Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
Satire, one A.
A literary work in which human vice or folly...
is ridiculed or attacked scornfully.
B--The branch of literature that composes such work.
2--lrony, derision or caustic wit...
used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.
Bonjour. My name is Pierre Delacroix.
I am a television writer. A creative person.
I'm one of those people responsible for what you view...
on your idiot box.
The problem is, not enough of you...
have been watching out there in television land.
With the onslaught of the internet, video...
and interactive games, 900 channels to choose from...
our valued audience has dramatically eroded.
To put it in much simpler terms...
Iike rats fleeing from a sinking ship.
People are tuning out by the millions...
which, needless to say, is bad for business.
Let's get it.
If you don't dance, we don't eat.
You slow, we blow. You snooze, we lose.
Come on, get up.
Seriously, son, get up.
He went to Juilliard, School of the Arts.
I gave him his first break. He's my partner.
Don't hurt 'em.
Let me shine 'em up.
Wind it up, baby.
What? Now, before you go...
don't forget to give us that cheese.
That m-o-n-e...Why? Because we broke. What's up?
Thank you very much. Bless you.
Thank you, thank you.
Hey, Sling blade, what's happening? Thank you.
There you go.
Bless you from the bottom of your heart, baby.
Big Dela!
It's the Dela man!
There you go with the suits. I like that.
Good morning, Womack.
Looks like you going to an exorcism, man.
I like the suit, though. It's pretty nice.
Thank you.
Why don't you help me and Manray out, man?
We're trying to get some work. You work for the network.
I'll work on something.
Sloan says you're too talented to be dancing in the street.
Word? Why don't you tell Sloan to come see me?
I'll do that. Good day, gentlemen.
"I'll do that." He a damn magician?
You work for one of the biggest networks in the country!
Somebody put a 10 up in here. Check it.
Here we go. One for you, three for me.
You the feet, I'm the brains. Told you, boy.
Yeah, baby.
You have a grand day.
Good morning, Steve.
Hello, Margaret.
Bartholomew.
Kip!
Hey, Jarma.
...18 to 49-year-old audience.
Do you understand? It's pretty--
Monsieur Delacroix.
-Hello. -Good morning.
This very important staff meeting...
commenced exactly 32 minutes ago.
My apologies around the room for my tardiness.
Do you have any idea how much information...
can be dispensed in one minute alone?
Sir, had I been informed of this important meeting...
I would have canceled my Pilates session this morning.
I did not find out about it--
You're telling me that everyone in the room...
knew about this little get-together except for you.
People, you can pull a Rodman like our friend Delacroix...
but I guarantee you'll be sent packing just like him.
These are the ratings, people. Read 'em and weep.
As you can plainly see...
the Continental Network System is languishing.
Look at 'em, people. Look very closely.
We are booty, caca. We are doo-doo.
I don't like to be the laughingstock...
of the entire broadcast industry.
I don't like these pricks who call themselves my bosses...
breathing down my back.
It makes me sweat.
These numbers are totally unacceptable.
These numbers have to go up.
Question.
What do you want us to do?
Dumb-ass question.
I want you to write some material that is funny.
Your material is about as funny as a dead baby.
It's not dope. It's not new. It's not sexy.
It sucks.
Thank you, Fish. It sucks.
This meeting is over.
But I want you to think about what I just said...
and how you can deliver.
Otherwise, things are gonna get very grim around here.
Monsieur Delacroix.
Can I see you in my office now, please?
Yes.
Seeing that you're all stretched out and shit.
Sloan, why didn't I know about this important meeting?
Nobody sent me an e-mail. I didn't have a memo.
What good are you if I don't know about these things?
Well, it wasn't my fault.
I was embarrassed. Hey, Chuckie.
Humiliated.
But if I don't know, how are you gonna know?
That's unacceptable. It better never happen again.
Do you know what CP Time is?
CP Time.
CP Time is Colored People's Time...
the stereotypical belief that Negroes are always late...
that Negroes have no sense of time...
except when it comes to music or dance...
then you can set your watch to them.
I'm sorry about my blowup.
It's OK. I understand.
Listen, let's sit down.
I know you're the most creative person I've got on staff.
I mean, you're hip, you know what's happening.
I've got a bunch of pasty-ass white boys and girls...
writing for me, you know what I mean?
I grew up around black people my whole life.
If the truth be told, I probably know niggers better than you.
Don't go getting offended by my use of the N-word.
I have a black wife and two biracial kids...
so I feel I have a right.
I don't give a goddamn what that prick Spike Lee says.
Tarantino was right. "Nigger" is just a word.
If Old Dirty Bastard can use it, why can't l?
I would prefer if you did not use that word in my presence.
Oh, really?
Nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger.
Whitey, whitey, whitey, whitey!
The material you've been writing is too white-bread.
It's white people with black faces.
The Huxtables, Cosby-- a genius, revolutionary.
Theo, Lisa Bonet--dope.
But we can't go down that road again.
I disagree.
The Negro middle class does exist...
and it's fertile ground for a dramatic series or a sitcom.
Look at this stuff I'm having to read.
A black family moves into a white suburban enclave.
This is shit.
A black girl is adopted by some chink American family?
They were Polynesian.
A black headmaster is hired...
at some old-money, crusty, Eastern boarding school.
Garbage. It's too clean, it's too antiseptic.
-It's too-- -White.
Delacroix, wake up, brother man.
The reason why these shows didn't get picked up...
is because nobody, no-motherfuckin'-body...
niggers and crackers alike, wants to see that junk.
People want to be entertained.
It didn't get picked up because no one gave it a chance.
Oh, really? No one gave them a chance?
You got your head stuck so far up your ass...
with your Harvard education and pretentious Buppy ways.
Brother man, I'm blacker than you.
I'm keeping it real. I'm 'bout it, 'bout it.
I got the roll.
You're just frontin' tryin' to be white.
I'm an Aryan. A sellout.
Because I don't aspire to do "Homeboys from Outer Space"...
"The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer"...
or, as you may put it, some nigger show?
-ls that what you think? -Yes, exactly.
You and I know black people set the trends and styles.
This is a golden opportunity for CNS...
but these idiots have to be led to the water.
We could do this together.
I want a show that will make headlines.
I want millions and millions of viewers tuned and glued...
to their fucking televisions every week saying,
"Did you see what the fuck they did on CNS last night?"
I want advertisers sucking my dick to buy on this show.
And I'll squeeze it out of you if it kills you.
Peep this. I'll give you a thousand dollars...
if you can name who the fuck number 24 is right there.
You think I don't know?
Who is it?
That would be...
Yeah. Who is it?
I'll tell you like this...
One day soon, man...
I'm trying to live in a phat crib...
bills paid for...
get a ride, throw some rims on there...
with a system.
Throw up some platinum on the body...
you know what I'm saying? Shiny.
Ready to get some jewelry already, huh?
That's the first thing we do, son.
Get jewelry, we'll get some Hillnigger...
and we get a ride. Throw some rims up there.
Got to have some patience, man.
I'm the brain of this outfit.
And I'm the feet.
Manny, I can't just snap my fingers...
and presto-chango, you're an overnight sensation.
Son, it don't work like that.
What the fuck you think I am, Houdini?
I'm just tired of waitin', man.
Feed...
the...
idiot box.
Feed the idiot box.
Idiot, feed the idiot box.
Hi.
We're backstage at the theater.
This is where we tape "The Chris Rock Show."
Ah, my first writing staff.
They really wanted to get to know the black experience.
So I fired 'em.
I was never good at performing under the gun.
Well, this wasn't a gun.
It was a bazooka pressed point blank against my temple.
Anytime Pierre's in a jam, I get the call.
I could always count on my lamb--Sloan Hopkins.
Get up. Get up.
Yo, come on, come on.
Come on, come on!
Come on!
Please evacuate.
All of you are illegal residents of this condemned building.
Leave immediately by order of the mayor of New York City...
Rudolph Guiliani.
-Eureka! -Oh, my God.
Please evacuate.
All of you are illegal residents of this condemned building.
Leave immediately by order of the mayor of New York City...
Rudolph Guiliani.
Manray!
I can't believe Manray was under our noses the entire time.
I know. Do you know how you use him?
Dunwitty wants a coon show...
so that's what I intend to give him.
The show will be so negative, so offensive and racist.
Hence, I will prove my point.
Which is what?
The point being that him, the network...
does not want to see Negroes on television...
unless they are buffoons.
They definitely do not want to see dignified black people.
I mean, they proved that by canceling your show...
"Brown Nose Jones," which was briliant!
After 13 episodes, they canceled it.
They put it against "Seinfeld." It didn't have a chance!
I don't know, Pierre. I really don't.
It still sounds very risky.
You are not getting cold feet?
No. I'm down with you.
Good. I'm going to need your undying support, lamb.
Have you ever thought about just quitting?
Quitters quit.
Besides, I'll get sued. I have a contract.
The only way I get out of that is if I get fired...
and that is what I intend to do.
You've seen my place down at the clock tower.
I've got a mortgage.
All right, well, I've got some work to do...
so I will see you later.
And you have a conference call. Don't forget.
2:00, yes.
Look, I know what I'm doing. Follow me.
Good morning, fellas.
We're looking for a Mr. Delapoint.
There's no one here by that name.
Delapot, Delapoint, Dela-something.
