1 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,024 Hi. 2 00:06:47,025 --> 00:06:48,744 Hey. 3 00:06:48,745 --> 00:06:50,856 How are you? 4 00:06:53,065 --> 00:06:56,137 Didn't we just talk about that? 5 00:06:56,905 --> 00:06:59,344 That was yesterday. 6 00:06:59,345 --> 00:07:01,976 Today is Tuesday. 7 00:07:04,504 --> 00:07:07,336 So I've been here long? 8 00:07:09,225 --> 00:07:11,337 A month. 9 00:07:15,344 --> 00:07:17,257 Wayne says that... 10 00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:22,376 My grief pattern is atypical. 11 00:07:26,825 --> 00:07:28,617 Yeah. 12 00:07:33,625 --> 00:07:36,504 Had a talk with Wayne. 13 00:07:36,505 --> 00:07:40,216 I think he gives you too much medication. Way too much. 14 00:07:41,225 --> 00:07:43,424 Stop it, please. 15 00:07:43,425 --> 00:07:45,824 Trust others to be smarter than you. 16 00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:48,224 - He's straight out of medical school. - Just for once. 17 00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:52,456 He doesn't know what he's doing. I've treated 10 times as many patients as he has. 18 00:07:53,505 --> 00:07:55,976 But you're not a doctor. 19 00:07:56,825 --> 00:07:59,064 No, I'm not. 20 00:07:59,065 --> 00:08:02,777 And I'm proud that I'm not when I meet a doctor like him. 21 00:08:04,265 --> 00:08:07,816 There is nothing atypical about your grief. 22 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:20,217 It was my fault. 23 00:08:22,425 --> 00:08:25,703 What about me? I was there too. 24 00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:28,096 I could have stopped him. 25 00:08:28,905 --> 00:08:30,497 No. 26 00:08:33,504 --> 00:08:38,017 You didn't know that he had started waking up lately. 27 00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:46,297 I was aware that he would sometimes wake up... 28 00:08:48,105 --> 00:08:51,024 and crawl out of bed... 29 00:08:51,025 --> 00:08:52,896 and walk about... 30 00:08:54,265 --> 00:08:57,663 just as you thought that he was soundly asleep. 31 00:08:57,664 --> 00:09:00,736 He could open the baby gate. 32 00:09:02,425 --> 00:09:03,904 He- 33 00:09:03,905 --> 00:09:06,056 He woke up... 34 00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:11,976 and was - was confused and - 35 00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:17,024 And - and alone. 36 00:09:17,025 --> 00:09:19,136 Hey. Hey- 37 00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:21,856 Hey. 38 00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:45,136 Dr. Wayne says you want me back home. 39 00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:50,344 You couldn't leave it, could you? 40 00:09:50,345 --> 00:09:52,223 Had to meddle. 41 00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,624 This place leads nowhere. 42 00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:57,423 On the contrary... 43 00:09:57,424 --> 00:09:59,217 grief - 44 00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:03,864 it's not a disease. It's a natural, healthy reaction. 45 00:10:03,865 --> 00:10:06,377 You can't just remove it. You mustn't. 46 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,784 Wayne knows you're a therapist. 47 00:10:10,785 --> 00:10:13,304 He says you shouldn't treat your own family. 48 00:10:13,305 --> 00:10:16,144 In principle I agree, but - 49 00:10:16,145 --> 00:10:19,937 But you're just so much smarter, aren't you? 50 00:10:20,744 --> 00:10:22,376 I love you. 51 00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:28,744 Nothing hurts more than to see the one that you love... 52 00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:32,056 subjected to mistakes and wrongs. 53 00:10:33,145 --> 00:10:36,616 No therapist can know as much about you as I do. 54 00:12:42,385 --> 00:12:44,024 It's all right. 55 00:12:44,025 --> 00:12:47,576 It hurts. 56 00:12:51,624 --> 00:12:53,856 - It hurts. - I know. 57 00:12:55,624 --> 00:12:57,736 There's no way around it. 58 00:13:01,784 --> 00:13:03,703 I want to die too. 59 00:13:03,704 --> 00:13:06,776 No, I'm not gonna let you do that. 60 00:13:10,144 --> 00:13:12,623 Will it just go on and on? 61 00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:14,024 No. 62 00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:16,057 No, it'll change. 63 00:13:18,344 --> 00:13:20,577 Will it get any worse? 