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I don't think they want us to know who the real bride is.
JUVENTUS FANS & LIVERPOOL Alles8
A walk full of brides, the sky is full of brides,
the press doesn't know which way is right.
- I'm a genius. Is there still a sign of Marco Ballani? - There is no.
- Our intelligence says he went skiing. - Now?
It's good then.
Hello?
You! What are you doing there?
I am a wedding photographer.
Can I have a tall person behind?
- OK, buster, the play is over. - How long have you been there?
Amy... This isn't soda.
I will kill you!
- You messed up my life! - I've messed up a lot of life.
You're not special.
Basic boils!
When I get married, you won't know in which continent I'm in!
Marco Ballani, you're the Roman Golden God!
I can't be defeated by that bastard.
we must hide, completely.
We can get married in space.
Or hide under the water of the kingdom of Atlantis?
Outer space? I don't think you can.
Is that limited to your intelligence, say.
We will go somewhere remote.
Hi, Mam.
Oh, no.
- What happened? - There is no. I'm fine.
- I'm fine. - Well... good as long as you're fine.
Are you going somewhere?
I didn't expect you to be ready for marriage?
There's someone out there for you,
someone who is sensitive, loyal and kind.
But you will never find it if you hide here.
Good, I don't want to meet him. He sounds like a fool.
I'm like male Kryptonite.
Besides, I'm like kryptonite for men. kryptonite dipped in cellulite.
So what's new on Hegg? Tell me.
One of Donald's sheep sank.
They have to pull it with iron wire.
- Hello. - A little warm, isn't it, Iseabail?
This is global warming.
- Are you back Katie? - Yes, are we late?
Too late to marry him.
Fast!
Sorry, no.
Hi, Angus.
You're late, Katie Nic Aodh. She's mine now!
There are still Gypsies from Oban. He will come to visit in September.
And he really wants to get married. Because of his feet
I will marry you, Katie. How old are you when you are eight years old?
- 40. - 36 is the limit.
- Natives have returned. - Hello, Laird.
That's pretty charming, Katie.
And to continue the next embarrassing thing,
I might need to return to my old job.
What happened to the Edinburgh job
I ran out of ways to describe the bag.
If you don't mind me and say, Katie,
You always have a taste problem for men.
I know. I've lost vegetarian men.
They say that after the first six years you won't lose them again.
You have chosen the right place to try it.
There are no single men left on Hegg, is there, after today?
Besides me, of course.
Maybe you will dance with me later.
Don't forget about Hegg's law, Laird.
- You have to dance with us. The oldest with the youngest. - Oh, yes.
The dance of the dead.
Which means I have to meet you around 4:30 a.m.
So,
How long have you stayed here?
Well... actually, I'm thinking of staying.
I don't think you want to stay here.
Well, it looks like it's changing to become more interesting here.
So, everything seems to pass quickly. You have a wife
- And beard. - Oh really...
Muireen's thoughts are different from yours regarding beards.
And marriage.
Listen, I really hope you will...
Yes...
Hegg: An Island History,
"The Devenitive Guide" By Katie Nic Aodh.
£ 5 per copy. We share results.
A guidebook here? Do not be crazy.
Let's see our used toilets...
which might be haunted by a cow ghost sinking.
Do you see? We need to channel this, we must use creative energy.
If not, you will become restless and go wandering again.
No one will want to buy an guidebook for Hegg.
Unless the price is cheaper than toilet paper.
A marketing conference? Will be held here?
- The wave has changed. - For the market.
for £ 1 or £ 1.50 each with hair.
They want to use my castle, for a week.
- Hope they are lucky. - This is a beautiful island, Katie.
On the one hand...
A new start. Like that old whale.
You're not too young to remember that the whale is Laird?
- No, I remember. - There will be a lot of money later on this.
Don't be hard on visitors, Katie.
We don't want them to think this is an Orkneys where everything goes.
Now, Katie. Chapter One,
where is a young woman and her landlord
save their island from doom by writing
a brilliant guidebook.
The island of Hegg is located half submerged and windy,
far from the extreme waves of the Hebrides.
The city has a population of around 75 people,
the majority of them are around the age...
75 yrs. Or even older.
Although Hegg is undoubtedly has a certain appeal...
Hegg is not popular with tourists.
Even the Vikings never showed any interest in us.
