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I love you.
You do?
I do.
Well good. I love you too.
But then you've known that for a few hours now.
I've never been here before. This is great.
Yeah, isn't it?
Winter picnic.
Yeah. There's cheese and crackers there if you want.
Awesome. This is so great. Thank you so much.
No, thank you's aren't necessary. Should we toast?
Um, do you mind if I toast?
Love it if you toasted.
There's some things I want to get off my chest.
To the greatest person I've ever met?
Wow, that sounded stupid.
Well the sentiment still stands. I think you're great, and I am very glad that we meet.
These past couple weeks have been -
Three weeks.
Three weeks. Yeah. It's just been great getting to know you.
You too.
And... I love you.
You don't have to say anything back.
Okay.
Okay...
Cheers.
Is this a good wine?
It is, actually.
Yeah you can tell.
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Are you watching this?
Why?
You're the one that - you wanted - you're the one that wanted to watch this.
I know
It's interesting! I mean imagine what would the Bronx be like if they didn't -
God! Ow!
That didn't hurt, you liar.
It was your idea, what do you, what do you want?
Well, I have a lot of ideas.
No.
How can you say no?
I don't know. I'm not in the mood.
It's fine.
No I kind of in the mood now. I'm kind of in the mood.
Well, that's great.
Why are you being cross?
I'm not being cross. I'm watching the show.
You know. You know what I mean. Would you be interested in some other things?
Maybe.
Let's see if we can get you there.
Well I'm not just a switch that you can turn on and off. Okay?
I'm a human and I have feelings.
¶¶
Thanks pal.
Have a good day.
You too man.
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Is anybody sitting here?
No.
You ever heard of this brand of ginger ale?
No I haven't.
Probably costs two dollars for a case of it.
Exactly.
Well it tastes fine.
I'm Peter.
Hi Peter.
But uh, just one last note on this guy.
You know how he does a little salad on the side of the chicken
and the rice like you have there?
Yeah?
Well I started, he'll, you can get instead of the fried rice,
he'll put a bed of salad with the chicken on top for ya.
So you get a salad with grilled chicken for $3.50.
That's Good to know.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean you can continue to eat the, all that fried stuff,
but, if you're interested in something a little more healthy, less fattening,
uh, he'll uh, he'll make it for just salad for ya.
How come you're having it with rice?
I'm in training. So I'm carboloading.
Well what are you in training for?
Uh a rice eating competition.
Good luck.
No, I'm just in a hungry man kind of a mood today.
Like one of those lumberjacks from the frozen dinner commercials?
Yeah. I see you're the same way. Lumber "Jill."
I'm sorry, I just forgot your name.
Jill.
Right. I'm Jack. Uh no but um I told you before I'm um Peter.
I'm Vandy.
Vandy? Are you being serious this time?
Yeah.
No that's a cool name. I've never heard that name. Vandy.
I was just uh joking about the rice and everything.
I'm aware.
I don't know what I was saying. That was, sorry.
No but the uh chicken and rice is actually pretty healthy too. But yeah.
That guy is nice. At the cart.
Sure is.
So do you work around here?
No, I'm just here for jury duty.
Oh well, hey I don't know what your schedule is but uh maybe we could maybe the two of us
What's up man
Hey Gary.
What's going on. Is the lunch guy here? Did you get my salad?
Yeah uh, this is Gary, we work together. This is Vandy.
Whaty?
Vandy.
Hi Vandy.
Um well, I have to go. It was nice meeting both of you.
You too Vandy.
Well you know, maybe I'll see you around.
So long.
What the fuck.
What? Did you know her?
No.
My bad.
Here's your fucking salad man.
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Um, maybe you should go back to your apartment.
Yeah. Yeah. I think.
I think I'm not ready for you to stay here.
Okay, yeah.
Do you want me to set up the couch?
Do you want to do that?
Uh, this is stupid.
No I mean I can, I can take a cab.
Okay.
Well no, do you mind if I stay on the couch?
I think that maybe it could be a good idea.
Okay. Yeah, you're right.
I'm starving. You hungry?
Little bit.
Hey. Let's go to new Vietnamese place we keep saying we're going to try.
Uh...
You said you wanted to go.
I don't really feel like putting my shoes on and everything.
Okay.
What do you feel like?
I'm not that hungry why don't you uh look go look through the menus and choose.
You feel like Chinese?
