No, I'm not a sausage.
Non. Non c'est trois not do it.
Ah, bravo. Bravo.
Ah, bravo. Voilà.
You are bilingue now.
You're the sausage, mate, not me.
Non, non, do it.
J'adore quand tu parle français.
You know, I-- I don't really care what you say.
It sounds good. Heh heh.
I spoke to your mom this morning.
You spoke to my mom?
She's devious, my mother.
She tried to speak French to me.
What she was trying-- She was--
- She was trying to nag in French. - Yeah.
- She wants to cover all bases. - Yeah.
Why do you think she likes you so much?
Because I'm the best. Look what you had before me.
Well, she didn't like any of my other girlfriends.
No. Look at me.
Look at you.
Of course she loves me.
I cook well. I'm an artist.
I'm French and talented,
and I live with you.
She told me that you had a nose job,
- and I thought that was sort of gay. - I had a what?
What did I have?
A nose job.
- Nose job? I didn't get a nose job. - I was--
- Yes. - She said nice job. She said I got a nice job.
Yeah, nice job. Honey, I want to see--
Thank you.
Thanks, mate.
Ready to rock, baby?
- That's it? - That's it.
So they let us take the boat out without knowing anything?
Just leave the technical stuff to me, babe.
- Okay, boss. You have a tag here. - Come on, let's get on.
Okay?
Why you didn't get a bigger boat?
What's wrong with this boat?
It's a beautiful handcrafted timber boat.
Old-fashioned, like me.
Easy.
I wish for fish
for a fine fish dish.
I thought you had a busy week--
We dropped the case.
You've dropped the Chapman case?
Well, we can't win. Their word against hers, so...
Yeah, we dropped the case.
But they raped her.
Well, they say they didn't do it.
That's the problem with crime: the crooks always deny it.
- It's a real bitch. - And you're okay with this?
If it were up to me, I'd have the shit kicked out of them,
then I'd have them locked up, but it's not up to me.
- So, you get raped-- - Oh, come on, sweetheart. Can't we just--
So, you get raped, and you just forget it
because the courts are all stacked against you?
Sorry, Mrs. Chapman. Tough turkey, huh?
Tough titty, babe.
Titty.
I don't-- I don't understand.
I mean, justice. Yeah.
Come on, baby.
Let's have a little drink, a little topper.
Whoa, Baby! That's you! Come on! Come on! Reel it in!
No, you do it!
No, honey, it's your pole, it's your fish.
Just...round, round. That bit there.
It won't go. Please do it.
Give it here.
I got it. Ooh, that's a monster.
- It's a big one. Whoa! - Wha--
- Yeah! - Whoo! Whoo!
No, don't kill it!
No, do not! Don't kill it!
It's a flathead.
That's disgusting.
Yeah, well, that's fishing, baby.
Weather's changed.
Pushing us north.
What's happened to our nice, sunny day, babe?
Let's go back. It's getting cold.
Looks like it'll pass over.
Let's swing around those heads,
come on back, just past those mangroves.
What do you reckon?
Yeah, let's do it.
Come on, weigh anchor.
There we go.
Voilà.
We are lost, aren't we?
Well, it's too shallow for the outboard.
I guess the tide goes out quickly around here.
What does that mean?
That means...
that's for you...
and this is for me.
Okay, where are we going now?
Well, we know the tide runs back into the bay,
so I guess we just go with it.
It's getting shallower, Rob.
Where are we?
We're in a drain.
A what?
Agricultural drain.
Probably caught in a non-eccentric drainage paddock.
You bring me boating in a drain?
I'm full of surprises.
I think we've come about a mile inland,
so gotta be some farms around here somewhere.
What are you doing now?
I'm just gonna climb up, have a look.
Just for a... Iook.
We've been going in circles.
All right, I fucked up. I'm sorry.
I can't believe this.
We can't float, we can't walk,
and-- and I'm tired now.