But the islanders remain tenacious and the people are smart.
those under 50 are now married, except one.
This island has one B & B
which offers traditional Scottish breakfast
sausages, chips and nuts, or if you feel more metropolitan,
You can get a light breakfast,
one sandwich, two Weetabix and Snickers.
Do we have Michelin stars for me to put on top?
- Are you not cold? do you need a coat? - No need, I'm fine.
As always... I will die in a good way.
I have to get out of here, Katie. I've never been anywhere.
And I want to see the world, _ overdose because of * daiquiri (drinks)
and thrown into the volcano. But you need money for that.
If they ask, say we have two stars but the star has collapsed.
Welcome to Sunshine, Hegg B & B.
We have an empty room.
- We are looking for a castle. - We are marketing people.
I'll take you there... it will cost ten dollars.
Mam!
I'll take you.
Oh, yeah, ampyun.
Do you like it?
This is spectacular.
And that's the last time Americans say it.
A sparkling gilt of gold.
That time did not reduce the fortress at all.
We are dead. Lara is expecting to walk straight to that stupid book.
He won't blame you, Steve. He is a decent woman.
Provide me with an office, landline, steeplejacks, welder,
£ 20,000 cash, 50,000 gallons of water,
construction crew from Bonnie Prince Charlie
and cappuccino.
Seal. Look at the funny thing.
I don't know where we are, but this is perfect.
The sea lights up and vibrates the salt chain
against sharp rocks where too many waves die.
What is that?
That's you. Chapter 49 of my favorite book.
- A bird expert's wife. - Is it true?
My husband will be one of the great writers of the 21st century.
- So where are we really? - You know where we are.
Really?
No!
Just like what you described.
We are on Hegg.
Don't you remember from many of your research trips?
Hey, you guys.
I don't know why we didn't think about this before.
Sorry we can't bring friends and family.
But this is so special, isn't it?
This is perfect. And that's just us.
Let's go in. I have to see the 'Hall of a Million Feathers'.
- Should it? - Yes, you must see.
Do you like your room?
We have 40 craftsmen who work all night.
- One of them is 80. - Why don't you tell him I made it all?
When Lara wants to go to Big Rock Candy Mountain,
I didn't bring it to Elm Street.
This is your first time going to Hegg, right?
You google the entire book.
You're the first person to have a problem with that.
I need fresh air.
There are only seven people in the world who know we are here.
Anyone who asks, say that you're in a marketing conference.
Bend your face and wear a hat, Tolstoy.
If you can avoid a lot of rabbit holes,
Hegg can be the right place to take a walk.
And like islanders say, if you don't like the weather here,
just wait for about 20 minutes. End of Chapter One.
Chapter Two: The main attractions of Hegg.
People on the island are proud of old public facilities.
Decorated urinals with peacock color,
while the toilet is the size of a cow cage...
really scary.
Laird.
Hello? I'm sure it's not a real cow.
Unless it's the handle of a kazoo.
- Sorry. - Oh, no, no, I...
The landlords of this island have similar caps.
Sorry I broke through you, Mom...
- Not mother. - No, no. Not.
I just pretended to be a cow ghost,
which, of course, was really crazy.
Not at all.
Sorry,
from the front I think this house is open to the public.
my house?
Don't you live here?
I don't live in this toilet. Not!
Here we live in a primitive residence,
Like anthropologists call it a house.
I'm sorry. I have spent much time with... ascetic.
For someone marketing, you're not good at lying.
I'm still very junior.
- Katie. - I'm J...
John. John... son, John...
- John. - John Johnson.
And I... I'm lost.
No wonder. The book is not true about everything.
You haven't read it yet. No one reads it.
That's the only book ever written about Hegg.
Everyone who can read must read it.
- The Hegg Book Club gives a value of 4 out of 10. - Four out of ten?
We think the book tells 600 sides.
The structure of the book may be quite intentional.
Wow, the Hegg Book Club is a hard guy.
Oh, and the love story? This is not at all credible.
There is no 'soul' at all.
- without soul? - Maybe the second edition of the book will be better.
- Has it come out? - No, no.
Yes ampyun. It's been years,
maybe the author wants a longer story. Can you imagine?
Do you want me to take it for a while?
Oh, no, no. You definitely need Iona.
