Back, back, back
How damn far back did you go?
My mother and father were divorced before I was 2 years old.
And since then, my father has barely been involved in my life...
... and my mother, too involved.
He wants to redeem it for all his mistakes through me.
One night, something in my pants, like, blood.
My mother said, "Oh, hell, your menstruation. This is where all the problems begin. "
She's right.
Now Mom and Dad really have something to fight for me.
One day, my father disappeared.
There are no numbers, no letters, just left.
I wrote to Seventeen magazine.
A long letter about us.
They want to publish it as an article but keep asking:
"Your father left? Is he back?
Is there a happy ending?"
In fact, no, But I thought, "What is that?
I'll give them what they want. "
This is it.
Time to leave.
Mother please...
We can't be late.
We have hours
Dear, honey, you have registration at 4.
Come on now.
Oh, Lizzie, you want to take your carpet
- Mother! - What? Come on.
This is the most important day your life I think it's when you get married
No, honey, it's the worst day of your life Yes, he is very happy.
Oh, Mom, she looks beautiful.
Unfortunately, I aim for psychotics.
Well that's how it is.
Grandma is very happy she cried.
This is a journalistic scholarship, ma'am.
Journalism, yes He wants to be a writer.
The first few days, That's when everyone is friends.
I know.
- It will be more difficult later. - Mother, I think I'm old enough.
Don't be angry I'm not angry.
Why did you say that I was angry?
I'm just trying to help. You know it.
You know how proud I'm from you, lizzie
You have so much potential.
Do you listen to me?
Cheap cars?
Cheap cars. Lizzie, what are you doing?
Come on, let's go down to the car
I don't need to go to Harvard to become a writer.
Lizzie, what are you talking about?
At Harvard, you will meet people.
You will get contact. You will ask for help from others.
I know what I'm talking about, Lizzie.
I have my whole life in front of me.
You don't want to go to Harvard?
Well, you just...
... wait until you have no left choice...
... where you have nothing
None There is no who cares about you
- Then you see how you feel. - Mother, I didn't say I didn't leave.
Dr. Isaacs warned me.
Mom, I say, I'm leaving.
He said you would isolate...
... stay in your room all day - I don't isolate.
Okay, I will not isolate.
I want different things.
Good.
That's all you need.
That's what I'm talking about.
You will see, Lizzie.
This will be the whole other world up there.
Young, Lord, I'm still very young.
You must be careful. When I think about it, is only a year older than you...
... and I have become a housewife.
God, I'm very bored I bought a monkey...
... just to ask someone to talk to.
But then you join.
God.
Lizzie, Lizzie, this is very...
Harvard.
But you're on the fifth floor.
I know.
Now, how are we? will set, huh?
I can do it, okay, ma'am? Don't worry about that.
- No no - Hi.
Can I help?
Can you? Oh, that's too good.
With pleasure.
Since he was in second grade...
... he always writes.
The man "managed to catch" written on his forehead.
Every minute now he will ask me to confirm it Cheap cars.
I always help me mom picks up boyfriend
The only thing I have never said is an important one.
my father.
Now that's the quality. That's daddy.
Can you imagine your father? We are still in Manhattan.
I told him already Something was published.
Don't you think you should get the car back? It's a little late.
Yes.
Don't forget to eat.
- See you dear. - See you, ma'am
Since I was little, my mother and I always gathered together.
I am not compatible with most children in school.
They think I'm weird, so they make me feel like a stranger.
And my mother used it from an early age.
throwing me into drama, spelling bees, studying...
... writing, museums, concerts and even more writing.
He assured me that this would happen leads to the Holy Grail.
Harvard. The place where I want to is finally surrounded by people...
... I have something in common with.
I won't ask for much.
They don't have to become fans of Springsteen.
Nice to meet you guys.
- Hi. - Hi.
You are Elizabeth, not
Yes, I think I know you from the advance book
I read the article you wrote about your parents divorce
- That's brilliant - Thank you.
- I'm Ruby - Hi.
- We will be roommates - Oh cool.
Seriously, you don't know what the article is for me You say the horrible truth about your parents, showing all their lies.
And then meet your father, reconcile with him.
Very inspirational
Do you smoke?
You know, I never smoked in the afternoon before
Now, we're at Harvard now. We can do whatever we want.
cool.
We will be like this beautiful, weird literature.
And brilliant and dark, sexy.
The problem is, I am very serious.
Boys have never noticed me before.
I'm not even on their list alternative.
Ruby got it He got me.
