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PROSECUTOR:
This is an unusual case, My Lord.
2
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:38,960
The accused was at an unmanned station
under the influence of a strong fortified wine.
3
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,600
Railway personnel from some 20 miles away
manning security cameras
4
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,560
saw him staggering
towards the station's edge.
5
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,280
Lovely jubbly
6
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,320
[CHIMING ON PA]
7
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,760
ANNOUNCER ON PA: Would all passengers
stand back from the edge of the platform?
8
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,840
You with the trainers on.
You with the blue tracksuit.
9
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,080
Get back. There's a train coming
through here any minute.
10
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,960
Stand back.
11
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,320
Is somebody taking the piss here?
12
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,680
When will you do what you're told
and stand back?
13
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,960
- Stand back?
- That's right, you heard me. Stand back.
14
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,160
If you say so, pal.
15
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,240
Oh, shit!
16
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,000
See! Look what you've done now,
you fucking imbecile!
17
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,000
Get off that track. There's a train
coming through here in seconds.
18
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:38,840
What the fuck was that, you arsehole?
I fucking nearly broke my bottle.
19
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,760
Fuck the bottle. Get off the track!
Hurry up! Get a fucking move on!
20
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,120
I cannae find my glasses!
21
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,080
This is God calling.
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00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,600
Get off the fucking track, will you?!
23
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,440
- Get a fucking move on or you're gonna die!
- Fuck me!
24
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,440
Move it, you fucking arsehole!
25
00:01:55,560 --> 00:02:00,400
[TRAIN APPROACHES]
Oh, thank fuck. Oh! Shit.
26
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,680
[TRAIN HORN BLASTS]
27
00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,280
[TRAIN WHOOSHES PAST]
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00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,760
JUDGE: It seems to me, young man,
that your profound stupidity
29
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is matched only by your good fortune.
30
00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:26,520
I sentence you to 180 hours
of Community Payback.
31
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:31,440
If you don't carry out the required work,
you will come back here before me
32
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:35,640
and receive a custodial sentence.
Is that clear?
33
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,360
ALBERT: No, not really.
34
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:43,200
The accused stole a yellow and blue
macaw from a pet shop
35
00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,880
in the Gallowgate area of the city.
36
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:49,400
The bird was stuffed inside
a Marks & Spencer's carrier bag
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00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,520
with tail protruding.
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00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,680
On being asked for an explanation
by a police constable, the accused replied,
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00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:02,560
"Why don't you piss off and start hunting
rapists, mass murderers and perverts,
40
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,840
"YOU grumpy twat?"
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00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,480
MALE SOLICITOR:
The damage to the vending machine
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00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,520
was not as great as first feared, My Lord,
43
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,320
and it has been repaired at very little cost.
44
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,520
It seems clear this of fence was committed,
unfortunately, through depression
45
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:22,760
and this recent violent outburst
is a desperate attempt
46
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,360
to get back inside the prison system.
47
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,880
PROSECUTOR:
This is a public order of fence, My Lord.
48
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,280
Climbing the statue of the Duke of Wellington
in the city centre.
49
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,280
The accused was under
the influence of drink and drugs.
50
00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,080
He seems to bear a grudge
against public monuments.
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00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:45,240
On previous occasions he has put
a Scottish flag around Queen Victoria
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00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,360
and urinated on Donald Dewar.
53
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,600
The accused had a part-time cleaning job
three days a week.
54
00:03:55,880 --> 00:04:00,360
But during this time she continued
to claim Social Security benefits.
55
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,840
Your Lordship will note there is
a considerable history
56
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,280
of fraudulent claims from the accused.
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00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:12,000
She seems unable to change her behaviour
of claiming benefits she's not entitled to.
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00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,760
As you will recall, My Lord,
this young man has pleaded guilty
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00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,400
to a violent and prolonged assault.
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00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,640
Now, it is accepted that the accused's rivals
in this case provoked the incident
61
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:27,400
but, at the same time, the severity
and viciousness of the accused's reaction
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00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,720
went far beyond self-defence.
63
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:37,240
Both the accused's rivals were assaulted
to their severe and permanent disfigurement.
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00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,080
Given his chaotic childhood, My Lord,
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,600
both Mr Emmerson's parents
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00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,960
were frequently in and out of custody
during his formative years.
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00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,840
Um...
He perhaps didn't have the best start in life.
68
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,080
Your Lordship will note that,
following Mr Emmerson's release
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00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,040
from Polmont Young Offenders Institution,
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00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,480
the last 10 months have been trouble-free,
My Lord,
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00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,560
albeit apart from this one
very serious incident.
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00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:08,160
He has formed
a stable relationship with his girlfriend.
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00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:14,640
She continues to be
a positive and stabilizing influence in his life.
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00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,600
The reason for that is clear.
75
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:22,200
Within 10 days, my client
will become a father for the first time.
76
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:27,960
My Lord, the prospects of fatherhood
have changed this young man,
77
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,720
and he would grasp one last opportunity
with both hands.
78
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:38,080
He has clashed with his girlfriend's father
on several occasions,
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00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,960
which gives rise to serious concern.
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00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,280
Stand up.
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00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,640
Your record is appalling.
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00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,640
For much of your short life
you have behaved like a thug
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00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:54,400
and the violent incidents in this case
have proven to me
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00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,440
that you are still a dangerous individual.
85
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,920
But you are obviously
a young man with energy and talent.
86
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,720
You have escaped a significant custodial
sentence by the skin of your teeth.
87
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,440
I sentence you to 300 hours
of Community Payback.
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00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,400
[GAVEL POUNDS]
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
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00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,320
JUDGE: Silence there!
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00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,040
Silence.
91
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,120
- Silence there!
- WOMAN: Silence in court!
92
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,320
Silence!
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00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,000
WOMAN: Quiet!
[CLAMORING CONTINUES]
94
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:47,440
ROBBIE: Oh, fuck.
95
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,520
I cannae believe that, man.
96
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,680
[SOBS]
It's okay, Leonie.
97
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,720
God, I thought they were gonna
put you away for years.
98
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:59,800
I'm telling you, I am never coming back here.
I'm telling you now.
99
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,640
One more time, Robbie,
and you're on your own.
100
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,320
You'd have been safer inside, you wee prick.
Watch your fucking back.
101
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,000
- See you soon, you wee dick.
- Catch you after, hairy hole. [LAUGHS]
102
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,320
I cannae live with this. I'm not going to.
103
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,280
Good morning, sir.
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00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,720
I'm here to report for Community Payback.
105
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,720
- And your name is?
- It's Albert Ridley.
106
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,040
- You're not on here, son.
- You sure? Should be definitely on the list.
107
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,880
- Are you sure it's today?
- Aye, Wednesday.
108
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,560
- You're two days out, son.
- What?
109
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,440
- You're two days out.
- Two days out?
110
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,160
There must be... Should be definitely on it.
111
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,720
I'll tell you what. If you can tell me
what year it is, I'll let you come with us.
112
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,960
- What year it is?
- Yeah.
113
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,960
Feels as if I'm fuckin' on
Who Wants to be a Millionaire here.
114
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,240
Can I phone a friend?
115
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,960
It's your lucky day. We're two short.
We're painting the community centre.
116
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,600
- Are you any good with a brush?
- I'll give it a bash, aye.
117
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,400
- Right, get on the bus, then.
- Cheers.
118
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,760
- You all right?
- Aye, I'm fine. How?
119
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,160
- What's your second name again? I forgot it.
- It's a secret. Ha-ha!
120
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,840
- It's a secret?
- I'm no telling you.
121
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,080
- Willy, you been drinking, pal?
- I haven't touched a drink.
122
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,800
- Oh, Willy.
- I haven't touched a drink. Promise.
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00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,760
Look, smell my breath. [EXHALES]
No touched a drink!
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00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,080
- Robert Emmerson.
- What name is it?
125
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,280
- Robert Emmerson.
- Rob, it's 8:00 sharp. It's not a taxi service.
126
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,360
- The bus sailed right past me.
- There's a 15 minute cut-off. You're too late.
127
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,680
I've gotta get my hours done, man.
Please. Please.
128
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,080
- Albert, have you painted before?
- Just with a can.
129
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:11,520
I'll tell you what then. Get a scraper,
you and Davey get some sandpaper.
130
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,320
Get out in the hallway and give it
a bit of a scraping off, will you?
131
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,960
Get it prepared for painting afterwards,
all right?
132
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,760
ALBERT: Scrape the wall?
What do you mean?
133
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,160
Don't take the piss. Get the scrapers,
get the sandpaper, get out there.
134
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,680
Davey, you go with him.
Show him what to do, will you, son?
135
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,680
In the corridor.
Get started as soon as you can.
136
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,320
There you go, Davey.
137
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,320
There you go, the dream team.
138
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,920
Right, you and PC can start on this wall.
139
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,840
Rhino, get the orange paint. You do
the windows, and I don't mean the glass.
140
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,120
Oh, fuck, Harry. No, I hate this color.
141
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,560
- You don't like it?
- No, it's not me.
142
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,600
- All right, boys?
- All right.
143
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,920
- How's it going, Davey, okay?
- Brilliant. Albert here's a dab hand.
144
00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,160
What are you doing there?
You're not digging a trench. Nice and easy.
145
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,800
- Nice and easy?
- Just take the...
146
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,160
Like you're taking the skin off a rice pudding.
147
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,360
- A nice big sweep.
- Big sweep?
148
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:09,480
- Nice and easy.
- What do you mean? Like that?
149
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,160
How's that?
150
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,160
I'll have you off that ladder in a minute.
Behave yourself.
151
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,960
- That was a nice big sweep there.
- Born to scrape, that's you, Arnold.
152
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,320
[RINGTONE]
153
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,840
Yeah, we do. First time on today.
154
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,440
Well, I can't leave Jean on her own, can I?
155
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,520
Okay, if the office has cleared it.
156
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,480
Which hospital?
157
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,480
Okay. Thanks, Sheila.
158
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,440
- Robbie.
- Aye?
159
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,240
- Your partner's gone into labor.
- What?
160
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,480
Your partner's gone into labor.
161
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,600
I've got to buy some flowers.
162
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,360
That will be nice.
163
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,760
Can I ask you a big favour, Harry?
164
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,360
Here we go. Go on.
165
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,400
Could you come in with me?
166
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,360
What?
167
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,040
I'm scared they won't let me in.
168
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,240
They just take one look at my scar.
169
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,040
Fucking happens every time
I go for a job as well.
170
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,560
All right.
171
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,320
[SIGHS]
That's her uncles, man. It's Leonie's uncles.
172
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,680
All right? Leonie in there, aye?
173
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,600
Been expecting you to turn up here.
174
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,000
What are youse doing? Leonie wants me here!
175
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,600
- Fucking leave me.
- What's going on here?
176
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,440
- Fucking leave me! Fucking leave me!
- Shut it!
177
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,360
- Fucking Leonie wants me here!
- Just shut your mouth, eh!
178
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:15,480
Fucking listen to me, for Christ's sake
She just sent me a text.
179
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:22,000
Fucking hell, man.
Look, I've got a right to be here.
180
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,480
- I've got a right to be here.
- You've got fuck all, rights.
181
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,800
Get fucking up.
182
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,400
Now you listen here, you wee fucking maggot.
183
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:34,200
Your old man was an old prick.