There is no monastery here. There are no monks. There is no miracle.
- It's okay. - But there are no free accommodations here.
I believe in God too, but I'm also very interested in yoga.
- Hung jury, you see. So there is no discount. - No problem.
I will pay first in full.
To be fair, he must redeem it.
You can tell Hegg in a flyer of about five pages.
OK, I know where I am now.
Look, you're here to work, obviously.
But if you like coffee, I live in B & B...
down there, with my mom.
It's just that... I go around more often and I'm much sexier than it seems.
We have so many...
marketing must be done.
OK. This is not...
I'm not... I'm not anymore.
I'm vegetarian.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Bye.
Room three.
God bless you.
This is a hobby. I wish I could catch some pictures of your rare birds.
We don't have rare birds. We have porcupines.
Yeah, I'm here now.
I just made something unbelievable - Ignorance of myself. - We have guests.
- I don't trust this monk. - People say they're monkeys around.
- I think he's a journalist. - Why?
Have you taken your medicine?
Chapter One: Jackson Kandinsky wakes up from a dream of the past
I'm much sexier than it seems.
Yes.
Are you sure tonight the worst thing to make love
before marriage?
I hate when you beg for sex.
You're so beautiful.
You made me starve you. Makes me sunken...
with caves of desire.
Oh, God. Am I writing it? 'Desire.' That's not even a word.
No. It's just coming out of my mind. Oh, right. Sorry.
It's finally dark too?
You're not a monk. And you won't have my story. Is this the Caledonian Press Agency?
Imagine burning your cellulite!
Come on! You do it very well!
Oh, God.
This is good. Feel the burning.
Lara?
When did you say 'sort of lost...'?
She's... She's really gone.
OK, he saw it. Did he see it?
I don't know. He disguised himself as a witch.
A kind of chocolate witch. And he climbed the phon near the chapel.
How does he do this?
He is amazing.
OK, he's in a tree. He wants a photo of a happy couple.
Let's give it to him. We go to the wedding exactly as planned.
But with a replacement cast. Assure Ballani that this is a real marriage,
he will take a picture and leave. Then we go find Lara,
bring it back to the chapel
and do it again, this time for the real one.
You're amazing too.
- Do I need to tell James? - Don't say anything to the google leech.
If James finds out Lara is missing, he will go look for it...
Oh, you are here. Ladies and gentlemen, I will tidy up my own hair now.
- Because I know what I want. - OK.
Is there a problem?
- Yay. - Yay.
- I'm lucky. - OK.
But if James doesn't know that Lara is missing, how can it work?
He must think that the woman is the real bride. We need fake brides.
None of you are suitable. Too high, too black.
- I can do it. - Do not be stupid.
Ballani knows you. He saw you with James.
I only need someone who can walk 20 feet without falling.
Who is that terrible girl?
- But I don't look like Lara Tyler. - That's right,
he is not exactly the same now before the two girls helped him.
- Hi. - We think you are full of potential.
- No, sorry. - £ 200.
I'm really not interested. I'm sick of marriage.
£ 500. This is not a real marriage.
Have they ever? I almost bought a wedding dress at that time.
- It costs the same as Fiat Uno. - £ 5,000.
Is there someone on this island that says I'm a prostitute?
Listen! I'm really not interested, and my mom will be back soon,
and I said I would cook lunch, so...
An hour of improvisation. There are no sexual scenes.
£ 5,000. You can do something really good,
to hurt your mother.
What kind of tool is that?
I will temporarily paralyze your cheeks.
- What are you doing? - This is just a kind of bleach.
- This will make your hair more shiny. - Impossible.
He can't put toilet cleaners in my hair.
Don't blabber.
No, no, no.
- Sorry. - Vain.
Let's make it more convincing.
You're an Oscar candidate. You are confident.
You're calm. You have done many campaigns.
And your newest thing is citing Gertrude Stein...
at length and from memory.
OK, Steve, we're in. I don't think he's inside.
But to be safer, suppose that the place is tapped.
Can you do an American accent?
Lara? are you okay?
Hi. Do you love him, cheer him up,
respect it and protect it,
and leave all others to be loyal to him as long as you two are still alive?
I will.
I will!
I, James Neil Arber, take you, Lara Elizabeth Tyler,
to be my wife, when I'm happy, when it's hard, when I'm sick and when I'm healthy...