64 00:13:21,824 --> 00:13:23,696 Yes, it will. 65 00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:47,737 You've always been distant from me and Nic. 66 00:13:49,624 --> 00:13:54,376 Now that I come to think of it, very, very distant. 67 00:13:55,664 --> 00:13:57,223 Okay. 68 00:13:57,224 --> 00:14:00,736 Can you give me some examples of this? 69 00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:06,377 Hell, that's not that difficult to understand. 70 00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:12,616 Like last summer, for instance. 71 00:14:14,265 --> 00:14:16,736 You were terribly distant last summer. 72 00:14:18,665 --> 00:14:22,017 As a father and as a husband. 73 00:14:22,864 --> 00:14:26,456 And that was Nic's last summer you missed out on. 74 00:14:27,464 --> 00:14:29,296 Too bad. 75 00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:35,743 I never interested you... 76 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,584 until now... 77 00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,136 that I am your patient. 78 00:14:41,344 --> 00:14:45,463 Perhaps I'm not supposed to talk about these things. 79 00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:48,296 There's nothing you can't talk about. 80 00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:54,896 You're indifferent to whether your child is alive or dead. 81 00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:07,096 I bet you have a lot of clever therapist replies to that, haven't you? 82 00:15:12,304 --> 00:15:14,216 Well, actually... 83 00:15:15,944 --> 00:15:18,343 it was to honor your wish. 84 00:15:18,344 --> 00:15:21,223 You wanted peace to write. 85 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,336 Perhaps I didn't mean it. 86 00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:26,216 What I understood... 87 00:15:27,105 --> 00:15:29,984 is that you wanted to write alone... 88 00:15:29,985 --> 00:15:34,303 that you and Nic were going to go to Eden, just the two of you. 89 00:15:34,304 --> 00:15:37,177 That way you could finish your thesis. 90 00:15:39,464 --> 00:15:41,216 But I didn't. 91 00:15:42,465 --> 00:15:44,384 You didn't? 92 00:15:44,385 --> 00:15:45,864 You see? 93 00:15:45,864 --> 00:15:47,823 You didn't even know that. 94 00:15:47,824 --> 00:15:50,103 Why did you give up? That's not like you. 95 00:15:50,104 --> 00:15:54,463 The whole project just seemed less important up there. 96 00:15:54,464 --> 00:15:59,304 As you said when I talked to you about my subject, glib. 97 00:15:59,304 --> 00:16:01,903 I never called your subject glib. 98 00:16:01,904 --> 00:16:04,583 Perhaps you didn't use that word, but that's what you meant. 99 00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:08,256 And all of a sudden it was glib. 100 00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:13,823 Or even worse, some - some kind of lie. 101 00:16:13,824 --> 00:16:16,464 I see. 102 00:16:16,465 --> 00:16:18,583 No, you don't see. 103 00:16:18,584 --> 00:16:21,656 You see a lot of things, but not that. 104 00:17:49,984 --> 00:17:52,416 Inhale on the count of five. 105 00:17:54,224 --> 00:17:57,063 Calmly. Calmly. Just - 106 00:17:57,064 --> 00:17:59,143 Follow me. Do it with me. 107 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:00,783 Inhale. 108 00:18:00,784 --> 00:18:03,696 Inhale on the count of five. 109 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,376 Inhale. Two. 110 00:18:10,104 --> 00:18:13,383 Stay with me. Stay with me. 111 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,384 I'm gonna teach you how to breathe. 112 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:17,783 Inhale. 113 00:18:17,784 --> 00:18:20,383 Two, three, four, five. 114 00:18:20,384 --> 00:18:22,463 Hold. 115 00:18:22,464 --> 00:18:24,903 Two, three, four, five. 116 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,864 Exhale. Two, three, four - Good. 117 00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,543 Imagine - 118 00:18:29,544 --> 00:18:33,736 Imagine you're blowing on your thistle blooms. 119 00:18:34,704 --> 00:18:37,056 Calmly, quietly. 120 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,704 Yes, yes, that's good. 121 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,776 That's good. 122 00:18:46,344 --> 00:18:47,976 That's very good. 123 00:18:49,144 --> 00:18:52,983 I told you there would be a change. 