Your brother's a prick. And you're a prick.
184
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,600
You come from a long line of fucking losers,
and it stops here.
185
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:42,520
Do you understand? Now, you go anywhere
near Leonie, or the baby,
186
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:47,040
and I'll rip your fucking balls off you,
and I'll ram them down your fucking throat!
187
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,200
Do you understand?
188
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,640
[SOBS] It's fuckin' my baby, too.
189
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,400
You keep your big fucking nose out of this!
You understand?
190
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,960
You all right, Robbie? Eh?
191
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:15,400
Bastards. Are you all right, son? Eh?
Oh, fucking hell.
192
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,640
Come back upstairs.
193
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,680
Can you get UP?
194
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,240
Come on.
195
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,960
Come on, come on. You all right? Eh?
196
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,960
Fucking do him. I'm gonna fucking do him!
Get to fuck!
197
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,840
Fuck off, I'm gonna do them! Fuck off!
198
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,000
That's what they want, Robbie! No!
199
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,800
Don't be a mug. No! That's what they want!
200
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,040
They wanna see you behind bars!
Ten years, eh?
201
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,640
Come on, don't be a mug.
202
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,720
You can't let them win like that!
203
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,160
You better fuck off, Harry! Fucking move!
204
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,360
- Come on!
- I'll fucking kill them.
205
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:58,120
Robbie. Look. Think of the baby! Right?
206
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,840
Think of Leonie! Think! Eh?
207
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,160
Do you want to see your boy grow up? Eh?
208
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,880
Come on, Robbie. Come on, son.
Eh? Come on.
209
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,040
- Do you need any help?
- No, we're fine thanks. It's just a nosebleed.
210
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,280
Here.
211
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,080
You all right, son?
212
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:45,760
They're thugs.
213
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,720
- Do you want to phone the police?
- No.
214
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:53,880
I'll help you out.
215
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,640
- No way, Harry.
- I'll tell them what happened.
216
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:59,000
Harry, look, we never do that, ever.
It's no happening.
217
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,240
Where are you living now?
218
00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,320
Just sofa hopping
from mates to mates, Harry. It's...
219
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,640
Trying to get a place of my own, but...
220
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,400
I tell you what. Come back to mine, eh?
221
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,360
We'll get you cleaned up properly
and you can calm down.
222
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,600
Fucking smashed my phone, man.
223
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,040
There you go.
224
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,280
Text Leonie.
225
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,600
Thanks a lot, Harry.
226
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,040
What does Leonie's dad do?
227
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,400
Can you no guess?
228
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,480
Librarian?
229
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,080
No, him and his brothers run
a couple of clubs up the East End.
230
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,000
Cunt makes a fortune.
231
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,200
Fucking hated me from the very first day,
232
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,320
then he found out...
I gave him a nickname that stuck.
233
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,080
Didn't help when somebody fucking
sprayed it over his nice lovely new car.
234
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,000
And what would that be?
235
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,960
- "Psycho-balls".
[CHUCKLES]
236
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,280
- Have you got kids, Harry?
- I've got two girls. They're down south.
237
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,640
Are youse close?
[RINGTONE]
238
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,160
Is that anybody you know?
239
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,680
- It's Leonie.
- Well, answer it, then.
240
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,800
Take it in there.
Go on, get in the sitting room.
241
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:55,480
Hello?
242
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,280
Hello?
243
00:16:58,480 --> 00:16:59,520
Leonie.
244
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:04,080
I did it, Robbie. He's here.
Seven pounds, six ounces.
245
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:09,640
- A son?
- He's so beautiful. Honestly, he's just perfect
246
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,080
He's got these big blue eyes.
247
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,120
They're just like yours, Robbie,
they're lovely. He's so beautiful.
248
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,440
I'll give you a phone back later,
is that all right?
249
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,880
- I'll speak to you soon. I love you.
- Love you. I'm so proud of you.
250
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,640
- B ye. Bye.
- Bye.
251
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,840
I cannae believe it. A wee boy.
252
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,000
- What?
- I'm a daddy.
253
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,360
Oh, congratulations, Robbie.
254
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:34,720
Cheers, mate.
255
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,200
- Ow! My ribs, you cunt.
- This calls for something special.
256
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:39,960
Fucking hell, man.
257
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,200
This was a present off a grateful client.
258
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,560
I've had it for years and I've been waiting
for a special occasion, and this is it.
259
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,840
Come on, park your arse. Eh?
260
00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,520
Springbank. Thirty-two years old. Eh?
261
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,160
Whisky? I've never even tasted whisky.
262
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,720
- We're gonna toast your first-born.
[WHISKY POURING]
263
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,360
[EXHALES] Fucking hell.
264
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:12,680
HARRY: Eh?
265
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,880
- What's his name?
- Luke. His name's Luke.
266
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:24,960
Eh?
267
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,720
I'm made up for you, son.
268
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,880
This is for... This is for Luke.
And his old man.
269
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,920
Happy birthday, wee man.
270
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,720
Cheers, Robbie.
271
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,600
[COUGHS]
272
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,640
Fucking hell, Harry, man. Tastes like shit.
273
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,640
You Philippine.
274
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,200
- Can I add some Coke to that?
- No.
275
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,880
I'll give you a drop of water.
276
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,640
- Luke, eh?
- Aye.
277
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,040
That's a good name. Is it after your old man?
278
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,560
No way.
279
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,720
No chance.
280
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:42,840
- You okay?
- Mm-hm.
281
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,040
Sure?
282
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,680
Thanks.
283
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,120
I'm so proud of you.
284
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,160
- Are you gonna pick up your son?
- Can I?
285
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,520
I'm shaking.
286
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,200
- So, what do you think?
- He's beautiful.
287
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,960
So perfect.
288
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,360
He's so perfect.
289
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,960
Luke. I love the sound of his name, Luke.
290
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:42,680
I know. Me, too.
291
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:49,160
So the midwife said to me
that only half his brain's developed,
292
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,920
and that the next half depends on us.
293
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,080
You only get one shot
at being a wee baby, Robbie. Just one.
294
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,000
You know what that means, don't you?
295
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,800
[LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
296
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,160
MAN: All right, wee man?
297
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,520
What does "TASC" mean?
298
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,280
Talk After Serious Crime.
299
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,040
Is that the one you went to prison for,
when you really hurt the boy?
300
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,080
Fuck! What do they want to see me for?
301
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,880
Look, maybe it'll just help the boy
and his family to deal with it.
302
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,960
Like cope with the past or something?
That's the idea, isn't it?
303
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,240
- I served my fucking time.
- What about them, Robbie?
304
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,720
Do they count?
305
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,760
Look, I think you should go.
306
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,760
It might help you, too.
307
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,680
Have a seat.
308
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,320
This is Anthony. Anthony's father Andrew.
309
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:59,200
Anthony's mother Alison,
and Anthony's sister Shona.
310
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,400
This is Robbie. And Robbie's partner Leonie.
311
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:12,680
Good morning, everyone, and thank you
for coming along to the meeting this morning.
312
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,080
Okay.
313
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,920
ANTHONY: It was a Friday night.
314
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,320
I was going out with my girlfriend.
315
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,280
I hadn't seen her for.
316
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:33,000
All week so I was quite excited
to go and see her. Erm...
317
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:41,040
We were just parking.
Guess I swerved in quite quickly.
318
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,400
E rm
319
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,760
All of a sudden this guy is
kicking the car, hitting the bonnet,
320
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,480
shouting and swearing at us, saying,
321
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:57,040
"Get the fuck out.
Who the fuck do you think you are?“
322
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,320
[ALL CLAMORING]
323
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:06,320
Next thing, he's grabbed me by the hair,
he's pulling me out the car. I can't get him off.
324
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,520
He punches me in the face.
325
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,120
He hits my head off the car bonnet.
326
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:20,080
Starts kicking into me, I'm on the ground.
Erm...
327
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,920
I just remember hearing Lindsay
328
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,360
begging for him to stop.
329
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,000
I just remember thinking,
330
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:36,400
"This guy is gonna kill me."
331
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,360
And...
332
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:41,640
Erm...
333
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:47,640
The police said that the guy was coked up
to the eyeballs. Erm...
334
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,680
I had 12 stitches in the back of my head.
335
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,360
Broken ribs, cracked wrist.
336
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,520
And, er, my eye was all messed up.
337
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,640
The surgeon said that
338
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,320
I was very lucky,
339
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:12,440
but...
340
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,880
I had a detached retina,
341
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:21,280
and I'd lost the sight in my right eye.
342
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:28,080
He had a fractured eye socket,
which has left him with a squint.
343
00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,280
He can't even see out that eye now.
Proud of yourself?
344
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,080
I thought my son was gonna die.
345
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,600
I thought I'd lost him
346
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,480
because of you,
because of what you've done to him.
347
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,000
When he came back out the hospital,
he didn't even want to speak to anybody.
348
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:52,880
He just wanted to go into his room,
on his own. Do nothing.
349
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:56,880
He packed in his college.
350
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,520
He split up with his girlfriend.
351
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,200
You're nothing.
352
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:11,560
You're just a wee thug that doesn't
know any better. That's all you are.
353
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,760
Look at me. I don't even think
you're sorry for what you've done.
354
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,320
Do you realise the pain
and the damage that you have caused?
355
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,640
What you've put our family through?
356
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,600
TASC MODERATOR: Is there anything
you would like to say to them?
357
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,160
[SNIFFLES]
358
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,600
Thank you.
359
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,520
I felt ashamed.
360
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,200
I did.
361
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,800
I wanted to tell her that if someone
had done that to my son,
362
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,600
to Luke, I'd want the bastard hung.
363
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:34,960
Luke...
364
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,560
I swear on your life, and on mine,
365
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,320
that I will never hurt another person
as long as I live.
366
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,360
That's a promise, wee man.
367
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,160
What if Clancy turns up?
368
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,200
What about your promise then?
369
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,760
Will you walk away?
370
00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:01,800
Leonie, if I turn and walk away,
371
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,040
or run away,
not gonna make a difference to me.
372
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,880
- He's gonna stab me in the back.
- What is it between you two?
373
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,520
His dad fought my dad at school.
374
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,560
It's been like this for years,
it's just the way it is.
375
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,240
Just the way it is?
376
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,440
And will Luke fight his son, too, Robbie?
377
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,240
Look at me, Robbie. Will Luke fight his son?
378
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,400
Just stuck in the same shit.
379
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,360
- Scared to lose face.
- In front of who?
380
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:37,400
Look...
381
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,400
I want you to be a real father to my child.
382
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,800
And if no,
383
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,640
I will take care of Luke myself
and I will make sure he is different.
384
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,320
- Harry, where are you taking us?
- Wait and see.
385
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,200
Now listen, you lot. This is my day off.
386
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:26,000
And if I get caught out in the van with you lot,
I'm gonna be up shit creek without a canoe.
387
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,800
So I want you to all repeat after me,
388
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,800
I hereby do solemnly swear...
389
00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,480
ALL: I hereby do solemnly swear...
390
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,440
HARRY: All of you. Nice and loud.
391
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,760
Anybody don't say it, I'm gonna drop you off
and you can walk back.
392
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,440
HARRY: I hereby do solemnly swear...
ALL: I hereby do solemnly swear...
393
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:50,080
- ...not to fight, drink or rob.
