Oh, my God.
You are single-handedly ruining my life.
You have to be kidding me.
- We're serious about this, Massie. - So am I.
I already made plans.
This party isn't just a party.
It's the last party before winter break's over.
Forget being the event of the season, it's the event of all four.
The Lyons are gonna be here for dinner.
The Lyons?
Are the tigers and bears coming too? Oh, my.
Massie, we talked about this weeks ago.
You remember Jay? My best friend from business school?
He's moving up here from Florida with his family.
They have a son, Todd, a daughter, Claire. She's your age?
They'll stay out in the guesthouse until they find a place.
Does any of this even ring the smallest of bells?
Uh, no.
- You'll be at dinner and you'll be pleasant. - Mom.
You always said I should honor my commitments, right?
Well, I made a verbal commitment to Shelby Rexler...
...that I would be at her party tonight.
I'm not discussing this anymore.
- Dad. - You heard your mother.
Mom, if I miss this, it'd be starting the second semester...
...on the completely wrong foot.
Worse than the wrong foot. It'd be like wearing the wrong outfit.
Bean, tell me this isn't happening.
This is my worst nightmare.
Worse than the one where my Amex was rejected.
Worse than the one where I lost my Prada bag.
And look.
I already had my outfit picked out and everything.
If I have to miss this, everyone has to miss this.
Hey.
Put the brush down. I'm getting Dylan.
I was just about to call you. I'm in a wardrobe crisis.
- Hey, Dyl. - Hey, Alicia. Ow!
- I'll get Kristen. - She's school shopping.
She's already called me three times...
...to ask if we need a compass and a protractor.
- What did you tell her? - To get a life.
Mass, look, I can't talk right now. Did you get a compass and a protractor?
Who cares? P.S. Leesh and Dyl on the line.
- Hey, girlies. - Hi.
- Hey. - Okay.
So, what I'm about to tell you is gonna score me major gossip points.
Like Shelby Rexler did not chop her hair off to look more like Keira Knightley.
- She has head lice. - Ew! Gross.
I know. I say we bag the party.
There's no way I'm trading my Frédéric Fekkai for Nix.
But it's an 8th-grade party and we're the only 7th graders invited.
Please, I'm not gonna be caught dead...
...at a party thrown by anyone under the age of 15.
It's worse than wearing Crocs.
- Wait, head lice and Crocs? - No one's actually wearing Crocs, Dyl.
Actually, I think Shelby has a pair in orange.
Ew!
- Forget it, I'm out. - Me too.
Me three.
That's what I thought.
Mass, the Lyons will be here soon. You might wanna change.
Can I change the fact that they're gonna be here?
Look, I'll make a deal with you.
If you adjust your attitude, be nice to Claire...
- Who's Claire? - The Lyons' daughter.
Be nice to her and I'll let you go to the end of Shelby's party.
Oh, my God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
MRS. BLOCK: Now, go get changed.
MASSIE: Bean.
Bean, chill.
Dad, how many people live here?
Is this really our new house?
Bean, what's one step worse than a fashion don't?
A fashion don't-even-think-about-it.
WILLIAM: They're here.
I'm not even ready yet.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, look. Hey.
You made it.
WILLIAM: Good to see you.
- How are you, buddy? - Oh, you got so big.
What do you think, Bean?
Perfect, right?
Oh, so good to see you.
There she is, perfect timing.
- This is our daughter, Massie. - Hi, my parents told me all about you.
Mine barely mentioned you.
Except to say how fun and cool you are.
Uh, hello? She's a dog, not a baseball glove.
TODD: Hey, come here.
Sorry, he must have forgotten to take his meds.
Meds?
That was a joke.
Funny.
WILLIAM: Good to see you. JAY: It's good to see you.
MRS. BLOCK: This is delicious.
Claire helped pick that out.
Sorry.
It's for your charm bracelet.
Really? I never would've guessed, thanks.
I remember your mom wrote in a Christmas card one year...
...that you wanted to be a singer?
Right, when I was 7.
Um. Thanks.
So, Claire, I hear you're a straight-A student.
She was in the top three in her science fair.
And she won the district spelling bee contest last year.
Wow.
WILLIAM: That's very impressive, Claire.
Why don't you tell Claire about Octavian Country Day?
Massie just loves OCD.
- Right, Massie? - Oh, right.
Um, small classes, nice teachers for the most part.
There's only one problem. No boys.
Who says that's a problem?
The girls who go there, Dad.
- Mr. Lyons, let me get that for you. - Sure.
You complete me.
Ew.
MRS. BLOCK: Excuse me.
- They were still eating. - Please.
- You promised I could go to the party. - A party?
Thanks, Claire. Maybe Claire would like to go with you.
Oh, I'm up for, you know...
Whatever.
Sweetie, are you okay?
Um...
You know what? I think I'm gonna go to bed.
I don't feel so well.
Night, Massie. I hope it's nothing serious.
Get some sleep, honey. I'm sure it'll be gone in the morning.
I seriously hope so.
CLAIRE: Did you see her clothes and her shoes and her hair?
I swear, she looked straight out of a magazine.
She is pretty cute.
Could we go shopping for the first day of school?
What about the clothes we bought before we left Florida?
T.J. Maxx isn't gonna cut it here, Mom. It's, like, designer everything.
Please? I just wanna fit in.
I really want her to like me.
She's gonna like you because you're you, not because of what you wear.
All right, fine.
I suppose we could use a new sweater or two.
It is pretty cold up here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
CHRIS: On your right.
Hey, watch where you're going.
Hey, isn't there a law against texting and riding?
- I'm Chris Abeley. - I'm...
Massie Block. I know who you are.
