Can we go now?
Our suspect is in the hotel, but don't worry,
your client is in no danger. My best man's on the job.
Gibert to Alain.
Suspect located. Distance roughly... 15 meters.
- Get over here. - I'm here, boss.
Concentrate, Alain!
See the wildcat at 11 o'clock?
It's a maritime expression.
In Marseille 10 years, and still not seen the sea?
I have. When we patrol the port.
OK, I see.
12 o'clock is straight ahead,
so 11 o'clock's that way, a bit to the left.
I get it.
Are you sure that's a suspect?
Looks like a chambermaid.
A terrorist doesn't go round yelling
with explosives strapped to his waist.
That's right.
They wear disguise.
What better than a chambermaid
- pushing her cart along? - Of course.
Especially in a hotel.
The song encourages him to commit his dastardly act.
Sounds like Spanish.
A revolutionary anthem!
Watch out!
On my signal, neutralize the Basque!
10/5.
12 o'clock!
Good job! Betrayed by his own song!
To the cars!
I'll question him later.
What's happening?
Sir, I've just neutralized the Hispanic terrorist
with a cart full of
what look like toxic products.
I'm sending them to the lab.
Perfect, Gibert!
Get the client out of his room or he'll be late.
It's as good as done, sir.
Emilien? Coast's clear
to deliver the package.
Emilien! Answer me!
I'm almost outside his door, chief!
Honestly, jumping me on the job!
I can't help it.
You turn me on when you're in action.
Reminds me of Sean Connery.
Don't take liberties,
just because you're stronger than me.
Next time, you can tie me down.
Quiet! The whole hotel's bugged.
Yes, Inspector!
I'll handle the package. You find Gibert.
I love you, Emilien.
I love you, too, but not now!
Tonight, at home!
Mr. Cisse!
You're due on the pitch in 20 minutes.
The charity is 9 For Africa. We're building an orphanage. That's my goal.
Sorry, but I'm with the police. I'm here to...
- What's your name? - Emilien.
No, it's not for a... It's for the...
This is no time to exchange cards.
OK, where's this Gerbil-jibly...
That'll twist foreign tongues.
The name's Djibril Cisse.
Don't get smart with me,
or you'll be straight in the pen.
Emilien, look. Nothing like him.
The nose, teeth...
It's him, sir. I promise you.
Not too fast! I smell a rat and I should know.
2 years at customs. No illegals get past me.
I bust the Korean people smugglers in '92.
- He's not Korean. - Can you be sure?
I checked his ID.
- Look, slant eyes. - He's just tired.
Let's go.
The Prefect will lose patience.
To the cars!
I don't know why, but you're not popular here.
Don't worry, he prefers fishing to football.
Mumbling again, Emilien?
I was just saying you're a keen angler.
That's a real sport.
Do you fly fish?
I never do anything on the fly.
Quite right!
There's no room for amateurism in fishing.
Take float fishing, for example, for stillwater tench.
You can lie in wait for hours like a vulture,
watching the float, then...
What is it now?
- Nothing broken? - No, I'm fine.
Can't you ring your bell?
They said Mr. Cisse was asleep. We didn't want to wake him.
He's in my car. We're transferring him.
Djibril Cisse?
Transferred to Marseille?
Shit, it's Cisse!
Do something or we'll miss the match.
Don't worry,
I know a guy who can help.
The police have taxis?
He's with the air force.
Marseille Express, at your service.
Mr. Cisse has 8 minutes to get to the game.
Good to have you aboard.
You're playing for Marseille?
A charity game. We'll miss kick-off.
If it's for a good cause...
I'll get changed to save time.
You can try.
Guess who's transferred to Marseille.
This is the wrong way. The city's gridlocked.
No kidding! Djibril Cisse himself!
Number 9 for Olympique de Marseille.
That's what I call a road.
Like velvet.
Can't even hear the engine.
At this speed, only wind.
News has just come in
that Marseille has broken the bank to buy a wonder player,
none other than Djibril Cisse.
There's a taxi coming your way.
ETA less than one minute.
Got ya!
It must be Daniel.
It ain't gonna be the pope.
The Parisian?
Jeez, that's mean.
He has to learn sometime.
- Hey, Blondie! - Yes, sir?
Can you check the radar over there?
Switch it to ultra-sensitive, will you?
Sir, yes, sir!
Watch out, bullet train approaching. Stand back!
Thanks, kid. We got a much better reading.
- It really goes. - I customized it.
Picked up parts from Concorde.
Brake! We're nearly there.
We just received confirmation. 60 million!
The transfer of the year! There's traffic everywhere.
I know a shortcut.
I hate it when you say that.
The wildest rumors surround
the transfer of Djibril Cisse to Olympique de Marseille.
To find out more, over to Armand Pecci at the Velodrome.
Absolutely, we're here live in Marseille
for the fund-raiser for a sick children's charity.
The player has asked for an astronomical sum.
Figures of up to 200 million euros have been mentioned.
He'll reveal all to us later live on TF1,
but for now he's not even arrived.
Djibril Cisse or not, we kick off in 2 minutes.
Take a right.
That's two "rights" already?
You sure you been here before?
Papal security.
We spent 6 days here looking for Gibert.
That's reassuring. How about we trust my instinct?
OK, let's go!
- 7' 32". - Thanks.
Thank you.
This is better than on TV.
You're kind of in the way. Back to the stands,
or it's a yellow card.
Yes, ref.