- ...not to fight, drink or rob.
394
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,200
- And I also do...
- And I also do...
395
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,000
- ...swear...
- ...swear...
396
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,520
...to worship the ground
on which big Harry walks.
397
00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:00,800
WILLY: Get to fuck, man! I'm no saying that!
398
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,440
Too far, Harry. Come on.
Just tell us where we're going.
399
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:07,000
HARRY: It's a sacred place.
We're going to a distillery.
400
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,280
Drink? Yes!
401
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,680
So, the first room we're coming into
is the mash house.
402
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,880
This is the mash tun here and it's massive.
Come on, have a look at it.
403
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:46,080
It's really big. It takes 10 and a half tons
of malted barley,
404
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:50,320
and to that we add 40,000 liters of hot water.
405
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,200
What we're doing at this stage
is mixing the barley and the hot water
406
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,320
for the conversion of starch to sugar.
407
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,200
Here we are in the fermentation room.
408
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,920
This is where we ferment the wort
we've just extracted from the mash tun.
409
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,480
It's also where we take the third ingredient,
410
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:15,080
the third of the three simple ingredients,
which is yeast, and we add it to the mix.
411
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,760
And as soon as we add the yeast,
because it's been dehydrated,
412
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,640
as soon as we add it to the wort,
it starts to ferment.
413
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,000
I'll show you it.
414
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:26,240
WILLY: Fuck me, that's strong, ain't it, man.
415
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,560
Actually, I need a volunteer.
416
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,120
- Who's got a sensitive nose?
- Aye, I'll do it.
417
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,160
I'll do it... I'll do it.
418
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,840
I'll take you.
419
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,720
What I want you to do is just get your head
in there and have a good sniff.
420
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,840
[ALL LAUGHING]
421
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,400
You're at it!
422
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:57,280
This is called the still house.
It really is such a beautiful room.
423
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,840
Be careful you don't touch anything though.
It's really hot and you could burn yourself.
424
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,560
Come on up.
425
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,600
So this is the still house, and it's such
an important room in the house.
426
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,640
It's kinda like the heart of the distillery.
427
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:21,520
It's where all the magic really does happen,
and it happens in these four stills here.
428
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,240
If I was to change one of these stills,
429
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:28,400
I'd have to make sure every single dent,
every nook and cranny was the exact same,
430
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,000
otherwise it could alter the flavour
of the whisky.
431
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,480
Come on, follow me.
432
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,200
[INAUDIBLE]
433
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,520
She's got the body of a goddess.
434
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:08,800
Come on round this one here.
435
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,240
Now, there's a subtle reaction
between the wood and the spirit,
436
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,760
because the wood actually flavours
and colours the spirit.
437
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,480
It's amazing. And they were crafted
so beautifully that they actually breathe.
438
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,160
- I'm sorry, you can't actually smoke in here.
[MUFFLED] - Sorry, man.
439
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,080
- Fuck's sake, you. Give us it.
- I'm sorry.
440
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,960
- You stupid? You no go to school, no?
- No. It's my last fag, man.
441
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,160
- Don't give a fuck, you'll blow us all up, man.
- 'Sake, man.
442
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:36,480
Stupid cunt.
443
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,840
- Sorry about that, Mairi.
- Thank you.
444
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,880
SUSAN: How long do you keep
the whisky in the casks for?
445
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,480
Ten, twenty, thirty years. It just depends.
446
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,760
- What's the most expensive one?
- The most expensive?
447
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,120
Well, we actually found a cast about...
a cask about a year ago.
448
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,800
And we sold one bottle
from the cask for £100,000.
449
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:57,600
£100,000?
450
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:01,280
You know I could buy 30,000 bottles
of Buckie for that!
451
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:02,960
That's 30 years of bevvy.
452
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,560
- Unbelievable.
- It's a lot of money.
453
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,280
Andrew,
can you show us how to flog the bung?
454
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,840
Flogging the bung's not something you do
up the dancing on a Saturday night.
455
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,320
It's actually how we traditionally open a cask.
456
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:18,800
[POUNDING]
457
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,440
Thank you.
458
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:28,360
Now every year about 2 % of the spirit
is actually lost.
459
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,680
It just disappears and evaporates
into thin air. Gone forever.
460
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,200
It's what we call the "angels' share".
461
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:39,200
- Now who fancies a wee dram?
- Aye, me, me.
462
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:42,880
I bet you would.
Come on, we'll go back to the visitor centre.
463
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,880
The angels' share. I like that.
464
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,280
[CHUCKLES]
465
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,880
That's good. Aye, that is good.
466
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,320
There we are.
467
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,200
Now, our noses are so sensitive
we can actually detect
468
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,800
scents that have been diluted
to one-millionth of a part.
469
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,760
It's our most primitive sense.
470
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,720
Right here goes back to when we used
to crawl about as reptiles on our bellies.
471
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,680
Well, some people will never change, eh?
472
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:19,960
[MAIRI LAUGHS]
473
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,480
Did youse know, and this is fact by the way,
474
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,880
the sexual behaviour of mice
is driven by what they sniff?
475
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,080
[ALL LAUGH]
476
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:29,680
ALBERT: What are youse laughing at?
477
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,560
MAIRI: Is that serious?
ALBERT: Yeah, serious.
478
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,880
RHINO: So when they smell cheese,
they get a hard-on, is that it?
479
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:37,080
Fuck off.
480
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,880
What I want you to do is have
a little nose of the whisky.
481
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:42,200
That's basically a wee smell.
482
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,920
And tell me what you think it reminds you of.
483
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:49,480
My Da's breath when I was wee,
that's what it reminds me of.
484
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:53,600
Reminds me of an old pub what used to be
at the bottom of my street.
485
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:55,440
Anything else?
486
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,400
It's like Christmas cake I had once
at my nana's house.
487
00:35:58,600 --> 00:35:59,640
Well done.
488
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:05,320
That's really good. The Christmas cake
that you're smelling is the fruity flavours.
489
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,240
Very impressed.
490
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,040
Right as rain. Tough 'un, me.
491
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,440
- How much did you have anyway?
- I had one double and that was it.
492
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,000
- We were watching you.
- I had one.
493
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,680
Put your fags out, boys. It's no smoking
in the van, you know the score.
494
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,960
[GLASS CLINKING]
All aboard!
495
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:27,880
Did you steal something, Mo?
496
00:36:28,040 --> 00:36:30,520
- Nothing.
- Doesn't sound like nothing, Mo.
497
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,760
I couldn't resist it.
It was far too easy in there.
498
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,200
- Jesus Christ, Mo. You're a fucking disgrace.
- Put them back.
499
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,600
Harry could lose his job.
500
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,560
Do you want them?
I don't like whisky anyway.
501
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,480
No, I don't fucking want them, Mo.
We made Harry a promise.
502
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,240
So you read all these, then?
503
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,800
Cannae get the fucker
out the library these days.
504
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,280
- DOUGIE: [THUMPING] You bastard.
- Nose it.
505
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,720
Fucking watch that aerial,
it's holding the telly together.
506
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:42,680
Look at the state of the fucking thing.
What are you talking about?
507
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,560
Fucking £6 I paid for that bad boy!
508
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,080
Heavy, sweet and peaty.
509
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,200
- It's like a whiff of sea breeze off it.
- There's something coming off it.
510
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,840
It's... It's a...
511
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,640
Highland malt for cert.
512
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,960
Sea breeze?
All we need now is a fucking rainbow.
513
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,320
I know what you mean. I can...
The saltiness off it.
514
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:09,600
- Aye. Get that?
- It's sweet, too.
515
00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:12,640
ALBERT: Bullshit. It's all the same to me.
516
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:19,680
What are you doing...
[SPITS]
517
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:21,200
Albert.
[SNIFFS]
518
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,080
[HAWKS, SPITS]
MO: Oh!
519
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:27,280
RHINO: Albert... Fuck's sake, man.
MO: Fucking hell, man.
520
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,640
ALBERT: Sorry.
RHINO: Fuckin' boggin'.
521
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,600
Jesus Christ.
522
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,280
Here, smell the peat.
523
00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:36,840
CAZ: Pete? Who the fuck is Pete?
524
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,160
RHINO: They get it from the ground
then they dig it up.
525
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,600
What? You dig it up
and you throw it in a drink,
526
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:45,960
and youse are wondering
why it's barking of shite?
527
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,040
Look, give yourselves
a bit of time, guys, right?
528
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,680
I was like that at first, and then
big Harry started to show me how to do it,
529
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,720
showed me the tricks of the trade.
530
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,080
Right, give us it over. Let's try this one.
531
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,840
DOUGIE: Fucking volume. Work, work!
532
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,640
Volume, you bastard. Work. Fucking work.
533
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,120
ROBBIE: A bit... a bit spicy.
534
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,600
- Where does that smell come from?
- The casks.
535
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,640
It's like, maybe like a short fermentation.
536
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:19,560
American oak gives off like coconut, vanilla.
Maybe sometimes even like a chocolate.
537
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:23,560
- That's it. That's it.
- Albert, I'm telling you, mate. It's the truth.
538
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,680
Sea breeze, nutty and now fucking coconut.
[ALL LAUGHING]
539
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,280
Are youse three fucking trying to set me
up here? Do you think I'm fucking daft?
540
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:36,800
Aye. You're dumb as fuck.
Just listen to him. He'll tell you.
541
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,760
RHINO: I cannae believe we're having all
this drink and we're no even getting pished.
542
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,760
Me either, man. I need a fucking drink.
543
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,200
RHINO: You're not getting a drink,
look at the state of you.
544
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,120
Listen to what this book's saying, right.
545
00:39:48,240 --> 00:39:52,400
"Sense explodes
from the murky undergrowth of times past.
546
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:56,600
"The dank, dark aromas
of yesteryear waft around us."
547
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,600
What the fuck is that?
548
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:00,720
[FARTS]
[ALL GROANING]
549
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:02,720
- Good arse.
- CAZ: Dougie!
550
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,920
- RHINO: Dirty, skunky, smelly bastard.
- I've got company.
551
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,280
Sorry, troops, but I need a fucking drink, man.
552
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,360
ROBBIE: You're disgusting, you, man.
553
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,600
ROBBIE: Don't you bother!
CAZ: Dougie! What you doing?
554
00:40:14,720 --> 00:40:15,760
CAZ: Oh my God!
MO: Oh, don't!
555
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,960
ROBBIE: Fuck's sake, man.
556
00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:20,000
CAZ: Minging, mate.
557
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:24,920
CAZ: Oh, you are smelling!
RHINO: Check it out.
558
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:30,040
ROBBIE: You're a dirty, clatty bastard.
Has he finished doing that yet, Mo?
559
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:35,440
That's actually tasty, by the way.
Peaty and a wee bit lumpy.
560
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:37,720
[RETCHES]
561
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,560
Oh, God.
562
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,080
ALBERT: Sweet.
MO: Yes.
563
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:55,840
[TAKES SHOT]
564
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:57,960
Look at that.
565
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,360
ROBBIE: A wee shot to nothing there.
Just left that long red on.
566
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:02,800
Is it on?
567
00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:06,640
Four nil.
568
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,600
Points. Four points to nil.
569
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,360
Lucky Alberto.
570
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,320
Albert's played a bit of snooker in his day,
I tell you that.