- Really? - Sure.
I used to come to your parents' charity auction practically every year.
- I wonder why we've never met. - I've been MIA the past couple of years.
- In a boarding school in Connecticut. - Sounds cliché.
Yeah, so is getting kicked out.
I'm back at Briarwood for high school.
A bad boy, huh?
I guess that explains why you're on a private trail.
Yeah, I must have made a wrong turn somewhere.
Or the right one.
I should go. I'll let you have your trail back.
Oh, no, it's okay. I love having guests, really.
Maybe I'll see you back here. I was thinking of riding again on Saturday.
Sure. Maybe you'd wanna ride together?
Sure, it's a date.
Did you hear that, Brownie? It's a date.
JUDI: What about this? - Mom.
"At OCD, fashion is a fine art and true form of self-expression. "
Okay, okay.
These are perfect.
Those are nice. Let's see.
Ooh, 62 dollars.
"Excellence isn't encouraged, it's expected. "
- Expected, Mom. - I'm sorry, honey.
With the move and everything, this is just too expensive.
CLAIRE: Well, can I just look next door?
I'm not gonna buy anything, I just wanna look for ideas.
All right, fine, five minutes. But then we're going to Old Navy.
- They have a sale on turtlenecks... - Okay, thanks, Mom.
DYLAN: But they look great.
- Well, I'm not getting you a size six. - But I am a size six.
Well, when you're a size four again, I'll get you the pants.
In every color.
- Moms, they just don't get it. - Right?
Weren't they kids once too?
I don't think they have a four in this whole store.
What about these? These are fours.
If I try and fit into these, I won't be able to breathe.
Why don't you switch the tags?
Then, your mom thinks you're buying a four when you're buying a six.
Then your mom's happy and you can exhale.
You're brilliant.
- I'm Dylan. - Claire.
- We walked in on some dude. - Trying on women's clothes.
- No. - Come on.
Oh, nice meeting you, Claire. And thanks.
Since excellence is expected.
CLAIRE: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
"Good girls go to Orlando. Bad girls go to Miami. "
Where do ugly girls like you go?
Claire, Mrs. Block said that you can go to school with Massie.
You should meet the driver in front of the house at 7:30.
Their driver's going to take me to school?
ISAAC: You must be Claire.
CLAIRE: Hi, Isaac.
Thanks.
Wow.
God, Claire, you scared me.
You shouldn't sneak up on people like that.
Sorry.
Oh, it's fine.
Do you mind sitting in the back? We have to pick up a few more.
Oh, sure.
Relax, Claire. This isn't Epcot.
I swear, celebs are getting more DUIs than Ksubi jeans.
Hm. Moschino dress, Alice and Olivia jacket, Michael Kors handbag.
Adorable, 8.5.
Thank you.
- Wait. - Dylan?
Claire, right?
- You two know each other? - From the mall.
Claire had that brilliant idea about the pants.
When my mom was being a jerk to the 10th degree.
And then Dylan's friends came out and started screaming about some guy.
Yeah, those are my friends too.
And FYI, that story's more last week than white skinny jeans.
Claire's the girl I told you about.
The one living in my guesthouse...
...because her parents can't afford anything else right now.
Gummi Feet?
- Thanks, but I don't eat sugar. - And I don't eat feet.
- Hey. - What's up, chica?
Hey, girl. Vintage Ralph Lauren, 9.
Well, you're a 10. You look amazing.
- Just wait till tomorrow. - Why?
Because you get better-looking every day.
Hey, guys.
Somebody call the fashion police. I'm making a citizen's arrest.
Finally.
MASSIE: Seriously, Kris, when is your mom gonna let you wear what you want?
My question first.
One, why does it smell like first-class airline food?
I started the Circle diet today. Sorry.
And two, who's the stowaway?
Oh, my God. Has she been there the whole time?
That's Claire.
Do we like her?
No.
CLAIRE: Isaac?
ISAAC: Claire, sorry.
CLAIRE: Thanks.
Hey, Mass. We missed you guys Saturday night.
The party was completely unbloggable without you.
I know.
We heard you had some unexpected visitors.
Oh, my God, Jenna Dressler's wearing her Chihuahua shirt again.
Hey, you guys. How was your winter break?
Massie, I heard you have an NBF from Florida.
False. If I had a new best friend, she'd be here right now.
- She is so off my top eight. - She was in your top eight?
Ow!
Juicy Couture sweat suit. No punch backs.
Wait, I lost an earring.
Nobody move!
I need to retrace. Fan out, people.
GIRL: Hey, look out.
CHRIS: Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
I'm so sorry.
I was rushing.
My sister, she forgot her thermos so I had to run all the way back here.
And I didn't even...
Are you sure you're okay?
I'm sure.
I'm Chris Abeley.
I'm Claire Something.
Nice to meet you, Claire Something.
- What are you doing? - Uh, anger management much?
Hello! I can't wear one earring. I'll look like Johnny Depp.
- But wasn't that a diamond? - Ugh!
Hey. Uh... Do you guys know where Room 41 is?
Yeah, um, turn around and go out these double doors.
Take a cab to JFK...
...and get on the next flight to wherever you came from.
Latte, anyone?
I don't get it. What's going on?
Claire, did I invite you to my BBQ?
- Um. No. - Then why are you all up in my grill?
I don't get it. Why are you being like this?
Like what, Claire? What am I being like?
Like...
I don't know, a bitch?
What did you just call me?
Nothing. I mean...
Nothing.
- I can't believe she just said that. - She called you a bitch to your face.
- Mass, what are you gonna do to her? - I don't know.
All I know is that Claire Lyons should consider herself done, done...