... to love and appreciate
until death separates us. In the presence of God, I took this oath.
I, Lara Elizabeth Tyler, accept you,
James Neil Arber, to be my husband,
to keep and keep going from today forward, both happy, bad,
happy, hard...
sick, healthy, love, death, respect.
Before God, I made this oath.
Who owns the ring?
- Steve, what the hell happened? - I'll explain it to you later.
Ring text is optional, right?
Now I declare you husband and wife.
- You can kiss the bride. - Who is this?
John Johnson.
Girl toilet?
We have to buy time to look for Lara.
"Us" who do you mean? Who is looking for it?
- Gang. - The makeup groom?
Are you crazy? He could have fallen from a cliff!
Do you think Ballani will believe this toilet attendant is my wife?
I'm not a toilet attendant.
He has been hunted by reporters since he was 15.
So that made him a little nervous. And what have you done?
You made him disappear in Hegg with a photographer he hates the most.
How can it... When did they do all this?
- This is my job, to protect his career. - He will retire.
- Let me know, only you & him are like that. - Steve. Steve!
- What? - Is that a press?
Oh, God. How did this happen?
Can I have my clothes back and my reward?
- My mother is waiting for me. - I will find it.
What we need is you can't catch their attention.
Lara is gone. Maybe there are wolves out there.
You're absolutely right. I don't think clearly.
Of course, if anyone can find it, it's you.
- This way, you two. - Thank you.
This way. This is the way back out.
- You said just one hour ago! - Yeah, I'm full of nonsense.
There must be a way out.
I'm not a toilet guard. And I told you my name.
If only I could remember your name, we could find a way out of here.
Sorry, you named someone with an "officer" that's really cruel right?
You don't want to hang out with people like them.
Give you a white dress and suddenly it's all about you.
- This isn't your big day, Katie. - You too, apparently.
You have the theme of marriage "The witch's wife".
- What is it like? - I think that could be worse.
I can be trapped in Stephen King's honeymoon.
Even though he seems a good guy.
- How much have you paid for this, in your village? - More than enough.
So why do we do that?
As long as they think of Lara in the castle, they will camp there.
As long as they are there, they won't look for Lara.
Come on.
Strupak!
- Strupak! 1 pound. - It's like tea.
This is tea.
Get out of your way to fuck!
We will make money.
A bunch of reporters just got off the ferry
and some will come soon after.
It's like that whale again.
Happy couple. A good statue.
What is this?
iPhone.
Diamond earrings.
This is a party bag, right?
You get an party bag from your own wedding.
You're hard to understand, but this is very funny.
I counted all my money with a very expensive money counter.
Bling! Bling!
Hello? Eight times six million 12.5% interest
I will check it for you.
Listen, I'm married to Lara Tyler.
I did not marry you. This is Lara's idea...
and my idea of a big marriage.
If I marry you, we will be in the place you choose...
in the hotel bar with two bright stars no doubt, wrapped in tinsel,
drink German wine and watch your cousin have sex in the car.
- You're very arrogant. - You too.
What is this eclectic library.
Signed... That's tragic.
- Did you sign the marriage certificate? - You see me. Why?
Is it legal?
- I guess, in the chaos, I might have signed my own name. - So?
I can confirm that Lara Tyler and James Arber
finally getting married today...
in a small private ceremony.
They will leave honeymoon to an undisclosed destination
in the morning, but, as you see...
they will spend their wedding night... in the tower there.
There is a window...
where everything will happen.
- Thank you. - Is there a picture of the dress?
Don't get the bottom dress wet.
Do you want me to take it off?
- Are you not fully married yet? I think that can help - No
I remember now. Single.
But keep the world authority in the romance in literature.
- If you don't explore the toilet for men. - Parasites.
I hope he made you sign a prenup.
- How can they make you fit the dress? - It is suitable.
How exactly does it work? When you divorce, does he get half,
- Your book isn't finished? - I'm not a parasite.
I haven't even lived with Lara until now.
He built this pavilion with the reason that I can write.
He puts you under a garden shed like a turtle Look, how old are you? over 30 years?
- 30. - Still living with your mother?
I stayed with my mom for a while because she was sick.
And what are you doing again? Are you the president of the Hegg Book Club?
- Or do you manage their medication? - I'm also a writer.