- What are you doing? - That's a free kick.
- That wasn't a fair play! - Leave him alone!
Let's warm up good! Lift your knees. I want no strains.
- Like the shirt? - It's too big.
You know your Mom.
After the first wash,
The autograph'll wash off.
I'll ask her to wash round it.
Listen to me.
Stay on the pitch more than 3 minutes. No red cards.
Are you OK?
The golden rule is you don't go near the ball.
Yes.
If it comes to you, just kick it.
Which way?
Just kick. They can chase it.
Can't I play a bit, though?
When the match is over, with me.
Go on, son!
Don't run too fast.
Sure he won't catch cold?
I gave him a thermal undershirt and vitamin C earlier.
Like that, not much can go wrong.
Get him playing ice hockey.
Too dangerous!
His Mom wanted him to do karate.
I had a word with the club. They turned him down.
He's gonna have to learn to take a hit some time.
Yeah, it'll be too soon.
Try swimming.
He has a bad chest. It's hereditary.
You never broke anything as a kid?
- My arm. 3 times. - You see?
It didn't make me any smarter or get me into cop school.
You shoulda tried breaking a leg.
Well played, son, that's right!
What'll happen to our kids?
Whaddya mean?
Mine a cabbie and yours a cop?
Why not? They'd be doing well.
We help people. Pretty neat, huh?
Don't complain, there's worse.
Mine a cabbie and yours a cop!
Don't even mention it.
This is Emilien.
- Emilien? - An emergency?
Gibert said that? I'm off duty today.
Emilien...
You okay, Maxime?
- You're kidding me! - I think you oughta...
OK, I'll be right there.
Gibert's called everybody in.
Petra's on an ultra-secret mission.
And my Mom's gone to Lourdes.
Lourdes?
She goes since I was born.
That was some miracle!
- You'll take care of the kids? - No problem.
Don't fill his face with cakes.
Would I? Crust of bed, glass of water and to bed!
Joke! I'll look after him like my own.
That scares me.
I look after your son every Wednesday.
Has he ever come home with pimples?
So, get moving.
Thank you.
4' 30". You beat your record.
I didn't touch him!
Stinky ref! Hands out cards like confetti.
Get Max. We'll go eat waffles.
C'mon, Max, let's go eat.
Arrest that ball immediately!
I got it, chief!
Bring it over here.
Won't bother me again.
Here, kids, enjoy your game.
This is no time for dribbles,
stepovers and other football clownery.
I had Paris on the phone.
They're sending a very special delivery.
The most important transfer of the year.
- Drogba? - Thuram?
I know! Makelele!
- Beckenbauer? - Maradona?
What a bunch of idiots!
I'm not talking tennis, I'm talking crime.
Bernard Tapie!
Much more famous than him.
On my files, he's public enemy No. 1
It's none other than Jeeycee Kassa-see...
- Jeeycee Kassa-see... - No, chief.
Attention!
That was yesterday's transfer.
Where's today's?
Turn the page. Save paper, remember?
Yes, indeed.
It's my wife.
She saw a program on the Amazon forest.
Know how many hectares are cut down every year?
How many?
It sends shivers down your spine.
How many?
Like billions of matchboxes, chopped down and up in flames.
So, at the first chance, I say, show me your papers!
I mean, save paper!
What about public enemy No. 1?
A Belgian whose name is enough to make you feel sick.
53 armed robberies, 122 accomplice-to-murder raps.
Biggest mobster since AI Capone.
He's being transferred to Congo to stand trial for dozens of crimes.
Stopover in Marseille.
We take delivery, keep him warm
till 5 a.m. tomorrow
and put him in the Congolese jet.
He's not gonna see any sights.
I want ultra-tight surveillance.
An officer every square centimeter.
So many cops, so close, he can't even see the sea.
- Do I make myself hear? - Yes, chief!
What time's he get in?
Good question. 15:00 hours.
It's already 5 past.
5 past 12?
To the cars!
What's up? Isn't that what you ordered?
Eat then.
Dad said not to eat cream 'cos I get it all over.
Well, he's wrong.
Show him what a good eater you are.
Shit! Your Dad! The cops!
What are you doing? Get out of the way!
The lady's got a flat.
I gotta help in this heat.
He's right. She'll dehydrate. She needs help.
- I can do first aid! - I used to be a florist.
Stop! Stay where you are!
Some parents deserve to be sent to jail.
How long does it take to change a tire?
Here, we take the time to do things right.
Thank you.
About time, too. Drive!
Tasty, at least?
General!
Gibert! That explains it.
We took a shortcut, but the lady had a flat.
1 hour to change a tire?
In the police, a week at best.
The first thing they learn now is to shoot.
But cops deal with more flat tires than shootouts.
Is it the same in the army?
- We have caterpillars. - They're very good.
Specially off road.
That reminds me of a vacation in Africa.
We slept in cages to keep the wild beasts away.
This is the worst kind of beast.
If he escapes, there'll be blood on the streets.
Don't worry, General, we're used to his sort.
2 hours to tame him.
Tomorrow, he'll be juggling balls on his nose.
Load him up!
Good job!
Your career hangs on this.
It's in the bag. Let's synchronize watches.
- 16:20. - 5 past 12. Perfect.
Touch base every 2 hours. Go!
Hello.
General! Already?
It's taken you a mere 30 seconds to mess up.
- Sorry? - Check your mirror.
The label! I can see much better now. Thank you, General.
I meant your side-view mirror.