De La Soul's not here, either. Step outside.
-Come on, Delacox. -Off the premises.
You know this guy. We asking you a question.
You can wash your ass and brush your teeth.
Whoa, whoa!
Please. Hi, guys. Listen.
These are associates of Mr. Delacroix.
So you know them?
Yes, I do. I know them very well.
You need an escort?
No, I got it. Thank you.
Fellas, thank you.
Sorry. We thought they were from the street.
You were just doing your job.
Don't worry about a thing. Thank you.
Come on, inside.
Hello. Wait a minute.
Amos want to talk, too.
All right.
Good-bye, sweet dumplin'.
The boy with the egg-shaped head.
I mean, wait a minute.
Hello, honey.
Enter!
Pierre. Look who I found.
Eureka! I am so happy to see you cats.
What's up, dude?
Hey, what's up?
You'd take no offense if we call you Dela for short?
None taken at all, my friend.
I have a concept for a television pilot.
Now, there's no guarantee it will ever get made...
but it is an opportunity for you gentlemen to make some cash.
How much?
First things first, my friend.
I need to know that we are in sync creatively...
and that Manray is up for this.
Sure. What I got to do?
You simply do what it is you do.
And what you do best.
Cool. Where do I sign?
Whoa. "Where do I sign?"
What kind of show is this?
-Different. -How different?
Impactful, cutting edge...
and it will incorporate both of your very unique talents.
Yes, and it's a hell of a lot better...
than tap-dancing in the street for pennies.
Trust us.
I still have to pitch this to my superiors...
but either way, we should know something soon.
It sounds good to me.
As long as I get to hoof, we'll be getting some loot...
Good, yo.
Because we're trying to get some income coming in.
Money makes the wheels turn, my friend.
What about the meantime, in-between time?
I mean, you know, like...
You're talking an advance. That's done.
OK.
Now, there is one other slight thing.
I would like for you to change your name...
if you don't mind.
Change my name to what?
To what?
Mantan.
All right. Mantan. It's cool.
Like I told you, as long as I'm hoofin'...
and gettin' some loot, I'm good, man.
One thing. Can I get some new kicks?
And some new tap shoes?
Yes, you could use those. Sloan, new shoes.
OK, new shoes.
Let me get the whole Hillnigger hookup, huh?
Some Hillnigger jeans?
Definitely Mos Def.
Some sweaters.
Definitely some sweaters, nothing fancy.
Some cashmere, wool, something like that.
Cashmere, wool.
Some underwear.
Toothpaste. Toothbrush. Deodorant.
We have deodorant.
We might be able to use some more, though.
I think I have this under control.
Yes. OK.
No. I understand completely.
Yes, OK. Thank you, bye-bye.
I've never had a real pair before.
Really? Wow.
You never had any formal training, either, have you?
Not really.
I picked up some steps from older cats. Slyde, Chaney.
But, you know, most of the stuff, yeah.
What's up with you and Dela?
What do you mean, "What's up with me and Pierre?"
Y'all together?
Y'all knocking boots?
Knocking boots? I don't think so.
Never?
Never. Like I said...
I was at NYU, I got an internship.
Pierre was very impressed with my get-up-and-go...
so he kept me as his assistant.
I'm sure that was the only thing he was impressed with.
Yes.
-You look beautiful like that. -Thank you.
Little sister.
What are you doing here?
I need bail money.
-Again? -Again.
What's going on? How you feeling?
I'm doing good.
It's good to see your little sister...
working hard for the man on the plantation.
Enough of the family reunion in the middle of the street.
Julius, what can I do for you?
Damn it, Sloan.
Damn, man, you can't keep doing that.
It's not fresh. No, I'm serious.
It's not cute no more.
You keep calling me by the slave name our government--
It's just disrespectful, man.
I hope you don't think I'll call you Big Black African.
I do hope that.
I would expect you call me whatever name I chose.
I'm not doing that.
Mommy and Daddy named you Julius...
so that's what I'm gonna call you.
It ain't like it's disrespect for Mommy and Daddy.
It's about I got a name that I chose for my soul.
They named Muhammad Ali Cassius Clay.
You don't call him Cassius Clay. It's a dis.
You don't call El-Hajj Malik Shabazz--Detroit Red.
You don't call him Malcolm Little. It's Malcolm X.
You show respect. Same thing with me, Sloan.
It's easy. I was born with one name...
but I chose for myself my own identity.
Big Black Af. Big Black Africa.
It's real simple.
It ain't like I named myself...In Fufu.
You want me to hook up you and the Mau Maus?
Why would I hook up some black, red, green...
flag-waving pseudo-revolutionaries?
First, you done messed up the colors first.
What's the colors?
Damn, it's red, black, and green.
White people know it's red, black, and green.
And secondly, why are we pseudo?
If we was talking about some ice and fuckin' Cristal...
and pushin' Bentleys and fuckin' pop mogul...
then we would be the fly shit?
You like that shit. Bling blinging.
Who or what are you revolting against?
What are you talking about in all them songs?
Mau Mau songs?
Yeah, in the songs.
Shit. We talking about fuckin' revolution.
We talkin' about people gettin' free...
the fuckin' America.
USA, KKK, all that shit.
This is the shit we're revolting against.
People's hearts is all fucked up.
People is stupid in their mind.
Please stop.
Golly day, you sound stupid. Retarded.
I sound retarded, right?
But fuckin' Master...
That motherfucker is a fuckin' millionaire...
gruntin' on records. That shit is crazy.
If I had some platinum drawers, I'd be the nigger, right?
Know what you should just do? Just introduce me.
Word, him. You should just let me meet him.
Why in the world would he write a show about the Mau Maus?
Shit.
You know how many fucking--
Aw, man. The fuckin' Monkees had a show.
The Partridge Family.
Shit, if them motherfuckers could have a show--
They had demographics. You don't.
The Mau Maus?
I'm telling you we got a underground following.
It ain't big, but it's some small shit...
that y'all could expand on and help blow that shit up.
Let me put it to you like this.
If I ever decide to do Brooklyn public television...
I'll call you, but until then...
I am not taking you to my new job...
where I am on the rise...
and have you and your crew blow up my spot.
How is that blowin' up your shit?
Y'all are embarrassing. Period.
We're embarrassing?
Y'all ignorant. Y'all ign'ant.
Aw-ight, granted...
I got a few niggers in my crew got problems...
Hard Black, he-- Niggers ain't perfect.
You talkin' a hole in my head.
I got stuff to do. Let's wrap it up.
That's fucked up, man. It's embarrasin'.
Black folks been doin' that shit to each other...
for the last 400 fucking years, man.
This is like some house-nigger shit when you say that.
Wait a minute.
Don't go there. That ain't what I said.
Hold up.
Julius, are you calling your sister a house nigger?
Sloan, that ain't what I said.
I don't even know why you tryin' to go there.
Why don't you take your field-nigger ass...
up out my house-nigger house?
You was just waitin' to throw me out anyway.
All right, Martin. Just let me get some water.
OK, get your water, and then you...OK
Dela, my man, I'm glad you got your mind right.
Well, it's right, tight, and ready to delight.
I'm with this.
Mr. Dunwitty, please sit back...
and allow me to paint a picture.
I'm all ears, and my nose is a close second.
Now, I have been doing a lot of soul-searching.
And, once again, you're right.
My previous work has been all surface, superficial.
It's a thing of the past.
I've never really dug deep into my pain as a Negro.
Hey, those things are hard to look at sometimes.
Yes, yes, yes.
And as Mark Twain so fully understood...
satire is the way...
if we are ever to live side by side...
in peace and harmony.
So, my show that I am pitching...
is about promoting racial healing.
Healing is great. I like this. Give me more.
Now, I know you are familiar with minstrel shows.
They came about in the 1840s.
It was a variety show in which the talent...
was singing, dancing, telling jokes, doing skits...
Iike "ln Living Color."
Right, that was dope.
I ask you, when was the last time...
there was a great variety show on the air? Carol Burnett?
Carol was the bomb, yo.
"Hee Haw?" "Kenan and Kel?"
Yo, that's the stupidest shit on TV.
So I say let's take this form...
this very American tradition of entertainment...
into the 21st century, the new millennium.
What's the name of this show? We need something to sell.
"Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel Show!"
"Mantan: The New Millennium..."
I really, really like this. I'm gettin' a boner.
The Swanson Johnson is getting hard.
You know what I'm saying? I'm feelin' this shit.
I like this. No, give me more.
It's gonna take a lot of courage and backbone...
on the part of CNS to get this thing on the air.
Don't worry about that. That's my job.
You just be the creative genius you've proven you are.
Now, who are we gonna get to star in the show?
Because we need a star to carry the show.
I mean, Whoopi-- can she sing and dance anymore?
Can she get jiggy?
Ms. Goldberg is the wrong way to go with this thing.
-Fuck her. -We want fresh faces.
New talent.
Young blood.
Sloan, enter!
-Hello, Sloan. -Hi.
Gentlemen, please, have a seat.
How you doin', guys?
Are these my two little stars sitting in front of me? Mantan?
That's me. I always wanted to be on TV.
Now's your shot, kid.
And that is Sleep'n Eat.
-What's the name? -Sleep and Eat.
Sleep and motherfuckin' Eat.
Oh, shit.
Mantan, Sleep'n Eat. Two real coons.
