Master! l'm here to save you!
That's my friggin leg!
Now, we are extremely delighted...
to inform you that..
Thailand is the only virus-free nation in Asia.
We are free of any infections by any kinds of viruses...
especially Sars Virus No. 4...
the deadliest virus of them all...
...which is currently spreading acoss Africa.
We again would like to ensure you that...
Thailand will not be harmed by the Sars Virus.
A Cockroach!
Hey, you idiot!
Serves you right!
Hello. This is Andrew Biggs speaking.
Check that out on the side of the road!
Watch out!
Shit! You ran over a dog.
lt's bear, not a dog.
What the hell is this?
Excuse me, young lady.
Shit! She kicked me! Noi, catch that bitch!
Peekaboo!
Come here.
This is just the top part!
You'd be more surprised seeing what's under there!
Stop! Don't try to kick so high.
lf you do, you can say goodbye to your virginity!
l have your daughter here with me.
lf you want her back, pay me a ransom.
l don't want much, just 10 million Baht will do.
Keep this matter between us.
Cops cannot know about this.
You know what will happen if you tell cops.
What will happen?
lf you're lucky, your daughter will become my wife.
lf you're unlucky, she will be the property of this!
But the real one will be bigger than this.
Look, l've retired from the game.
l stopped ever since l was injured.
l think you'd better call cops.
No way! l can't get cops involved!
You know that my business isn't so clean...
and l don't think cops will be tolerant of me.
Shit!
This is not a good idea.
Enough!
Don't play me like this.
Who came up with this idea?
What? You don't like these girls?
They're all fresh and young.
l do! But l don't think the censors will.
There's no pleasing you!
How about this?
Here!
Here is a blank check. Fill it out yourself.
As much as you want.
Smart ass!
Don't you try to fool me again.
lt's like your first damn check!
The stupid 1500-baht check bounced!
You're full of shit! Help me or die!
Hey! That thing can kill me, you know?
Yes it can.
lf l die, who will help you?
Asshole!
l'll just kill myself then.
lt's your business.
lt's your life, not mine.
Enough, enough! My house is going to collapse!
Hey stop! Take it easy.
You shouldn't have forced me into this position!
Get him!
Hey! What the hell is this?
Where the fuck are you taking me?
What are you going to do to me?
Oh no, stop, please...
Will you help me now?
l will! Shit!
Let him go.
What the fuck are you doing?
You want more? Be my guest!
Stop! No more...
This is my top student.
He is the right man for this job.
Just watch.
Hey, stop!
l want you to save my daughter...
not to watch your stupid dance.
Are you nuts?
What do you think?
ls he good enough for you yet?
l admit. He's good.
Damn! You idiot!
Khun Krabi! What the hell are you doing?
What the hell? That's nasty.
lt's not that l'm fussy about things.
But can your Khun change his costume?
l'll hire him anyway.
But how do we know...
...where Yai is keeping my daughter?
Let me see the envelope that the video came in.
Hand him the envelope.
My men failed to find the whereabouts.
There, the address is right on the envelope.
Shit! What's this stuff?
What the hell are you doing to my girl? Bastard!
Kick his ass!
Bastard!
Teach him a lesson, Jod!
Let go of me!
Master, l need to borrow this pan.
What? What the hell do l use to cook?
But it will make me look cool.
What the hell is that?
Liu, my lady. l'm here to save you.
Young man. Have you seen this woman?
Dunno.
What's it to you?
Please tell me. We are all Thai here.
ln that case, you have to take these drugs.
Drugs are bad for health and a poison to society.
Come again?
Drugs are BAD!
Hey! Drugs are BAD. Yeah!
Kim! You did it again!
Come here and talk to me, baby.
l won't feed you if you don't behave.
Now come and give me a kiss.
Let's clean this up together.
Albert! lt's you again.
Albert! My gorgeous little baby!
Jenny! What the hell did you do to Albert?
He's trembling all over.
lt's your bloody snake...
...that sneaked into my room to eat my cat.
Watch your stupid pet!
Kim.
Where are you?
Kim. Where are you?
Noi! What the fuck are you doing here?
She says she needed to shit, sir.
You want my permission to eat her shit?
Don't mind if l do!
May l?
Take her to the toilet then.
You don't have to wipe her ass, though.
Hey, Pued? You're going to take my money?
You ungrateful bastard!
Let me help you with that.
You want to help yourself?
Call me when you're done then.
Yai...
Hold on!
See? Now l'm taking your money!
What is it Noi, my little bro?
She's gone!
