I gotta say, it's a little strange having you two show up at our doorstep like this.
Okay, okay. So then he says, Tell him about the--
as if he's reliving some memory, The lust part.
The part about the lust.
Looking at our priest, and he's looking out the window,
as if remembering something long ago,
says, "Of course, everyone can lust at first sight."
- "Lust at first sight."
- "Of course everyone can lust at first sight."
- Priest says it? - Yeah.
Father-- Father Whatever says,
"Of course everyone can have physical reactions."
- No, he doesn't. - Yes, he did.
- "Everyone will gape at a white neck." - He said--
But he said milky. Wha-- Fine.
- Fine "A milky white neck." - He didn't say white.
- He said milky. - "A milky neck."
"The-The gape of a milky neck.
- A beautiful lock of hair. The pink of warm flesh."
- No!
- We said, "Whoa!" - Pink?
- I mean, and we're stunned. - We were stunned.
Stunned.
- So Carlo offered him our firstborn. - Oh, here we go.
Did you or didn't you? I had to sign this piece of paper--
Carlo had to vow...
that he would do everything in his power to raise his kids Catholic.
The paper said ours. Did it?
Yes. It did.
It was just a paper. It was our spine.
- It was just a piece of paper. - Whenever you're ready.
Oh, thanks. Hope everything was all right.
- I got it, I got it. - Okay. All right.
Well, thank you, Mr. Money Bags.
- You are too kind. - Best of the Midwest, my friends.
You are too kind. Thanks, guys.
- Yes, yes. - It's all fun until--
Leave it to the recovering Catholic to make things difficult.
Ex-catholic, not recovering.
You can't talk about religion in front of someone. It gets weird...
when you talk about religion and all things holy--
He asked us, "You two were raised Catholic. Why not get married in a church?"
- And suddenly, he gets very paternal. - He didn't get paternal.
- He was supposed--
- Yes, he did. "Don't you believe in God, young lady?"
And I say, "Well, of course, Father Whatever.
Of course I believe in God.
It's not that I don't believe in him. It's just that he's become impossible.
She said this to a priest, in that little office!
I should have whipped out my diaphragm right on his desk.
Well, that would have been really classy.
What are you two smirking about? You both were raised Catholic.
The only thing Catholic left in me is my love of the Sistine Chapel.
- Well, the priest was sweet. - He got loaded.
I guess they have just as much to stress about as the rest of us.
He was a very sweet drunk. I even danced with him.
- He danced? - Yes.
Did he lick your milky neck?
He put his hands on my hips.
My mother couldn't believe her eyes.
Your mother laughed. Your mother danced with him.
Liddy? Liddy did not dance with the priest, did she?
No, no, no. No. Her mother danced with the priest.
Yeah, but my mother would, wouldn't she? She would.
My mother did not dance with the-- Did she?
Oh! That's revolting!
This sweaty, baldy priest dancing with all these 20-something bridesmaids.
Come on. I'm sweaty and balding, and I would
love to dance with 20-something bridesmaids.
- Ah. - That's nothing new, sweetheart.
You're balding? Where? Where are you balding?
Where? Where does everybody go bald?
- Let me see. Show me. - Oh, Jesus.
- Ooh! Look at that! - Ooh!
It's over for you. Yeah, it's been over for me for years. Just ask her.
Oh, Joel.
Reminds me of it every night before we go to bed.
The show in Denver was great. It was great. Thanks.
I'm just glad we were able to make this layover work.
Oh, my God.
Wow, this is a long way from your place in the Village. Baby!
Hi! Hello, sweetie. How was he?
Here. I gave you a little extra.
That's the going rate? Jesus, it pays not to leave the house.
Say hi to your boyfriend for me. Oh, I will.
- Have a good night. - Thank you.
Are you, uh-- You okay?
Oh, man, are you kidding? Come on.
This is the best day I've had in months. You're here.
Hey, hey, hey! Speaking of drunk, balding men,
this one is about to make a toast. Oh, no. Please.
Sharyl. Come on.
All right. To the two of you...
- Thanks, Carlo. - and your wedding.
We're sorry to have missed it.
Grad school. Such dreams.
Now look at us. Settled down, starting families.
It's like we're, uh,
different people, um--
Oh, Joel, don't be such a drunk ham. Ha!
Okay, anyway--
To Carlo and Grace, to the two of you.
To love, success, fortune! We love you!
We think you're the best. We really, really do. Thank you, guys.
Cheers. Mmm. Mmm.
- Look at that. I love it. - Yeah.
Check this out.
Hey, how many inches is this thing?
Let me show you something.
It's like my wing span.
- Come on, man. Easy. Easy. Put that away. - Yeah.
Wi-Fi. Instantaneous. Clients love it.
Boys with their toys.
Ha.
How are your photos coming?
- Uh, good. - Hmm?
Really good, actually. Great.
Wow.
That's great.
Yeah. I have two exhibits this year.
Really? Where? Mm-hmm.
Blott Gallery and Hasselbanks.
- Hasselbanks? - Yeah, I know. Right?
You should see what else they have lined up at Hasselbanks in the spring.
The Romario. The Romario retrospective. You know his work?
I can't believe that my face is gonna be on the same brochure as Romario.
- Wow. - I'm gonna be hanging out with him.
It's been a whirlwind. Wow. Really?
Well, hey, you deserve it.
You know who's helped me out?
Del Piero.
I haven't thought about that guy in ages. I hated him.
Come on, man.
The only reason you hated him was because he didn't like your work.
Yeah, well, he loved your work, didn't he? He did.
His agent picked me up.
- Wow. - Mm-hmm.
Jesus. You're in the big time.
Hey! That's me.
Yeah, Joel inserted some of his old grad school shots,
so his clients still think he's cutting edge.
College tuition. Forty bucks an hour.
Oh, Jesus. Prints. Fingerprints. Sorry.
Grace, are you still managing the restaurant?
Uh-huh. Hopefully not much longer.
I think I wanna go back to school.
- Oh, really? In what? - Probably social work.
- Ah, that's honorable. - Yeah. Wow.
Yeah, a social worker with an art photographer.
Debtors' prison awaits.
- Well, there are worse places to end up. - We'll see.
- I, uh-- I didn't know you were interested in social work. - I am.
But didn't you do communications in undergrad?
That was a joke degree.
- Gracie, I told you not to do that. - Come on now, Grace.
No, seriously. What? You guys got real degrees at real schools.
- I hate when you speak like that. - Dartmouth, Wesleyan, Cornell.
Grace, if it's any consolation, I learned my worst habits at Dartmouth.
Sounds great. It's all great.
I think it's a good time for us. Yeah.
Just beware of giving social services with those legs.
Don't you worry. I'm gonna have her wear slacks.
Woolen and baggy.
Right? Whatever I wear, I probably won't look attractive.
- What, are you-- - No, no.
But... maybe.
