1 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,640 O'Donnell, save something for the game. 2 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,809 I'm just warming up, coach. 3 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,471 Just talked to the scout again. He's coming tonight. 4 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,890 You play half the game I know you're capable of... 5 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,275 he's prepared to offer you a full scholarship. 6 00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:13,483 Free ride to college and the world's your oyster, kid. 7 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:15,985 Thanks, coach. 8 00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,781 All right, jockstraps, let's gather up. Picture time. 9 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,240 Try not to break the camera. 10 00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,911 We gotta hang on. Ned's not here yet. 11 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,666 Who cares? He's the water boy. 12 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,169 That doesn't matter, because he's part of the team. 13 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,834 Sorry I'm late! Sorry I'm late! 14 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,675 But what kind of Dungeon Master would I be... 15 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:39,054 if I left my party in the middle of a battle with a hippogriff? 16 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,135 Check it out, it's Merlin the Girlin. 17 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:46,972 Um, Ned, Ned, look, I'm your best friend, all right, and I'll always have your back. 18 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:50,061 But there's only so much I can do when you show up in a dress. 19 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:53,477 O'Donnell. How about you and Boy George join us for this picture? 20 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,236 - Yep. Yep. - Just one sec. 21 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,199 Give the little guy the sign, please. Here we are. 22 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,030 Nice, guys. Scoot up in back. 23 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,071 Come on, you gotta look pretty for the ladies, right? Come on. 24 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,366 Yeah. Let's do it. 3, 2, 1. 25 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,280 Hey, Vanilla Ice. 26 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,279 We got a game here. Let's bring it in. 27 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,620 Man, I had to. I had to. 28 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,372 Oh, man, over there. 29 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,745 Who is that stone- cold fox? 30 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:38,290 Oh, it's my girlfriend. 31 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:40,883 Take no prisoners, bro. 32 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,467 - Oh, hey, there's my girl. - Hey. 33 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:48,634 I'm glad you're here, Scar. This whole scout thing has me wicked nervous. 34 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:51,645 I just feel like my whole future's riding on this game. 35 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,061 Yeah. Yeah, I know how you feel. 36 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,226 Yeah? is everything-- ? Everything's cool, right? 37 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,645 Oh, yeah. Everything's totally copasetic. 38 00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,404 - Totally? - Totally. 39 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,152 O'Donnell, 40 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,738 I gotta go. See you. 41 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,160 Yu okay? 42 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,507 - We can talk about it later. - No. Just tell me. 43 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,418 it's your big night. Go enjoy it. 44 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,430 I can't enjoy it unless you tell me what's going on. 45 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,840 Okay. 46 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,993 O'Donnell! 47 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,387 Wake up! 48 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,725 O'Donnell! 49 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,313 What are you doing? 50 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,897 Scar! Scar, hey. 51 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,102 Hey, Scarlet. 52 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:03,815 - Hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing? - Mike, what are you doing? 53 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,947 Look, you and me, we're in this together, okay? 54 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,609 - But the game. That's your future. - No, the baby's my future. 55 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,953 - That's crazy. - You're my future. 56 00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,206 I can't let you throw this all away. I won't let you. 57 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,582 Thank you for letting me stay here, Ned. 58 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,502 Oh, yeah. No problem. 59 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:14,506 - You good on the Cap'n? - I'm good on the Captain. 60 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,182 Hey, Mike? 61 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,691 Mike, I can tell you're down, but trust me on this. 62 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,523 You're looking at Scarlet kicking you out of the house... 63 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:31,986 and the kids wanting nothing to do with you as a negative, when in fact.... 64 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,037 - I guess it's mostly negative, isn't it? - Well, yeah. 65 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,369 I had no upside for that. 66 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,535 Hey! You're getting that big promotion today, right? 67 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,374 Yes. Yes, I am. 68 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,210 Today everything turns around for me. 69 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:50,171 Knock them dead, 70 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,090 I love you! 71 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,393 So anyway... 72 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,562 the way corporate wants us to spin it... 73 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,732 is that maybe, in certain situations... 74 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:17,361 a 4-hour erection isn't such a terrible thing. 75 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,576 Okay. Next up: 76 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,993 As most of you know, today I am proud to be naming our new regional sales manager. 77 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,752 - Here we go. - You know... 78 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:32,752 I've been in the pharmaceutical game for almost 2 years now... 79 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:36,217 and people always ask me: "What's it take to be an RSM?" 80 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,089 Leadership. 81 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,933 Courage. 82 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,428 integrity. 83 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:48,393 But most importantly, dedication to this company. 84 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,937 So congratulations. Mike. 85 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:57,276 Mike, if you could slide to your left so I can congratulate our new RSM, Wendy! 86 00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,570 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 87 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,286 Go out there and push some pills, my peeps. 88 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:05,912 Good job, baby! 89 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,954 Bye- bye.. thanks. 90 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,589 See you at practice. 91 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:17,174 Mike. What's crack- a- lacking, coz? 92 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,590 Well, I'll tell you what's crack- a- lacking. Are you kidding me? 93 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,478 Wendy's been here 2 months. I've been here 16 years. 94 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,308 I got the best numbers on the team. 95 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,815 You should think of it as a compliment. 96 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:34,070 Think of it as us saying, "You're just too valuable to promote." 97 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:36,815 - You little-- - Hello? 98 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,985 Hey, buddy. No, no, no, I got time. 99 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:44,327 Ha. I know, right? Look, listen, she was my doubles par-- 100 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:52,923 So many girls and only one promotion, but you guys are so supportive. 101 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,334 - But, Wendy, you did it. - Thank you. 102 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,254 Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! 103 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,763 You guys! OMG. 104 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:05,018 Oh, and it gets better, because we are going to T.G.I. Friday's! 105 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,644 Shut up! 106 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,042 Mike O'Donnell. 107 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,087 Do I know you? 108 00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:21,586 No. But I know you. 109 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:23,550 Oh, yeah? 110 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:27,888 High school star. Never quite lived up to your potential. 111 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:32,476 Sooner or later you all come back to the old school. 112 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:36,108 Stand there and look at the picture of the glory days... 113 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,611 wondering what might have been. 114 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,947 Seems to me you guys are living in the past. 115 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,322 Well, of course I want to live in the past. 116 00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:47,077 It was better there, 117 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,950 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again. 118 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,999 Huh. You got that right. 119 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,127 You're sure about that? 120 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,006 Oh, yeah. 121 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,380 - Dad. - Hi. Mr. O'Donnell. 122 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,053 - Ladies. - What are you doing here? 123 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,139 Oh, I was just talking to... 124 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:12,478 nobody. 125 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:17,479 Doesn't matter. I got off work early, and I thought we could get ice cream. 126 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,027 Together? 127 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,823 - Why? - Just go get your brother, okay? 128 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,155 Do you need anything else? 129 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,945 No, we're fine. 130 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:35,501 What's the matter? This used to be your favorite place. 131 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:38,664 - We used to come here for your birthday. - When I was, like, 8. 132 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,177 So, Al, basketball season's coming up. 133 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,387 - You ready? - Yeah. 134 00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,347 Been working on that outside shot? 135 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,637 - Passing? - Good. 136 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,430 - Dribbling? - Really good. 137 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,519 Good's not going to get you a scholarship. 138 00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:00,356 I meant, it's great. it's great, Dad. it's great. 