Keeping it real, baby.
I know that this is out there, but it is satire.
No, I want you to take it out there.
Let's swing for the bleachers on this one.
Every week, we follow the trials and tribulations...
of Mantan, Sleep'n Eat--
two real coons, the Dusty Duo!
What are their character traits?
Ignorant.
Dull-witted.
Lazy. And unlucky!
Exactly. Exactly what I'm lookin' for.
Mantan here is the uneducated Negro...
but with educated feets...
who by some stroke of unbelievable stupidity...
always makes his best-laid plans go haywire.
Sleep'n Eat is his comical sidekick?
Yes. Who sings like Sammy.
He can sing, too? This is gonna be big.
This could be bigger than "Friends," "Ally McBeal"...
even my boys "Amos 'n' Andy."
Protests finally got "Amos 'n' Andy" off the air...
and that could very well happen to a program like this one.
Let 'em try.
Black folks will be outraged.
So what? We'll just give the NAACP a little donation.
I've dealt with those guys before. Big deal.
Where I come from, there's no such thing as bad publicity.
This is not about the NAACP.
The content of the show is...
It's just politically incorrect.
Who wants to be P.C. these days anyway?
A couple of minutes, you'll go singing and dancing...
shucking and jiving, good fun home entertainment.
Exactly.
Let me ask you, who are the other characters?
You got characters developed? It can't just be these two.
We have three-dimensional characters.
How about Honeycutt?
Topsy? Rastus?
Little Nigger Jim?
And Sambo?
And I would be remiss to not mention Aunt Jemima.
Aunt Jemima's gonna rock the doo-rag, right?
This is gonna be crazy shit.
We're gonna hit 'em with the bomb-diggity on this one.
Now, what's the setting?
The projects.
No. That's your first bad move.
That's the problem with everything today.
TVs, movies, hip-hop all takes place in the hood...
and everybody wants to bust a cap in a motherfucker.
That's not what we're gonna do here.
No gold teeth, none of that shit.
Check this out.
"Mantan's New Millennium "Minstrel Show"...
takes place on a plantation.
Check this out.
Every week, these two Alabama porch monkeys...
they're gonna make us laugh, make us cry...
they'll make us feel good to be Americans.
You know what?
The Alabama porch monkey plantation shit is wrong.
OK, let's cut it.
It should be a watermelon patch.
What?!
I like watermelon. It's good for you, too.
Have you lost your mind?
Do you know how much mail we will get?
Exactly! There will be nothing else like it on television!
Now, let me ask you a question, Mantan.
How do you feel about performing just a little blackface?
Whoa. In what?
It's makeup. It'll lend authenticity.
It's cool, man. I'm black, right?
As long as the hoofin' is real.
Motherfucker, you light-skinned. You gonna listen--
Sleep'n Eat, you're just keeping it real.
My name is Womack.
You want to show me a little something-something?
Can I test out the waters here?
-Yes, you may. -This is bizarre.
Delacroix, my motherfucker, you dug deep.
You dug deeper than deep, my man.
To my loins.
That's what I'm saying.
-Here, take my seat. -Cool.
How you want it? Raw?
Flash? You want rhythm?
I want it raw dawg without a bag, baby.
Let me see you do your thing.
I mean, keep it real. Just keep it real.
Bust a move. Hop on up there.
Raw dawg without a bag.
Be careful, man.
This kid is off the hook!
This kid is off the hinges, yo!
That's what I'm talking about!
Mantan! Yo, we're gonna get paid!
I'm about to go run upstairs with this.
If CNS doesn't have the balls, somebody else will.
My beautiful black princess.
Delacroix!
Yes, go do your little dirt.
We in!
Well...
I think he bought it.
This is some bullshit.
The name of this shit right here...
What's that, dawg?
"Black is Black."
It's hot.
Now, that's some thinking.
That's some shit right there, dawg.
Y'all like that shit?
The name of the album is "The Black Album."
You know what I'm sayin'?
That's the motherfuckin' way.
"Black is Black" on the fuckin' "Black Album."
Yo, but for real, though, we ain't never conformed...
to none of the white man's rules.
Fuck them motherfuckers.
Know what I'm saying?
Later for that old slave owner Webster.
So I'm sayin', Big Black, you know what I mean?
I respectively submit, you know what I'm saying?
That we from here on, henceforth and whatnot...
should spell "Black" B-l-a-k...
not b-l-a-c-k, you know what I'm sayin'?
Respectfully now.
I'm feeling that.
That's why you got to keep the wisdoms around, man.
B-l-a-k, man. Blak the opposite of white, man.
Like a member of the African community.
'Cause you know how them gray people...
been tryin' to trick us with they slickery?
Because of they trickery.
Peep the connotations of that.
It's, like, Blak...
Angry
Dark
Sullen
Depressed
Wicked
Blackball
Blacklisted
Black cat is bad luck
Bad guys wear black
Must have been a white guy that started all that
You know what I mean?
Mau Mau Crew!
I don't even know...
why they put the "C" in there to begin with.
Ain't even fuckin' pronounced in that shit.
I love all of y'all niggas, man.
Mau Mau Crew!
To' up!
This is Mantan Moreland.
This is one of his most popular films--"The Lucky Ghost."
It was from the 1940s.
He was such a clown.
A bit of a buffoon, but very funny.
That ain't funny.
Now, what is this?
How does he make his eyes do that?
He was gifted.
Gentlemen, the show, our show is satirical.
You know what that means?
That means we are poking fun of this.
Our aim is to destroy these stereotypes.
I've put together these two portfolios...
full of pictures and articles...
everything you need to know about a minstrel show.
Whoa, wait. Wait a minute.
We gonna need a little more money for this.
Come on. "Ten Little Niggers?"
You get more money.
Mantan in a chicken suit?
Mantan!
Come on, Mantan.
Let's study this material.
Study hard, gentlemen.
You look great in those Hillnigger jeans.
That motherfucker crazy, man.
The good Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King...
did not enjoy seeing his people beaten on the 6:00 news.
However, white America needed to see that...
in order to move this country to change.
They need to see this show for that exact same reason.
I'm gonna trust you know what you're doing, Pierre.
That's my little lamb.
I'd like to begin this meeting...
by saying I am a fair person. A straight shooter.
I do not hold my tongue.
So I must tell you this, that I had nothing to do...
with any of you being hired.
If I had my druthers...
there'd be at least one Negro writer in this room...
and that afro does not qualify you, my Jewish friend.
Having said that, I would like to open the floor...
to some of your questions and comments.
Look, I agree with you.
It would be better to have some African-American writers...
but, for whatever reason, they're not here.
Maybe they couldn't find any people with experience.
Or they wouldn't work for the pay...
or they refused to work on the show.
Or put their crack pipes down long enough to apply.
Pierre, I don't know--
Mr. Delacroix. You don't know...
Mr. Delacroix, I don't know...
and I don't think anybody here does know...
but what I do know is this will be a unique experience.
I am a damn good writer and I'm ready to go to work.
Thank you for rallying the troops, Peter.
I've always loved the format of "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-ln."
"Sock it to me."
Or Pigmeat Markham.
"Here come the judge."
We should look back at those Seventies shows...
which were groundbreaking.
I'm from lowa, as you all know...
and my first experience of the black...
people of col--Africa...
is shows like "The Jeffersons."
George and "Weezy!"
Better than "The Jeffersons." "Good Times."
"Kid Dy-no-mite!"
The whole J.J. thing.
I think--and Delacroix will agree with me...
that the politics of this show have to be right.
This show we are doing is a minstrel show...
which is blackface, tap dancing, singing sketches.
You're putting white actors in blackface?
No, my dear.
We are using black actors with blacker faces.
Don't you think people will be offended by this?
Yes, that's good. I want them to be offended.
I want to wake America up.
Even though the material will be somewhat offensive...
there is definitely a social message...
that we should focus on...
when writing the material.
We're gonna need some big stars.
No, no, no. You're gonna have a hard time...
getting a big star to wear blackface...
because they become invisible.
So, I mean, to ask Denzel...
to put on blackface is foolish.
You been took!
You been hoodwinked. Bamboozled.
Now, I know that it may be hard for some of you...
Iiberal-minded good white folks to write offensive material...
yet I want you to tap into your white angst.
I want you to go back to the O.J. Simpson verdict.
I want you to deal with those emotions.
How did you feel when the glove didn't fit?
It was ridiculous. Cochran played the race card.
The man is a murderer.
If it had been a white man...
The mission was accomplished.
All of these people left the room thinking...
they would have real input.
I was writing this pilot alone, myself, me, moi.
...after the verdict.
I want you to put yourself there...
and this is your time to purge all those feelings.
This is a family show?
A family show that takes place in a watermelon patch.
What?
We're auditioning for a house band for the show.
The name of the group is the Alabama Porch Monkeys.
Do we have a problem, any concerns with that?
No, sir.
Please, let us hear some of your funk.
Barefoot and pregnant
Let me take it to the bridge
Here we go
You're barefoot
Barefoot and pregnant
She's barefoot and pregnant
This was amazing.
One small ad in "Backstage"...
had Negroes lined up around the block.
Were people really this desperate to get work?
Apparently so.
I'll be smackin' them hos
I'll be smackin' my hos
Everyone knows it goes, kick 'em to the floor
Step on 'em hard, step on 'em hard
Kick 'em to the floor, 'cause l
I be smackin' my hos
-Thank you. -Next!
