0
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000



1
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:52,314
So, how are things going with you?

2
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,651
Well, everything was going great
till they opened that Ta-Ta's next door.

3
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,779
They've been taking a lot of my business,
some of my best girls.

4
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:03,367
But the district manager got paralyzed
from bad shellfish.

5
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,495
- Guess who's next in line.
- I think I'm getting a little bored.

6
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,998
- Guess who stopped by yesterday.
- Who?

7
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,877
- Mrs. Silverman and her son.
- Tom. Hey, how is Tom?

8
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,506
Good, good.
He was with his beautiful pregnant wife.

9
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,383
Is that so?

10
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:23,345
You don't really have
a beautiful pregnant wife.

11
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,013
Nope. Sure don't.

12
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:29,351
You don't even have a bastard child
with an ugly woman out of wedlock.

13
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:33,563
Mom, he's paralyzed. That means I'm next.

14
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:38,360
Okay? That means I'm district manager.
Things around here are gonna change.

15
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,530
Just like they were going to change
when you became restaurant manager.

16
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,366
Goodbye.

17
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:58,046
Look, honey, I care about you way too much
to let you work there,

18
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:01,383
- so I'm gonna have to put my foot down.
- Cool. You do that.

19
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:06,388
Allison, listen, I don't want you
to be groped inappropriately, except by me.

20
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:11,518
- Come on. It's a gateway job.
- Yeah.

21
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,105
What the fuck?

22
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,232
You'll be working a stripper pole
within a year!

23
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,404
You're gonna be a young mother,
with lots of dollars in your pooswah!

24
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:42,674
- What's up, stranger?
- Oh, my God! Hi!

25
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,552
Hi, honey. Baby doll. Oh, my gosh.

26
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:49,765
- So, today's the big day, huh?
- Yeah. I finally took the plunge.

27
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,308
Well, do you want the grand tour?

28
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,559
- Yes, please.
- Okay.

29
00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,687
I've never worked in a
place like this before.

30
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,774
- You'll be fine. Yeah.
- Yeah?

31
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,233
- Come on.
- Okay.

32
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,770
- Hey, Josh.
- Hey.

33
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:41,733
- Man, you look like unshaven shit.
- Thank you, Amber. Thanks.

34
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,485
You're making a big deal out of nothing.

35
00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:46,571
It's not nothing. I'm haunted.
Every night, I have the same weeds dream.

36
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:47,864
Everything starts off great,

37
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,909
and then I get set, like,
four tables all at once.

38
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,119
- Hey, there, folks. Good to see you.
- I'll have a Pepsi.

39
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:54,037
- Okay, Pepsi.
- She'll have a sweet tea.

40
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,289
Sweet tea. How about raspberry tea?
Is that all right?

41
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,916
How about no?

42
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,040
- Hot tea.
- Okay, hot tea.

43
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,670
We're catching a movie, so we need you
to rush our order, okay?

44
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,713
- Excuse me!
- Just one second.

45
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,841
- Yes?
- What's your fish of the day?

46
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:06,883
We don't have a fish of the day.

47
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,010
- Did I say decaf? Did I remember...
- Yeah.

48
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,637
We haven't looked at the menu yet.

49
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,305
If I get the salad bar with my steak...

50
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,600
What is that, German?
I need a steak well-done!

51
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,062
- The printer ran out of ink.
- Whatever.

52
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,982
We had a problem in the kitchen.
All the orders were deleted, okay?

53
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,651
- Oh, my God.
- Are you kidding me?

54
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,864
- What's the fish of the day?
- I want the salad bar.

55
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,229
And then I end up naked
in front of the entire restaurant.

56
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,868
You're a vagina.

57
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:37,122
- You've just been working too hard.
- Whatever.

58
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,465
Hey!

59
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,843
Miguel, that's more than three ounces
of cheese, my friend.

60
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:54,097
We talked about this before.
Less queso. More listen-o.

61
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:04,900
Okay, Allison. All right. First thing
we need to do is get you an outfit.

62
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:10,697
Okay? Sizes are small, extra-small,
and extra-extra-small.

63
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:14,409
Extra-small?

64
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,411
All right, then you probably want to wear
an extra-extra-small,

65
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,616
'cause management likes your ass
to hang out a little.

66
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:20,782
And by a little, I mean a lot.

67
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:26,171
Cute. No jewelry. Sorry.

68
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,590
Yeah, management says
it makes you look trashy.

69
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:31,593
- But...
- But they have approved nipple rings.

70
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:36,389
I don't know if that helps.
You get 50 % off food, except for desserts.

71
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:40,810
I guess that's about it.
Now, just saddle up.

72
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,521
Cool.

73
00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,275
- Here? I'm... Now?
- Yeah.

74
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:50,237
If you have any questions about anything,
how to squeeze in anything...

75
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:54,074
- You'll be right there.
- Tuck anything in or pull anything out.

76
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,785
Yeah, I think I'm good. I think I'm good.

77
00:08:58,287 --> 00:08:59,621
Okay.

78
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:02,541
Okay, Miguel,

79
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,585
if you're gonna step up
and work under me on Friday night,

80
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,587
- you gotta keep your cool, okay?
- Yes, ese.

81
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,507
All right, fry is the hardest
part of the job during the rush,

82
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:14,970
because we also have to do all the toasting,
and all the fucking French onion soups,

83
00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:18,515
which, as you can imagine,
is pretty time-consuming.

84
00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,016
Now, we get it all, okay?

85
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,478
So, when the shit hits the fan,
and it's gonna hit the fan, Miguel,

86
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,981
you better not freak out or something.
All right?

87
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:28,400
- A lot of people can't hack this.
- Si, si. I know, ese.

88
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,403
And you better have
a sense of humor tonight.

89
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,823
Okay? If I start screwing with you,
you know, just...

90
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,994
Joking around or something like that,
or if you mess up and I call you on it,

91
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,162
don't run off and pussy out
and start whining.

92
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:45,959
You gotta have a pretty thick skin
if you want to work with me. Seriously.

93
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,295
Sour cream Sanchez!

94
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,678
He makes me laugh.

95
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:22,370
Hey, Natasha.
You're looking sexier than a bag of tits.

96
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,873
Thanks, Agnew. So are you.

97
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,709
Are you still dating Allison,
or can you see other people?

98
00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:32,005
Who? No, I can... I can see whoever I want.

99
00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,383
Speaking of,
what time you getting off tonight?

100
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:39,137
Actually, I'm getting off right now.
I'm not working tonight.

101
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:41,056
Man, that sucks.

102
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:46,144
'Cause wouldn't it be great
if we were getting off simultaneously?

103
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,064
Don't worry. You'll get off soon enough.

104
00:10:49,106 --> 00:10:51,900
Okay, we get it.
You two want to fuck each other.

105
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:55,654
Natasha, go be a whore elsewhere, okay?

106
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,906
Agnew, go plot your next date rape
in the kitchen,

107
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,408
- or your station's gonna be empty all night.
- Hello, Naomi.

108
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,661
Hello, fuck boy.

109
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:04,899
Hey. You got everything you need?

110
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,083
Good one. All right.

111
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,710
Hey, Hank. Heard you had
a little b-day shindig. How was?

112
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,588
It was all right, you know. Just a few
peeps over at the apartment complex.

113
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:16,174
Any hot chickens there?
Or was it a pud party?

114
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,176
There was a few cuties.

115
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,595
- Amber and Kristy swung by. That was nice.
- Really?

116
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,684
Well, sorry I couldn't make it.
I couldn't be invited.

117
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:36,486
Listen, Hank, would you mind
pushing top shelf tonight?

118
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,488
And go easy on the elbow.

119
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,824
I got a bunch
of half-naked chicks next door,

120
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:44,160
and they're hawking hot wings
and cameltoes.

121
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,266
Hey, come here, little lady.
Where you going?

122
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:09,894
- Give me a twirl. Very nice.
- Yeah.

123
00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,479
Very nice.

124
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,316
Seriously, if I were still in my bi phase,
I would eat your ass like a sandwich.

125
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:19,738
- What?
- Gotcha. I'm still in that bi phase.

126
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:24,492
Raddimus, have you met Allison yet?

127
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,828
How can I forget that?

128
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,418
No, I don't think we've met.
I'm Raddimus. Hi.

129
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,670
So, it's her first day, and I gotta jet.

130
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,630
Could you show her
around the kitchen for me?

131
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:38,673
Love to.

132
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,842
- Thank you.
- Love to. Yeah.

133
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,010
- Show them what you got.
- Okay.

134
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:44,012
- Okay, baby.
- Okay.

135
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:47,098
The grill's over there,
the freezer's over there,

136
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:51,186
- and the pick-up area is right there.
- Great. Cool.

137
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:53,563
Got that. Anything else I should know?

138
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,231
No, not really.

139
00:12:57,234 --> 00:12:59,652
Oh, yeah. There is one thing.

140
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,201
Did Haley tell you about this little game
we play around here?

141
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,954
No.

142
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,625
Okay. Let's play.

143
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:16,669
I don't know.

144
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,130
- We'll do a little stretching first.
- Jesus.

145
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,840
Come on, baby.

146
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:26,596
Call me crazy, I might be. One time I
fucked a tiger with my right knee.

147
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:30,016
Suck a cow's tits. Suck a cow's tits.

148
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,228
You can't suck her dick,
'cause a cow is a chick.

149
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,564
- What's up, Nick?
- What's up, T-dawgie-dawgie-dawg?

150
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,400
My name is Theo. Quit acting like that.

151
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,861
Come on, nigga.
You always be my T-dawg, right?

152
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,864
You know, white kids acting black,
that's so passé.

153
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,909
Shit was passé when we did it. Let it go.

154
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,037
Bitch.

155
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:54,040
The next position is called the clitar.

156
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,835
You take your panties...
Now, are you left-handed or right-handed?

157
00:13:57,378 --> 00:14:00,296
- Right. Right-handed.
- Right on.

158
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:02,340
So then you go, right, baby,

159
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:06,719
and then you just start jamming
like Stevie Ray Vaughan.

160
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,558
Raddimus!

161
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,978
Nobody's gonna play
your stupid vagina game, all right?

162
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:16,437
Give it up.

163
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,988
Hey, Dan,
corporate didn't mention you were...

164
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:28,741
Come on in, man.
I was just going over some figures here.

165
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,618
Perfect. That's what I came
to talk to you about.

166
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,621
Seems we haven't gotten your numbers
in a few weeks. Everything on track?

167
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:37,125
My numbers? They're good.
They're excellent.

168
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,252
That is a relief,
because you know corporate.

169
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,129
- They're all about the numbers.
- Yeah, man.

170
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:45,091
Especially with that district managerjob
up for grabs.

171
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,303
Well, it's a good thing
my numbers are so good, then.

172
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,805
- Yeah, let's just have a look.
- No, they're not finalized yet.

173
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,307
I don't want to steal my own thunder, man.

174
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,601
Let's just have a little peek
at the thunder, huh?

175
00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,311
It's no...

176
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,860
I'm gonna make my numbers
this weekend, Dan.

177
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,696
Come on, man. I've only...
I've got nine Gs to go.

178
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:10,658
Yeah. That's great.
Doesn't the quarter end tonight?

179
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,871
- Yeah.
- Come on, Dan.

180
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,164
We used to make our numbers all the time

181
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,128
before you guys opened
that titty bar next door.

182
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:22,211
Titty bar makes numbers, babe.
They do what it takes to win.

183
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,963
Now, if you don't want to play it tough,

184
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,299
we'll just give that district
to the manager next door.

185
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,342
He's a hotshot.

186
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:41,189
This is not my office. How'd you get in here?
That tickle? Are you gonna press charges?

187
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,484
Wait! Come back!

188
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,541
Allison! What's up?

189
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:04,587
What a gorgeous day to start.
You look amazing.

190
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,965
Come. Walk with me.

191
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,174
How long has it been
since we worked together?

192
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,717
- Like, two years?
- Oh, my God.

193
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,720
- A lot's changed in those years. Hey, ladies.
- Hi, Calvin.

194
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,394
Hey, don't be jealous.
Seriously, it's so unattractive.

195
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,562
You're gonna love working here.
The tips are great.

196
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,022
- Hey, Cal.
- Hey, beautiful.

197
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,233
And your boss is a pushover.

198
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,322
Yeah, we're like one big, happy family.

199
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,408
You know, I'm the father,
and you're my daughters.

