You screwed up!
Here we go, here we go!
Yeah! All right!
Got him.
Target is in sight.
Clock him close.
He's not going anywhere.
I'm hand-carrying this thing right into the museum.
Stan, you've got more cover on you than the president.
The diamond is safe.
This is an armed caravan, completely bulletproof, magnetic locks.
- This transfer is under control. - I'm hot.
FBI Travel Link climate control.
I don't understand your command.
I don't under... I don't... I don't... I don't under... I don't understand...
It's too damn complicated.
- That way. - That's some bullshit!
Are you kidding me, ref? That's the Lakers' ball.
My blind grandmother coulda seen that!
- Sit down, fat boy! - That's the Lakers' ball!
I'm callin' it!
What are you doing?
Green light go, red light stop, buddy.
No, no, no. No, sir.
Thank you, thank you. Okay, great.
Nice job. Bye-bye.
- Tip him. Get him outta here. - Yeah, yeah.
Jesus.
No, come on, that's enough.
Okay, thank you.
Go take a bath. There you go.
Let's roll.
That's what I'm talkin' about! Every time!
Charge? Charge!
Ref, listen! This is insane!
It's a foul on him.
Charge? I'll show you a charge!
I'll show you a damn charge, man!
That's the worst call I ever seen!
What do you think this is, a rodeo?
Then I'll be the clown!
- Let me in the game! - Sit down, please.
Get out of my way! Play some real ball!
Unleash the Beast!
Hey, put Malone in there!
Put in the Mailman, damn it!
Get Shaq in the game!
You gotta win this game! You gotta win this game!
Don't take me, I'm an American citizen!
American citizen, damn it!
You sons of bitches!
I'm the clown!
The Lakers need me! I'm their clown!
Shit! He's gone.
We've lost him.
What?
- Burdett is gone. - Find him.
He's coming after it.
We're fine. Just relax.
Don't tell me to relax.
I've dealt with this guy before.
See him yet?
We're looking, we're looking.
Safeties off until they relocate Burdett.
Stand down. We got him.
He's still here.
On the Jumbotron.
He changed his seat.
Get a direct visual.
You got it.
See, Stan, we got you here.
No need to panic.
Do you have a direct visual yet?
Negative. We're still looking.
We're clear?
We're clear.
Come on out.
What?
That thing is going by itself! Damn!
Come on!
Jesus!
Transfer has been compromised.
What's going on?!
Hey!
No!
Thank the guys.
Good luck.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Your beard tickles.
Did he tip you?
- One lousy buck. - Cheap bastard.
I love it when you undress.
Let's do this.
Turn that shit off!
What about Mexico?
Can't take the water.
How about Paris?
Can't take the French.
Promise me paradise.
Can we talk about this after we gas Agent Lloyd?
Sure.
A few...
Max!
Max, Max...
Look at me.
Don't worry.
Get the diamond.
Stan.
Are you all right?
I wrote my vows.
- What? - I wrote my vows.
- You? - Work in progress.
Max, this is Ron and...
- Hey, hey, hey. - Gail.
- Gail, yes. - Great to run into you again.
I met them at the tennis club.
What kind of business you in, Maxwell?
Pest control.
- This is Sheila and Ed. - Hey!
- Hi. - Hi.
They're from Orlando.
I met them parasailing.
So, what kind of business are you in, Max?
I have a bunch of sweatshops in the Philippines.
You should see those kids make those hats.
Great, huh?
- Scootch in. - Hi.
Max, this is Wendell and June.
We met snorkeling.
- Max, right? - Yes.
Yeah, Wendell.
- Oh, I love lobster. - Oh, yummy!
Wow, look at that!
Stocks may rise and fall, economies may collapse,
but the American farmer's always gonna need manure.
My family's been in manure for three generations.
No shit.
Holy cow!
Sheila and I like to swoc.
Swoc?
We like to have sex with other couples.
Check.
Oh, honey, look at that!
Something wrong?
Six months. I can't take any more lobster.
There's only one thing I enjoy eating more than lobster.
Man, do I love lobster!
So, I'm setting up for this 30-foot putt,
I got a chance for an eagle.
An eagle. Now, sweetie...
Steal her bracelet.
I saw you looking at it.
Steal it.
You know you want it.
We're retired, baby. All I want is you.
Come on, let yourself go. Have fun.
I bet you can't get it.
Of course I can, but I won't.
Bet you can't.
Max. Aren't you having a good time?
Please come again.
Maxwell, this one's on me.
Oh, thank you very much.
That's weird, I can't find my wallet. Did I give you my wallet?
No, you didn't give me your wallet.
That's so weird! I could swear I put it in my pocket before I came here.