Thank you. Thank you.
That was great. Please...
That was great. Fantastic.
Thank you.
What is your background?
I'm a actor. You know, I act.
What is the last thing I might have seen you in?
I act on my job all the time.
Can you give me a little performance?
I do all sorts of kind of things, man.
Whatever you need me to do.
I even do Shakespeare shit.
Do some Shakespeare.
To be or not to be, you know?
That's the motherfuckin' question.
You know, that is the motherfuckin' question.
And, well, you know, like in "Hamlet"...
there's a scene where this brother was--
Laertes was asking the king...
that he wanted to go to Paris and shit.
The king asked his daddy, and his daddy say...
"He hath, my lord, wrung from me by laboursome petition..."
Was there any more to it, or that was pretty much...
Basically he was saying let that motherfucker go.
Let him go, you know.
I was working on this piece, 'cause I was sitting there...
I realize that when I was looking at it...
Niggas is a beautiful thing. You know?
Write that down.
And so it came to me.
It just came to me, you know?
Waste away your life and linger
Sittin' at home watchin' Jerry Springer
You do blackface and a monkeyshine
And cut a "G" at the same time
'Cause niggas is a beautiful thang
Niggas is a beautiful thang, hit me
Niggas is a beautiful thang
Then the audience would be gettin' in with that.
I'm digging that. I am so digging that.
"Niggas is a beautiful thing."
I got it here.
Then it get into a gospel thing.
Stand up
If you a nigga
'Cause, you know, it's about keeping it real.
I'm feeling you.
We are ready if you are ready
Mau Mau 'bout to set shit off, say
We are ready if you are ready
Mau Mau 'bout to break shit off, say
We are ready if you are ready
Mau Mau, break it down, a roll call
-Who are you? -Hard Blak
Smooth Blak
Mo Blak
Your baby daddy
Double Blak
1/16th
I'm Big Blak, and I just lay back
Now, who are we?
Mau Mau, M-a-u, M-a-u
Drop inside
Born to roll
Yeah.
It be about fuckin' freedom
Reparation and apology
The Africa to America odyssey
Guerilla-type tactics on it
Socialistic fallacies
It be about the devastation of thought
To keep a brown man down, sport
The one you keep buying, that wretched set
You're lucky I ain't read wretched yet
It's fucked up
It's Big Blak, Mr. Chairman of the Mau Mau
I hear it well in all-black surround sound
Barricaded till you can't move around now
Doin' the super Klan, it ain't around now
Buried six feet deep beneath the ground now
Pull out, bow down
Foot lies in the ground now
Shake it down
M-a-u, M-a-u on fire
Black is back
What's black?
Black move to increase the black cause
What's black?
Shade of the universe
Mau Mau got the time, born to roll
Hard Blak, born to roll
Mo Blak, born to roll
Mau Mau, born to roll
Back from the motherfuckin' forest
Born to roll
Aw-ight, cut that off.
Cut that off.
Cut that off, cut that off!
Yo, cut that shit off before I come up there!
Cut the fuckin' sound off!
Needless to say...
the Mau Maus did not fit into our plans.
As I told Sloan...
"There's a black sheep in every family."
-It's frightening. -lt should be.
I don't want anything to do with anything black...
for at least a week.
For the love of Mary and Joseph!
I will not be held responsible for these revisions.
These changes are not the way I want to go with this show.
This is an outrage, a sham, a violation...
a debacle, a mockery.
Will you just calm down, please?
In Finland, we get upset--
I don't give a good goddamn what they do in Finland...
Sweden, Norway, or wherever the hell...
your young, dumb, blond white ass is from.
We just punched it up. Made it funnier.
Funnier to whom? And at whose expense?
Mr. Dunwitty, when the Negroes run amok...
and the boycotts commence...
I'm going to personally give the Reverend Al Sharpton...
your home address.
I seriously doubt that will ever happen.
I know your people better than you.
Look at all the brothers on the wall.
And if Reverend Al "Do" Sharpton shows up at my door...
I'll invite him in, and we'll have a sit-down...
and discuss it like civil human beings.
Really?
Now, can you not interrupt me while I'm discussing...
the visual style and tone of the show, please?
What were you saying, Jukka?
How y'all doin'?
Let me hear you!
Thank you! Thank you!
I love you so much.
Whoa, I like this.
My name is Honeycutt. Can you say that?
Whenever you see me, I'm gonna give you my greetin'.
And you say...
Hello, Jukka.
Just wanted to wish you good luck.
-Thank you very much. -Do a good show.
I always try to do my best.
As usual, I did my research.
We should blacken up like they did back in the day.
Keep the ritual the same.
So, pour some alcohol on the corks and light it.
Let them burn to a crisp, and when burnt out...
mash them to a powder.
Add water.
Mix to a thick paste.
And voila, you have your blackface.
But please put cocoa butter on your face and hands...
to protect your skin.
And the final detail...
are the lips.
The redder the lipstick, the better.
So, I suggest fire-truck red.
Show...time.
This here's my best friend Sleep'n Eat.
This here's my best friend Mantan.
And we are two real coons.
We left the hustle and bustle of uptown Harlem.
The Big Apple.
New York! New York! Skyscrapers and everything.
To return to our roots.
Our Alabammy home. That's right.
We is countrified. We is sho nuff Bamas.
Here come the Bamas.
No more city slickers.
Can't you smell that sweet aroma...
of high cotton...
and ripe watermelon?
Nigga, now don't you get me to sniffin'.
Why don't you show us some of them educated feets?
Cousins, first, second, third, and distant...
why don't you let Mantan take you back to a simpler time?
A time when men was men...
and women was women...
and nigras knew they place.
Cousins, I want you all to go to your windows.
Open 'em up.
Go to your windows and yell out...
"I'm tired of the drugs.
"I'm tired of the crack babies born out of wedlock...
"to crackhead AlD-infested parents.
"I'm tired of the inflated welfare rolls...
"while good wholesome Americans...
"bring less and less of their paycheck home...
"every two weeks."
That's a long time, too.
I'm tired. You're tired. We're all tired...
of all these so-called, Bible-thumpin'...
Swing down, sweet low
God-fearin'...
G.P., are you with me?
whore-mongling professional athletes.
You's a fine motherfucker, baby, back that ass up.
Cousins, I want you to go to your windows...
yell out, scream with all the life you can muster up...
inside your bruised, battered, assaulted bodies...
"I'm sick and tired of niggers...
"and I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
That boy something else. Once he get to talkin'--
Lord, have mercy. He done did it again.
Let me get him on up. I got something for him.
Watch this. Like a mad streak.
Got to do my watermelon patch. Running Man.
Got to do the running slave. Watch this.
Doctor don't know nothing about these.
Here I go.
Down
Come on, now. Come on.
I'm rubbing the genie's lamp.
It's an emergency situation. Clear!
Dem nigger apples work every goddamn time!
Come on, boy!
Let's do this here.
You lucky we ain't in the jailhouse.
I'll be like Captain Kirk of the "Enterprise"...
going into the big black hole.
Give me one. Hut-one!
Hut...
Man, shit, just hut.
Here we go now. I'm running, too.
Any pretty niggas in the house?
Come on out.
Take it home.
All right.
Bravo!
I just got the news from the CNS brass...
that was at the taping.
They loved the pilot.
We're a midseason replacement. They ordered twelve shows.
We're going to be on the air in three weeks.
Did you hear what I just said?
They didn't even view a rough cut.
They looked at some scenes we quickly put together.
They were sweating us, man.
There must be some sort of mistake.
Only mistake is I didn't believe in your genius from jump street.
Dela, you are the man, bro.
Please, hold a second. I have to take this call.
Peerless?
Hi, Mom. Could you hold the line?
I have to get rid of this other...
Mr. Dunwitty, it's my mom. I really have to take this.
Your mama? I want to meet her someday.
Tell the great news. I'm out like Vanilla lce.
Peerless, your daddy called.
He wants you to come and see him.
They got all this controversy in Hollywood about black films...
and all this stuff about black folks--
Are there enough of them on TV?
But we know we on the news. We all over the news.
My favorite black show is "Cops."
You know we on that, too.
I can't watch all that stuff-- that WB--We Be Black.
Little nigger frog look like Quincy Jones.
I can't watch all that.
UPN--You Pick a Nigger-- any nigger you want.
But I have to confess, I love "Jerry Springer."
It's the all-American show.
Where else can you see three white women...
fight over a nigger with one tooth?
And no job.
And speaks fluent Ebonics.
"Reggie, how come you got three women?"
"They like dick, Jerry."
"Your mama like dick?"
I wrote a movie and sold it to the studio.
I'm real excited about it.
"Last White Man on Earth."
Don't look for a sequel. We catch him.
Starring Diana Ross and Whoopi Goldberg.
We beat them for about five minutes.
"Where is he? We saw you with him."
Have you noticed that everybody white want to be black?
White folks want to be black folks.
I went to school with white people.
Their lips weren't that big.
They get stuff in their lips. They take it out their behind.
They do anything to get big nigger lips.
Black people been killed on the highway.
They come by. "I'll take these."
The lips so big, the little kids look adopted.
Everybody want to be black, but nobody want to be black.
It confuses me.
