man: Wake the hell up!
You're gonna be late, doofus.
Sis?
Oh, there you are.
Get your lazy ass goin'.
You're gonna miss the cheese wagon.
And, no, you can't borrow my BMX.
It's got a flat.
Jesus, kiddo.
You've seen that movie damn near 50 times.
You're gonna wear out the VHS.
Go on.
( school bell ringing )
girl: This is my life.
I'm a 14-year-old girl.
Or... actually, a hybrid..
girl and boy.
When my mother was alive,
she told me I was a hermaphrodite.
But my brother just always called me...
Spork!
( children laughing )
( toilet flushing )
Hey.
The name's Chunk.
Kind of like "chink," but instead they call me Chunk.
Hi.
My... my name's Spork.
So, Spork, why are you cRyin' like a little bitch?
Because I'm sick of being me.
Hey, fuck that shit, man.
Next time somebody bothers you,
all you gotta do is close your eyes
and think of something happy.
# Spork and Chunk sittin' in a tree #
# E-A-T-I-- ##
( giggling )
That's...
- Oh, wow. - Oh, my gosh!
That is terrible.
I think I can see her ding-a-ling through her shoRts.
( laughing )
Seriously.
Just close your eyes and think of some happy shit.
Wow.
( gasping )
... basketball.
Oh, I did not...
( whispering )
She went on a psychopathic rage.
Nobody even knows why she did it.
Nobody even knows where she lives.
I think she's emo, or she, like, she's crazy.
And maybe she'll...
( rock music playing )
Hey, Spork.
Proud of you today.
School, I mean.
Don't take shit from people like that.
Oh, yeah, I fixed my BMX, too.
So take that to school now.
See, Buster?
Things are already staRting to change.
Oh, are you hungRy?
( phone ringing )
Hello?
Hella-hella-hello, girl!
Oh, hey, Tootsie Roll.
I heard about your little run-in with Betsy Byotch.
Mmm!
Can I just say damn!
I'm so proud of you.
And you got off scot-free.
I don't know, that big brother of yours is mad fly.
Principal Tulip.
Spit.
"Anyhoo," I'm proud of you, okay?
About time you grew a pair of balls.
Oh, uh...
You know what I mean, girl.
So, listen up.
The school dance-off is comin' up,
and "yous" knows I'm all up in that.
Better come this year and cheer me on.
Hey!
I don't know, Tootsie Roll.
I've never really been to a school dance or--
or dance-off thingy.
Spork, we're 1 4 years old now.
About time you grow up and stop playin' with them little,
you know, bonk-ass toys and get out more.
Damn.
How do you know what I do?
'Cause I live right next door to you, ho!
"Anyhoo," I need to win this dance, okay?
'Cause it be a cash prize of $236.
Oh!
Wait.
Why $236?
Why not 250--
I don't know!
The point is, with that bling,
I could go see my daddy at the CherRy Lane PenitentiaRy.
Oh, my mama ain't never gonna take me.
And I know he'd be happy as hell to see me up in there.
Girl!
You really think you'll win?
Spork, ain't nobody can shake their shit in a can
Iike Tootsie Roll, okay?
Shake their what?
So we fittin' to go and "cele-brizzate"
your victoRy or what?
I don't know.
I mean, I... I still have some homework to do.
Bitch, please!
Homework can wait, okay?
You kicked a girl's ass today for the first time.
I'm comin' by after eight-o-clocky-clock
and pick you up on my bike.
I just got pegs.
And this Afro Sheen is off the hook.
Mm-hmm, make my hair all shiny and shit.
Okay, later, ho.
Ahh!
Oh, yeah, girl!
( knocking )
Oh, my God.
You can't even tell.
I am going to chop off that bitch's little pecker
the next time I see her.
Chill out, drama-rama.
At least now you have an excuse to get a nose job.
I never wanted a nose job!
"Whatev."
You know what I mean.
I am cereal, Loosie Goosie!
I have to get her back somehow.
I am Betsy Byotch!
Nobody gets away with this.
Even if she is a gimp.
Well, why don't you pants her in front of the whole school?
That'll upset her.
I could, but that's not mean enough.
I mean, who cares about her fucking wee-wee, okay?
I need to scar her for life.
Like she did moi!
Just wait 'til I think of something.
She is gonna get it.
( thundering )
Oh, wow, J.Lo used to be a dancer on "In Living Color"?
So ghetto.
Hey, Spork.
You plannin' on going somewhere?
Tootsie Roll's gonna take me out to some place called
Booty Ballroom.
Oh, yeah.
That's a pretty cool shindig,
I mean, if you're a coal miner at least.
I never hooked up with no black chick.
Well, don't be home too late, kiddo.
It's a school night.
Hey.
Spit.
Candice just told me she's pregnant.
Is it yours, you big idiot?
Does a chicken have a pecker?
Goddamn it, man, again?
Goddamn it.
Ooh!
Girl, you gotta tell that hick of a brother of yours
to take a shower.
Damn!
I don't have anything cool to wear.
Maybe I should just stay home.
Oh, no, uh-uh.
Let Tootsie Roll have a look at you.
Girl, you're gonna take all the attention away from me.
But it is your night.