Whatever. You choose.
I don't even know if I want Chinese.
Have we ordered form this Thai place?
Yeah. That's the one where you said the Pad Thai tasted like Vagina.
That wasn't this place. And I didn't say it tasted like Vagina.
I said this Pad That tastes like "Poon Thai."
Pick a place Peter.
Fuck it! Chinese. Chinese good with you?
Fine.
Well what would you rather have?
I just said Chinese was fine.
Alright. So we'll get Sesame chicken white meat only, and, um, do you want Lo Mein?
Anything.
It's too much starch. You want a shrimp dish?
Peter. Whatever.
Well you're not helping me.
Just pick two dishes.
Fine. I'll get the eggplant. Like I wanted.
Fine.
I'll just have some of the chicken.
Well I'm not going to order a whole eggplant for myself.
Get it, you can have left over's tomorrow.
Eggplant sucks the next day. It's not even that good the first day.
Fuck it. Let's go to the Vietnamese place.
I don't feel like going out.
Come on, I don't want take out.
I'm settled in now.
Come on. I'm going to kill you.
Go get my coat.
Oh remind me to pick up some oil soap on the way home.
Are we breaking in a new baseball glove?
No. I'm breaking in a new purse.
What? Are you - really?
Yeah. Sometimes you want them to look not so new.
That's so cool. Do you put it under your mattress?
What?
Well that's what you do with baseball gloves.
Thank you very much.
Do you tie it up with string or?
That's what you do with a baseball glove?
Yes, you tie it up with string and put a baseball inside and you rub it down.
You don't, you don't put a baseball inside?
Are you okay?
Just had a little aftertaste of vagina.
Sorry. Here try it.
Try it?
Come on. Just smell it then. Just experiment, loosen up.
No I don't want your "Poon Thai."
Okay. Ew it got on me.
Exactly. This Pad Thai tastes like "Poon Thai."
Can I have some of yours?
You're going to keep eating it?
Hey
Hey what's up man.
Keith
No no, hey Keith.
You had that look on your face like maybe you didn't remember my name.
No no no, not at all.
Vandy's brotherinlaw.
Right, right. He really does look like that guy.
I know.
So uh you've met my wife Emma.
Hi I remember Emma also.
How are you Emma? How's Delia
I'm good how are you? She's great she's over at the kid's table having a blast.
You know I don't believe that we're not at the same table.
I know.
I think it's crap.
It is.
It's ridiculous.
I know you guys never get a chance to talk, it's bullshit.
Yeah, you know you're still on my shit list. You don't get to joke with me.
Okay well we're going to go dance because Emma took some dancing lessons.
Stripper!
Love them. How long have they been married?
Eight years. You guys get reminded of your wedding at these?
Not really.
It was so romantic she blocked it out.
Yeah.
What's wrong with you? He was there the day we were betrothed?
I was.
You use that word every chance you get.
Betrothed?
Yes.
Betrothed?
Yes.
Betrothed?
Yes. I get your joke Paul, you're very funny.
I'm getting another cocktail does anybody want anything?
I'll have a beer.
I'll have one too.
Honey?
I'm good.
Do you have any singles?
What do you want it for?
Nothing.
Honey, this is a formal event. You don't have to tip the bartender.
Bartender didn't have a problem with it.
It's not done.
Of course it's done I've done it.
I don't want to argue about this with you.
I'm asking you nicely.
And I appreciate that. But this isn't one of your cousin's weddings.
You don't tip the bartender.
Okay. You gonna give me the singles or not?
Absolutely not. Look I understand that you think you're being a good person,
and you are, but it's embarrassing and I don't want you doing it.
Are you like my keeper now?
Listen. I'm not going to open my purse and support something I don't believe in.
Do you understand that? Now if you want to go get singles and give them to the bartender
and embarrass yourself, fine. But I'm not going to help you make an ass of yourself.
Fine! I forgot, what kind of beer you want?
Uh, Stella would be fine.
Oh yeah.
I mean, unbelievable.
Is it me? Is it me? Just tell me if I'm wrong, tell me if I'm wrong.
Yeah. No. They're, uh, I mean I've seen like a few people doing it but, no.
Right. He expects me to just - Jesus - he's over there asking -
What was that?
I don't know. It's awesome though.
Don't say that we're like that.
We're not. We are not like that at all.
What are you doing in my closet?