It's okay, big fellow. I got it.
Oh, thanks, Maxwell.
That is so sweet.
Where the hell is my wallet?
Luc, what's in the Caribbean Romance again?
Light rum, amaretto,
orange juice, pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine.
What about the Pink Paradise?
Coconut rum, amaretto, cranberry juice, orange juice, and pineapple juice.
People actually drink this stuff?
They love it. You know, it makes them feel exotic.
Give me a Jack on the rocks.
It doesn't have a fancy name, but if it was good enough for Frank,
it's good enough for me.
Frank?
Who's Frank?
Sinatra.
Did Frank take an umbrella?
Not even when it was raining.
Hi, baby.
How was it?
Amazing! You'd love it!
The only sounds are your breath and your heartbeat.
The reef is like a thousand jewels, sparkling right in front of you.
You should really try it next time.
Well, I like to breathe unassisted.
Oh, really?
I thought you liked it when I give you mouth to mouth.
State your business.
You're gonna shoot an FBI agent, Burdett?
All I see is an intruder...
who just swallowed $80 worth of my whiskey.
Put down the weapon.
Don't make me shoot you again.
Again?
Is that the way we're gonna play it?
What are you doing in my house, Agent Lloyd?
Sitting, drinking, eating chocolate.
- You have a warrant? - FBI doesn't have jurisdiction here.
I know, that's why I came down here.
Oh, I don't think it is.
The Seven Seas Navigator docking here for a solid week.
They're having a nice promotion for the maiden voyage,
calling it the Diamond Cruise.
A gem exhibit whose star attraction is
the third Napoleon Diamond.
Stop me when I get to the part you don't know.
It's the only one you two haven't stolen.
Allegedly.
And it's gonna be right here for a whole week, the last of the set,
and I suspect you plan to purloin it.
Well, I don't.
So finish your drink and get out.
It's okay to be happy to see me.
Just because you're English doesn't mean you need to hide your emotions.
I'm Irish. We let people know how we feel.
Now fuck off.
And you can take any bugs you planted along with you.
I'm retired.
A retired guy wouldn't have anything to worry about from those.
- Mind if I borrow this? - Take it.
You might learn something from it.
But return it for me. It's overdue.
Give my love to Lola, will you?
How was the tennis lesson?
Great. The teacher says I'm a natural.
He says I've got the best backside he's ever seen.
That's backhand.
Don't go in there.
- Why? - Let's talk.
Okay, you're making me nervous, and I don't get nervous.
Agent Lloyd just left.
What's he doing here?
He came to show me this.
Damn it, Max.
Is this what we're here for?
No. It's not.
This is not retirement at all.
This is the next setup, isn't it?
Babe, you chose this island, remember?
I hope you don't think this is a gift from God.
'Cause this is God messing with us.
Oh, no. Max.
Did Stan do this?
Sort of.
I figured he'd bug the place, so I started checking.
Did you find any?
Only what he wanted me to find.
There's another one here somewhere.
Now, don't worry. I already checked.
There's nothing in there.
That's the problem.
There's nothing in here.
What is it? What's wrong?
I hid the bullet in the camera.
What bullet?
The one he shot you with.
Oh, no.
I kept it to remind me of how close I came to losing you.
Lola, you know that bullet puts me on the scene.
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
I'll get it back.
Good morning, Mr. Lloyd. Your suite is ready.
- Suite? - Suite, sir.
It's a larger room.
Atlantis reserves this bridge suite for our more dignified guests.
Breakfast is on the house, these are vouchers for free tennis lessons,
complimentary skin exfoliant, seaweed body wrap and facial scrub,
located in the spa on the club level.
Also, please remember.
Shoes and shirt are required in all public spaces at all times.
State your business.
You can't bribe me with a seaweed body wrap, Max.
This doesn't buy you one bit of space.
I'm gonna be on you wherever you go.
It's no bribe, Stanley.
I just want you to see that if you lead the kind of life I do,
stealing is the last thing on your mind.
Mr. Lloyd.
Are you ready for your massage?
I'll do your back.
I'll do your front.
You son of a bitch.
- Lola? - Yeah.
- He hid it in a black jewelry box. - Good job.
Thank you.
Talented masseuse.
You get rid of it this time.
I will.
Good evening. May I take your order?
No, thank you. I just lost my appetite.
Just as well.
I don't take orders from criminals, I arrest them.
Or fall asleep trying.
So you're admitting you were there.
No. I read about it in the papers, just like everyone else.
You're famous.
I'm a punch line.
But like my grandma used to say, he who laughs last laughs loudest.
By the way, return that movie, would you?
The store called.
I haven't finished it yet.
They catch the thief, but it's not who you think it is.