...and you know else?
ALL: Done.
Do you need a personal invitation to come in?
Give me your e-mail, I'll send you an Evite.
Sorry I'm late. I got a little lost.
And you are?
- I'm Claire, I'm new. - I'm Vincent, I'm old.
But you know what they say, 32 is the new 22.
My likes include Broadway musicals...
...piña coladas and taking long walks in the rain.
And my dislikes are... Now, what were they again?
Oh, yeah, tardiness.
There's a seat by the window.
And Miss Rivera, this isn't the changing room at Saks.
Make room.
Claire, I've seen paint dry faster.
Chop, chop. Chop squared, please.
Okay, you have your materials in front of you.
You have 15 minutes to paint this as still life.
I think I'm gonna use some of that too.
- Oh, I'm sorry. - Is there a problem, ladies?
- No. - No.
Do you think I could start over? I'm not good at this yet.
Commit to your work, Miss Lyons. This is a lesson for life.
Once you start something, you need to stick with it.
Oh, my God. Miss Lyons.
Here's a pass to the nurse.
And take your books with you.
- I feel fine. - Just go.
Hey, Claire. You look a little lost.
- I'm supposed to go to the nurse's office. - Easy.
Follow this hall all the way down, past the main office and gym.
Take a right at the band room. It's the first door on the right.
Be sure to be loud when you go in. Nurse Adele's a little hard of hearing.
- Thanks, Dylan, I really appreciate it. - My pleasure.
Breathe into your power house.
In...
...and out.
Nurse Adele?
WOMAN: Nurse Adele's office is on the other side of the school...
...by the art wing.
But I was just there.
WOMAN: Ladies.
Re-center.
Can I help you with something, dear?
Um. I don't know. I'm not really sure why I'm here.
Vincent told me to come.
Don't worry. Got your period.
No, I didn't. What?
Look at the back of your jeans.
How is this possible?
- I don't... - Be right back.
Alicia, red paint.
Don't worry, dear. This is also the lost and found.
Go through and pick out something you like.
- Really? - Really.
Whatever you want.
These girls want nothing to do with last season's clothes, trust me.
Hey, cool top.
I had the same one but I lost it.
Looks like someone went shopping at Nursestrom's today.
Seven's so three years ago.
Loser, loser, double loser, whatever, as if, get the picture, duh.
- Ow! What the...? - Juicy hoodie, no punch backs.
Now, lean in. I've got major gossip.
- How many points is it worth? - None, it's about me.
Why didn't you tell us in the car?
- There is a reason I was MIA yesterday. - MIA?
Missing in Armani? I was being asked out on a date.
- By a boy? - As opposed to who?
- Yes, a boy, a Briarwood boy. - No.
- Yes, he's a freshman in high school. - Shut up.
His name's Chris Abeley.
We have to do some major recon after school today.
No, I don't know. I have a ton of homework.
You cannot be stressed out about school. It's only the first day after winter break.
I have to come up with the Women in the Workforce project.
I have to have a business plan and a budget.
It's worth, like, 60 percent of my grade.
Does anyone wanna trade for something edible?
Ask her.
You guys, I feel bad.
Maybe we could pull up a chair?
That was Clairious.
MASSIE: Okay, so I called Isaac to meet us here at Briarwood at 4:30.
- So we have to hurry. ALICIA: Tell that to Chris Abeley.
By the way, micro-mini? So not good for spying.
Quiet. Hey, what happened to the diet?
I'm starving. It's either this or my left arm.
It's 4:15.
- Chris Abeley will be here, don't worry. - Who's worried?
Hear about the New York City field trip to the Museum of Modern Art?
Vincent's taking the whole seventh grade.
It's Chris Abeley.
There's Chris Abeley.
I want to, but I don't know.
Oh...
- My... - God.
MASSIE: Look at him, look at him, look at him.
He's coming this way. Chris Abeley is coming this way.
ALICIA: Get down.
BOY: I got at least three or four hours of homework tonight.
- Really? You do? BOY: Yeah, it's not even funny.
ALICIA: Shh!
DYLAN: Oh, my God. ALICIA: Yeah.
JUDI: Hey, how was your first day?
CLAIRE: Good.
- Hey, whose clothes are those? - Oh.
Massie's. You know Massie.
She keeps, like, three changes of backup clothes in her locker.
She wanted me to be dressed more like her.
Oh.
Well, maybe we should return your new jeans, then, huh?
You can't.
I spilled paint all over them in art class. I'm sorry, Mom, I know you spent a lot.
Oh, no, come on, honey, that's okay.
I mean, it's just pants. It's no big deal.
I'm just glad you and Massie are hitting it off.
MASSIE: I hate her.
Claire.
She sits there like this perfect, wide-eyed, innocent goody two-shoes.
Meanwhile, she's trying to be BFFs with Dylan...
...and she's throwing herself at Chris Abeley behind my back.
You can't just drive into someone else's town and live in someone else's house...
...and try to take over someone else's friends, right?
I mean, what's next?
She's gonna change her last name to Block and move into my bedroom?
I may live on 4.6 acres of property...
...but there is no way that it's big enough for me and...
Can't believe your lips are still red from those cherries.
I know. Aren't they luscious?
Whatev. I just wish my lip gloss lasted that long.
Actually, if you could sell that, you could make a fortune.
Lipstick that lasts 24 hours. You can even wake up pretty.
Oh, my God, that's it, Massie. That's what I can do for my project.
A makeup company. You guys could help me.
- Hey, yeah. - Oh, my God, I'm so smart.
That really is a good idea.
Conversation between the taco and burrito, nacho.
Anyways, we could make everything ourselves, all natural.