200
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,703
Well, you know, stepdaughters.

201
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,955
- Wow. Things really have changed.
- Yeah.

202
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,039
- Cal.
Yo.

203
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,916
Can I get you to approve
this schedule change for me?

204
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,751
- Autograph?
- You're the best.

205
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,421
You got it, sweetie. Hey, gorgeous!

206
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,314
I mean, Josh, you just gotta come
to a show. You won't believe it.

207
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,552
I'm starting to dance, which is tricky,
'cause of the height thing,

208
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,846
but because of the balance,
I'm not tipping anymore.

209
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,056
I'm just... Standing tall.

210
00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,934
Hey, old man,
did you fuck that lady last night?

211
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,939
You know,
the one with the freckles on her chest?

212
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:06,524
I bet you did, huh? Did you fishhook her?
Did you give her the four-finger spread?

213
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,488
Did you spit out...
Let me smell your moustache.

214
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,194
Did you get it in there?

215
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,114
Did you spit on it?

216
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,952
- What happened?
- Don't worry about it.

217
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:20,413
You know what? I'm actually thinking
about getting out of this racket.

218
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:23,374
You know,
start concentrating on the band full-time.

219
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:26,461
The band. Well, you'd better
get cracking there, Old Man River.

220
00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,463
I'm actually getting a lot of paying gigs.

221
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,883
The MySpace getting tons of hits.
Got, like, 500 friends.

222
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:35,303
This guy dropped a virus on there
so when you click, you hear my music.

223
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,804
- A virus?
- Hello.

224
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:41,059
What about all the poon you've nailed here?
I mean, who's gonna fuck all the cougars?

225
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,144
Well, life's not just
about nailing poon, bro.

226
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:47,565
Dr. Faggot, your cock seems to be parked
in another man's asshole.

227
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,944
- Why are you such a dick?
- Don't ask.

228
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,115
So, what have you and your little
botfriends been up to lately?

229
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,784
Dad, I told you.

230
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:00,995
We're not gay,
we're just a couple of open-minded guys.

231
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:04,123
- My son, the rope-sucker.
- Yeah.

232
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:07,877
You know, I blame the failure
of our marriage on you.

233
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:10,338
- Sweet.
- When I knocked your mom up,

234
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,965
I told her I'd do the honorable thing
and pay for the abortion,

235
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,344
and she was like,
"I think I want to have this baby."

236
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,680
And I was like,
"Bitch, you are having it. Tonight.

237
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,350
"It's coat hanger o'clock."

238
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,727
- Good one.
- Good one.

239
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:32,735
Ta-Ta's isn't going away, Dennis.
You gotta learn to fight scrappy.

240
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:35,822
It's hard to be scrappy
when half my girls are over there now.

241
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:39,700
I got nothing on the floor but dudes.
It's like a Viking ship.

242
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,537
And I'm trying to have a kid, man.

243
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,207
Hey.

244
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,794
She's a babe.

245
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:54,632
- It's... That's... I... She came with the frame.
- Sad.

246
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,010
No girl is gonna get interested in me
if I'm a store manager in a strip mall.

247
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,512
I mean, your wife didn't
get interested in you

248
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,723
- until you were a district manager.
- I'm better-looking than you.

249
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:09,063
You picked a terrible time to screw up.
Shull is in town.

250
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,941
The regional manager? Shitty puppy.

251
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,570
- Yeah.
- Come on. This is ridiculous.

252
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,489
He's looking to make an example
out of someone.

253
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:21,909
Your Shenaniganz got closed
for culinary genital contact.

254
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,745
- Tone.
- You just gotta help me get this promotion.

255
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,583
Jesus, Dennis. Try to have some dignity.

256
00:19:29,918 --> 00:19:32,170
Don't talk to me about dignity!

257
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,506
You ever have a whole fraternity
shit on your chest?

258
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,592
And then not let you in?

259
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,261
Not a fraternity, no.

260
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:42,346
The bottom line,

261
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:47,268
if you don't hit your numbers,
if you don't have a $9,000 day,

262
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,437
you will not get that district managerjob.

263
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:53,774
All right,
I'm gonna be totally honest with you.

264
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:58,279
If we don't hit our numbers,
if we don't make a $9,000 day,

265
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,908
then the restaurant is shutting down.

266
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,577
- What?
- Down?

267
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,579
If we're gonna be short
a few thousand dollars,

268
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,822
they're gonna shut us down?
That doesn't make any sense!

269
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,042
It's a senseless crime.

270
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,628
That's corporate for you.
They'll shut you down like that.

271
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:17,215
- We've never come close to nine grand.
- Hey, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be,

272
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:18,507
- right?
- Hey, hey. Hold on.

273
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,092
Let me tell you a little story.

274
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,429
1983, it's the playoffs.

275
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,724
We're facing the toughest team
in the whole high school region.

276
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:30,144
- They only had, like, two white guys.
- Who gives a shit, Dennis?

277
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,104
If he put me in,
I would've fought like the very...

278
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,814
Dennis, he doesn't put
the male cheerleader in.

279
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:35,816
If he had put the male cheerleader in,

280
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:39,946
then I would've tried like the dickens
to get that ball into the end zone,

281
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:44,033
and so must all of you,
all of us tonight, do so also.

282
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,785
I'm putting a lot of
promotions into effect.

283
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,205
I'm gonna get the early evening menu going.
I understand.

284
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,856
The elderly aren't the greatest tippers,
but I'm telling you,

285
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,460
they're gonna give us
the most beautiful afternoon pop

286
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:59,674
right before the dinner rush, okay?
And please remember the...

287
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:02,009
- What's that?
- Effect.

288
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,574
- Thumb fight?
- The butterfly effect.

289
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,388
I told you about the butterfly effect.

290
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,724
One little thing goes wrong,
the whole flow of the restaurant goes out.

291
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:09,850
And I'll tell you one thing.

292
00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:12,311
Austin Kutchner wasn't kidding around
in that movie.

293
00:21:12,354 --> 00:21:14,021
Kootchman?

294
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,399
- You know who I'm talking about.
- Who?

295
00:21:16,483 --> 00:21:20,861
Ashman Kitchnens. He wasn't bullshitting.
End of meeting.

296
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,949
One more thing. Inappropriate language
in front of the guests.

297
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,201
- That guy's a dick.
- Come on.

298
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:28,661
Come on, come on. I do it, too.

299
00:21:28,704 --> 00:21:32,331
I say shit and ass and pud
as much as the next guy,

300
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:36,377
but not at a 9-year-old's birthday party.
Clean it up.

301
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,921
I am so fucked.

302
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,508
Charlie, get my...

303
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:13,581
Welcome to Ta-Ta's.
I've got a table waiting just for you.

304
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,598
Yes.

305
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:36,771
- How about top-shelf for a dollar more?
- All right.

306
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:39,273
- I have a granddaughter.
- Thank you.

307
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:43,402
- Wait!
- Fucking old people. That's all I need.

308
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:46,822
I don't give a shit that ice cream
used to cost a nickel back in your day.

309
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:49,116
I need to get paid, you raggedy-ass bitch.

310
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,962
Hey, lactard, I think your nachos are done.

311
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:08,886
You're an asshole!

312
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:11,889
I'll have a Pepsi. She'll have a sweet tea.

313
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:13,641
God.

314
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:19,271
So, what can I get you folks to eat?

315
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:22,733
- I'll have whatever he's having.
- Okay.

316
00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:24,151
I'll have the same.

317
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,321
Medium-rare.

318
00:23:27,697 --> 00:23:32,493
There are a few dos and don'ts
here at Ta-Ta's. Come on.

319
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:39,250
Whenever you send a check, okay,
you gotta go, "Ta-Ta, girl."

320
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,108
- And the kitchen goes...
- Oh, yeah.

321
00:23:41,169 --> 00:23:42,378
See?

322
00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:45,047
Whenever you have a spare minute,
management wants you, like,

323
00:23:45,173 --> 00:23:49,135
dancing or hula hooping

324
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,347
or, like, simulating any kind of a sex act.

325
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:57,101
Now...

326
00:23:58,186 --> 00:24:03,023
What management doesn't tell you is this.
You are in a restaurant full of hot girls.

327
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,484
Wars are waged, alliances are formed.

328
00:24:05,527 --> 00:24:08,571
You try to stay neutral,
you're gonna get killed.

329
00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:19,832
Yes.

330
00:24:24,087 --> 00:24:29,383
Man, I would love to "F" her in the "A,"
and then "C" all over her "Ts."

331
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:33,429
Well, I never.

332
00:24:33,513 --> 00:24:35,639
What? What, she work
for the CIA or something?

333
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:40,769
How did she decipher that code? Fuck her.
Amber. Amber, Amber, come here.

334
00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:44,899
Listen, this is kind of weird,
but I've been thinking about...

335
00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:50,404
I've been thinking about experimenting
with homosexuality, and I...

336
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:55,576
I don't think I'm gay, but you know,

337
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:59,246
since you got that whole
Asian schoolboy look going on,

338
00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:01,582
I think having sex with you
would be a good way to test the waters.

339
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,834
- What do you say?
- Screw you, Agnew.

340
00:25:03,919 --> 00:25:08,380
Come on. I'll make it hot for you.
Hello, love. Top of the morning to you.

341
00:25:10,383 --> 00:25:12,927
Biscuits and tea. Hello, hello.

342
00:25:13,011 --> 00:25:14,261
- Naomi.
- What? What?

343
00:25:14,638 --> 00:25:16,805
You told him? About my accent fetish?

344
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:19,558
I was drunk. Why the fuck are you
telling me anything anyway?

345
00:25:19,601 --> 00:25:23,062
- So it's my fault?
- I have a drinking problem,

346
00:25:23,104 --> 00:25:26,023
and I don't intend to do anything about it.

347
00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:29,401
Come on, moppet. Show us your pink bits.

348
00:25:31,780 --> 00:25:33,906
- Those aren't real.
- Fuck off.

349
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:35,866
Amber. Amber.

350
00:25:37,452 --> 00:25:40,788
So, is it just, you know,
European accents that heat up the kitty?

351
00:25:40,872 --> 00:25:43,332
I mean, what about a bartender
with a Southern drawl?

352
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:45,125
What about an African dude going...

353
00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,421
I'm a speech major!

354
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:54,343
What about, like,
a Middle Eastern guy? ...BMW.

355
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:04,311
Shit, man. The restaurant can't close.
I just got a 75-cent raise.

356
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:07,398
Finally starting to get more hours,
starting to learn the grill.

357
00:26:08,858 --> 00:26:09,858
Can't catch a break.

358
00:26:09,943 --> 00:26:12,820
Mason, why don't you get the fuck
out of here and go smoke a cigarette?

359
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,845
- Actually, I was just about to...
- Don't argue with me, boy.

360
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:19,243
- But see, you're telling me to do...
- Mason, go out that fucking back door

361
00:26:19,327 --> 00:26:20,744
right now and smoke a cigarette.

362
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:22,204
- Wait, but I...
- Don't you "but" me, boy.

363
00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:23,998
Get the fuck out of here.

364
00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:31,213
I'm leaving now to go have a cigarette
because I want to...

365
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:38,679
At least they're not picking on me.

366
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:43,726
Why can't things go back
to the way they used to be, son, huh?

367
00:26:44,811 --> 00:26:48,522
'Cause that shit got old.
Shit, it got old being wannabe gangsters.

368
00:26:50,066 --> 00:26:51,226
It got old when we were Goth.

369
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,153
It got old when we were ravers.

370
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,523
It got old through all of it.

371
00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:03,537
I mean, it was pathetic.
I mean, we were pathetic.

372
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,086
Smoking cannabis, huh?

373
00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:14,256
Fuck you. Fuck T-dawg.

374
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:22,431
- Thank you, sir.
- Right this way. That's right.

375
00:27:22,515 --> 00:27:24,642
There you go. That's it.
That's the out door.

376
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:30,814
- It smells like a dog took a shit in here.
- Goodbye, sir. Thanks for coming.

377
00:27:30,899 --> 00:27:32,399
Die. Die now.

378
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,943
- Watch your step.
- Die-die. Die.

379
00:27:46,289 --> 00:27:48,082
2,000 lousy dollars.

380
00:27:48,708 --> 00:27:51,418
2,000 lousy dollars?

381
00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:58,676
Those doddering, drooling motherfuckers.