- A writer? What is the author? - The author of something that people really read.
- Do you write cereal packages? - Listen...
Do you write your name repeatedly on the back of the truck?
If you have to know, I am writing to online catalog of men's clothing.
A pants catalog. I don't do it again.
What, 'five pairs of brown trousers with elastic belts,
£ 30 for five pairs? Is it like that?
I also wrote a guidebook for Hegg,
stories about life on this island are more accurate than other books.
Sounds interesting.
Is there news? Did you find it?
Hello! This island is much bigger than you say, OK? Over.
You might prefer to work at the San Quentin nail clinic, right.
Keep looking. Over. And it's done.
Nantti only.
Where is he?
- So what will we look for? Fat or thin? - Second.
Chubby Hollywood looks thin
on a happy day?
Bastard.
- Hello. - Go now, ma'am. Cannot approach to the castle.
He will be lucky.
Do you have a portable phone that I can borrow?
There are no signals dear. Public telephones there.
Can I have a ticket for the telephone?
Occasionally triples. I buy.
Look at him. Show off the money like Sheikh Oman.
As if the story was his for sale.
Hello. I'm from 'Stars Today' and I'm here to buy a copy
for special marriage Lara Tyler.
Nobody saw anything and no picture.
Yes, that means you haven't got the picture yet. Marco Ballani will have the picture.
What, is Marco Ballani?
Do you have a photo?
Marco! Do you have a photo?
I have nothing.
Tell me what your new book is?
This is about the end of the world seen through the eyes of God.
Oh, no...
Didn't anyone tell you to write about what you know?
According to him, you're a genius, right? And you try,
be nice to Lara Tyler.
But that really limits you. Pathetic.
Still living with your mother, pretending to be a movie star write a guidebook about an island that no one will visit.
That's sad.
I will open my present now.
Ah! Have you got the picture?
- Do I know you? - No, you don't know me.
No, I haven't got the picture yet.
Did you know he stayed in his pool for 2 weeks before filming 'The Drowning'?
I live on the roof of the swimming pool.
We're both compulional obsessive.
- Don't you sell all this? - This is too personal.
And now that he's married to someone else, I just realized...
I love him. I am a cave of longing.
- Is that good English? - Yeah.
I don't understand this.
Lara and I like tiger documentaries.
- What are you doing here? - Where is Lara?
As if I will tell you.
Behind the most attractive woman in the world,
you drink champagne and you jump around with prostitutes.
I'm not a prostitute.
- I'm his wife. - He is a terrible mistake.
You have failed again to marry Lara. This is a better match for you.
Sorry I can't answer now if it's from Random House
I have a problem with replacing the computer and I'm sick,
but it will go well and I will send some chapters this week.
Well, it looks like I have to go straight in an exclusive interview with Lara Tyler.
Will you fight like men or just throw puffins at me?
I will find it. And when I find it, I will have it.
It's not that easy.
See.
- What are you doing? - I'll buy milk.
- Who do you think you are? Tarzan? - Rock climbing.
Of course he can.
- That is pleasure. - Oh, will I stay here?
What makes your boyfriend prefer than my mother who is sick?
- There might be wolves out there. - Wolf? There are no wolves.
We don't even have bees. He may stand on a hedgehog,
which one, it might be better, because he drives it.
Save it for your bad guidebook in the second edition.
If there is one.
Okay, wait. I come along, I'll go down.
If it's full of water, you will wet the dress.
You're going to be back in the community soon, Come back inside!
- Goodbye! - Fucking nails.
Don't look at my thigh.
You made the dress wet.
- Thank you for saving my life. - Sorry you almost drowned.
Don't. My life passed briefly before my eyes,
and halfway I'm just bored.
- Sinking is an interesting event. - Me too, actually.
It's good enough to do something productive.
You're right about me living with my mother. I'm a loser.
Well, you're right about my book which is a little soulless.
And about me as a restricted writer.
- I think I'm a big loser. - I'm the worse loser.
- Oh, no. - Why are you so competitive?
I had a problem with replacing the computer and I was sick,
James, I'm sorry. I can't go into the castle.
you know in your book, where where did they kiss? Meet me there.
Bring the priest and the ring. I love you. I really love you.
The place where they kissed.
You're very kind, but this really isn't necessary, I can do it myself.