I don't like those twist endings.
Well, we don't like you.
Lola.
They're playing your song.
Why don't you take Stanley for a dance?
He's feeling lonely.
And I am feeling charitable.
Let's go, Stan.
Really?
I'll try to have her back by dawn.
Constable...
Can I help you?
I wanna talk to Mooré.
Get out of the way.
Monsieur Mooré is currently socializing.
Interrupting a man's leisure is harassment.
That's not harassment.
You feel that?
That's harassment.
And you tell your boss this is just the beginning.
I have two hands, and I can't be bought.
Excuse me, constable. May I have a word with you?
Listen, Stan, I know what you're doing.
But if you drag Max into your game, he will not lose.
Eventually, they all lose.
Not my Max.
Do yourself a favor... leave us alone.
We're just a couple of retirees trying to enjoy the island life.
All the same, I'll stick around, see what develops.
Excuse me.
In a second, honey. You'll get your chance.
Damn, I got the stink on me tonight.
Step off the dance floor, sir.
Hey!
- Have fun, Stan. - Hey. Lola!
Police. Raise your hands, sir.
I'm law. Federal B.I.?
It is illegal on this island to carry a concealed weapon without a permit.
I'm working a suspect.
Are you not supposed to inform local authorities when you arrive,
Agent Stanley P. Lloyd?
- You know him? - He's my suspect.
Well, we're still gonna have to take this to the station and register it.
You're letting the criminal go.
This is crazy.
You think this is crazy?
Your dancing, that was crazy.
This way, Agent Lloyd.
Welcome to paradise.
Okay.
The watermarks and holograms match.
But I still have to register the gun.
You have a nice smile.
I haven't smiled at you.
You will.
That's just the way I feel about it, and they have to deal with it.
Yes, sir.
Ah, Sophie.
I need to speak to you.
I'm getting complaints about you bothering Henri Mooré.
Just doing my job, Zacharias.
The man is practically the unofficial mayor of the island.
In one year, he's made everyone here like him,
something you haven't been able to do in a lifetime.
I guess we can't all be the kiss-ass politician you are.
I want you to stay behind tonight so we can discuss your attitude.
You knew about my attitude the day we got married
and knew about it the day we got divorced.
You're not gonna learn any more about it tonight.
Besides, I have plans with Special Agent Lloyd of the FBI.
He's just arrived on the island.
Is that so?
Shall we?
We shall.
She's feisty.
Isn't it beautiful?
Yeah.
Is it enough?
Of course it is.
Some people say the only way to rid yourself of temptation
is to yield to it.
I don't know about that.
I say turn your back on temptation...
or substitute something more tempting.
See how easy that was?
What's the shortest amount of time you've ever known a guy
before you kissed him?
I see what you're thinking, and you can forget it.
Guys come down to this island looking for a slice of paradise with a local girl,
and they will say anything to get it.
I resent being lumped in with all guys,
though, admittedly, I would say anything right now.
How long have you been chasing Max?
Seven years, ever since the first Napoleon Diamond went missing.
I got to the scene, took a few shots at the getaway car.
Next day, bottle of champagne arrives at FBI Headquarters for me,
with a note says, aim for the tires next time.
He was baiting you.
Is there a money trail?
Everything's plain... taxes, bank accounts.
He doesn't buy expensive paintings, yachts, nothing.
I think it's more about the challenge and the alibi, that's his work of art.
Sounds like you admire him.
Would I like to live one day in his velvety slippers?
Maybe.
But I don't admire him.
He's beat me too many times for that.
Maybe you need the female touch.
That's exactly what I need.
Listen, I want a big arrest, you need local help.
I'll extend the FBI courtesy on this one.
As long as I'm riding shotgun.
What's going on?
I'm expanding the deck.
You're trying to stay busy.
Look, on this deck, we are going to sit here
and watch sunsets until we get old.
Can't wait.
Where are you going?
You said I need a hobby.
I guess I'll go find one.
Really?
I'll call you later.
He's here.
The centerpiece of our exhibit.
Napoleon had three priceless diamonds set into the hilt of his sword.
After his defeat, they were pried out and dispersed around the globe.
This is one of the rare occasions the last remaining diamond is on public display.
And next, we have some rare Egyptian gems.
Cute little rock.
I'm just here to look.
Just as well.
With six cameras, four stationary, two revolving,
a dozen I.R. motion sensors...
Sixteen. You missed the ones at ankle level.
Plus your standard 24-hour rotating guards.
Unbreakable polycarbonate display,
controlled by an uncopyable magnetic key card.
I just realized you could never get it anyway.
You're right.
When you're right, you're right.
It's impossible.
Give me a ride.
I don't think so.