139 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,942 That's my boy. Remember, it's not how big you are. 140 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,151 It's how big you play. 141 00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:05,740 Right up here. 142 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,610 Uh, Maggie got into Georgetown. 143 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,116 Maggie, that's awesome. 144 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,706 Can you turn down the...? 145 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:34,098 Okay, guys, see you soon. 146 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:40,059 Love you. Nice chatting with you. 147 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,575 What the hell are you doing? 148 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,574 What the hell are you doing? 149 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,169 Hey, that's my stuff. 150 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,883 Why are you destroying our yard? 151 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,090 It's not our yard. it's my yard, remember? 152 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:12,173 You took the road not taken. And I get the yard. 153 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:19,018 I'm going to turn it into a showplace for my clients. 154 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,400 - Clients of what? - Landscape design. 155 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,776 Landscape design? 156 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,278 I'm going to show people what I can do. 157 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:31,451 Yeah, well, the divorce isn't final for another 2 weeks, so you have no right. 158 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:35,785 Really? So I've spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine... 159 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,200 about the things you could've done without me, and I have no right? 160 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,587 - it's just I put a lot of work into this yard. - Did you? 161 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,123 Really? Like the barbeque pit? 162 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,541 Yeah. 163 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:50,803 Yeah. The way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it... 164 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:54,761 and then you spent the next 2 days complaining about... 165 00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:57,973 if you had gone to college, you could've hired someone to do it. 166 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,389 - I don't think it was a whole 2 days. - Or the hammock over here. 167 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,647 Yeah. 168 00:15:02,819 --> 00:15:06,903 I think you quit that one because you just decided not to try anymore. 169 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,689 Look, try to see things from my point of view. 170 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,574 I am extremely disappointed with my life. 171 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,485 I never asked you to marry me. 172 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:15,995 Yeah, but I did. 173 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,037 Well... 174 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,463 you don't have to do me any more favors, then. 175 00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,090 We're not going to hold each other back anymore, okay? 176 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:31,794 - Scar-- - I'll see you at court, okay? At the trial. 177 00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,304 Scarlet. 178 00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,509 Naomi! 179 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,675 - You came. - Of course I came. 180 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,220 What bridesmaid would I be if I didn't hold your hand during the divorce? 181 00:15:40,398 --> 00:15:44,107 Now, just remember. The first one's always the hardest. 182 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,608 - Mike. - Naomi. 183 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,143 - Naomi. - I don't care. 184 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,438 Let's get going. We got to get you ready. Back on the market. 185 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:51,822 Yeah. I'm a real catch. 186 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:56,032 Single mom with 2 teenage kids and manure caked under my fingernails. 187 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:58,662 You'll do great. You got the butt of a 12- year- old boy. 188 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,119 That's terrific. I hope our daughter heard that. 189 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,831 When was the last time you waxed? 190 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,673 Bye, Mike. 191 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,388 Bye. 192 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,379 You're sure about that? 193 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,263 Jesus. 194 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:16,403 Hey! Get off of there! 195 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,628 Oh, no. Hello? 196 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,177 Hello?! Hello?! 197 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,311 What the...? 198 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:53,027 Oh, no! 199 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,655 Oh, man. 200 00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,164 Ned? 201 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:48,707 Thief! 202 00:18:48,878 --> 00:18:52,291 No, no, no, Ned! Ned, no, no, no! it's me! 203 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,426 Stop! Stop! 204 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,426 Ned? 205 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,482 Oh, wow. I feel great. 206 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,484 What are you doing? No, Ned. 207 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,741 No. 208 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,579 No, no, no, Ned! 209 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,384 Ned! Come on! it's me, it's Mike! 210 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:48,768 Ned, Ned, Ned, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, stop it! Stop it! Now! 211 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,268 An elegant weapon... 212 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,899 from a more civilized time. 213 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,366 Hey, it's me! it's Mike O'Donnell, your best friend! 214 00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,953 You have an undescended testicle, 215 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,452 Googleable! 216 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,832 Ned! 217 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,794 You helped me cheat on my math test, but I got caught. 218 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,046 Public record! 219 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,549 You asked Princess Lela to junior prom. 220 00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,143 Covered by the local news. 221 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:40,895 I can't breathe! I can't breathe! 222 00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:46,150 Please. 223 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,614 Oh, my God. 224 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,913 No, no, no. 225 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,623 Ned, Ned. 226 00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,588 Oh, my God. 227 00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:14,304 Would you stop staring at me? 228 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,515 - it's freaking me out. - it's freaking me out! 229 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,649 I'm pubescent! 230 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,528 Okay. So, uh... 231 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,533 it's a classic transformation story. 232 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,738 it appears in the literature time and time again. 233 00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:34,248 Were you at any point shot by a gamma ray? 234 00:21:35,336 --> 00:21:38,078 - No. - Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind? 235 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,166 - No, Ned. - No? 236 00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:42,548 You wouldn't see it. Okay. 237 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,919 That eliminates these and those and most of that side, 238 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:52,174 Are you now or have you ever been... 239 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:56,307 a Norse god, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg? 240 00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:59,394 I've known you since, what, first grade? I would have told you. 241 00:21:59,860 --> 00:22:03,148 Vampire wouldn't tell. Cyborg wouldn't know. 242 00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,812 Shut up. 243 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:10,071 Okay, if it's not any of those, I guess, um, we're looking at your basic... 244 00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,534 spirit guide transformation magic. That's kind of a biggle, actually. 245 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:17,454 That is here, 246 00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:19,368 When the hero-- 247 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:22,004 I guess that's-- I guess, you. 248 00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,917 Uh, is transformed by his spirit guide... 249 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,756 to set him on a new path. 250 00:22:28,222 --> 00:22:30,588 - Which is what? - Do I look like your spirit guide? 251 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:37,853 The janitor. 252 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:40,939 The janitor. 253 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,449 You guys seen the janitor? You seen the janitor? 254 00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:58,036 - Do you know where the janitor is? - No. 255 00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,293 Hey, where's the janitor? Where does the janitor work? 256 00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,454 - Excuse mm! - You all right, kid? 257 00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:05,964 - There's another janitor who works here. - Just me. 258 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,968 No, no. There's an older guy with white hair who works here, 259 00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:13,757 I was here yesterday talking to the janlt-- I showed him this picture of me. 260 00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:16,050 - You? - Yeah. 261 00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,970 That picture's from 1989. 262 00:23:21,442 --> 00:23:23,808 Right. Forget it. 263 00:23:28,490 --> 00:23:31,778 Alex! 264 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,317 Alex, buddy! 265 00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:35,736 Alex! 266 00:24:07,905 --> 00:24:09,395 Hello? 267 00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:11,984 Hello? 268 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,155 Spirit guide? 269 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:19,662 What am I supposed to do? 270 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:22,370 Don't know what I'm supposed to do. 271 00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:35,258 I got shot. Did I get shot or did I get-- ? Someone got powned. 272 00:24:38,268 --> 00:24:40,054 - It's a grenade. MIKE: Ned, 273 00:24:40,604 --> 00:24:42,140 Oh, sorry. Teenage you. 274 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,181 I figured it out. I figured out what I'm supposed to do. 275 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,566 I figured out what my spirit guide wants me to do. 276 00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:48,980 I'm going back. 277 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,401 I'm going back to high school.. Ned! 278 00:24:53,575 --> 00:24:56,066 No! No, no. No way. 279 00:24:56,245 --> 00:24:59,078 Your spirit guide would not waste transformation magic... 280 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,910 on you reliving your senior year and going to prom. No. 281 00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:06,999 Ned, this is my chance to have my life over, but to do it right. 282 00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,333 - Wouldn't you, if you had the chance? - No. 283 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,090 I'm rich, and nobody stuck my head in a toilet today. 284 00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:14,001 Sure. Besides, it's not just about me. 285 00:25:14,179 --> 00:25:18,263 - It's about you. - No, it's much bigger than me. 286 00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:20,550 - It's about you. - Okay, maybe it's about me... 287 00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:22,264 but what's wrong with that? 288 00:25:22,438 --> 00:25:25,396 I have not done anything for me since 1989. 