Ohh, I insist.
I think you're beautiful on 'The Wolf and the Moon.'
So... Thank you for spreading the news about my marriage.
- What are the results? - There is no.
Thank you.
JUVENTUS FANS & LIVERPOOL Alles8
Tok, tok.
Quills.
Christmas gifts from Lara.
He thinks it might help to write.
That must be a terrible concert.
- Father, it's gone, we don't talk about it. - OK.
Dispose of the money down. The money or you with the wheelchair.
Come on.
- Do you hear me? - Yes.
I thought about that.
This need... everything.
I like it.
April is a really cruel month.
- Poor Angus. - Sorry. Is she...?
No. But maybe it should, but I go to the artistic part...
with commitment issues. My former fiance was a band player.
They only had a hit with the song 'Bed Hopper'
- So the instructions are there. - I think it's ironic.
Stupid. But, then I also thought he likes girls who...
gives constructive criticism.
And he said I was just a song,
not the entire album.
My connection is finished with it.
- They say you stopped looking... - Married?
Actually, marriage becomes a shock.
At least the fact that you will leave me for another woman has been agreed upon.
What is she like?
I think he's like someone else, is just an ordinary girl.
No, he is rare and good and strange and simple. And be generous.
And really sweet.
And brilliant. In all respects.
But can he do this?
No, I'm sure he can't.
So, you do all this only with candles and flour?
- Yeah. Has everything faded? - Yes. You're so beautiful.
Sorry I sold your story.
I have to get out of this island, soon.
And I have to see the world and be thrown into the volcano.
- This is my dream. - Oh, God, I just realized who you really are.
You're Maggie, his wife the ornithologist.
James wrote about you.
Maggie, who refused to give up and oppose the oppressors.
Yes, that's me.
- You're like an inspiration to me. - Thank you.
My face has just been kicked by the most beautiful woman in the world
who is now walking outside in clothes like my old dormitory teacher.
I will pay 200 thousand for the picture.
Go and get it.
Retro classic. 100% pure with woolen cloth.
Not used since 1978.
What will I do without you?
Katie, there's money at Whale Beach, enough for us to go.
But we have to go there before the tide.
- Connor? - No, Mam.
- This is my husband. - Your husband?
There is a misunderstanding. Hi. James.
Why is he dressed like your father?
- Well, his girlfriend is missing... - Does he have a girlfriend?
- Is this the toilet man? - What?
- The person you met at the toilet. - Not
Why is there money at Whale Beach?
Lara Tyler forced me to throw away cash what I got from selling the wedding story.
He is not married. He is on the road to Cathedral Cove
to meet James Arber.
James...
Arber?
Indeed.
Very smart. So you are managing all these situations.
A bag of cash to notify the press,
the other to pretend to be a bride.
When it's all over, you set the record straight.
This is a good business to destroy the happiness of others.
Making cow eyes at me for hours to adds a little spice to the story.
- Cow's eye? - Let me tell you.
For traps to work, , there is a need for bait.
Do you like it?
He's a retarded artist who is in love with another woman.
- Of course I like it. - Did you say to him?
Better to live life with mistakes,
rather than living life without doing anything.
Falling in love with your father is the best mistake I've ever made.
I have you.
My worst mistake is not chasing him.
No, I'd better just die.
Really? Then we have to take the picture and put it on the wall
and you can throw an arrow there for the rest of your life.
Where do those stupid people kiss?
Hello. Do you want to help me Thank you.
Is the Cathedral near here, or in other coves?
I became a bit lost.
Oh, good. Now I have been recognized.
Yes, I'm James Arber.
I married Lara Tyler. Possibility.
But please if you don't mention this to anyone
and please don't call the press.
Okay, yes.
Oh, no. No, it's not me. That's...
OK. For who?
I'll just leave it blank for eBay.
I have to leave soon, you guys are really good.
But if you have a Hegg map I might be able to borrow...
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Well, I might have forgotten a little.
Yeah. I'm concentrating on the harp.
Beautiful.
Both are deaf.
Okay, one more time. Yeah.
Hello, Mairead. Caleb.
Isn't it fun outside?
This is global warming.
I heard my husband playing bagpipes.
That's an old story.
- Thank you. I was just about to find you. - Is it true?
Yeah. We must divorce.
Yes. Yes, of course.