Come on, let's go.
( dance music playing in distance )
Hey, hey!
Oh!
You must be trippin'.
Oh, oh, no.
Twix, this is a big day for Spork,
and I'm fittin' to show her how to break it off tonight.
Now move out of my way, or I'm gonna tell Mama!
( dance music playing )
All right, let me get two Yoo-hoos, LarRy.
Are you sure they came in here?
Don't question my logic, Loosie Goosie.
( dance music playing )
Oh, no.
Oh, no, she stole that move from me.
Hey, Tootsie Roll, want to give it a go?
Huh.
Oh, now you all up on me like we friends?
Let me show you how you're supposed to break it down.
Ho!
Move out of my way.
Clear the dance floor, hos.
Come on, chocolate.
Move back, chocolate.
Oh, y'all know the regular.
Back it up more, back it up more.
Okay.
All right, come on, play that track, Deejay.
The butterfly uh-uh that's old
Let me see the Tootsie Roll
Yeah 1994
69 Boyz backed up by
- The Quad City D.J. - Move, ho!
One time cotton candy sweet to go
Let me see that Tootsie Roll
Come on, come on Tootsie Roll
Just make that Tootsie Roll
Here we go, here we go Tootsie Roll
Just make that Tootsie Roll
Yeah Tootsie Roll
Let me see that Tootsie Roll
Get off the floor Tootsie Roll
And make that Tootsie Roll
To the left, to the left
To the right to the right
Slide, slide come on, come on
To the left, to the left
To the right...
Can I make a request, please?
... to the front to the back, to the back
Now dip baby come on now dip baby
( dance music playing )
( record scratching )
( laughing )
I am gonna get that Spork!
Her little colored friend too.
- What, bitch? - What, bitch?
Ahh!
Hey!
# It's peRfect #
# You're in the club eveRy night #
# 'Cause you love that ooh #
# You're in the club tRying to fight #
# 'Cause you love that ooh #
#... MaRy Jane #
# I wanna hit you with the #
# Wanna hit you with the #
# I-I wanna hit you with the #
# W-wanna hit you with the #
# I'm gonna hit you with the #
# Wanna hit you with the #
# The... bass #
# The bass, the bass #
# It's just the bass, the bass #
# The bass #
# It's just the bass the bass #
# Bass, bass #
# Like, like, like you like the bass #
# Bass, bass, bass #
# You, you, you you like the bass #
# Bass, bass #
# Hey #
# You're in the streets gettin' rough #
# 'Cause you need that ooh #
# The room goes round spinning round #
# When you drink that ooh #
# You get kicked out
# 'Cause you're rowdy when you hear that #
# And you love that #
# You just can't stop that ##
SorRy.
I'm...
I-- I-- I-- I was just-- just looking at, um...
My tits?
No... I wasn't.
I was-- I-- I was just looking at your necklace.
It's-- it's really-- it's really pretty.
It... Iooks expensive.
Where'd you get it?
I found it.
Why?
Then why do you wear it?
'Cause, kiddo...
people need to...
feel like they belong to something in their lives.
You know?
Something bigger than themselves.
Follow the rules 'cause their parents did.
Be told what to do, what to believe.
Shit like that, you know?
Basically I wear it so...
I'll fit the fuck in with eveRybody else.
So...
if I wear one, then I'll belong, too?
I don't see why the fuck not.
Welcome, my little stray lamb.
Welcome to salvation.
Today is the last day of your sinner-life
and the first day of your new life with Christ,
your Lord and Savior.
So, um, if--
if I join, I'll belong with you guys?
( giggling )
Of course, silly.
You'll be my sister in Christ.
Oh, it's so much fun!
And you'll soon learn that together
we can spread Christ's love to eveRyone we meet
and bring them to salvation.
Together.
You-- you-- you really mean it?
Shh now.
I'm not gonna huRt you.
I'm your friend.
What's your name, sweetie?
Sp... Spork.
Well, a-a-actually, it's more of a nickname.
Hmm.
That's an interesting name.
Why do they call you that?
( laughing )
What?
Well, "Spark," or...
whatever.
I really don't think someone like you
would make a veRy good addition to God's army of goodness.
I mean, really now.
God made man in his own image,
and I highly doubt that includes you,
my dear, sweet harlot.
So...
Shut up!
SorRy, Spork.
Just tRying see if I could cop a feel.
Please don't touch me.
( children laughing )
That's enough.
You brats!
Now show some "ratitude."
There will be a test later on this week.
And none of you can afford to fail.
All right.
Now this here is the uterus,
in which the fetal canal carries a child upon biRth.
( sighing )
Can anyone tell me what we learned in chapter one
about another way to give biRth?
Yeah, from your ass.
( children laughing )
Maybe yours, you little faiRy.
No.
Actually, there has never been a case in which one was born
out of another's anus.
In any event, the male reproductive organs
play just as impoRtant a role as the female's.
ObseRve.
Here we have the penis.
Within the penis is the urethra.
It's also...
( school bell ringing )
Hey, Spork.
You know, you shouldn't be upset.
I mean, trust me.
People always knock me because I have two gay dads.
Like, screw them, man.
I'm proud of my gay parents.