289 00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:30,359 You do what you have to do. But don't think about sucking me into this with you. 290 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,394 Hayden was the low point of my existence... 291 00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:36,862 and I vowed I would never go back to that godforsaken place! 292 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,278 Never, ever, ever! 293 00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:43,701 Never! Never, ever, ever! 294 00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:48,585 I hate you. 295 00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:51,129 Hello. 296 00:25:52,593 --> 00:25:54,299 I'm here to enroll my son... 297 00:25:54,678 --> 00:25:56,418 in school, 298 00:25:56,597 --> 00:25:58,007 Mark. 299 00:25:58,474 --> 00:26:00,135 What's up? 300 00:26:02,352 --> 00:26:04,684 So... 301 00:26:07,649 --> 00:26:10,482 So we'll just have a seat till you're ready for us. 302 00:26:10,652 --> 00:26:12,483 We'll be right, uh.... Okay. 303 00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:22,657 What's this you're wearing? 304 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:29,244 This is cool. This is hip. I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the same thing. 305 00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,662 - I don't know who that is. - What are you wearing? 306 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,250 - I told you, like a dad. - I am. 307 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,586 - You look like Clay Aiken. - Leave him out of this. 308 00:26:38,180 --> 00:26:42,219 - Are you sure these look legit? - Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to. 309 00:26:42,392 --> 00:26:47,182 I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music. 310 00:26:48,023 --> 00:26:50,480 I also invented the software that helps people steal music... 311 00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:52,016 but that's a happy coincidence. 312 00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:55,482 What is that? 313 00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:58,025 Oh, my G-- 314 00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,940 - Wrong. These are for me. - You kidding? 315 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,862 - What's-her-name and Chewie's for me. - Miss Masterson will see you now. 316 00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,116 Let's go. 317 00:27:06,708 --> 00:27:08,539 Just don't try to be funny, all right? 318 00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:10,792 Say as little as possible. 319 00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:13,454 Hey, watch where you're going, toolbag. 320 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:17,090 - So sorry, sir. Our fault. - Stan. 321 00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:25,675 Hello. I'm Jane Masterson, principal here at Hayden High. 322 00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:27,389 Hi. 323 00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:42,574 Hello. 324 00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:44,905 - Hi. - Hi. 325 00:27:45,622 --> 00:27:46,907 Uh, okay. 326 00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:49,869 Yeah, I think we're good here. 327 00:27:50,252 --> 00:27:51,788 Sorry. 328 00:27:53,463 --> 00:27:55,829 I think our hands just made a baby. 329 00:27:56,008 --> 00:28:00,718 Excuse my dad. He's not used to talking to attractive women. 330 00:28:00,888 --> 00:28:02,503 Oh, thank you... 331 00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:04,550 - Mark. - Mark... 332 00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:08,388 for that flattering yet totally inappropriate comment. 333 00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:09,768 Please sit. 334 00:28:11,857 --> 00:28:15,941 Before we get started, I think you should know that, uh, Mark's a bastard. 335 00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:18,394 Excuse me? 336 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:20,563 I had him out of wedlock, so... 337 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,940 I'm single. 338 00:28:23,285 --> 00:28:24,445 And I'm very rich. 339 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:29,287 Okay. 340 00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:31,949 - Did you bring your transcripts? - Oh, yeah. 341 00:28:32,794 --> 00:28:34,204 Transcripts. 342 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:38,042 Last school you went to was Cutler High in Connecticut. 343 00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:40,208 Straight-A student. Very impressive. 344 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,130 Math club... 345 00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:45,637 National Merit finalist, 346 00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:48,890 Coney island Hot Dog Eating Champion. 347 00:28:53,982 --> 00:28:56,974 Well, I think Hayden would be lucky to have you. 348 00:28:57,819 --> 00:29:00,105 - Welcome. - Thank you. 349 00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,827 Uh, yes, Mr. Gold. Do you have a question? 350 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,826 Your hair is pretty. 351 00:29:12,709 --> 00:29:16,076 Not a question, but thank you. 352 00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:19,747 Would the lady mind if I smelled it? 353 00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:23,509 Now is probably a good time to tell you that I don't date students' parents. 354 00:29:24,221 --> 00:29:29,011 Well, maybe I should tell you that I never don't not date the principal of my child. 355 00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:31,971 Okay, come on, Dad. Come on, Dad. 356 00:29:32,145 --> 00:29:34,227 Let's go. 357 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:36,976 I was about to close! 358 00:29:37,818 --> 00:29:40,355 You have to do it right now? Just calm down. You're a dad. 359 00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:44,147 - Hi. Oh, my gosh. We're in. - You see her undress me with her eyes? 360 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:46,155 I don't think that's what that was, 361 00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:49,443 Hey. Wow. I don't know how we did it. 362 00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:51,236 It's Maggie's friends. Watch this. 363 00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:53,952 - Hey, girls, how's it going? - Do I know you? 364 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:55,411 What'd you do, mug K-Fed? 365 00:29:59,715 --> 00:30:02,377 Welcome to the bottom of the food chain. 366 00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:07,966 Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay? 367 00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:10,882 So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager... 368 00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,015 and me to be your fake dad... 369 00:30:13,186 --> 00:30:16,349 the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look... 370 00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,018 like a total douche, 371 00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:22,226 - I don't look like a douche. - What a douche. 372 00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:24,443 We're going shopping. 373 00:30:24,614 --> 00:30:27,230 - Really? - Yes, your shirt is bedazzled. 374 00:30:27,826 --> 00:30:29,737 Bedazzled with rhinestones. 375 00:30:51,266 --> 00:30:53,097 Let's go to school. 376 00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:54,428 Hey, you, check it out. 377 00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:56,093 That's just rude. 378 00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:40,178 What's up, dude? 379 00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:47,693 What are you looking at, punk? 380 00:31:49,157 --> 00:31:51,148 - Watch it. - Wake up, douche. 381 00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:55,743 Sorry. 382 00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:01,166 No phones, no texting. 383 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:05,583 Settle, people. Settle down. 384 00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:08,419 Take the roughhousing outside, class. 385 00:32:13,223 --> 00:32:14,633 Hello? 386 00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,932 - Hello? - Where the hell are you? 387 00:32:19,813 --> 00:32:21,519 Oh, cr-- 388 00:32:21,690 --> 00:32:24,682 - The thing. - You mean our divorce? 389 00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,600 Do you take any of this seriously? 390 00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:29,815 No, no! Yes, I take this seriously. 391 00:32:29,990 --> 00:32:33,608 I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh... 392 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:36,527 with the Mayan-- Inca, I'm with the Incas in Peru. 393 00:32:36,705 --> 00:32:38,661 We think we might have found the next... 394 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,035 Rogaine. 395 00:32:43,003 --> 00:32:44,368 Are you with a girl? 396 00:32:44,546 --> 00:32:47,379 No, no. it's, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders. 397 00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:51,007 So would you consider maybe dating a 10th- grader? 398 00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:53,043 I think we could go for full custody. 399 00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:55,303 No, you can't take my kids away from me. 400 00:32:55,474 --> 00:32:57,556 Since when do you care? 401 00:33:02,272 --> 00:33:03,307 Look... 402 00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:07,690 I'm a lot closer to them than you think. 403 00:33:07,861 --> 00:33:10,227 Let's reschedule, okay? 404 00:33:12,741 --> 00:33:14,277 Hey, Maggie. 405 00:33:17,537 --> 00:33:20,074 Um, why is the new kid waving at me? 406 00:33:20,248 --> 00:33:21,988 I don't know. 407 00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:24,158 But if that boy were an apple... 408 00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:25,792 he'd be a Delicious. 409 00:33:26,588 --> 00:33:28,078 Oh, God. 410 00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:35,510 Gosh, we are all in such great shape. 411 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,261 Oh, jeez. 412 00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,515 Man, you know, I will tell you something. 413 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,597 In 10 years you're going to have this thing right here... 414 00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:48,391 that no amount of crunches will get rid of. And spot reduction, total lie. 415 00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:50,433 You know, I-- 416 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,566 Never mind. Give me the ball. 417 00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:55,780 Fakes right, goes left. 418 00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:57,907 And signature move. 419 00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:00,777 Kid, 420 00:34:04,209 --> 00:34:06,916 - I'm Coach Murphy. - Oh, wow. 421 00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:09,624 - You're still here? - What? 422 00:34:10,799 --> 00:34:12,084 You're a legend. 423 00:34:12,259 --> 00:34:15,501 Yeah. Well, yeah. 20 years. 424 00:34:15,679 --> 00:34:18,170 It's actually my last one. 425 00:34:18,348 --> 00:34:21,090 Good hops, kid. Nice handle. 426 00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,224 We're looking for a point guard. 427 00:34:23,645 --> 00:34:24,805 Oh, yeah? 428 00:34:26,523 --> 00:34:30,141 - Why don't you come to tryouts? - Okay. 429 00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,564 - I'm done talking to you. - Yeah, yeah. 430 00:34:36,533 --> 00:34:37,613 Hey, how's it going? 431 00:34:37,784 --> 00:34:38,819 Things are looking up. 432 00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:41,827 Coach Murphy practically put me on the team. 433 00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:44,579 That's not a coincidence. We're on the path. 434 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:47,991 That's great. That's super you're finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever. 435 00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:50,581 Here's something. I need you to do something for me. 436 00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:52,336 I need you to get in trouble. 437 00:34:52,507 --> 00:34:53,963 Not, like, big trouble. 438 00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:57,797 Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father. 439 00:34:57,971 --> 00:34:59,586 Yeah, okay, well, we'll see. 440 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,800 - Oh! Boom. - Ned! 441 00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:03,090 Boom. Checkmate, Samir! 442 00:35:03,268 --> 00:35:05,099 - Damn it! - Checkmate, 443 00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:08,599 Uh, can I get a little help in here? 444 00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:12,599 Alex? 445 00:35:19,492 --> 00:35:20,857 How does it-- ? 