124 00:18:52,984 --> 00:18:56,216 You're still mourning, but you're in a new phase. 125 00:19:01,624 --> 00:19:04,216 - What phase? - Anxiety. 126 00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:09,023 - Anxiety? - Yes. 127 00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,135 This is physical. 128 00:19:13,864 --> 00:19:17,463 - It's dangerous. - No, it's not dangerous. 129 00:19:17,464 --> 00:19:20,455 Just as your grief wasn't dangerous. 130 00:19:21,224 --> 00:19:24,263 The main part of anxiety is physical. 131 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:28,383 Dizzy spells, dry mouth... 132 00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:31,263 distorted hearing, trembling... 133 00:19:31,264 --> 00:19:35,976 heavy breathing, fast pulse, nausea. 134 00:19:45,744 --> 00:19:47,536 Hey. 135 00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:51,416 Hey. Hey. 136 00:19:53,224 --> 00:19:56,336 Easy. Never screw your therapist. 137 00:19:57,224 --> 00:20:00,296 No matter how much your therapist may like it. 138 00:20:02,024 --> 00:20:05,623 I know it distracts you, but it's - it's not good for us. 139 00:20:05,624 --> 00:20:08,823 Do the breathing. 140 00:20:08,824 --> 00:20:10,935 Hold. 141 00:20:12,984 --> 00:20:14,783 Exhale. 142 00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:17,303 Do you love me? 143 00:20:17,304 --> 00:20:19,416 Yes, I do. 144 00:20:20,424 --> 00:20:22,056 Then help me. 145 00:20:26,344 --> 00:20:28,576 That's what I'm doing. 146 00:20:35,664 --> 00:20:37,343 Exposure. 147 00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:40,703 That's the only thing that really works. 148 00:20:40,704 --> 00:20:44,103 Everything else is just talk. 149 00:20:44,104 --> 00:20:49,703 You have to have the courage to stay in the situation that frightens you... 150 00:20:49,704 --> 00:20:53,295 and then you'll learn that the fear isn't dangerous. 151 00:20:54,464 --> 00:20:58,423 Let's make a list of things you're afraid of. 152 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:02,616 At the top, we put the situation you fear the most. 153 00:21:06,944 --> 00:21:09,816 But I don't know what I'm afraid of. 154 00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:14,376 Just... take your time. 155 00:21:16,504 --> 00:21:18,263 I'm thinking. 156 00:21:18,264 --> 00:21:19,896 Okay. 157 00:21:25,264 --> 00:21:27,416 I'm thinking, uh, but, uh - 158 00:21:29,864 --> 00:21:34,055 Can't I just be afraid without a definite object? 159 00:22:30,784 --> 00:22:33,783 Hey. No. No! No! 160 00:22:33,784 --> 00:22:36,936 - Calmly. 161 00:22:38,864 --> 00:22:40,656 Oh, God. 162 00:22:50,944 --> 00:22:53,575 No. 163 00:23:15,344 --> 00:23:17,455 This won't do. 164 00:23:21,184 --> 00:23:24,256 Stup - Stupidest thing I could do to you. 165 00:23:28,784 --> 00:23:33,422 If you can't tell me what you're afraid of... 166 00:23:33,423 --> 00:23:36,582 maybe it would be easier for you to tell me... 167 00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,463 where you're afraid. 168 00:23:38,464 --> 00:23:41,335 Where would you feel most exposed? 169 00:23:42,784 --> 00:23:45,616 What would be the worst place? 170 00:23:48,064 --> 00:23:49,856 The apartment? 171 00:23:53,704 --> 00:23:55,295 The street? 172 00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:58,016 A store? 173 00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:01,895 The park? 174 00:24:04,624 --> 00:24:06,855 Visiting someone maybe? 175 00:24:17,863 --> 00:24:19,656 The woods. 176 00:24:20,944 --> 00:24:22,855 The woods? 177 00:24:27,275 --> 00:24:28,142 The woods, yes. 178 00:24:28,143 --> 00:24:30,342 It's funny. because... 179 00:24:30,343 --> 00:24:33,816 you were the one that always wanted to go into the woods. 180 00:24:34,904 --> 00:24:37,176 What scares you about the woods? 181 00:24:38,064 --> 00:24:40,496 What frightens you there? 182 00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:46,976 Everything. 183 00:24:51,743 --> 00:24:56,215 Tell me what you think is supposed to happen in the woods. 184 00:25:02,904 --> 00:25:04,536 I... 185 00:25:05,944 --> 00:25:08,776 Is it any woods in particular? 186 00:25:15,183 --> 00:25:17,656 - Eden. - Eden? 187 00:25:22,584 --> 00:25:25,463 Well, what do you say we put... 188 00:25:25,464 --> 00:25:28,622 the garden around Eden... 189 00:25:28,623 --> 00:25:31,335 at the top of the pyramid? 