Look to your right.
Shit! Reverse engines!
He has the point.
You're sure about the address?
100%.
You stay in the car. I'll be much happier on my own.
If, and I emphasize the "if",
I'm gone 30 minutes, come get me.
Yeah, right!
What?
Call me before you unleash him. To be on the safe side.
No worries.
Gee, he missed it!
Let me see how well you can handle this.
HI, Daniel!
This was on the road.
Is it yours? I knew it had hit the asphalt.
Thanks.
- Hiya, kids! - Jeez, they grow up quick.
It's little Maxime!
Lucky, he's not like his Dad.
OK, let's go.
Emilien's out on a mission.
They can play on the computer.
Where are your Dad's video games?
Those'll keep you busy.
I have to make a call. Be good.
Can we both play?
No, they gave Dad the worst computer.
Hardly even sends email.
- And Gibert's? - It's hot stuff!
What the hell is all this garbage?
Need an MA for the new models!
- What? - We wanted to play.
It's taken. Try another office.
That one's
a CORE2 total latest generation.
- You know how to work this? - Child's play!
- Hi, Marley. - How are you!
Got anything for a sore throat?
The season's over. I ain't got much.
Take a look.
Yeah, right.
- You join me? - Why not!
- It'll wake me up. Here. - No, thanks.
Not on duty. I'll smoke it tonight.
Here, it's the opposite. We never smoke at home.
- It's Gibert! - Check out the car!
Alain?
Put the beast in the main office.
- Out of the cage? - Of course not!
May I remind you, he's extremely dangerous?
I know, but the cage is extremely big.
Stop discussing the discussion.
Action!
All units...
Big bad wolf's back. Over.
That's Gibert! Lose it.
Marley!
- Come here. - Yes, sir?
- Have you been smoking? - No, I swear...
Don't lie to me.
I have a very sensitive nose.
I trained with mountain rescue dogs.
I can sniff snow like no man.
It's great.
I could detect grass over a mile away. Wicked!
I guess so.
I'll let it ride. Last chance, OK?
Type your password.
Select a photo.
Click on the one you don't want.
Then click on the one you want.
Thanks, boys. I don't know
what I'd have done without you.
You deserve a reward.
A bill for each of you.
Put it away. Our secret.
What are you doing, boys?
I don't want you on my computer.
And what are you doing?
You're the new IT trainer?
- Right. - Sorry, I'd forgotten.
It's not a luxury having a teacher for this.
I'm pretty electronically minded, but I've met my match here.
Short and sweet.
I've had a long day. Feels like my head'll explode.
Sorry, but you're smoking.
I stopped 3 weeks ago.
I have pretty good willpower, but this time I resorted to a patch.
- Yes, indeed! - Great.
I meant, your head's smoking.
- So it is. - May I?
Where'd that come from?
Morocco, definitely.
Put it out. It's a no-smoking office.
Sorry.
Can we start? I have a busy schedule.
Where did you get to in your last lesson?
Adjusting the chair.
Take the mouse.
One eye on the screen, one on the keyboard.
One eye on the screen, one on the keyboard...
This won't be easy.
That's for 6-year-olds?
Dad! It's totally harmless.
We haven't played it for ages.
It's awful. You have no idea.
No, I never have any ideas.
We got a huge job. A major client!
- What kind? - Wanted all over Europe.
They sent him here? He'll learn to play boules.
No time. He's flying out to Congo at 5 tomorrow.
If he's not escaped.
This isn't a police station, it's a summer camp.
- Relax. - If that's not what it was, then it's great.
Gibert wants us all in to work overtime.
I can't get hold of Petra.
Always some damn top secret mission.
So, I'm stuck with the kid...
And could your friend Daniel look after him?
Just a couple of hours
until I get off duty.
- 2 sugars in your coffee? - Thank you.
When do I do any work? I've had the kids all day.
Can't Lily help out?
She's in Paris on a decorating course.
Decorating?
She's decided to redecorate the garage.
- Yikes! - You said it.
She wants the taxi to sleep outside.
Ouch!
You're a dead man!
It could be a good thing. Lily puts flowers everywhere.
Pollen blocks up the carburetors.
I spend all weekend cleaning them with cotton buds.
You have to learn to compromise.
You compromise with Petra?
No kidding.
- For example? - My clothes.
When I was single, I never tidied up.
Anything lying around, Petra threw it out the window.
- Your shorts, too? - Everything!
So, you learned to be tidier?
I bought a fishing rod. Saved me 3 flights of stairs.
When can you pick Max up?
In 2 hours.
OK, you have 2 hours.
- You're a pal. - Yeah, I know.
As it's just us guys tonight,
how about a TV dinner in the garage?
Deal!
You can keep them busy for 2 hours?
I have an idea.
- Granddad! - My little soldiers!
Great to see you!
Wasn't it Sunday?
We were going to see a movie
and they insisted we stop by.
Granddad, I missed you!
I wanna stay with Leo.
My little lambs. I'm here now.
Granddad's here, don't worry.
They're so sensitive.
Yeah, their mothers are away.
They act hard but they're softies.
Couldn't you let them stay a few hours?
2 hours, no more! They have homework.
2 hours. Not a second more!
He's been gone an hour. Let's go!
Give him 5 more minutes, OK?
Turn it, that's right. Now, lower it. Faster...
Faster?
Turn it... That's right. Not bad.
You gotta get the rhythm.
We're done, chief.
Very clever!