446 00:35:22,454 --> 00:35:25,161 - Who did this to you? - The basketball team. 447 00:35:26,333 --> 00:35:29,700 But why? Why? You're one of them. 448 00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:31,121 You're popular. 449 00:35:31,796 --> 00:35:35,960 Uh, look, this is kind of personal, and I don't know you. 450 00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,340 - I'm taped to the toilet. - Yeah. 451 00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:42,049 I'm sorry, I'm Mark Gold, uh, your uncle Ned's kid. I just started here. 452 00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,305 Oh, cool. Cool, yeah. 453 00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:46,683 Well, I'd shake your hand... 454 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:48,969 - but it's taped to my ass. - Right. Right. 455 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,353 Would you mind? 456 00:35:50,523 --> 00:35:53,230 - Yeah, yeah, sure. - Yeah, um. 457 00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,562 - Just rip. - I'm going to get it. 458 00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:57,856 - Band-Aid. - Go for it. 459 00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:03,908 So how come we never met? 460 00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:08,906 My mom didn't want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned, 461 00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:11,165 - That makes sense. - Yeah, 462 00:36:11,419 --> 00:36:14,252 So since we're practically family and all... 463 00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:17,914 my dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know? 464 00:36:18,093 --> 00:36:19,549 Uh, yeah. Why not? 465 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,756 Next time you could get there before they tape me to the toilet. 466 00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:24,467 You got it. 467 00:36:26,559 --> 00:36:28,390 This looks good. 468 00:36:34,109 --> 00:36:35,474 Who's that? 469 00:36:37,112 --> 00:36:38,773 - Nicole. - Are you two going out? 470 00:36:38,947 --> 00:36:41,484 No, no, she's the, uh, head cheerleader. 471 00:36:41,950 --> 00:36:43,440 She'd never go out with me. 472 00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,451 You know, when I first met your mother, I was so nervous-- 473 00:36:46,621 --> 00:36:48,111 You met my mother? 474 00:36:48,289 --> 00:36:49,529 - What? - My mother. 475 00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,415 You said, "The first time I met your mother, I was nervous." 476 00:36:52,794 --> 00:36:55,706 - Oh, that's weird. is your mom hot? - Dude, what-- ? 477 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,793 - What do I say to that? - I was joking. Joking, dude. 478 00:37:03,638 --> 00:37:04,969 Stan. 479 00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,132 I hate that guy. 480 00:37:09,769 --> 00:37:11,976 Thanks, 481 00:37:12,147 --> 00:37:13,182 What? 482 00:37:13,356 --> 00:37:15,517 - Freshman. - Good sandwich. 483 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:19,142 Is that the guy who taped you to the toilet? 484 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:20,526 Yeah. 485 00:37:20,697 --> 00:37:23,734 Yesterday he shoved me in a washing machine in my own house. 486 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:27,321 - What was that jerk doing at your house? - it's Maggie's boyfriend. 487 00:37:28,830 --> 00:37:30,661 Maggie has a boyfriend? 488 00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:34,498 Well... 489 00:37:35,211 --> 00:37:37,497 I'm very disappointed in your sister. 490 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:41,915 He's looking. Don't make eye contact. He's kind of temperamental. 491 00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:45,336 - You're looking. Stop it, stop it. - I'll look at him. 492 00:37:45,513 --> 00:37:47,378 Hey, twinkle douche. 493 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:53,268 If I wanted you in the cafeteria, I would've taped you to a lunch lady. 494 00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:56,263 You little punk. 495 00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:58,682 You don't talk to him that way. 496 00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:02,985 Yeah? 497 00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:05,856 What are you gonna do? 498 00:38:10,872 --> 00:38:11,987 What am I gonna do? 499 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:15,657 First, 500 00:38:17,128 --> 00:38:18,664 I'm going to call your father. 501 00:38:22,258 --> 00:38:23,794 Heads up! 502 00:38:32,352 --> 00:38:35,219 Give me my ball back, bitch. 503 00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,728 You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you. 504 00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:40,895 - You don't know me. - Oh, but I do. 505 00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:42,730 All too well. 506 00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:44,777 You're the man. 507 00:38:44,948 --> 00:38:47,064 Captain of the basketball team. 508 00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:49,483 Dates the pretty girls. 509 00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,823 High school is your kingdom. 510 00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:55,704 But, people... 511 00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:57,957 Stan's a bully. 512 00:38:58,127 --> 00:38:59,583 Why? 513 00:38:59,754 --> 00:39:05,715 It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak simply because he's a dick. 514 00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:07,091 No. 515 00:39:07,262 --> 00:39:09,423 No, no. 516 00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:11,258 Stan here... 517 00:39:12,016 --> 00:39:14,257 is much more complex than that. 518 00:39:14,727 --> 00:39:17,434 See, according to leading psychiatrists... 519 00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:20,893 Stan's a bully for one of 3 reasons. 520 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,019 1: 521 00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:25,731 Underneath all of that male bravado... 522 00:39:25,905 --> 00:39:29,773 there's an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out. 523 00:39:32,954 --> 00:39:34,444 2: 524 00:39:34,622 --> 00:39:36,362 Like a caveman... 525 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:38,702 Stan's brain is... 526 00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:41,243 underdeveloped. 527 00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:44,458 Therefore, Stan is unable to use self- control. 528 00:39:44,632 --> 00:39:46,793 And so he acts out aggressively. 529 00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:49,967 And the 3rd reason: 530 00:39:50,847 --> 00:39:52,428 Stan has a small wiener. 531 00:40:12,035 --> 00:40:14,026 Don't hurt yourself, big boy. 532 00:40:24,005 --> 00:40:26,917 Whoa, whoa, hey. Drinking age is still 21, thank you very much. 533 00:40:27,091 --> 00:40:30,925 Unless your spirit guide gave you a fake I D, this is mine. 534 00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:36,468 What are you eating? 535 00:40:36,643 --> 00:40:39,385 I don't even know. I just know I'm hungry. 536 00:40:39,562 --> 00:40:41,018 All the time, 537 00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:42,895 Okay, that's not safe or sanitary. 538 00:40:43,066 --> 00:40:45,808 That's your can now. We'll label it like that. 539 00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:51,191 So, what did you learn at school today? 540 00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:56,193 - That I'm a bad dad. - I thought it was going great. 541 00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:59,204 it was going fantastic for me. 542 00:40:59,374 --> 00:41:00,784 And then what? 543 00:41:03,086 --> 00:41:07,170 And then I found out my son spent the last year being the school punching bag... 544 00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:11,083 and watched my daughter get a tongue bath from a psychopathic jackass. 545 00:41:11,511 --> 00:41:13,126 High school's delightful, isn't it? 546 00:41:13,304 --> 00:41:16,671 Yeah. But I think I was wrong about my spirit path. 547 00:41:16,849 --> 00:41:18,965 And who was right? See? I told you. 548 00:41:19,143 --> 00:41:21,134 I told you high school was the wrong thing. 549 00:41:21,312 --> 00:41:25,021 High school was right, but it's not about basketball. 550 00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:27,728 it's about helping Alex and Maggie. 551 00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,480 All right. I'm getting out of here. 552 00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,734 - Disgusting. - My kids need their father. 553 00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:47,247 - What's going on? - Oh, hey, Mark. 554 00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:51,585 What was that? 555 00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:54,508 A 3-pointer. 556 00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:58,380 Can you do that twice in a row? 557 00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:05,854 Okay. Let's see you do it with a little pressure. 558 00:42:12,864 --> 00:42:15,401 Wow, you're great. You should be on the team. 559 00:42:17,035 --> 00:42:20,744 You should be on the team. I'm going to get you on the team. 560 00:42:22,331 --> 00:42:24,743 That's it. That'll solve everything. 561 00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:27,120 Dude, what are you talking about? 562 00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:28,626 Nothing. 563 00:42:35,303 --> 00:42:39,717 Well, that was fun. I haven't been to happy hour in, like, a week and a half. 564 00:42:39,891 --> 00:42:43,054 Naomi, thank you so much. That is exactly what I needed. 565 00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:44,763 Oh, great. 566 00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,474 - Mike who? - Mike who? I've never heard of the guy. 567 00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:52,896 Hey, Mom.. this is Mark, Uncle Ned's bastard. 568 00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:54,356 Wow. 569 00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:57,647 I know. Someone had a kid with Uncle Ned. Ew. 570 00:42:59,243 --> 00:43:01,325 You okay, Mrs. O'Donnell? 571 00:43:02,121 --> 00:43:03,156 Yeah, I'm fine. 572 00:43:03,331 --> 00:43:06,198 It's "Ms," kid. It's "Ms," Scarlet. Don't forget that. 573 00:43:06,375 --> 00:43:07,615 Oh, right. 574 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,291 Wow. 575 00:43:12,090 --> 00:43:13,250 Wow. 576 00:43:14,550 --> 00:43:18,259 You look just like my husband. Doesn't he? 577 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:21,717 - My ex- husband. That is so weird. - Heh. heh. 578 00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:23,006 it is weird. 579 00:43:23,184 --> 00:43:24,845 What is that? 580 00:43:25,019 --> 00:43:26,475 Scarlet, I need you to come. 581 00:43:26,646 --> 00:43:27,852 Weird. 582 00:43:28,022 --> 00:43:29,512 - Do you see that? - I did see it. 583 00:43:30,566 --> 00:43:32,022 - You see him? - She's nice. 584 00:43:32,401 --> 00:43:33,436 But look at him. 585 00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,774 You gotta let that guy go, just out of your brain and move on. 586 00:43:36,948 --> 00:43:39,940 I know you need to grieve a relationship. it's only natural. 587 00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,358 Okay. 588 00:43:41,536 --> 00:43:44,118 You wait here. I'm going to go smell him. 589 00:43:44,288 --> 00:43:47,621 No. no. no. Sweetie. You're not allowed to smell teenagers. 590 00:43:47,792 --> 00:43:51,034 Sweetie, you need to hear me on this. Here's the thing. 591 00:43:51,212 --> 00:43:53,077 The other thing, you need to acknowledge... 592 00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:56,544 that he looks exactly like Mike used to look in high school. 593 00:43:56,717 --> 00:44:00,460 We discussed that. I have looked at him. But, honey, this is the thing: 594 00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:02,720 You need to hook up with someone new. 595 00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:07,725 Yeah, I deserve to have somebody smile at me and tell me I'm pretty. 596 00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,556 - You do. - Even if it is... 597 00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:12,142 to just get me to go home with him. 598 00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:17,185 Or lunch. But, yes, we're gonna find you a new playmate. Ow! 599 00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:19,820 You little turd. You little snot. 600 00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:21,481 My bad. Gosh, I'm so sorry. 601 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:25,743 I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted, as I imagine Alex was... 602 00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:29,201 at hearing about how his mother, who is still married, by the way... 603 00:44:29,375 --> 00:44:31,866 is planning to run around with every guy she can get. 604 00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:35,832 In Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through the streets by goats with her hands cut off. 605 00:44:36,007 --> 00:44:37,918 I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Naomi. 