190 00:25:32,463 --> 00:25:34,223 No. 191 00:25:34,224 --> 00:25:36,576 Not quite at the top. 192 00:25:46,424 --> 00:25:48,823 No. 193 00:25:48,823 --> 00:25:51,576 Don't you - 194 00:25:54,823 --> 00:25:57,543 Stop it! Stop - 195 00:25:57,544 --> 00:25:59,776 Okay. 196 00:26:08,423 --> 00:26:10,342 Ow! Ow. 197 00:26:10,343 --> 00:26:12,615 It's... 198 00:26:14,983 --> 00:26:17,023 - It's o-It's okay. - I'm sorry. 199 00:26:17,024 --> 00:26:19,303 It's all right. 200 00:26:19,304 --> 00:26:21,935 - I don't know - - Huh. 201 00:26:59,423 --> 00:27:02,495 We can start by working on your expectations. 202 00:27:03,384 --> 00:27:05,496 Close your eyes. 203 00:27:09,904 --> 00:27:12,775 Feel the seat underneath you. 204 00:27:14,503 --> 00:27:17,375 Feel yourself sinking down into it... 205 00:27:18,343 --> 00:27:20,416 enfolding you. 206 00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:23,215 It's a nice feeling. 207 00:27:24,344 --> 00:27:28,583 What you feel is a pleasant warmth... 208 00:27:28,584 --> 00:27:30,576 and heaviness. 209 00:27:32,024 --> 00:27:34,696 Your breath is deep... 210 00:27:36,264 --> 00:27:37,935 regular... 211 00:27:39,144 --> 00:27:40,775 easy. 212 00:27:41,543 --> 00:27:43,663 Now... 213 00:27:43,664 --> 00:27:45,975 imagine you're at Eden. 214 00:27:47,384 --> 00:27:50,775 Imagine you arrive at Eden through the woods. 215 00:27:53,583 --> 00:27:56,096 Tell me what you see. 216 00:28:01,104 --> 00:28:03,015 I'm at the bridge. 217 00:28:03,824 --> 00:28:05,615 It's evening. 218 00:28:07,903 --> 00:28:10,855 Almost no birds can be heard. 219 00:28:11,944 --> 00:28:14,856 The water is running without a sound. 220 00:28:17,223 --> 00:28:20,015 Darkness comes early down here. 221 00:28:22,504 --> 00:28:24,616 I walk into it. 222 00:28:36,783 --> 00:28:38,702 The little deers... 223 00:28:38,703 --> 00:28:41,742 are hiding among the ferns... 224 00:28:41,743 --> 00:28:43,695 as usual. 225 00:28:44,663 --> 00:28:47,175 Is it difficult to walk there? 226 00:28:48,264 --> 00:28:50,023 No. 227 00:28:50,024 --> 00:28:51,815 Not really. 228 00:28:53,344 --> 00:28:55,695 In fact, it's almost okay. 229 00:29:04,864 --> 00:29:07,343 In among the trees... 230 00:29:07,344 --> 00:29:09,095 on the slope... 231 00:29:10,023 --> 00:29:12,775 is the old fox hole. 232 00:29:16,264 --> 00:29:18,376 How do you feel there? 233 00:29:21,024 --> 00:29:23,215 I can't really tell. 234 00:29:24,303 --> 00:29:27,215 It should be easy passing... 235 00:29:28,024 --> 00:29:29,943 and yet... 236 00:29:29,944 --> 00:29:32,855 it's like walking through mud. 237 00:29:42,464 --> 00:29:44,576 The trunk is thick 238 00:29:47,023 --> 00:29:49,735 The tree rots so slowly. 239 00:29:51,423 --> 00:29:55,015 It has some strange kind of personality. 240 00:29:56,184 --> 00:29:58,296 I've always felt that. 241 00:30:03,943 --> 00:30:05,615 Now- 242 00:30:06,943 --> 00:30:10,335 Where are you? Are you - Are you heading for the cabin? 243 00:30:12,744 --> 00:30:14,616 Yes, I am. 244 00:30:17,544 --> 00:30:20,382 I'm walking up the path... 245 00:30:20,383 --> 00:30:22,302 through the tall grass. 246 00:30:22,303 --> 00:30:24,222 No, don't go in. 247 00:30:24,223 --> 00:30:26,015 Don't go in. 248 00:30:27,103 --> 00:30:30,175 It's the outside you're afraid of. Now look around. 249 00:30:31,103 --> 00:30:32,615 No. 250 00:30:33,383 --> 00:30:35,495 Lie down on the green. 251 00:30:38,063 --> 00:30:39,982 You want me to lie down? 252 00:30:39,983 --> 00:30:42,415 Lie down on the grass. 253 00:30:44,704 --> 00:30:48,855 - On top of all the plants? - Y-Yes, lie down on the plants. 254 00:31:02,264 --> 00:31:04,215 Are you lying down? 255 00:31:05,463 --> 00:31:07,255 Yes. 256 00:31:08,343 --> 00:31:09,862 Good. 257 00:31:09,863 --> 00:31:12,455 What is everything like around you? 258 00:31:14,223 --> 00:31:16,462 Green. 259 00:31:16,463 --> 00:31:18,895 It's all very green. 260 00:31:20,943 --> 00:31:22,815 Good. 261 00:31:24,103 --> 00:31:26,735 Now will you do what I ask you? 262 00:31:28,423 --> 00:31:30,182 Yes. 263 00:31:30,183 --> 00:31:32,935 What do you want me to do? 264 00:31:34,183 --> 00:31:35,855 I want you... 265 00:31:36,824 --> 00:31:39,615 to melt into the green. 266 00:31:40,423 --> 00:31:42,703 Don't fight it. 267 00:31:42,703 --> 00:31:46,215 Just turn green. 