- You lost me the game. - Yes.
Not bad for a first try.
What's my score?
- Excuse me. - Go ahead.
Hello?
It's Sukk. We coming in?
No, there's no need. I'm done. I'll be right there.
OK, cool.
- What did he say? - Shut up.
Sorry, I have to go.
You do?
I have a client waiting.
See you next month, same time?
With pleasure.
What have you done? Are you nuts?
You said the main office.
I didn't argue. An order's an order.
Very true. You've done well, Alain.
Lose the cover. We're not here to mollycoddle him.
It's pretty scary.
- Is he really so nasty? - Even worse.
He'd kill a sheep with his ears.
Don't be afraid, young Emilien.
I did 5 years in the jungle,
living on spiders and hippos for UNESCO.
A Belgian doesn't scare me.
We'll start with some routine questions.
Pass me the documents.
Come on!
Full name?
Well? How did it go?
It's a madhouse in there.
It's freaky.
C'mon, drive!
So, he wants to play tough.
The Bouches-du-Rhone.
- Bouches-du-Rhone? - The special treatment.
Answer the captain!
Calm, everybody.
Think you're smarter than me? Very well.
In my drawer, my bush rifle.
I brought this back from Guyana.
A gift from the chief.
One dart will put an elephant to sleep in 5 seconds.
Watch out, it's loaded.
Keep him in your sights. If he moves again, fire!
No warning shot?
There's only one dart. How can you fire a warning shot?
My mistake!
Back to the name. Full name?
What's that?
He's getting on my nerves! That's not a pretty sight, believe me.
It's hard to talk with a ball-gag in.
Excuses! If he wanted to, he could.
Look, chief. He's trying to say something.
Just what we're waiting for.
Say we take out the gag, just to see?
No! Give him a mile, he'll take an inch.
That's what the slate's for, then.
- The slate? - Look!
With a bit of chalk. It's for him to communicate.
He can write his answers.
Go ahead. Write! Full name!
He can't talk, but I think he hears us.
Give him the chalk.
Watch he doesn't eat your leg.
Gently does it.
Very good.
Get out of the way quickly!
What did he write?
- Pipi. - Pipi?
That his first or last name?
He needs the toilet.
Definitely not.
The old toilet ploy.
And he takes off out the window.
I've seen it 100 times. He thinks we'll fall for that?
You must be kidding me. They must've planned for this.
Look, there!
Look where?
You know how it works?
Sure! It's child's play.
There's a drainage pipe.
And a clearage pipe. Simple.
They showed us a training film about new equipment.
Forget it.
Hook it up. Keep him in your sights!
Get some of that! It's wicked.
A bit strong. I see giant worms.
That connects to the water.
And that goes in the toilet.
Easy!
- It's all ready. - You've scared me!
Give me that!
Sorry, I wasn't concentrating.
So, concentrate a bit harder.
Cops don't go playing with guns.
This isn't a funfair, shooting for teddy bears.
This thing's for real bears.
Rule No. 1, when you're inside,
finger on the trigger guard,
gun held parallel, to avoid accidents.
My foot!
- Quick! - Grab that chair!
- He's so heavy! - Put him there! Like carrying 3 people.
Look at the state of him!
Did he smoke the carpet?
He took a hit of stuff for bears.
For bears?
- You give him that? - I gave him nothing.
You morons! It's a dart, full of sedative.
It'd put a bear to sleep. Wake him or he'll hibernate 6 months.
That'd make 6 quiet months.
Who signs your leave?
Shit! Chief! Wake up!
Time to get up!
Red alert!
Where were we?
We'd got to "full name".
All right, don't get as dumb as Gibert!
Sorry.
Spend all day with him, it starts to rub off.
Did you enjoy your pee, my Belgian friend?
You did your Maneken-Piss?
Good one!
OK, enough.
He needed it. Look at his legs.
That shouldn't happen.
It should drain away.
Looks like it's rising.
Impossible. The water should run off.
Maybe you got the pipes mixed up. I know I often do,
but I took extra care.
Drainage and clearage.
It's not that then.
We have a problem.
I think I'd better check.
I mixed them up again!
What an idiot!
I don't believe it! Is the water going down?
Sure, look.
He had geysers for eyes. Now, it's a trickle.
Let's get him out before he drowns.
No way, he's dangerous. Don't fool with him.
If the Belgian drowns right here, who's the fool?
It'd be like we killed him.
There must be a fast-release system.
Look for a switch or a lever.
A chain?
A handle! Quick, grab yours.
Ready? 1, 2, 3...
He looks in a bad way.
Let's take his hood off.
No, you do it.
- Why me? - Move it!
- It's a tight fit. - Take it easy.
That's funny.
He's not how I imagined.
Oh, yeah?
I thought he'd have a face, y'know, with huge teeth and jaws...
- A real yeti? - More or less.
The meanest killers look totally normal.
Wake him up.
What the heck?
Precautions.
Sir?
Wake up!
- There, he's better! - That's great.
I'm pleased.
Where am I?
Marseille central police station.
And you guys are cops?
Soon we'll be lieutenants.
You'll be lieutenants soon?
- Bouches-du-Rhone? - Flyswatter, first.
Stop hitting me!
- Stop! - Listen...
There's been a terrible mistake
that is the fault of the police in my country.
Albert Vandenbosh, wanted by Interpol,
convicted in 17 countries. Remember?
Of course. That's the problem.