Nothing.
Oh. Here we go. You should wear this one.
Good one.
What?
Shut up Vandy.
You shut up. I'm serious, you should wear this one.
It would look really nice with the gray suit.
Are you fucking kidding me?
No I think you should wear it.
Okay. I'm serious, go back to bed.
What's the matter. Poopy doesn't want to wear a purple shirt?
Poopy afraid he won't be a real man if he's wearing a purple.
Poopy doesn't want to be touched okay?
Don't get all tense already.
I'm not tense.
Stop acting like such an asshole.
Why don't you go back to bed? It's early you don't need to be up yet.
So you feel good?
What?
I mean do you feel like yourself?
What are you talking about?
Well you said before you don't do well in interviews,
that you go into a trance or something, and you never end up acting like yourself.
So are you feeling like yourself?
Yeah. I'm feeling like myself.
Good. You're gonna be fine.
This tie is shorter than normal ones.
Want me to do it?
So. Do you have things you know you want to talk about?
Or are you just going there and wing it? Or.
No I just answer the questions.
Oh.
Why?
Just wondering.
Are you okay?
Just can't believe this is happening again.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
What?
I. I hate interviews. I suck at them.
I go in there and I apologize for myself
and I just didn't think it was going to happen this time.
I thought I was done being a jerkoff. Fuck!
Hey now, come here. Oh my baby. Angel. You're gonna be great.
I'm just so tense.
Would you like for me to help you relax?
What do you mean?
Just sit back. Let me do the work. Hey. Who's the best interviewer in the world?
I am.
That's right.
Thank you for saying that.
You mean the toast?
Yeah. No, I meant the wine.
Oh. Yeah I figured you meant the toast but maybe you spent a lot of time picking the wine.
No I got the wine from my dad I - I meant the toast.
Thank you.
You're welcome? I'm sorry If I
Don't. Can I ask you something?
Course
Because we said we were going to be honest with each other.
Right.
What are you thinking about?
Right now?
Or just a few seconds ago.
Um, I'm not sure what I was thinking a few seconds ago.
Um, as for now, honestly, I'm angry that you would ask me that.
I feel like shit. What else would I be feeling?
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I was just trying to be close.
It's fine.
I don't know why I asked.
It's okay, it's okay.
I like the way you do things. A lot. So.
I love you.
You do?
I do.
Well good.
Oh my god.
Hello Vandy.
Hi.
So.
What'cha doing?
I was just about to ask you.
Christmas shopping.
Right I saw the bags, I should have put the two together.
I'm actually heading over to that golf store.
I'm gong on a trip with uh Gary and Paul. Going to Arizona.
Sure they're glad to have you around.
Actually to do remember that thing I read you about how you play golf during the day,
uh, and you bet on all the holes an that night you play poker with the winnings?
Vaguely.
Yeah well, play poker uh with the winnings until someone goes bust. Should be fun.
It sounds like fun.
Um, I should get going I have a thousand things to do.
Emma and I are gong to the Caribbean after Christmas.
That's great! Where?
St. Thomas. It's her idea and she got me the ticket and everything
and so I want to get her something so I was going to go to that place,
that jewelry store that's near our apartment - my apartment, and um
Yeah that's a nice place uh, it's expensive.
Yeah but I can have that jeweler we know remake if I see something.
Yeah that's what I was going to.
So I was going to go do that and then I was going to go tanning.
That's a good idea.
So I don't get burned in the Caribbean.
I know. Have you gone yet?
Yeah a week ago.
Yeah you look. You have a good color.
Thanks.
So you're going that way?
Yeah um
I'm going in the other direction, I would have walked with you.
It's okay.
So is your family okay?
Yeah. And how bout yours?
Oh yeah, they're fine.
Have a great Christmas and a fun time with the boys.
Say hi to Pail for me.
Okay yeah. Say hi to Emma for me, she'll love that.
Shut up.
You shut up.
I should go.
Okay.
Have a good Christmas.
Yeah you too.
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Hey.
So.
How'd it go?
Fine.
That's it? How did it go?
It went fine.
Did they give you any indication?
They thanked me and said they'd be in touch. It went well, I mean.
Good you got the feeling then that it went well.
Yeah I just said it went well.
Yeah I know it's just you're not giving me any specifics.
Well I don't know what to tell you it was an interview. It went well, I guess, you know.