Maybe you should think again.
May I present Monsieur Henri Mooré.
Mr. Burdett.
It is a pleasure to meet you, sir.
Oh, you're an American.
Henri Mooré?
My name is Henry Moore.
I placed the thing on the 'e'.
I felt it more appropriate to my surroundings.
Please.
I imagine you're wondering why you're here.
Well...
Forgive Jean-Paul's tactics, Mr. Burdett,
but to put it bluntly, the impoverished people of this island need your help.
Five years ago, I was a successful businessman in Detroit.
While vacationing on this island,
I was sitting on the beach drinking a...
Citron martini.
I don't recall what I was drinking. It's not important.
But I experienced a revelation...
that I had been brought to this island to provide the commensurate social services
that were sadly lacking for the poorer elements of society here.
And you want me to buy a table at your next fundraiser.
No, Mr. Burdett.
But I am offering you the opportunity
to participate in the vital growth of my infrastructure.
How's that?
I want you to steal me that diamond.
I'm not a criminal.
Right. Neither am I.
Good. Then we understand each other.
- Yes. - Yeah.
Let me show you around, Mr. Burdett.
Do you think it fair that the indigenous of this island
are not allowed to enter the casinos unless they work there?
Why is it that only the rich should enjoy
pharmaceutically-assisted moments of personal introspection?
The safety and security found in owning your own machine gun.
The pleasures derived
from financially-procured female companionship.
The underprivileged should not be denied these essential diversions.
I mean, look around you, Mr. Burdett.
No one is turned away.
All I do, I do for the people.
And why do you need the diamond for that?
I have an urgent need to expand my humanitarian program.
A cash injection in the tens of millions of dollars
would relieve the entire Caribbean.
What I'm suggesting is a partnership, Mr. Burdett.
You are a stranger to this island.
I can give you what you don't have...
access to the marina, the crews, rotation schedules, whatever you need.
I couldn't sleep. Didn't wanna wake you.
I saw you on the ship yesterday.
I had a feeling you might be there too.
Don't you ever feel we weren't quite finished?
Look, Max, I miss it too.
We were great.
And we went out at the top of our game, undefeated.
The best time to quit.
Maybe.
Max, I cased it.
It's not a one man job, and there's no way you're pulling me into it.
We're retired.
Now the challenge is to find joy in simple things.
And I like that challenge.
Yeah?
I lied on the ship.
I could get it.
Here's how.
I'd cut the camera feed and go in from behind the exhibit.
It's blow able from the storage room, and I'd do it after 10 p.m.
Why?
The retired arthritic cops always get that shift.
So that's how you do it.
And now I've told you.
So now I can't.
Oh, my God.
- What are you doing? - I'm cooking.
- Since when? - This morning.
We are decent law-abiding people,
and decent law-abiding people cook omelets for breakfast.
State your business.
You almost had me last night
with that old David Copperfield smoke and mirrors trick.
Look at my assistant with the big tits while I take the Rolex right off your wrist.
What do you want about her?
I wanna know how you're really gonna do it,
and you're gonna tell me while we're fishing.
Fishing?
I don't fish.
I got a boat stacked with beer.
Drink it yourself.
You might as well come. You're paying for it.
I charged it to my suite.
All the same, Stanley, I'll pass.
There is an option.
I get the local police to bring you down to the station, we sweat you there.
And I do mean sweat.
There's no air conditioning. So dress light.
The eggs on this island taste funny.
They must have some weird chickens.
What'll it be, Max?
I'll see you soon.
Tell me this isn't better than standing in some lineup.
I've never been in a lineup.
Oh, that's a hell of a watch.
What's that kind of thing run you?
A couple of grand.
Why don't you pick one up on the Bureau's expense account?
Oh, they keep me on a real tight leash.
I got you to thank for that.
It's cookin' out here.
So if I didn't shoot you, where'd you get the screen door?
Knitting accident.
Dab some of this on my back, will you?
Are you serious?
Yeah. I've got delicate skin. I don't wanna burn.
I bet you were the best kid in the neighborhood at hide-and-seek, huh?
So you joined the Bureau.
Yeah, I found them all.
No one ever found me.
Once I found a good spot, I'd stay there for days.
There you go.
Now, turn around. I'll do you.
I'll handle it.
No, come on. You're gonna burn.
Good.
Okay.
There. That's good.
Wait. Don't you want me to coat everything?
That's good. My pole.
No way, man! I'm only doing your back!
My pole!
Hey, we got something. Come on.
Look at this!
We got something here, Stanley.
Shit! Come on!
Come on! Help me pull it up.
Don't lose it, don't lose it!
- It's a monster. - We can do it!
This is big. Okay, come on, pull!