If he is a man, everything will be perfect When Lou Reed was 17 years old, he was diagnosed...
... due to mood swings.
He has an electric shock care three times a week
Every treatment hits it as a blinding white light...
... and therein lies the genius.
To embrace own psychic slaughter...
... and created some of the greatest rock 'n' roll that the world has ever heard.
I feel his cold embrace...
... cunning caresses.
Lying in my room for days.
Everything is cold, dark, silvery.
I'm afraid he will take me back depth of my own twisted desire...
... to a place that is too heavy for me to go to because maybe I will never escape.
I bet you have thousands at home.
Cigarette package, with small and small letters on them.
Your life story
Diary? Not?
Come on, this is killing me This is a task.
You are the most thorough student at Harvard
This is a music review.
I tried to start a music column for The Crimson.
That's great.
Do you want to do X?
You have never done X.
Acid gets into your head, right?
X goes to your heart
Hey.
Are you okay?
What are you doing here
Oh no.
Do you want to go back inside?
There is a man out there.
I think he is looking for you.
His voice came to me under the blanket
"Come here, baby." He entered from me, where no one else has...
... in my dark and secret place.
I let him take me there...
... but then my fear returned.
I want him to stop.
How do you think it feels? And when do you think it stops?
I don't want him to be in control.
I want him to leave.
I want him not there.
I mean, let's face it.
"Lou Reed must die."
That's good.
You will sleep with me tonight
Don't say I didn't warn you - What do you mean? - Meaning don't say I didn't warn you
Large.
I really want it For sex to happen in the right way...
... with the right person, at the right time, in the right place.
- That's no big deal. - When is that, though?
- It should have been. - Well, at least he's handsome.
This is my first time.
Yes, sure.
No, I'm serious.
Are you kidding me?
That's right.
Impossible, I don't believe.
I think I should start having sex like a normal 19-year-old child.
I happen to think this calls for celebration
- Can we have a party - Party?
It's meant to be smooth...
... but of course...
Elizabeth, this is great. A wild idea like that.
Everyone understands.
It's just that not everyone is very happy.
I wish I could think of something like this
Thank you.
I like your dress
How can you take something personal and turn it into something general?
That's not personal to start.
- That's good. That is interesting. - interesting?
I mean not about me.
You know, it's not special. It's just sex.
Okay, that's cool.
You don't look cool with that.
I have saved my virginity for someone who really loves me...
... who really knows the inside of me
No, it's not like that.
He told me after that, in terms of absolute values...
... sex and medicine mean nothing to him.
Only two different ways to have fun.
Which are all good and good...
... until a girl tries to have the same approach
Cheap cars?
- Hey, do you see Lizzie? - Not.
Cheap cars?
Lizzie, you got a call.
- Who is this? - Rolling Stone
Rolling Stone?
College journalism award for 1985...
... go to Elizabeth Wurtzel...
... for the Harvard Crimson section at Lou Reed
I want to forget everything that happened to me before.
I want to freeze this moment.
forever.
Thank you.
- That's good. - No, you're great - Thank you. - You are welcome.
I was thinking of a band that came to Cambridge that you could cover.
Very rarely do we get someone who will do all the shows ... writing very clearly.
So I thought he came to me...
... and he, like, an editor in Rolling Stone
And how old is it?
- God. - What?
- This is my father - Oh cool.
- What? - I can't believe he left us for that.
What? What is the problem?
I've never seen it in four years.
Wait. I think you said
I know what I say.
Daddy, when did you come back to stay with us?
Well, I'm not, honey. You know it.
But Mom says that if you want, he wants you
I'm sure your mother didn't say that, right?
He did it.
dear, you know...
... that won't happen.
Which does not mean that I love you more.
Who does he think he is?
He disappeared for four years. Then he thought he could come here...
... and take a perfect picture of it Ivy League Princess?
This place has nothing to do with him.
At least what he can do is have politeness to understand that
You have to say something to him.
Like what?
I don't know How is your new life? How is your fucking boyfriend?
Lizzie, he's your father He loves you.
No, you don't know how it feels.
When I was 8 years old, we went to see The Last Waltz.
He fainted from a sedative.
I have to sit in the third film When you are unlucky before you wake up.
What kind of person did that?
I'm not aware.
The article
... it's only fulfillment of desire.
I'm writing about how I want everything.
How people talk about it...
... how you talk about it, that makes it look real.
Well, maybe that's how it is.
No. This is only a dream that I hold to too long
I'm happy here I don't need him anymore.