They guy was like 60 years old so it's not like we, you know
it's not like we had friends in common or something it was an interview.
Do you know if he liked you?
I don't know if he liked me.
It's not like he was looking for a new best friend he was looking for someone to do the job.
Someone who's competent, so, that's what I was trying to be.
Trying to be?
Honestly I don't want to talk about it anymore.
There's really nothing else to say. It went fine. Okay?
Okay
You hungry? You want me to fix you a snack?
Sure. I don't see much.
There isn't. I could make you a PB and J. You want me to make you one?
I guess so.
Okay.
Is that what you call a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
A PB and J?
Yup. Why?
Did the mail come?
Mmhmm yeah it was just junk. And a travel and leisure magazine.
Great.
Did they mention what the vacation time was?
No.
What are you doing?
Don't start with me.
I'm just trying to figure out what you're doing.
I'm trying to be nice.
Are you using two knives to make a peanut putter and jelly sandwich?
Yeah uh, I don't want to get the peanut butter in the jelly jar. Okay?
Well -
Don't start with me.
Okay.
What is the matter.
I mean you're going to get the sandwich and it's going to taste the same.
What's the problem Peter?
There is no problem Vandy.
Like it's my fault.
You know what the problem is.
The problem is that only a fucking moron would use two knives to make a PB and J?
Who do you think - give me the knife.
Peter -
I'm not going to kill you Vandy just give me the knife.
Fine I'll use your other one. Now watch.
First what you do is you spread the PB, okay.
Now you see this excess PB on the knife? You wipe it on the other slice of bread. Okay?
See that peanut butter shit stain?
That means the knife is now clean and ready for the J, okay?
Fuckface! Maybe if you shut up and stopped being such a fucking psychopath
you might learn something.
You are a fucking asshole!
Oh yeah it's always me being the asshole isn't it?
Why don't you try taking responsibility for your own stupid shit.
I don't like doing it that way! The knife is never clean enough!
Okay, Fuckface! Why don't you go fuck yourself.
This bread is soft. So it will always make the knife clean!
Unless, you're a fucking ape, and don't know how to do anything.
Don't take it out on me because you choked in your interview.
Hey who said I choked in my interview?
Please
Hey fuck you Vandy! My interview was fine, I nailed it okay?
I'm the best interviewer in the world, remember?
Good morning.
Did I sleep late? What time is it?
No. I mean it's okay, I just got up.
Oh good. Good. Oh, you made eggs.
Yeah. I mean you were still asleep so.
No no it's fine, I was just - I mean I'm glad you made eggs for yourself. I'm fine.
I'm going to go put on some clothes. Do you mind if I don't shower.
No of course not.
Uh, Vandy? Do you know where that box is with the sweaters and the pants that uh,
it was in the bottom of the closet I never picked it up.
Yeah, uh that box isn't around anymore.
It's not?
No.
Is it somewhere else? Existing?
No.
Oh. Okay that, no that's uh, that's fine.
Um, actually do you still have that sweatshirt that I gave you?
Yeah I still have it, it's in the top dresser drawer.
Right. Okay.
That embarrasses you? Me giving him $3?
Yes because you are a representation of me.
I can't believe she said that to him.
I know.
I would kill you if you talked to me like that.
Oh shut up.
You shut up.
You talk to me like that all the time.
Hey I do not! Don't say that.
What happened with them is fucked up. I didn't like that.
No you're right. Keith is a pretty good dancer.
Look at Delia.
Alright who made the gravy?
I did. I made the stuffing too, it's terrific.
Hey Deal's sweetie, you want some gravy?
No. It's disgusting.
You don't like gravy? It's delicious.
I don't eat gravy and I don't eat Turkey.
Okay, do you want to eat stuffing?
I eat stuffing.
Okay. Give her a little stuffing.
V you don't know how excited I am fir this TRIP.
I think I need it as much as you do.
Yeah I'll be great.
Careful with the spelling she's getting GOOD.
You know what I would actually like to make a toast to the Patron Saint Thomas,
thank you for what we are about to receive.
That's very clever I like that.
Have you seen Highheeled Shoes yet hunny?
No mom.
You should it can be so uplifting.
Does anybody want some more white meat?
Oh you know I got you an extra um turkey thigh too hunny.
Thank you.
You have to keep eating you know.
Yeah, I know.
We have eggplant parm coming so.