- Are you pulling? - I'm pulling, man.
Jesus Christ!
Stanley! One, two, three!
Jesus Christ!
It's a shark, it's a shark.
Yeah.
Why is it not moving?
- Maybe it's in shock. - What do you wanna do?
Maybe it's dead. I mean, it looks dead.
Go over and shake it.
- Why me? - Well, you're FBI.
What's that have to do with anything?
If it bites your arm off, you get disability for the rest of your life.
- Go! - You hooked it.
You go see if it's alive.
Yeah, I hooked it, so you go see if it's alive.
- Go! - Hey, hey!
Oh, okay. Here I go.
I'm just gonna sneak up on it.
Why are you whispering?
So it won't know the plan.
Hey.
Shit!
Watch out, watch out, watch out!
You have the right to remain silent!
Yeah, it's dead.
Yeah.
Look at them.
If you didn't know any better, you'd think they were friends.
You must be Lola.
Sophie?
Nice gun.
Sig Sauer P228.
Custom trigger action.
- Nice shoes. - Thank you.
- Chanel? - Cruz collection.
How bad was it?
Oh, not too bad.
Sophie seems nice.
Yeah, for a cop.
Lola seems cool.
For a thief.
Yes!
I resign. You win.
Make a wish.
Okay.
I wish you'd write your vows.
I'm so tense.
Come here. Let me relax you.
What are you doing? Why are you taking off your clothes?
Now we're talkin'.
Are you being naughty?
Naughty enough to spank.
Oh, yeah!
I'll bite you. Can I bite you?
The door. Are we expecting anyone?
Yeah. A friend.
- A friend? - A friend?
A girlfriend.
You didn't.
I love you. Baby.
You know I'll do anything for you.
Wait here.
What's she gonna do?
Tell him. Tell him.
She's gonna help me relax you.
You're kidding.
Nice.
You're gonna like this.
Lucky bastard.
- Who is she? - You'll see.
Max. I'd like you to meet Stan's mom.
Night. Stan.
Son of a...
You're only in port 48 more hours.
Stay on high alert.
Agent Lloyd, we have the most sophisticated security system
ever installed on a seagoing vessel.
And you'll need it.
Excuse me, sir.
There's been a security breach.
Don't move!
Turn around.
Turn around!
- No! - Stan!
Damn it.
The other side!
Just stop him!
Let's do it, come on!
Although the famed Napoleon Diamond was undisturbed.
The unknown intruder knocked out
a Seven Seas Navigator maintenance worker.
Stole his uniform and slipped onto the ship.
You're cheating on me, aren't you?
What are you talking about?
Maybe not with a woman, but with a diamond.
You want her.
And I'm jealous.
You've got nothing to worry about.
Where were you tonight, Max?
I've been home, writing my vows.
Let me see.
Sorry. You have to wait.
Well, I'm not gonna let that little bitch take my man.
I'm gonna fight for what's mine.
Really?
And how exactly are you gonna do that?
I'm a thief.
I know a thing or two about distraction.
It's a beautiful jewel, Max.
But I guarantee you, it's no fun in the tub.
I had him. You shoulda stayed out of my way.
I didn't want you to get hurt. I'm sorry.
You're the one who's hurt. You should ice that.
Why are men always trying to protect women?
'Cause you smell good.
It's all about sex, isn't it?
Why can't we just be two cops working a case?
Hey, I happen to agree with you.
From now on, we're just partners on this.
Fine.
- So, let's have dinner and discuss it. - No, thanks.
How about a steam?
What... I... no, I always steam with my partners.
Okay, you wanna go for a Jacuzzi, partner?
I have a big tub in my room.
We have to talk.
Max. Great timing. Ride with us.
Can we just do this one on one?
Oh, of course.
Are you familiar with the pleasures of anonymous love, Max?
No.
Recently I found myself experimenting with alternative lifestyle parameters
based largely on the free love philosophy
as found in the collected works of The Mamas and The Papas.
I never made that connection.
Oh, it's there.
That Michelle Phillips, she could walk it like she talked it.
Earl, burn one of my CDs for Max.
Yes, sir.
This is it, Max.
My vision.
My infrastructure growing before our eyes.
It used to be a children's hospital,
but I'm revitalizing it into a paramilitary training facility.
More importantly, that ship is leaving in two days.
What's this?
Everything you need.
Schematics, detailed plan.
You can do it yourself.
Go in through the air conditioning vents.
The exhibit is accessible from the storage facility behind it.
There's cameras there, so you're gonna have to cut the central feed.
Red wires in the control panel here.
If you don't cut the red wire, they'll see everything.
- What next? - Blow the wall.
C-4?
I'd use a shape charge with a detonation cord.