And you should be proud of being a lesbian.
I'm not a lesbian, Charlie.
Well, whatever you wanna call it then.
Confused.
I'm not confused either, Charlie.
Just because you're gay, doesn't mean eveRybody else is.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.
What?
I said my dads are gay.
I'm not a fuckin' faggot.
Aw!
Screw you, you mutant.
Watch it, homo.
Look out, ho!
Ooh.
My bad, girl.
I didn't even see you.
Listen, me and my hos are gonna practice a little booty shakin'.
Why don't you come with us?
I know you ain't gonna let this white girl
come with us to practice.
You know whiteys ain't allowed to pop it.
Bitch, silence that hole, and respect my girl.
Okay?
She is my neighbor, and I got her back.
Hear that?
Mmm, come on, let's go.
Come on, Spork.
# Ding-ding-ding-a-ling #
# Ding-a-ling #
Spork, let's go!
# Ding-a-ling #
# Ding-ding-ding-a-ling #
# Ding-a-ling #
# Shake your ding-a-ling #
# Ding-a-ling #
# Shake your ding-a-ling #
# Ding-a-ling #
# Shake your ding-a-ling #
# Ding-a-ling #
# Ding-ding-ding-a-ling #
# Hey little thing #
# Shake that ding-a-ling #
# Shake, shake it just don't break it #
# Hey little thing shake that ding-a-ling #
# Don't fake it move 'til you make it #
# Hey little thing shake that ding-a-ling #
# Shake, shake it just don't break it #
# Hey little thing shake that ding-a-ling #
# D-d-ding-a-ling #
# Now left... #
The butterfly uh-uh that's old
Let me see the Tootsie Roll
Yeah 1994
69 Boyz backed up by the Quad City D.J.
One time cotton candy sweet to go
Let me see that Tootsie Roll
Come on, come on Tootsie Roll
Just make that Tootsie Roll
Here we go Tootsie Roll
Just make that Tootsie Roll
Yeah Tootsie Roll
Let me see that Tootsie Roll
Make that Tootsie Roll
To the left, to the left
To the right to the right
To the front, to the front
To the back to the back
Don't be-- Oh!
Girl, you're gonna have to turn your head that way.
... Just slide baby slide just slide baby slide
Come on, come on
To the left, to the left
To the right...
Oh, shit, oh!
Damn!
That shit must've "huRted" for "reals."
You okay?
Ouch.
Ow, ow, damn.
Ow, watch it, Spork.
Damn, you know my shit is busted.
I-- I-- I'm sorRy.
Why you sorRy?
It was my damn fault I didn't rinse all that Afro Sheen
before I went and acted a fool.
You were amazing, by the way.
I mean... the way you dance, it--
It was like no other kind of dancing I've ever seen.
Does it huRt?
Not like this.
Usually it's like...
it's like I'm not Tootsie Roll no more.
Like I'm some other person...
doing my thing.
Somewhere far, far away from this shithole.
And I can be anybody I wanna be.
You know?
"Anyhoo," I'm over this shit.
I don't wanna see my daddy no way.
He's probably busy and all tRying to hold down the Bloods.
He's their leader on the inside.
- You know? - Wow.
He sounds impoRtant.
Well, what-- what if-- what if one of your friends
could do the dance-off for you...
and give you the money?
Girl, what kind of world is you livin' in?
Ain't no girls of mine gonna give me no money
to see my daddy.
They got their own dreams.
But-- but, I mean, if they're your real friends--
I got no real friends, okay?
None of us do.
That's the way it is in the hood.
You know that.
You live here, too.
I mean, Spork, who you know that would do that for you, girl?
I don't know.
No one, I guess.
Ooh, girl.
You just saw a shooting star.
Make a wish, Spork.
Damn, I hope you made a wish for both of us.
'Cause I'm definitely getting up outta here
when I'm all grown-up like.
Girl, get your ghetto broke ass in this house right now.
It's way past your bedtime.
All right, I gotta bounce.
Thanks for helping me home, Spork.
No problem.
I'm right next door if you need me.
Yeah, okay.
Later, chickenhead.
You keep playing with that he-boy-she-boy,
you're gonna fuck around and grow a ding-a-ling.
Get in here.
- What's wrong with you? - Mom!
Shut up, damn!
I read that on TV, I read it on TV!
Spork: This is where my mommy sleeps.
Spit didn't have any money to buRy her proper-like,
so we put her back here
until we get some money to do it right.
When our dog Buster died,
Spit tried to throw him in the garbage,
but I pulled him out and kept him.
Spit said he doesn't care neither way,
'cause Buster was better off dead
and Mom was just a stupid whore who left us like daddy did.
But... sometimes I hear Spit late at night,
coming out here and talking to her.
I even heard him cRy once,
though he'd die before he'd admit it.
When I dream some nights, I see her.
She has long, flowing brown hair
and big green-blue eyes,
Iike one of those pretty ladies on infomercials late at night.
I used to lay right up against the stone at night
when I couldn't sleep.
Pretend she was there laying with me.
But now there's all these weeds over her stone
that I'm allergic to.
Had to go to the hospital once even.
Said I would have died if I stayed around them long enough.
woman: Are you tired of being you?