268 00:31:54,983 --> 00:31:58,175 No matter what happens, you were there, you did it. 269 00:32:00,424 --> 00:32:02,822 Let fear come if it likes. 270 00:32:02,823 --> 00:32:04,383 Remember... 271 00:32:04,384 --> 00:32:08,255 what the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. 272 00:32:58,663 --> 00:33:00,262 What's wrong? 273 00:33:00,263 --> 00:33:02,095 The ground is burning. 274 00:33:02,943 --> 00:33:04,735 The ground is not burning. 275 00:33:09,063 --> 00:33:11,375 Gotta go. 276 00:33:30,743 --> 00:33:32,422 I want to lie down. 277 00:33:32,423 --> 00:33:34,695 Just for a minute. 278 00:33:36,583 --> 00:33:38,662 Sure. 279 00:33:38,663 --> 00:33:40,775 Yeah, we'll take a rest. 280 00:36:09,023 --> 00:36:11,135 Shouldn't we go on? 281 00:36:17,103 --> 00:36:18,734 Yeah. 282 00:36:20,423 --> 00:36:22,215 Yeah, we should. 283 00:37:27,743 --> 00:37:29,455 Stay. 284 00:37:32,103 --> 00:37:34,055 Stay with it. 285 00:37:38,743 --> 00:37:41,622 I know it hurts. Stay. 286 00:37:41,623 --> 00:37:43,494 Stay in it! 287 00:40:47,943 --> 00:40:50,694 It's just the stupid acorns. 288 00:42:19,542 --> 00:42:21,542 What are you doing? 289 00:42:21,543 --> 00:42:23,174 I'm just - 290 00:42:24,182 --> 00:42:26,101 I'm setting up... 291 00:42:26,102 --> 00:42:27,895 a little exercise. 292 00:42:28,702 --> 00:42:30,182 It's - 293 00:42:30,183 --> 00:42:31,975 It's like a - 294 00:42:32,822 --> 00:42:34,902 It's like a game. 295 00:42:34,902 --> 00:42:37,302 You cheated me yesterday. 296 00:42:37,303 --> 00:42:38,902 Running's no good. 297 00:42:38,903 --> 00:42:41,855 You have to really feel the grass. 298 00:42:42,623 --> 00:42:45,055 I want you to go from this stone... 299 00:42:45,943 --> 00:42:47,734 to this stone. 300 00:42:48,903 --> 00:42:51,181 Pretty scary, huh? 301 00:42:51,182 --> 00:42:52,894 You ready? 302 00:42:54,102 --> 00:42:55,942 Here. 303 00:42:55,943 --> 00:42:57,935 I'll give you a ride. 304 00:42:58,703 --> 00:43:01,615 I'll put you on the first stone. 305 00:43:03,422 --> 00:43:06,102 Stay with it. 306 00:43:06,103 --> 00:43:07,622 Here we go. 307 00:43:07,623 --> 00:43:10,502 Now put your foot down. I got you. I got you. 308 00:43:10,503 --> 00:43:11,982 I'm right here. 309 00:43:11,983 --> 00:43:15,142 - I can't do this. - Yes, you can. 310 00:43:15,143 --> 00:43:18,262 You can and you will, just like I will. 311 00:43:18,263 --> 00:43:20,182 We're gonna walk together. 312 00:43:20,183 --> 00:43:22,102 We're gonna walk together, okay? 313 00:43:22,103 --> 00:43:24,381 Now - All right, now breathe. 314 00:43:24,382 --> 00:43:27,782 Here. You're gonna step off the rock. 315 00:43:27,783 --> 00:43:31,135 You're gonna step on that grass. Step down. 316 00:43:31,822 --> 00:43:34,022 See? What happened? Nothing. 317 00:43:34,022 --> 00:43:36,422 Keep breathing. Bre - Keep breathing. 318 00:43:36,423 --> 00:43:39,901 I've got you. You're really doing great. 319 00:43:39,902 --> 00:43:42,061 Okay? Keep breathing. 320 00:43:42,062 --> 00:43:44,695 Five, five and five. 321 00:43:48,142 --> 00:43:50,142 We're almost there. 322 00:43:50,143 --> 00:43:53,694 We're almost there. You're doing great. 323 00:43:54,822 --> 00:43:56,654 You're doing fine. 324 00:44:00,862 --> 00:44:02,541 We're there. See? We're there. 325 00:44:02,542 --> 00:44:04,894 There you go. 326 00:44:08,343 --> 00:44:10,735 You did it. 327 00:44:13,222 --> 00:44:15,334 You learned something. 328 00:44:16,823 --> 00:44:18,614 Didn't you? 329 00:44:22,503 --> 00:44:24,615 You did beautifully. 330 00:44:25,702 --> 00:44:27,895 You did beautifully. 331 00:45:16,462 --> 00:45:19,055 I miss him so much. 332 00:45:38,023 --> 00:45:41,094 I've been afraid up here before. 333 00:45:42,023 --> 00:45:44,334 Yes, it seems likely. 334 00:45:45,942 --> 00:45:48,854 I just didn't know it was fear. 335 00:45:52,942 --> 00:45:55,222 I became afraid... 336 00:45:55,223 --> 00:45:57,494 and I stopped writing. 337 00:45:59,222 --> 00:46:01,855 What was different the last time? 338 00:46:07,543 --> 00:46:09,375 I heard a sound. 339 00:46:29,503 --> 00:46:32,734 Nic? 340 00:46:34,263 --> 00:46:36,054 Nic! 341 00:46:42,022 --> 00:46:43,815 Nic! 342 00:46:51,983 --> 00:46:55,174 Nic! 343 00:46:57,982 --> 00:47:01,454 Nic! 344 00:48:04,902 --> 00:48:07,454 You didn't hear Nic screaming. 