You know if there's anything special you liked you just as me okay?
Mom, give me a break.
I think she knows how to eat so.
But I mean it, just anything. It's what I'm here for.
Just stop it.
You know Van your mother says these things because she cares about you.
Nice job spitting it into your napkin hun.
I don't like stuffing either.
What! You loved the stuffing last year. You remember how much you ate?
Emma -
Huh? No, do you remember? You said "I want to eat stuffing all the time".
Emma
What?
PETER made the stuffing last year.
Did you just spell Peter?
Yes I did, that is very good.
You know there's a Peter in her class that's how she knows.
That's not how I know I can read!
No I know, hun.
Is Peter coming today?
Who hunny, the Peter in your class?
No, Vandy's husband.
You know what hunny they were never actually married.
Emma, what are you doing?
What!
No hunny he's not.
Why?
Because he doesn't realize what a commitment is.
Mom.
You know what, he just couldn't make it.
Will Pete make the stuffing next year?
You know the more you make things up the more question's you're gonna get.
Peter and I aren't friends anymore.
Why?
You know what, hunny. Peter wanted to be friends with other people
while he was friends with Vandy and you're not really allowed -
Emma - what are you doing?
Well -
You can have more than one friend
That's exactly right sweetie.
Yeah but Peter wanted to be friends with this one person,
and he wasn't really allowed to be friends -
Okay that is not why everything happened.
Peter just wasn't a very nice person.
Mom! Honestly! Sorry.
Peter was a nice person, didn't you think?
Yes.
Yeah, he was nice. I don't know why we're not friends anymore.
He was funny.
Yeah he is funny. He's a good person and he didn't do anything wrong.
Jesus Christ.
Mom.
No one did anything wrong.
Hey.
You alright?
Yeah.
Nervous? Everyone seems to love your painter.
Yeah I know I sold two more of her paintings.
Wow, that's amazing. Hey should I buy one?
Do you like them?
Uh yeah, yeah.
You don't have to buy one.
You sure?
Yeah.
Are you happy?
Of course.
Well you should be.
Do you want to meet my parents? They're going to be in town next weekend.
Yeah, I should.
I don't want to twist your arm.
No, fine, it's fine. Yeah.
We'll go for a dinner.
'Kay. I'll find us a place. Where do you want to go?
No, no, no, my secretary will take care of that.
She gets hooked up everywhere so we are all set.
Ooh I am gonna grab a couple of these.
This is a great night for you. Congrats.
I think I am going to buy one of these pictures. Portraits.
I don't want you to buy one of these paintings.
No I would like to.
Okay if you - whatever - if you see a painting and you like it, great.
Is that a problem?
I don't want you to buy one to be nice.
Why not?
'Cause that's insulting.
What?
Nothing. You know what, you've got a lot of people you need to talk to tonight
so I think that I am gonna go.
No Andrew I want to know. If you're angry you can tell me.
I know, I know.
No, you know it was my bad. It was my bad so, uh, this is your night,
you know actually no, it is my bad, that was my bad.
I'll stop by your office tomorrow afternoon, okay? We can get lunch or something.
I can't I start jury duty tomorrow.
That's right.
Sorry.
¶¶
Hey.
Hey. Uh, Peter.
Yeah. Hello Vandy.
How's it going?
Umm, not so bad.
Good to hear. Alright well, it was good seeing ya.
You still on that case?
Almost done.
Awesome. Listen Vandy, this is going to sound a little out of nowhere but uh,
Before you say anything I should tell you I'm dating someone.
Okay. I wasn't going to ask you out on a date.
Oh.
But you're not that far off base. I told you this was out of nowhere, we only met once,
but I have something for you.
Oh?
It's not like it's a body part or something, okay, I'm not a stalker or a.
And I realize that you're dating someone, that's fine, but you'll see it's really nothing.
Here it is. It's the crossword puzzle from two days ago.
I was doing it and there was this clue "Southern university for short,"
and the answer was Vandy. Short for Vanderbilt.
I actually finished that puzzle and Vandy was one of the last ones I filled out
and I was like, 'Hey!' And truth be told you'd run through my mind more than a few times
since that day I met you and uh, and then the puzzle so I took a chance.
I thought you said you finished it.
Yeah. I, well I picked up a new one at the deli.
That way you can just fill out Vandy, or the whole thing, or leave it blank,
or crumple it up and put it in the garbage like you're probably going to.