Then wake up!
Mama?
That's right.
I am here to help you be the real you.
Are you tired of feeling down, being laughed at?
Well, so was I.
I know it's hard to believe,
but, yes, I was once ugly like you.
I, too, was like you--
alone, ugly, ethnic-looking and sad.
You too, Mommy?
But not anymore!
Since Thermo Ball Blasting Technique,
I've lost over 150 pounds in just five days!
With little or no scarring, and minimal heart failure,
I feel great now!
Get off me, Buster!
It is you, Mommy!
This can make me a real girl.
A pretty girl like you, Mommy.
So call now.
Your dreams can come true for you.
All you have to do is dream them.
Financing is available at only 200 down.
What are you waiting for?
The new world order is coming.
Call now!
The dance-off prize.
Thank you, Mommy.
Thank you.
( whistle blowing )
All right, fellas, come on, line up, quick.
Hustle, hustle, hustle.
All right, shiRts, skins, shiRts, ski--
Hey.
Hey, Twinkle Toes.
Let's see that body of yours.
( snickering )
Oh, my God, look at this fag.
Looks like he's dead, bro.
- Are all fags this white, bro? - It's major.
Come on, dudes.
I get pussy all the time.
Just don't wanna wrinkle at a young age.
SPF, bros.
Hey, Sporky, wait up.
Listen, I'm sorRy for being such a fag earlier.
Don't say that word.
Why not?
It's only mean if you're a fag.
It's mean no matter what, Charlie.
Okay... I'm sorRy.
Listen.
I saw you on the dance-off list.
I can't believe it.
What are you gonna do?
I... I don't know.
I mean, I-- I haven't really thought about it yet.
Didn't sign myself up.
I'm not really a dancer.
But, literally, I know all the Justin Timberlake moves
by heaRt.
So, tell me if you need any help.
Thanks, Charlie.
- Let's go. - Oh, my God, they're coming.
Alli vienen las bitches!
# Is it 'cause I'm cool? #
# Why you dress like me? #
# Is it honesty or you just a fool? #
# Is it 'cause I'm cool? #
# Why the schoolkids laugh #
# 'Cause the papers got it wrong again #
# Is it 'cause I'm cool? #
# Take a piece of me #
# SeRve me up on a plate #
# In your restaurant #
# Is it 'cause I'm cool? #
# Is it 'cause I'm fly? #
# 'Cause I said what I said #
# When I said what I said #
# But I didn't say #
# Is it 'cause I'm hip? #
# Why you dig my shit and you say I'm a fan #
# Now I understand #
# Is it 'cause I'm hot? #
# Why you mention me #
# In your VIP memoRy #
# Is it 'cause I'm cool? #
# No one really cooler ##
Oh, well, if it isn't the little she-he
and the amazing Faggotron.
Shut up, Byotch.
You're just mad 'cause I took your virginity and dumped you.
Please.
You couldn't get it up if your daddies asked you to.
And I'm sure they do.
By the way, nice eye shadow, Twinkle Toes.
So your color.
( laughing )
# Hit me baby one more time #
Ooh, ooh!
That's not even Timberlake.
That's stupid Britney Spears, a-holes.
Don't you dare
tell me about Britney Spears.
She is a god to me, you maggot.
Why don't-- why don't you just leave him alone, Betsy?
Hmm, so "it" speaks.
I've been waiting for this for some time now.
You and I have a little unfinished business
to do, he-she!
Don't do it, Spork.
If you get in trouble, you won't be allowed to do the dance-off.
Well, well, well.
So, Sporky the Dorky thinks that she has a shot
at winning my dance-off, huh?
It's not your dance-off, Byotch.
Oh, but it will be, sister.
It will be.
Hey, you funny-lookin' little white girls!
That's enough of that.
Get your little skinny asses to class, pronto!
And that means you too, Spork.
( laughing )
Meet me after school tomorrow.
I'll teach you all I know about Justin Timberlake.
There's no way you're gonna lose.
Oh.
Hey, Chunk.
Hey, Spork.
So, um, thanks for the advice the other day.
It kind of changed my life.
So I heard.
Got Betsy Byotch dead in the face.
Pretty fuckin' rad.
( dance music playing )
Chunk?
Hey, were you just gonna ride home,
or do you have time to hang?
Could maybe come with me to my mom's restaurant
and help out in exchange for some more advice.
( horn honking )
Holla!
So...
this is where you work after school?
Kinda.
It's not like work-work.
I don't get paid or anything.
I just fill out these little papers with sayings and shit.
"Never take for granted
the things that matter least in life."
My mom has me help her with writing out
all the foRtune cookies.
- By hand? - "Yeppers."
Cheaper, it keeps me busy and out of trouble.
So, Spork, word is you're hangin' with Twinkle Toes
and gearing up to tRy and win the dance-off.
Don't be neRvous, kiddo.
You just keep doing what you're doing,
no matter what anyone says.
Charlie, the dance-off-- none of it really matters.
All that matters is that you give both a shot.
You hear me?
( woman speaking Mandarin )
Wh-- what was she saying, Chunk?
She said you look pretty dressed like that.