382
00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:01,804
- Hey, Dennis.
- I am being ruined, Hank,

383
00:28:01,888 --> 00:28:06,892
ruined by those sluts at Ta-Ta's
and those pud-whackers at corporate.

384
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:08,852
You sure use that word pud a lot.

385
00:28:10,605 --> 00:28:13,273
- What are you talking about?
- Pud. You say it a lot.

386
00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:17,778
It's a word.
You know, I could take it or leave it.

387
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,238
What's the matter with you?

388
00:29:33,688 --> 00:29:37,399
That's cute handwriting.
It's all real nice. It just...

389
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:41,487
No, I'm sorry. I just... I don't think you're
a good fit for our establishment here.

390
00:29:42,363 --> 00:29:45,032
These tits were chiseled by God.

391
00:29:45,074 --> 00:29:47,034
I don't think you have
the right temperament.

392
00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:51,747
- You know what? Fuck you, Calvin.
- Okay.

393
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:56,794
- You're still a fucking dork to me.
- Good to know. I'll keep that in mind.

394
00:29:56,878 --> 00:29:58,045
Bye.

395
00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:01,381
- Hey, Calvin.
Yo.

396
00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:04,343
There's this really creepy old guy
in the corner,

397
00:30:04,385 --> 00:30:06,553
and he's kind of skeeving me out.

398
00:30:08,014 --> 00:30:11,141
Okay. I got this.

399
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,566
- Dennis?
- Hey. How are you?

400
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:21,819
- How's it going?
- Good. Pretty great.

401
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:23,362
- Okay.
- Great.

402
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:29,743
I'm screwed.

403
00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:35,874
- Man, I love tits.
- No shit.

404
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,335
I mean, hairstyles change, you know?

405
00:30:38,419 --> 00:30:42,047
- But tits, tits never go out of style.
- That's what I'm saying.

406
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:46,426
- What do you guys think is the best size?
- A-cup. No question.

407
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:48,178
Yeah.

408
00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:50,931
- What a gyp to get stuck with A-cups, huh?
- No shit.

409
00:30:50,974 --> 00:30:53,100
Maybe it's even better to be flat-chested,
you know,

410
00:30:53,184 --> 00:30:57,062
'cause then you're not objectified as much,
and you're taken more seriously, you know?

411
00:30:58,773 --> 00:31:02,317
You know, you're just saying that
'cause you have a crush on Amber.

412
00:31:02,443 --> 00:31:04,778
Christ, man,
you got bigger tits than she does.

413
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,780
I'd say C-cups. Definitely the best.

414
00:31:06,823 --> 00:31:10,617
No, no, no. You give me a pair
of some big old dirty Ds.

415
00:31:10,660 --> 00:31:13,787
- Till you get them out of the bra.
- 'Cause then all you got

416
00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:16,290
is cylindrical pudding
oozing down to her stomach.

417
00:31:17,625 --> 00:31:19,145
That's when you fuck them in the pool.

418
00:31:19,502 --> 00:31:22,421
Buoyancy takes effect,
makes them perfectly round.

419
00:31:23,339 --> 00:31:24,506
That's science.

420
00:31:25,133 --> 00:31:27,693
What do you think the girls at Ta-Ta's
talk about when it's slow?

421
00:31:28,386 --> 00:31:29,720
Menstruation and whatnot.

422
00:31:30,638 --> 00:31:31,847
Yarn.

423
00:31:32,974 --> 00:31:35,392
The violence in the Middle East
isn't going anywhere.

424
00:31:35,476 --> 00:31:37,394
I mean, I don't care
what kind of foreign policy we implement.

425
00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:39,187
It has nothing to do with that.
I'm telling you,

426
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:42,858
the men there are so sexually repressed
'cause the women wear those burqas.

427
00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:44,067
They never show their tits.

428
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:48,405
- And Middle Eastern women have huge tits.
- Massive.

429
00:31:48,489 --> 00:31:51,241
Almost makes you want
to be Middle Eastern.

430
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:54,036
- Almost.
- I understand things are tough, man.

431
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:57,414
How about a half-off dessert promotion
with a Ta-Ta's receipt?

432
00:31:57,498 --> 00:31:58,874
Desserts have a huge markup, yeah?

433
00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:01,793
- Yeah, I guess so.
- Okay, perfect. We will start that next month.

434
00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:06,131
I can't start it next month.
I don't have time to start it next month!

435
00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:11,011
I'm sorry. My mother was right.

436
00:32:11,554 --> 00:32:15,599
I'm pushing 40, man. I'm not married.
I don't even have any prospects.

437
00:32:15,683 --> 00:32:19,083
Yeah, I understand, things are tough, man.
I'm going through a bit of a crisis myself.

438
00:32:19,145 --> 00:32:20,228
- Really?
- Yeah. I'm trying to decide

439
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:22,105
which of those three chicks
I want to nail tonight.

440
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,983
- I learned the ropes, you know what I mean?
- For fuck's sake.

441
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:28,111
I'm sorry, man.
That's me being a dick, is what that is.

442
00:32:28,196 --> 00:32:30,948
- You're a dick.
- Yeah. Let me buy you a cup of water.

443
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:35,118
You know, when I was on the fryer, I said
to myself, "If I could just be a server,

444
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,621
"I'd make enough money
that I could start getting women."

445
00:32:37,705 --> 00:32:41,541
So I left the fryer, and I became a server.
Making the money, nothing.

446
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:43,001
- Right, right.
- I said the same thing

447
00:32:43,044 --> 00:32:46,546
when I was the assistant manager,
then store manager. Nothing.

448
00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:51,218
- Jeez!
- Man! If I can just hit district manager,

449
00:32:51,594 --> 00:32:54,429
then I'll be pulling some hot trim,
and I don't mean whores, either.

450
00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:56,181
- Hey, Cal.
- Hey, hot pants.

451
00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:59,017
Hey, you know what?
Naomi said that you weren't a ladies' man.

452
00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:01,230
That you couldn't even piss
in a public bathroom.

453
00:33:01,646 --> 00:33:05,482
- Yeah, that was the old me.
- Come on. How did you change?

454
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,026
First thing I did
was got over my pissing phobia.

455
00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:10,070
That was the root of my problems.

456
00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:13,657
I mean, so what ir some dude
checked out my schmack in the bathroom?

457
00:33:13,908 --> 00:33:16,994
I couldn't let that turn me into a pussy.

458
00:33:17,286 --> 00:33:19,830
It's like, if I'm not man enough
to piss at a urinal with other men,

459
00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:22,234
then how could I be man enough
to take a girl's ass cherry?

460
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,209
- I cannot agree more with that.
- Right.

461
00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:27,546
But then how did you get to the point
where you could talk to women?

462
00:33:27,588 --> 00:33:28,922
That's a good question.

463
00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:32,217
It all started when I was still a waiter
back at Shenaniganz.

464
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:35,303
I was talking to this high school girl,
and she rejected me, you know,

465
00:33:35,388 --> 00:33:36,988
like all of them did back in those days.

466
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:41,018
You okay? Something wrong?

467
00:33:42,270 --> 00:33:44,396
So, yeah, I got home,
did a little Internet surfing.

468
00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:49,234
You know, just general browsing.
Checked the stock portfolio, like you do.

469
00:33:49,944 --> 00:33:53,447
And I began thinking about my situation
and how shitty everything was,

470
00:33:54,782 --> 00:33:56,908
and it really bummed me out.

471
00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:02,372
I fought through the
depression for a while,

472
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:08,378
but ultimately it got the better of me,
and I was spent.

473
00:34:14,594 --> 00:34:17,304
So, as I sat in my chair, depressed,

474
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:24,853
I remembered what Monty said to me.
He said women like assholes.

475
00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:29,274
So I found this website that teaches the
art of being a complete asshole to Women.

476
00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:32,986
- All the fundamentals.
- Women like assholes?

477
00:34:33,279 --> 00:34:34,738
And that was it.

478
00:34:34,822 --> 00:34:38,825
Yeah. I went and picked up a copy
of the DVD. Here it is.

479
00:34:39,452 --> 00:34:42,954
And then, when I started nailing hot chicks
by acting like an asshole,

480
00:34:42,997 --> 00:34:45,373
I started being an asshole,
which is totally cool.

481
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:53,507
It's Kristy again.
She keeps calling. She's like...

482
00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:57,511
I knew I shouldn't have invited her over
for that threesome with Sherry.

483
00:34:57,887 --> 00:35:03,517
I'm kidding. That's me being a dick again.
There was no threesome. I just fucked her.

484
00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:12,776
Hello, sir.

485
00:35:12,860 --> 00:35:15,654
Are you sick
of those cooze queens out there

486
00:35:15,696 --> 00:35:21,201
flaunting their shit in front of you,
only to leave you high and dry?

487
00:35:21,244 --> 00:35:22,369
- Yeah.
- You know us men.

488
00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:26,081
We make more money,
We reach higher management positions,

489
00:35:26,165 --> 00:35:28,250
and what do women have?

490
00:35:28,334 --> 00:35:31,962
Menstruation? Take it, it's yours!

491
00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:34,589
Pregnancy? Oh, dear me.

492
00:35:34,674 --> 00:35:37,592
You mean I don't get to lactate? Perfect.

493
00:35:37,677 --> 00:35:40,887
I'm Ken Halsband,
and in the next 45 minutes,

494
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,848
I'm gonna change your life.

495
00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:46,893
Maybe you don't need sleep.

496
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:50,730
If you're not sleeping, think about
tired stuff before you go to bed.

497
00:35:51,315 --> 00:35:54,317
Josh, quick,
how much change in my pocket?

498
00:35:54,402 --> 00:35:57,529
- Agnew, come on. We're chilling here.
- I don't know, $2?

499
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,991
So close. Buck-60. You're slipping, man.

500
00:36:01,075 --> 00:36:04,870
- What would the Jew elders think?
- Hey, Agnew, you think being a racist

501
00:36:04,912 --> 00:36:07,080
is gonna make it easier or tougher
being a cop?

502
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:10,458
I'm not a racist, dick.
I hate everyone, all right?

503
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:14,963
Old people, gay people, fat people,
virgins. It doesn't matter.

504
00:36:15,047 --> 00:36:17,340
Think I care that Joshua's a Jew? No.

505
00:36:17,425 --> 00:36:20,302
I mean, I'm not gonna borrow money
from him or anything.

506
00:36:25,057 --> 00:36:27,934
- Why'd you take your bling off?
- 'Cause you're right.

507
00:36:28,811 --> 00:36:31,479
I'm not black. I'm not gangsta.

508
00:36:32,273 --> 00:36:35,942
I'm just a chubby kid trying to fit in,
but I don't.

509
00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:42,866
We're so fucked!

510
00:36:42,950 --> 00:36:46,620
All those slits and tits next door,
the fucking whores.

511
00:36:46,662 --> 00:36:47,704
They didn't hire you, huh?

512
00:36:47,788 --> 00:36:50,916
No fucking restaurant's gonna hire me.
I'm too intimidating.

513
00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:54,127
I called Kiwi's to see if they're hiring.
Only lunch shifts.

514
00:36:54,170 --> 00:36:56,546
I have a friend who works at Nacho's.

515
00:36:56,631 --> 00:36:58,798
I really don't want to work
at a Mexican restaurant.

516
00:36:58,841 --> 00:37:00,550
- Who does?
- Mexicans.

517
00:37:00,843 --> 00:37:05,305
- Hey, watch it, fuckers.
- Could've told me he's right there.

518
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:06,806
Nacho's won't hire me, either.

519
00:37:06,849 --> 00:37:10,560
I wrote "Nacho's sucks" in dog shit
on their front wall.

520
00:37:10,978 --> 00:37:12,058
How'd they know it was you?

521
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:15,857
All right, it was my shit, okay?
So just leave me alone.

522
00:37:15,942 --> 00:37:18,026
I gotta figure out a way
to keep this craphole from closing.

523
00:37:18,110 --> 00:37:20,904
- Hey, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
- You shit in your hand?

524
00:37:20,988 --> 00:37:24,074
I believe that the positive energies
that you put out in the universe...

525
00:37:24,158 --> 00:37:26,034
That's kind of hot.

526
00:37:26,118 --> 00:37:29,829
- Go on, Eugene, talk to her.
- I can't.

527
00:37:30,122 --> 00:37:32,749
I masturbate to thoughts
of talking to Women.