Come on, babe. There's nothing we can do about it.
Let's just pretend we're castaways.
That's what we are, castaways, damn you.
There's a building or something up ahead.
I'm gonna go scout around.
You coming, or you gonna wait here?
No, I'd like to wait here, Rob, with the crabs and mosquitoes.
There's still no reception, of course.
Jesus. How many times do I gotta apologize?
See?
Stop it. Stay here. Look around.
What are they doing?
I don't like it. Let's go.
Let's go.
Look up there.
Wait here.
There's a farmhouse or something up there.
It'll be fine.
- A farm? - Yeah. Yeah.
We'll get a taxi back to the car, drinking margaritas by midday.
Come on.
Hello.
There's nobody here.
Wait here. I'll check the back.
Okay. Be careful.
Hey.
It's all right. It's all right.
Is anybody here?
It's okay. There's no one here.
Are you sure we should be
just breaking into somebody's house?
We're not breaking in. There's no one there.
Come on.
Oh, my God.
I think pigs live here.
Any port in a storm.
Oh, that's disgusting.
I feel like Goldilocks.
Here's your 3 bears.
I'm gonna take a look around, see if I can find a phone.
Be careful.
Ah, fuck.
Rob!
Somebody's outside.
Come on, we gotta get out of here. Come on.
Get out of my fucking house!
Don't make me come in there and drag you fuckers out!
I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out!
Get out of the fucking house!
Listen, mate, my name's Rob Brewer. We didn't--
I'm not your mate, Robert.
Get the fuck out of my house!
Look, we were just out boating, and--
Listen, we don't--
Oh, hey. Hey.
Come on, we--
Now, what you fucking doing in there, slick?
We were just out, uh, boating,
and, uh, you know, we, uh,
we were so tired, we got lost,
and we saw your light.
We just thought--
Thought you'd make yourself at home, eh?
No, no, no, no, no.
The back door was open. We, uh--
Oh, the back door was... the back door was open.
We'd just like to use your phone, please.
That's all, all right?
You don't have a phone?
If we could just get to the nearest, um--
The nearest anything's 26 mile away, slick.
Well, if you fellas could take us there,
I'd be happy to fix you up for any expenses.
Oh, that is rich.
You're gonna fix us up with what, slick?
Well, if you could just...
point us to the nearest main road,
we'll be on our way and there won't be any trouble.
You really are lost, aren't ya?
Lost, huh? Fucking!
There's no main roads around here, slick.
You're on an island.
French lsland? We're on French lsland.
When is the ferry--
You go and get Poppy out of the truck. You put him to bed.
If he sees these 2, he's gonna fucking freak.
Fuck!
Sorry about my brother there.
But he gets a bit excited.
Please.
After all, you can't be too careful, eh?
Lot of creeps come around, bustin' into houses and shit.
Please, if you could just take us--
What's that?
I said if you could just take us to--
You got yourself a frog chick, eh?
You're a real Frenchie on French lsland, eh?
Hey, doll, see this?
I found him on the side of the road.
You like kangaroos, darling?
Yes.
Yes?
Want to pet him?
Go on, he won't bite.
I might, though.
You out boating, you say?
Yeah.
Her car's back at the boat harbor.
Please, if you could just take us to the nearest phone.
The switchboard in Tankerton closes at 7:30, darling.
The switchboard closes?
What, are you fucking deaf?
Closes at 7:30!
No, this isn't the city out here, slick.
You're in the boonies now.
We go for weeks without seeing shit out here.
That there's Poppy.
Yeah, he's kind of a tired little camper.
He's had a very big day.
This place Tankerton,
if you could just take us to a hotel.
What hotel's that, darlin'?
Yeah, would you like the Tankerton Regency or the lsland Hilton?
So you had a bit of a look around the property before we got here?
There's, um--
There's gotta be some way we can contact someone--
Come on, slick.