How the hell were you watching her?
She just vanished. She jumped out the window.
You fucking moron!
You are so unbelievably stupid!
ln a situation such as this...
...what am l to do, master?
Follow her, you dumb shit!
What kind of fucking exit was that?
Get her!
These bastards always put me in deep shit!
Can't you move a little faster, fatty?
Search everywhere!
Hurry up, Yak!
l'll kill that bitch when l find her.
Where are you going, you slut?
Get the hell out of there now!
Are you going to come out?
Noi! Get an axe and get me through this door!
Hurry up!
What now, dumbass?
l told you to get an axe!
What the hell are you doing with this retard?
Good God! You are so stupid!
l didn't bring him here.
He just came out of nowhere.
And who the fuck might you be?
Great! He doesn't understand Thai!
You have the highest education!
Talk to him!
Where're you come from?
He's bloody retarded!
Where the hell did he from?
l guess he's a half-breed, boss.
Half-breed my ass!
His mother must be Thai.
And his father?
His father must be an Alsatian.
You think l'm scared, you monkey-faced retard?
l don't have to lower myself to deal with you!
You can deal with my men first.
You! Show him what you've got!
You'll see some real Thai kick boxing, asshole!
This is the ''Alligator Shaking lts Tail''!
lt's not killing him!
He's not human!
Look at his face! He looks like a piranha!
Shit! We can't kill it!
Why is this unholy freak so fucking strong?
Fucking zombies!
Shoot him! Kill him!
Help! ls anybody down there?
Help! Can you hear me?
Anybody? Help!
Hey! Let go off me!
Shit! Here comes another zombie!
That is one ugly, demonic ho!
You wanna know how it feels to die?
Don't come any closer!
You're tough, aren't you?
You've had enough of the small stuff?
Yak! Come here!
Come here.
Get the hell off me!
You're twitching like a cockroach, baby!
Zombies almost had my ass for dinner!
Hey! this was open before. Who the hell locked it?
Pued, where's the bloody key?
Ko has it, boss!
Go find Ko then, you idiot!
Ko just jumped to his death, boss.
Do you still want me to get him?
Of course not, dumbass! He deserved it anyway!
How about you?
Noi.
Open the door!
Hurry up!
Now, who the hell is this?
Shit! Where is he from?
He looks like something out of a cartoon!
You must be Lady Liu.
Yes or No...
Shut up!
l'll gouge your balls out with a spoon, you freak!
What are you yacking about?
You have a gun,
what the fuck do you need a spoon for?
Take this too!
Hey, let's not fight! Let's make a deal.
You're fit and tight and strong.
You were that nice sleeveless vest thing...
...and you smell nice.
Would you be interested in working for me?
No!
All l want is this girl.
She's gonna cost you 10 million baht, handsome.
lf her father pays the ransom...
l'll give you half of it.
No!
l'll take her now.
Hey! l guess you don't play nice.
You like playing rough, don't you?
l'll just shove this whip far up your ass, OK?
Wait!
Man, that dude's got a mean fart!
You bloody idiot!
That bastard Lao! He's played me like a fool!
l'll get him back!
Who are you talking to?
l didn't say anything!
l was thinking.
l didn't do anything wrong.
You're thinking too loud.
Wait! Open the door!
Albert! Come to Mommy!
Oh! There you are. Come here. You are such a naughty boy!
What the hell happened?
Who are you?
Where are you taking me?
You don't have to worry.
Your father sent me to save you.
He told you to carry me downstairs too?
They have a lift.
lt's not cool to use the lift.
Oh! Gently!
You are bleeding.
Be careful. You're bleeding.
Guess l was cut while you were fighting them.
Don't lick me so roughly! lt tickles!
Why are you unzipping your fly?
Your supple skin...
...should not have a single scar on it.
l didn't perform my duty properly. Punish me.
Stop! lt hurts!
You are so kind to forgive me.
Who said that?
My hand hurts from hitting you.
Thank you anyway for coming to save me.
Let's get out of here.
A report has indicated that the Sars No. 4 virus...
...is now plaguing Wiman Chimplee Condominium.
The government has ordered the containment of the condo.
All entrances and exits will be sealed up...
...in order to contain the virus in the building.
We urge the public not to panic.
What the hell is going on?
Why are you arresting me?
My kidnappers are upstairs!
What the fuck now?
l will kill the lift.
You giant bastard.
You've got some balls!
While everyone was hiding like sissies...
...you didn't even seem to notice!
Oh, shit.
You can't just die without telling me!
Your debts are now a Non Performing Loan.