528
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:33,917
Crap, I do that.

529
00:37:34,418 --> 00:37:38,088
Later on, We'll get into good opening lines
that'll break a chick's spirit,

530
00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:43,343
but for now, let's concentrate on learning
how to separate the pussy from the chaff.

531
00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:46,846
Obviously, you just want to hit on chicks
that'll put out,

532
00:37:47,348 --> 00:37:49,391
so you have to establish a hierarchy.

533
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:53,061
Take these two over here sipping the Water.

534
00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:56,201
You want a bunch of sober chicks
that are gonna be peeing all night?

535
00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:57,774
Unless it's on you, forget it.

536
00:37:58,192 --> 00:38:01,653
Now, this one over here
drinking the Long Island Iced Tea? Bingo.

537
00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:06,324
Now, I'm not saying it's okay to have sex
With Women When they're drunk because...

538
00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:09,536
All right, I'm saying it's okay
to have sex With them When they're drunk.

539
00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,220
I mean, how else are you gonna get laid?

540
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:15,709
Now, our friend over here With the cigarette?
If she's Willing to risk lung cancer,

541
00:38:15,751 --> 00:38:18,128
she's Willing to risk
a sexually transmitted disease,

542
00:38:18,754 --> 00:38:20,714
and that's a good thing.

543
00:38:23,217 --> 00:38:24,509
Look at this one with the tat.

544
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:27,012
Tat alWays means good to go,
right, Eugene?

545
00:38:27,054 --> 00:38:28,596
- Right.
- Wrong.

546
00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:30,181
That's a tattoo ofa cross.

547
00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:31,766
- That means loves God.
- Right.

548
00:38:32,101 --> 00:38:33,143
Wrong again.

549
00:38:33,227 --> 00:38:36,313
See the earrings, see the necklace?
Multiple crosses.

550
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:40,233
Let me break this down.
One cross loves the Bible.

551
00:38:40,693 --> 00:38:44,362
Four crosses, hates stepdaddy, loves cock.

552
00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:47,115
I want bad Christians.

553
00:38:47,366 --> 00:38:50,702
Now, the key is to find a girl
with several of those traits.

554
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,913
You show me a girl Who's drunk
smoking a cigarette

555
00:38:53,956 --> 00:38:56,583
with a tattoo on her back,
does tons of drugs,

556
00:38:56,625 --> 00:38:58,209
and I'll show you a girl

557
00:38:58,252 --> 00:39:01,463
who'll take two dicks in her ass
at the same time.

558
00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:04,841
- I couldn't sit down for a week.
- And that's not a bad thing.

559
00:39:05,926 --> 00:39:09,387
And speaking of drugs,
I highly recommend you start buying them.

560
00:39:10,765 --> 00:39:13,975
- Hey, Dennis?
- Hey, Agnew. How you doing, man?

561
00:39:14,060 --> 00:39:16,740
I gotta run home real quick.
My roommate locked her keys in the car.

562
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:18,938
- I have her spare.
- Chicks, man.

563
00:39:18,981 --> 00:39:21,691
They'd forget their own vaginas
if they weren't attached to their legs.

564
00:39:21,776 --> 00:39:23,777
To their torsos.

565
00:39:24,820 --> 00:39:26,029
Good one.

566
00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:31,951
Asshole.

567
00:39:39,668 --> 00:39:41,169
Who's smoking weed?

568
00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:47,050
Guys, what the hell?
Hey, hey. That's not cool, man.

569
00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:49,719
Can I get a hit of that?

570
00:39:50,513 --> 00:39:51,513
Hell, no, Mason.

571
00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:54,277
- You never share your motherfucking weed.
- I always share my weed.

572
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:55,725
Is that true?

573
00:39:58,813 --> 00:40:02,232
- Si, he shares.
- Yeah. I'm not selfish.

574
00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:14,828
What did Amber have to say?
She was looking for you.

575
00:40:15,204 --> 00:40:16,746
She was?

576
00:40:17,331 --> 00:40:20,250
Now's the time to make your move,
lover boy.

577
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:30,510
Son of a bitch!

578
00:40:37,768 --> 00:40:41,855
- Allison, what the fuck?
- It's just one cigarette.

579
00:40:41,897 --> 00:40:43,231
All the girls come out here to smoke.

580
00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:45,859
It's a good excuse to come outside
to, like, hang out.

581
00:40:45,901 --> 00:40:48,945
- I was barely inhaling.
- You've been working here for one day

582
00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:51,698
and you've already turned
into Lindsay fucking Lohan?

583
00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:55,201
You take that back.

584
00:40:57,830 --> 00:40:59,956
Agnew.

585
00:41:00,207 --> 00:41:01,499
So, that's your botfriend.

586
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,378
Can I have that?

587
00:41:05,588 --> 00:41:09,174
If a girl's all messed up
on drugs and alcohol and half-asleep,

588
00:41:09,216 --> 00:41:11,468
I don't think I'd feel right
having sex With her.

589
00:41:11,886 --> 00:41:17,223
That is a moral dilemma, Eugene.
Wait a minute. I think I have an answer.

590
00:41:17,766 --> 00:41:21,394
Fuck her, and then the next morning,
fuck her again When she's sober.

591
00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:23,897
If she lets you fuck her again
when she's sober,

592
00:41:23,939 --> 00:41:25,023
then you're out of the Woods.

593
00:41:25,065 --> 00:41:28,818
If she doesn't let you fuck her again,
then you got a little bit of a problem.

594
00:41:28,903 --> 00:41:31,988
But wait a minute.
It's not that big a problem,

595
00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:36,326
because somebody just got laid,
and that's a good thing.

596
00:41:38,078 --> 00:41:40,079
Fuck corporate.

597
00:41:40,706 --> 00:41:43,708
Meet Dennis Moynahan,
district cooze manager.

598
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:54,302
Hey, Naomi.

599
00:41:54,386 --> 00:41:57,597
You been crying like a little bitch
in your office?

600
00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:59,724
Looks like this place
is gonna fill up pretty soon.

601
00:41:59,767 --> 00:42:02,310
- How's it going up here?
- Boring as shit. I hate you.

602
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:04,604
Maybe you gotta work on your attitude,

603
00:42:04,688 --> 00:42:07,248
because I've noticed lately
you've been sort of a Negative Nancy.

604
00:42:07,691 --> 00:42:09,275
Well, I'm gonna be
a real "Cunty McShitterman"

605
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:10,880
if you don't let me back on the floor!

606
00:42:13,322 --> 00:42:16,157
Hey, you're pretty good friends
with Kristy, right?

607
00:42:16,242 --> 00:42:19,035
- No.
- Is she a heavy drinker?

608
00:42:19,119 --> 00:42:21,246
We're all heavy drinkers. I just...

609
00:42:21,288 --> 00:42:24,916
I know she smokes.
Does she smoke marijuana cigarettes?

610
00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:28,294
- She have a tattoo?
- Are you a fucking insurance agent?

611
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:30,129
- Get the fuck out of here!
- Hi.

612
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:32,966
- Hi, cooze queens, cooze persons.
- Three? All righty.

613
00:42:33,050 --> 00:42:34,717
Ladies. Excuse me.

614
00:42:40,391 --> 00:42:44,602
Someone's parents didn't pick them up.
Hello, Amber Alert.

615
00:42:45,271 --> 00:42:47,230
Oh, my God. This guy is being such a jerk.

616
00:42:47,314 --> 00:42:50,191
I just asked him if he wanted
the Early Bird Special, and he's like,

617
00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:53,945
- "What, do I look like I can't afford..."
- You want me to shit in his food?

618
00:42:53,988 --> 00:42:56,072
Kristy, look at me. I
will shit in his food.

619
00:42:56,448 --> 00:42:59,951
- No, I don't think... That's too much.
- How about I tug one out in his refill?

620
00:43:00,661 --> 00:43:02,704
No, I... That's... He doesn't deserve that.

621
00:43:03,289 --> 00:43:04,330
- Crop dust.
- Crop dust.

622
00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:06,708
Hey, Chuck. How's your asshole?

623
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:12,839
Hey, Suze, come here for a sec.
Hey, Suze. How's it going?

624
00:43:13,173 --> 00:43:16,009
- Good.
- Good. I want to ask you a question.

625
00:43:16,343 --> 00:43:22,181
Who do you think is sexier, Trina or Sherry?
I mean, they're both pretty fucking sexy,

626
00:43:22,224 --> 00:43:26,185
you know, but if you had to choose one,
gun to your head, who do you pick?

627
00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:29,022
Well, I wouldn't pick
either of them, personally,

628
00:43:29,064 --> 00:43:30,356
but that's just me.

629
00:43:30,441 --> 00:43:32,692
Are you out of your mind?
Seriously, have you gone crazy?

630
00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:37,155
Look at those girls.
They're fucking smoking hot, those girls.

631
00:43:37,197 --> 00:43:39,907
They have virtually no body fat,
except where it counts...

632
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:41,659
So? Neither do I!

633
00:43:43,037 --> 00:43:47,373
Wow. No, interesting. No, I just never
thought of you, you know, like that.

634
00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:49,755
You know, you're hot,
but, I mean, are you sexy?

635
00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:54,130
- Being a slut doesn't make you sexy, Cal.
- It helps.

636
00:43:54,381 --> 00:43:57,050
Well, maybe, you know, but I'm still, like,

637
00:43:57,134 --> 00:44:01,304
150 to 250 % sexier
than both of those bitches.

638
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,848
- Can you prove it?
- Fine.

639
00:44:05,726 --> 00:44:09,395
- And that's how it's done.
- Yeah.

640
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:10,480
Right?

641
00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:12,523
- She's totally hot.
- Yeah.

642
00:44:12,566 --> 00:44:13,691
You said she wasn't.

643
00:44:13,734 --> 00:44:15,902
- She liked that, yeah.
- She liked that.

644
00:44:16,403 --> 00:44:18,821
Okay, guys. We want to detonate quietly.

645
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:21,532
We want it to creep up on him
and grip him like a noose.

646
00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:23,534
I got one brewing.

647
00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:29,082
Mason, you going to be okay with this?

648
00:44:29,124 --> 00:44:32,168
You're not going to shit on yourself again,
are you?

649
00:44:32,252 --> 00:44:34,295
I hope not.

650
00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:37,048
- You know, like, owning what I'm up to.
- Yeah, I know.

651
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:40,259
Really in the spot.
Well, just get some chicks.

652
00:44:41,929 --> 00:44:43,930
- Just, like, decent-looking.
- Yeah.

653
00:44:44,014 --> 00:44:45,374
- Decent-looking.
- They were cute.

654
00:44:45,432 --> 00:44:49,143
So, I'm thinking,
if you want to come over sometime, fine.

655
00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:51,771
I'm running on empty.

656
00:44:55,275 --> 00:44:56,401
Oh, no.

657
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:59,070
- Smell that?
- No, no. God please, no.

658
00:45:00,114 --> 00:45:02,240
Do I smell weed?

659
00:45:03,617 --> 00:45:05,159
Bro, that ain't weed.

660
00:45:07,871 --> 00:45:09,247
Tell those tools it's on me.

661
00:45:09,915 --> 00:45:13,334
Smells like broccoli or something.

662
00:45:17,297 --> 00:45:18,297
Here's your drink, sir.

663
00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:20,800
The bartender took
extra special care of it for you.

664
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:23,255
Is there a problem
with your ventilation or something?

665
00:45:23,303 --> 00:45:25,943
You know, I don't know,
but I will certainly check on that for you.

666
00:45:28,016 --> 00:45:30,518
Look. You dropped your napkin.

667
00:45:32,271 --> 00:45:35,565
I am sexually aroused right now.

668
00:45:36,150 --> 00:45:37,900
Here. You dropped that.

669
00:45:40,821 --> 00:45:42,697
What the fuck?

670
00:45:43,073 --> 00:45:46,325
Ladies and gentlemen,
Trivia Night's gonna start in 15 minutes.

671
00:45:46,410 --> 00:45:49,120
Why does every conversation
dead-end with us talking about tits?

672
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:53,332
Because tits are what
this entire empire is based on.

673
00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:54,500
I mean, it's inevitable.

674
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,669
Girls with big tits talk shit
about the girls with little tits.

675
00:45:56,754 --> 00:45:58,963
The girls with little tits talk shit
about the girls with big tits.

676
00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:01,883
The girls with real tits talk shit
about the girls with fake tits.