It's coming down cats and dogs out there.
Plenty of room here.
Now, tomorrow, I'll drive you in to Tankerton.
How's that?
You probably want to get out of them clammy wet suits, or what?
Yeah, look like you could use
a hot shower and some dry clothes.
The both of youse.
Yes, please.
All right, You get started,
I'll boil you up some water for your shower.
We don't want to put you to any trouble.
Oh, it's no trouble, darling.
Not yet, anyway.
You go on outside.
Shower's on the back porch there.
Towels are inside the door.
Here you go.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, slick.
What sort of car?
Car?
This car you got, what sort is it?
It's a Volvo 870.
Go on, Volvo.
Fucking Volvo!
We gotta get out of here.
You're telling me?
We're talking cavemen here.
These guys are sick.
There's a shed full of marijuana out the back.
They're growing the stuff. A lot of it.
It's none of our business.
They're not gonna let us walk away from here.
There's enough pot there to put these guys away for 1 0 years.
Honey, they're not gonna let us go.
We gotta get the cops back here.
- I knew we shouldn't have-- - Listen.
They don't know that we know.
Okay? Just play it cool, babe.
They're the ones we saw before.
What were they doing to that boy?
I don't know. I don't know.
My best guess would be just to do what they say.
The first chance we get, we'll take off, okay?
Okay.
Okay?
It's going to be okay.
It's okay, baby.
- Yeah. - I love you.
Where are our clothes?
They're gone.
And our wet suits?
They're gone.
They're fucking with us. Put this on.
Put it on.
This is bad.
You wait here.
Where are you going?
- Just wait. - No, please.
Bring me along, please.
You just wait. I'll fix it.
- No. - Wait.
You're all right.
You wake Poppy, you know what's gonna fucking happen!
We can't seem to find the pants you guys gave us.
Well, that's a fucking mystery.
Come on. You gonna give us some pants or what?
Not up to your Volvo standards, huh, boss?
Listen, my wife's scared. We're both tired.
Give us a break, will ya?
Give you a break?
You fucking yuppie tort rat.
You fuck up out in the water, hmm?
You break into our house.
And then you help yourself to our private fucking property,
and then you bitch and moan because we ain't got a phone.
You are fucking unbelievable, sunshine.
So what do you want? Hmm?
Do you want my trousers?
No, no, no, no. 'Cause...
I'm not the one who fucked up.
You fucked up.
You are starting to give me the shits.
I think you better wake the old guy up.
I want to speak to him.
Oh, no, no. That wouldn't be a good idea at all.
Then can we have our wet suits back?
What, those heavy things?
What, do you wanna catch a cold and give it to us?
No, you see, this is a working farm, slick.
It's hard enough to scratch out a living
without some city butt-stain coming in here
and treating this place like his own private shit can.
You are an inconsiderate bastard.
Considering how you tracked dirt and shit
all the way through this fucking house.
You've left the tap running outside.
You've wasted half a tank of water.
And you left the lights on in the back shed.
Now, what's your old lady like as a cook?
They know about the drugs.
I think we should do what they say, baby.
Jimmy, get her to say somethin' in froggy talk. Go on.
Darling.
Darling?
Say something in frog talk.
Give me some of that fucking...
parléz-vous, oui-oui lingo.
Oui-oui lingo.
Fucking...
Go on.
That is fucking sexy.
What'd you say, pussycat?
- It's a-- - It's a Gallic folk song.
Mothers sing it to their children.
My cup's empty, captain.
Yeah, a thin dick!
Hey, Volvo,
I want you to show us your old lady's ass.
Let's see if that's as good as an Aussie ass.
This has gone far enough.
We just wanna see your old lady's booty.
We did you a favor, now you do us a fucking favor.
- Quid pro fucking quo! - Quo! Quo!
Forget it.
What, now you're telling me what I can and can't do
in my own fucking house, Volvo?
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
No, no, no. No. No.