606 00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:40,378 - Naomi. - I don't care. 607 00:44:55,776 --> 00:44:57,641 Hey, guys. 608 00:44:58,070 --> 00:44:59,776 Okay, settle down. Take your seats. 609 00:44:59,947 --> 00:45:03,610 Thank you, thank you. Thank you, Stan. Thank you. 610 00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:09,450 Okay, today we will be continuing our discussion on human sexuality. 611 00:45:09,624 --> 00:45:14,584 And as we discussed, the official school policy is abstinence. 612 00:45:14,754 --> 00:45:16,460 Now.. that is very sensible. 613 00:45:16,631 --> 00:45:19,589 I'm glad that someone here has their head screwed on straight. 614 00:45:19,759 --> 00:45:23,377 I think all of us should make a pact to abstain from sex. 615 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:25,795 Now, who's with me, you guys? Come on. 616 00:45:27,141 --> 00:45:28,221 Oh, my God. 617 00:45:30,978 --> 00:45:32,889 Maggie? 618 00:45:33,689 --> 00:45:35,270 However, let's get real. 619 00:45:35,441 --> 00:45:38,729 I know asking high school seniors to be abstinent... 620 00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:42,816 is like asking a porcupine to poop goat cheese. Yuck. 621 00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:47,488 So since the majority of you are or will become sexually active at some point-- 622 00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:52,452 But that point should be way, way in the future, right? 623 00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:55,116 Well, the official school position... 624 00:45:55,294 --> 00:45:57,501 is that we prepare you for safe sex now. 625 00:45:58,881 --> 00:46:01,668 So please take one and pass it down. 626 00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:09,346 I have needs, 627 00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:14,761 - You don't need these. - Stan, give one to Mark. 628 00:46:14,939 --> 00:46:19,103 No. No, you know what, he's right. He's right. I don't need one. 629 00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:23,020 You know why I don't need one? Because there's no one I'm in love with, 630 00:46:23,197 --> 00:46:25,233 it's called "making love," isn't it? 631 00:46:25,408 --> 00:46:30,778 Maybe I'm old- fashioned, but I think that means you do it with someone you love. 632 00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:33,370 And preferably when you're married. 633 00:46:33,541 --> 00:46:38,285 You know, when you're ready to take that love and turn it into a baby. 634 00:46:39,588 --> 00:46:41,749 Because that's what love is. 635 00:46:41,924 --> 00:46:45,041 It's that first moment when you hold your baby girl... 636 00:46:45,845 --> 00:46:50,885 and you didn't know that anything could be so small or so delicate. 637 00:46:51,058 --> 00:46:53,970 And you feel that tiny heart beat... 638 00:46:54,562 --> 00:46:58,680 and you know that you couldn't love anything more in the whole world. 639 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:03,230 And you hope that you can do right by that little girl... 640 00:47:04,113 --> 00:47:08,152 and always be there to catch her when she falls, and that nothing ever hurts her. 641 00:47:08,326 --> 00:47:10,863 Not a broken arm... 642 00:47:11,787 --> 00:47:13,243 or a bad dream... 643 00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,740 or a broken heart. 644 00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:26,332 - I don't want these. Just take them. - Me either. 645 00:47:26,510 --> 00:47:27,875 Are you serious? 646 00:47:28,346 --> 00:47:30,803 Great, fine, wonderful. 647 00:47:30,973 --> 00:47:32,679 More for me. 648 00:47:33,184 --> 00:47:35,766 Now I got enough for the whole weekend. 649 00:47:38,981 --> 00:47:40,016 Oh, my God! 650 00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,983 - Stan! - Boys, stop it! 651 00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:45,897 Break it up! Get off him, Stan! 652 00:47:48,074 --> 00:47:49,689 Put those phones away! Stop it! 653 00:47:50,618 --> 00:47:52,358 - Stop hitting him! - No fighting! 654 00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,370 - You like that? - You're gonna go to jail again. 655 00:48:00,628 --> 00:48:02,619 Look at that. He slapped him like a mother. 656 00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:04,253 That thing sucks. 657 00:48:06,366 --> 00:48:08,298 Oh, that's wrong. 658 00:48:09,637 --> 00:48:12,003 Yo, check this out. My cousin in New York sent it to me. 659 00:48:22,858 --> 00:48:25,520 I hope I'm not late for our meeting. 660 00:48:25,694 --> 00:48:28,811 Busted for fighting, nice. Who won? 661 00:48:28,989 --> 00:48:31,981 You know, it was actually pretty even. 662 00:48:32,451 --> 00:48:33,657 Really? 663 00:48:33,828 --> 00:48:36,160 On YouTube it looked like you got your ass kicked. 664 00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:38,195 I saw it a couple times. 665 00:48:39,166 --> 00:48:41,031 What are you wearing? 666 00:48:41,502 --> 00:48:43,538 - Beckham. - No, what? 667 00:48:43,712 --> 00:48:45,248 Oh, the clothes. Oh, right. 668 00:48:45,423 --> 00:48:47,755 To the untrained eye, I look like a total idiot, 669 00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:49,256 You do. in fact. 670 00:48:49,427 --> 00:48:53,921 But it's actually a seduction technique known as "peacocking." 671 00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:58,341 My outfit serves the dual function of icebreaker and attention- getter. 672 00:48:59,979 --> 00:49:01,264 You can go in now. 673 00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:03,346 Watch. 674 00:49:10,197 --> 00:49:11,528 Are you peacocking? 675 00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,356 Really? You think that's gonna work? 676 00:49:14,535 --> 00:49:15,991 I think it just might. 677 00:49:25,713 --> 00:49:29,752 Is that...? Mrs. O'Donnell! How you doing? 678 00:49:29,925 --> 00:49:31,085 Hello, how are you? 679 00:49:31,260 --> 00:49:32,670 I'm good. How are you? 680 00:49:32,845 --> 00:49:34,426 Good. 681 00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:38,255 Wow. This is gonna take some getting used to. 682 00:49:39,059 --> 00:49:40,174 You're Ned's son? 683 00:49:40,352 --> 00:49:42,593 Yeah. Yeah. Ned gave birth to me. 684 00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:45,558 Well, he didn't give birth-- You know what I meant. 685 00:49:47,109 --> 00:49:49,395 You're doing some gardening. 686 00:49:49,570 --> 00:49:52,027 I'm redoing the backyard. 687 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:53,319 You want to see? 688 00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,324 Yeah, sure. I got some time. 689 00:49:58,954 --> 00:50:00,239 Oh, wow. 690 00:50:00,414 --> 00:50:04,748 Yeah. Obviously, I still have a lot to do. 691 00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,035 - You can put that-- - Right here? 692 00:50:07,213 --> 00:50:08,498 All right. 693 00:50:09,256 --> 00:50:10,837 Thank you. 694 00:50:11,050 --> 00:50:13,006 - So this is it. - This is it. 695 00:50:13,177 --> 00:50:14,587 it used to look a lot worse, 696 00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:23,350 Basically, uh, what I planned to do was to put a pond in over here... 697 00:50:23,521 --> 00:50:26,058 - Okay. - and have water... 698 00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:28,814 streaming in from both sides. 699 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:33,061 And then put a big deck right here... 700 00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:38,950 and then a flagstone patio there with sod in between. 701 00:50:39,119 --> 00:50:40,529 That would be pretty. 702 00:50:40,704 --> 00:50:45,949 And then to have twinkling lights above the whole thing... 703 00:50:46,126 --> 00:50:48,617 so that every night is a starry one. 704 00:50:48,796 --> 00:50:50,127 Heh. 705 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:52,629 It's gonna be amazing, Scar. 706 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,040 What did you just call me? 707 00:50:56,220 --> 00:50:58,802 - I just said, "it'll be amazing." - You called me "Scar." 708 00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:01,676 My husband's the only one who calls me that. 709 00:51:01,850 --> 00:51:03,386 Could you use some help? 710 00:51:04,562 --> 00:51:07,395 Volunteer. I'm young, I'm strong. 711 00:51:09,358 --> 00:51:11,474 Right, got it. Okay. 712 00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:17,567 I realize that whole lady cougar hunting... 713 00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:22,155 the "mothers I'd like to," you know, whatever, thing... 714 00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:25,662 is big with you guys, right? With you high school boys? 715 00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:28,415 But that's not gonna happen between me and you. 716 00:51:28,586 --> 00:51:30,952 I didn't even mean it that way. 717 00:51:31,130 --> 00:51:36,170 I was thinking more along the lines of business experience, college application. 718 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:38,800 But if you want to go there, that's-- 719 00:51:38,971 --> 00:51:40,962 - So I'll just get you a shovel, then? - Yeah. 720 00:51:41,140 --> 00:51:42,346 Okay. 721 00:52:30,773 --> 00:52:31,808 What? 722 00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:13,437 - I said we could do it! - Called it. 723 00:53:13,607 --> 00:53:15,723 Did you see the look on Stan's face? 724 00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:21,237 Alex? What happened at the tryouts? How'd it go? 725 00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:25,532 it was good. Mark had a great tryout. He played great. 726 00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:28,194 - Yeah. - And so did I. I made the team, 727 00:53:28,372 --> 00:53:31,205 Really? Oh, great! That's so good. I'm so proud of you. 728 00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:32,615 Me too. 729 00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:34,283 He did great out there. 730 00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:36,372 Oh, Mark. That's super inappropriate. 731 00:53:36,547 --> 00:53:38,458 I-- Good job today. 732 00:53:38,632 --> 00:53:39,917 - Good job! - Thanks. 733 00:53:40,092 --> 00:53:43,255 I want to show you something. Come here. I wanna show you guys. 734 00:53:45,973 --> 00:53:48,305 Ta-da. 735 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,721 - You hung the lights. - Yes. 736 00:53:52,187 --> 00:53:53,802 - Wow. - Wow. 737 00:53:53,981 --> 00:53:56,222 I wanted you guys to be the first to see. 738 00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,061 - Mom, it's sick. - Really? 739 00:53:58,235 --> 00:54:00,226 It's so good. 740 00:54:00,696 --> 00:54:02,687 Oh, my gosh. 741 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,487 Mark, Mark, we should go practice, dude. 742 00:54:07,661 --> 00:54:10,243 The game's on Friday. Mom, such a good job. 743 00:54:15,419 --> 00:54:16,909 What do you think? 744 00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:18,452 it's amazing. 745 00:54:18,630 --> 00:54:23,340 When people see how talented you are, you'll be designing gardens all over the city. 746 00:54:23,510 --> 00:54:24,841 Really? 747 00:54:25,012 --> 00:54:26,673 Well, thank you.. Mark. That's nice. 748 00:54:32,519 --> 00:54:37,013 - I have to go. I have a date tonight. - You have a-- ? You have a date? 749 00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:40,809 I'm going dancing, which is ridiculous because I'm a terrible dancer. 750 00:54:41,445 --> 00:54:44,312 - You're an amazing dancer. - What? 751 00:54:45,874 --> 00:54:47,360 - Ahem. - Wh-- ? 752 00:54:47,534 --> 00:54:49,274 You just look like you can move. 753 00:54:49,453 --> 00:54:51,193 Um, okay. 754 00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,863 I'm going to go, so have fun, Mark. 755 00:54:55,042 --> 00:54:56,532 Night. 756 00:55:13,352 --> 00:55:15,934 - What are you looking at? - That was great. 757 00:55:16,730 --> 00:55:18,721 That is The Snake. 758 00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,481 That was a very hot dance when you were 1. 759 00:55:22,903 --> 00:55:24,814 - Teach it to me. - I can't. 760 00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:27,104 It's a very advanced step... 761 00:55:27,282 --> 00:55:30,820 which I know is hard to believe because I make it look effortless, 762 00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,656 That's the secret to all great dancers. 763 00:55:34,623 --> 00:55:36,204 Try me. 764 00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:41,202 Why did you pick that song? 765 00:55:41,380 --> 00:55:44,838 Oh, I don't know. It just, uh, kind of spoke to me. 766 00:55:45,308 --> 00:55:46,999 That's funny. 767 00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:50,089 That's the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding. 768 00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:52,380 A man of good taste. 769 00:55:52,558 --> 00:55:54,640 - Want me to show you some dance moves? - I'd love to. 770 00:55:54,810 --> 00:55:56,095 That I learned at my wedding. 771 00:55:56,270 --> 00:56:00,639 - Great. - Yeah. Okay, you stand here, like that. 772 00:56:00,816 --> 00:56:03,273 Okay, like that, and I'll stand here. 773 00:56:03,443 --> 00:56:06,435 - No, you stand right there. - Right there. 774 00:56:06,613 --> 00:56:10,982 Okay, ready? So you go right foot back and then left foot back. 775 00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:15,111 And then quick right, left, right, left, right. 