571
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,040
MO: What the hell was that?
572
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,280
ALBERT: How did that go in there?
RHINO: That's crap.
573
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:23,880
Oh, man.
574
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:26,400
Put my balls in that pocket.
575
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,280
Evening, all.
576
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,200
CLANCY: Youse three get to fuck.
I want a word with Robbie.
577
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,840
Fuck off.
578
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,040
You want a word with me?
What, does it fucking take three of youse?
579
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,720
Fuck you, you fucking cunt!
580
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,720
[ALL CLAMORING]
581
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,840
MO: Robbie, run!
582
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:52,720
Robbie, get outta here! Robbie, run! Run!
583
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:07,400
CLANCY: You wee fuck!
584
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,000
Oh, fuck.
585
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,520
Fucking caught you, daftie.
586
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:28,080
Right, no cunt touches him but me.
587
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:29,840
What are you gonna do with that?
588
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,200
Fucking skelped you before,
I'll skelp you again.
589
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:36,520
Aye, because you had a fuckin' lucky shot.
Put it down, we'll have a square go right now.
590
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:39,280
[ALL CLAMORING]
591
00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:43,960
Get out of the way!
592
00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:48,280
Clancy! Get a leash on those bastards!
593
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:50,560
[MATT YELLING]
594
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,000
Thanks, Matt.
595
00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:58,680
Shut up!
596
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,480
Look at the state of these scumbags.
597
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,640
Some place to bring up a fucking wean.
598
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,240
ROBBIE:
Why can't you just give me a chance?
599
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,680
Just one more chance, Matt,
that's all I'm asking.
600
00:43:38,240 --> 00:43:40,840
I'll look after Leonie.
I'm gonna be a good dad.
601
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:44,600
You don't get it, do you? It's too late for you.
602
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,160
Even if you wanted to change,
they're not gonna let you.
603
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,840
You think you can reason with the likes
of Clancy and that? I don't think so.
604
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,920
Your only chance, son,
is getting out of Glasgow.
605
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,880
And I'm gonna help you.
606
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,080
I'll give you five grand
607
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:04,000
to head to London on your own, new start.
608
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:09,840
For fuck's sake, Robbie, look at yourself.
What can you offer my daughter, eh?
609
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,040
I mean, look at the state of this place.
610
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,360
Look at the state of your face,
all fucking chib-marked.
611
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,760
No job. Never have a job.
612
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,920
Even the Army wouldn't touch you
with a barge pole.
613
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:29,000
Can you not see Leonie and Vincent
would be far better off without you?
614
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:30,800
Vincent?
615
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:35,520
Aye, Vincent. Leonie's baby. My grandchild.
616
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:40,200
My son's name's Luke. I named him Luke.
It will always be Luke.
617
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,920
Have you listened to a fucking word I've said?
618
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,400
You're as thick as shite. Go on, beat it!
619
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,920
Fucking waste of space.
620
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,320
You stupid prick, you!
621
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:38,680
- Consecrated ground. Show some respect.
- I'm soaking. I swear I'm wringing.
622
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:40,400
JEAN: You'll live.
What are you doing that for?
623
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:41,800
Don't listen to him. He's full of it!
624
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,000
He's soaking.
625
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,800
- You all right there, Mo?
- All right, Harry?
626
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,480
- You all right, Robbie?
- I'm fine.
627
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:55,200
- Everything all right with Luke and Leonie?
- Great, just fucking perfect.
628
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,400
[SIGHS] Fucking perfect, Harry.
629
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:01,480
Listen, I'm going to Edinburgh
at the weekend.
630
00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:04,440
You fancy coming? A whisky meeting.
631
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:06,560
I'm skint.
632
00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:09,840
I'll get you the ticket.
633
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,840
- Can I come?
- It's a whisky meeting.
634
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,680
- It's all right, I'm into that.
- Are you?
635
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:18,800
Aye.
636
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:21,840
Yeah, all right.
637
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:26,320
MO: Albert! Rhino!
Going to Edinburgh at the weekend.
638
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,320
- What's that?
- We're going to Edinburgh at the weekend.
639
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:33,560
- Who is?
- Us. Harry's taking us.
640
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:34,800
Where we going?
641
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,280
Me and Robbie are going to Edinburgh
for a whisky meeting.
642
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,040
- What, are we coming then?
- MO: Obviously it's all right.
643
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:45,880
Is that a definite? We can come?
644
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,560
- MO: Obviously it is.
- Yeah, yeah.
645
00:46:49,320 --> 00:46:51,120
Couple of wee glasses of whisky,
that'll be nice.
646
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:53,080
Willy, you up for it?
647
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,360
- Edinburgh? Aye, I'll go. When is it?
- Weekend, mate.
648
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:58,640
Oh no, I cannae,
I've got a christening at the weekend.
649
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:00,920
Bastard.
She'll kill me if I go to Edinburgh, man.
650
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,680
Sorry, Harry, you need to send my apologies,
big man.
651
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:05,920
Never mind. Maybe next time, eh?
652
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:16,560
What is that?
653
00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:18,920
- What's he talking about?
- I don't know.
654
00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,360
That there. What is that?
655
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:24,880
RHINO: What, that big thing on top of the hill?
656
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,240
ALBERT: You cannae miss that. What is that?
657
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,240
- That's Edinburgh Castle, Albert.
- Is it?
658
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:31,480
- Aye.
- What did they put it up there for?
659
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:35,800
- Are you taking the piss?
- No.
660
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,040
What did they put it up there for?
Look at it.
661
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:41,120
What did they put it up...
How the fuck do I know?
662
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:45,320
- You don't recognise Edinburgh Castle?
- No. I wouldn't have been asking you.
663
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:49,240
- You been living in a cupboard all your life?
- And what's the matter with that?
664
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,400
- Is there no shortbread in your house?
- You're a fool!
665
00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:54,920
Next time you go home, check all the tins.
666
00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,640
Ladies and gentlemen,
667
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:12,320
the final whisky in our initial tasting,
number five,
668
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:16,680
is, as you'll see on your chart, a Lagavulin.
669
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,880
Lagavulin, 16 years old from the Isle of Islay.
670
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:26,040
If you have a look at it,
it has a fine deep color,
671
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,840
and a beautiful, rich,
somewhat maritime nose.
672
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:35,640
Have a little... have a little sip.
673
00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:44,560
Beautiful. It's a lovely sweet start
and then this blast of smoke
674
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,000
just as you swallow.
675
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:52,560
Very, very elegant.
The Prince of Islays it was once called.
676
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,600
- Gorgeous whisky. Like that whisky?
- Yes.
677
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:59,640
Now then, the final game.
678
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,520
Erm... A surprise blind tasting,
679
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,080
for which I need four volunteers.
680
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:08,600
Four volunteers.
681
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:12,000
- Yes, sir. Great.
- I'll do it.
682
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,520
First volunteer.
683
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:18,360
- What's your name?
- I'm Garrett from Oakland, California.
684
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,720
- California? Welcome to Edinburgh.
- The West Coast. Thank you.
685
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,840
- Yes, sir, well done.
- Ian McDonald, Inverness.
686
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,000
Inverness. Welcome to Edinburgh.
687
00:49:27,240 --> 00:49:29,640
Now come on, we need another two.
688
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:33,160
I was just thinking.
One of you young guys at the back.
689
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:35,440
Let's get a younger nose.
690
00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:39,360
I'll go with you, I'll go with you.
[ALL APPLAUDING]
691
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:48,120
- Well done. What's your name, son?
- I'm Robbie from Carntyne.
692
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:49,640
Hi. Welcome.
693
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:51,920
- Hi. Harry from Manchester.
- From Manchester?
694
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:55,240
Oh, we've got a range...
a range of locations.
695
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,200
Okay. One whisky.
696
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,360
I'll come round in front of you.
697
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:02,400
Thank you.
698
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:05,720
And I want you to try and describe it.
699
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,560
And possibly to guess which one it is.
700
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,360
Um... The color tells you
that it's probably got a bit of...
701
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:18,760
It's probably a mix of casks,
both of American oak and European oak.
702
00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,600
A sweet nose.
703
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:26,400
Come on, describe it to me. Fruity?
704
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:29,320
- Polish I'm smelling...
- Polish? Yes.
705
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,680
- Wax polish.
- What, like furniture polish?
706
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,160
Yes. Leather and polish and...
707
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:36,720
I'd certainly agree with that.
708
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:39,280
So, in the mouth.
709
00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:48,000
Big sweetness to start with.
And then tannic, drying.
710
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,320
Again, it's certainly got some European oak...
711
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,920
Robbie? Come on, have a wee guess.
712
00:50:56,920 --> 00:50:58,760
I was thinking maybe, er...
713
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,760
A Glenfarclas or maybe a Cragganmore.
714
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,560
Well, you know,
that's very interesting because
715
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:09,160
I was really swithering
between those two myself. Erm...
716
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,800
- Choose one.
- ROBBIE: Glenfarclas.
717
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,440
Okay. Well, I'll say Cragganmore.
718
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:24,080
Cragganmore.
719
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:27,040
I don't usually get it right, actually.
720
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:30,520
Well done, boys. That was very good.
You were very close, all of you.
721
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:40,120
Well done. That's great.
722
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,840
In your personal opinion,
not from a book or anything,
723
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:48,840
what is the finest tasting whisky
in the world that you've ever tasted?
724
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:52,040
Last night, coincidentally,
725
00:51:52,560 --> 00:51:57,520
I was asked to look at a sample
of a whisky which...
726
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:01,480
I really do think would be a 10, a 10 out of 10.
727
00:52:01,720 --> 00:52:04,720
It was the most incredible whisky.
728
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:09,120
MAN 1: Can you tell us what it was?
MAN 2: Come on, please.
729
00:52:10,720 --> 00:52:14,920
But it will come to auction
within the next couple of weeks,
730
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,520
and my goodness, it'll be all over the...
all over the press.
731
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:22,680
Erm... It was a strange story
associated with it because
732
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:27,280
the distillery itself closed in the early 1960s
733
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:30,200
and the cask was discovered in a warehouse
734
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:35,520
a long, long way from where
the original making distillery was located.
735
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:41,480
And it's supposed that it might have been
an exchange on marriage
736
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:45,840
between the manager of the distillery
which made this whisky
737
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,760
and the manager of the distillery
where it was found.
738
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,800
GARRETT: You said it's going
to public auction.
739
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,440
Can you give me an idea... a rough idea
of how much a bottle would be worth?
740
00:52:56,720 --> 00:53:00,320
This whisky is so rare... that, erm...
741
00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:06,000
it's unknown.
And a cask of it is simply beyond price.
742
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,120
Never judge a book by its cover, eh?
743
00:53:23,760 --> 00:53:25,600
Can I ask you something?
744
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:27,960
Try this.
745
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,560
What do you think?
746
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:36,000
That's easy.
747
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:38,400
Where did you pick that up?
748
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,840
You've got a very good nose.
749
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:44,720
Here. Take my card. You never know.
750
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:50,360
- Thaddeus Maloney?
- Whisky collector.
751
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:00,240
Know how that whisky guy?
752
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,960
He was standing talking to somebody
and left his papers on the table.
753
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:06,200
I nicked this from the pile.
754
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,200
I know where the distillery is and the cask.
It's a Malt Mill.
755
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,200
Are you fucking mad, Mo?