This idot should have died instead!
You...
Are you alright?
What should we do now?
You can't doze off now.
We still need the key!
Miss, you have to get that key for me.
Quickly!
l'm not there yet! Just a little more.
That hurt!
Can you hurry it up a little?
There's a lot of shooting up there.
l'm almost there!
l can't reach any further!
Please! Just a little more.
l've given you all that l can.
Oh. l'm almost there!
Can you get that key for us?
Get the key!
Unlock us! Come on!
Why are you twirling me around?
Are you alright, miss?
Great!
We'll meet again, you handsome bastard!
Take it easy, boss.
My ears are about to bloody fall off!
And he won't hear you anyway.
He's probably home now.
You idiot!
We can't get out!
lt's locked.
Do you know how to use a lift?
ln a hip kind of way?
Do you know?
ls this cool enough for you?
Let's go. The lift is here.
We meet again, handsome!
Get over here, you bitch!
The world is so strange...
Stop your song.
Don't fucking move or the bitch dies!
What the fuck do you want now?
The shit seems to fly every time you open your mouth!
Shit! They're all bloody zombies!
Let's have a 30 second truce.
We can deal with our shit after that.
Khun Krabi!
l can't reach the zipper.
l haven't worn this for a long time!
We're screwed!
See you in hell!
Just let them eat half of you first.
We think there are more infected cases!
The situation is getting out of control!
End of report. Copy.
We can't let this happen.
The country's image will be ruined!
We need to take drastic action!
Hurry up! Close it!
Don't worry, my lady.
l will protect you with my own life.
lf you can get me out of here,
l'll take you out to meals and movies all week!
l don't want to be a burden...
l just want to sleep with you just once.
Do you promise?
l promise.
Let's go!
Hurry up!
They got us cornered!
l'll put you out of harm's way first.
1 2 3 Go!
You will be safe!
Don't forget our promise!
Peace!
This is no time for jokes.
Every life will be saved.
This gun is loaded with...
...special chemical ammunition...
...that is called...
''Stop Virus Bullet.''
lt's Thailand's latest biomedical technology.
Oh no. Made in Thailand.
This bullet...
...can stop the spread of the virus...
...without having to kill anyone.
Excuse me.
How will we know for sure that...
...the bullet works?
Did it work?
Made in Thailand.
Kill them all!
Do not spare a single virus!
l would like to be a part of this operation, sir.
lt's you, Diana!
Why are you here?
l am the only specialist...
...in the field of Sars No. 4.
l am confident my vaccine can stop it.
No.
l will not allow your interference here.
Do you really think you can stop Sars No. 4...
...like the way you stopped No. 3?
lf you do not allow me to contribute...
...l will be forced to reveal...
...your secret plans to kill innocent people.
l will tell the press.
Shut up!
Go inside and do whatever you need to do...
...but will give you only 1 hour.
Can't you see the sign? You idiot!
Watch out!
You...
...come and help me please!
Can you give me a hand?
Are you a gentleman, or what?
Pain in the ass.
What are you doing?
This is an anti-virus.
l've been developing it in my lab for the last 2 years.
There are a total of 26 formulas.
The first trial, Formula A failed.
Next is Formula B.
Don't make so much noise!
The whole lot of them will start coming over here!
We'll be in big shit then.
Let them go first.
My suit is ripped.
Won't you sacrifice your suit for me?
Of course. l'm gentleman.
l can give you my suit.
There. lt's off.
Now we are both half naked. No need to be shy.
We are now equal.
ln fact, we should just take all our clothes off.
We should get naked.
We should contact the team as soon as possible.
Because the ''Stop Virus Bullet''...
...cannot stop them for as long as we thought.
l'll tag along then.
Don't come near me!
Hey you!
Go wrestle somewhere else!
Don't mess stuff up around here!
What is this?
You're going to have to pay for this!
Listen closely. l have to...
l have to fine you.
That hurt!
Making money from movies...
is better than winning an award.
ls this true?
Here they come again!
Go!
You're going to fight them off with a box?
What are you going to do?
l think you'd better stand still and watch.
Don't tell me that...
...you're going to fight them with that dinky thing.
This is the Green Freeze Sword.
Come and get me, zombies!
How did you manage to do all that Jedi stuff?
Shit! l'm in trouble.
l forgot to change batteries.
l don't have a spare battery!
That's what you get for buying used goods!
Look out!
Shoot them, Doctor!
l'm sorry. What should l do now?
Where the hell did you come from?
lt's a bloody zombie parade here! Shit!