776 00:56:15,289 --> 00:56:17,951 And then right-- 777 00:56:18,125 --> 00:56:21,037 That was good. And left, right, left, right. 778 00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:23,085 That's good. 779 00:56:23,255 --> 00:56:26,213 That was really good. You're picking that up pretty quickly. 780 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,339 So you mentioned your husband. 781 00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:30,796 Do you think you guys are ever going to get back together? 782 00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:33,132 Um, no. 783 00:56:34,016 --> 00:56:35,631 Why are you so sure? 784 00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:39,017 Maybe there's something he could do to fix things. 785 00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:42,350 I love my husband and care about him... 786 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,562 but sometimes that just is not enough. 787 00:56:48,697 --> 00:56:50,733 Well, he blew it. 788 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:52,273 Jump. 789 00:57:08,133 --> 00:57:09,669 - Mom? - Yeah. 790 00:57:12,554 --> 00:57:13,589 Hey, Alex. 791 00:57:15,057 --> 00:57:17,639 - Mom? - I'm your mom. 792 00:57:17,809 --> 00:57:19,800 I am Alex's mom, Mark. 793 00:57:19,978 --> 00:57:21,263 Yeah. 794 00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:24,687 Your date is here. 795 00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:27,356 - The front door. Your date. - Okay. 796 00:57:27,694 --> 00:57:29,855 She was nervous. it's creepy, right? 797 00:57:30,030 --> 00:57:31,611 Little bit. 798 00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:34,023 She's so old, it's like-- 799 00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,863 Dance with all your friend's moms? 800 00:57:37,037 --> 00:57:38,368 Pretty much. 801 00:57:39,122 --> 00:57:40,612 - Oh, hi, Scarlet. - Hello. 802 00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,282 - Wow, you look amazing. Here. Pour vous. - Oh, thank you. 803 00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:46,042 Carnations. What a douche bag. 804 00:57:46,213 --> 00:57:47,453 Mark. 805 00:57:47,631 --> 00:57:49,542 - No, that's okay. - I'm sorry. 806 00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:50,751 I'm a single dad. 807 00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:54,544 It's totally normal for sons to feel weird when their moms date. 808 00:57:54,721 --> 00:57:58,009 I mean, he's stepping into Dad's shoes, protecting the castle. 809 00:57:58,183 --> 00:58:00,219 He's not my son, but... 810 00:58:00,894 --> 00:58:02,259 Then that's weird. 811 00:58:02,437 --> 00:58:03,677 - It is. - Yeah. 812 00:58:03,855 --> 00:58:05,811 - Uh, do you want to go? - Yeah. 813 00:58:06,274 --> 00:58:07,389 Let me get my coat. 814 00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:09,398 - Oh, come on. - Hold these, please. 815 00:58:09,569 --> 00:58:10,900 - This guy? - You're being rude. 816 00:58:11,071 --> 00:58:12,902 - You're going from Uncle Mike to this guy? - Shh. 817 00:58:13,073 --> 00:58:15,485 - Be quiet. - Okay. 818 00:58:15,659 --> 00:58:18,492 - Do me a favor. Shh. - He's a tool. 819 00:58:18,662 --> 00:58:22,325 Give this to Ned, okay, to give to Mike. it's our divorce papers. 820 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:25,741 And remind him that he needs to be there on the 27th. 821 00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:28,251 Okay? Thank you. 822 00:58:53,488 --> 00:58:54,648 Where are you going? 823 00:58:54,823 --> 00:58:56,609 Jamie's party. 824 00:58:59,786 --> 00:59:01,401 Alex! 825 00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:07,116 Yeah, uh, seriously, I can't be here. I really can't be here. 826 00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:10,752 Do you know how many dangerous and hurtful things Stan could do to me here? 827 00:59:10,922 --> 00:59:13,789 You had your head shoved in a ball return? it's not a massage. 828 00:59:13,967 --> 00:59:16,709 You're on the basketball team now. Okay? This is your party. 829 00:59:17,429 --> 00:59:19,044 Okay, okay, there she is. 830 00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:20,587 There's Nicole. Oh, God. 831 00:59:20,766 --> 00:59:22,427 - Which one? - She's right there. 832 00:59:22,601 --> 00:59:24,432 You're looking at-- She's my 3, your 2. 833 00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:26,594 - Stop it. You're looking right at her. - Calm down. 834 00:59:28,148 --> 00:59:29,638 - Sorry. - What was that? 835 00:59:29,816 --> 00:59:31,977 - Nothing, it was a burp. - Why are you burping? 836 00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:34,643 - I have tummy issues. What? Get over it. - Tummy issues? 837 00:59:35,030 --> 00:59:36,895 She's not going to like me. I'm a loser. 838 00:59:37,074 --> 00:59:40,111 Why are you a loser? Because Stan says you're a loser? 839 00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:43,152 Do you think Stan's a winner? Stan's going nowhere. 840 00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:46,746 Any girl in here would be lucky to have your attention. 841 00:59:46,917 --> 00:59:50,330 - What do you know about girls? - What do I know about girls? 842 00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:53,461 I used to date the most beautiful girl in school... 843 00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:55,543 and I let her slip through my fingers. 844 00:59:56,009 --> 00:59:57,670 But I won't let that happen to you. 845 00:59:58,178 --> 00:59:59,418 You're absolutely right. 846 00:59:59,596 --> 01:00:02,258 I'm just going to walk up to her and introduce myself. 847 01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:05,675 Tomorrow at school. Maybe. Probably not. 848 01:00:05,852 --> 01:00:07,388 Just go. 849 01:00:12,025 --> 01:00:13,936 - Hey, girls. - Hey, you came. 850 01:00:14,111 --> 01:00:15,271 - How are you? - Good. 851 01:00:15,445 --> 01:00:18,027 Thank you, um. Have you seen Maggie? I've been looking everywhere. 852 01:00:18,198 --> 01:00:20,689 Oh, um, Maggie's not here. 853 01:00:20,867 --> 01:00:22,698 But, um, I am. 854 01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:25,485 And I'm really, really glad you came. 855 01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:29,831 - It's her birthday. - I didn't get you a present, I'm sorry. 856 01:00:30,001 --> 01:00:32,834 - I'll just have to unwrap you. - Heh, heh. Okay. 857 01:00:34,047 --> 01:00:38,632 I was kicked off the cheerleading squad for being too flexible. 858 01:00:42,264 --> 01:00:46,177 Okay, okay. Sit down. Just sit down. 859 01:00:48,478 --> 01:00:51,390 If you girls don't respect yourselves... 860 01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:55,274 then how do you expect anyone else to respect you? 861 01:00:55,569 --> 01:00:56,684 Right? 862 01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:57,897 Don't respect me. 863 01:00:58,071 --> 01:00:59,356 No, don't respect me. 864 01:00:59,531 --> 01:01:01,647 You don't even have to remember my name. 865 01:01:01,825 --> 01:01:03,907 - Wow, that's slutty. - First of all, you slut. 866 01:01:04,119 --> 01:01:06,326 This is some other dad's problem. 867 01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:11,031 And, um, I just want to tell you that you look like my dog. 868 01:01:11,835 --> 01:01:15,703 - Excuse me? - Your hair looks like my dog's hair. 869 01:01:16,464 --> 01:01:18,250 No, it's shiny and soft. 870 01:01:18,425 --> 01:01:20,711 We give my dog special food. it's got flax in it. 871 01:01:20,886 --> 01:01:22,751 Oh, flax. 872 01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:24,590 - She's a sweetheart. - That's sweet. 873 01:01:24,764 --> 01:01:26,174 Well, she died. 874 01:01:26,766 --> 01:01:29,303 So I look like your dead dog? 875 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:32,602 I'm just really nervous, and I've wanted to talk to you for so long. 876 01:01:32,772 --> 01:01:35,104 - What am I thinking? - Don't worry about it. Really. 877 01:01:35,275 --> 01:01:37,561 - Alex? - Oh, my God, you know my name. 878 01:01:37,736 --> 01:01:38,896 You're on fire, 879 01:01:39,112 --> 01:01:42,104 - Really? - Literally, you're on fire. 880 01:01:42,282 --> 01:01:43,362 What? 881 01:01:43,533 --> 01:01:45,023 Literally on fire. 882 01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:48,945 Whoa. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. Later. 883 01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:56,243 Just hand me those keys right there. 884 01:01:56,421 --> 01:01:57,536 They're in for the night. 885 01:01:58,965 --> 01:02:03,755 If the keys are locked in there, I don't know how I'm going to get you guys out. 886 01:02:04,471 --> 01:02:07,258 Conserve some oxygen in there. 887 01:02:07,432 --> 01:02:10,469 Don't scream, you have a limited amount of oxygen. 888 01:02:11,436 --> 01:02:14,394 They're pretty, huh? We got some pretty ladies in here. 889 01:02:15,690 --> 01:02:17,601 Oh, there you are. 890 01:02:32,165 --> 01:02:35,123 - What do you want? - I just want to talk about Stan. 891 01:02:35,335 --> 01:02:36,700 Yeah? 892 01:02:37,837 --> 01:02:41,580 Why are you dating him? I mean, you know he is not a nice guy. 893 01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:43,123 He's crazy. 894 01:02:43,301 --> 01:02:46,008 Hey, don't say that about Stan. You don't even know him. 895 01:02:46,179 --> 01:02:49,671 Oh, but I do. I really do. I know him better than you. 896 01:02:49,849 --> 01:02:52,340 Look, we're moving in together after graduation. 897 01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:54,305 Stan got into Georgetown? 898 01:02:54,896 --> 01:02:56,727 - What? - What? 899 01:02:56,898 --> 01:03:01,141 No. No. Stan got on the management track at Home Depot. 900 01:03:01,319 --> 01:03:02,934 Oh, great. 901 01:03:03,113 --> 01:03:06,981 And I'm going to Westwood Community College to be closer to him. 902 01:03:07,617 --> 01:03:09,528 He's my forever. 903 01:03:12,289 --> 01:03:14,996 - There's no way in hell that's happening. - Excuse me? 904 01:03:15,166 --> 01:03:18,329 I said, "There's no way in hell that that is happening." 905 01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:21,912 You think I'm gonna let you mortgage your future? 906 01:03:22,132 --> 01:03:24,464 You think I'll let you throw away your hard work... 907 01:03:24,676 --> 01:03:26,837 everything that you've accomplished... 908 01:03:27,012 --> 01:03:29,549 for some psychopathic guy who doesn't care about you? 909 01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:33,341 I forbid you. I forbid you to see him anymore. 910 01:03:33,518 --> 01:03:38,638 Oh, okay! Who the hell do you think you are, my father?! Dude! 911 01:03:38,857 --> 01:03:41,143 - Don't walk away from me. - You're a freak. 912 01:03:41,359 --> 01:03:42,815 Margaret Sarah O'Donnell! 913 01:03:44,612 --> 01:03:47,854 - Hey. How'd it go? - Fantastic. 914 01:03:48,867 --> 01:03:50,573 What's on your leg? 915 01:03:51,244 --> 01:03:53,451 We're the Warriors! Yeah, yeah! 916 01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,779 Remember: defense wins the game. 917 01:03:55,957 --> 01:03:58,824 What's wrong? You look uncomfortable. 918 01:03:59,002 --> 01:04:01,084 Oh. No. 919 01:04:03,048 --> 01:04:05,630 I was just thinking that the last time I was here... 920 01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:08,132 my husband asked me to marry him. 921 01:04:08,678 --> 01:04:10,009 Wow. 922 01:04:10,555 --> 01:04:12,341 Tough to compete with that. 923 01:04:14,059 --> 01:04:17,142 Down by 6, get the ball to Gold. 924 01:04:17,312 --> 01:04:19,928 Warriors on 3... 1, 2, 3. 925 01:04:20,106 --> 01:04:21,596 Warriors! 926 01:04:26,946 --> 01:04:29,358 Stan, what are you doing? Let's go. 927 01:04:29,741 --> 01:04:32,574 Go, Alex! Whoo! 928 01:04:32,744 --> 01:04:33,904 Woo-hoo. 929 01:04:40,251 --> 01:04:41,616 Left side, 930 01:04:56,059 --> 01:04:58,050 Pick off! Right there! 931 01:05:01,147 --> 01:05:02,808 He's got too much time. Come on! 932 01:05:08,696 --> 01:05:10,232 Yeah! 933 01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:15,650 Get it to McKinley! Get it in! Get it! 934 01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:17,322 Get him! 935 01:05:20,083 --> 01:05:21,323 Ball! 936 01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:24,325 Ball! 937 01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:26,161 Come on, outside! 938 01:05:27,841 --> 01:05:30,958 O'Donnell! Give the ball to Gold! Give the ball to Gold! 939 01:05:31,136 --> 01:05:33,343 No, no, no! 940 01:05:44,732 --> 01:05:49,101 We did it! You were great. Ooh. I, um.... 941 01:05:49,946 --> 01:05:51,732 - I'm sweaty. - Sorry about that. 942 01:05:51,906 --> 01:05:53,646 Congratula-- That was awesome. 943 01:05:53,825 --> 01:05:56,658 You did a great-- I saw the-- I liked the dance. 944 01:05:57,203 --> 01:06:00,991 Yeah, so I think August-- August will be good. 945 01:06:01,166 --> 01:06:03,873 All right.. uh, have a good night. 946 01:06:04,043 --> 01:06:05,374 See you tomorrow. 947 01:06:14,179 --> 01:06:18,047 Oh. Hi. Wow, what are the odds? 948 01:06:18,224 --> 01:06:21,341 What's it going to be now? Did you buy me the Statue of Liberty? 949 01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:24,928 I'm just going to ask you out, okay? Like a grownup. 950 01:06:25,106 --> 01:06:26,596 Just 2 friends having dinner. 951 01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:32,019 Then if it turns into anything else, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. 952 01:06:32,822 --> 01:06:34,904 No. Good night. 