I'm not Vandenbosh,
but Eugene Triboulet, embassy attaché.
He's trying to con us.
1987. The Paris-Bruges train heist.
I've committed no crime. I'm an attaché.
You're a hell of a case! Don't try to fool us.
Let's knock out a report for the chief.
He'll enjoy reading it.
I'll get on it.
Take this down.
Albert Vandenbosh...
Eugene Triboulet!
I met Vandenbosh. Look at his photo.
I don't look anything like him. He's a thug! Yeah, right.
Emilien?
Take a look.
Who's that?
Albert Vandenbosh.
See? I told you.
I know it's not your fault. Release me
and I won't sue.
How'd you know Vandenbosh?
I don't actually know him.
I saw him at Bruges police station.
What were you doing?
Making a complaint.
I'd been carjacked.
What?
They carjacked my Toyota.
Dragged me out and drove away.
In Marseille, it's called a Parisian.
We call it carjacking!
- Carjacking... - Carjacking...
OK, what happened next?
I was in the chief's office. Charming man...
When I had to go to the toilet.
You're always peeing!
Yes, since my prostate operation.
- Sorry. - Then what?
In the stalls, I ran into Vandenbosh,
shucking that horrible suit.
3 thugs jumped on me
and forced me inside there.
I put up a fight,
but they soon gagged me
and from then on
I was powerless to resist.
You're very good.
But unfortunately for you, you've met your match.
- Emilien? - What now?
Check this out.
Belgian Embassy Fenimore Eugene Tribloulet.
Cultural attaché, Belgian Embassy. Since 1996.
Since May 17, 1996, to be precise.
My appointment even got a mention on the RTBF news.
- Is there a phone number? - There.
Call them up.
Action!
Belgian Embassy, how can I help?
Mr. Triboulet, please?
Sorry, he's been away for 3 days.
You don't know where he's gone?
To be honest, no.
He hasn't called in at all and the whole Embassy's worried about him.
He's disappeared?
It seems so. He was in Bruges in Tuesday
and got his car carjacked.
Since then, no news of him.
- Are you a relation? - No.
That's awful.
Thanks, I'll call back.
What a balls-up!
Talk, damn you!
Take it easy!
I have my eye on them.
Don't burn the place down.
Nobody got any clothes for our prisoner?
Check the closet. The boss always keeps spares.
No kidding. He can change 10 times a day.
Daniel! Good timing.
Is there a problem?
I'd like it if you could sign the armistice.
Die!
Get lost!
Check this out.
Great!
I'd rather die in glory than surrender in shame.
What's that?
Peace! War's over!
Okay, General?
I'm fine.
I may have lost a battle, but I haven't lost the war.
Can the rematch wait? They have homework to do.
Yes, of course. On Sunday, perhaps.
That's right. The Lord's Day!
He'll be delighted.
And we'll have apple pie.
I'll take care of it.
You two, in the car!
2 quiet hours? You destroyed his living room!
He started it. We wanted to play drafts.
He said only swishes play drafts.
Swishes? He said that?
You know what swishes do?
Sure. It's when you squish flies.
Dad says they never stop swishing at work.
The flies have been bulking up. They're bigger than bees.
He's well-built, your chief.
He's bulky, all right. But it suits you.
Not quite my style, but it'll do.
Better than that diving suit!
For sure.
Look at the size of that one!
- What are you on? - Sorry!
There was a fly right there. It was gigantic!
Giant flies and worms, I know. Take some herb tea.
I swear! Where'd it go?
You're compulsive squishers!
You got us wrong.
It's because our chief loves fly-fishing, you see?
It's his birthday soon, so we're collecting for him.
It's a surprise.
Sorry, excuse me.
Can we give you a ride?
No, I'll take a cab.
Goodbye.
Our apologies, huh?
- Denial, are you here? - Is Emilien done?
Another hour.
Tell him I'll get the pizzas and meet him at mine.
Okay, I'll tell him.
- Bye. - Thanks.
Fine timing! I need a means of transport.
Where can I transport you?
4, Mediterranean Square.
Nice address.
- Can I ask a favor? - Your wishes...
I know you go at your own pace here
because the sun makes you sleepy,
but the sun's gone down,
so I don't want to see the sights.
Would you kindly floor it to make the transport brief?
Get it? Transport, port?
Marseille port?
Not bad, huh?
Belt up, smartass!
I beg your pardon.
- Gross! - That stinks!
I apologize.
You got it all over me!
Have fun in Marseille!
Goodbye, ma'am.
Delta 1. The sardine's in the tin.
Over to you, Delta 3.
10/4. Cast the bait.
Here goes!
It beats that greasy outfit that stank of sardines.
- You got the gear? - Everything.
And the specialist?
It wasn't easy finding good help here. Actually...
Serge! I didn't ask how great you were,
but if you found a specialist.
The best!
Let me be the judge of that.
Sure. I said you'd want to see for yourself.
That's him now!
Kiss or shake hands?
I prefer a kiss.
In Belgium, it's 3 times.
I'm honored to work for you.
- You know my work? - "Work" is too ugly.
I prefer the word "deeds".
She's good!
When do we begin?
Not so fast. I like flattery,
but I have a little test for you.
I'll close my eyes and you must try,
if you can, to take something without me noticing.
You have one minute!
I reset it.
It was a minute slow.
- She's really good. - Is she in-house?
We've been through all the regions. He's not interested.
There's only one solution.
- Here's the doc. - Where's the bear?