We have to go and find Reverend McDonagh. He will know what to do.
OK, don't panic, but James and the girl... they've run away.
We need local intelligence.
Who is that horrible woman?
I don't know where one of them is. They are not here.
Yes, look, It's just that I don't believe you.
Listen, they can be anywhere now.
But I think you know where they are. And I think for the right price,
you will tell me.
I didn't sell your wedding story. My mother did it.
- He was dying and a little angry about it. - Oh, I'm sorry.
He only wants to see the outside world before he dies.
Ah, look. This is where my country lives.
Hurry up, let's go here. Come on
- Where are we now? - This book says it is the center of wildlife.
You're like a woman who is bleeding because of reading the map.
No, this book is wrong, everything is wrong.
Is there someone there?
- Arrivals! Comer! - Sorry dear, I didn't realize someone was staying here.
- I will beat this pan for you. - No, thank you.
Beat a pan? On Friday?
Ah, our first home, what life can we have.
Yeah. Come on
So you think pastor McDonagh can help our divorce?
Well, I don't remember if he could help with a problem like this,
but, yes, he will know what to do.
There's something special about this island, right?
Or is it only because of me?
- No, there is something about this island. - And this is just Hegg Island.
We are simple people.
You have to see Barra. It was amazing.
I like this one. This is beautiful.
I wish I had come here early.
- Stay away from him, Englishman! - Angus!
- Mr. April? - You came here, took our woman.
Your woman? Angus, no!
Come with me. I never thought I had a chance with you
until you come back and then... Marry me.
You're married to Muireen.
But I don't want him. I never want him. I always want you.
Embarrassing. You're married, he's also married. Oh, what tragedy is this.
Is she married? With whom?
me.
Is that correct?
Well then, I will fight with you for his sake.
- No. - No, no. I will not fight.
I won. I can look after him.
Angus!
I want to grow old with you. You are beautiful and smart now.
It's easy to love you now.
I will still love you when even wind will dry you.
And when you are old and ugly. Is he like me too?
Angus, I'm sorry. Return to Muireen.
He loves you.
It's better when someone loves you.
So you love him?
- Come on. - I am fine.
Wow. Really amazing.
I used to come here often, alone.
Just been married for 5 minutes and already chased another woman, eh?
Why not just defend this marriage?
Because her fiance is Lara Tyler.
She's an actress.
She's very beautiful, she has amazing talent,
and rare, and good, and simple,
and generous, and kind, and brilliant in everything.
- But he married you. - Right.
An excellent assistant everyday
from outside the Outer Hebrides. Somewhat tacky.
You're not an ordinary person.
He can become Miss Universe with the Nobel Peace Prize
and he can still be wrong to choose someone.
Marriage is like a sunset. The romance is only for a moment.
Marriage is a sea that blends with dawn in the afternoon.
We got married by mistake.
- Not a good condition, for an eternal marriage. - No
Once upon a time, MacNeils from Barra, were great people with brutal red hair will cross the Minch to Hegg to steal our sheep and take our wife at the same time.
But if we can reclaim our women before the inauguration...
Marriage doesn't count. This is still under Hegg's law.
So if we can do it to Cathedral Cove before nightfall,
Your license with Miss Tyler will still apply
and then the original ceremony was carried out as planned.
If that's what you want.
How long do we have before dark?
About half an hour. When God created time, He made enough time.
When God creates threads, He makes it into a ball.
Well, you think about this while I prepared my things.
Oh, one more thing. Is the marriage perfect?
- No. - I haven't had a chance.
When God created time...
Hello?
Lara?
James?
- Why did he bring us here? - What place is this?
How do you know when you met your hemisphere?
Every time you see them, you find yourself singing
"You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings"
What happened when did you meet Lara?
They asked 10,000 men to mention their ideal partner and 9,800 say Lara. Statistically it includes...
at least 800 gay men.
If you are male and Lara Tyler is interested in in you, she is the special one,
it's a kind of rule.
If you can't be happy with Lara Tyler...
You can't be happy with anyone.
Are you sure about this? Because you look like a match for me.
Are you, James Neil Arber, _ accepting Katie Nic Aodh
- As a legitimate wife marrying you? - No, I don't.
And do you, Katie Nic Aodh, receive James Neil Arber
- As a legitimate husband marrying you? - Of course not. thanks.