Smaller but more effective.
And you'd wanna blow it after 10 p.m.
- Why is that? - Graveyard shift.
Always the retired cops with arthritis.
That's how I'd do it.
Then that's how I'll do it.
You know, we're not partners anymore, Max.
In fact, you see me, cross the street.
Good afternoon. Atlantis. How may I help?
Mr. Lloyd, the Bridge Suite, please.
Hello.
- Stanley. - Yeah.
- It's Max, just checking in. - Cut the crap. Max.
You're making sure I'm in my room and not following you.
How could you be following me if you're in your room?
- See you soon, Stanley. - Okay.
Hello!
What?
If you're gonna forward your calls, don't tail me so close.
Hey.
I heard the call over the radio.
Every year there's one white boy that goes down at Junkanoo.
Here's what I found out. Max closed escrow,
and then a month later the cruise booked the diamond.
- Maybe he is retired. - I doubt it.
He met with Henri Mooré today,
the biggest gangster on the island.
Thanks for coming.
You know, this one you really do have to ice.
I'm sorry.
Better?
There's another one here.
Now?
This one's particularly painful.
There's some referred pain. It's somewhere around here.
I'll have to get hurt more often.
And in more interesting places.
- Oh, God, I'm vibrating! - So am I.
No. No, no.
- I'm getting a call. - What?
Is nothing sacred?
Shit, I have to go.
Go? No, you can't go. I just unwrapped my head.
Sorry, I need a rain check.
What, are you crazy? It never rains here.
Just give me five minutes, all right?
Five minutes? You should be embarrassed.
Okay, three.
Oh, Stan, come on.
Okay, two! Please don't make me beg. Please.
A quick two?
Oh, don't worry, I'm quick.
Hello.
Mr. Burdett, it's Luc from the bar.
There's a guest down here that's bombed that's shouting your name.
Welcome to paradise, Frank!
Well, it's only paradise for criminals, like Max Burdett.
Yeah. I hear him. I'll be right there.
- Where'd he go? - Over there.
Oh, thanks, Luc.
What are you doing to yourself? What's wrong?
- Nothing. - Nothing's wrong?
Me and Sophie hooked up.
And it was beautiful.
But it's only gonna last for one more day.
Why is that?
Because the ship's only gonna be here 24 more hours,
and you're gonna clip Napoleon III
and make me look like a jerk again.
- I'll have another one! - You've had enough.
You are not my daddy.
I didn't take you as an umbrella kind of guy, Stan.
These remoras really have a kick to 'em.
Hey, Stan, buck up. You're a good agent.
No, I'm not.
You know, I used to blame you, but now I see it clearly.
It's not you, it's me.
You've got genius, man.
If I had an ounce of what you have, I'd never stop.
You've got a gift, man. It's inspiring.
I love these remoras!
Bartender! Give me another one!
It's okay, Stan. It's okay.
Luc, you're not working tonight, right? Give us a hand here.
Come on, Stan, here you go. Come on.
Here you go, buddy. Yeah.
Come on, come on.
What about me?!
That's it, Stanley.
Here you go.
That's it.
That's it. Here we go.
You tell anyone I tucked him in, I'll kill you.
- Sure thing, Mr. Burdett. - Call me Max.
- Max. - Okay.
Lola!
It's locked. And don't try to break in.
You're not welcome.
I finished the deck.
You promised to spend the first sunset on it together.
- Lola. - That's not all.
I found your notebook.
Lola.
I'll sit down right now and write my vows, okay?
The vows are not for me, they're for you.
You have to figure out if what we have means anything to you.
Come on, Max.
Do you really think the third one's gonna make you whole?
- I don't know. - Well, don't come back until you do.
Where am I supposed to go?
She threw me out.
Why is it my problem?
'Cause every hotel on the island is booked.
Can I move this surveillance stuff?
Don't mess with it! It's very expensive.
Listen, I'm not gonna sleep on the floor.
Well, I guess you're out of luck.
We both are.
Move over.
Shit.
So what'd you do?
I missed our first sunset on her new deck.
That's it?
I'm no good at sunsets.
Of course you're not.
The world is divided up between people who like to watch the sunset
and those who don't.
Yeah.
People like you are never happy.
You're anxious, type-A, egocentric perfectionists who can't sit still
and die alone with a million bucks and a thousand regrets.
The people who can relax, enjoy the sunset,
hold hands at the end of the day, they're the happy ones.
So why can't you do that?
Because of you.
Don't hog the blanket.
- Good night, Max. - Good night.
You know, the Bureau's got a don't ask, don't tell policy,
but this is pushing it, Stan.
Kowalski, Stafford.
Sophie?