We have to go. Are you coming
No, I promised my editor the article next week
Jesus, it's now 4:00 a.m. Can I?
I know. Forgive me.
Music helps me concentrate.
Springsteen 'likes the poet of this mechanical workshop.
You can feel the sweat in his voice, dirt on his guitar.
When he sings, I see a steamy road...
... lovers grope hands...
... the fender is broken.
The dirt is under his nails and the eyes are narrow in his eyes.
Jesus, Lizzie, You haven't slept in a few days.
I was perfect before.
I know I can get it back.
words twisting and grinding and hammering story to the brain...
... but the guitar and his voice goes straight to your heart
The music from the inside of the body, and out wrestling world.
Springsteen ' As the poet's mechanical workshop.
Music shouted from the entrails.
Get out wrestling world, knowledge that comes with perfec...
It's like he feels with the knowledge back through the ages...
... into a single chord in our brain. Beacon it can be touched...
He has the power of pure emotion.
Emotions are so great the body literally has to do something...
- Exit comes struggle... - Fuck
He still hasn't slept.
Cheap cars.
Cheap cars!
I don't know how to say for you, okay...
... but you start kissing.
This is important.
Lizzie, it's not as important as that your health. You have to sleep
Will you joke?
I just have to finish this.
I can give you a few downers, okay?
- huh? - Yeah.
Noah Noah, come on, give it to me. Noah!
Lizzie, this is just scribbling.
What? What the fuck is Bastard
Stop it. Noah, put him down. Put him...
Jesus, he turned into a Harvard women's bag
- What are you doing? - He needs something - What? - I don't know, some medical help.
Rubies!
No problem. I got it, I got it. Yes, right.
Emotions are so intense...
The body flies into the air...
Cheap cars. Lizzie, look.
You have to be calm, okay
That's not what you said when I have your dick in my mouth Do you have medicine in the last 24 hours?
No.
Well, I think I snorted some coke and smoked some pots...
... but it's only to make Ecstasy last longer.
Of course you don't forget anything?
Maybe a few beers.
Have you ever thought you might have a substance abuse problem?
The only substance problem I have do I need you to give me some tranqs...
... so I can go down from this pesky coke
Then what happened?
So you don't like coming here, and you don't want to talk.
You don't need to do it. You don't need to say anything...
... You don't want to say it, but if you don't say anything...
... if you don't talk to me...
... I can't help you
You know, if that's the case Will suggest therapy, don't.
I'm proof that life doesn't work.
- So, what are you doing here? - My friends brought me here.
It has nothing to do with you Are you going to give me something, doctor?
No.
Not today.
I fell.
I can't even complete my article.
Maybe Noah is right. It's all graffiti.
I don't really have something original to say Writing can't save me Even Harvard can't save me.
How can I escape? demon in my head?
- I'm not - So, what, does he blow you?
- Are you leaving...? What? - Yeah, he's fucking blowing me, okay?
- But I'm drunk. - You damn fucking
How can it be damn? How damn...?
Cheap cars?
Lizzie, stop.
Cheap cars!
Lizzie, I'll kill you I will kill you, you bitch.
Sam told me. He told me everything.
You lost your virginity, Is that another lie?
You don't understand Good?
You don't understand It was an accident.
Accident? You call it a fucking accident?
It used to be... That is kind of, you know...
- Come on, what? - An accidental blowjob.
Oh, fuck you.
I can kill you, Lizzie.
I swear to God, I can kill you. How can you do that?
Hemingway has this classic moment on the Sun also Increases.
When someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt...
... All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly."
That's how depression hits.
You wake up one morning fear you will live
I can't believe we're back to this.
Do you think I want to be like this?
I don't know I don't know, Lizzie.
I think everything will be fine I'm very proud of you at Harvard.
- Is it because I haven't visited you? - No, ma'am
I think this is behind us. Then I got a call...
Mother, this has nothing to do with you I mean, it's nothing you do.
Why did they move you here?
I request one room.
Why?
Reasons for mental instability.
I told them that I was just... I can't live with other people.
You said...
You say that
Oh, Lizzie. Your education This opportunity.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
You know, I can't handle this.
Everything is too much.
Everything is so crazy.
I won't do this again!
No, you listen to me.
I raised it! I lift it alone without your help!
There is no help from me I am the one doing everything, I never get credit!
You make all decisions, and they explode on your face!
- isn't it? - What are you talking about?
You don't do anything for him You don't do anything for him
You never even saw it!