Now pull your ring and return it,
to show that you are not married.
Follow me, fast. We must hurry.
Fortunately there are no pets involved.
If I wasn't in the middle of the Atlantic
after one of the strangest of my life,
I will...
James, wait.
If everything doesn't work well with Lara...
I mean, he's perfect, it's clear.
But he restrained you.
So maybe you're not one of the 9,800.
That's not entirely impossible, isn't it?
Because if you can't marry her.
You can stay here. With me.
I know.
This is where you tell me, if I'm only one chapter,
not the entire book.
Go away.
Hey! Lara Tyler is not in the castle.
They are now married in a haunted toilet.
This is a local tradition. Through this way!
- Are you okay? - Yeah. you?
I really don't like tiger documentaries.
It's okay.
If we will do this, we must hurry.
Do you want to taste sugar? Do you want to taste sugar?
What is that?
dear, I might look like a simple cake maker,
in a small town, but inside...
I am a warrior who deserves a prize, and I will not rest...
as long as there is enriched uranium
in South Carolina.
A strong scene there. Lara Tyler in 'Depleted', aired on Friday.
There are rumors that you will retire.
Last summer I thought to _ live a calmer life
but...
then I met an amazing Scottish woman.
Severe pain, never complaining.
Actually, no, he complained about a lot of things.
I heard recently he died.
But I can help him fulfill his dream to travel around the world.
Thank you, Lara.
Hegg - A History of Island, Second Edition.
The hegg is the furthest area
from curly waves, from the Outer Hebrides.
But for those who are curious enough it takes time to find it,
Cliffs of Hegg and moorlands, meadows and sandy beaches
reveals he is an island that is ready to exceed all expectations,
a small stone of perfection
protruding from the anxiety of the Hebridean Sea.
This is James Arber's new book. Much better, more mature.
And only one chapter.
See. He dedicated it to Lara.
Katie, you're traveling again, so fast.
The guidebook does not write itself.
But I will never forget who gave me a big opportunity.
I just came to say hello and say bye. I leave on a boat at four o'clock.
I have a flight to New Delhi and then to Singapore.
It's hard to reach moving targets, eh?
I should know that the damn guidebook will take it away.
Idiot.
This is not the same without you, Katie.
It will never be the same. We miss you. I miss you.
This is Katie, this is for you.
This is the bride. For good luck. This is the last one.
- Thank you. - That costs £ 1.50.
- Are you leaving again, Katie? - I am trying.
He will come back. His father is a traveler,
but his mother always stays at home.
No, I'm not sure he is, from his deepest heart.
I must immediately...
I'm sure you will be a bit like your father and mother.
Goodbye, everyone.
Hello!
Hello! Hello.
- Long time no see. - Yeah.
I was hoping our first meeting would be a little more relaxed.
What are you doing here?
I've tried to get your attention in the conventional way,
- Phone, email, that kind of thing. - I go.
Yeah, and you go again. Haven't you read my new book?
- Not everything, no. - You really have to read it.
- The Hegg Book Club gives a score of 7.5 - Seven and a half?
The Hegg Book Club is so generous in its value.
They say the point is around page 6.
- So you don't see who the book is dedicated to? - It's dedicated to Lara.
No! Not him!
No!
"For my wife. 1 chapter can be a book."
- What do you mean, 1 chapter can be a book? - I do not know.
I don't know.
Do you have a radio?
He told you, the only person he wants to marry is you.
But he and Lara let the press think that they were getting married.
So he isn't married?
Katie, should we go back?
Don't you mind?
I can't believe you didn't read my book.
I can't control myself.
Well, I hope you read it someday, because there are characters there...
that reminds me of you.
This is a book about a man, _ a really stupid guy,
which makes really bad decisions,
and how he lost someone extraordinary from his life.
And how did the man realize that he can't live his life...
without that woman.
People say, we have to write what we know.
So, obviously, I arranged it for the background of the Spanish Civil War.
- And Lara? - She is fine.
We agree that we are not compatible with each other.
By the way, I read your good guidebook.
Really?
What a shame, isn't it? I've been very rude to you in that new edition.
Well, I love intelligent criticism.
And why are you back to Hegg now?
Oh, I intend to steal some sheep.
and maybe stealing women simultaneously, but...
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