738
01:49:36,683 --> 01:49:39,084
- You guys came back for me.
- Course.
1739
01:49:39,085 --> 01:49:41,520
Hey! I want you to know something.
1740
01:49:41,521 --> 01:49:42,930
What?
1741
01:49:43,890 --> 01:49:46,010
I know who you are.
1742
01:49:47,794 --> 01:49:49,874
You're my friend.
1743
01:49:51,831 --> 01:49:53,751
You're my brother.
1744
01:49:54,334 --> 01:49:57,269
But like a really cool brother, you know?
1745
01:49:57,270 --> 01:49:58,737
Like a brother
where there was no animosity or…
1746
01:49:58,738 --> 01:50:01,674
Don't look now,
you got some real tears going.
1747
01:50:01,675 --> 01:50:02,775
Really?
1748
01:50:02,776 --> 01:50:04,376
That's the stuff
that accolades are made of.
1749
01:50:04,377 --> 01:50:05,945
Jesus, let's go, man!
1750
01:50:05,946 --> 01:50:07,046
All right?
1751
01:50:07,047 --> 01:50:08,227
All right?
1752
01:50:08,982 --> 01:50:10,673
Upsy-daisy.
1753
01:50:12,185 --> 01:50:15,767
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Let's go! Let's go!
1754
01:50:17,324 --> 01:50:18,724
Get in! Get in!
1755
01:50:18,725 --> 01:50:21,115
Come on! Here we go!
1756
01:50:23,296 --> 01:50:26,598
Tuggernuts! I got it!
1757
01:50:28,468 --> 01:50:31,180
- Tugger!
- Rick!
1758
01:50:33,373 --> 01:50:34,707
What the fuck?
1759
01:50:34,708 --> 01:50:36,628
I got the TiVo!
1760
01:50:37,244 --> 01:50:42,044
My friend wants a TiVo,
my friend gets a TiVo!
1761
01:50:46,820 --> 01:50:48,309
Oh, shit!
1762
01:51:24,924 --> 01:51:27,314
And the Oscar goes to…
1763
01:51:29,696 --> 01:51:32,408
Yes! Tugg Speedman.
1764
01:51:33,633 --> 01:51:36,435
“Tropic Blunder,
The True Story Behind the Making
1765
01:51:36,436 --> 01:51:40,174
of the Most Expensive
Fake True War Story Ever.”
1766
01:51:40,540 --> 01:51:41,869
Yeah!
1767
01:51:46,379 --> 01:51:48,621
Yeah, you son of a bitch!
1768
01:52:07,600 --> 01:52:12,071
Eight Oscars, $400 million
1769
01:52:12,072 --> 01:52:15,407
and you saved
Tugg Speedman's career.
1770
01:52:15,408 --> 01:52:18,835
I couldn't have done it
without you, Slolom.
1771
01:52:20,313 --> 01:52:21,513
Really?
1772
01:52:21,514 --> 01:52:23,615
No, dickhead, of course I could.
1773
01:52:23,616 --> 01:52:26,385
- A nutless monkey could do your job.
- Well, I…
1774
01:52:26,386 --> 01:52:29,388
Now, go get drunk
and take credit at all the parties.
1775
01:52:29,389 --> 01:52:32,191
- I would never do that to…
- Joking.
1776
01:52:32,192 --> 01:52:33,659
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1777
01:52:33,660 --> 01:52:35,561
Very… Okay, there he is.
1778
01:52:35,562 --> 01:52:37,563
- There he is. Okay.
- Go have fun.
1779
01:52:37,564 --> 01:52:39,098
All right. We're having a…
1780
01:52:39,099 --> 01:52:41,900
Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les.
Thank you. You have a good night…
1781
01:52:41,901 --> 01:52:44,303
But seriously,
a nutless monkey could do your job.
1782
01:52:44,304 --> 01:52:46,244
Good. Thank you, sir.