You didn't take it on vacation. You didn't bring it on the weekend.
What did you do for him, Donald?
I am his father I put him in the clinic, and you are looking in Manhattan.
You bastard! Damn, I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you, you bitch!
What's wrong with you?
None.
God. You are not...?
Pregnant? No, ma'am, I'm not pregnant.
Anyway, this is the 80s. That won't be a problem.
Lizzie, don't talk like that.
What then?
I don't understand you, Lizzie.
This place is dirty. I will help you clean it.
Mother, no
I don't have a simple solution, okay?
I don't know what to do, Lizzie.
- I have been working for several days off. - No, you can't
I want to help
- God knows I can't afford it, but... - I'm much better myself. Well?
If I know you will react like this...
Listen, I have to study.
You know, I've worked is very difficult...
... and I'm having a hard time. I only need a few days.
I'm really worried about you, Lizzie.
I promise to take care of myself.
OK?
And I will come to see you.
I've seen enough.
We will spend time together in New York.
Please? I promise.
I only have all this work I have to finish here.
Maybe for your birthday
Yes. Yes.
I promise to go home for my birthday.
We can celebrate.
- We'll have a party - Fine.
I will make pear cakes that you like.
That will be great.
Hey.
Lizzie, I love you so much. Really, I do.
But you can only hang out in my room If you don't drink or do drugs.
Come on, you can't be serious.
Absolutely.
Just say no.
But, Noah, there is no reason to be in your room.
I want to explain to Noah how tired I am.
Even in my dreams.
How do I wake up tired?
How I was sunk by some kind of black wave.
But I can't write.
And he really doesn't want to know about that anyway
- here it is - Thank you.
Hi.
Ruby, this is crazy We have to talk.
You know, I'd rather not.
I'm sorry. You know it.
And I have no reason.
So, why? Why did you do it?
I'm just really messed up.
I am like a disabled model...
... and you don't know that until You've been around me for a while.
You know, a few days I woke up, and I just felt very flat, just messed up...
... that I will do something to feel different.
Lizzie, when we're together, you're fine.
- You are nice You... - I pretend
- Well, everyone does that - not like me
Listen, we all have bad days.
This is what people say in situations when they don't know what to say.
Fuck.
I don't know what to do either.
People care about you, Lizzie.
What I want is someone to understand...
... but it really isn't.
That makes nonsense more difficult to bear They do it, people want to help.
OK? I want to help you, but I don't know what to do.
I don't need a company line now, okay
Good.
Jesus. Listen to me.
What I see is only the dark side of everything.
Poor Ruby
I killed his joy.
Look at his sad and desperate face.
I don't know what to say.
How about, "Damn, call the professionals"?
So I think this is part of Freud, where I don't say anything...
... and you don't say anything Suddenly, this:
"Obviously, you want to sleep with your father "
So I have to take it that you don't want sleep with your father No.
And I don't want to talk about my childhood too.
I don't know why I'm here.
Why are you here?
I can't write.
And what did you write?
I write stories, poems, articles.
I am here for a journalism scholarship.
I have written forever. I should.
How long has it been since you stopped writing?
About a month.
Do you remember the first thing you wrote?
A poem
What about?
my father.
Can you remember whatever he said?
I told you, I don't want to talk about my childhood I just... I feel very stupid, sitting in therapy
People have been far more difficult childhood than me We don't talk about other people. We are talking about you
I will give him that much.
I'm the problem I'm afraid I'm undergoing therapy.
I'm worried about not undergoing therapy.
I'm even worried that I'm not entertaining enough for Dr. Sterling.
I keep thinking like that if I can be normal...
... if I can get out of bed at in the morning, everything will be fine Now, what do you think is normal?
Most people, they cut themselves, they put up Band Aid, keep going.
And what did you do?
I keep bleeding.
So you think the normal thing is to have wound, put a patch on it...
... then continue your life?
Is that not the function?
Isn't that alive?
You know, you keep going, no matter what happens to you
Is that how you want to live?
Mother.
Oh, come on, now, honey.
Why don't you tie your hair? again? Your face is very beautiful.
Here they are.
Come on, now, Lizzie.
Hi honey!
Has he returned home?
I need someone to turn off my brain and turn my
Well, I have long brown hair, dark eyes .
You may meet a lot of girls in the men's bathroom.
Oh, yeah, Goddess of ecstasy.
Yes, I don't believe You remember that.
Cheap cars.
Can you last a little?
Grandma and Grandpa are here.