756
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,200
What? This could be our big chance
to make money, Robbie.
757
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:20,720
Make money? If I get caught doing anything
like that, I'll get five years at least.
758
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,480
Do you think they're gonna suspect
scruffs like us?
759
00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,640
Look, Mo, I've told Leonie,
I'm done with all of that.
760
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:30,640
Just hurry up, man. Look, you get caught
every time anyway. Come on.
761
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:45,280
- Are you sure you have the right address?
- I'm positive.
762
00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:48,720
Maybe I should just wait.
Don't want to fuck up, Leonie.
763
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:53,720
It's all right, she knows all about you.
Look, it's my auntie's best pal. Come on.
764
00:54:59,960 --> 00:55:03,280
It's on a timer so just change it
to suit yourselves, yeah?
765
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:05,400
Show you the bathroom? Okay.
766
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,160
Oh, and fridge and freezer's just there.
767
00:55:10,720 --> 00:55:15,120
Basic bathroom. Toilet down the back.
Sink's just there and you've got a bath.
768
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:17,520
And there's actually a shower over the bath.
769
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:20,160
And I'll show you, the bedroom's just here.
770
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:25,360
- It's lovely.
- Thank you.
771
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:29,040
What I'll do is,
I'll clear out some space in the wardrobe
772
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,840
so you can hang up your belongings.
Give you plenty of room.
773
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,120
All right, well, I'll show you the living room.
774
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:49,840
It's so beautiful.
775
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:52,040
Robbie, what do you think?
776
00:55:56,080 --> 00:55:58,000
Why are you doing this for us?
777
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,840
GRACE: Someone gave me a chance once
and it changed my life.
778
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,160
And it sure sounds like
you two could do with some luck.
779
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,280
Anyway, I'm only in London for six months.
780
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:09,840
Thanks, Grace.
781
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,240
Thank you.
782
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:18,880
Now, I can drop you off in the city centre.
Is that okay?
783
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:20,760
That'd be great.
Thanks very much, that's perfect.
784
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:22,840
- Thanks, Grace.
- No problem. It's just over here.
785
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:32,280
[BABY FUSSING]
786
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,840
Hey, wee man, don't start crying now.
787
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:40,960
I'll take him.
788
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,440
There you go. That's a good boy.
789
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:57,560
Leonie, do you want to just go
and I'll catch up with you later?
790
00:56:57,760 --> 00:57:00,920
- How? What's up?
- Nothing. I just want to get a feel for the area.
791
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:02,600
- It's still a bit of a shock.
- That's fine.
792
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:04,480
Aye, okay. Just give me a call, then.
793
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:06,160
- See you later.
- See you later, right.
794
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:16,720
You fucking prick! Fucking following me!
795
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:19,760
- No, I was seeing my pal.
- Seeing a pal?
796
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:21,880
Fucking dick.
[KNIFE CLICKS]
797
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,120
Do you no fucking understand, you prick?
Eh?
798
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:37,080
I just want to have my life!
With my fucking family.
799
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:41,120
You better tell me the truth
or you're getting it. Did you follow me?
800
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:42,480
HOW?
801
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:46,120
On my motorbike across the road.
Clancy told me to.
802
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:48,800
- Have you told him yet?
- No! And I willnae.
803
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:52,200
- Who were you fucking texting then?
- I was texting my fucking mate!
804
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:54,280
Give me the phone.
805
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,480
- Show me the fucking phone!
- Right. Here you are.
806
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:00,440
Don't fucking move.
807
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:04,040
Fuck!
808
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:08,240
- Fucking knows the address!
- I'm sorry, mate. He's lost the fuckin' plot!
809
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:11,680
You better fucking tell me.
It's so fucking perfect here.
810
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,320
You've fucking ruined everything for me now.
811
00:58:14,760 --> 00:58:18,920
You're fucking lucky, Sniper. You're lucky
I'm not taking your fucking eye out right now.
812
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:22,640
Stay there. Don't fucking follow me. Prick!
813
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,520
- Give me my fucking phone back.
- Fuck off!
814
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:29,600
Fuck you.
815
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:43,600
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
816
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,600
Wrong bike, you prick!
817
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:52,120
Shit! Fuck.
818
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:04,680
I'm fucking gonna explode, Harry.
I can feel it in my bones.
819
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:09,280
I'm scared.
Scared the next time I won't be able to stop.
820
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:14,200
I was this close. This fucking close
to taking someone's eye out.
821
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,560
I scared myself, Harry.
822
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:23,640
Leonie's dad's right. Once you're involved
in this shit you cannae get out.
823
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,440
Leonie's dad?
824
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:30,000
All you've gotta do is keep your head down.
Keep out of sight for awhile.
825
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,680
- Gonna fuck off to London, Harry.
- What?
826
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:36,440
Gonna fuck off to London.
827
00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:42,680
Psycho-balls offered me five grand.
828
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:47,480
You what? Leonie's dad's gonna help you?
829
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:52,120
He's bought you off?
830
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:55,400
I don't believe this. You're gonna piss off
and leave Leonie and Luke?
831
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:57,480
Harry, what am I meant to do?
832
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,840
I cannae get a job.
I cannae even get an interview for a job.
833
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:04,520
I cannae drag my family
through a homeless unit.
834
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:07,280
They're better off where they are.
835
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:10,800
Listen, you can't do this.
Now, take it from me.
836
01:00:10,960 --> 01:00:13,920
Time passes and things change.
You might never see them again.
837
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:17,120
You can't do this.
There's gotta be something else.
838
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,280
Have you ever tried a Malt Mill?
839
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:22,480
What?
840
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,440
A Malt Mill, have you ever tried it?
841
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:29,920
No, I haven't, no.
842
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,280
It's... It's the Holy Grail.
843
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:36,880
ROBBIE: This is, without doubt, a genuine
Malt Mill, the only cask left in existence,
844
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:41,160
and since there are only three known bottles,
and two of these are suspected fakes,
845
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:44,240
every serious collector
in the world would pay a fortune.
846
01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:49,720
In my view, it is likely that the sale could
raise in excess of a million pounds.
847
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:51,040
What?
848
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:53,520
- No way.
- Fuck me.
849
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:55,840
A million smackeroonies.
850
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:59,040
My body is pure shaking, honestly.
851
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,480
- If you were a man you'd have a hard-on.
[THUMPING]
852
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:07,880
Have a wee seat, guys. Please.
Just till we have a serious think about this.
853
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:12,160
RHINO: I mean, what is that? Like a quarter
of a million each or something?
854
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:15,760
Right, this is what's happening.
855
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:17,760
They're gonna have the auction
where the cask is,
856
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:19,960
away up North in Dornoch Firth.
857
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:24,280
Then what they'll do is invite
the richest collectors, dealers,
858
01:01:24,560 --> 01:01:27,280
to come for a tasting session
with the Grand Master.
859
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:31,760
- That's followed by a cellik in a local hotel.
- MO: A ceilidh you mean?
860
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:35,960
Well, a ceilidh, smartarse.
In a local hotel, and that's the 16th of June.
861
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:40,640
What the fuck is a "Firth"? Dornoch Firth?
862
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,400
We'll probably need huskies,
maybe even a boat, depending where it is.
863
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,960
Even if we find this place,
how are we gonna get away with it?
864
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:50,040
It'll be like fucking Alcatraz or something.
865
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:54,160
And then when we get it,
who's gonna take it off of scum like us?
866
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:55,600
MO: Speak for yourself.
867
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:59,320
It's equivalent to having
the Mona Lisa in your bedroom.
868
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:01,360
Mona who?
869
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,120
RHINO: Mona Lisa.
870
01:02:03,280 --> 01:02:05,640
You know, the Mona Lisa.
871
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:07,960
All right, I'm just asking, fuck's sake.
872
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:12,440
You know, when I was in prison,
I met this old guy.
873
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:16,080
Smart old cunt. Used to read books and that.
874
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:19,880
And he used to tell a tale about
an Arab smuggler
875
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:24,760
who used to go across the border
every day with bags of straw and his donkey.
876
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:29,760
He admitted to the guards he was a smuggler,
so every day they used to search him.
877
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,480
They couldn't find a thing.
878
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:35,600
Once he retired, one of the guards found him
one day and says to him,
879
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:40,360
"Right, come on, tell us. You've gotta
tell us now. What have you been smuggling?"
880
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:43,680
The old guy smiles and turns round
and says, "Donkeys.
881
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,120
"I was smuggling donkeys."
882
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:52,800
How in the name of fuck
can we get a donkey away up there?
883
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,840
- RHINO: You're a donkey.
- I was just about to say that.
884
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:56,640
We're taking a donkey.
885
01:02:56,800 --> 01:03:01,440
Thing is, look at us. Eh? We'll stick out
like a couple of sore thumbs up there.
886
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:05,400
May as well have "Criminals on community
service" tattooed on our forehead.
887
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:07,720
We're all wearing trackies.
We look like neds, right?
888
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,680
You put on a suit then
it just looks like we're going to court.
889
01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:12,640
Especially you, Robbie.
890
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,520
I know what you're saying, guys.
891
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:23,240
Kilts!
892
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:25,840
We could wear kilts.
893
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:29,200
Nobody ever bothers anybody wearing a kilt.
894
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,640
We'd just look like friendly wee cunts
up the Highlands.
895
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,120
Whisky train spotters, know what I mean?
896
01:03:35,040 --> 01:03:36,920
Albert Einstein.
897
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:38,800
ALBERT: Albert Einstein?
Who the fuck's that?
898
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:42,000
RHINO: He was a friend of Mona's.
Remember Mona?
899
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:46,920
For fuck's sake. We're back to Mona now.
What's next, "donkey"? Come on.
900
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:07,040
Arse!
901
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:08,880
Arse!
902
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:16,000
- Come on. Please!
- Now they've gotta let us on.
903
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:17,840
Stop the bus!
904
01:04:19,040 --> 01:04:21,600
They're stopping. They're stopping.
905
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:23,760
[ALL CLAMORING]
906
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:30,480
What did I tell you?
907
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:38,880
Fuck me. Sound Of Music.
908
01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:41,120
[ALL GASPING]
RHINO: Hey, Albert!
909
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:44,160
Sorry, Sisters, you cannae control
these Protestants, you know.
910
01:04:44,560 --> 01:04:51,080
♪ I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
911
01:04:51,640 --> 01:04:55,720
♪ Just to be the man who walked
a thousand miles
912
01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:58,480
♪ To fall down at your door
913
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:02,080
♪ When I'm working
Yes I know I'm gonna be
914
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,880
♪ I'm gonna be the man
who's working hard for you
915
01:05:06,080 --> 01:05:09,600
♪ And when the money
comes in for the work I do
916
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:13,120
♪ I'll pass almost every penny on to you
917
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:15,200
♪ When I come home
♪ When I come home
918
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:16,880
♪ Oh, I know I'm gonna be
919
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,160
♪ I'm gonna be the man
who comes back home to you
920
01:05:20,560 --> 01:05:24,000
♪ And if I grow old
Well, I know I'm gonna be
921
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:27,600
♪ I'm gonna be the man
who's growing old with you
922
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:34,760
♪ But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more... ♪
923
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:37,480
ALL: Cheese!
924
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:42,160
Lovely. Thank you.
925
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:46,720
GIRL: Are you from Highlands?