345 00:48:10,983 --> 00:48:12,781 Apparently not. 346 00:48:12,782 --> 00:48:16,101 And because you experienced something that you couldn't explain rationally... 347 00:48:16,102 --> 00:48:19,854 you placed Eden very high on the pyramid chart. 348 00:48:24,222 --> 00:48:27,101 Eden was the catalyst that triggered your fear. 349 00:48:27,102 --> 00:48:29,381 You jumped to conclusions... 350 00:48:29,382 --> 00:48:32,614 and tied the emotional event with the place. 351 00:48:33,502 --> 00:48:36,781 When you feel threatened, it's natural to react. 352 00:48:36,782 --> 00:48:40,342 If the danger were real, your fear would save your life... 353 00:48:40,343 --> 00:48:44,214 because your adrenaline would be used for fight or flight. 354 00:48:45,702 --> 00:48:48,974 But what you're experiencing is panic, nothing more. 355 00:48:49,783 --> 00:48:51,894 The scream wasn't real. 356 00:49:01,983 --> 00:49:03,654 Stop! 357 00:49:05,342 --> 00:49:07,974 Cal - Calm... 358 00:49:08,742 --> 00:49:11,014 You shouldn't have come here. 359 00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:14,054 You're just so damn arrogant. 360 00:49:16,022 --> 00:49:18,294 But this may not last. 361 00:49:19,423 --> 00:49:21,654 Ever thought of that? 362 00:49:32,062 --> 00:49:35,974 Oak trees grow to be hundreds of years old. 363 00:49:36,823 --> 00:49:40,701 They only have to produce one single tree every hundred years... 364 00:49:40,702 --> 00:49:42,341 in order to propagate. 365 00:49:42,342 --> 00:49:45,062 It may sound banal to you, but... 366 00:49:45,063 --> 00:49:49,414 it was a big thing for me to realize that when I was up here with Nic. 367 00:49:54,902 --> 00:49:58,054 The acorns fell on the roof then too. 368 00:49:59,262 --> 00:50:02,534 They kept falling and falling... 369 00:50:03,382 --> 00:50:06,454 and dying and dying- 370 00:50:11,342 --> 00:50:13,454 And I understood that... 371 00:50:15,262 --> 00:50:18,934 everything that used to be beautiful about Eden... 372 00:50:19,782 --> 00:50:22,054 was perhaps hideous. 373 00:50:24,262 --> 00:50:26,661 Now I could hear... 374 00:50:26,662 --> 00:50:29,534 what I couldn't hear before - 375 00:50:31,423 --> 00:50:34,181 the cry of all the things... 376 00:50:34,182 --> 00:50:36,414 that are to die. 377 00:50:39,742 --> 00:50:42,141 That's all... 378 00:50:42,142 --> 00:50:43,974 very touching... 379 00:50:44,742 --> 00:50:47,174 if it was a children's book. 380 00:50:50,343 --> 00:50:52,454 Acorns don't cry. 381 00:50:53,702 --> 00:50:56,421 You know that as well as I do. 382 00:50:56,422 --> 00:50:58,374 That's what fear is. 383 00:50:59,462 --> 00:51:02,574 Your thoughts distort reality... 384 00:51:03,462 --> 00:51:05,414 not the other way around. 385 00:51:11,302 --> 00:51:12,741 Satan's church. 386 00:51:12,742 --> 00:51:14,181 Satan? Jesus! 387 00:51:14,182 --> 00:51:16,574 Nature is Satan's church. 388 00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:20,054 What? 389 00:51:22,262 --> 00:51:24,374 Why, there you have him. 390 00:51:25,502 --> 00:51:27,334 That was his breath. 391 00:51:57,742 --> 00:51:59,374 Nic. 392 00:52:00,302 --> 00:52:03,373 He drifted away from me the last time. 393 00:52:05,222 --> 00:52:08,301 He was always out and about. 394 00:52:08,302 --> 00:52:11,894 He might have made more of an effort to be there for me. 395 00:54:11,062 --> 00:54:13,461 You look like you slept well. 396 00:54:13,462 --> 00:54:15,694 Thanks. I did. 397 00:54:21,421 --> 00:54:24,974 I just wanted to say how happy I am that you're here. 398 00:54:28,262 --> 00:54:30,174 I love you, darling. 399 00:54:38,662 --> 00:54:40,734 Did you have a good sleep? 400 00:54:43,182 --> 00:54:46,814 I've just been having a lot of crazy dreams. 401 00:54:47,742 --> 00:54:52,101 Dreams are of no interest to modern psychology. 402 00:54:52,102 --> 00:54:53,901 Freud is dead, isn't he? 403 00:54:53,902 --> 00:54:57,413 Yeah. 404 00:55:13,502 --> 00:55:16,174 - What are you doing? - Look. 405 00:55:18,782 --> 00:55:21,133 I'm well again. 406 00:55:28,782 --> 00:55:30,534 I'm cured. 407 00:55:32,262 --> 00:55:33,893 You're so clever. 408 00:55:37,142 --> 00:55:39,014 I'm fine. 409 00:55:45,221 --> 00:55:48,293 You can't just be happy for me, can you? 410 00:57:54,141 --> 00:57:57,893 Chaos... reigns! 411 01:02:05,342 --> 01:02:09,701 Um, I'd like to do one more exercise. 412 01:02:09,702 --> 01:02:11,333 It's like role-playing. 