It was just a random thing. I thought of you when I saw it
and I understand that you're. I'm sorry.
No there's no need to apologize. This is. Thank you.
Well uh, I, I should go.
No, yeah, yeah of course.
Giving up that easily?
Do you like Indian food?
Yeah.
Okay do you know that street with all the Indian restaurants on it?
Curry Row?
Yes. Curry Row. Would you like to go to one of those places with me?
Which one?
Hi.
Did you design this?
Uh yeah, it was actually my idea to make the whole thing entirely out of glass.
Oh cool.
No I'm kidding I just make the models. No I hate those glass pieces of shit.
Really?
Yeah. But that's all they make so, they're everywhere.
Yeah, no I can't stand the sight of them.
I'm Michelle.
Hi Michelle.
So you really enjoy working here.
I do actually. I'm kidding. No I'm actually interviewing but don't say anything.
Oh I won't. I just started here.
Oh yeah?
Do you know of any good places to eat around here?
I was looking for like a really good BBQ place.
Oh well I don't know of a lot of really good BBQ places around here,
but there's a great barbeque place that's not so far away.
Are you making fun of me? You're lucky you're funny.
Thank you I uh, I like making people LOL.
Oh my god, whatever.
Let me, let me help you with those.
I seriously think I got it.
No no I can take them. I'll just take them to the files.
I've got it really.
Just give me some of the files.
Alright, four whiskies.
I can't, I gotta go.
Come on!
It's mine an Marissa's anniversary tomorrow.
To Paul and.
Marissa, her name is Marissa.
I'm joking, I'm joking.
I'm telling her. All that shit you said, I'm telling her.
Woah, woah, woah, you and Marissa are okay, right?
Yeah man.
Well what we were talking about last week.
I mea, don't worry about it.
Well I just didn't want to toast if you guys.
We're fine man, don't worry about it.
Cool, cool. Cheers.
Forget about it.
Okay. You guys are not splitting up. You guys are going to stay together.
Yes. And could you pretend that I didn't say anything to you.
Yeah. Yes I can.
'Cause you know she can.
I do. Good, oh good. I am so happy. That is fucking awesome.
Okay, okay.
No I'm serious. When you're with someone it always comes to that point
where you just gotta work through that stuff.
I got it man, I got it, I got it. How you doing?
I'm a little fucked up. I'm sorry I'm acting like a douche bag.
Keith? Keith. Keith!
Is that Keith?
Keith? How are you?
I'm sorry, I'm not -
How is everyone? How's Delia?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Have you talked to Vandy?
No I haven't talked to Vandy.
Will you just tell Emma to tell her, I was trying to tell her but she just won't.
It wasn't about this other person, okay? It was all
HeY listen man, I'm not
No no, it was about us and our shit, and that's even what she was saying -
Did she? Oh really?
And I didn't even fucking sleep with the other person -
You didn't? No! No. You didn't sleep with her?
No I did not! And she - You slept with her? No I did not
Yes you did. I - Keith I can tell he did
Listen Keith you know me, I wouldn't sleep with anybody.
She wouldn't listen to me.
Dude listen to me.
What?
I'm not Keith. I'm not Keith. I don't know you.
That ain't Keith.
Am I losing my mind? That guy looks a lot like Keith.
He looks a lot like him but that's not Keith.
He looks like Keith.
He looks exactly like Keith! I'm really sorry man.
It's cool.
I'm sorry that was fucked up though.
Yeah that was a little fucked up, umm I didn't know how that was going to work out.
Yeah well I swear to God you look exactly like my brother-in-law,
or this guy who was going to be my brother-in-law.
He looks like him.
Wow. Okay. That is. Wow.
That guys was fucking with me.
No he wasn't you were fucking with him. He told you he wasn't Keith.
He pretended to be Keith.
He wasn't pretending.
He was pretending.
Sit your ass down, what's wrong with you.
Hey hey hey hey hey
You wish you were Keith. Keith's a pretty fucking cool guy.
I got an email from my mom saying that Highheeled Shoes is a terrific movie
and that we should see it.
That's the one with the southern bell with five southern bell daughters.
Interested?
I'd rather have my scrotum nailed to a chair.
Oh she also wanted to know if you wanted to make that stuffing for Thanksgiving again.
Does she need to know now?