And edible. When you get bored of a color, you could eat it.
I heart that.
We could sell it on that field trip to New York on Saturday.
- The whole class will be there. - You guys, we need a great name.
What about Homeworks?
Because we make it at home.
And it works.
Homeworks?
That makes us sound like losers who don't have any friends and never go out, like:
What about Glambition?
It'll do until I think of something better.
Oh, my God. We're gonna be so rich.
Oh, please. We already are.
- To Glambition. - To Glambition.
FYI, Claire.
There are more girls than those girls in this school.
Go find them.
Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Is that real?
I got this at CVS for a buck 20.
Oh, well, you never know.
For all I know, those Picassos on the wall could be real.
They are.
I'm Layne.
Claire, right?
Yeah, you're new around here. Word travels fast.
Oh. Oatmeal?
No, thanks. I'm trying to cut back.
One day here and you're already dressed like a pure Massie-chist.
You guys friends?
Um...
Yeah, we kind of are.
I didn't realize the Pretty Committee was taking applications for new members.
Hey, cool bag.
It's a stereo. Fifty bucks, Spencer Gifts.
- Oh, my God. That is so gross. - What is she doing?
Are you sure it's okay for you to be sitting here?
Massie looks pissed.
She's fine. I told her, you know...
...I can't hang out with only her all the time.
Yeah. She seems really jealous.
I'll text her later.
This is kind of random, but you have plans Friday night?
None.
Hey, maybe we could watch a movie or listen to my bag...
...or something.
That would be great.
MRS. BLOCK: Hi there, everybody. JUDI: Oh, hi.
So, Claire, you're coming to the sleepover Friday night, right?
- I'm sorry? - Massie's having all the usual suspects.
Dylan, Alicia, Kristen.
She wants me to come?
MRS. BLOCK: Of course. - I'll go.
Sorry, Todd, no boys.
- Wow, I'd love to come. - Great.
- Seven o'clock. - Sounds great.
- Maybe I'll invite my friends over too. - You have friends?
Don't you?
I'm really sorry, Layne.
My parents have to go out Friday night, so I have to babysit my little brother.
Maybe we can hang out another time?
Great. Bye.
- Yeah? - I like it.
- Isn't it awesome? - Not.
No.
Seriously, this is, like, '60s/medieval.
- That's really cute. - Seriously?
- Check it out. - For sure.
- Ew. - Ew.
Get rid of it. It's nasty.
Oh, God, no.
Oh, yes.
- Yeah, I... - Well, you know...
What are you doing here?
I'm here for the sleepover.
MRS. BLOCK: Hey, Claire.
Okay, girls, break's over.
Clothes you're donating need to go in these boxes for the auction.
What auction?
We host the OCD auction to raise money for scholarships.
I know one local charity that could use a donation.
Massie, kitchen, now.
- Hey, let's go down to the cabana. - Yeah.
Mom. How could you do this to me?
I told you if you didn't invite Claire, I would.
- I didn't think you actually meant it. - Just try to be nice.
I did, but, Mom, you should see how she treats me at school.
She's not this nice, sweet, innocent girl everyone makes her out to be.
I know you, and there are always two sides to your story.
It'd be nice if you took my side for a change.
You need to take Bean for a walk.
MASSIE: Um... I'm going down to the cabana.
That's where we sleep.
Come if you want.
Or not.
Okay.
Okay, would you rather be A, a friendless loser...
...or B, a person with tons of friends who secretly hate you?
Oh, easy. B.
Definitely B.
B all the way.
ALICIA: Claire, what do you think?
Would you rather be a friendless loser...
...or a person with tons of friends who secretly hate you?
Um...
I guess I'd rather be the friendless loser.
Congrats, you got your wish.
- Harsh. - I was kidding.
Claire, ever play Truth or Dare?
- Ooh! - Ooh!
- No, yeah, that would be... - Remember that one time when we...?
- Are you just gonna stand there all night? DYLAN: I have a good idea.
- Okay. - Right, that one, that one.
Okay, someone ask me first.
My house. Me first.
Okay.
Truth or dare?
- Mm. Truth. - Okay.
Have you ever kissed a boy?
No, you guys, that's stupid. We already know the answer.
No, but ask me after the auction and the answer will be a definite yes.
- Ooh! - Ooh!
Okay, Claire, truth or dare?
- Dare. - Who do you like?
Um... I like a lot of people. I like my parents, my friends...
Not just like. "Like" like, like more-than-a-friend like.
I don't know.
If you had to pick. Someone here in Westchester.
Well, I guess I don't really know anyone.
Okay, there was this skateboard guy, Chris.
He's got this shaggy blond hair, deep blue eyes, scar above his...
You mean Chris Abeley?
That's the guy Massie was just talking about kissing.
Wait, is he your boyfriend?
ALICIA: Wow, Claire.
You in accelerated math? You're good at putting two and two together.
Guys, stop talking about school. It's really stressing me out.
Can we just go to bed?
Oh, my God. Claire, was that you?
How embarrassing.
Funny, Leesh, I thought it was the sound of your boobs rubbing together.
DYLAN: Snap.
Let's just go to sleep.
Claire, wait.
You don't have to go.
Have to?
I want to.
Fine. Whatever.
Should we make our lip gloss with lavender oil or peanut oil?
Or this recipe has both.
Not peanut. Massie's allergic.
Please. Nothing touches these lips but MAC and...
- Chris Abeley. - Exactly.
No, I mean Chris Abeley, he's here.
What?
LAYNE: Hey, Claire. - Hey, glad you could make it.
Oh, Claire, meet my brother.
Chris. We've met.
We had a little run-in on the first day of school.