The L.A. Office got a call from Inspector Bethel here.
He wanted to know the scope of the FBI's operation on the island.
Since we don't have an operation on the island,
we felt we'd come here and check it out.
What's he talking about, Stan?
Let me explain.
He's on suspension. He has been for three months.
Suspension?
He was deemed unstable after he lost Napoleon II.
You told me you were here on the case.
I am here on the case,
and once I bust this guy, get reinstated, upped,
these slobs will be saluting me.
Are you guys dating?
He's nothing but a suspect to me.
- Oh, really? - That's not what these show.
Your suspect's paying for this suite.
And the seaweed body wraps.
You two look pretty chummy.
So you lied to me, Stan.
And you got your slice of paradise, hmm?
I hope it was everything you thought it would be.
Sophie...
You might want to do more of a background check next time
before you partner up.
She didn't have to be so hard on you, you know?
Storming out like that.
She's got grounds.
The thing you gotta understand about us law enforcement types
is we don't much appreciate lying.
Come on, Stan, you fibbed, maybe withheld a little.
But lie? Nah.
You are an FBI agent working a case.
You know, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound so bad.
I could explain it to her.
What about you?
You are a hell of a catch.
I've seen the way you are with Lola.
You love that girl.
So you're working out some personal issues.
All you need is a little support.
Exactly.
Hell, I could make her understand.
Max can't eat, can't sleep.
He's like an injured bird.
Stan's hurt. He's in pain.
He's like a wounded dog.
He needs you, Lola. You're his better half.
Just give him one more chance.
He's a good guy, Sophie.
I'm sure he's a liar, but that comes with the job.
I don't know. This is all a bit strange.
What do you think, Lola?
- I don't buy a word of it. - I'm with you.
- No, no, no. - Hey, hey, hey.
- Listen, hear us out. - Come on, one second.
Look...
Tonight the lies stop.
He's serious. It's over.
He's not chasin' it, and I'm not chasin' him.
I'm sorry, but I won't believe you until that ship is gone.
And we still got a few hours before she sails.
Look, I can't make that ship disappear tonight,
but I can make us disappear.
- What are you talking about? - I found a hobby.
Wait a minute. You didn't tell me about this.
When we come up for air,
that ship will be headed to Paris and the diamond will be gone forever.
So, where you taking us?
We're headed to a hidden reef where there's rumored to be
100 million in gold somewhere among the wreckage.
You're kidding.
Look at this.
Yeah, these ships have been down here since the '40s,
but nobody's ever found any gold.
Well, maybe with the help of the FBI we'll get lucky.
My money's on Max.
100 million four ways... that's 25 million apiece if we split it.
Have any idea where to start?
It could be anywhere down here. Let's split up, look around.
You guys sure this is safe? I'm allergic to shellfish.
You've got nothing to worry about. I've seen how you handle sharks.
When we get back, I'm buying everyone umbrella drinks.
Hey, little guy, have you seen any gold down here?
Hey, Max, I'm counting on you to make me a rich man.
Lola, hypothetically speaking,
what's it like to hold 25 million in your hands?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Right.
- Good night, old-timer. - Eat shit.
What the hell is that?
There is an intruder in Storage Facility B.
- Attempted break-in in progress. - Son of a bitch!
All security to Storage Facility B.
Hey. Max.
What's up?
Where are you?
Oh, I'm somewhere inside the ship.
Oh, yeah, me too. Thanks, that helps a lot.
Max, did you say you were inside the ship?
Yeah, it's amazing.
Really? What do you see?
It's pretty dark. I think I'm in the captain's quarters.
That's interesting.
Max, suddenly I don't feel like having an umbrella drink.
I'm beginning to think we're gonna go home empty-handed.
Where are you, Max? I'm gonna come hunt with you a while.
I'm coming to you.
How you see me? I cut the red wire.
Ah, nice work, genius. You cut the heating to the Jacuzzi.
Max. You at the stern?
Max?
Stan Lloyd to Max Burdett. Come in.
Who'd he think he was, the Invisible Man?
Dear God.
Shit.
It was a diversion. Get back to the diamond!
Max. Where are you?
Will you answer me?
Hello!
There!
He's in the vents! He got the diamond!
Max, what was that?
Max!
I think he left his radio.
I thought I heard something else.
Where'd you go? Is something wrong?
Nice costume.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Go back to your cabin, please.
Aha, there you are!
Hey, Max, come on.
Last night we were spooning. Now you're running away?
Come on!
Yoo-hoo, Max.
Oh, I get it. A little hide-and-seek.
Like I told you on the boat, I caught 'em all.
You're good, but you're not that good.
You know what they say... the FBI always gets their man.
Max.
I'm having an air problem!