926
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:50,920
RHINO: Actually, my great, great grandfather,
he was a Highland chief.
927
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:55,400
This kilt is the tartan and I wear it with pride
every time I put it on.
928
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,880
That's why you wear it back to front?
929
01:05:58,680 --> 01:05:59,960
Oh, right.
930
01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:08,000
♪ But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
931
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:12,400
♪ Just to be the man who walks
a thousand miles... ♪
932
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:15,800
Albert. Come on, mate. Nearly there.
933
01:06:16,600 --> 01:06:18,080
ROBBIE: Come on to fuck, mate.
934
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:21,560
It's this sporran, man,
it keeps banging off my tadger.
935
01:06:22,120 --> 01:06:26,360
My fucking balls are killing. Fucking no
wonder the Highlands are deserted, man.
936
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,880
Fucking, my meat and two veg
are taking a hammering here.
937
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:31,320
ROBBIE: God.
938
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:34,840
Clatty tadger.
939
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:37,880
RHINO:
It's no your sporran that's hurtin' your baws.
940
01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:45,760
Guys! What the fuck youse playing at?
941
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:47,480
It's Alberto!
942
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:52,280
Fucking in agony here. Fuck's sake,
and you're leaving me away behind?
943
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:57,600
And I'm starving.
Fucking palpi-fucking-tations in my heart.
944
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:01,880
Fucking chaffed bollocks. I'm fucking raging.
945
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:03,880
[ALL LAUGH]
946
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,920
Shocking by the way. Youse are shocking.
947
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:17,520
All right.
948
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:20,840
- Fuck's sake, man.
- Fuck's sake, Albert. What you doing?
949
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:22,680
Fucking howling hoofs!
950
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:25,480
Give us one of those pieces over, eh?
951
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:30,280
MO: Fuck off! Go and wash your hands,
you clatty bastard. Disgustin'!
952
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:33,440
- Look, mate, that'll cheer you up
- For God's sake!
953
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:35,520
Balblair Distillery.
954
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:40,320
The promised land. Treasures in there, mate.
Fucking treasures.
955
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:43,000
Ah, but one wee problem.
956
01:07:43,520 --> 01:07:46,200
It's in there, we're out here.
957
01:07:46,320 --> 01:07:47,760
No fucking plan,
958
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,080
and I'm risking my foreskin for fuck all.
959
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:54,520
Before we left I made a phone call.
We're gonna go and meet somebody.
960
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:57,840
What the fuck have you been up to?
961
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,760
Just fucking trust me and you'll find out.
962
01:08:17,440 --> 01:08:18,960
- How you doin?
- Pleasure to meet you.
963
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:21,600
All the way from Glasgow, eh?
That's an impressive trip.
964
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:25,240
So this is the Carntyne Malt Whisky Club?
965
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:29,920
Well, thanks for seeing us, Mr Dobie.
We're just newly set up.
966
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:32,680
My name's Robbie. I'm the President.
967
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,520
This here's Albert, Financial Secretary.
968
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:37,800
Rhino looks after new membership.
969
01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:41,920
And Mo, Social Secretary and general
procurement of whatever we need.
970
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:46,120
Oh, very impressive. Good.
And what can we do for you?
971
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:48,800
Well, we've read the reports and, for us,
972
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:52,600
the auction of a Malt Mill is
more important than landing on the moon.
973
01:08:53,680 --> 01:08:57,040
We've come to ask for your autograph
and, if possible, for the newsletter,
974
01:08:57,240 --> 01:09:00,200
could we get a photograph of you
with the cask?
975
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:02,440
[CHUCKLES]
976
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:05,560
And only if it's no bother, also,
977
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:10,400
if you could let us witness the tasting with
the Master of Quaich, Mr Rory McAllister.
978
01:09:10,680 --> 01:09:14,000
It's just so we could tell the grandchildren
that we were there.
979
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:15,880
Isn't that sweet?
980
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:18,840
It's more than sweet.
This is just so impressive.
981
01:09:20,320 --> 01:09:23,000
- That ain't very good, is it?
- It's up, isn't it?
982
01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:24,960
Do you know something?
983
01:09:25,200 --> 01:09:29,840
I can't believe you dragged us all the way
up here to risk us to get the jail for fuck all.
984
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:32,600
Shut it. Give us your Irn-Bru bottles.
985
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:35,040
They've even got our photos as well now.
986
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:38,720
With my record,
when they know it's gone I'm fucked.
987
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:40,800
I thought you were smart.
988
01:09:41,440 --> 01:09:44,080
Once they know? But they're not gonna know.
989
01:09:44,360 --> 01:09:45,960
Nothing's gonna go missing.
990
01:09:46,680 --> 01:09:49,760
Everything's gonna be all right. It's all good.
991
01:09:50,000 --> 01:09:51,560
Are you off your head?
992
01:09:51,880 --> 01:09:55,080
And did you no see how fucking big
the lock were on the door?
993
01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:57,600
And the camera and the alarms?
994
01:09:57,840 --> 01:10:01,720
The camera and the alarms? There's one
camera. One alarm. There's none inside.
995
01:10:02,000 --> 01:10:03,480
How do you know that?
996
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:08,160
I asked the fucking secretary.
The last reported theft was with the Vikings.
997
01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:13,040
Listen, during the tasting,
998
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:17,360
everybody's eyes are gonna be glued
to the Master. Right?
999
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:23,160
So when we go in,
youse will cover me. No one will see us.
1000
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:26,720
I'll simply drift in behind the barrels. Right?
1001
01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:31,720
During the night, be all locked up,
I'll give youse a text.
1002
01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:34,640
Youse will come over with the gear,
the bottles and stuff.
1003
01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:37,160
[INAUDIBLE]
1004
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:16,120
Hello.
1005
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:19,280
I hope you're not gonna outbid me.
1006
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:22,360
You never know, Mr Maloney.
You never know.
1007
01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:32,080
Right, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to Balblair Distillery
1008
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:36,080
on what is a unique day
in the history of the distillery.
1009
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:39,000
We are privileged to have with us
Master of the Quaich,
1010
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:41,880
who will evaluate what's in here.
1011
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:47,480
So, without further ado I shall turn you
over to Rory McAllister.
1012
01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:49,120
[ALL APPLAUDING]
1013
01:11:52,960 --> 01:11:54,280
Thank you, Angus.
1014
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,320
And may I add my welcome to his.
1015
01:11:57,560 --> 01:12:02,280
This is, without doubt,
a most unusual occasion.
1016
01:12:03,640 --> 01:12:08,120
The discovery of this small cask of Malt Mill
1017
01:12:08,440 --> 01:12:10,080
is unprecedented.
1018
01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:15,320
Now then, the moment of truth.
Would you like to draw the bung?
1019
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:17,040
Right. Gentlemen...
1020
01:12:20,120 --> 01:12:21,720
Choose your weapons.
1021
01:12:25,320 --> 01:12:27,080
Oh, that was well done.
1022
01:12:36,800 --> 01:12:38,240
Thank you very much.
1023
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:42,320
You'll see by the color that it's got
a gorgeous deep amber color,
1024
01:12:42,600 --> 01:12:45,560
but not the sort of color
you'd expect from European oak.
1025
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:49,320
This is... I think it's probably been
matured in an American oak butt.
1026
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:51,880
Lovely bright color.
1027
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:57,000
It really, I can...
I wish I could share it with you.
1028
01:12:57,520 --> 01:13:00,360
It is one of the most extraordinary whiskies
1029
01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:03,000
I've ever had the pleasure to taste.
1030
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:10,160
It's got these lovely maritime notes.
The faded smokiness that you'd expect
1031
01:13:10,400 --> 01:13:12,280
from a whisky of this age.
1032
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:18,600
Superb.
1033
01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:21,120
Absolutely sublime.
1034
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:27,200
Mmm!
[ALL CHUCKLING]
1035
01:13:28,200 --> 01:13:30,080
Can I have another one, please?
[ALL CHUCKLING]
1036
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:13,520
ALBERT: Robbie. That's us.
1037
01:16:13,720 --> 01:16:15,920
- Happy days, Albert.
- Here, here.
1038
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:20,840
Right, here, Albert, take that.
Grab that through.
1039
01:16:21,160 --> 01:16:25,160
Now listen, Albert. Keep it as low
as you possibly can and start sucking.
1040
01:16:25,720 --> 01:16:27,520
- Get the bottles ready.
- MO: They're ready.
1041
01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:29,760
Don't spill a drop.
1042
01:16:31,400 --> 01:16:32,960
Right, go.
1043
01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:37,280
Here it comes, boys, here it comes.
1044
01:16:37,920 --> 01:16:41,120
- Look at that, man, that's fucking magic.
- MO: That's it, we've got it.
1045
01:16:41,320 --> 01:16:44,400
- And don't spill any of that, remember.
- MO: Don't worry.
1046
01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:47,480
Listen, I'll be two minutes.
I've gotta check this end, okay?
1047
01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:10,160
Albert? There's nothing spilling, mate.
We're all good here.
1048
01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:14,880
- MO: Brilliant. That's us on the fourth bottle.
- What, already? Fucking superb.
1049
01:17:15,160 --> 01:17:17,840
RHINO: Shit! Robbie,
there's a motor pulling into the car park.
1050
01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:20,640
Fuck! Give me it in, quick. Give me it in. Shit.
1051
01:17:21,040 --> 01:17:22,760
- Give me this through. Grab the bottles.
- MO: Hurry up!
1052
01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:25,040
RHINO: I've got the bottles. Just go, all right?
1053
01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:02,240
Fuck. Fuck. Shit.
1054
01:18:26,400 --> 01:18:27,840
DOBIE: Here we are.
1055
01:18:31,320 --> 01:18:33,240
I can't believe I left the gauze off.
1056
01:18:35,560 --> 01:18:37,880
That'll be the excitement of the occasion.
1057
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:39,360
Glass?
1058
01:18:39,440 --> 01:18:41,760
MALONEY: Thank you, Angus. Thank you.
1059
01:18:42,000 --> 01:18:43,280
DOBIE: Right.
1060
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:45,120
MALONEY: I'll die a happy man.
1061
01:18:45,600 --> 01:18:47,160
That's plenty.
1062
01:18:59,120 --> 01:19:00,440
MALONEY: Beautiful.
1063
01:19:02,440 --> 01:19:05,040
DOBIE: Breaks my heart to see it go.
1064
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:08,240
And my little suggestion, Angus,
1065
01:19:08,880 --> 01:19:10,560
who would ever know?
1066
01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:14,000
It's a win-win situation. Nobody loses.
1067
01:19:14,280 --> 01:19:17,000
My client only wants three bottles,
1068
01:19:17,240 --> 01:19:20,720
one to keep, one to swap,
one to drink with his friends.
1069
01:19:21,960 --> 01:19:24,560
But I don't think he'll match the American.
1070
01:19:26,360 --> 01:19:29,200
DOBIE: And what about provenance?
I mean, he'll want proof.
1071
01:19:30,040 --> 01:19:32,720
- Not a stickler for detail.
- At that price?
1072
01:19:32,960 --> 01:19:34,640
Drop in the ocean.
1073
01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:37,760
He knows. That's enough.
1074
01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:41,000
Between me and you and these four walls.
1075
01:19:42,840 --> 01:19:44,720
Be quite a nest egg.