It doesn't matter, Rob. Please.
That's enough.
Who the fuck is talking to you, Volvo, eh?
Now, my drink is still empty, captain.
What the fuck's this for?
You burned the fucking eggs!
What are we supposed to do with this shit, eh?
What is this? This your parléz-vous fucking whore cuisine, is it?
What, you serve that to Volvo, eh?
Well, that's fucking great.
See those?
That's the last of the eggs.
Now what the fuck are we gonna do for dinner?
Eh? What are we gonna do for dinner?
'Cause Brett and me, we're hungry, aren't we, Brett?
I suppose maybe you could help me, huh?
'Cause Brett and me, we're hungry,
and we wanna know what the fuck you're gonna do about it!
Come on, it's just a fucking animal. Kill it.
I can't.
It's just a fucking wallaby.
Thousands of these little fuckers die on the roads every night.
Come on, cut it!
I'll cut it, Jim.
What are you, one of these bleeding heart motherfuckers?
Save all the fuzzy fucking creatures.
I just don't kill things.
Well-- Well, I guess we could just stain the little fucker
while he's still alive, eh, Brett?
I mean, how inhumane is that gonna be, eh?
Fucking kill the fucker!
Leave her alone, will you?
God, you've got some balls, eh, Volvo?
No! Just leave her alone.
You got some fucking balls, huh?
Leave her alone, please!
Let's see what your fucking yuppie balls look like, eh?
Maybe we can fry 'em up with Scooby there.
Wouldn't be the first time we taste the old long big, eh, Brett?
- Please. - Poppy says we shouldn't talk about that.
Maybe we take your fucking kidneys, eh?
Just cut 'em right out
and we'll feed the scraps to Honky, eh?
Now you hold real still, slick,
'cause this is gonna hurt just a little fucking bit.
Ooh-wee, doggie!
Looks like you're the one
with the balls, darling.
It's all right.
Please.
You--
You ought to be a fucking chef, oui-oui.
You got a job in the city?
What do you do for crust, eh?
I'm an artist.
An artist.
What do you make?
A whole shit pile of money, or what?
I get by.
Yeah, I'll bet.
I bet you fucking get by.
And what about you, no-balls?
What do you do when you're not getting lost
in a little fucking boat?
I'm a barrister.
What?
A barrister.
"Beeraster?"
You fucking beeraster.
Move to strike or order a fucking beer!
It's Poppy.
Do you know what we do for a dollar, darling?
No.
Are you sure?
I have no idea what you do.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Listen, my husband and I are tired.
If there's a place where we can--
Lie down your weary heads, huh? Go, na-nas?
But, of course, oui-oui.
You must be exhausted!
It's been a big day for you, hasn't it?
Driving that heavy fucking Volvo
all the way out from the city going boating.
Fishing.
Whatever the fuck you were doing.
Well...
I am sorry that we didn't set up the suite for you.
But you...
can have the whole barn to yourselves.
How's that?
The barn will be fine, thank you.
The barn will be fine, love.
Jolly good, old cock.
Voilà.
Get Honky to guard that fucking door.
Honky!
Stupid mutt.
We're getting out of here.
You think they'll just let us run?
What about the dog?
We don't have a choice.
We are not gonna stick around to see what happens next.
Okay. Come on.
This is too easy.
Go! Move!
- Is this the way back? - Come on, go!
Is this the way back?
- Is this the track? - Hurry up!
Move it!
Come on!
No. No!
Jesus Christ, they killed him.
They cut him. Fuck.
Hey!
Get him, Honk.
Go! Get 'em!
You miss me?
Get in the fucking truck!
Skipping out without paying the tariff is against the law, slick.
Listen, I don't care if you guys are growing weed.
I mean, I smoke pot.
Unlawful incarceration is a major crime.
You need to think about what you're doing.
Incarceration.
You fucking lawyer.
You gonna sue us, frog-fucker?