Stan, are you okay?
I can't breathe! Help!
Where are you, Stan?
I'm coming, Stan.
It's okay, Stan. I'm right here.
Take off your mask.
I got him, honey.
I'm right here.
You're okay, Stan.
Nothing to worry about, partner.
I saw my life flash before my eyes.
Leave it to me to get the faulty regulator.
You know, I never dove before.
- I would like to propose a toast. - What are we celebrating?
Retirement.
- I'll drink to that. - Good.
Hello.
What?
How?
- What's wrong? - The diamond's been stolen.
- What? - Half an hour ago.
You set us up.
Come on.
This whole thing.
You got your perfect alibi. Me.
Hey.
Get your hands up.
Are you serious?
No wonder you just retired.
You don't have anything left to steal.
I've got to get to the ship.
You couldn't resist, could you?
You had to screw me one last time.
You had to make an ass out of me!
Hey, Lola. Lola, wait.
Hey.
You really did save me down there.
I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. I was only trying to protect you.
How generous of you.
You were right, you know. I couldn't do it without you.
You gotta admit, though, the look on Stan's face was sheer poetry.
Shut up, Max.
Hey.
Lola, please.
Max, I helped you because I love you.
But now I'm leaving you.
Lola, I thought you'd appreciate how I did it.
You of all people. Hey, hey.
I do. It was a smart plan, Max.
You're a great thief.
But I want a great man.
Lola.
Move inside.
What, you thought this was over? Turn around!
I tried to deal with you from an elevated place, man,
appeal to your intellect, spit poetry and shit at you.
But no, man, you had to bring me down to the gutter.
Where is the diamond?
- She's got nothing to do with this. - Oh, she does now.
You kill my dog, I'm gonna slay your cat.
Don't get...
Nice throw, bitch!
No!
Where'd you come from?
He asked me to help him steal it a week ago. I turned him down.
He must have stolen it himself,
then he came back here to make sure there were no loose ends.
So why didn't you come to me, tell me what they were planning?
He said he'd kill us.
You wouldn't have believed him anyway.
You thought Mooré was the Second Coming for this island.
Don't tell me what I think, woman.
- Where's the diamond? - I have no idea.
- They were trying to frame us. - Are we finished here?
You know, I don't believe a word of what you're saying.
I know.
Don't leave.
Good luck, Max.
Lola, wait.
Hear me out.
It's not gonna work, Max. Not this time.
I know it's too late, but I finally wrote them. See?
Lots of words.
But I don't need to read them because I know it by heart.
I've spent my whole life chasing things which I thought were valuable,
when the only thing I really cared for was right in front of me all along.
You are my heart, Lola.
From this moment on, you are my only jewel.
I want a life filled with sunsets.
And I never wanna watch one of them without you, not ever.
The first diamond I've ever bought.
I love you, Lola Cirillo.
Marry me.
- On one condition. - Anything.
I want the receipt.
Here you go, Luc.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Jack on the rocks, with an umbrella. What the hell, I'm celebrating.
Forget the Jack on the rocks, let's have remoras all around.
Remoras all around.
Stanley, what the hell are you doing here?
Well, I thought I'd stick around.
Oh, yeah, look familiar?
Treated myself, maxed out the credit card.
But it suits me, don't you think?
Well, it must take a bite out of a government salary.
Ah, I can afford it all right.
Come on, let's sip our remoras and talk, shall we?
I thought you said these things have a kick.
Luc, what's in this?
Orange juice, mango juice, grenadine, and coconut milk.
No liquor?
Nada.
I love these remoras!
Bartender, give me another!
You tell anyone I tucked him in, I'll kill you.
- Sure thing, Mr. Burdett. - Call me Max.
- Max. - Okay.
You know, I really like that cove.
Are you okay? 'Cause you don't look too good.
As an underwater enthusiast, you should know what a remora really is, Max.
A remora is kind of a stowaway,
a suckerfish that sticks to the shark's body and feeds off it.
The shark does all the work,
but the remora gets the spoils.
You did it, Stan.
Right from the start.
It's the only one you two haven't stolen.
You set me up.
I revel in it. I revel in it!
Could it be that the great Max Burdett has finally lost?
No, I didn't.
I got Lola.
Congratulations, Stan.
I'm looking at it right now.
My plane takes off in ten minutes.
Tomorrow morning the bidding will start at $30 million,
and if I were you, I'd bring cash.
You win some, you lose some.
We still have the sunsets.
Yeah.
Don't worry, one day you'll find a hobby.
You know, I think I already have.
Bye-bye, paradise.
No.
No!
Max!
No, you bastard!
Last time, right, Max?
Last time.
You son of a bitch!
Max!