677
00:46:03,343 --> 00:46:04,783
What about the girls with fake tits?

678
00:46:05,262 --> 00:46:08,806
What about them?
They just try to get along with everyone,

679
00:46:08,849 --> 00:46:12,435
and yeah, okay, so maybe
they got fake tits,

680
00:46:12,519 --> 00:46:17,273
but it really helps them make extra tips,
so it's kind of like a business investment,

681
00:46:17,357 --> 00:46:21,277
and maybe there's
a tiny self-esteem issue there,

682
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:22,820
but screw you forjudging...

683
00:46:23,822 --> 00:46:24,906
Them.

684
00:46:28,827 --> 00:46:29,827
Whoops.

685
00:46:30,496 --> 00:46:33,122
- Hey, Kristy. Let me ask you a question.
- Hey.

686
00:46:33,207 --> 00:46:37,418
Who do you think is sexier?
Amber or Naomi?

687
00:46:39,254 --> 00:46:41,547
Amber, I guess.

688
00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:46,886
- She's younger and not so burnt out.
- Do you think she's sexier than you are?

689
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:50,890
- I don't know.
- 'Cause I do.

690
00:46:53,769 --> 00:46:55,561
Okay.

691
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:58,731
That was really mean, Dennis.

692
00:47:03,737 --> 00:47:04,862
- Hello?
- Hey, Dennis.

693
00:47:04,905 --> 00:47:06,239
Just checking to see how it's going.

694
00:47:06,281 --> 00:47:08,950
Real good. I'm very, very confident
that I'm gonna get those...

695
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:12,787
Yeah, give me a chili dog and curly fries!
So, did you rally your guys?

696
00:47:12,871 --> 00:47:15,581
Yeah. You know, I gave them
one of my famous halftime speeches.

697
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,125
You didn't tell them
the restaurant's closing, did you?

698
00:47:20,337 --> 00:47:22,672
- Yeah, I did.
- Jesus, Dennis!

699
00:47:22,756 --> 00:47:26,509
Well, for what it's worth, I told Shull
you're the right man to run the district.

700
00:47:26,593 --> 00:47:29,428
- I really talked you up.
- Yeah? Great.

701
00:47:29,513 --> 00:47:31,681
But he didn't seem to care.

702
00:47:31,765 --> 00:47:33,224
Said if you were one dollar short,

703
00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:35,977
you'd better get used to
sucking Calvin's farts.

704
00:47:36,311 --> 00:47:37,979
His words. Later.

705
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:46,445
The ass is the neW vagina...
The ass is the neW vagina...

706
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:05,131
As a result,
my mouth tasted just like buttermilk.

707
00:48:05,757 --> 00:48:07,925
Great. Black people.

708
00:48:07,968 --> 00:48:11,679
Can I get some hot sauce and Kool-Aid
and not tip?

709
00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:13,472
Agnew, did you ever stop to think
that maybe it's 'cause

710
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,850
of the white power structure in this
country screwing over minorities,

711
00:48:15,934 --> 00:48:19,014
and they make less money, and, you know,
don't learn the etiquette of tipping?

712
00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:21,439
You ever think of that?

713
00:48:22,441 --> 00:48:24,442
All right, Malcolm X. You want my table?

714
00:48:24,484 --> 00:48:27,904
No, I don't want to mess up
the seating rotation.

715
00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:30,740
Shit, what do I want to eat?

716
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:34,656
I didn't even know we had egg rolls.
That's really...

717
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:50,843
- Why you so shy around her?
- Dude, shut up.

718
00:48:50,928 --> 00:48:52,303
- You want me to go say something for you?
- No, no.

719
00:48:52,346 --> 00:48:55,431
Hey, I'm serious, all right?
That shit's not funny.

720
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:00,269
Mase, what's it gonna be, man?

721
00:49:00,354 --> 00:49:02,855
We gotta get it in quick before the rush
or you're not gonna eat.

722
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:03,981
And you can't miss a meal.

723
00:49:04,650 --> 00:49:08,736
Well, it's between the hamburger
and the chicken sandwich.

724
00:49:08,820 --> 00:49:12,031
Had a hamburger yesterday.
I've been in the mood for chicken, so...

725
00:49:12,115 --> 00:49:14,951
- You're gonna order the chicken sandwich.
- Yeah.

726
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:16,535
- Yeah, I think I'm gonna get the...
- No thinking.

727
00:49:16,578 --> 00:49:18,537
I'm not offering it up for debate.

728
00:49:18,622 --> 00:49:21,415
I'm telling you, you're gonna order
the goddamn chicken sandwich.

729
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:23,626
- Yeah, but I was about to order the...
- Don't you "but" me, boy.

730
00:49:23,710 --> 00:49:29,006
You're gonna order the chicken sandwich
because I am telling you. I will it. The end.

731
00:49:29,049 --> 00:49:33,678
You know what, Chuck? Fuck you!
I'm gonna get the hamburger.

732
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:43,104
- I want the chicken sandwich.
- You're goddamn right you do.

733
00:49:43,188 --> 00:49:44,981
You're gonna order
that chicken sandwich right now, Mason.

734
00:49:45,065 --> 00:49:47,233
Now. With fries.

735
00:49:48,902 --> 00:49:50,027
- Curly?
- Yes.

736
00:49:50,862 --> 00:49:51,862
Shenaniganz.

737
00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:56,075
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Eight ribeyes, two NeW York steaks...

738
00:49:56,118 --> 00:49:57,994
- What?
- Three Greek salads...

739
00:49:58,578 --> 00:50:00,663
Okay, let's go! Look at this!

740
00:50:00,747 --> 00:50:02,456
Let's move, let's move. Come on.

741
00:50:08,797 --> 00:50:11,340
Mary-Kate and Ashley,
what's going on around here?

742
00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:16,178
Naomi just put in a massive to-go order,
like, a couple thousand dollars worth.

743
00:50:22,769 --> 00:50:26,814
Thank you so much for your business.
You really saved my ass.

744
00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:29,942
My caterer got killed
on the way to the office.

745
00:50:31,903 --> 00:50:32,903
Yes!

746
00:50:33,989 --> 00:50:35,322
Okay, men.

747
00:50:35,407 --> 00:50:39,076
Thanks to a Hail Mary pass in the 7th
inning, we are back in the race.

748
00:50:40,537 --> 00:50:44,874
Two points. Okay, we can still make
that sales goal and save this restaurant.

749
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:45,958
You know what that means.

750
00:50:46,001 --> 00:50:50,004
This can either be your biggest failure
or your greatest triumph.

751
00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:52,778
And I don't want to frighten anybody,

752
00:50:52,799 --> 00:50:55,301
but if we don't have
an absolutely perfect dinner shift,

753
00:50:55,343 --> 00:50:58,179
then you're all out on your asses,
maybe even deported.

754
00:50:59,056 --> 00:51:02,475
So let's pull it together and win, win,
win one for the home team,

755
00:51:02,517 --> 00:51:06,062
and remember what is going to happen
to each and every one of you

756
00:51:06,146 --> 00:51:09,899
- if this place closes down.
- We'll be able to go on unemployment!

757
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:16,781
Here you go.

758
00:51:17,824 --> 00:51:19,700
Okay, all right, okay.

759
00:51:24,247 --> 00:51:26,707
One margarita, our special...

760
00:51:28,460 --> 00:51:29,960
Remember the butterfly effect.

761
00:51:30,003 --> 00:51:31,796
Go, go, go!

762
00:51:32,881 --> 00:51:36,842
Okay, you've got a Wang Chung, a dime bag
and a beef vagina walking back.

763
00:51:37,928 --> 00:51:41,555
I got a booger chicken, a burnt tube steak
and a Whitney Houston.

764
00:51:42,474 --> 00:51:46,143
I need a Lincoln brown eye,
two kids' dicks and a stripper on the rag.

765
00:52:02,869 --> 00:52:03,869
Hi.

766
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:14,213
Oh, dear.

767
00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:16,674
You guys picked my table!

768
00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:29,019
Folks, my name is Joshua.
Can I get you anything?

769
00:52:29,062 --> 00:52:32,064
- Do you have a salad bar?
- What's your fish of the day?

770
00:52:32,107 --> 00:52:33,232
No, we don't have a salad bar,

771
00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:36,068
and we don't have a fish of the day either,
all right?

772
00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:38,571
I... I am so sorry.

773
00:52:39,614 --> 00:52:43,325
Can we start over?
My name is Joshua, and I need help.

774
00:52:43,410 --> 00:52:44,535
Can I get you any?

775
00:52:45,203 --> 00:52:46,203
Hey, guys.

776
00:52:46,246 --> 00:52:50,457
I'm really sorry, but I messed up table 37.
They want honey-glaze on the side.

777
00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:52,209
- Don't you worry.
- It's okay.

778
00:52:52,252 --> 00:52:53,752
Kristy, I love you.

779
00:52:53,879 --> 00:52:55,087
Do you think you could change it for me?

780
00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:57,062
- Don't ever apologize to me.
- It's okay.

781
00:52:57,090 --> 00:52:59,592
Okay. Okay, I'll... I'll
be right back for it.

782
00:52:59,676 --> 00:53:02,386
- Okay, thank you, guys.
- Bye-bye.

783
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:07,183
Hey, guys,

784
00:53:07,559 --> 00:53:09,959
table 68 changed their order.
They need that steak well-done.

785
00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:16,609
Just this party of two here.
Right this way, ma'am.

786
00:53:16,651 --> 00:53:17,902
I'm sorry. You're a sir.

787
00:53:17,944 --> 00:53:21,822
Will you tell Naomi to get her ass up here?
Follow me, please.

788
00:53:22,199 --> 00:53:24,450
Well, hello there, folks.
It's great to see you this evening.

789
00:53:24,534 --> 00:53:27,620
- Hey, you, too. How long for two of us?
- Just a few moments.

790
00:53:28,580 --> 00:53:32,249
We had a little hepatitis scare in the kitchen,
but we'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy.

791
00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:33,412
I can get your name, though.

792
00:53:35,337 --> 00:53:36,337
Two?

793
00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:38,214
We're gonna hit a movie, actually.

794
00:53:38,298 --> 00:53:40,966
We don't want to miss
any of the advertisements.

795
00:53:41,009 --> 00:53:43,135
Is there something wrong?

796
00:53:43,595 --> 00:53:46,388
Where you going?
Come back, come back, come back!

797
00:53:46,473 --> 00:53:48,057
It's only hep A.

798
00:53:52,646 --> 00:53:54,605
Do you work out?

799
00:53:55,273 --> 00:53:57,513
Why doesn't she just wear knee pads
and get it over with?

800
00:53:57,734 --> 00:54:00,903
Totally. I think I can read her lips
in those shorts.

801
00:54:01,196 --> 00:54:02,956
If she comes on to one more
of my regulars...

802
00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:04,740
- Hi.
- Hi.

803
00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:06,992
- Hey, how's your first day going?
- Good.

804
00:54:07,035 --> 00:54:09,119
Good. Well, if you need any help at all,

805
00:54:09,162 --> 00:54:11,163
- you just let me know.
- Thank you.

806
00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:14,708
You know, maybe sometime
you could help me out with my outfit.

807
00:54:14,793 --> 00:54:19,004
- I mean, your top is so symmetrical.
- Thanks.

808
00:54:22,384 --> 00:54:24,343
- Hey, Raddimus.
- Yo.

809
00:54:24,386 --> 00:54:29,682
So, I was thinking about your little game and
that position you were telling me about,

810
00:54:29,766 --> 00:54:33,978
and I was thinking
that if you bent your knees a little more

811
00:54:34,020 --> 00:54:38,565
wouldn't there be a better view
from the backside?

812
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:41,193
I don't know, it's just a thought.

813
00:54:41,278 --> 00:54:43,195
What a nice girl.

814
00:55:10,890 --> 00:55:13,559
I'm sorry, sir.
We don't allow pets in the restaurant.

815
00:55:13,601 --> 00:55:17,313
- Oh, no, he's a guide dog. It's okay.
- Are you deaf? We don't allow dogs.

816
00:55:17,856 --> 00:55:20,566
I don't think you understand.
I can't see. He's my guide dog.

817
00:55:20,608 --> 00:55:21,692
He's allowed in.

818
00:55:23,611 --> 00:55:27,323
Why would you go to a tit joint
if you're blind?