953 01:06:36,117 --> 01:06:37,698 I'll buy every student a laptop. 954 01:06:40,288 --> 01:06:43,030 You would deny the children of laptops? 955 01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:46,075 - Miss Masterson, the children. - Okay. Okay, fine, fine. 956 01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:49,418 Fine. But this is not a date. 957 01:06:49,589 --> 01:06:50,749 No, in no way a date. 958 01:06:50,924 --> 01:06:54,587 And if I do this, you will stop the inappropriate behavior and gifts. 959 01:06:54,761 --> 01:06:57,844 - Yes. - And we'll just drive to this restaurant. 960 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,175 We won't fly there in the space shuttle... 961 01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:03,934 or drive in some gaudy, tacky limo. 962 01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,264 No, let's take your car. How about? 963 01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:11,561 This way. 964 01:07:12,111 --> 01:07:15,854 Ned to driver, abort. Abort, abort. Move it out right now. 965 01:07:18,076 --> 01:07:22,410 I totally missed it. She came right up to me, I should've kissed her. And I froze. 966 01:07:22,580 --> 01:07:25,117 Hey, don't worry. I'll get you another chance. 967 01:07:25,291 --> 01:07:26,872 How? How are you going to do that? 968 01:07:32,340 --> 01:07:34,456 Victory party at my house! 969 01:07:48,398 --> 01:07:49,888 Maggie. 970 01:08:00,285 --> 01:08:02,822 Maggie? Hey, Maggie. 971 01:08:02,996 --> 01:08:04,452 Go away. 972 01:08:05,248 --> 01:08:07,034 Hey, what happened? 973 01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:09,366 What do you want? 974 01:08:09,544 --> 01:08:12,160 Rub it in my face? Say, "I told you so"? 975 01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,920 No. No, I really don't. 976 01:08:16,175 --> 01:08:18,131 Just tell me what happened. 977 01:08:21,931 --> 01:08:23,671 Stan dumped me. 978 01:08:27,895 --> 01:08:30,102 Stan dumped you? 979 01:08:30,273 --> 01:08:32,059 Stan dumped you? What? 980 01:08:32,233 --> 01:08:35,851 What happened? How did this-- ? What did he do? 981 01:08:36,029 --> 01:08:37,610 What did he do? 982 01:08:38,239 --> 01:08:40,025 After the game.... 983 01:08:40,658 --> 01:08:41,989 We.... 984 01:08:42,869 --> 01:08:45,201 He took me behind the quad, and we.... 985 01:08:45,371 --> 01:08:48,704 I can't hear this. You didn't. 986 01:08:48,875 --> 01:08:51,867 - No, Mags. - No. 987 01:08:53,212 --> 01:08:54,998 No. 988 01:08:55,632 --> 01:08:58,294 That's why he dumped me. 989 01:09:02,639 --> 01:09:04,345 Mags, hey. 990 01:09:04,515 --> 01:09:07,052 Hey, hey, it's okay. 991 01:09:09,395 --> 01:09:10,885 You know... 992 01:09:12,148 --> 01:09:15,982 when you're young, everything feels like the end of the world. 993 01:09:18,196 --> 01:09:19,936 It's not. 994 01:09:20,114 --> 01:09:21,900 Right. 995 01:09:22,408 --> 01:09:24,569 It's just the beginning. 996 01:09:25,912 --> 01:09:28,654 You might have to meet a few more jerks... 997 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:30,822 but one day you're going to meet a boy... 998 01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:33,992 who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated: 999 01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:39,331 Like the sun rises and sets with you. 1000 01:09:44,931 --> 01:09:47,013 You really think so? 1001 01:09:49,102 --> 01:09:51,093 I know so, 1002 01:09:53,356 --> 01:09:54,937 That's so sweet, 1003 01:09:55,775 --> 01:09:57,731 You're the sweetest, 1004 01:09:58,277 --> 01:10:00,313 - Thank you. - It's okay. 1005 01:10:00,488 --> 01:10:01,694 Thank you. 1006 01:10:03,449 --> 01:10:07,692 Anyways, I, uh, came over here-- I was looking for you. 1007 01:10:07,870 --> 01:10:11,362 I wanted to invite you to my party. I don't know if you want to come. 1008 01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:13,452 - Yes. I would love to. - Yeah. 1009 01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:15,787 - Great. That's exciting. - Thank you! 1010 01:10:15,962 --> 01:10:17,748 - Aah! Yay! - Yes. Yay. 1011 01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:19,503 - Thank you. - That's very exciting. 1012 01:10:19,674 --> 01:10:21,674 I know, it's great. 1013 01:10:22,468 --> 01:10:24,083 See you tonight. 1014 01:10:32,603 --> 01:10:33,968 "At Mark's house," 1015 01:10:53,332 --> 01:10:56,995 Hey, that's cool. Let me see that. That is nice, man. 1016 01:10:57,170 --> 01:10:59,252 Don't touch the toys, okay? 1017 01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:03,081 Yeah, I'll, uh, try not to light myself on fire tonight. 1018 01:11:03,259 --> 01:11:06,877 - I'll keep a fire extinguisher handy. - Oh, good. 1019 01:11:07,096 --> 01:11:11,180 - Do you want to sit outside? - Sure. 1020 01:11:45,426 --> 01:11:46,962 That's delightful. 1021 01:11:51,224 --> 01:11:53,510 What? What? 1022 01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:59,725 - Okay, I don't know how to act normal. - Clearly. 1023 01:11:59,899 --> 01:12:04,563 It's the story of my life. I'm not smooth. I'm just trying to impress you, okay? 1024 01:12:04,737 --> 01:12:08,150 I'm not the kind of guy who comes to places like this. I'm a dork. 1025 01:12:08,324 --> 01:12:09,985 The kind of guy who spends 10 grand... 1026 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,741 on Gandalf the Grey's quarterstaff from The Two Towers. 1027 01:12:14,580 --> 01:12:16,411 Yes, that does make you a dork. 1028 01:12:20,002 --> 01:12:22,664 Especially since Gandalf the Grey was only in Fellowship. 1029 01:12:24,382 --> 01:12:27,920 He returns in Two Towers as Gandalf the White. 1030 01:12:51,450 --> 01:12:54,533 I was upset. I'm sorry, okay? 1031 01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:58,037 I need you to show me that you love me. 1032 01:12:58,207 --> 01:13:00,163 And that way we can get a place together. 1033 01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:03,451 Stop it. Look, whatever. I'm with somebody else now. 1034 01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:07,338 - What? - Party's over, Stan. 1035 01:13:08,467 --> 01:13:09,627 Just get out of here. 1036 01:13:12,972 --> 01:13:14,508 Oh, yeah? 1037 01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:17,302 Who's gonna make me leave? 1038 01:13:18,853 --> 01:13:19,933 You? 1039 01:13:20,104 --> 01:13:23,972 You know I would. but it smells like you've been drinking... 1040 01:13:24,150 --> 01:13:27,062 so I'm just gonna let the cops do it. 1041 01:13:32,116 --> 01:13:33,731 You can have the nun. 1042 01:13:34,368 --> 01:13:36,154 She doesn't put out, anyway. 1043 01:13:36,495 --> 01:13:37,655 On second thought.... 1044 01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:45,751 Oh, I just had the craziest dream. 1045 01:13:47,715 --> 01:13:49,671 I was 17. 1046 01:13:51,260 --> 01:13:54,627 I was back in high school, and it was terrible. 1047 01:13:58,601 --> 01:14:00,182 Scar, 1048 01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:04,766 Scar? I don't see a scar. 1049 01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:08,183 Look.. I know why you didn't want me to be with Stan. 1050 01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,977 It's because you wanted me. 1051 01:14:14,075 --> 01:14:16,817 You want to play games? I can play games. 1052 01:14:16,994 --> 01:14:19,406 - No, no, no. - I'm a hungry lioness... 1053 01:14:19,580 --> 01:14:21,366 and you're a baby Gazelle. 1054 01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:25,207 Maggie! No, no, no, Maggie, stop this now. 1055 01:14:25,378 --> 01:14:28,836 If you only knew how highly inappropriate and dysfunctional this is. 1056 01:14:29,382 --> 01:14:30,542 Stop it. Please stop. 1057 01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:33,378 Maggie, I'm not the person that you think I am. 1058 01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:35,133 - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. 1059 01:14:35,304 --> 01:14:37,920 You're right, you're good. You're not like the others. 1060 01:14:38,099 --> 01:14:40,761 I'm not like others. I'm very different than the others. 1061 01:14:40,935 --> 01:14:44,928 So different, in fact, that you and I can never, ever, ever, ever be together. 1062 01:14:45,106 --> 01:14:46,937 - Stop biting. - Why? 1063 01:14:51,988 --> 01:14:55,776 Oh, my God. What are you saying? 1064 01:14:55,950 --> 01:14:57,406 Are you confused? 1065 01:14:58,035 --> 01:15:00,492 I'm very confused, yes. Extremely confused. 1066 01:15:00,663 --> 01:15:04,997 Oh, my God. I-- I-- I get it now. 1067 01:15:05,418 --> 01:15:10,082 And your hair is always perfectly coiffed, and you have highlights. 1068 01:15:11,674 --> 01:15:14,381 - What are you talking about? - I mean.... 1069 01:15:14,969 --> 01:15:17,927 Dude, your jeans are really tight. 1070 01:15:20,266 --> 01:15:21,676 I'm not gay. 1071 01:15:22,435 --> 01:15:24,801 I'm in love, Maggie. I'm in love. 1072 01:15:25,229 --> 01:15:26,639 I've been in love, 1073 01:15:26,814 --> 01:15:30,853 I've been in love with the same girl since I was 17, Maggie. 1074 01:15:32,737 --> 01:15:37,777 Does she go to our school? Do I know her? Tell me her name. I want to know her name. 1075 01:15:37,950 --> 01:15:40,066 - No, Maggie. No. - Okay. 1076 01:15:41,287 --> 01:15:46,202 You tell your girlfriend she better keep a close eye on you. 1077 01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,462 Sweet baby Jesus. 1078 01:15:55,301 --> 01:15:56,837 Thanks. 1079 01:16:28,125 --> 01:16:29,706 I'm so dead. 1080 01:16:33,589 --> 01:16:35,375 Excuse me. 1081 01:16:36,717 --> 01:16:39,333 - Scarlet? Scarlet? Scarlet. - Hi. 1082 01:16:39,512 --> 01:16:41,343 - What are you doing here? - You seen Alex? 1083 01:16:41,514 --> 01:16:43,470 He's not picking up his phone. 1084 01:16:43,641 --> 01:16:45,472 Alex is fine. Alex is fine, believe me. 1085 01:16:45,643 --> 01:16:47,679 In fact, with the way things are going... 1086 01:16:47,853 --> 01:16:51,186 by the end of the night Alex could have a girlfriend. 1087 01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:54,645 - Alex has a girlfriend? - Yeah, and she's great. She's cute. 1088 01:16:54,819 --> 01:16:56,400 - Come on, I'll show you. - Where? 1089 01:16:56,570 --> 01:16:59,482 Walk up the stairs. Walk with me for one sec, I'll show you. 1090 01:16:59,657 --> 01:17:02,319 So how ever did you get the newest version of Halo? 1091 01:17:02,493 --> 01:17:04,734 It's not due out for another six months. 1092 01:17:04,912 --> 01:17:10,123 Well, let's just say I said some things to the Make-A-Wish people... 1093 01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:12,408 that I'm not totally proud of. 1094 01:17:23,180 --> 01:17:24,795 I'm going to kill him. 1095 01:17:41,073 --> 01:17:43,314 Everybody, out! 1096 01:17:46,453 --> 01:17:51,038 Oh, no, no. Not Dr. Philsopholis. 1097 01:17:54,044 --> 01:17:55,875 This party is over! 1098 01:17:56,046 --> 01:18:01,541 Unless you want to spend the next 3 months in detention, leave! Now! 1099 01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:06,178 Okay. We better go warn Mark. 1100 01:18:09,935 --> 01:18:11,926 You really care about him, don't you? 1101 01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:16,184 - Yeah. - That's nice. That's really nice. 1102 01:18:16,358 --> 01:18:19,100 He really needs a male role model. 1103 01:18:19,278 --> 01:18:20,939 He's a great kid. 1104 01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,063 You know, they both are. 1105 01:18:26,660 --> 01:18:28,616 I think you're a great mother. 1106 01:18:28,787 --> 01:18:30,323 Thank you. 1107 01:18:31,457 --> 01:18:33,322 He's on the balcony. He's right there. 1108 01:18:35,836 --> 01:18:39,294 - Mom? - This has been a really tough time... 1109 01:18:39,465 --> 01:18:42,798 and you really feel like part of the family. 1110 01:18:43,093 --> 01:18:47,462 You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that. 1111 01:18:57,691 --> 01:18:58,806 Scarlet, 1112 01:18:58,984 --> 01:19:02,101 Scarlet! Scarlet, I'm not Mark, okay? 1113 01:19:02,279 --> 01:19:06,022 - I'm him, I'm me. Scarlet, I'm your husband. - Will you stop it already? 1114 01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:09,488 If you'd listen to me, I am the father of your children! Scar, let me-- 1115 01:19:09,662 --> 01:19:12,654 Don't call me that. Don't call me that! 1116 01:19:12,831 --> 01:19:15,573 You are a weirdo little man-child! 1117 01:19:15,751 --> 01:19:17,833 Give me 2 seconds, and I can explain this! 1118 01:19:18,003 --> 01:19:19,493 You are a pervert! 1119 01:19:30,349 --> 01:19:33,591 Get out, and get out, and get out. 1120 01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,305 You can leave. 1121 01:19:37,564 --> 01:19:42,183 Well, this isn't exactly the inconspicuous relationship I wanted. 1122 01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:46,854 I'm sure now you can see why I don't date my students' parents. 1123 01:19:48,617 --> 01:19:50,198 I'm sorry. 1124 01:19:56,208 --> 01:20:00,872 I'm sorry. I had no idea that it was going to get so out of control. 1125 01:20:01,463 --> 01:20:03,454 Really? 1126 01:20:08,595 --> 01:20:11,553 - Now I'm sorry. - I guess I deserved that. 1127 01:20:11,974 --> 01:20:14,807 The second one was out of line. it was uncalled for. Sorry. 1128 01:20:14,977 --> 01:20:17,218 Are you okay? I'm really sorry. 1129 01:20:19,106 --> 01:20:21,893 3 makes it even, Now we're even, 1130 01:20:24,445 --> 01:20:25,685 How are you? You okay? 1131 01:20:25,863 --> 01:20:27,194 Yeah. 1132 01:20:36,707 --> 01:20:39,449 And finished. 1133 01:20:40,919 --> 01:20:43,251 With the rug area. 1134 01:20:43,422 --> 01:20:45,754 But we've made very good progress. 