( dog barking )
# Hey #
# Hey ##
Hey, Spit, can I talk to you for a minute?
What's up, kiddo?
Well, if you liked somebody, what would you do?
Are you pregnant, Spork?
No, Spit.
Did you get someone pregnant, Spork?
No, Spit.
Well, then, I guess I'd probably tell 'em.
But tell them what?
That I wanted to get 'em pregnant.
Look, Spork...
it just happens, you know.
Like...
when you're with someone, it just happens or it don't.
There ain't no special words or nothin' like that.
It's like, uh, us guys,
we just follow our dicks, and you girls--
- Never mind, Spit. - Oh.
I was gonna say...
you girls follow your heaRts.
Hey, come here, kiddo.
Take this.
It'll help.
( sighing )
# One, two, three #
# So I woke up early this morning #
# And I walked to the five-and-dime #
# I saw this young lady #
# That's what she looked like from behind #
# I tapped her on the shoulder #
She's weird.
# Excuse me, ma'am #
# She looked back at me and said #
# I'm half-man #
# Whoa #
# Spork #
# Phew #
# That girl #
# Whoa #
# Spork #
# Phew #
# That girl #
# That-that-that-that-that that-that girl #
# That-that-that-that-that that-that-that-that-that #
# That-that girl #
# Spork ##
( phone ringing )
Y'ello?
I have a favor to ask you, okay?
And-- and please say yes, please.
Well, that depending on what it be.
Um, can you teach me to dance?
Dance like you do?
I'm-- I'm competing in the school dance-off,
and I don't think I've ever danced in my entire life.
Girl, you must be trippin'.
Of course I'll help you, you my girl.
I am?
Yeah.
You brought my broke ass home, didn't ya?
But I thought you said that we didn't have any friends
in the hood.
Spork, I said I'd help.
This ain't no Oprah, so shut the hell up.
Come by the gymnasium tomorrow during lunch.
Me and my hos will hook you up.
Thanks, Tootsie Roll.
Oh, and Spork?
Wear sneakers.
Okay.
We can do this, Dorothy.
We can do this.
Okay, now, Treena, show Spork the dookie dump.
Girl, you better ask somebody.
Mm-hmm.
# Hit it #
Now this is the dookie dump.
Okay, now, Spork, you tRy the dookie dump.
# It was me and the posse with... #
Um...
I'm-- I'm--
Damn, bitch!
Do like I say.
# Lo and behold there appeared a mirage #
# He was hooking up a car in his daddy's garage #
# We stopped short #
Oh!
# Did a double take #
Th-that's it, girl, you almost got it.
Okay, now tRy to stick your ass out more.
( laughing )
N-no, no, no.
Like this.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
No, honey.
You need to move it, rock your hips.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Little-- little bit better, but...
Yeah.
That's it, girl.
Now let's tRy this.
Move it to the side.
Okay, girl.
Go, girl.
You've gotta be kidding me.
They're teaching her how to dance?
If you could call it that.
Looks more like some tribal ritual.
I hope she's the sacrifice.
I just got an idea.
Let's go ahead and allow Sporky Dorky to compete.
It might just be the best peRformance yet.
( giggling )
You are so over-the-top sometimes.
Hey, Spork.
Hey, Charlie.
You ready?
I don't know.
Tootsie Roll tried to teach me during lunch,
but I just can't get my ass to move like hers.
( chuckling )
Come on, Spork.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'll teach you all I know.
I have the whole DVD collection
of all the Justin Timberlake conceRts.
He'll show us what to do.
Come on!
( dance music playing )
Okay, Spork, watch.
Watch.
There!
Did you just see that?
Oh, my God, he's so utterly amazing.
Did you know he's actually a natural blonde?
Oh, my God.
You know Dorothy?
Hmm, yeah.
My mom got that for me for my biRthday.
Pretty stupid, I know.
But it... Iooks different.
And...
why is Dorothy white?
And where's the city skyline?
Spork, you're talking about "The Wiz."
That's the black version.
Oh.
Really?
Wow, I-- I never knew.
That's... that's weird.
I have the same exact poster on my wall, except...
"The Wiz" poster.
That's my favorite movie.
I've never seen "The Wiz,"
but that one right there, that's my favorite movie.
Sometimes I pretend I'm Dorothy, and I sing.
# Troubles melt like lemon drops #
# Far above the chimney tops #
# That's where #
# You'll find me ##
Wow.
I never knew I'd tell anyone that before.
Me neither.
My mom, when I was four,
went to go see the Land of Oz.
I was mad at her, 'cause she wouldn't take me,
but...
now I know that she's happier over there.
See, she's like Dorothy.
She wants to help eveRyone,
so she's gonna stay in Oz so she can help people.
She has friends like Michael Jackson, Tin Man.
You know... friends.
But I don't-- I don't even think she's looking for
the Wiz anymore.
She's probably happy.
I'm gonna go there soon too.
I'll... take you with me, if you want.
I-- I-- I mean, you don't have to.
I just-- I mean, if you wanted to--
Spork.
Dorothy's black.
So what?
Maybe my mom is black.
You don't know.
Maybe-- maybe in Oz, you turn black.
I'm just sayin'.
I mean, I wouldn't mind being black.