Oh, shit! Babies? While I go back to school.
- It's just speculation. - Are you trying?
We're not not trying.
- Remember when we used to do that? - Excuse me?
Remember when we, uh-- When we what?
When we speculated.
And you, Sharyl?
Sharyl? Working or-- Me? What?
Are you working or--
No, I'm with the baby for now.
Are you enjoying it?
Mmm. Love it.
Well, uh, good. That's good.
Oh.
Ooh. Sorry.
I'll be right back.
Give him the, uh, Chubby Snubby.
- It's a brown bear. He loves it. - I know he loves it.
- I was talking to them. - What?
- I was talking to them! - What? I can't hear you!
- I was talking to them!
Sorry.
I introduced the Chubby Snubby to him.
- No! I bought it, actually. - You bought it and threw it at him.
I've actually played with him with the bear.
Are they being serious?
And besides, Joel--
Chubby Snubby is dead.
Eh. He'll cry himself to sleep.
Ah, mom-in-law. Yay!
- Hello. - What exactly did you mean by that?
We just have some friends over. Excuse me. What-What do you mean?
No, of course we're not bothered. Is he dead? Since when?
Shh. Since when--
Since when is he dead? I do have to go, Mom.
Joel, easy, easy. I think this dead teddy bear thing is really upsetting you.
Take the phone. Sharyl?
You killed his Chubby Snubby? Huh? Yes.
I ate his Chubby Snubby. Now take the phone.
What? No, the Chubby Snubby. The one with the bow in its hair.
We took the bear to the Salvation Army, Mom.
We said bye-bye to it.
- The Chubby Snubby was fine. - You had a Chubby Snubby.
No, what was the thing called?
What was the thing called, Mom? It was a--
"Bing Bing." Right. Yes.
- Bing Bing! - Bing Bing.
It had a little bell. Ask her if she still has Bing Bing somewhere.
Wait. Shh, shh, shh. We made the name up, Mom. Sharyl. Sharyl.
Ask her if she still has Bing Bing. Can I talk?
Ask if she still has Bing Bing somewhere. Shh!
Ask. Ask her.
Do you still have his Bing Bing somewhere?
Did you have a Bing Bing?
Of course she still has your Bing-- Oh! What?
What? I shouldn't have thrown the Chubby Snubby out?
Well, thank you, Mom!
- Will you deal with her? - I don't feel like talking to Mom.
Okay.
Sharyl?
Hi, Mom. Yeah, um, I can't talk right now. Can I call you back?
Thanks. Bye.
So you killed his Chubby Snubby?
Shut up with the goddamn Chubby Snubby.
Shut up!
I gotta say, it's a little strange...
having you two show up at our doorstep like this.
- We didn't plan on dropping in like this. - It was short notice.
- I would've prepared something. - No, no, no.
We came to New York on this, uh, romantic weekend. On impulse.
Yeah, on impulse. We do that a lot nowadays.
- We travel on impulse. - That must be nice.
See some shows. Visit old restaurants.
- Yes! At Le Fou. We ate there. - We thought of you.
- Yeah, yeah. We thought, you know? - It was so delicious. We just, you know--
Dropped in and-- Dropped in.
- Right. - Yeah.
Whoa. Come in, please. Thank you.
Have a seat.
We thought you guys wouldn't see us, but-- Uh--
We wanted to make things better between us.
We didn't get a Christmas card from you the last couple of years,
and you really haven't returned any of my calls. I know.
And this is the only way we could get to see you.
Okay, we won't overstay our welcome.
No, no, no. Please. No, stay as long as you need.
- You can sleep over. - What?
No. We have-- We have a hotel room that's great.
Kind of amazing hotel room. We're sort of dying to get back to it.
Oh. Okay.
What is, uh-- What's with the cane?
What is-- Is this Mr. Peanut?
Uh, no. I broke my leg. But it's better.
It's getting better. Good.
It's great to see you guys.
Is it?
- I mean, you'd think after last time. - Come on. We all have our days.
- Right? - Things are--
Things are better.
They are.
Ooh.
We ordered-- No, please.
We ordered some milk shakes. Sit down. Sit down. Put your cane back.
Excuse me.
Is that your limo out there?
Oh, it's a town car.
With a driver inside?
It's a glorified cab really. We've-We've been out all day. It's just so much easier.
He's just sitting there, waiting for you.
You want me to invite him up?
Okay. Sorry about that.
Uh, here, why don't you guys take these.
No, no, no.
- We should avoid-- No! - We can't--
- I insist. - Okay.
Oh. I gotta get you guys some straws. Thank you.
Excuse me, baby.
How much did you tip the guy? Uh, enough.
Here you go. One for you. One for you.
The change.
Uh-- She's just upset that I gave you guys our shakes.
The change. It's two milk shakes, baby.
Fifty cents? Not a tip. I rounded up to the dollar.
- It's embarrassing. - What am I supposed to do? Tip 30 %?
Why be stingy over some milk shakes? Stingy?
Would you stop her, please? It's kind of funny, so--
Wait, look, he-- I'm glad we're entertaining you.
The poor guy makes no salary.
He's probably an undocumented worker. Poor guy? Whoa!
- Look outside. It's 90 degrees. It's like--
- Hey, easy. Shh.
Don't shush me! It's sweltering. Shh.
For your milk shakes. And you tip him some change. Okay, okay.
How about, I'm gonna call him back then. Call him back, what?
I will call him back and order two more milk shakes.
And tip him 20 dollars, okay? How about that?
Wow. No, no, no.
Excuse me. No, uh-uh. No, no!
Hi, this is-- Yes, 605 West 38th Street.
Hello? Yes, we would like two more milk shakes, please. Yes, two--
Okay. Thank you very much.
- All right? - Now will you stop?
What a little boy.
I cannot believe that you guys are here right now.
- It's tripping me out. - Can you imagine what these two must think they're in for?
- The next apocalypse. - Well, to be honest--
No, I'm mean, we're no saints.
We said we would never see you again.
- Well, didn't we? - That's my Gracie.
We came here tonight...
to apologize. Yeah.
We-- We behaved--
Horribly.
Yeah, you did.
We never planned for it to--
for that to happen. Look--
Please let me finish. We didn't want or plan
for it to go the way it did that night.
Stop, stop. You guys are our oldest friends.
We're just really sorry.
Really sorry. We're really sorry.
Yeah.
The shakes are delicious. Yeah.
- They're good. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.
- We like 'em. - We order them a lot.
We do.
We heard from Lucy and Mark that you had a little baby.
- Yes. Yeah. - Yes. We just put him down.
How's your little boy?
- Forgive me. Li-Linus? - Lucien.
- Lucien. Lucien. - Yeah. He's good. He's good. He's, uh--
He's gettin' to be less and less of a baby though.
- He's getting big, huh? - Yes. He's ginormous.
He, uh-- He's with his grandparents this week.
We're very happy, mind you. We finally had him baptized.