What about that guy out there?
What guy out where?
The guy in the red track suit.
What fucking red track suit, slick?
I can help you.
What's it gonna take?
How much? 1 00,000?
200,000?
What do you want?
I got what I want.
Come here. Come here!
Now take off your pants and your shoes.
Now!
Yes.
You want a drink, darlin'?
No, merci.
Oh, Oui, oui, oui, merci.
No, thank you.
Fuckin' said yes, thank you, now drink!
You fucking--
Rob!
No!
You wanna fuck her?
Yeah.
No, Rob.
Now, what was that?
She said she's 2 months pregnant.
She's 2 months pregnant.
Oh, is that right? You-- You knocked up?
Yeah.
- Make any difference to you? - No.
Yeah, well...
Brett here, he ain't fussy.
I don't think he's ever had a female human before.
Rob!
You wanna fuck her now, too?
Yeah.
But you squirt your business in the dirt.
I'm not going sloppy seconds.
Shit!
What the fuck's goin' on in here?
Well, Pa, we was, um...
What's this?
Um, these 2 busted into the house.
That's not true.
What's she doing half naked?
Brett and me, we was-- we was gonna fuck her.
Thought it'd be all right.
Why aren't they tied up?
He's not goin' anywhere, Papa. I busted his leg.
Look. Have a look.
- Where's Honky? - Uh, he's--
He found something to roll, and he's fucking outside somewhere.
He'll be back.
Hey, Pop,
she's a French chick, ain't she, Jim?
Get her to say something. Go on, Pop. Go on.
You ain't gonna run off on us, are ya, baby?
That'd be dangerous.
You see, that dog of ours
kind of has this thing about new blood.
You haven't got your period coming, have ya, baby?
Honky'd have a goddamn party if you were on the rags.
With a dog like that, see,
once he chomps down and them big jaws lock on...
And right after the job's finished,
you can't pry him off with a crowbar.
I see you didn't lock the shed this avo like I fucking told ya.
You know how that complicates things, don't ya?
Eh, cool dick?
Oh, no, please.
- I told him... - Shut the-- Fucking shut up!
You see, I just been out to the back shed,
and someone--
maybe an intruder and his buck-naked missus--
got in there like Goldilocks
and turned the fucking sprinklers on.
You got any idea what sort of investment's out there in the shed,
going all moldy and fucking worthless?
I'll see you inside, sunshine.
We're gonna have a little fuckin' talk.
I fuckin' told him--
I fuckin' told him, shut the fuckin' door.
We'll work out what we're gonna do with them in the morning.
Now get me a drink.
Honky'll be back in a minute.
He likes to keep just outside the door.
You wanna be real careful going outside.
Now what was that for?
Fuck!
Let's just forget about all the bud just gone down the fuckin' toilet.
You know I've got prior convictions.
If I get picked up for this, then I'm fucked!
And if I'm fucked, you're double-fucked!
'Cause you two will starve
Iike a pair of orphaned puppies. Wouldn't ya?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yes, Poppy.
Oh, oh, y-y-yeah, Poppy.
Have a look at youse.
Me 2 sons.
Christ Al-fuckin'-mighty.
S-So, what-- what are we gonna do about it, Pop?
What do you fuckin' reckon?
Honky!
Where the fuck are ya, boy?
Don't move. Don't move, honey.
What happened?
They broke your leg.
Did they touch you?
No.
- Where are they? - In the house.
But they'll be back. The father's awake.
What are you doing?
Personal security.
What is that?
A surprise.
- Jesus Christ Almighty. - What?
Are you going to stop them from putting their dicks inside of me?
Maybe we--
Maybe what? Maybe what?
Maybe the cops will magically turn up?
Or maybe we should wait for divine intervention to save us?
So God will strike them dead. Shall we do that?
How do we stop them without just making them crazier?
I'm not a fighter. Are you?
We're gonna get out of here.