That's not the point.
You're weird.
I want to go home.
Wait.
Don't go.
What's your favorite color?
- Green. - Why?
Because without the green ones, they're boring.
Yeah, they are kind of boring without the green ones.
They all kinda look the same.
Is it true?
Is what true?
I wanna go home.
Then go.
# This heaRt is over the stars #
# This heaRt is over the moon #
# But fate is filled... #
Please don't laugh at me.
I think you're pretty.
Do you think I'm pretty?
I think you're veRy pretty.
# They shout aggression at me #
# This lands there on the wall #
# This life is far too... ##
I'm-- I'm gonna win the dance-off, Mommy.
I don't know how, but...
I'm gonna win.
And I'm gonna use the money to be pretty like you.
And I made a friend.
A real one this time.
He's really nice, too.
Mommy, he's coming with me...
to see you in Oz.
He... he already knew about it even before I met him,
but... he--
Well-- well, kind of, but...
it was some other version.
But it was pretty close.
Thanks, Mommy.
Damn, Spork!
You don't know how to tell no time?
I'm sorRy.
My book bag broke open, and I lost one of my books.
( laughing )
Hey, shut them holes, chickenheads!
Like any of y'all know how to read a damn book no way!
Mmm.
"Anyhoo," you been practicing?
Well, yeah, but...
I just can't do it, Tootsie Roll.
I practiced all night.
Damn, child!
Ain't you good at anything?
Well, I'm really good at Twister.
Ooh, girl!
I think I got an idea!
# Supersonic #
Okay, here it be, girl.
I'm fittin' to yell out these colors,
and you just gonna do your thing.
You dig?
Spork: I-- I-- I dig.
Okay, all right then.
So let's do this!
#... rockin' your world #
# Supersonic #
Right hand on red.
Right foot on blue.
Listen...
Right hand on yellow.
Left foot on green.
Right hand on blue.
Left foot on yellow.
Left hand on blue.
Left foot on yellow.
Right hand on green, left foot on red.
Right foot on yellow.
Green, yellow, red.
Blue, yellow, blue.
Red, red.
R-R-Red.
Yellow, yellow, yellow.
Red, green, red, yellow, blue, red, yellow, green.
Yellow, red, green.
Red, red, red, green, yellow, red...
Damn, child.
You just might win this shit after all, girl.
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Yeah white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey white spoRt #
# Do the funky Watusi #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Hey little mama #
# Why you get so funky? #
# Funky, funky funky, funky ##
( laughing )
We are about to staRt rehearsals for the dance-off.
I want each and eveRy one of you
to understand
that this is not a competition,
but simply a means to have fun.
Of course, there will be a winner
and a whole bunch of losers.
You will be judged by the audience cheering,
so be sure to invite all of your friends.
Now, remember, only those competing can be in here.
The rest of you, wait outside.
Okay.
First up, we have Spork and Her Only Friends.
My name is Spork and that's no lie
If you don't like me you should see my ride
( laughing )
But don't laugh at me and be such a "meanie"
'Cause I got a really small wee-wee
( laughing )
Gotcha.
Bitch.
( laughing )
Spork, wait!
Don't listen to them!
Hey, girl, where you runnin' off to?
Hey, I'm talkin' to you, ho!
( dog barking )
( dog yelping )
Ow!
You stupid ball!
You stupid, stupid ball!
I hate Spork!
I hate her!
And you're dead!
You're not real!
Nothing is real!
( cRying )
Why didn't you take me with you?
Why, huh?
Why did you lie to me?
You said I'd be pretty like you!
I hate you!
I don't want you to ever come back!
Ever, ever, ever!
I believed you.
Why did you have to go without me?
I don't wanna ever wake up.
Never, ever, ever.
Looks like the champ is up.
What happened?
Well, I think you went and acted a fool is what happened.
They laughed at me, Spit.
All of them.
I-- I have to move.
Go away somewhere.
Where you gonna go?
Oz?
There is no Oz, Spit.
Yeah.
I thought you'd say that.
Saw your poster on the floor.
Still, I figured you might want it back up
before you woke up.
I don't.
Thank you for fixing it, but it's just a stupid poster.
EveRything is stupid.
Is it now?
Oh, my God.
I'm-- I'm not dead.
But the weeds and...
I'm allergic and--
Well, last time, I--
That was then, Spork.
People change.
They grow up.
Get stronger.
I don't.
I won't change.
I'm just Spork forever.
And what in the hell's wrong with that, little sis?
EveRything.
Is it now?
Well, seemed pretty tough to me last night.
You could hear me?
Spork, I think the whole trailer park could hear you.
Why didn't you do something?
I did.
I let you give off some steam,
and there ain't nothin' wrong with that, Sporky.
And I'll tell you something else.
You're more like our mama than anybody else I ever seen.
What was she like?
She was like you.
Different.
In more ways than one.
EveRybody thought she was crazy.
Damn near was, to tell you the truth.
Scared off Daddy real quick, I used to think.
But...
she was...
different in a lot of good ways, too.
Daddy used to get pretty rough with me.
She'd come a-runnin' out,
hollerin', her hair all frizzy-like,
and chase him off with a shovel.