1076
01:19:48,320 --> 01:19:49,840
I don't have the nerve.
1077
01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:53,880
MALONEY: Pity.
1078
01:20:48,840 --> 01:20:52,320
AUCTIONEER: £700,000, the bid's at the back
1079
01:20:52,560 --> 01:20:55,640
Are you coming back, sir, at 700,000?
720.
1080
01:20:56,440 --> 01:20:57,800
£720,000.
1081
01:20:57,920 --> 01:21:01,880
New bidder on my right. 740.
740,000.
1082
01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:05,120
It's right at the back of the room now.
1083
01:21:05,320 --> 01:21:07,360
760.
1084
01:21:08,440 --> 01:21:11,720
780. £780,000.
1085
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:14,160
Near me now at £780,000.
1086
01:21:14,520 --> 01:21:18,560
New bidder right in the centre now
at £800,000. The bid's at 800.
1087
01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:21,880
820. £820,000 seated.
1088
01:21:22,240 --> 01:21:24,680
840. £840,000.
1089
01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:28,200
We're coming on the phones now
at 840. 860,000.
1090
01:21:28,440 --> 01:21:31,760
With the telephone bid now at 860.
Are we done now at 860?
1091
01:21:32,040 --> 01:21:34,160
£880,000.
1092
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:37,480
On the left now at 880. £900,000.
1093
01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:42,920
920, I'll take. 920 from the gentleman
seated on my left. Now at 920.
1094
01:21:43,240 --> 01:21:44,240
940.
1095
01:21:44,400 --> 01:21:47,440
960 in front. £960,000.
1096
01:21:47,720 --> 01:21:51,320
It's in the room against the telephones now.
£980,000 bid.
1097
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:54,040
Are we done in the room now at 980,000?
1098
01:21:54,200 --> 01:21:56,600
You're done, sir, now at £980,000?
1099
01:21:56,800 --> 01:21:59,760
It's right in the centre at 980...
1100
01:22:00,040 --> 01:22:03,080
New bidder at £1 million.
1101
01:22:03,520 --> 01:22:05,160
£1 million.
1102
01:22:05,400 --> 01:22:08,440
New bidder on the left-hand side now
at £1 million.
1103
01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:11,920
Is there any further interest now
at £1 million? Are you done, sir?
1104
01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:16,480
The bid's on the left at £1 million.
Do I hear 1,020,000?
1105
01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:19,840
£1,020,000 to bid.
1106
01:22:20,200 --> 01:22:23,480
1,040,000. £1,040,000.
1107
01:22:23,760 --> 01:22:26,640
It's still on the left at... 1,060,000.
1108
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:31,120
1,060,000.
Still in front of me now at £1,060,000.
1109
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:35,080
Are you done now, sir, at £1,060,000?
1110
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:38,640
1,000,000. £1,000,000.
1111
01:22:38,880 --> 01:22:42,440
The gentleman on my left now at £1,080,000.
1112
01:22:42,920 --> 01:22:44,920
Do I hear 1.1 million, sir?
1113
01:22:45,080 --> 01:22:48,680
Any advance at one...
Are we looking for£1.1 million?
1114
01:22:49,560 --> 01:22:51,440
1.1 million.
1115
01:22:51,720 --> 01:22:54,400
£1.1 million.
1116
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:57,960
Bid's in the centre now at £1.1 million.
1117
01:22:58,280 --> 01:23:00,360
Any advance now at 1.1 million pounds?
1118
01:23:00,600 --> 01:23:02,840
Are you done, sir, now at 1.1 million...
1119
01:23:03,000 --> 01:23:04,080
And 20.
1120
01:23:04,160 --> 01:23:07,240
It's on the left at 1,120,000...
1121
01:23:08,440 --> 01:23:11,360
£1,150,000.
1122
01:23:11,800 --> 01:23:14,920
£1,150,000.
1123
01:23:15,400 --> 01:23:18,960
It's against you, sir, now at 1,150,000.
1124
01:23:19,200 --> 01:23:23,680
Do I hear another bid, sir? At £1,150,000.
1125
01:23:24,640 --> 01:23:27,200
At 1,150,000...
1126
01:23:27,480 --> 01:23:32,200
The bid's still with you, sir, at £1,150,000.
1127
01:23:32,800 --> 01:23:37,440
Any further interest at £1,150,000?
1128
01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:40,240
It's yours, sir, at 1,150,000...
1129
01:23:40,600 --> 01:23:42,080
Two-oh-nine.
1130
01:23:44,160 --> 01:23:46,360
Thanks very much. Thank you.
1131
01:23:48,640 --> 01:23:51,040
- Many congratulations. Well done.
- Thank you very much.
1132
01:23:51,200 --> 01:23:54,040
- Could I ask who was your bidder?
- I don't even know his name.
1133
01:23:54,200 --> 01:23:55,760
Nation?
1134
01:23:55,920 --> 01:23:58,080
Moscow, that's all I know.
1135
01:24:00,840 --> 01:24:05,320
Many congratulations, sir.
That's an auction record. Congratulations.
1136
01:24:05,560 --> 01:24:07,200
Thank you, thank you.
1137
01:24:07,360 --> 01:24:08,440
[APPLAUSE]
1138
01:24:13,680 --> 01:24:16,600
- Could you give us your name, please, sir?
- They call me Jim Vincent.
1139
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:19,240
- Where are you from?
- Westport, Connecticut.
1140
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:21,600
- And... And are you gonna have a drink?
- I hope so.
1141
01:24:21,760 --> 01:24:22,840
Yes, he is.
1142
01:24:36,800 --> 01:24:40,400
- DOBIE: Try not to spill any of this.
- Far too precious.
1143
01:24:56,520 --> 01:24:58,240
WOMAN: How does it compare?
1144
01:25:00,120 --> 01:25:03,440
It's absolutely exquisite. It's really great.
1145
01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:08,400
Thank you, thank you very, very much.
Thank you.
1146
01:25:32,920 --> 01:25:34,280
Commiserations.
1147
01:25:35,640 --> 01:25:39,400
My client gets what he wants. Always.
He's not best pleased, I can tell you.
1148
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:42,440
It's actually congratulations
1149
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:45,320
on not throwing a million pounds
down the pan.
1150
01:26:10,480 --> 01:26:11,920
Oh, my God.
1151
01:26:16,520 --> 01:26:17,800
My God!
1152
01:26:19,920 --> 01:26:21,720
I don't believe it.
1153
01:26:22,960 --> 01:26:24,520
How much have you got?
1154
01:26:25,880 --> 01:26:30,360
One to keep, one to swap
and one to drink with my mates.
1155
01:26:32,440 --> 01:26:34,720
You didn't do a deal with Dobie?
1156
01:26:35,160 --> 01:26:36,840
Hasn't got the nerve.
1157
01:26:40,640 --> 01:26:43,880
You little bastard. I'll be damned.
1158
01:26:46,560 --> 01:26:49,760
- How much do you want?
- 200,000.
1159
01:26:50,520 --> 01:26:52,600
With no provenance? Not a chance.
1160
01:26:53,320 --> 01:26:56,080
"Not a stickler for detail", that's what I heard.
1161
01:26:56,360 --> 01:27:00,240
And that's not all. I want a job.
I want a real job.
1162
01:27:01,160 --> 01:27:04,200
- Can you get it to Glasgow?
- Not a problem.
1163
01:27:06,040 --> 01:27:08,640
- You've still got my card?
- I have.
1164
01:27:10,160 --> 01:27:12,640
Text me your number, I'll be there Wednesday.
1165
01:27:16,320 --> 01:27:17,920
Don't fuck up.
1166
01:27:39,000 --> 01:27:43,080
RHINO: Shit, it's PC Plod.
I fucking know that guy. He hates me.
1167
01:27:43,360 --> 01:27:47,240
MO: Fuck. Come on, we'll make a run for it.
ROBBIE: Nobody move.
1168
01:27:47,520 --> 01:27:50,440
- RHINO: They're not gonna catch us all.
- Nobody move.
1169
01:27:52,320 --> 01:27:54,240
POLICEMAN: Can I have
a quick word, please?
1170
01:27:54,400 --> 01:27:56,120
Good afternoon, Constable.
1171
01:27:56,520 --> 01:28:00,520
Hello, ladies.
A little bit of country dancing, eh?
1172
01:28:01,400 --> 01:28:03,280
And what the hell
have you been robbing, Miss?
1173
01:28:03,400 --> 01:28:04,440
Nothing, Officer.
1174
01:28:04,520 --> 01:28:07,560
Back up against the wall, please.
Put the bags down by your side.
1175
01:28:07,800 --> 01:28:11,640
- Is there any need for this?
- Come on, it's not a talking competition.
1176
01:28:12,120 --> 01:28:14,080
You got anything on you
I need to know about?
1177
01:28:14,240 --> 01:28:15,680
No, not at all, mate.
1178
01:28:16,200 --> 01:28:18,120
Okay, just turn around.
1179
01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:22,480
Okay, just empty your bag out, please.
1180
01:28:22,720 --> 01:28:25,440
Arms out, sir.
Anything on you I should know about?
1181
01:28:27,080 --> 01:28:28,840
Just my sleeping bag.
Do you want me to open it?
1182
01:28:32,720 --> 01:28:34,520
You not wash your socks, son?
1183
01:28:34,680 --> 01:28:36,960
ALBERT: There was no
washing machine where I was.
1184
01:28:39,440 --> 01:28:41,040
Oh, excuse me.
1185
01:28:43,080 --> 01:28:46,280
Okay, girls, we'll catch you later, so to speak.
1186
01:28:47,920 --> 01:28:49,240
See you.
1187
01:28:54,000 --> 01:28:55,680
[SNAPS FINGERS] Wait.
1188
01:28:55,840 --> 01:28:57,920
You think I forgot, eh?
1189
01:28:59,280 --> 01:29:00,720
Let's have you.
1190
01:29:01,280 --> 01:29:03,560
- Come on. Just come over, guys.
- What?
1191
01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:06,640
Over here now. Not you, Miss.
1192
01:29:10,880 --> 01:29:13,360
- Up with the kilts.
- Are you having a laugh?
1193
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:16,640
- You'll never sleep again, Officer.
- Shut up.
1194
01:29:16,840 --> 01:29:18,280
Up, I said.
1195
01:29:20,400 --> 01:29:23,680
- Jesus Christ, what happened to you?
- It's a long story, pal.
1196
01:29:23,960 --> 01:29:26,880
Go easy.
You better get some cream on that, man.
1197
01:29:27,160 --> 01:29:29,840
- Have you got any on you?
- Turn round, for goodness sake.
1198
01:29:30,000 --> 01:29:31,960
It's like a fire hydrant.
1199
01:29:32,840 --> 01:29:34,760
You want a wee sample there?
1200
01:29:36,080 --> 01:29:38,240
POLICEMAN:
Should have brought my welding mask.
1201
01:29:38,720 --> 01:29:41,560
- Is that us done?
- On you go, and behave yourselves.
1202
01:29:42,600 --> 01:29:45,360
- See you later, eh?
- No, hopefully not.
1203
01:29:47,360 --> 01:29:50,600
Albert, calm down. Just ignore them. Calm it.
1204
01:29:50,800 --> 01:29:53,760
Fucking molesting
some fucking innocent civilians.