They all act black, sound black.
I hope they start hanging niggers again.
I'm going to find out who's black.
Tell you some street jokes. I love them.
Ain't they the funniest?
A nigger escaped from the crazy house.
That's already scary.
And ran to where the nuns live.
There was Sister Mary, Sister Jane, and Mother Theresa.
He went in there buck naked...
and had the biggest, thickest, longest penis you ever seen.
He was all skin.
So, Sister Mary wanted to protect Mother Theresa.
She grabbed a butcher knife.
"Mother Theresa, where do you want me to start cutting?"
Mother Theresa said, "Here and here."
You know that shit is funny.
Who is it?
Peerless.
That's my son at the door.
How are you doing?
Looking good. Good to see you.
Looking good, son.
You look dandy in that orange ensemble.
Have a seat, son.
-You were hilarious. -Thank you.
Absolutely hilarious.
It was a good show.
Dot, get my son a drink.
Sure thing, baby.
I always enjoy seeing you perform.
Good, good. I try.
You do more than try.
You succeed.
I hope this is all right.
-It's perfect. Thank you. -You're welcome.
Cheers.
Guess I'd better leave y'all two alone, all right?
That was a good show tonight. Give me some sugar.
-I love you, baby. -I love you, too.
I'm so proud of you.
All right.
Be back.
That's a good woman.
How did you end up here?
I got too much pride, too much dignity...
integrity.
I can't do that Hollywood stuff, man.
I can't say that stuff they want me to say.
There's got to be something more than that.
Reality, I mean.
Maybe you weren't funny enough.
You must be crazy, man.
Didn't you hear that audience tonight?
They were with me.
They were laughing with me. They got me.
I'm funny as hell, OK? What you up to?
Trying to get my stuff on the air.
Where do you go from here?
South Carolina, another little nigger club.
No, I meant in life. Where do you go?
In life?
I'm happy.
Got me a pretty woman.
Got a little money in my pocket.
Got me some tonic.
I'm above ground. I'm ahead of the game.
And you know what I always taught you.
Every nigger is an entertainer.
The question is...
What are you going to do, Peerless?
And one more thing.
Nigger, where the fuck did you get that accent?
Why do you always use that word "nigger" so much?
I say "nigger" a hundred times every morning.
Keeps my teeth white.
Come on, Junebug.
My father.
I'm not mad at him-- not at all.
Or the stock market crash-- Black Monday.
Junebug was the reason...
I had gotten into this business in the first place.
You hear white folks all the time--
"lt was the darkest day of my life."
When they faint--"l blacked out. I don't remember anything."
And I thank him for that.
However, it did me no good seeing him in that state.
Father was a broken man.
...broke or lose our money--
"lt was the whitest day of my life."
He had been a strong man...
with conviction, integrity, principles...
and look where it had gotten him.
Even the cartoons are racist.
Have you noticed that?
Why do they treat us like that?
I had to ask myself--
Did I want to end up where he was?
Laughing and grinning...
Hell, emphatically, no.
Broke and the happiest people on the planet.
That was the last time I ever saw Junebug.
A damn shame.
Remember, son...
always keep 'em laughing.
Keep 'em laughing.
Everybody say, "Ho!"
Say, "Ho, ho!"
Say, "Ho, ho, ho!"
We're going to do something a little different tonight.
Can you help a brother out?
Can you do this, folks?
We're going to start a chant, and I'll start it off.
The chant goes like this. "Let's go, niggers."
Let's welcome to the stage two real coons...
the Dusty Duo--
Mantan...
and his sepia sidekick...
Sleep'n Eat!
Showtime.
-Go on now. -OK, come on.
-Slow down, boy. -He ain't here.
Come on.
We gonna get us some of these here chickies.
Oh, boy, I can taste me a wing now.
Look at that there.
Corn bread, biscuits, red beans, and rice.
-What you talking about, man? -My wish list.
Man, our massa's gonna wish our ass.
You know my lady Lucindy?
-You mean the one with the big-- -No, not her.
-The one with the little... -Oh, her.
Yes. You see, tomorrow's her birthday...
and I want to get her something really nice, like one of those--
No. Don't get her one of those.
What you need to do is get her one of them--
No. She hates them.
That's too bad.
Why don't you get her a dress?
You mean one of those sexy, slinky, foxy ones with the--
They're too short.
And too tight. You need to get her one of them--
Now, that's too big.
You know, the in-between kind--
not too loose, not too tight.
That's perfect, there.
You know that dress is going to cost you around--
That's too much money. I can't afford it.
I needs me a dress that's going to cost--
Can't get it that cheap.
I'll get a less expensive dress.
Save some money, take her out to dinner.
Boy, you getting fancy now!
Why don't I come over, we get a double date?
No, man. I heard your lady is wild.
No. That was her second cousin, the one married to Lil' Bit.
Because you know on our first date...
she let me...
That bitch didn't.
Oh, yes, she did.
I heard differently.
I heard your monkey ass went up in there--
No. Not that time.
What time you going to see her?
-Let's say around-- -That's too early.
-How's about-- -That's too late.
Why don't you pick us up around--
Now, that's perfect.
See, that's why we get along.
Like sweet and peas.
Now, let's go get us some of them little chickies.
Hey, who goes in there?
Good God in the goose fat, we better hide.
Ooh, gosh.
It's that mean, evil overseer Master Charlie.
I say!
I say, who goes in there?
Ain't nobody in here except us chickens!
Let's go now!
Hey, you!
Come back here right now!
Well, maybe it is...amusing.
It was the day of reckoning.
After a massive advertising and publicity campaign...
the public would finally get a chance to view "Mantan."
I was feeling a little like Dr. Frankenstein.
What would their reaction be?
I hadn't the foggiest.
It's getting ready to come on.
I wish I was in the land of cotton
Old times there are not forgotten
Look away, look away
Look away, Dixieland
In Dixieland, where I was born
Early on one frosty morning
Look away, look away
Why they got to make my nose so big?
What's up with my lips?
No. This wasn't supposed to be like this.
Where do you guys work, in the lobby of the damn place?
Man, listen, I don't know what to tell you.
You have every right to be upset.
But first, a word from our proud sponsors.
Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby
It makes you get your freak on
Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby
It makes you get your freak on
Da Bomb, yo.
125% pure pleasure malt liquor.
It's Da Bomb, baby.
It's Da Bomb, dawg.
Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby
It makes you get your freak on
Chemical testing has found...
that Viagra doesn't work on black johnsons.
That's why our scientist has developed Da Bomb for you.
It makes you feel like a man, yo...
and it makes them bitches feel like natural women.
I mean hos.
It makes my nature rise.
I want to get funked up.
Da Bomb makes me want to get my freak on.
Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby
Da Bomb, baby, Bomb, baby.
It makes you get your swerve on.
Hillnigger
Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi
Hillnigger
Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi
Hillnigger
Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi
Hillnigger
Timmi, Timmi, Timmi, Timmi
Yo.
My name be Timmi Hillnigger.
I was born and raised up in Strong lsland...
so you know I know all about my peeps...
my niggas in the gheetto.
I design and own Timmi Hillnigger...
125% authentic gheetto activewear.
Hillnigger keeps it real.
Timmi's gots all the latest gear.
If you want to keep it really real...
never get out of the gheetto...
stay broke, and continue to add...
to my multibillion dollar corporation...
keep buying all my gear--
the Timmi Hillnigger collection.
We keep it so real, we give you the bullet holes.
Go, Timmi, go, Timmi!
All my niggas wear Timmi Hillnigger...
or they don't wear a damn thing at all!
It's ghetto fabulous!
I was sunk, dead.
My goose was cooked.
The cat was in the bag, and the bag was in the river.
I like this.
You guys have both seen the overnight ratings.
They're through the roof.
Mazel tov. But in this business...
we have to be one, two, three steps ahead.
That's why I brought in Myrna Goldfarb.
She's the best media consultant in the biz.
She's going to help us out.
First, I would like to say I love your show.
It's very courageous.
My parents marched in Selma, Alabama with Dr. King.
-Why are you here? -Good question.
Straight to the point. I like your style.
Because of the content of the show...
we're going to expect some very spirited reactions.
Myrna's here to plan our strategy, just in case.
Right. The best defense is offense.
Really? I thought it was the other way around.
Exactly. I think we're on the same page.
I've mapped out strategies to help bolster our position.
-Which is? -Lighten up, man, right?
This is about fun, right?
Nice, wholesome fun.
Myrna, break it down for them.
The Mantan Manifesto. Catchy, ain't it?
So is syphilis.
Number one--
we gainfully employ African-Americans...
in front of and behind the camera.
You got to cover yourselves, people--very important.
I need a black grip, a black gaffer, a black P.A.
Have them there.
Number two-- Let the audience decide.
Three--who put these critics in charge anyway, right?
These so-called cultural police.
Four-- Who determines what is black?
What is black?
Sleep'n Eat and Mantan are lazy and unemployed...
but we are certainly not saying anything...
about the entire African-American community.
They're slackers.
I took a couple of years after graduate school...
and walked around the European countryside.
It's not the biggest deal in the world.
Five--Mantan is a satire.
Six--lf they can't take a joke, you know what? "F" 'em.
Yeah. "F" 'em.
I think that if we stick to this kind of strategy...
it's clean sailing from here.
No disrespect, but this is some bullshit.