You did? Yep.
We broke down. We felt he needed to be, uh--
I don't know. What was the word that we-- Anchored.
"Anchored" is the word that we used.
Um-- But, you know, grandparents were in tears.
It was flowers and photos and happiness. It was really quite moving.
Right. Yeah.
And now you're, uh-- you're anchored?
Yeah, we even go to church periodically. Don't we?
No, you don't.
You do?
About a month after we saw you guys,
I was working in that guest room upstairs,
and I was finishing up the drywall.
Sharyl!
I wound up in the living room for about six months on that pullout bed,
because I couldn't make it up and down the stairs.
I was living in filth and I was drinking all the time.
I was angry, and Sharyl and I were fighting.
And I-- Just one day I just, uh--
I was so angry.
And I just took off.
Joel!
Well, I'm sorry.
I'm fucking sorry.
- It's okay. - No.
It's okay.
"It's okay." And he kept repeating it over and over again.
"It's okay. It's okay."
- And then he didn't say anything else. - And that was it. Wow.
You guys aren't trying to proselytize us right now, are you?
- You? It would be a waste of time. - Okay, good.
'Cause that's the-- that's the last thing we need right now.
That was the turning point.
I went cold turkey. We both went cold turkey with fighting, booze.
And then things changed for us.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's great.
Never went back to that church. Never even saw the priest.
Some days I think I dreamt it.
Huh. Dreamt it?
Well, it doesn't really matter, because it wasn't what he said.
It was the way he said what he said. It was his voice.
It was like I heard this voice from somewhere.
- A voice? - Huh.
I'll always owe that man something.
Well, maybe it wasn't about a man. But it was.
Maybe you just needed somebody to-- to listen.
Yes, okay. Who in the end did listen? Some voice in a dark confessional.
Right. Who was probably masturbating.
- That was inappropriate. - Inappropriate? It was a joke.
- Yeah, well, it's not very funny. - Whoa.
You used to think jokes like that were funny.
Really? Did I? Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. What-What are you telling me though, Joel?
That you had some kind of,
like, a supernatural experience or some cosmic--
It was just a guy on the other end of a confessional.
He helped me. His voi-- His voice helped me.
- His voice? - I was about to kill myself.
- Oh, come on, Joel. Don't be so dramatic. - What?
- Seriously. - You saw me then.
I know. We all go through bad times.
Yes, and some of us kill ourselves as a result of them.
I realize that, but not you.
What's going on here?
I was about to overdose, and Sharyl hid my pills.
Okay, can we change the subject now, please?
Jesus Christ.
Gracie-- Was it really that bad?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I, uh--
I didn't realize.
Suicide is so removed from me.
- You never thought about it? - Actually, no.
Okay. Dreamt about it?
Mm-mmm.
Everyone dreams about it, Carlo. Not everybody. Not me.
I've had dreams about it.
- What? - Just dreams, you know-- That--
A nightmare. I had one once.
- Really? - I was in Buenos Aires.
- You've never been to Buenos Aires. - I know.
But... I was there.
I remember the light. It was not gold, but just lighter than gold.
Full but not heavy.
Like... good music.
Light and still full.
And I walked all over the city, and I mingled with the whores.
I told them I was from New York,
and they thought that was wonderful.
I thought it was more wonderful to be from Argentina.
Being from that light,
from that music, from those smells,
and the whores with braids in their hair.
They... fed me, and they told me stories.
And they asked me to take them with me to New York.
But I wanted them to keep me here in Argentina.
And they spoke of their dreams.
And when they spoke of their dreams, the...
word itself... stung me.
Sueño, sueño, sueño.
And then suddenly I was-- I was home.
And the... grief inside me.
I don't know what it was about, but...
it was unbearable.
And so,
I jumped.
You jumped.
It was just a dream. Don't you ever have dreams like that?
No, I don't. I'm sorry.
Come on. Carlo. I don't.
- You don't have nightmares? - I-I don't tell people about them.
- Why not, Carlo? - Because they're private.
We're friends.
Well, that's-- Look.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
but I don't want to know about your attempted suicide.
I don't want to know about you and the church and the fucking snow,
or your sob story in the confessional.
I definitely don't want to know about you gallivanting with Argentinean whores.
I don't want to know any of that shit. All that stuff is private.
Okay? There's such a thing as privacy.
We can't all go running around dangling our ids.
It was an important moment in my life. I felt I should share it with you.
Oh, my God.
Do you hear yourself? You felt that you should sh--
Since when have you used a phrase like that?
What is that, Joel? Share it with me? What is what?
Look, every time an adult uses that phrase, it's as if they've been neutered.
Church is where things turned around for me.
I can't believe what you're-- I cannot believe this.
Look. My friends don't have religious conversions.
Who said religious conversion? It's just a turning point.
It's the same thing!
And now you're telling me your child is baptized?
Well, isn't yours?
No.
Okay, fine? What?
Don't look at me like that. I could care less.
Right.
- I'm not judging you. - "Isn't yours?"
Wow. Carlo. Cut me some slack!
Joel!
Joel?
God, I am hot.
- Jesus, it's getting so warm. - I'm fine.
I'm cold.
Beautiful pool.
How are things at, uh-- at the agency?
Abysmal.
What are you working on? Oh, shit, come on.
You don't wanna know. What? Tell me.
Give me a break. Give me a break! Tell me what you're working on.
Okay, fine. Last month, I spent 117 billable hours...
trying to get honey to drip just right off of this, uh, granola bar.
Granola bar? Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Okay, well--
Obviously you're-you're exceptional at what you do,
so, you know, I think you should be proud of that.
For real.
Yeah. Good wine.
Sharyl! He likes it!
What?
Sharyl!
He likes the wine!
Sharyl. Sharyl.
He likes it. He-- Is that funny to you?
Is it funny?
We had a little discussion about that earlier today.
Joel, enough. And you see, Sharyl, in her good mood...
Joel. blindly picked it out of the cellar this morning.
You have a cellar? Oh, God, yeah.
Sharyl didn't show you? Joel.
Come on. Field trip.
Yeah. Oh! Sharyl loves it.
It's her favorite room in the house.
You know, it's dark, damp, dirty.
You really are gonna spoil dinner, aren't you, Joel?
God, she loves the cellar.
She loves the cedar shelves. She loves the goblets. She loves--
Sharyl loves her decan-- I personally hate the decanter.
- But Sharyl insists on her prized Internet auction--
- Joel. Joel.
Sharyl, Sharyl, Sharyl-- decanter.
Which I find ridiculous and pretentious, by the way,
because if you know anything about wine, you
know you only decant something that needs air.
- But not Sharyl. - She decants-- all of them!
So I was curious what we were gonna drink tonight, and so I asked her.
I said, "Where'd you grab it from?" Because I actually know a thing or two about wines.
I have them organized in the cellar.
Pinot, Carménère, Malbec, Riesling, Shiraz.