Well do you want to make it or... uh she needs to
going to take my dad to the dermatologist and it's right next to the specialty store
where was going to order some of
Can I just call her?
Yeah
Time for bed.
I'm not ready for bed.
Come on we've got a big day tomorrow.
I don't want you falling asleep out here again. Come on.
Why don't you stay here and talk to me.
We can talk in bed.
I don't want to talk in bed.
So. What's going on?
Um
I thought you wanted to talk.
I'm going to the bedroom.
I'm not happy Vandy.
Yeah about like work and stuff?
Everything
Oh, can I help?
I don't know. I haven't been too happy here either.
I don't know if I want to do this anymore.
Nobody does this for no reason. Was there somebody else?
No! That's not, you're not, that's - no - that's not what this is about.
Okay, sometimes I think it just comes down to whether or not two people should be together.
You don't think that we should be together?
I don't know. I don't know Vandy.
I mean the way we are now, no. I don't want to be with you like this.
Can you give me a reason?
I thought about this recently.
I've been around a lot of new people through work and it's like I'm
all these things are coming out of me all this stuff um,
it's me, it's everything that reminds me of who I am, me,
and I haven't felt like that in a long time. I'm not that person with you.
I think I used to be like that with you but you've been trying to kill it ever since.
It's like you're trying to kill me.
I'm not trying to kill you Peter.
Not literally it's just me, who I am.
Ever since the day we met it's like, I mean that's exactly what it feels like to me.
And it's not just you I mean I'm sure I do it too but I need to be able to feel me.
I feel like I've been asleep.
A couple weeks ago remember that you were acting really nice to me and genuinely
and I felt uncomfortable.
Like I was outside of my comfort zone with you being loving towards me.
It made me feel horrible.
I didn't want it to be like this.
I didn't want it to be like this either.
Don't ever leave me. Don't ever leave me.
I'm not going to leave you.
Peter.
Yeah?
Is there someone else?
It wasn't anything
Oh my god!
Vandy
Oh my god!
No, no. Listen it was nothing.
Don't you, don't you fucking touch me!
Vandy, calm down
Holy shit
Listen to me. The problems that we have are between us.
Nothing happened!
Shit I knew it.
Don't do this okay we got so far last night because I didn't bring it up.
Let's just talk about it.
Get the fuck out oh my god get out of here.
Like we talked about it last night!
No, no, no, no. Just get out of here get the fuck out.
Please don't do this.
Back up! Get Get out!
Alright.
Okay here's a question for you. The crossword puzzle. You said you finished it.
I did.
What day of the week was it?
It was a Saturday.
Oh that's the toughest one, right?
Yeah. My mom always does crossword puzzles so I've been doing them forever.
I am impressed.
Yeah no, yeah it's a really productive way of spending your time.
Do you do crossword puzzles or.
No, that's good, so we don't have to fight over them.
So I hope you didn't have to change your schedule around too much to uh.
To what?
For dinner.
A little bit.
Yeah. I just meant uh, nothing really.
You mean did I tell the guy I'm seeing?
No, well no that's not what I. That's not what I was expecting you to say.
I guess I was saying more like did you have a date that you had to break off with him or.
I really was trying not to talk about this more than anything,
and here I am just talking about it.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
No it's okay.
Sorry but you said you changed your plans a little bit, though
Do you want to be talking about it or.
I guess I do..?
Um, well I was supposed to meet up with him later but instead I broke up with him.
Oh, wow. Are you regretting that yet?
Yeah. No. I wasn't thrilled with the way things were going with him anyway.
No, well, of course - I'm sorry I wasn't implying that you did it because of me.
That's okay. And it really wasn't that nasty a break up.
So if this date goes really badly
I think I still have a shot of getting back together with him.
Good one.
Thanks.
Sorry I brought all this up. It's stupid I'm sorry.
No why do you always..
What?
It's nothing.
No tell me please.
Well you apologize a lot.
Do I?
Little bit.
Sorry about that. I'm kidding. No I know what you mean.
I'm not saying it like it's a problem.
No it's fine trust me it's something that I'm aware of.
I feel like a jerkoff when I do it.
No that's not what I meant.
No. It's fine. I mean it. You know what I think it is actually?
Tell me what you think because I'm not, I'm not too sure myself but,
no I think I apologize a lot when I'm.
Not really sorry?
That too. Yeah.
I no, I wasn't trying to turn this into a nitpick session.