Why do l have to die at such a young age?
Damned zombies?
Your pulse is so faint.
l'm sorry!
lt's all my fault.
l made you like this!
Now your heart is beating faster.
l know one way to help you.
What the hell are they?
Why are they following us?
l guess they are hungry.
l guess they want to eat us.
Hungry?
Why don't they go to a convenient store?
Are they still following us?
Run!
Where did you go?
l'm going first!
Wait!
Wait for me!
l'm not waiting! l don't want to be eaten!
Come here! This way!
The exit is blocked! Help me!
Are we going to make it if we go this way?
l know a secret way out of the building.
Let's go.
Wait...
l can't go on anymore.
My stomach hurts.
You can't give up yet!
l said l can't! Can't you hear me?
Tell me where the secret exit is.
l can't take it anymore!
The exit is in the basement.
Get me out of here! They are going to eat us!
Where are you going?
Don't leave me here! Take me with you!
Are you alright?
Help me!
Are you alright, my lady?
Are you doing ok?
l was worried sick about you...
you know?
Run!
How are you?
Fine. Let's go.
Come on.
Look! You've been bitten!
l need a break. l'm getting a little dizzy.
Hey you!
Don't worry about me.
You will be alright.
l will sacrifice my life for you.
Getting comfy over there, l see.
Your ass is mine this time!
And the girl will be mine.
Shouldn't we get out of here?
This is a magic whistle.
Use it when you need help.
Understand?
Blow my whistle for me.
Quickly!
Blow it hard!
Shall l keep blowing it?
Hey! Khun!
Master.
Why did you blow the whistle?
l was in a middle of something, you bastard!
He told me to blow it for him.
Wait a minute! l'll see you soon.
You!
l've lost it now! Shit!
Hey! Don't die on me!
Try to keep your eyes open.
Hey, Khun.
Wht's wrong with you?
He was bitten.
Bitten?
A lady shouldn't be going around, biting guys'necks!
l didn't bite him!
Doctor, what's wrong with him?
Your student has been infected with Sars No. 4.
lf his heart stops beating, he will be a zombie.
Can he be cured?
The only thing we can do...
...is to inject him with the vaccine l prepared.
Whatever we do, we better do it quick.
He is getting worse!
What should we do, Doctor?
But my medicine bag is upstairs...
Have you already forgotten?
A medicine bag?
l'll go get it.
Please wake up.
How is he doing? ls he better?
Run!
Take care of him.
Keep him talking.
Don't let him fall asleep.
l'll go check if l can use anything here.
Wake up! How are you?
Have you forgotten your promise?
l have been protecting...
...my virginty for well over 20 years.
l was willing to lose it to you.
But l am never going to get the chance.
No man has ever been as sincere as you.
Can l please kiss you before l die?
So l can die happily.
Please don't die!
Wake up!
Wake up! Don't die on me!
Please wake up. What's wrong?
Move! l'll handle this!
Don't!
You said you were going to save me.
Have you turned into one of them?
Get out!
Don't come near me!
l don't want to hurt you.
Time's up.
Damn! l was getting into that song.
Blow up the building.
But our officers are still trapped inside.
They will all die.
Yes, of course.
First it was zombies now it's a bomb?
We are in deep shit.
Pity Khun!
Let it go now!
Or l'll kick your ass.
You don't have any need for that! You're dead!
Let me go!
Wait a minute.
Are you okay now?
That hurts.
What did you hit me for?
You really are okay!
Did it hurt bad? l'll make it all better.
Not there.
Here.
My mouth still aches.
This is my first time.
l want it to be special.
Certainly.
l promise, this is going to be wonderful.
lt is my first time too.
Be prepared for my first position.
''Crouching Tiger Eats Noodles''.
Are you ready for the second position?
Hidden Dragons.
This is the ultimate position.
You are lucky you are on the receiving end.
Prepare to be thrilled by the ultimate.
''Flying Daggers.''
Here is your vaccine, Doctor.
Shit! My student's life depended on it!
Now you go and drop it?
What should we do now?
l don't know.
What's that noise?
l think your student is eating the girl.
Let's go see whtat's going on.
-What the hell are you doing? -Master, l've learned it from you.
These are made you feel better?
Do you know that...
...the building is about to explode?
Do you want to go for another round...
before we all die?
ldiot!
How can you be obsessed with sex now?
We're close to dying and you still want more?
What the hell are we waiting for?
We can't go through the front gates.
They are locked. What should we do?
There is a way out in the basement.
But l don't know where it is.
l have a blueprint of the building.