1135 01:20:46,717 --> 01:20:47,752 We deserve a break. 1136 01:20:48,594 --> 01:20:50,459 I lost my family. 1137 01:20:51,930 --> 01:20:52,919 Hey, Mike? 1138 01:20:53,140 --> 01:20:56,758 If it's any consolation, I think you really did help your kids. 1139 01:20:57,144 --> 01:21:00,386 You did your job.. and now the hero can move on. 1140 01:21:00,814 --> 01:21:02,600 I don't want to. 1141 01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:06,267 Maybe they don't need me anymore, but I need them. 1142 01:21:08,155 --> 01:21:10,111 Hey, not to be a buzzkill... 1143 01:21:10,282 --> 01:21:11,863 but you're due in court... 1144 01:21:12,618 --> 01:21:14,279 in 22 minutes, 1145 01:21:15,287 --> 01:21:17,243 Ned, I need more time. 1146 01:21:17,748 --> 01:21:20,239 - I have to stop this. - To the Nedmobile, 1147 01:21:20,584 --> 01:21:22,245 - Wait.. Ned, Ned, Ned. - Yes. 1148 01:21:22,419 --> 01:21:26,253 - Pants. - I should have pants on. Yes. 1149 01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:38,215 Come on. Glenn! 1150 01:21:38,936 --> 01:21:41,177 He's nothing but a glorified midget wrangler. 1151 01:21:41,480 --> 01:21:43,641 You wouldn't be so big without that vest! 1152 01:21:43,816 --> 01:21:47,354 Grab that thing that's down there. Grab it. Just hold that up. 1153 01:21:47,528 --> 01:21:49,439 - Where you get this? - Best 20 ever spent. 1154 01:21:49,613 --> 01:21:51,478 Saves me a half hour on my commute. 1155 01:21:51,657 --> 01:21:53,989 Dude, just hold it. Hold it way up. 1156 01:22:12,219 --> 01:22:14,881 -- the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you God? 1157 01:22:15,055 --> 01:22:16,340 I do. 1158 01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:18,847 You request a divorce by the state of California... 1159 01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:21,349 citing irreconcilable differences. This correct? 1160 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:25,433 - Yes, Your Honor. - is Michael O'Donnell present? 1161 01:22:25,774 --> 01:22:26,809 No, Your Honor. 1162 01:22:26,984 --> 01:22:30,021 I take his absence as agreement to the orders of the divorce. 1163 01:22:34,533 --> 01:22:37,696 - You are not requesting sole custody? - No, Your Honor. 1164 01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,281 "You can't handle the truth!" 1165 01:22:41,540 --> 01:22:42,620 What? 1166 01:22:42,791 --> 01:22:45,999 I'm sorry, I panicked. it was the first thing that came into my mind. 1167 01:22:46,170 --> 01:22:48,786 Your Majesty. 1168 01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:51,289 - Who are you? - That's my husband's best friend. 1169 01:22:52,634 --> 01:22:54,170 You a lawyer, best friend? 1170 01:22:55,053 --> 01:22:56,543 - Yes. - No. 1171 01:22:56,722 --> 01:23:00,055 I believe the law degree in my pocket says so. 1172 01:23:00,225 --> 01:23:04,719 Yes, and it's a little bit smeared because I sat on it in the car... 1173 01:23:04,897 --> 01:23:08,185 not because I printed it out recently. 1174 01:23:11,487 --> 01:23:14,149 Let's pretend that's real. Want to explain what you're doing? 1175 01:23:15,032 --> 01:23:16,522 We... 1176 01:23:17,493 --> 01:23:19,825 are stopping a gross... 1177 01:23:21,580 --> 01:23:23,070 miscarriage of justice! 1178 01:23:23,957 --> 01:23:25,288 That-- 1179 01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:29,035 Okay, if you'd just let me explain. I can explain this. 1180 01:23:29,213 --> 01:23:30,578 If you would just listen-- 1181 01:23:30,756 --> 01:23:34,624 I've got a letter from Mike O'Donnell, he's the husband in this case! 1182 01:23:34,801 --> 01:23:36,291 I'm sorry. We're in the middle-- 1183 01:23:36,470 --> 01:23:39,883 Your Honor, if it's okay, I'd like to hear the letter, please. 1184 01:23:47,564 --> 01:23:49,225 Thank you, Your Honor. 1185 01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:54,143 This is a letter from Mike O'Donnell. 1186 01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,277 He wanted me to read it. 1187 01:23:59,660 --> 01:24:01,196 "Scarlet... 1188 01:24:03,080 --> 01:24:05,241 before you go through with this... 1189 01:24:05,415 --> 01:24:09,704 I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. 1190 01:24:12,089 --> 01:24:13,920 It was the first time that I saw you. 1191 01:24:16,426 --> 01:24:18,542 You were reading Less Than Zero, 1192 01:24:19,263 --> 01:24:22,926 You were wearing a Guns N' Roses T- shirt, 1193 01:24:25,310 --> 01:24:27,972 I'd never seen anything so perfect. 1194 01:24:31,775 --> 01:24:34,938 I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die. 1195 01:24:38,282 --> 01:24:39,988 Then you whispered that you loved me... 1196 01:24:43,036 --> 01:24:44,992 at the homecoming dance. 1197 01:24:48,667 --> 01:24:50,157 And I felt... 1198 01:24:51,003 --> 01:24:52,743 so peaceful... 1199 01:24:54,923 --> 01:24:56,459 and safe. 1200 01:24:58,635 --> 01:25:01,718 Because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on... 1201 01:25:01,888 --> 01:25:04,379 nothing could ever be that bad. 1202 01:25:05,183 --> 01:25:06,969 Because I had you. 1203 01:25:11,023 --> 01:25:12,559 And then I grew up... 1204 01:25:14,192 --> 01:25:16,023 and I lost my way. 1205 01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:21,609 And I blamed you for my failures. 1206 01:25:25,954 --> 01:25:29,037 And I know that you think you have to do this today. 1207 01:25:31,043 --> 01:25:32,874 I don't want you to. 1208 01:25:37,841 --> 01:25:39,377 But I guess... 1209 01:25:43,055 --> 01:25:44,716 if I love you... 1210 01:25:48,352 --> 01:25:50,513 I should let you move on." 1211 01:25:54,733 --> 01:25:56,348 All right, son, you need to go now. 1212 01:26:18,715 --> 01:26:20,376 Let's proceed. 1213 01:26:23,095 --> 01:26:25,256 I'm sorry, Your Honor. Would it be okay... 1214 01:26:25,430 --> 01:26:28,388 If we postpone this for now for just a little while? 1215 01:26:28,558 --> 01:26:30,219 Would that be okay? 1216 01:26:31,144 --> 01:26:32,884 Postponed 30 days. Next case. 1217 01:26:59,673 --> 01:27:01,959 Haven't seen you practice this hard since school. 1218 01:27:02,134 --> 01:27:05,171 Yeah, you know, if I want to impress these college scouts... 1219 01:27:05,345 --> 01:27:07,757 then I need to stay focused. 1220 01:27:07,931 --> 01:27:11,423 Wait, wait. You're not still trying to get a scholarship, are you? 1221 01:27:12,018 --> 01:27:15,977 Be careful. man. You do not want to get off of the spirit path. 1222 01:27:16,148 --> 01:27:20,608 There's no path, Ned! There's no path! I can't do it! 1223 01:27:20,861 --> 01:27:22,522 I just made it worse for them. 1224 01:27:22,696 --> 01:27:27,486 My wife is happier, everyone's happier with me out of the picture, Ned. 1225 01:27:28,201 --> 01:27:29,941 It's time to move on. 1226 01:28:02,360 --> 01:28:04,100 It's time to go, Mom. 1227 01:28:18,210 --> 01:28:21,043 Hey, Gold, save something for the game, huh? 1228 01:28:21,213 --> 01:28:23,124 Just warming up, coach. 1229 01:28:23,298 --> 01:28:25,539 Got a little inside info for you. 1230 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:29,255 The scout from Ohio State is back, and the coach is with him. 1231 01:28:29,721 --> 01:28:32,133 You play half the game I know you're capable of... 1232 01:28:32,307 --> 01:28:34,969 you're going to be playing college ball next year, huh? 1233 01:28:35,143 --> 01:28:37,134 - That's the plan, coach. - Give me the ball. 1234 01:28:39,731 --> 01:28:43,019 All right, gather up, jockstraps. Picture time. 1235 01:28:43,193 --> 01:28:45,058 Try not to break the camera. 1236 01:29:30,448 --> 01:29:33,940 I can't wait to go to Georgetown and start dating college boys. 1237 01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:42,408 I thought Mark was hanging out with Alex to get to me, not you. 1238 01:29:43,461 --> 01:29:45,998 All right, ladies, let's bring it in. 1239 01:29:48,258 --> 01:29:50,795 Jane! Jane! 1240 01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:54,469 Jane! I'm sorry, sorry. 1241 01:29:54,723 --> 01:29:56,634 - Ned, Ned, Ned. - Oh, sorry. 1242 01:29:56,808 --> 01:29:59,550 - Ned. Yeah. Hi. - Hi. 1243 01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:02,928 - I need to talk to you. - What are you doing? 1244 01:30:03,106 --> 01:30:05,097 I practiced this, uh. 1245 01:30:05,275 --> 01:30:06,765 Okay. 1246 01:30:06,943 --> 01:30:13,439 I have just seen my best friend lose everything than means anything to him. 1247 01:30:13,617 --> 01:30:15,357 And maybe we'll never be there, but-- 1248 01:30:15,535 --> 01:30:20,325 Yes, I understand, but I have told you before that I am the principal... 1249 01:30:20,498 --> 01:30:22,955 - Yes. - And I cannot be seen... 1250 01:30:23,126 --> 01:30:24,616 with my students' parents. 1251 01:30:24,794 --> 01:30:28,002 But, Jane, how can you be seen with me... 1252 01:30:28,173 --> 01:30:30,789 when I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility? 1253 01:30:33,303 --> 01:30:37,421 Jane, all I'm asking is a chance for us to be friends. 1254 01:30:38,516 --> 01:30:41,428 Because you're the one I want by my side... 1255 01:30:41,603 --> 01:30:44,936 when I'm storming the Elvish Castle of Ganakinesh. 1256 01:30:50,820 --> 01:30:52,936 You can plunder my dungeon anytime. 1257 01:30:53,239 --> 01:30:55,025 I'll bring my long bow. 1258 01:30:55,951 --> 01:30:58,658 Warriors! Yeah! 1259 01:31:01,456 --> 01:31:03,196 Come on. 1260 01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:18,719 Oh, my God. 1261 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,881 Mom? Are you okay? 1262 01:31:22,310 --> 01:31:25,518 I can't be here again. I have to go. 1263 01:31:46,209 --> 01:31:48,541 - The game. That's your future. - The baby's my future. 1264 01:31:49,504 --> 01:31:52,712 That's crazy, Mike. No, I can't let you throw this all away. 1265 01:31:52,882 --> 01:31:54,213 Bye, Mike. 1266 01:31:54,384 --> 01:31:55,840 High school star. Never lived up to potential. 1267 01:31:56,011 --> 01:31:58,502 - What are you doing? - I want to live in the past. 1268 01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:01,717 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again. 1269 01:32:01,891 --> 01:32:03,176 Hello?! 1270 01:32:03,351 --> 01:32:05,091 It's a classic transformation story. 1271 01:32:05,979 --> 01:32:08,095 Spirit guide? 1272 01:32:08,440 --> 01:32:10,522 You and me, we're in this together, 1273 01:32:13,445 --> 01:32:14,525 it's your turn now. 1274 01:32:22,287 --> 01:32:23,276 Traveling. 1275 01:32:23,455 --> 01:32:24,945 Green ball! 1276 01:32:25,290 --> 01:32:27,281 O'Donnell, get in there! 1277 01:32:27,459 --> 01:32:28,869 Scarlet! 1278 01:32:30,253 --> 01:32:31,618 Scar? 1279 01:32:33,256 --> 01:32:34,792 Scarlet? 1280 01:32:53,109 --> 01:32:54,690 It is you. 1281 01:33:01,576 --> 01:33:02,691 Hi. 1282 01:33:04,329 --> 01:33:05,614 "Hi"? 1283 01:33:07,332 --> 01:33:08,447 I can explain. 1284 01:33:10,460 --> 01:33:11,825 You can? 1285 01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:13,914 No, not at all. 1286 01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:19,375 - You didn't have to come after me again. - Yes, I did, because I love you. 1287 01:33:20,178 --> 01:33:23,295 You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot. 1288 01:33:24,766 --> 01:33:29,305 And then I fell off a bridge and things got pretty weird after that. 1289 01:33:29,479 --> 01:33:31,720 But I'm never going to forget again. 1290 01:33:33,316 --> 01:33:37,025 Look, I know that I've been in a bad mood for the last... 1291 01:33:37,654 --> 01:33:39,144 20 years. 1292 01:33:40,198 --> 01:33:44,658 But if you let me, I swear, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. 1293 01:33:46,037 --> 01:33:48,699 I thought I wanted a second chance at life... 1294 01:33:48,873 --> 01:33:52,411 but now I know I just want a second chance with y-- 1295 01:33:56,131 --> 01:33:57,496 Weird. 1296 01:33:57,882 --> 01:33:59,213 Yeah. 1297 01:34:01,052 --> 01:34:02,667 I missed you. 1298 01:34:04,000 --> 01:34:08,800 1299 01:34:09,727 --> 01:34:14,687 Yeah, I'm gonna put you down because this was a lot easier before. 1300 01:34:15,358 --> 01:34:18,816 Yeah, you did have that 6-pack thing going. 1301 01:34:18,987 --> 01:34:20,852 Is there any chance I'll see that again? 1302 01:34:21,030 --> 01:34:23,692 I knew you were checking me out. 1303 01:34:26,244 --> 01:34:29,532 Go! Go! Go! 1304 01:34:32,375 --> 01:34:34,536 Adults can have that, though. 1305 01:34:34,711 --> 01:34:37,544 Well, I'll work on it. Maybe I'll jog home. 1306 01:34:45,013 --> 01:34:46,048 Ned, hey. 1307 01:34:46,222 --> 01:34:49,680 I packed up all my stuff and I wanted to give your key back and say thanks. 1308 01:34:49,851 --> 01:34:51,307 Hey.. whoa. No. No. 1309 01:34:51,477 --> 01:34:54,844 Wasn't expecting to see you there, Principal Masterson. 1310 01:34:55,064 --> 01:34:57,146 You look very pretty. 1311 01:34:57,317 --> 01:34:58,352 Thank you. 1312 01:34:58,526 --> 01:35:00,107 The Force is strong in this one. 1313 01:35:00,278 --> 01:35:02,815 So I guess I'll be seeing you at work, boss. 1314 01:35:02,989 --> 01:35:05,526 Oh, yes, uh, Coach O'Donnell. 1315 01:35:05,700 --> 01:35:08,908 And, um, we are very happy to have you aboard. 1316 01:35:09,621 --> 01:35:12,863 Buddy, I got you a little something for your first day at your new job. 1317 01:35:13,041 --> 01:35:15,908 Don't think about how much it cost, It's not much. 1318 01:35:17,962 --> 01:35:20,044 Hey, you got me a whistle. 1319 01:35:21,466 --> 01:35:22,626 Don't blow it. 1320 01:35:25,345 --> 01:35:26,380 Play big. 1321 01:35:27,180 --> 01:35:28,260 You too, 1322 01:35:29,933 --> 01:35:31,639 - Good luck. - Love you! 1323 01:35:31,809 --> 01:35:33,299 Love you!