- Sharyl's white zins in a shitty box... - Joel.
in the corner beneath everything.
So I asked her. I said, "Sharyl, where did you grab it from?"
And, uh, she said to me,
in that lovely way that she's known for, she said--
"How the hell do I know, Joel?
I just grabbed one."
And so I pressed further. I said, "Sharyl, come on. I mean, you're not stupid.
Just visualize the corner you grabbed it from."
And she said to me-- I swear to God,
she said to me,
"Hell's corner!"
Exactly!
So, I mean-- we could be drinking...
a hundred dollar bottle of Ruffino, or--
or cooking wine.
Well, you've decorated it beautifully. Thank you.
You think? Yeah, copper pots in the kitchen, digital baby grand piano.
Oh, hey, let me show you something. Look at this.
It's a, uh-- It's a limited edition series monoprint by Roberson.
It's all kind of revolting, if you ask me.
So much space. I'm really happy the way it's turning out.
If you're not used to so much space, it can make you anxious. Can we tell 'em?
Can we please tell 'em? Look at that plant.
There's all this free space around it, you know?
The sight of it nags me. You know?
Sometimes I'll even take something, and I'll move it,
just to fill up that space.
Whoa.
Then of course the space I moved it from is now empty.
So I put it back.
Well, you have a beautiful house now.
Thank-Thank you.
It feels very... opulent.
Really sorry to have you both sleep in the living room.
It's just that, uh, we're-- we're remodeling
the guest room on the second floor.
I'm sorry.
I'll be right back.
So, hey, what else you got going on out here, huh? Any shows?
Freelance?
Using that talent?
I'll go and check on the baby.
Let's go do something fun. Just me and you.
Okay. Okay.
Oh. Shh.
Shh.
Here we go.
Ah. Shh.
He's beautiful. Thank you.
You ever miss New York? No.
Oh, they're leaving.
- Maybe I should drive. Want me to drive? - Nah, it's all right. Fuck you.
This is a real car. It's not Sharyl's fuckin' mommy-mobile.
- Are you guys okay? - How do you mean?
It's none of my business. You're right. It's not.
But Joel obviously wants to make it yours.
I'm sorry I asked. Oh, it's fine. It is what it is.
Whoa, whoa, relax. Relax.
You're originally from the Midwest, right, Carlo?
Uh, well, I warned you-- I warned you. No paradise.
Oh, the cold. Good God.
Yeah, the cold is uninhabitable. And the people!
The people are nice, huh?
Do you like it out here?
I do, Grace. I do.
Sure, it's been a change. But my life has changed. My life is here.
Whoa. Easy there, big guy.
Did you ever notice that when you ask people from these uninhabitable places...
what makes this part of the country so special,
they always say it's the people, right?
"The people are good. The people are nice. The people are friendly."
- Slow down. Slow down. - You know why they say this?
- Because there's nothing else here. - The roads are big.
The sky is big. The houses, as you can see, are very, very big.
Joel. Whenever there's a lack of anything decent,
you can always rely on the good people. Joel!
- Ice cold winters. - No grime.
- Gray skies. - You don't have to wash when you walk in the front door.
- Mosquito summers. - There's no sirens at night.
Joel, stop the fucking car! The people are good.
- Traffic. - Our sports teams are good.
The sound of your neighbors fucking against the wall.
That touchdown last week was so fucking good!
Joel!
It's quiet.
Dresden after World War II...
had more to do than this fucking wasteland.
There's nothing. There is nothing to do.
But... we have our painted faces...
and we have our sports teams.
And we have our sausages. And we have our people.
- Let's just go home, all right, Joel? - Fuck that!
Come on! Let's get some shit beer, and let's get fucked up.
Where are you guys?
Hey. Uh, we're at a convenience store really, really far away.
Joel's pretty loaded.
Sounds like you're having fun. When are you coming back?
Is she standing in front of you? Uh-huh.
Yeah, all right. Well, look, when I get back,
- we're leaving, okay? - That's a great idea.
Cool. Oh, he's comin'.
I gotta go. I love you.
Whoo! Go on. I know you wanna drive this beast! Oh!
- Okay. Yes, gladly. - Besides, my hands are full.
Oh!
What's a great idea? Hmm?
You just said, "That's a great idea."
Them coming back. That's a great idea?
Don't leave, Grace. Please? We invited you here.
Besides, it's over now.
- Look at you. Whoa! - Easy.
Fierce!
I have time to work out. Does it change when you have kids?
Huh? Kids?
Um-- Yesterday I played with Lucien for an hour.
I touched his-- his head.
I kissed his neck. I kissed his nose.
And he laughed and squirmed. And I laughed and squirmed.
Suddenly, he sank his teeth into my shoulder.
Damn!
Lucien did that? So that's what it's like havin' a kid.
Wow.
Well--
We had an argument in school.
Argument? Yeah.
I remember very little. You don't remember that?
No, I'm sorry. I'm not going to jeopardize my career,
or who I am, my art, so I can have some kids.
Why? Because society says I'm supposed to?
'Cause my mom-- So you're below having kids?
Well, I'm not-- No, I'm not below having kids.
Yeah. You're being difficult.
You're-You're-- You're special. I'm not.
- You think you're special. - That-- That I do.
That-- I think that I'm special, yes.
Okay. Well, you know what? You're not. Neither am I.
And we're both gonna wind up having kids...
and living in the suburbs. No. Sub--
I ain't livin' in no suburbs. This is below you.
Mm-mmm. Because--
You're drunk, because what you're saying to me...
is simple and sentimental.
"Have some kids."
You know what? Who am I talking to right now?
You're actually drunk, and you're pissing me off because you sound--
you sound phony.
Phony? Yeah.
You're sitting here lecturing me about how special you are as a photographer.
How is that phony?
These sort of views you've obviously picked up from undergraduates...
who get Daddy's monthly check. Maybe.
And you're acting phony.
Don't call me phony. 'Cause I have an issue--
God, that actually hurt your feelings.
I call your mom a slut, that doesn't matter, but I call you a phony--
Call me phony one more time, I'm gonna punch you in your fucking face.
For real.
How 'bout that?
Phony.
Oh, yes.
You fuckin' asshole. You lucky. You lucky, man. I know.
I live with me. I mean--
What, uh-- No, but seriously.
All right. What were we talkin' about?
Your mom.
You were right.
Was I? You were right, yeah.
Uh, I wanna have 'em.
I wanna have a bunch of 'em.
A big family.
Like the one that I grew up in.
I feel like life-- I can't believe I'm say--
I feel like life is meaningless without children.
Well, life doesn't necessarily become meaningful...
because you have children.
Well, if not meaningful, then what?
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I don't wanna have this conversion, Carlo.
Do not ask me to repeat clichés that parents pass around like cocktail napkins.
Fine. "Oh. Oh, my God, kids.