That was Mama for you.
And I'll tell you something else.
When she was sick,
and you were just a baby,
she'd always tell me she wasn't leavin' to go nowhere.
Just to go see Oz.
And that she'd be waitin' for us there.
But there is no Oz, Spit.
I've looked, and she's not there.
Sporky...
you just been lookin' in all the wrong places.
You see, Oz...
... it's right here.
And that's where Mama's been waitin' for you all along.
She ain't goin' nowhere.
And neither am I, Spork.
All right, that's enough of that shit.
Clean up this diRty-ass room.
Oh, and wipe your face.
You got a milk mustache.
SorRy, Dorothy.
I was upset and...
I didn't mean to take it out on you.
Oh, my God!
The dance-off!
( phone ringing )
Girl, I can hear you dialing my number from out the window!
I need to ask you another favor.
Can you help me pick out an outfit for the dance-off?
You really gonna do this?
Definitely.
Well, then come on, ho!
We ain't got all day!
I like rainbow sprinkles on my ice cream pie
Yeah right
Meet me at the ice cream truck
I'll buy you an ice cream
I'll whip out my drumstick...
Okay, honestly, does it look any better?
Do you really want to know?
I don't seem to remember you having that attitude
when I first met you, Loosie.
I sure hope you haven't forgotten
the dark ages, Loosie Goosie.
You know, before I taught you the effects of highlights
and bleached teeth and eye shadow.
Or do I need to pull out a photo?
Glamour Shots circa '98 much?
Oh, I'd like to see that.
You know I've heard about those photos.
I'm fine, Byotch.
I'm just totally over your cunt-fest in the late.
Like, I love my bitch points too,
but you've been acting all "psycho-fied."
I mean, that shoe polish really messed up my pores.
- Yeah, for sure. - Def.
Sacrifices had to be made, my little second-in-command.
Really?
'Cause I didn't see you wearing any.
Ladies, let's not quarrel before my--
our... big debut.
Tonight is about Britney Spears.
Tonight is the night we show her
our gratitude for what she's taught us.
And I know I've been a bit harsh lately,
but now that Spork is over and done with,
Iet's move on and remember the sisterhood of the bitches.
And that Spork was just a taste...
of my rage.
Now, are you with me, bitches?
For sure!
# We like the cars #
# The cars that go boom #
"Oh, that light is so harsh."
Blanche DuBois, Tennessee Williams.
Thank you.
Welcome, all of you,
for the biggest moment in all of your lives,
and one of mine,
the CherRy Lane Middle School Dance-Off!
( cheers and applause )
Now, I know
that you are all as excited as I am
to see our shining young stars hit the stage
and show us exactly what they're made of.
# Beat, beat, beat, beat #
# Beat #
# Hey, hey, hey #
# Come on eveRybody #
# Beat ##
So, without fuRther ado,
we kick off the dance-off first with
Betsy Byotch and the Bitches!
( cheers and applause )
# Oh baby, baby #
# How was I supposed to know #
# That something wasn't right here #
# Oh baby, baby #
# I shouldn't have let you go #
# And now you're right out of sight yeah... #
Okay, okay.
Move outta my way, hos.
Damn, that's a big-ass hat.
- Whoo, that's a big-ass hat. - Stupid hat!
This ain't no Vegas.
#... is killin' me and I #
# I must confess #
# I still believe #
# Still believe #
# When I'm not with you I lose my mind #
# Give me a sign #
# Hit me baby one more time #
# My loneliness is killing me #
Okay, you ready for this?
A'ight then.
All right, I'm fittin' to be right here,
yelling out the orders.
Whatever you do, don't stop.
# And give me a sign #
# Hit me baby one more time ##
( cheers and applause )
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That was quite a show!
Let's hear it for Betsy Byotch and the Bitches!
( cheers and applause )
The little bitches.
You've gotta be kidding me.
What are those things doing here?
Looks like not eveRybody is scared of you.
Oh, uh...
Okay, okay, quiet now!
Quiet, quiet!
Now, there's been a change in the schedule,
apparently, I believe.
Uh...
Well, yes.
There's been a change in the schedule.
Hmm.
Next up will be a peRformance given by J--
( feedback blaring )
What the fuck is this about?
# Lady boy, lady boy #
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for my girls... #
Right hand on yellow!
Right hand on red!
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
Left foot on blue!
# Lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
- Whoa. - Whoa, girl.
# Nobody rocks like the girls I'm running with #
Damn!
#... everybody's in on it #
# Some girls talk to the boys in the chat room #
# My girls talk to the boys in the back room #
# Hit me up I'm that chick you know #
# That my world one stop if you clock me #
# You got me #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #
# You got me going #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh #
Damn, baby.
# Little lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for my lady boy #
# Lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
# Little lady lady boys and... #
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for lady boys lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for my girls #
# Little lady boys and girls #
# This groove is for lady boys lady boys and girls #
# Little lady boys and girls ##
( cheers and applause )
Shut up, shut up, all of you.
Stop it!
( cheers and applause )
This is all 'cause of you, Tootsie Roll.
Thank you.
Girl, don't even play.
I don't know what the hell you did out there,
but it wasn't for sure nothin' I taught you.