My father said to me once,
"To catch a mad dog,
"you must think like a mad dog...
only madder."
Honky!
Go see what that fuckin' mongrel's up to.
I don't want him fuckin' with them till I say.
Ah, yeah, Pop.
You can have the bloke,
but you leave me the sheila.
Right, yeah, Pop.
Honky!
Hey. Hey!
What's wrong with him?
I think he's in shock.
Christ, it's only a busted leg.
Your father hit you because of me?
It's all right, doll.
We'll call it even when I pop Volvo here, eh?
You wanna kill him, huh?
You wanna kill him. I don't believe this.
When I look deep in your eyes,
I can see that you follow your brother.
But you're not like him. You do not even look like him.
- Well, we got different mothers. - You see, I'm right.
You're different than him.
- Where is your mom now? - She's gone.
Poppy says women are only good for gettin' fucked.
Then they eventually try and fuck you.
So I guess he was finished with her.
No. No. Poppy's wrong.
- No. No. - Poppy's wrong.
Maybe your mom loves you. Maybe she wants to be with you.
Shut up! Don't you fucking come in here telling me what's what!
You say fucking bye to him now!
What the fuck?
Poppy!
No, no, no, no! No!
Poppy!
Here!
Hit him!
Hit the fucker!
Kill him!
Brett!
Honky!
You're not in there fuckin' that Frenchie, are ya?
Brett!
Jimmy, get me a drink.
There you go, Pop.
Go get that yuppie mo in here.
Yeah, Pop.
Up. Up!
Come on. Just you.
Now, where's Brett?
I don't know.
Poppy wants to see you in the house.
How you doin' there, slick?
Are ya comfortable? Eh?
How's that little leg of yours?
That's gotta hurt.
Stop it! You Fucking pig!
What's that, eh?
Ah, now, where you goin', darlin'?
Can't wait for Poppy's good lovin', eh?
This way. This way.
Poppy likes it if you make a bit of an effort.
You don't mind, do ya?
For Poppy.
You are such a beautiful girl.
It's a shame.
Find him.
Yeah?
I had me a missus once.
A big coon sheila.
Black velvet.
This is before Brett's mom and after Jimmy's.
She wasn't a classy unit like yourself.
But she was good on a real dark night.
Pity I had to put her down.
I opened up her throat and bled her like a fuckin' pig.
Hung her out there in the shed for a month.
Christ, the stink.
She smelled bad enough when she was alive.
Had to put her through the mulcher in the end.
Turned her into fertilizer...
and dog food.
Finally found a use for the bitch.
You know why I stuck her?
She didn't follow the rules.
Yeah.
No.
That's good.
But, no.
I guess I just did it
so she wouldn't have to suffer like the others.
We're gonna be gone around New Year's. Aren't we, eh?
What the fuck did you do, bitch?
Where you gonna hide, huh?
Where you gonna hide?
Oh, shit!
You little fuck!
Fee, fi, fo, fum!
I smell the cunt of a bitch gonna die!
Fuck!
We gotta hide. Now!
Come on.
Get in.
Let's go.
No! No!
Fuck!
Fuckin' bitch!
Fuck!
Where...
Good girl.
Good girl! Come on! Come on!
Start it! Let's go!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
Fuck! Fuck!
Come on!
Come on! Come on! Let's go!
Come on!
No.
Good boy. It's me. Good boy.
Stay! Stay!
Get her! Get her!
- Fuck! - Get her!
Get her! Get her!
Poppy!
Yes!
Go! Get out! Get out!
Back it up!
Come on!
Quick! Drive!
Go!
Fuck!
Reverse!
Fuck!
Come on! Come on!
- Fuck! - Run him down!
You filth must die!
Come on, cunt!
Come on, you fuckers!
I'll piss in your fucking skull!
I see you!
I'm gonna tear your fuckin' eyes out and skull-fuck ya, bitch!