They're so much work, but they're worth it, you know?"
"My son teaches me more than I teach him."
"They grow up so fast."
Oh, Jesus. It's more energy to prop up these conversations...
than it is to actually have a kid! Okay.
I'm just fumbling through it like the next guy.
We should stop self-consciously chatting about parenthood and about children.
I mean, do you hear apes in the zoo going on about their offspring...
and what they've learned from them,
and how much they mean to them,
and nyuh-nyuh-nyuh?
All right. So, am I-- Am I an ape?
Is that what's happening right now? I don't know. You tell me.
Are you an ape?
You made it back!
Ugh. Where did you go? A convenience store.
More wine? Oh, yes, please.
I wasn't talking to you. I'm finished fighting, sweetie. Okay?
Just give me some more wine. Please?
I don't think you want any more, Joel. Oh, really?
I thought I just asked you for some more.
No. I don't think you really want any more.
Do you want more, Joel? What do you think?
- I just told you what I thought. - All right! For God sakes!
- All right, guys. we're gonna--
- We can stay. We can stay. We'll stay. We're gonna stay.
Gracie.
Scotch, anyone?
Just relax.
Mmm.
- You're looking really good, Carlo. - Thank you. Thank you.
I was just telling Joel that I'm, you know, working out more.
- Really? Where? - Trying to stay in shape.
We're just about to have dessert.
Dessert. Yeah, crème brûlée. Oh, my God.
Carlo's favorite. Right.
- Remember when we took them to Le Fou? - Right. Le Fou.
Fantastic crème brûlée at Le Fou. For your anniversary.
And the waiter spilled coffee all over Joel.
That's right.
Wow, it has really been a long time.
Oh, I love that place!
- And we live two blocks away. - You don't go?
We try not to eat out anymore.
Well, it's nothing like the food out here.
Just steakhouses, sausage factories and slaughterhouses.
Well, thank you, Sharyl, for the crème brûlée.
That's very thoughtful.
Don't thank me yet, Carlo.
I'm sure it's much better than at Le Fou.
Are you always so ingratiating?
Another toast. Another toast.
Okay.
Age...
earns us...
our imperfections.
What the hell sort of a toast was that, Joel?
So don't worry about it, Carlo.
- Worry about-- - Age, baldness, kids.
You never wanna get too perfect.
Me? Well--
Sure I do.
What he's trying to say, Carlo, is don't try to be too happy.
- It would actually upset him. - Sharyl.
It might actually make him realize just how miserable he is. Really, it would.
- Yeah, it would. - It would.
Well, you caught us at a bad time.
Sharyl and I are--
- How would you describe it, Sharyl? - Hmm?
Oh, um--
We're getting a divorce.
Crème brûlée, anyone?
Your son. I mean, look at him.
Could he be more handsome? Thank you.
- All those cheeks. - Truly a Gerber Baby.
Every baby is a Gerber Baby. That's not true, actually.
I think he's ugly.
It upsets her when I talk like that. Of course it upsets me.
You shouldn't make jokes like that. It was a joke.
Maybe you're just scared that I believe it.
Do you? I'm the only person with a sense of humor around here.
Oh. Can I take a peek? Yeah.
He's usually so fussy.
I love how you did this.
Oh. Huh. You wanna buy it?
It's probably out of my price range.
I doubt that.
Hey, whatever happened with that Romario exhibit?
It, uh, got canceled. Why?
Well, Romario is a psychopath.
His wife left him, so he pulled out,
and without Romario there's no show.
And without the show, you know--
That sucks.
Yeah, it did suck.
Do you ever get anxious when girls pair off like that?
You know, when they do something that we should want to do.
Something that we should like to do, like...
stare at a sleeping baby.
Why would I wanna stare at a sleeping baby?
You know what we should do?
We should both go in there a little later on, play a joke on 'em.
Shock 'em.
You should say, "Can I take a peek?"
And then I'll say, "Sure."
And then I'll follow you in there.
Want to do that?
Are you all right, Carlo? Are you doing all right?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I am. But now that, uh--
That story you told me, I got so upset--
Look, it happened. I was moved.
I know, but years from now you are going to confess to me...
that that whole story was bullshit.
No. No. Yes. Yes, you are.
You're gonna confess to me that whole story was a load of crap.
It wasn't a story.
If I'm religious at all, if I'm spiritual,
if I can even say that with a straight face-- you know me and my--
If I can do any of this,
it's because of poignancy.
Because of poignancy?
There are moments when life distills itself very tightly, just for a second.
Something moves me, something... tells me that I can go on.
That I should go on. That I want to go on.
What is that thing?
I can't do it.
- Jesus. - That-- That is a luxury.
- A-A luxury? - A wealthy man's luxury.
What? What is that supposed to mean?
Look, Joel, a lot of people here on Earth...
are worried about their next grand to pay for bills.
We don't have time to stare at our navels and listen to men in confessionals.
- You feel me? - Okay, fair enough.
All right.
What's wrong, Carlo?
I'm fine. Come on. You can tell me.
Hey, I'm-- I'm fine.
Okay.
I don't know. You just seem--
It's money.
Hello, beautiful. He looks like Carlo.
I think he looks like you.
Hello, beautiful.
Yes, you're beau-- Handsome. You're handsome.
You did good, Grace.
Thanks. You did good.
Did Daddy wake you up?
Did Daddy wake you up from your nap?
It's all right. Yeah.
This is Auntie Sharyl.
Ohh!
He's my little man.
Our debt is crushing us.
Yeah, Gracie had to leave school and go back to her restaurant job.
It's-- I don't know.
Student loans and credit cards...
and going out a lot at night,
trying to keep up appearances.
I said that it would all work itself out, but--
You paid off all your student loans?
Yeah.
I haven't sold a photograph in--
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Well, not as sorry as my wife.
I can get you an interview with my agency.
I told myself I would never do that.
How much money--
I-I wanted to call you a couple of months ago, but...
Gracie, she-- she wouldn't let me.
Oh, so sweet.
Breathing in and out so fast.
Did the delivery boy come yet? No.
Oh, God. That I don't miss about New York.
I'm beginning to hate it here myself. Beginning?
You hate New York?
Everyone is always moving, moving, moving,
and-and we-- we just seem to-- we seem to be stuck.
But the rest of the world, forget about it. They love New York.
T-shirts and Taipei.
"I Love New York." It's disgusting.
I still love the city.
Well, you're from here. So?
So you have to say it. I have to?
That's a stupid thing to say.
Oh, can I take a peek?
What? Can I take a peek?
Can you take-- Can I take a peek?
Yes, of-of course. Please. Of course.
What in God's name are they doing?
I don't know. Taking a peek, I guess.
Yeah. They don't do that.
Well, I guess they do.
Now what? Mmm.
I don't know. I think we just wait in here until they're very uncomfortable.
Then we go back out there.
Ah, you know what?
I remember this age.
It goes by really fast.