If you're looking for your girlfriend, she's up there.
My girlfriend lives across town.
- But I thought your girlfriend was... LAYNE: Fawn.
Yeah, she's perfect, she's beautiful...
...and they've been together since 7th grade.
It's sickening.
MAN: Chris, if you wanna go riding, we gotta go.
Oh, Chris, wait. It's just something in your hair.
There.
Got it.
Isaac!
MASSIE: Hey.
So how could you come to my house and not bother to say hi?
Sorry. My dad, he was in a hurry.
How could you have not told me Layne's your sister? I love Layne.
- Really? Since when? - Since always.
- We should invite Layne riding sometime. - Yeah, Layne doesn't really ride.
I could teach her. I'm a great teacher.
Patient and compassionate and...
- And modest. - Yeah, that too.
We should all hang out sometime.
What are you doing with my hat?
I'm gonna donate it at the auction on Saturday.
- Better not. - You'll just have to come.
Actually, the day of the auction's my birthday.
Oh. What better place to celebrate?
Layne, you're just the person I wanted to see.
- I am? - Mm-hm.
I have so much to tell you.
Layne. Layne.
Layne.
I tried to MySpace you last night, but it didn't go through.
The thing is, I don't really have time for friend requests right now...
...because I'm really busy, you know, babysitting my brother.
But your brother's 15.
MASSIE: Layne.
Layne, are we still on for manis and pedis after school?
For suresies.
Whoa. Wait a sec. You and Massie?
Since when do you wanna be friends with her?
Everyone wants to be friends with Massie.
Isn't that why you lied to me and ditched me for her sleepover?
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Hey, Mass, wait up.
Hey, Massie, wait up. Massie.
Layne, enough with the all caps.
Stop yelling.
I told you not to talk to me at school.
- But I thought we were friends now. - We are.
Secret friends. Top-secret.
Okay?
Okay.
Hi.
Why were you talking to Layne Abeley?
I was yelling at her for getting oatmeal on my Fendi.
Enough about Layne.
I'm calling an emergency Glambition meeting after school.
The field trip is in six days and we haven't made our lip gloss yet.
I've actually got somewhere to be after school.
Does it involve someone named Chris Babely?
Oh, you could say that.
Listen, tell you what.
Meet at my house at 5, tell the girls. What I have to do shouldn't take long.
- Okay. Bye. - All right, bye.
MASSIE: Layne!
Layne, come on, your water's getting cold.
Sorry, this is her first time.
Do you have any US Weeklys around here?
Okay.
FYI, you're only supposed to pick one.
I think it'd be cool to have a different color on each finger and toe, don't you?
Ah! Okay, hot. It's hot.
You'll get used to it.
Just stick your feet in and relax...
...quietly.
Okay. All right. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
So tell me about Chris. Are you two close?
Yeah, we're like besties. We tell each other everything.
- So has he mentioned me? - No.
That tickles.
We're having a private meeting.
If Mass ever shows.
Claire, are you a bird?
No.
Then why is your suit so cheap?
Cheap, cheap, cheap.
Actually, Leesh, it's an original Astrid from Brazil.
I'm surprised you couldn't tell.
I've heard of Astrid.
I read a whole article about her in Teen Vogue.
You mean, him?
Seriously, what is taking Massie so long?
This project is worth a bazillion percent of my grade.
If I fail, I'm stealing her tweezers for a month.
Would it kill you to have a little fun while you waited?
With you? Probably.
That was sweet.
You guys should really come in.
Why not? It's not like we're doing anything.
MASSIE: What's going on?
I thought we were having a meeting.
Well, we were, but you were an hour late.
I wasn't late, I was lost.
Thank God Chris Abeley was a Boy Scout...
...or I swear I would've never made it out of the woods.
I seriously could've died out there.
- Thank God you're safe. DYLAN: What if something happened?
We would've never finished our project.
Nice suit, Claire.
It's an original Astrid.
Unless Astrid means bargain-basement, chain-store, low-rent knockoff...
...I don't think so.
Hey. What's up?
- Hey. - What's wrong?
Claire, Claire.
What's wrong? What happened?
Nothing.
Did something happen at the pool?
Was it Massie?
- What did she do? - I told you, nothing.
If it's nothing, then why are you so upset?
Either you tell me what's going on here or I'm gonna go find out for myself.
Mom, no, please. You can't do that.
It was a stupid misunderstanding. It was nothing.
I'll talk to Massie about it. It'll be cool, really.
Why don't you go talk about it right now?
After dinner, once my homework's done.
Fine, after dinner.
Either you talk to Massie or I'm gonna talk to her mom.
Okay?
CLAIRE: Hi, Mrs. Block. Is Massie home?
No, honey, she's not. Can I help you?
I just needed to talk to her about pre-algebra.
She just took Bean for a walk. You're welcome to wait for her.
Okay.
I didn't realize Peter Pan was holding auditions today.
I hope you get the part.
Ew. What are you wearing?
What are you wearing? I thought we were going all Teen Vogue- ish today.
- Hey, Claire. - Hey, Leesh.
Come on, Bean.
Hey.
- Todd. - Don't mind me.
What are you doing?
Even Mary-Kate knew when her boho look had run its course.
Laundry day.
MASSIE: Bean.
Bean. Bean.
Bean.
Where are you, Bean?
Shh. No barking and no pooping.
I'll be back soon.
TODD: Man, I can't believe this.
Todd, stop doing that.
She's got, like, a gazillion pictures.
Don't you think she'd have one without her annoying friends?
Don't worry. If this works, Massie will be without her annoying friends soon enough.
- And put the pictures back. - "Put the pictures back. "
CLAIRE: Kris, you still there?