Well, I've done my research.
These are Negroes we are talking about...
not some lab mice in a cage.
We are not one monolithic group of people.
We do not all think, look, and act alike, Ms. Goldfarb.
Mr. Delacroix, let me assure you--
I got my Ph.D. in African- American studies from Yale.
So you fucked a Negro in college.
Excuse me. Let's keep this above the belt.
Show a little respect for this woman.
Yes. Continue, O Great Niggerologist.
-Enlighten us. -I'm sorry, Myrna.
The biggest thing in public relations...
is, of course, to always smile.
Show dem pearly whites.
Wear Kente cloth.
Invoke the spirit of Dr. Martin Luther King.
Use the word "community" often when talking about "Mantan."
And, finally, our biggest asset is you, Pierre Delacroix.
-Me? -Yes, you.
How?
This show was created and conceived by you, right?
A nonthreatening African-American male.
So the show can't be racist because you're black.
That's where you're wrong.
He's not black. No, see, he's a Negro.
You have your small victory.
Pierre, yassa man!
A small victory, is it?
-Right on, man. -Great show.
That's small when you've been used to losing.
Hey, Delacroix. Funny show, man.
And what is this?
It's a gift.
For what, pray tell?
Despite how I may feel about the show personally...
you did come up with something, let's say, unique.
Unique?
Why don't you open it?
Watch this.
And what do we call this thing?
It is called a "Jolly Nigger Bank."
Ain't that something?
And it's not a repro.
It's circa turn of the century.
Thank you, I guess.
I thought it was appropriate.
And is that good or bad?
Well, got a brand-new successful show...
so you'll be going to the bank.
Plus, I love these black collectibles.
Really? How so?
It reminds me of a time in our history...
in this country when we were considered inferior...
subhuman, and we should never forget.
Why don't you try, Pierre?
Why don't I give it a whirl?
It's something, ain't it?
It's something, all right.
When American people want something...
they want it now and want it big.
They wanted the hula hoop and their yo-yos.
Who could ever forget those lovable Pet Rocks...
Beanie Babies, Pokemon?
Now the latest, hottest, newest sensation...
across the nation was Blackface!
Trick or treat!
Blackface!
Trick or treat!
Welcome back to "lmhotep Gary Byrd's GBE"...
from 1 190 Talk Radio, WLlB in New York City.
Our special guest today is Pierre Delacroix.
He is the creator of the highly controversial TV show "Mantan."
Pierre, we welcome you to the "Experience."
It's good to experience the "Experience," Gary.
Your show has created a strong impression in the community.
You have been called a traitor, an Uncle Tom, a sell-out.
Even been called the Clarence Thomas of television.
It's nice to be hyphenated.
Why does your show cause such an emotional reaction?
Well, I think it's race.
Race has always been a very sensitive issue in this country.
I have no problem with people disagreeing with my show.
That's fine.
But when they trample my inherent right...
as an artist, I catch afire.
Why is every hit Negro show criticized?
Like crabs in a barrel, they pull each other down.
No one, in any way, shape, or form, should be censored.
Do you believe that that's true...
regardless of whether the material is racist...
or sexist, or even homophobic?
I say yes.
Because who is to judge?
Who is to stand and say this is right or this is not?
I mean, I'm not Mayor Guiliani.
I cannot look at that painting and say that is sacrilegious.
It's art, and that is what it should be called.
So is "Mantan."
There are many people who at this point...
are sick and tired of the TV industry.
And there are many in the community...
who say what they're doing has got to stop now.
What do you say about the fact...
that the line has to be drawn here?
Those people need to wake up.
Wake up to what?
Slavery has been over 400 years ago!
We need to stop thinking that way.
Stop crying over, "the white man this or that."
This is the new millennium...
and we must join it.
Slavery did not end 400 years ago.
Slavery ended in 1865. Do the math.
Your great-grandmother...
who raised your mother's mother, was a slave...
and here you are, in this studio...
trying to excuse our own holocaust?
You're talking numbers, Gary.
200 years, 300 years, it doesn't matter.
What matters, Gary, is slave mentality...
and that is what must be broken.
I had an aunt. We called her "Sister."
Aunt Sister went to her grave...
believing that man had not walked on the moon.
I would argue with this dear old woman.
I'd say, "It's on television..."
and she'd say, "l don't care what's on that idiot box.
"No man is on the moon."
Gary, there are millions of Negroes in this country...
with that same mentality.
They think like my Aunt Sister, and they must change.
We must adapt to the times.
Otherwise, we will be left behind.
No more mess, CNS!
Ban "Mantan"!
We've come to put you on notice!
There will be no desecrating of our people!
There will be none of this in the new century!
We will not allow no minstrel shows...
in the 21st century!
We're gonna close you down!
We're gonna close down the advertising!
You wouldn't drop the bomb on your children!
That's right, Rev!
Look at how they disgrace us!
This is what we're protesting!
Painted face! A disgrace to the race!
Painted face, disgrace to the race!
Yo, man, why is the Reverend Al Sharpton...
and Johnnie Cochran down there?
Opportunists.
They love to see themselves on television.
You sound like the media.
This is nothing.
Tomorrow it'll all be over.
Besides, as Mr. Dunwitty says...
there's no such thing as bad publicity.
Here. That's for you.
It's a token of appreciation for all your hard work.
All right. Good-lookin', man.
Those are the last pair of tap shoes...
worn by Mr. Bill "Bojangles" Robinson.
Word?
He died with those on his feet.
Buggin'.
No joke. I'm serious.
I hope I don't go out like that.
It's a nice sound.
Wood on wood.
Here come Blak.
Whassup?
Those fuckin' Tom Sambos.
Handkerchief-head-wearing ass.
Dancin' monkey.
Benedict Arnold!
Those motherfuckers fuckin' it up...
for the whole fuckin'-- fuckin' everybody!
They gonna dis us...
and keep them two fuckin' smilin', happy...
Tom-laughing coon motherfuckers...
Mantan and goddamn Sleep'n Eat?!
You know what I'm sayin'?
They's foul, know what I mean?
-Know what I mean? -Know what I'm sayin'?
We know, man!
Brothers, sister...
Yo, we can't let this injustice go by.
Not this time, man.
Them two coons is ill, man.
Word up, man. What we do on this level...
this shit gotta be fuckin' big, y'all.
It's gotta be some global blowout shit.
This shit gotta have some symbolism to it! Sustenance.
This shit gotta be like fuckin' John Carlos and Tommie Smith...
at the '68 Olympics, you know what I'm saying?
Put the fists up! Some big shit!
This is nice.
This is real nice.
This must have cost you a pretty penny.
Me, I got it like that now.
Oh, you do.
I mean, a little somethin' somethin'.
A little somethin' somethin' is right.
I hope you saving a little somethin' somethin'.
I ain't tryin' to end up broke.
Well, that's good.
See you got your pictures up.
I was just reading the other day...
at the beginning of the 20th Century...
how African-Americans had to perform in blackface.
You know that entertainer Bert Williams?
He was brilliant. You know Bert?
Not really. Maybe before my time.
Do you read?
I mean, not really. Sort of hurts my head.
Hurts your head. You should start reading.
Maybe I should start doing a lot of things.
Well, as I was saying...
Bert Williams and the rest...
they had to blacken up 'cause they had no choice.
And of course, during that time...
we were considered 3/5 of a human being.
Did you know that was actually written...
in the Constitution of the United States?
Sloan, why you flippin' on me right now?
I mean, this whole blackface thing.
Don't try to front like you wasn't down.
It was all part of a deal, you know?
You was down from the get-go.
You're down with Dela, right?
Yes. I'm down with Dela.
I just thought you might be interested...
in the origins of blackface.
Look, my man Womack, myself...
we can definitely handle this business.
I mean, for sure, I know I can handle my business.
Well, OK.
I'm gonna check this view out 'cause it's real nice.
I'm diggin' this whole thing right here.
This is a nice vibe.
I'm liking this.
Sleep'n Eat.
I seen a lot of troubles lately.
Oh? Well, how be dat?
I don't know who I is.
Well, I'll be a Alabama porch monkey's uncle.
At least you know who you is.
Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter.
My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her.
Thusly, he became my son-in-law...
and my step-daughter became my mother...
because she was my father's wife.
That's right.
After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son...
which became my brother and my grandchild.
Because he was the son of my daughter.
-What? You jivin'! -I ain't!
Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother...
because she was my mother's mother.
Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild...
at one and the same time.
And lo and behold...
as the husband of a person's grandmother is a grandfather...
That's right.
I became my goddamn own grandfather!
Holy mackerel!
Sleep'n Eat, that sho is a whopper!
You said it, cousin.
Or is we?
Feets...do your stuff.
Watch out now!
You ain't never seen no niggers
Standin' here with a fiddle
You ain't never seen no niggers
A-standin' here playin' on no fiddle
You ain't seen no niggers like this
Standin' here playin' on a fiddle
You ain't seen no niggers like this
Gettin' down on the fiddle, watch this now
You couldn't hold out any longer, could you?
I ain't worried about money in the middle
'Cause I got my funky fiddle
I ain't worried about money in the middle
'Cause I got my funky fiddle, watch this now
What's so funny, man?
Fuckin' shit is funny to me.
You funny to me.
Watch him now.
No, man.
Fuck that, man.