You guys seem happy.
We are.
It's nice to see.
I'm really sorry for what happened that night.
Oh, I know.
I wanna make things better.
So what are you up to now?
Oh, um, I'm running the local arts council.
That's nice. Mmm. It's really nice actually.
I've been meaning to ask Carlo if maybe he wants
to come in and run a seminar for the week.
I'm sure he'd be flattered.
We had fun, the four of us.
Joel says he misses that. Misses you guys.
W-We miss you guys.
Oh!
Almost forgot.
I got a present for the little one.
Aren't you gonna open it?
Shouldn't I wait to open it in front of the baby?
Oh. Okay.
I'll open it now.
Thank you.
Are you guys... having any more kids?
I, uh--
I can't have any more.
Is that funny?
Oh, God, no. No. Oh, God--
I'm sorry. Is that funny?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, it's--
It's just that you can't have any more,
and I don't want any more.
Then don't have any more.
I'm pregnant.
But I'm not having it.
Carlo really wants to, but...
we can't afford it.
Oh, my God.
It's hard for me to admit this, but...
I don't love being a mom.
It gets easier after the first three months.
Don't tell me that! I don't want advice.
What do you want me to say?
Don't you ever get angry about it?
Angry? Taking care of your baby?
Well... a little. But it passes.
I-I-I feel grateful.
I-- I had a rea--
really bad day last week.
Do you wanna get a soda?
You wanna get a soda?
You wanna get a little Japanese soda?
Look at those little fingers.
I could just eat them up.
I'm just gonna eat your fingers. They're so tasty.
They're so tasty! Mmm-mmm-mmm!
What if I bite them off?
Oh, no. Oh, God. Don't cry.
No, no. It's okay. Shh-shh-shh.
I just can't listen to you cry anymore. Yes. No. Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, you're laughing at me now? Don't you fucking laugh at me.
Because I'll shake you. I'll shake you, and then you'll stop crying.
I'm not joking. I'll shake you, and then you'll stop crying.
And then I won't have to listen to you crying ever again. No. No.
What?
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I... love my little boy.
But sometimes, when I'm alone in the shower,
I commit myself to getting on the next flight to anywhere...
and never coming back.
Oh, my God.
So cute. So sweet.
- He's breathing in and out. - Go on. Mock me.
I would never. Never.
- Did you miss me? - Wow, you guys seem so, uh--
Repaired.
Yeah, I guess we are.
Ugh. Revolting.
- - Blech. - Sorry.
You don't even have a 20 for the delivery boy?
I spent all I had on the shake.
You should've thought of that before you called him back here.
I called him back here because of you.
Hey! Hey! Come on! Stop. It's gross.
What? Kiss your wife. She needs it.
- I'm going. Does anyone want anything? - Um--
I'll go. I'll go. Just let me tip the kid.
- No. - No, no, no, no.
It's fine. Why not? Because it was my idea--
- Your cheapness. - It's fine. Look, here's a 20.
Only you would do some shit like that-- call me cheap in front of my friends.
Cheap. Excuse me.
- I'll call him back, tell him not to come. - And embarrass yourself again?
She's mad at me.
You think?
She say anything to you before?
Sh-She asked if I was happy.
Did she say she was unhappy?
Is she unhappy?
That wasn't fair.
They might be unhappy, but it wasn't fair to put us through that.
♪ Oh, no.
I can't sleep with that. Go ask them to turn it down.
What? I can't sleep with that. Can you?
No-- I don't want to-- You ask them to turn it d-- What?
Hey, guys?
You seriously want me to ask them?
Yes. Okay.
Guys? Could you turn the music down, please?
Guys, could--
♪ Thank you.
Sober or not, we're getting the hell out of here in the morning.
Do you love me?
Of course I do.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Hey, that had nothing to do with us.
Just hold me. Okay?
We are not like them.
I'm just gonna sit here, 'cause I need to calm down.
You're just gonna sit there in the dark?
I do it all the time.
I sit, and I drink my tea,
and I think.
And I watch you sleep.
And then when I get drowsy,
I put my tea down...
and I grope my way to the bed.
And you groan.
And I say, "Shh."
And I think about...
how I like to watch you watching me...
watch you shave.
Or how you sometimes sit at the bar during my restaurant shifts...
and watch the stockbrokers flirt with me.
Or how I sometimes sneak out at 3:00 in the morning to buy you flowers...
because they're cheaper then.
And how you leave 'em on the kitchen table for me to see...
when I wake up.
They're not like us.
They don't understand each other.
How could two people...
treat each other like that...
if they really understood each other, if they really loved each other?
How could that happen?
I love you.
You do? Mm-hmm.
I love you too.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, she's furious with me.
Why wouldn't she take a 20? She's stubborn.
Well, so am I. Okay? Why don't you call that guy?
I want you-- Send him back here.
I want-- I want-- I want two more milk sha--
I want chocolate milk shakes, and I will pay. Call the guy.
He's on his way anyway. You want a chocolate shake?
Yes. Two more chocolate shakes.
- Go ahead, ca-- You want me to call him? - I got it. I got it.
Ridiculous.
Let's go.
Hello. Yes, this is 605--
Yes, I am calling again.
We'd like two more milk shakes. Chocolate.
Oh, okay.
Okay. Appreciate it.
Apparently he left the diner already and they're gonna call him back.
Oh, God, no. Call them back. Tell them we can't do it.
I am not calling that man back. You're crazy. No.
- Jesus, we better tip this kid after what he put him through. - He's not a kid.
What do you mean?
You said, "Tip this kid," and he's not a kid.
What is he? He's an old man.
What? Yeah.
He's an old Mexican man.
An old Mexican man? And you didn't tip him?
- Well, how old is he? - I don't know-- 50, 60.
Sixty? He's, what-- He's probably 40.
He's got gray hair. Probably didn't age well.
Of course he's not aging well. The guy makes three cents an hour.
For real? Are you gonna lay into me now?
I got an idea. I got a hundred-dollar bill in my wallet.
Stop. Let's give it to him.
Stop it. What? Why?
It's patronizing. Why is it patronizing?
Because it is. Now put it away. Wait a minute.
Guy makes no money, has no education, doesn't speak the language.
Why does it have to be patronizing?
Why am I an awful person? Nine out of 10 people wouldn't think of it.
10 out of 10 people wouldn't do it.
Why-- Come on! A little generosity, huh?
It's not like we didn't get any help along the way, Sharyl.
Where would we be without your dead grandparents?
Before, I was angry.
Now I'm fuming.
He's fucking ancient, and you sent him back for more shakes?
No. They wanted more shakes.
- It's boiling outside! - Grace, we ordered the shakes.
They wanted more shakes.
That poor old man traipsing about for your whims.
- Where is he? - They ordered the shakes.
He's gone. I paid him and tipped him. No! I wanted to tip him.
Oh! Thank you, but I got it.