KRISTEN: Always.
CLAIRE: Doing homework?
KRISTEN: Glambition. I've just gotta get an A, Mass.
CLAIRE: What if you don't?
KRISTEN: You don't wanna know.
CLAIRE: Parents?
KRISTEN: Everything.
CLAIRE: What do you mean?
KRISTEN: Forget it.
CLAIRE: No, tell me.
Secret for a secret?
KRISTEN: No.
CLAIRE: Come on.
I have something that I haven't told anyone.
KRISTEN: Okay, you first.
CLAIRE: Okay. You know how I've been hanging with Chris Abeley?
Well, I've been hanging with Layne too.
KRISTEN: Oh, my God.
CLAIRE: And I actually like her.
KRISTEN: Oh, my God times two.
CLAIRE: Okay, your turn.
KRISTEN: Okay, but you can't tell.
You know how I'm always worried about grades?
It's not just because I have strict parents.
It's because I have poor parents.
I'm on a scholarship at OCD.
CLAIRE: Oh, my God times three.
But you live in the Montador building.
KRISTEN: No, we live in the apartment building next door.
You better not tell. Not even for gossip points.
MASSIE: Bean.
KRISTEN: Massie, promise.
MASSIE: Bean, are you in here?
It's Massie. She's back, she's coming.
Go, go under the bed. Go.
Bean.
KRISTEN: Seriously, you can't tell the other girls.
MASSIE: What are you talking about?
KRISTEN: What I just told you.
MASSIE: Huh?
KRISTEN: Nice. Forget it, Mass.
We have to do something. We can't stay under here all night.
- You have to go out there. - No way.
You can play the "creepy little brother crushing on the hot neighbor" angle.
Todd, I'm serious. Help.
If I do this, you owe me bigtime.
Oh, my God! What are you doing in here?
Wait, this isn't the guesthouse?
Oh, my God. Mom.
Mom.
What is going on?
Thank God.
Thank me.
What's that?
A letter to the West Law neighborhood security.
I'm thinking of filing a restraining order against that prepubescent monkey boy.
Why don't you talk to your new BFF about it?
After all, the monkey freak's her brother.
Claire's not my BFF.
Kristen asked her to sign up for squash with us.
She gave me her extra racket. What was I supposed to do, ignore her?
Yeah. That's what we always do.
And since when can't you afford your own racket?
Nice, Mass, that's real nice. Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
What?
Remind me not to go on the scale anymore.
If you're gonna weigh yourself, take off that tent you call a skirt.
It must weigh 15 pounds.
Which is nothing compared to my thunder thighs, right?
What is everyone's problem?
Who are you and what have you done with my friends?
By friends, do you mean us or Layne?
I'm not friends with Layne Abeley.
Hey, guys, what's going on?
What's going on is a spot in our foursome just opened up.
- Wanna join us, Claire? - But I thought you already had four.
Not anymore.
Whoa, you...
Wait a sec. You guys are choosing Claire over me?
Well?
I'm in.
GIRL 1: Oh, my God. Did you see?
GIRL 2: I know. It was just... GIRL 3: Yeah.
GIRL 4: She's such a loser now.
GIRL 5: Thank you. GIRL 2: I know.
GIRL 4: She really deserves it.
GIRL 6: I'm not fat, am I?
Oh, my God, wait. Oh, my God.
Hey, Mass.
There's an empty seat here if you wanna sit with us, you know?
Um... No, that's okay.
- Have you seen Jenna or Tricia? - I said that you could sit...
The only place I wanna sit is with my friends.
I wouldn't be caught dead sitting with you. I don't even like you.
God, you really are a bitch.
Sorry, no comprende. I don't speak loser.
No hablas bitch.
Mass, there's a free seat right here.
Love the look.
Where is everyone?
They're in detention. Let's just go.
Oh, wait. There they are.
CLAIRE: I'm so excited.
We have to go shopping there.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's gonna be so much fun.
Yeah.
Can we just go?
ALICIA: Okay. We need a dressing room.
You said you already had a totally slutty dress to wear to the auction.
I do. These are for you.
I can't.
I spent all my allowance on that new Chloé handbag.
The one Lindsay Lohan was carrying in that accident.
So I'll pay.
You'd buy me a dress?
Actually, one of my three best friends will.
Dylan, Kristen or Massie?
No, try Visa, MasterCard or Amex.
Oh, and this is for you.
- Your cell? - I upgraded.
- iPhone. - I can't take your cell phone.
Why? I'm not using it.
I've erased all my info, so you can totally make it yours.
We can't hang with you if we can't reach you.
When we're done, let's go back to my house.
- I don't know. I have to be home by 5. - Make it 7.
Trust me. It'll be worth it.
- Okay. Oh, my God. - Okay, wait.
Just shake it off. We shake it off.
Oh, my God.
- Here. - Put it on.
- You look good. - Oh, my God.
It's cute.
I think it's pretty.
- I love it. - That's the one.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Thanks, Leesh. Today was seriously, like, the greatest day ever.
Where have you been?
We have been worried sick.
I called Layne, Massie.
I sent your father out to look for you.
You called Massie? What did she say?
She said you were probably out with Dylan, Alicia and Kristen.
- Claire. - What?
We were shopping. Big deal.
It's a big deal when you are over two hours late.
I needed a dress for the auction.
Oh, what, from BCBG?
We can't afford that.
It's fine, Mom. Alicia paid.
- No, Claire, that is not fine. - Then what is?
For me to wear overalls or some lame bathing suit?
We're not in Florida anymore, Mom. The Gap doesn't cut it here.