I'm ready to merc somebody.
Pull some big fuckin' Clint Eastwood shit...
and blow that nigger's fuckin' cavities back.
That's what I say, right? Blow his cavities back.
To my astonishment...
not only did the people in television land love us...
but also the critics.
"Mantan" was being hailed as groundbreaking...
barrier-breaking, also earth-shaking.
I looked forward to my awards.
Just vindication for all my hard work...
all my talent that had previously been overlooked.
Pierre Delacroix for "Mantan"!
Mira, I love you!
You don't know this...
but we both took Mandarin together at Harvard.
You didn't notice me, I sat in the back of the class.
You are like the light reflected off an angel!
That routine would go over like gangbusters.
I would be a dancing fool.
Hollywood's new favorite Negro.
Move over, Danny, Morgan, Samuel L.!
Out of my way, Eddie and Wesley!
Make room for me, Will Smith!
Here comes Delacroix!
Show me the money!
...Best New Situational Comedy is...
Pierre Delacroix...
for "Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel Show."
I want to thank the Academy truly...
for this award.
Right now, words escape me.
Which is odd for a writer, of course.
Mr. Modine, would you please join me at the podium?
Now, I have never met this man in my life before.
I...
am his greatest fan.
I've seen all your work.
I've seen you in "Rumble Fish" and "Flamingo Kid"...
and "Something About Mary" and "Wild Things."
I've just watched that over and over--
Matt Dillon?
I'm sure if you were in those movies...
you would have been just as brilliant...
so I want to thank you from the bowels of my heart...
and I want you to have this Emmy, please.
I do not deserve it.
I can't accept this, Pierre.
That's very generous of you and very kind.
Give it to the garbageman!
This is for "Mantan"--
Give this man his Emmy!
If I did that, I'd be assured of work forever.
Delacroix... the grateful Negro.
All right, we're takin' it from the same spot.
Toehill, don't rush.
One, two, three, and...
Don't rush!
Come on, get down there!
Pivots toe.
Come on now, what was that?
Let me hear you, Lil'nigger Jim.
Let me hear you once again, man.
Wrong! How old are you, man?
-Ten. -You want to live to see eleven?
What's going on, man?
Y'all need a break or something?
Let's take a break.
Take a ten-minute break.
Take a break. Y'all take a break, man!
Yo, what's up, man?
I don't know, man. Sorry.
Surprised at you, man.
Whassup?
Since when do you start talking to people like that?
Tell me, when that start?
When you start that?
You see what they're doin' to my 'ography, man?
They're messin' it up, man.
Trippin', man. I'm not drinkin' the Kool-Aid.
You ain't drinkin'? What you mean?
Like Jim Jones. I'm not drinkin' the Kool-Aid.
What you talkin' about, man?
This pickaninny, watermelon bullshit!
I'm out! I'm raisin' up! The fuck outta here.
You out?
Know what, man? Good. Be out.
'Cause I got a broken back...
from carrying you around all these years anyway.
So that's what you been doing?
Stand up. Stand up, OK?
That what you been doing?
You been carrying me?
We were on the streets you weren't talking that shit.
When you was hungry...
you wasn't taking that shit, was you?
What you been doing push-ups now?
Know you coppin' a diesel now?
Don't sit down, Manny.
-I don't know-- -You gonna jump?
What's up? Do you remember me?
Do you remember me?
Do you?
You remember me?
That what I thought.
Just what I thought right there.
Go ahead, man.
Do what you want right now.
I'm handling mines, man.
Got a roof over my head.
Fuckin' with you, we'd still be on the street.
You calling me a cling-on?
You been draggin' me? I been dead weight to you?
Is that what I been?
New millennium, huh?
It's the same bullshit!
Just done over.
Same bullshit.
Yassa, l...
What you want me to do, massa?
Anything for you, sir.
I sang for you.
I tap-dance for you, massa.
I coon for you.
Anything just to make you laugh, massa.
Yassa.
You should call him.
I'm not really thinking about Womack right now...
you know what I mean?
What am I callin' him for?
He left. He should be callin' me.
You gotta be the bigger person.
Don't take it on the ego thing, 'cause it's not about that.
He comes in...
All right, it may have been a bad time or whatever...
but he came at me, like...
Iike he was my boss or somethin' like...
"What am I doing talkin' to the kids like that?"
Talkin' like that 'cause they not gettin' the 'ography.
He just gotta go into some...
"Do you remember" daze...
jumpin' at me like he gonna knock my head off...
beat me up in the studio.
I'm just like...
"No, I'm not feelin' you right now, Womack.
"Straight up."
You want me to call him?
I'm not callin' no Womack.
Man, he calls me.
So how long have you and Hambone been hanging out?
We're friends.
Really? That's not what your brother seems to think.
He's playing that big brother role...
so whatever.
So, are you getting "jiggy" with him?
Pierre, I don't really think that's any of your business.
So why am I here?
Well, Mr. Dunwitty and l...
feel that you're getting too close to him...
and that his mind is being messed up.
He's unfocused. I demand you stop seeing him.
Work-related or otherwise?
Otherwise, and I trust you know the difference.
If he asks me something, I can't lie to him.
I have to tell him the truth.
Do you have to be so damn forthright?
You should try it sometime.
When are you gonna come into the light?
-The light? -The light!
Don't you give me none of this mumbo-jumbo bullshit...
because your hands are just as bloody as mine.
I know where I made my big mistake.
I should have never gotten romantically involved...
with the help.
What did you just say?
Nigger, did you just call me your help?
Is that what you think of me?
Let me tell you a thing or two about help...
Peerless Dothan...
if you weren't so busy fucking Maryann, Sue, and Beth...
maybe you would have a little more stroke in your back.
Now help that shit out.
Get out.
Get the fuck out!
You know what?
You are fucked up.
Look at that shit.
That could help your sorry ass one day.
I trust you can help yourself out.
What you did was dead wrong.
Wrong. Capital "W" wrong.
Buddy boy, in this business...
if you do not produce, you get fired.
It's that simple.
Sloan is the hardest working person I ever met.
You're a bright young man.
How do you think she got the gig in the first place?
I hate to burst your bubble, Mantan the Marvelous...
but Sloan is an opportunist.
Naw, man. You don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
In fact, why don't you go ask her yourself?
Ask her. Say, "Sloan, how did you get this gig?"
How did you get this gig?
I had an internship and I worked like a dog...
to get in the position that I'm in today.
You leaving something out?
Like I said...
I had an internship...
Dela liked how I worked...
and he hired me as his assistant.
And?
And what?
Don't play me right now, Sloan.
Manray, if you have something to ask me, ask it.
You just want me to say it?
Say what?
Did you ever sleep with Dela?
Yes, I did.
I knew it.
Listen, it doesn't have anything to do...
with how I got my job.
It was a mistake, OK?
It happened a very long time ago...
and it doesn't have anything to do with me and you.
You know what?
I think you was probably gonna play me...
try to use me just like you used Dela...
to work your way to the top.
It's funny how people in this business...
can just flip on you like lHOP.
I'm glad he fired your ass.
You...
You know what?
Let me tell you what's funny.
It's funny how a man always has to perceive...
an attractive young lady...
as having to fuck or suck somebody...
in order to get to the top.
It doesn't have anything to do with the fact...
that I'm intelligent maybe?
Or have anything to do with the fact that I have drive?
That doesn't matter!
No, I fucked him.
Yes, I fucked him. How about that?
The question is-- Are you a puppet for Dela?
Don't try to change the subject.
I'm not changing anything.
I'm asking you a question.
Are you a puppet for Dela?
No. I'm lookin' at Dela's puppet.
Then the real question is...
Whose puppet are you?
Hello, Mommy. How are you?
I'm just fine, honey.
I've just been here reading about your show.
It's everywhere.
I only saw it once.
I thought you told me there would be no buffoonery.
Are you going to attack me, too?
The show is a hit. Why can't you be happy for me?
Of course I'm happy for you, honey...
but a coon is a coon.
Peerless.
What?
You work so hard for your success, honey.
Yes, I have--very hard.
Has my father called?
Not at all?
Well, honey, you know your daddy.
If and when he does call...
please don't forget to ask him if he's seen "Mantan."
I will, honey.
You disappoint me.
Yes, well, I have to go now.
What the hell are you smiling at?
Jolly nigger bank.
When I thought or imagined...
that my favorite jolly nigger bank--
an inanimate object, a piece of cold cast iron...
was moving by itself, I knew I was getting paranoid.
Did I really see what I saw?
Or was I hallucinating?
What's up, my millennium people?
My name is...
Honest Abe Honeycutt.
And I just have one thing to say.
-What? -What is it?
Sounds so good I got to do it again.
And four score...
and seven years ago...
they was kicking our black asses.
Boy, I mean they had a whip...
and they was kicking our black asses...
from can't see in the morning...
until can't see at night.
But this is the new millennium!
How's everybody doing?
Grandma Bull, is you a nigger?
Yes, sirree, bob.
Darn tootin' I'm a nigger.
Give her applause. Give her some applause.
I love you.
My boy, is you a nigger?
Honeycutt, you be a nigger.
Let's be niggers together!
Boom, boom, Honeycutt!
Are you a nigger?
Yes. I'm from the Bronx, man.
Home of the world champions! New York Yankees!
Where you from, my sister?