Jesus, I said I would tip him. It's done.
All right. Take the money. No.
Come on. Take it. Are you kidding me?
- No. - That's a hundred dollars.
I know.
Did my husband ask you for money?
- No. What? No. - I didn't ask him for anything.
You did, didn't you?
Thanks.
He asked you for money?
I'm not going home with this hundred-dollar bill.
I'm calling that diner.
That guy is coming back here and I'm going to tip him $100.
- What? - I'm calling-- Where's the redial?
- Can we just go back to the hotel, Joel? - Hello? Yeah, hi.
Uh, I don't know the ad-- What's the address?
How the fuck do I know?
I don't know the address. We just had the milk shakes.
Yeah, yeah, could you, uh--
Uh, uh, could-- Oh, Jesus Christ. He hung up on me.
Yeah, hi. Please don't hang up on me. Yeah, thanks. Would you--
I'd like you to send that old man back here.
'Cause I'd like to tip him a lot of money.
Yeah, okay. Well, do that then. That's terrific. Absolutely.
Great. Okay. Thank you so much.
He didn't believe me, so I ordered four more shakes.
- How much money did he ask you for? - I don't know. He didn't say.
He's always been irresponsible, Joel. Never managed his money.
You know that. Let's not judge. Who knows what happened to 'em.
It's not a mystery. He's been in debt ever since we've known him.
I was in debt once. And we took care of it.
Well, some people aren't as lucky, Sharyl.
Is that what this is about? Luck? Your luck or his luck? We're not gonna fight.
Showing your generosity by tipping a stranger a hundred dollars?
He's not a stranger. He's a delivery guy.
We're not floating in money, Joel.
No one admits they're floating in money. If
they did, they'd actually have to feel guilty.
Guilty?
We earned that money. Come on. Do not start with the meritocracy line.
I don't want to talk politics. You know we inherited money.
I took a job I can't stand-- that kills me day in and out.
People inherit money all the time, Joel. We sacrificed.
We moved away from New York!
We made choices. How much does he want?
I don't know. He didn't say. He didn't?
No. We were interrupted. You think it's a lot of money?
There isn't. We have the same dreams, the same ideals. Come on. Look at him.
So you're just gonna give him money?
If you agree, yeah. And if I don't agree?
Then we'll talk about it. And if after we talk about it I still don't agree?
Then we'll flip a coin.
Very funny.
No.
I won't give him money that would get him out of his crushing debt.
He said, "crushing debt"?
Joel, when somebody says "crushing debt" and they ask for money,
they mean a lotof money.
Maybe we should give 'em money. Okay, great.
Let's just give away all our life savings to beggars, friends, delivery boys. Great.
Jesus Chr--
Um, Grace said that the delivery man speaks perfect English.
I started to ask him do you have any change,
and I stopped myself mid-sentence,
figuring he probably didn't speak English, and he said--
"I have change."
And I said, "Oh, you speak English."
And he said, "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
And I said, "My husband said you didn't," and he said,
- "Your husband's wrong."
- I didn't even say he didn't speak English.
You still want to give him a hundred bucks now?
Yes, of course. Why not?
Well, he's coming back. He's coming back?
Yeah. Joel called him back. You called him back?
I said I was gonna tip the guy $100. He's coming back for the tip.
You called that poor old man back here?
To tip him a hundred dollars.
For some reason, my husband wants to show his generosity this evening.
Sharyl.
- You must be enjoying this. - Enjoying what?
- I thought we said we were done fighting-- - I'm not done fighting.
- What the-- Enjoying what? - Him groveling.
Look at your smug little face. You love this, don't you?
What the fuck are you talking about? This is your revenge.
- Revenge? - Grace, please--
Whoa. No, no, no. Revenge? For what?
For your mediocrity. What?
He was the more talented of you two in graduate school.
Oh, my God! In fact, you had very little talent, if any at all.
And you had an inferiority complex about it for years.
Did I? You did.
Grace-- My husband got all the attention.
- He was the star of that program. - That he was.
And this is your revenge, isn't it?
Oh, it must be delicious for you to see him so weak and needy.
So I harbor an inferiority complex, and I'm without talent.
- Is that what I'm supposed to believe? - They're not my words.
Jesus Christ.
This is why I don't like dinner parties.
Divorce.
No, you can't-- You can't be.
Yeah, you're right.
It would be an annulment.
The Catholic Church would tell us our marriage never existed.
Invalid from the beginning. It was all a mirage.
You guys--
What? You guys were so happy.
Were we?
We had plans-- our vacation in Costa Rica.
Well, we're not divorcing to inconvenience you.
Well, you could see a counselor. Counselor?
- A referee? Please. - Please.
That beautiful baby boy up there-- What's gonna happen?
Are you being serious? You see that couch you're sitting on?
That is a pullout bed. Okay, Joel, enough.
I have a feeling my name is embroidered on it.
Enough. It's getting old, Joel.
What? The joke is getting old.
Who said it was a joke? Your sarcasm's getting very old.
She ordered it last year. Joel thinks I ordered it for him.
We have never had a pullout couch in our lives.
Not even in our little apartment in New York.
And she orders a pullout couch here.
Sharyl claims to be above my nasty words, but Sharyl fights in very subtle ways.
Look at the way you're behaving. I refuse to sleep on it.
I have sequestered myself up in the unfinished guest room...
amidst the paint cans and the drywall.
I think I'm becoming asthmatic as a result of it.
But I have to finish that room so I can get some sleep,
because I refuse to even sit on that couch.
Because if I do, she wins.
This is-- This is too much.
This-- This is nothing.
We are fine with the couch. Good. It's all yours.
I'm asking you...
politely...
to please...
stop.
My wife was fucking a Brazilian.
Oh, no. God.
Goddamn you.
I used to play our bossa nova CD's...
to get a rise out of Sharyl.
Then she found them, and she threw them out. You asshole!
So I bought some more and she threw those out.
Then I bought some more-- Back and forth, back and forth.
All right, listen, we gotta go. Asshole!
Go? Go where? You're in the fucking tundra!
Sweetheart, I'm asking you nicely...
to please stop.
Please.
After Sharyl had the baby,
Bossa Nova wouldn't fuck her anymore.
So now I have to watch her mope around in a robe...
in this vacuous palace of shit!
Well, maybe when I'm around you I intuitively mope.
Oh, really? Your Brazilian depression is my fault then?
Depression? Who said anything about depression?
I'm talking about moping.
I guess what I'm saying, Joel, is I'm not really
moping because I have nothing to mope about.
I'm quite satisfied is what I'm saying.
How do you know he was my only?
Only?
Bossa...
nova.
That's clever, Sharyl. Really?
Yeah. What is? Tell me.
What? What's clever?
You're smug.
But the truth is, you know nothing.
And I would never tell you what you want to know.
One day...
I'm gonna murder you.
I look forward to it.
Crème brûlée, anyone?