- Neither does your attitude. - Well, sue me for trying to fit in.
You're not hanging out with those girls anymore.
Mom, you can't do that.
Oh, yes, I can.
If you continue with this attitude, you will not be needing a dress...
...to go to that auction, because you will not be going.
Yes.
So it's all in there.
There's also four different flavors.
Alicia, Kristen, Dylan and Massie.
But you can get rid of the Massie if you want.
Are you seriously trying to make me feel bad for you or something?
You should feel bad.
You guys ditched me for no reason, and worse, for Claire.
That's like turning down, I don't know, Justin Timberlake for K-Fed.
It's just wrong.
You're the one who decided to become buddy-buddy with her.
Since when?
Since you started hanging out and watching her DVDs.
The only thing I've watched are her chronic bad hair days.
You told Alicia right after you called Dylan fat.
I never called Dylan fat.
Yes, you did, two nights ago.
No, I didn't, at least not to her face.
Look, I'll prove it. See?
She called me right after, 10:01.
Two nights ago at 10:01, I was out looking for Bean.
I missed the beginning of The Hills.
But that doesn't make any sense. Dylan said you IM'd her.
- Well, I didn't. - Like you don't remember what I told you.
- What you told me when? - The night after, when we were IM'ing.
When you were mad at me for no reason?
Which, by the way, was totally selfish...
...considering I waited an hour for Chris Abeley to show.
- When were you waiting for Chris Abeley? - Like, until 10:00.
- We were IM'ing before that. - No, I wasn't!
But maybe someone else was.
JUDI: Claire, it's for you.
- Hello? - Hey, Claire, it's Kris.
Hey. Hold on a sec.
Todd, hang up the phone. I can hear you breathing.
Actually, it's not Todd, it's me.
- Dylan? - And me.
Oh, hey, Leesh. Wow, I've never been on a four-way before.
- Fun. MASSIE: Actually, it's a five-way.
Fun's over. We know what you did, Claire.
Hijacking my IM, so not cool.
So here's a little message for you.
Leesh. My mom will freak if she sees your feet on the counter.
Okay, here.
I'm excited. They're so cute.
Oh, my God.
Okay, ready? One, two, three, go.
Okay.
- Oh, my God. - What is this?
Oh, my God. Adorable.
I figured they're so much cuter than lab coats.
Agreed.
Oh, look, it says Glambition.
- I heart this. - It says our names. Awesome.
Okay, girls. Where's the bottles, the recipes?
KRISTEN: Okay. Recipe number one.
Two tablespoons of honey, three to four drops of peanut oil...
...four ounces of vanilla.
- I need an honest opinion. - Your butt doesn't look big.
Please, I know.
The day of the auction is Chris Abeley's birthday.
As his practically girlfriend, I need to do something really memorable.
I am now opening the floor to suggestions.
- Oh, I know. You should bake him a cake. KRISTEN: What?
My mom always says the best way to a boy's heart is through his stomach.
No, no. How about you be in a cake and jump out?
- And jump out. Yeah, that's great. - Yeah.
- Please, that's ridiculous. - More than ridiculous.
Ridunkulous.
Yeah, but it would be kind of cool to wear a cute little outfit or something.
You know, when you jump out.
You know what? I'm gonna do that and something better.
God, I'm a genius.
Do you have a problem, Stare?
No, my mom wanted to borrow an egg.
An egg? Sure.
Here you go.
Catch.
I am so back.
Hey, what happened?
Claire, wait a minute.
Claire, what's wrong?
CLAIRE: Leave me alone.
No, Claire. I let it go last time.
Tell me what's wrong.
Everything.
This school, this house, my clothes, Massie, everything.
She hates me, Mom. She hates me.
She's been making my life miserable since the day we came.
At first, you know, I just wanted her to like me.
But then I was just hoping that she'd stop picking on me.
I tried everything.
And I did some things I shouldn't have done.
I thought it was the only way.
I thought it was the only way to...
To what?
Oh, Claire, listen to me. You can't make someone like you.
You're not in charge of other people's feelings...
...or their actions, just yours.
Maybe some of your actions weren't so great either.
You wanna tell me what you did?
I can't. You wouldn't understand.
Right, because I was never 12.
Oh, honey.
Whatever you did, you have to make it right.
But whatever it is, I guarantee you, it's not as bad as you think.
It's worse.
Be yourself, Claire, not who people want you to be.
CLAIRE: Can I sit here?
Listen, Layne, I'm sorry for everything.
For ditching you for the sleepover.
For pretending to be friends with Massie.
I don't know how to explain it, it's just I wanted to be a part of them.
To be a part of that group.
And the more they excluded me, the more important it became.
The way people treat them...
...the way that they can have anything they want whenever they want...
...well, I guess I just wanted that too.
I have no idea what makes them so special.
They just are.
It's because they believe that they are.
So other people do too.
Even me sometimes.
Can I please have your attention?
Excuse me.
Thank you.
Now, who's ready for a revolutionary line of cosmetics?
Something that tastes as good as it looks.
I present to you Glambition.
And now, our esteemed and ridiculously hot president...
...Kristen Gregory.
"Glambition is a new line of beauty products...
...made entirely of all-natural ingredients.
Over the next few weeks...
...we will introduce to you our entire line...
...of body scrubs...
...creams, glitters and cheek tints.
Today, for the very low price...
...of one for $6 and two for $ 10...
...we are launching our flavored lip gloss...
...which comes in four flavors: mint, cherry...
...vanilla and raspberry.
Also known as Dylan, Alicia, Kristen...
...and Massie. "
And you better hurry, we expect the Massies to sell out real fast.
Oh, sorry, Layne, we don't sell oatmeal flavor.