Puerto Rico.
That's right, baby, so I'm not just a nigger.
I'm a nigger, OK?
Send something to our other sisters out there.
If you not a nigger, be a nigger!
Is you a nigger?
I'm a Sicilian nigger...
which means I'm more of a nigger than any nigger in here.
Because you know what they say about Sicilians.
We're darker than most niggers.
We're bigger than most niggers.
And we rap better than most niggers.
I'm white, not black, but not all the time
I'm in blackface, and I'm feelin' fine
No matter what color, no matter what race
You know you're cold chillin' when you're in blackface
Can I find somebody? Wait a minute.
Lord have mercy.
Is you a nigger?
Honeycutt, I don't know about all the other people in here...
but I'm keepin' it real. You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm keepin' it real
I got one more thing to say.
I am a really real negress. Thank you.
A real negress!
A negress!
Y'all ain't going to waste no time, huh?
Him!
You!
We are all God's niggers!
Even the lost souls who don't know that they niggers.
They niggers, too.
-Do you know why? -Why?
'Cause niggers is a beautiful thing.
Niggers is a beautiful thing!
Sorry I'm late. Tough time catching a cab.
Perhaps they thought you were Danny Glover.
-Delacroix here. -This is Bunning.
I have Mantan up there, and he's not getting dressed...
and he's not in makeup. What am I supposed to do?
-He's not in blackface. -I'll be right there.
You want to check on the little delay?
That's where I'm going.
I'm just keepin' it real.
Where is he?
Mantan, what's going on here? We have a show to tape.
My name is Manray, God damn it.
God damn it, Manray, we've got a show to tape.
Please.
Go to your room, put on your costume, and blacken up.
Look, man, I'm not playing myself no more.
Come again?
I'm done, man.
This whole blackface buck shit, I'm done, man.
I know what you're going through right now.
I mean, first, Womack and then Sloan.
Oh, my God. It broke my heart...
to have to be the one to pull your coattails...
as to her sexual exploits.
However, we must remain professional.
The show must go on.
I will always be professional...
but as far as this buck dancing...
this blackface shit, I'm not doing it.
No costume, no blackface?
Hell, no blackface.
Fine.
It's going to be your funeral.
We want Mantan!
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much.
We apologize for the holdup.
So, without any further delay, ladies and gentlemen...
give it up for Mantan!
What's going on?
What do you mean, you don't know?
Cousins...
I want you all to go to your windows.
Go to your windows and yell out.
Scream with all the life that you can muster up...
inside your bruised...
assaulted, and battered bodies.
I am sick and tired of being a nigger...
and I am not going to take it anymore!
Sick and tired of being a nigger?
What?
I don't think he's getting up.
-What is this? -lt must be a dance.
What the fuck is going on here?
Stop the tape!
Stop the goddamn tape!
Stop! Cut it!
Cut! Cut!
What are you doing?
Stop dancing!
Get him out of the building!
-Stop dancing! -Get off me!
Stop dancing!
Yo, what you doing?
We apologize, ladies and gentlemen.
Just relax. We'll be right back with a good show.
Hold that.
Get him out of here! Get him out.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Mantan has come down with a case of coon-itis.
We'll take him out back and whip it right out of him.
I will have him out here even if I have to cut off a foot.
He'll dance like...
You just relax.
Get him out.
Come on, man! I wasn't finished doing my dancing!
But you are finished. You're done.
Niggers like you are a dime-a-dozen.
You think you're special?
I'm going to slide Honeycutt right into your spot...
you fake-ass tap dance kid.
Get him out of the building.
Ungrateful mother...
-Let's go, Honeycutt. -Yes, sir.
I'll deal with you next.
Don't ever come back no more!
This is bullshit.
You a dead motherfucker.
What did I do, man?
The cryin' motherfucker wanna know what he did.
That's your goddamn problem.
You know exactly what the fuck you did.
Negro, you will be executed.
For what?
For singing and dancing?
I was just hoofin', man.
Just hoofin', man.
You're going to be done in front of the whole world.
Telemundo.
The whole world is going to be watching this.
The Mau Maus had come up with a brilliant, sadistic plan...
to broadcast Mantan's execution live.
No way we gonna be found out. You ain't even here.
Motherfucker, you in cyberspace, man.
This is gonna really boost your ratings.
Beat the mass, Mau Maus be about land and freedom
Reparation and apologies
For African to America odysseys
Guerrilla-type tactics on them socialistic fallacies
It be about the devastation
Of the social Darwinistic thought
Keep a brown man down, sport
They wanna keep an eye on the fetch and set nigger
The way fresh, and I'll put it
They lucky I ain't red wretched yet
Yo, you fucked up in the game now
The Mau Maus sent anonymous e-mail proclamations...
to the web sites of CNN, ABC, NBC, and CBS.
It was an invite to witness the dance of death--
Ten p.m. prime time, tomorrow night.
Bow down, there's four lives in the ground now
Shake 'em down
Black monk like that Thelonious
The government got the black phobia
Hello. My name is Thomas Dunwitty.
I'm the senior V.P...
of the entertainment division here at CNS.
I come to you with a heavy heart.
This abduction is a cowardly...
vile, sinful, and dastardly act...
and I promise that these creeps will be prosecuted...
to the fullest extent of the law.
This is a total, complete attack on our American way of life.
We here at CNS...
are offering a $1 million cash reward...
for any information that leads to the safe return home...
of our dear friend and homey Mantan.
Mantan, our prayers are with you...
and may God bless America.
It was 10:00...
and the Dance of Death was about to commence.
Since a lot of people still don't have computers...
the networks sought a court order to carry it live...
taking it off the feed.
It was granted.
A live snuff broadcast...
right into the comfort of your living room.
Yo, we're live in five, four...
three, two...
We are now live in cyberspace.
Whereas Mantan is a Tom.
Whereas Mantan is a disgrace.
Whereas Mantan is a head-scratchin'...
foot-shufflin' Negro!
Let me go, man!
Be strong, boy. Be strong.
...Dancing fool is condemned to death.
I's a good Negro.
See that bitch's dancing feet?
Let's show you some real educated feets.
Show us some of them fancy moves.
Get your ass up. Get that nigger up.
Let him do some dancing for us.
Get up on your feet, man.
Show us them feet. Don't be ashamed.
-Dance for us! -Showtime!
You fucked up in the game now.
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it!
Stop it, I say!
Leave me alone!
Spear chuckers!
Get rid of these porch monkeys!
Jungle bunny!
Yo, dawg.
Yo, I'm fucked up, dawg.
Yo, you need a light?
Yo, man, I got some fire.
Yo, who got the fire?
Who got the flame?
Shit. Hey!
Why didn't you kill me?
I'm black!
Why didn't you kill me?
I'm black! I'm black!
All it takes is one fucking drop of black blood!
Everyone thinks he's black!
Mau Maus!
You should've killed me.
You should've fucking killed me!
All it takes is one fucking drop of black blood, motherfucker!
You're black!
Get the fuck off me!
Hi, Peerless.
You done fucked up now.
You didn't think I had one of these, did you?
My brother gave me this.
Oh, I see..
you brought my tape.
Get up and put it in.
Get up and put it in!
That's right. You'll listen to me tonight.
All this time, you didn't listen to what I had to say...
but you going to listen to me tonight.
This is "Listen to Sloan Day."
It's my night.
I want you to look at this shit.
Look to what you contributed to.
Because of you, my brother's dead.
Manray. You done fucked up everything!
-Think they're cannibals? -You see this shit?
They wouldn't dare do that to white people.
Maybe they want some dark meat.
What do you have to say for yourself?
Sloan, give me the gun.
-Don't. -Please.
Don't, Peerless. Don't make me. No.
Don't come over here.
Peerless...
I'm sorry.
It's OK.
You never listened to me. You made me do that.
As I bled to death...
as my very life oozed out of me...
all I could think of was something...
the great Negro James Baldwin had written.
"People pay for what they do, and still more...
"for what they have allowed themselves to become...
"and they pay for it very simply by the lives they lead."
Now it was time for me to buy the farm...
to meet my maker.
Good-bye, cousins.
Please tune in next week for the best of...
"Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel show."
Gonna to put your shoes on?
No, sir. Savin' them in case my feet wear out.
Well, Mr. Bones, how are you this evening?
Me?
I's the personification of health, Mr. Christie.
Good. Who was that lady I saw you with this afternoon?
That was no lady. That was my wife.
I'll bust your head.
Good gracious me.
Who is that?
What gives?
What's the matter with you, boy?
My mam...Mammy.
-What was that? -How'd I know?
Are you ready, Liza?
I's ready, Uncle Tom.
Is you ready, Simon Legree?
I'm always ready.
I broke in as a bootblack, you know.
Here we go.
For a month and a half, I've been dreaming...
how pretty I was going to look tonight.
Here's my punishment for thinking so well of myself.
This is tough to put on and take off.
You know, you're lucky.
Cut them monkeyshines.
Chicken house? What am I waiting for?
I don't know.
Me, either. Tally ho.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir, mister.
Yes, sir.
-Yes, ma'am. -Yes, Miss Bellmer.
Yes, Miss Maggie.
Brothers, it's certainly going to be a lesson to me.
Maybe Baldwin was right, maybe he was wrong...
but as my father often told me...
"Always keep 'em laughing."
Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org