I feel sick.
What do you mean by "only"?
We don't socialize much anymore because Joel--
- What do you mean? - has the habit of embarrassing us.
It was one of the reasons we didn't make it to your wedding.
I am so sorry you had to see this.
Are you kidding? This will do them good. See what a marriage can become.
It will do them good to know that I find you abominable,
that the thought of having sex with you revolts me.
Sharyl--
I would rather you fuck a whore...
than put your hands on my shoulders.
My stomach churns at the thought of our wedding day.
Carlo and Grace,
the mold, the archetype of a good relationship.
Such passion, warmth, humanity.
Sharyl and I used to joke. Didn't we, Sharyl?
Before we started to fall apart.
When we still had a sense of humor, we used to say...
that we wanted the two of you, Carlo and Grace,
bronzed into a statue...
and put in our backyard to--
To remind us of happiness.
We really...
hoped tonight would be different.
Go to sleep.
We'll have coffee and bagels in the morning...
and forget all about it.
Good night. I'm gonna go to bed.
Um...
thank you, guys, for staying.
Uh, linens are in the hallway closet.
The fridge is yours. The bed, as you know, pulls out.
Good night.
First you ask me for money.
- And then you insult me. - You loved that he asked you for money.
No, I didn't. I actually wanted to help.
- We don't need your help. We can handle this on our own. - Can we?
This is between you and me, no one else.
- How much did he ask for? - That's none of your business!
Well, I think it is, 'cause your husband asked us for it. How much?
Well, my husband is rescinding his request.
We need $55,000.
Believe me, your husband doesn't need to rescind
anything, because there's no way in hell--
Okay.
Excuse me? I'll give you the money.
You thought of me as talentless all this time?
Tell him the truth, Carlo.
Uh, well-- Tell him the truth!
Let me speak!
I thought of you as an underachiever.
Wasted talent.
You let me down.
- I let you down? - Yeah. You had so much potential.
Oh, please!
You said "talentless" over and over again to me.
Have a spine.
If we were being honest like you're being, we wouldn't have any friends.
What's a marriage without the gossip you share with your spouse?
You should respect that gossip.
I'm not talking about money. You're not getting
any money, no matter what my husband says.
- I'm giving them money. - I'm talking about manners.
It's not like we don't talk about you.
When we visited New York after Lucien was
born, we laughed at your expense for a week.
Do you remember how you fed him? Right to his mouth with your unwashed fingers?
God, I remember so clearly.
You took your dirty, stinky fingers,
and you scooped up some food,
and you laid it to my baby Lucien's lips.
So natural. Oh!
So endearing. So earthy. So disgusting!
Okay, that's enough. No, please let me finish.
The next morning, over coffee, my husband and I laughed at you.
What a load of crap, we thought.
It's bad enough she has such slutty taste in clothes.
I mean, what? Ripped stockings, short skirt.
Hooker boots? Come on.
But that she takes her hands, her unwashhands,
and lays them to my baby's lips and feeds him,
like it's natural to her.
You're a fake.
You're a phony. You were terrified.
Hey, hey, Sharyl-- Okay, that's enough. Just stop it.
Stop now, Sharyl. Stop, Sharyl. Please stop now.
Grace is pregnant again.
You told her?
So don't attack us, Grace, because my husband can support a family.
It's not our fault you're embarrassed for Carlo.
And let me tell you the truth. He's no Ansel fucking Adams.
He's a snob. Yeah, you are.
Always telling Joel about this photographer that's coming through New York...
and this painter that's coming through New York,
as if my husband doesn't read the trades,
as if he isn't wishing he was here doing those exact same things.
I don't tell you those things to look down on you, Joel. Yeah, you do.
- Do you really think that? - Come on. Come on. You do.
I--
What are you doing? I'm writing them a check.
We're not taking that check. Why not?
Because... you made a commitment to us.
This is between you and me.
Who else is gonna get you out of debt, Grace?
Not you.
Oh, really? What are you gonna do? Call a bank? Ask for a loan?
With what equity? Huh?
Your restaurant job? His photos?
He's got an exhibit next month in New Mexico.
It's just a matter of time. I believe in him.
Well, it takes more than belief to sell photos.
We're gonna pay him back, Grace, as soon as I sell something.
Why would you take that money? Because I deserve that money.
You deserve it? I deserve it.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Don't cash this right away. I have to call the bank.
Joel-- Joel. What, Sharyl?
Oh, please let me do this. Please. Why?
- I'm paying you back that money. - No. It's a gift. It's a gift.
No. Absolutely not.
Please let me do this. Why?
- Because I need to. - We're gonna pay you back.
No, you won't. It is a gift, or you don't get it.
We're not taking that money. Yeah, we are.
Why not, Grace? Am I a mobster? Is the money dirty?
No. It's just not ours to take.
Okay, when I asked Carlo-- I said to him, I could get you an interview at my agency.
Do you know what he said? He said "I told myself I would never do that."
"I told myself I would never do that."
Why would he say that? Why would he say that to me?
I mean, why not say, it's not for me, I'm not interested,
I want to keep doing exhibits, I want to keep selling art?
Instead, he said, "I told myself I would never do that."
There's this line that Carlo will never cross.
There's something he will never sink down to.
- Joel, you know that's not what I meant. - That's exactly what you meant!
- I meant I have different plans. - You have the same plans that I once had.
But you changed your plans. Maybe you should too.
- No. Why? - Because they're not working.
Don't resent me for that. Grow up.
Your dreams, your plans, they beat you down, they destroy you.
Ask anybody who makes a living and they will tell you exactly the same thing.
Let me fill you in on something.
We're not special. We're not brilliant.
We never were.
Any artist out there that doesn't think that they're special, they're lying.
Okay, then I guess I was never a serious artist.
I guess not, Joel.
You think I don't look in the mirror and want to scream sometimes?
But I have a family and a place to live,
and people around me that I love, and... a yard.
Yeah, a yard...
where my little boy--
where my one little boy can play.
Now, at the end of the day, what more can I ask for?
Tell me. What more can I ask for?
It's not about wanting more, Joel.
I just want something different.
Well, then, you pay a price.
Thank you.
Here. Keep it.
Thank you.
How old was he?
Mmm.
Sixties.
Was he happy? Happy?
That you gave him that tip?
He smiled.
I think he even bowed.
- He didn't. - I think he did.
Oh. That's embarrassing.
Yeah.
Are you glad you gave it?
The tip?
Come on, man. I don't know.
Do you enjoy having money?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
When you have it, what do you worry about?
Keeping it.
Take me home, Joel. Mmm.
Yeah, let's go.
Good night.
Come on. There's a lot of power in those words.
- I want you to say it with me. - All right.
For richer, for poorer. For richer or for poorer.
In sickness and in health. In sickness and in health.
Till death do us part.
Ugh.
I'm gonna write my own. Oh, man!
Oh. Wait.