413 01:02:12,941 --> 01:02:16,421 My role is... 414 01:02:16,422 --> 01:02:18,661 all the thoughts that provoke your fear. 415 01:02:18,662 --> 01:02:22,173 Yours is rational thinking. 416 01:02:27,101 --> 01:02:29,014 I'm nature. 417 01:02:29,782 --> 01:02:32,333 All the things that you call nature. 418 01:02:39,742 --> 01:02:42,053 Okay, Mr. Nature. 419 01:02:44,302 --> 01:02:46,493 What do - What do you want? 420 01:02:49,541 --> 01:02:52,013 To hurt you as much as I can. 421 01:02:57,701 --> 01:02:59,533 How? 422 01:03:00,581 --> 01:03:02,533 How do you think? 423 01:03:09,102 --> 01:03:11,173 By frightening me? 424 01:03:14,221 --> 01:03:15,894 By killing you. 425 01:03:18,341 --> 01:03:20,741 Nature can't harm me. 426 01:03:20,741 --> 01:03:22,780 You're just all the greenery outside. 427 01:03:22,781 --> 01:03:25,293 No. I'm more than that. 428 01:03:27,301 --> 01:03:29,373 I don't understand. 429 01:03:30,502 --> 01:03:33,734 I'm outside, but also... 430 01:03:36,501 --> 01:03:37,733 within. 431 01:03:39,741 --> 01:03:42,981 I'm nature of all human beings. 432 01:03:42,982 --> 01:03:45,173 Oh, that kind of nature. 433 01:03:49,781 --> 01:03:52,741 The kind of nature that causes people... 434 01:03:52,742 --> 01:03:55,780 to do evil things against women? 435 01:03:55,781 --> 01:03:57,700 That's exactly who I am. 436 01:03:57,701 --> 01:04:01,700 That kind of nature interested me a lot... 437 01:04:01,701 --> 01:04:04,261 when I was up here. 438 01:04:04,262 --> 01:04:07,733 That kind of nature was the subject of my thesis. 439 01:04:10,221 --> 01:04:13,374 But you shouldn't underestimate Eden. 440 01:04:15,622 --> 01:04:17,780 What did Eden do? 441 01:04:17,781 --> 01:04:21,573 I discovered something else in my material than I expected. 442 01:04:23,421 --> 01:04:26,213 If human nature is evil... 443 01:04:26,981 --> 01:04:31,541 then that goes as well for the nature of - 444 01:04:31,542 --> 01:04:33,573 Of the women. 445 01:04:35,301 --> 01:04:36,660 Female nature. 446 01:04:36,661 --> 01:04:39,653 The nature of all the sisters - 447 01:04:41,702 --> 01:04:45,893 Women do not control their own bodies. Nature does. 448 01:04:47,302 --> 01:04:49,980 I have it in writing in my books. 449 01:04:49,981 --> 01:04:52,340 The literature that you used in your research... 450 01:04:52,341 --> 01:04:55,460 was about evil things committed against women. 451 01:04:55,461 --> 01:04:58,821 But you read it as proof of the evil of women? 452 01:04:58,822 --> 01:05:01,181 You were supposed to be critical of those texts. 453 01:05:01,182 --> 01:05:05,141 That was your thesis. Instead you're embracing it. 454 01:05:05,142 --> 01:05:08,013 Do you - Do you know what you're saying? 455 01:05:09,021 --> 01:05:10,820 Forget it. 456 01:05:10,821 --> 01:05:12,813 I don't know why I said it. 457 01:05:13,861 --> 01:05:16,253 I-I can't work anymore now. 458 01:05:27,301 --> 01:05:29,701 Hit me. 459 01:05:29,702 --> 01:05:32,493 - What? - Hit me so it hurts. 460 01:05:33,381 --> 01:05:34,621 No. 461 01:05:34,622 --> 01:05:37,221 - Hit me, please! - No! 462 01:05:37,221 --> 01:05:39,581 I can't stand this! 463 01:05:39,582 --> 01:05:43,053 I don't want to. I don't want to. 464 01:05:53,901 --> 01:05:55,973 Then you don't love me. 465 01:05:58,661 --> 01:06:01,101 Okay. 466 01:06:01,102 --> 01:06:03,173 Maybe I don't love you. 467 01:06:58,261 --> 01:07:01,013 Again. Again. 468 01:07:06,301 --> 01:07:10,133 The sisters from Ratisbon could start a hailstorm. 469 01:07:51,901 --> 01:07:56,173 I'm not gonna continue this if you don't listen to me. 470 01:07:57,142 --> 01:07:59,900 Good and evil - 471 01:07:59,901 --> 01:08:02,053 they have nothing to do with therapy. 472 01:08:03,862 --> 01:08:06,340 Do you know how many innocent women were killed... 473 01:08:06,341 --> 01:08:10,021 in the 16th century alone just for being women? 474 01:08:10,022 --> 01:08:12,573 I'm sure you do - many. 475 01:08:13,421 --> 01:08:15,493 And not because they were evil. 476 01:08:16,621 --> 01:08:18,620 I know. 477 01:08:18,621 --> 01:08:21,013 It's just sometimes I forget. 478 01:08:24,101 --> 01:08:28,420 The evil you talk about is an obsession. 479 01:08:28,421 --> 01:08:32,740 Obsessions never materialize. It's a scientific fact. 480 01:08:32,741 --> 01:08:36,460 Anxieties can't trick you into doing things you wouldn't do otherwise. 