Yes, I heard.
You know, the only reason I threw a birthday party is to make you happy.
I don't understand how it can Treat me like this
Can I have some privacy?
That's my mother.
This is my birthday. He threw this big party for me.
cool.
Well, no, actually it's not.
It's just me and my mother and my grandparents I've never even been there.
Don't they miss you?
Well, now you sound like a good Jewish child Okay, if I'm Jewish.
I just want to call and say hello.
Meet when You return to school.
Okay, that will be great.
Hey, happy birthday.
Thank you.
Rafe doesn't seem to realize...
... he was just appointed to save my life Rolling Stone Magazine.
This is a music magazine.
That's amazing, honey.
They want him to work for them. Yes. Paying work for Rolling Stone.
Will they pay for it?
I thought he was writing last night
Have you written last night?
I haven't written anything in a few months.
He always does something.
He just doesn't like to talk about it.
Like you've read all of that.
Lizzie, this isn't very good.
You want it
What's wrong with him?
None. Ma, there's nothing wrong with him.
- She's drunk - Of course I'm drunk.
- He's just tired - He's as tight as a ghost.
He is very tired. They work so hard up there.
- Lizzie - Does he use drugs?
- I hope I use drugs. - Lizzie
- Did he say that he was...? - No mom.
No problem. Everything is alright.
Mother, believe me, If I use drugs, I will tell you.
People don't behave like this if they don't use drugs
I'm fucking doing
I'm sorry, Mama.
I dream about everything I hope I say it.
The opposite of what came out of my mouth I hope I say it, "Mom, please forgive me
Please help me.
I know I have no right to behave like this. "
- Hello - Hey
- Hi. - How is my girl's birthday?
You're late. You are late one day What can I say, you know how it is.
Anyway, I think I should do it dealing with your secretary now.
You are a great journalist, wrote for Rolling Stone.
- Do you read it? - You know...
... remember this, they are lucky to have you
These people, they are smart. They are really smart.
They know what they are doing. They can see talent.
I might get an assignment throughout the country...
... so I might be able to come visit you Who are you talking to, Lizzie?
- Nobody - Who is this?
- It's nobody - Don't listen to him Please, ma'am.
Look at you, both of you.
- Come on, you love her very much. - Mother
Can you hear that? Listen, why don't I call?
Where is your childhood?
- Where...? - Stop it! Just stop it!
I just want to talk to him!
You know, Lizzie, I'm at the end of my rope.
I've worked extra hours. I never left
I never bought clothes I spent all the money on your therapy.
All our money Daddy paid, ma'am.
Do you think he paid?
He doesn't pay a cent.
Not one cent!
That's not true.
Oh, do you want me to show you? Hah? Do you want to see?
You want to see how much I pay, still paying...
... on your last bill? Hah?
Here. This, look at this. Look at this.
- Well, look at that, Lizzie. - Sorry, ma'am You want to see how much I paid Dr. This Sterling?
I'm sorry.
No, you won't talk about the way out of this
Ask who pays him!
You know, it's my fault, to spoil you like I did.
I killed myself to take you to Harvard, and You look like a zombie again.
I know. Forgive me.
I'm very...
Why not?
- Why not? - I know. I know baby. I know.
I hate myself, and I hate the things I do.
Lizzie, it's okay. Yes, right.
This sucks. This is terrible.
And I hurt people who love me.
But when he called...
God, party?
And your stupid pear whore!
Why are you doing this, Lizzie?
Because I'm not your fucking monkey
I'm sorry, Mom, I'm not serious. Forgive me.
I don't mean it.
I'm sorry.
He throws a party for himself?
No, I guess for Grandma.
Why does he want to do that?
To show him what He good little girl.
That must be very painful.
Look at that woman. This is not a breakthrough, my dear.
My mom pays $ 100 per hour for this.
This is the same crap. Time insight. It feels like that with that person Rafe.
I don't need to know it I'm afraid of being rejected.
And I know where it came from. I know this from my father.
But that doesn't change anything.
- I still can't go with him. - Why not?
I just said
You didn't tell me anything about Rafe Has he ever given you a reason to believe that he will reject you?
Don't show how crazy you are.
- A monkey? - Called Percy.
I know, that beat me.
- He needs someone to talk to. - Well, he has you
No, no, this was before.
- Are you listening? - God, yes
I'm not boring you Lizzie. I met you in the men's room.
- You're not boring - What am I?
Terrible.
So, are we going to this show?
I'm not sure I don't really know where it is.