There is a sewer underground.
OK!
Let's hurry up!
Master, let me bring some weapons first.
Where's that noise coming from?
Who turned the radio on?
We have to get out of here first.
What the heck! lt sounds like a cat.
Shit! We have zombies, a bomb...
...and now a giant snake!
This film is really aiming for some cash.
Let's go.
This is the first musical snake.
Watch out, Liu!
The snake is right on our tail!
Run!
Go!
Kill it, Khun!
This is not a little worm, Master!
You filthy disgusting maggot!
Hold this.
These batteries are made in China.
But they are all used up.
What are you doing?
The batteries are dead.
But if you jump on them, they will work again.
See? Like l said. They are charged now!
Do what you have to do,
or your student will be eaten!
Khun, stay back.
l can't hit it!
This snake is very fast!
Those damn batteries! Shit, my sword!
Watch out, Master!
Can we take a little break first?
Master!
You are one dead snake!
Master really is invincible!
l got the batteries from the radio.
Come out here, girl.
Watch out!
No!
l didn't mean to shoot her.
lf we let him alive, innocent people will be in danger.
Khun!
The poison on this sword will paralyze you...
...and turn you sickly green.
My lady.
Please don't die.
My lady. You...
You will be alright.
We will make it out of here together.
Do you know what?
l'm so happy l had you by my side this whole time.
Everything l did was because l love you.
You will still love me...
...no matter what l am, right?
l hove you with all my heart.
l will still love you...
...no matter what you are.
Promise?
Before l die,
can you give me a long goodbye kiss?
l think l'm going to be sick.
How did you get here?
The thing is...
l ran from the zombies into the toilet.
She happened to pop into the same room.
lt must have been our destiny.
lt's just you and me in this room, honey.
There is no way out of here.
These are as bouncy as hell!
l have to see if you stuffed anything in your big boobs.
Can l take a look?
They are real!
Holy shit! l don't believe my eyes?
They are so big!
No wonder that handsome boy is always after you.
lt smells so good.
lt hurts and stinks at the same time in here.
Don't come near me!
Easy, girl. l'm not going to hurt you.
l just want this sexy bra of yours.
Don't be so scared!
l am a transexual.
The one operation l haven't done yet is a face lift.
You fell.
Drop dead, you whore!
No one will come between me and the boy now!
Man, l have the sexiest body ever!
l disguised myself as Liu...
so that you could lead me to her father.
But now...
my vengefulness has dissipated.
Khun.
Our love has made a deep impression on my heart,...
...especially the ''Flying Daggers.''
Khun...
all l can tell you is this...
lt is amazing!
No!
l lost my virginity to a transexual!
No!
l want to die!
Master, the door is locked.
Move!
The explosions are right behind us.
Master, the remote control! Quick!
Catch it!
That was amazing, Khun!
This is the most overexaggerated part of the movie!
Well, you've watched it this far.
Your remote control is the best!
Thank you both...
...for saving us.
l don't know how l will ever repay you.
There are still a lot of people infected with Sars No. 4.
They are waiting for your vaccine.
Thank you so much...
...for discovering the vaccine formula.
Please use it...
...for the betterment of mankind.
Good bye.
Good luck.
l hope to see you again soon. Very soon.
Liu, my lady!
You're still alive!
The evil one...
told me you were dead!
Well, the thing is...
While l was falling,
l was able to grab a clothes line hanging out a window.
Oh, a shirt.
So, that's how l got this shirt.
That's the whole story.
Don't forget the promise you made.
Hey! What are you doing, Master?
A little confused, aren't you?
Well...
l gave a hand in saving this girl too.
Khun, you have to think this through.
l got it.
You still can't get over the fact...
that you lost your virginity to a transexual, right?
Come on! Please don't talk about it.
l get sick just hearing about it!
You really did it with a transexual?
My lady, please don't talk about it.
Khun messed up big time.
Just forget about it.
Oh, a baby!
A baby?
Who left you on the street like this?
lt's Ok.
Take a picture, please.
Go ahead.
Take a lot of pictures.
Come on, everyone.
My job is to protect the public.
Tell me who did this to you.
Are you listening to me?
lf people don't cooperate with the police,
criminals will roam free.
Don't lose your head over this.
Tell me who hurt you!
l will personally kick his ass.
Can l come in, Sir?
Yes.
l have checked the suspect's papers...
...and they say this is Andrew Biggs.
Host of the TV show ''Talk of the Town.''
l see but he talks nothing to me.
His head just popped out!
lt is the end of the movie.
Please go home.