819
00:55:28,366 --> 00:55:29,742
Answer that one, Stevie Wonder!

820
00:55:29,826 --> 00:55:33,120
You know something? If you had a cane,
I'd beat you over the fucking head with it!

821
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:34,621
- Hey. Naomi.
- I would! What?

822
00:55:34,706 --> 00:55:37,541
- What the hell are you doing?
- What? What? I'm helping.

823
00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:39,543
Why don't you go help over at Shenaniganz,
where you work?

824
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:41,420
You're kidding me.
She doesn't even work here?

825
00:55:41,463 --> 00:55:42,463
- Stay out of this.
- Sorry about this.

826
00:55:42,547 --> 00:55:44,089
I'll have someone
take care of you immediately.

827
00:55:44,174 --> 00:55:46,508
You. Sweet tits. Now get
the hell out of here.

828
00:55:53,266 --> 00:55:54,266
Fuck!

829
00:55:54,642 --> 00:55:56,894
Goddamn cocksucker,
going over there blind.

830
00:55:59,022 --> 00:56:03,359
What are you looking at?
Fucking blind people.

831
00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:04,693
Hey, hey.

832
00:56:07,989 --> 00:56:10,032
You are incredible.

833
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:27,758
Fucking foreigners.

834
00:56:32,972 --> 00:56:38,310
Okay. Six Courvoisiers coming right up.
Okay, I'll get that right up for you.

835
00:56:39,646 --> 00:56:41,522
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, yeah.

836
00:56:43,149 --> 00:56:47,277
- What the fuck is this?
- I'm just going by rotation. Fuck off.

837
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,364
Well, start rotating the Canadians
somewhere else.

838
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:54,493
- I want to get off the Soul Train.
- Hi. Do you have room for a party of four?

839
00:56:54,577 --> 00:56:55,953
- No.
- Yes, we do.

840
00:56:55,995 --> 00:56:57,496
- Yes. We do.
- No.

841
00:56:57,580 --> 00:56:59,456
- Great. Okay.
- Come on.

842
00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:06,338
Hey, hey, hey!

843
00:57:06,881 --> 00:57:10,551
Adrian... Aiden, it's your birthday.

844
00:57:12,387 --> 00:57:15,889
Take it aWay, ladies. Ta-Ta's style.

845
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:36,994
- Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday.

846
00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:47,796
Hi, sir. I'll be taking care of your
service. Can I get you something to drink?

847
00:57:49,048 --> 00:57:50,507
Yeah, playa. Y'all got any Kool-Aid?

848
00:57:54,471 --> 00:57:56,972
No, we do not have any Kool-Aid.

849
00:57:57,849 --> 00:58:00,517
Well, then,
I guess I'll have a glass of Bordeaux.

850
00:58:09,277 --> 00:58:12,112
Naomi, how many people
on the waiting list?

851
00:58:13,823 --> 00:58:15,782
Oh, my God.

852
00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:18,109
We might just pull this shit
out of our asses after all.

853
00:58:31,758 --> 00:58:33,425
You sure know how to pour.

854
00:58:51,444 --> 00:58:53,570
To our future.

855
00:58:54,447 --> 00:58:56,823
You know what I like
most about you, Dennis?

856
00:58:56,908 --> 00:58:59,201
- What's that?
- Your money.

857
00:59:04,123 --> 00:59:05,249
Oh, yeah.

858
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,811
Thanks.

859
00:59:37,448 --> 00:59:41,201
All right.
We've got the house salad for you, sir.

860
00:59:41,286 --> 00:59:44,162
- And the broccoli cheese soup.
- Thank you.

861
00:59:44,247 --> 00:59:45,998
Enjoy.

862
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:52,462
Wait. There's a fly in my soup.
That's disgusting.

863
00:59:53,214 --> 00:59:54,673
You know what?
Can you cancel my broccoli cheese soup?

864
00:59:54,757 --> 00:59:57,342
What other soups do you have?

865
00:59:57,427 --> 01:00:00,262
- French onion.
- Yeah, let's go with that.

866
01:00:00,346 --> 01:00:02,514
Wait, ma'am. I'm... I can replace...

867
01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:05,017
Excuse me, can I switch mine
to French onion, too, please?

868
01:00:05,059 --> 01:00:06,184
Yeah.

869
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:15,527
Okay, focus, focus!

870
01:00:18,114 --> 01:00:20,240
French onion, French onion. Fuck me!

871
01:00:26,831 --> 01:00:27,831
Son of a bitch!

872
01:00:29,917 --> 01:00:32,377
I need fries and onion rings.

873
01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:33,879
It's gonna be a few minutes.

874
01:00:33,921 --> 01:00:36,048
- You are fucking me, Mason!
- It's gonna be a minute!

875
01:00:39,552 --> 01:00:41,928
- Watch it.
- Out of the way, Miguel.

876
01:00:42,013 --> 01:00:43,930
- Mason, you look stressed.
- Shut up.

877
01:00:49,395 --> 01:00:50,896
- Hey, Mason.
- Shut up. I'm busy.

878
01:00:50,938 --> 01:00:53,398
At the buzzer. Three, two, one.

879
01:00:55,109 --> 01:00:56,860
God damn it, leave me the hell alone!

880
01:00:56,903 --> 01:00:58,654
- Relax, man...
- I'm not gonna relax, okay?

881
01:00:58,738 --> 01:00:59,905
You've been picking on me all night.
Now quit it.

882
01:00:59,989 --> 01:01:03,325
- Yeah, suffering succotash, that shit sucks.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

883
01:01:03,409 --> 01:01:05,202
I thought we were in this together,
you know?

884
01:01:05,244 --> 01:01:08,205
Cooks against the waiters?
You keep attacking me!

885
01:01:08,247 --> 01:01:10,248
It's never been "us" against "them."

886
01:01:11,793 --> 01:01:13,627
It's always been me against everyone.

887
01:01:16,047 --> 01:01:18,131
No one's ever done me any favors.

888
01:01:18,883 --> 01:01:22,719
My dad was... Is... Is a drunk.

889
01:01:29,852 --> 01:01:31,478
Look, I... I know what it's like.

890
01:01:32,689 --> 01:01:35,065
My dad's an asshole, too.

891
01:01:35,733 --> 01:01:38,902
I've got four brothers,
and he named them all Mason

892
01:01:38,945 --> 01:01:40,185
so he could screw over the IRS.

893
01:01:41,364 --> 01:01:44,408
And it didn't even work.
Now we're all still named Mason.

894
01:01:44,450 --> 01:01:46,910
It's... It's fucked up.

895
01:01:46,953 --> 01:01:49,621
You think that's bad?
Let me show you something.

896
01:01:50,331 --> 01:01:54,042
This is what happens in my house
when you spill paint in the garage.

897
01:01:58,423 --> 01:01:59,423
Sour cream Sanchez!

898
01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:03,802
Son of a bitch, I'm out of here!

899
01:02:03,886 --> 01:02:07,139
- Hey, hey! Mason!
- No, I hope this place does close down.

900
01:02:07,223 --> 01:02:09,391
Screw you all! I quit!

901
01:02:11,769 --> 01:02:13,311
I forgot to punch out.

902
01:02:15,523 --> 01:02:17,482
We want our money back!

903
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:19,860
- Fuck this place.
- Yeah!

904
01:02:19,944 --> 01:02:21,304
I'm not putting up with that shit!

905
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:24,823
Naomi, why haven't you
set table 43 and 44 yet?

906
01:02:24,907 --> 01:02:26,533
I have a 1 0-top
that's going to your station, okay,

907
01:02:26,617 --> 01:02:28,326
so go run some food
and I'll get your table set up.

908
01:02:28,411 --> 01:02:31,037
- Sweet. Thanks.
- Son of a bitch.

909
01:02:31,122 --> 01:02:33,749
- I need our order, please.
- I don't know where the manager is.

910
01:02:35,334 --> 01:02:36,710
Nice carry.

911
01:02:41,257 --> 01:02:43,675
God damn!
Get that shit up and move it outside.

912
01:02:43,718 --> 01:02:46,678
What's wrong, Jew?
Dropped a quarter or something?

913
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:47,846
I fucking hate him.

914
01:02:48,473 --> 01:02:49,806
- Hello? Hello?
- Hello?

915
01:02:50,308 --> 01:02:52,184
Hello? This is ridiculous.

916
01:02:52,226 --> 01:02:54,906
We've been waiting for 45 minutes,
and we still don't have our food.

917
01:02:57,398 --> 01:02:59,691
Okay, I had the manager
comp your appetizer.

918
01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:02,861
I had to wait an hour for veal parmesan
that tastes like her ass.

919
01:03:02,904 --> 01:03:05,030
- Looks like you two are getting along.
- Fuck you.

920
01:03:05,072 --> 01:03:07,449
Hey, hey, big guy. Here's your napkin.

921
01:03:07,533 --> 01:03:12,162
Looks like you chicks know how to party, and
I like that. Hank, let's go. Two free ones.

922
01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:15,123
- Two of what?
- Drink thingies.

923
01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,928
That's it. We're never eating here again.
This place is a death trap.

924
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:20,504
- This wine is a fucking asshole.
- I agree.

925
01:03:20,546 --> 01:03:22,714
- Excuse me, can I have some more coffee?
- Okay.

926
01:03:27,845 --> 01:03:30,931
- Bam!
- I would totally buy your CD.

927
01:03:31,140 --> 01:03:33,225
Naomi. Naomi.

928
01:03:33,643 --> 01:03:35,310
Naomi, what happened to my 1 0-top,

929
01:03:35,394 --> 01:03:37,114
and why did you seat me
four tables at once?

930
01:03:37,355 --> 01:03:40,899
'Cause Chuck said he'd get me free drinks
if I quadruple sat you.

931
01:03:41,359 --> 01:03:45,654
- Why would he do that?
- Because welcome to your nightmare, bitch.

932
01:03:49,116 --> 01:03:50,659
Motherfucker.

933
01:03:51,244 --> 01:03:52,911
That waiter was...

934
01:03:56,749 --> 01:03:59,000
There you go. Hope you enjoyed everything.

935
01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:01,169
I need you to do something for me,
Agnew, okay?

936
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:02,754
What's that, sir?

937
01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:06,550
I need you to start trying to be
a better person.

938
01:04:06,592 --> 01:04:10,178
What are you talking about?
I'm a great person.

939
01:04:10,596 --> 01:04:13,348
I mean, I... I joke around a lot, but...

940
01:04:13,432 --> 01:04:16,935
Yeah. But after years of always joking,

941
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:20,605
you may find you're no longerjoking.

942
01:04:33,911 --> 01:04:35,412
What the fuck?

943
01:04:46,299 --> 01:04:50,552
- Josh, you still pissed about that?
- Yes! I'm still pissed about it!

944
01:04:51,345 --> 01:04:53,388
Come on. You shouldn't be.

945
01:04:55,725 --> 01:05:00,061
You have the cutest little balls
I've ever seen.

946
01:05:02,106 --> 01:05:03,565
Fuck this! I quit!

947
01:05:07,028 --> 01:05:08,737
I don't think he took that the right way.

948
01:05:12,783 --> 01:05:13,950
Well, well, well.

949
01:05:15,161 --> 01:05:17,746
Nick and T-dawg, together again.

950
01:05:18,164 --> 01:05:21,291
Hey, you two used to be
some pretty good rappers, as I recall.

951
01:05:21,334 --> 01:05:23,001
We were fucking jokes.

952
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:26,671
White kids that want to be black
is a little dated and cliché.

953
01:05:28,841 --> 01:05:30,634
Let me tell you what isn't.

954
01:05:31,761 --> 01:05:33,678
White kids that want to be white.

955
01:05:38,559 --> 01:05:39,768
Hey, fuck you, whitey!

956
01:05:51,155 --> 01:05:56,159
Okay, you are all set.
Thank you so much. Have a great one.

957
01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:57,827
I used to work here.

958
01:05:58,037 --> 01:06:02,165
Really? Wow, crazy.
So what do you do now?

959
01:06:03,876 --> 01:06:06,169
I'm a... You know, an exotic...
Like, a stripper.

960
01:06:06,545 --> 01:06:08,254
Right. You... Right.

961
01:06:10,716 --> 01:06:12,175
So, how's the money?

962
01:06:12,218 --> 01:06:15,971
I mean, look. I started off, like,
as a normal waitress, you know?