1205
01:29:53,960 --> 01:29:56,680
RHINO: It's cos I pissed him off last time.
ALBERT: Fucking shocking.
1206
01:29:56,840 --> 01:29:58,600
Fucking police, man.
1207
01:29:58,960 --> 01:30:01,240
We shall not be moved!
1208
01:30:01,520 --> 01:30:06,640
Billy Connolly. Robert the Bruce.
Braveheart, ya bastards!
1209
01:30:07,440 --> 01:30:11,360
Alex Ferguson!
We are the fucking champions!
1210
01:30:11,640 --> 01:30:12,680
Cheers!
[SCREAMS]
1211
01:30:18,960 --> 01:30:21,400
You're kidding me on. Give me that.
Don't spill any more of that.
1212
01:30:30,120 --> 01:30:31,960
Oh Jesus Christ.
1213
01:30:32,400 --> 01:30:34,000
Jesus Christ.
1214
01:30:36,680 --> 01:30:39,760
Did that really just happen?
You are a fucking idiot!
1215
01:30:40,240 --> 01:30:43,280
You see that whisky pouring away?
That's your share. Gone!
1216
01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:45,440
Story of my life.
1217
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:49,440
- Can I just say...
- Say fuck all!
1218
01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,800
Youse are getting nothing! Not a penny.
1219
01:30:52,360 --> 01:30:55,920
- Just a little point.
- Just a wee fucking point? You're damn right!
1220
01:30:56,240 --> 01:30:57,800
Fuck up, Albert.
1221
01:30:57,960 --> 01:31:00,520
- It's the last thing I'll say to youse.
- You're damn right it is.
1222
01:31:00,720 --> 01:31:04,520
See thae big fat balls,
I'll nail them to that fucking sporran!
1223
01:31:05,720 --> 01:31:08,800
- Listen.
- Albert, I think it's best if you just shut up.
1224
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:13,840
Listen. If there was only
four bottles left in the entire world
1225
01:31:14,440 --> 01:31:18,280
then that makes them very,
very precious. Right?
1226
01:31:18,600 --> 01:31:20,680
Right, but you're just a fucking idiot!
1227
01:31:20,920 --> 01:31:24,760
But if there was only two bottles
left in the entire world,
1228
01:31:25,080 --> 01:31:28,800
then that makes them
even more fucking precious.
1229
01:31:30,680 --> 01:31:33,760
Common sense. Supply and demand.
1230
01:31:35,400 --> 01:31:37,560
Market fucking forces.
1231
01:31:41,400 --> 01:31:43,520
Thaddeus is gonna go mental.
1232
01:31:44,440 --> 01:31:48,320
I don't want youse winding him up,
so I think it's best if youse just wait here.
1233
01:31:48,720 --> 01:31:51,240
Wait here? We'll just come in with you,
it'll be cool.
1234
01:31:51,440 --> 01:31:54,320
No, no, no. You are staying with me.
1235
01:31:54,520 --> 01:31:57,200
- You're going nowhere.
- Aye, just wait here.
1236
01:31:57,480 --> 01:32:01,960
And, Albert, don't fuck it up.
Don't attract attention to yourself.
1237
01:32:02,840 --> 01:32:03,840
Right?
1238
01:32:04,160 --> 01:32:05,480
We could have gone in with him.
1239
01:32:05,800 --> 01:32:07,080
Stay here.
1240
01:32:10,160 --> 01:32:12,280
[ALL CHATTER INDISCERNIBLY]
1241
01:32:14,000 --> 01:32:15,560
There's nothing to see.
1242
01:32:16,600 --> 01:32:19,680
I can't see nothing here.
The tension's killing me.
1243
01:32:19,960 --> 01:32:22,640
- Bend down, let us on your shoulders.
- Oh, fuck off. No.
1244
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:24,480
- Aye, go. He's right.
- Come on.
1245
01:32:24,640 --> 01:32:26,720
I cannae stand this tension.
1246
01:32:27,720 --> 01:32:29,440
Oof! Albert!
1247
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:31,880
[RHINO GROANS]
1248
01:32:36,640 --> 01:32:39,240
RHINO: What's happening?
ALBERT: They're just sitting down.
1249
01:32:39,400 --> 01:32:41,040
They're just having a wee chat.
1250
01:32:42,360 --> 01:32:44,280
Wait for it. Two secs.
1251
01:32:45,360 --> 01:32:46,960
What's going on?
1252
01:32:47,120 --> 01:32:51,040
He doesn't look a happy chappie.
Definitely not amused.
1253
01:32:52,040 --> 01:32:54,640
- Who, for fuck's sake?
- Thaddeus.
1254
01:32:54,880 --> 01:32:57,200
By the looks of it,
he's just about to have a heart attack.
1255
01:32:57,320 --> 01:32:59,840
No wonder. What about Robbie?
1256
01:33:02,880 --> 01:33:05,280
Wait. There's been a development.
1257
01:33:05,440 --> 01:33:08,680
MO: What the fuck does that mean?
ALBERT: A Checkpoint Charlie moment.
1258
01:33:08,880 --> 01:33:09,920
What?
1259
01:33:11,320 --> 01:33:14,840
An exchange of packages.
What else could it mean?
1260
01:33:16,560 --> 01:33:18,640
Here, it's looking good.
1261
01:33:19,560 --> 01:33:21,840
Wait, he's handing him
something else and all.
1262
01:33:22,040 --> 01:33:23,960
MO: For God's sake.
1263
01:33:24,240 --> 01:33:26,960
Don't know what it is. I cannae really see.
1264
01:33:27,200 --> 01:33:29,840
- RHINO: Albert!
- Wait there! Hold it the noo.
1265
01:33:31,680 --> 01:33:33,200
Jesus Christ.
1266
01:33:35,680 --> 01:33:39,040
Fuck me, man, chaffed balls part two.
1267
01:33:40,120 --> 01:33:41,160
Fuck!
1268
01:33:50,120 --> 01:33:52,040
I think you were easy on him.
1269
01:33:56,480 --> 01:33:57,520
Well?
1270
01:34:00,080 --> 01:34:01,480
Relax. A hundred grand.
1271
01:34:01,640 --> 01:34:03,760
Twenty-five grand each.
We'll divide it up later.
1272
01:34:03,880 --> 01:34:04,960
[ALL CHEERING]
1273
01:34:10,640 --> 01:34:12,800
- You're lucky.
- Give us a kiss.
1274
01:34:14,280 --> 01:34:16,480
- This is brilliant.
- Was he raging?
1275
01:34:16,960 --> 01:34:19,040
Take it or leave it. A Malt Mill.
1276
01:34:19,480 --> 01:34:23,000
- This is brilliant. What's that?
- Have a look.
1277
01:34:31,040 --> 01:34:32,760
RHINO: So who's the old geezer?
1278
01:34:32,960 --> 01:34:36,280
It's a friend of Thaddeus. He runs a distillery.
1279
01:34:36,480 --> 01:34:39,400
- He's gonna give us a job. Teach us.
- Superb.
1280
01:34:39,920 --> 01:34:43,920
You'll probably be up a lonely mountain.
Probably turn into a wee sheep-shagger.
1281
01:34:45,560 --> 01:34:49,760
It's not far from Stirling.
We'll get a wee house there, in the city.
1282
01:34:49,960 --> 01:34:53,640
I can't believe he paid all that money
for just two bottles.
1283
01:34:54,240 --> 01:34:56,920
Two bottles? Try one bottle.
1284
01:34:57,680 --> 01:35:00,080
- What?
- What happened to the other one?
1285
01:35:44,360 --> 01:35:47,600
"Thanks for giving me a chance. Robbie."
1286
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:28,840
[CHUCKLES] You buggers.
1287
01:36:51,360 --> 01:36:52,360
Classic.
1288
01:36:52,480 --> 01:36:54,400
- Do you like it, mate?
- It's crackin', man.
1289
01:36:54,640 --> 01:36:56,160
MO: Grab a bag.
1290
01:37:00,400 --> 01:37:01,440
Cheers, Mo.
1291
01:37:03,960 --> 01:37:05,560
ROBBIE: What do you think?
1292
01:37:06,080 --> 01:37:07,600
Where did you get it?
1293
01:37:08,000 --> 01:37:11,520
- Goes with the job.
- A VW campervan?
1294
01:37:12,280 --> 01:37:15,040
RHINO: It's because he has to visit
all these distilleries,
1295
01:37:15,240 --> 01:37:17,080
and it's cheaper than staying in a hotel.
1296
01:37:17,480 --> 01:37:20,680
- Fucking cutbacks. It's a fucking disgrace.
- Aye.
1297
01:37:20,920 --> 01:37:23,520
- Where will I put the baby?
- In the back, come on.
1298
01:37:33,160 --> 01:37:34,440
Right, gulls...
1299
01:37:35,560 --> 01:37:38,000
We'll get youse over
once we're settled in, eh?
1300
01:37:38,200 --> 01:37:39,760
Give us a cuddle, big man.
1301
01:37:39,880 --> 01:37:42,160
- Thanks, mate, I owe you.
- I owe you, mate.
1302
01:37:42,360 --> 01:37:43,400
Alberto.
1303
01:37:43,520 --> 01:37:46,320
- Don't let that fresh air wear you down.
- Miss you, mate.
1304
01:37:46,520 --> 01:37:48,920
- You take care, right.
- I will, man.
1305
01:37:49,160 --> 01:37:51,560
- Mo, thanks for everything, pal.
- Gonna miss you, Robbie.
1306
01:37:51,760 --> 01:37:53,840
I'll check my pockets, you wee cunt.
1307
01:37:54,280 --> 01:37:59,000
Mind, guys. Don't spend it
on the slot machines. Do something.
1308
01:37:59,360 --> 01:38:01,520
- Be good, mate, eh?
- Take care.
1309
01:38:09,320 --> 01:38:10,880
Won't forget youse.
1310
01:38:26,960 --> 01:38:28,520
RHINO: He's turned out all right, eh?
1311
01:38:29,240 --> 01:38:32,280
- A wean, a bird, a motor.
- And a job.
1312
01:38:32,840 --> 01:38:35,440
- He's done well.
- He has.
1313
01:38:36,200 --> 01:38:37,760
So what now?
1314
01:38:39,200 --> 01:38:40,800
Lots of dosh.
1315
01:38:41,200 --> 01:38:43,320
Fuck it. Let's get wasted.
1316
01:38:43,440 --> 01:38:45,120
- Hey! All right, good call, mate.
- Sounds good.
1317
01:38:53,440 --> 01:38:56,080
You're a scamp, Robbie Emmerson.
1318
01:38:56,200 --> 01:38:58,160
From the first day I saw you.
1319
01:38:59,680 --> 01:39:01,200
[♪ The Proclaimers: I'm Gonna Be]
1320
01:39:04,000 --> 01:39:10,240
♪ But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
1321
01:39:10,560 --> 01:39:14,880
♪ Just to be the man who walks
a thousand miles
1322
01:39:15,160 --> 01:39:18,080
♪ To fall down at your door
1323
01:39:32,920 --> 01:39:39,080
♪ And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
1324
01:39:39,440 --> 01:39:44,080
♪ Just to be the man who'd walk
a thousand miles
1325
01:39:44,400 --> 01:39:48,520
♪ To fall down at your door♪