I wish she'd swallow her tongue.
It stings.
My lips.
GIRL 1: Oh, my God.
My lips are burning!
GIRL 2: Mine too.
My lips are on fire.
It looks like Jenna's lips got a boob job.
This is not funny.
- Yes, it is. - Yes, it is.
VINCENT: What's the problem? - Oh, my God, I need water.
Okay, girls, please settle down. We need to...
I want my money back.
Oh, my God.
My dad's gonna sue you.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I'm gonna fail. Do something.
Okay, okay. Is anyone here allergic to peanuts?
GIRL 3: Me, I am.
They made their makeup with peanuts? That's the most common allergy ever.
Everyone says they're popular, no one says they're geniuses.
Layne, your oatmeal. I need it.
Okay.
Everybody, listen up.
I have oatmeal.
We don't need oatmeal. We need help.
Yeah, help us.
Since when do you help the Pretty Committee?
Since everyone's lips are inflating to the size of Jessica Simpson's.
This will help.
Here you go.
Take it. I know it's gross, take it.
Thank God.
Thank you so much, Claire. I don't know what I would've done.
My lips are my best feature.
KRISTEN: Claire, hey.
I just wanted to say thanks for saving the day.
Yeah, who would've thought?
Zero to hero, even if it was just for a few minutes.
Looks like you made some friends.
Look, you don't have to be nice to me now.
I wasn't going to, it's just...
I'm glad I told you my secret...
...instead of Massie.
Kris, could use your help back here.
After all, you are Glambition's president.
This was all your idea.
KRISTEN: I guess I'll see you around.
Yeah. See you.
So I'm thinking...
...oatmeal flavor might be a bestseller.
MAN 1: Yes. Oh, hey, how are you?
It's good to see you. Thanks for coming.
WOMAN: I'm so sorry.
Oh, beautiful. Great to see you.
How are you?
Good to see you. All right, have fun.
MAN 2: Very good. Very good.
Layne.
- Wow, you look awesome. - Oh.
Does everyone party like this in Westchester?
Well, no one throws a party like the Blocks.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
CLAIRE: Hey, happy birthday.
Thanks. Claire, this is my girlfriend, Fawn.
- Nice to meet you. - You too.
- Hey, Fawn. - Hi.
- All right, we'll see you guys later. - Bye.
Wow.
Not even Massie could compete with her.
She's beautiful.
Yeah.
Speaking of Massie...
It looks so awesome.
MASSIE: Ta-da!
ALICIA: Oh, my God. Where'd you get that?
- That's so cute. - Really cute.
KRISTEN: You look amazing.
Yeah, Chris Babely is seriously gonna freak.
A hundred dollars says tonight you're getting your first kiss.
And maybe my second and third too.
ALICIA: Oh, my God. That's too cute.
That's adorable. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
And sold for $ 15,000. Thank you.
I wish we could bid on something.
Think there will be anything that goes for under 20 bucks?
Oh, hey.
MRS. BLOCK: We'll start the bidding at $ 12,000.
Still no Massie.
Maybe the wicked witch of Westchester is dead.
I'll be right back.
CLAIRE: Alicia, these are yours.
The dresses.
My parents thought I should give them back.
And your cell phone's in there too.
By the way, nice job trying to oust Massie.
You got closer than I ever did.
MRS. BLOCK: Sold for $ 17,500 to the lucky lady.
- Thank you. CLAIRE: Hey, Dylan.
For what it's worth, you would've rocked that miniskirt.
MRS. BLOCK: Before we wrap up our auction...
Thanks.
MRS. BLOCK: Please save some room for dessert...
Where's Massie?
- because we have a very special birthday presentation.
Chris Abeley, this one's for you.
CLAIRE: I think it'd be nice if someone... - What the...?
...said a few words about Chris. - Claire Lyons, I'm gonna kill you!
I think I'd like Fawn, Chris's girlfriend...
...to please come up.
Chris's girlfriend, Fawn, come up here.
Fawn? Girlfriend?
Um...
I really don't know what to say.
Chris and I met back in the seventh grade, you know.
- I wasn't really that interested... CLAIRE: Massie, it's safe to come out now.
FAWN: I was like, whoa.
He has a girlfriend?
FAWN: When he didn't hit me in the face with a dodge ball...
...I knew he was the one.
Happy birthday, babe.
I love you.
I think I'm gonna barf.
Is it possible to actually die of embarrassment?
If it were, I'd be dead a long time ago.
They fall off all the time, the charms.
Mm-hm.
MASSIE: Um...
Thanks, you know, for helping me back there.
You didn't have to do that.
I know.
Then why did you?
Because I'm not you.
That was you, right, who sent the oatmeal text?
Yeah.
Why?
You could've been the hero. Why'd you let me?
I don't know. I wanted to.
Come on, what about all the other times you've tried to make my life miserable?
You don't get it, Claire.
You're right, I don't.
Look how quickly my friends were willing to ditch me for you.
Yeah, so, what, you have to be mean to me?
I mean, come on. You're, like, a major threat.
Me? To who, you?
Are you kidding me?
Hey, the singing stopped.
Well, I better go find the girls.
It's not really a party without me.
This is going to sound totally weird, but can I take your picture?
It's for my brother.
How can you two be related? He's such a little creep.
I know.
Here.
And for the record, I'd pick A too.
What's A-2?
I'd rather be a friendless loser...
...than have a bunch of friends who secretly hate me.
Did you have fun tonight?
Actually, I did.
Who gave you the flower?
Believe it or not, Massie did.
Not sure how long it'll last, but I'm hoping for a while.
Are you talking about the flower or Massie?
Both.