I don't know Jesus even on our first date.
No please are you kidding me?
This is exactly what I'm this is the kind of stuff I would always want you to tell me if we were,
um, no I'm glad you said it. Seriously.
Like I said I like to knock it off so.
Not a problem, honestly, bring it on!
I am really glad I'm here with you.
So am I.
No.
Nuhuh.
I insist.
I have it. Give me a break.
You got me a present.
The crossword puzzle?
Yeah.
You do realize that the New York Times is $1?
Yeah but you had to get two.
Oh. You're right. It was a $2 gift.
Would it make you feel better if you left the tip?
Fine.
Okay. You take care of the tip.
You're terrific.
What do you think it was about?
Paul is a very good tipper.
No seriously.
Vandy, they've always been like that from day one.
They can't stay together like that.
All Paul wanted to do was tip the guy.
Yeah you're not really supposed to tip at these things. She's right actually.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
What's it like being the less intelligent person in the relationship?
Good one.
Seriously.
Fuck off.
Maybe you and Keith should form a support group.
You know I am starving. Do you mind if we just go home
and you can make me a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
No because I just ran the dishwasher so there should be enough silverware for you.
Would you like to dance with me?
Have they always been like that?
They fought at their own wedding.
Like we just saw?
Maybe worse.
Jesus. Why are they together? Does Paul talk to you about this stuff?
No.
That is so annoying to me.
Can I tell you something you promise you won't tell anyone?
I promise.
Promise you won't tell.
Oh my god just fucking tell me.
There was this one time where Paul told me that he was gonna leave her.
Shut up. What did you say?
I told him not too.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
I don't know.
I can't believe you never told me that.
Yeah.
I mean jeeze what the hell do we have to talk about you don't tell me that story?
He told me not to say anything.
So what you tell me anyway.
I know.
God that is so juicy. Seriously why didn't you tell me that?
I would have told you it just happened during last year.
Yeah.
I just mean it happened during winter.
Oh.
I love you.
Whatever.
Come on.
You come on.
I'm sorry.
So you and Paul you have a lot in common huh.
What do you mean?
Is Paul seeing someone else?
I don't believe so.
Oh that wasn't why you wanted to leave her then.
No.
Well you're so good at it maybe you should have given him some of your tips
on breaking up with people.
I made a huge mistake I'm sorry. I still - I'm sorry.
I don't want to hear you apologize.
Well I don't have any tips because I've never broken up with anyone.
Really?
It's hard to believe isn't?
Well I know a stud like you.
But I mean it. Seriously though.
Oh yeah.
Honest to God.
You are pushing it.
I had a couple girlfriends in high school and college
and they all just fizzled out there were no actual break ups.
You're gonna keep going.
And then I got dumped once or twice. Then I met you. And here we are.
Here we are.
Are there any other things you have to do to get ready for your trip?
We could just take it slow try to work through things.
I'm sorry. You told me to stop apologizing. I don't know why I keep doing it.
I'm not acting like myself.
Peter.
Yeah?
Everything that happened with us happened for a reason. This is who we are together.
We're just going to stay the same way it's not going to be any different.
Yeah I know. I understand what you're saying.
I understand you. This is what I want.
You are the person that I have to be with.
Do you feel the same way?
Where are my pants?
Oh no, I'll do it. Sorry.
It's okay. We should uh, see if Highheeled Shoes is still playing.
Okay, that sounds great.
I'm joking.
Oh.
You don't remember saying that you'd rather have your scrotum nailed to a chair.
You can see whatever movie you want, is my point.
I'm aware of that.
No I know you are I'm just saying that whatever you're into that's fine with me.
No I just remember you saying that and I thought it was funny
Right. Right. Yeah.
Well there's like five movies playing at the big theater in about three hours
why don't we just go there then and pick on.
Okay. Maybe we could go have brunch like an hour before the movie starts.
You'll be hungry by then right?
I'll be fine but you haven't eaten.
Oh I'm fine I'm not that hungry.
Peter you're always hungry. And you won't get your meal for a couple hours.
It's fine. I can wait. I'm fine.
You don't have to.
You just ate. I'm really not that hungry.
Peter.
What?
I'm trying too hard
It's okay.
Okay.
Do you want me to make you some scrambled eggs?
No I'm not hungry.
How bout a toasted pita with cheese?
Okay
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