You came to see the show, and you don't know where it is?
I said I came to see a gig...
You know.
- What? - Okay, now you just become cruel.
No, no, you said...
I said I came to see a gig...
... but I came to see you
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
Waiting for him to move.
Doesn't he know He must be my salvation.
It's 'beautiful that he' cares...
... merciful and politically correct.
But I need him to kiss me.
Right now.
Rubies!
Rubies.
Hey.
I don't know you moved rooms. I thought you were still here.
Ruby tells me about the article I want to write The item always is easy for me Sterling must have called him.
Why else is he here?
Maybe to see how terrible the situation is
See if the little girl can go through the day still
Or...
... maybe he really missed me.
My girl
Daddy, do you know that medical bill?
Which is for psychiatry treatment?
They keep sending them to Mother.
So I don't think you have paid.
- I don't believe you asked me this - Oh, have you paid?
You're all cold and far away.
And and...
And now what do you ask me?
What are you talking about?
- If you don't know... - No, I don't know.
- You made an appointment - You haven't written me yet You never called me
It's like I'm not even there.
- Who do you think you are talking to? - I even came and visited you.
- Fuck you - You watch that language!
- Is that the way to talk to your father? - Listen to
You go. You are the only one who walked away for four years.
Do you think I don't know that? Is that what you think?
Do you think I don't feel it?
Do you think it's easy for me, far away from you I hate it.
The effect on you.
Your mother and myself I hate seeing you stuck right in the middle.
- Between the two of us. - Father, please
Please!
- You are my father - Right
And you won't even pay for my medical bills Even though it will not be charged anything .
All you have to do is sign the newspaper.
This is 10 percent.
- No, not at all. - Not.
I lost my apartment, everything, when we divorced
- It will not cost you anything. - Sorry, Lizzie
That's your mother's responsibility
What do you want me to do? You want me to slit my wrist...
... so I will qualify as a trauma case for...?
This killed me too.
This killed me I mean, I feel very helpless.
I look back at all the mistakes that I made
I made many mistakes, and there is nothing I can do.
What will I do?
Hey you.
Hi.
Guess who?
What are you doing?
None. Just walk.
Walk with someone All right, alright, you're right That's a boy.
She's tall.
Very high.
Of course he is taller than me.
What is your height?
It's quite high.
I will say 6 feet.
Long eyelashes, brown eyes
He is rather sexy, intellectual, neat things happen.
What?
Oh cool. Yes I will.
I'll ask him as soon as I hang up.
Alright. Well.
Goodbye Goodbye
Now, who is now thinking of me? as a sexy intellectual?
My mother.
He wants us to visit during the holidays
He just moved. I will remain.
Whenever I'm with him, I see myself _ doing these terrible things
And I hate myself for that, but I can't stop.
Okay, just say that you can.
What will you do differently?
So when I see you with him, I just...
I don't know I know this is crazy, but...
I can't help it. I only have this feeling.
I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm not aware.
Hey, this will happen.
Just a beautiful woman threw herself at me - This is Earl Gray! - Damn, sorry - I'll take you to another - Forget it.
- No problem. - I don't want it
Can we get Earl Gray again here?
- I said, I don't want it - Are you relaxed, Lizzie ?!
- Only a cup of bad luck. - Don't shout at me
Don't be silly, okay?
You fucked her, didn't you?
- What? You are crazy? - Don't shout at me
I really don't know what the problem is
Why don't you continue to fuck her? if that's what you want
- Go away. - Lizzie
Hey. Lizzie, Lizzie.
Cheap cars. Come on.
I'm sorry, okay
I'm so... I'm sorry I don't understand...
... how upset you are It's not your fault, okay?
It's me... it's my fault You will leave me, right?
No, I can never...
I love you.
Why?
There is nothing you feel...
... that you don't feel right to the bottom of you
You are amazing.
I understand now how people Sometimes want to kill their lovers.
Eat their lover.
Pull the ashes from their dead lover.
That is the only way to have someone else's .
My mother will love you.
- Do you want juice? - Sure.
Lizzie, listen.
I won't be able to make it back with you for vacation.
Something has appeared with my mother...
... and I need... I have to go home.
But this is a vacation.
- I want you to be with me - And I wish I could.
I just... I can't be in two places at once.
Good. I will come with you I'll help you with your mother This is the right thing to do. My mother will understand.
Your mother just moved apartment, Cheap car.
But I want to be with you.
But now your mother needs you.