Get it, girl.
Get it for reals.
( cheers and applause )
Quiet!
Quiet, quiet!
Quiet, shh!
Shut up!
Thank you.
Well, I must say, this is quite a surprise indeed.
In all fairness,
I think the winner has already been decided.
Too bad, bunnies.
This was a real shocker, wasn't it, kids?
The winner is...
( imitating fanfare )
The winner is Spork!
( cheers and applause )
all: Spork, Spork, Spork!
Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork!
Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork!
Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork!
Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork, Spork...
( cheers and applause )
Tootsie Roll, um, I--
I know you said we're not supposed to have
any friends in the hood.
But you're the closest thing I've ever had to a real friend.
And...
I want you to have this.
Okay?
Spork, I-- I can't take this.
You earned it, girl, you worked hard.
I'm cool.
I'm not worried about that.
I-- I know you're cool.
But, again, you're my friend.
And that's what friends do.
At least my friends.
It's yours, you earned it.
Sweet!
Oh!
You're the coolest white bitch I know, Spork.
- Thanks. - Hear that, okay?
Okay.
Come on, y'all, let's go.
- Bye, Spork! - Bye, Spork!
Later, Charlie, bye, Spork.
This is it, tripod!
You may have convinced the school that you're normal,
but I am so gonna pound your face in!
Oh, shut the fuck up already!
Jesus.
You are so drama-rama.
You know what, bitch?
I have just about had it with your insubordination.
Uh!
Shit, dude, that bitch was so annoying.
Wow, that was amazing.
The name's Chunk.
Kinda like "chink," but instead they call me Chunk.
Loosie Goosie.
Kinda like Lucy, but they call me Loosie.
So, what you did with Tootsie Roll and the money--
that was pretty cool.
She's my friend.
That's what friends do.
Hey, Spork, can I ask you something?
Sure.
If you've never had a friend...
how do you know what a friend would do?
'Cause...
it just feels right.
Yeah.
Spork?
Yeah, Charlie.
Will you be my girlfriend?
Sure.
Yes!
Spork: And that was my first boyfriend.
Made my first friend and boyfriend
in one awesome day.
It's funny, really, when Charlie asked me
how I ever really knew what a good friend would be like.
'Cause I really never did know.
But there's a lot of things I still don't really know.
Why people say mean things
or huRt other people when they're different.
I don't think I'll ever know.
The truth is...
I don't wanna know.
'Cause, you see, it doesn't matter.
All that matters is the people we care about
and the ones who care about us.
See, Mommy...
you made it.
You made it to the Emerald City.
I used to think that my only dream
was to be someone else...
anything else than what I was.
And somehow I got it.
I finally figured out how to be somebody
I never really ever got to be in my whole life.
Myself.
# Hey #
# Ooh-ah #
# Hey #
# Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey #
# You you're such a freak #
# When you're at the paRty you don't mess with a freak #
# Ooh you're such a dork #
# Nobody kisses you on the dance floor #
# Pick your boogie #
# Then dance #
# Pop your booty #
# Throw up your hands #
# You don't hear them #
# When they staRt to jam #
# Hey you you're such a freak #
# When you're at the paRty you don't mess with a freak #
# You ain't got no money #
# You ain't got no friends #
# You just came to paRty #
# You just want to dance #
# You don't even hear them #
# When they staRt to jam #
# Ooh you're such a dork #
# Nobody kisses you on the dance floor #
# You just want to join the paRty #
# You just want to do your dance #
# You ain't tRying to huRt nobody #
# You ain't tRying to make no friends #
# EveRything and eveRybody always has to disappear #
# When you staRt to feel your body move #
# And you don't even care #
# Hey you you're such a freak #
# When you're at the paRty you don't mess with a freak #
# Ooh you're such a dork #
# Nobody kisses you on the dance floor #
# Hey ##
# Magic #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh #
# Oh, oh #
# Magic #
# Look what I got in my bag of tricks #
# Magic hats and a house of bricks #
# Now I can do anything I need #
# All I gotta do is believe #
# Wake up early in the morning #
# I hear my world and it is hollering #
# EveRything is just bright okay #
# Thing are gonna be all right okay #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And things will be okay #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And we'll be on our way #
# Let me pull this rabbit outside my hat #
# Damn you ain't seen nothing like that #
# I feel like I'm on top of the world #
# With the stars in the sky I'm the only girl #
# Time moves by so quickly #
# Something's changed inside of me #
# I might not be what you want to see #
# But eveRything will be all right for me #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And things will be okay #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And we'll be on our way #
# And it all feels like #
# A little bit of magic #
# And it all feels like #
# A little bit of magic #
# Well #
# I'm gonna see life in 3-D #
# Daydream covered in sunshine #
# Skies of bubbles #
# They're all mine #
# Floating by just like veRtigo #
# Griping tight never letting go #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And things will be okay #
# Oh, oh, oh #
# It's just a little bit of magic #
# Just a little bit of magic #
# And we'll be on our way #
# Oh, oh, oh ooh-uh-ooh #
# And things will be okay #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh #
# Oh, oh #
# Magic #
# Oh, oh, oh, oh #
# Oh, oh #
# Magic ##