His nose is dry.
He's not a bear. He got a dose of bear tranquilizer.
I thought I'd never seen one like him.
I have an antidote.
It's for elephants, but it works on bears.
Are you sure about this?
It's a question of aiming
just above the trunk between the eyes.
I'm right here, chief.
What's wrong with him?
It's normal.
He needs to stay in his basket.
I must have dozed off. What time is it?
5 past 12.
That explains it. I could eat a horse.
You want pizza?
- I wouldn't say no. - Coming up.
I had an absurd dream and you were in it.
You let the Belgian bamboozle you and he walked free.
I have some weird dreams sometimes.
This can't be...
Emilien?
You won't believe what happened.
- You got fired? - You know?
You get fired once a month.
This time it's serious.
Remember public enemy No. 1?
The guy transferred via Marseille?
- And? - I let him walk free.
- This can't be true. I- No.
I mean, he escaped. I'm such an idiot!
A real numbskull!
It's not just my skull. All over.
I just keep messing up.
I could write a dictionary of stupidity.
Don't exaggerate.
You bag some biggies. The Santa gang? China Girl?
That was just luck!
I'm useless.
Gibert was right to take my badge. I don't deserve it.
Same goes for most cops.
I became a cop for my Dad's sake.
It was his dying wish.
It's tough, but at least you tried.
Yeah, you're right.
It's time to move on. Do something I want to do.
That's a positive attitude.
What do you want to do?
That's the problem. I like my job.
It's the best in the world.
I see. You really are in the shit.
If only I could find the Belgian.
I'd get my badge back.
- What Belgian? - The perp. He's Belgian.
Big mouth? Fisherman?
Exactly.
Have you seen him?
I picked him up outside the station.
That's him. He said he'd take a cab.
Pretty spectacular escape.
Was the police band playing?
Do you remember where he went?
- Of course. - You're a genius!
- Emilien? - Why?
What about the kids?
Shit! The kids. You got an idea?
Is it Sunday already?
Sure it is.
Here are the kids, I'll get the pie.
Fine. I'll put the oven on.
- You're sure it's here? - Yes. No. 4.
We need to check they're still here.
They are.
Are you sure? It looks empty.
They're asleep like everybody else, except us two fools.
Does that mean that I am not normal?
And their car's still there.
You'd have made a good cop. Is that a compliment?
Sure. As a kid, you must have played cops and robbers.
Sure, but I was always on the other team.
If we have work to do tomorrow, I'll get some sleep.
Go ahead. I'll keep an eye on them.
Emilien?
Sorry, I dozed off.
We have coffee, Quick Burgers,
cheeseburgers, pies... Yogurt.
You had that in the car?
I bought it.
You mean no one was watching the house?
I was supposed to sleep while you kept watch.
Your snoring kept me awake.
- Maybe they took off? - They didn't take off.
The car's still there.
Another arrived an hour ago with 2 guys in it.
Why didn't you wake me?
You sleeping gives me a break. Even if you snore.
They're coming out.
There's the Belgian!
It's not him. Mine was a lot younger.
He's in disguise!
Look, his mustache is dropping off.
Why'd he get dressed up to leave his own house?
Maybe because the cops are after him.
Absolutely right.
There's something familiar about the girl.
Never saw her before.
- Where are they going? - Guess.
Monaco! Banks all over. Heaven for a guy like him.
A tax haven, you mean.
Tell me about it. We'd just love to access some vaults here.
Shall I ask the Belgian to help?
After all you did for him, he owes you.
Cut it out!
Here we go...
He's chosen one.
Royal Bank of Belgium.
He must be homesick.
They're gonna hold it up?
They're not playing boules.
I'll call Gibert.
Shouldn't you wait to have some proof?
No sweat! We'll get the proof later.
Chief? It's Emilien.
I've got the Belgian. I've spotted him at least.
I know I'm not a cop anymore.
I was taking a walk
and I saw him enter a bank.
They're not playing boules. It's the RBB in Monaco.
I know it's far. I'll try to tie them up.
- He's on his way. - Great!
The Joker vs. Scooby-Doo.
Can I help you?
I'm here to see my son, Edouard.
You're Triboulet's father?
- That's right. - He'll be so pleased.
2nd floor, room 115.
Thank you.
This way. They're friendly here.
Come in.
Dad?
Idiot! Dad died 4 years ago.
He'd be ashamed of you
for changing names.
Brother...
- I thought you were in prison. - Not this week.
Prison's like a country home.
I go there to rest up.
Let's have a look at you.
Still that stupid haircut. You never change!
Girls like men with hair that's virile.
A bit like me.
You're still single?
Yes.
Delta 1 in position.
10/4, Delta 2.
The girl's going in.
I know I've seen her before.
I'm going in.
Fine, Delta 2. Got you on visual.
It's heating up. What if I take a discreet look?
You don't do discreet.
We sit tight and wait for Scooby-Doo.
Welcome!
I'm opening an account with Mr. Triboulet.
I'll call him for you.
Go on, answer it.
- It's a client? - Go down.
I won't get in your way.
I'll be right down.
Right away.
Give me the keys. I'll go instead of you.
I only have the keys to empty boxes.
I open accounts.
That's good. Me, too.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Countess. This way, please.
- Open up. - Yes, Mr. Triboulet.
After you, Countess.
Good job!
It's all yours, Countess.
Where'd you like to start?
That wall.
On that wall, we have No. 82. How's that suit you?
Perfectly.