It's just... this is true a complicated situation
Lizzie, my mom...
... he is not so easy with strangers. Well?
I'm right in the middle of nonsense That doesn't make me happy, Lizzie.
I know I know.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just... I love you, and I want to help.
You are. Lizzie, you help me
Only...
Only knowing that I will meet you.
We will have all the following terms together, good?
- OK? - Well.
So he asked me to help him.
You know, to be strong for him.
And I said, "Okay."
But I really did it. I do everything.
I kissed him goodbye. I make it so easy for him.
And it really works is easier for me - And we are both really happy. - very good.
Wow.
Do you get everything? moved okay?
Sure. I mean, that's not too much.
You know, this is facing south Apartment. I get light all day long.
And it's much easier to clean.
I think you will like your room.
Oh yeah.
So I will only, you know, put my things.
- Don't make you dinner, honey - OK.
I'll pay it back someday.
I swear I'll do it.
- You say that your friend is... - He has an emergency family
- But he will come. - Yes.
He just... He has to go back to Texas because...
I don't know It's called Rafe.
That's a good name.
You really like it.
He is handsome and kind.
And he's Jewish.
And, you know, he works really, really hard
He wants to meet you He has a very close relationship with his mother
That's good.
I have to call.
Lizzie, no. This is, like, the 10th time today.
Is that so?
So you will drive him crazy, piss him off
You don't know what you're talking about Fuck to say that.
Hello, Mrs. Stevenson?
Hi, this is Lizzie.
Cheap cars. I am Rafe's friend.
Is he there Oh, he's busy
Well, can you tell him that this is urgent?
Good. Goodbye
Why doesn't he pick up the phone?
I will never do this to him.
So how is he?
I don't know He came out.
I wonder if he woke up at night miss me...
... the way I miss it
Have you ever loved someone, Ruby?
I mean, love someone very much.
Are you kidding me? Sure.
You think you have You don't know.
I think you did it.
Total true love.
It's like life or death.
You know you will die when you are separated...
... because the need is very pure.
So complete.
What you know is sex.
Gosh, you gave me a hard time about Sam.
You never loved Sam. How can you? Oh, I mean?
You can't accept it, is the girl going on?
Lizzie, I'm not crying because you're evil
I can't imagine how extraordinary hurts it must be you.
Listen, I'm at the airport.
No, I mean, I'm here...
... at Austin Airport.
God.
I've become the last one boyfriend's nightmare
Maybe you should call your mother.
Let him know you're okay.
I can't Cheap cars.
Listen, you remember I told you...
... you came here not Good idea like that?
If you love me enough All right, look.
There is something I've never told you about
- Oh, God, don't look at me like that. - Just say it.
- Not what you think - Bastard
- cheap bastard - This is my sister This is my sister, okay!
So you are from New York?
Manhattan. I grew up on the Upper West Side.
Rafe shows me copy of your article
That's quite an achievement for the first year.
Ellen. Ellen.
Hey, stop. Come on, please.
Hey, let's eat, okay Come on.
You promised to sleep, good?
Good, come on. There he is.
Come on. Hey, come on.
Come on. Stop.
Ellen, you go to bed, and we'll go to the park tomorrow, okay
Come on. Come on, please? Only, please
Hey, you want to go to tomorrow's park
Maybe you should take him to the doctor.
This brings even longer, I don't know what we will do.
What is that?
You started this.
What?
This does it for you.
- What are you talking about? - You hid it from me Don't you think there is a reason?
Don't you think it tells me something?
Oh, Christ.
You are a kind of creepy voyeur.
- You like the misery of others. - You must be sick.
You really... You really are sick.
Say that is not true.
Rafe, please
I'll take the car.
Mother? How are you
What do you think my opinion is?
I'm sorry. I just... I have to go to the airport immediately.
I must have told you We are having some problems.
This is very difficult, but we patch everything
Yes, he loves me I know he did it.
She's just all this strange family item
He tried to help them and me.
And he must help himself first.
And when he does it, everything will be fine.
- I'm sure. - I mean, I know we will be fine.
I didn't really help you there, Lizzie.
I know. I know.
Mama, I'm sorry you have to move.
I know, my dear - I'll leave now, okay? - Mother?
You call me...
Mother?
... when you have...
... see Dr. Sterling.
Mother?
- See you dear. - Mother!
Yes, that's what I want.
I want to party. I want to have fun.
You're the one who told me to trust someone
See what happened!
- You believe Rafe has nothing... - No!
What I want is for Rafe to return...