963
01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:20,725
And I never even thought I'd work at Ta-Ta's,
'cause the outfits are so low-cut and...

964
01:06:20,810 --> 01:06:22,435
But I swore to myself

965
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:24,604
that I would never take off my clothes
for money.

966
01:06:24,689 --> 01:06:26,481
You know, never.

967
01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:30,360
Until I met a girl who worked at Cheetah's,
and she made, like, 500 bucks a night...

968
01:06:30,403 --> 01:06:32,070
- Whoa.
- So I did that,

969
01:06:32,113 --> 01:06:33,571
you know, for the money, totally.

970
01:06:33,656 --> 01:06:37,242
But I told myself, like,
I would only do a topless bar,

971
01:06:37,284 --> 01:06:41,037
like, no bottomless. No way. No, no, no.

972
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:45,875
And then I found out how much they make,
like, at the all-nude clubs, and so...

973
01:06:48,295 --> 01:06:49,921
Doing that for a few months.

974
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:56,386
But, like, no contact. I mean, I
work with girls who do that, and...

975
01:06:58,472 --> 01:07:01,224
But I don't know, I mean,
part of me wonders

976
01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:03,601
when I'm gonna let go
of that boundary too, right?

977
01:07:05,730 --> 01:07:07,689
I mean, right?

978
01:07:11,402 --> 01:07:15,822
- For the money. Just for the money.
- Right. Anyway, thanks.

979
01:07:23,456 --> 01:07:24,581
I need to talk to you.

980
01:07:24,623 --> 01:07:27,292
- No.
- You were so awesome today, baby.

981
01:07:27,626 --> 01:07:30,295
- Haley, what's up?
- What is up? I quit!

982
01:07:30,337 --> 01:07:31,504
Why?

983
01:07:31,589 --> 01:07:34,309
I just found out I can make, like,
$500 a night working at Cheetah's.

984
01:07:35,342 --> 01:07:36,968
Cheetah's!

985
01:07:37,636 --> 01:07:42,057
- God, we lost a good one.
- So, we still on for tonight?

986
01:07:44,351 --> 01:07:46,311
Let's do it another time, okay?

987
01:07:46,395 --> 01:07:50,523
Listen, the important thing here
is not to blame yourself or Trina.

988
01:07:51,317 --> 01:07:54,736
- Trina?
- Yeah, she won the battle,

989
01:07:54,820 --> 01:07:56,571
but, hey, listen, I have confidence,

990
01:07:56,655 --> 01:07:58,531
if you really bring the sexy,
you can win the fucking war.

991
01:07:58,616 --> 01:08:01,117
- Screw her, all right?
- Done.

992
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:04,412
I promise you that any sick shit that
that trashy bitch can do,

993
01:08:04,497 --> 01:08:05,830
I can do, like, 10 times better.

994
01:08:05,915 --> 01:08:07,165
- Keep that energy.
- Bitch!

995
01:08:07,208 --> 01:08:09,125
- Just bring it.
- You bitch!

996
01:08:09,168 --> 01:08:10,668
Keep that passion.
That's what I'm talking about.

997
01:08:10,711 --> 01:08:13,171
- Hey, baby.
- Hi, Cal.

998
01:08:13,214 --> 01:08:14,672
Love you. Okay, listen.

999
01:08:14,799 --> 01:08:18,218
I just need to close up here,
and I'm gonna hook up with my boy,

1000
01:08:18,302 --> 01:08:21,805
I'm gonna pick up some party favors,
and we're going to party all night long.

1001
01:08:21,847 --> 01:08:23,264
Oh, my God, awesome.

1002
01:08:23,349 --> 01:08:25,308
Hey, I'm even getting some muscle relaxers,

1003
01:08:25,351 --> 01:08:28,269
- in case you want to bring your "A" game.
- Yeah!

1004
01:08:28,979 --> 01:08:30,619
All right, I'll see you later, all right?

1005
01:08:34,235 --> 01:08:36,361
All right. Let's do this.

1006
01:08:42,701 --> 01:08:47,872
Don't get me wrong. I mean, the band rocks.
I go onstage, people stop eating.

1007
01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:51,209
It's just that I feel, if I don't
make my move in the next few years,

1008
01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:55,380
I'm gonna become that creepy old guy,
you know, that guy.

1009
01:08:55,422 --> 01:08:59,759
Well, good news is being an old-ass
bartender is pretty depressing, too.

1010
01:09:00,594 --> 01:09:02,595
Especially in a place like this.

1011
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:06,224
I mean, holy shit, this is a bigger dump
than the one I worked in.

1012
01:09:07,351 --> 01:09:08,351
You know, it's funny.

1013
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:13,398
I was at a bit of a moral crossroads myself a
few years ago. I didn't want to be a server,

1014
01:09:13,440 --> 01:09:15,880
and I didn't want to get stuck
in upper management, so I quit.

1015
01:09:16,277 --> 01:09:19,154
See, that's what I'm talking about.
You followed your dream.

1016
01:09:19,864 --> 01:09:20,947
Yeah.

1017
01:09:22,575 --> 01:09:27,745
Yes, I did. I was unemployed for a
long time, and I got so desperate,

1018
01:09:27,788 --> 01:09:31,249
I took a job at Jack's Steak House
as an assistant manager,

1019
01:09:31,292 --> 01:09:33,772
which was then bought out by the company
that owns Shenaniganz.

1020
01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:35,503
I fucked it all up.

1021
01:09:37,756 --> 01:09:41,509
- You know Internet porn?
- I think I must have drifted 'cause I lost...

1022
01:09:41,594 --> 01:09:45,513
I tried to... I jumped out of a window,

1023
01:09:45,598 --> 01:09:50,935
but it was a second-story window
and I broke my ankle,

1024
01:09:50,978 --> 01:09:57,192
and I got sort of, like, a little head
injury, then I became addicted to...

1025
01:09:57,276 --> 01:09:59,319
Have you ever heard of OxyContin?

1026
01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:12,540
Yeah. I got to piss.

1027
01:10:43,155 --> 01:10:44,239
Yeah.

1028
01:10:50,746 --> 01:10:54,415
So, if you're on MySpace,
get the fuck off of it.

1029
01:10:54,500 --> 01:10:57,293
Be honest with yourself.
I don't know, I don't know.

1030
01:10:57,336 --> 01:10:59,212
Because of the drinking, I tend...
I get very verbose,

1031
01:10:59,296 --> 01:11:01,776
and some of the other pills I'm on,
it makes me kind of ramble.

1032
01:11:01,799 --> 01:11:05,426
Here's my point. You got a great moustache.
This is what I was gonna tell you.

1033
01:11:05,511 --> 01:11:09,180
Whichever path you choose,
it's just gonna go like this,

1034
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:13,309
and then it's eventually just gonna go...
Straight back to the middle.

1035
01:11:13,352 --> 01:11:15,472
That's where you're gonna spend
the rest of your life.

1036
01:11:17,022 --> 01:11:20,024
But it won't be so fast, like you know it,
it's gonna take a while, man,

1037
01:11:20,109 --> 01:11:22,360
and you're gonna pick up some hobbies
along the way.

1038
01:11:22,444 --> 01:11:23,528
You're gonna probably do a lot...

1039
01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:25,571
You're gonna become
a chronic masturbator.

1040
01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:26,656
And then eventually, you're gonna be like,

1041
01:11:26,699 --> 01:11:29,701
"Holy shit, should I put on a blue shirt,
or should I kill myself?"

1042
01:11:29,743 --> 01:11:31,119
I always put on the shirt.

1043
01:11:31,203 --> 01:11:35,498
So, fucking irony of ironies,
here I am with a head injury,

1044
01:11:35,541 --> 01:11:38,084
a top dog in the Shenaniganz world.

1045
01:11:38,168 --> 01:11:42,922
And now what I'm gonna do is trample
on the soul of a middle-aged man,

1046
01:11:43,716 --> 01:11:48,428
which, sadly, is one of the only joys
that I have left in my life.

1047
01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:52,849
That and, as I said,
Internet porn and OxyContin.

1048
01:11:54,393 --> 01:11:59,022
Tell you what I'm not gonna do.
I'm not paying for that drink. Thanks, man.

1049
01:11:59,064 --> 01:12:00,189
Okay.

1050
01:12:03,527 --> 01:12:06,070
You don't deserve
an ugly bastard stepchild.

1051
01:12:06,947 --> 01:12:11,576
Well, well, well.
You knew the score and you let me down,

1052
01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:14,746
and you know what that means?
It means you tarnished the uniform.

1053
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,205
I know what it means, Dan.

1054
01:12:16,248 --> 01:12:18,750
It means you don't have what it takes
to handle district.

1055
01:12:20,085 --> 01:12:21,586
- Get up.
- Sit down, dude.

1056
01:12:21,628 --> 01:12:23,129
Sit down.

1057
01:12:23,213 --> 01:12:25,465
- Hey, Dean.
- Mr. Shull, okay?

1058
01:12:25,549 --> 01:12:27,069
You don't get to call me Dean anymore.

1059
01:12:27,968 --> 01:12:30,511
You got some mayonnaise or semen
on the collar of your shirt.

1060
01:12:30,929 --> 01:12:33,931
Listen, Dennis, I'm
really sorry, it looks...

1061
01:12:36,435 --> 01:12:37,435
I'm sorry it didn't work out.

1062
01:12:37,519 --> 01:12:39,562
It looks like you're gonna be store manager
for a few more years,

1063
01:12:39,605 --> 01:12:42,607
and I do apologize about that,

1064
01:12:42,649 --> 01:12:48,696
but if Dan here is any inspiration,
you know, you can certainly learn a lot

1065
01:12:48,781 --> 01:12:50,198
from his incompetence.

1066
01:12:50,282 --> 01:12:53,576
- That's right.
- Not a compliment, Dan.

1067
01:12:53,619 --> 01:12:56,746
Whenever you get down about yourself,
whenever you have moments of self-doubt,

1068
01:12:56,789 --> 01:12:59,332
just look over here and say,
"It could be worse."

1069
01:12:59,416 --> 01:13:01,250
- Thank you.
- I mean that, man.

1070
01:13:01,293 --> 01:13:03,213
- Well, thank you.
- I have a lot of pity on you.

1071
01:13:04,671 --> 01:13:09,175
Okay, well, that was a good trip.
I need... I actually need some money.

1072
01:13:09,259 --> 01:13:10,551
Cash, right now, if you could.

1073
01:13:10,636 --> 01:13:11,969
- $20 would do it.
- I got a...

1074
01:13:12,012 --> 01:13:13,971
- I need about 20.
- Twenty?

1075
01:13:14,056 --> 01:13:16,474
Make it a 50. Just round up.
Make it an even 50.

1076
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,476
- That'll make it easier for me.
- Sure.

1077
01:13:20,187 --> 01:13:21,979
Perfect. Ask and ye shall receive.

1078
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:25,441
Ulysses S. Grant,
where the fuck did my life go wrong?

1079
01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:30,071
So, you think we made it?
Place seemed pretty busy, right?

1080
01:13:30,155 --> 01:13:31,572
We're screwed.

1081
01:13:31,657 --> 01:13:33,574
You bitches better be
dusting off your résumés.

1082
01:13:34,118 --> 01:13:37,245
- Shit, I need this job.
- Well, you know, Ta-Ta's is hiring.

1083
01:13:37,496 --> 01:13:41,916
They're looking for busboys.
Asian schoolboy busboys.

1084
01:13:42,459 --> 01:13:48,297
Well, guys, we had a great night tonight.
We set a franchise record tonight.

1085
01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:51,884
- Yes!
- My God! I told you.

1086
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:56,806
All right. Unfortunately,
it was not enough.

1087
01:13:56,932 --> 01:13:59,350
We didn't make the mark.
We came in at 7,200.

1088
01:13:59,768 --> 01:14:00,928
- What?
- What that mean, man?

1089
01:14:01,854 --> 01:14:06,190
God, I'm screwed. I'm so screwed.

1090
01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:09,152
- Fuck, so the restaurant's closing?
- No.

1091
01:14:11,071 --> 01:14:14,240
I mean, the restaurant is not closing down.

1092
01:14:14,783 --> 01:14:19,245
The restaurant... The
restaurant was never...

1093
01:14:19,329 --> 01:14:21,622
Dennis, what the fuck
are you talking about?

1094
01:14:21,707 --> 01:14:25,084
- You lied to us.
- Are you fucking with us?