Are they biting?
I'm tracking the alarm connections.
I have to deactivate them
or it'll go off in Security.
She blows me away.
No kidding! How about some food? I'm starving.
I'll go find something.
What's Gibert up to? It's been an hour.
- I've spoilt you. - That's true.
And an hour to open an account?
Or several accounts.
Here's the list of boxes.
It'll take a while. Grab a coffee.
A coffee?
The Free Belgian? Pretty classy.
At your Majesty's service.
First box open.
Keep going, Delta 2.
What?
A guy in a suit gets into a van at 9 a.m. Is that normal?
A Dutch guy getting back from a club.
Loaded up with food, when the van sells Fries?
Maybe his suck.
Smart ass.
That's why I'm a cop.
Just five left. I need info.
OK, hold tight a second.
Number 107. Box 107.
- 1-0-7. - 10/4.
- A black notebook? - Affirmative.
- You gave me a fright? - How's it going?
- Just five left. - Let's move it!
Of course.
Are you done?
Getting there.
His head's smaller than yours, boss. The wig keeps slipping.
Stop getting there and get him out.
Dumbhead!
Stop getting there and get your mustache on.
I got yelled at.
- Really? - I'm true.
Stopped for lunch?
Wouldn't surprise me.
Look!
We're gonna lose him!
What?
He's leaving disguised as an old man. Where are you?
The driver's asking for directions.
But people here run away when they see a cop.
And the GPS is on the fritz. It says "Maubeuge".
- And now? - Straight to the beach.
Watch the sea and count to 100,000.
- OK, fine. - Seeya, sucker!
You're gonna miss him. He's walking away.
- It's right there. - Really?
What's he wearing?
- What do we do? - It's the wrong one.
I'm not him!
I'm not me, either. Take him in!
I swear I'm not!
- Emilien? - Yes, chief?
Meet me at the office. I have your badge.
Thanks, chief.
Hear that? It's great news!
All thanks to you. How can I thank you?
This stinks.
No, he's sorry. He knows I'm a good cop.
Not that. The Belgian.
6 of them in 2 cars with bags.
And only two come out. On foot.
How'd you explain that one?
Nope, that one's a toughie.
And the old guy's limp was different.
Yeah, I noticed that, too.
He maybe fell down some stairs. Old folks often do.
It wasn't the same guy.
Really?
If that wasn't the Belgian, where is he?
Look!
What a balls-up!
I'll go a different way. Meet you at the house.
No way! We're in this together.
Anyway, now I'm rich and single.
Sounds tempting.
He won't let her go.
- We follow them? - In your fries van?
What are you waiting for?
Giving them a start's more fun.
This is no time for jokes. Let's go!
They're going slow!
Makes a change to admire the countryside.
They'll see us.
We're less obvious than the van.
Who are those guys?
Monaco's caviar, not fries.
When he saw Belgian plates, he thought he'd get a sale.
Cut out the jokes! I'm in deep shit here.
Why? You got your card back.
You think so? Gibert'll find out it's the wrong Belgian.
I'm Edouard Triboulet of the Royal Bank of Belgium.
And I'm Hercule Poirot. Where did we get to?
No. 77, chief.
That's Seine-et-Marne.
A beautiful region, you'll see.
Worth a visit?
Let's try again. Full name?
I'm Edouard...
We're running out of regions, chief.
We can move onto my encyclopedia in 22 volumes.
I'm not so sure...
I was thinking. He's Belgian,
so we could try another method.
- If you see what I mean? - Good thinking!
- Everybody out! - No!
Please, don't leave me alone with him!
Please, stay!
So, you're Belgian?
Yes, from Brussels.
Jacques Brel? Wasn't he Belgian?
Yes, a great man. A hero.
Let's hear the hero.
Beautiful, isn't it?
- Wonderful. - Even better like that!
Not that! Mercy!
Stop!
Not that!
Full name?
Help!
- Tough cookie! - Regions are easier.
Shit!
The fryer's frazzled.
We're not going to the house?
We're worth more.
Call the Colombian.
The Belgian for you.
You're out?
I can send you down for years.
Talk.
Know the Royal Bank of Belgium?
Go on!
The notebook in your box is in my hands.
You drown in your fine pool?
- What do you want? - Not much.
You have 10 minutes to get on your yacht and go home.
Bingo! I just bought a shack you'll like.
I love it!
I came here once to see the Colombian
and I fell in love with the place.
He refused to sell.
C'mon, I'll show you paradise.
Check that out! Amazing!
Follow me.
What did I tell you? Paradise!
Fresh, natural produce, see?
Not like the flour you get in the city.
You turned me on in the bank, popping open those boxes.
Eugene, isn't this a bit sudden?
No time to lose, kid.
In our line of work, you gotta act fast.
Any moment, we could both be dead. Make the most of it.
- You're right, Eugene... - Call me Fenimore.
Give me time to look my best for you.
Great idea!
We'll have a candlelit dinner overlooking the sea.
That would be perfect.
Be right back...
Fenimore.
Delta 1, get me out of here. The heat's on.
How soon can you be here?
Hold on.
How long will it take to repair?
Son, you're looking at 2-3 days.
Delta 2, I'm sending reinforcements.
What are you doing?
Calling up reinforcements.
We did it! The Belgian's confessed.
- He confessed? - Everything.
We couldn't stop him.
We also took the opportunity to close some other cases.
He's going down so long, he'll never know.
That's not the right Belgian.