... and you're talking about pills?
Because things are more difficult for you now...
... I think you can use help. - You said I was making progress Sometimes things are more painful before...
You say this will mean something.
All this hurts a lot!
And I still say that.
I don't believe you encourage illegal drugs after all this
I recommend that you try this medicine...
... so you can get some perspective and not get out of control.
Lizzie, isn't that what you want?
It takes two to six weeks before your system races.
I know you don't
But I can see it works okay.
Your mother called. He wants to come and see you.
The machine 'starts throttling down now...
... at 94 percent.
Normal throttle for most flights, 104 percent.
Three machines are running normally. Three good fuel cells.
Three good APUs.
Speed, 2257 feet per second.
Hey, what are you doing?
- Nothing. - Trying to steal my wallet.
- Challenger, go on throttle up. - Roger, go on throttle up.
Space Shuttle Challenger exploded in a fireball...
... after that leave the launch pad.
- fragments from...
Officials say there is no evidence...
... to show that the astronauts survived.
President Reagan...
- Challenger respects it the way they live.
Materials from scattered crafts are reported to be...
The worst accident in history American space program...
- is a sign of something has been very wrong
Rubies?
- Ruby? - Jesus.
- What? - My mother has been robbed I have to go to New York. You have to come with me No.
Ruby, come on.
I ask for your help Lizzie, I've finished helping.
Are you done? How can you...?
I can't I already have it
OK? I can't do it anymore.
This must end.
Next week will only be several other crises
One for the road
He rejects Demerol intravenously.
Is he rejecting painkillers?
Can we connect?
It seems like he will be here for a few days, but he will be fine.
He needs help when he returns home
But everything will be fine.
This is scary.
For the first time, I lost my tears.
I don't know what I did.
I mean, let's face it.
I am here to help like a cruel joke.
Not even the height scares me anymore
You look much better
That's what everyone says.
You know, Lizzie...
... I'm fine.
And there is no reason why you can't return to Cambridge Mother, I have talked to the nurses, and they say that you need...
Honey, you have a test is coming.
You must have someone with you, even if it's only a few days.
I can take care of myself. I always.
You will not go home alone This is another cupboard.
I don't know
Grandma.
I don't know what I will have done without Lizzie here
- All this won't happen... - Ma, don't say that
... if it's not for him
They leave
Yes.
I don't really feel like saying goodbye.
After all this time, I never asked about Rafe.
It's over
He...
He never wants to see me again.
You know, when Donald left me...
... it feels amazing.
I don't believe it.
I think I'm just forgetting you, Lizzie.
Do you know?
You are just a child
Very little.
But you need me.
And that forced me to pay attention again Do you know what I mean?
I have to take care of you.
And on the one hand, you brought me back to life...
... and you become everything for me.
I'm so wrapped up in you.
But God, you're very full Promise, Lizzie.
And I really want it for you in your life And I can't see that's not good for you You only...
I know you want me...
... everything, and I can't.
I can't Look, Lizzie.
You don't have to be anything for me You don't have to be good for me.
Do you understand?
You don't have to fake it.
I'll be fine, ma'am.
I will be fine.
I promise.
I will be fine.
And there are 'reasons.
I call this a cracked house, where I came to score
Sterling is my agent.
It seems like all the doctors are handling this item now
Sometimes it feels like we all live in the country of Prozac.
United States Depression.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I have this personality.
And it's messed up, but it's me.
And I see myself being like this people who do the right thing...
... who said the right thing...
... but it's not me
- You feel different, right? - Of course I feel different.
I'm taking medicine. That's the point, right?
Yes, that's the point.
You're not comfortable with who this new person is.
But I can't be this person without taking pills
Pills give you breathing space.
This feels like everything is just covered up I suggest you stay on Medication, but it's not my choice.
That's your choice.
Do you want to lower the pill?
dear, come here.
Come here, it's okay.
No problem.
If only my life could be more like a movie.
I want an angel to swoop down like he did to Jimmy Stewart...
... in It's a Wonderful Life and I'm talking about suicide.
I always wait for that when the truth is to free me...
... and changed my life forever.
But he won't come.
That doesn't happen like that.
All drugs, all therapies...
... fights, anger, guilt, Rafe, suicidal thoughts.
All of that is part of some slow recovery process.
In the same way I went down, I came back...
... slowly, then suddenly.
The pill is not a healing medicine, God knows...
... but they gave me breathing space...
... which allows me to start writing again
It's just not this time As if my life depends on it.