1095
01:14:25,169 --> 01:14:30,798
The restaurant isn't closing down
because I paid the difference.

1096
01:14:31,300 --> 01:14:32,842
- What?
- Really?

1097
01:14:32,885 --> 01:14:35,636
You paid $1,800 out of your own pocket?

1098
01:14:35,929 --> 01:14:37,889
You live with your mom.

1099
01:14:37,973 --> 01:14:41,684
I couldn't let them shut this place down
when we were this close to the mark!

1100
01:14:42,144 --> 01:14:45,605
This close to making it all the way
to the top of the thermometer!

1101
01:14:45,731 --> 01:14:46,981
How could I let that go by?

1102
01:14:47,441 --> 01:14:52,403
I'm gonna wind up in the gutter again,
sucking meth for dick.

1103
01:14:52,488 --> 01:14:56,449
This restaurant stays open,
and I am going to be its manager.

1104
01:14:57,201 --> 01:15:00,036
Of this restaurant. Just this one.

1105
01:15:11,423 --> 01:15:15,259
Hey. Dennis, we are going out,

1106
01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:18,763
and I thought maybe you'd want to join us.

1107
01:15:19,056 --> 01:15:21,724
- Want to come?
- Really?

1108
01:15:22,059 --> 01:15:23,100
Yeah, really.

1109
01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:34,695
Is that a yes?

1110
01:15:35,656 --> 01:15:38,908
Well, I have a lot to do, so I'm...
I'll check my schedule.

1111
01:15:38,951 --> 01:15:40,159
Okay.

1112
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:43,955
- Yes.
- He can maybe come.

1113
01:15:45,624 --> 01:15:49,752
Well, so, I told you,
everything does happen for a reason, right?

1114
01:15:50,128 --> 01:15:51,295
Screw Ta-Ta's.

1115
01:15:51,547 --> 01:15:53,923
- Yeah!
- Screw Ta-Ta's.

1116
01:15:53,966 --> 01:15:56,551
Calvin wouldn't know a pair of tits
if it raped him in the woods.

1117
01:15:56,635 --> 01:16:00,054
I mean, seriously, you guys!
Take a look at these!

1118
01:16:02,015 --> 01:16:05,560
Yeah! Motherfucker,
how'd you like these apples?

1119
01:16:16,863 --> 01:16:19,115
Those are beautiful.

1120
01:16:20,033 --> 01:16:23,661
Hey. Heck, why don't
you and I go get a drink?

1121
01:16:25,330 --> 01:16:27,373
- Oh, man.
- Get out.

1122
01:16:29,167 --> 01:16:33,838
What'd you say? You said, "Get out"?

1123
01:16:36,842 --> 01:16:38,718
What are you pointing at?
What does that mean?

1124
01:16:38,802 --> 01:16:40,386
You're pointing at...

1125
01:16:42,514 --> 01:16:44,194
Did you leave something...
What's going on?

1126
01:16:44,558 --> 01:16:47,935
- Guys don't play hard-to-get.
- Yeah, they do.

1127
01:16:48,020 --> 01:16:49,312
- They don't?
- No.

1128
01:16:51,023 --> 01:16:52,023
Hey.

1129
01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:56,152
Hey, babe. I got, like, another half hour.
Get a drink at the bar if you want.

1130
01:16:56,194 --> 01:16:59,488
Yeah, actually, I think you're gonna need
to find another ride home.

1131
01:17:01,700 --> 01:17:03,140
What the hell are you talking about?

1132
01:17:03,160 --> 01:17:05,411
I just realized,
you're not good enough for me.

1133
01:17:05,495 --> 01:17:08,581
We both knew that.
That never stopped you before.

1134
01:17:10,667 --> 01:17:14,670
- Hey, baby. You ready to go?
- I sure am.

1135
01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:16,005
What the hell?

1136
01:17:22,387 --> 01:17:25,139
Don't worry about it.
It's probably just sex.

1137
01:17:46,328 --> 01:17:49,246
- There you go.
- Thank you very much.

1138
01:17:49,331 --> 01:17:52,083
Put it on his tab.

1139
01:17:53,877 --> 01:17:55,920
Very nice, Dennis.

1140
01:17:57,089 --> 01:17:58,769
You're good at that, you little brown guy.

1141
01:18:03,053 --> 01:18:06,722
I love meeting people playing pool.

1142
01:18:06,765 --> 01:18:09,809
You need to make a shot. I'm so sorry.
Kind of got me in the gut.

1143
01:18:10,435 --> 01:18:12,436
- I think I've got a new recipe.
- There he is.

1144
01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:13,938
- Mushroom stuffed with ziti.
- Hey, man. How you doing?

1145
01:18:14,022 --> 01:18:15,773
- Hey.
- How you doing? You all right?

1146
01:18:15,816 --> 01:18:17,233
- Yeah. I'm cool.
- Good to see you.

1147
01:18:17,275 --> 01:18:20,277
Yeah, okay. All right. Okay. All right!

1148
01:18:25,659 --> 01:18:27,118
Allow me.

1149
01:18:28,995 --> 01:18:32,998
Hello. My name's Stan.
What can I get you to drink?

1150
01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:37,795
- A shot of tequila.
- Well, that's great, isn't it?

1151
01:18:37,879 --> 01:18:41,257
- Make it two.
- All right, then. Hold on.

1152
01:18:42,634 --> 01:18:49,056
Seriously, guys. I'm... I'm sorry. You
know? I... I suck. I pussied out.

1153
01:18:49,141 --> 01:18:51,767
I know you guys were only kidding
with the sour cream Sanchez thing,

1154
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,644
and I took it personally,

1155
01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:58,357
so put a quarter in my ass,
'cause I played myself.

1156
01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:02,987
Hi. There you go, miss. Hey. Amber, is it?

1157
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:07,324
I think I've heard about... Hello?
Went to the...

1158
01:19:08,618 --> 01:19:11,370
It wasn't the fryer that was
so overwhelming, you know?

1159
01:19:11,455 --> 01:19:16,333
It was those fucking French onion soups
that you stick in the goddamn toaster.

1160
01:19:16,376 --> 01:19:19,795
Aye. God. For God's sake, cunt bastard.
Do you know who I am?

1161
01:19:20,297 --> 01:19:24,467
And I've got delicate hands, man.
I think, you know, I've got the prince's...

1162
01:19:28,346 --> 01:19:29,346
Hello.

1163
01:19:30,015 --> 01:19:31,849
How come you've never talked to me before?

1164
01:19:33,560 --> 01:19:36,228
I mean, really talk to me?

1165
01:19:37,481 --> 01:19:42,276
We've worked together five or six times,
and I never even knew you spoke like that.

1166
01:19:44,529 --> 01:19:45,529
No.

1167
01:19:47,574 --> 01:19:50,534
I love it. I love the way you talk.

1168
01:19:53,079 --> 01:19:54,705
I just can't believe I never knew.

1169
01:19:55,624 --> 01:19:58,834
Most people don't think
it's as cool as you do.

1170
01:20:02,088 --> 01:20:05,424
Wait a second.
You're fucking with me, right?

1171
01:20:06,468 --> 01:20:08,219
Chuck put you up to this? Goddamn.

1172
01:20:08,261 --> 01:20:10,054
You're not gonna smear sour cream
on my upper lip, are you?

1173
01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,056
I got a lactose prob...

1174
01:20:20,357 --> 01:20:23,609
I just got some kind bud.

1175
01:20:23,693 --> 01:20:25,613
Do you want to go back to my place
and smoke out?

1176
01:20:25,987 --> 01:20:29,114
Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay.

1177
01:20:35,872 --> 01:20:37,414
God damn it.

1178
01:20:38,166 --> 01:20:41,585
You can do this.
Separate the pussy from the chaff.

1179
01:20:59,604 --> 01:21:02,857
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

1180
01:21:07,320 --> 01:21:10,072
Hey, you. You mind if I sit down?

1181
01:21:10,949 --> 01:21:11,949
Naomi.

1182
01:21:16,121 --> 01:21:20,291
Hey, you ready to get back on the floor
as a server?

1183
01:21:20,375 --> 01:21:22,251
I guess you've done enough time
at the door, right?

1184
01:21:22,294 --> 01:21:25,254
I think you've had enough time
being a dick hole.

1185
01:21:26,756 --> 01:21:30,843
That's not very nice.
I was gonna say you look pretty tonight.

1186
01:21:50,322 --> 01:21:51,405
Hey!

1187
01:21:52,407 --> 01:21:54,575
- Hey, that's my...
- Hey, hey.

1188
01:21:54,659 --> 01:21:55,826
That's my mouth.

1189
01:21:56,912 --> 01:22:04,912
Hey.

1190
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:14,345
- Hey, Cal.
- Hey.

1191
01:22:14,429 --> 01:22:17,681
So, let's get out of here?
Let's go back to my house.

1192
01:22:17,724 --> 01:22:20,434
I was thinking
we could do some drugs, right,

1193
01:22:20,518 --> 01:22:22,436
and then make... Make out with each other.

1194
01:22:24,314 --> 01:22:28,192
There's something different about you.
You got a haircut.

1195
01:22:29,194 --> 01:22:33,197
No. Same hair. Just I got my hat on.
That's what it is. It's the hat.

1196
01:22:34,074 --> 01:22:37,034
It's pretty slick, huh?
Why, is it not slick?

1197
01:22:37,535 --> 01:22:39,655
- Is something wrong?
- Listen, I'm going to stay here

1198
01:22:39,663 --> 01:22:41,163
and listen to the band a little longer.

1199
01:22:41,206 --> 01:22:44,833
Why don't you call me later?
Maybe I'll come by, okay?

1200
01:22:45,043 --> 01:22:51,131
What? Maybe you'll come by? But that...
I have drugs.

1201
01:23:14,406 --> 01:23:17,992
- Does that say "PUD"?
- Oh, my God. How'd that get there?

1202
01:23:18,702 --> 01:23:19,702
Fuck it.

1203
01:23:21,329 --> 01:23:22,997
Fuck you, loser.

1204
01:23:26,251 --> 01:23:28,127
- Piss in my asshole!
- No!

1205
01:23:28,211 --> 01:23:29,837
Shit in my mouth!

1206
01:24:00,118 --> 01:24:02,411
What the fuck?

1207
01:24:02,454 --> 01:24:05,998
What the fuck? Jesus Christ.

1208
01:24:06,082 --> 01:24:07,124
I...

1209
01:24:09,335 --> 01:24:10,961
That's your dick.

1210
01:24:12,505 --> 01:24:14,214
This is my vagina.

1211
01:24:17,093 --> 01:24:21,847
I gotta go. What are you doing?
What are you doing? What are you doing?

1212
01:24:22,557 --> 01:24:27,478
I thought maybe that now that you're sober,
you know, we could do it again and...

1213
01:24:31,066 --> 01:24:32,232
Sorry.

1214
01:24:33,735 --> 01:24:35,778
- All right, fuck it.
- Whoa.

1215
01:24:38,031 --> 01:24:39,490
Shut up. Just shut up.

1216
01:24:40,533 --> 01:24:43,327
- I have a kidney problem.
- Even better.

1217
01:28:33,141 --> 01:28:34,141
- Stop it!
- I know!

1218
01:28:36,436 --> 01:28:39,563
Who the fuck are any of you to laugh at me?

1219
01:28:40,398 --> 01:28:43,317
Agnew, you big-eared
Cro-Magnon Aryan fuck!

1220
01:28:43,860 --> 01:28:47,154
Why are you so racist?
Using the N-word isn't cool!

1221
01:28:47,697 --> 01:28:50,574
- I don't use the N-word...
- Good one!

1222
01:28:51,576 --> 01:28:55,120
And you! You walk into a place,
everyone's like, "He's hardcore!"

1223
01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:59,249
You play World of Warcfaft all right?
You probably haven't even stolen anything.

1224
01:28:59,334 --> 01:29:02,544
You motherfucker, I hope you burn in hell!

1225
01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:05,088
Easy, Jew.

1226
01:29:06,090 --> 01:29:07,132
I'm a musician.

1227
01:29:12,680 --> 01:29:14,931
Yeah!

1228
01:29:17,268 --> 01:29:24,024
Yes! Come to me! Come to me, ladies! Yes!
Oh, God! Rub my chest, rub my chest!

1229
01:29:24,609 --> 01:29:26,109
Yeah!