481 01:08:36,461 --> 01:08:37,980 It's like hypnotism. 482 01:08:37,981 --> 01:08:40,300 You can't be hypnotized into doing something... 483 01:08:40,301 --> 01:08:42,661 you wouldn't normally do... 484 01:08:42,661 --> 01:08:44,853 something against your nature. 485 01:08:46,821 --> 01:08:48,500 Do you understand me? 486 01:08:48,501 --> 01:08:50,901 - Yeah, I think so. - You think so. 487 01:08:50,902 --> 01:08:53,813 Well, you don't have to understand me. Just trust me. 488 01:09:13,301 --> 01:09:15,861 - What's this? - It's from the medical officer. 489 01:09:15,862 --> 01:09:18,053 It's a copy of the autopsy report. 490 01:09:21,381 --> 01:09:23,332 The autopsy? 491 01:09:24,901 --> 01:09:27,460 Did they perform an autopsy? 492 01:09:27,461 --> 01:09:30,133 I didn't want to tell you because you weren't feeling well. 493 01:09:32,261 --> 01:09:35,380 Well, what did they find? 494 01:09:35,381 --> 01:09:39,333 Nothing that would have any bearing on the case. 495 01:09:40,421 --> 01:09:42,741 “The only abnormality in the victim..." 496 01:09:42,741 --> 01:09:48,053 “is a slight deformity of the bones in his feet of an earlier date." 497 01:09:49,541 --> 01:09:52,812 "We did not attach any significance to this.” 498 01:10:06,501 --> 01:10:10,773 Are you aware that you put Nic's shoes on wrong in this picture? 499 01:10:15,301 --> 01:10:17,693 So I have. 500 01:10:18,861 --> 01:10:21,053 How weird. 501 01:10:22,981 --> 01:10:25,933 Slip of the mind that day. How weird. 502 01:11:33,821 --> 01:11:35,573 Herself. 503 01:11:36,421 --> 01:11:38,580 Oh! 504 01:11:38,581 --> 01:11:41,820 Bastard! You're leaving me, aren't you? 505 01:11:41,821 --> 01:11:45,660 You bastard! 506 01:11:45,661 --> 01:11:48,060 - You're leaving me! - I'm not. 507 01:11:48,061 --> 01:11:50,740 - I'm helping you. - You're leaving me, aren't you? 508 01:11:50,741 --> 01:11:51,893 No! 509 01:12:05,981 --> 01:12:09,060 - I love you. - I don't believe you. 510 01:12:09,061 --> 01:12:10,740 I don't believe you! 511 01:12:10,741 --> 01:12:13,293 I don't fucking believe you! 512 01:12:15,701 --> 01:12:17,532 Oh! 513 01:16:03,381 --> 01:16:05,133 Ow! 514 01:17:16,860 --> 01:17:18,893 Where are you? 515 01:17:21,701 --> 01:17:23,652 You bastard! 516 01:17:24,501 --> 01:17:26,132 Where are you? 517 01:17:34,820 --> 01:17:36,453 Where are you? 518 01:17:49,981 --> 01:17:52,093 Where are you? 519 01:17:59,900 --> 01:18:02,492 Where are you? 520 01:18:07,261 --> 01:18:09,052 You bastard! 521 01:18:19,780 --> 01:18:22,013 Where are you? 522 01:18:24,261 --> 01:18:26,292 Where are you? 523 01:18:29,501 --> 01:18:31,572 How dare you leave me! 524 01:18:43,140 --> 01:18:45,333 You said you wanted to help me! 525 01:18:46,621 --> 01:18:48,652 Where are you? 526 01:18:51,941 --> 01:18:54,012 Where are you? 527 01:20:15,460 --> 01:20:17,412 Where are you? 528 01:20:21,460 --> 01:20:23,172 You bastard! 529 01:21:34,180 --> 01:21:37,853 Get out! Get out! You bastard! 530 01:21:39,060 --> 01:21:40,692 Get out! 531 01:21:42,260 --> 01:21:44,299 You bastard! 532 01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:45,932 Come out! 533 01:21:47,740 --> 01:21:49,852 Come out! 534 01:22:08,740 --> 01:22:10,732 Get out! 535 01:22:12,061 --> 01:22:14,692 You bastard! 536 01:22:15,820 --> 01:22:18,173 Come out! 537 01:23:17,260 --> 01:23:19,172 I'm sorry. 538 01:24:04,860 --> 01:24:08,772 We gotta get this thing off my leg. 539 01:24:30,741 --> 01:24:32,772 I can't find the wrench. 540 01:25:37,140 --> 01:25:39,619 Did you want to kill me? 541 01:25:39,620 --> 01:25:41,772 Not yet. 542 01:25:44,580 --> 01:25:47,779 The three beggars aren't here yet. 543 01:25:47,780 --> 01:25:50,052 The three beggars. 544 01:25:51,540 --> 01:25:53,692 What does that mean? 545 01:25:54,540 --> 01:25:59,492 When the three beggars arrive, someone must die. 546 01:26:01,660 --> 01:26:03,692 I see. 547 01:26:26,820 --> 01:26:30,212 A crying woman is a scheming woman. 548 01:26:41,340 --> 01:26:44,812 “False in legs, and false in thighs. 549 01:26:46,700 --> 01:26:50,572 False in breast, teeth, hair and eyes.” 550 01:28:42,300 --> 01:28:44,332 Hold me. 551 01:28:48,260 --> 01:28:50,332 Hold me. 552 01:30:13,780 --> 01:30:17,612 There's no such constellation. 553 01:30:43,140 --> 01:30:45,298 But none of it is any use. 554 01:30:45,299 --> 01:30:47,332 None of it is any use. 555 01:30:51,420 --> 01:30:53,652 - No! - No!