How come?
He was a decoy.
The real one was still in the bank.
So where's the real Belgian now?
I tailed him to the Colombian's villa outside Cannes.
Both of them together. The arrest of the century!
Red alert!
You look sublime, darling.
And you... White suits you.
You think so? I like white.
I like white a lot, but I prefer champagne.
- Gunshots? - Just the one so far.
Believe me, a gunshot never goes out alone.
What are you doing?
Setting up a forward position.
You play best at the back.
It's just to get an idea of the topography.
Facilitate the special forces' entry.
Put that in your ear.
You'll know where I'm at.
This will end in pain.
To us!
I can't climb the wall, but there's a post.
And a branch leading straight in.
Amazing they didn't saw that off.
Shit! They did!
That's topography brought to you by Emilien.
Let's dance.
What a couple we make!
Fire and ice. My guile, your professionalism.
Striking fear across the land.
I'd be your Clyde. You'd be my Bonnie.
Are we dancing or kissing?
A bit of both?
Or I'll think you're a mole.
Did nobody teach you to knock?
Sorry, boss. Look what fell out of the sky.
The little Marseille cop.
Inspector. But you'll get me promotion.
Hands up! You're under arrest.
You got balls, coming here with your pop gun,
to arrest public enemy No. 1 the Flanders Strangler,
the Benelux Terror.
The house is surrounded!
Sure it is.
Reinforcements! An Armada!
Helicopters circling overhead!
Any minute now!
- Fine, we'll wait for them... - You must be out of your mind!
and prepare a reception.
You will pay for your impudence!
I want him!
I love tussling with a cop.
I was on a roll.
He can be my engagement gift, my pink flamingo.
No gift could give me greater happiness.
- Listen, miss! - I'm married!
I've never hit a woman.
You should know, I did 8 years of judo. Japanese winger.
Great!
If you insist, but I fight fair.
Keep your eyes open, then!
Don't worry about me!
I am worried about you!
Do I know you?
Think hard!
I don't know what it's called, but ouch!
Hurry, guys, before the topographer's topped.
You like my fiancée?
Not my type.
Maybe if I was blonde.
Petra?
I knew I knew her.
About time.
Here comes Gibert and his big band!
Maybe if I try the gate...
Ring the bell while you're at it!
Surprise is the key ingredient here.
Our ingenious catapult system helps us hop over the wall.
The Swedish corkscrew.
Time to finish him off!
The death blow!
I have a knife. Take me hostage.
Come again?
Turn me round and take me.
In front of everybody?
Take me hostage.
All right.
He's got a knife!
Where'd he get that?
I searched him personally.
Nobody move or she gets it!
Nobody move.
Don't worry, I'll handle this.
OK, cop,
tell me what you want and you'll have it.
Sure this is a good idea? With no warm-up?
I am warm. I'm sizzling.
You're talking to a finalist, Saumur Trampoline Championship, 1971.
That was long ago!
It's like riding a bike. You never forget.
Crank it up!
Betrayed by technology!
Check out what's wrong.
Right away, chief.
What number are you?
How do I know!
I'm last in line.
The fuse must have blown.
Trying to lift fatso.
Got it, chief!
We have visitors.
What do we do?
We go to war!
Wanna play do ya?
Wanna roast me? So, come and get me!
Glad I stayed in the cab.
I'm No. 1 here! Got that?
Not just in Belgium. The world's public enemy No. 1!
A few gendarmes don't scare me!
I'll blow you up a storm. Just watch.
The gendarme counter-attacks! You're bustin' my balls!
And this gendarme...
is gonna clean up this town
double-quick!
Daniel, help!
Ain't that a surprise.
Who's the No. 1 now?
That's dangerous. Time for some serious weaponry.
- He's crazy! - What's he doing?
Look what I found!
I only ever saw this in photos.
Switch on.
He needs locking up!
I'm gonna waste those scumbags.
Help!
It's better in yellow.
My love!
To think I didn't recognize you. I nearly hit you.
Don't worry, I'd have fought back.
Get a room, will you?
You're driving me to distraction.
I know. You're not the only one.
Take me to your leader.
Excuse me.
Hi, nice meet to you.
- Can I ask your rank? - Commander.
Is that all?
You look like General material to me.
Somebody upstairs doesn't like you.
Leave it to me.
I know the top brass.
I give them a lot of business, so they owe me favor or two.
Let's talk it over in my car.
With pleasure.
Take him away!
You're making a mistake! You'll pay for this!
Let go of me!
You steered us through a minefield.
Thanks,
but Emilien did all the work. I just drove.
Actually, the meter's still ticking over.
I don't get it. You knew he planned a heist?
Yes, and legally we can't go near those boxes,
so we let him do it for us.
Seeing as he's going down anyway.
Exactly.
How did you know he'd escape?
The odds seemed pretty good.
Oh, yeah?
So I helped make the operation a success?
You were just perfect.
Any news of Gibert?
We gave him a bottle of downers and he just laughed.
C'mon, lads! We'll mash 'em!
Nice and easy, take them to pieces!
He's still flying, huh?
We've tried everything.
He's down to run a marathon. It won't be enough.
Footwork! Shoot!
Where'd they get these no-hopers?
Look at you! It's The March of the Penguins!
Shoot!
This isn't a knitting circle! Give the ball hell!
Look!
That's not hard, is it?
Bring it under control and...
Round and Round! Now, overhead kick!
Goal in! Goal In!